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someguyinc · 6 months

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hello i saw you in the notes talking about arthur and morgana's relationship and i would love to hear you talk more please. i am unhinged about them.

(no pressure tho if you don't feel like it)

this is literally the best thing someone could say to me after a 16 hr flight 😭 bless u anon

also me too. so i'm just gonna ramble ab my headcannons and then also their canon relationship below the cut bc it is so interesting to me and i really have a lot to say and i really mean. A LOT.

so let's start off with season 1/pre-canon and the source of all their problems: uther pendragon. uther pendragon is fucking insane and possibly one of the worst parents ever,,, like def top 10 worst fathers i think

pre-season 1 time line as I see it:

- he marries ygraine from the house of du bois after becoming king,, probably like 3-7 years after,, he claimed he loved her (heavily debatable!!) and she seemed to as well so they assumedly married for love

- now uther has a best friend at the time: Gorlois (now if this is his name-name or surname i'm not sure so i'm just going to go say surname since they're nobility) This man is known by Uther had the bravest man he's ever met,, and his wife the Lady Vivienne probably lost him in battle bc later in season 3,, Uther says a much and says Lady Vivienne was: "lonely so he consoled her"...

- now, this is where my headcannon comes in,, I'm pretty damn sure morgana is older than arthur,, meaning that I'm pretty sure that Uther cheated on ygraine out of that shared grief and around this time ygraine probably was showing growing signs of being barren/unable to become pregnant which probably worried the court ngl

- so morgana conception happens,, vivienne goes away,, gorlois thinks she's his,, during this time uther finally gives in and sacrifices ygraine's life for arthur's and ultimately blames it on arthur/all of magic (remember the talk w uther and nimueh when he says: i wish he'd [arthur] never been born bc it meant losing ygraine essentially like,,,. ok. wow.)

- now season 1: there is so much evidence uther is an abusive shit:

- he throws both of his children in jail whenever they toe the line in a way he doesn't find amusing (ie: s1e4 and s1e12)

- arthur straight up says (he's about 20/21 atp): i never knew you were proud of me,, in fact i always thought i was a disapointment (meaning: uther never went out of his way to show him otherwise for a solid 20-21 years.)

and uther doesn't actually say he's proud of him he just goes: i wouldn't wish for another son (after drugging him so he wouldn't duel being a hypocritical king)

so all of this: leads back to morgana and arthur's relationship

morgana and arthur in season 1 have a somewhat tentative relationship,, we can see that most of the kingdom thinks the two of them are going to marry one another (including themselves at times) ie: gwen saying morgana would make a great queen one day,, but they also bicker all the damn time

snipes here and there,, but ultimately it usually comes down to their differences in how they reacted to their upbringing from uther:

arthur became the dutiful/exceptional son: he became a knight at 20 (usually took knights till mid twenties-early thirties), later we learn he led druid raids pre-canon (this traumatized him also again fuck uther) this would also be exceptional seeing as he probably wasn't a fully fledged knight even then, and is known throughout Camelot (and most of Albion tbh) as a master swordsman,, and while he did have his own thoughts on magic he often bit his tounge in front of his father in order to prove himself,, we also know that unlike morgana: he learned exactly how to navigate around uther so he could do what he wanted against uther's will while not embarrassing in front of the court (ie: when he went to go save gwen after saying to his father and the court that it was probably a lost cause)

morgana was the people's princess,, but she def got the "i am my father's daughter" syndrome BADDDDD: we see in s1 she's often stood up to Uther in front of the court numerous times, so much so that when she gets thrown into prison (s1e12) it's not the first time,, arthur tells her: "i promised him that this would be the last time you acted out against him like this" (paraphrasing) and morgana replies "you're a good man, unlike your father" (line that makes me insane)

they are parallel from the start within these two episodes specifically!!! many may argue morgana was good and kind from the beginning,, but she often did things FOR HER OWN MOTIVES!!! when she helped gwen's father to escape without consulting gwen,, it confirmed it for me. she may have convinced herself it was for gwen,, but she never even asked,, she did it to piss of uther not thinking it all the way through,, opening his cell and leaving him to fend for himself against a bataillon of knights. now i'm not saying morgana has never done anything out of pure kindness,,

but whereas arthur is constantly set up as a righteous and noble man in his heart but his actions can appear to be... for lack of a better word, extremely dickish

morgana's actions appear to be kind and generous, but can often endanger those around her in her conquest for the things she wants, sometimes ending in death. (AGAIN NOT ALWAYS!!!)

NOW this leads me to the fact that once again they were the only two who grew up under Uther really and are the only ones who know what that's like,, they probably already felt more like brother and sister by the time s1 hit just bc of that but endured it bc they weren't blood and swallows the fact they were probably gonna be married but you can see it in the scenes alone,,

morgana does push arthur to be better and to challenge the things uther taught them bc that is what she instinctively does!! morgana questions uther and in return teacher arthur to question uther (ie: pushing arthur to save merlin in s1e4, helps him to strike down valiant s1e2, makes him argue back when gwen was wrongfully imprisoned s1e3) and we see that morgana does care for arthur!! she threatens sophia when she noticed something is off and often rushes to the defense of her friends,, her tactics can be destructive though just in a parallel way to arthur's

arthur's destructiveness comes from his inability to choose a side, or based his assumptions on prejudices something that becomes even more apparent when morgana turns away from Camelot and it's people

morgana was probably rooting for arthur as a king for a certain point,, but even though the grew up together and she should know arthur's MO is usually 'just say yes in front of dad and do whatever the fuck is just later' morgana doesn't trust him. and as her powers grow this also becomes more apparent and her support wanes until she believes someone else should be on the throne,,,

and when she learns that uther is her father??? that's when she flies off the deep end.

now for me morgana being older than arthur is one of the only reasons why she would have a valid claim to the throne!! we see that mithian as the only girl succeeded her father as QUEEN not just princess meaning the laws of succession COULD include women it just depended on the region,,

now imagine being morgana:

you grow up at home with your father, he is kind, brave, and gentle, and a fearsome warrior, he is the kings best friend. he dies and you move in probably around the age of 8 and you see this 6 year old boy. you later learn the kingdom expects the two of you to marry. you're still grieving but you know what this means. you take the etiquette lessons, you learn to wield the sword, you become proficient in horseback riding, you gain the education fitting of a queen. you are 15, the prince is 13, he is already one of the most promising squires. it's alright though you're learning to love him, not as a romance though (not anymore at least, he tried to flick his booger at you once at the age of 8, the flame was staunchly out out.) you two appreciate one another, you get older, it is improper for the two of you to be alone together, you witness your first execution. he's being killed for the crime of sorcery (he saved a little girl from a burning building), you don't understand. you meet your maidservant, she is one of the most lovely people to grace the earth. you love her, as a friend. you grow older, you're still expected to marry the prince (he is 18), he has killed many. he has watched even more die. he is different, you are different. you watch another man die for the crime of sorcery, you don't understand. two years pass, you're tormented by dreams you cannot comprehend but always seem to come true, a serving boy arrives, he changes the prince again. you watch another man die. you don't understand, but you hold your tounge now until later. the king's temper is short. years past and the sleeping draughts aren't working, your dreams are getting worse. your maidservant is in love with the prince. you're jealous, you don't understand. you think you have magic, you see the prince become his father. you don't understand, you just want someone to tell you it'll be alright. after years of anger and bitterness you finally understand, you hate the king and all he's done, the world would be better if he were gone, arthur would be better if he were gone. arthur loves him anyways and it kills you. you meet a woman who claims to be your sister, both of blood and in magic. you take her hand, she promises to teach you all there is to be taught. your anger for the king festers. the prince you once loved turns out to be your brother. the king you hate turns out to be your father. you beg him to recognize you, and give you the family name you were stripped of. he doesn't. you kill him. you kill s lot of people. you don't care if they're innocent or not anymore. you connive, and you plot, and you scheme. you try to kill the prince, who is now king. your sister dies. you miss your best friend, the handmaiden who is now queen. she says she hates you. you hate arthur. you die trying to make him as miserable as you.

now arthur:

one day your father brings a girl home, everyone is telling you that they you expect to marry. father doesnt say anything. you think she's pretty, you accidentally flick your booger at her and she looks at you like you've wiped horseshit on her dress. you watch a man die for the crime of magic. you don't understand, you will soon. your father looks at you like there is someone he can't stand to see. he cherishes this girl he's brought home. you work harder than any squire seen before. you get promoted early, everyone says it is just because of the king, you beat them in everything so they can't secondaries you ever again. you watch more sorcerers die, your father says it is because they killed your mother, you secretly feel like a bad person because you don't understand why all sorcerers deserve to die for the crime of one death. even if it is your mother. you twist her ring. your father's ward is beautiful, you try to impress her, she's too busy hanging out with her maidservant. you get older and complete your first druid camp raid, you don't understand, so many of them are women and children, so many of them die anyways. you change. you grow older, you become the youngest knight in camelot, you think it will turn your father's ward's attention to you, she's infatuated with owain, the oaf. you get older, and you meet the most insufferable boy with the most outrageous ears and the most obvious lies. he changes you. morgana becomes more distant. you learn that your mother's life was given for yours, you try to kill your father. the manservant you trust most in the world says that sorcerers lie, you finally understand. you hate sorcery and despise any practitioners of magic from now on. you grow older, you begin to fall in love with your sister's manservant, you understand her infatuation. you grow as a prince, and person, you gain alliances in unlikely places, you don't think you'll marry morgana anymore. you learn your father's ward is your sister, you watch as she usurps the throne. you don't understand. you fight back. you become king. you marry the love of your life. she betrays you with a close friend. you become lost. you forgive her, you trust again. you are fighting your sister. always. you don't even recognize her anymore, you wonder if you ever did. you later learn that magic was never evil, on your deathbed, and that your soulmate had it the whole time. you wonder about your sister. she tries to kill you again. she dies in your best friend's arms and all you can think is how she finally looks peaceful for the first time in forever. you die the same way not too long after.

anyways: morgana and arthur parallel each other so hard it's crazy,,, and the pendragons are a family of self-fulfilling prophecies

like that is your sister/brother and you love them and you hate them and nobody else couldn't possibly get it and they hate you but you will always love them and you are home but you can never go home and -!

#some guy talking #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #i have more to say ngl but like #im gonna take a shower #they make me so sick #DO YOU HEAR ME!!!???#anyways thanks for the ask sorry if this was literally incomprehensible lol #asks #merlin meta

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philosopherking1887 · 9 months

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Apparently Madeline Miller, of Song of Achilles fame, also still has Long Covid 3 years after catching Covid-19 in early 2020. Her op-ed is copied below (mostly under a Keep Reading link) for those who can't get past WaPo's paywall.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/08/09/madeline-miller-long-covid-post-pandemic/

In 2019, I was in high gear. I had two young children, a busy social life, a book tour and a novel in progress. I spent my days racing between airports, juggling to-do lists and child care. Yes, I felt tired, but I come from a family of high-energy women. I was proud to be keeping the sacred flame of Productivity burning. Then I got covid. I didn’t know it was covid at the time. This was early February 2020, before the government was acknowledging SARS-CoV-2’s spread in the United States. In the weeks after infection, my body went haywire. My ears rang. My heart would start galloping at random times. I developed violent new food allergies overnight. When I walked upstairs, I gasped alarmingly.

I reached out to doctors. One told me I was “deconditioned” and needed to exercise more. But my usual jog left me doubled over, and when I tried to lift weights, I ended up in the ER with chest pains and tachycardia. My tests were normal, which alarmed me further. How could they be normal? Every morning, I woke breathless, leaden, utterly depleted. Worst of all, I couldn’t concentrate enough to compose sentences. Writing had been my haven since I was 6. Now, it was my family’s livelihood. I kept looking through my pre-covid novel drafts, desperately trying to prod my sticky, limp brain forward. But I was too tired to answer email, let alone grapple with my book. When people asked how I was, I gave an airy answer. Inside, I was in a cold sweat. My whole future was dropping away. Looking at old photos, I was overwhelmed with grief and bitterness. I didn’t recognize myself. On my best days, I was 30 percent of that person. I turned to the internet and discovered others with similar experiences. In fact, my symptoms were textbook — a textbook being written in real time by “first wavers” like me, comparing notes and giving our condition a name: long covid.

In those communities, everyone had stories like mine — life-altering symptoms, demoralizing doctor visits, loss of jobs, loss of identity. The virus can produce a bewildering buffet of long-term conditions, including cognitive impairment and cardiac failure, tinnitus, loss of taste, immune dysfunction, migraines and stroke, any one of which could tank quality of life. For me, one of the worst was post-exertional malaise (PEM), a Victorian-sounding name for a very real and debilitating condition in which exertion causes your body to crash. In my new post-covid life, exertion could include washing dishes, carrying my children, even just talking with too much animation. Whenever I exceeded my invisible allowance, I would pay for it with hours, or days, of migraines and misery. There was no more worshiping productivity. I gave my best hours to my children, but it was crushing to realize just how few hours there were. Nothing was more painful than hearing my kids delightedly laughing and being too sick to join them. Doctors looked at me askance. They offered me antidepressants and pointed anecdotes about their friends who’d just had covid and were running marathons again. I didn’t say I’d love to be able to run. I didn’t say what really made me depressed was dragging myself to appointments to be patronized. I didn’t say that post-viral illness was nothing new, nor was PEM — which for decades had been documented by people with myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome — so if they didn’t know what I was talking about, they should stop sneering and get caught up. I was too sick for that, and too worried.

I began scouring medical journals the way I used to close-read ancient Greek poetry. I burned through horrifying amounts of money on vitamins and supplements. At night, my fears chased themselves. Would I ever get relief? Would I ever finish another book? Was long covid progressive? It was a bad moment when I realized that any answer to that last question would come from my own body. I was in the first cohort of an unwilling experiment. When vaccines rolled out, many people rushed back to “normal.” My world, already small, constricted further. Friends who invited me out to eat were surprised when I declined. I couldn’t risk reinfection, I said, and suggested a masked, outdoor stroll. Sure, they said, we’ll be in touch. Zoom events dried up. Masks began disappearing. I tried to warn the people I loved. Covid is airborne. Keep wearing an N95. Vaccines protect you but don’t stop transmission. Few wanted to listen. During the omicron wave, politicians tweeted about how quickly they’d recovered. I was glad for everyone who was fine, but a nasty implication hovered over those of us who weren’t: What’s your problem?

Friends who did struggle often seemed embarrassed by their symptoms. I’m just tired. My memory’s never been good. I gave them the resources I had, but there were few to give. There is no cure for long covid. Two of my friends went on to have strokes. A third developed diabetes, a fourth dementia. One died. I’ve watched in horror as our public institutions have turned their back on containment. The virus is still very much with us, but the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has stopped reporting on cases. States have shut down testing. Corporations, rather than improving ventilation in their buildings, have pushed for shield laws indemnifying them against lawsuits. Despite the crystal-clear science on the damage covid-19 does to our bodies, medical settings have dropped mask requirements, so patients now gamble their health to receive care. Those of us who are high-risk or immunocompromised, or who just don’t want to roll the dice on death and misery, have not only been left behind — we’re being actively mocked and pathologized. I’ve personally been ridiculed, heckled and coughed on for wearing my N95. Acquaintances who were understanding in the beginning are now irritated, even offended. One demanded: How long are you going to do this? As if trying to avoid covid was an attack on her, rather than an attempt to keep myself from sliding further into an abyss that threatens to swallow my family.

The United States has always been a terrible place to be sick and disabled. Ableism is baked into our myths of bootstrapping and self-reliance, in which health is virtue and illness is degeneracy. It is long past time for a bedrock shift, for all of us. We desperately need access to informed care, new treatments, fast-tracked research, safe spaces and disability protections. We also need a basic grasp of the facts of long covid. How it can follow anywhere from 10 to 30 percent of infections. How infections accumulate risk. How it’s not anxiety or depression, though its punishing nature can contribute to both those things. How children can get it; a recent review puts it at 12 to 16 percent of cases. How long-haulers who are reinfected usually get worse. How as many as 23 million Americans have post-covid symptoms, with that number increasing daily. Over three years later, I still have long covid. I still give my best hours to my children, and I still wear my N95. Thanks to relentless experimentation with treatments, I can write again, but my fatigue is worse. I recognize how fortunate I am: to have a caring partner and community, health insurance, good doctors (at last), a job I can do from home, a supportive publishing team, and wonderful readers who recommend my books. I’m grateful to all those who have accepted the new me without making me beg.

Some days, long covid feels manageable. Others, it feels like a crushing mountain on my chest. I yearn for the casual spontaneity and scope of my old life. I miss the friends and family who have moved on. I grieve those lost forever. So how long am I going to do this? Until indoor air is safe for all, until vaccines prevent transmission, until there’s a cure for long covid. Until I’m not risking my family’s future on a grocery run. Because the truth is that however immortal we feel, we are all just one infection away from a new life.

#long covid #madeline miller #covid pandemic

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mellodiies · 3 months

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mello &. grief

mello has an odd relationship with his emotions as it is. growing up as he did it was sorta difficult for him to get the foundation for proper emotional maturity which is why he is as emotionally immature as he is. grief is an emotion that brings out his more childish aspects the most and i think it's shown the most after L's death. his denial is big and even as an adult depending on how close he was to the individual. he might just flat out deny it for as long as possible. he grieves with lies and false comforts. he isn't a fan of funerals, he has been invited to services but he doesn't usually go. but this is one side of the coin thag constantly flips.

with others he experiences pre grief syndrome a lot. especially post mafia. his expectation of people dying or becoming lost grows which makes it easier for him to unattach himself before the enviable. this happens a lot more recently nowadays. since most of the original people he was with during the start of his journey are dead now. he either takes the humanity out of the people ( like his men. who he really doesn't view as anything but pawns mostly ) or he becomes distant as the thought of you dying begins to blossom.

he grieves alone. silently in his own time. throwing himself into work before he deems his own thoughts a distraction thats breaking his concentration. he isn't really a big crier. if anything he resorts to anger at whatever is causing him to grieve in the first place. i think mostly because anger is something mello things is the easiest to control. take by the reigns and stop being mad. its like a high almost for him, he isn't someone who doesn't like being in control of himself anymore so anything that makes control easier he's gonna gravitate towards.

inquired by @kaizokugaris ( hc + word )

#now gn omg im eepy #. [ ⚘️ ] 𝙼𝙴𝙻𝙻𝙾 . anger and fear still comfort the boy. ━━ 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝚈.#✞ㅤㅤㅤ*♯ ㅤ 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝚈.ㅤㅤ … ㅤ𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧 002.ㅤᴹᴬᵀᴴᴱᵂ ⁵:⁴

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meirimerens · 1 year

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do you have any headcanons for pathologic characters having mental disorders and/or neurodivergency? from what i can tell from your ATA fanfic, Burakh probably has posttraumatic stress disorder. (as well as, well, Mishka being canonically stated to be autistic.) so what are your thoughts?

boy do i. throwing in other stuff that's not necessarily a mental health condition or neurodivergency but that i think affects them like brain-wise + for me to rember lol.

In general basically Most people in this town from an atmosphere of social misery have a little Something Something. most are grieving and some are Poorly Coping with a shit past, whether it is because of abandonment, loss, grief, so on and so forth. the plague adds More Grief and hands out PTSD like corn to the hens. some who have like. Syndromes that could be brought to a psychiatrist i can think of

Burakh: PTSD (war medic lore + The Plague Bro) + might lend him some Prolonged Grief Disorder if i feel like it

Dankovsky: i don't think how he is pre-Events comes from pathologies i think he's just a closeted gay male in academia, that plays a number with your mind (the self-aggrandizing and prideful behavior of being a know-it-all man in academia + the fear, restlessness and paranoia that comes with having to keep your homosexuality secret -> combo of evil). develops PTSD thorough the game, mostly becomes Twitchy, reckless behaviors, intrusive thoughts, and then it settles in post-events like nightmares flashbacks the usual

Rubin: PTSD (soldier/mercenary p1 lore) like shell-shock PTSD which in my mind's eye translates into obsessions/intrusive thoughts. he also has a lil Something Something from having had Not The Best parental figure and having to fight for recognition until he burned himself but i'm not sure what Diagnosis that is. it's just Shit's Fucked Diagnosis. self-esteem in the dumps.

Petr: i go back and forth between bipolar, bipolar schizophrenic, schizoaffective, like i haven't settled on something yet, but bipolar (or bipolar-like, like the "mood disorder" of schizoaffective) is a given (mixed episode in P1 and depressive episode in P2 if you care). obviously addiction. i go back and forth if i see the hallucinations/delusions he has as something from the bipolar disorder, from the addiction, from something else entirely... very hefty and powerful game so all if fair. + The Guilt. (might become paranoid from that)

Andrey: i don't know if i want him to Just Be Like This or for whatever his problem is to be pathological. someone infused in me an ADHD diagnosis for him and while i go back and forth he strikes me as the kind of guy who behaves better on Ritalin. but is it because of a neurodivergency or because he just loves drugs. much to think about. + The Guilt (might become paranoid from that too but ykno. "motor activity eliminates mental activity"...)

Anna: Girl's Scared Disorder. i'd say paranoia but is it paranoia if they're really after you... ykwim. Obdurate/insular paranoid, but is it truly pathological if walls having eyes is like not out of the reach of possibilities... etc

Katerina: canon addiction and what that brings. i think hers pushes her mostly to depressive episodes instead of aggressive/exteriorizing ones.

all of the orphans, by virtue of being orphans, have some kind of Issue, because not being socialized properly/cared for/living in social and psychological neglect like Does A Number on your brain regardless. most of them kids got that SLS (Shit Life Syndrome)

Mishka: her canon autism + methinks an attachment disorder because it fits with the timeline of her losing her parents around 3 of age. Prolonged Grief Disorder too perhaps? much to think about

Notkin: Tourette's, mostly motor tics. + a dys, i was shared the hc of dyslexia and i think i'll espouse it. i also think his family life was kinda shit + living in the streets is Actively Dangerous so like. (C)PTSD? i think it's The Least Of His Problems but it mostly makes him twitchy, doesn't dare get much sleep, needs to never have anyone or anything behind his back, stuff like that

Grace: some kind of FASD (fetal alcohol syndrome disorder) since her mother canonically drank while pregnant with her, i think hers mostly manifests as memory problems and learning/speech disabilities (also doesn't help that. orphan), poor reasoning and judgment skills & vision problems. all of those are also wrapped in the package of like. not having been properly socialized as a child

^ shit life syndromes

#ring ring (answers)#anonymous #ask to tag whatnots #the lores

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khattikeri · 11 months

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Relationships: Atsumu & Osamu, AtsuKita, OsaSuna Major Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply Additional Tags: Post-Time Skip, Post-Canon, Hanahaki Disease, Non-Traditional Hanahaki Disease, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Humor, Minor Character Death, Permanent Injury, Sibling Love, No Incest, Pre-Slash, Grief/Mourning, Introspection Rating: Mature Status: Complete (1/1) Word Count: 11,005 Summary:

At twenty-eight, Miya Atsumu has come to realize several things: 1. He was a stupid, vain, and sorta mean little shit in high school. 2. His sense of time has deteriorated ever since he stopped video chatting with his ma twice a week. 3. Nobody is ever gonna shut up about him settling down and having kids someday, and he’ll have to live with it. 4. Carpal tunnel syndrome is a bitch. 5. He hasn’t seen, called, or even texted Osamu in months. = After a nearly decade long pro volleyball career, a wrist injury and his own subsequent loneliness force Atsumu to reconsider his regrets with his brother and what it means to live the happier life.

#keri chats #haikyuu #miya atsumu #atsumu miya #miya osamu #osamu miya #atsukita #osasuna #mangoficx

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starlit-dreaming · 9 months

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☼ re: itbomm [masterpost] ☾

Fandom: WMMAP (Who Made Me A Princess) Rating: M (due to sensitive content) Major/Eventual Ships: OC x OC, Lucathy Minor Ships: Felily, Claudiana, Calena, and more Last Updated: 4/25/2024 Summary:

“Maybe next time.”

Athan was what one might call an anti-fan for The Lovely Princess novel — that is, he loved to hate it. It was total garbage, but the writing was pretty lit. Imagine his surprise when he finds himself reborn as a baby in that same garbage novel’s universe.

Or rather, a Lovely Princess fanfic he always reread in his previous life.

//A retelling wherein Athanasia has a younger twin brother… or at least, that’s what it should’ve been.

Author Notes:

1. Toska by Starshine-Dreaming does NOT exist as an actual fanfic.

It’s meant to be a bit of an inside joke and to reference myself (as my username is Starlit-Dreaming and I wanted to indulge in a few jokes to keep myself sane during the long writing process), but it’s possible that Toska will actually be written one day, but that would have to wait years down the line.

2. While I never mention actual fanfics in my stories, manhwas will be referenced with their full titles (usually in their English titles) for those interested.

3. This is a rewrite.

Some things will remain the same, and some things won’t be. The main difference for returning readers is that Athan and Athy will both have different recollections of The Lovely Princess, in which Athy read the novel and Athan was obsessed with a fanfic version of it.

4. Every chapter is, more or less, named from a song lyric. I do have a playlist being worked on, but it’ll stay as a WIP until the completion of this fic. Probably.

5. Unlike before, I will be showcasing the whole telepathy in ‘bold’ while actual thoughts will remain in ‘italics’. This is to avoid any confusion and to emphasize what’s being told to another character versus what’s being self-contained. Texts that are completely italicized are flashbacks and dream scenes.

CW/Content Warnings:

• Suicide (eventually discussed, mostly implied/referenced with the exception of certain chapters)

• Death (discussions/referenced)

• Murder (implied/referenced)

• Sexual Assault (eventually implied/referenced)

• Child Abuse (implied/referenced)

• Child Neglect (implied/referenced/discussed)

• Depression (implied/referenced/discussed)

• Unrequited Love

• Toxic Relationship (eventually implied/referenced)

• Unreliable Narrator

• Transphobia (internalized and past mentions)

• Dead Names (dead names will be used)

• Emetophobia (mentioned)

• Pedophilia (mentioned adult/minor relationship)

• Kidnapping

• Homophobia (internalized and past mentions)

• Infidelity (discussions and mentions)

Possibly More to be Added

Please inform me of any potential triggers that might affect you so that I’m made aware of whether or not it’s something to be added!

ALSO, due to the fact that this story heavily features suicide and grief, it will NOT be mentioned as an individual chapter warning unless it’s explicitly shown or deliberately discussed.

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☼ MASTERLIST ☾

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Prologue

0 || an unfinished prologue

ACT 1: Beginning of The End

1 || let’s just live day by day

2 || we always knew that it’d come to this

3 || crystal clear, chlorinated and sky blue

4 || and i sank into the water

5 || and now i know there’s something more

TBD

///// EVERYTHING BELOW IS SUBJECTED TO CHANGE

ACT 2: Toska’s Villainess

Verena’s Intro + Athy’s Mini Coma Arc

TBD

Act 3: War Prevention Committee

General Intro + Hunting Comp Pre-Req

TBD

ACT 4: Competition and Revelations

Hunting Comp

TBD

ACT 5: In For A Pound, In For A Penny

Study Abroad Arc

Part 1 (8-9 y/o) - making friends

Part 2 (9-11 y/o) - in which autumn ruins plot

Part 3 (11-13 y/o) - athan gets Realizations^tm

TBD

ACT 6: Quand C’est Fini (“When It’s Over”)

tl;dr Lottie’s Arc

TBD

ACT 7: To Be Right Is To Be Wrong

Débutante Arc

TBD

ACT 8: Soaring High Into The Skies

Imposter Syndrome

TBD

ACT 9: To Be Driven by Obsession

Kidnapping Arc

TBD

ACT 10: “Maybe Next Time.”

Wish

TBD

ACT 11: A Dream That Will Never Be

Truths

TBD

ACT 12: End of The Beginning

TBD

Finale

Additional / After Stories

#starlit rambles #wynter writes #fic: in the back of my mind (rewrite)#re: itbomm #masterpost

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tothepointofinsanity · 1 month

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Daughter of the deep. It surfaces in search for love.

#ttpoiart #madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #pmmm sayaka #sayaka miki #pre-grief syndrome #tw scopophobia

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kickthecan-revolution · 2 years

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I had to do a big amount of paperwork today - my parents had made pre-arrangements and also paid for them which seemed so morbid at the time but in this moment, is such a kindness.

After that, I couldn’t fight sleep and napped for about five hours. I’ve never slept this much in my life, I’m feeling desperate to be better and might just stop testing everyday because that second line at the bottom is such a discouragement. I had a few hints of taste and smell today - I’m refusing to stress about that.

I talked to my mom for a long time today. I asked her about the first time she ever saw my dad. His mom first spotted her at church, and arranged for him to pick her up to go to the ballet, and then they went to the officer’s club. It was her first time ever tasting alcohol - she was 23. I asked her how she’d gone from Knox college to Seattle, frantically writing down scraps of it because there’s just so much we don’t know. We do know she had a job putting on dance recitals at the college, got overwhelmed and just left - apparently her dad came to pick her up and threatened to put her in an “insane asylum” because she left a job - I have to wonder if it was more than that. She somehow ended up in Seattle to live with a cousin and worked at a cannery for a while, and then got a job at Forest Ridge as a teacher. She was loved there - students still find me and tell me how great of a teacher was, and I love that she had that success in her life. We talked about imposter syndrome, how frightening it is to be alone - she said “I was never afraid, I was just determined to succeed.”

I find myself talking at my mom, I think really listening to her and knowing her scares me a little. She wants a sign that my dad is OK, that he’s not afraid. Secretly, I do too. I am afraid he’s not, so I hope we get one.

My team sent me some beautiful flowers, and so did my friend who lives here. It was so thoughtful. Grief is strange when you don’t have a relationship with the person, or it’s strained - it’s not a loss of presence because his presence was always so scary and sad. But as I went through their paperwork this morning, I don’t want to throw anything of his away, that thought instantly made me sad.

I had to protect my heart from my dad as long as I can remember. I think grieving means I stop doing that, and I think it would be really healthy if I did that. I just don’t know how.

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longhaulerbear · 8 months

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/08/09/madeline-miller-long-covid-post-pandemic/?pwapi_token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9

Opinion Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too.

August 9, 2023 at 5:45 a.m. EDT

(Scott Bakal for The Washington Post)

Madeline Miller, a novelist, is the author of “The Song of Achilles” and “Circe.”

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I didn’t know it was covid at the time. This was early February 2020, before the government was acknowledging SARS-CoV-2’s spread in the United States.

In the weeks after infection, my body went haywire. My ears rang. My heart would start galloping at random times. I developed violent new food allergies overnight. When I walked upstairs, I gasped alarmingly.

Worst of all, I couldn’t concentrate enough to compose sentences. Writing had been my haven since I was 6. Now, it was my family’s livelihood. I kept looking through my pre-covid novel drafts, desperately trying to prod my sticky, limp brain forward. But I was too tired to answer email, let alone grapple with my book.

Some long-covid patients have brain struggles for at least two years

When people asked how I was, I gave an airy answer. Inside, I was in a cold sweat. My whole future was dropping away. Looking at old photos, I was overwhelmed with grief and bitterness. I didn’t recognize myself. On my best days, I was 30 percent of that person.

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I turned to the internet and discovered others with similar experiences. In fact, my symptoms were textbook — a textbook being written in real time by “first wavers” like me, comparing notes and giving our condition a name: long covid.

In those communities, everyone had stories like mine: life-altering symptoms, demoralizing doctor visits, loss of jobs, loss of identity. The virus can produce a bewildering buffet of long-term conditions, including cognitive impairment and cardiac failure, tinnitus, loss of taste, immune dysfunction, migraines and stroke, any one of which could tank quality of life.

What is long covid? For the first time, a new study defines it.

For me, one of the worst was post-exertional malaise (PEM), a Victorian-sounding name for a very real and debilitating condition in which exertion causes your body to crash. In my new post-covid life, exertion could include washing dishes, carrying my children, even just talking with too much animation. Whenever I exceeded my invisible allowance, I would pay for it with hours, or days, of migraines and misery.

There was no more worshiping productivity. I gave my best hours to my children, but it was crushing to realize just how few hours there were. Nothing was more painful than hearing my kids delightedly laughing and being too sick to join them.

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Doctors looked at me askance. They offered me antidepressants and pointed anecdotes about their friends who’d just had covid and were running marathons again.

I didn’t say I’d love to be able to run. I didn’t say what really made me depressed was dragging myself to appointments to be patronized. I didn’t say that post-viral illness was nothing new, nor was PEM — which for decades had been documented by people with myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome — so if they didn’t know what I was talking about, they should stop sneering and get caught up. I was too sick for that, and too worried.

It was a bad moment when I realized that any answer to that last question would come from my own body. I was in the first cohort of an unwilling experiment.

When vaccines rolled out, many people rushed back to “normal.” My world, already small, constricted further.

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Friends who invited me out to eat were surprised when I declined. I couldn’t risk reinfection, I said, and suggested a masked, outdoor stroll. Sure, they said, we’ll be in touch. Zoom events dried up. Masks began disappearing. I tried to warn the people I loved. Covid is airborne. Keep wearing an N95. Vaccines protect you but don’t stop transmission.

Few wanted to listen. During the omicron wave, politicians tweeted about how quickly they’d recovered. I was glad for everyone who was fine, but a nasty implication hovered over those of us who weren’t: What’s your problem?

Pico Iyer: Covid taught me what life might look like after death

I’ve watched in horror as our public institutions have turned their back on containment. The virus is still very much with us, but the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has stopped reporting on cases. States have shut down testing. Corporations, rather than improving ventilation in their buildings, have pushed for shield laws indemnifying them against lawsuits.

Despite the crystal-clear science on the damage covid-19 does to our bodies, medical settings have dropped mask requirements, so patients now gamble their health to receive care. Those of us who are high-risk or immunocompromised, or who just don’t want to roll the dice on death and misery, have not only been left behind — we’re being actively mocked and pathologized.

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I’ve personally been ridiculed, heckled and coughed on for wearing my N95. Acquaintances who were understanding in the beginning are now irritated, even offended. One demanded: How long are you going to do this? As if trying to avoid covid was an attack on her, rather than an attempt to keep myself from sliding further into an abyss that threatens to swallow my family.

We desperately need access to informed care, new treatments, fast-tracked research, safe spaces and disability protections. We also need a basic grasp of the facts of long covid. How it can follow anywhere from 10 to 30 percent of infections. How infections accumulate risk. How it’s not anxiety or depression, though its punishing nature can contribute to both those things. How children can get it; a recent review puts it at 12 to 16 percent of cases. How long-haulers who are reinfected usually get worse. How as many as 23 million Americans have post-covid symptoms, with that number increasing daily.

More than three years later, I still have long covid. I still give my best hours to my children, and I still wear my N95. Thanks to relentless experimentation with treatments, I can write again, but my fatigue is worse. I recognize how fortunate I am: to have a caring partner and community, health insurance, good doctors (at last), a job I can do from home, a supportive publishing team, and wonderful readers who recommend my books. I’m grateful to all those who have accepted the new me without making me beg.

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So how long am I going to do this? Until indoor air is safe for all, until vaccines prevent transmission, until there’s a cure for long covid. Until I’m not risking my family’s future on a grocery run. Because the truth is that however immortal we feel, we are all just one infection away from a new life.

Expert opinions on covid guidance

#long covid

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microwaving-tesilid-argente · 9 months

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This blog is not spoiler free.

Please block the following tags: 1) roast potato 2) mash potato 3) s class heroine spoilers 4) s-class heroine spoilers if you're webtoon-only and want to avoid spoilers

Please also note that I've only read up to ~Ch 180 (Mirror Princess dungeon). Please do not spoil or even hint at anything in the rest of the story. Thank you!

For spoilers on the lastest updates, I use the tags "webnovel reactions" and "webtoon updates". I read the webtoon on Tapas, so I will be ahead of aggregators.

If you're not into my rarepair delusions, it's tagged "tes/hes" and "hestio/reed". And if you're into it, my tes/hes sideblog is @teshes-brainrot

Please don't be shy to send an ask or interact!!! The tag is pretty lonely rn and i'm doing all this in hopes of making the space more lived-in for the next person. Please don't be shy to spam like old posts. Banging pots and pans and waving smoke signals ARE YOU OUT THERE!!! PLEASE RESPOND! !

Masterlist

(Properly formatted posts in bold):

- Differences between the webnovel and webcomic (spoiler-free)

- What we know about the original Saint

- Summary of Tesilid's regression rounds (MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS)

- Theory for what's happening with the timeloops and how this loop will unfold

- Art references (Ailette: child w pink hair) Tesilid's hair

- Playlist (Youtube link) (1st root post) (2nd root post)

- Propaganda Post (Why you should read S-Class Heroine, and also a vague mini-character summary of Tesilid) (crossposted on r/OtomeIsekai)

- tvtropes page

- ao3 link

- Ephael's morality

- (ALL W MAJOR SPOILERS) Reed's morality + summary of my general attitude towards him + more

- The ultra specific grief that this story makes me feel as a reader

- Me having a Kim Dokja moment

- Tesilid and Ailette flipping the ML-FL dynamics

- Tesilid and beauty

- Vatican trio

Vatican trio angst

Speculation about their pre-17th lives

hair braiding

Taglist for my reference: (contains spoilers)

pre-regression/early-regression tesilid: fresh potato

100th tesilid: roast potato

current loop tesilid: mash potato

speculation, theory, timeline

tesilid moodboard

Other characters' tags: grandpa, reed, ephael chaletino, hestio ligenel

mimin draws, mimin rambles (for stuff unrelated to s-class heroine), mimin trying to write

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Moments that make me lose my mind in hindsight: (ALL CONTAIN MAJOR SPOILERS)

"Right. You're on the side of this world."

Tesilid saying "i need to go to church because i have a sinful body"

"It's okay even if you forget me. Because I will come and find you."

My initial reaction to 17th Tesilid

Tesilid's shock at the reveal that Ailette is Hearthfenrir's granddaughter

Minor references (major leaps being made) to Ailette's past life (money) (food)

Ailette -> Tesilid (1) (2)

Tesilid -> Ailette (summary) (status screens)

Reed -> Ailette

"All the me's who would traded the world for you are dead" + Magic Republic fight

"What an enthusiastic welcome"

Mirror Dungeon and depressive exhaustion

Calling the same face syndrome accusations now

Hestio & Ephael's reintroductions in the 17th round

Reed in the week of regressions & start of 17th

Tesilid as an ML / vs usual ML tropes

Reaction to Valley of Heretics (Webtoon 50) Adapation

Tesilid is a big fat liar and i'm here for it

Floppy Disk Reveal arc (dungeon gate) (the actual reveal)

Mirror Princess Arc (Start)

the dynamics of their Order is going to be so funny

young tesilid is sooo cute

"it's been a long time for me, but it may not be for you"

mermaid AU thoughts

webtoon 63 cut scene thoughts ("Do you trust me?")

Strict Order as a metaphor for writer's block

Translations:

Love Catastrophe

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translucentenvelope · 2 months

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Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too.

By Madeline Miller • August 9, 2023

Madeline Miller, a novelist, is the author of “The Song of Achilles” and “Circe.”

Then I got covid.

I didn’t know it was covid at the time. This was early February 2020, before the government was acknowledging SARS-CoV-2’s spread in the United States.

Doctors looked at me askance. They offered me antidepressants and pointed anecdotes about their friends who’d just had covid and were running marathons again.

It was a bad moment when I realized that any answer to that last question would come from my own body. I was in the first cohort of an unwilling experiment.

When vaccines rolled out, many people rushed back to “normal.” My world, already small, constricted further.

#words #articles

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duskwingmoth · 4 months

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notes and highlights from reading my discord message history (2016):

girl u used to be so sillay. I should get silly with it sometimes

2016 me was a little confused but was also so fucking right about lars steven universe

ough. Failure to recognize imminent trump presidency. You stupid fucking liberal ffs

do u rember enjoying overwatch. I rember...

Liveblogging the sonic 2016 stream like "this new charmy bee album is bussin"

"I just saw the quintessential torb potg"

"beginning with him dying"

hanging on his corpse for the full respawn timer"

"while his turret did the hard work"

"predictably nowhere onscreen"

I was the first drop dash hater. If there are no more drop dash haters i am dead

attempting to read through this sexting now KNOWING FOR SURE i was absolutely faking it is. cringe

S. Skoop. I forgot that i called skype "skoop" (and that there was a brief period where i had it on my phone while discord was on my pc)

Talking about multiple story/game concepts i have since abandoned. Death

Doesn't matter if it's 2013, 2016, or 2024; somebody somewhere is complaining about JJ Abrams. It is probably me

There was a dang stevenbomb when these messages start and tbh I was right on the money abt steven universe in general. More ppl should have listened to me instead

huniepop lmao

I was still in iPhone Hell

Making comments to friends about things i refuse to share or elaborate on. I have learned nothing

playing ALL the hits tbh we even got Complain About Family in here

Scoutposting but it's overwatch

"defense shouldn't have left the point undefended"

Bitch shut UP about Pokémon

Oh my GOD just Shut Up About Video Games in general

The Sword Art Online hater has logged on

All these tumblr links that don't work anymore. Sad

How did i make it to 22 without realizing i was experiencing caffeine withdrawal

Yes yes past robin you've got nintendo diagnosed as fuck can you not sound rude and elitist and also cryptoracist about it

(three hours worth of messages just ranting about nintendo jfc. 2009 youtube would have loved me)

The Traumadumping,

Watch watch. You can see the exact moment steven universe rips her heart in half

Reading through basically all the previous things in varying order. Knowing what's coming up.

The moment

Oh no... The Federation Force announcement. The five stages of grief logged in real time

girl your dick was not out for harambe you did not even know what that meant

Hare-brained game concepts part 3027498: radio station with hundreds of hours of recorded dj voice lines

360 controller sucks send post

It is so easy to tell what youtube poop i was hyperfixated on at any given point

girl u really went looking for and personally banned specific slurs in your twitch chat and proceeded to NEVER STREAM. Self-harm champion. Self-harm's strongest warrior

Oh my god. The inception of steam user gofasthog was on my birthday

Is sent jerma rumble live-action with no prior knowledge or context. Complains

Affirming my girlfriend's life choices and gender. Rare pre-crack based moment

Not long now

The PSVita Chronicles. Very short-lived

"Why is twitter orange" wtf are you on about

September 26th, 2016; 09:00 AM PDT:

There really is like. A shift in my tone after this. Immediately so much performative anger is just gone

"I'm trying not to think about it tbh" no you should be thinking about it more. More please for your health pLEASE think of the hips you are going to lose your chance

Lesbian Gay Bacon Tomato Quiche Ice Arson. I cracked the code

Impostor syndrome. Envy. Jealousy. Girlthing you need to chill

Posting through having my shoes disintegrate instead of asking for a new pair. Lol. Lmao even

Finally watched the jerma rumble series and enjoyed myself. The redemption arc we all deserved and didn't know we needed

Utterly failing to code basic game functions. I needed my girlf frend to help me she is so smart and cute and lovely

the wii u woes

And the switch jokes. They're bad! They're very bad

I had played the paladins beta. You can tell because i complained about torbjörn overwatch again

Civ VI release date, or: how i learned that having good CPU was actually really important

Also the day i committed to my new name

More coding failure

Mere hours before the election polls are called it dawns on us both that we really are going to get a trump presidency and i weep with despair while trying to convince us both that the worst won't happen

(It didn't. We are alive and together)

You can see me desperately struggling with the growing reality that i am not as politically reasonable as i consider myself

A dark pall over the holidays. I won't elaborate. I don’t think it's necessary

#long post

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dallasfertilitycenter · 7 months

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What Are the Advantages of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)?

The main advantages of In Vitro Fertilization by Center for Reproductive Endocrinology.

In Vitro Fertilization is a reproductive treatment that has been revolutionizing fertility treatments for women. An egg cell is fertilized outside of the body during the treatment process. The process allows couples to overcome fertility issues and helps families grow. Achieving a successful pregnancy and conceive a healthy baby is the ultimate goal of IVF. Here are some of the major benefits of IVF treatment from Center for Reproductive Endocrinology:

High Success Rate & Safety

IVF is one of the most effective fertility treatments available. The strategy employs the few medications with the lower negative effects. IVF with PGT has the highest success rate of all of the other assisted reproductive options. The treatment ensures a successful pregnancy. Methods like IUI do not guarantee success even after a lot of effort. Patients under the age of 35 have a higher rate of success. Patients in their late 30s can also have good results. IVF can not only effective but it is also safe. IVF can maximize the chance of older patients conceiving.

Fertility Preservation

People’s biological clock begins to slow down as they become older. IVF allows a patient to freeze eggs at a young age that can be conceived later with the use of IVF. IVF treatment can now help women of all ages become mothers. Individuals often preserve eggs for research or donation if they are in good condition. IVF treatment can be especially helpful to women who have undergone treatment that can impact fertility.

Prevent Inherited Diseases in Child

IVF with pre-implantation genetic testing (PGT) is one of the most reliable techniques for individuals who are carriers of genetic illnesses. This procedure can be crucial in screening embryos for chromosomal problems including Down’s syndrome, preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) can boost the odds of a successful outcome.

A Reduced Chance of Miscarriage

A genetic mutation in the body is one of the most common causes of miscarriage. PGT is along with IVF to identify whether an embryo is genetically viable ahead of time, increasing the chances of a healthy pregnancy. It can be helpful in preventing the grief and trauma of a miscarriage for families.

Donation of Eggs or Sperm

Optimistic parents aren’t often able to generate viable eggs or sperm. IVF treatment uses donated egg, donor sperm, or both. Same-sex couples can use donated eggs and sperm to conceive through IVF. The treatment is also used for surrogate in the quest for kids. The egg are manually fertilized in the clinic and a resulting, viable embryo is available for IVF in such cases. This treatment is extremely helpful for people with fertility problems.

Call the Center for Reproductive Endocrinology (CRE) if you’re having trouble starting a family. You can chat with one of their double board-certified specialists about how procedures like IVF can help you reach your goals. During a consultation, they conduct a thorough study to determine whether IVF or one of our other reproductive treatments is the right option for you.

#dallas fertility center #fertility center of dallas #fertility clinic dallas tx #ivf clinics in dallas texas #fertility doctors in dallas #best ivf doctors in dallas

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mothfinite · 9 months

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oh so ive been wanting to post about the luna v2 plotline in the mothfinite timeline..... ramble incoming. this takes place after starline splits from working with eggman which means its also post metal virus but pre impostor syndrome ish

moth and infinite are living together for a couple months at this point. starline suddenly appears in their house in the middle of the night, caught when moth gets up to get a drink after waking from a nightmare. when moth begins to spark an altercation, he puts them to sleep using his glove and takes them away to his own base. during this they drop their glass if water they'd grabbed, which breaks and spills as it hits the floor.

infinite wakes up to moth missing the next morning and is immediately concerned. he looks all over for them, finding only the broken glass. he tries to keep calm, but feelings of fear and rage build up inside him as he searches for them desperately.

after a fruitless search of the nearby area, she reaches out to moths friends; amy helps make missing posters, sonic and tails set out to look for them, infinite becomes basically his own search team, ect. sonic encounters eggman at some point and confronts him about moths disappearance, knowing their history, but eggman becomes genuinely confused and vehemently denies any involvement.

when the searches from the teams turn up with nothing, infinite begins to feel grief tug as his mind and he starts to spend days doing nothing but looking for any clues as to where they may have gone. he loses sleep. he keeps a map and marks off the places that have been searched. chamomile essentially becomes her support chao while moth is missing.

meanwhile, moth is undergoing intense brainwashing and reprogramming as starline conducts project luna v2. alongside luna, starline is also working on surge+kit.

after moth being missing for weeks, infinite gets a call from a civilian about a possible sighting of them. he rushes to respond to it, seeing glimpses of them as they slink through the streets and leave trouble in their wake until he finally catches up to them and sees what they've become: luna.

their eyes are dead, the shine gone. they look through him, not at him. theres no recognition in their eyes. their face is fixed in a permanent smile. when infinite asks them where theyve been, if theyre okay, whats wrong... their voice is quiet and expressionless as they respond,

"who are you?"

this is when starline appears, recalling luna to his side as infinite watches on in horror and rage. he tries to attack starline, but starline orders luna to protect him. infinite is left in despair as the two retreat, luna casting a lingering glance towards him before following starline back to base.

the arc eventually leads to infinite and sonic & co arranging a rescue mission in which they retrieve luna and bring them to safety while starline is distracted. tails helps try to figure out how to undo starlines influence on them. when this process is finished however... moths memories are incredibly scrambled.

this leads into what i like to call the recovery arc, where infinite helps moth recover their memories and heal from the damage they went through.

#꒰ kitty is typing... ꒱ 💌#💤moththeragdoll.zip #🔻infinity.rom #🔻💤phantomlullaby.ship #woooo!!!!! i finally actually wrote down the story i said i would ?!#self ship

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