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luna-writes-stuff · 11 months

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Chapter XL

A Kili X OC fanfic

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Tw: Injuries/descriptions of injuries, flashbacks to trauma and fear, vivid dreams. Description of pain. Gandalf is being Gandalf. Kili is a sweetheart. Losing of consciousness.

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More Asha history because it’s my story

It was just past midnight when Gandalf entered Raewyn’s tent. He had found Bilbo sound asleep at the gates of Erebor and had helped him inside to a warm chamber, before marching over to the medical sites.

Upon opening the tent flap, he found himself faced with an exhausted Fili, who was close to falling asleep in the clumsy wooden chairs in the room. His brother sat beside him on a second chair, looking exhausted as well, though he appeared nowhere near closing his eyes any time soon. Fili noticed the wizard almost immediately, jumping up from his seat quickly.

“Gandalf,” he announced, his voice sounding almost relieved. Hearing his brother’s words, Kili’s head shot up too, the rest of his body remaining in his seat. He looked worse for wear and Gandalf found himself frowning upon the sight.

Bowing his head to the two heirs, he neared Raewyn, an unsettling feeling finding its way into his stomach. Carefully, Fili approached him, almost scared to break their interaction, one-sided as it may be.

“They said that she might not wake,” the dwarf began, his voice set in sorrow. “They’d be foolish to think so.” Gandalf answered, interrupting the other words the blond had wished to speak. He knew Fili would already offer his condolences, but he was not ready to hear them yet.

A hand waved over her head slowly, his touch barely ghosting her nose. Then, he moved his hand down, humming in what the dwarves could only interpret as understanding.

“Did you know that Rogur Asha survived Melkor’s wrath ages ago?” The wizard suddenly spoke up, taking the pair by surprise. A mumbled speech of denial escaped Kili’s throat, but Fili nodded slightly.

“He faced Ancalagon the Black,” he answered. “Amad used to tell us how he rode the dragon.”

Gandalf dared to risk a little smile, returning his hand as slow as he had raised it. “That is a mere tale,” he began, turning to face the older brother. “He did not fly on the dragon. In fact, he did not last more than five seconds against the beast.”

Fili’s face fell upon the revelation, as Kili’s head slowly turned back to his lap, where his fingers still lay entwined with one another.

“It is in the Ashas belief that he was as good as dead after the battle, when suddenly Illuvatar himself descended down from the heavens to heal his wounds.” That sparked regained interest from the two princes, who simultaneously showed a surprised expression. Entertained by their reaction, the wizard continued; “Since then, the Ashas have been graced with incredible stamina and endurance.”

“Are you saying Raewyn can control magic?” Fili wondered aloud, rewarded with a short chuckle from Gandalf. “No,” he dismissed. “That is naught but a story. He lost an arm and a leg, but was healed by a Teleri elf.”

Swallowing harshly, Kili now decided to speak up, having been silent for long enough: “Then, why tell us this?”

Turning his head to face the youngest, a look of sympathy graced the old man’s features, and he stepped away from Raewyn’s figure slightly. “If the tales are true, that means he survived an attack of the greatest dragon this world has ever known. He has lived through spells and torment. And if it is his blood running through her veins, she shall live from the mere wounds of an orc. Magic or not.”

Letting the words settle into his head, Fili was left with only one question; “Do you think she has magic in her blood?”

Looking at the dwarf with an appreciative twinkle in his eyes, Gandalf shook his head, already answering his question.“If that were true, I would have known by now. But one does not require magic to endure.” A beat of silence consumed the tent as Gandalf rose up. “I have known her for many years; raised her to be the person she is today; taught her everything she can name. It grieves me as much as you to see her like this, but trust me when I tell you there is no need for tears just yet. She will wake, you shall see.”

“I will be waiting outside, need there be any interest. When she wakes, do not move her, even if she wishes for you to do so.”

“Can you not heal her?”

“I will not lest her life be in danger. It has been a tiring day for all of us, Fili. I cannot heal everyone.”

——

A startled gasp escaped her throat as she rose from the rocky surface beneath her. The smell of wild daisies was in the air as a cold breeze swept over the back of her head. Groaning in exhaustion, she turned around, laying on her back as she faced the sky. A purple fade was washed over the clouds as the sun hung dangerously low. Around her was an open field surrounded with poking rocks, billowing trees and small hills. She could make out the happy chatter of people, and shrill laughter echoing through the air.

“Come on! Dinner’s ready!”

Another shriek of humour as the giggles of others were heard as well. Standing up groggily, she wavered on her feet slightly, flattening the dress against her legs as she peered in the distance. A few trees removed, she saw two young dwarves playing around a tree; one in it, one trying to get a hold of a nearby branch. Removed a few feet from them stood another group of dwarves, one presumably calling for the dwarflings. They didn’t seem to hear him.

A faint moment of a déjà vu hung in the air as she observed the scene. If she had been here, she would have known. She did not know how she got there, but that didn’t seem to be important to her at that moment. She was vaguely there; vacant but aware of her surroundings.

“Aren’t you a beauty?” A new voice called, this one closer that the one that had shouted towards the dwarflings. She hadn’t heard anyone nearing, but then again, she didn’t hear a lot except for their shouting and laughing.

Turning around in confusion, she came face to face with an older dwarf - older than her. Her hair was as dark as leaves would turn in autumn, fading beautifully into her beard, which was decorated with beads and chains. Her eyes shone with nothing but love and adoration, a look she had slowly grown accustomed to. But this was a different kind of look. It wasn’t until she began to smile, that her heart stopped.

“Look at those strong arms!” She continued to praise. Then, she neared the younger one, slowly lifting her hand, as if she was scared she would back away. Gently, the hand fell under her chin, her thumb gently brushing the skin. “He was a late bloomer as well, that’s fine.”

Somehow, that didn’t insult her.

“You have my ears, though.”

“Mom?” Tears began to build in her eyes as she spoke the word, her figure frozen solid. The dwarrowdam stopped for a short while, her features growing soft. “These must have hurt.” She spoke, gesturing towards the cut above her eyebrow and just below her ear. “They suit you. Sekina,” she muttered. “Little fighter. You always have been.”

She couldn’t get any more words out. Everything seemed to die on her lips, nothing but confusing and grief sewn into her face. The dwarrowdam took quick notice of it. At a slow pace, she leaned her forehead against her, the peach fuzz of her skin brushing against the younger Asha’s head. It felt so real. She could smell her - she smelled of leather and salt water. She could feel the tickle of her beard, and the breath slipping past her lips as she laughed lightly. She could feel both hands brushing over her cheeks as she kept their foreheads glued together.

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotions, Raewyn wrapped her arms around the dwarrowdam, sinking into her strong embrace as she released heart wrenching sobs. She didn’t even realise this could not be real; it felt real. She didn’t even have time to contemplate it.

“Why must you cry?” Her mother asked, returning the hug her daughter had so terribly needed. Looking up through soaked lashes, Raewyn shook her head. “I missed you.” Then, she parted, observing her surroundings for the second time. “Where are we?”

“Can you not tell?” A beat of silence as the youngest Asha became highly aware of her mother taking in her facial features. A sigh of sympathy was heard as the dwarrowdam spoke up. “No, you cannot. I am sorry, azina.”

“For what?” The mention of the old nickname did not escape her ears, but she did her best to ignore the feather light feeling upon the nostalgic name.

“You do not remember this place as well.” “I was here?” A low chuckle escaped the mother as she turned slightly, pointing towards the two dwarflings near the tree. Her finger then fell to the one in the tree, making fun of the other that was struggling to get up. “That’s you. With your nephew Rokal. He was a few years younger than you.”

Rokal. It was not a name she remembered, though a faint feeling entered the back of her head. “Why can I not remember him?” “Your mind will not let you,” The dwarrowdam spoke defeated. “It is trying to protect you.”

Protect me from what? How have I been here before? How did I even get here? Questions tore through her head upon all the revelations, yet none of them seemed important enough at that moment. Instead, another question came out: “Help me remember?”

Looking down at her daughter, Zura smiled. Not one of glee or happiness, but one of pity. As if something was horribly wrong and Raewyn couldn’t grasp it. “I want to. I do not think you properly understand how much I want to.”

As if looking for a distraction, her eyes fell upon a jewellery in her daughter’s hands, taking it in hers as she carefully observed the object. “Oh, this is beautiful. Where did you get it?”

A sudden shot of confusion washed over her. Suddenly, her eyes saw gold everywhere, faint clattering in the background. A hand came into sight, but she couldn’t recognise it.“It was given to me.”

A nod of understanding. Then, another remark towards the piece. “What stone is that?”

Flashes of huge wings and a burning village crossed her mind, before she stared straight into a huge yellow eye. She could hear a taunting voice in her head. “Dragon scale.” She swallowed, looking down at the ring. The hand came back into sight, the word ‘dragonslayer’ echoing around in her mind. “It was made for me.”

A soft smile climbed onto Zura’s face as she realised what the piece meant. “Oh, Raewyn,” she sighed. “That is wonderful.”

She was cold, suddenly. The flash of brown eyes was gone as quick as it came, but it was enough to flood her senses. ‘We should leave for Rivendell’ ‘You cannot expect us to sit still with the thought that you might not make it off of here!’ ‘I know’. With a sudden skip in her heart, she tried to choke words out. “He’s-“ A faint moment of peace in Rivendell flashed before her eyes, and though it was a mere second, she had trouble recollecting her breath after it. “You’d like him.”

“He makes you happy, I can tell.” Her mother informed, gesturing towards Raewyn’s shoulders with a loving gaze. “Your shoulders relaxed when you talked about him.”

Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. A pestering feeling overtook her back as she scratched it lightly. She didn’t hold back the hiss that escaped her once she touched the wound. “Take your time to recover,” Zula spoke, noticing Raewyn’s movements. “Heal your body and your spirit. You need to let us go eventually.”

“What do you mean?” The Asha asked, confused at her mother’s words, still entirely oblivious to what happened in order for her to appear in the fields. Her question was dismissed as Zula turned around: “Walk with me, I want to show you something.”

Walking towards a nearby pond, the dwarrowdam pointed to it, an unreadable expression on her face. As if sorrow was mixed with nostalgia. “Do you remember how I used to wash you here?” When Raewyn shook her head, her mother continued. “You used to hate it. You’d rather go to sleep with sticks in your hair and dirt in your clothes.”

Then, she kneeled down on the banks, her knees touching the water as her hand fell in it to test the temperatures. “I made a game for you; for every bird you’d see whilst I was washing you, you could get an extra berry before bedtime. One time, you saw five hundred.” Another chuckle. Raewyn sat down beside her. “I think you were lying.”

Then, nothing came. As if Zula had been frozen in time. Leaning forwards slightly, Raewyn observed her face. “Mom?”

Slowly, the dwarrow’s face turned, a sad expression on her face. “Stop running.” She spoke gently. Suddenly, Raewyn’s hands were grasped tightly and she was thrown into the pond.

Sheer panic began to settle in as the freezing water surrounded her. Forcing herself to resurface, Raewyn sputtered water out. “No, mom,” “I will see you again.” Her mother only spoke remorseful, rising from her seat as she watched her daughter sadly.

A sharp hand tugged on her leg, but she refused to look down, waving her hands in panic. She knew how to swim, but all knowledge had faded within my seconds. Her eyes were glued to her mother on the side, but the dwarrow began to turn around.

“No, amad, please!” Raewyn shouted, begging for help. Her body felt thrice her weight, and she had difficulties keeping herself above water. Daring to risk a look down, she came face to face with a horrendous creature. Flashes of a burning village and bodies littering the ground were shown to her.

“You will thank me later, trust me.” Her mother tried to soothe, seeing the realisation set into her daughter’s features. And then, she walked away.

“No!” A shout of agony and pain tore from Raewyn’s throat as her memories began to hit her like a brick. “Mom, what are you doing?” Her voice was scratchy as new tears threatened to break the surface. The tugging became harder, sharper. “No, please, please!”

Ice cold water seeped through her clothes again, her entire body now buried underneath the ice again. Breath began to run out as she tried to claw her way up desperately. She didn’t want to look down, she wanted to see her mother. To say goodbye, to say everything she wanted to say now that she finally remembered. The man shouting was her father; she could have ran to him, but she didn’t. And now she was back to drowning.

A scream tore from her throat in frustration, though no sound came out. Everything around her faded to black, except for the dawning sunlight above the lake. A vague figure lingered above her, and her fear amplified. She was stuck between swimming back up, or diving further down. She couldn’t make a decision. A rough hand grasped her, tugging her up before she could even swim from it. Something scratched against her back, the pain unlike anything she ever felt. It was whitening hot, burning and freezing at the same time. And then, finally, the sunlight faded as well.

——-

An agonising pain flew through her spine as her hands shot from underneath her, trying to keep the pain down. A pitiful wail escaped her as she tried to wash the freezing sensation from her body. Two clammy hands shot to her shoulders, trying to keep her down. A wet rag fell down beneath her head, but it was quickly picked up by another set of hands.

“Raewyn, don’t move,” someone called. A set of footsteps seemed to run from her. She couldn’t find it in her to even wonder why. “Ssh, don’t move,” they repeated, one hand moving to the back of her head, gently brushing her hair back. “You’ll only hurt yourself.” Another rush of pain jolted through her body as she automatically tried to push herself up. “Rae, please.”

The familiar name slowly registered in her mind. Her body reacted to it before she could properly process where she was now. Gradually, she felt her body relax to the soothing words. “That’s it,” he encouraged. “Don’t move.”

Gently, the hands began to retreat and she felt the body lower. “Fili’s getting help,” he continued softly. “He’ll be back. We’ll get you back on your feet soon enough, you’ll see.” She could hear the trembling in his voice, and she forced her head to turn at the sound. A huge weight settled upon her brows as she moved, a harsh pounding knocking against her skull. She halted halfway, squeezing her eyes together as she tried to push the feeling down. A bandaged hand found her cheek as it gently turned her around, before lowering her head on the mattress again. That was when she could finally see his red eyes and puffed up face. She went to say something, but was halted by the burning feeling in her throat.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he interrupted her, reaching for a nearby flask. Unscrewing the cap, he held the piece in front of her, assisting her in lifting her head to reach the water. A stinging sensation filled her throat as she let the water fall down, but she tried to ignore it, relishing the feeling of some hydration.

“Don’t waste your breath, please,” Kili muttered, placing the flask back when she was finished. She chose to listen to him. Everything seemed so tiring now. “You’ll be fine.” He whispered, brushing the hairs from her face.

“Lass,” another voice called. Blinking slowly, her eyes ran past the dwarf in front of her, facing the older medic who now entered the tent. “Yer awake.”

The next passing events were remembered in a blur. She could vaguely recall gentle hands putting her upright and the muffled questions of Oín. She didn’t know if she answered them. Then came the cold rag. A moment of fear seeped through her veins as the hands around her shoulders tightened. She must have fought them, because the next thing she knew, she was lying down again. Then, the familiar embrace of darkness.

——

Sekina: Little fighter in Asyr (language of the Ashas)

Azina: Little darling in Asyr (language of the Ashas)

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