#real-time event processing

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Where’s that post I made about Mike being the companion that broke under the horrors bc I’m still right. When I think abt the THINGS some companions have had to endure and have still seemingly been fine, and then I think of mike losing himself and his values to a festering psychological wound that left him open to radicalisation, it’s like he is the evidence that actually everything isn’t fine.

Which is why it’s so important that he should be next seen in meditation, in the seeking of peace, in quietness and healing because not only is he a character that needs it he’s also a character that knows he needs it and seeks it out for himself, because he doesn’t recognise who he is anymore and he wants, not to redeem himself in the eyes of others (he won’t even go near UNIT, not even when he needs their help, he goes through Sarah Jane instead!), but to become a better person, to stop being a threat, and to heal for his own soul’s sake.

And so he goes from someone who was willing to see the entirety of human history erased, to someone who will risk his life for one person and the fact that that ultimately saves his life always imo comes across as a bit easy if you watch planet of the spiders without this context in mind. But when you do think about where Mike has been, psychologically, from the green death through to planet of the spiders, it doesn’t seem easy at all but actually a significant if understated character moment.

#mike yates #waxing lyrical about my blorbos in the middle of the night #but for real mikes healing arc is SO much to me #I think one of the crucial things about the green death is firstly that the doctor asks him to go back #like I genuinely think Mike would not have been as traumatised by his experiences as he was if he hadn’t IMMEDIATELY been forced back into #the traumatic situation #and the second thing is that Jo leaves at the end #mike is straight up NOT having a good time #like he goes through an extremely traumatic event and then has to immediately reexpose himself to it without any chance to process what happ #ened to him #and then he loses one of his best friends almost immediately afterwards #ESPECIALLY since jo would be the person MOST likely to understand what he is going through #and they both know that #the first day they met Jo was manipulated into attacking her friends by a power beyond her own will #which is exactly what has just happened to Mike #and Mike witnessed All of that so he knows. he KNOWS that jo would understand #but he can’t talk to her about it because she’s getting married and leaving

[furiousgoldfish]

whenever anything happens I only know few years later how I actually feel about it

#ptsd #delayed reactions #delayed emotional responses #emotional flashbacks #not understanding the circumstances and significance of the trauma #until years later when you manage to unpack it and get a grip on what actually transpired #without being suffocated by guilt and belief that it was all your fault #except sometimes even just daily events get delayed reactions #because i was scared in the real time #and didn't get to process anything on the spot #because i was just thinking of how to get out of that situation alive

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[nikothebookdragon]

how am I supposed to just carry on with my life now like I didn't just watch the most insane competition of all time

(and some of the most memorable programmes)

#I just watched history be made IN REAL TIME and I'm not just talking about the world record #I'm going to be thinking about that comeback for the rest of my life. Adam the skater that you are <3 #so much happened I don't even know how to begin to process #maybe its a bit silly to be this invested in a sport but hey.... it means a lot to me #also imagine an event being so wild thay somehow a literal world record being broken isn't even the craziest thing that happens lol #figure skating #worlds 2024

[the-meme-monarch]

well that's the worst nightmare I've had in a while

#we were at the grocery store and a shooter came in. my sibling and i were separated at the time. #they died. and i was theone to find their body afterward. so. that fucking sucked. #woke up and strted to cry bc i thought it was real for a second #dream journal #edit bc i dont eant to reblog it to say this but ive had time to process it now #i was the only fucking person who cared that xe died. the dream cut to after the shooter was arrested and we were preparing for xer funeral #i think the dream implied that yhe shooter was an ex employee at the store and my dad and i were trying to like. talk to the owners about Y #Your Ex Employee Killed My Fucking Sibling #and the manager or boss or ehoever just. didnt care. didnt have any sympathy #my dad was there. but he didnt speak. i had to beg the managet to feel anything for the child who was shot and killed in his store. #to pay for xer funeral? i dont know. #we were there getting a blind bag toy xe had talked aout going to get irl since it was a short walk there really #i was looking for those pink chocolate chips. #to make cookies fro my friends #thats why i eoke up thinking it was real i think #most of my set-in-reality nightmares hinge on something that Cant happen anymore. this one was based on Recent Events and Planned Events #i had woken up just before six. when xe gets up for school. so i stared crying bc Oh My God Xe's Dead Xe's Never Going To Go To School Again #i dont think ive looked them in the face at all today.

[stellar-chrondrite]

Just a bunch of (very) merry, adorable engines.

Oh how I love the Skarloey Railway <3

#ttte #thomas and friends #ttte skarloey #ttte duncan #ttte peter sam #stellarchrondriteart #wow it feels like forever since i last drew ... anything #also first time drawing the narrow gauge engines #(except ol' faithful whom i have drawn before) #so apologies for inconsistencies #because there are most definitely some #won't lie this is inspired by real events #i played three rounds of the top gear dvd game w/ my other half #and i descended into adlibbing these three on each round #no joke i voiced skarloey duncan and peter sam for over an hour #and i got merry in the process #it was so much fun #anyways enjoy!

[lanshappycorner]

Sometimes I look outside my scope of mutuals and I'm like.....I'm glad I'm not them (whole essay in the tags)

#im going to ramble about a very touchy subject here but it pertains to 🐉♠️ which i am very open about shipping #apparently its Problematic or whatever 😭😭???? according to Some People #you know ive been thinking abt this for a while now but people really like spouting rhetoric abt how this or that is problematic without- #-really considering the specifics of why things are bad. things being bad are not the same as things possibly being uncomfortable #like people have an aversion to adult/minor ships or incest ships because these are real and tangible things that happen and are disgusting #i do feel like people have freedom over what they want to consume/create in fiction although those topics are an ick to me and i avoid it #but also you have to understand people dont like it primarily because of the realistic aspect of it and how it connects to reality #not a one to one but because reality already has these preexisting issues we naturally have an aversion to it #you cannot apply the same logic to like a dragon man x human ship because a dragon man is not going to scoop you from the sky #the ramifications of shipping an immortal and human are nonexistant and do not pertain to reality and cannot be judged on the same scale💀 #well beside from the logic 🐉 is old in body but his mind develops in the way a fae would. and he is described to be young in fae #so up until now i assumed the normal assumption was to say that he is around ~18 in fae yrs by how he interacts with others in his yr #🐉 is like old in the way where hes lived for a long time and understands the passage of time #but hes processed it through the lens of a young person hence why he can come off as immature despite how old he physically is💀 #like are we playing the same game?? if he was a well adjusted fully developed adult with a complete understanding of the world and stuff #like idk trein. none of the events in ch 7 would be happening. its kind of like a huge part of his character that despite his physical age #he IS still learning as he IS still young #i could go into a analysis of his character but thats for another time </33 #anyways i see people . primarily young people. telling their mutuals you can or cant ship this and that #and im like its okay to not like ships if you personally find it uncomfortable but to police ur friends...for ships that arent even 'bad' #its insane to me...how do u live like this? #people really need to start thinking about the nuances and why things are the way they are in regards to fiction #instead of buying into that weird pr*ship/ant*ship thing 😭 ive always hated it its so dumb. my university professors wouldve hated it #theres no nuance like...none. personally i also think its why people have low reading comprehension these days too tbh #life is about looking at various viewpoints and coming up with your own opinion #not 'picking a side'💀 learn to form your own opinions. talk to people around you about it. do not constrict your opinions to black/white #its an extremely dangerous mindset to have even outside of literature and it makes you very susceptible to dangerous ideas/propaganda #anyways what im getting at is learn to have educated discussions with others and come up with your own opinions instead of picking a side #btw there is no right/wrong side in literary discussions. there is no good/bad side either. whatever you come up w someone will disagree #thats why its important to just believe what YOU believe in (and not parrot others💀). and also be open to change

[rainbowinbeigeboots]

has anyone disected what the different frame sizes mean/correlate to in everything everywhere all at once yet because i have been trying to figure out what they all mean ever since i noticed it on my fifth rewatch. and every time i watch it now it’s all i can think about because it’s done so intentionally and clearly has a purpose to aid with the storytelling. if there’s an interview out there about this though PLEASE send it my way because oh my god i’m SO fascinated with this

#everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #my current theory is that the letterboxing frames are clearly correlated with the multiverse where evelyn that’s a movie star #and i interpret it as the movie they’re watching in that multiverse and the full picture is the “true” timeline for the movie #and then clearly the 1:1 ratio styles are to indicate past events prior to the current events #for example: how evelyn grew up/ended up in america/had joy etc that created ger current timeline and how changes could create the others #i need to rewatch it again to see if i can make a better/more coherrant theory and ideas #but it makes sense in my mind #it’s just done SO seamlessly and intentional that it blends into the movie with everything else going on #legit took me seeing it five times before i went ‘oh my god the frame sizes have been changing the entire time’ #also just the implication of being meta with the movie within a movie thing….i need to know the thought process #because it’s clearly intentional since you don’t just change aspects and ratios of your film throughout the film on accident #god the way this film and carol are just my beloveds….i would die for both films ngl #but for real if that’s an interview about this i NEED it #because ngl i do forget to pay attention to the film aspects changing because i still get so wrapped up in the storyline and end up sobbing #emiie rambles

[bitchthefuck1]

I feel like everybody has at least one highly specific AU that just rotates in their brain 24/7 like a rotisserie chicken

#please tell me this is not a singular experience lol #funnily enough mine isnt actually for six of crows #its a shades of london au that I thought of randomly like six months ago that hasn't let me go where rory never goes to the boy's dorms on #the night of one of the murders and therefore never sees newman and never goes to the cops as a witness #so she never meets the shades #she still gets stabbed and survives but either Newman isnt terminated or its done after he leaves and she doesn't know about it so shes #left being able to see ghosts and knowing one tried to kill her and might still be out there but with nothing to do about it #anyway she drops out of school but stays living in london splitting an apartment with jazza and works as a barista and ends up running into #the shades after she gets pulled into other ghost shit but its like 3-4 years after the events of the books and she's just spent that time #basically completely unable to process what happened to her because she can see people no one else can and got stabbed by one of them #and she knows that she can't tell anyone or they'll think she's lost it and even though she knows the people are at least real enough #to stab her (and she can't do anything to stop them if they try to hurt her) she also can't fully dismiss the idea that she's hallucinating #idk it's just really compelling to me. #also she has a doberman pinscher as an emotional support dog. idk why that detail is so important to me but it is #aurora deveaux #rory deveaux #stephen dene #callum mitchell #boo chodhari #bhuvana chodhari

[spacedlexi]

i always wondered if you ever read any violentine/twg fanfiction and if you have could you tell us your favorites? Or what tropes would you like to read? Idk I just really like this ship and since there was so little content I could find so i read a lot of shit 💀 but I hold a special care for it since it was one of the first fandoms I entered and finding out Clem was bi meant a lot to me cause you don't see a lot of bi representation that isn't like "I like fucking anything that moves🤩(Yea Im looking at you Elite)”.

So yeah I'd like to hear you thought of fanfiction and stuff.

i tried once or twice but didnt get farther than the first chapter or so on the few i tried 😔 i kinda for the most part stopped reading fic after high school to be fair, so im very particular about what i Do read when it comes to fic now. and on ao3 at least since im afraid of wattpad there really hasnt been anything that held my attention (at least in the past. like i said i havent tried looking in a couple years so who knows). i need plot/character development heavy stuff that i can really sink my teeth into and i didnt really find much of that... and the "tropes" i like are more determined by which characters im applying them to so i dont always like the same ones across the board

someone asked me this question a while ago and i asked for any fic recs at the time but i only got like.. one? im really not sure what the state of twdg fic is like honestly

DESPITE all that tho im still slowly slowly SLOWLY meticulously steadily working on my own oneshot that i WILL FINISH I SWEAR its over 20 pages currently and only like 2/3? done?? and half edited BUT it IS outlined so..... i just have to.. you know..... actually Finish it....

i posted some snippets from it a while ago (HERE) but here's a couple longer ones since ive written about 10 more pages (plus like 5 in outlines) since then. im Really particular about the flow of my writing which is like.. the main reason why i take so long to write.. gotta fix it until it Feels Right

A comfortable silence seemed to settle over them then. The wind outside the shack still blew harshly, whistling against the broken windows. But as the girls sat by the warm glow of the fire, and listened to the crackling of the burning logs, it was enough to melt their tension. At least a bit.

The silence continued until the fire began to dwindle with the last of the logs. "We're going to have to start burning those..." Clementine said as she looked at the loose boards they had kicked aside earlier.

"I got it," Violet said as she stood, not even giving Clementine a chance to move. As she grabbed a board and kicked hard at its center, trying to break it in two, Clementine twisted her mouth. Not at the other girl, but at herself. She was still getting used to her new limitations, and it frustrated her knowing there were just certain things that she couldn't or struggled to do now.

The boards had been sturdy once, but due to age and exposure, they had eroded enough that Violet was able to break them with relative ease. She threw a couple of the pieces on the fire and set the rest by the hearth as she returned to where she had been at Clementine's side. She gave her a soft, reassuring smile as the fire came back to life, and Clementine gave a soft smile in return, breaking her from her thoughts, if only momentarily.

She heaved a sigh as her eyes were drawn back to the missing portion of her left leg. She thought about the trek awaiting them in the morning, and her mouth twisted again. "Ugh, walking through all of that snow is gonna fuck up my leg..."

The soft smile on Violet's face became mischievous. "Don't worry, I can just carry you instead." She said it nonchalantly, but the fluttering in her chest betrayed her.

Clementine quirked her eyebrow in response to the bold statement, smiling skeptically as she laughed "Uh, aha, yeah right."

"What, don't think I can?" Violet responded, the look on her face unbothered by the other girls reaction. "Brody was the one who carried you to the school after you crashed and I'm, like, at least as strong as Brody was."

Clementine's face dropped at the revelation. "Wait-... Brody brought us back?"

"Uh..." Violet hesitated at the change in Clementine's voice. "Yeah... Her and Marlon. She was the only one he would ever take outside the safe zone." She explained, and as an aside to herself said "Huh, guess it makes sense now..."

The playful atmosphere had now quickly disappeared, only to be replaced with a quiet, somber one. In the short time Clementine had to get to know Brody, she felt they had started to become friends. However, there weren’t many good memories made between them, and so Clementine more easily remembered the bad ones.

She could still remember that stormy night in the cellar clearly, could remember the sounds of Brody's inhuman screeching. The hot blood on her hands as she fought against the turned girl for her life. The guilt sinking in her chest like a black hole as she looked over what she had done. What she had to do. Clementine mourned her in the way she mourned everyone else she had lost. And it never got any easier.

Violet watched Clementine as she internally fought through her feelings, and once again regretted her words. She didn't want to think about Brody, either. And felt guilty over unintentionally bringing those awful memories to the surface. Clementine told them what Marlon had done that night, yet never talked about what happened after. But Violet had helped the others with the bodies, had seen what Clementine was forced to do. She remembered the sight clearly, as clearly as she remembered feeling that Marlon got what he deserved.

--

"Maybe we should try to get some sleep before it gets cold in here..." Clementine suggested tentatively.

Violet shifted, stretching her arms out in front of her, catching the last of the heat from the hearth on her fingers. "We should use the bed, then. It'll at least be better than the floor. Plus, there's a blanket."

Violet stood up then, stretching her legs as Clementine looked up at her. "Are you sure that thing isn't completely rotted?"

"It should be okay. We only brought it in here a little over a year ago."

"'We'? Why?"

"Uh-" Violet started at that, averting her eyes. "Um... Minnie and I... we kinda... used to hang out here..."

"Oh..." Clementine wasn't sure what to say to that, but it did confirm her suspicions. So instead, she relented. "Okay."

But she hesitated, looking between her leg and her prosthetic where it still sat propped against the side of the fireplace. "Hmm..." Should she put it back on? The bed wasn't far...

"Here," Violet reached her hand out, noticing the hesitation, "let me help you."

Clementine eyed the outstretched hand, considering her options, and once again twisted her mouth at her new limitations. She kind of hated this. She had done everything on her own for so long, and now...

"C'mon, it's okay."

She looked back and forth between Violet's face and outstretched hand a few times before finally relenting. "...Fine." She really didn't want to lace up her prosthetic just to immediately take it off again.

Clementine took her hand, and Violet helped pull her up to stand. They leaned close as she found her balance, gripping tightly at Violet's shoulder with her free hand. It only took a short moment, and once Clementine stabled herself, her eyes locked with Violet's. They both started a bit when they noticed how close they had become, face to face.

"Aha. Um, you good?" Violet asked, slightly flushed.

"Yeah," Clementine said, hiding her blush better than the other girl. "Thanks."

#twdg #violentine #replies with lexi #incognito #i know how you feel anon i remember the fic tag for them being pretty....barren.. #at least compared to what i was used to being into popular ships in big fandoms in the past #i was kind of surprised honestly #but to be fair i read a lot of mlm main pairing stuff in the past and wlw just seems to get less love in fandom spaces in comparison :/ #violentines get cozy under my wing i will provide for you #really trying to tackle themes of like #clem dealing with her new disability. learning to rely on others instead of always being the one relied upon #settling into ericsons and solidly accepting it as a safe home. for Real this time #clems past traumas finally catching up to her now that she is in a safe place and is beginning to truly process these events #vi dealing with her guilt over everyone she couldnt save #the way she feels guilty over leaving clem/aj in the woods and feeling partially responsible for her leg #feeling conflicted over her feelings for minnie #(anger? guilt? loss?) #and therefore feeling conflicted over her feelings for clem #(finding new love. more guilt. in a space where her and minnie had good memories together) #(this is a friended route vi where they have feeling for each other but are only acting now that the raiders are no longer a threat) #ok wow you think ive said enough at this point? this post is huge............ #ive been talking for too long

[patronsaintoffinalgirls]

i’m so fucking normal right now

#every time i front for extended periods and i have time to think...... It Gets WEird! #i'm so different from all the other frequent fronters and i think about why that is #like why do i exist really? #what kind of neurosis could i possibly embody? #thinking back to when i formed all i think of is pseudomemories #it's a very... weirdly neat transition from pseudomemory to real memory #it just literally was like i died and woke up in a totally different life #so i have no clue what events actually led to me being formed #well... i say that but really it definitely had something to do with our mom #i think we really needed to become a murderguy/meangirl hybrid to deal with her #but still i always just wish i Knew what exactly made me split #maybe then i'd be able to process... whatever the fuck makes me the way i am #shkjsvhfjkhfks #fae.exe

[cesium-sheep]

no yeah pretty sure it's a trauma response thing.

the whole year has been so very very very bad, so as the end gets nearer I get counterintuitively more anxious, both because I become more afraid something else will come along to kick me back into the pit and because I have a little more room to breathe instead of just having to grit my teeth and carry on. (this is pretty normal in the context of prolonged stress and long-term traumatic situations (as opposed to singular Events))

#also just some good old-fashioned hypervigilance #man what's it like to only have trauma from discrete Events #my ptsd is so goddamn c #and like she has had a bad year too for sure but I'm kind of in a unique position #because I get the impression that for all that I was dying and ornery and having a Real Bad Time #I was still overall like a stabilizing presence for her #that does Not hold true in reverse like. At All. #so. that'll have to get dealt with. #and of course my first instinct is to immediately verbalize that to her but like. #she can't fuckin process a goddamn word I say. #that's part of the problem in the first place. #she's not built with a manual override like I am. #(basically nobody is apparently.)

[atozofsoftwareengineering]

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[angstics]

i adore this team

#these outfits are ADDICTING #im hungry to learn the creative process start to finish :: #add to the list of events id like to watch happen in real time when i die and can go back to any space and time #mcr

[orcelito]

Hm. I just remembered I will have a funeral to go to soon.

#speculation nation #so good at compartmentalizing that i forgot about life events #not... TRULY forgot. of course not. #but i still havent processed it. and im gonna save THAT. for when im not constantly around people lol #i only have a handful of days here & im not spending them being a miserable bastard #does this make me heartless? maybe some would think so. #but i'm just... trying to live my life. the death hasnt touched me yet bc im all the way over here #still doesnt feel real. but i know it will as soon as im with my family again. #im just... letting my emotional regulation do its own thing #i trained it quite extensively when i was a teenager. i am very very good at it. #this... sort of thing is why i suspect i have so much trouble with crying. #aside from a few special circumstances i just dont cry. i just dont. and it's bc of how intensely i compartmentalize i think #ah well. im still in colorado. and it's time to go to bed i think.

[gemharvest]

Smthn super funny abt the fact that along with my memories of being absolutely terrified of some creepypastas I also vividly remember enjoying the HELL out of pokepastas + whatever was going on with Slenderman and Jeff in that era.

#ramblings #i think by the time i got super into pokepastas and the animeboy creepypasta fandom stuff i had already processed- #-the fact that creepypastas were fake online horror stories and not real events but its still rlly funny #nothing hit quite like being 8/9 and going onto youtube to watch creepypasta MMD videos