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#sighh being a person is so confusing
discatded · 7 months
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u ever screw something up that u were excited for and u get upset. but ur more upset that you disappointed urself than you are that its fucked up
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weaselle · 7 months
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“i wish i got abused by my parents instead of them wanting the best for me. then i could blame THEM for all my issues TO THEIR FACES MWAHAHAHA instead of just behind their backs on tumblr :( sighh i wish i could say I HATE U GRRRR outloud instead of in my heart :( nooo i wish i had endured violence instead ahrrrgg“
this is a great time to talk about how i handle hate messages
the first thing i want to do here, is i want to extend some sympathy and understanding, and really assume the best about this person, after all, who among us hasn't needed that
so maybe this person was actually physically abused by their parents, and that would be a reason to have a strong reaction to my post, strong enough to make it hard to see what i was trying to communicate, strong enough to be mad at me. And maybe this person is young or has their own mental health issues, which could be a reason they would attack a stranger on the internet like this. Maybe they are simply having the worst day, and this is not an example of their best selves.
So let us assume this human being is lashing out for easy to understand reasons, like from their own pain. An abused person skimming through my post might understandably write this message in response. A young, or incredibly angry, or socially impaired person might hit send on it.
Maybe they were orphaned also, and think i should feel lucky i had real family to adopt me -- they would be right. And i do feel lucky. I have been extraordinarily lucky in that regard.
perhaps they feel wishing that i had been physically abused is an incredibly bad take -- which is very understandable! i would generally agree that as a hot take, that's not great, though wishing emotional damage was physical damage is a fairly normal response to a lot of kinds of emotional trauma actually. Sometimes people even get a disorder that makes them try to transmute their emotional pain to physical pain by hurting themselves. But, yes, saying "i wish i was physically abused by my parents" is insensitive and maybe even antagonistic to say, when one by no means wishes to trivialize the very serious damage physical abuse incurs, both to a person's body and their inner personhood.
Which is why wishing i was physically abused is something i absolutely did not say, because i do not wish that.
What i said was, my adoptive parents messed me up despite being good people who were trying their best, and i sometimes wish my parents' mistreatment of me was purposeful and over-the-top like a fairy-tale, so that i might feel clear anger instead of confused pain. I cited two examples, Matilda and Cinderella, neither of which feature physical abuse.
See, every time i try to undo the knots they tied me up with inside, i can't get around feeling a huge amount of guilt about admitting they damaged me when i know they never meant to and i know how lucky i am, and facing how fucked i am from my childhood feels like being a horrible ungrateful person, but the fact remains that my childhood did fuck me up, and it's confusing and difficult to process.
but there is no point discussing these things with the person who sent this message, because there is no possible purpose in this message beyond causing me pain for their own catharsis. See? There is no call to action, no hanging question, no attempt to recognize the depth of another person's experience, no good faith interaction. It is exactly the same as if they yelled "fuck you!" and left. There is no engagement, this is entirely about them and not me.
Therefore i am not responding to it directly in any particular fashion, merely using it to demonstrate one way to mentally handle receiving this kind of hateful, hurtful message.
I hope this person is well. I hope this person is not deeply haunted by sending this message the way i get when i grow enough as a person to realize my mistakes
i note that they say "TO THEIR FACES MWAHAHAHA instead of just behind their backs on tumblr" while on tumblr using the anon feature, and that strikes me as ironic and humorous.
Humor is a great way to distance yourself from painful emotional reactions to mean messages.
i resist the urge to yell in detail about the real trauma i've suffered in my life, because, again, they don't care about my experiences, they aren't trying to open any kind of dialogue. And i already over-share on here, i don't need to do it angrily!
They are simply lashing out, probably because they are in some kind of pain, past or present. And in many many ways i have, in fact, been very fortunate, and perhaps they have been much less so.
i wish them a better future, full of growth and healing.
because I am also trying to grow and heal. And even if you feel things you are not proud of, it is important to admit to feeling them, and to work on that.
For example, when my mother sent me away to live with her sister, and then was killed a couple years later, I resolved that i would "never let her death be an excuse or a reason for anything negative in my life" because i felt it would make me a worse person to do that, and it would tarnish my love for her.
But the fact is, things like abandonment, and resentment, and anger, and a struggle to see any selfworth... these things do not stop existing just because you refuse to acknowledge them. Actually, refusing to acknowledge them can make them much worse.
So if this was sent by a person who was physically abused but has a similar notion of not letting it be an excuse for anything, i hope they are able to find a more nuanced approach that allows more complete healing, because they are a human being, and deserve peace and wellness.
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goobiegoobert · 2 years
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maybe im just,,,, thirsty and requesting sm but like SINCE YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE THIRSTY FROM MINE I HAVE TO SEND YOU SOMETHING IVE BEEN THINKIN OF,, how would sun/moon react to a parent!reader? (kinda like the milf!reader and dilf!reader fics going around) and theyre just feral for reader because they just know how to take care of the kids and when they offer to help?? makes sun/moon short circuit and fight the urge to foam at the mouth for parent!reader
i love the thought of them going crazy for the hottie that parent!reader is sighh
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What a lovely dream...
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A/N: I'm not the dad friend for no reason, time to put my dilfery to use <333
Warnings: Smut, Dubcon, brief overstim, obsessive behavior, light daddy mention, Dom reader
18+ DNI with this post if underage, you will be blocked
Word Count: 1.2k words
[ Male Reader, will post female version later. Request if you'd like trans reader versions! ]
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It wasn't expected for this to happen, but to whatever creator was above watching it truly blessed the two daycare attendants. See, most of the day had run past as usual of hassling kids around and forcing them down for a nap at this point, it felt quite tedious. That was until you'd arrived at least!
Sun was busy helping a child with their glitter glue by opening the bottle and passing it back staring intently at what they were gonna do, only to have the child's head perk up and start to beam for the first time all day! Oh, joyous day! Children smiling was always something to make the attendant melt at the wires, so badly did he want to scoop one up and keep them all night to have a friend to play with, this child simply did just that.
Though it took moment to face and giggle at whatever the child was seeing the toddler jumped up from their seat across the room latching onto the leg of something, raising their eyes slowly began to overwhelm the poor sun mas the fans kicked on once seeing their processors heat up significantly. Oh, dear. ❝ Daddy, look! sun sun helped! ❞
There you were, Mister. Y/n, standing above the children with an all too familiar expression as you'd bend down to pick up your child with a grunt spinning them around remarking how big they'd gotten since you saw em this morning! The child was full of buzzing with excitement and clinging to your pant legs practically ready to climb on top of you, and to be honest Sunny was too. His head was spinning in a delight almost kin towards how children described feeling sick.
How come he was sick? Oh, oh no were the mechanics gonna have to fix him?? Sunny didn't like being away from the daycare it was always too dark!
But the fluttery feeling as their circuits fried left him far too gone to exactly care, but then it happened. Sunny shut down from overheating and fell to the foamy mats below with a hard thud of their long tangly limbs.
By the time everything has been repaired from frayed clothing to melted wires you'd long since been gone, which saddened the daycare attendant to bits. But what really made it up was the next morning when you'd dropped off your kid.
Just the right size for him, sure you were smaller everyone was, but to Sunny seeing you hold up a tray of cookies to the various children with their parent's consent made the poor man's heart swell beyond anything, you were perfect. A work of art, something colorful and shimmery with glitter glue everything he liked in a man! Well.. You currently seemed to be the only person capable of keeping such an infatuation going for more than a day. Time flew by and Sunny desperately was a lost puppy trying to gain your love in return, from pulling you into a giant hug lifting you above the rest. Even giving you drawings he'd spent the day fumbling over as he thought about you, each word from his voice box struggling to come out when you'd speak.
One day you'd came to the daycare when your ex-spouse had the child, Sunny was confused why you'd come out here? It was surely a bit silly, it wasn't until everyone, and I mean everyone, had left did the daycare attendant understand why you'd come here. Understanding the way you'd been pressing soft kisses along his casing praising each ridge of texture into the wide plastered smile. Sunny felt like he could die at this moment, you'd guide a caring hand towards your pants mentioning he could touch there if wanted, and boy did he do just that. Eagerly touching your cock curious beyond anything trying to remember the sweet sighs and rumbles of noise being heard. Practically begging as any words slipped out to try and let him closer to you
❝ Mean, mean! Please, oh please love you so much, much love let me take care of you! ❞
Sunny didn't want to ever hear anyone else make such beautiful sounds, nor did they want to share. Almost wanting to cry out about how he wanted to try and please you more than anything only for your grip to loosen allowing feathery light hands to press against the wires along his neck causing a high pitched squeak to emit out of the daycare attendant. You wanted to hear more allowing him to direct you to what felt like heaven to him and abusing those areas to your hearts content.
You weren't going to let him please you like the attendant so graciously craved but you offered so much more in return that made his head spin with a ticklish delight. Such a lovely game!
❝ Such a good plaything you are, right dear? ❞
A short cry erupted from Sunny as their system started to reach its peak sparks flying off the back of his head as an odd wave of white flashed over, unable to comprehend your kind words talking him down back to everything. Putty in your arms he truly was crying about how he wanted more and to please give it to him, but being quite the meanie it was decided against as you'd fix them up to what you could know pressing small kisses to the flaps of his sun rays. Truly feeling upset at this Sun began to throw a bit of a tantrum lightly hitting his hands on the floor wanting to cry at this. Sun just wanted to make love with you and have millions and millions of kids like everyone else does! how come he can't now? This little hissy fit was quickly cut off with the lights turning off, it was silent for a bit but you could clearly recognize the foamy hands pulling harshly on your arm to the point it truly began to sting. ❝ Naughty, naughty boy. It's past your bedtime. ❞
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lovingkaede · 3 years
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Rantaro, Shuichi, Kokichi, Fuyuhiko and Kaito with a super sweet and kind SHSL plushie maker? Like they love everybody! So what would their reactions be if they were found crying because some bitc- I mean very unkind and rude person made them cry?
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I know I said I’d take a break but no hahah I just can’t stop myself from writing 😳 Also I’m aware this request took forever but hope you like it! 💞 -Mod Kaede
Rantaro Amami
He finds you so cute if you ask me
And thinks you are really easygoing, I mean you love everybody!
You’re just so sweet
He won’t hesitate to call you cute names, too
When he first found you crying, he was confused
What happened?
“Y/n? Are you okay?”
When you told him about it he immediately went from :0 to >:0
Big brother mode activated
Ok but he’s so understanding
100% hugging you and telling you it’s okay
Also always welcoming any hug coming from you anytime
“Don’t cry anymore, Y/n, come on,” Holds you to calm you down, ugh 😭
Next time he sees them he’ll make sure to talk to them about it
You know how serious he is? Yeah, he’s like that
But for now, he’ll just make sure you’re being loved
Shuichi Saihara
Aw, you’re so sweet for his soul
You make him blush all the time-
I mean you just care so much- it makes him want to cry
And you always give him gifts, too
Adorable
He thought no soul could be mean towards you- You’re just like an angel
But welp, there you were, crying
“Hey, Y/n! There’s-.. Y/n?”
He felt upset, I mean there were times where you pouted, but you were literally crying
“Y/n, are you okay...?”
He wanted to hug you but he did want to respect your boundaries, too
But boy, did you need it
He slowly wrapped his arms around you and let you cry it out
He listened to you carefully and he was like, how?
Tries to change the subject so your mind isn’t full of bad thoughts- Probably brings you snacks or sweets
He wouldn’t leave your side until you were feeling better!
Please stop crying, he doesn’t know how to comfort you at all- he’s trying
Kokichi Ouma
How do you stand him, just asking
You’re very kind and he’s just.. The opposite?
Well sometimes he’s so sweet but most of the times he acts like a brat
But he shows you his sweet side only? Good for you? And you’re sweet to anyone?
I’m sorry but no one’s messing with you. He’s literally the president of “Y/n Love Club”
“Y/n, what’re you doing in the dark?”
He heard your little cries
Oh no
Hell no
“You’re crying?!!??!!?”
“It’s noth-” Say no more
He isn’t leaving until you’re done crying!!
Seriously he’s so clingy lmfao spoils you with lots of love and you get flustered as hell
You two gossip about the person and he can get a bit manipulative and say stuff like “Well, I wouldn’t talk to them if I were you,” he makes jokes on purpose just to make you laugh
“Don’t worry about them, Y/n! I’ll make sure they won’t get away with this.”
Kokichi, NO
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu
If you ask me, he can’t take all of this cute stuff
You’re just so wholesome- it’s too much for him
He thought you didn’t mean this at first- how could you be sweet to anyone. But boy, were you serious
And you melted his heart, too xjtjgktgkfh
He won’t admit but he thinks you’re really cute and must be protected at all cost 💞💞 Sometimes his chest hurts because you’re just being so precious
You were really sweet to anyone,, he kind of expected you to get hurt because of this
And then he saw you crying
“Oh, they did this to you?”
“Yeah... Fuyuhiko, what’s that?”
“It’s just my gun”
I-
For now he’ll let Peko handle this
“Y/n Protection Squad”
If you need affection that moment, that’s what he’ll do
You’ll be his number one priority but the next day he’ll have a friendly talk with the person made you upset
Kaito Momota
He loves you so much!!! Ahjdjcngjdxjxjfjc!!4+-&&;&!😭😭😭
He thinks he’s dating an angel, a god, a goddess, historia reiss-
He even names the stars after you-
You’re too good for him
He gets soo cheesy with you and gives you embarrassing nicknames all the time
But you’re crying... On his sight?
Just no
He’ll freak out lmao
“Y/n?!??!??”
He gets really angry with that person-
He gives you the best comfort tbh, he’s just like that
So caring
Also is really sassy lmao
“Well, it didn’t surprise me... They weren’t worth your time anyways,”
Sigh, we all know you are just jealous, Kaito
You should hangout with him, Shuichi and Maki Roll. They’re much more interesting smh and they’ll treat you right!
Also he’ll give them death stares when they’re talking to you from now on- only if looks could kill
A body is discovered???
sighh I’m lacking motivation but I’m trying my best-- ugh, no
Well... I didn’t want to take a break before I finish this. This was saved in my drafts, I’m sorry if these are so bad I dunno what to do anymore lol I’ll be having exams after a month but studying is hard during the pandemic
Aaaanyway, requests are open, I’m writing them oldest to newest, so they might take a while! -Mod Kaede
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itaroon · 3 years
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Wave!! Surfing Yappe:  Sho Thoughts + Theory (?)
There are Spoilers btw!
I did a little digging, to have a bit more reassurance whether Sho would really come back or not. 
At first I thought he was dead for certain, but then I looked into the first episode and found that there’s a blonde figure watching over Masaki as he heads out to surf. Who was this person? It was Sho of course! He’s alive but is secretly watching and that this was the future competition Masaki participates in. 
Or so I thought. Looking closely, I noticed that his bang was a lot shorter than Sho’s and only reached the tip of the ears, and he seemed to have a bigger body. That can’t be right. 
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There’s high chance that person is Sho’s older brother, Hayamichi Inada. 
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That’s him. 
Furthermore, the trailer for the third part of the trilogy shows Hayamichi surfing while masaki and all his friends watch. While riding a wave, a reflection of Sho is shown in his brother. This would mean that Masaki sees the resemblance between the two brothers in him. I would say this confirms that Sho is certainly not alive anymore and that perhaps Sho’s brother oversees Masaki’s growth as a surfer. Here’s the Youtube video:
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Yeah, I actually don’t want this to be true but there’s no explanation why for the difference in appearance. 
Also, Sho himself had mentioned that people can die while surfing. This could be foreshadowing his own death. 
Why did he do it? This is going to get a bit heavy. 
My guess is perhaps a parent was pressuring him to stop surfing because his other parent loved surfing and it was just a painful reminder. its hinted that Sho has a broken family. I’m guessing divorced parents? That’s why he moved to Oorai. 
But Sho didn’t listen to them and continued surfing until he got that one message. The parent must have threatened him in some way, and that took a toll on him , and in an act of rebellion, or perhaps purposefully escape all the built up stress, Sho went out in the storm. I don’t think they found his body because again, it was during a storm and it must have swept away. 
--
BUT, the way episode 5 was, it felt too unreal. It was pretty odd actually. There were implication of Sho’s death but, no one said anything explicitly. Perhaps the characters did mourn, but only looming sorrow was shown post funeral (?)
All the other boys came together to pay tribute to Sho, that part hit the most. And was the strongest implication of Sho’s death. Why didn’t the animators make anyone straight up say he was dead? What about the people Sho lived with? nothing was mentioned of them in this episode. The school would have contacted them. But we aren’t shown any of that, instead everything seems to be normal except the gloomy atmosphere through out the episode. 
is there something else at play? Did Sho abandon his surfboard just like Masaki was about to in ep 5? Sho could have up and disappeared while everyone assumed he was dead. the chances don’t seem very high to me, but its still possible.
(I would like to add, the manga has a different setting, in which Sho is very much alive. Annnd there’s also the game that’s coming out later sometime and he’s in it so I’m not sure why the anime is different.)
I’m literally seesawing between believing Sho is alive or dead. But him being dead seems plausible. Sighh Episode 5 was so confusing, and gave us more questions than answers. 
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oldmyths · 5 years
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sighh i didn’t wanna write a post abt this but it won’t leave my brain and i know it won’t stop until i shape the thoughts into words so here we go
im not like. a religious person. i describe myself as a spiritual person in the sense that my culture is very spiritual and i believe in things that dont rly fall in line with religious criteria. as in, like, idk reincarnation and soul stuff. how much of that is grounded in my spiritual beliefs or the fact that i got some mismatched wires in my brain is a different story
but that’s kind of where shit gets difficult to talk about. i don’t believe in a god but i have this guilt about whether the creator knows the struggles within me and feels sorry for me, for not believing in them. because it’s like i do believe but at the same time, i don’t, and both of these thoughts exist on the same bookcase on different shelves
im not talking about whether i think religion is meaningful or if i think it’s bullshit like i’m not writing this to try and slam ppl who are religious or have religious beliefs, or try to like. say that i’m better than anyone? or something idk. i just have a lot of confusing feelings abt this whole thing
and i mean it’s not exactly unheard of for a native person to feel pressured by christianity, to accept and believe in it. i just can’t operate on this level of thinking, like, i need to have my thoughts and my beliefs sorted out but there’s so much i don’t know. i dont even know what church i went to as a kid. i don’t know if we’re catholic or protestant or something else
this is why i just tell ppl i’m spiritual and not religious, anyway. i feel like this post is a mess and doesn’t make any sense bc that’s exactly how i feel when trying to talk about this kind of stuff.
at the same time though i do believe in angels. i do think demons exist. i don’t think they ‘work’ in the exact way the Bible(tm) lays it out but idk. i don’t know.
the whole reason i became disenchanted w christianity as a whole is bc i was forced into it by my parents and like. i did enjoy going to church for a while. i was a kid though and i didn’t really understand it, i just knew it made the adults around me happy to see me engage in that kind of stuff so i did it and i liked it. but it just quickly became too much to handle and i got scared. it prob didnt help that my mental health was on a steady decline at the time so i just internalized all this stuff in the end and now i’m stuck between perpetually thinking about christianity while being terrified and hating it at the same time
actually i think a big contributing factor to my disenchantment with the church was bc my parents forced me to go. i can’t remember what i did but i went thru this process and apparently if i didn’t i couldn’t get married / the church/god/idk wouldn’t recognize my marriage as ‘valid’. jokes on you mom i have a debilitating fear of commitment and intimacy issues that turns off every potential partner on this fucking continent
it’s weird to think that if things turned out differently i’d be like....christian. like. properly. well actually i’d prob just be like a casual one but it’s weird to think about..
it’s also pretty sad that i started thinking abt this bc of a fic i read And how like half an hour ago i remembered this one show i watched with religious themes among. Other fun things :+)
anyway. idk. i don’t really have an interest in exploring religion anyway so it shouldn’t matter but i can’t stop trying to dissect the religious ideas i cling to from my past, whatever i got from my mental health, and the spiritual beliefs from each other to categorize and understand properly. :s?
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makkeuga · 7 years
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markhyuck headcanonz
‘im egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so i told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this i don’t want to go to jail’ a very specific headcannon if you want , I'm sorry - requested by an anon :’) <3
- ok so mark is a popular athlete, good student and all but his fiends r kinda... dumber jocks. so one time he is over one of his friend's w the squad and they have a stupid contest over something like who can hold his head under water the longest
- and mark loses. and as a punishment he has to egg his friend's neighbour's house. he isnt looking forward to that tbh bc he isnt a bad person but... peer pressure
- so he gets a pack of raw eggs from the fridge and with damp hair and nervousness he walks over to the next house
- its like 9-10pm so its kinda chilly and mark just prays to god bc his mom would never approve this and he looks back and sees his friends on the balcony and someone is probably gonna film it or something and he is like sIGHH but waves and laughs at them
- while his friends holler stupid crap he starts throwing the eggs to the house and fakes a smile and an attitude thats more tough than what he feels
- its goes all somewhat well until he is like at the sixth egg ("what a waste of eggs" he'd think) and the door fucking opens and a man storms outside and mark is like.... fukc (except he doesnt curse)
- ok so their town is kinda small and people know each other at least in the area
- so it doesnt take long after the man has started yelling that mark realizes that oh shit thats the cop that shares the same surname as him
- "what on earth are you doing?? don't you have anything better to do than vandalize someone else's property??" and stuff like that and mark is kinda frozen with the raw egg in his hand
- he glances at the balcony and ofc his friends arent there so he looks back at the man and swallows dryly
- "whats your name?? im a cop and this wont go unnoticed" and mark is shaking in his sneakers
- "umm, sir....." he is kinda panicking too but then he remembers that mr lee's son goes to his school so being a clever boy he tries to fix the situation
- "im very sorry, sir.... but actually... i dated your son?? donghyuck??" he isnt even sure of the boy's name but he hopes its right (all he knows is that the boy is very cute and sings in a choir and sounds like an angel but not like mark would ever listen to it while passing by the choir room)
- "and he, he, he wronged me, like very badly. and im very hurt and this is the only way i can.... revenge it..." mark is kind of sure it wont work
- the man still looks angry and mark is sweating
- he notices the door opening and a very confused looking donghyuck steps out and mark is like............ help... looks at him fear in his eyes
- "donghyuck??? hi!!!! so as i was telling your dad ur my ex and" he lifts the egg up in his hand "i was just gonna show that its not okay for u to hurt me" he is blabbering in a high pitched noise and all he can think of is that hELP ME I DONT WANNA GO TO JAIL
- donghyuck is very amused bc u dont see a popular kid like mark in a situation like this every day
- "son, is this true?" hyuck's dad turns to him and he is like ... nodding while looking over his dad's shoulder at mark
- "i should have told u...."
- "donghyuck!!!! hasnt ur mom taught u that u cant treat other people like that???"
- "she has...."
- "what did u even do????"?
- "sorry dad ill tell u later....." and he looks so sad so his dad is like HMMPH okay
- "ill let u boys talk. and u" mr lee points at mark "still wont go unnoticed" and goes inside the house
- mark is so close to crying (of relief) before he realizes what actually happened and he almost falls to his knees like THANK U but donghyuck just bursts out laughing
- mark goes like :0 woah he is pretty :0 even tho he is wearing just a hoodie and sweatpants
- "so, the infamous mark lee, my ex?" he sounds SO amused
- mark wants to die
- he laughs just very nervously like hah hah hah.... but he is also kinda starstruck
- "ok but dont hate me i just dont wanna go to jail pls pls im so sorry" he starts to blabber again
- hyuck just rolls his eyes and is like!!!!!! is ok lol chill!!!
- "i didn't even know u liked boys"
- mark replies w more nervous laughter so hyuck raises his brows and is like "or???" and mark just nods bc its not like he is in the closet but everyone just thinks he is trying to be A Cool Bisexual (even tho its legit)
- "...whatever. this is how we will go now: u come in and we tell my dad we made up and all is cool and no worries and ill convince him to let u go"
- "okay... thank u sm?? wait. why are u helping me?" mark is quite confused tbh bc hyuck seems like the guy to hate the jocks
- then donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows and winks really greasily
- "as a payback ur actually gonna go on a date with me."
- "....what"
- "exactly”
- “oh”
- “also why is ur hair wet???”
(- they end up dating and being the cutest couple ever tbh tag ur goals)
THATS IT HAVE A GOOD NIGHT LMAO feel free to request me stuff :’) drabbles headcanons moodboards tbh whatever !!!
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