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lassieposting · 4 months

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So like, Poppy Playtime is one of those things that I enjoy watching whenever a new section drops, but don't usually get particularly invested in, but if there's one thing guaranteed to give me brainrot, it's a codependent friendship between a deeply damaged, morally questionable killer and a lonely, mixed-up kid who idolises him. So naturally Chapter 3 has me in my feelings about the Prototype and Theodore Grambell.

And that got me thinking in general, which gave me a theory.

The Prototype - or, at least, whoever became the Prototype - had a military background.

If you think about it, the Prototype's skillset - while horrifying in an escaped monster on the rampage - would be an asset in a soldier, and more than once we see him use abilities that would probably be best explained by military training.

We know he's tech-savvy, mechanically skilled and good at improvising under pressure and time limits: he strips down an alarm clock in his cell - which he'd have to do quickly, because he's under constant surveillance - and makes a laser pointer from its parts to disable the cameras. These seem like skills that would benefit a soldier, who would be familiar with stripping his equipment - his gun, for example - down to parts to clean and reassemble them, and who might need to know how to fix a vehicle or a radio or use improvised parts in an escape from hostile territory.

Based on the fact that he's appeared unexpectedly multiple times now to claim the bodies of dead and dying mascots at exactly the right time, it's likely that he's been tracking the Player - silently and without being seen - since they entered the facility. He's doing recon, watching to see what the Player does, what their goals are, whether he needs to worry about them, and whether or how he can use them to his own benefit.

He can stay silent under torture. The tapes confirm that Sawyer continued experimenting on him even post-transformation, and the Prototype's description of these sessions makes it clear that there is nothing ethical or humane about them: "You stick us...beat us...tear at flesh." But Sawyer himself confirms that - other than snarking at him on that one tape we see - the Prototype has been silent, stubborn and uncooperative throughout. Soldiers can undergo Resistance to Interrogation training to teach them to cope with torture tactics; the only thing they're allowed to reveal is their name, rank and ID number. If the Prototype has already had this kind of training, it would make a lot more sense why he's able to keep silent when most people, adult or no, would be desperately cooperating and begging for mercy.

He's fiercely intelligent, excels at manipulating situations to his advantage, and is shown in Project Playtime to be capable of marshalling and directing the other fight-capable mascots. He's also a creative, ruthless tactician who seems to favour surprise attacks - the Hour of Joy works because it takes the entire facility unawares. The escape attempt where he hides from the camera relies on the security specialists panicking at his having vanished in a matter of seconds and rushing to do damage control, forgetting the camera has a blind spot. This thing is a strategist, and he's good at it.

Now, from what I've seen, it seems to be a popular theory that the Prototype was created from Elliot Ludwig. I'm not sure whether I really buy into that, but if it were true, it would actually work well with this little theory of mine.

We know that Ludwig was a young adult - probably in his 20s and 30s - in the 1930s and 1940s. He's old enough to have gotten married and to get divorced, and to have started his own company.

And where were all the 20- and 30-something men of America during the 1930s and 40s?

Conscripted. Fighting World War II.

So if he was created from Ludwig, or from any adult in Ludwig's age bracket, it is very likely that this is not the Prototype's first ugly war. Playtime Co are not the first monsters he's ever seen doing horrific human experimentation on captives and trying to cover it up. He'd have seen it all before, and he'd know there would be no stopping any of it without collateral damage. So when he gets his opportunity - the Hour of Joy - he's ruthless about it. He wipes out every human in the Playtime factory. If he fought in one of the major wars of the 20th century - WWII, Vietnam, etc, depending on the age of whoever was used - that would also explain why he goes to that extreme. Plenty of guilty, awful people escaped justice after those major conflicts, and he doesn't want that for the Playtime scientists. He'd rather massacre every employee, whether or not they knew about the experiments, than risk one who deserves death getting away.

idk I just think that whole idea makes his behaviour and motivations make a lot more sense

#poppy playtime #vidya gaems #the prototype #experiment 1006 #poppy playtime meta #poppy playtime headcanons

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mybworlds · 6 months

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Bittersweet

CHAPTER 1

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... Hello people, I know there are other two ff that I already started, but I dreamt this new idea for my new ff. So I decided to write it down it. So here we are. If you want to let me know what you think about it I'd be glad to read you.

No offence pls, if you dislike it go away :)

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

You always dreamed of doing something special, of being the person who would make a difference in the world….

So you hoped.

You hoped to become a great writer of romance novels, and you hoped to instill hope in the hearts of young people not to give up in the face of love and the possible obstacles that may arise.

But not all dreams come true.

In fact, you ended up working in a small bar on the outskirts of your town, surrounded by the many stories of the many diners who populate the place during the daytime or evening hours--depending on the shifts. These stories are the most different, and cannot help but feed your wild imagination.

In the evening, when you are not on shift, you write dozens and dozens of stories on your computer: some are shorts, some are very long and have happy endings, some less. It depends on your mood and how you imagine certain events you've witnessed or heard will end.

"I'm home!"

Your mother has just returned from a nearly seventy-two-hour shift at the hospital, she works in emergency medicine, and - since your father died (or at least she always said) - when she's not at home, you have to do everything, housework and bar work, grocery shopping, paying bills.

"Hi, Mom."

You absentmindedly greet her by putting down your computer glasses and crinkling your eyes in exhaustion.

"Did you buy groceries?"

The usual string of questions starts, to which you always answer with a distracted yes. You are almost 30 years old, but sometimes you feel like you are 40s or even 50s. Sometimes you think you would just like to enjoy youth, to be carefree, light-hearted, you would like to be free even to make mistakes, and instead you feel caged in this life. In a life where the only rule is you must.

"So you're okay with that?" your mother suddenly asks, making you get your feet back on the ground.

"What?" you ask confused.

"You might even listen to me for once!" blurts out Mom.

"I just got distracted for a second!" you exclaim trying to catch up.

Mom snorts, "I asked you if you were free tomorrow for your guitar lesson."

Ah yes, the exhilarating guitar lessons!

Mom, ever since Dad left (but she always said it was as if he was dead), has demanded that you take piano lessons first and guitar lessons later, like your father. You can't understand your mother, sometimes she seems to hate your father, sometimes she doesn't.

About love, you've always wanted it to be forever. Maybe it's just some romantic bullshit you always watched in movies or read in books, but you want to believe that there really exists out there for you, someone who is willing to love you for a lifetime. Too bad you haven't found anyone so far who is willing to love you the same way you love, to want you the way you want!

Going back to your guitar lessons, your teacher is a bit of a peculiar guy, a bit of a loner, a lover of many things and one opposed to the other. He's -- you don't know exactly how to define him. You've never been able to decipher him. He seems gruff, but at the same time he has a good side and probably deep down sweet.

Very deep down.

"Yes, don't worry." Mom, ever since he left, has become overprotective in some ways with you, has demanded to control you even though you are not so young anymore, wants to know what you read, what you see, what you do. It may seem normal, perhaps, for a mom to try to get to know what her child does, but not the way she does. If you are evasive for one reason for another, she becomes a hound, suffocating almost. Once she even demanded to read a chat you created with friends fearing that you might be in touch with a man much older than you, and instead she found herself a chat where you were exchanging sometimes funny and sometimes even private messages with some of your close friends from school, which even embarrassed you, but mom justified herself by saying she was doing it for you. She even banned you from driving for fear that you might have a car accident! You have a driver's license, but your mother won't even let you drive around town. She always has to be the one to drive you. These manias of hers are suffocating!

"Good. Do you have money to pay for it?" she asks you.

"Yes, don't worry," you reply, going to prepare dinner.

"We have to be very punctual or I'll be late for the hospital," she informs you.

"Do you have another night?" you ask her "It will be the fifth time in a month! But didn't there used to be shifts once even in the hospital?" you ask again as you prepare some pasta.

"Yes, but -- you know, there are only a few of us and then there are even more emergencies than usual."

You follow your mother with your eyes as you see her typing on her cell phone. Your mother sometimes looks like the young woman and you look like the mom.

What an unfair life!

The next day your life flows as usual, you get up very early, make coffee bringing it also to your mother, go to shower, get dressed and go to work.

At the café there is the usual hustle and bustle, who wants coffee, who wants a croissant, who wants a slice of pizza, who wants something else. You don't have a moment to yourself. Only when it's almost lunchtime now, you stop and go to the back of the store to eat your sandwich and smoke. Yes, you smoke. The only real transgression in your life. If your mother found out she would probably kill you, but you don't care smoking makes you feel good and maybe it makes you feel good because it's a decision you made, not because it was forced on you.

You rub one temple and look toward the road covered with a hint of snow. You wonder what you would have been doing by now if you had not been there with your mother, if maybe you were busy in college or maybe in pursuing some master's degree, you wonder who you might have been if you had dared to live your life to the fullest.

In the afternoon, your mother - after making sure you are dressed appropriately, that you have sheet music and whatnot - drops you off in front of your teacher's building.

The latter lives on the top of seven floors, it's practically a penthouse, it's beautiful place. Being with him -- a little less so.

When you knock, you are about to greet him, but a completely different man from your teacher appears in front of you. He is tall, much taller than your teacher and you, curly brown hair, dark eyes, a look that is at first grim, then curious, defined jaw line and curved nose. He is perhaps 40 years old.

You stand open-mouthed, thinking you had the wrong house for a moment, then realizing it's the right address.

"I was looking for Mr. Miller," you say.

"In person." he replies.

"Tommy Miller," you say.

"I'm his brother." he says again.

You are about to say something, but he is the one who interrupts you by asking if you are his student and calling your name, you nod in confusion.

"My brother had to leave yesterday morning. He told me you were coming and to wait for you to let you know." he clarifies by placing his hands on his hips.

He is incredibly muscular; you have never seen a man like him. He hits you right away.

"I see. Then -- I'll go." ready to leave.

You make to turn your back to him "Did Mommy tell you not to talk to strangers?" he asks making you turn back to him "I saw you get out of your mother's car." he adds noticing your confused look.

"What did you say?" you ask in annoyance.

You see him smirking and cross his arms "Are you afraid the big bad wolf will eat you?"

You wrinkle your forehead "First, I don't even know who you are." you say moving a couple of steps closer to him "And second…"

"Joel." he introduces himself by extending his hand.

"You're creepy -- Joel," you say looking first at his hand and then at his face.

"You, on the other hand, are shy." he notes looking at you and running his gaze over your figure. No one has ever looked at you like this. Making your skin warmed. "Yes, you are a shy little one." he adds, smiling and making wrinkles appear on the sides of his eyes.

"Your brother is definitely nicer," you say.

Lie. Tommy has always been very much on his own.

He just bends his head to the side, "Funny, people always told me I'm the nice one of the Miller brothers."

Gotcha.

"Well, maybe they never really knew you!"

"And you in less than a minute figured out who am I?" he asks, leaving you speechless.

No, you know very well that you cannot judge anyone in less than a minute. If someone had judged you in less than a minute they probably would have dismissed you as an ordinary young woman, lacking dreams of her own, trivial.

Perhaps the same thing applies to the man in front of you, Joel Miller.

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turtlesandfrogs · 6 months

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Things I like about self employment:

Ostensibly setting my own schedule (realistically I'm too much of a people pleaser and need to actually give myself weekends)

Huge variety of work

Get to do work for people who can't afford the more expensive options

Don't have to do things that I think are stupid just because my boss thinks that's a good idea

Things I do not like:

the seasonality of yard care

I have to do a lot of phone calls, texts, and emails.

Scheduling

I have to decide when it's too hot, too cold, too dark, or too smoky & to hot to work

Having a limited number of clients and having to juggle between having too many clients during the busy times and not enough work during the slow times

Things I like about being an employee:

I show up and start thinking about the job, I clock out and stop thinking about the job

I don't have to do any client communication or scheduling

They paid for awesome rain gear

My bosses are actually like, good humans and they also hav ADHD, so my stress levels are the lowest they've been since I was like, 16

They have to offer me work time even when it's the dead of winter and there's nothing to do, mwha-ha-ha!!!

Things I do not like about being an employee:

40 hour work week. Bleh.

Not convinced that putting in pretty gardens for rich people (seriously, each garden we do cost usually between 1 and 4 times my yearly income) is actually in line with my values regarding sustainability and making the world a better place.

The work is much less varied

We occasionally work for people who are blatant about seeing us as "the help"

That one lady

Occasionally have to do very stupid things, like digging up an established (though small- about 10 feet tall) maple tree and moving it 6 feet for aesthetic reasons. Like, yeah, I get it, it does look more whatever over there but damn. Really?

In contrast, things I think I will like about running a plant nursery that focuses on native plants, herbs, and plants from similar climatic zones:

setting my own schedule and making sure I have weekends

Huge variety of plants that I think make the world better for existing

Get to grow plants both for gardening enthusiasts and landscapers, so interacting with passionate people all the time AND meaningfully increasing habitat for native animals.

Don't have to do anything I think is stupid

Still seasonal, but options for indoor work!!!

No scheduling with other people, they gotta come when the stores open

Less communications work

Things I won't like:

will be thinking about the plants/job a lot during non-paid hours because that's how I am

Plastic, but I think I have a way to make sure I'm not generating more, just using stuff that already exists

I will probably be stressed about the growth of the plants both while I have them and once they've left my hands

Lots of people with lots of opinons about how I'm doing things wrong

#thoughts #can you tell what I'm thinking about? lol

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leafened · 3 months

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learned that the issue i have where i "go insane" and feel like my body and brain is on fire and can't sleep/ dissociate/become agoraphobic/ feel like I'm being tortured to the point that I have to boil my skin off in a bath or apply ice everywhere and scream/hit/claw myself/drive all night and sleep in my car to get a sliver of relief is because of something called Akathesia that is known to be triggered by tons of antipsychotics and bipolar meds as well as certain antibiotics and steroids.

the symptoms vary and the syndrome is notoriously hard to describe in words, but the one common description patients give is that they feel like they're being mentally and physically tortured. After Cipro last year I was so desperate I ended up soaking my feet in Epsom salts for 8 hours a day (magnesium definitely helps tamp down symptoms), and when I last had prednisone I by all definitions went totally insane the entire course and a while after the course was over. I dealt with this for years straight in high school, probably bc of antibiotics (varying intensity but often completely unbearable, i ended up suicidal and homicidal (typical for the syndrome)) and the most fucked up part is that I've been keeping bipolar meds on the table in case the mania comes back, but an estimated 20% of people end up with Akathesia from bipolar meds, and some never come back from it even after quitting meds. Antipsychotics are even worse, studies show 40-60% of patients on antipsychotics met the diagnostic criteria. and the symptoms just look like insane person shit, so basically zero chance your psychiatrist will work with you to quit them, they'll just up your dose or switch to a med that does the same thing. withdrawal actually makes the symptoms worse, so even if you do manage to quit, you'll probably end up with a prescription again

overall I had maybe 3 years since puberty where I primarily got only nighttime symptoms and only 1 year of no symptoms at all. looking back the Cipro+Prednisone I took 3 years ago for chronic ear infections probably triggered this resurgence, and I had to take Cipro AGAIN 2 months ago for a UTI (amplifying the episode frequency once more). I'm going to keep having those types of risk exposure my whole life and I already spend a good 1/5 of my time actively in an episode. I don't want to add to that

Bonus being I only discovered this bc I've been frequenting antipsych and anti therapy forums. Doctors do not care about people and want the mentally ill and other "problem patients" to die

I also wonder how many people w "slam your head into the wall" style autism are dealing with this. one of the most common presentations is a need for continual movement. I read a South African study a while back showing that therapeutic doses of magnesium+potassium (important to have both bc one uses up the other or smth in periods of stress, don't feel like looking it up rn) significantly reduced repetitive stress behaviors in autistic kids. But magnesium and potassium aren't profitable so why would the industry recommend them.

#antipsych #in an epsom salts bath as i type this lol

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surrealsunday · 4 months

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hey jaime, how are you??

i just come by to wish you a happy new year! (kinda late but it’s still january so it still counts 😌) i hope you have a great end of 2023 :))

also with a friend we were talking and we suddenly thought abt punzel!lucas/elu and we were wondering how these two lovebirds were doing and what would they be up to now, according to you 🤔👀 lowkey miss them now ngl sjdbdh (as well as the canon version of course)

can you believe this year is marking the five years of skam france s3, 5 YEARS OF ELU…

BTW HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW MAXEL CONTENT RECENTLY??? well literally all january we were being fed really well (individually and tgt) 😌 AND WE ALSO GOT MAXEL SELFIES IN BIG 2024 I VANT STOP SMILING THINKING ABT IT (sorry i’m freaking out again sjdbdh) their friendship is just so special and warms my heart sm every time it crosses my mind 💙

anyways i’ll stop my rant bc otherwise i could go on for hours 😭 wish you a wonderful evening/day and sending you lots of hugs and strength and luck 🫶🏻

Marieeeeee hiiiiiiiiii 😊❤️❤️❤️❤️!!! It was so nice to see a message from you! And a happy new year to you too!

I'm ok - I both can't believe it's gonna be the end of January and also can't believe it's still January 😂. Work has not stopped being insane since I took over this new position but I'm thankfully still loving it. And I'm especially loving living in a place where I am no longer dealing with -40 celcius through the winter 😅. I hope your holiday season and start of the new year has been going fabulously for you!

And 5 years? 5 YEARS?! How is that even possible omg 😭😭😭. That calls for a rewatch, I think. My babies 🥹. And the Maxel content yessss! I love you for linking posts thank you! One of my friends thankfully sends me things because I would end up missing them on social media otherwise. Honestly the joy their friendship brings me. 5 years and those boys are still tight. I love them so much. Also the fact that Rocco was looped into their little friend group and we have actual pics of Maxence with Rocco AND Axel? Truly... life has been good to us 😌😂.

And Punzel babies? Well, they're living their happy life together in their flat. Eliott definitely refers to Lucas as his husband even though - as Lucas insists - they're too young to get married. Eliott thinks that's nonsense because he's been waiting what amounts to their entire lives and obviously they're going to be together for life anyways. But for that same reason, he's not too fussed about it - official papers or not, they are married in his mind. They've definitely added to their little fam and have a cat in addition to their pup Pascale. The cat absolutely rules their home (as cats are known to do) and is the only one who can get Pascale to stop being mouthy (Huskies you know 😂). Lucas would definitely complain the cat doesn't like him and play up that they have some sort of nemesis relationship. Only Eliott has caught Lucas curled up asleep on the couch with the kitty on his chest wrapped up in his arms more than once. Eliott would be a little jealous about the fact that he's the one who dotes on the kitty but she still seems to be an utter suck for Lucas... only, he's the exact same way so he can't blame her 😌. Second to Lucas, her fave is Idriss. Because this cat has ✨taste✨. I'm trying to think what they would name their kitty... probably something Rapunzel adjacent because they're saps... but I don't have a name popping to mind just yet.

And of course there are the fun dynamics of their relationship that they will probably always be figuring out. Like Lucas realizing (and relishing) in the power he has over Eliott and the way he can make Eliott's brain short circuit in any variety of ways (like saying something incredibly explicit in the middle of much more innocent activities like cooking dinner). Then Eliott will remember he no longer holds his Punzel in the 'look but don't touch' category and things work out quite nicely for both of them 😌. Basically... they're living their best lives figuring out adulthood and now jobs together ❤️.

Sending you all the love and hugs back!

#sweetest people #Punzel fic

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thaliatimsh · 5 months

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hiiii can i get 5, 10, 11, 16, 17, 19, 25 for the fic writer asks :>

HOHOHOOHO thamk you for asking sorry it took me a hot minute to get back on my laptop:

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

LOL i love how everyone has asked me this do i come off as so bitter? i sure do lol. anyway another peeve of mine is really naff ~foriegn language~ bits esp. as like. rubbish sexy talk. people making a character go oooh ma petite chou-fleur in the heat of the moment shfgdjshds fuck off

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

this is a tough one! when i go hunting for fics i normally start w my Fave Character Tags (... treavor pendleton, george hodgson ao3 pages saved to my phone bookmarks smhhhh). probably dishonored fic is my fave to read actually? bc people do so much fun stuff with The World :^)

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

normally they come from a spoken line in the text of the fic! or sometimes a bit of description... or something from the canon. like the working title for a different kind of man was "stained glass". the fics in the takes two to quarrel series were all named for lines in the fics, except for imperfect life which i lifted directly from canon text (and the series was named for a line in imperfect life)

nlwib's name comes from that one line of wallace's in game thats like - "I must prepare the mourning garments. His lordship has never looked well in black.". i often think that if i was gonna do a cleanup re-write i would just call it in black, but i did start posting it nearly eleven years ago and my Style has evolved since then lol

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

HFJSDKFHKS SEE MYSTERY MAN PART 2 in which I accidentally uncovered the history of one of the rl officers of the franklin expedition and have since seen real life Scholars talk abt things that were literally lost to history until i connected a bunch of dots on accident while trying to find out what early 19thc. eton was like. for a fanned fiction. me @ franklin scholars: get on my level wankers lol

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

TOO OBSESSIVELY and it never ends well. i am trying to hold back on this bc. drac your fics are too niche your majesty they'll kill your self-esteem your majesty. never 4 get that the only comment i got on nlwib chapter 15 was "shame it wasnt gay" :/

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

i don't really Edit edit? things come and go as i write, then i'll get a version i like and probably give it a once-over in the ao3 preview to look for typos.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

i don't really listen to music while i'm writing bc i get too distracted! either by lyrics or A Good Bit in instrumental music lol. but sometimes I'll play a single song on repeat through the entire thing like a deranged animal. i think the last nlwib chapter was written to Paris 1919 by John Cale on repeat for abt 40 hours lmao

this is the questions btw

#question game :)

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wheel-of-fish · 2 years

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Saturday Streams FAQ

I probably should've done this years ago, but here we are! It wouldn't hurt to read it, even if you're a regular!

Why do these streams exist? They're an opportunity to showcase different, sometimes less accessible actors and productions, and I especially love the sense of community that comes with a regular get-together. It's basically just a fun hangout.

Which version(s) of Phantom do you stream? Usually the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, any time from 1988 to present day. It's often from the U.S. or UK, but I do international productions, too. There are no subtitles for those, but if you've got a decent understanding of the show, you'll still have a good time!

Sometimes I'll stream a different Phantom adaptation altogether, but that's harder to do with CyTube mostly restricted to YouTube videos.

Can anyone attend? Yes, within reason. Please do not come to hate-watch. I also reserve the right to boot people who are disruptive or combative.

Is there an age restriction? Technically no, as that's not something I can enforce. However, the vast majority of attendees are adults; if you're uncomfortable with adult conversation, it might not be the best environment for you. Hiding the chat is an option, however.

How does a stream work? Fifteen minutes before the start time, I open a private room on CyTube by posting the link and a stream-specific password here on tumblr. CyTube is available on both desktop and mobile, but desktop seems to be generally preferred among streamers. You can sign up for a free account beforehand if you'd like, but it's not necessary!

If you're logged in when you enter the password, you'll show up under your registered username. Otherwise, you'll join anonymously. If you'd like to participate in the chat without an account, there's a "Guest login" box at the bottom of the chat where you can enter a temporary username.

How long does it last? Depends on when you arrive and how long you stay! I provide pre-stream entertainment once the room opens. The show runs about two hours, and there's a 10-minute intermission at the end of act 1. Some people also stick around to chat and watch videos after!

Can I watch anonymously? Yes! See logistics above for details.

Am I expected to participate in discussion if I'm off anon? Nope! I'll be notified that you've joined and there's a decent chance you'll be greeted by name, but otherwise, you're free to fade into the background.

What if I can only attend part of the stream? You can join and/or leave at any time—multiple times, even. I will be notified when you join the chat (assuming you're not anonymous), but not when you leave.

How many people attend? Anywhere from 40-60 on average (the record is 92), including anons. Most people are from tumblr, since that's where I advertise.

What can I expect from the chat? We're pretty laid back and are happy to answer any stream- or Phantom-related questions. Chat moves at a fast pace, so messages can sometimes be overlooked or forgotten—it's not personal!

And again, we're mostly adults kicking back for the night. If you're bothered by the possibility of language, alcohol, other adult themes, and/or general thirst, this might not be the place for you.

Is there a general code of conduct? My latest mantra is "good vibes." Please show up with good intentions and assume others have them as well. We're there to enjoy a video and each other's company, so it's not really a good venue for serious discourse.

Please leave negativity toward characters, ships, headcanons, actors, and/or adaptations at the door—and yes, that includes hot-button topics such as the 2004 film, Ramin/Sierra, and Raoul. Everyone comes in with different tastes and experiences. Some people have had limited exposure, while others have been around for years and seen every debate or hot take in existence. Shaming for any reason is not OK. When we do watch a more questionable production, we aim to have fun with it rather than tear it apart.

We strongly encourage building up the things you like and ignoring those you don't! Just please avoid spamming/monopolizing the chat, and remember that your headcanons, interpretations, and/or preferences might not be universally shared.

Also, we're not perfect! Please feel free to address things that make you particularly upset or uncomfortable.

Can I talk about things unrelated to the stream? To a point! Discussion will absolutely wander, but any extended analyses, one-on-one conversations, and/or off-topic discussions should be moved elsewhere if possible. (CyTube does have a direct message function!) Please also be mindful of sensitive topics that can potentially be upsetting.

What if I don't like someone's contributions to the chat? If they're bad enough that you can't ignore, you have a few options: 1) Mute the user, 2) respectfully address your concerns with the person in chat/DM as appropriate, or 3) DM me (if it's an issue you think is more broadly disruptive).

What about additional CyTube questions I have? Please see the CyTube FAQ or user guide.

Can I make requests? Please let me know if there's someone/something you'd really like to see, and I'll put it on the request list (which is long, so no guarantees that I'll get to it right away)!

I take VERY LIMITED rewind requests during streams; please ask for them sparingly! I don't take requests for pre-show or intermission videos anymore (they can get overwhelming), but you can ask for whatever you'd like to be played post-stream.

Are there stream traditions or inside jokes I should know about? I was specifically asked to include some of these in the FAQ, so here you go:

We named the mannequin Barbara (Barb).

It's common to yell SECURE or its foreign-language equivalent when the police chief in act 2 asks whether the doors are secured.

There's a running joke that Piangi is only napping when the Phantom takes over in "Point of No Return," so there's an "N for nap" trend in the chat when he's discovered.

You might see an M for "moisten" when Raoul jumps into the lake, as he is literally moistened backstage afterward.

We've headcanoned a 500k slow-burn camping AU (affectionately known as the CAU) for Raoul/Mme Giry based on some weird tension that occasionally crops up in their scenes together. idk.

Any references to @glassprism being married to a certain restaged tour actor are most definitely a joke.

We also joke about her having a portrait in the attic that ages any time someone complains about the Phantom not catching Christine at the mirror (which is not typical outside of London due to safety concerns). This happens often.

We're playfully divided on whether "fathering" or "far-reaching" is better. It gets talked about a lot.

We often reference past performances or actors we've seen. If there's something you'd like clarified, you can ask! We won't mind!

Where do the bootlegs come from? Resident bootleg queen, trader, and expert @glassprism has been kind enough to share her collection nearly every week for years, and I am forever grateful.

Aren't bootlegs illegal and bad? This is a debate for another place and time, but from my perspective, bootlegs are helping the theater community more than hurting it. They provide access for people who can't otherwise afford or travel to see shows, they expand fans' knowledge of/appreciation for specific actors/productions, and they have immense archival value as well.

No one is going to choose a bootleg over a live show if the latter is an option, and I think you'll find that this crowd would happily throw tons of cash at the production if it were an option. (In fact, a lot of us have and will continue to do so.)

Please feel free to DM/ask/comment if you have additional questions! I will likely tweak this post as necessary.

#streams #saturday streams #faq

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 3 months

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Mildly annoyed at my body.

Probably venting. Mostly complaining. Some medical talk.

I kinda want to get a second shift job, but I just got a raise and starting this month, I will be making really good money. Like, double minimum wage money. I don't think I'll be finding that wage anywhere else with no college degree and only 5 years of office experience...

I want to put more of my books on the shelves, the ones still boxed in the living room and the basement. Go through the comics I probably have no real attachment to, maybe offer them up somewhere. Put the books I keep thinking about that somehow didn't get their boxes marked "FAVE" and thus weren't put upstairs when I moved. They're in the basement. I KNOW I have more books by my favorite author. I've been wanting to reread the ones I haven't unpacked.

But I just ate. I can't go up and down the stairs, let alone carrying 2+ boxes and unpacking them. Not to mention, some of them are practically buried in others' boxes... I can't exert myself by moving them around, either. I might be able to reach the ones by the shoe rack, but I don't remember. I can't stand up and bend over to look.

For my stomach AND my back reasons. Ever since I had the neurology appointment, during which they twisted me in ways that made my mostly-fine back start hurting at a Level of 5/10 Again, and when I said it started hurting they kept twisting and asked if it still hurt. Yes! Fuck yes, it hurt WORSE!

And it still hasn't entirely calmed down. The pain now is worse than it was before the appointment. Even two weeks later (or is it three?). Even with lidocaine patches and muscle relaxers. They want me to start steroid shots. (And do physical therapy again, but I already spent most of my PTO built up this year on Sisu's vet appointment and my teeth. I need to build up more hours for things in April, a concert road trip and taking the day of the solar eclipse off because I absolutely REFUSE to miss the eclipse, when I live conveniently RIGHT in the path of totality! I can't take 4 hours off work every week because the PT only has appointments during my work schedule.)

I need to do at-home physical therapy exercises more often anyways, but I can't lay down (let alone lay on my side for 10 minutes) after eating, and by the time my stomach's done making me uncomfortably aware of the food I've eaten, I need to go to sleep.

And tomorrow, I want to watch some panels at an online convention and go grocery shopping and clean the pet cages and shower. Maybe sweep my room and do dishes. I'm still debating if I want to wake up at 10am for a panel on something I've often wondered about (thanks in large part to the name of a roller coaster at Cedar Point), but that will sacrifice about 4 hours of sleep.

Precious sleep. Which is ALWAYS a struggle working first shift. When I worked 3pm to 11pm, I slept for 9 hours every night, no problem. (I was constantly exhausted for Other reasons, but sleep wasn't the problem.) But working first shift? I have to fight my body tooth, nail, and pharmaceuticals to get it asleep before 11pm. Half the time it doesn't happen. The meds make me sleepy, but won't KEEP me asleep.

I take melatonin, L-theanine, herbal supplements (valerian and lemon balm and passionflower and lavender), magnesium citrate, and an anti-depressant and muscle relaxer, all in the desperate hopes that I MIGHT be able to sleep for 8 hours a night. (I struggle with delayed circadian disorder. It's not insomnia, because I can easily fall asleep and stay asleep if it's within my body's natural circadian rhythm. Sleeping about 1-3am, waking about 10:am to noon.)

It isn't the ADHD meds that keep me awake because, once again, due to my stomach being a Little Bitch^tm, I can only take them when I'm having Really Good Days with my stomach. Which is, at most, about 1 in 5 days. It's rare that I CAN take them 2x a week. Let alone every day.

At the core of it, if I didn't work 40 hours a week and didn't have to ride a bus for an hour each way to and from work and didn't have to wake up at 7am every day, I'd have more time and more sleep to endure and work around my stomach's issue with Being Active After Eating, and work around Needing to Sleep or I feel Dead On My Feet.

....though with the raise, maybe I'll be able to get my temps again, and once I get my license, have the budget to start paying for gas and parking downtown...? I figure that's another $200/month, at least, but even if I break even with what my cashflow is NOW, I'd get about 80 minutes of my life back every day. That actually sounds really nice...

But currently, as it stands, my schedule is perpetually packed and my body is perpetually fighting me on doing Anything Ever. =_= Not to mention, the ADHD making it really hard to overcome that executive dysfunction...

It's just frustrating, wanting to do So Much but needing 2 weeks to recover my social battery after being at a wedding for 5 hours. I can't catch up on sleep when my duplex neighbors are massive inconsiderate assholes who blast music every Saturday morning. I want to wake up a little early to hear a really interesting topic discussion tomorrow, but it comes at the cost of spending the entire next week exhausted from sleep deprivation.

Where's the Quality of Life when the amount of life you can live is so small, you can't fit a lot of Doing Things in it anyways?

Worst of all, I've been too exhausted to write, whether that's roleplaying or fic. I'm lucky if I can come up with 5 words for my Pokemon character to tag on a blog post. I can't come up with New Things Happening very often. I really desperately want to continue some Old RPs with Dove, but my brain is fried mush. It's burnt on the outside and just a gooey mess on the inside. I can't jog it enough to Imagine New Things.

I'm not exactly depressive. I'm having fun at the convention this weekend! I'm glad for the 5 words I can scrouge up on the Pokemon RP blog! I'm eating good food and stealing every minute of personal time I can get! I'm watching Teen Titans and ATLA with my roommates once a week! I only have minor complaints with my actual job duties! It's not All bad.

I'm just frustrated that working 40 hours a week is so fucking much to work around that it's a chore all its own to try fitting my life around it without sacrificing sleep health.

Fuck capitalism.

#rhs personal posts #digital mirrorbooking #build the dream #because gods if this ain't motivation....

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pbandjesse · 5 months

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I am very disappointed that it did not snow and was just very very cold and raining. I saw mom post on Facebook that they got some snow. I am very jealous. But it is okay. I had a nice day despite the weather.

I slept better. I slept in until 9 and felt pretty good. I missed James but I was glad they made it to work before the rain started in earnest. And I was able to get up and feel fine. I was cold but I was doing good. I got washed and dressed and made the bed.

I had little vegan sausage balls for breakfast. They are fine. I think they would be better in the oven rather then the microwave but it was fine. I put the dishes away from the dishwasher and decided to organize the freezer. Now all the vegetarian options are on the bottom and everything else is on top. I had wanted to do more organizing today but I was to cold.

I would do some work on my fish tanks. And spent time with sweetp. I pulled my ice skates out and made sure they had what I needed. A towel and such.

I called my dad and we talked for a half hour. It was nice to talk about the house and the stuff we have done this week and

I finished reading one of my books. I enjoyed listening to the icy rain outside. I was not feeling amazing. My allergies acting up really really bad. I took medicine and tried to keep reading. But I felt very bad. It was after noon and I would have to leave here at 240 to meet with Celia. But I decided I am should rest.

I slept for about an hour and my allergies felt a lot better after sleeping. I am glad I did that because I think I would have been miserable.

Because outside was miserable. Just horrible downpour and wind. I had some mozzarella sticks to perk myself up and soon it was time to go!

I drove to Patterson and got there right as the rink was opening. Celia wasn't there yet and I was trying to not be stressed about it but I knew she was probably going slower because of the rain.

I paid my $5 and went to put my skates on for the first time in literally years. My skates need to be sharped but this rink does not have someone to do that. That's okay but I will for sure need that done soon.

I had to put my skates on and try to stretch them and it was so painful??? I was still waiting for Celia but I went and got on the ice to see if they were right and I'm glad I did because it was incredibly painful and very bad. I got off the ice and redid them. Looser in the foot, tighter in the ankle. And it was a lot better.

And very soon Celia was there! She rented skates and was surprised I had my own. She loves to say she unlocks "Jesse lore" but said in this case she was hoping we were both going to be bad. Which is fair but I was encouraging and was like it will be fun.

And I did have fun. Skating is always a blast but also it hurts my entire body. My back and my feet mostly. But I was still having fun. And we skated for a pretty long time! About 40 minutes of solid skating. The ice was very very rough and choppy which made things tough but I was getting my form back. I liked going fast. I did some turns. I did some little spins and some small moves like lunges. I could not do a waltz jump but I could do the step. I am excited that I will be living in walking distance to this rink and I hope I utilize the ice more often even if they have very weird hours.

We got off the ice to get some water. And decided we would go to pasta mista for dinner. We went back on the ice for 15 more minutes and I stayed closer to her this time and gave her some tips about pushing. She got a little frustrated but once she started bending her legs she got a good speed going and it was fun. I had a lot of fun even if I was sore and very sweaty.

I offered to drive us over to get dinner. We had to trudge through the rain and be mad it wasn't snow. But we got to my car and drove over to the shopping center.

I had never been this this pasta place. I don't normally ever get pasta out but since we haven't had a stove we haven't had pasta in forever. So this was exciting. I got cheese ravioli and she got tortellini. We got garlic bread. And we talked about camp and work and travel and it was really nice. We didn't want to stop hanging out but that was hard since it was so gross out. I asked her if she wanted to go to target with me to buy 144 rolls of toilet paper. She said of course. And we got the rest of our food to go.

Target was not busy at all which was nice. I was thrilled to find one of the mini brands life style balls. Not the food one, but the houseware one. After we did a lot of toilet paper math to find the best price and paid for my things. We went to the car and opened the mini brand and it was tiny candles! I will build that at work on Tuesday I think.

I drove Celia back to her car and made she she got in safely. And then I was off. James had just texted me saying they were leaving the football game because their dad was to cold. Absolutely understandable. I asked if they wanted me to come get them but James said they had a ride so I would just see them at home.

I decided to drive past our new house. I am letting myself call it that. It's not ours yet but we are so close. I was surprised how dark the street was. But the next block has string lights so maybe well put some outside ours too. We will see what happens.

When I got back here I went to get the stuff from the back seat. And dropped everything. My water bottle rolled under the car and I could reach and had to use my baseball bat to push it closer and had to kneel in the road and got very wet and was very upset.

I got inside and my hands hurt from the cold. After I put things away I ran a bath. That would warm me up.

James came home as I was finishing cleaning up. I would get out and get cozy in my fleece. James was soaked too and decided to do all the laundry tonight so we wouldn't have wet clothes sitting around. Very smart.

We have been cozy in bed for a while now. I am very tired. I had a good day. And I hope tomorrow is a good and productive day too. I am hoping to do some work in the studio, getting rid of or finding things I can pack. I want to have a productive day. I also just hope the sun comes out.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. I hope you got some snow. I love you all. Goodnight!

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imamxdel · 9 months

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It has been a really long 5 days. August 2023 is a month for the history books of Liv's life.

So...I was just discharged from the hospital. For those who don't know, I've been a charge nurse of an orthopedic/oncology unit for almost 5 years. My job is incredibly stressful, but just as rewarding and it's a very good job in the sense of a comfortable compensation, good hours, and fabulous benefits. And also, I've been in the process of purchasing a condo as a first time home owner...as if the stress of that wasn't killing me, I was laying in bed Sunday night ready to work 3-14 hour shifts in a row and started to feel heart palpitations, aches, and severe shaking.

I could have easily attributed it to the stress of an impending work week and the mental exhaustion of trying to buy a home for the first time. It's not like 26 year old women who work out about 8 hours a week are commonly known for having heart attacks, but I knew something wasn't normal, and decided to call my coworker and tell her I was driving myself to the ER (btw don't do that, please call someone to drive you or dial for an ambulance).

Long story short, all tests for a heart attack or pulmonary embolsim were negative, but my troponin levels were critically high at 398 (normal is less than 40). This specific lab measures the amount of dead cardiac tissue in the blood stream. They ended up admitting me to the critical care cardiac unit as they couldn't find an answer as to why I was showing these type of results.

Another long story short, the cardiologists came to the conclusion that I must have contracted viral myocarditis, AKA an unknown virus that was attacking my heart. I tested negative for covid twice. There is no treatment for this diagnosis as your body has to fight it off on its own, and that they could only manage the symptoms.

So there I am, a decently seasoned (and sorry to brag, but a well known and respected) nurse suddenly experiencing her first time as a patient. I knew the drill pretty well and I'm proud to say that I was an A+ patient! Never hit my call light once (again...I'm probably stubborn). I had my parents bring up my laptop and some clothes, and settled in for the ride.

The doctors basically wanted to keep me until my troponin levels came down. Because I was essentially asymptomatic other than some chest tightness that only exacerbated when I moved around too much, I was literally in the hospital to get poked every 6 hours while strapped on to a heart monitor.

My troponin levels only kept going up. And when I say up, I was discharged this morning with my levels at 902 (the highest I've ever seen in my career) and the same mild symptoms. Luckily, my other heart functions were normal and after a bit of begging and promises to follow up outpatient, they discharged me after 5 days.

Btw, here's a friendly reminder that hospitals are not hotels. You will get poked (sometimes twice if you're veins are crap), you will be woken up from your sleep every 2 hours at night, you're not allowed to shower because you're always hooked up to a cardiac monitor, and always uncomfortable because you're sleeping in a small bed with an IV in your arm running fluids. The food sucks, too, but I didn't have an appetite and barely ate during my admission. I expected all of this and surely were followed through.

I'm currently home now with the recommendation to "take it easy" for the next week. I return to work on Sunday to the same hospital I just spent five days in, because I still love my job, but this experience has only motivated me to be a better nurse.

I cannot begin to explain the gratitude I feel towards my hospital. They took such good care of me despite the frustration of a diagnosis that cannot be treated. The doctors I work next to every day sat down and answered all my questions. The nurses were kind, and even though I never needed help with anything since I was still fully independent, they never hesitated to offer assistance. I'm grateful to all my coworkers who came to visit me; my floor really is one big family and I've always stood behind that. I'm thankful to my parents who dropped everything and paused their chaotic lives to spend time with me in the hospital and cry with me when we kept getting the news that my troponin levels only kept going up. I am humbled by the amount of prayers people said for me. I'm thankful to all the kpop groups I stan that routinely post variety shows because that might have been the only thing keeping me sane when my parents went home. I never want to take my life and my youth for granted again.

Please trust your bodies when something doesn't feel right. I never thought I'd actually be admitted to the hospital, better yet for 5 days on an intensive critical care unit.

#you were my ghost (ooc)#tw: hospital #tw hospital

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bretha-stitchwitch · 1 year

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*deep breath*

So, here's the thing.

I used to write like breathing. Like something that both felt utterly natural and utterly necessary to survival.

I announced as a precocious seven year old, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, that I wanted to be a world-famous author "like Roald Dahl".

(There's an entire digression into how poorly his work has aged and the debatability of his fame, and that's not even touching on the mess that is the current sanitisation of his works and both the erasure of authorial intent and control AND the blatant money-grab by the publishers, not to mention the tone-deafness of the edits AND the fact that an old dead white dude's stuff is getting rehashed instead of highlighting new authors and stories... but that's not what this post is about.)

(This post might be full of similar run-on sentences; I'd apologise, but it'd be an empty gesture given that I'm pretty sure it'll happen again, and saying sorry is meant to mean that you're not going to commit the same act again, and, well... *gestures at this entire parenthetical* we can see how likely that is.)

So yes. At one point, and for a significant portion of my childhood and teen years, I fully intended to make good on that pronouncement. Moreover, I thought it would be easy to do so.

Writing certainly felt easy, and was something I both loved doing and felt compelled to do.

And then it was not.

I've told friends and friendly colleagues who've asked in the past why I stopped, that I am afraid, and could trace that fear back to a single class in university.

It's glib, but not entirely untrue.

It was a Creative Writing class, and we had a guest lecturer - a professional editor from the traditional publishing industry, talking about the realities of said industry and day-to-day work for editors like them.

It was insightful and illuminating, and some of the class left the lecture invigorated and excited to overcome the obstacles to becoming a successfully published author.

But I remember feeling my dreams shrivel and wither, as though they were delicate mosses blasted by sudden heat or sunlight.

Because I was suddenly confronted with the reality that my dream wouldn't be easy and might never come true - and that I would be just one of hundreds of others like me, lost in a crowd, not special or notable.

I had been a big fish in a little pond for so long, writing as easily as breathing, stories bubbling up inside and exciting me as I spilled them out onto the page.

And suddenly I knew that I was no longer that big fish. Suddenly, I knew I would likely face countless rounds of rejection and indifference, even ridicule, for the stories I wanted to tell.

I didn't have sufficient self-esteem or confidence to withstand the imagined scorn. In the span of just 40 minutes, I imagined everything that might be said of my writing, assumed it all to be true and warranted... And just like that, I no longer found writing as easy as breathing, and in fact was struggling to breathe as well.

(All this was probably exacerbated by undiagnosed autism and accompanying rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but since I'm still undiagnosed I can only offer that to my past self as hypothesis rather than known fact.)

I've tried, at various times, to recapture the old joy and excitement of storytelling. TTRPGs have helped - one glorious hybrid LARP with a heavy (and unplanned by the poor STs) online RP component certainly did the most to reignite the passion to write. Between myself and one friend, we wrote over 20,000 words back and forth in the span of 48 hours, which I then took and turned into over 30,000 words of fleshed out description and narrative that still holds up after 5+ years.

But each time, the fear crowds back in, smothering the fires of creativity, suffocating the flow of stories, and I sit there once more, staring at a blank page and gasping.

And I'm tired of letting the fear win.

So I'm going to try something. It'll take time, far longer than any of my childhood writing projects. It may go unfinished for years, possibly unfinished full-stop (though I am certainly going to try my best to finish).

Because for the first time in a long time, I can feel a story bubbling up, itching to be told. Multiple stories in fact, so many little stories woven into a full and whole cloth to become something greater. An anthology stitched together by a meta story behind it.

And all of those stories, instead of shrivelling or withering, seem to be waiting patiently - not delicate mosses, but hardy fungi flourishing secretly in the dark, waiting for a chance to burst forth.

And I'm reminded that the fruiting body of a fungus, marshmallow-soft, can punch through concrete when it finally comes time to sprout forth.

So. I might not breathe stories like air any more... But perhaps I can cultivate them like mushrooms.

This blog is the embodiment of that hope. It's a promise to myself to at least TRY.

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wishbonegame · 1 year

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hellooo, i have been following your project for what like two or three years now idk, and i'm delighted to keep reading all your updates. anyway you mentioned that you decided to trim the fat and try to speed up the pacing of the game, and i have to say, WELL DONE with keeping an eye on your scale and such! you said the game as it was would still take longer than most typical jrpgs, which scares me a bit because i've poured a good 100 hours into some jrpgs, so uh. how long was your original 1/2

That's a good question... we'd initially aimed for the game to be somewhere around 40 hours, maybe 50, and had planned the in-game timescale with that goal in mind.

...The fatal oversight was that that calculation didn't take into consideration the cutscene events, which can be quite long and have the in-game clock paused during them. When our playtesters played the first season of the game, we found that, counting cutscenes, they were averaging more like 8-10 hours to get to the end of the Spring Year 1 demo. With 4 seasons per year and 3 years in the game, that would result in an estimated playtime of a whopping 96-120 hours.

The new plan is for the game to be a more condensed and optimized 2 years in length, which means an updated estimated playtime of 64-80 hours. So still pretty dang big, but much more manageable, and with the major plot events happening at a faster clip it'll hopefully not drag too much and bore people. Also, those estimates are all assuming that average players play as thoroughly as our debuggers/playtesters... realistically, very few of them probably will, especially in the latter parts of the game once they've unlocked just about everything, accomplished most of their major goals, and settled into a routine.

This project has certainly been an exercise in learning to set realistic goals, hah. I think that taking an axe to the plot document and cutting down some of the particularly bloated features is something that we should have done a lot earlier, but the game is certainly better for it. Overall, very little completed work had to be thrown out, though a few things needed to be retooled (which is what I've been quietly working on for the last few weeks), which was nice. I've been very pleased with the direction the project has been going since that decision has been made.

Thanks for the kind words, Anon!

#anon #ask #just got done with an all day work session and going to do another one tomorrow...#I think I'll feel much more at peace when this big chunk of work is done #not an update

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marcholasmoth · 1 year

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OSRR: 3211

after sleeping in and confirming plans, i fell back asleep this morning and woke up finally with my "you should be leaving now" alarm. i got up real fast, showered, died of heat exhaustion, dressed, and left in like twenty minutes. not quite a record but damn close.

i went with a friend and her mom to get lunch at a vietnamese place and cupcakes from my favorite bakery. for lunch i got beef pho and dumplings and it was all really good. i ended up with leftovers, which was surprising, but the dumplings were filling. so i put it in a container, grabbed a spoon and chopsticks, asked for a bag, and packed it all away, and we left.

at the bakery i picked up some cupcakes and a flower cookie, the kind i usually get when i go there, the ones that are my favorite. i picked a blue one today. i'm very excited to eat it.

(i'll die on the hill that klemm's bakery is the best bakery in new hampshire. if someone can prove me wrong i'll still die on that hill.)

after that adventure, i went back to joel's and i took a nap. it had gradually been raining harder and harder over those few hours, so by the time i got back it was pretty loud on my little car. but it was dull out and gray and comforting, and it was definitely sleep-inducing. i was happy to go back to bed for a while.

i woke up a little after 6, having slept about two hours. i picked up my stuff and headed home, leaving my laptop there because i didn't really need to bring it home. i also put the cupcakes in the fridge.

i got home around 7, and i sat and talked with my momma for a bit. it'd been a few days since i was last home, so i wanted to check in on her to see how she was feeling, plus that's the one place left to sit in the house, and i just missed my momma.

i opened my mail, which included a lego set, a thank you card from gramma, and the order i placed from the northeastern bookstore. i was actually able to read gramma's handwriting, which was nice, because that doesn't usually happen. the lego set is one of the four things i ordered from the lego website on star wars day, because they were having a star wars promo if you spent like $75. so i did. the rest are back ordered so i'm waiting on those still.

i grabbed my switch from my room to download a game which crow and cricket sent me money for as a graduation gift. which was super nice! because i got to play with them too! we spent two hours playing mario party together and it was so fun! i'm so happy they're my friends.

once we were done it was past 10pm, and i still hadn't had dinner. i went downstairs, and it turned out mom hadn't had dinner either, not really. that's like the one thing i don't really enjoy about being home, is having the responsibility of coordinating meals between four or five people when one of them works until 9pm, one doesn't really care, one doesn't contribute, another is judgmental and has dietary restrictions, and the last one is me.

it's frustrating, that's all.

anyway, i ate my soup leftovers. i took out onion as i went, reestablishing my distaste for white onions and reinvigorating my detestation for green onions. i also took out the meatball. it had a bad texture.

but it was still good! it's better fresh, but it was still good.

i grabbed some ice cream and munched on it while watching the baseball game before momma went to bed.

i washed out one of my new cups and filled it for the evening with ice water, and i hung out with chels for a little bit before deciding to head to bed. i packed up my cookie so it's still fresh when i have it and so it's protected from being crunched.

i care about little things. i care a lot.

a few other things.

when i was sleeping in this morning, joel came back into the room twice, once when i was sitting up having taken my meds, probably around 9:40, and once around 10:30 or something, when i had covered myself in blankets as well as blooper and the puppy. he said "did you fall back asleep??" and i slowly popped my head up from behind the stack of squish and said "no." he said "did you take your meds??" "i did take my meds, and i'm sleepy." "how are you still sleepy??? i'm WIRED." "my meds quiet everything else so i can sleep." he shook his head before saying "you're silly" and patting me on the head. he grabbed whatever it was he needed and left again.

i didn't open my computer today, but i tried to fix my gmail nonsense that i've got goin on. i set up forwarding a long time ago but it doesn't forward everything, so i need to open it properly so i can see the shit that doesn't go to my other email account. rip.

speaking of emails, i saw, in my inbox, a message as i was cleaning out the new garbage emails. it was from one of the places i applied to this week. they want to schedule a time to talk about the position. i double checked the posting to see if it was the one i thought it was for, and it is - it's the daytime, full-time shift that i was realistically hoping for. so i'm hoping to talk to them on monday or something. that'd be nice.

that's where i am about now. excited, didn't think i'd get this far, tired. hungry. tummy grumbling. time for sleeping.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3200s #sunshine boy

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firespirited · 1 year

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Station Eleven

I very nearly tapped out - at the end of episode 1, I was dissociating heavily, remembering [redacted paragraphs on paragraphs of stream of consciousness trauma-dumping].

So you know by now that I was burned out on the post apocalyptic genre by my teens due to the ableism, misogyny and really bungled racial metaphors... but reviewers that I trust said this was different. Even so, I was going to drop this... but... uh since I was mentally spiralling thought maybe I could break it by pressing "next" and getting engrossed in whatever comes up... and boom: there was a disabled person front and center, not a skilled killer or doctor or anything superskilled, a disabled actor playing a disabled actor thriving in the future. If that had been in episode 1, it would have had me at hello. If there hadn't been an episode 2 on my hard drive, I was going to watch Dark City.

It's a hard sell, ten hours of people working through the wreckage of a pandemic with multiple timelines and puzzle pieces? But it's done in a way that keeps you hooked and not with cliffhangers and 'this is going somewhere eventually' mystery boxes.

I'm not going to lie, I was ready to drop it again by the middle, the type of person these kids had become due to their circumstances was reverting to the classic imaginary dystopia "primal state" (once supposed to critique the present state of affairs but has become a lazy trope). And then in episode 7, they turn that on its head. Our protag finds a way to forgive the child she was and we realize there is going to be real growth. Not just compounded trauma: healthy dealing with past, present and future fears.

The final episodes were amazing. And worth the 6 first hours which are not a slog because the pacing's good but still quite the emotional toil. You will probably cry at least 10–20 minutes of the finale if not a full 30-40 like me.

Miranda's arc and art is the backbone and heart of this show, she's already seen the end of her world, a pandemic is just the latest mess. That resonated with me and I suspect will for many of you, the ones for whom the pandemic was a huge deal but also at least your third time on the merry-go-round of human apathy to outright cruelty, getting your heart broken by losing people you trusted and facing bureaucracies designed to break you. I relied not just on art but seeing people who'd already felt like their world had ended before and gone through it who took this seriously with compassion not individualism guiding their actions and words. "Little apocalypses" like betrayal or poverty or a body falling apart.

And that's the story really, the art of people who've felt the world collapse and managed to put that into words and metaphors, it carries us. Shakespeare is used to heal multiple people's emotional wounds in this story but so does Miranda and her graphic novel.

This is the part where you go to YOURNAME.tumblr.com/archive/2020/12/ and look to see if you talked about any media that helped you during lockdown.

I recommend Station Eleven if you're looking for a twist on the dystopia genre, if you're ready to do a little exorcism on things you might not have dealt with yet (because it's ongoing *shakes fist*) and like stories written by women about women that also have a wide diversity of scope. A post apocalypse with no rape threats, no coercive pregnancies, no religious compounds with harems, no selling sex for food or shelter.

If you'd like to imagine TLOU's Ellie finds family with a travelling music and theatre group, deals with her attachment issues, is friends with her ex-girlfriends, learns enough emotional maturity to help others in crisis. This might be for you.

As always check doesthedogdie as there is violence, there is pandemic imagery, there is emotional violence and mental illness, there is a cult of traumatized children and teens who've grown up without parents and ethical frameworks and they're completely unfazed by death: that's some tough subject matter.

#saf #movie reviews #and also tv #station eleven #long post

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ettawritesnstudies · 2 years

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etta! thinking about you and your wips tonight! take this as a freebie ask to ramble about anything!

Hi Katie! How have you been doing?

Currently I have more non-writing active works in progress than stories but the quick rundown goes as so!

hand-sewing a pirate shirt as part of a cosplay base: but specifically so that I can be Vin from the Mistborn series this halloween. (I hope) I have all the materials I need and they're mostly cut out and stitched together in various stages of progress depending on what part of the shirt we're talking about. I mostly work on this during zoom calls for dnd games, but I've also been sick on-and-off since MAY and so I also spend a decent amount of time on the weekends just sitting around for hours and hyperfixating on a relatively simple task while youtube runs in the background

Editing Runaways before summer ends so that I can throw the 3rd draft at a second round of Beta readers while I'm dealing with the inevitable senior year uni drama. This is slower going than hoped due to being sick more or less all summer and not having the energy to do braining but we're getting the ball moving again. The core of the story will remain the same but this draft includes several big fixes that will hopefully help smooth out the entire story, such as...

Refining Hannah's character arc and her relationships with her family members

Providing more exposition and backstory as to the villain's motivations and the greater conflict going on in the fae world that the characters don't directly interact with,

Tweaking a couple of continuity errors and changing the worldbuilding to eliminate contradictions

strengthening the tone and voice and mood and pacing and all that good nitpicky sentence level stuff

Learning a bunch of songs on the guitar: I got a fingerstyle version of Fireflies by Owl City that I've been slowly picking up and I have some other pieces that I've been learning to sing and strum when I have a voice.

Figuring out audio recording, storage, editing, etc: This started as a project to record my dnd games for our group to use as review, but I might be exploring audio drama and podcast options in the near future once I get my act together.

Catching up on people's stories and my reading goals on goodreads: I can mostly read at work thanks to the nature of the tests I'm running at my internship this summer, so I've been splitting that between audiobooks, podcasts, ebooks, and fanfic

Sewing a bunch of patches onto my jacket/misc. embroidery projects: idk if I ever posted about this on here, but I have this green handmedown jacket that I love and want to customize so I've been embroidering homemade patches for it and sewing them on for several months now. I have a couple more my parents got me to add, there's florals attached now to give it some 3D texture, I want to add charms to make it noisy, it's a whole project on it's own separate from the sewing. I've also got leftover scrap fabric from the shirt I'll be turning into a dnd dice bag eventually

Author platform stuff/Catching up on writing reviews: because reviews really help indie authors! I want to do my part to help them get the recognition they deserve. Also maintaining my website is a part time job in and of itself so that's a decent chunk of my evenings.

Teaching myself digital art/animation: I impulse-bought a drawing tablet on a good deal earlier this summer and I'm putting it to good use with updated character art and illustrations, and hopefully some animatics or vine comps soon once I get my act together with THAT and overcome my fear of video editing.

Talking to friends and working on club stuff for uni: because none of them are here and I miss them :(

basically, I work for ~40 hours a week and spend the rest of my waking hours desperately wishing I had more free time, even those this is the most free time I've had in probably two+ years haha. If my body could stop dying for more than a week that would be great though :P

Thank you for checking in!

#right after my internship started I lost my voice #which turned into bronchitis #which turned into an infection and bruised ribs which left me too sore to do much #and then I was fine for a few days and then got a stomach bug #and now I'm over that but my throat's starting to hurt again and I swear if I lose my voice for the FOURTH TIME THIS YEAR I will cry #anyhow #etta rambles #wip update #works in progress

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