#so i'm just. i'm suffering pick me up

[tired-needs-sleep]

it's raining. the forcast never said it was gonna rain today and i wore the one pair of shoes that are a sensory nightmare to walk in the rain with

#i hate wet socks and these stupid knockoff uggs let water in SUPER easy #so by the time i take like 4 steps my socks are wet. #and i hate the way shoes feel without socks too #so i'm just. i'm suffering pick me up #sleepy rambles

[b4kuch1n]

hi! birthday. which means it's finally time t

yo what the itch store is fixed up now

damn what? I don't know where this came from. look all the comics I put on g*mr**d a year ago are back here again with all the formatting and typesetting by @fireflysummers as well as the exclusive bonus art wtf who did this. my werewolf comic on here too what the hells!! that one also got re-toned for printing if u want to AND an exclusive cover spread !!! what the fuck!!!!! come see for urself I can't make this shit up

#bakuspecial #comic #itch.io #bakugoods #<- made up a tag for when I sell things that aren't commissions just now #for folks who still remember me talking abt a physical run of these comics: I'm so sorry this year and the last have been brutal #and I live in a well and suffer a curse of international mails never going well. so the logistics became Very complicated #I still think abt it tho! I've prepped up all the assets just bc I thought abt it so much... we picked out a gift print for the orders #And a bonus print for the pack #but I couldn't gather my brain enough to make it happen. yet #it takes a bit of overhead so I gotta build that up. which is. right now talk for after the shit that just happened to me got smoothed out #but I do want it to happen. I've been sitting on this exclusive custom print for like two years now #I really love that drawing its so cute. I still hold that project close to my heart #anyways uhh itch store! happy birthday to me! #last year this time was so rough I didn't even Want to think about my birthday lol #strangely enough with this small little fragmentation grenade we just got I became more motivated to fuck around on my bday lmao #probably out of spite. hammer philosophy #my parents love making a whole thing out of me and the brother's bdays lol so dinner's gonna be something #but for now I can still chill. and prep up stuff. and do my thang #if u look thru the itch store and get something from there thank u so much! I hope the comics treat u well #and now. I make hot drink. have a good day lads! do a little jig for us let's go

[hollowflight-propaganda]

I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....

Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?

#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of- #the school year #anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest #and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird #I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show #s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED #s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time #s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride #s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight #seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE #and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at #just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no- #time has passed at all #I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started- #to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it #what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!) #ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:) #ninjago #phoenix prattles

[hungerpunch]

i've thought a lot about it and i have concluded that parents just shouldn't Be Like That about their kids doing sports, you know?

#this post brought to u by my inexplicable picking up of abby wambach's 2016 memoir #(who never even LOVED soccer btw?!?!?) #kids who grow up to view their bodies as transactional pawns and their pain & suffering as currency to buy love with #too many parents are too fucking intense about sports. please relax. god. that's a baby with an undeveloped brain be NICE to it! #yeah ur kid can love a sport. but you know what most of all? #most of all ur kid wants you. your love and your attention. #and what if ur kid DOESN'T love the sport they're just GOOD at it? #you need to reinforce that you will love your children even when they're not good at stuff so they don't end up committing their lives #to things they hate just to please you! #idk maybe we should just do something CRAZY like ban child athletics IDK i feel CRAZY about this!!! #i've just read too many stories about how parents ruin their child's life and destroy their sense of self with SPORT. ahhh!!! #i think all professional athletes are fucked up in an entirely preventable way!!!! #hear me out what if: if the sport cannot be performed past the age of 25-30 then it should be gutted and revamped #so that u can't START playing it professionally until that age! #and whatever it takes to make that feasible for 30+ SHOULD JUST BE DONE. #oh god i'm in a spiral about what we have been conditioned to expect athletes to do for our entertainment. #driveby post

[doedipus]

a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it #and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months #I forget if I posted about that #and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff #the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture #the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked #nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too #probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that #and how I want the thing to be divided up #since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu #and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign #some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii #but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other #and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story #besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc #a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal #and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something #and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with #I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research #which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue #but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check #although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line #with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself #I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively #this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.

[andthebeanstalk]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You' #or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong. #and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility. #and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity. #when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party' #it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!' #I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!! #i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird?? #I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind. #also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: February 17

“DYWTYLM” by Sleep Token

#song of the day #Sleep Token really saving my sanity as we navigate this dark and uncertain time without an upgraded sibling singalong playlist #had to go out into the snow on under two hours' sleep to get groceries #(the farmers' market gave me kefir cheese so any amount of suffering would've been worthwhile but I couldn't know that at the time) #and getting into Nick's car knowing there was music I could request that he could play loud as he wanted and I wouldn't want to cry #I mean blessing isn't even a strong enough term. baking a cake for the Sleep Token guy (his name is Vessel) as we speak #anyway this song sounds incredible in the original and then so odd sung acapella. like singing a bass line just a couple beats repeating #polar opposite of my lady indie covers. a song rendered fully unrecognizable when I wander the house mumbling it to myself #the verses do alright I suppose but the chorus is out of the question. the lyrics are so strong too real gut-punch lines #'and my reflection just won't smile back at me like I know it should / and I would turn into a stranger in an instant if I could #and there is something eating me alive I don't know what it is / maybe not that you conceal your feelings they just don't exist' #the whole song is like that it is so so so good. every new Sleep Token song I hear I'm like oh of course yes I see why these are fic titles #(Sleep Token catching up to Fall Out Boy and Hozier in terms of lines I've seen as fic titles. I mean we are really getting up there #and I am definitely not immune. if/when I put up those fanmixes y'all are gonna be seeing some Sleep Token let me tell you) #edit: it stands for 'Do You Wish That You Loved Me' I just realized I never said #didn't even pick lyrics that include it which is nuts when you realize that every verse does twice. whoops

[winepresswrath]

on this, my second attempt at diving deeper into the iwtv series i've conclude that armand and bianca need to take a lesson from pandora, who has at least some of it figured out.

#i'm still just picking random chapters and reading until i get bored but in a more armand centric way #anyhow marius! what a guy. #these shizunfuckers have me screwing up my face and begging them to fixate anywhere else. not that it particularly helps armand #or pandora. who is not not a shizunfucker but is at least stepping on his dick and eating his heart a little #please bianca i am begging u to develop at least some small measure of what pandora has going on #ok i will confess when marius is suffering i think he's very funny when he gets within three feet of expressing an opinion about #armand or pandora i want to kill him with fire #with bianca it's just like girl stand up!!!! and then she stood up #good for her #i've given up on armand which is very marius coded of me i suppose #press reads iwtv #anyway i continue to think that keeping armand's age at 17 and letting him and claudia just be insane at each other would have been amazing #and i really hope some adaptation of iwtv addresses the claudia problem in this way it would be so fun

[wingsandpetals]

Oh the misery

#got asked if i want to pick up a shift 🥳 but i cant do it because i would go over 40 hours. Sad spong bob face #they should make the work week 50 hours not for anyone else so they dont have to suffer. Just for me because i'm unwell #our post comrade.

[freudenstein]

Princess Tutu had a surprisingly great ending. It's almost cathartic for a story that's about stories and endings to stories to have a pretty good ending itself.

#princess tutu #(spoilers) still would have wanted tutu to confess her love to fakir and turn into a speck of light #but thats kinda morbid of me. its defintiely better that she gets to stay alive as her true duck self lol #and the story is in good hands now (fakir's)...i guess???? #i really enjoyed the meta themes in this anime. so much relatable stuff for a story writer #so true drosselmayer! your characters do indeed just whatever they feel like sometimes and surprise YOU with where they take the story!!! #im pretty sure fakir has a crush on tutu and he can write stories now so i suppose he could make her a girl somehow xD #altho that would be contradicting what he told her about just existing as yourself.... #overall its the perfect ending while remaining internally consistent. fakir was never meant to pick up a sword and would have died in vain #just because the story infected his town. he was always supposed to be a writer and now he is. and ahiru was always supposed to be a duck #so #AND OMG RIGHT THE ED....SO ITS HIS REFLECTION ON THE WATER RIGHT #im glad rue got her happy ending because she deserves it after all the suffering. and i even forgave mytho for being so boring for 80% #of the story. he somehow made up for it in the end #i love fakir the most tho. that character is layered and changed so much throughout the story its insaaane. a sweetheart too 🥺 #but i basically liked everybody except mytho LOL i was so frustrated in the kraehe parts because i felt like rue was being done dirty #and i was rooting for rue 😭 plus ahiru of course is so cute and lovable #anyways. super wild. loved how everything had to be dancing and the ''stage-like'' scenes and the music omfg #and the damn cat teacher lmao #As a writer princess tutu spoke to me.... I'm touched by this story; as a writer. It really does things to you on multiple levels like that #fakir can only write if its about ahiru...🥲 is this what its like to have a muse??? is this what i need to finally move #forward as a writer??? 😭😭

[mean-vampyre]

Time machine to jump 48 hours into the future

#hired? bought? idk the vet service to put my dog to sleep at home and all the other shit #but it's for monday since oh weekends it's harder to get them (do pets only die on working days?) #and we are worried she is not going to be strong enough until monday #and lowkey my brother is kinda panic because we don't want her suffer and if she dies now then what #and I'm highkey silently panicking because if she dies is on me to call and arrange everything to happen asap #but i don't know if the guy from the service website will pick up his phone today or tomorro after so called working hours #so yeah can it be monday already and everything go according to plan so I can be only worried about being sad and not about the logistics #of death?????? #i just want this to be over so I can be sad and she can be at peace #it's been sooo crazy idk know anymore I just want a fucking break #thursday my biggest concern was what should I have for lunch and look at me now #my dog is dying and I can't breath for the next 48hours

[riverofrainbows]

I wish i had been healthy when studying and done this properly. It's absolute hell trying to pick up the pieces for my big exam thats coming up, all the lectures I've never been to, all the exams the most i was able to study for was half assed so i still don't know the subject properly, the study notes and lecture notes that i never properly sorted after i got home and still fly around, almost impossible to decipher now. I had a chance to rewatch some of the lectures that were recorded for covid, but today for some reason I've been thrown out of the website again, and I haven't gotten even halfway through yet.

I've been going through all my study materials trying to sort them and prepare for the exam, and found subjects i have no memory of taking, meticulous flashcards i have no memory of making (nor of their content). I see mountains and mountains of evidence how bad i was doing all these years, and how much i tried despite, still.

And it makes me so sad, so Fucking sad. I am grieving all the time i struggled so hard and tried and tried my best, and it was a jangled mess i am trying to pick up now.

And i am angry because it's so much harder trying to study with no or lacking lecture notes, having to dig through the mess instead of just taking it out of a folder. It was hard then, and suffering back then still makes life harder for me now.

#own post #disability #grief #anger #i am doing better now not perfect but better and i think of all the lost potential too #i could have been very good ngl but instead i was struggling and kept failing tests and getting through with just the required points #and it makes me so angry because i do find it interesting and i can be brilliant at what interests me. remembering tiny details #i could have shone so bright but instead its all just struggling and then reliving that struggle while trying to pick up the damn pieces #and it makes me so sad for past me (who I can't even really remember) because he tried so hard and put in to much energy #like the amount of energy i used to have while severely ill is another thing because I don't have it anymore #i am doing better so i do have more energy available and it also takes less but i cannot imagine ever doing that again while suffering #i don't have the reserve anymore to do things while suffering. i used it all up #its all gone and when i look back its still Still such a mess #it makes me think 'and for what' because what am i even supposed to do with that #i used it all up just to survive and get by #all my reserve energy all of it #and when other look at it at what i achieved all they see is a failure. and i try not to do the same bc i was there i know why #but sometimes it does feel like that. sometimes it just frustrates me so much #I've gotten out of the depths of the severe burnout i was in after the last semester a few weeks ago and it's a lot to process #now that I'm not actively in survival mode anymore in active fight or flight over doing anything uni related #and i start to process all those emotions #i am proud of paar me and i feel so sorry for him #and for me

[yourlocalxbox]

Totality - Undertronic

Seth and Sine spend time admiring the eclipse. Written in one hour, 832 words.

“Do you know how beautiful your art is?”

Seth stared at the sky with clasped hands. A gentle breeze blew past - Zephyros’ sigh, he supposed. He couldn’t help but wonder who held that God Soul now. Seth had always wanted to meet the wind god; perhaps the two could make a good pair.

What a silly thought.

Golden hair fell into his eyes, yet he never moved. Never took his gaze off of his work. Not a second could be missed. He heard laughter behind him.

“What are you doing?” Sine reached from behind and brushed Seth’s hair out of his face. He couldn’t help but notice how his touch lingered longer than it had to. He couldn’t help but notice how he didn’t mind. “You can hardly see through all of that.”

“Like you would know,” Seth quipped. The skeleton behind him snorted.

“Hey, I can make some guesses.”

Sine crept into the corner of Seth’s vision. He pulled off his hood and craned his neck to match Seth. One hand rested in the pocket of his cloak; the other nearly startled Seth out of his trance when it grazed his fingers.

“I could get us something. Tea. Whiskey. Coffee, extra-strong. On the house. Off the rocks. I could go on.”

Seth grinned. “No, thank you. This is enough.”

“But you don’t have anything?”

Seth held his tongue. This was more than enough.

“Won’t it be too dark?”

Seth paused. The thought did cross his mind, but he was not one to be afraid of the dark. A bit of daytime nightfall wouldn’t bother him - he didn’t know what it would take to make him fear the dark, but this was not it. “Not with you around.” He made a vague gesture to the skeleton’s ears. Their calming light was sufficient to keep the growing shadows at bay. Sine gently scratched at one of Seth’s clasped hands, and he let it fall open. The two looked upwards to Seth’s work of art.

The eclipse neared its totality.

“Do you think,” Sine started, “Do you think…”

Seth cocked his head to the side.

“Nevermind.”

The remaining sunlight faded around them.

“No no, what were you saying? Please.”

The shadows cut deeper.

“It’s silly. It’s just a silly thought.”

Sine’s light danced across his face.

“You know those are my favourite.”

“Do you think we could stay like this forever?”

And the world fell yet darker.

“I don’t want this to end. It’s beautiful. Look at it,” Sine mused.

“There’s nothing to look at.”

“Exactly. You did this. You did this, Seth. Look at what you can do.”

Sine’s grip tightened around his hand. He felt dizzy from how his heart beat so unusually. They both knew it was a silly thought. The planets would pass, life would go on. Every couple decades or so, Seth would sit down and repeat the process, as this soul had done for hundreds of thousands of years. This was nothing special. This was just as the last ten thousand had been. It was the same one, the same sun that had people worshipped long before these souls reached their hosts. This couldn’t last forever. Their tails curled around each other. Maybe not forever.

“...I can make you a compromise.”

Seth couldn’t make it last forever. Not even a minute. The others would notice; planets were not something to be trifled with. The Death Well flashed in his mind. Yes, that was a fate he would prefer to avoid.

But a moment wouldn’t hurt.

He squeezed Sine’s hand back, flesh caressing bone. “I think…”

Sine smiled. “You sure about that one?”

“You- Come on, I lost my train of thought.”

“It’s alright,” said Sine. Seth tore his eyes away from his art to meet his. “I think that I think so too.”

The light began to fade back in around them. Seth quickly turned to hide the flush of his face. If anything, it only made Sine look at him more. “You’re kinda cute when you think you’re being slick, y’know.”

Seth exhaled sharply and turned away. “Come on. These always tire me out,” he lied. As much as he hoped Sine wouldn’t catch on, he knew it was a losing battle.

“Aah, so Mister Destruction needs a nap?”

“Shut-” His words were cut short by his own stammering. Sine cackled behind him. He sighed and made his way back inside.

“C’mon, you know you love me.” 

They both stopped mid-step. The daytime betrayed both of their expressions. They simply stared at each other in silence.

“I…” The words caught in Seth’s throat. He knew what he wanted to say. He knew what he needed to say.

I think…

No.

I know…

He put his hand back into Sine’s. His gaze softened. Perhaps not everything had to be said.

It didn’t matter how dark it had gotten; Seth could still see one thing clearly. His work could never compare to the art that had stood beside him.

#undertronic #undertronic fic #fanfiction #Disclaimer: Do NOT stare at solar eclipses lol. One is the god of eclipses so I figure he'd have some sort of immunity #(I didn't want to completely logic this entire fic because if I did it simply would not have been written) #And I don't think the other has retinas. So. Unless you are a god or a skeleton. Use proper eclipse glasses or otherwise safe methods. #solar eclipse #Edit: More disclaimers because I feel like it! #I. I don't know how to write these characters very well. Most of the sources I can find for manner of speech and behaviour are quite old #And extrapolating from newer comments or implications is a touch difficult #Or in other words. This could be wildly out of character and I would have no idea. #AND while I'm already yapping here. I genuinely just picked up this ship from sifting through old archives and found there was an interest #I have no idea what their dynamic would be. I think the only source I have is a comment in a Discord about them both being ancient beings #And therefore could make good crackship material. Take that with a grain of salt. #This was also spurred on by one (1) comment in the Discord that threw me into a writing frenzy in which I stood up and suffered every- #Minecraft status effect all at once. It was worth it #I also almost posted this to my dragon blog lol. Yes this is PEAK dragon content right here. #Okay I'm done rambling. Thank you. Obligatory Reblogs > Likes because this hellsite is a hellsite #Not my best fic but not my worst fic. I am relatively content with this existing

[i-have-a-lot-of-ocs]

Vent below the cut!

I had a friend in 7th grade. We had no other friends and we liked each other. We moved to 8th grade. I met an old classmate from Elementary. I went "Hi!! Come join us!! :D" and we had a "friend group".

They found something in common that I'm not really interested in/understand. They talk about it infront of me without including me nor explain and show the stuff they like. They don't respond unless I talk/approach first. And even then, even though I walked up to them first to start the convo, they usually just respond with short answers. I am practically non-existent! Even though I reserved a spot for them THEY FUCKING REFUSE AND PICK ANOTHER ONE. ALRIGHT THEN. FINE. FUCK YOU. I TRIED SO HARD TO BE THE OUTGOING ONE WHO DOESN'T COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GUYS HAVE FUN TOGETHER BUT YOU ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO NOT ENGAGE WITH ME. FINE. Fine! See how you like it when I ignore the two of you in 9th grade! Go and talk to each other on your own! You don't need me anymore! You have someone else to get together with! I don't need to be here! I'll just sit in the corner and pretend we're strangers! I hope you like it that way! You sure seem to!

#tw: vent #tw vent #cw vent #forgot to mention we were “the weirdos” in 8th grade #So if one of us gets singled out we would be alone #I tried to make sure girl 2 feels included so none of us would feel lonely #And in 7th grade me and girl 1 was also excluded from groups #Well I guess ENTPs and INFPs just don't mix #Girl 2 is still rlly nice tho #we just aren't what you'd really call friends #Just comfortable acquintances #Like if you're not close with your sibling #You know how they behave but you aren't close with them #Girl 2 is an INFJ btw #I wanna punch girl 1 tho! A lot! I act normally around her but God knows I'd kill to be able to see her mentally SUFFER #She knows this acc tho so whoops if I get found out! #It's fine she doesn't even check or care anymore ^^ #I drop so many #SO MANY hints on how I feel #But because she's a stupid dense idiot she doesn't pick it up #Needs it spelt out for her; of course! #Though even then when I spelt out how I felt she just freezes. Like bitch I'm trying to be straightforward so we can talk here hello?? #I get you feel stressed but COME ON. I'M NOT GONNA WAIT FOREVER AND NEITHER WILL THE WORLD #Stay in your F corner; I guess

[gemsmain]

at this point i think i'm pissed off enough at allistics (and tbh other autistic people who also became bullies) that not only am i going to stop trying to mask, i'm going to intentionally crank up the autism and weirdness and "cringe" to repel anyone with those attitudes

#phase 1: be autistic and weird and cringe and free. not realize that people are making fun of you. #phase 2: lose friends. suffer abuse. finally realize that you've been bullied all your life. start to mask more and more and more #phase 3: try to be so so so normal and likable. mask so hard. #phase 4: realizing that masking ruined your life and happiness. get angry and start being weird and autistic on purpose to drive #away assholes. #presumably phase 5 will be no longer caring one way or another and just vibing with whoever vibes with you too. but i'm not there yet i'm #still pissed at people for caring about/mocking things like. showing excitement. not having expert level skill at a hobby/passion. #wearing clothes (see: fashion elitism lmaoo). having a body. not starving yourself. acting ''weird'' (see: autistic). etc. #bonding with others via mocking/bullying people is the single quickest turn off for me #was out with some people who unironically used ''nerd'' in a negative connotation and i checked out of that conversation so fast. that kind #shit is the only thing that makes me cringe hardcore. these same people were also mocking someone for their appearance like. #sorry to be the one to tell you that body hair exists. but by all means please continue draining 100% of your bank account to give CEOs of #various beauty industries their 20th mansion. please keep uncritically accepting these ideals they feed into your heads. by all means. have #fun. i'll be spending my money on things that make me happy & spending my time not being a jerk to people for the crime of existing. #(obvs this doesn't apply to people who internalized insecurities or who try to be aware of judgemental #attitudes they picked up on and are trying to challenge them. like it's the overall societal attitude i'm pissed at. and also ofc pissed #when people are intentionally mean or consistently try to defend bullying)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I am not the asshole, and I think this whole thing is stupid, but I was promised that if I sent my side of things to this blog I could pick the hotel for our honeymoon, and I am marrying a man who once tried to take me BACKPACKING of all things, so this ask has become a necessity. In light of that:

AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way?

I got engaged in June, apparently in part because of my partner writing in to this blog (I don't know how to find or link to his posts, but I'm the man who got the cat to bite him, if that rings any bells?). At any rate, for the past ten weeks, I've been in the beginning stages of planning our wedding with my fiance, whom I have been secretly attempting to remove from the planning process as much as possible. I have ALREADY been given a list of his must-haves, and I AM incorporating as many of them as our budget allows. This has NOTHING to do with the emotional side of the event, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this is an idiot with no real planning experience or taste who thinks he knows more than me.

For the most part, this has worked very well. I'm the one who's been collating all the contact information for things, so I just replaced all the emails for the tacky companies with false addresses, responded to his inquiries as the companies to say the date was already booked or the price was outside our budget, and let him filter his way to the ones I DO like on his own. I also made a fuss about being "willing to compromise" on the few things he's picked I'm completely fine with in the hopes I can use it to make him compromise later, and have been humming portions of the songs I want on the playlist in the hopes he'll think he came up with the idea to include them himself.

None of this is the real problem. The PROBLEM is that he is deliberately ruining my seating chart, by moving our horrible friend's seat when I'm not looking.

The man in question dated both of us at one point in our VERY early 20s (both ended BADLY), is generally the messiest person we know, and will almost certainly get sloppy drunk and try to make a speech IF he does make an appearance. I'm banking on the fact that he won't, because he's also ridiculously wealthy, and will almost certainly send us some very lavish gift in lieu of coming.

He is SUPPOSED to be sitting beside my fiances aunt, at the same table as his grandmother, his work friend, and her girlfriend, because all four of these women are stone cold terrors who I believe are more than capable of keeping him in line on the slim chance he does come. My fiance INSISTS they won't be able to have any fun if they're running interference all night, and keeps moving him to sit at the head table instead. You know, where WE are. I finally caught him switching the label magnets on my planning board last night, and confronted him.

I tried leveraging how much I've been compromising already, that he's almost certainly going to RSVP no, and that I shouldn't have to deal with him on our big night. My fiance said he knew about all the fake emailing and such, and told me, and I QUOTE: "Look, the mind game shit was hot when it was just about the colour scheme or whatever, but I actually care about this. So you can suffer with everybody else, or you can do the normal thing and not invite a guy you hate to our wedding, you weirdo."

I said that if I did that, it would take out half his groomsmen, he called me an asshole and said I should go explain this to "literally any rational adult" so they could tell me I was in the wrong, and now here we are.

Would you recommend calling my fiance's bluff, since he doesn't want the man sitting near us either? Or should I focus on ensuring he'll turn down the invitation no matter what, so the matter of where he WON'T be sitting can be a moot point?

What are these acronyms?

Original post

The update

#aita #am i the asshole #the saga of proposal anon