#solo quarantine sucks

[bciwasinlove]

Hey what are your thoughts to the 2 years reference in Louis and Harry's songs? Too young - "it's been two years since I have seen your face" and Hunger - " as one year turns into two I am still not over you" surely this can't be a coincidence. But the question that arises do you think they were on a time out or a break for 2 years?

Hi anon had a feeling someone would come mentioning those lines. It's all anyone has to grasp at for proof of a break up. I'm pretty sure I've explaining this before to many others but I'll explain again bc the app sucks making it hard to find any old posts.

The way harry has what we refer to as "stunt songs" or just songs where he added something to the song to allude to one of his fake gfs like the fake VM from camille in cherry well louis does the same except for him he just does a few "stunt lines" here and there so people don't realize who the songs are actually for.

In WMI there's the uni line "Meet you at your uni [...] share a single bed and tell each other what we dream about." This alludes to the song being about eleanor and their time spent together when she was at Manchester Uni [allegedly.] I do think originally the message was about L&H nights spent sharing a bed at the xfactor house and they just changed it to uni so people go 🌟 eleanor 🌟. We know thxs to the 2017 leak song snippet that louis did change lyrics so this is most likely one of them.

The line you mentioned "two years since I've see your face" from to young is a similar deal of a lyric change to allude to eleanor. My main theory is the song lyric was originally "two weeks since I've seen your face" which would line up with harry's "two weeks and I'll be home" from CM alluding to the two week theory that basically is they never went more than two weeks without seeing eachother. It would seem for at least 7 years they managed that but as harry started doing acting and louis started doing solo touring it's been harder to do so.

They probably changed two weeks to two years bc E&L had broken up for a year and some change. Yes two years is technically more but when have they ever been accurate/consistent when it came to eleanor relationship timeline? They have never even been able to keep it to one straight story on how they met or their anniversary it's pathetic.

It also logically doesn't make sense [taking the offical line at face value] that they didn't see each other for two whole years. From 2010 to 2015 they were in 1D together seeing eachother literally everyday for 7+ months. In 2016 there are pictures of L&H both at the xfactor when louis was there performing with steve plus the harry pick of him headed into the hospital and without going into sad details we can figure out why he was there.

I do personally get so upset when people bring up 2016 as "break up proof" knowing what was happening then and why L&H would have looked upset/sad then. Anyways in 2017 we had Jamaica larry with louis being pictured in Jamaica while harry is there working on HS1 [and right before the louis pics we had receipts of louis being seen on the beach with mitch it was humm but once pics came out placing louis in Jamaica it became 😳]

Plus once HS1 tour started later that year louis many times was spotted out in random cities he had no reason being at and the only thing going within the next coming days was a HS1 concert. And naturally those louis spottings were the HS1 concerts where harry was lovingly singing up to a mysterious person in the VIP box. I could go on like the sharing of vintage clothes during quarantine and HS3 being very I STILL FUCKIN LOVE YOU BABE with a very I've been commited since I was 16 vibe BUT you get the point.

Moving on to just the concept/notion of them even being able to stay away from eachother that long makes no sense. In late night talking one of the lines goes "it's only been a couple days and I miss you" and when I heard it it reminded me of those late 1D receipts of harry when going out to clubs with nick and other friends [nights when louis didn't join them] he would just get drunk and be needy complaining about missing his baby.

And of course when it came to prime 1D larry louis after seeing harry everyday for 7+ months straight and FINALLY getting to go home and see his family asked if they could invite harry's family over for the holidays bc he would miss harry. I think both have made it plenty clear they can BARELY handle a week or two apart and some think they would not see eachother for TWO YEARS. The times they did have an argument of some kind I assume one would jet off to another city stay for a couple days and than come crawling back home bc they missed their baby. Harry does seem like the dramatic type who would write a song about something like "oh I jetted off to LA for the week and couldn't handle my baby not around me."

Now as for the Hunger song lyric "as one year turns into two I'm still not over you." Side not fuckin love this song it's beautiful and I'm mad it wasn't on an album. ANYWAYS this song is kind of tricky bc it's just a leaked 1D demo harry sang so we don't technically know when it was written or by who. I DO think it was a four demo and most likely harry DID write it based on how harry's voice sounds, the emotion harry carries when singing it and the genre of the song.

I will continue my thoughts based on the notion he wrote it and it's about larry. So to me as always they were put in a shitty situation as a closeted gay couple in a MI that thinks that wouldn't sell or make them a popular artist. With Louis song WMI he talks about their younger selves and how if only their younger selves could see their older selves and how they made it and YES they are STILL madly in love louis is STILL the love of harry's life regarless of what outside people have to say about them being in love. Well I see hunger in the same light. Young harry was so insecure when it came to many things most likely one was about how he was in love with louis and "certain people" didn't agree with it.

The one year... than two... is older harry reminising on the past. Like shit we were just two young teenagers falling in love and in the blink of an eye one year passed and than two where has the time gone? And even though many years have passed since those days in the xfactor house "he [harry] is still not over you [louis]" he is still the love of his life as he always has been nothing anyone tells him will ever change that.

My biggest deal when it comes to "they broke up" is it's usually people who don't understand a thing about long term relationships and ended up making larry into something toxic where they were constantly breaking up and dating other people. Larry has made it clear that's not who they are. Did larry have issues ABSOLUTELY especially given the situation they have been put into but larry has made it very fuckin clear they didn't just pack up and leave behind the best person they ever knew.

And they certainly didn't allow those assholes who told them they wouldn't last and shouldn't even be a thing to end up being right. Louis WMI DC MV, almost all harry FL MVs show how hard they fought to make it work and escape the glum of being around those assholes and into the sunlight their SO provided.

I just don't see how would just walks away from the person they always called home and got many matching/romantic tattoos together. The tattoos will ALWAYS be the biggest deal to me bc most don't even get one matching/romantic tattoo with their SO so for larry to get as many as they did. You just don't get that many tattoos with someone unless you know without a shadow of doubt this is the one I will be with till my last breath. Point blank I don't think they officially broke up [certainly not two years] and nothing will ever change my mind on that.

#larry #they didnt break up #louis songs #harrys songs #1D songs #larry songs #hunger demo #we made it #to young #late night talking

[theold-ultraviolence]

hey bestie!

I am glad I am not annoying you and also pls, take all the time that you need and I am sorry that you are going through a tiring and not good period, but I shall hit you with the best vibes possible to have it pass as fast as possible and for you to relax a bit!

I am glad you enjoyed Manuel! I honestly don't have too much knowledge of his discography but he seems like a very cool dude and I'll definitely check out Danny Elfman, as he is new to me! also pls, take all the time you need with my silly little recs, but if you ever want to rant about them, I am here!

also I really like 'hero' because it is very clean + subtle. in general, I feel like the most commercial fragrances for men low key makes me have headaches by how strong they are, instead this one was very soft and clean (and I thought it was a female fragrance, till I got told that it wasn't).

and oh gods, I had the SAME experience while discovering sexuality and in all truth I still feel uncomfortable about it, so I also think that Aemond might be feeling all level of guilt for a totally normal curiosity (also I know it is a serious matter, but I might have this funny image of him checking everywhere in his room as if his mother might barge in at any moment).

also the whole 'waiting for you at the hairdresser' isn't self-indulger because I am the SAME when getting my nails done! (like you better believe that I am an independent woman but Aemond would have to pick out my color because I am so indecisive). and yeah, I agree it's about the wanting to be there and as somebody with social anxiety, I don't know I also feel more comfortable in some situations if there is somebody with me!

also about the anon who spoke about whether Aemond would be interested into a burlesque show: oh gods I love your headcanons about them, because I did burlesque (for (1) year when we were in quarantine because then uni started again and I had to move away) and it's honestly very funny and empowering (if you aren't clumsy like me). so, my idea is that - not to be horny on main - but what about his own partner putting on a show for him?

(this is utterly self-indulgent but I feel like he might also be more comfortable in the domesticity of it all).

but if he went outside, I am imagining those light high-class clubs all polished and with the vintage feeling, and oh gods... is it hot in here or is it just me?

ok ok, i am done!

have a lovely day!

-🌗

Hello, my love! Every time I'm like, I'm gonna get better at replying and I end up sucking even more lol. So sorry it's taken me this long!! Been replying to asks like one day at a time because as if it weren't shitty enough, I got this weird ass headache that wouldn't let me live in peace and I went to the doctor and they were like, 'it's just stress' 💀💀💀💀 GIRL PLEASE, but anyway.....

Just a head's up that Danny Elfman's music is super weird, specifically talking about his Oingo Boingo days, but he's my absolute HERO AND IDOL! I could spend hours just talking about how much I love him, and if you've been following me for a while you already know (or will know) he's just, ughhhh. I think he's such a talented human. Lmao so I do recommend him but I always have to add the disclaimer that he's my goth grandpa and therefore his solo work is not everyone's cup of tea, but he's also scored tons of movies, so that can always be an easy way into his music!

Ok then I LOVE clean and subtle for him, it definitely sounds like that's exactly what he'd look for in a fragrance and I'm drooling just imagining it, bestie. I need to smell that ASAP to have a clearer idea of how Aemond would smell (is this crazy talk? doesn't matter we're far past that).

Re: guilt. Ohhhh not him checking all over his room, that is SO REAL! I used to double-check if my headphones were indeed plugged if I ever pulled up porn, even if I was alone in my room (still do when I listen to audios). And also that whole paranoia of someone walking in on you is too real. Imagine Aemond is living in his own place finally and thinking he's gonna have the freedom to jerk off whenever he wants and then getting hit by that feeling of paranoia aaaaah :'(

And same same SAME about being independent but still wanting the company. Ngl when I was living in Toronto on my own I'd get so melancholic at the end of the day because I'd do all these cool things, go to the movies or a restaurant by myself, and then on the bus ride home I'd be like >:( wanna share this with someone tho.

AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE THAT of his partner putting on a show just for him!! 100% can see that he'd be into it because of the intimacy and domesticity of it all. He'd love to have all the attention to himself in a place where he feels comfortable with, and he'd get super turned by watching someone he's already attracted to and loves get all dressed up and sexy for him and him only. And definitely, that was the kind of place I was envisoning in the scenario that he did go out somewhere! All fancy, with dimm lights and very lavish drinks and the whole vibe is vintage and old-school. Bestie that is unbelievable hot, I can't deal. And just the whole mental image of him getting a lapdance or a striptease from his partner? ;lskjdlkjf irma.exe stopped working.

Thank you so much for your patience with me replying, friend! and thank you for dropping by each time, your messages are always such a treat to read and I love to catch up!! Hope you have a lovely weekend! x

#🌗

[chuacamille26-blog]

Day 10

24th June, 2022 8:37pm

🎵 Left and Right - Charlie Puth ft Jungkook

I was about to post an update last night but it got deleted out of nowhere and for no reason. My tumblr screen went all white. Then, BOOM! everything I typed were nowhere to be found. Not even on my drafts. Got pissed so just went to use my iPad and started drawing.

Finally, we finally get to hear Jungkook's first solo though he's featuring Charlie Puth. We've been waiting for quite some time since Charlie has been teasing us on his TikTok. TBH, aside from Left & Right, I've been listening to For Youth by BTS a lot. It just hits differently after them announcing their break from group projects. But of course, Yet To Come is very nice song too. I just thought that For Youth isn't getting much recognition that it deserves since it has a deep meaning behind the lyrics. 🤷‍♂️

And, yes. I know I haven't really updated for a few days. Just didn't get enough motivation this past few days. Too exhausted with everything that has been happening around. Ever thought of just escaping and just be somewhere far? travelling and exploring what's there? But, sucks though. Given the fact that the cases here in HK's rising again. I mean, c'mon. obviously people aren't afraid of covid anymore. It has been in our community around the world for 3 years already. People are already burnt out from working their a*s off and not getting their well deserved rest. But, I seriously hope that the gov will reduce the required/mandatory hotel quarantine here or just cancel it. It's too much hassle for everyone. I know a lot of people who wants to go home to the Philippines just to relax and be far from stress. Since, Philippines is already open for travelers as long as they're fully vaccinated (received 3 doses) and they wouldn't be required to get an RTPCR test and there's no mandatory quarantine anymore. I think most of the other countries are already open for travelers and there's no mandatory quarantine anymore. But, here in HK? There's still a mandatory 7 days hotel quarantine. Although, they reduced it from 21 days or 14 days... It's just ridiculous. A lot of us wouldn't want to have our vacation shortened just to have it enough for the quarantine. I mean, our annual leave is 14 days only and we want it to be spent well rather than having it shortened and paying for the hotel quarantine. Most of the hotels for quarantine are fully bookes. I'm not sure about the 5 stars hotel though. But, who would even want to be quarantined in a 5 stars hotel except for the rich people? What we're earning from our job isn't even enough to pay the 7 days quarantine. 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, nothing much happened for the past few days that I haven't updated. Except for, I had a haircut last Tuesday. Goodbye long hair. I miss my long hair though. I did have it cut short but not too short. My hair now is a little below my shoulder. I don't really want it to be that short since I have a round face and I just don't like it when the ends go different ways like an octopus tentacles. 🤣 Main reason for getting a haircut? IT'S TOOOOO HOT here in Hong Kong. The weather here in Hong Kong is freaking unpredictable. Like, really unpredictable. Imagine having a full 2 weeks of thunderstorm. And, now a few days of sun deciding to show up. Also, imagine having the temperature reach 33C + humidity? Jeez, you wouldn't even want to go out anymore. It would be nice to go to the beach or swimming pool though. But, given the fact that I don't have anyone to go with? nvm. lol. Plus, I really hate summer here in HK. Once you get out of the shower, you'll instantly feel that you're already starting to sweat. Also, we're required to wear face mask still. I still don't understand how am I still alive after enduring the heat everyday were I felt like I'm already melting with the heat.

Ok, enough ranting. Took me 30 mins typing this long. Who would even read it? 😂 I'm just here letting out my frustrations and keeping it as my diary. diary? 🤣 oh well...

[runningkitten]

Heading to Chile 🇨🇱 during the weekend. I did nothing of the recommended for the @spartanracechile trifecta weekend. I paid the price during the course. Def important to follow the tips given 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️😆. I love my solo traveling and learn so much every time I go. However, there’s always extra precautions I have to take going alone. Traveling with people can be great too! Not against it either and it’s safer as well. When I go by myself I am on my own agenda and can go with the flow. Many times it’s not smooth and I have to readjust. Chile had numerous restrictions and coming back to USA I had to have a negative test or I had to stay quarantined in Chile. I had to get traveler’s insurance and show proof at the Chile airport. Chile had agriculture affidavits and online forms that have to be submitted (they recommend at least 4 weeks ahead) that need to be approved prior to entering the country. Their online system is not the best. I got the email but no code for airline to verify and had to wait for them to check. It is recommended to print because internet sucks 😂 (no better way to say it). I did not have access to a printer soooo I snapped pics everything ! It was def an interesting 🤨 experience that questioned me if I’d like to go back. Perhaps once the pandemic restrictions are over it may get better. #chile #solotravel #feedback #travel #yolo #foodie #shortrip #plan #planb #travelinsurance (at Tocumen International Airport of Panama City) https://www.instagram.com/p/CeMdWS7JNM6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#chile #solotravel #feedback #travel #yolo #foodie #shortrip #plan #planb #travelinsurance

[mimis-memes-meme]

“How are you doing with everything?”

#memes #solo quarantine sucks #quarantine memes #spinal tap #this is spinal tap

[sheriffofmagic]

I don’t know if you heard but Brian is posting a video on his personal channel tomorrow!!!!!!!!

!!!! i saw that im so excited about it

#i think i was talking w rach the other day about how long it had been since he did a video #i cant believe she spoke it into existence #answered #new altogether and new solo vid??? quarantine sucks but this is nice

[bvnshies]

#the summer of 2020 is the summer that i realize my friends dont actually like me lmao #im probably overthinking things and taking things personal but #i feel so lonely and isolated #and i get thats the Quarantine Mood #but my sister's always talking with her friends and she keeps rubbing it in my face how she has more friends than me #it sucks bro #i hate how i always have to text first bc my friends dont #and when they do its bc they want something from me #like a ride to work or my fucking wii #i just feel like people dont want me around #i havent had a conversation with anyone outside my family in so long #and more than once ive seriously thought about deleting all my social media and isolate myself bc why not #its not like anyone would notice anyways lol #sorry for the rant hope you liked the picture of camo though #vent #dont rb #saxophone solo

[shiraru]

Cat

I’m a kitty cat

Nd I dance dance dance

And I dance dance dance

Cat

I’m a kitty cat

And I dance dance

And I dance dance dance

#*super epic guitar solo* #so badass infact that its the only guitar solo ever #meow meow #my finger is burning this is my nightmare on earth #okay #filler tags #abuse mention #tumblr tagging system please for the love of god dont fuck this up for me #abuse tw #i dont like calling what i go thoruh abuse ket me be clear but it can be construed as abuse #that being said my guidance counselor called my aunt and shes probably coming back down again for the weekend so #im getting my ass beat and being subjected to nonstop screaming until she leaves again #it sucks but again i deserve it im a shitty person #gonna buffer in some more tags #ive had a lot of headaches tevently #like sharp ones #yall heard about trump probably getting corona? im crxin yall #karma bitch #hes getting tested everyday? #not wearing a mask or quarantining? #for what

[cryptidcalling]

This quarantine is really bringing out the worst on social media huh?

#‘spring is here! i cant believe people are so scared of a harmless sickness they just refuse to enjoy nature!!’ #*Swarm of disgusting racist commets on literally any muckbang made by anyone asian* #*people purposely going out in massive groups to ‘rebel’ and consequently put every one of them in danger* #*people claiming the disease comes from sushi and racist racist racist* #*people claiming China made the disease on purpose to kill americans* #*people claiming America made the disease on purpose to kill Chinese people* #*people shaming anyone who does go on a solo walk for breaking quarentine even when theyre following the 6 ft rule* #people fucking suck sometimes jesus #ive never seen so much live and blatant racism in my life. that definitely sounds privileged of me but it’s true in my case. #usually racism is a thing I see screenshots of while people argue against it. or i hear some piece of shit kid being racist on the bus. #but this. this amount of unabashed and disgusting attacks on anyone even remotely asian is absolutely shameful. #for all of my asian friends and followers if you got this far #stay strong and know that theyre fucking wrong. youre a victim of this outbreak and quarantine just as everyone else is. #those people arent gaining bigotry. they just have an awful excuse to act on their hatred. fuck them. #vent

[mis-calculated]

Second semester junior year and i dont know what im doing musically anymore

#ive probably hit the hardest wall i ever have #i just feel like i have nothing pushing me forward anymore #im so bored to death of playing level 3 to maybe level 4 (if we're lucky) music #ive been stuck in this level of music since high school #its just so hard to care about symphonic band right now im sorry #im still kicking myself about my audition like i knew i would back in august #i also dont know what the hell im doing with percussion anymore #i dont know why im running to catch up with the percussion majors #they have so many years of experience on me that its kind of unreasonable to expect myself to be even close to their level #im not gonna beat them any time soon #im not even a perc major. i dont know why ive invested so much energy #my head also just feels full of cotton every time i practice anything. i could spend an hour working through a passage and not retain #any of the notes #and then i just come back to it at square one again every single practice session #even seriously putting in as much effort as i have to give im not making progress fast enough on my solo to be able to perform it #i dont know what to do #ahh #this fucking sucks #quarantine vents

[supersonicart]

Scott Listfield’s “Heavy Metal” at S16 Gallery.

Opening on Thursday, July 29th at S16 Gallery in Montreal, Canada is artist Scott Listfield’s incredible new solo exhibition, “Heavy Metal.”

Scott says of “Heavy Metal”: “As a lot of you know, I spent most of the past year and a half making paintings about the quarantine, and about political strife, literally painting the crumbling bonds between us, and the fractured sense of reality I experienced being largely trapped at home for the duration. I'm glad I did. I think I made some of the most important work of my life during that time. But I'll be honest. Man, did the last year and a half suck. I know, I know. Hand me the pulitzer right now for that sentence. Very profound. Nothing we haven't all thought a million times. But when it came time to make paintings for my upcoming show at S16 Gallery in Montreal, for the first time in forever I felt a twinge of something unfamiliar. Call it hope, call it optimism, call it just having SOMETHING on my calendar for the first time in ages. But I was feeling surprisingly ok. I left behind some of the darker and more introspective themes of my recent work and instead turned to.. Heavy Metal Magazine? Well, yes, sort of. I've long been inspired by classic sci-fi illustration from the 60's and 70's, although more so in concept than execution. But for this latest show, I had some fun and dove into wooly mammoths, pyramids, asteroids, spaceships, laser beams, caves, moons, and giant monolithic rocks. I painted lime green skies, bright orange rocks, futuristic buildings and saber tooth tigers. I had some fun, some actual FUN, and it was great.”

-

Be sure to follow Supersonic Art on Instagram!

#art #painting #scott listfield #s16 gallery

[elvesofnoldor]

swgoh finally has two brand new finn and poe, and galactic legend rey is op and overpowered as fuck. Before i quitted the game for a year last year, I always wanted to run a resistance team that can get into top 1-10 of the arena, and now that wish is finally granted to me...lo and behold! i have so little interest in the sequel era and the sequel characters that i really don’t wanna farm the three new resistance characters lmao.  

if i was in the mindset back in 2018 then i would so excited to farm for these new version of the resistance trio. but now im just sitting here farming kotor characters to get jedi knight revan while looking at rey lead resistance team ranking 1-5 in the arena like squidward staring out window from that spongebob meme lmao. jedi revan isn’t even that op anymore, when it’s op i haven’t even started playing kotor lol. i still want them because im in such big old republic/kotor mood tbh, not that i will even get jkr anytime soon anyways cause im also farming geonosians and bounty hunters at the same time, and maybe also the ewoks soon. And it’s painful as hell cause i rly don’t care abt these space bugs and i care very little for space teddy bears and bounty hunters (except for those new scoundrel characters from the mandalorian show i haven’t gotten the chance to watch yet...the mandalorian and cara and IG-11...if u guys r out there...i love you). farming cad bane isn’t that bad, he’s just not good enough of a character in game. i still have no idea who tf is dengar is even tho i should and he’s usually available nowhere so it’s painful to get him to 7 stars but at least he’s useful. Yet these are nothing compare to having to farm bo 🤢🤢bos 🤢i can’t even say it, bossk 🤮. it’s been a year and i still dont like crocodile man, but he’s so important and i need bounty hunters to get chewbecca for my rebel team and i need the ewoks to get c3po and i need geonosians to get padme and not suck at ship battles so i can farm enfys. 

#me during this quarantine: *try not to refresh swgoh on my phone again and be productive instead* #mae overshares #(prev yolanda) #i rly wasn't going to get c3po but then i heard c3po is like. crucial for so many team combos...oh boy #imagine being able to solo AAT raid. well. c3po with zeta finn lead and commander luke and han and bb8 can do that #and i already have everybody else mentioned above levelled up and ready to go. so. might as well. right #i dont rly want padme either but i kinda like her and she's in the white outfit i like so much. and i need geos either way...so #not hot on the idea of farming for chewbecca either but again! chewbecca is so important to rebel team #and i have rebel geared up and ready to go. it sucks now PRECISELY because i don't have chewbecca

[13uswntimagines]

Our Song (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

Request: alyssa naehex reader thats set during quarantine w/ “Shy” by Alexander Stewart. I just kind of think it’s cute since she’s an introvert and that it would be fitting

Author’s Note: Speical Thanks To @literaryhedgehog​

Alyssa knew she should just say it, that admitting it out loud would finally put an end to this madness. She ran a soothing hand through your hair when you sniffled loudly into her chest. 

God, she should just tell you how she felt. But, she also didn’t want to overstep. That would make being roommates really awkward. Especially since neither of you were supposed to leave the apartment right now except for essential purchases. And she didn’t want to lose her best friend. That would really suck. 

But she wasn’t afraid to say what no one else would- you had a terrible taste when it came to partners. You chose people who didn’t value you, and you always ended up hurt. 

This time was no different, well, it was slightly different considering you couldn’t leave your shared apartment to cope like you normally would. Alyssa didn’t know if that was better or worse, considering that you had adapted your breakup routine to just be endless cuddles with her and your favorite stuffed animal.  

She had already spent the last hour making comforting noises. You had stopped shedding tears 15 minutes ago, so Alyssa decided it was time to go for some humor. “Hey, so now you and Taylor Swift have something in common!”

“Hmm” You hummed in acknowledgment, your eyes never leaving where Supergirl was playing on screen. 

“Well, she was broken up with over text. You were broken up with over text. I think this is the perfect opportunity to listen to her re-recording of Fearless, and really channel those emotions!”

“No, Joe broke up with her in a 27-second phone call,” You lifted your head up off of her very comfortable chest to raise your eyebrow at the woman. 

Alyssa was a great keeper, and amazing at crosswords, but she always needed your help when it came to Taylor trivia. 

“Then Joe showed more consideration as an 18-year-old child than your 32 year old wanna be soccer star. It doesn’t change the fact that I think listening to Mr Perfectly Fine would be cathartic.” 

“It’s kinda funny that she wrote Forever and Always, Mr. Perfectly fine, Better than Revenge and Holy Ground all about the same guy, they’re all so different from each other,” You mumbled, settling back down on her chest. At least she didn’t say that you had as many breakups as she did. That was a rude joke. (One Alyssa wouldn’t dare make. She was more cultured than the media asshats that chased your team around). 

“Woman’s efficient,” Alyssa shrugged. “No reason why you can't recycle the same emotion into a different song genre.” 

“At least she could make millions off her pain. All I seem to be able to do is kick the ball harder,” You grumbled. Your landlord complained about you practicing in the street because of how hard you sent the ball careening into his precious brick wall. It wasn’t your fault Alyssa was too slow to stop the PK. 

“Darling, considering you’re one of the strongest kickers on the east coast, I’d say that pain is going to a worthwhile cause. But you do kind of have the worst taste in relationships.” 

“Hey! Savannah wasn’t a bad choice, just bad timing,” You huffed indignantly. 

“So that would be one out of…. How many bad relationships?” 

“At least one for every Taylor Swift album,” 

“Okay, here’s a fun idea, choose an ex for each album,” Alyssa said brightly. Thinking about music would definitely cheer you up. “Wannabe soccer star is obviously your Joe, so represents the Fearless album. Which relationship is your… Drew?”

“You already know the answer to that question,” you said, already picking up your phone to add Teardrops on my Guitar to the music queue. You then quickly added Forever and Always and started scrolling through Speak Now for the next song inspiration. 

Alyssa nodded. It was a well-known fact that you had a massive crush on one Hope Solo growing up, and you had been absolutely enamored with her the second you set foot into camp. But Alyssa also knew that Hope was very faithful to a certain veteran. 

The veteran keeper had tried to let you down easy, and Kelley was still one of your best friends, but it had hurt in the moment.

“Kristie was my Haunted,” you said, smiling slightly. Dating her felt like a whirlwind, one that took your breath until you never thought it would end. She made butterflies flutter in your stomach, and you were so desperate to say the right thing, to be the perfect partner, that you always felt like you were walking a tightrope. Floating on air, but desperate to keep your balance. “At least she had the decency to wait until we were in the same city to end it.” 

“Aren’t the two of you friends now?” Alyssa looked down at you, watching as you scrolled through songs from your comfortable place on her chest. 

You nodded with a small smile. “Hmm, we are much better off that way anyway.” 

“I bet you I can guess who your We are Never Ever Getting Back Together person is,” Alyssa trilled, reaching down to take the phone. 

You playfully snatched it away from her. “Who’s to say I wasn’t going to choose I knew you were trouble?” You raised your eyebrow at the woman, who simply smirked in response. 

“I can tell you who that is too if you like,” Alyssa reached for her own phone and took over control of the speakers, adding both songs to the music queue. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. Who?” 

“You definitely knew Sam Kerr was trouble, and I think it took you 4 breakups with Leah to finally call it quits,” 

“I was going to say Leah for 1989, it took me forever to realize how fucked up our relationship was after we finally broke up,” 

“I’m sure the distance didn’t help.” With her in London and you in Chicago things just kind of fell apart. 

“Maybe,” you hummed, noncommittally. 

“Okay, so for Reputation. I’m thinking Don’t Blame Me,” 

“You did go a bit crazy for Jane…” Alyssa said with a roll of her eyes. You had almost moved to Houston for that girl, thank god you didn’t. You sunburned like nobody's business. 

“Oh come on. You just didn’t like the idea of me moving. And considering how long we had been dating at that point it did make sense!” You argued. 

“It was 3 months Y/n,” She deadpanned. 

“I was in a wlw relationship. That’s like practically three years, it’s not like I brought a u-haul to our first date.” 

Alyssa quirked an eyebrow up at you. “Didn’t you have one of those the first time we met?” 

“Yeah, because I wasn’t moving into my college apartment without any furniture!”

“Whatever you say, babe. Who's your Folklore?” She rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. 

“I think you skipped an album,” you said. This was weird because Lover was one of Alyssa’s favorite albums. “But, since you asked. I think Kelley is The 1.” 

“Ah, our favorite squirrel,” Alyssa’s lips ticked up. You and Kelley had dated in college (something that should have made her jealous), but Kelley was the one pushing her to admit her feelings now. 

“We were just too young and dumb,” you said, smiling. “We had a great time together, and it would have been fun if it worked out. But at some point we just realized, we were friends, but there wasn’t anything romantic there.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Alyssa said, like a liar. 

“I’m not. Her and Emily are like made for each other,” You snorted with the shake of your head. “And at least she wasn’t afraid of the world knowing we were together,” 

“Well, yeah,” Alyssa smiled. She had loved seeing the way being publicly out with Kelley had brought out the best of you. “ Okay moving on! Next, we need to narrow down your No body, No Crime.” 

“I take offense. Alex is still alive, so that doesn’t count,” You huffed. 

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding. I know you didn’t kill any of your significant others,” Alyssa said, laughing. “Though if you listened to the song you would know that’s my job… ”

“Alex was my Champagne Problems,” You mumbled sadly. That relationship had been the hardest for you, as had the breakup. She was terrified of the world even suspecting she wasn’t straight. 

You had everything, except the freedom to be yourself, and In the end, you couldn’t take the hiding anymore. 

“You did your best, love. But people come out at their own pace. And it was before Obergfell v. Hodges was decided. Being queer was still more likely to be presented as a scandal in the media then.”

“She cheated on me with Serv. She doesn’t get a pass,” You grumbled, crossing your arms. 

“I’m pretty sure you were on a break dear,” Alyssa said, though she was inclined to agree with you. Being on a ‘break’ but not officially breaking up didn’t seem like a reason to start dating other people. Still getting over some of the semantics might theoretically help you move on. “BUT maybe we should move on. Who is your Lover?”

Your eyes squinted thoughtfully, a light pink shading your cheeks. “The only person who hasn’t ever left me is you. You let me leave the Christmas lights up until May and dance around the kitchen when you cook.” 

Alyssa looked away, not able to meet your eyes. ”I mean, the lights can change color, so they can be thematic all year. And you’re the one who chooses the music to listen to while I cook. I can’t help it if they’re all great for dancing.”

“You can dance to anything. I’m pretty sure you turned a Hosier song into a salsa dance last week.” You giggled. 

“The only person I dance with is you, Y/n,” Alyssa said, finally meeting your eyes. She could feel her body start shaking slightly, as the adrenaline kicked in. She was going to do it. She was going to tell you. “I don’t want to dance if I’m not dancing with you.” 

“I’d dance with you in a storm in my best dress,” 

“I have tried so hard to be supportive about your last several relationships. But seeing you dancing to your favorite song with anyone else… I’ve loved you for three years now and I couldn’t bear it.” 

The air was suddenly charged between you, and you realized your faces were just inches apart. It was hard to breathe. You never dreamed your best friend would return your feelings (maybe that’s why you had so many bad relationships). 

“Kiss me,” you breathed, slowly moving around so your heads were at the same level. 

“That’s not a Taylor swift Lyric,” Alyssa said. In her brain, there was a loading sign currently whirring in little circles, as she attempted to process what you just said. Did you mean what she thought you said?

“Baby just say yes,” You said, feeling so happy that tears were coming to your eyes. You leaned forward getting inches from her face, so close you could feel her breath hitch. “Please kiss me.”

“Yes,” was all Alyssa had time to say before she closed the distance and kissed you. 

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #alyssa naeher imagine #alyssa naeher x reader

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

#gamedev #indie games #the first tree

[ratballet]

i’ve been spending a lot of time in quarantine watching the same ghost songs from different shows/camera angles and searching for little hidden choreographed stage moments (and boy are there a lot of them), but my absolute favorite is the silent conversation aether & rain have during some satan prayer performances.

during the solo, right when copia is kneeling in front of dewdrop sucking on his finger, you can sometimes see aether and rain discussing whether or not aether should join them in the background:

#aether #rain #dewdrop #copia #stage stuff #i know this is just a silly little thing but it really blows my mind how much this is all practiced and planned out #also i love that aether is a Polite Boy not wanting to upstage dewdrop but also wanting to share in moment just a little #he just needs a lil encouragement! #also yes i was watching every satan prayer live performance on youtube to watch copia and dewdrop do whatever That is a billion times #this was a nice bonus #did you watch a statistically improbable number of ghost shows in quarantine or are you normal? #** #copia x dewdrop

[mimis-memes-meme]

When people tell me they are in quarantine with their bf/gf:

#memes #arrested development #quarantine memes #solo quarantine sucks