#sometimes ill have a conversation

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking. #nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference #anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose. #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #isat loop #isat siffrin #isat bonnie #isat nille #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #doodlebyte #---------------------------------------------------------------------- #anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!) #which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around) #and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but #They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt) #and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good #(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit #distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally #stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine) #the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly. #but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief) #as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur #BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule #which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation #ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.

[butchviking]

i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!

#don't get me wrong there are happy and beautiful times! there is wonder and fulfillment!! #but how do u share in the one if u can't share in the other? #i can't walk into work and say #'yesterday all i could think about was which of you would cry if i died #but today i saw a kid pick a flower and it felt like the most beautiful thing that had ever happened' #i don't even talk to my friends like that! it's all 'haha yeah been having a rough week. u know how it is. hbu?' #i feel like im going crazy but i dont believe that! aren't we all feeling this??? is anyone else feeling this??? is this fucking normal???? #am i just emotionally closed off?? is everyone else having these conversations am i the stunted one who doesn't know how to talk about it?? #i KNOW im living with mental illness but so are a lot of people! im sad sometimes but im not losing my mind! i know other people feel this!!

[pineappical]

father and son

#ted lasso #ted lasso fanart #henry lasso #remember when jason sudeikis said that ted lasso was a show about bad fathers and we all thought it was about ted's own father and how his #passing caused ted to become the kind person he currently is. and we thought that was the 'bad father' part of him. and then s3 rolls #around and it just hits you how his passing did cause that and More. how ted became so afraid to let down others. to let down henry by not #Winning The Whole Thing. but yeah in the end you just have to try #and sometimes i wonder if ted ever knew that he was a good father (etc etc that conversation with dr sharon in 2x10) #despite the distance and his divorce.. cherish the moment he had with his son instead of the time they spent away from each other #pn.art #SORRY THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR THE PAST 3 HOURS ITS 5AM RN I KNOW I HAVE A SHITASS SCHEDULE </3 #ted lasso spoilers #i have sooo much stuff i wanna say about this and i know ill forget to say it later but god. god i just want him to know hes enough soo bad #<- normal about fictional characters #babygirl you are so full of problems they rarely addressed. godbless #IM NOT MAKING SENSE I JUST LOVEEEEE HIMMMM :((((

[maudiemoods]

Ok not cool why am I hearing voices

#i need to go to the doctor 🧍🏼‍♂️ #somethings wrong because usually they're not this clear #its weird and i dont like it #they sound like people i know and its too much right now #little vent sorry but i think im actually struggling #im so confused #aurhhg #ren won't shut up #mental illness #idk sometimes they get really clear and it freaks me out #other times it sounds like a bunch of voices talking over each other and it drives me crazy #most of the time when they're clear they just have very boring conversations #wow i didn't realize how much this was affecting me huh #most of the time its right as im trying to fall asleep. i can't tell if its just my dreams?? idk #but sometimes ill hear very loud words that are super clear #aa its scary sometimes grrr but normally it doesn't mess me up #but i heard a loved one say “help me” and now im freaking out aaaaurgggg #gonna text them because i also have paranoia really bad #tw mental illness #idk just in case i guess #im fine just a little spooked jdkxjsjxj #anyways sorry for the vent/ramble i just really needed to type it all out #might delete later idk

[suddencolds]

writing a snzfic and realizing no one has sneezed in the last 500 words and scrolling anxiously up to find a place to fit a sneeze into the dialogue

#read as: i got really excited about this one scene and wrote the entire plot-pivotal conversation as if it were a vanilla fic T.T #why is that like... character interaction/relationship development and snz/h/c sometimes feel so closely entwined but sometimes #feel like they're mutually exclusive focuses that i have to juggle? #why can't this scene which i wanted to accomplish [redacted] also be about yves suffering... and does adding that back in only dilute the #scene i wrote or does it actually add to it... #the realism of this fic/the realism of the illness progression have gone out the window #and are now just subject to my (completely arbitrary) whims

[lurking-latinist]

the sixth doctor. reblog if you agree

#I’m in full doodling hearts around blorbo mode #he’s soft! he loves attention! he has a loud voice and makes big speeches! #he’s an adrenaline junkie! he loves his friends so much! he has big emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with! #he has deep-rooted doubts about the value of his whole existence but chooses to try to do the right thing anyway! #he’s a terrible flirt! he can’t read emotions! he likes good food and comfort! he has just enough meta awareness to make him sad sometimes! #he’s basically a giant cat in human form but also not human! he also loves actual cats! he wears ridiculous clothes! #he is coping really quite well with his mental illness! it would help if people would stop putting him in mind control machines! #he has no respect for authority figures unless they’ve earned it! #but he is great at having conversations with people whose worldviews are very different! #he grows and changes over many stories in at least four different media! #no five I forgot the stage show! #I love him!!!!!

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz

[heyitsmemel]

...... mehhhh personal complaining in the tags (tw illness)

#bro I'm on day 17 of a crazy severe mystery illness and I'm so fucking gagged #like my lungs have hurt for over two weeks I can barely walk more than five minutes before getting exerted #and can't have a conversation without wheezing #tumblr have you ever been so sick or incapacitated that it causes you to rethink everything #like i have been so severely sick that it's inspired me to drastically change my entire life #i feel like my body and a large part of me has died and i've metamorphosed jesus i'm a phoenix bitch rising from the ashes #yea is this normal? have other people experienced this? #like an illness so severe that it just makes you go ok ok #this isn't working #the old ways aren't working #the universe really knocks you so far on your ass sometimes to bring you where you need to go next #but god fucking damn #i just want to breathe and be able to walk down the god damn street #ok rant over #hang in there sick tumblr #maybe delete later im just sad girl today #i just want to go on my hot girl walk and do my hot girl dancing but my body won't let me :(

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its weird. ive been feeling mostly ok #which i mostly attribute to the medication working but everything still feels hollow #which i guess i would associate with a lack of enrichment and human connection #but i dunno what i would even b looking for there. i dont kno how to feel joy #so i guess the medication isnt working that well #i dunno. sometimes i think my brain just doesn't work right. things dont connect in the right places #im also grappling constantly with the knowledge that i need to put more effort into reading #i know i bitch about it constantly but i cant express how profoundly frustrating it is to not be at the same reading level and everyone else #at the age of 26. its just gutting every time i cant carry out a conversation on a paper #like genuinely i might have to rethink my whole future bc i dunno. i dunno it just doesn't seem reasonable with my lack of basic #reading skills. im already opperating far above my head. ill read a paper 3 times and not understand. its so frustrating #its stupid. but whatever. im supposed to cultivate gratitude. ill try again tomorrow #im just frustrated bc i kno it wont get easier. i just have to work harder #unrelated

[animentality]

I love you all.

Most ardently.

No joke, no memes, no quip. No cap.

Just love you. Doesn't need to be requited.

#i dont know #sometimes i think about how far ive come from high school #and how some of you have been here #since then #youve been here since i was 15 #im 25 #im sure ill look back at 35 and laugh #but some of you will still be there too #and i feel this great connection #even if we've never interacted #we're like people standing together in this room #facing away from each other #but we all #we all hear each other's conversations #and it's nice to hear snippets #to collect little information #that accumulates over the years until we feel like #we're all a part of something bigger together #maybe thats pure nonsense

[ninjasmudge]

i type up all my little annoyed salty or vague posts and save them to my drafts and then never publish them. its like a diary in there

#theres not THAT many of them but GODDANM DO YOU SEE PEOPLE SAY SOME DUMB FUCKING SHIT SOMETIMES #and i keep them all there and one day ill die #shark talks #l #theyre not even like. mean or anything. just stuff i cant be bothered to have conversations abt #like art theft and shit

[parsleymusic]

the urge to respond to critique about portrayal of unpolitically correct attitudes or phrases or actions or whatever in regards to mental illness with "what if I told you that it's not my job to tell my readers that when my character says stuff like 'my binge eating disorder is not as bad as my brother's bipolar + PTSD combination; he has to win at something' that it's Bad and the Wrong Attitude to have when it's largely a tongue in cheek joke about living with mental illness and watching the people you love experience a different flavor that is also worse

#one of my characters tells another character that her grandmother committed suicide #and the critiquer said that I should have said died by suicide #because that is now the “correct” way to talk about suicide #and... I know that #I work in the psychology field #and i'm aware of how speech impacts perception #however #my character does not care about this distinction #and honestly neither do I #it doesn't matter to me whether or not you say “committed suicide” or “died by suicide” #and I have had someone close to me kill themselves #it fucking sucks but no amount of “died by suicide” takes away the reality of the action being performed by the person dying #imo it's a cheap trick that purports to discern the complexities of suicide in that people who do it aren't fully to blame for it #but it doesn't! that conversation needs to happen in full without shying away from the reality that the person did choose to die! #I just... I don't know #i want to portray life as it is not as we wish it to be and I'm not writing a message book about mental illness #also this critiquer comes from the YA space and this book is adult and I fear that the gearing towards YA generally meaning a more actively #condemning attitude towards “problematic” attitudes regarding characters that doesn't have to be present in adult fiction #dealing with someone else's mental illness for years and years is taxing and takes a toll on you and that's problematic sometimes #but you know what! everything is! #/this person had a lot of good things to say but there is something so blah about this in particular #“say die by suicide” #no #anyway

[theonlycabbage]

me having a conversation with another human being without talking about "what's fucked up about my brain chemicals and why I'm a sad sack of shit" challenge level: impossible

#vent #i was in the car with my roommates gf and i am completely unable to have a decent conversation #sometimes i forget that not everybody is mentally ill and on the brink of losing their minds #so anyways that was insanely embarrassing and i wish i was better at talking to people #guess i just cant have any friends except the ppl ive already tricked into interacting with me from high school 🙃 #god im the fucking worst #sorry for the vent post im just extremely frustrated with myself #mental health #mental illness

[kn11ves]

hey so after hearing an utterly horrific pronunciation of the word "nahuatl" that scared me straight out of my native skin ("nah-wah-toll", he said) just as a pointer whenever you read a nahuatl word the ending "-tl" is pronounced sort of like a hiss with a tongue touching the roof of your mouth? its not nah-wah-toll, its not even nah-wah like a lot of mexicans believe, the "tl" sound comes from the way you push air through your mouth from the back of your throat

the way i figure how to make the "TL" sound is to put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. now, without removing your tongue from the roof, try making the sound of an "h" with a mouth halfway closed. you should feel the way the air blows through both of your cheeks and comes out sounding like a lisp-sound. thats the point! the hiss definitely sounds like a lisp. you may need to practice this a bunch to get the sound right

there isnt an phonetic equivalent to "tl" i can figure how to write out for you because "tl" is a sound of its own. you have to say na-hua-TL its already written the way its supposed to be read! the only problem is that people do not know how to pronounce the "tl" sound and will make approximations which i know its tough but it is wrong (though ill take nah-wah over NAH-WAH-TOLL)

this is a YT shorts of a man saying "nahuatl" and different nahuatl words and how theyre pronounced

this is a 7 minute video of a man who guides you on HOW to make the noise "tl"

some reminders while im at it:

-we are not aztecs, we do not speak aztec. we are native mexicans (most of us. im not speaking about immigrants to mexico obviously) and most of us who speak an indigenous language speak nahuatl, so we may call ourselves nahua or descendants from the mexica

-though not everyone speaks nahuatl, there are 68 different indigenous ethnic groups in mexico we have. variety.

-certain dialects of nahuatl spoken in michoacan or just southern mexico for example may choose to prefer the "T" in nahuatl words and pronounce say ahuacatl as "A-wah-cat" or maybe prefer the "L" sound and say "A-wah-cal". it really depends

-(pet peeve but) AXOLOTL is "ah-sho-lo-tl" and not "axe-ah-loddel"

-no u are not saying the word in english and therefore are going to pronounce it like a yank

-if you can say rendezvous like "ron-deh-vu" and not like "ren-des-voos" then you can say nuahuatl words the way theyre meant to be said!! our language has gotten so eroded and the only way we can keep it alive is by trying to say things as theyre meant to ok

#nahuatl #..now if duolingo had nahuatl or purepecha to study instead of klingon or valyrian thatd. thatd be dope😔 #anyways i need to get off my ass and learn purepecha thats what i need to do #most of my meger studies have been towarss nahuatl becous its easier to find info but i just sometimes get annoyed at how inconsistent #everything is man i gotta actually go to somewhere where they Speak It. #after a couple of conversations with my family im quite sure we have a strong purépecha line and it realy makes me feel bad in my stomach #that i havent attempted #to learn purépecha as mch as i should have #im aware i probably also have a lot of mexica blood from perhaps my fathers side alrhough im not too sure and well i cant ask but as much #as i can tell his side Has been from tijuana meanwhile my grandmother and my uncles and aunts moved when they were young from their ranch #michoacan to tijuana so i mean. maybe i can see what peoples were in tijuana though that would be just making a lot of assumptions abt my #fathers side where i dont have any information and its not like im going to track him down to check. literally whatever i really need to #check my purépecha roots though someone hit me witha pan #if anuone has any mexican-native wuestions u can ask and ill try to answer to the best of my abiltiies

[prestonmonterey]

ughhhh someone kill me i think i might like stay on the third floor today i actually cant deal with her today

#marble musings #vent #shes the only person in my 'friend' group who has the same free block as me #and shes actually a nightmare to be around #im always worried shes gonna take my stuff #(she likes taking my wolf from my hands and my cat ears off my head #and laughs it off as a joke even after i tell her not to??) #and i cant even escape her bc the new friend group that im kind of maybe a part of #she just shows up sometimes #and its awful bc ive seen her make some of my friends uncomfortable and is entirely unapologetic about it #and shes really loud and makes everything about herself and makes conversations impossible #and its annoying bc she kept complaining about not being able to talk to me during free block bc i have headphones on #to listen to music and/or do work #and i was like #'ok you can talk to me if you want idc' #and now she talks to me nonstop during free block regardless of if i tell her i need to get work done #and her existence just kinda stresses me out #but ive never found the right time to tell her to stop #and i cant sit inside where all the tables are bc we usually sit there #and i cant sit outside bc its prolly wet and also she'll find me #and idk if im even allowed to sit upstairs but i kinda have to bc i really dont want to deal with her today #i need like a proper excuse for why im wearing headphones #she doesnt care that i listen to podcasts #and i don have anything to edit #ummmm #i don actually have any hw other than like studying for my math test #fuck ok i guess ill do that #idk what class shes in #umm #if shes also in honors ill cry

[cookies-over-yonder]

cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)

#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more #i'm always the person who messages first #but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and #are giving me attention without me messaging first #i am a person who needs a lot of attention #and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need #but i get really sad at it sometimes because #when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less #likely to happen #like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive #episode #or whatever mental troubles #idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly #like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me #how i'm doing #@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert #almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad #i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them #i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode #idk if it rly happens though #i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di #because i'm the one who initiates everything #again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert #vent #you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons