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tcrmommabear · 9 months

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TCR B-Day Bash Day #1: Music

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOOOWWWNNNN

No I will not speak about why I’ve been gone so long, or why this is the first thing I come back with outside of memes. I hope this prompts a giggle folks, as that was the whole basis I had for writing this as fast as I could.

@catsafarithewriter when you awaken my love, I hope this meets all your dreams and expectations

***

Someone was playing the piano.

And while beautiful, and normally not a problem, it was three in the morning on a Tuesday night. Still, Haru wasn’t one to judge a person’s coping mechanism, considering she was also awake and frantically baking out some complicated feelings herself. It wasn’t every day that a three year relationship ended.

She’d been hoping by the third batch of cookies, she’d be feeling a little more stable, but that was two more cookie dozens, an apple strudel, and a batch of blueberry muffins ago. She’d at least stopped crying, and Hiromi had stopped messaging at midnight when all Haru sent back was a picture of the messy kitchen and the fourth batch of cookies still being mixed.

She had thought her and Machida were doing better. At least “talk out our feelings before you storm off into the night” better. But apparently better really meant “I recognize we’re both feeling awful in this relationship and I think I need some space” and with that said, Machida disappeared into the night, and wasn’t answering any texts or calls.

The piano was still going, as she nibbled on a muffin on the kitchen floor, doodling mustaches on pictures of Machida. She had recognized brief scraps of songs here and there, but nothing she paid much attention too. She felt a small amount of camaraderie with the late night piano player, both causing trouble for their unfortunate neighbors. Haru at least had some bribes to get out of trouble.

The music lulled for a second, as it always did, before the next song began.

A familiar, soft note played out.

Haru dropped the muffin she was eating, bolting out her front door, down the hall, scrambling up the stairs, and to the apartment above hers.

She didn’t have time to knock, the piano player’s front door flying open as she raced down the hall. She managed to think a brief, “Oh shoot, he’s cute”, before her feet slipped. She rammed into him, both sprawling on the floor of his apartment.

“Are you alright-?!”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry-!”

They both paused in sitting up, tangled together for a moment as their eyes met. Haru recognized him, briefly, having seen him around the building a few times. She’d never been able to get a good look of him up close, but had known in an offhanded way he was polite and attractive. And on the verge of a likely breakup, it was a dangerous thing to fully experience now.

His eyes were very green.

He clears his throat, resting a hand on Haru’s shoulder and meeting her eyes with those very green ones. Her heart flutters, but just barely catches the dishevelled look to him, to the faint tear tracks on his cheeks.

“I’m so deeply sorry, are you alright Miss?” he asked, reaching to check her over.

She releases a shuddering breath, and scoots away from him. She needs air, and space, and maybe not to have a traitorous, broken heart.

“I’m fine! Please, my fault for going high speed,” she chuckles. She pats his shoulder, lingering a moment longer than she should.

He seems to appreciate the gesture, his own hand coming up to cover hers and lighting a fire from her fingers to her heart. She sees the extent of how rough he is, the misbuttoned sleeping shirt, the bloodshot eyes, and the (obvious) lack of sleep.

“Um,” she begins, unable to look away, “why uh… Why “Welcome to the Black Parade” this late at night?”

He snorts, “Is that what upset you?”

“Well, no, I didn’t care, I just recognized the song and know the usual, emo context.”

He snorts again, shaking his head, before releasing her hand. She doesn’t have long to mourn the loss, because he’s standing and offering it to her again, helping her stand. She risks a glance around the apartment, but finds nothing too interesting besides the piano just barely in sight around the corner.

“I suppose I was grappling with some difficult feelings tonight. I just started playing, and it wasn’t until I heard you running that I realized how late it was,” he says. He turns towards her, a sheepish smile in place. She likes his smile, she realizes.

Her heart had done a painful squeeze at the mention of difficult feelings, and she reaches out to touch his hand. It’s forward, and odd of her, but no good decisions were made after a night of breakups and baking. He doesn’t seem to mind, after all, and Haru takes that in stride.

“I know a thing or two about “difficult feelings” myself. Tonights been… Awful, and all I’ve done is cry and bake. Wish I had some piano skills to help with my feelings.”

He smiles again, putting a hand on Haru’s shoulder. She returns his earlier gesture, covering his hand with her own. They smile at each other, camaraderie in late night disappointments.

“My name is Haru, by the way. I live in the unit below you, and I have about 50 cookies I need help with. Would you like to join me?”

Her neighbor gives a big smile, bringing her hand up as he bows towards it.

“My friends call me Baron, as we are sure to be after tonight. As for those cookies, I’d be more than happy to help.”

Haru leads him down the stairs to her own apartment, and the pair sit together on her kitchen floor, munching away. It’s not until they’ve torn through a dozen between them, that Haru finally thinks to ask-

“What were you playing before Black Parade? Who broke your heart that badly?”

“Ah, Broadway. I was playing some songs from Phantom of the Opera,” he says into another cookie.

“It’s not everyday the longest running show ends, and it was enough to move me to tears.”

Haru throws a cookie at him before she can stop herself.

#the cat returns #tcr birthday bash #tcr birthday bash 2023 #tcrmommabearwrites #tcrmommabear #tcrmommabear post #it felt so good to write this and have some little giggles #its definitely obvious im out of practice writing this pair #but i wanted to write before i stopped myself and felt ashamed at the effort #if anyone loves this then youll make me so happy #but im not gonna stall out getting this into the world any longer!!#happy bday tcr i hope i can write more for you!!#no specific au #tcr modern au

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wayward-aeon · 3 months

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Hey hello!! Im pretty sure Ive seen you around via divine-elixer's post notes, and Ive popped in and out of your blog for the past few months, and Ive been super curious about how you practice "pop culture paganism" bc Ive kinda wanted to get into sth similiar?

I have lots of fun religious trauma from childhood into adulthood and so i was like, fuck it, we ball, im making a new religion -- but im unsure where to start, but I want to incorporate my kintypes into it (aka, Ganyu having a Morax/Exuvia statuette/shrine).

Im also lumine, so like, *waves from the other side of the reality barrier* same hat meme

Anyway, you dont gotta answer if you dont feel comfy, but I'd just like some vague sense of how you go about your practices to see if any of that appeals to what Id want to create or partake in if that makes sense.

♡♡♡ Have a good one!!! ♡♡♡

- @laputian-lilies (kin blog is @twin-wishing-stars )

hi!! i'm always happy to get messages from fellow gen/shin folk!!!

before anything else, sorry for the delayed response! also, this might get long it got really fucking long, so i'm putting it under a cut.

pop culture paganism is great precisely because it can really be anything you want or need it to be. this makes it really great for those who struggle with religious trauma, or have other aspects of life that interfere with more "mainstream" religious practice (mental illness, disability, simple lack of spare time, etc) because if there's anything you don't want to or can't include, just toss it. you're perfectly welcome to compile all the theoretically enjoyable and comforting things about religion and leave the rest on the curb.

ultimately, your practice will be entirely yours. there's no wrong or right way to do it, as long as it works for you.

for me, as fictionkind, a big part of what makes PCP so appealing is being able to feel more connected to the other worlds i've been, lives i've led, and the people i've met along the way. like, a "no need to be homesick if some of home is still with me" kind of thing.

talking specifically in the context of gen/shin, although i definitely wouldn't consider myself a devotee of the archons, some of them were very dear to me. giving them a sort of platonic reverence, more akin to friends sharing drinks around a bar than a worshipper offering libations, helps me feel connected to them. i do also still acknowledge the power they have, so i might invite them to share it with me in times of need.

as an example, one thing i did as an experiment a while back was draft a couple modified versions of the lesser ritual of the pentagram. these were made in tribute to barb/atos and mor/ax, and in place of the angels or divine names, they called upon the Four Winds and the yaksha, respectively. i haven't used either of them in practice, mostly because frankly i don't have much of a practice to speak of these days (thanks, shitty mental health), but i have complete confidence in their effectiveness just by virtue of my trust in the beings to whom they're dedicated.

this is the part where i interrupt myself to say that i recommend anyone interested in PCP reads a bit about chaos magic. chaos magic is all about the power of belief, and there's a heavy emphasis on individuality and carving one's own path, so their resources and anecdotes can be very helpful to us pop culture practitioners building our own systems from scratch.

anyway, i also like incorporating aspects of technopaganism into my personal practice. a big part of this is virtual shrines and temples! i've been playing a lot of minecraft recently, and creative games like this are perfect for building little temples or tributes to any entity you may acknowledge. there's no need to worry about not having enough space or not being able to afford materials, and they never need to be cleaned. i also adore the sort of shrines you might find on folks' personal webpages, and i'd like to make one for myself when i get around to making my neocities page.

this is something we as gen/shin fictionkind have a foot ahead in, because between our personal teapots and the many religiously significant areas in the game itself, we always have a lot of ways to immerse ourselves and connect directly to the object(s) of our devotion. i don't want to call him out, because he doesn't consider himself religious, but a fellow sourcemate regularly offers incense to the temple of pervases, which i think is a perfect example of this. for me personally, i like to sit in the hands of the barb/atos statue in mond/stadt when i'm feeling down, or need to ground myself, or i just want to feel close.

i would eventually like to incorporate more personally significant things into my physical space, but that means spending money, and i'm forever broke, lmao

in terms of more "traditional" worship, pop culture gods are no different from any other god. you can pray to them, give them offerings, ask them for aid, perform ritual and divination in their name, anything that feels right for you!

other than all that, i guess the biggest thing for me is just acknowledging that, even if i may be far from home physically, i will always have a spiritual connection to the places and people that matter to me. i still see them in my dreams, i still hear them in whispers on the wind. and i know they can hear me, too.

i think that's all i have to say. forgive me if its disjointed or not very coherent at times, i'm very scatterbrained these days. thank you for the ask, and i wish you luck on your journey!

#i feel like i rambled on way too much lmfao #i hope this is still helpful...?

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simplytheevebest · 2 years

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Thoughts on the Fate: The Winx Saga Prequel Lighting the Fire

I read this entire book in a day. I didn’t plan on doing that, but here we are. I also jotted down ten pages worth of thoughts as I read, but did my best to condense them into something coherent and not ten pages. I am absolutely going to spend a large amount of time focusing on Farah and Saul, but I will also talk about the other characters and my overall thoughts. This is a long one folks, sorry not sorry. All opinions are completely my own, obviously, and I respect that others may feel differently and invite them to say so because I’d love to talk about it!

First, a short summary: It’s a year before the events of Fate and Farah has decided to host an orientation day for prospective students. In the meantime, she heads to the First World after discovering a letter from Rosalind about something “precious” left there. While she’s gone, Stella tries to set up her best friend Rikki with Riven and ropes them into helping she and Sky decorate for the orientation day. Riven suggests Farah and Callum are dating; Riven and Terra are friends and then not; and Stella tricks Aisha into accidentally drenching Farah while trying to “expose” her affair with Callum. Callum doses the kids with truth potion and everyone says embarrassing things. Farah meets Bloom but doesn’t realize her significance, and Saul and Sky struggle to admit that they care about one another.

Before I dive into my favorite bits, I’m going to briefly touch on the parts I felt were lacking:

The addition of Musa, Aisha, Beatrix, and any other s1 character cameos: I’m not mad about it, but it doesn’t feel like their bits added very much beyond what we already knew about them. Aisha is a perfectionist, she loves to swim, and she struggles with her magic because of her perfectionism. Musa’s mother has passed and she was there when it happened, felt her die, which is tragic and heartbreaking but again, we already knew this. They’re all are implied to have met, yet never acknowledge this after the fact. I know the book came out after, obviously, but I am a sucker for continuity especially when it’s not difficult. Shoehorning in the characters is one thing, but having them interact in such a memorable way -Stella literally convinced Aisha to inadvertently drench Farah with fountain water and Aisha and Musa had a meaningful conversation- and have that not able to be addressed in canon is a personal pet peeve.

The conspiracy about Farah and Callum: Irrelevant. It’s meant to be amusing, and I can see it playing out very well as a side-plot in a teen comedy reminiscent of the classic Disney Channel or Nickelodeon shows, but it’s out of place here. It’s meant to inject some humor, but I think it falls flat and complicates too much: Stella knows Callum is shifty, but not once does this come up from her after his disappearance in s1. It's an excuse to pit Stella and Riven against each other in an amusing frenemies way.

The misunderstandings: Listen, who doesn’t love a good misunderstanding adding unnecessary angst? That’s the good shit -when it’s done right. The misunderstandings in this book, for me, were gratuitous and senseless. Nearly every character had a different opinion about the other characters intentions. It’s the “if they just talked to each other this would get cleared up so much faster” x1000000. And then it does get cleared up, with truth potion. The truth potion, I’m sorry, was such a stupid addition and felt like it was literally an excuse to get the characters to talk about their feelings without worrying about keeping them “in character” because they were dosed with truth potion and couldn’t help what they were saying. I, personally, thought it was a bit lazy, and the blatant OOCness of the characters’ dialogue at that point was almost unbearable.

The dialogue: Was at times a bit stilted and robotic, and didn’t flow smoothly nor did the character’s voices always fit: Saul saying “what’s up nerd” to Ben, or essentially quoting the “as a treat” meme; Riven referring to people as “my guy;” Stella’s lengthy insults that dulled their wit. I didn’t hate the dialogue, and this is no shade to the author, but as with fanfiction (which this is canon fanfiction basically) there are times when the characterization and dialogue just don’t match up to our personal understanding of the characters, and that’s where I was at. I did enjoy Riven’s wit, but even that lost its charm as the story wore on.

On to specifics: I’m going to start with Riven and Stella, because they are both characters we learned a lot about in this book and especially with Riven, I gained a new appreciation for his character.

Riven

I must admit, watching the show, I bought into Riven's act and really didn't like him as a character. I also didn't like the OG cartoon Riven because he was also so hot and cold to Musa. But these additions to his character really have me feeling for him, because it comes across to me like he didn't want to immediately reinvent himself, but rather find people who accepted him as-is. And he didn't find that. Important things we learn:

Right out of the gate, we're treated to his self-deprecating thoughts on getting a "PhD in being a total loser," before he loses a sparring match to Sky. It's clear that they are not friends, that Riven is insanely jealous of Sky, and he's also insanely insecure.

He doesn’t want to be a specialist: “nobody asked [him]” if that’s what he wanted, so I guess he didn’t really have a choice.

All he really wants is "a small gang of friends to hang out and judge others with." Which like, same.

Riven is also ignorant of Solarian royalty because he doesn't recognize Stella. It implies, to me, that Riven grew up somewhere remote enough (perhaps not in Solaria?) to not be aware of something so "basic." He does know who Andreas is, and also unwittingly insults him (and Stella) to Sky, and thus assumes Sky hates him.

Riven and Terra were friends (which we knew) because she found him crying in the greenhouse one day and assumed he was being bullied by Sky and he had an affinity for potionology and cool plants.

Overall, Riven’s character gets a decent fleshing out, although his “villain origin story” falls a bit flat in my opinion because there isn’t much drive behind it. He goes from wanting real friends to wanting to be cool, then decides if he can’t be cool he’ll be mean, then ends up friends with Sky anyway even though he still doesn’t really like him? And Terra cuts him off because -and I’m very proud of her- relationships are a two-way street and Riven’s not pulling his weight.

To be completely honest I don’t understand why Riven and Sky are friends. They’re at odds for most of the story because Riven thinks Sky is stuck up and patronizing and Sky thinks Riven is a jerk with a good but sometimes insulting sense of humor. Only when the truth potion has them admit those things do they become friends, but then Riven overhears Sky say he “doesn’t take Riven seriously” and… are they friends now? They hug, but Riven’s drunk, so, like, I’m confused. Sky constantly tried to help Riven which is nice, but Riven didn’t ask for it, and Riven still feels insulted by Sky’s one-upmanship.

There’s honestly an overwhelming disservice done to Riven’s character by the others, primarily with regards to his thinking and sense of humor, which I get. His jokes are hurtful, his comments are disrespectful, but everyone seems to be passing it off as “that’s just Riven, and he’s an ass” without making literally any effort to help him realize it’s wrong, except Terra. And she’s a teenage girl on the opposite end of what Riven considers “cool” so there’s no way her words are going to hold any weight.

Stella

On my first watch-through of Fate I was not Stella's biggest fan. I hated how different she was from the OG cartoon, but as the story continued on and found its footing I came to appreciate her for the Stella of Fate without comparing her to the Stella of Winx. I think she has a lot of growing to do, and truthfully to me the character development in Stella is very weak, but I have hope they'll do her justice in s2. Important things we learn:

Stella is perfect, as she must be. She is greatly looking forward to her first year at Alfea because it means she's away from her mother and can finally be noticed. It hadn't occurred to me before this that on top of their contentious relationship being one of pressure and expectations, Stella is overshadowed by her mother's perfect image and doesn't ever get to be herself.

Stella uses her ring to attend Fashion Week in the First World, and I love it.

Stella is afraid of the dark because Luna used illusions to scare her, maybe used her magic to steal Stella's sight and make her believe she was in total darkness alone. The darkness also gives her nightmares, and she wishes she had a roommate (since she has the single room) and so she has to choose between Rikki and another suitemate Ilaria because "if your best friend didn't want to share with you, then you didn't have a best friend" and that makes me so sad for her.

Stella is with Sky for 2 reasons: image, and because he saw the real her "even when her mother's radiance made Stella all but invisible" which she appreciates, but is starting to realize isn't a reason to date someone because she'd rather hang out with her friends. It breaks my heart knowing that the Stella of first year felt she had true friends, and that she'll later lose them because of what happens with Rikki.

Stella treats Sky as a trophy a lot of the time, like a puppet to control or a toy to play with and this is very clearly her mother’s influence. It’s also very clear in Stella’s voice, because she insinuates Sky is weak for caring about this who aren’t on his “level” like Riven, or the five kittens he bottle-fed at the palace (adorable). Overall the things Stella says and her immediate thoughts after don’t mesh, which tells me they’re not meant to: her words are mean, her thoughts are not, and having learned from Luna, I have no doubt this was behavior she picked up, because Luna has always been cutting and never constructive in her criticism.

Stella genuinely looks up to and respects Farah, unlike her mother. She acknowledges that she’s Alfea’s center and that she feels she could go to Farah if she were ever “in danger.” When Stella goes to Farah for discipline for the part she played in drenching her with fountain water, she admits that she thinks Farah is more beautiful than her mother, Farah calls her a “privilege” when Stella feels like a burden and a disappointment, and Stella decides that when she’s queen, she wants to be exactly like Farah: calm, collected, and never making anyone feel inferior or scared for messing up.

Stella doesn’t go through any major character development again, but then she isn’t meant to, at this point. This is pre-Rikki’s blinding, so she doesn’t even become the person we see in s1, but we do see who she was before this -a bright, hopeful girl desperate to be seen for who she is not what she can do- and knowing what she becomes makes it all the more heartbreakingly tragic.

Now onto my two favorite parts: Sky and Saul, and Farah and Saul.

Sky and Saul (Saul's name is spelled Saúl, just as an aside)

I will say that by the time I’ve reached Saul’s pov, 30% into the book, I am already at odds with his description. It can’t be helped if that’s how other characters perceive him, but he’s far too cold for my liking. Saul in the show is stern, maybe not the best at expressing himself, but he’s not cold and he’s not mean, and he borders mean far too often in this book.

Sky's depiction of Saul's parenting makes my heart hurt, and is what I take the most issue with. Essentially, in this depiction, Sky is a duty and an obligation Saul has to put up with, and only does so because of his guilt for killing Andreas. Farah says Saul is proud of Sky but has trouble showing it, Sky doesn’t seem to think Saul cares for him at all unless he’s useful: "Every time Sky was the best, Sky proved he was worth caring for.” I disagree with this depiction for a lot of very obvious reasons. In the show, it’s very clear from RBJ’s performance as Saul that he is proud of Sky and he does care for him, and it’s very much because of his expressions and the delivery of his lines. And it can be hard to capture that in the written word, especially from the pov of a character like Sky who isn’t picking up on the nuances of Saul and his emotions the way an audience would if they were watching it play out. Like the scene where Saul calls Sky an idiot for going after the burned one, and says “your father would’ve been proud” and we can tell he’s proud, and relieved Sky is safe, and was worried for his safety, based on RBJ’s performance, but Sky doesn’t see it, and the crushed disappointment on Danny Griffin’s face tells us that Sky wanted Saul to be proud and is upset he didn’t say it. So on the one hand, I can’t fault this interpretation of Sky and Saul’s relationship from Sky’s pov if that’s how Sky sees it. But I can disagree with it because there are still parts that are just major Nope moments.

Saul getting angry that Sky asked if he could call him “dad?” Does Saul ever get actually angry in the show even?? No! He gets irritated, he gets upset, but he doesn’t get angry, and especially not angry enough to shake a child by the shoulders until he’s in tears and tell him with "cold fury" he can’t call him dad. That is so far from the Saul Silva I know that it didn’t even happen. It’s gone in my brain and straight back out because that is not the Saul-Sky father-son relationship I believe them to have and I don’t think it’s even just “not my canon,” it’s just completely OOC. Their relationship is layered and complicated because yes, I believe Sky sometimes thinks Saul only looks after him because of Andreas. And yes, I think Saul feels so guilty about Andreas that he doesn’t think it’s fair he gets to be “dad” because he took that chance from Andreas. These are definitely things that impact their relationship and the shape it takes, but this book is insinuating that Saul is cold and unfeeling to the point that Sky genuinely does not think Saul cares about him in the slightes because he’s just “so good at hiding it” -nah. Nope, not my Saul Silva.

I do agree with the characterization of Saul as Sky’s-not father not in his harshness, but in his feelings about it, because Saul doesn’t feel he deserves nice, good things after all he’s done: “Silva didn’t deserve to be his father.” It’s heartbreaking to consider that Saul never intended to keep Sky, but I actually do think it fits: Saul returns from Aster Dell to see Sky “one final time” and Sky took his first steps towards Saul, and Saul hadn’t been able to let him go. It’s adorable and sadly beautiful to consider Saul, fresh from killing his best friend and visiting the boy he just orphaned, fully prepared to let the boy go because he has no business being near him after what he did, and just. Not being able to. Looking into baby Sky’s face and remembering the promise he made to Andreas to “always look out for [Sky]” and not being able to leave him behind because it’s his fault Sky is an orphan. I don’t think Saul was at all prepared to take Sky in, I think he intended for that to be a last visit, and then returned to Alfea with a baby in his arms and never looked back. And we know he loves him: “Nobody could be as proud of Sky as Saul was.” Which is why it’s especially sad Saul doesn’t think he deserves that pride, that love, or to be called “dad.” He also calls Sky his “best boy” and my heart is melting.

By the end of the book they clear the air and have a sort-of heart to heart where Saul is firm that he’s never regretted taking Sky in, and Sky is equally firm in that he’s never regretted being taken in by Saul, which is sweet, but doesn’t make up for Saul being a drill sergeant and a jerk for most of the book.

Another major issue I have is the implication that Farah and Saul are distant from the Harvey family here. I understand if Farah and maybe even Saul felt distant from the happy family life because of their guilt and shame, but I don't for a second believe it wasn't there at their disposal. The implication here is that Ben raised Terra and Sam, Saul raised Sky, and Farah was headmistress, and they were all kept very separate from each other. Nope. Not for me. Sure, Farah probably planned to have dinners alone and spend her free hours alone, but if Ben didn't absolutely push for her to spend time with his kids, 100 percent they'd have taken it upon themselves to seek her out. It's stated that Terra finds Saul and Farah to be unapproachable and that Saul is "a completely terrifying person." Terra has a very brief interaction with Farah that feels unnatural and OOC because this book assumes they're not close, and I assume they are. Terra's nervous rambling is captured well, and when she does become a student I fully support her referring to Farah as "Miss Dowling" or "Headmistress Dowling" but only because Farah will be her teacher. Right now she should be calling her "Auntie Farah" and I won't accept anything less.

Apparently the reason the kids never played together was because once Saul and Ben let them and Terra used her magic to have vines smack Sky around while he fought back with a sword and Ben thought they were being “prepared for war” and not just having normal kid fun. If Saul was so determined to raise Sky to live up to Andreas' legacy but also not treat him how he and the others were treated under Rosalind, there's no way he'd have hidden Sky away training him to be a solider from the age of one. And the one time they do get to interact as kids, Ben puts a stop to it because he thinks it’s somehow training them for war? I don’t buy it. The Golden Trio of Fate and their children are a little Alfea family and I will die on this hill, Fate canon can bite me.

Farah

Before I actually focus solely on the Silrah parts of this story, I want to focus on Farah individually because we learn several interesting things:

Farah hired Callum specifically because he was human in a move that feels reminiscent of Dumbledore hiring Filch "to show people humans and fairies working together in harmony" and acknowledges that Callum has "somewhat of a chip on his shoulder" likely because he's human and I am assuming has been treated poorly at the hands of fairies for being "lesser."

Farah has spent the last sixteen years trying to atone for the sins she committed under Rosalind's commands but ultimately feels unsuccessful.

The First World is regarded as this strange place without magic and with electricity that many, Farah included, are unfamiliar with. It’s later said “magic hadn’t even crossed over” to the First World apart from changelings, which I disagree with because I view the worlds as being like wizards and muggles. Personally I think there’s kind of Men in Black side to the First World, where magic exists and is regulated and those who use it and live or travel there have to be registered and check in, and yeah most of the humans have no clue, but not because it just doesn’t exist there, but because they’re not meant to know.

Farah is and feels separate from her students. She has "mastered many fairy magics" but as a mind fairy she is wary of getting closer to others because they don't want to get close to her in case she reads their thoughts/feelings, and likewise she doesn't get close to them because of the overload to her senses. "Long ago, Farah had learned to keep her distance to protect herself and others:" to me, this implies that Farah has been distant from other people for a long time, as far back as her own student days, and I personally headcanon she was bullied or treated poorly by others during that time and thus learned to close herself off and this was later encouraged by Rosalind because if she had no connections, she had no weaknesses. I can even imagine Rosalind threatening Farah, or insinuating to Farah that if Farah grew close to others, she would hurt them, so Farah kept her distance. "Farah looked around Alfea with the affection she didn't know how to show her students:" so first of all, ow, this breaks my heart, and secondly, it reminds me of that line from Rosalind in s1, when she tells Bloom she needed love from her parental figure and Farah couldn't have given that to her. Excuse me Rosalind but whose fault is that??

Farah has nightmares of the things she's done under Rosalind's command and her greatest fear is turning into Rosalind and treating her students the way she was treated.

Farah feels like an outsider compared to Saul (who has Sky) and Ben (who has Terra and Sam), and all she has is Alfea. "She had both no children and many children:" I love this line for a lot of reasons. First because, to an extent, I agree with the idea that Farah feels separate. Despite how close she is with her friends and their kids, she is still removed from them, and I understand, because of everything she's gone through, that although the kids may see her as a maternal figure, Farah herself might not, not because she doesn't love them, but because that's a good, nice thing, and Farah wouldn't allow herself to have that. She's spent 16 years making up for the past and feeling guilty about it, she's not going to readily accept the good things in her life because she may not feel she deserves them after all she's done. I also love this line because regardless of Farah's intentions, she subconsciously loves every child that comes through Alfea's doors, even if she struggles to show it. It's ironic to me, but also fitting considering other parallels, that Rosalind would view love as a weakness (like Voldemort) and try to train the love out of Farah, who now believes herself incapable of love, when in actuality she possesses and unknowingly receives so much love it might ultimately be what saves her (idk if this makes her Harry Potter, or Lily, which makes Bloom Harry). Because regardless of whatever her fate ends up being in the show, the love and loyalty and respect her students and friends and family have for her is ultimately going to be Rosalind's downfall, I believe, and if it doesn't play a part what in the hell are you doing Fate?

It’s confirmed Farah cried after Aster Dell. She didn’t, in the flashback we saw, but I imagine that was a “steady on” moment and it wasn’t until later she actually broke down because that seems like just the Farah thing to do. Saul says it was the “only” time he saw Farah cry, which I might believe only because it’s very easy to talk oneself out of crying if you have enough practice as I suspect Farah does, so even with nightmares, she likely doesn’t cry, or doesn’t let the tears fall, which is why Saul’s only seen her cry the one time.

I am very intrigued about Farah's trip to the First World because I am currently working on a story about it, so to see a canon-adjacent version of how she met Bloom has me very excited. That being said, nothing like that happens, and I’ve been left disappointed. Farah uses tracking magic and is perplexed by the “strange perfumes” being sold in a shop “claiming to smell like sugary cereal and one like a camel.” Does fairy Sephora not exist? You’re telling me there’s not a fairy perfume called like “Unicorn Blood?” It’s Fate’s own fault for not worldbuilding more in the first season and leaving us high and dry in between then and season 2, but in the OG cartoon the realm of Magix was like, New York City or the Capital from Hunger Games on steroids. It had high end clothing stores and restaurants and was where the rich and fashionable spent their days. I think the girls went several times, most notably to choose dresses for some dance or another. You’re telling me nothing like that exists? Or Farah’s just never been? Not buying it, personally.

The magical trail leads Farah to an antique shop, where she meets Bloom and Vanessa. Bloom comes across as a sort of Belle from the Beauty and the Beast remake, spending all her time at antique stores and junkyards and “all last weekend” fixing her new clock. We know Bloom likes antiques because of a throwaway comment in the show and because she held a lamp that one time, but this addition is actually super cool to me. It tells me Bloom is fascinated by how things work, and makes more sense her detailed notes on how her magic works. Bloom readily admits to being weird and a loner at school, I’ve always personally headcanoned that she’s bullied, and thought her conversation with Aisha about Harry Potter was very telling: clearly, being into something considered “mainstream” Bloom should’ve, in theory, had at least a few friends, but she was obviously so starved for attention when Aisha brought it up that I’m more likely to assume Bloom’s “weirdness” warned people off before she even had the chance to approach. So poor little Bloom took sorting hat quizzes by herself but had no one to share the results with. These fun Bloom-centric tidbits aside, we don’t see any sort of interaction between she and Farah. They don’t even speak. So what was the point?

And finally:

Silrah

Farah and Saul interact exactly one time in this entire story, and I’m not counting him throwing his jacket at her after the fountain incident. Still, it’s a wonderfully tender moment that’s not obviously Silrah but still implies a deep trust and bond between them. I am a die-hard Silrah shipper, but more than that it’s important to me as a proud asexual that their intimacy extends beyond the physical, that they are so deeply connected as people who love one another in any context that defining their relationship almost doesn’t matter. I still want them to kiss, but exploring their connection on a deeper, more vulnerable and emotional level appeals to me too. It’s immediately established by Farah that no one knows Saul like she does because she can tell from his face or the look in his eyes exactly what he’s thinking and feeling.

During Saul’s first pov, I greatly enjoyed the deep-dive into Saul’s thoughts about Farah regardless of his other characterization issues: he trusts her so implicitly that it’s become second nature. He doesn’t know what it means not to trust Farah, not to follow her or listen to her because that’s what he’s always done. He can’t imagine not doing that: “She was the fixed point of the world.” It’s described in terms that go back to his being a soldier, that it’s second nature to let Farah run the show because he’s not a general he’s a soldier thus he must have a leader, but it doesn’t imply that could be just anyone: he followed Rosalind until it became a choice between she and Farah, and Saul was never going to choose anyone but Farah.

The relationship between the Golden Trio of Fate is odd with regards to Ben, because interactions between he and Saul and he and Farah feel almost like an after thought, like the proper care and attention wasn’t paid to his character like it was with Saul and Farah, or almost like it’s a support for the close relationship Silrah have, that they’re not close to Ben, which feels like a disservice. Saul mentions that Ben “buried the soldier he used to be deep, and now pretended he was gone” and Saul can’t relate to that: I agree, I think Ben found it easier to let go of that part of himself because of his kids but also because he doesn’t have the role of training soldiers the way Saul does. Saul is, essentially, doing exactly what he’s been doing almost his whole life. Their paths are very different. But they’re friends, or they’re meant to be, though this book isn’t the best at showing it, and I don’t like how he can waltz into Ben’s greenhouse and proclaim “what’s up, nerd” and just as easily snap at Ben that Sky’s “not his son” and follow it up with an angsty internal monologue about how he and Ben don’t understand each other. Are they friends or aren’t they? There’s bad at expressing oneself, and then there’s just bad communication, and it’s difficult to be friends with someone who doesn’t communicate, in my experience. But this disappointing interaction with Ben does work as a stepping stone to Silrah, as Saul reflects that he can always trust Farah to know how he feels even if he can’t say it, because she’s a mind fairy. Though that is implying she regularly delves into his mind, which I disagree with, and Farah later confirms is not true, but this bit is from Saul’s pov, and if he were a mind fairy he’d likely look at others’ thoughts to see if they were a threat, so realistically assumes the same of Farah.

Farah’s thoughts on Saul are fleeting in comparison to his thoughts on her, but she does acknowledge their bond and all they’ve been through, and that she can always trust and rely on him, but chooses not to tell him about going to the First World so as not to ‘burden’ him. They discuss this, in the only scene where they properly interact, and Saul rightly tells her she’s being ridiculous because he’ll always be there for her: even when she questions if he’d make the same choices at Aster Dell over again, knowing what happens, he refuses to entertain the idea of not picking her, or staying by her side. It’s honestly the most Saul has been ‘himself’ in the entire book, because he’s the most emotionally open. He calls Farah “the beating heart of this school” and that when she’s gone that heart “skips a beat;” Farah challenges him, telling him not to act as though he “can’t live without [her]” and Saul replies definitively “I can’t live without you.” It’s as close to a declaration of love as we’ve canonically gotten so far and I love it. Their banter is cute, friendly, exactly as I’d expect considering the years they’ve been together and all they’ve gone through. They both get flustered at the almost-admitting of feelings, which also feels very in character, and both have separately admitted that when it comes down to it, they’d take the blame and shoulder the guilt if it meant the other didn’t have to.

Overall, the book was enjoyable and I have no regrets buying it or reading it. There’s some lovely characterization additions, some headcanons confirmed, and relationships explored. The plot felt only mildly lacking and a bit jumbled with the shifting of povs, and I think could have benefited from a bit of tightening up and clarity of direction, ie focusing on Farah in the First World as the main plot, then Orientation Day as the subplot. But that’s also because I’d rather have had an entire book about Farah (and Saul) and I crave any Farah content I can get.

I’m sorry this is so ridiculously long. The good news is, by the time I cut it all down, it was only 9 pages instead of 10.

#long post #fate the winx saga #ftws #fate winx saga #fate: the winx saga #eve best #farah dowling #saul silva #rob james collier #farah x saul #silrah #farah dowling x saul silva #fate headcanons #fate review #In Fate we don't say I love you we say you're the fixed point of my world and I think that's beautiful

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bengiyo · 2 years

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The Eclipse Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Some folks might complain about GMMTV reusing locations, but I think it's a lot of fun. I like knowing that a few months ago this cafe was used for Antique Bakery.

Oh good. Akk isn't oblivious, and the photo is being used as instant blackmail. While I am not a fan of coercion, I am glad this picture isn't hanging around immediately in the background of the plot.

It's very fun seeing bits from Safe House while this is airing. First is a trip.

I do really love the way Golf inserted themself into the show. I don't always enjoy directors taking on bit roles in their work, but this is fun.

Interesting that Akk didn't delete the photo right away. I'm sure that won't be a problem at all later.

As someone who has a favorite queer cafe, I totally get Ayan taking Akk here to thank him and be a bit vulnerable.

They may be ostensibly having drinks, but unfortunately they are still a bit dehydrated. These lips are chapped.

First and Khaotung do a good job with the flirting here. I think it helps that we recently saw First be absolutely unhinged with desire in Not Me, so we can appreciate the careful restraint Akk has to show.

I like that privately Akk can smile to himself about interacting with Ayan.

Ah, interesting. This scene where they don't enforce the no-phones rule on a student helping his mom is very pointed. Reminder that rules don't enforce themselves, and that enforcement agents make the call about what and when to enforce.

Ah yes. We're back to performing how much you don't like Ayan. How burdensome he is to you. How much you hate seeing him. How much you hate his face, or the feel of his lips on your cheek. I'm sorry, what? Oh, I got distracted.

Baby boy, are you really looking at that picture in school? You're lucky only Ayan saw.

Khaotung with a knowing smile is my favorite version of Khaotung.

"Don't delete it in front of me," is a line I wasn't expecting to make me ache, but here we are.

The lack of ads worries me, and I like the read others users have that Vice Versa is shoring up this show financially.

So, who stole the notebook? I feel like everyone was accounted for? Was it Kan? Or was it a teacher?

Oh, I really hate Ayan and Akk hitting each other.

Is this our first confirmation that Akk is on scholarship? Because we called that exactly.

Oh lord Kan and this goddamn curse. I bet he took it.

Love Ayan reading 1984 as he protests returning to class. Unsurprised that Thua felt like he could reach him.

Mmmmmm, Thua protecting Kan from homophobic scrutiny. Pain.

Really love when a show and its fans are on the same page. We've literally called out how financially mobile Ayan is compared to Akk, and here they are having a direct confrontation about exactly that.

I know Thailand loves a slapstick moment after a serious one, but I actually like Akk getting soaked by the sprinklers. It underscores his point about the tenuous nature of his socioeconomic position.

Insert me-to-me-kermit meme.

This groundskeeper ruined a Now Kiss Moment. I do not like him.

Mmm, poor Thua. Being bullied at home on exacerbates being bullied at school.

Ah, yes. The slurs are back. Where are my knives?

Mmm, I remember this exact conversation from high school when boys would harrass the visibly queer. I'm gonna take a break.

Hey, so Thua is posting worrisome stuff on socials now. It's time to intervene!

Bruce Wayne?! Don't just accept an obvious phishing attempt and give your name!

I wonder what a show led by the twins AJ and JJ would look like. They always give such sympathetic performances.

Suddenly Aou cameos in the prefect backstory, which also connects Akk to Dika. I wonder how Akk will respond to the truth about why Dika "left."

I wonder why Ayan isn't telling about what happened to Dika.

Don't like the teacher putting hands on the students like that at all.

Now we're planning to immolate queer people. Don't like this either.

I feel so much for the World Remembers Gang. I don't think we've paid them much attention to femmes in high school since Lovesick.

Mmmmm. I really hate that it's Akk taking this step to inflict harm.

Oh boy next week looks intense.

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #the eclipse series #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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gooey-the-goodra-649 · 3 months

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A few songs that reminded me of @hootbon Freakshow Au

Okay I'll add a little context to what theese songs made me thing of- I also may or may not make (Very crappy) fan art out of these! (Also some songs might be suggestive in nature. Sorry!) ALSO SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG :( "The Andrews sisters - The Strip Polka"

Okay the first one is LITERALLY just Queenie's song (I think). I've been listening to a buncha old music and when I heard this I thought-

"FREAKSHOW QUEENIE FREAKSHOW QUEENIE DING DING DING LOUD CORRECT BUZZER"

youtube

The subject of the song is 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 named Queenie and is also a showgirl! like what are the odds!

"Tom Lehrer - I hold your hand in mine" I was listening to some of Tom Lehrer's music and MY GOODNESS I though of all the t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ Loving marital affection that Caine is Giving to Pomni when I heard this-

youtube

Captures their whole 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 if that makes sense. Caine's weird twisted sense of love 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 rung through my head when I first heard this.

"The Real Tuesday Weld - Me and Mr wolf"

youtube

The whole song is about Fear and love sort of making a medley into a thrilling feeling of excitement! Like I love you but you terrify me but the fear is EXCITING! Made me think of Caine and Pomni's dynamic

"The Tiger Lillies - The Freaks"

youtube

This...𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 darn song is just the Freakshow au. Literally. It fits the au p e r f e c t and somebody with better skills than me 𝘕𝘌𝘌𝘋𝘚 to make an anamatic or animation meme ft the Freakshow au with this. ITS SO GOOD!

"Over the garden Wall - The Beast is out there"

youtube

Okay I have 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘵 to say about this one! Since over the garden wall and the Freakshow au have a lot of inspiration from similar time periods theres gonna be a few OtgW songs here! But Mainly it could be used in an animatic (maybe Ragatha warning Pomni about Caine?) But about how Caine uses them for entertainment and "Once their will begins to spoil" (aka go insane) "He'll turn you to a tree of oil" (Abstracting. Since abstracted people kind of look inky and dark like oil I thought this would be PERFECT!)

"The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra - An unhealthy obsession"

youtube

𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯…Pomni and Caine. OKAY OKAY I KNOW BUT LISTEN. The songs about an obsessive and controlling stalker AND he brings up marriage 𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘦 times. Like CMON! ITS LITERALLY JUST CAINE SINGIN' BOUT LIL POMNI I 𝘏𝘈𝘋 TOO!

"AJJ the band - Body terror song"

youtube

The song is about a lack autonomy and the fear that comes with having a body. Perfect for this lil AU!

"Teddy Hyde - Sex with a ghost"

youtube

It just made me think of sort of the 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 of Caine and Pomni being together. Also the line "When she gets playful with a steak knife" just made me think of TADC in general sooo.... IT MADE THIS LIST :D

"Caravan of Thieves - Eat you"

youtube

Yay more cannibalism woohoo 😎 But yes the style of the song and the lyrics fit 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 fit them! (Also sorry if it sounds like I'm just blabbering and repeating myself I'm not good at articulating my thoughts (o^o) But it very much fits the sort of edwardian/victorian stylings of The Freakshow (or at least it does in my head). Its kind of folk-ey sounding at least. The way the lyrics just so casually explains "yeah I'm gonna cook and eat ya and Its gonna be GREAT >:D" made me think of Caine quite a lot! Words that come to mind are Savor, enjoy, delicacy, and family dinner! (That's the best I can do because my brain goes BAM BAM and only random adjectives come out instead of fully formed sentences)

"Over the garden Wall - Old black train"

youtube

THis one I have less context for what this would relate too but it just felt sort of 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 to me y'know? The freakshow has a lot of Victorian / Edwardian inspirations so this fit very well in my head. I'll probably reblog this when I get more ideas (and more space!) but I hope somebody finds this useful! Good luck all you awesome anamatic, fanart, and fanfic writers! You're doing GODS work and I'm trying to contribute my fair share of fan content to tumblr!

#tadc freakshow #freakshow au #tadc au #hootbon #tadc freakshow au #Youtube

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slowjamastan · 11 months

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My favorite color is green. I play violin, though not very well. I love dogs, and volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm into sci fi and my favorite author is Ursula K. LeGuin. I also like Batman comics.

And I also happen to be a FTM transgender man. What you folks would call a TIF.

Ever since I was 10, before i even knew why, I hated my body. For years of my life, I had daydreams of taking a kitchen knife to my chest and cutting off the breasts. I tried to kill myself twice.

That changed 3 years ago. I realized I was trans and bought myself a binder.

When it's on, I feel relief. I dont think of the kitchen knife. I'm not too depressed to get out of bed.

But after 8 hours, I have to take it off.

I plan on getting top surgery so this relief can stay.

I should note- this isn't about sexism or anything of the sort. Both my parents were outspoken feminists, and I've been fortunate enough to always live in progressive areas.

This is about people. And if transitioning can keep people like me from killing themselves? I'm all for it.

you seem to be engaging in good faith, so im gonna take you serious and not just be a dick. but man, this is my blog where i have fun and post memes. i hate doing this and am annoyed u sent this at all. theres so many radfem blogs that love discourse and im sooo lukewarm, im radfem-adjacent at best. im a fandom blogger at heart bro. who tf are you lol

first of all i do not care about your life story. youre like "please please see me as a person, we kweer transes are real people, i hope you can understand that even though youre a horrible evil t*rf. im reaching out to u because i believe theres still good in ur heart uwu" you people r annoyinggg

its not like i lack empathy, i was dysphoric and suicidal for a whole decade of my life and mostly surrounded myself with people who felt the same. what changed for me is realizing that my internal feelings about the gender-flavor of my soul didnt mean a goddamn thing and werent worth dwelling on. im a person and my body is female. at first i still wanted to change myself. i switched to id-ing as transmed, i was ready to acknowledge that i was born a girl at least but i knew so strongly that i wanted to pass as male and that it would make me more comfortable in my body. i was completely sure i was a man.

now ofc body dysmorphia is different for everyone but i really think no matter how fucked up your brain gets about how you naturally look, changing your body with medical intervention isnt the best answer. theres so many side effects and complications with each transition step. taking T in a female body can really fuck you up medically. keep yourself informed about what youre doing and think about if theres less expensive and drastic ways to go about fixing what makes you uncomfortable about the way you're perceived. and not to be insensitive, but if you have a history of s*xual assault, that can also be a very real reason for disconnect from your secondary sexual characteristics and ive met enough people that struggle with that sort of ptsd that manifests as wanting to trans their gender that i would rly think about where the desire to become male comes from. it could be a lot of things, and it can feel so real and valid dont get me wrong—but could fade away with time and/or therapy, leaving you reverse-dysphoric about your changed body

committing to being a transsexual while young is a tricky thing. i trust youve already thought it through but goddamn i promise you everything in life changes so much all the time. maybe this wont for you! but it might!!! it did for me and thats terrifying!!!!! identifying as trans is very much the current "its not a phase mom!" thing that teenagers do and you cant convince me otherwise btw. this isnt to say genuine trans people arent real and dont exist. and medically transitioned people definitely do, bc its exploded in popularity. but most of yall are a joke to anyone with a brain sorry lol most people are humoring you guys but would never admit it. this is a fate i wouldnt wish on anyone. being trans is cringe. or it will be soon, trust me

tldr i desisted from being trans myself after a full decade of self-id, various pronouns, etc. so i know where youre coming from. then when i started anxiety medication it helped boost me out of that spiral, which if u havent gotten medicated for other underlying issues i suggest you look into before jumping into hormones/surgery. ive heard that ocd can make u obsess about breasts and want them gone and stuff like that. body dysmorphia in any flavor is a bitch! im wishing you the best anon

also, read some self help literature instead of just fiction. i recommend 7 habits of highly effective people by steven covey. i read this for college and it fr made me a more functional person when i was still FtM and deeply depressed

edit: for the record im not gender conforming to femininity now. i see that misconception a lot, and forget that most ppl dont know what radfem types actually believe. i dress however i want, i just am not delusional about how i want people to address me. im just a lesbian 🫶

#mail #post #this is a little incoherent but im trying to be honest with u brotha ok ur a man u can take it #t

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dalishious · 1 year

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Leli 1 for the companion ask game if you haven't done it already pls

(Warden + Companions Ask Meme)

Leliana #1: “What was your Warden’s position on the Chantry? Were they wary of Leliana due to their religious beliefs or lack thereof?”

Da’Renan couldn’t figure Leliana out. It had been three days since they left Lothering now, and she had barely spoken a word except when spoken to. Mostly she minded her own business, save for a comment here and there about where they were going and what they were doing. He agreed to bring her along because frankly, they needed all the help they could get, even if that help came in the form of a Chantry sister. But interacting travelling with Leliana, you’d never know that’s what she was.

Da’Renan was not typically one to start up conversations—he much preferred listening—but curiosity got the better of him. Tonight, he finally had to ask. “Are you really a Chantry sister?” Leliana stopped counting her arrows and looked up, becoming deathly still. “Why do you ask?” she responded. “You’re nothing like any Chantry folk I’ve ever encountered before. You rarely speak of it.” “Oh? I would assume as a Dalish you would know little of the Chantry.” “My clan has had run-ins with missionaries and templars alike. The former wanted to convert us, the later just wanted to kill us.” Leliana frowned deeply. “I’m so sorry,” she said, and yet again Da’Renan was surprised by her actions, for he detected sincerity in that. “I don’t believe in spreading the Chant by force. Nothing good can ever come of that.” “An unusual stance from your kind.” “And that’s a shame.” She then circled back to Da’Renan’s original question. “I believe in spreading the Chant with charity and good will. If my actions can help even one person as the Chantry has helped me, then that is doing the Maker’s work far more effectively than any war could.” “I find it hard to believe the Chantry has truly helped anyone.” “I can understand how you would feel that way. The Chantry has done horrible things to your people. But I can only speak for myself when I say I would not be alive today without it.” Da’Renan thought about that. “Perhaps it’s not all bad, then.” Leliana smiled, and returned to counting her arrows. Da’Renan left her to her task, but as he walked away, he wondered just how much more to Leliana there was that he didn’t know about.

#da'renan mahariel #warden and companions ask meme #ask

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wolfvirago · 2 years

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;; so, before I think about doing a mutual check/unfollow warning, I wanted to talk about something that has been bothering me.

I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that as a working student and adult, my mind is not nearly as versatile as it was 5 years ago. My following and interaction base number has grown significantly in the past 2-3 years, and I’m still floored to get as many drafts as I do. Ryn in high school, even freshman in college shibe Ryn would have NEVER imagined having more than 5 drafts to do each week. I’m grateful every day to be able to have this hobby and enjoy it.

I’m only bothered recently by how hard it is to interact sometimes based on the preference of PLOTTING vs FREE-WINGING-IT.

Ladies/gentlemen/other-configurations-of-being, work and school and family matters have utterly drained my brain of the same rubber band speed it once had in coming up with endless scenarios for my muse to partake in without any prior information. However, there is still hope... I can bounce off ideas on others, provided they GIVE some semblance of ideas.

I’m frustrated because lately, many people I have spoken to about plotting won’t provide any sort of ideas of their own when I have nothing. We’re left staring at one another blankly. Sometimes, we can try to wing memes and things after that. But 9 times/10 lately, those people never respond again.

So what I want people to know is that I’m frustrated that I cannot be of better use for coming up with interesting threads on the fly. I have become pickier with answering asks because sometimes these prompts leave little for me to work with. I find more success bouncing off provided starters or asks I sent in. It hurts to lose potential writing partners because they’re not willing to compromise in this way, or even offer whatever spitball ideas they have. It feels like a lack of true interest.

I’m sorry if this seems like a big ol’ sob-story vent. I just feel like I can be honest with you guys, because I’m fortunate to have lots of mutuals who will stand by me regardless of my brain energy that day. After all, this is a hobby. And I hope things can improve where I have discussed them so maybe I don’t have to softblock folks when there’s potential for something amazing.

#;your local shibe ryn (ooc)#vent /#long post /#tbd

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redsixwing · 1 year

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Give me Solaire and Ornstein for the character headcanon meme.

Solaire 🌞

1. Sexuality headcanon: Pansexual. Solaire has broad tastes in lovers, and easily becomes attached to people whether or not they share his inclinations.

2. OTP: Solaire x Chosen undead (other people's)

3. BroTP: Solaire + Chosen undead (Ifsahan, my OC, not sorry)

4. NoTP: Solaire x Lautrec.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head: Solaire is more than a little mad. The way he expresses it is charming, but it takes a certain lack of self-preservation to pursue his sun through hell itself, and against all evidence that something awful has happened to the Sun himself.

6. Favorite line from this character: "Exhilarating, is it not? The power of the Sun!"

And: "I cannot give up. I became Undead to pursue this!"

7. One way in which I relate to this character: I am also affable to newly met people, and often more stubborn than is good for me.

8. One thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment about this character: nothing, really.

9. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - Definitely a cinnamon roll, although that implies a degree of harmlessness that doesn't match for Solaire.

Ornstein 🦁

1. Sexuality headcanon: Definitely fucks. I'm not convinced that Gwyn's people categorize sexuality the way we do, but let's let him have a variety of attractions, as a treat.

2. OTP: I don't have one, but I've seen some art of him and a certain king that's pretty fun.

3. BroTP: the Four Knights as a whole. Friend group goals!

4. NoTP: Smoughstein. I won't yuck your yum about it, though.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head: Ornstein is as capable as an administrator as he is in combat. His role in the height of Anor Londo's power was more than ceremonial; he oversaw the entire order of Silver Knights.

6. Favorite line from this character: alas, Ornstein has no lines. I'll give you a voice headcanon instead.

Ornstein has a middling voice, with just a bit of a rasp when he's speaking in ordinary tones, inflicted by his battlefield shout. He is entirely capable of projecting his voice across a cathedral in song, or across a battlefield in command.

He sings tenor.

7. One way in which I relate to this character: I am awfully fond of lions as a symbol. Solar lion is a cool combination with a lot of depth, and I project aspirational traits on him a lot.

8. One thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment about this character: nothing again! ...I'm starting to suspect that I don't experience this as often as some folks do.

9. Cinnamon roll or problematic fave? -Secret third thing: boss who can absolutely wreck me. ;)

#asked and answered #thanks for the ask!#dark souls #solaire of astora #dragonslayer ornstein

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cflight · 1 year

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Almost completely done with clearing out my inbox! Going to work on the starter call I owe from a bit ago (god I’m so sorry I’ve been busy 😭) and some threads I have scattered around my drafts and notifs.

I’m also going to try and be reaching out/sending memes to folks since I know I’ve been lacking in that department lately and I want to get back into the groove of writing again.

Thanks for your patience!! 💕

#🌻 | out of sunflowers.#🌻 | i love everybody because i love queue.#also good morning this is past Evan saying hello hope you’re all doing well

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onewomancitadel · 2 years

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Heya! It’s been a while. I’ve been busy with college stuff lately but when I saw your stuff re-appear on my dash I felt compelled to send an encouraging message. Your stuff has always been so very good, especially with all the analyses and deep-dives into the themes since it not only deepened my appreciation of Knightfall as a ship but for RWBY as a whole. I always felt like one of a very small number of loners in the community who seriously shipped Jaune and Cinder together, so it’s really encouraging to know someone like you can make something so grand and popular about it. Please keep up the good work, I’m really hoping you continue doing this for a long time.

On another note, I think you also mentioned a few times that you also shipped Reylo? To be honest I was always iffy about that as a ship, but when I kind of off-set the ship + characters themselves from the movies (which is helpful because I never actually watched Movie 9 b/c of how everyone harps on it), I actually think I like it as well. You mentioning it plus how so many other folk I’ve seen analyze Star Wars to help support and deepen it like you do with Knightfall really makes me feel part of a wider community, so thanks for that!

Hi, it's great to hear from you again. I hope college is going well for you! Feel free to drop by on Tumblr whenever. Thank you for your ask, I'm sorry I didn't respond yesterday, I got hit by a migraine and checked out for the rest of the night.

I'm glad my blog can be a source of support like that. (: That's the most important thing! I mean I knew of only very few blogs on Tumblr that were seriously into it, because it sort of depends what one means by 'shipping', and I am usually a canonshipper. I don't like blogs that post shortfics or scenarios or roleplaying or any of that stuff more common with R/WBY ships on Tumblr, I am generally someone who wants to discuss canon or post longer fics to AO3. I make memes because I think they're silly fun and I like having silly fun, but that's just the logical consequence of discussing things seriously, you need a bit of lighthearted stuff sometimes lol.

I would really like to keep doing this too, so thank you for saying so. Honestly, I think that were I less invested in Knightfall, I probably wouldn't bother anymore because in terms of fandom behaviour and sensibilities, I have had a lot of fucking weird comments on my fic that just speak to a lack of respect and kindness extended towards fic authors, I have had a sizeable amount of rude anons (though I do get a lot of good ones, that's why anon is still turned on) - and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much you toughen yourself up, if you look at your kudos:views ratio and compare it to other fandoms and curl up into a ball and cry because it hurts, is it worth it? Numbers shouldn't matter, but I'm only doing this because I like Jaune/Cinder that much. That much. THAT MUCH. I don't have any obligation to write or share fic otherwise.

So, er, yeah, I don't know where I'd draw the line, but for me it's the ship that matters more than anything. That's the bit I care about. I like writing my silly little fanfic. I don't really know if a 'community' exists for Knightfall as such (correction: it may well exist, but I'm very solitary); I'm not even sure if I'd call myself popular? It certainly doesn't feel like it. I guess I have pretty low self-esteem so I don't assume that I'm special or anything, but it feels like I have to - constantly try to earn my place, I suppose. I feel like I'm barely tolerated. Lol. Like I post a fic and I'm just waiting for someone to tell me, 'Oh, good enough, I suppose, but I don't like the rest,' and it really hurts. It just feels like losing. I only feel satisfaction when I'm in the middle of writing something and when I finish. This is a R/WBY fandom problem, by the way, I could be anywhere else and probably not encounter this.

That is to say, on the upside, the fact I'm still here now means I intend to keep going. I try to see silver-linings and be grateful for what I've got.

I do want to emphasise it's really nice that it makes you feel less alone and gives you more of a community space so that's really special.

On another note, I think you also mentioned a few times that you also shipped Reylo?

It's funny you mention Reylo because I veryyyyy vividly remember a Knightfall blog mentioning a fear that Knightfall would attract Reylo shippers and then I never interacted with them ever again. This is a while ago (like over two years ago lol) but it really put me off. I suppose quality over quantity of fans - there are... so many Reylos who can fabricate communities out of nothing lol - but I'll take my toys and go home in that case.

But also lol, wow, Reylo has been like my entire online identity since TFA. I only don't mention it that much because I wanted the space wizards to have fat Jedi babies together and I get sad thinking about it and because going to new fandoms being a Reylo means you have to put up with people taking you to task over Reylo. Small fry, I suppose, but again: I'll take my toys and go home.

I do think Reylo is/was the best fandom I've ever been in though, including some of the most masterful analyses I've ever read in any fandom. I can't link skysilencer since she got run off Tumblr by antis, but anything by Ohtze is a very good read, and going through corseque's Reylo tag is a very fun time as well as that one reincarnation theory - which by virtue would lead you to the Wayward Jedi, who after he went through some troubles, has actually reuploaded or unhidden all of his original Anidala/Reylo videos on YouTube - and I'm really only scratching the surface here. In fact, last night I was rereading Ohtze's the Usurper and the Holy Mother meta.

So I miss the TLJ era, what can I say. I would have to say that in terms of Reylo characterisation, because I began to lurk reading Ohtze's metas right after TFA and then rediscovered corseque's blog (I initially found hers through her wonderful Zelgan fanart lol), my perception of Reylo was a little different to some of the Dark Fuck Prince characterisation which pervaded the ship. So where you come from and what blogs you follow certainly matters and changes your perception of things.

I'm not sure about Tumblr anymore but the Reylo community is still very active on Twitter.

What I think is interesting about Reylo is that very conscious Jungian storytelling was used in TLJ. So it's relevant to use as a recent reference and to demonstrate what that kind of thing can look like. I recommend wit_and_folly for her early videos on Reylo and the monomyth - more specifically, the Heroine's Journey. I think she has a lot of interesting things to say, and is one of very few video essayists I can actually stand.

There's a very specific kind of enemies-to-lovers that I'm into, and Reylo and Knightfall are the two who pretty much hit the spot. I haven't really found any other ship that hits the same mythic beats or characterisation of the baddie and hero or has the same kind of narrative stakes. So tracing the similarities is always interesting to me.

I haven't tried to preach about Knightfall, I have mostly just tried to share my thoughts on the matter, and if that makes people interested or makes them feel seen then that's all I would want. It is a bit hard sometimes though. Very few reblog my posts, I get some likes here and there and I'm thankful for that, and that's just part of a broader shift of the website - but on my end I don't really know that it stands for much?

I think that's why I'm so confused about people being offended by me or Knightfall because there is seriously no threat here. All other Jaune and Cinder ships have their own juggernaut positions in the fandom. I'm one fucking person. A... a... a onewomancitadel, if you will.

I didn't know that username would become so apt lolol.

I'm sorry to be so down in this response. Ultimately, I think being committed to an idea is the thing that matters to me, that's why I write and that's why I post on my silly little blog. There's a certain security in that as well, and I think that sincerity - sincere care for an idea, for a ship, for a fic, for a silly meme - is the bit that matters, and certainly matters the most to me, and should be able to stand on its own.

Hope you have a good weekend and good luck once again with college. <3

#seraphina's asks #user: technonecromancerderaxus #whingeing and whining and moaning #sorry it really is one of those posts lol

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