#sorry rereading this i am like wow he's mean :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

korrasamibottles · 21 days

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I just reread the space between heartbeats and I suddenly need you to tell me everything about it! What gave you the idea for all the story beats and details???

Thank you so much for asking (and for re-reading?? Such an amazing compliment wow)!! I'm still completely floored by how sweet everyone has been about this fic....I wrote it from the heart so the positivity really means a lot😭 Also sorry this got so long oh my god lol.

Before I even started writing, I knew I wanted to come at the whole thing from Mako's perspective. He's such a complicated and fascinating character to me, and there's so much potential to explore how the trauma of witnessing his parents' murder and the depersonalization of having to be brother-father-protector-provider to a younger sibling while also still a child led to him being SO detached from his own wants and needs and feelings, and so used to thinking of himself as a tool rather than a person, that if somebody asked him point blank what he wanted his head would pop.

But maybe...after spending a lot of time around somebody who isn't afraid to openly want things and ask for them....Mako could start thinking about what HE wants, so that when somebody finally does ask him he's able to untangle his feelings enough to actually put them into words.....?

Mako's character has such a strong presence and I didn't want Wu to feel flat in comparison, or for it to seem like he was only there to further Mako's development, so I decided to give Wu the benefit of having the setting be all about him.

This also gave me an opening to show how Mako's influence could give Wu the push he needed to shake off the spoiled prince persona and become the more mature, compassionate man he always had the potential to be. We saw the beginnings of that in the show and in Ruins of the Empire, and I like to think they'll continue on that trajectory even though I'm not getting my hopes up for any wuko crumbs whatsoever in the Mako solo comic.

(Everyone already knows this because I never shut up about it, but what makes me so bonkers about wuko is the potential for them to bring out the best in each other. That kind of dynamic is fucking gold to me.)

Anyway. Once I had the POV and setting figured out, I had to give Mako a reason to be there, and I thought, well, he hasn't yet reached the point where he's able to admit he has feelings for Wu (even inside his own head) so the pretext of him deciding he had to keep Wu alive to protect the fragile democratization process felt right and seemed plausible.

The first two scenes came together from a few lines I poached from an unfinished korrasami wip....

"That's not–I'm not–we're just colleagues, Asami," he splutters convincingly.

"Yeah? So everyone at the precinct just hand-feeds each other moon peach slices in the morning, then? That's standard 'colleague' behavior?"

"Asami–"

"And right at the breakfast table," she whispers dramatically, shaking her head in mock disapproval and relishing how the blush has spread from his ears down his neck. "We all saw you practically purring into his hands, Mako. Like a damn octocat."

....and this bit of dialogue from the closet scene

“What kind of closet locks from the inside!?”

“You tell me! You grew up here!”

“Not in this closet!”

I turned the peach lines into a whole scene because I loved the idea of Wu being like "teehee I am getting him to try something new and fun" meanwhile Mako's like 3 seconds away from just snapping and sucking on Wu's fingers. Except it's rated T so. You know. Gotta be more subtle about it lol.

As for the closet dialogue....I'm a simple woman and I will never ever get tired of closet-themed jokes and accidents. My personal headcanon re: Wu's sexuality is that it was kind of like an open secret among the royal family. Like he'd flirt with women in public just to keep up appearances but really, everyone knew. Hence the "not in this closet!" line. To be clear, I don't think the royal family was ok with it, and I'm sure he suffered for it, but in this fic I positioned him further along in his own self-acceptance journey than Mako.

The next scene didn't unfold as easily, and I really, really struggled with it. Mako was a bit of a ticking time bomb by this point in the story–the tension had been rising for a while, and I knew it had to break eventually, but I wanted it to break in the right way.

I wrote several different versions, but every time the dialogue got away from me and it always ended the same way: with them getting into an actual argument and Mako storming out the door. And that was Not the vibe I was going for. I wanted more of an "oh fuck" moment rather than a "this guy is pissing me off and I have to get out of here" one. Mako has a tendency to get snappy in emotional situations, and that combined with him being an acts-of-service kind of person made the "it's my job to worry about you!" line finally click into place.

Deep down, Mako knows he's more than just a bodyguard to Wu, he knows how Wu feels about him, but he can't let himself really think about it. Because if he's more than his work, more than just a tool to be used, if Wu wants him around simply because he enjoys his company and not because Mako is providing a service, then that means Mako's entire sense of self is built on a lie. That's a terrifying realization, with or without the added element of internalized homophobia (and I had to add it. For maximum angst.)

I knew I wanted the fic to end with Mako realizing that the way he'd been operating simply wasn't healthy or sustainable, followed by a dramatic confession of feelings, but how to get there? Well why not invent a weird old bug woman. I thought a sort of grandmotherly figure might be somebody Mako would take seriously, and also I selfishly just wanted a woman in the story lol.

I honestly don't know where the ant spiral idea came from–maybe it's something I learned about as a kid that's been haunting the crevices of my brain for years. But it felt like an interesting way to symbolize how Mako was on a self-destructive path of repeating the same harmful behaviors over and over. If he kept depriving himself of meaningful connections, never stepped outside his comfort zone, continued avoiding learning how to process his emotions, and kept letting his fear and his pain decide what he was and wasn't allowed to want, he'd only keep inadvertently hurting himself and the people he cares about. That sort of thing. But he's stubborn, and needed to figure it out himself, so I let Qin Li give him the pieces (dare I say peaches?) so he could put it all together.

The final scene was written in its entirety at the auto shop, because apparently that's where my muse lives. Great place to write, can't recommend broken cars highly enough. Anyway, I wanted his eventual admission to feel like removing a giant splinter, which is to say: extremely painful and strained, but a huge relief once it's out. Difficult as it was, he needed to actually verbalize that shit not only for himself but also because it wouldn't have been fair for Wu to have to be in a relationship with somebody who couldn't even admit the feelings were real. And of course I had to have Wu jump into his arms at some point. Couldn't resist :)

One other thing I just thought about (and can't figure where to put it in this post, so I guess I'll just stick it here) is that I had fun giving both of them weird little quirks. Like Mako being an anxious/compulsive skin picker and Wu being fidgety and refusing to wear his glasses.

OH YEAH ONE MORE THING. Mako yanking on the doorknob in the closet was 100% a euphemism. For something.

#seriously thanks for this it was fun thinking about why i did what i did!!!#asks #sweetorangepoptart #wuko

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bridja02 · 3 months

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Dedicating yet another blogpost to @cherrynojutsu's Like Gold:

It's been awhile since I've been on Tumblr, wow. The last time I reviewed Like Gold was, oh my god, three years ago?! Time flies.

As I took a break from reading this fic, waiting for more chapters to accumulate, as one does, and also because of life and studying... I decided to reread it last week, as I realized the latest chapter Cherry released was 19! My review was at chapter 6!

And oh boy, what have I missed! I have to admit I feel terrible for not reading for so long! T.T

First things first, I have to compliment Cherry's writing style, and how much it has improved since the last time! As she began the fic in June of 2021, and I'm not saying at all that her writing used to be bad, just that now it's absolute perfection! Here's a visual representation of my feelings while reading the first time:

The same gif used as for the first review - but the feelings were the same this time around too. The first couple of chapters of SasuSaku's blooming relationship was the cutest, from the tenative first kisses to the lingering touches ♥

However, the emotional rollercoaster that ensued after the story progresseed - oh my god. Here's another visual representation, this time showing my emotions just after I finished chapter 19:

(tears because of Sasuke's inner turmoil and trauma, and the blushing because of Sasuke's-😳 )

Once again mentioning my initial review, I SPECULATED the turn that this fic will take with Sasuke's mental health, and oh- the turn was so sudden and sharp that it sent me tumbling down the road. I feel so sorry for the poor boy, he deserves nothing but happiness, and I need him SO BADLY to talk to someone about it.

I knew the fic was going to be a huge slowburn (which was right up my alley) but at some point I thought to myself this has been so sweet and innocent for so long, with their sweet pecks and hugs and lunches and book clubs, will the author really have the means of turning this into something more? I was proven wrong after reading the scene on Sakura's balcony, and wintessing their first makeout sesh. I realized, Cherry will be going places. Had no more doubts after that.

I have no energy to describe anything I felt for the couch scene in chapter 19, as I am not quite done processing what I just read... (The blushing on my cheeks still hasn't passed).🥵

However, I wish to appreaciate the authors ability to indulge on the topics of mental health disorders and character analysis. It's soo hard to read Sasuke struggling like that, and believe me I've read my fair share on SS fics, but I've never seen someone delve this deeply into Sasuke's character and mental state. Cherry I don't know what your major is, but hats off to your skills! You must be really empathetic to be able to write this so well, and I truly admire you for it ♥

I'm so happy to see Sasuke finally trying to do something about it - the jasmine, the old district, his cuts and oh the letters break my heart into million pieces! I can't imagine how Sakura must feel when she finds out what Sasuke has been keeping to himself and suffering silently, even though she urged him never to suffer alone. Oh my, I CAN SMELL THE ANGST COMING. Am I bad person because I can't wait for it?

I love the authors humor, transfering onto Sasuke's witty one and also the other characters. I love the subtle details and descriptions this fic has to offer - from the descriptions of mugs, books they read, the teas they drink. It's too sweet. You can truly feel the authors soul through their work!

The chapter when Sasuke was sick was so lovely, but I have to admit that the bed scene and counting heartbeats has to be the sweetest, lovliest thing I have read in awhile! <3

I am so excited for the future chapters now that so many things unfolded, Sasuke's state has probably never been worse so I really need him to start healing T.T Sakura is so sweet and supprotive, hopefully Sasuke will help her too by urging her to work less. Also excited for the smut.

Thank you so much Cherry for sharing your work with us, I am eternally grateful! I will be looking forward to the future chapters!

#cherrynojutsu #sasusaku #sasusaku fanfiction #like gold #bridja reviews once in three years #i love this work with all my heart

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rowarn · 5 months

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HI !!! i just wanted to tell you that your new ghost fic is SO INSANELY GOOD. like. wow. the amount of dedication and effort you put into the fic clearly shows through how beautifully constructed it is. it was such an emotional ride and i cried SO HARD when simon was being mean to reader like YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT ! but im happy simon apologises especially considering how hard it is to show vulnerability. reader was written in such a relatable manner i could literally see myself in the fic as i read through it YOU DID AMAZING. AND THE SMUT!! SCREAMS ITS SO GOOD i was giggling and kicking my feet AAND WHEN SIMON GOT MEAN!! the way he was snarling LIKE PHEW! sorry i was just so excited for the fic AND THE END RESULT JUST EXCEEDED EVERYONE'S EXPECTATIONS FOR SURE. i am gonna be thinking about it the whole day :( will probably reread too because its like 1 am here BUT ANYWAYS . you did absolutely amazing and i hope you are proud of yourself !! give yourself a treat you deserve it >:3

AHHH THANK U SO MUCH FOR SUCH KIND WORDS IT RLLY MEANS A LOT !!!!

i'm glad that i was able to make the readers cry bc i did cry myself while writing it 🥹 simon was so mean that i thot ppl were gonna be like HES IRREDEEMABLE but it seems a lot of ppl were mad at both him AND reader LMAO 😭 i'm glad ppl found the reader relatable regardless of how....messy they were in the head for a good while.

i was havin to do LAPS while writing the smut bro 😭 when he started bein all commanding and shit i was like DAMN he's so dreamy i was truly in love with PLM!simon for the whole fic what a man!!!!!!

BUT THANK U FOR READING IT AND TSKING THE TIME TO SEND ME AN ASK ABT IT HEHE <33333

#ask

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toriria · 1 year

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𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓— 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐬

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 | 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓

When arriving to Ayato’s apartment, seeing him in set up that could put a shame to other crime movies was definitely not what you were expecting.

You take a seat at the plastic table Ayato oh-so-wonderfully set up in the middle of his living room, wincing once a bright-ass light was directed towards you, “What is all of this? It feels like I’m getting investigated.”

You grimace, “Is the light that’s burning my retinas really necessary for your plan?”

He chuckles nervously and turns off the light, “Ah, no. Sorry about that.”

You can’t help but shake your head at his antics. So dramatic, yet so serious.

Muttering underneath your breath, a slight smile spreads on your face, “You’re really something else, Ayato.”

But it seems he didn’t hear you as he rereads the notes he’s taken on his beloved notebook. You groan at the sight of it.

Sensing your dismay, your kitten jumps down from her very fancy-looking scratch post and makes her way towards you.

“What would you say are your most likable qualities?” Ayato suddenly asks, staring at you keenly for your answer.

You hum, a small but uneasy smile playing on your lips, “Hm. I’ve never really thought about what makes me likable. People who like me, like me, and people who don’t, don’t.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Never?”

You huff, “What? Am I supposed to? I don’t need people to like me. I like animals more anyways.”

Despite not really getting an answer, you notice Ayato noting something down with a small smile on his face.

“What’s with that look? What are you writing in there?” You squint, trying to snatch the notebook away.

He gasps and holds the damn thing to his chest like a baby, “Hey! Be patient. I’ll go over everything after you answer a couple more questions.”

You slump back into the seat, petting the kitten in your lap to distract you.

“What is you ideal partner? What do you usually find attractive?” He asks.

You shrug, “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never liked someone enough.”

“How am supposed to work with this?” Ayato groans, which you know he prolonged for dramatic effect. “You’re giving me nothing here!”

He can be such perfectionist once he gets caught up on something, you think. You appreciate though, it means he’s taking it seriously.

“Quit whining! You’re going to scare the kitten,” You furrow your brows. “What do you find attractive then, huh?”

Ayato practically chokes, “W-What?! Why are you asking me such personal questions?”

You stare at him, pondering whether or not you should just leave with the kitten or tough it out. Unfortunately, the chance of a discount has you choosing the latter.

You sigh, “Clearly, we need to rethink a new strategy on how to go about this. We can get to know each other as much as we want, but it won’t change the fact that we don’t act like a couple.”

Of course Ayato has thought about that. It was practically the first thing he thought of when brainstorming. But to act like a real couple with you, his heart feels like might explode.

Control and order is what Ayato works best under, and if that isn’t the case, he can find ways to adapt and improve. Since he was young, he’s practiced how to solve situations that could arise with grace and precision. So, acting should usually be no problem for him.

But…

He glances at you, you whose attention has been captured by the cat on your lap. You start cooing at her about how she’s the reason you’re going to save so much money.

His lips quirk up at the sight, “I like a girl who’s straightforward and bold. One who seems to be intimidating at first glance, but once you see her smile, it’s over. Plus, she has to like animals.”

You perk up, drumming your hands on the table, “Ohh! Write that down! That’s good!”

He shakes his head and laughs, flipping a page in his notebook, “Now, you have to go. Just think of something.”

“Wow, how helpful,” you roll your eyes.

Still, you lean back and close your eyes, humming to yourself as you think.

“I like people who are…cool,” you laugh, your cheeks warming up a bit.

Talking to him about this stuff is kind of embarrassing, you thought. But he shared, so it wouldn’t be fair to not put some effort.

He tilts his head in amusement, noticing your red cheeks, “Cool? That’s it?”

You groan, “I mean—Ugh! I like people who are like—funny and passionate about things they love once you start talking to them.”

“So having hobbies is attractive to you?” He smirks.

You slap his thigh lightly, “I don’t know how to explain it, okay? You make it sound so simple, but it’s more than that! It’s kind of like…you!”

Ayato freezes, but his mind goes haywire, “H-huh? Me?”

“And like Ayaka,” You nod, and his hopes go down the drain. “You both come from a very powerful family, and based on that, people make assumptions. It’s normal, it’s human.”

Ayato nods, and you continue, “And while you two are both polite and well-mannered, I’ve enjoy getting to find out more things about you. Like how unexpectedly dramatic you are. Or how much Ayaka like to bake despite…”

You gulp, not even being able to finish this sentence.

Ayato laughs, “Oh god, you’ve tried her baking too?”

You hit him again, lightly, “Shush! You’ll hurt her feelings!”

He catches your hand in his and pouts, “Stop hitting me! And she’s not even here! Just admit it’s bad.”

You tsk, “It’s not horrible…it’s just crunchy, sometimes.”

“Mm, crunchy,” he smirks. “Would you say those crunchy bits are usually black and taste different?”

You laugh and shake your head, “Stop. You’re talking about my best friend’s baking, you know?”

“You’re best friend is my little sister, you know?” He grins.

A voice pipes up from the doorway, “I think you guys got the acting like a couple part down.”

You scream and put an arm in front of Ayato, “Who the fuc— Childe?!”

The ginger grins and waves, “Yo.”

Ayato stands up, “Why—How did you even get in here?!”

“Your front door was unlocked. That’s real dangerous, man. Also, you weren’t picking up your phone, and Thoma got worried like he always does,” he shrugs. “Thank goodness he told me to check up on you. Who knows who could’ve broken in.”

Ayato blinks, “You?! You literally broke in?!”

He pats Ayato on the shoulder, “Don’t worry about the little things too much. Come on now, everyone is waiting.”

He turns to you, “Sorry to cut your date short, Y/n. But you know how it goes, bros before—“

Ayato cuts him off, “Do not finish that sentence, Ajax.”

You squint, “No, finish it. I want to know how it ends.”

Childe laughs nervously, “What’s with that look all-of-a-sudden, huh?”

Ayato clamps a hand over his mouth, “Sorry for the inconvenience. I have no idea why Thoma puts so much faith in this one. We can meet up again another time! Oh, and take the kitten with you.”

You just nod, quickly gathering everything up, “Have a good day?”

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: (𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐱 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝!)

@yintsukareta @koritasp @whats-humanity-lol @reverse-iak @estelwrld @slvdsjjk @hadesaedes s @gothic-illustrations @fanfictwarrior r @velionas @elysiasbae @morgan-is-writing @aixaingela @ang3lzwrld @still-dazai-simp-not-sorry @kuni-kuzushii @kazuyato @yohoo-tehee @kazuhasmaid @marshmallow12435 @deathkat657 @ropuszke @dollpoetwriting @silverninja48 @ryomenswife @nebulaera @axerrri @racoonlvr @mayasshitposts @lifeisnotdaijoubu-sigh @kazuko-l0I @kaxoohaa @dreamlessnight @sweetstrawberrybabe @itsactuallylina @balladeertome @aromaticism @4lhaitham @sharkiestory @cooki-anna

#genshin impact #genshin impact smau #ayato kamisato #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato kamisato x reader #ayato x you #ayato fluff #ayato x reader #genshin ayaka #genshin ayato #genshin childe #genshin thoma

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ss-shitstorm · 1 year

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Okay okay I’m currently rereading fortuna primaginia for like the seventh or eighth time rn and I am genuinely very curious (and you by no means have to answer this if you don’t want to) but how would the story have differed if Ratchet had shot his shot first and reader had ended up with him before Optimus? My mind is just rolling at the parallels of what could be similar but what would be so very different. Would Optimus have even attempted engaging the reader after that? I love them so much!!!

(Anon sorry I'm sure you just wanted a simple little aside but you're getting a full blown greentext headcanon sloppy style fanfic)

Slaps ask This bad boy can fit SO MUCH angst in it good fucking god. This has been literally eating at my brain every waking second since I received it. There’s just so, so many ways this could go down. And since there IS so many ways this could go down, please by no means treat this shit my brain coughed out as the only way. It’s just a way. But it got my in a vice grip and won’t let go.

Also if anyone’s got their own ideas about how this could’ve gone down please, please share

-Around the time you guys had your first little late night/early movie pow wow, Ratchet, in a wired/half asleep delirium, makes a pass. -It’s a throwaway pass, probably relevant to something in the movie. He doesn’t expect you to even respond. -He definitely doesn’t expect you to reciprocate. -He knows he should stop right exactly here and never bring it up again

-But he doesn’t. -He’s old. He’s tired. He’s (at least a little) drunk. He’s been fighting for so long and passed up so many chances at happiness. Fuck it. He’s gonna see where this goes. -He starts making excuses to see you more often, and you do the same with him.

-OP notices this and immediately backs off, full stop. -You figure he wasn’t actually that into you to begin with, and (albeit reluctantly) shrug it off, and are thus freed to peruse Ratchet with no remorse. -In reality, it’s a knee-jerk reaction out of respect to Ratchet, since he’d done the same for him when they were dating, and he’d first started talking to Elita. Ratchet already sacrificed his happiness for him once before. he’s not going to let him do it again. -But that doesn’t stop his feelings from doing…whatever it is they’re doing. -You still saved Bumblebee. You still adopted Bumblebee, so this mech can’t not see you. -Every time he takes you to the park, or the movies, or on a nature walk somewhere, and sees you playing with his sparkling he wants to shove his head into an industrial trash compressor -He’s happy for you. He’s happy for Ratchet. He’s forever indebted to you for saving Bumblebee and Primus-fragging-blessed why isn’t that enough? -That and he’s still actively mourning the loss of Elita, whom you share an almost identical EM signature with, so every time he’s within sensing range of you he’s blasted with grief and guilt. -But he still spends time with you. It hurts just to look at you, but if the alternative is not seeing you at all then he’ll gladly endure the pain.

-When the heat cycle hits, you’re actually with Optimus. He, you and Bumblebee were in one of the training rooms getting some (gentle, for Bee’s sake) exercise. -When that electrical, wet, cracked egg sensation first drips down your spine, Optimus stops what he’s doing, stares at you, and starts trembling. -You’re understandably worried and ask him what’s wrong. -He manages to articulate something about you emitting an abnormal EM frequency, and to please to go see Ratchet about it immediately. -You have more questions, but he excuses himself from the conversation to walk a safe distance away from you Bee, and proceeds to tear a fucking wall out -You go to the infirmary to see Ratchet, who explains heat cycles and why he thinks your mutant little human body is mimicking one while crushing the edge of a medical berth with his servos. -You, already pretty riled up from watching two (2) of your handsome robot buddies crush and smash things on your behalf, tell him to go ahead and break the Hynek’s scale with you -Ratchet,having zero reason to restrain himself otherwise, mass converts, bends you over a human-sized medical gurney, and fucks you until you black out.

-You don’t go into a coma. Ratchet’s exceptionally skilled in maneuvering his field, so freeing it from your grabby, inexperienced one isn’t a problem for him. -Nor do you wind up with a busted pelvis, bruises or bleeding after sex(at least, not by much. His dick’s still the size of two tallboy monster cans duct-taped together.) -But after the third or so time you guys bone, you do start coughing a lot. And passing out a lot. And puking a lot. -Ratchet’s starting to worry he missed something in his evaluation of your body’s adaption to energeon and cybertronian bio fluids. So he runs some scans. -Lolnope. Turns out you adapted too well. You’re fucking pregnant. -He stares at the results for a whole-ass hour before he can even summon the courage to explain this to you. -By “explain” he means “I had no idea this was possible and I still don’t know how it’s possible or what the fuck it’s going to do to your tiny little squishy body if you decide to keep it.” -You, knowing full well how devastatingly close their whole species is to extinction, thinking about Bumblebee growing up without ever seeing another sparkling, decide “fuck it. We doing spacemom 2 : electric boogaloo”

-Ratchet’s whole ass world changes right exactly then. -In a bad way. -He’s going to be supportive. He’s going to take care of you. He’s going to monitor you night and day and give you everything you could possibly ever need, because not only is this entirely his fault and he cares about you, but- -He doesn’t want to be around sparklings. -Bumblebee is different. Bumblebee doesn’t exist because of him -But because of what happened with Soundwave, and the cassettes, he does not want to have a sparkling. He’s not allowed to. Not after what he did. -He starts drinking more. And loosing himself in his work. And finding reasons to not be around you. -Or anyone. -He’s in his lab constantly. He says it’s because he’s learning as much as he possibly can about human bodies and human reproduction and running what tests he can to find out how to give you the nutrients the sparkling needs without poisoning you, how to compensate for the effects of your weaker field on it’s organ and internal systems development. -He’s not lying. But he’s also using it as an excuse to stay the hell away from you. -Your relationship starts deteriorating, along with your health. -Seeing you getting sicker and weaker because of something he did to you is dredging all his baggage with the Iaconian hospital experiments up from the dark corners of his mind and you are in no condition for him to confess about that now. -So he hides. You’re left out in the cold.

-Optimus see’s you emotionally freezing to death, and offers warmth. -The time you’d normally reserved for spending with Ratchet is now spent with him. -You don’t want to dump your problems on him. You don’t. -But Optimus feels the sting of Ratchet’s cold shoulder just as badly as you do. So he winds up being less an emotional dumping ground and more of a commiserating partner. -You’re both so worried about him. -Op’s so worried about you, being balls deep in your carrying cycle, puking blood almost daily and in a terrible place with your baby daddy. -He tells himself it doesn’t go deeper than that. And it never will -He knows it’s bullshit. -He knows his spark screaming out for him to comfort you and screaming out for him to take you are two vines in the same jungle, hopelessly braided together and impossible to separate fully. -He knows this and he still invites you out to stargaze after Bee’s been put to sleep, wrapping you up in so many sweaters and blankets and bringing you to the top of the base for the clearest view of the desert sky. -He’ll lie down on his back and you’ll sit next to his helm and nerd out until you inevitably fall asleep mid-sentence somewhere. -He’s heard you name every single star in every single visible constellation a hundred times, and he’ll gladly hear it a hundred more. -He offhandedly compares you to Ursa while you’re pointing it out, and you break down in tears. -You’re not a bear. You’ve never been a bear. Bears are strong enough to keep their shit together. You’re not keeping your shit together. At all. -He tells you that’s bullshit. He tells you anyone in your position would be breaking down, yes including a bear. -He tells you you’re the strongest person he’s ever met and whatever’s going on with Ratchet’s not your fault. It’s not. -He has a point, but you still feel so weak, and tell him you can see why Ratchet wouldn’t want to be with someone as fragile as you. -Seeing you like this breaks something in him. There’s protocols blowing up left and right in his processor and spark telling him to stop the tiny human from crying. Stop the adoptive mother of his sparkling from crying. Stop you from crying. -So he rolls over, he cradles you against his cheek while you sob. You lean into him, throw your tiny arms around him and - -He kisses you -He realizes it’s a mistake the second he does it. He breaks the kiss, wracked with guilt, apologies immediately, tires to pull away- -You don’t let him. You kiss him back. -His field rolls over you out of nowhere like a tsunami, knocking you on your ass. -He can feel your field already sinking it’s inexperienced kitten claws into his, and he yanks it away before they can entwine further. -You two stare at each other in silence for a few moments after that, before wordlessly heading back inside. -You go straight to bed, too tired to analyze exactly what the fuck that was, or wonder if you were wrong about him not liking you. -He goes back to his room and stares at the wall. He has no excuse for what the fuck he just did. He doesn’t even drink. He made that mistake stone cold sober. -Both you and Ratchet need his support right now, not whatever shit he just pulled. -He’s a leader and a father. He can’t ever afford to make a mistake like that again. -But he can’t leave you alone, because he knows Ratchet won’t be here for you. -And he can’t leave Ratchet alone, because he won’t let anyone else near him. -He stares at the wall for the rest of the night.

-The next day, the sparkling sends out it’s first ping, seeking to start it’s nonverbal, psychic bond with it’s sire -Except, it doesn’t send it to it’s sire. -Ratchet’s field had been clamped so tightly around his frame ever since this started you haven’t been able to feel it at all. Naturally, the sparkling had nothing to cling to either. -Instead, it forms a bond with the mech who’s field dragged you in like a riptide -It forms one with Optimus -Neither of you bring this up to Ratchet. You can’t. You both already feel guilty as hell for whatever the fuck that was. -But neither of you can deny the gravitational pull you feel towards each other anymore. -The sparkling starts sending him clips of your voice. Of His voice. -Optimus feels his spark splitting in two both because this tiny little ethereal voice is calling out to him, not Ratchet, and because he can’t answer that tiny voice. -You make tentative plans to put your head through a fucking cheese grater the second this metal baby is out of you.

-Fortunately, that comes sooner than later. -Unfortunately, much like with Bee, the sparkling’s field gets lodged in your brainwaves during emergence, and can’t fully separate -They do finally become untangled once she’s born -But that’s only after your neural activity slows to a crawl when you blackout -NOW it’s coma time, baby.

-Seeing you comotose after giving birth to his sparkling is the last straw for Ratchet -He snaps -Hands the sparkling to Optimus, apologizes, and just leaves. -Optimus is left largely alone and flailing with this sparkling, who is basically recognizing him as her dad. -She repeatedly sends him clips of your voice, her way of asking “Where’s mom? I want mom? I waited so long to see them where’s mom?” -The first thing she blurts out with her primitive vox are the beginning notes to David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs. -Echo seems like a fitting name. He relays this experience and the suggestion to Ratchet. -Ratchet’s optics glaze over. His lip trembles. He unintentionally crushes the cube of hi-grade he’s holding, but agrees. -But beyond that, Ratchet is gone. -Wakes up, attends to any medical issues for the team, then drinks himself to unconsciousness, rinse and repeat. -He is a miserable, drunk old bastard barely fit for duty let alone to be a father -Thank god for Fowler, who’s kept people like Astoria, Carly and Raoul on call for exactly this outcome(He predicted robot fucking would have repercussions, and he was RIGHT) -Astoria takes one look at your comatose body and gets her tubes tied immediately. -They wind up having to take babysitting off base most of the time, though, because Ratchet refuses to be around any humans -Which is why when Jack, Miko and Raf wind up there eventually, he’s less than enthused. -They should leave. They NEED to leave, because he’s only ever hurt things smaller than himself. -Despite this, Raf and Bumblebee manage to still get through to him somehow. -His relationship with Echo, though. -It’s bad. -He can’t even look at her without seeing your face. And Soundwave’s face. And every single cassette he forced into existence.

-Optimus visits you while you slumber. -It’s not often that he can do this, pressure of being a leader. And a father. And now the lone diplomatic relation between cybertronians and humanity, after you decided to take a preemptive dirt nap. -Sometimes he tells you mundane things, like how his day went, how everyone’s doing -He likes to tell you how Bee and Echo are doing. That they’ve gotten along exceedingly well. Their so close in age, that’s to be expected. -But Bee adores her, and she’s aggressively possessive of him -And, when he’s run out of things to say, he’ll thank you. He’ll thank you for saving Bumblebee. For fighting so hard to establish refuge for his people here. For keeping him company. For being his friend. -For letting him love you. -He always chokes up on the last one, and leaves before he can finish, excusing himself from a quiet room and leaving as silently as he came.

-Ratchet visits you too. -A lot -In fact, when he’s not in the infirmary, or his quarters, or drinking in either of those places, he’s here. -But unlike Optimus, he comes up empty for words. -He just watches your unmoving body, and the gentle oscillations of the various monitors hooked up to you -He will say one thing, though, every time. Right before he leaves -It’s always the same thing. -”I’m sorry.”

-While this is going on, you’re busy cavorting around with Elita in the realm of the primes with Rumble and Frenzy -She (lovingly) berates you for not sleeping with her husband, which is a trip in of itself. -In between trials she teaches you how to hop in and out of dreams -Even the nightmarish, extremely unstable ones -So naturally, you dive right into one of Ratchet’s dreams -You’re flooded with every single last thing haunting his mind. -All of it. His history with the medical research. Everything he’s done. -It’s so horrific you can hardly stay for longer than a heartbeat, but- -You fight through the darkness to get to him, unrelenting until you grab his servo -And when you do so, you get to see him. Actual him. The him buried beneath the toxic walls he’s built up. -And that him bleeds nothing but the purest, unconditional love for you. For your sparkling. For Optimus and Bee. -He’s still there. The mech you fell in love with is still there. -He’s just drowning in his own regret and misery with no way out -His anguish is an uncharted mountain and he needs a guide -You’re going to have to be that guide -So with some intense astral fuckery, you drag him him out of his own dream, and Elita drags the both of you into Optimus’s dream.

-Optimus’s dream is more stable. -Thank god it can withstand the emotional shitshow that is the four of you being in the same place -There’s enough angst and self-blame to flood god’s basement -Elita, being dead and all, has even less tolerance for this bullshit then the three living of you combined -She grabs you with one arm and kisses you, and uses the other arm to push Ratchet into Optimus’s lap. -It devolves into a fourway pretty fast -You’re the luckiest human in the fucking universe -Afterwards, Optimus laments how guilty he feels for wanting this. For enjoying this. How bad he feels about wanting you. How much he still wants Ratchet. -He feels like a selfish asshole for pining after you both. You two should be happy together. Why can’t he just be happy for you two while silently drowning in his grief for Elita -Both you, Ratchet and Elita tell him that’s bullshit. -Both you, Ratchet and Elita tell him all of them deserve to be happy. -Elita tells all of you in no uncertain terms if you three don’t find a way to be a thruple IRL she’ll put each and every one of you in a sex coma IRL so help her Primus.

-You wake up. -It’s been 30. Fucking. years. -The first thing you see upon waking up is the last thing you saw before blacking out -Your little girl -She’s taller than a two story townhouse and her optics are the same color as your eyes. -”Welcome back, Mom.” -You can’t even begin to comprehend what you’re seeing -You don’t have time. The next person in the room is Bee, who’s even taller. -He knees down, trembling, warbling, tears in his optics. -”Did you have a nice nap?” -Reader.exe has stopped working -The next person in -Oh -Oh. -It’s Ratchet -Bee and Echo clear out before you can scream at them not to leave, leaving you alone with your estranged boyfriend

-He walks over to you slowly, mouth set in a firm, flat line. -He kneels down beside you, places his hand on the side of the berth -And starts openly weeping. -He’s sorry. He’s sorry for putting you in danger. He’s sorry for knocking you up. he’s sorry for icing you out. He’s sorry for fucking everything and tells you if you had even a shred of self-preservation instinct left in you you’d leave him and never look back and he’d never blame you and- -And you tell him to shut the fuck up. -You kiss him. He smells like highgrade and millennia of repressed guilt and you can’t get enough of it because it’s fucking Ratchet.

-You tell him about the coma. You tell him about all the dreams. You prove it to him by relaying everything about the cassettes. -His face pales further. You decide to (temporarily) withhold information about the dream orgy -You reassure him that where you were and how you got there, you could see shit. You could see the driving force and divine interplay of how bad decisions and poor judgment come to tangle hopelessly together and prompt action like puppeteers through the strings of the livings and you’re absolutely not done which this, but -You still love him. Nothing is ever going to change that. -Dude looks like he was fucking reborn. There’s something so young in those teal searchlights that make you feel like a child again. -For a moment, everything is okay. -He spends the rest of the night with you, never once leaving your side.

-You don’t get a happily ever after yet, though. -You still have two grown-ass children you need to catch up with -One of which doesn’t know you at all. -She’s extremely eager to start a relationship with you though because she’s been looking forward to this her entire life -She might be an adult, but the way she turns her optics on you and listens with rapt attention when literally anything comes out of your mouth makes you feel like you actually got your baby back -She’s utterly fascinated by you and worships the ground you walk on, treating you like some sort of beloved idol or storybook character come to life -It’s cute for now and probably not the healthiest reaction but that is by no means your biggest concern, because -Echo and Ratchet’s relationship is terrible -You can’t even call it a relationship -She’s got daddy issues out the aft -Blames him for everything that happened to you, which he happily reinforced with his self-depreciating lifestyle -Bee also low-key blames Ratchet for taking his mom away. He understand it’s not his fault, it was an accident, but you were gone for 30 years. -Echo is absurdly attached to the gaggle of humans that raised them, even more so than Bee. -She’s even more attached to Optimus, follows him around like a lost puppy and craves his approval -Which isn’t that hard to earn because he adores her. -He struggles with her grudge against her biological sire, though. Because no matter what he’s never found it in himself to blame Ratchet, and has tried, to little avail, to turn her towards him. -She’s shown considerable proficiency in medicine, but refuses to study it seriously because it’s what “that guy” does and FUCK “That guy”. -You know it’s not entirely your responsibility to fix her and Bee’s opinion of Ratchet -But it’s an enormous fucking mess and the burden’s going to be way easier if shared

-You go to Optimus for help -Because, aside from the humans, he’s the one who basically raised these two. -Alone -That cannot have possibly been easy -That cannot have possibly left him without some damage -He’s been kind, but distant ever since you awakened -Seems to be reluctant to speak to you alone -But once you have him alone, he breaks down -Sweeps you up in his hands -begs you to just let him hold you -He missed you. He missed you so fucking bad -He never told Ratchet about the time you two merged. Or the bond he formed with Echo because of it -Or the kiss -The guilt that comes over his face when bringing this up breaks your heart -You can’t take it anymore

-You go to Ratchet -You tell him about the dream in blinding detail -He looks like he’s watching a slow motion train crash when you bring it up, but he remembers every last vivid bit as though it were yesterday -Admits it was the happiest he’d ever been and waking up felt like getting kicked out of heaven -Admits he never actually wanted to break up with Optimus -Admits those feelings resurfaced when you were sick and Optimus was the only one he’d let anywhere near him -Admits that made him feel even worse because you were fucking dying -Probes you for your feelings for Optimus -This time you break -Fall to your knees and start fucking sobbing -You’ve loved this mech ever since you first laid eyes on him -Ever since fate determined you’d bring that tiny yellow sparkling from the brink of death -Being apart from him makes you feel like a plant without water. You’re shriveling up and drying out. -You need him. You don’t want to be apart anymore. -You tell Ratchet about the merge. The bond. The kiss. -Ratchet looks about as relived as he does devastated -Relived, because you want Optimus as badly as he still does -Devastated because he made himself physically unavailable for Echo to form that bond -He knows forming that bond with Optimus was probably the best thing that could have possibly happened to her at the time -But he also knows it happened because he fucked up and continued to fuck up for thirty whole ass years and his daughter wants nothing to do with him and it’s completely his fault -You tell him as kindly as possible, that yeah, he’s right, but also to shut the fuck up. -If she knew what he’d been through, she’d understand. -It’s gonna take a long time and a whole lot of work, but it’s not too late to fix this. -It’s also not too late to fix things with Optimus, and that probably won’t take as much work

-Since that’s the easier of the two tasks by far, that’s the one you guys start with -Both you and Ratchet corner him in the infirmary after he comes back from a mission a little banged up -Tell him in plain fucking english you both remember the dream, both want him romantically and carnally, both willing to move mountains to make this work, and if you don’t want Elita to make good on her threat you’d better sort this shit out now -Optimus doesn’t need any further convincing -Fucks you both till you see Primus and pass out.

-Now that you’ve made headway on sorting your relationship shit out, -It’s time to start sorting the parenting shit out -With the three of you working together, it’s a lot less overwhelming -Bee, emotionally mature as he is, winds up working through his grievances with Ratchet pretty easily -He never wanted to hold a grudge against him to begin with, and was pretty eager to drop it when given sufficient reason -That, and the fact that his dad, (who he’d been goading to confess to for years) has finally hooked up with his mom makes him pretty happy. -Echo is far less easy to appease -For a while, it actually gets worse, since she’s jealous of the time you and Optimus spend with Ratchet -But because of the time you’re spending together, it makes it harder for her to avoid him

-She asks you one day “what the frag you could possibly see in him” while she’s simultaneously re-calibrating the ground bridge resonance controls and running an experimental distillation on synthetic red energon -Staring stupidly with your mouth open at the similarities, you tell her -”Right now, I see you. Goddamn you’re just like him.” -She snaps her wrench in half, growls and kicks the shards across the room. -“Like him? I can’t fraggin’ stand him!” -You sigh. “He can’t stand himself either.” -She makes a face like she knows you have a point but isn’t willing to admit it even to herself, and that’s the exact same face Ratchet made when you told him you wanted to keep her.

-She finally approaches Ratchet the next day -Just walks up to him while he’s in the lab, drags a stool over and sits down -”So apparently we both hate ourselves” -Ratchet stops what he’s doing. -“What could you possibly hate yourself for?” -”Besides the obvious?” “-What obvious-?” “I’m the reason mom was in a coma.” -Ratchet drops his wrench. And his jaw -Tries to tell her that’s bullshit. -She won’t let him get a word in edgewise -”And I know you hate yourself for that too.” -He doesn’t even try to deny that one -”Hating you for the same reason I hate myself makes it easier to hate myself. And I…don’t want to hate myself anymore.” -Ratchet.exe has stopped working -She tells him she has absolutely not forgiven him for being practically non-existent in her life, and she’s not sure if she ever will but- -Maybe she doesn’t have to, to move on. -Maybe they can acknowledge this as a massive-ass problem that will keep coming back and never fully be resolved -And maybe they can move forward despite it -And despite both of them trying exceedingly hard not to be, they’ve wound up extremely similar, so -Maybe learning not to hate themselves will be easier if they do it together. -She tells him in spite of everything she still wants to like him. So bad. -Ratchet finally stops, and turns to look at her. -She’s gritting her denta, digging her digits into the side of the seat so hard it cracks, and holding back tears. -He tells her, after several tries to get his mouth working again, that he wants to give her a reason to like him. -”Yeah well-” she shakily pries her servos off the seat, jumps down, picks up his wrench and hands it back to him. “I guess we have the rest of our lives to figure that out.” -Her hands brush his as she hands the wrench back, and for the first time, she doesn’t recoil or jerk them away. -She leaves -He stands there for a whole thirty seconds after she leaves staring at the wrench before setting it down on the desk -Then putting his helm down on the desk -And starts crying harder in relief then he’s ever cried in his life

#Fp #optimus x reader #Optimusxyou #Ratchet/reader #Ratchet/you #optimus/reader #optimus/you #ratchetxreader #ratchetxyou #transformers #tf fandom #sparklings #what the fuck have I done oh god sorry

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anshiiiiin · 6 months

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Hey!!!! Found you through your work on Reddit, was delighted to see you have an account here too!!

I've been wanting to say this for a little while, but this isn't the kind of thing I'd be willing to put in a Reddit post.

I love your work and your style so much. So so much. Lately I've been allowing myself to explore my interest in heavy gore in a more neutral and healthy way, and your art has helped me to do that. Your work is very often beautiful, grotesque, and cute all at once. And not in that grand, self-contratulatory "Look at me, drawing something cute but it's all fucked up and gory!!!! Aren't I sick and twisted????" but in a quiet, earnest way, if that makes sense.

There's something very grounded about your art that's pretty rare to see in other gore artists. You don't aim for the super composed, super artsy vibe, where everything is perfectly placed, framing the viscera as divine and perfect and all that. As much as I do love that kind of art, I find it can be kind of... distancing I guess? Likewise, I get the sense you don't aim to be As Shocking And Twisted As Possible, nor overly "sexy". Rather, it's just... humans and human bodies. Ordinary and messy and beautiful, and that makes it all feel so much more real. There's something about that drawing of Valya, bloody and alive and lying in the snow, that has just... really stuck with me.

Speaking of which, I love Valya and his Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Consensual Adventures. There's something very charming and endearing about his mannerisms and personality. I love his comfy clothes and fluffy hair, I love how open he is about his masochism, I love that he's covered in scars (again, not something you see in most gore art). Like your art, Valya is chill, earnest, cute, and more than a little fucked up. I sort of get the sense he's a person who has found his own version of inner peace, despite everything that it entails for him. I'd love to learn more about him, If you have any facts about him you'd be willing to share.

Anyways, sorry for the rant, and sorry if this was kind of a lot to hear from a stranger. I'm not an art critic or anything, I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense. But your art really does mean a lot to me, and I wanted you to know that.

wow, omg, thank you for taking time to write such a wonderful and long message!! i am really happy that you get all those kinds of feelings from my art, and i am super grateful to you for sharing it. i myself like all kinds of guro, be it intentionally shocking, or candy, or divine-looking, but i am happy that for you i occupy this niche that you enjoy! a theory on why my art is not overly sexual is maybe because i am an asexual myself :D i am so glad you like valya!! i love him too ♫꒰･◡･๑꒱ a fact about him.. hmm... he really hates it when someone does anything bad to cats or dogs, but for once in his life he is smart enough to never tell it to anyone bc he knows there are people who would do it on purpose to make him feel worse. so it's one of the mental torture kinds that he does not enjoy

thank you again for everything you said, when i feel down about my art i will reread your message and feel inspired again :D please have a wonderful day!!

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macfrog · 7 months

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I apologize in advance - im so sorry this is gonna be so fucking long, but i just read the latest chapter of clm and i am in awe of your writing! This just might be one of the best things i have ever read!! So so talented! Your words in this chapter are so so gut-wrenchingly beautiful and poetic, i reread a lot of them a few times just to try to capture the feelings they evoked in me. Here are some of my favourite sentences from this chapter, followed by my commentary aka praise for your extraordinary brain and magical writing pen.

"Your dimpled blush blurs back into checkboxes and scrawled handwriting. You’re gone again. He’s in a white office, and the gentle lapping of the water on the pool’s edge fades into the headache noise of a fan humming, and he feels the warmth of your gaze on his skin turn into the cold, harsh spotlight glare of Lois’s eyes on him." WOW!! In the words of the one and only t swift: its giving movie, its giving cinematography. I can see this exact scene in my head like im watching a great fucking movie! These words combined together to form these sentences are obviously laced with some sort of magic because when i tell you i am not well i mean i am INSANE over this piece of A-R-T.

NEXT-

"It’s just: this time, your dad’s at your heels like a bloodhound. A little less sharp, maybe. Blind as a fucking bat, sure. But he can smell something’s up. And he’s circling it, nose to the ground, drawing nearer and nearer to the pair of you with each step." How? How do you do it? Tell us, please. Your way with words combined with how fantastically skilled your use of language is makes me write a ridiculously long message in your inbox screaming about all of it. All of it.

"Her voice is like ice down the back of his shirt. He stares at the machine, red light blinking like a rag to a bull. He could walk over to it and smash the ever-loving fuck out of it with his fists until it’s dust on his coffee table. Until it shuts the fuck up, stops interfering with his fucking business.

And then he thinks about Lois, and her cream blouse, and her red nails, and her big, blue eyes, and her soft drawl and everything about her that is so entirely opposite to everything about you.

And how much – despite how nice and friendly, or funny and good-natured she is – how much he hates her right now, and how much he fucking loves you." Its the imagery for me. Joel bby i love you and i get it. I love how you combined his aggressive thoughts and big, red feelings with something so tender, so beautiful, so soft. Ugh the duality of man. The power of a writer.

"He’s good at pushing feelings down, good at turning them away from the sunlight like faded pebbles. But this is different. It’s a different kind of hurt.

It’s unresolved, it’s an open wound. It’s you. And it’s every time he hears REO Speedwagon, every time he pulls a flannel over his shoulders and catches the scent of your perfume on it, every time he’s flicking through the TV and catches a flash of a hospital setting, it’s a pair of hands deep inside the wound, pulling it a little wider.

It aches. It stings and it aches and it winds.

And then he turns the pebbles around. Back to the shade. Over and over and fucking over." You have created such strong visuals throughout this whole chapter and i dont know if this was hard for you to write, but i feel so proud of you! I dont know how you felt during the writing process of this chapter, if it was tiring, or aggravating, or infuriating, but i can just imagine the sheer amount of joy and catharsis i would get from putting a period at the end of the last sentence here. The way you compared joel pushing down and hiding his feelings, something so vulnerable, to the pebbles metaphor, something so firm, and hard, and solid, is astounding to me. But its a contrast as much as it is the same thing. Especially because those feelings are as solid as pebbles. Especially because they can bruise you and scrape you up like pebbles can. And if you step on them, it only hurts you. I love your writing.

Also, sarah is so sweet in this chapter and i loved her reaction to seeing joel having a hard time. So so sweet.

"He’s staring at the end of your bed. Thinking about you under him, gripping onto his shirt, his hand between your legs. The very first time. And every other fucking time since then. Which one was the threshold? Who pushed who?" 📣POETRY

"As he passes the stairs, he pauses. Leans on one foot, head tilted to listen out for any sound of life. Any fucking sound – the creak of a floorboard, the squeak of a door handle. Anything to keep him here. Anything." MY HEART IS BROKEN. THIS BROKE ME. I AM GONE. I AM NO MORE. Put these words under "cause of death".

TL;DR: you. are. a. genius. Thank you for this chapter, thank you for this series, it is one of my favourites, and to quote you: i have no idea what youre laced with, but you got me.

(pls keep in mind that im writing this while running on no sleep, i hope you can understand everything, english is not my first language so i hope i expressed myself clearly and was articulate enough)

i have sat on this ask for 2 days now and i keep coming back to read over it and cry a little more each time. i cannot begin to tell u how appreciative i am of this 🥺🧡

there are few feelings that hit as fucking hard as receiving messages like this and reading how much someone has connected with something you've written...so thank you thank you thank you. it means the world and more. i don't even know what to say

#i have no idea what you’re laced with but you got me #SCREAMS that’s literally one of my favorite lines from clm #chats w max #perfectlyfreeanalyst #fic luv

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chaotically-rem · 7 months

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1, 3, 13, 14, 20 for the ask game!

Ohhh, thanks thanks, sorry I'm days late answering!

These are questions for the ask game!!! Which I'll still do answers for btw! I'm going to throw it under a read more bar because I am already off to a really long start for the first question, ^_^;)/

1. What led you to start writing fan fiction?

You see. I was an avid fanfic reader, back in the wee era of 2015 when I was in my early 20s, for a certain fandom that I shall not name. And I realized after reading hundreds and hundreds of fics for my favorite pairing that my preferred genre of fanfic (*coughs in major trigger warnings*) were all so.... so... Well. Every fic for that fandom was The Same. And I don't mean 'the same' in the way that enemies to lovers is always the same (where the enemies become lovers through some plot that forces them together) I mean that I can tell you plot point by plot point, scene by scene, argument by argument, exactly what happened in all of these fics because they were all the same. Every. Single. Time. There was no diversity in the plot. No creativity. It was the same scene setup, the same lines/same arguments, the same hurt/comfort every single fic. It was like a group of people who liked these topics all got together and brainstormed the Same Idea and then wrote the Same Idea a dozen times in the exact Same Way with very little deviation from the "hurt in an alley, rescued by their enemy, nursed back to health in the bedroom, and then they sleep together" plot and posted it on AO3. The first couple of times, it slapped. But then when the entire tag became Just That, or some variation of Just That because people branched out from "the alley" to "the almost alley" I sort of had enough.

I wanted to be a writer. I've always loved to write. So I thought "wow, what if I take this idea that wasn't bad the first time but it sucked the fourth fifth sixth and seventh time, and just make it crazier out of spite" and thus, I wrote the worst 140k first POV fanfic for my ship (and discovered that I enjoy almost setting this man on fire) and then I just? Never stopped writing because it was fun and low-pressure and I could read fic and go "I dont like that" and learn from other peoples mistakes, and then my own. This fic, however, is dead to me. Looking back, I'm glad I started somewhere and yes it was insane and wildly different than the others, but me @ me, first-person POV? are you insane?

And here I am, easily five million words later (not an exaggeration, I've written at least 5 mil since then because I wrote 3 mil 2019-now).

And now, I'm a Horror waiting to happen to your blorbos, ehehehehheeh.

3. What experiences/influences have shaped your writings the most?

The polite answer is: life experience of my chaotic luck that sounds fake. Listen. If you send me to the store for milk, there is no way for you to prepare for what kind of trouble I will get into, of no fault of mine.

The real answer: a life of misery. I get a lot of comments about how 'real' some of my fics feel, to an uncomfortable degree. Well. There's a reason for that :wheezesmiley:

I always recommend a few gintama fics starting with Pandemonium. This is like, a staple Gintama fic to read and it's gen! I really enjoyed this one even though I haven't reread it in a long time and I only remember the ending which was probably my favorite part. (I should do a reread) but I remember I liked the characterization and it sort of touched on all of my favorite things about Gintoki being unhinged, and how he could end up there down at the bottom ready to throw it all away. It was a real aspiration of mine to keep to the characterizations and to always drag out Gintoki's little horrors until the juicy last moment, and this fic is the reason for all of that.

13. What are some must-read fanfics in your fandoms? Why do you admire these, and how have they impacted your works?

Otherwise, I just have a few self-indulgent angst fics I like to reread. But for inspiration, I will admit that my timeloop fic, which i wrote obsessively like a madman and those of you who were dming me know I was ripping out my hair because you need an excel sheet for this level of insanity, was inspired by the other timeloop fic, because while I enjoyed that timeloop fic, I was severely disappointed that Gintoki never mentioned the timeloop to Hijikata, and more importantly, Gintoki never mentioned the fact that he witnessed Hijikata's death dozens of times and it has negatively impacted him to a severe degree. And then I was more annoyed that this is completely in character, so I decided to force Gintoki's hand on my own by making him the victim of the timeloop. (and then I accidentally killed Sakamoto, and the rest is history, ngl idk wtf happened I just sat down and wrote 40k one day and went "oh, ok, this is gonna be a long one")

I would also like to go out of my way to recommend a Witcher fic. I don't go here anymore and I likely will never go here again, but this fic had me hooked for two solid days. I did nothing but read this fic for two solid days. (I skipped the smut because I was more invested in the plot than the relationship LMFAO) I was so convinced that the plot had somethign to do with werewolves (or some other kind of shapeshifting/vampiric/demonic monster) that I actually binge wrote a 70k fic in one week because of this LMFAO

14. What aspects of your creative process do you enjoy most? Which are most challenging?

THEREFORE, the most challenging thing is me sitting down and going "okay this needs to not be vibes, it needs to have very specific crafted elements and also be creative while also being clever and meaningful and metaphorical and deep" and then I just don't write for three months (me rn, trying to force myself to write one (1) hyper specific thing I could care less about)

I just sit down and the brain and hands go 'brrrr' there is no creative process there is only me leaving my body and coming back like "noice". This is my favorite part. Or the part where someone goes "wouldn't it be wild if" and then goes to sleep and then suddenly they wake up to a 10k fic link in their inbox because they left me unattended with their left-field idea.

20. What’s your favorite work you’ve ever written?

Oh god. Ok. I can't pick one so I'm going to rec some of my favorites and explain why they're my faves.

I feel like Don't You Know That Timeloops Suck? (gintama, no warnings) has to be my most recent favorite because I was on an entire other level of insanity for this one and it was unfortunately very personal and looking back its a lot of things to me. lololol BUT the ending is... listen. Guys. I didn't want to finish it because I hated it at one point. It's rough. The second Sakamoto enters the timeloop everything went to shit on my end because I just didn't want anything to do this fic anymore, I was sick of writing it, I was sick of Hijikata, I was sick of Gintoki being too much like me. It's not my cleanest work, that's for sure and rereading it, I can see it clear as day and it drives me insane tbh. If I could rewrite any fics end/write more for a fic, it would be this one and I would be screaming the entire way.

But. This JJK fic, In the Vastness of the Cosmos, We Are But Nothing was a lot of fun to write. Like. A lot of fun. And I mean, I would love to write another one like this, but I need some delirious combination of cosmic horror and colours and higher level of clarity. It's not my strongest work technically and easily could have been double, triple the length to really drive the finer points home, but it is what it is and it's great considering I wrote the whole entire thing in one sitting and then just posted it without even an edit.

I have another fic like this for danny phantom, but I haven't re-uploaded it yet because I lost it in the deletion. (It's somewhere, I'm sure)

BUT. Fill the Void, Lest the Void Fill You (Trigun, content warnings beware) is my favorite, most solid ending. Like this fic? Is probably my favorite in terms of technical writing. It's solid the whole way through. I had actually discussed with a friend where my writing was lacking, and determined that my endings need some work (because I usually end things when I'm sick of writing them and it shows) but this fic? Solid. 10/10.

Okay I'll stop rambling, thanks for the ask! I love talking about my own fics lololo

Also. That “If Utsuro’s ‘Totally Not Meteor From Final Fantasy VII’ Attack Had Ended The World In Episode 361 But then Gintoki Tried To Go Back In Time And Save Everyone” AU deserves more love.

#good job rem #this is so long sorry not sorry #i had fun with this #I always feel lowkey weird being like yeah i write fic from real life experiences and then the fics are all just awful tags #LOL #I used to have more gntm fics to recommend but i lost my list #I read a lot of rainsometimes fics #i hope theyre doing well its been a while since ive been around to chat with people sjkahfskjdhgksd #jjk i read jubi #JUBIIIIIIIIIIII #i dont even go here anymore #okay but most of my fic ideas come from the craziest sources #like the furby fic #listen #the furby fic was a joke that got out of hand okay #and bad sakamoto was literally just me wanting to write sakagin at the same time a friend was talking about villainizing heros

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roseworth · 8 months

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i just bought under the red hood and if it's not good i'm hunting you down and shaving off your eyebrows (jk luv you ❤️)

i luv you too <33 but ummm. be prepared to hunt me down and shave off my eyebrows SORRY...... its one of my all time favs but that doesnt mean its good 😔

it has some great stuff that makes me go insane but it kinda loses the plot every time robin jason is mentioned :( i didn't really think about it the first time i read it but when i reread it the other day its like. wow. everything they say about jason from when he was alive is stuff like "he was dangerous" or "he treated it like a game and didnt understand the mission" or whatever

but honestly other than that.... its rly good. to me. its what got me to start reading comics and i have not been normal about it since. for what it sometimes lacks in being good it makes up for in being a fucking trip to read <3 it activates something in my brain and i am incapable of being a human person when i read it

#keep me updated bff <3333 i want to hear your thoughts once you read it #i think that the main thing it does wrong is the way it treats jason pre-death #but other than that i love it dearly #anyways idk if the context for this ask is that youre a comic person that just hasnt read utrh yet #or if youre not a comic person and utrh is the first one youre reading #either way excellent choice good luck my love

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viatagrinner · 1 year

Text

Gilbert von Obsidian. The Prince is a bodyguard.

Chapter 2

Part 2/1

Prince Gilbert put his hand on my shoulder and laughed briskly. I couldn't help but smile, but it was a tight smile.

(But I would rather be a friend than a lover.)

Louise: Your friend .... If this is the case, you still have to treat them well.

(Ah...)

The cup in Lady Louise's hand shakes slightly, and the tea ripples.

Her voice was not as strong as usual.

(I'm used to Prince Gilbert, but others are not.)

He may look like a cheerful young man, but he is a conquering beast who has trampled and ruled many countries.

MC: ...Prince Gilbert is a scary man, but he is not a man who bites everyone.

MC: He's not as scary as you might think. ...At least not in private.

Gilbert: Ha, I'm only nice to Miss Bunny, right?

(I'm sure you know that... you're so mean.)

MC: Oh, by the way, I read the book you introduced me to earlier!

Deciding that my words weren't enough to calm Lady Louise's trembling, I changed the subject.

Louise: How did you like it? I fell in love with the knight who appeared in the middle of the story...

MC: I know! I was surprised by the unexpected appearance of the knight...

MC: But when I reread it, there was a lot of foreshadowing.

Louise: That's right! I got goosebumps when I realized that.

Louise: Actually, there's a sequel in the library... If you're interested, how about we start right now?

Part 2/2

MC: Really? I'd love to...!

(I'm glad, I've been wondering about it)

MC: Prince Gilbert...

Gilbert: I'll be right here... I'm sure you girls have some things you want to talk about...

(....I thought you would follow me, but I didn't expect you to.)

Louise: Well, let's go!

Lady Louise gets up from her seat and I follow her.

Meanwhile, Prince Gilbert was nonchalantly sipping tea from his cup. I never noticed the meaningful smile on his face.

Louise: This is the room. My father gave it to me for my birthday a few years ago as my personal library.

MC: Wow, I love it...!

(I wish I had a special room....)

(I wonder if I'm the one who thinks she still looks pale...)

Perhaps because of the heavy memories of Prince Gilbert, Lady Louise looked as if she were about to faint.

(I'm sure it will be fine after some time.)

Lady Louise unlocks the door and invites me inside.

The moment I stepped into the library, my nose was hit by a sweet aroma.

(What is this smell? I don't think it is the smell of books.....)

(.... I feel like... but...)

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

Louise: .....Please. I'm sorry... please.

Gilbert: Good morning, Miss Bunny.

(...... This man....)

(This is... What's the situation?)

Part 2/3

It was a dimly lit place, dust rising in the air and glittering in the candlelight.

As my eyes adjusted, the details of the landscape became clearer and clearer.

Standing a short distance away from me was Prince Gilbert, smiling as always.

And ....The shadows huddled around me were human.

The stone floor is wet.

I can't see the color, but I know the smell.

MC: ...Oh...

(Blood......)

The more I understand the situation, the more the blood recedes.

As my body swayed unsteadily, the champs tightened around my neck.

???: Stand still!

MC: .....Ah.

(It's an arm. ...... I'm being held by someone else.)

(And the hand and feet look as if they are somehow connected.)

I looked down frightened and saw that the thin blade was clearly against my throat.

Louise: Oh, father!

Earl: You must keep quiet!

MC: ...Lady... Louise...?

I can't move my eyes much, but I can hear Lady Louise's voice from a distance behind me.

(I... I went into the library... and I don't remember anything from there.)

(But this situation looks like a hostage situation.)

Gilbert: Well, I think the situation is beginning to clear up.

Gilbert: Do you need help?

Part 2/4

(Prince Gilbert, me?)

The man who is holding me is trembling. I am not sure which of us is the aggressor and which of us is the victim.

MC: ...May I ask what happened?

Gilbert: Well? I was enjoying my tea when the lady there called me over.

Gilbert: I went along with the Earl and his soldiers, who gave me an enthusiastic welcome.

(In other words, it's not like Prince Gilbert did anything wrong.)

Gilbert: I did some talking before you woke up...

Gilbert: They want to start doing business with Obsidian..... An anti-monarchist extremist organization, so to speak.

(Anti-monarchist...Lady Louise's father?)

Gilbert: Seeing that the overprotective princes haven't stopped communicating with the young lady, they must have been cautious until now.

Gilbert: But they dared to take Miss Bunny hostage, which they said they did in order to negotiate with me.

Gilbert: My coming to the house was just a coincidence, but for them it was an advance in their schedule.

Gilbert: He said if I don't take over, he's gonna rip Miss Bunny's throat out.

Gilbert: You're so pitiful that even I feel sympathy, haha!

MC: .......

(..... I was happy to have new friends.)

(..... Ah, I see.)

(..... That's right.)

Part 2/5

Lady Louise, who was supposed to be nearby, said nothing. It is more painful than the knife in my neck.

Gilbert: Didn't I tell you? Your idea of a friend is not the same as an aristocrat's idea of a friend.

Gilbert: After all, I'm your only friend.

As if enveloping my weakened heart, Prince Gilbert's sweet and gentle voice poured out.

(There is only Prince Gilbert...)

(...Really?)

Gilbert: If you lose confidence in people, I'll take care of you.

The sound of the cane shook the darkness.

As Prince Gilbert took another step, the strength of the arm around the man's neck intensified.

Earl: Stay away!

(It hurts...)

Gradually his throat tightened and tears came to his eyes from the pain. As if to follow up on this, the weight of the air suddenly increased.

Gilbert: Oh, by the way, you guys don't know. I've told Miss Bunny many times...

Gilbert: I hate more than anything to see my prey harmed.

Gilbert: If you thought you could negotiate something like that, you're a fool.

It felt like my whole body was being squeezed by a death-like feeling I'd experienced many times before. Prince Gilbert seemed to soften his gaze, but the smell of blood seemed to become even more intense.

(As it is I, The Earl, and Lady Louise...)

The Earl's trembling, which spreads throughout his body, is so strong that he cannot hide it. I heard something resembling a sob from Lady Louise.

(I see... "I need your help." That's not about me.)

(I meant do you want me to help the Earl and the Lady? ......)

Gilbert: You think I can't kill them because it's it's Rhodolite?

Gilbert: You're so naive. I'm good at destroying evidence, you know?

(Prince Gilbert... is serious.)

(In that case, really...)

Gilbert: So who do you want me to kill first?

Chapter 1

Gilbert's Masterlist

#ikemen prince #ikemen ouji #ikepri #ikepri translation #gilbert von obsidian masterlist #ikemen prince gilbert von obsidian #gilbert von obsidian #gilbert von obsidian events #ikepri gilbert #ikemen gilbert #ikemen prince gilbert #ikepri spoilers

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best-fictional-cat · 1 year

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Agreed with the last anon about Bluestar and her paranoia. I also think a lot of people are getting way too serious about a haha funny which fictional cat is best poll, but yeah—I think a lot of the arguments against Bluestar as a character are very rooted in ableism and ignoring all of the trauma and suffering she endured throughout her life. I will concede that the argument that she abandoned her kits has merit as a valid point against her—because the death of Mosskit was a tragedy that could have been avoided—but that was an accident, and Bluestar doesn’t deserve the blame for something she couldn’t have foreseen. She was driven to make that decision by something greater than herself—the prophecy foretold it, after all. And her two living kits, Mistykit and Stonekit, both grew up to be happy in RiverClan without ever knowing their real mother until the very end.

But the argument that Bluestar’s paranoia makes her an inherently bad person just… really rubs me the wrong way. It gives me a bad feeling that some people weren’t able to think critically about her paranoia arc, because that’s literally WHAT IT WAS THERE FOR. Bluestar is one of the best examples of PPD/paranoid schizophrenic representation I’ve ever seen in any form of media. I have never experienced psychosis myself, so I wouldn’t know what it’s like, but learning about it through her taught me so much about how to sympathize with and understand the struggles of people who do. It truly makes me a bit sick to think that there are people who read the same books I did and all of the nuance of her character flew right over their heads.

Bluestar always loved her Clan above all else, and she always loved Fireheart (as a son and trusted friend) because he was there for her and trusted her judgment when nobody else believed in her, and she loved her kits—who, in the end, accepted her for who she really was (their mother) despite all of her flaws and past transgressions. She may not have always made the right decisions, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t do the right thing when it counted.

Ok, wow. I am sorry. I said I wouldn’t get serious about the funny cat poll but here I am being serious about it. I think I’m due for a reread…

(Thanks for making this poll btw, OP! You’re awesome :))

How does this book series raise more and bigger issues than so many of actual "adult" literature holy

#cartoons are not just dumb shit for kids #there are things grown-ups can learn from children literature too #case to the and points #gotta be real with you guys #getting really invested into all this warrior cats discourse was not on my to-do list but I'm glad to be here #cat propaganda #cat asks #warrior cats

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six-of-ravens · 1 month

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aloha friends and people who left annoying incorrect opinions on my posts, raistlin is a waif he is the waifiest waif it doesn't matter if his twin is a brick shithouse you are WRONG I am kinda sorta back. maybe only for one tipsy night, but who knows. listen, I'm 1.5 ciders in and feeling Properly Tipsy as opposed to last night when I drank jack and cokes for the first time in a while and just felt nauseous, so I'm Thriving atm. ANYWAY.

i feel like i have cleared some cobwebs from my brain. kind of. mostly i redownloaded bc i have the irresistible urge to natter about my life. tbh i considered deleting tumblr for a while bc there are some things about this site (but also social media in general) that annoy the absolute shit out of me, and also i feel like I dedicated too much ~mental energy~ to this site in the past (not to sound like some new age crackpot) and I need to cut down on how much scrolling and getting mad about other people's incorrect opinions I do. However, there are a few beloved mutuals on here that I miss talking to and also tumblr is kinda Home, y'know?

anyway TLDR I'm back, kinda. might still delete the app during the day so I can focus on IRL shit instead of being a zillennial social media addict, so I apologize if I miss messages etc but. yeah. for the sake of my mental health I have to be better at self-policing. Also, no longer going to allow myself to use the For You tab, so sorry if I don't see your posts bc tumblr only served them there. I can't control it lmao. frankly the algorithm here just ain't good enough and I don't want to cry AGAIN bc a video of a naked woman jiggling her stomach with a caption about how much she hates herself and wants to lose weight came up on my feed. Frankly since this is tumblr I'm not sure if that's porn or self-harm, but either way, fuck off with that shit, man! I kinda hate my body too and I don't wanna see that!! I don't want that in my brain!! Hence why I quit and went to ig-only for a while. My IG is all pottery and miniatures and painting and European travel vlogs it's so PEACEFUL!

now onto the fun stuff, a list of things I consider interesting that happened in the past 3ish weeks:

have done a whole lot of reading lately: Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh which is weird and off-putting by very worth reading, then a reread of the Unicorn series by Vicki Blum (always a delight) and finishing Princess Jellyfish (there's quite the plot twist in the last few books but overall it's a delightful series), then my hold for Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk came up (extremely interesting and worthwhile read, especially after listening to the No Dogs in Space punk series, very sad ending though bc of course a lot of the punk musicians passed away young), and now I'm rereading The Mermaid's Secret and The Dragon Prince by Vicki Blum as a palate cleanser, and then hopefully I'll start the LoTR reread I've been meaning to do for a while. So yeah I read like 16 books in 3 weeks. this is the power of quitting social media.

Also I've kinda discovered that I'm just pretty... disenchanted with all book-fandoms online. it's just so...kinda annoying? nowadays? just the same old drama over and over and I don't caaaare lol. Read what you want, at whatever speed you want, idc, none of it matters. I read for funsies after work. Some people read 24/7 because being a book blogger is their career. Some people are 17 and still have the mental stamina to read a 500 page book in 2 days. Idgaf if you read Maas or Austen or Sanderson or whatever, there's no moral high ground (except maybe not giving Sanderson money bc WOW BYU is a shitty organization). Also I don't necessarily want other people's opinions on what I read or if a book I just bought has "mixed reviews" or whatever (unless the person is a mutual whose opinions I value lol). So I might start posting on the book blog again but just....not interact with booklr. Torn between the desire to communicate with others and the desire to keep my hobby all to myself and free from unnecessary judgement or bullshit.

Finally rearranged my bookshelves, by ~vibe or whatever~. Might post photos tomorrow but the living room is once again in a state of chaos since I started gardening today.

On that note, started my garden! planted some veggies, herbs, and a whole boatload of tomatoes in seedling trays (listen, MacKenzie seed were on sale 3/$5 today at the store and I'm weak for weird tomato variants and herbs. Still need to find rosemary and fennel though). Have more stuff to do, but I'm going to give the seedlings a couple weeks to get started and then maybe plant everything else Easter weekend. Last year was nice, garden-wise, but this year I really hope we don't get 30C weather in May. My allergies cannot handle it 😭

saw the Alien/Aliens double feature our cheap theatre put on and it was a DELIGHT

we also got a record snowstorm that weekend, which sucked bc it was the same week I'd had a random friday booked off (previously for traveling with my aunt, very glad that was cancelled now) so I basically did none of the other things I had planned.

also after said double feature, had to make my first 911 call. luckily I rot my brain with true crime All Day Every Day so I handled it like a pro 😤 (i am fine it was for another person, and uh, it turned out to not be so serious once the emergency people were able to get them to stop crying hysterically and realized this poor person was just intoxicated, underdressed for the weather, and a bit lost)

discovered the health foods store near my place has a bunch of funky herbal teas for like $5.50 a box so I've been going a little nuts there. I LOVE FENNEL TEA IT'S SO GOOD. ALSO LAVENDER MY BELOVED! they also have a bunch of local coffee blends, and I'm seriously considering getting a coffee bean grinder so I can try them

saw Lisa Frankenstein the week after the Alien double feature at that same theatre, it was fucking excellent I laughed my ass off, also at that theatre you can get your ticket and snacks and drink for the same price as a Cineplex ticket, it's excellent

finally watched Saltburn, which was great. love the Donna Tartt vibes. i watched it while somewhat drunk off Soju, which I think is how it's meant to be viewed.

also started a Ghibli rewatch, to justify not cancelling my Netflix just yet (I know I know, I should but I technically can afford it and it's my emotional support streamer you know? how else am I going to instantaneously watch Gilmore Girls on a bad day?) So far I have only watched Kiki's Delivery Service lol

Also, funny anecdote: last week I got my period and was VICIOUSLY craving alcohol. like I went to the store and bought the most bizarre range of random things (soju, honey jack, and mead...and then proceeded to drink them at my normal rate lmao). Realized afterwards this is a combination of my usual craving for sweet things + my very stressed coworker constantly joking about how we need to crack a bottle of something when this stressful project is finished. At the time however I thought my uterus was trying to make me an alcoholic.

Did my budgeting with my new rent and discovered that I'm actually fine, because I had DOUBLED A NUMBER SOMEHOW! and I basically had $150/month freed up. I'm so smart. I continue to procrastinate my income tax though (shhhh I have another month....)

Started writing a vague story about two women hiking to a portal to elfland, which is located near an abandoned train station. There are cultists called vampires living at said train station who are such a fucking delight to write (not real bloodsucking vampires tho, they are currently eating paella 🥘). It's fun and weird and I'm having a good time with it.

started listening to a podcast called No One Should Believe Me about cases involving Munchausens by Proxy, which is very interesting. the host has a sister with (alleged) MbP and genuinely wants to get her (and of course her kids) help, so it's actually a really good, compassionate take on an issue that's usually played for shock value. I have to listen to it slowly though bc it's Heavy

started knitting again! made 1 dishcloth and started a second. have decided I'm going to take these into work when I have a few done. If my boss won't buy us proper cloths then I'll pawn my knitting practice off on them lol

there is a lot of early road construction near my office since, aside from that random snowstorm, it's been a mild early spring. be glad you haven't had to listen to me rant about that lol

finally bucked up and got a duvet cover for my comforter that was lowkey falling apart at the seams. it's a good comforter aside from some light "my washer is evil" damage so I'm happy I can stuff it into a (less expensive) duvet cover instead of having to replace the whole thing

#hey hi hello #also goodbye and goodnight if my sober self decides to not redownload this app tomorrow #i will probably post less and interact less than usual and i apologize but you know how it is.#i feel SO MUCH BETTER when im just doing my irl stuff during the day and only on socials during certain times

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tired-biscuit · 2 months

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i've just seen your posts on dash biscuit and its so sad you're feeling like that :( If i'm to tell you the honest truth biscuit, I don't remember how I found your account but i remember being so intrigued and hooked immediately - I went on to read your War General Kiba (to somewhat expose myself.. I am War General Kiba anon from around a month ago) bc your writing itched my brain so fuckin good !!

It makes me so sad that uni started recently for me and I have been so caught up I haven't gotten around to reblogging war general kiba because I haven't gotten the moment to write my thoughts regarding those:( they're sitting in my drafts. I decided I would read every single one of your fics a month ago (unfortunately I haven't been able to yet) - including the naruto thirst you elaborated on for me, and though I haven't gotten time to read it, THANK YOU SO MUCH BISCUIT for taking your time out to do that :( <3

You deserve every single one of those likes , but you deserve them alongside an equal amount of reblogs :/ i sincerely hope that these followers and whatnot pull their heads out of their ass and start reblogging - because if they don't, they're not going to have anything to read. bc biscuit you are such an amazing and talented writer, and it always blows my mind we get to read your masterpieces for free. FOR FREE!!!! that is so crazy like, this is stuff that could get you MILLIONS and we have the blessing from you to type a few words onto our screens and read it! like WOW thank you so much <3 🍁 anon

oh my gosh, you’re so sweet; imma start sobbing!

listen, you don’t have to apologize for not being able to read my fics; i get it, life happens and we get busy as people and fanfiction definitely is NOT everything there is to life! so please don’t say sorry for that because there is literally no need for it, like i said. YOU’RE GOOD!

it just grinds my gears that i’m not allowed to vent on here about this particular topic because some people will INSTANTLY jump the wagon to call me ungrateful. i get it, i get notes, but people usually don’t understand that likes don’t mean shit on here and that the majority of those notes are just that: likes. sure, i get a little notif that someone liked my story, but i have no clue what they thought about it based from that heart. i have no clue if they’ve even actually read it. to make matters even worse, it makes the post just straight up fucking die.

i spend hours and hours and hours writing, editing, rereading, tweaking the same story for ages. i could just not post it and keep it to myself, sure, but i enjoy interacting with my moots and my followers in general, and giving people that share my interest in the same characters something to read about, because let’s be real; kiba is niche af. i like feeding the kiba girlies because i barely had anything to eat a couple years back when it comes to him and i’ve worked my fucking ass off for those notes over the years, SO OF COURSE I APPRECIATE THEM, OK?

this debate, or whatever you wanna call it, has been circling around here for ages and it’s useless at this point, i think... writers, artists, creators of all sorts say “please say thank you for my creation that i made for YOU after you’ve asked, i beg” and people call us ungrateful or stuck up or whatever the fuck. i mean, do people seriously think i enjoy self-reblogging all the time and begging for interaction like that robin hood meme with the cup???????? no, i do it because it is the only way people will see my work before it disappears into the ether once again, ffs!!!!!!!!

ANYWAYS, i will write a drabble for your war general!kiba ask when i have the time, i promise! i just want to actually make it good and write like a proper story instead of just my thoughts because he is very dear to me and i am a perfectionist when it comes to my royalty AU and it makes me overthink and just… yeah! he has been sitting in the back of my head, clanking his heavy weapons impatiently, lmao.

I LOVE YOU!

#biscuit mail #🍁 anon

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liminalmemories21 · 4 months

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lim for the purposes of being on tumblr I am not here (please do not perceive me) but I'm sending you a nice ask because you're just so lovely and generous with my ask box all the time and it's only right to repay the favour 💓

questions for you (these are gun to your head questions sorry):

1. in season 5 of LS, who would you like to see Carlos team up with the most: Paul, Owen, Grace?

2. in season 5 of LS, would you rather see more Owen & TK scenes, Owen and the 126 scenes or Owen & Carlos scenes?

3. what's your top wish for any future lone star episode?

4. what's a fic you've always wanted to write but haven't (if any)?

5. one character you think deserves more airtime (any fandom, any media)?

aww, thank you!

Okay. Gun to my head.

1 - Paul. I feel like he and Carlos think a lot a like, and we've never really gotten to see them play off of each other in a solving a case kind of way.

2 - Owen and Carlos - I love their relationship, and Owen kind of stepping up in Gabriel's absence (and also as a corollary Andrea stepping up in Gwyn's absence) is so beautiful.

3 - Okay, I'm going to cheat and list two things here. I want to see TK doing paramedic things - kind of like when he was on the plane and improvising, but having to do it himself without Tommy on the other end of the line (if it could be with one of Carlos's sisters that would be gravy). AND, also, I want husband sexy times. Because omg those boys want each other and we should get to see them be married and in love and in lust.

4 - hmmm, I mean, I've got the baby fic that I'm still struggling with. And, now I kind of want to write a modern Persuasion AU (Carlos is obviously Anne - although ALTA had the bones of Persuasion, and that was amazing, so maybe I'll just reread that to scratch the itch).

5 - oh wow, any fandom, any media. That is too many choices. I want more Rafael Luna. I want to know what happens after - if he still has a political career, or if he goes on to do something else tangential to politics. He was such an interesting figure, and I want to know more.

#nice ask week #911 lonestar

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nekropsii · 2 years

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not the biggest fan honestly :T

I feel like the biggest issue with modern homestuck fanon is that whether people liked it or not, and how if its concidered dubiously canon or not, hs^2 and epiloge characterization has bled into fanon. the majory of hs fans hate hs^2 (and for good reason), yet Jane hate has gone up, people are being sooo unnecessarily weird about davejadekat (/all of its pairings) and bi characters in general, rosemary is deemed boring (killkillkillkill-), people don't see jake as a person will feelings, karkat?? kanaya?? trolls?? never heard of them, unless you mean those.. things we keep around to fuel the humans plots sometimes and act as the occasional therapist. Also... Dirk...

THESE ARE ALL THINGS FROM HS^2, THE COMIC YOU HATE!!! WHY ARE YOU LETTING IT LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR BRAIN??

karkat is probably one of if the my most favorite character, I think hes interesting as hell!!! but alot of what makes him intersting comes from how he fits against troll society/against other trolls imo??? his mutation, his dancestory/him being the litteral second coming of christ, the significance of his secretly caring personality in a violent child soldier evil murder military state and what it says about it as a whole with his role as the alternian equivalent of the 'everyman', his familial relationship with kanayah, his unique relationship with romance, etc, these things all mean jack shit to humans, and shine best around other trolls, yet all he is now is daves side bitch, i feel fanon has sorta moved away from hs and into earthC, noone really cares about alternia anymore as trolls are just seen as humans but grey. even comander!karkat focuses more on dave angst than karkat, a minority amongst his people, leading a revolution a'la signless style??

idk i just feel like hes just been watered down into the easily digestible 'angry character' who is sad sometimes for,,, resons. i feel like this disconnect from alternia in general just sort takes away depth from beta troll characters in general?? even metorstuck content now feels shallow and disconnected??

And what sucks is that i like davekat, and people are right about them being a great pairing for working out their issues together , but at the same time i miss litteraly ever other karkat ship, i miss the days of the karkat x beta trolls harem and being able to use quadrants for him without being deemed problematic for not adheering to queer identity of a race that dosent exist and dosent effect anyone because real life has no oppressive poly romance system, and im just sick if this ship reducing the characters down to a pinterest black and red asthetic moodboard when they are so much more than that.

oh wow sorry this is too long, i dont think i did the best job at following a single line of though and went on a bit of an unnecessary tangent abt fanon and hs^2 so srry about that, I hope my general thoughts were still decipherable??

Id have to say mituna is my second favorite but i dont need to tell you whats wrong with his fanon character lol. I really appreciate all of your alpha troll analysis and you art is cool as hell!! srry that this fell into more venty teritory and for any spelling mistakes, i hope you have a good rest of your day/night!!

I say this with no disrespect at all, in fact I am enthralled: I didn’t even know asks could be this long!! Thank you for your input, I agree with you! And don’t worry- you were quite clearly comprehendible! You covered a lot of ground already, but allow me just a moment to commentate on specific points…

The bleeding of HS^2/Epilogues content/reinterpretations into the larger sphere of full-fandom fanon has been a slow, insidious process. I think the fact that most people have not taken the time to reread Homestuck proper, be it due to lack of time/energy or fear of its length, has really added to this- because a gradually slipping grip on what is and is not canon simply doesn’t pair well with rather disagreeable dubiously canon sequel content having come out fairly recently. The thing about DubCanon is that, whether you or I like it or not, people are going to apply those particular reinterpretations of the characters to what their idea of canon is, and- typically- they will fail to remember that the changes made to the characters were changes in the first place. Rather large ones, at that. This is not only how and why people are out here thinking that Jane was not only legitimate Troll-Racist in Homestuck, but also how and why they get the idea that she’s always been that way.

I’m not sure if my memory is failing me or not, but as far as I remember, while biphobia has always been a problem in the fandom- baffling, considering most characters are textually bi- it really does seem like it’s at an all-time high right now. People are adamantly refusing the idea that some characters are bisexual. Dave and Karkat are the ones I see the most regularly erased, but Jake is also pretty high up there.

The current drought of Alternia content is so sad. Earth C is great, don’t get me wrong- it’s the planet I most regularly work with/develop because of Sovereignstuck- but people oft throw out the concept of conflict when using it. Especially, like, social/political conflict. Earth C is basically synonymous with Flawless Utopia, at this point. It’s a petty complaint, sure, but I don’t like it. :(

I absolutely despise how trolls have been turned into gray humans with horns! They’re bug aliens!! Bug aliens!!! That’s so much cooler than gray humans with horns!! Fuck!!

I kinda disagree that a change of setting takes away from the Beta Trolls as characters- I think the issue isn’t the fact that there’s a setting change, it’s that the writers aren’t really willing to work with the fact that, uh… You know… The Beta Trolls have vastly different socializations and come from a vastly different cultural background than the Beta/Alpha Kids? You could very easily find conflict and development with the setting change. You’d just have to keep in mind the way that their upbringing would affect them and how they’d respond to their new environment. Old habits die hard, you know? It’s a whole new planet, a whole new myriad of cultures, and whole new societies with whole new rules and whole new customs. There’s so much intrigue you could get with that fact alone!!

I like DaveKat, too. It’s fall from grace is astounding, and it’s honestly made me like them less, which is a shame because it was pretty important to me when I was younger, and Dave and Karkat used to be top favorite characters of mine. They’re basically just… Blank slate characters now, made to slap whichever miscellaneous scenario or random romance trope onto, without any regard to what their characters are or what made their dynamic good in the first place.

It’s funny- I don’t think the Quadrant Queerness was made into a huge deal in canon or anything? At least, I don’t quite remember it being a federal fucking issue. Yeah, Karkat’s Quadrant struggles were there, but I don’t think it was really… Associated with being “Troll Gay” or anything. I’m at least 80% sure that was just something the fandom latched onto and blew out of proportion- I see more talk about Karkat being “Pan-Quadrant,” I believe the term was, than I see content of any other part of his character arc? Crying shame, too- considering, again, as you said, he’s the fucking Second Coming of Jegus.

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck analysis #homestuck fandom #the homestuck epilogues #homestuck^2 #alpha kids #beta trolls #jane crocker #karkat vantas #dave strider #karkat.pdf #nekro.pdf #nekro.sms

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