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seth-kia · 9 months

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Koda sits at the campfire, late at night, and wonders.

He's always been good at that. Always been too far in his own head. It's charming to some, the way he hums absentmindedly to himself, toying with melodies and the hilt of his sword. To the more tunnel-visioned of folks, it's a moral failing to gaze into the trees in the distance and forget the difference between yourself and the barkskin.

He does it anyway. The air is thicker in the wetlands, soothing any rasp in his throat; the words are slipping through his mind like the dew from the leaves; he lets himself sink into the music of the forest.

He tilts his head and listens to how sound becomes silence--how the crickets fade into the background, how the birdsong filters into its own motif, the rattling of rodents in the underbrush and the wind through the holes in the leaves, pulling itself through like a weary breath through a hand-carved flute. He feels the layers of white noise around him on his skin, dewy and fresh and so very alive, even in the stillness of the night.

His hands search the satchel for his notebook. That flute metaphor was a good one.

The leather book is cracked and worn, and it's lost the new book smell, but it was likely his most prized possession--he'd never been forced to choose between his blade and his quill, but while he's entertaining the thought, he feels the warmth of old ink beneath his hands, rolls the pen between his fingers.

A sword is a whittling thing, he writes. Carve away, carve away, until there's nothing left.

"What'cha writing?"

"Holy fuck--"

Koda slams his mouth shut, glancing around wildly for the culprit. Delores turn to her side in her sleep--she takes a deep breath, but doesn't wake; Fernie's eyes are still dark in rest mode, the wood creaking slightly with the forest around him.

Slowly, he reorients himself on the rock stool by the fire, shaking off the crawling adrenaline. "Bug. What the hell?"

Bug is perched behind the notebook in his hands--pages now pressed against his chest and away from prying eyes--with a slight grin, completely unphased by his reaction. "You were lost in thought. So. What'cha writing?"

"I don't know how that's your business," Koda starts, but the words are catching in his throat somewhere, and the baseless insult he'd been conjuring loses steam. He falters, and the sentence stops there.

That's... not normal of him, to lose a witty comeback so quickly. What the hell?

With an irritating bounce, Bug is suddenly sitting beside him. They lean forward, placing chin on open palm, and weather a look at the shadowed trees. "What were you seeing, then? Before you got out your journal. That's a really pretty book, by the way."

"...Thank you?" Koda studies them, brow furrowed. Something feels fake, about it. The pose is so completely different from normal, like a mask slipped over their face.

"You're welcome," they say darkly, without lifting their gaze.

It clicks, then, in the pointed glare to the distance, the brooding look on their face, and Koda stops in his tracks. "Are you--mocking me?"

"No!" They straighten up, bright blue eyes wide and apologetic. "Uh--a little? I guess? I wasn't--I was just..."

They fall silent, then, and the mask slips off their face, but even still their posture is abnormal. He tries to make sense of it--their ears droop, the feral energy tainted by some feeling he can't seem to define...

The crickets are loud. Koda shakes his head, feeling the pull of nature's soundtrack in the back of his mind, and leans forward to meet Bug's gaze. "Hey. Use your words. They're not for nothing."

They huff, shoulders slumping. "Easy for you to say. You're good with them."

That's it, he was right. "But you've got something in your brain," he urges, the birdsong lingering in his ears. "So let me hear it."

"Are you... sure? You're not typically this..." Bug shifts, picking at a fingernail. "Invested? Uh, vulnerable?"

Koda finds himself nodding subconsciously. "Good words."

"...Hey, man, are you alright? Like, I just--you seem out of it, and I dunno--"

"I'm alright, Bug," he says. His voice feels so loud aside the crackling of the fire. "It's late. Watch is lonely. And I can tell something's bothering you."

Bug is looking at him strangely, a furrowed brow pushing their face into comical proportions. "Who are you and what have you done with Koda? Since when are you willing to play therapist for us, I thought that was Delores' job?"

The wind tugs at his hair fondly, amused, and he lets the whistling blow over his ears. Koda grins. "I've been told I'm a good listener."

"...Ohkay."

"So? Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind or leave me to the rhythm of the swamp?"

"I just..."

By campfire light, even with the flames lifting his face from shadow, even with his closeness, Koda can't help but feel so large next to them. In how Bug's shoulders are curled so far into themselves, in how their elbows are covered by their hands, in how they keep their eyes on the trees forever on ahead in something different than mockery. They pull the fire around them like a blanket, wrapping them up until they look helpless, afraid.

Small, his brain whispers.

You can do better than that, he thinks back.

"I... want to be like you all," Bug starts, and immediately Koda feels like he's falling off the stool again.

"...How so?"

They shift. "Fernie is fearless and I... guess I'm just a coward. And Delores, she... her place here is so strong, so motherly, and you're just constantly effortlessly cool and mysterious and artistic and awesome. And me? I'm just--"

Bug glances up again, meeting his eyes, and Koda doesn't move from it. He catches their vulnerability in a piercing gaze and hopes they're listening to the urging voice in his ears, along with the wind and the dewdrops plucking the grass like strings, pleading for them to speak.

"I'm Bug," they say finally, and their head droops. "Just Bug. I shoot my shoe with my own crossbow while you kill the bad things. I talk and it doesn't come out pretty like your words do, or comforting like Delores or even pure and sweet like Fernie. It's like I'm constantly walking around with my foot in my mouth. And I hate it."

"You don't have your foot in your mouth, Bug," Koda interjects.

"Really?"

"You can't, it's pinned to the floor by a crossbow bolt."

A couple seconds, and then Bug throws up his hands, a twisted, halfway manic grin on their face. "See? See? You came up with that on the spot!"

"Got you to smile, though." Koda leans forward and pats the grass next to his stool. "C'mere."

Shifting off his own stone, Bug shuffles over, crossing their legs in front of him. He wipes a hand over his eyes. "I just don't feel like I belong, yknow. With all you cool, badass heroes."

"Bug," Koda says. "You've got a place here."

"Then what is it? You're witty, Fernie's sweet, Delores is everybody's grandmother, and I'm just Bug, stapled to the ground by operator error."

He snorts. "That's a good one. See, you're not too bad with words, yourself."

"It doesn't matter," Bug says, shrinking further into the shadow of the fire. "You'll be better than me anyway, even if I try."

"Then why are you here, Bug?" Koda asks.

"I--" he trails off, with a glance up. Something in their eyes, so vulnerable, caught off guard.

He feels the trees start to dance with the fire and he leans in, eager, pressing. "Tell me why you're here, talking to me during watch in the middle of a mission, right now."

"Cause I--I don't--"

"Why are you even here, then, if you think you don't have a place here?"

"I don't know!" Bug says, his voice cracking into something high pitched and pathetic. "I don't know why I'm here. You guys, I get to see you be so--so glorious, and I can't be like that! I can't do what you do!"

"Do you even want to be here?" Koda pushes further, encouraged by the break in their voice. They're so close to understanding, only a little further--

"I do! Of course I do!" Their voice rises further, a little more. "I want to be like you guys, I want you to be my friends, I want to impress you and be important to you! The way you are to each other! I just--"

"Just what? Just can't? Just don't want to try, and fail?"

"No--of course not, I--listen, please, I just--I don't know. I don't know why I'm here. I want to be, but I don't know why you want me here."

Koda feels the wind slow around them, running along his skin. He leans back, softening his words. "What did you just say, at the end there?"

"I--I don't know why you want me here?"

He sighs. "There, Bug. That's it."

So small. So worried, by the fire.

Koda reaches out a hand, palm up, and is proud when Bug takes it. "We do want you here. It's all there is to it, Bug, that's all that matters. You've got a place here, being a feral gremlin or sensitive goblin or whatever you want to be, because all we ask for is that you be here. We want you here."

He's silent. For a long time. Their fingers rest on his, gently, as if afraid, until finally they speak up. "That's all that matters?"

Koda tightens his grip and shakes their hand firmly. "That's all. Deal?"

"...Okay." A hesitant grin, and Bug nods. "Deal."

"You can rest, now. I've got watch." After a second of thought, he adds, "You're one of us, Bug. I protect my own."

He hears a soft, wet laugh, and the bundle of goblin curls up beside the stool, burrowing into the warmth.

The crickets are quiet, now. Soon enough, Bug is snoring on the grass by Koda's feet. He keeps his eyes up, watching the silhouettes of the trees.

The fire crackles, the wind soothes his throat, and something tangled in his chest whispers, and is gone.

thanks for reading! SAF has really struck a chord (ha) with me, and I wanted to explore a couple possibilities with the characters. specifically Koda, because I love him.

also, PSA, i am unfamiliar with the confirmed pronouns of the characters! so I went with they/he for Bug, and he/him for Koda. if that's incorrect, I'll wander through and change up the pronouns after confirmation!

i'm aware that I've only 2 hours of content to go off of, but I figure once more comes out I'll have a little laugh on how off base the characterization is. think of it this way: they're both FUCKING exhausted and that's why they're not super in character, once we get a solid read on them. again, mosrly Koda specific. only a few moments where we really get a read on his personality, so I just had fun with it

anyway! that was fun! I love these lil guys! have a good time folks <3

#sword af #fanfic #sword af koda #sword af bug #tw dissociation #cw dissociation #i kind of just went with the bladesinger vibe for koda and gave him a really strong connection with sound in general #just for the hell of it #smosh squad #smosh games #smosh d&d

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