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coffeebanana · 3 months

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It felt eerily familiar, kneeling ghost-like beneath a vermillion sky. Doom crept though Antichat's chest, as thick as the acrid smoke scorching his lungs. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. There was a weight in his arms—an inexplicable solace. And yet… Suddenly it didn’t weigh as much as it should. No. His eyes flicked downwards. No, no, no, no— All he held was a pile of ashes, moulded into the shape of a girl.

Some nightmares refuse to fade.

***

[Read the full fic below the cut or on Ao3!! CW: panic attacks, dissociation, depression]

Please, no.

Chat squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head to rid himself of a sudden, blinding panic pounding through his skull. But it was too late. Ladybug’s slate-stained image was seared into his mind, her face frozen in pain, devoid of everything that had once painted comfort across his soul.

Her mask was half-torn, such that Marinette's bare cheek was cradled closest to his chest. Like maybe he'd tried in vain to protect her from the blast.

From his own destruction.

A choked sound ripped itself from his throat, a painful lump following in its wake. He had no way to fix this, nothing to do but pull her in closer. To tighten his arms around her precious, fragile remains.

Another mistake.

She crumbled in his grip; ashes floated up like a mosaic, blinding his vision. Frantically, he pawed at the air—trying to gather her fragments, to force her back together. If he caught enough, perhaps he could papier-mâché her likeness. He could use his tears as glue.

But there was no time for that before a fiery breeze tore through the street. Marinette’s remains were swept away, and only Chat’s strangled cries could follow.

The further away they fled, the more he came undone. There was nothing left to tie his mind together, to keep his pain from exploding like a supernova.

Nothing to keep the world from collapsing in on him.

“What did you expect?” Nightormentor’s voice sliced through the smoke. “You’ve always been poison to the ones you loved most.”

NO!

With a frigid gasp—one that curdled his tar-slicked insides—Adrien awoke. Once again, there was a darling weight in his arms. Only this Marinette was warm and solid. Her limbs were tangled in the blankets she'd pulled to her side of his bed, and one of her hands curled slightly into his T-shirt as her breath tickled the fabric.

She was alive.

Adrien just wasn't sure his heart still knew how to beat.

He was too hot and too cold all at once, both drenched in sweat and trembling. His chest felt like someone had trampled it, and every attempt to breathe sliced further into the wound.

When he closed his eyes, the world was still on fire.

Stomach lurching, he carefully rolled Marinette’s weight off his chest. He couldn’t stay here, couldn’t listen to the even sounds of her breath without hearing echoes of his own sobs slip between them.

The room spun around him as he stumbled to the bathroom; the world still appeared as though through smoke—muted and unreliable, the air too thick to breathe. He collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet, his empty stomach convulsing, only to realize the sickness inside him wasn’t the kind he could expel.

He remained there, braced against the toilet seat, until his limbs eased their shaking enough for him to crawl away. Even so, he barely made it to the wall beside the sink before one of his arms gave out, and his cheek slammed a little too hard into the handle of one of the cupboards he twisted into a seated position. Hissing in pain, he let his face press against the wood there, shuddering at the way the cold surface shocked some life inside of him.

Time ceased to make sense after that. One moment, his chest was burning, pain reverberating through his back as he struggled to fill his lungs. The next, it seemed he’d become a giant cloud. A numb expanse of icy droplets, ready to fall at a moment’s notice.

Light gradually awakened the room, a subtle warmth flickering near the edge of his awareness. He only fully realized the day had come when, somewhere beyond the door he’d left ajar, the bed creaked.

“Adrien?” Marinette called. Her voice was gentle, but pierced through him all the same. “Everything okay?”

No.

Panic set in anew as footsteps approached. He swore he could somehow taste the blood pounding in his ears, and he clamped his mouth shut to keep from crying out. To keep from breathing, even.

He didn’t want to be found. Maybe, if he held his breath until his lungs screamed again, he’d remain concealed in his lifeless fog.

But ironically, it was harder to keep from breathing when that was his actual goal. He sucked in sharp breaths, timed to his heartbeats, and hid his face in his hands.

“Oh, Chaton...” Marinette’s slippers scraped across the bathroom tiles, coming to a stop within his sight. Too close. “Did it happen again?”

He managed a nod, bottom lip quivering as he bit back a sob.

A long exhale piqued his attention; it started as a noise from above and ended as a warm breath against his cheek. Kneeling at his side, Marinette rubbed her hands against her thighs.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

Adrien shifted his jaw from side to side, guilt hooking its talons into his gut. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

It wasn’t a lie; he felt plenty bad about inadvertently dragging her here every night. She deserved the comfort of her own bed, regardless of whether he could actually get any sleep without her. So the least he could do was actually let her get enough rest.

But it wasn’t the truth, either.

And as she took his hand, carefully smoothing his fingers over hers, he had a feeling she knew it.

“Adrien…” She tugged his arm upwards, pressing a kiss to his fingertips. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Biting his lip to keep from disagreeing, Adrien squeezed his eyes shut. With one less sense at his disposal, he was all too aware of the way she lifted his hand further, unfolding his fingers to press against her cheek.

“See?” she whispered, breath tickling the inside of his wrist. Her head twisted to the side, lips planting a kiss on the heel of his palm. “Everything’s fine.”

He swore he could feel the remnants of destruction prickling against her cheek. It took everything he had not to jerk his hand away.

Nothing was fine.

No matter how he’d come into this world, and no matter how much he despised the fact, Adrien would always be—in some way or another—his father’s son. Sometimes he swore he saw a glimpse of the man when he turned too fast in the mirror. Other times, a flash of fury would seize him; with a sickening sense of satisfaction, he’d know what it might felt like to be a villain.

Even worse, he was his mother’s son. His very existence had killed her.

He’d killed both his parents, in the end.

So no matter how much Marinette tried to console him, Adrien knew the voice of his nightmares had a point. He was a danger to her, to himself, to the world.

It might not even end up being his choice. All it would take was someone finding out what he was, and stealing the two rings he still couldn’t stand the sight of.

He was, at most, a liability. And Marinette deserved more than that.

She never agreed with him on that point.

“Look at me,” she said now. An edge crept into her voice, one that shocked him into listening.

His heart jumped at the blue of her eyes—filled with all the warmth that the fiery world of his nightmares had failed to hold.

“I’m sorry,” he said, voice cracking.

“No, no, no. I don’t want you to be sorry. I just…” Tears filled her eyes. “I love you, okay?”

Adrien couldn’t say it back. He couldn’t find enough truth to shove into the sentiment—not when that was all buried beneath his own misery. It was like he’d returned to his nightmare, with smoke charring his throat and one all-consuming fear.

Just the tiniest wrong movement could ruin everything.

But if he didn’t give some kind of response, Marinette would only worry. So he tugged on her hand—maybe a little too hard considering her yelp of surprise—and guided her to sit between his legs. She moved readily into place, and Adrien forced himself to ignore the fear spiking through his veins, hugging her back to his chest.

Once settled, she twisted around and tried to crane her neck upwards, reaching a hand half-blindly up to his cheek. Heart squeezing in his chest, he tightened his grip around and pressed a kiss to her head.

She remained tense for a moment too long, but finally sighed and melted back against his chest. Her hand trailed lazily back down to her side, and her breath spilled into a hum of contentment. With her gaze fixed firmly ahead, Adrien could finally breathe again.

He didn’t want her to see the few tears he’d finally let slip down his cheeks—even if she’d no doubt hear his sniffles or feel the way the cries rumbled in his chest. And he didn't want her to examine him to deeply, to discover what he already knew.

One day, he would surely disappoint her.

#coffebanana fics #miraculous ladybug #lovesquare #post-reveal #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #antichat #nightormentor #post-s5 #angst #bittersweet ending #cw panic attack #cw dissociation #cw depression

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luveline · 2 years

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Can I request Eddie taking care of reader having a dissociation moment or having a withdrawal moment from everyone?

i used mind.org to find out about the symptoms of cw dissociation and though everyone experiences it differently, if there are any inauthenticities please let me know! ty for ur request ♡ gn!reader

Your friends are talking about the trip you went on together a few weeks ago. And you'd been there, you were there, but you can't remember what they're talking about.

"I thought she drowned," Robin says, giving Nancy a fond but rueful glance. "She was under water for, like, five whole minutes."

"That's gross exaggeration," Steve says.

The way he says it is strange. Almost as if he's underwater himself.

Eddie laughs behind you. You can feel it all the way into your chest, but if you close your eyes it doesn't feel like him at all. His arm around your waist may as well be a pillow, a pool noodle. It's not his arm.

You throw your hand out and feel for the rips in his jeans. Your fingers slide between the scraps of fabric and brush over his skin, the curled hairs smattering his thigh. You stroke your hand over them softly, thinking.

Eddie pulls your hand from his jeans and holds it. You sink down against him and feel the sudden jolt of being submerged. One second you're unsure, and the next you're positive. This isn't real. You're not here.

There's the sensation of being pulled. It should feel like a shift. A movement from one place to another. It doesn't feel like much at all. Like being sat at the bottom of a pool, actions at the surface can't reach you.

Eddie drums his hands over your thighs. His breath tickles your ear. "Come back," he says gently.

His chest feels flat under your back. You lean into him heavily, tilting your head back just enough to see his eyes. They move wrong, the pupils and irises all messed up like an egg with a broken yolk.

His eyelashes cut through the colours. He blinks quickfire and drops his lips to your forehead.

You turn back to the wall. Robin, Nancy and Steve are gone, though if they'd really been there to begin with is up for debate.

"Come back," his voice says again. "I'm right here."

"I know," you assure him, though you don't.

He waits with you for a while. The light feels blurred, his decorations melt into one thing, crayons in the sun, an inseperable hodge podge of colour.

Eddie pulls your arms out straight in front of you and runs his hands down the lengths of them. He squeezes them like he's emptying a piping bag, pushing feeling into your skin. He gets rough.

Eddie's never cruel, but it starts to feel hot. Your skin heats. The light filters in and the water tension you'd felt over your head breaks. You catch one of his hands to get him to stop and focus in on the feeling he's left behind.

"You okay?" he asks.

You climb out of his lap and spin on the spot to take in his living room. What was once unfamiliar becomes a thousand details. You take a deep, real breath and laugh weakly, barely a sound.

"Hey, it's alright," Eddie says worriedly, pulled forward on the couch. He reaches out for you and grabs the hem of your shirt.

"Yeah," you agree. You let him encourage your body into the space between his legs and take his face into your hands. He's half soft skin half stubble. The barest hints of it scratch your palms.

When you look into his eyes, they're right. They look like they've always looked. Brown and big.

"That was a bad one," you say.

He nods, brows pinched. "I know."

You wrap your arms around his head and cling to him, face shoved into his dark, wild curls. He smells real. He feels real. "You're real," you say.

"Always will be, sweetheart."

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson drabble #tw dissociation #cw dissociation #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson x reader hurt/comfort

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existencebringsonlypain · 7 months

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hunter owl house

#toh #the owl house #toh hunter #hunter #hunter toh #the owl house hunter #hunter owl house #hunter clawthorne #hunter deamonne #hunter noceda #hunter the golden guard #cw dissociation #tw dissociation #dissociation

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s0fti3w1tch · 11 months

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Here Here Here

(Donnie accidentally learns Leon's an OSDD System after an argument) (not for any AU, just something I made for me)

TW: Dissociation, Self-Blame

I don't really talk about being a system because of how people have treated me about it before. But it warms my heart seeing more posts about it so. I decided to maybe push myself a little to share somewhat of it. I still kind of feel imposter syndrome with my experience, but, here.

My twin is the only one in my family who knows this. Based off of my experience ♥︎

#cw dissociation #tw: dissociating #osdd system but make it rise leo #buwan's art #my art #projecting onto fictional characters #projecting onto rottmnt leo #disaster twins comfort

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juqujunk · 7 months

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the one where miku flies into an existential crisis and cuts off her pigtails

#my art #art #digital art #cw eyestrain #cw dissociation #hatsune miku #vocaloid #miku hatsune

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the-bar-sinister · 9 days

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Whumpee has finally escaped. They've finally gotten their revenge. They visited all the horrors on whumper that whumper visited on them. Every dream of revenge that sustained them has been fulfilled. They are free. They are safe.

And when they're home. And they look in the mirror-- they see their whumper's face looking back at them.

They hear their voice. 'Look what you've become. I'm still with you, whumpee. You've let me inside'.

#hallucination whump #cw hallucinations #cw dissociation #whumblr #whump #whump community #whump prompt #whump prompts #whump scenario #whump tropes #whump writing #whumpblr #whumpee #whumper #💻🔪

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kreachvera · 1 year

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based entirely off this fic

#i am soooo normal ab the writing style .#dislikes: bald people #cw disturbing imagery #cw dissociation #dr baldhead #faust #faust guilty gear #may guilty gear #guilty gear #yea all the text is from the fic im lazy #i can get 2 be a lil cringe. as a treat

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babaukulele · 1 year

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Panic

Hawks almost faces his greatest fear, thank goodness your there to help him come back down to earth.

CW: anxiety, light disassociation, comfy happy ending. Hawks thinks he didn't save you in time.

A/N this is an extremely self indulgent fic. Dissociation has been a long time struggle for me and I sometimes project onto my comfort characters to see it from the outside and think about what would help. If you have similar struggles this is one of many methods that's helped me in the past. I can make a more detailed list of techniques later if could help anyone.

Angst to fluff my darlings, not very proof read i’m sorry

1050 words.

He could feel his heartbeat racing. His body couldn't move although his mind continued to race. People were sprinting around and yelling. One of the sidekicks shook him by the sleeve, she could see the barely concealed panic in his golden eyes, his pupils thin slits.

A building had fallen behind him. Your building. He had been a few blocks over, the sound of the apartments crashing simply mixed into the chaos of the attack. He had captured 10, saved hundreds that day from the destruction. Not that any of it mattered. His knees buckled, panic rose in his throat, his chest constricted. He forgot how to breathe. He staggered towards the rubble as the rescue efforts continued. He couldn't take it. He couldn't stand the thought that you might be–

“Hawks?”

You stood behind him. Thank god you found him. You had heard the commotion, been called into action, and had run out to the streets helping people to evacuate. He turned to you sharply and froze. You immediately recognized what had just happened.

“Help me check a vantage point. I want to see something.” you point to a skyscraper maybe half a mile to the north. You kept your eyes on him, he didn't dare look away. His sidekick looked between you. Whatever you needed was important.

“We have it covered here, Hawks. We will see you back at the agency to finish up the report.” She gave you both a quick thumbs up and ran back into the commotion.

You nodded your thanks. He still felt frozen. You walk over and give his arm a quick pat. You needed to leave the public eye. Immediately.

“Come on feathers” you mutter.

He finally shakes awake, grabbing you and spreading his wings for lift off. His adrenaline still coursing through his veins, you make it to the building within the minute. He has an uncharacteristically awkward landing and you try your best to hide your stagger. Finally he lets out a shaky breath. He has helped you countless times through your fears. The shock hits him like a wall and he starts to breathe heavily. You pull him to the ground to sit with you. He stares at your hands as his eyes start to well up. Losing you was his greatest fear.

“Hey, Kei.” you keep your voice low and gently hold his hands in your lap.

“I- I thought that…”

“I know, I'm sorry I should have updated you. They called me to help evacuate a little after you arrived.” It was meant to be your day off. Thank goodness you were on call that week.

He shook his head, still rattled and unsure. You watched him carefully.

His breath hitches. You had a feeling you knew what was coming next. After so many years of suppressing his every emotion, his brain had saved him time and time again in the only way it knew how.

His breathing grew shallow, his eyes started to unfocus. His brain overwhelmed, he starts to check out. You were both familiar with dissociation and how scary it could be. You also had grown close enough to recognize when it started and what could help each other.

You gently grasp his cheek and tap your fingers a couple of times, bringing a new sensation. You needed to act quickly yet gently.

“Hello my love. I’m sorry, I know that was terrifying”.

Your other hand grabbed his wrist and placed his palm on your own pulse point.

“We made it out though. I am very much still alive, a few bruises here and there but no blood loss, no head injuries, no broken bones I swear.”

His eyes barely lifted to where you laid your hand over his. Good. any response was a good response. You smiled softly.

“Now we get to sit here together, right? The sun feels nice this time of day…”

Locking in his senses again was essential.

“...the wind messed up your hair a bit, I like it like this.”

You run your fingers over his scalp, he leans into your touch. Your heart aches for him.

“The ground is still here to support us…”

You pat the cement below you holding you ironically about 50 stories high. His breathing starts to pick up again.

“I’m so glad you brought us here birdie, thank you.”

His eyes widen at you. You smile and move closer into his lap, pulling him in for a hug. You feel him breathe in your scent, his favorite he always said. Sappy bastard.

He lets out a sob. You try to hide your smile and rub his back.

“There you are”

He gently shakes against you, finally gaining his feeling back to his body.

“I thought I lost you.”

“I know. But you found me didn't you?”

He pulls you closer and squeezes.

“I couldn't even look for you. I couldn't even move.”

You huff a laugh.

“Well I guess I was the one who found you this time. It's okay. We will find each other.”

A tear hits your shoulder, you continue to sit with him.

“I’m sorry” he whispers

“For what?”

“For freaking out, for crying, for not coming sooner.. I don't know just all of it.”

You pulled your head back and caught his face to look at you.

“Now that's not fair is it? Should I apologize for needing your help when I'm scared? Are my emotions an inconvenience for you?”

He shook his head, almost panicked.

“No, no of course not!’

You wrap yourself against him once again.

“So why would you? I like helping you, it makes me feel good. Don’t be selfish and take that away from me.”

He huffed a laugh. Calling your kindness selfish…

“Lets stay here as long as we need. We can figure out an excuse later. Just, be with me for a bit?”

He wraps his heavy wings around you and nestles his head into your neck after a gentle nod. He felt small. But he had you to protect him, a new feeling he could never truly regret.

The sun continued to warm your skin, the wind ruffled your hair and his wings, the building held you high away from the chaos. You both let yourself feel, together. Until you were ready to join the world below once again.

#kiego takami #kiego x reader #hawks #hawks x reader #cw #cw dissociation #hawks fluff #hawks angst #mha #mha hawks #bnha hawks

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