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kisses4lao · 11 months

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Wiggity wack yo(🍋Crewel x Fem! Reader x Sam🍋)

Real not click bait

OKAY AHHHHH so I was told by my boyfriend that tumblr is gonna think im a bot for a bit I can assure you I'm not so im offering this for peace

Okay uhm now back to the fic LOLO

♧CW!! Fem reader, fem pronouns, fem descriptions for body parts, sex with older sexy men yummy, READER IS NOT YUU!!!, reader is like staff or some shit idk make your own shit up i dont care, penis stuff, what stuff? Idk yet your guess is as good as mine, anal AND vagina sex, at the same time btw, threesome or however you spell it M/M/F, yeah you're getting them both at the same time crazy shit ik, I can take them both, what? In a fight? Who said anything about a fight? We get praised, bc my biggest kink is being loved, I love these two, im used to Ao3 im so sorry for how this is formatted, also I hella ship crewel x sam and they will be together in this fic dont you dare think they won't.

Okay so yeah the CW does have a lot of jokes in it but im nervous bc this is my first fic thats like this but it does have actual warnings btw so please read them

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Okay now onto the fic. Enjoy, you horny goblin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧It had been two months since you came to NRC for the first time.

Crowley hired you to be a counselor for the boys in the school. He decided that having a housewarden overbolt every so often wasn't worth the trouble and they needed a shoulder to cry on. And that just so happened to be you.

Crowley had made it apparent he wanted you, telling the agency you worked with that it had something to do with "women being better at comprehending emotion." You didn't mind, the pay was generous and the students were sweet enough to make you want to stay.

You already met most of the students by now, having all the housewardens in every other day just to express their family issues was something you had to deal with. Having the vice housewardens in afterwards wasn't very pleasurable either, but you had to make do. Sometimes Crowley would come in just to see how things were going, he'd say it was to "be generous", he brought you food Sometimes too.

You found yourself getting very close to the married couple of the school, Sam and Crewel. They were very sweet to you, complementing your style when you'd come in, hang out with you during break, Crewel would even bring you snacks from Sam's shop when he had the chance. You would hang out with them a lot, and though you didn't want to admit it, you did find both of them attractive, but you would never hurt their marriage.

Every once in a while, Crewel and Sam invited you over to their house. You'd have drinks, play games, get into really deep conversations about how Crowley sucked, the things friends do.

You didn't want to admit your feelings. You didn't want to admit how you'd slightly blushing when they were being nicer than usual. You didn't want to admit how your heart would beat out of its chest when Crewel would stand behind you, snaking his hands over yours to guide them to teach you how to make a margarita. You didn't want to admit how you'd get so excited when Sam would willingly buy your favorite snacks and have Crewel deliver them to you. It wasn't worth losing two amazing friends over two simple crushes.

You had just gotten done a long day of counseling all the first years, Ace and Deuce to get their counseling together. It was just as hectic as it sounded, taking up almost 4 hours of your time with other students coming and leaving when they realized how long the wait would be. You needed a way to relax and get your mind off this job. Luckily, Crewel came into your office at the end of the day and invited you over for drinks.

This was the perfect stress reliever, hanging out with your two amazing friends and having drinks sounded perfect after a long day. Crewel quickly noticed how tired you were, your disheveled appearance quaking from the little sleep you had. He decided to schedule the meet up for later in the day so you'd get some sleep beforehand. "We don't want you falling asleep on us, now do we?" Crewel gives you a small chuckle and a wink before bidding his goodbye and leaving.

Getting up from your chair with an exhausted sigh, you pack your notes into your bag and leave your office, locking the door behind you. Crowley said to always lock your office when you aren't there, something about the students being nosy and may snoop around. It didn't matter though, it was the end of the school day and the start of the weekend, who would spend their Friday snooping around in a counselors office?

Finally getting to the chamber room and walking through the mirror, you're at the part of campus where all the staff lives. Medium sized houses in a nice circle with Treins house being the biggest and in the middle. Unlocking your front door, you sigh and take off your jacket while laying your keys down on the table next to the door. Going upstairs and into your room, you take your bra and skirt off, climbing into bed after setting an alarm.

Crewel was nice enough to set the meet up back a few hours, scheduling it for 10. Giving you a nice 4 and a half hours to catch up on much needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After being asleep for around 4 hours, you awoke to your alarm going off. It was 9:25, giving you 30 minutes to get ready.

Getting out of bed you hop into the shower to get washed up. Using the lovely sugar scrubs you usually do and washing your (H/L) (H/C) hair with a wonderful smelling shampoo and conditioner. Getting out of the shower, blow drying your hair and figuring out what to wear.

You finally decided on a nice (F/C) dress, not too skin tight, but leaving enough to the imagination to make it desirable. Luckily it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to wear something like this, so they wouldn't think anything of it.

It was getting to the time of leaving, so you quickly pack your things and head out. Closing the door behind you, you walk across the empty street and make it to their door. Since they lived in the same house, you would often catch them walking out early in the morning. It was convenient to say the least.

Knocking three times before the door opens with enthusiasm, you're greeted with Crewels smiling face as he greets you. He holds the door open as you walk in, taking your bag and coat off and putting them on the hangers near the door. Sam greets you from the kitchen, beckoning you to come and see him.

When you do, he has a bunch of machinery on the counter. "Sam used to be a barista before he started working here. He stopped a long time ago, but his love for coffee didn't. We decided to invest in some machinery to indulge in his hobby. Expensive, but worth it to see him happy." Crewel says as he walks behind you and gives you a smile.

"I've always loved working with coffee, the pure smell alone is enough to drive a man, me, wild. Come here, I'll show you have to work an expresso machine!" Sam says with a huge smile on his face. Something tells you alcohol isn't being involved tonight, perhaps its for the better.

Walking over to Sam he steps behind you and guides your hands to the different cups and powders to make a shot of expresso. Did Crewel and Sam always have similar ways of teaching? They aren't like this to the other staff..

After making the expresso, Sam grabs some coffee he brewed earlier. Pouring it into a mug and the expresso on top, he starts the foam art. Watching him pour the foam in different directions was almost mesmerizing, and soon enough, you had a little foam kitty! How cute!

Sam had finished his and Crewels coffee and you sat down at the coffee table with them. They were silent, more than usual. Their eyes would dart across the room, occasionally landing on you but quickly shifting focus. It seemed as though they wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to put it.

"Is something wrong? You guys are awfully silent tonight, I hope I didn't upset you in anyway-" you trailed off, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, no! Its not you at all!" They both practically shouted while jumping from their chairs, spilling some coffee in the process. Grabbing some tissues and sitting down, they clean themselves up.

"Look, we've been meaning to ask you something- its just- we don't know how to exactly ask about it." Sam says, Crewel still trying to dab some coffee off of the vest hes wearing.

"We think that, maybe, we can open our marriage, but, just to you. We want to try things with you, see what we like, experiment a little." Crewel adds with flushed cheeks. He must be pretty nervous about this.

Sam takes a nervous sip of his coffee before continuing on what Crewel had just stated. "We trust you. We think that you're the only person that could be fit for this, and we're willing to help you explore that side of you. The 'nastier' side, so I've heard the kids say."

Well that was a lot to take in, a bit too much actually. You had felt your entire face heat up as you realized what they meant. A sort of rush of adrenaline creep in. Was this actually happening? You've wanted it bad since you first met them, but you never thought it would actually happen.

Sam and Crewel looked at you as you completely space out. You could feel the tension in the air, their stares getting impatient as their cheeks formed new colors you'd never seen on them.

"We completely understand if you don't want to do this, we won't force you into anyth-" Crewel chimed in after deciding the silence was too much, but was then swiftly cut off.

"I'll do it. I mean- I want to, that is. I've been wanting to, I just didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable. I mean, you're always so sweet to me, I thought we just had something platonic going on, but I had no clue you guys felt the same." You say while practically being out of breath. Pressing your thighs together as an instinct, Crewel quickly switches his gaze to a lovely house plant as his cheeks heat up more.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'd never force you into anything, but we do want your full consent." Sam practically sighs out. Crewel is still red, but now is occasionally sparing glances at you.

"Yes, im sure. You may do whatever you please." Chuckling, you say with a smile directed to them. Sam gives you a soft smile while Crewel stands up from his chair.

"I'll get everything situated. Sam, if you want to take her into the bedroom and get her situated, that would be appreciated, I'll be in as soon as I'm done getting everything ready." Crewel says while walking out of the room, giving you both a wink on the way out.

"Alrighty then! Let's get you ready!" Sam yells while taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. When you walk in, you take in the beautiful scenery. Large king sized bed, beautiful red curtains, their bedroom is huge! "Dont be intimidated, Crowley decided to give us extra space. He says we're his 'little gay friends.' We're not even completely gay! Wiggity wack, yo!"

You were so grateful that Sam knew how to break the silence and make you comfortable you didn't even notice he had left your side to go to one of their personal cabinets. "We had been planning this for awhile, we just didn't want to scare you away is all. Crewel and I had picked up a few sets of lingerie for you. You can try them on while we wait for him to get back! No pressure of course. I just figured you may not have expected something like this to happen and you wanted to change into something more... fitting... for the occasion."

Then, it hit you. You were wearing such normal panties, it hurt! Shame on you, shame on you!

Going to the cabinet, you skimmed through the sets of lingerie. None really caught your eye, until you landed on a lacy white two peice with pearly accents. Sexy, baby!

"Oh, you like that one? Thats Crewels favorite. Hes gonna go batshit crazy if he sees you in that! Personally I dont give a shit what you're wearing, you'll be naked and in my arms by the end of the night so it doesn't matter." He says with a smug look on his face. Was that... a threat? Why was it sexy for him to say if it was? He was leaning with his arms crossed on the cabinet, looking for any sign that you were uncomfortable. They really were putting your needs above theirs.

"Go! Try it on! I wanna see Crewels face when he comes back!" He lightly shooshes you away with a hearty laugh that made your cheeks red. After showing you to the bathroom, he leaves you to the privacy of the semi cold, hard floor room. Getting changed, you heard the door open and Crewel walk in. Sam and him were talking about something you just couldn't hear what. Putting the panties to the lingerie set on, you had realized they untied at the sides. How convenient! Stepping outside, you felt their eyes practically rip you apart.

"Hot diggity dog! I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird oh my god." Sam slaps his face before cupping his eyes in embarrassment. Crewel sent him a death glare before looking back at you with wide eyes and completely red cheeks.

"Uhm.. we should uh.. go over safety precautions. Our safeword is going to be, 'blue', understood?" Crewels voice was shaky and he was clearly avoiding your gaze, but he did sound serious. Shaking your head yes, he continues. "Alright. Remember, any time you get uncomfortable, or you want to stop, or anything, just say the safeword and we'll stop immediately. As for everything else, I got some things for us. Just to make everything a smoother process is all. Lube, vibrators, simply just things to have your body relax. As for protection, both Sam and I can't have kids. In our defense we didn't think something like this would happen."

"In short, you're gonna be fine. We'll make sure you're treated nice and good, don't worry. Crewel and I are, as the kids would say, 'freaks in the sheets', but we'll wait until later dates to actually try those things with you. If you're comfortable, that is." Sam smiles at you. It was comforting to see all the precautions they're taking.

"I'm okay with anything really, I mean, I dont have very much experience but im willing to try things out! It's just, im a bit nervous is all.." Sam looks at you as though he's seen something so otherworldly gorgeous he can't explain it, and he gently takes your hands.

"Hey, dont be scared, okay? We'll go as slow as you want, and if at anytime you want to stop we will. We just want you to have a good time." Sam winks as he gives your hands a gently squeeze of reassurance. Crewel was silently taking off his coat all the while looking at the way the lingerie was hugging your body. Blush was covering your cheeks as you take your hands out of sams grasp and cup them together in a nervous fashion.

"Thanks.. its just this outfit im wearing is starting to be a bit uncomfortable." You say while looking away from their prying eyes.

"Well let's take it off then." Crewel says with a grin on his face while making eye contact.

"Mhm. I agree. If its making you so uncomfortable we should take it off." Sam says while giving you his signature grin. He takes your hand and leads you to their shared bed, sitting you on his lap in the middle of the comfortable mattress. Crewel followed and crawled towards the two of you, while landing front of you and spreading your legs gently.

Sam slowly leans into the crook of your neck, "I'm gonna take these off, okay?" He whispers in your ear as he places the strings of your panties in his fingers. Nodding in agreement, he gives the shell of your ear a soft nip, earning a small yelp from you, making the men giggle.

He slowly takes his fingers and pulls on the drawstrings, Crewel in front of you, watching in anticipation. Shyness taking over, you instinctively shut your legs close when Sam begins to take the peice of loose fabric off.

Crewel places one hand on your inner thigh and pries them open, clicking his tongue while shaking his head in light hearted dissapointment. "Ah-ah, no hiding sweetheart, cmon, you'll be begging to be touched more by the end of the night, we have to start somewhere, dont we?" Crewels voice was laced with last, you had never heard him act like this before, but God you wanted more.

You you began to crawl up Sams lap in a stroke of nervousness, to which he only gave a soft smile at. "You'll be a good girl for Divus, wont you? You'll be so good for him, let him eat you out, right?" Sam says from behind you in a teasing tone, while Crewel waited patiently for your response. Nodding yes, Crewel dove between your legs like a starved man.

A loud moan escapes your lips from the sudden burst of pleasure, earning a chuckle from the man behind you. Placing both hands on Sam's thighs in an attempt to keep your balance, you only ended up digging your fingernails into his skin. Leaving harsh, painful nail marks on his legs, Sam groans at the sudden pain. He takes his hand, interlocking it in Crewels hair and pulling him forward so he can reach deeper parts of you. You moan loudly at Crewel being able to hit spots no one else could, and Sam takes his hand out of Crewels hair and places two fingers on your clit, making circular motions with light pressure.

With all the stimulation, it doesn't take long for you to cum, which you do with a loud moan. Crewel licks all of your juices up and swallow them in a single motion. "Delicious, as expected." He says as he softly caresses your cheek for comfort. Sam begins to rub slow circles into the flesh of your thigh, giving them light pinches every word often.

Crewel begins to unbuckle his belt with one hand, the other still stroking your cheek. "Are you alright with taking us both at the same time? Its alright if not, we can take turns if you'd like." Crewel makes eye contact with you as he asks, making you swallow hard in anxiety. As you begin to think, Sam lays his head in the crook of your neck in anticipation.

"I'm alright with taking you both at the same time, its just please be slow, im a little scared is all... this is my first time doing something like this..." you say as a small chuckle comes from them both. "Of course we'd be slow silly! You're our main priority, so we just want to make you comfortable." Sam says as he kisses your neck and slowly retreats from his resting place on your shoulder.

"I'd suggest you prepare her for... well, anal. You're alright with that, right?" Crewel asks with concern in his eyes. Now THIS was something you didn't expect tonight, but not unwelcome.

"I'm okay with it! But please, please be gentle, I've never done this before." You say as you look behind you at Sam. He gives you a smile before ruffling your hair. "I know I know, I'll be gentle I swear." He says as he begins to let his slender fingers roam to you ass. "Get ready, okay? This is gonna feel weird and possibly hurt for a minute, but it'll get better."

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. Sam takes one finger and begins to slowly inch his way in, letting you stretch out. You slowly grown out at the alien feeling, gripping Sam's thighs harder than you were before.

He begins to curl his finger in you, slipping in another one as you start to loosen up more. Crewel could sense the way it hurt, he leaned down and started kissing and rubbing your thighs gently, hoping it would help you ease.

Sam could feel you loosen from this, to the point he was able to slip a third finger in, earning a moan from you. He began to curl his fingers upwards as he kissed and sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. With the stimulation, you ended up cumming after a few minutes.

As Crewel lapped up your juices again, but gently this time as to not overstimulate you, Sam began to praise you more. "Look at you, doing so good for us, taking us so well. I cant wait to have you coming undone on us." Sam said as he placed a light kiss on your cheek.

Crewel took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers, letting you stare in awe at how well built he was. He took your hand and let you sit in his lap. "Just a second doll, Sam needs to undress himself." He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, placing sweet kisses on it. After a minute, Sam was done and was also in just his boxers, guiding you back onto his lap.

"Which hole ya wanna take? Rock paper scissors? No, thats too cliche.." Sam rambles on. "I'm fine with whatever, what do you want, y/n?" Crewel tags into the conversation as he scoots closer to the two of you, holding your waist in the process.

"I'm okay with the position we're in right now, with you being in the front, Sam in the back.. it seems fine like this." The men smile at how genuine you're being, voicing your concerns, ect. Its cute to them. They nod and hum in agreement as Crewel grabs a bottle of lube.

"I reckon I won't have to use this as much as you will, Sam. Take it slow, hurt her and I'll beat the shit out of you." Crewel says with a smile on his face, sort of whispering that last part.

"I am gentle! I'm always gentle, some would even call me a gentleman!" Sam says with a playful scowl, taking the bottle from him. You begin to giggle as you see Crewel slowly take off his boxers, reveling his already, very hard member.

"Sorry love, you looked too cute, couldn't help it, yknow?" He says, giving you a wink as his breath speeds up. You feel Sam shifting under you and you feel him take off his boxers, throwing them to the side.

Oh no, they're both huge! Crewels is long, around 7-8.5 with reasonable girth, while Sams is 6.5 and a lot thicker. How are you gonna take them both at once?

"I know what you're thinking, you'll be alright. We'll take it slow, build up speed with time." Sam says as he places a quick kiss on your temple. He squeezes the lube on his hand, rubbing it together to warm it up before putting it on his cock. Earning a hiss from him, he sighs and places both hands on your waist. Lifting your body up, both him and Crewel line themselves with your holes, and wait for your confirmation.

Placing both hands on Crewels shoulders, you nod your head before they begin to slowly sink themselves into you, stretching you out more in the process. Moans from all three of you fill the room as they lower you down more and more.

Once they are fully in, they both huddle close to your body, singing you praise after praise as they wait for you to let them move. After a few minutes pf being out of breath and simply just panting you give them the go ahead.

"You can move, I'm okay now." And with that, they pull their torsos away from you and place their hands on your waist. Starting at a slow pace for you to get used to it, they slowly and gradually add more speed as they both bounce you on their cocks.

Sam rests his head on your shoulder, panting in your ear as his grip on you tighten and his muscles tense. Crewel doing the same, but while bouncing you, he begins to thrust upwards when you come down to make a larger impact, earning a loud moan that makes you tense around them.

Ssm gets jealous of how Crewel seems to be fucking you better, so he starts to do the same, meeting his thrusts with your timing. You were all moaning messes and by the looks of it, none of you could last very long.

Sam grits his teeth as his hands make their way to your tits, softly squeezing and pinching them. Crewel let's his hands wander to your pussy, taking his thumb and rubbing circles on your clit. You dont last long after they begin to do this, and cum for the third time this night, riding out your high as Sam and Crewel chase theirs.

You can feel Sams breath speed up and grow more hoarse as his grip on your thighs and breast slightly tighten. "Shit shit shi-" a loud groan erupted from his chest as he spills his seed in you. Crewel falling seconds after, cumming in you as he thrusts upwards, keeping it in.

You all lay on the bed for a few seconds, basking in eachothers presence while catching your breath. Crewel slowly pulls out, earning a whince from you. He walks into the bathroom and comes back seconds later with a wash cloth.

"Cmon Sam, you gotta get out." Crewel says as he looks at him, with a whine Sam pulls out too, letting both their juices spill out of you. "Such a good girl for us, keeping all our cum in her. You did so well for us dear." Crewel says as he cleans you up. Lightly dabbing the cloth on your now sensitive areas, he softly chuckles at the way your body reacts.

Sam walks to the other side of the room, going into a small fridge and grabbing three waters and a few snacks. "I've got waters for all of us and some chocolates for the girl of the hour." He says with a wink. Crewel is done cleaning you and goes to throw the soiled towel in a wash basket as Sam opens your water and chocolates.

Replenishing your thirst and munching on the surprisingly delicious chocolates, Sam picks you up unexpectedly and moves you to the front of the bed. "What, you didn't think we were gonna kick you out after this, did you?" Crewel says chuckling as he comes back from being in the bathroom.

"Honestly, im not sure what to expect from you guys anymore." You say with a chuckle. Both men chuckle aswell as they make it into bed with you, sandwiching you between them. Shifting the pillows and blankets around until you're all comfortable, you lay in a comfortable silence.

As you all say your goodnights as the lights in the room turn off, you can't help but think of what situation you're in. Having two men who just fucked you into oblivion now cuddling you goodnight? You could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: im lorde yaya im lorde yaya

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland smut #twst crewel #twst divus #divus crewel #crewel x reader #divus x reader #sam twst #sam twisted wonderland #twst smut #crewel smut #twst sam smut #need these men so bad wow #im down so bad for them #crying screaming rolling on the floor

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artbyblastweave · 9 months

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are you still taking fallout asks? if so any opinions on veronica santangelo and/or cass?

Veronica is an unsung hero in her actual, secret, unbeknownst-to-her role in the Brotherhood of Steel, which is to drift around topside, attach to the most interesting and dangerous-looking person she can find like a lovable remora, become that person's close confidant, and eventually firmly wedge her emotional well-being as a protective barrier between the player character and the maniac juggernaut ass-kicking rampage that the Mojave chapter of the Brotherhood Of Steel would otherwise be so richly in line to receive. Approximately 1.3 million Mojave Brotherhood of Steel Chapters have survived the events of Fallout: New Vegas purely on the basis of the fact that a wholesale retaliatory slaughter over the bomb-collar thing or the doctor-slaughtering thing or the unapologetic banditry thing would make Veronica so very, very sad.

(Jokes aside, I've always thought it would be interesting to encounter a Brotherhood chapter or similar cult-like setup that actually does deliberately frontload their outreach with a low-ranking, charismatic fandom-bait follower, in order to try and leverage the same kind of out-of-universe emotional blackmail that causes people to not wipe out the Brotherhood just because they like Danse or Haylen specifically, for example.)

One other thing I find really interesting about Veronica comes from cut content for the post-game Vegas, where she she has a line expressing satisfaction at helping House secure the Mojave because his visionary tendencies remind her of Elijah. That's an outlook that interacts....interestingly with House's intense hatred of the BoS and the fact that in the shipped product it's impossible to complete his ending without cracking open the tin-cans. What's most likely going on is that the dialogue was recorded before it was decided that House would have an unbreakable hardline anti-Brotherhood stance, but it speaks to an idea that I find interesting- that Veronica, given the opportunity, would keep latching onto charismatic cult-leader visionaries who give her a sense of purpose, switching to a new one when she has no choice but to recognize that the current ship is sinking, and the reason this isn't identifiable as a tendency of hers within the game proper is that we catch her at the very start of the cycle to come. Even within the game I feel like this read is reflected in how comparatively easy it is to recruit her as a companion compared to everyone else, and how as far as I know, killing her entire family is the only thing you can do to make her abandon you, (and even then only sometimes.) I mean you can sell this woman to cannibals totally unprompted. Nobody does, because that'd be really mean, but she isn't necessarily the best judge of character!

#I'm extrapolating a lot from one line here admitedly #fallout #fallout asks #thoughts #meta #asks #fallout new vegas #veronica santangelo

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loveindefinitely · 3 months

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i care so much about the tf 141 plays valorant au who are their mains please

༊*·˚ TASK FORCE 141 — valorant au headcanons.

a/n. omg thank you its a very meaningful thing to me ALSO

featuring. simon 'ghost' riley, johnny 'soap' mactavish, kyle 'gaz' garrick, john 'bravo six' price

warnings. gn!reader, suggestive content, crack, they're all in love and stupid, attempts at humour, polyamory

GHOST as an OMEN MAIN

✩ The first agent he unlocked, and the only agent he plays. If anyone else takes him, he doesn't select at all. Is on very thin ice due to his frequent dodges.'

✩ Likes the practicality of him, how the smokes help your entire team out, and the teleporting aspect makes it more fun for him to get frags. Tries to be experimental with it to try and impress you guys, but usually fails.

✩ Does not understand in the slightest why he mid frags usually, even when you, Soap and Gaz have explicitly explained how duelists and smokes work. He just views it as another thing to conquer.

✩ Makes fun of Soap because his smokes are 'weaker'. Has been hit in the back of the head for it.

✩ When he found out that Sage and Omen were somewhat of a ship, and overheard you saying how much you wanted the 'Halloween card', he asked about dressing up as them for Halloween. (Your glassy eyed smile made the cat ears worth it.)

✩ Deliberately smokes off entry just to piss off Soap, when he starts trying to backseat too hard. Once blinded you all because Gaz said that Soap's smokes were better. (Soap just smoke-entried onto site.)

✩ [NSFW] Plays on his voice, praising you, Soap or Gaz anytime you clutch or get a good shot in. Starts straight up dirty-talking mid-game, using every single one of your weaknesses against you. Talks more than he does in person when he gets antsy, getting off to the steady breathiness of your voices as he gets more and more filthy with it.

SOAP as a JETT MAIN

✩ The most obnoxious little fucker when he plays.

✩ An absolute menace. He specifically baits you and Ghost for frags, because he finds Ghost's growing anger and your petulant huffs amusing. (He also just loves how he pays for it later.)

✩ Asked Gaz to match one of those cringe usernames with him. Probably something like 'I Blow Bubbles' and 'Bubbles'. Gaz said no and also asked him to never speak of it again. (He asked you later, and you nearly cried on the spot.)

✩ Once cried because the enemy's team Jett was a smurf, and threatened to take his girl. He worried about it briefly, then remembered all of his '''''girls''''' were just down the hall. And not impressed with a guy that had more kills in a video game than in real life.

✩ Laughs when he sees Price die, than screams when he gets shot immediately after.

✩ [NSFW] Gave you head while you played a game once, unbeknownst to the other two. Made you give comms while his fingers thrust into you, his tongue licking over your hole. Laughed against your thigh when you pulled his hair after he made you die with a cruel stroke.

GAZ as a KAY/O MAIN

✩ Used to be a Pheonix main, but got sick of Soap making fun of him for choosing the 'brit', and the one that people shipped with Jett. Told him that if he wanted him so bad, to just come out and say it. (Gaz turned off his PC at the plug for that.)

✩ His flashes are usually really good, but if Soap or Ghost make a snide remark, or Price tries to take the leadership-role, he'll flash everyone. Says it was a misclick but no one is buying it.

✩ Has watched multiple lineup videos, and takes it all very seriously. If you or Soap are bantering while he's trying to do it exactly right, he'll threaten to go to your rooms and smother you with your pillows. (Neither of you complain, and if you're feeling particularly bratty, you'll push him to his limits.)

✩ Was the first one to play Valorant, and got Soap hooked. From there, it spiralled, but he's just happy he gets to do something he enjoys so much with the people he loves so much.

✩ Definitely the most patient one of the team. He kinda taught all of you at some point, because he doesn't get pissed off as easily as Soap. Also, he just loves watching as either you, Price or Ghost start to understand how fun it is -- and start to be able to properly play.

✩ [NSFW] Has played with you sitting on his dick, letting you cockwarm him while he presses kisses into your neck. Did it while in a custom game with Soap, and whenever Soap was starting to win, he'd set the voicechat to auto, so your moans and whimpers could be heard. (Led to an unfinished game, but three finished orgasms.)

PRICE as a KILLJOY MAIN

✩ He plays KJ purely out of spite. When you three (ghost would never) first begged him to play with you, Soap, Gaz and you had convinced him to play Brim. He was not impressed when five minutes in, Soap was whining for him to try and say the voice lines.

✩ The reason he likes playing her so much is because he can spend his time setting up sites. He likes defense over attack, and it's really cute when he hums while trying to do lineups.

✩ (He doesn't tell any of you this, but part of it is that he gets to sit back while you all compete for top frag. In the field, he might take the top rank, but he likes seeing you all laugh and poke fun at each other. He falls a lil bit more in love with each of you every time threats are thrown about over comms.)

✩ His aim is shit. Like, absolutely terrible. Has complained multiple times about how the guns don't have the right heft to them, and that it's all completely unrealistic.

✩ If he goes AFK, it's to head to either you or Gaz, pick you up, sit in your seat, and just watch as you play from his lap. Just rests his chin on your shoulder and wraps his arms around your waist. Doesn't care about the penalty -- would much prefer to embrace his partner.

✩ If any of you are up late, playing, when he wants to cuddle up and go to sleep, he WILL turn off the internet just as you press queue again. Feigns ignorance, but you all know it was him. (You all pretend that you believe him, because you can't exactly decline his silent neediness.)

✩ [NSFW] When he's feeling particularly horny, he'll start prompting bets between you all. Like, whoever top frags gets to cum first, or, however many times you die is the amount of spanks you'll get. All while waiting for the inevitable pounding of knocks on his bedroom door.

A/N. this au is so disgustingly self-indulgent i am disappointed in myself. anon, even if this is only enjoyed by me and you, at least there's someone else out there that understands me 🙌 thank you for giving me a reason to rant about my silly lil thoughts. if this at all interests anyone pls lmk or give me ideas for a oneshot...

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bung3665 · 5 months

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Some Dynamics and Character Lore From GGZ

Given the title, this won't cover everything, especially the dynamics that are present for GGZ-only characters, but I thought I'd make a post for Hi3 characters that are present in GGZ for those of you who like to draw fanart/write fanfiction. As well as the fact that I like talking about GGZ.

Fair warning: this is going to be long, I have a bad habit of going into too much detail on things like this, so please bear with me.

For this post in particular, I was going to focus on multiple characters but this ended up being so long I relegated to it just being about Kiana and Mei, and more specifically two versions of them. I might make a follow up post for Bronya/Seele/Sin at another time.

Trigger warning for attempted suicide below. I feel like I should include this just in case.

Short introduction but that's all I have to say before diving into the material.

Kiana/Mei

It shouldn't really be a surprise that Kiana's greatest dynamic is with Mei and only Mei. The two are a lot more blatant with their feelings and relationship in GGZ. However, their relationship is also more tumultuous than in Hi3. They are a good example of doomed yuri, besides the ending to the Reborn storyline, which is bittersweet at the least and good at the most.

The writing of GGZ carries the same theme as Honkai 3rd, fighting against the fate of the world and for all that's beautiful. GGZ tends to explore the darker aspects to this setting, often times mixing in heavier themes while doubling down on the struggles of the characters. At times, it can be almost over the top, but I think its cohesive and still a finely crafted story.

It should come as no shocker that Kiamei is the primary ship of GGZ, it's outright confirmed that they love each other at points throughout the story. Sometimes it is for lesbian bait, but on the whole I think their writing is good and the way they rely on each other for support is nice.

Kiana and Mei are more grounded in GGZ, if I had to word it. They're still incredibly resilient, but there are times where they crack mentally. It happens to Kiana more than it does to Mei (save for the last arc, where it's all about Mei suffering), but seeing them work through these things does deepen the bond they have.

Now with all that said, let's move on to the actual content of this post.

Retrospective

Retro is the story you play when you first start the game, this is the "first half" of GGZ's story in some regard. GGZ's story and setting is divided into separate eras, with the main two being Retrospective and Reborn. Era Zero, taking place before both of them, was never fully completed unfortunately.

In Retro, Kiana and Mei initially start off on the wrong foot. Mei is sort of hostile towards Kiana (a result of her becoming a Herrscher) and Kiana is a bit insensitive to Mei on introduction, but after learning about Mei's past, Kiana manages to get through to Mei after their battle and the two make up.

Will put it out there that much like Kiana in the Hi3 mangas and early Hi3 story, she's a perv here. Yet her crush on Mei is a genuine thing.

Things calm down for a while, but when Bronya enters the picture and Mei begins to dote on her like a big sister, Kiana gets a little...possessive, and jealous. She's quite immature when it comes to romance in Retro. And while Mei is more serene about things she does care for Kiana too.

The two have their own unresolved matters, however. For Kiana, it's finding her dad who went missing when she was young (note: Kiana in GGZ is not a clone like in Hi3, this is the real and original Kiana Kaslana). And for Mei, it's regarding Ryoma's sentencing and his ties to Anti-Entropy. The two bring it up at points and reassure each other that they will find their dads which is sweet.

Things take a turn for the worse when Cocolia attacks St. Freya with the Moonlight Throne battleship. When the ship crashes into the church where the furnace containing the core of the second Herrscher is (yeah they stored Sirin's core there), Kiana somewhat fuses with the core and has a complete mental breakdown when Cocolia reveals the truth about Siegfried and how Kiana murdered him when she accidentally became a Herrscher while young.

This causes Kiana to become a Herrscher due to the rising amounts of Honkai energy in her body. If you're wondering about Cocolia, she dies by heading into the Honkai furnace and gets swallowed up by all the Honkai.

Kiana kills everyone after becoming the Herrscher of Finality (or Herrscher of The End, Final Herrscher etc), and the last person she kills is Mei.

It's a sad scene through and through, and the CGs are great. Even more so because at the end, when Kiana and Mei are floating above the world, Kiana still cries while the world ends.

See you in the next world originates from this scene. Very good piece of music.

So what happens after? The world ends, Mei and everyone die, but what happens to Kiana?

Kiana became a puppet for the Honkai, even after the initial catastrophe that occurred at St. Freya, small groups of people managed to survive the world-wide Honkai eruption. But they too would be wiped out by Kiana.

She didn't move, she didn't think anymore, and she had no emotion. Only when the Honkai needed her to kill whatever remnants of civilization rose up did she move.

This carried on for hundreds of years, or tens of thousands, but by the end Kiana had killed all of humanity.

And then she regained her consciousness and was faced with the reality of how many she had killed and how much blood she had spilled. To save herself from the suffering she tried to end her life, but because she was a Herrscher, she was immortal.

No one could kill Kiana, not even Kiana herself. When Kiana realized this fact she gave up all resistance. She deluded her mind with memories of the past and paralyzed herself on the spear she had impaled herself with, until the day Honkai disappeared from the world.

Quite the terrible end. I won't be covering Reborn in this post, but I thought it would be cool to write about the Fire Moth DLC side story, since their relationship in that story builds off of Retro.

Fire Moth

To understand Kiana and Mei's relationship in Fire Moth, you first need an understanding of the setting. The events of Fire Moth happen during Reborn's story, during the story chapters as a matter of fact.

But Fire Moth itself technically takes place in a stigma space where the world has turned desolate five years after Kiana became a Herrscher and destroyed everything. It should be noted that this is the world contained in the stigma space, so the setting of the story is not taking place in the real world. The backstories and characters are acting upon how they were in Retro (and were materialized by Kyuushou's memories of them).

This is Kyuushou's stigmata space, and she has the stigmata of both Kiana and Mei from Retro. Hence why this world bears so much familiarity to Retro.

Most life on the surface is dead, and the survivors in Nagazora have banded together to form the organization "Fire Moth", or "Moth Who Chases The Flame", under the leadership of an older Bronya.

Houraiji Kyuushou is the protagonist of Fire Moth, and you play through the story as her amnesiac self. Kiana is still the Final Herrscher, and rather than a being who is carrying out the Honkai's will endlessly, or someone who still has enough emotion and humanity to cry, this Kiana has gone deep into nihilism and has become devoid of most emotion.

This is a Kiana who knows what happened thousands of years ago and guilt has eaten away at her and left her with nothing.

CG of Kiana when Kyuushou first meets her in a dream.

To get a good idea of what Kiana and Mei are going through in Fire Moth, how about this short conversation I machine-translated. Might be inaccurate, I don't know Chinese that well! But hopefully it helps. Some of it has been taken from Guns Girl Z Cutscene Interpreter as well, I translated some of the text that was still in Chinese.

(Mei's text is purple, and Kiana's is blue).

Mei…what would you do if the world didn't fall apart?

If it hadn't collapsed...

I would probably have been like an ordinary girl, studying something I like, enrolling in a university I wished to go to, and then starting my own family, and walking through a happy and uneventful life with the person I love.

Kiana, what about you?

For me…as long as I'm with Mei, I'm already satisfied.

Really…don't say such embarrassing things...If it's Kiana then there must be something more worthy of pursuing.

If it's the old me…I do have hundreds of wishes I want to fulfill...

I wanted to attend the same school as Mei, eat our bento together under a cherry blossom tree, and spend our entire lunch break lazily.

I want to travel around the world with Mei, take pictures of us in beautiful landscapes, and keep our figures in a precious photo album forever.

I want to build a small cabin by the sea with Mei, watch the tide rise and fall together, collect seashells on the sand blown by the sea breeze together, and then fall asleep under the embrace of the moonlight.

There are so many more wishes…well there are so many more plans too..

But now…

I just want to stay by your side quietly like this forever.

Mei...please give me your hand.

Yes...

If it's possible, will you stay with me until the end of the world?

Kiana…thank you.

Thank you for loving me so much. For protecting me so much.

But both of us, no, we all, we all understand.

That this is a long-cherished wish that simply cannot be fulfilled.

Because...because all of it...has been destroyed by your hands.

Every promise has been turned into ash... and we can never go back.

I'm so sorry Kiana...I'm so sorry.

It's time for us to say our farewells...

(Kiana alone with Mei's ribbon).

...

I understand.

In fact, I understand it better than anyone.

This is the mistake I made...I've destroyed our future with my own hands.

Such an ending is the best punishment for me.

Alone in a world without you. Even death is too kind for me.

(There's a little bit more to this scene, but it's not relevant to this post).

During the final battle between Kiana and Mei (they're both in the same nihilistic and existential boat here, so naturally they are the two overarching antagonists), when Mei falls in battle, Kiana bids her farewell and calls Mei her "only regret".

At the end of Fire Moth, Kyuushou manages to reignite Kiana's wish from forty-two thousand years ago, which was to bring hope to the world. What Kiana was chasing all this time was a sliver of hope in a world that gave her none.

Kiana relinquishes her existence after their battle, so she along with Mei disappear from the world entirely. No one remembers them and nobody recognizes their names. Kyuushou remarks that Kiana's dream was to live in a world without Honkai, a sentiment echoed by both Kiana and Mei.

Fun fact: if you 100% all of Fire Moth, you get this wonderful CG of the two.

Conclusion

If you made it this far, thanks. I'm a bit out of my element when writing things like this, so if you have any questions on anything I'd be happy to answer them. I appreciate GGZ a lot, so making this was fun and I hope I can do more of it for the others.

I have a nagging feeling this was a bit too long, so I apologize for that. I ended up explaining a lot of GGZ's lore when this was mainly supposed to be about relationship dynamics...oops.

But to summarize, Kiana and Mei's relationship isn't entirely different from what they have in Hi3, but just like in Hi3 they have their own struggles and nuances. Mostly in the formed of doomed yuri but that's beside the point. I like their relationship in GGZ, at times its as simple as a few exchanges before a battle, and at others its the crux of the story itself.

With all that being said, I hope you enjoyed the read!!

#honkai impact #honkaimpact3rd #honkai gakuen #guns girl z #honkai #kiana kaslana #raiden mei #hi3 #kiamei

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thisgodwontforgiveyou · 1 year

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aerith giving her speech about The Future Is Different... Because This Is Our Final Fantasy... And It's Up To Us - TO REMAKE IT! SEVEN! literally two seconds before asking tifa out on a date straightwoman style is definitely sus but im also in the part of the game thats finally actually baiting me specifically so i know its going to make use of techniques that require media literacy and engagement with the source material unlike anything aimed at ppl who ship cloud and tifa 🤭

#i mean the grim reality of the matter for anyone shipping cloud with anyone is that theyll never confirm cloud as dating anyone because #the only two characters they care about him dating are both dead (well kind of sephiroth might as well be dead)#and while it is insanely unlikely that anything really remarkable will develop re: aerti i think its safe to say they will be the only #ship that the ultimate end of the game goes well it might happen 🧐 about #honestly i think aerti warriors have kind of undersold this game in their effort to blow every little moment out of proportion #because the sheer peculiar focus on EVERYYYYYTHING tifa does in relation to aerith is by far the biggest shred of hope #and its specificaly in the subtlety that it manifests. but again. this is the ship pandering to an audience of people that can read #so like. the tricks and devils machinations used in baiting it will obviously be of a higher order

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mkuliatruther · 4 months

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MK's (and MKulia's) odds according to EP9-13 leaks. (Spoilers, obvi.)

hey all! i have too many thoughts and instead of going on a long ramble on my priv i thought i could.. y'know.. actually share my thoughts for once! i'm gonna say this right now that my thoughts may leave a rather negative tongue, so if mkulia (or mk!) is ur comfort and u don't wanna hear anything bad i suggest not reading this!! without further ado, time to ramble!

in EP12 we see caleb:

and in EP11 we see wayne and raj's clothes:

and going back to EP10's description, both julia and priya are mentioned:

AS FAR AS EP9 GOES, this leaves: raj | wayne | julia | MK | caleb | priya | damien MK is not mentioned nor seen. at all. and yes, raj is left up in the air as well but at least there is higher hopes for our silly guy. there has been the popular theory of "well, raj may have given wayne his hoodie to remember him!" but... i think the odds of that are low? raj gifting wayne something before getting eliminated is very plausible, but i see no reason as to why he'd give away his hoodie to him? i feel like if that was the case he would have given wayne something else IMO. even if we don't take it at full face value, there's still a very low chance that MK's safe from elimination (and she'd probably be safe for like another 2 episodes if she were to be safe EP9. the odds of her being a finalist are also incredibly low). after being outed as a cheater, she hasn't been doing all that well in challenges either and since EP9's challenge has to do something with breaking objects, i can only imagine how well she'd do with that. and MKulia can make their alliance not-so-obvious-and-not-so-strong for so long. people are gonna want to break them up. now let's say MK's out EP9. this leaves both priya and julia as the only female contestants remaining in the game. and assuming they're going to add a female finalist it's going to be julia. and ALSO assuming we're going to get helpers for the finale, we MAY get more mkulia content. it's not that bad! may i also add EP9's title is 'Breaking Up Is Hard To Do' while yes this is about prileb, this could also be about mkulia. with mk getting eliminated, julia has to deal with fighting on her own. and we know very well that julia cares for MK, platonic or not. So what does this mean for MKulia? people fail to realize what mk getting eliminated means. we get to see how julia deals with it (unless she just moves on and doesn't care like what priya kind of did when millie got eliminated ... i'd cry.)

plus, if MK does get eliminated next episode we'll have more MKulia content in EP9 without a doubt. there's still so many questions left unanswered and i'm sure those will be resolved before MK goes home. and honestly, i have high hopes. i think MKulia will end off on a sweet note. do i think we'll get canon MKulia? absolutely not. it'd be really nice, but i doubt it. at best, it'll probably be up to viewers interpretation whether or not julia's care for MK comes from a romantic or platonic standpoint. i think that's how far we're going to get. calling it queer bait is a little bit of an exaggeration IMO, then again i am very picky with the fandoms i am in so i don't really know what it's like to ship something that is possibly queerbait. we just gotta buckle up and endure whatever BS will get thrown at us MKulia nation. o7

and hopefully i am very wrong about this. i have extremely low expectations so i can be happy if im wrong LMFAO!!

#mkulia #tdi 2023 #tdi julia #tdi mk #td mkulia #tdi reboot #im so normal #rambles

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hapifangurl · 1 month

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i have this on my draft for a while a thread of some specific zorobin images, panels or scenes because they are so good together and my shipper's brain is working overtime so there's that. 😅💚💜⚔️🌸

Exhibit 1:

if not endgame, why drew them like this? this is such a husband/wife stance with their kid.

a family portrait - zoro looking like a serious dad, robin an obedient wife - she's in heels that's why she couldn't sit all the way with her feet tucked underneath like a traditional wife. and chopper as their son with his cute little bagpack. they're so effing married y'all. 😭

oda is playing with my shipper's heart. 🥲

Exhibit 2.

them playing Go from One Piece opening 12. a game which originated in asia mostly known and popular in china, japan, and korea.

since zoro is japanese and robin is russian we can guess that zoro asked robin to play with him. robin beating him is so funny even the dog pity him. lol 😂

i can't, toie!!!! why would you animate them like a normal couple whose having a fun and casual date!!!!

Exhibit 3.

another images of them looking like a husband and wife with their daughter.

this shot is very intentional and targets me for some reason. 😉🤔

toko is more connected to zorobin but why toie intentionally placed tama in the middle? tama's motif is green + purple zorobin's color and here she's looking more like their daughter. carrot's yukata is yellow-green with more greenish design - she's slightly far back and thin that you cant even notice her at first glance and the focus is more with zorobin + tama here.

if you are familiar with the rule of thirds in filmmaking some shots are purposely done for emphasis and show relations between subjects/objects in a frame.

to have a visual comparison, see sanami + toko and luffy/brook/chopper - the colors do not look harmonious. they were intentionally groups in 3s. carrot is straight behind tama that they look like one person.

sanami in the shot above parallel zorobin with a kid placed in between them. also, both couples in each sides of the picture.

while toko'a motif is red + pink, matching lunami in this pic. luffy yukata red + blue, nami's sky blue + pink patterns. for visualization, exchange luffy with sanji and you'll see what i mean with the colors matching the clothes.

anyway, someone in the animation dept is definitely hiding as a zorobin shipper for sure. 😂🤭🤫

Exhibit 4:

specific images drawn originally in opposite positions or away from each other but if you flip and edited together they just happened to fit so well. ain't that too convenient 🥹🤔🤭

i found them on pinterest and i was like why does this image fit so well without trying to. kudos to the original editor. 🥰😍

left side the original image. right side edited.

see the difference? the other characters, if you rearrange them it will look jarring and will not have the same effect.

while zorobin over here looks pretty cozy in hindsight. you'll never know that it's not the original image.

oda intentionally drew them like this and thought we wouldn't notice. 🤔😎🤭

Exhibit 5:

when i saw this one, i had to double take cos i really thought robin was holding zoro's arm. her head slightly leaning over to his shoulder.

toie, you ship-baiting sons of b@#$! had me screaming zorobin confirmed for a hot second. 🥲🫠

Exhibit 6:

the classic hero and damsel trope

the original image was with other characters but if you isolate, the emphasis on these two was undeniable.

take note of the placement of the characters to one another. their facial expressions and body language.

zoro in a crouching stance with his swords drawn across and his face serious. robin's beside him looking sad with her hood on.

the hero is angry serious and his troubled damsel.

oda's no-romance-among-the-crew but keep drawing zorobin with subtle lover undertones will be the death of me. 🙄😫🤡

if this is not one piece, this image on the right is a common trope in storytelling mostly seen in movie posters or book covers. right in the center is the hero and then the woman at the side is the love interest.

and mind you this image is a cover spread during the enies lobby where robin bares her heart and the strawhats save her. and who got the last key that "freed" her?*cough*zoro*cough*

in my mind, all the images above are just so intentional that my instinct will point yup that's otp for sure. 😂🤭😅🤫🥲🤔

anyway, this thread is 60% side comments, 10% attempt to do an analysis, 30% blaming oda/toie for being such a tease and shipbaiter.

i will make another post like this cos its fun ahahaha. 😁😎

#zorobin supremacy #zorobin brainrot #im just a delulu shipper that likes to spread zorobin agenda #missing zorobin hours #normalize shipping zorobin for clear skin #zorobin #zoro x robin #roronoa zoro x nico robin

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sylvies-chen · 11 months

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okay I’ve refrained from posting my thoughts on the ted lasso finale until now in the interest of making sure they’re expressed properly so that people understand how correct my opinions actually are. but I’m here and I’m queer and LET’S DO IT FOLKS:

TED LASSO FINALE THOUGHTS

THE GOOD:

Nate!! Nate was a timid, sweet note in this episode. It was such a gentle little reintegration of his character back into the team and seeing him get a secure happy ending after all that time of insecurity was the part of the episode that provided the MOST payoff. Seeing Nick Mohammed’s post about Nate and his family life and understanding how much he put into that character was so beautiful to see too. I adore actors who very publicly (and in a nerdy way) love their craft!

His conversation with Ted also made me cry like I have never cried before.

COLIN KISSED HIS FELLA AFTER A WIN!! Ugh such a beautiful payoff and full circle moment for him, I was truly squealing with joy <3

The team’s rendition of So Long, Farewell had me GIGGLINGGG oh my god, I’m a die hard Sound of Music fan so I loved it! I would have maybe liked a little more emotion from Ted, I felt like his reaction was kind of… meh? meek? but other than that the song itself was FANTASTIC.

Obviously I love that they won the game, duh

They also had a lot of really amazing and thoughtful callbacks in this episode, like Keeley’s parallel to her entrance in the pilot was great, Ted’s bbq sauce mantra, Nate leaping into Ted’s arms, the ussie guy, the winning play being the play from season 1. All of those little moments showed a strong attention to detail I truly loved.

I love that Rupert made HIMSELF unlikeable in the end. Rebecca didn’t need to ruin his life; she stopped caring and soon saw he was doing a perfectly fine job of doing it himself. Karma truly is Rebecca Welton’s boyfriend!! Or is it?

Jake the motherfucking client seducer over here turning out to be a total dud like yesss!! I don’t want Ted and Michele back together by any means but fuck that guy lol, glad to see she and Henry were getting sick of him

BELIEVE. 😭

Which leads me to…

THE BAD:

I know you all know I ship Tedbecca, but this is truly not coming from a shipper standpoint when I say that that first scene of them was absolute BAIT. It was pretty disappointing because I know Ted Lasso’s been prone to red herrings and fakeouts every now and then but I didn’t take it as a show that would truly bait their fans with something like that??

I don’t care if I’m biased, I don’t care if the writers were trying to be avant-garde with their ending for rebecca, I’ll say what I’m about to say a million times: writing off 1 of your 2 most main characters into a happy ending with a man whose name the audience doesn’t even know is literally never a good writing decision. I think this should be obvious.

I have no hate to Boat Guy, Rebecca’s whole thing with him was basically the plot of Before Sunrise + Before Sunset (all hail Richard Lanklater) if someone watched those movies and then tried condensing them into fifteen accumulated minutes of television

Keeley, Roy, Jamie… they did you three so fucking dirty my babes. Keeley you especially. I’m beyond disappointed, bordering on genuinely hurt, by how much they screwed up Keeley and all of her adjacent storylines this season.

I loved RoyKeeley so much in seasons 1 and 2, they had such a sweetness and a magic to them. There were so many elements like that to season 1 and 2 that I feel the writers gave up on in the name of growth or… honestly, at this point, I don’t know why they did this. Roy was a little insecure in seasons 1 and 2, but I never felt like he was needy. It felt so cruel to have shown us RoyKeeley in all of these moments of such stability, such healthiness, and such genuine love for so long and then rip it away for some version of Roy Kent that felt hollow, twisted, and who just Did Not Get It. It makes me so sad.

It makes me sad for Jamie too. Him falling for Keeley again was like the last thing I needed to see from his character. There’s so much else they could have done with him, and instead they took that beautiful moment of him being accountable and respectful with Keeley and the tape, and they turned it into something ugly: they had him weaponize it as a bargaining chip against Roy.

I don’t understand why they thought having our favs engaged in this very sexist outdated convo with such possessive language in the name of comedy was a good idea. I get it was poking fun at them but it was the kind of fun that shouldn’t have to be poked at by now. They’re not these men, I don’t recognize this version of them. It’s such a regression.

speaking of weird and uncomfortable shit being played off for laughs… beard and jane got married! ted wasn’t even there! she shredded his passport to keep him in captivity! how creepy! (see the joke is that they’re crazy and do toxic things to each other. you’re supposed to laugh.)

#ted lasso #abby meta #roykeeley #roy kent #jamie tartt #keeley jones #tedbecca #rebecca welton

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poisonheadcrabsalesman · 3 months

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The Question

For @bellygunnr. I asked him for a prompt, he delivered, and it devolved into this. This questions can destroy friend groups so tread carefully. Here's 1700 words of Roland making Miller's life hard ft guest appearances by some of our Fireteam Crimson.

Miller was enjoying a cup of coffee in one of the messes when Roland popped up. Key word: was.

Fresh coffee too, barely scorched to the bottom of the carafe, with liquid (!) not powder creamer. And then Roland had to come ruin his morning.

"Spartan Miller, Fancy meeting you here!" Roland says with a flourish of his avatar. He's grinning like he's already pulled one over on Miller. His mood and coffee sour instantly and he swallows with a grimace.

Miller takes a full second to debate how to respond. He opts to save himself the trouble and cut through the mind games. "Morning, Roland."

The words are drawled over the rim of the mug, his one shield between them, as Miller leans on the counter and waits. He's punished for his patience as Roland smiles at him. He doesn't like the smile.

"I heard something that certain crew members were talking about-" Oh no. "-something of a philosophical debate, and I wanted your opinion on it."

"Uh huh..." He takes his time. Roland's grin does not falter. Miller doesn't like that. If he's not so impatient to hurry him along then he's already decided on the outcome. He's just here to fuck with him and it is too early for that. "This isn't another body part conversation, is it?"

"Spartan, I would not be so gauche as to ask about that at breakfast."

Miller sighs and shifts his footing. "Then what?"

"Do you consider milk a snack?"

What?

"What?"

"I want to know your thoughts. I've been privy to some heated debates around the snack status of milk. Some even went as far to say it could be a meal, in certain situations."

"What?!" Miller's voice goes up and he grumbles. Pinching the bridge of his nose. "Are you hanging around marines? This is the kind of stuff that marines argue about."

"There were some others involved. Some people with more credentials weighed in and lines were drawn." Roland is eerily somber as he delivers that line, but it's gone in a flash as he perks up to say, "That's why I want to hear your thoughts!"

"Is milk a snack?" He echoes. This was not where he thought the line of questioning would go.

"Could it be considered one?"

He's vaguely aware of his face doing something. He's mad at himself that his arms are crossed and he's invested so quickly. Who was arguing this? Milk's a drink. Who is spending their free time arguing about this? And the more important question; What does Roland want? What does he get out of this?

Miller eats his five food groups plus the extra ones they made up for the IVs. Milk is not a snack, it's a drink. Right? Roland knows this. He has to know this. The care and feeding of humans probably came with his instruction manual of the ship. Miller's heard him remind people to eat and drink when he's feeling particularly snippy and points out bad habits to (try to) win arguments. Roland's just messing with him. Unless that's what he wants Miller to think so then Miller would say it's a snack and then Roland would call him an idiot for thinking that. There's no safe answer here, but the best option Miller has is to say that no, of course not. Milk isn't a snack, and it's illogical to consider otherwise.

"You've been quiet for a bit, didn't know this was such a tough question."

He feels his eye twitch, but he doesn't rise to the bait. Miller sniffs, it’s a loud and abrupt noise, and puts his mug in the dish return. "Milk's not a snack, Roland." He says with the deep calm of the utmost paranoid.

Roland raises his chin and tilts his head to the side, looking at Miller with a face full of polite indifference. It's almost funny seeing him try to look down his nose at him from a holotank a meter off the ground. "Oh really?"

Cold sweat collects on the back of his neck. Miller had not avoided the mind games.

"Why not?" Roland mirrors him, arms crossed head tilting back to eye him.

"It's not!" He blusters and then remembers himself. "You asked what I thought and I told you."

"Yeah, but why?" Roland turns his hand to check his nails. "I heard some pretty compelling arguments."

Miller's eye twitches again. The door to the mess opens and shuts without him bothering to look at who's entered.

"From who?!"

"People."

"’Snack’ means food. Milk is not a food, it's a drink."

"It's a thick drink. Could be a snack in a pinch."

"What are you even saying?"

"Milk snack."

"It's too early for this. Are other drinks snacks?"

"I don't know, are they?"

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something recently? To deserve this?"

"Hey now, are you mad at me? You're looking upset there, Spartan. Heart rate is up too."

"Roland! You-! You're the one seeking me out to ask me if milk is a snack!"

"Do you draw the line at milkshakes? Oh, or maybe an egg cream?"

"You're making that last one up."

"I am not! It’s a real thing, look it up."

"Anyway, you're trying to distract me. Milk is not a snack."

"Well, that's your opinion. What do you think, Captain Lasky?" Roland smirks, barely dragging his avatar's eyes from Miller's as awareness hits him like a grenade.

There’s a second before the captain responds, enough time for Miller to glance over and take in Lasky in his front row seat to the Roland and Miller show. The Captain. Of the whole ship. Sitting there watching Miller’s sanity erode in real time.

"Oh, I'm good. You two have fun." Captain Lasky smiles at them and raises his own mug of coffee as he goes back to his datapad.

"Sir." Miller nods robotically. The cold sweat is back. So is the unpleasant flush of heat on his face.

"Spartan." The Captain nods back. He even smiles. Is that sympathy or pity in his eyes?

"He came in about halfway through our discussion." Roland stage-whispers to him. It is definitely loud enough for Lasky to hear because he grins into his mug. "I would have warned you but you seemed so intent on this topic."

"Roland."

"Yes, Miller? Something you care to share?"

"No..." He doesn't deflate, but the fight's gone out of him. There's no winning.

"Captain." Miller nods and leaves the room. He's dreading Ops now. There's no way Roland lets this lie.

"Hello Crimson, Roland here!"

Miller doesn't mute in time and hot mics an exasperated groan straight into Crimson's TEAMCOM.

"Spartan Miller! I know today's mission is a lot of standing around and waiting for things to happen, but a bit of decorum, please! What would Commander Palmer say?"

"Clear the line and let the Spartans work, Roland."

"That is a very good impression of her, have you been working on that?"

Miller ignores him and tells Crimson their mission. It is in fact a “standing around and waiting for things” mission. Four Spartans from Fireteam Crimson are guarding Site Req//7848-2328 codenamed “The Refuge” because it’d been the site of enough problems already and Commander Palmer wanted it covered while Infinity Science packed their bags.

“So we’re babysitting again?” Crimson 4 asks. Crimson 2 elbows him hard enough his shields flicker. Miller watches this unfold from Crimson 3’s helmet feed and sighs. It’s not his day today.

“You’re guarding the scientists and marines who are finishing up doing science stuff in the area.” Miller explains. “Before anything else bad happens.”

“And we drew the short straws.” Crimson 4 says to himself.

“Gunny, your mic’s on.” Crimson 2 chides.

“Oh I know.”

“You know-” Roland interjects.

“No.”

He ignores Miller. “-there’s a question going around and no one can agree on the answer. Miller here didn’t like me asking him, but I bet Crimson could tell me their thoughts.”

Crimson 2, 4, and 5 exchange glances. Crimson 3 continues napping from a spot in the nearby greenery, seemingly asleep until he flashes green.

“Is milk a snack?” Roland asks and silence falls on the team of highly-trained, combat-hardened super-soldiers.

Miller groans and hides his face in his hands. “Roland, we can't keep doing this.”

“What kind of milk?”

“I like making Pilk!”

“It could b- Gunny, what the fuck is Pilk?!”

“‘Cause it could be a snack, depending on the animal or nut it comes from.”

“Sometimes in the old country, all I had for dinner was milk.” Crimson 5 nods sagely, his accent clipping his words through the mic.

Oh you know, pilk!”

“That doesn’t explain anything!”

“What is happening?”

“Research, Miller. Isn’t it obvious?”

“Miller, what’s your opinion?” Crimson 4 chimes in.

“It’s not- it’s not a snack.” He sounds absolutely despondent. This mission was supposed to be simple, but now thanks to Roland, it’s gone completely off the rails.

“Really? Too good for milk snack?”

“It’s a drink!”

“It could be a snack. Glass of milk between meals?”

“Are you guys okay?”

“I don’t know, our mission handler is acting weird. Too high and mighty for milk snack.”

“Yesss! Join me! Rhodes, when we get back, can we make pilk?”

“I still don’t know what that is.”

“Milk and soda!”

“Sounds almost like an egg cream.”

“Aha!” Roland cheers and his avatar does a little fist pump in the Op center.

“There’s no way egg creams are real!” Miller explodes. Dalton looks at him from his station with his usual level of concern. He likes to let Miller know he’s here, but he’s not intervening.

“Focus Crimson, you have a mission.” Miller tries to regain control but it’s long gone.

“We are on mission. Stand around watching the trees and radar. Don’t let anyone touch Forerunner buttons and become the science. Listen to Roland ruin Miller’s day. Standard operating procedure so far.”

Miller doesn’t know how to respond to that.

Roland does.

“I don’t ruin his day! I brighten it and yours with my charm and valuable tactical advice!”

“Shoot the door gunner, Crimson. Touch the button, Crimson. Ooh a big locked door, let me open that for you, Crimson.”

Miller blinks in surprise as Roland is, for once, speechless.

The silence is broken by Crimson.

“Do you think Murphy considers milk a snack?”

“I don’t want to spend our trip home arguing.”

“I bet he would like pilk.”

“You’re not listening, are you?”

“No <3”

#my writing #Halo fanfic #Spartan Miller #Roland the AI #Thomas Lasky #Fireteam Crimson #OC tag #this was a lot of fun to write

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