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shadowsinger11 · 4 years

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Golden Snitches And Old Wounds

Pairing: James Potter x Insecure Reader

Word count: 2787

Request: Hi! I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well. I wanted to ask you if your requests open. If so can i request a james potter imagine with a very self conscious reader? Thank you!

Warnings: Suggestive themes, references to anxiety and depression

A/N: I actually like how this one turned out. It's way sadder than intended but I hope you enjoy! If you want to be tagged, let me know! Requests are open!

Masterlist

Lily and you were sitting on a bench right on top of one of the twelve colorful towers around the massively wide pitch, waving your Gryffindor flags in excitement.

The scene before you represented a blur of scarlet and green and you struggled to spot your boyfriend of two years, James Potter, among the fourteen players.

His leather-gloved hands gripped the handle of his broom tightly as he was swiftly avoiding bludgers and students, rushing to catch the quaffle.

"Potter, on your left!"

On instinct, James drifted to the right a mere second before his head managed to collide with a bludger. The boy kept soaring high up in the clear spring sky, eyes focused forward.

"Brilliant! Potter tossed the quaffle into the ring!" the speaker roared, "The score is 120:120. Will Gryffindor's Chaser be able to score another goal and give their Seeker an opportunity to catch the snitch?"

"Oh, I sure hope he does," you muttered, sitting on the edge of your seat, eyes focused on the Gryffindor Chaser.

The commentator excitedly shouted, "Robertson passes the quaffle to Smith, he passes it to Potter- no! It was stolen from Taylor, that Slytherin son of a-"

"Joshua!"

"Sorry, professor," the boy sheepishly smiled at McGonagall though he wasn't sorry at all, and returned to retelling the match. "Potter's caught the quaffle! He's swooping down, the three Slytherin Chasers on his tail…"

Over the noise you heard Lily exclaim, "What's he doing! He's getting further away from the ring."

"I don't know, I think he's trying to get rid of the Slytherins, distract them maybe?" you shrugged. You really hoped James was doing this for a reason but yet again, when has he ever thought things through?

Meanwhile you noticed Sirius, a Beater of the team, covering his buddy, making sure to guide the bludgers in the direction of team Slytherin. You had no idea if those two had planned this beforehand or if Padfoot was just improvising.

"A bludger knocked Taylor off his broom!" Joshua happily announced. "That's the moment for Potter to strike!"

And exactly then James swiftly turned around and sped up towards his aim. He threw the quaffle with all his might, the ball piercing the air and going right through the ring.

"Yes!! He did it! What a brilliant attack!" the commentator screamed. Lily and you squealed and clapped, cheering him on. "Now it's up to the Gryffindor Seeker to catch the Golden snitch and that'll be the end!"

James tried to spot you in the audience and when he did, his grin grew even wider. He threw a wink your way but he didn't have much time to celebrate because his task now was to make sure Slytherins didn't score another goal and maybe get another 10 points himself while he was at it. He drifted between teammates and opponents, the summer wind ruffling his hair. He prevented numerous attacks from the opposite team, winning a good couple of minutes where the score was even and Gryffindor had a chance to win.

"Where the hell is the Seeker!" Lily groaned, "It's a matter of time until Slytherin strikes a goal."

You understood her frustration but had faith. You always supported your boyfriend and his team during matches regardless of which house they were up against. You were aware of how much stamina James had, especially when it came to Quidditch, and even more so now that he could almost graze the win with his fingertips.

Suddenly, the Seeker emerged from the depths, a small ball shining in his grasp.

"He's caught the snitch! Williams got the Golden snitch, Gryffindor wins!" Joshua roared, rising to his feet.

The air shook with the screams and cheers of Gryffindors and Gryffindor supporters. Some students hugged each other, squealing in euphoria, others whined and screamed in frustration. The audience turned into a sea of scarlet flags, the iconic lion on display for everyone to see. Professor McGonagall smiled, something rare for a woman as stern and serious as her. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement.

Lily and you high-fived and rushed down the stairs, impatient to greet the boys. When you ran along the pitch, the team was already surrounded by fans and you saw Sirius carrying James on his shoulders, their other teammates doing the same with Williams. Slytherins were quick to exit the scene, muttering curses and complaints.

"Not trying to steal my boyfriend, I hope?" you asked Sirius and laughed.

"Boyfriend?" he feigned being shocked, "Why didn't you tell me there was someone else, James?"

James only rolled his eyes and his friend let him down. Potter walked up to you, standing tall in all his red leather glory. His chest heaved with every breath he took, his spiky hair was disheveled beyond recognition and his uniform was wrinkled and covered in dirt. He was a mess but still managed to look so perfect in your eyes, he was absolutely irresistible.

"Did you enjoy the show, babe?" he smirked as he placed his gloved hands around your waist, pulling you close. You giggled and pecked his nose, "Indeed I did. You're such a show-off."

"But you love me nonetheless," he mumbled, out of breath, and leaned in but you pulled away before he got to kiss you.

"I suggest you shower first, you're quite sweaty."

He frowned and pouted his lips but couldn't help but grin, caressing your cheek. You were staring into his hazel eyes and when they focused on yours, your cheeks turned the same color as his uniform. James was incredibly confident, charming and charismatic and he never failed to make your heart flutter every time you caught him glance at you.

He seemed perfect to you and your expression suddenly darkened when poisonous thoughts clouded your mind. He was perfect, but what about me?

Before James had the chance to ask what was wrong, his friends pulled him aside, "The coach wants to talk to us." He couldn't do anything except for giving you a sad smile and a wave as he left.

A tap on your shoulder snapped you out of your trance.

"Let's go to lunch, I'm starving."

You nodded and followed Lily out of the now empty pitch.

Prodding your salad with a fork, you were still processing your thoughts from earlier, replaying them over and over in your head. You couldn't get rid of the image of James. You were smitten by his messy hair, goofy smile, the way his uniform clung tightly to his body, highlighting his broad shoulders and strong biceps. His physique looked way more impressive and massive and the sight made you lick your lips.

Your daydreaming was interrupted when the doors of the Great Hall opened wide, the winning team walking through. The Quidditch players were greeted with loud cheers and clapping which some of the teachers joined too. Even in just his plain Gryffindor cloak James managed to look astonishingly handsome and he did it so effortlessly. His black robes were flailing freely behind him as he made his way over to you and sat down on your right.

"Clean and fresh just for you," he smirked and pressed his lips to yours, lingering for a bit more than you expected. After that, you proceeded to eat your meal while he placed a steak, some salad, sauce and other different kinds of food on his plate.

"You did an amazing job up there, really."

He smiled, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice, "Did you ever doubt me?"

Ah, that cockiness. It might have sometimes gotten on your nerves but it was a part of what made your boyfriend unique and you adored it. You laughed, trying to cover up how flushed he had made you, "Absolutely never, Potter. You're one of a kind."

"So are you."

His compliment caught you somehow unprepared and you slightly froze. You looked at him only to find him already staring at you with such loving eyes, it made you shift in your seat.

"What?" you giggled, dumbfounded.

"Thank you for being there. It really matters to me," he gave your hand a light squeeze.

Seriously, what did you do to deserve this guy.

He's amazing in so many ways, I just can't compare.

You noticed students sending you dirty glances from across the hall and you wished you could shrink in your seat. You lowered your gaze and silently finished your meal.

"Seriously, what's the difference between Felix Felicis and liquid luck? The professor crossed off "liquid luck" and replaced it with Felix Felicis! That's not fucking fair," you groaned, checking your graded essay. You were pretty sure you'd get an Outstanding but you only got Exceeds Expectations which you were slightly pissed about.

Lying on your boyfriend's bed, you were rambling on and on about school work, earning occasional chuckles from James as he was getting changed.

"I mean, Remus always gets the best grades, how on earth does he do that! I swear, he's like a walking encyclop-"

Your words got stuck in your throat at the sight of a half-naked James. His shoulders, toned arms, back and abs were on display while he paced around the room, trying to find his sweater. His muscles flexed under his flesh with every move and you could feel your mouth begin to water.

Once James found the clothing, he turned around. He grinned when he saw your blushing face and didn't miss the opportunity to put on a show for you - he slowly put on his sweater, his jeans falling low around his waist when he raised his arms above his head.

James wasn't only caring, loving and talented. He was also extremely hot. A kind soul wrapped in a pretty package.

Your mind started to wander and you thought about all the girls and boys who would die to be in your place; to be able to date the infamous Marauder and see him shirtless all the time like you got to. You knew many people envied your relationship and you tried not to care that much but you still somehow did. You always did.

"Are you alright, love? You're doing that again."

"I-uh… what?" you stuttered, embarrassed.

James, now dressed, sat in front of you on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, "You tend to space out from time to time, you stop listening to me. What's on your mind?"

You shook your head and started to rearrange your books, attempting to appear busy, "Yeah, I do that sometimes, sorry. It's nothing though, I just get lost in my thoughts."

James was eyeing up and down your stiff figure and his heart stung when you lied. One of the things he despised most was being lied to and it hurt him immensely when you did. He knew you meant well but he wanted you to trust him and talk to him like he did.

The boy abruptly but gently grabbed your trembling hands and you froze.

"Talk to me," he pleaded, looking into your eyes for a sign, any sign to reveal how you were feeling on the inside.

Your nervous smile faded and you dropped your gaze to where his hands held yours.

The room was ghostly quiet and you felt trapped, unable to run away or escape the situation.

You opened your mouth to speak but your lower lip quivered and no words came out. James simply stood there, patiently waiting for you to say something while soothingly rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. After taking a deep breath, you choked out.

"Why do you like me?"

He seemed slightly confused but his expression remained calm, "What do you mean?"

You chewed on your lip, considering how to proceed. He deserved honesty and he was genuinely worried so it wasn't fair to keep secrets from him.

"It's just… I am…" you sighed, frustrated. "You're amazing, James. People love you. You're smart, athletic, outgoing and your personality lights up the room. You charisma is undeniable."

You stopped to inhale again, your throat tightening as tears blurred your vision. Your voice was shaking and so were your hands. James only listened. "You're an exceptional person yet you're with me. I-I don't get it. You could choose someone more impressive, someone whose abilities can compare to yours… Someone who's not me."

A tear rolled down your cheek and it pierced through James' heart like a burning blade. He brought your hands up to his face and softly pressed his lips to your knuckles. James let you cry it out first before he dared to speak, knowing you needed this moment to simply let yourself feel before anything else. There was time for figuring things out, but it was not now.

You sobbed and he reached to brush a piece of hair behind your ear, "I've got issues, James. I'm hard to deal with. I struggle with many things and I'm afraid I'm just being a burden to you."

James immediately pulled you into his embrace, arms wrapping around you as you hugged your knees. He rested his chin on top of your head which was leaned on his chest. The boy could not believe a person as breathtaking as you would think so lowly of themselves. You both stood there for awhile, not talking at all. James needed time to take it all in just like you needed time to calm down.

"What makes you think like that?" he hesitantly whispered, voice trembling.

You stared off into the distance, tired eyes unseeing.

"I don't know. I just do. I've always been looked at as if I'm a disease, as if I'm wrong to feel happy," you muttered, using your sleeve to wipe your nose. "Something's wrong with me and I have no idea what. I'm just scared... and exhausted."

You heard James sob.

"How long have you been feeling like this for?"

You swallowed and took a breath, "Years."

James' arms tightened around you, sheltering you from the cold world. You took peace in the vulnerability, you had no strength to hide or pretend, you were free to simply exist.

"At some point I gave up on happiness. That was until I met you," you explained. "You gave me hope and though it was painful and risky for me, I decided to trust you. You never let me down but I'll always be afraid you'll leave me for someone less troubled than me. Like most people did."

"Then I'll always be here to remind you that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be by your side to help you."

You held onto his sweater, scared to let him go, "Thank you."

James rubbed your back up and down and pressed a kiss to your head, "You wanted to know why I love you?"

You hummed, turning to him.

He took a look at your bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face and he fell in love even more.

"I love you because of your pure soul. No one has ever treated me with such sincerity. You always support me, guide me and ground me when my head's up in the clouds. I'm far from perfect, I'm flawed just like everyone else. But you don't only make me a better person, you make me want to be better. For you."

A few tears rolled down your cheeks, this time from gratitude and love.

"I'm amazed at how torn you are, but still willing to give a part of yourself to those who need it. Your kindness knows no limits and I admire that in you. You might hate the hurt, damaged side of yourself, but I find its rawness to be astonishing. Because I love you. All of you."

Warmth spread throughout your body and for the first time you felt truly safe.

James slowly kissed your chapped lips. He stood still, just letting the moment take place. You savoured the feeling of his lips on yours and were surprised to feel something wet drip on your cheek. When you pulled away, you saw his glossy eyes.

"I love you too," you replied softly and nestled back into his lap. James hugged you, relieved to finally know what was going on with you. He vowed to himself to help you in any way he could and to constantly remind you that you're not fighting your battle on your own. You, on the other hand, were way calmer as well. It was refreshing to be understood and accepted, to not be judged or blamed for a change. You didn't have to act a role or lie. You let down your defences and let the rotten wound inside you bleed. And you smiled.

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Tag list: @self-ship-love

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