#james potter x reader angst

[ma1dita]

about you

this was a request! read it here

words: 4.3k (longest one yet ohmy)

summary: james potter takes ‘easier’ for granted and finds out he now has a living reminder of that

warnings: none! sort of au, everyone lives and they win the war— angst angst angst, maybe open ended!!! groveling james and reader is a MOTHA (afab!)

a/n: guys i missed writing angst…i’m a deeply sad soul at heart so i enjoyed this a lot. I listened to ‘night shift’ by lucy dacus writing the first half, and ‘about you’ by the 1975 for the second half,,,,, both on repeat. i don’t mean to post at ungodly hours but i hope you enjoy!

posted: 11/11/23

—-

Insecurity is an ugly thing. It tugs at your frame, holding your shoulders hostage and your countenance shriveled in a scowl as you slink forward in your seat. But what should the rational reaction be when your boyfriend, the one you’ve planned out the rest of your life with— takes you out to dinner on a random Tuesday and then decidedly backtracks on everything you’ve built together? Your ears are ringing loudly, and you dumbly ask him to repeat himself when he says he wants to take a break.

“So that’s it then. You’ve made your decision and I just have to be okay with losing a year and a half of my life because you aren’t sure if you love me?” Your tone cuts through the fraying tether that holds you two together in the corner booth.

James for once, is at a loss for words. He wasn’t really sure of what to expect when he brought you here tonight, but any reaction to his admission was bound to hurt the both of you. You had to have known about his hesitations. Graduation was three weeks away, and everything was about to change, whether either of you liked it or not. Stupidly enough, James does love you, but that’s not the problem. The proximity he’s had as Head Boy working with Lily Evans makes him wonder if the life he lives is what’s meant for him. It keeps him up at night, gnawing at his resolve and comfort in being with you. He feels ungrateful to have it so easy. Loving you is easy. But the imposter syndrome sneaks into his room late at night in the form of ‘what if’.

“I…it’s just the timing of it all. We’re about to leave Hogwarts, and I don’t want to tie you down if I know I’m unsure of my—our future.”

He reaches out to grab your hand, and many a time ago, his sense of awareness was what you admired about him. You’d both get this familiar feeling of needing comfort, and within a minute, your fingers would intuitively find the other’s like it was second nature. Now, the thought of his touch might make you break his hand off to serve on a silver platter.

“Fuck your timing. If you think it’s as easy as making the decision to just quit while we’re ahead…. I love you. Don’t you…Is that not—” 

You clear your throat, the fire in your indignation being stifled by the whimpering feeling of knowing this was going to happen. The understanding of his plight, the knowing that he wants more. You could see it in the way his eyes wander when you all hang out, and you could feel it when he needs time to himself before bed, letting you back to your common room in the late hours alone. Screw your heart for appealing to his indecisiveness, his fear, when the final blow is aimed at the relationship you both once wanted together. Head Boy and Head Girl share living quarters after all. What chance did you stand against the girl he fell asleep a room away from? Maybe he dreams of her too, what you couldn’t give and what more she has to offer. 

“Tell me something James,” you choke as your body heaves with something akin to nausea. Being lovesick isn’t as romantic as it seems. The hopeless feeling in your tummy throbs as you clench your fists to keep it all down.

“Whatever you want.” 

His reply makes you laugh, desolation gripping your esophagus. Who knew feeling empty would feel like drowning? There is no more air left in your lungs that it almost incapacitates you, your last breath spilling out your final ask of him.

“Do you love me? What did I do?” 

The noise and chatter around you seems to fall silent as he zeroes in on your face, crestfallen from the words that leave your lips. It isn’t your fault, but how can he tell you that? At 18, he’s feeling stifled by the privilege of having his life all planned out for him. He knows people spend their lives searching for contentment but James can’t decipher if he’s right for all of this pressure falling upon his shoulders. The societal heir of his father’s business empire. The face of the upcoming war, bringing in a new generation of soldiers to fight. 

Deep inside, he’s a wild spirit just wanting to live, to be free. And it scares him that you’d follow him to the ends of the Earth, that there isn’t much thinking involved, just doing. The lack of autonomy stifles his soul. How does one know if they’re meant for more? James doesn’t want you to have to suffer the consequences if he can’t figure it out himself.

“I love you honey. So much it hurts me. I just wonder if it’s enough.” 

Your hands clatter onto the table, bumping your half-empty pint of butterbeer as you gather your things, shoving them into your knapsack as his final blow hits your senses. And all he does is watch you, face transfixed as if he sees nothing, like he isn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.

There’s no going back after this, you think silently as you steady your trembling hands. There’s also no way in hell you’ll let him see you cry. Fuck that. Your eyes fall over the curls that drape over the frame of his glasses, his face cradled by candlelight and dear Merlin, do you love this boy. All of him, even the parts that don’t reciprocate the feeling. This is the final snapshot in your memory of him, because this fleeting moment will have to be enough.

“I hope you get everything you ever wanted James. For my sake, I hope I never hear a thing about it.”

Perhaps having the last word will absolve you of the feeling that desecrates your entire essence as you put one foot in front of the other, pushing past the door of the Three Broomsticks and out into the unknown. But it’s not enough.

—

The break in routine absolutely shatters you, if we’re being honest. A year and a half of loving him, and three more before that of liking the slow steady burn that is James Potter…. It’s like looking at the world with new eyes and this window of opportunity with graduation nearing is your chance of starting anew. There’s also the custodial aspect after the end of a relationship, and it’s hard to separate the rest of what’s yours and his in your mind. Your friends are his, and his are yours. It makes quite a predicament to not have things so easy as they consider who to eat lunch with, or who’s dorm to hang out in. Hopefully, things get easier with time but you’re not as confident as you once were.

A part of you feels like you don’t belong anywhere anymore. James is the sun, after all; a natural leader— everyone revolves around his ingenious ideas and the light he brings. He’s the one who always has a plan, and everyone follows in his stead. Where do you fit in all of that? Where do you go?

His parents are likely the loveliest people to ever grace the wizarding world. Euphemia catches you by the arm after the graduation ceremony as you’re about to take the 7th year boat back across the Black Lake. With no family in attendance and no boyfriend to dote on, niceties were expended quick enough to want to run out of there and never look back.

“Darling, are you leaving without a goodbye?” Mrs. Potter smiles, calling her husband over both with grins made of sunlight. 

Somehow it resonates in your brain that it’s finally over, and your lip trembles when they pull you in for a hug that rivals your hunger to be loved. You think that even if your parents showed up today, it wouldn’t have felt this kind.

“Congratulations dearest! We’re so proud of you,” Fleamont rumbles, a big man with an even bigger heart as he brandishes flowers out of thin air to hand to you daintily. You’re going to miss them terribly. Is it wrong to want more of this? But you remember why it’s not as James’s cologne floods your senses and his silhouette creeps into your periphery. Your smile grows smaller as you two stare at each other and breathe the same air for the first time in almost a month. Whatever’s thrumming in your being, he holds the key to. Mr. and Mrs. Potter try to loop you into a photo together, the magical kind that moves to capture a memory so intimately but both of you stand perfectly still as his and your hesitant dismissals go unheard.

Loving hands fuss over both your caps and the way hair sticks out until you feel your shoulders jostle together for a moment and his hand lands on the small of your back. The flash goes off as you two look at each other in something that still resembles love. You can’t unlove him, not in a day, a month, or ever, you think. Not if you’ve bared your soul to him, even if he hurt you. 

You look away first, urging your heart to come back to reality. He’s not yours anymore, and you still love him. Alice told you earlier that he asked Lily out on a date for next Tuesday. What you were supposed to do with that information you’re unsure, but the feeling in your belly helps you say goodbye to the Potters, and clarify that they can keep the picture since you’re not James’ girlfriend anymore. An awkward silence settles over all four of you.

Euphemia rubs your cheek, hushed promises of keeping in touch while Fleamont looks at his son in confusion. James’ hand flexes in the absence of your body against his. He simply watches you walk away again, alone, while he’s surrounded by his friends and his family. The beating of a tiny heart matching your own as you hop onto the boat proves otherwise.

—-

A baby.

You think back to when it must’ve happened, the weekend before that Tuesday, when everything still felt right. With your last exams of your academic career finally done, both you and James were tangled in his silk sheets until dawn, an amalgamation of passionate whispers and lingering touches you could still feel in the days that followed. As you stared at the flutter of his eyelashes and relished the way he pulled you closer in his dream state, you were quite sure that he is, too, tangled within your soul to let go. That your doubts were residual anxiety from preparing for the future. For the first time in a while, you were reaffirmed that the boy sleeping next to you was your forever. Not being careful was a consequence of feeling safe in his arms, and subconsciously, you both hoped that everything would work itself out. As you walked out of the Head Students’ Lounge past noon with James’ hickeys as a necklace and donning your boyfriend’s shirt, you noticed the blush on Lily Evans’ face. You were just so sure, but that felt like forever ago.

Your parents weren’t happy when they came back from their business trip two months after graduation to find you four months along with a prominent bump and filled with so much fear. All plans of getting a job, of moving out, and joining the Order were now replaced with the startling fact that you are 18 and don’t have a single clue on what to do next. Your childhood bedroom feels smaller tonight, with both your parents standing at the door, all of you unsure of what to say. You can’t remember the last time they tucked you in, but as your dad takes a seat on the edge of your bed, it seems possible that maybe you won’t be alone in all of this.

“Whatever decision you make will be the right one, sweetie. If you love that baby, then we do too,” he sniffles, and you don’t recall having ever seen him this emotional before. One thing you are sure of, is this baby is loved, and made from love. The next is that England is not a safe place to raise your baby. 

Somewhere far away, in a hidden place guarded by some of the most experienced wizards, the Order of the Phoenix meets again to determine the future of the wizarding world. James’s eyes dart back and forth from the door to whichever adult is talking about the next mission. You didn’t show up again. All of the meetings so far where he was always the first one to arrive and the last to leave in hopes of getting a glimpse of you, and you never showed. There’s a deep worry that haunts him as the months pass by, and he knows that it would be easy to send you a letter, or to show up at your door, but he’s probably the last person you want to see. 

“We’re going out for a pint, you ready to leave James?” Lily whispers into his ear, arms curling around to his chest. But he’s not ready at all, sat on the sofa with his eyes on the door, just in case. Trying to love someone who’s still in love is a losing battle, Lily thinks, as she watches her boyfriend look like a child missing their favorite blanket. But in a war like this one, no one would be foolish enough to decline company.

“I’ll meet you there,” he smiles, leaning back to kiss her cheek. It’s cruel to both of them, the way he’s acting knowing that Lily won’t ever be you. Every chance he gets to have a moment to himself, he thinks of the despondent look on your face as you walked away from him and his parents that day. No more anger at all, no biting words or the fighting spirit that he knows and loves. Both of you just accepted what was to come.

Sirius and Remus approach him later after everyone’s left that they got word that you moved to America. He thinks of what could’ve been, and the thought of your safety is the only thing that lets his mind rest as guilt pushes and pulls at his heartstrings like waves.

He’s spent these months fighting in the war, loving and losing that he thinks this isn’t anything like the white house and picket fence fantasy you both used to cook up. As he grabs his coat to leave, James wonders if by being away from all of this you’ll get to live the life you want. 

—

“Okay honey, hold on tight to mama.” 

Your little boy was almost bouncing off the pavement with a chocolate covered grin, and it makes you laugh harder than it should. Maybe Florean Fortescue’s was not the way to start off your son’s first trip to Diagon Alley, but your new job at the Ministry starts tomorrow and you’ve been missing your favorite stationery. The town was packed with people with the war having ended and trying to start anew. You haven’t seen any familiar faces and maybe years ago that was a bad thing, but hope spreads over Diagon Alley with strangers smiling at Christopher as he skips on the cobblestone, almost tripping over his own feet at the entrance of Flourish and Blotts. 

He runs forward to explore the store as you smile at your creation, letting him wander along the aisles as you have done years before. Being back here is like walking through a memory, and though it used to be home, you know yours is walking around in tiny bright red shoes that light up like his smile. Your fingers flip through the different quills and parchment on display, and after finding everything you need, you hear your son’s laughter in the opposite corner of the shop. Motherly instincts always prevail as your feet guide you to the sound of his voice, since he’s never been one to shy away from a friendly conversation.

“Did you find everything you were looking for, honey?”

James’ head whips up from the tiny boy he was entertaining with color-changing quills to see you, and he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose to make sure he’s seeing properly. The both of you go quiet as time stands still, with Christopher chattering at your feet. 

“Mama! Look at this one, it goes rainbow!” he says, tugging at your coat to see the quill in James’s hand. The pieces start to fit together in James’ mind, looking at your pursed lip, then to the sight of this boy smiling with the innocence he had a lifetime ago. This boy, his son, has your eyes. You shake your head rapidly as he intakes a breath of air.

“Honey?” he whispers, knowing that was his name for you.

“So what, he looks like a honey,” you say defensively, grabbing your son’s hand.

He looks like my son, his eyes say—both of you look down to the child who’s all grins and none the wiser piping up.

“My name’s Topher!” 

“Yes it is, and now it’s time to say goodbye to the nice man, okay?” Topher pouts and looks up at his father without even knowing it, handing him the quill. 

“Keep it. I’ll pay for it, and then you can write to me,” he says almost desperately, losing grip of everything that he’s been trying to convince himself for the past 7 years. 

“Don’t be weird, Potter. Don’t…” you shake your head, eyes misting over. Seeing him again brought back everything. It was already overwhelming to have a kid that’s almost the splitting image of him, to learn of a love so pure after one that’s wrecked you to your core, but being here, within arms reach… You’re 18 again and scrambling away from the corner booth trying to get away from the man you love most not wanting you in return.

“Honey, why don’t you give us a minute to talk? Go find me some cool enchanted stickers for me to bring to work tomorrow, okay?” Your baby runs off without even questioning it, his sense of adventure also inherited from his father.

“I’m…so sorry.” James moves closer to you, and you take a step back sighing humorlessly.

“For what? He’s an amazing kid. Even though… he wasn’t planned, I don’t think I could ever see my life turning out any other way.” You shift your weight to your other foot. He looks, successful, if that’s something he would be proud of. He’s wearing an impressive suit, and his eyes are a bit hardened by the past few years, but his charisma, his smile…. He’s still the boy you fell in love with all those years ago.

“I feel foolish. I was so scared to live my life and then here you are raising our child…” 

You blink softly at his words, and it reminds him of your youth, all doe-eyed and full of want. You used to want him like he still wants you. In front of him is a grown woman, a mother who’s strong and filled with memories and love that he should’ve been a part of.

“Things happen for a reason, James. We both did what we had to do.”

His hand brushes yours, and you realize you’ve been without his touch for 7 years. 7 years of being scrubbed clean of James Potter, and not a single regenerated cell in your body has been touched by him. But your son is of him, so you think that no matter how this ends, there will always be a part of you that loves James too.

You extend an olive branch to have him come to your apartment this weekend and get to talk. He knows he doesn’t deserve this kindness, but you know he deserves to meet his son.

—-

The doorbell rings and you take a deep breath as you open the front door, looking up at him holding a teddy bear for Topher.

“He’s still down for a nap. Let’s go sit in the den.” You say quietly. The hallway is filled with pictures of your boy, and of you in different stages these past few years. He stops at a portrait of your parents with Topher being swung between them.

“Your parents….”

“Were supportive; I wasn’t alone,” you muse, knowing he knows of your strained relationship with them back then.

“They actually just retired early last year. Overworked themselves and finally comfortable, so they help out when they can. What about yours?” Trying to make conversation with your ex is terribly hard, but it’s in good spirit and there’s not much to do until Topher wakes up.

“They passed, actually. Mum at the end of the war, and dad 6 months after. Never wanted to be apart, you know that.”

Your face falls at his revelation, “I’m sorry for your loss. They were amazing people. Taught me what it meant to be a parent, for sure.” Amicable silence fills the living room before you clear your throat.

“I have to be blunt, James. What do you want from this? You must be married and busy, so if Topher can’t fit into that….”

“I’m neither of those things, honey. I want to try and see where this goes,” he says scratching the back of his neck. 

Your heart stops at his endearment, catching yourself looking at him seriously. 

“You can hurt me, but I’m not letting you do that to him. Back then, you were all I ever wanted love to be. And then I had my beautiful baby, and I suddenly knew my love meant more.”

“I never wanted to hurt you. It was a mistake, because I was too proud to accept that I had it good. That what I had was meant for me.” James grabs your hands, begging for you to understand. The lost boy he was is a lifetime away from the man sitting in front of you now. Though it’s touching, you keep your heart guarded because the little boy sleeping down the hall is your biggest priority. You hope he can understand that too.

“He’s not a placeholder for your dreams of wanting a family. You have to build that, I did that myself. I’m not going to let you string him along and then once you have a family of your own, you just up and leave.” 

“I know. I was hoping the both of you could be my family, if you give me the chance.” You bite your lip as your thumb runs against his. It’s easier to forgive than to forget. But for Topher’s sake, you can try. 

“Tell me something James,” you whisper, having needed to know this for the past 7 years.

“Why did you throw it all away? Was the idea of loving me…so terrible?” He tilts your chin up, and you think that the earnest look on his face is the closure you needed to properly forgive him.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. Loving you is the best part of knowing you. Do you think I ever forgot about you?” He chuckles lowly, brushing back a strand of your hair, and you think this could be dangerous if you let yourself get too close. 

“I’ve thought about you everyday for the past 7 years, I just didn’t think I deserved you after everything I’ve done. I was so stupid, I am still. But I’m trying to be better.”

“You think of me but dreamt of her. Was it guilt?” Your hand grabs his as you move it away from your cheek, settling onto your lap. The air around you is suffocating.

“It took time for me to figure out that it was intention. Lily was a distraction. You’ve consumed me since the day I met you. My dreams, my thoughts… All of it is you. I choose to think about you as much as I can, because if I didn’t I was scared I’d forget all the good things about us back then.”

You both hear a thump from your son’s room and realize you’re wiping tears away. James stands up when you do, and both pairs of your socked feet pad closer to your son’s room. 

“We start this slow. We make decisions together, and if there’s any inkling I get that he doesn’t want this, it’s done. You understand?” Your hands are firm on the doorknob as he’s standing close behind you, hanging onto every word.

“Every word. There’s no turning back from this.” He wants to ask another question, but before he can, your hand unconsciously finds his and your grip is so comforting that he notices himself sniffle. 

“If it all goes well, and if you want, we can try again. But that’s in the far distant future, James Potter.”

“Anything you want, honey. That’s the future I’ve been dreaming of.” With you. Your lips quirk into a smile as they brush against his cheek.

Slowly opening the door to both watch your son wake up from his nap, your hand pulls James into the room behind you. Quietly, he sits on the edge of Christopher’s bed, and when his son looks up at him, you both notice the little boy beaming like the sun. 

—-

“Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.” -Franz Kafka

taglist: @jsjcue

love me some tunes! i listened to this while writing:

night shift by lucy dacus & about you by the 1975

#made by ma1dita ♥︎ #marauders era #james potter x reader #marauders x reader #james potter x reader angst

[starriesworlds]

starriesworlds's JAMES POTTER fic recs

you’re losing me

⤷ by @astonishment

you and james potter have a friendship like no other, with the most unbreakable bond… or so everyone thought. when you get hanahaki, you start pulling away from james and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to do anything right. with your friendship being put to the ultimate test, will you find your way back to each other? or will james lose you for good? (also a remus lupin x reader fic)

if i kiss you, i’m sorry

⤷ by @astonishment (the way this whole post could easily be all mal's writing)

a miscommunication at a party leads to james asking y/n to be his girlfriend and the two quickly find themselves going from strangers to lovers. the problem is, it’s all fake… until it isn’t.

saudade

⤷ by @embrassemoi

James Potter realized he spent years chasing after the wrong girl. But is it too late to finally tell you how he feels?

what’s happening to me?

⤷ by @harrytpotter

James Potter was starting to feel more and more overprotective towards his friend Y/N and considerably annoyed at the blatant flirting she and one of his best friends were displaying publicly and at the thought she might be falling for Sirius. What was happening to him?

and i love her

⤷ by @dilf-lover99

The 3 times James tries to get the girl and the 1 time he finally does. Or In which James Potter is hopelessly in love with his best friend.

shattered

⤷ by @willowbleedsonpaper

fake dating james seemed easier in theory. you assumed feeling would never have to get involved. until everything flipped…

the one that got away

⤷ by @llavenderhazze

having a soulmate isn’t always easy, especially when the only thing on his mind is your best friend.

no longer yours

⤷ by @singmyaubade

James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?

hope you enjoy these wonderful fic recs! these authors are freaking amazing and deserve all the love for their writing.

- starriesworlds

#starriesworlds fic recs #the maruaders #james potter #james fleamont potter #james potter fanfiction #james potter x reader #james potter x reader angst #james potter x reader fluff #marauders era #marauders x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter imagine #marauders headcanon #james potter angst #james potter fluff #james potter one shot

[petitemistletoe]

Tutor

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Warnings: smut, angst

Word Count: 3.2K+

“Mr. Potter, I’d like to talk to you about something,” Professor McGonagall called from her desk as everyone was filing out. James had to stifle a groan as he exchanged a look with Sirius before making his way to the professor’s desk. It was his last class before dinner on a Friday and he was starving and wanting to get pissed with the marauders. 

“Yes Professor?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound too eager to leave. 

“Your grades this past year have slipped, Mr. Potter. You’re a very talented wizard but I’m afraid this year you’ve become more focused on Quidditch than your studies.” Professor McGonagall gave James a disapproving look over her glasses. 

“Oh yes, it’s been a bit of adjustment now that I’m captain but I’m confident we’ll crush Slytherin in the tournament.” James said eagerly. 

“Mr. Potter you are not listening. If you do not get your grades up you will not be allowed to play.” McGonagall sighed and took off her glasses. “You know there is nothing more I would enjoy than watching my house win the Quidditch cup. Now, I’ve found a tutor for you to help you in your area of weakness: potions.”

“Moony? Evans?” James asked hopefully. 

“No.” McGonagall shook her head. “You have a potions exam in two weeks. If you are able to get an A or above you will be permitted to play.”

“I can’t believe you have to have a tutor! It’s inhumane!” Sirius protested after James explained everything over dinner.

“It’s just tutoring, Sirius,” Remus said with an eyeroll, “Who’s tutoring you anyway? Evans?”

“I wish. McGonagall didn’t mention who. I’m supposed to be in the library tomorrow at ten in the morning.”

“Ten! On a Saturday? Inhumane!” Sirius repeated. Then he looked down the table and called, “Oi! Evans! Why aren’t you tutoring Prongs in potions?”

“Tell the whole hall why don’t you?” James grumbled, laying his down on the table. 

“What?” Lily looked over at the boys with an already bewildered expression. “I’m tutoring a second year Hufflepuff in Transfiguration tomorrow.”

“Are you failing potions, James?” Mary chuckled. “Not failing,” James said, not moving his head from the table, “but I need to be doing better.”

“Who’s tutoring you?” Marlene asked. 

“Don’t know.” 

“What if it’s Snape?” Peter asked, a little fearful.

“Oh that would be perfect.” James hit his head on the table. 

“Oh god, I’m so hungover.” James said, hitting his alarm with his eyes shut. 

“Shut up!” Peter groaned, curling his pillow around his head. 

“Both of you be quiet! I can’t get hard with you both talking.” Sirius yelled from Remus’s bed. 

“Sirius!” It sounded like Remus had punched Sirius as Sirius groaned and then fell through the curtain, holding his nose. 

“Why is your alarm going off anyway?” Sirius asked, standing up and covering his dick with one hand and his other hand still on his nose as he shuffled to the bathroom. 

“Put some clothes on!” Peter groaned, turning so his face was pressed into his mattress and his pillow was over his head. 

“I have tutoring today,” James groaned, putting on his glasses and trying to see how long he had until his tutoring session started. It was ten fifteen and James felt like his brain was pulsating inside his head. 

“Aren’t you going to be late?” Remus called from his bed. 

“No, no. I still have a quarter of an hour before I have to go.” James let his head hit the pillow again. 

“I thought you said your session was at 10?” Remus stuck his head out between the curtains of his bed. 

“No, 10:30. Right?” James started to feel a pit of dread form in his stomach. 

“You said 10.” Peter shook from underneath his blanket. 

“10!” Sirius called from the bathroom. 

“Fuck!” James shot out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. “Padfoot!” He slammed his fist against the bathroom door, “Get out! I need to brush my teeth!”

At 10:25 James was stumbling into the library and staring around. He was sure that his hair was sticking up every which way as he looked to see where his tutor was. 

He saw you, Sirius’s cousin who the marauders all affectionately called Baby Black, much to your chagrin, sitting at a table in the library, looking over a piece of parchment with a red quill as you twirled a spoon in a cup of tea. 

“Hey! Baby Black,” James said, slamming his hands down on the table where you were, “are you my tutor?”

“You’re late,” you said, “and don’t call me that,” not even looking up from the parchment. You were the same year as the marauders but you had about as much to do with them as you did with the other Black cousins: Regulus, Narcissa, and Bellatrix. You preferred to forge your own path at a school that was seemingly bursting at the seams with your family. Sirius often talked about how you had been the luckiest of all the Black children as your parents, while a little wicked as was Black nature, were the calmest and kindest Blacks aside from any Blacks who had been ex-communicated. Needless to say, even though you were in Slytherin you were nothing like anyone in your family. 

“Sorry, sorry. I have a wicked hangover because I was super drunk last night and-”

“Just sit down,” you cut him off, “I’m finishing up grading a quiz from one of my other students in Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“Sure, sure. Sorry.” James said, sitting down and taking off his glasses. He had a terrible headache and felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. 

“Alright, so potions? What do you need to brew amortentia?” you asked after setting the parchment aside. James took a second to look you. He couldn’t help thinking you were gorgeous: the way your lips were slightly parted as you read, the way you twirled your ring on your finger as you spoke, the brightness in your eyes. He was sure you had a great smile too, but he had yet to see it. 

“Uh, right, love potion. Rose thorns and petals, powdered moonstone, pearl dust, ashwinder eggs, uh chocolate?” James looked at you as your eyes narrowed. 

“Chocolate? God really doesn’t give with both hands, does he?” You shook your head.

“Tulip nectar! Pinecones! Fairy dust?”

“Stop guessing. It’s peppermint. You’re more behind than I thought.” 

“Why are you asking about love potions anyway? Got a crush?” James asked, leaning in and looking up at you seductively. 

“First,” you said, pushing James back with your two pointer fingers, “you have to brew amortentia for your potions exam. Second, you smell like whiskey and vomit.” 

“You love it, Baby Black.”

“I will get Regulus to hex you, Potter.” You said with a light shake of your head. You worked with James for the next hour and a half before assigning him some homework. 

“Thanks for all your help, Baby Black. I’ll see you Tuesday?” James tried to send you another winning smile and you shook your head at him. 

“Monday.” You said, pushing your books into your bag.

“I have quidditch on Monday.”

“What are you going to do when you’re done playing for Gryffindor?” 

“Play professionally,” James shrugged, “Marlene’s brother said he could arrange a meeting with the Canons.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to play quidditch for the rest of your life?” You weren’t sure why you were getting so upset about the situation but you couldn’t stop yourself. 

“What’s wrong with that?” James started to get upset too, raising his voice. “Who doesn’t love quidditch?”

“I don’t.”

“How can’t you? Your cousins Regulus, Narcissa, and Sirius all play or played quidditch. Is the sport of the international wizarding world!”

“It’s beneath you.””

“You don’t even know me. You’re just supposed to be my potions tutor.” James snapped. 

“Fine,” you said cooly, “I’ll see you Tuesday, then.” You practically ran from the library. James shook his head and made his way over to the great hall. He tried to search for you at the Slytherin table before he sat at the Gryffindor table for lunch.

“How was the tutoring session?” Lily asked, stabbing at a piece of lettuce on her plate. 

“Fine. You’ll never guess who it’s with.” James said, looking at Sirius who had been trying to lick Remus’s neck for the past minute. Every time he got close, Remus would snap his fingers up and grab Sirius’ tongue. Sirius’ tongue was currently lodged between Remus’s fingers as Remus read the book that was in his other hand. 

“Who?” Sirius asked, trying to turn but was pulled back by his outstretched tongue, “Let me go!”

“Stop trying to lick me!” Remus said, letting Sirius’ tongue go. 

“Anyway,” Sirius stuck his tongue out at Sirius, “who’s your tutor?”

“Your cousin!” James said with an eyebrow raise. 

“Regulus?” Peter cocked his head.

“Don’t be stupid,” Remus rolled his eyes, “you mean Baby Black don’t you?”

“My cousin is tutoring you? Why didn’t she tell me?” Sirius asked, looking over at the Slytherin table. 

“I have no idea.” James shook his head. 

“Oi! Regulus! Where’s the girl?” Sirius asked, tossing a crumpled piece of parchment at Regulus. Regulus couldn’t have given Sirius a more intense glower before rubbing his nose and saying, 

“Excuse me?”

“Our cousin, Reg. Have you seen her?” Sirius looked at Regulus like he was an idiot. Regulus looked around for a moment and shrugged,

“No idea. I’ll check on her after dinner.” 

“Did you say something to her, James?” Remus asked. Sirius took advantage of this moment of Remus’s distraction to lick him up the neck. 

“Ah ha!” Sirius grinned triumphantly. 

“I’m going to murder you!” Remus said, pulling out his wand. 

“Nevermind,” James rolled his eyes. 

Over the course of the next two weeks, you and James met twice a week for tutoring lessons in the library. One Thursday was just one of those days that was rainy and sleepy and the last day in the week before one of those rare gorgeous three day weekends. It wasn’t a true three day weekend, really, there were no classes on Friday due to a set of makeup exams that were offered to students who wanted to improve their winter exam scores. James was one of these choice students who would hopefully be done once and for all with potions tutoring after the Friday exam. After a full set of classes and an early morning Quidditch practice, all James wanted was to eat dinner and crawl into bed before the weekend ahead of him. Of course, you had chosen today of all days to meet for a final tutoring session before the big potions exam on Friday. 

He was eating dinner when you stopped by the Gryffindor table and sat down next to him.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, shocked by the presence of another Black at the Gryffindor table. 

“I need to talk to James,” you said quickly, “Meet me in the potions classroom in the dungeons for tonight’s lessons.”

“Why the dungeons? What’s wrong with the library?” James asked.

“Slughorn said we could use his classroom so you can fully practice brewing your assigned potions.” You said, getting up from the table, “See you at 8. Don’t be late.” You got up and walked away. James watched you leave the great hall and then sighed, 

“I can’t wait for this to be over.”

“Yeah right,” Remus snorted. 

“What do you mean?” James asked.

“All you’ve talked about these past two weeks is Baby Black.”

“Well yeah. Complaining. She’s annoying.”

“No, not complaining. You can’t stop talking about her. You like her.” Remus grinned. 

“You cannot date my cousin, James.” Sirius said with a hard expression.

“I don’t even like her!” James insisted. Apparently Sirius wasn’t the only Black child that was concerned about you. Regulus stalked over and sat down next to James where you had been only a few moments before. 

“Stay away from my cousin. She’s fragile and sensitive and doesn’t need a rat like you sniffing around her.” He snapped at James. 

“She’s just my tutor! I don’t like her! She barely even tolerates me!” James cried, ignoring Remus’s shit eating grin. 

“I knew it!” Sirius slammed his hand down on the table, “you are trying to fuck my cousin!” 

“Oh my god! I’m leaving!” James stood from the table, looking at the Black brothers. “You two are exactly alike. Why I would ever want to get more involved with this family?” 

“Hey!” Regulus and Sirius said at the same time as Remus cackled. 

“Your cousins are insane,” James said with a head shake as he sat down next to you in the dungeons. 

“You’re telling me.” You muttered. Your hair had been pinned up with your wand stuck through and you pulled your wand out letting your hair fall more freely. You worked with James for the next hour and a half and it seemed like James was going to pass his exam.

“Okay, the last thing I need to do is check on your amortentia, but we can do that tomorrow morning before your exam. Meet back here at eight in the morning.” You replied. You were fanning your neck it had gotten hot in the dungeons after James’ heating potion had gotten a little of hand. You took off your sweater so you were just in a pair of trousers and a thin tank top. James watched a bead of sweat make its way down your neck and into your cleavage.

“Thanks with all your help, Baby Black. You really saved my ass.” He smiled. 

“You worked hard for it, James. No wonder Sirius loves you so much.” You smiled back at him. You had to admit that James wasn’t bad looking at all. He was a bit annoying, the way the Marauders were, but he had a kind heart and easy smile. Before you could fully process what was happening, James was leaning in and kissing you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, pulling away suddenly. 

“I’m sorry! I thought…we were…you aren’t into?” James asked, bewildered. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You scrambled up and ran out of the dungeon. It wasn’t until you were at the portrait in front of the Slytherin dormitory that you took a minute to stop and let your fingers ghost over your lips. You felt a small smile crawl onto your face and thought about how sad it would be to no longer have an excuse to see James. 

“Where’s Moony?” James asked as he burst into the dormitory. 

“Sucking my dick.” Sirius called from his bed. “Ow! Fuck Moony enough with the teeth!”

“What do you need James?” Remus asked, sticking his head between the curtains. 

“Can you talk? Privately?” 

“Yeah, just a second. I left my notebook by the charms room today. You can walk with me.” Remus got dressed and walked alongside James to the charms classroom.

“So what’s going on, Prongs?” Remus asked. 

“Okay, first, you can’t tell Sirius I told you this.” James started. 

“You’re freaking me out, James.”

“I kissed baby Black.” James blurted out. Remus stopped dead in his tracks and looked at James. 

“You did what?”

“I know! It’s just…she was so nice. And she’s so warm but still sassy and she hates quidditch and doesn’t worship me or anything. And it was hot in the dungeons and she had her sweater off and I don’t know what happened but I kissed her and she ran from the room. Oh god, Moony what did I do?” James was rambling. 

“Okay. Alright. Listen. Did she say she was going to tell anyone?” Remus asked. 

“She didn’t say anything.” 

“You better hope she doesn’t tell Sirius. Or worse, Regulus. You should talk to her.” Remus shook his head. 

“I have to see her tomorrow for her to check my potion before the exam. I’ll talk to her then. Will you come with me?” James felt his stomach flip at the thought.

James felt like his feet were cinderblocks as he made his way to the dungeons with Remus. You were there, in that damn tank top again, looking at the potions. 

“Oh good,” you looked up and gave him a shy smile, “you’re here…with Remus.” Your smile faltered. 

“I’d like to talk about-” James started but you cut him off. 

“Let’s just look at your potion.” Your words were clipped. 

“Alright, Remus why don’t you smell it first and let us know what you think and we can make sure it smells different to everyone.” James said. Remus bent down and took a large sniff of the bubbling liquid in the cauldron. 

“Smells like chocolate, parchment, leather, vinyl. Sirius. Nice job, James.” Remus sat back a little and smiled. “After you Ms. Black.”

“Alright,” you took a large sniff, “Clean cut grass, butter beer, hot Yorkshire pudding.”

Remus was stifling a smile, “And you James?”

“Firewood, a freshly sliced apple, vanilla, and…the Black estate? That smells like you.” James looked up at you confused. 

“I’m going to leave you two alone.” Remus stalked out of the dungeons, sending James a knowing look on his way out. 

“You smelled me in the potion,” James grinned. 

“You must have brewed it wrong.” You shook your head but you couldn’t hide your smile either. 

“You hate quidditch.”

“You’re a stupid jock.”

“You undress me with your eyes every time you see me.”

“You are Sirius’ best friend.”

“You are Sirius’ cousin.”

You grabbed James by the back of the neck and kissed him hard. James’ hands found your waist and started pull at the hem of your tank top. You took the tank top off and laid back on the desk. 

“You’re so beautiful.” James muttered, taking his shirt off too. He sunk down his knees and buried his face between your thighs. His tongue was as long as it was sharp and it darted in and out of your opening. 

“Fuck,” you murmured, your hands in James’ hair as you practically road his face. You came on his tongue before pulling him back up to kiss you. James unbuckled his belt and pushed himself inside you. You started to move your hips but James stopped you.

“Just,” he sounded strained, “I need to adjust for a moment. I’m so close, already, baby.” 

“Oh my god,” you grinned, pulling James closer so his forehead was against yours. James nodded and started to move. He pushed himself in and out of you and you were both moaning, especially when James reached a hand between your bodies to rub your clit. You saw stars as you came with James pulling out and cumming on your stomach soon after. He laid on top of you as you both tried to catch your breath. 

“Potter, what the fuck are you doing?” A new voice said. You and James turned to see Regulus and Sirius standing in the doorway of the potions classroom. 

“Oh Prongs, we’re going to have to kill you.” Sirius shook his head sadly.

“Oh fuck, you’re Sirius’ cousin.” James could only bow his head. 

#James potter #James potter x reader #James potter x reader smut #James potter x reader angst #James potter smut #Aaron Taylor johnson #sirius black #remus lupin #regulus black #dead gay wizards #marauders #marauders era

[fookingmuffins]

it's time to go

James potter x reader

Summary: Angst. You love James, but it's time to go.

Warning: cheating, screaming and James being a dick.

A/n: lmao I really ran after posting like 4 fics, but I'm doing a little better and even though I'm stressed with uni I've been dying to write something, so I hope y'all enjoy. (This actually took me so long to finish and i dont lobe the ending but i needs to move on, oops)

You sighed as you prepared to open the door to the house you shared with James. Once upon a time, you would've rushed in without a second thought. But lately the war had taken a toll on the two of you. Once happy moments were now filled with fear and dread, making you feel like you were drowning. And no matter how hard you tried to hold on to the love of your life, you could feel him shutting you out. James had always been an open book anyone who ever met him knew that, but lately he had built this wall meant to keep you away, only you. At first, you tried to understand and be patient considering everything you two were going through, but after countless fights of you begging for him to talk to you, you were tired. You squeezed your eyes shut once before pushing the door open and plastering a fake smile in your face, maybe today would be different.

"Jamie, I'm home, I brought your favorite from the bakery by my work!" you shouted into the house buy were greeted with only silence. After checking the house you realized you were alone which immediately sent you into a spiral of worry since James was supposed to be here an hour ago but deciding that maybe he had gotten caught up with something you tried to ignore your panic and start getting ready for your friend's Alice’s engagement party.

You heard the door open and close while you were finishing up with your hair, causing you to get up and genuinely smile when you saw James make his way to the bedroom that the two of you shared.

"I was wondering where you were, I got you some pastries they are in the counter." you tried, but he just gave you a tight-lipped smile with a wave before passing by you to your shared bedroom. You went after him and saw he was getting ready to jump in the shower. Figuring it was going to be another quiet afternoon, you sat at your vanity staring at yourself in the mirror holding back the tears threatening to spill and ruin your makeup and just prayed that at the wedding maybe you two could have fun like you used to. You didn't even realize how long you sat there until you heard James get out of the bathroom and start getting ready, and you decided to just get dressed too and sit by the window with a book while you waited for James to be ready.

"Are you okay?" You were broken out of your train of thought by James’s question.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be. " You answered, giving him a similar smile to the one he gave you when he arrived.

"I don't know, you just keep staring into space, and it's kinda creepy." he tried to joke, but what once would've made you smile and roll your eyes instead caused a knot to form at your throat again, and you felt tears prickling your eyes once again.

"Well what am I supposed to do is not like I can talk to you anymore James you always shut me out, and I don’t know what to do anymore to get you to bring down the walls that keep shutting me out! I don't even know what I did for you to shut me out!" You couldn't help but let out everything for the millionth time, hoping that maybe today would be the last time you two were having this conversation and that he would finally open up and let you two go back to normal.

However, you soon realized that it was only wishful thinking because James immediately lowered his head and mumbled "For fuck's sake y/n not this again"

"Yes, this again, James! Please talk to me! Stop shutting me out, please!" you were a sobbing mess by this point, begging him to let you in, not caring if you ruined your makeup.

But James just shook his head and walked out, "I'll wait for you in the car while you get cleaned up, we can't do this right now, or we’ll be late." just like that, he left you alone frozen with mascara running down your cheeks. You felt numb and just quickly tried to clean up but when you were done and staring at your reflection stare back at you with puffy red eyes you just felt pathetic.

On the way neither one of you talked James kept his eyes on the road while you looked out the window too lost in your thoughts to realize your usual music that would usually be playing while the two of you drove was not playing, James realized, and he felt like he was suffocating in the empty car ride.

The wedding was beautiful and despite your problems you couldn't help but imagine that one day it would maybe be you and James standing in an altar professing your love in front of all your friends and family. You turned to look at him as Alice and Ben were sharing their vows, only to catch him staring at Lily, and she was staring right back at him. You felt something break in you as confusion overtook you. Why is he looking at her?

Was she the reason that you were slowly getting kicked to the curb? Back in Hogwarts everyone knew that James was obsessed with Lily but when she finally gave him a chance things just didn't work out. Then you caught James's attention, and the rest is history.

You tried to focus on the happy couple in the altar as the ceremony came to an end, but you felt someone was stabbing you and twisting the knife.

By some miracle during the reception James asked you to dance which shocked you, but his eyes seemed so sincere and like they were almost begging that you couldn't help but to foolishly be filled with hope once again. As you took his hand, he genuinely smiled at you again the way he used to with that same boyish grin that made you fall for him 5 years ago.

The two of you danced in the center of the dance floor spinning and laughing around, you had not been this happy in so long. After a particularly long fit of giggles, James pulled you closer and looked into your eyes with a spark that the two of you hadn't shared in months. When you two were about to lock lips, someone cleared their throat besides you two and the two of you pulled slightly away.

"James could I have a word with you please?" Lily asked looking at James who immediately pulled away from you and went with her after telling you he'd be right back. Just like that you were brought back to reality the cloud 9 that you had been in for a little bit long gone, and again the sinking feeling invaded you, feeling like you were drowning. You needed a drink.

You went to the bar and after getting your drink you decided it wasn't enough, and you needed air. You walked out of the salon where everybody was and made your way to the garden, and that's when you heard it.

"James! You said you two were over, but it sure as hell doesn't look like it! I can't beli-"

"I know, I know, but I can explain Lily please! I-I-I came here with her because she was embarrassed to come alone, so I promised this would be our last outing together." You felt your heart stop, air getting caught in your throat.

"What? That doesn't-" Lily started as you felt the glass in your hands slip and shatter on the ground.

Both of them froze and looked at where you were standing, you could feel a knot forming in your throat but glared at the pair in front of you with tears forming in your eyes.

"Y/n I can explain!"

" I think both of us want an explanation, James, but she deserves it more. Y/n/n I'm so sorry I had no idea you two were still together." Lily went to walk away and James was about to chase after her when she heard you scoff and as you turned around.

"Say goodbye to Alice and Ben for me, would you? I have to go." you rushed out before basically sprinting to the nearest exit, hearing James chase after you, which wasn't hard considering he was taller than you and an athlete. He grabbed your arm when you two had made it to the parking lot and turned you around.

"So that's why I'm getting the cold shoulder." you blurted out before whatever he was able to utter whatever shit excuse he was going to tell you. You almost wanted to laugh, which made you feel like you were insane, but you thought about all the hours you had spent over the past couple of months looking in the mirror trying to see what was wrong with you, overanalyzing every tiny detail in your face. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying everything you had done that day that might have set James off.

"No no baby, I swear it's not what it looks like, Lily is just bitter we didn't work out, and she's trying to sabotage us! I've just been so stressed because of it, and I am so sorry I let it out on you."

"Bullshit James! You were literally just talking shit about me before i showed up and ruined your little act." You were seething by this point, and James flinched after your outburst. You had never been one to scream, and he knew that, but right now you honestly felt like nothing was the same and you weren't the same. "A-and you wanted to chase after her and you know what? maybe you should. Maybe you have a better shot at getting her back because we are over James Potter! I-I am so tired... I-" You were crying from all the different emotions you were feeling at that moment. Finally getting some enlightenment about why your relationship was dying gave you some relief of the crushing pain you were feeling being hunted by the "what if's" and "why's" you weren't the problem.

James tried to get close and wrap his arms around you. god he felt like an idiot for hurting you. He honestly doesn't know what he was thinking. He had hoped you never found out and had planned to break up with Lily soon enough, but he just needed to explore a little what it could've been like if he had stayed with her. Plus the thrill of it was something that James had loved for the time being, but he never wanted to hurt you. His heart broke at the sight of you, he couldn't imagine what you were feeling.

"Don't even think about it! Don't ever touch me again don't ever look at me, I hate you so much Potter, I don't want to know anything about you from this day on James! We now mean nothing to me, we are strangers!" You glared at him in a way he had never seen you look at anyone, and felt his heart drop.

He tried to protest, feeling the tears leave his own eyes at the idea of losing you completely forever. But you just turned around and walked away.

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter angst #james potter x reader angst

[wolfmoonmusic]

hiiii! could u write a james potter x reader fic where james chooses lily over reader and she’s not like heartbroken because she understands where he’s coming from but james can’t get over the fact that he’s gonna lose her so he’s sobbing and breaking down and reader is just understanding and cuddling him telling him he’s okay and that she knows he’ll be ok <3

Slipping Away:

A/N: This made me cryyyyy

Pairing: James Potter x reader

w/c: 1500+

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST. That's it lol.

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<3

He was supposed to be happy. 

The redhead in front of him was all he could think about for so many years.

And she’d finally, finally decided to give him a chance. 

So then why did he feel so terrified?

Maybe it was because of the way that you were looking at him. As if he was your entire world and it had just come crashing down. You noticed him staring and gave him a proud smile, and a double thumbs up.

But eyes don’t lie.

Lily was standing there right in front of him, ready to call him hers, after years of constant pining. And yet all he could think about was the way Sirius’s arms wrapped around your shoulders, and the dejected look in your eyes.

He expected the heavy weight to blow over by dinner.

But it didn't.

He sat there, watching you laugh with the others, like your normal self. He knew you wouldn’t show any emotions that you were feeling, and that made him feel worse. He wishes you’d just slap him instead of acting like whatever happened didn’t affect you in the slightest.

He knew. 

He knew what you felt for him, and he’d be lying if he said that there wasn’t a part of him that felt the same.

But he’d always love Lily more.

And you were his best friend. The fear of messing things up with you at some point and then losing you, terrified him.

However, something told him that he’d lost you already.

He couldn’t sleep at night.

He stayed up,  constantly thinking about you and your expression that day.

And the haunting fear stayed.

He felt like he was drowning and usually he’d go to you. But he couldn’t. Not this time. Not when you were probably in the same situation, a little farther down, struggling to swim up with your own weight tied to your feet.

He lay there, counting the hours, until he decided he couldn’t anymore, and walked down to the common room.

And he instantly wished he hadn’t.

You were sitting there, a blank look on your face as you stared off into nothingness. 

He felt you slipping away from his fingers then. Because at times like this, he’d be the first you called.

But of course, he’d never been the reason for this before.

He stood, frozen, unsure what to do, and maybe he should’ve decided sooner, because you seemed to realize you weren’t alone, and turned to face him.

“Hey James.” You’re surprised, he can tell, but he doesn’t move, still scared to make any decision. The last time he had to make a tough choice is what led to this in the first place, and now he was too scared to move.

You pat the seat next you, and he thinks that maybe it’s the right thing to do. Maybe this will fix everything. Maybe you’re not as affected by it as he thought.

But as he sits down, he knows he’s wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

You’re wearing Sirius’s oversized sweater.

He gave it to you because he didn’t like how loose it was, and you’d started wearing it when you were in a bad mood. You said that it provided comfort to you, and that whenever you wrapped your arms around yourself, the extra cloth would bunch up, making you feel like you were being hugged.

The second he saw it, James’s resolve broke.

The tears flowed freely, a sob wracking his body.

He felt so stupid for crying when clearly you were hurting more.

You didn’t react immediately, watching him as he continued to sob into his hands. And James thought that it was for the best. He didn’t want you to comfort him. He wanted you to cry as well, cursing him for ever deciding to choose Lily over you.

But of course, you’d never do that.

You wrapped your arms around his body, resting your cheek against his shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” you whispered.

“No, no it’s not,” James replied, still crying. Why wouldn’t you just yell at him? Why couldn’t you call him out for how unfair he was being?

You shush him, gently rubbing his hand.

“This is it isn’t it? I-I’m gonna lose you,” He muttered, and he felt you freeze. He was right. Of course he was. Who would stay with him after what he’d just done?

But you didn’t let go.

You pulled him towards you, so that his head was resting on your chest, arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“You’re not gonna lose me Jamie. At least, not forever,” you mutter, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He didn’t know what you meant. But it only made the pain in his chest double. Usually being your arms released the building pressure, but this time, it only amplified.

He couldn’t even imagine how you felt.

“Please yell at me. Curse me, do something but please please don’t sit here and hug me after everything I’ve done,” he voice was pleading. He needed you to do that so that he didn’t have to see you upset tomorrow. Or watch you laugh, knowing the truth of how much this had affected you.

But your arms only tightened around him.

“No,” You whisper, your voice shaky. 

You’re crying.

“I get it. She’s the love of your life. I’m not mad. I’m not upset,” you pause, your hands gently rubbing his back, “not upset with you at least,” you mutter.

James knows what you mean. You’d always compared yourself with Lily. She was the only person who you deemed worthy enough to be your competition, for many things. You two were friends and you’d never let that get compromised. Not even now. But you’d always felt insecure when it came to her.

And James had only fueled it.

He couldn’t tell you to not compare yourself with her, after he’d literally chosen her over you.

But you were both different people and he wanted you to know that.

He pulled away, looking at your tear stained face. “Please don’t compare yourself,” he muttered. Ashamed that he was even in a situation like this in the first place.

You smiled sadly, sniffling, “Kinda hard not to. It’s okay. I just need…time,” you say nodding your head.

You took your hands in his, and internally, James begged for another try. He wanted a chance to go back in time, to fix things.

But he knew that would be wrong.

Because it was the truth. He loved Lily more. He always had, and he always would.

Yet the crushing feeling of losing you overpowered that love right now.

“I’m gonna need time,” you avoided his gaze, looking down at your intertwined hands, tears falling onto them.

“What do you mean?” he asked, knowing full well what you were going to say next, and it crushed him.

“I need some time away from you. You’re not losing me but-” Your voice cracked and you trailed off, unable to finish your sentence.

It hurt way more hearing you say it.

His grip on your hands tightened. “No. No please. For how long? I need you.”

You let out a small laugh, and for the first time since James had met you, he felt the bitter touch. “That’s not fair James,” you said, shaking your head. “I’ll come back, just give me some time.”

You were slipping away. Fast. 

And there was nothing he could do about it.

“You’re gonna be okay,” you whispered, running your thumb over his knuckles. “You’re gonna be okay. You don’t need me. You have Lily, you have the boys and if something really bad happens I’m always right here. I just…I just need some time,” you muttered, looking at him.

James felt like he was being torn apart. He watched your hurt eyes, contradicting the soft smile on your face. He didn’t want to hurt you. He never had. But he couldn’t deny his strong feelings for the redhead. He knew you’d only be even more hurt if he’d chosen you while loving the other girl more.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, sniffling, as the tears continued to fall. 

“I know James. It’s okay,” you mutter.

You pat his hands before pulling away, bending over to press your lips against his forehead.

You stay like that for a moment and James feels like dying.

You always care so much. No matter how much someone hurts you, you always care. You shouldn’t be comforting him right now. Not when you’re probably hurting more. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” you say once more as you move away, standing up.

Then you’re walking away from him and up to the dorms and with each step James feels you slip away.

Until he can no longer see you, and he knows you’re gone.

Maybe not permanently. But you both will never be the same again. Because you’ll no longer look at him like he’s the most amazing person you’ve ever met. And he’ll never be able to forgive himself for hurting you like this.

But you’re gone now and all he can do is pray that you’ll come back.

-------

Taglist: @pinchofhoney @targaryenmoony @padfootagain

#x reader #x you #angst #marauders era #james potter x you #james potter x yn #james potter x reader #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #the marauders #james potter angst #heavy angst #one shot #james potter x reader angst

[silencesscreams]

love is never logical

james potter x reader (angst)

summary: you have been james’ girlfriend for more than a year, his close relationship with his friend lily has always bothered you because he would always pick her instead of you. once you find out they almost dated when they were younger, things change.

100% inspired by logical - olivia rodrigo, the beginning of the fight was inspired by the all too well short film (it was also lari’s idea because she’s a genius)

warnings: muggle au, drinking, swearing, jealousy, breaking up, fighting, shouting, mentions of younger jily, petnames (babe, love, darling), use of y/n once, mention of sex, kind of short, sad ending

special thanks to @mrsaluado for helping me and giving me ideas for this one!!!!! you’re incredible, lari!!!!

when you first started dating james, the first friend he introduced you to was lily. he said she was one of his best friends and that she was incredibly important for him. it was almost as if he said: don’t fuck it up with her. afterwards he said she absolutely loved you, it made you feel great about yourself, but a part of you wondered what would happen if she didn’t.

there were times when you’d ask if he wanted to hang out or do something different during the weekend. most times you were too late, and he was already doing something with lily, but you could come if you wanted to. you always did. you wanted to be with your boyfriend, it shouldn’t matter that his best friend was always around, right?

you even asked him once or twice if he ever had anything with lily, which he defensively denied every single time. most of your friends saw it as a red flag, but what could you do? you had never loved anyone like you loved james potter.

until it all fell apart.

you both had been together for a year. you were always invited to his reunions with his friends, so when he told you he was hosting a small one at his place, you were excited to go. you helped him get the house ready. you even bought appetizers.

so when his friends showed up, you tried talking to most of them, but when you got to sirius, you both ended up talking a lot.

you both had been chatting for about half an hour when he asked:

“where’s that boyfriend of yours anyway?” he took a sip from the cheap wine remus had brought.

“with lily, i think.” you say, looking down at your cup.

“really? doesn’t it bother you?” he asked innocently, like you already knew.

“no, i mean, why would it?”

“well, i’d be stressed knowing remus was so close with someone he almost dated like two years back” he casually stated. your heart could’ve just fallen to your feet then, he never told you that. sirius quickly realized he’d fucked up because of how quiet you suddenly were. “you didn’t know?” he questioned, his brows furrowed and his voice more caring now.

“oh, i did, don’t worry.” you lied, your voice quiet.

god, you felt so stupid. you had asked so many times, and he lied, he always said no.

you never thought james could hurt you like that, until he did.

“that reminds me, i have to talk to james about what time we’re putting out the dessert. i’ll be back soon.” you didn’t have to talk to him about anything. you knew that you’d bring out the dessert at 10:30. you just wanted to know what they were talking about.

“hi, babe.” he greeted you, pressing a kiss on your cheek as you sat next to him. “my two girls at the same table, how lucky am i?” he joked, but you didn’t laugh. since when was lily his girl? “sorry, that was badly phrased.” he apologized to you, chuckling and going back to lily, not bothering to insert you in the conversation.

you didn’t really mind staying quiet, he usually did that. they talked for about 10 minutes, during that time stayed quiet and didn’t even touch him, you listened to their conversation, smiling every single time she looked at you.

the night ended for you when he didn’t hold your hand. as he excitedly laughed and talked to her, you tried to interlace his fingers with yours, which he did, giving your hand a quick squeeze before letting go of it and laying it carelessly on the table.

you take a deep breath.

you count to ten.

you hold back your tears.

he had never denied your touch before. ever.

“excuse me,” you said lowly. “i’m going to go freshen up.” you fake a smile, going as quickly as possible to the bathroom. you shut the door behind you and lock it, giving the key two turns.

you can’t believe him. he couldn’t possibly be doing this to you.

you had known ever since he introduced you to her that if he had to choose it’d be her. you knew that deep down, you just didn’t believe it.

you couldn’t believe he lied like that.

he made you believe it was in your head. everything he ever said just always sounded right. how could he do that?

you weren’t going to fight. not in the middle of a party.

you look at yourself in the mirror,

inhale, exhale.

inhale, exhale.

it was fine. you’d talk to him about it later. it was probably a misunderstanding, right? you probably heard him wrong, right?

still, you took it in and kept quiet until everybody left.

james had obviously realized how mad you were when you dodged his hug in the kitchen.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, looking all sad and lonely like a wet dog. like it was your fault.

“you dropped my hand, you know that, right?” you stop and look at him, your hands hugging your own torso nervously.

“what? when?”

“when you were talking to lily.” you say, looking down.

“sorry, i don’t really remember.” he casually brushes it off. he did remember.

“did you and her ever have a thing? tell me the truth, did you ever like her romantically or anything like that?”

“god, no! why are you bringing this up again? i’ve told you before, she’s just my friend, why are you-”

“you’re lying to me.” you cut him off, staring at him.

“no, i’m not. what’s gotten into you?” he squints his eyes at you.

“why are you lying? i know you both had a thing a year before we started dating!” you didn’t want to speak loudly, but you couldn’t not raise your voice at him.

“who told you that?” he questioned quietly.

“it doesn’t matter! why did you lie to me about this?” he didn’t answer. “god, i’m so fucking stupid!” you exclaim, laughing at yourself.

“darling, stop. it’s not like that.”

“i should’ve known something was happening. you spent more time with her than with me ever since i became your girlfriend.”

“i didn’t cheat on you, you have to believe me” he tried holding your face in his hands. his touch was inviting, but you pulled away.

“but you love her, don’t you?” he doesn’t answer. “how can i possibly believe you?” you ask, your eyes tearing up. you were trying to hold back the tears, but they were just begging to come out.

“i don’t know. i just need you to trust me, love. please.”

“i don’t know if i can.” you turn around, facing the refrigerator door. you rub your eyes, stressed.

“hey, james.” you call, not turning around to face him.

“yeah?” he answers, staring at your back, a confused look on his face.

“what color are lily’s eyes?” he wanted to bury himself in a hole and never come out. he knew what you were doing and he knew he’d fail.

“i don’t see how that-”

“james, what color are they?”

“green.” he replies, his voice low.

“what color are my eyes?” no answer. you can feel your stomach twist and turn. “james, what color are my eyes?” your voice was louder now.

“i don’t know.” he whispers. you started crying, and he never hated himself so much. you turn around to face him, your head moving in a ‘no’ motion as he tried hugging you. “darling, please. you’re the love of my life, stop it.”

“sure, and you’ve only ever seen her as a friend, right?!” you push him away. “i’m the love of your life and you can’t even tell me my eye color! that’s not fucking right, isn’t it?!”

“you know how much i love you!” he shouts, desperately trying to fix it.

“do i? because you never even say it anymore! hell, you don’t even hold my hand!” you shout back at him. he can’t answer you, he doesn’t know how to. he doesn’t know what to do anymore. “i’m going home.” you announce, grabbing your purse from the kitchen table and heading to his front door.

you didn’t want to leave, but you knew that if you stayed he’d probably find a way to make you believe him. he’d hug you. he’d say he was sorry and that everything would turn out okay.

that wasn’t what you wanted to hear that night, you weren’t really sure of what it was you wanted from him in that moment, but some stupid apology and sex wasn’t going to help.

“i have been your boyfriend for the past year! I haven’t been lily’s!” he exclaimed, following you. you ignored him, cleaning your tears from off your face

“you’re not being fucking logical about this, y/n!” he screamed at you, his voice strained as you open the door to his apartment.

“i guess love isn’t logical, is it?” you say, shutting the door harshly as you head out.

you stop in front of the door, waiting to see if he’d open it and try going after you. if he’d try to make you forgive him.

you waited for a minute.

he didn’t do anything at all.

#silencesscreams #lila writes #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter x reader #james potter fic #james potter oneshot #james potter fanfiction #james potter imagine #james potter #james potter angst #damn this hurt #james potter x reader angst

[evergone]

The Agreement

James Potter x Reader

Warnings: 18+, sex, alcohol, smoking

Description: James and the reader lay out the rules to be FwB, but the reader has already broken one.

It was James who had come up with the idea to make the agreement. You’d only accepted and helped to draft the terms. I mean, of course you had, it was James, how could you say no to him? Plus, you were a little more than tipsy and the fumes that you had been second-hand smoking from Sirius’ cigarette wasn’t assisting in keeping you soberly grounded. That being said, you probably still would have agreed to the terms if you were sober.

That was problem everyone found with James. All he had to do was give you his signature look — the one that spoke more than words could convey, the one that held out a metaphorical hand and beckoned you towards adventure, the one that wouldn’t allow itself to be ignored — and suddenly, you were saying yes to his every whim. His friends were the most common victims of that look, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were always whisked away into trouble with him, but you were one of those victims, too.

At first, James hadn’t wanted to go to the party with the rest of the group. He was nervous about being amongst such a large group of muggles while drunk, knowing his own tendency to show off with that wand of his. But when he saw you twirling on the street from the upstairs window of Lily’s home he reconsidered.

“Surely you’re coming, James!” You called from the ground, your hand a shield covering your eyes and hair from the cool afternoon wind.

“I’m too immature for it, Y/n,” he shook his head, “It’s best if I stay.”

“Oh, shut up and get on down here!”

He laughed heartily and disappeared into the house only to return at the front door. You squealed in delight and pulled him into a hug, dragging him into the large group that had gathered outside. Lily’s sister, Petunia, had reluctantly decided to allow you all to go to the party that only she was invited to, and stood off to the left with her hands in her jacket pockets and her arms glued to her sides.

“Can we go now?” Petunia more demanded than asked, “We’re already a half hour late.”

When, finally, you arrived at the party, you were into the alcohol in moments. Sirius had run off to mingle with muggles about the music, asking every person he could find for recommendations and such, and Marlene had joined him, interested in muggle culture. From afar, you felt that they sounded like tourists from another country, you even heard some people asking where they were from. Mary, Lily and Dorcas were doing shots with some muggle boys, while Peter was demolishing Remus at beer pong.

In the joy of it all, of the fraternising with these unfamiliar people, you had lost James. Everyone was wearing such similar outfits that you couldn’t find his hideous denim jacket in the crowd, so you slipped out the back door and searched as you stood cluelessly by the edge of the pool.

“Lost, are you?” James’ deep voice sounded from behind you, spooking you into spinning around to look at him.

“I was looking for you,” you informed him, “Wanted to talk to someone I knew, but the others are all busy.”

“Well, here I am, doey,” he smiled, gesturing to himself.

“Don’t call me that, you fool,” you rolled your eyes and he chuckled.

He led you away from the crowd and onto the roof of the unknown host’s house where you continued to chat softly, watching the stars twinkle in the great expanse like the tuffs of a dandelion clock stuck to black paint on canvas. You had no clue where he kept pulling drinks from, but for the rest of the night your hand was never without the comforting hug of a beer.

The lot of you had stumbled home together with laughter that echoed through the streets. Somehow, Sirius had gotten his filthy hands on that cigarette I mentioned earlier, and was treating it like his only lifeline, desperately trying to get every breath out of it that he could. Your arm was slung over James’ shoulders as you whispered flirtatious secrets to him:

“You smell absolutely fantastic.”

“You fancy the scent of Peter’s vomit?”

And, in return, his hand graced your hip. His fingers too close to be friendly like they were supposed to be, his heart too close, as well. He stared at you with his beautiful brown eyes that shone a brilliant gold in the light of the street lamps and the shine of the waning gibbous moon.

Back at Lily’s in the dead of night, James claimed one of the spare bedrooms all to himself, arguing that he deserved it after Peter spewed his guts up all over him. At first, you had shuffled into Lily’s bedroom to change into your shorts and a Fleetwood Mac shirt that you found stuffed into the bottom of your suitcase. As you slipped into bed next to Marlene, you were drawn out into the hallway in which you caught James making the exact same movement.

You waved at him. He waved back. Both of you exchanged quiet greetings before he nodded backwards towards the room he was in and bit his lip.

“It’s cold in there,” he said, “All alone…”

You shrugged, “And what do you expect me to do about that?”

“I could think of a few ideas,” he teased and you shook your head.

“We shouldn’t,” you said, altogether unconvinced by your own words, “This is Lily’s house.”

It wasn’t like there had ever been something between James and yourself before. You were always just friends, that’s how it was and how it would always continue to be. That’s why you made the agreement — but not until after you had warmed him up and kept him warm until morning.

Once you awoke, he helped you tie your hair back into a ponytail and smiled at the work of art his mouth had made on your back. You, on the other hand, were appalled by the sight of it in the mirror and unleashed a full-blown pillow attack on him, giggling goofily. The two of you showered together in the en suite, his large, calloused hands drew the soap along the curves of your body expertly. You dried his hair slowly and gently as you pressed your breasts onto his bare back.

“If we do this again, we need to make an agreement,” he told you, his head resting between your naked thighs on the bed, “A—A set of rules of some kind.”

You didn’t want an ‘agreement’ but the effects of alcohol still lingered in your mind, so you said yes and let him lay out the framework. You added your two cents every now and again.

“Never while high on anything other than weed,” he said.

“Never in the same room as someone else,” you said.

“We have to tell each other if we do it with someone else.”

“Or if we go on a date with someone else.”

“And most importantly,” James begun, “Absolutely no falling in love, alright doey?”

Your lips pursed. Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. You were screwed, you couldn’t possibly agree to that term. By Merlin, you were already in love with him! How could you not be? He was everything you could want in a man: stunning good looks, intelligent mind, charming personality. He was perfect and you were in love with him.

“Absolutely.”

After a couple months of suffering through a friends-with-benefits situation with James, the agreement was coming back to bite you in the arse. Your friends could see it in every movement you made around him. Remus had caught you crying in the common room more times than he could count, and Lily couldn’t bare to hear another story about you giving him a blow job just so he wouldn’t end the agreement that was plaguing your every waking hour. It wasn’t his fault, you had to remind them, you just weren’t able to confront him with the truth about your feelings yet.

“I’ll tell him, I promise,” you told them.

“When, Y/n?” Lily asked skeptically.

“Eventually!” You whined, “When I’m ready!”

“And when will that be?” Remus raised his brows at you.

You groaned and fell back into the maroon couch in the common room in front of the empty fireplace. They were so pushy. They were the worst. You would get there at some point, they just needed to give you a little more time. You needed a little more time.

When James entered the common room that afternoon, he had nodded up the stairs towards his dorm at the sight of Remus, Sirius, and Peter all sitting around. It was one of the very few moments that none of them were up there, and you had to capitalise on those moments as best you could. You stood up obediently like a puppy and ignored the judgemental glances from your friends as you followed him up the stairs.

As he shrugged off his robes, he turned to you, “This might be our last go at it.”

“What do you mean?” You asked him curiously and stripped off your pants.

“I have a date,” he responded.

Oh. Well, that was one way for you to get out of admitting your feelings for him. Probably the worst way, but a way nonetheless. Perhaps, your heart would be broken, but at least James would never know that you had broken the agreement before it had even been agreed upon.

“Jamie,” you started, “I don’t think you should go on a date.”

He turned to you, head tilted to the side, one eyebrow perked in a mixture of confusion and curiosity. You couldn’t help yourself, it seemed. You couldn’t let him leave you behind.

“I broke the agreement ages ago,” you admitted and he frowned, “From the start, I was in love with you and I’m sorry for lying but I just thought that—”

“I knew it.”

“Huh?”

“I overheard you talking to Lily about it.” His gaze softened as he grinned at you, “You should have told me, I would have asked you out instead of making the agreement, I thought that was my only option.”

#james potter x reader #prongs x reader #marauders x reader #james potter #marauders #marauders era #harry potter #harry potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #sirius black x reader #james potter imagine #remus lupin x reader #gryffindor #sirius black #hp fandom #james potter fanfiction #james potter x reader angst #james potter x reader fluff #lily evans x reader #marlene mckinnon #mary mcdonald #lily evans #remus lupin #wolfstar #starchaser

[remusluvr]

heart to heart | james potter

summary: James is your safe haven, he accepts you with open arms. content: secret relationship, brief talk of death (like one sentence), unedited

Time had frozen when you were told. This was the one thing you had been trying to avoid for as long as possible. It's unavoidable now.

"It's time you step up and do something for once," your mother berated, "There's a meeting in an hour. You will be expected to make your decision then. Do not embarrass me."

Fear flowed through your veins after she left the room. There was only one way out of this messy situation - your bedroom window. And so, knowing exactly who to go to, you quickly packed a bag and left. You ran as far as you could before apparating to Diagon Alley where you would be able to find a floo transport to get to your destination.

Your fist pounded against the old door as you looked behind you as each second ticked along. What if they knew where you were going? What if it was a trap to see what you would do? What if they are after you? Raising your fist to knock again, the door opens to a confused James Potter.

"Jamie," you sighed, tears welling in your eyes now as you push yourself into his arms. You can feel his beating heart as he pulls you into his house. He kept you held to his chest as you calmed your breathing. You were safe.

"Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?" he asked, taking extra attention to make sure his voice was calm. He didn't want to scare you. Sirius came trotting down the stairs, watching the interaction between you and the other Gryffindor boy.

"What the fuck? When did this start?" is all he says as he stops at the end of the staircase. James waves him off, turning his attention back to you. His eyes held so much love that you just wish you'd never have to interrupt your staring with such a heavy topic.

"They tried to make me become a death eater," you sniffled, lip wobbling. He pulled you back into his chest, holding you tight against him. Sirius gasped, excusing himself. He can get whatever answers he's looking for later. Right now you clearly need James to yourself. "I can't go back there, Jamie. I can't."

"You won't, baby. I'm not going to let you."

Your heart is racing when you pull away, wiping at your tear-stained cheeks. He doesn't let you go far, keeping your hand in his. When his mom comes into the room, you straighten up and quiet down.

"I know Sirius is listening at the top of the stairs. He can show you my room, let me talk with my mom." You hear Sirius grunt and can't help but giggle, hugging James one last time before grabbing your bag and heading upstairs. You and Sirius have never gotten along, not when you have been living very precariously, trying not to anger your family. He went the different route, going out of his way to anger them.

He gives you a half-hearted smile when you reach him and you want to apologize for all the mean remarks you spit his way. You both understand though, you were in the same situation.

When James returns to his room, around thirty minutes later, he crashes down on the bed beside you, kicking Sirius out. He had stayed to keep you company, still a little too nervous to be left alone.

"I'm sorry for barging in. I just had nowhere else to go."

"Please don't apologize, I'm glad you're here. You know that I worry when you're home. Now, I don't have to worry."

"Yeah, until we're back in school and all of my housemates want me dead." He frowns at that. James is always optimistic but he knows that you're right. They're not going to take your denouncement of Voldemort well and there will be consequences but he promises to never leave your side and that you can sleep in his dorm all you want if that's what it takes.

His kindness makes your heart ache and at the news of you being allowed to stay here, it only aches more for his family. Why couldn't your own family be this way?

"Only thing is that you have to sleep in one of the guest rooms," he sighs, rolling his eyes. You giggle as he pulls you to lay with him. "Good thing we can be sneaky."

#marauders era angst #fluff #angst #marauders #harry potter #marauders era #james potter requests #james potter #james potter fluff #james potter angst #james potter x reader #james potter x reader angst #james potter x reader fluff #james potter x you #james potter x you angst #james potter x you fluff #james potter x y/n #james potter x y/n fluff #james potter x y/n angst #marauders era fluff #marauders angst #marauders fluff #marauder #harry potter fluff #harry potter angst #harry potter fanfiction #marauders era fanfiction #marauders era fanfic

[fragileruns]

fake dating with james? major angst end with fluff?

okay, to be completely candid with you guys, this is my first time writing like this. i’ve never really done fics or even small drabbles before, so i deeply apologize if this is the worst thing you’ve ever read. i promise i’m trying to get better. this has also been sitting in my drafts for so long, since i couldn’t decide how to end it.

summary: you fell in love with your fake boyfriend. he fell in love with you, too.

warning: not as much angst, sorry </3. fluff, horrible writing, a lot of rushing. james rants ab his love for you

Dating James was like a dream, truly. Even though it was fake, meant to just be a ruse to make Lily jealous, he made it seem like it was perfectly real. He walked you to every class, offered you his jumper the moment you shook in the slightest, gave you his breakfast if you were still hungry. He even made sure to throw in a grand gesture every once in a while — a large bouquet of flowers, buying you a nice outfit or that expensive perfume you wanted but couldn’t afford. Anything he could do.

The only problem was how much you liked dating him. It was hard to remind yourself that it was all fake — that it was all happening just to make another girl jealous, because that’s who he was in love with. Lily. Not you. And it broke your heart every time you were reminded of that. Every time he’d kiss your cheek and murmur something about Lily watching, whenever he’d come to you with so much excitement over the plan working, whenever he’d immediately pull away as soon as you two were alone. It all hurt.

And that was why you had to end it. Today, before you could chicken out and let yourself get lost in something that’s not real.

“James? Can we talk?” You questioned softly once you found him in his dorm room, Remus and Sirius studying something on one of the beds, and Peter trying to make light conversation. “Um — somewhere private.”

“Yeah, of course.” The bespectacled boy gave you a grin, quickly slapping Sirius lightly on top of the head to signal for him and Remus to leave, before nodding his head for Peter to do the same. After a few grumbles, the three eventually left the room, leaving both you and James alone. “Hey, did you see Lily at breakfast today? Marls said she was ‘bout ready to stab someone, must mean the plan’s working.”

“Right, yeah, that’s great, James.” You murmured distantly, almost as if you weren’t really listening, which was what caught James attention. A frown came over his face and he took a step closer to you, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

“Is something wrong? What did you want to talk about?”

“Us. I mean — this whole dating thing. Fake dating thing.” You clarified, mentally sighing at how nervous you already were. It was already proving to be more difficult than you could handle.

“I think we should end this.”

“This? The plan? No. Why would we do that?” James questioned frantically, his frown only growing. Truly, he didn’t know if he was upset because he didn’t want to backtrack with Lily, or if it was because he didn’t want to stop being with you.

“Because, it ran it’s course. It worked, it did what it was supposed to do. I think going on any longer would just be beating a dead horse, y’know? And you can’t exactly get with Lily if you have a girlfriend, even if it’s fake.”

“No — No, we have to keep going. We’re not done yet,” James was trying to come up with a reason. He didn’t know why, you did have a point. But the idea of ending things caused a feeling in his gut, and he didn’t like it. “There — there’s the Yule Ball. We can’t break up before the Yule Ball.”

“Ask Lily. I overheard her talking with Marlene and Mary about how she wished she could go with you.”

“Then I’d just seem like an asshole who left his girlfriend for another girl.”

“James,” you sighed. He was making it more difficult than you thought he would. You almost thought he’d be happy, that it had worked well enough he could be with Lily now. “It won’t seem that way. Ask Lily to the Yule Ball. This has to be over, okay? I just — it has to be, I’m sorry.”

You left before he could come up with another reply, leaving both yourself and James completely devastated and wishing for something that never really existed.

Two weeks and some moping later, it was finally time for the Yule Ball. Something that you should be excited for — all of your friends were.

But, it was hard to be excited when you knew the person you were in love with would be going with another girl. Sirius had offered to go with you, as friends, of course. You had updated him on why you ended things with James and you figured he wanted to distract you from it all. However, you declined — you knew he wanted to go with Remus and you didn’t want to stand in the way of their night.

Amos Diggory had asked you as well — you thought about saying yes at first, not wanting to be the only person without a date, but it would be cruel to lead him on, so you simply said you wanted to go alone.

It hurt, hearing Lily gush over James as she got ready. You were so used to hearing her complain about his antics and gestures, and now she was swooning and you didn’t think you could bear it. Mary kept sending you sympathetic glances — clearly your moping hadn’t been as subtle as you thought.

It even hurt when you were there, surrounded by friends. James avoided eye contact, always either making an excuse of getting drinks for him and Lily or simply staying silent — something very rare for him.

A slow song eventually came on, all of your friends rushing off with their dates to get the first dance of the night, all of them blushing and giggling. And you were happy for them, you were. You just wished you could join in the feeling, rather than sitting alone to the sidelines.

The even was going by dreadfully slow, and you were beginning to contemplate just leaving early — making an excuse that your head hurt, or you were sick — whenever Amos came up to you.

“Hey — I know you didn’t want to come with anyone. Or with me, at least. But you seem lonely,” he started, before plopping down on the seat next to you. “Do you want to dance? No strings attached.”

“I — that would be lovely, actually.”

He grabbed your hand, pulling you up and over to the “dance floor,” which was really just the middle of the Great Hall. You immediately felt less awkward than you had before — even if it wasn’t James, at least you weren’t sitting by yourself.

“Did you say no to me because of James?”

“What?”

“Did you not want to come with me because you’re still hung up on James? You two seemed really… happy, together. I guess I should’ve figured you weren’t over him.”

“Oh, we were never actually —” You were cut off, both yours and Amos’ heads looking up to the figure who interrupted you. James.

“Sorry, mate, do you mind if I steal her for a moment? Thanks.” James didn’t wait for either of you to respond, instead pulling you to the complete opposite side of the room.

He avoided making eye contact with you, leaving you more confused than you were two seconds ago. What was the point of pulling you over here if he didn’t have anything to say?

“It looked like you and Lily were having fun,” you decided to speak, hoping to ease whatever tension was building between the two of you.

“What? Oh yeah, sure. I guess,” he said, practically waving you off. It was as if he wasn’t even listening, his mind in a totally different world. “I need to say something. And I need you to not interrupt me. Okay?”

You nodded, part of you terrified for what was about to come. You couldn’t think of anything you had done to him recently. You hadn’t even spoken to him, how could you have possibly upset him? What could he possibly need to talk about?

“I’ve always been in love with Lily. Since as long as I can remember, it’s been her. I didn’t even give anyone else a chance, because she had to be the one.”

“Gee. Thanks for the reminder, James.”

“Wait. I’m not done. I never gave anyone a chance. Not a serious one, at least. And — and then you showed up. And I know it was supposed to be fake, and it was supposed to just make Lily jealous. But, somewhere I think… I think I realized that maybe she’s not the one. Because whenever you ended things, it felt like — I don’t know, it sort of felt like my heart was missing.”

He kept rambling, and you opened your mouth to interrupt. To ask if he was saying what you thought he was. But, he quickly shushed you, holding a finger up to signal he was still talking.

“And, I thought maybe I just liked the attention. Liked being in a relationship. But, I’m here with Lily and it’s not the same. It doesn’t feel the same. I don’t feel the same. I just, I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re the only person who made me feel so seen, so… so me. Does that make sense? I just, I think I might be in love with you.” He finally finished up, letting his eyes fall to your face, his eyes wide as if he had just confessed to murder.

You could tell he was nervous, but you stayed silent, blinking slowly as you processed his words. “You can — you can say something now. Please say something.”

“I think I may be in love with you, too, Potter.” You finally spoke, watching the grin that slowly took over his face once he realized what you said.

“Really?” He tried not to show how giddy he was, tried not to seem too much like a child who was just told they could get ice cream. But how was he supposed to contain himself when you just told him you loved him, too? How was he supposed to pretend like he wasn’t on cloud fucking nine?

“Yes. Now, are you gonna kiss me, or do I have to do it myself?”

#james potter x reader angst #james potter fluff #james potter x reader #marauders x reader #james potter x you #james potter drabbles #james potter blurbs #james potter angst #james potter x y/n #marauders drabble #marauders fluff

[melodramaschild]

𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘, 𝐏𝐓. 𝟏

Navigation || age limit: 16+

Warnings: angst, moonstarchaser being a bit of dickheads, my English, it’s really bad, bad mental health, lots of pity but very understandable and reasonable pity

Let me know if I forgot anything

Words count: 3 911

Pairing: moonstarchaser x fem!reader

Read me: If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English isn’t my first, not even second, language and reminding me of some mistakes would help a lot. Also, feel free to reblog.

Oh yes, your birthday.

What a weird day. It was the day that nothing big happened, nothing special happened, no one famous was born and it was always around the weekend. When everyone was so busy with their own life, with their resting days, problems, plans. There was no way someone would like to give their free time to spend it with you.

(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

And when was the last time your parents wished you a happy birthday?

That’s what I thought.

And no one asked for your birthday anyway, so why would you start talking about it out of nowhere?

The last time someone asked for your birthday was Lily and Dorcas in First year but hey, they were twelve, of course they will not remember.

And this year wasn’t any different. But the tiny little hope was growing up in you when you started dating Remus, James and Sirius.

And it grew a little bit more when Peter asked you what you’re gonna do next weekend.

That was literally your birthday.

“I guess that nothing.” you answered with a smile as you and Peter continued on your way in the library, trying to get some books.

“Why are you asking?” you couldn’t help, the happiness and hope started growing up.

“Just wanted to know if I can borrow my friends for a bit? Since you guys started that pentagram or whatever, I didn’t have much time for them.”

“Polyamory, Peter.” you laughed.

“So can I borrow them?” he asked, handing you a book.

“You spend lot’s of time with them anyway, so go ahead.” you two laughed at that. Maybe they were planning something and Peter is supposed to be a small spy.

Oh, maybe the tiny little hope started fading up.

But this was Peter. He always wrote down his friends' birthdays on a big calendar in their dorm. He wrote everything on it. Every James’ and Sirius’ game, every Full moon, every test and easy because he always forgot everything.

But it was just a stupid calendar on the wall in their dorm surrounded by other photographs and posters around it.

And it didn’t surprise you when the calendar stuck on the first week of October, with a big mark “SIRIUS’ BDAY” mark on the 3rd. The calendar fell into oblivion and with him your birthday.

So when the week of your birthday came, you weren’t surprised that no one was asking stupid questions like what you want for bday or what you craving for.

Or what you are planning to do.

Or what is your favourite flavour on cake.

The tiny little hope died again. It shattered your precious heart again. You expected that you'd wake up to an owl by your window with a small letter from your parents wishing you a happy birthday but that never happened.

Even after all these years they forgot you still hoped.

Because hope dies last, but we never learn we’ve been here before.

So when Saturday came, the small sadness came to you like an old friend. You woke - surprisingly - in your own dorm since Peter wanted to be with your boyfriends.

The other girls were already out, leaving you in your sleep as they knew better than to wake you up.

But something in you hoped that you would wake up into their loving presence, or that your boyfriends would wake you up. Or both of them.

So when it didn’t happen, the sadness grew a little bit more. But what could you expect, it happened last year, and the year before, and the year before.

You were used to it, you really were, but just because you’re used to it, doesn’t mean that you can’t still hope.

But it can still be a pretty day, right?

Boys were probably somewhere gone and girls too. It was just a day for you. Lucky for you that you knew how to be alone.

So you took your things and decided to go for a walk in that almost winter weather.

Just as you were ready to leave the common room, you felt someone pushing you to the side, you raised your head and saw Marauders running somewhere.

“Hey loves!” you smiled at them.

“Not now Y/N/N.” James sighed, his tone sounded slightly annoyed by you.

“Hey Remus, how are you feeling?” you tried again asking your other boyfriend and really wanting to know how he’s doing.

“Not now.” he said too firmly for your liking and ran away from the common room. His voice sounded also annoyed by you.

Or that’s how you felt it.

You sighed and walked away from the common room, shaking your head. “It was nothing.” you tried to convince yourself. It was always nothing when it came to you.

The late autumn and early winter breeze was hitting your face like crazy and painted your cheeks in the shining gold.

You were pretty far gone from the castle and everything else when you decided to sit down on strain and let yourself drown in thoughts and in the sunlight.

“What did you expect? That the whole castle will be celebrating your birthday? Yours? Why on Earth would they be celebrating your birthday?”

“Your hopes are too high. You can’t be mad at them for forgetting, it’s too much for everyone, look at Remus and how tired he looks, it’s getting cold outside and for his werewolf form and his human body isn’t that good.”

But as you sat there, the thoughts got worse. Way more louder. And in your silly little head, it made so much sense.

“Of course they will forget. Why would they remember such an unnecessary day like this day? You realise that if you were truly important to them they wouldn’t forget? Just like your parents, you mean nothing to them and the same goes for your friends.”

“And this morning? You’re just a burden.”

“Was I too awkward this morning? Too loud? Was I too much? Oh fuck, I’m definitely too much.”

You couldn’t help but feel the sadness getting heavier on your chest as a small tear fell from your eye.

“For fuck’s sake.” you mumbled to yourself and wiped it away, trying not to cry more.

But no one saw you anyway so you let yourself cry and bury your head in your knees and sobbed into them. It was too much of everything anyway.

But was it really true that you aren’t important to your parents? And friends?

Yeah, everyone always forgets someone’s birthday. But they were your parents, your friends and your boyfriends. Your friends were a better family to you and you celebrated everyone’s birthday so what about yours?

Why couldn't they remember your birthday?

You decided to continue in your walk and you noticed the colourful leaves on the ground, so you picked them up and slowly ended up with a leaves puget. The warming feeling of the late sun and colourful leaves made you happy and filled you with joy.

The sun was getting down and you decided to go back. By the time you stepped into your common room you saw your friends sitting around the fireplace, laughing at something.

They didn’t notice you, but you smiled at it, it was so warming and lovely to see them like that.

They were happy, what a lovely sign.

But they were happy, without you.

Oh, it’s better to leave them like that.

“Just a burden.”

You tiptoed around them back to your room, hoping that they wouldn’t notice you as you used the dark around them to hide in it.

And it worked. They were so lost in their conversation that it could explode around them and they wouldn’t notice.

Auchie, that hurted a little bit.

The sadness growing up again.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re being ridiculous, you can’t blame them for forgetting, it’s your fault anyway that you let yourself hope.” you mumbled to yourself as you stood in your dorm bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror.

“Yeah, no wonder that they didn’t spend a day with you, just look at yourself.” the second thought came out. You raised your head and looked at yourself in the mirror. You looked like a zombie.

“Shut up.” you said a little bit louder to the mirror as you pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to turn these thoughts off as another small tear slipped from your eyes.

You took a quick shower and went to bed, trying to fall asleep as fast as you could. Because it meant no talking to anyone, and it was better like that because you would burst into tears anyway.

You hoped that the owl would appear at your window with a letter from your parents but that didn’t happen. I mean, it was pretty obvious that the damm owl will not appear at your window right now, before your birthday ends, but the hope dies last, right?

But the owl didn’t appear, neither did your boyfriends or friends.

But tears appeared. Lots of tears as you let it all out.

You didn’t exactly know why you were crying.

You felt so selfish for wanting someone who would remember your birthday. It’s like wanting too much.

But at the same time it was the thing that friends and boyfriends are supposed to remember.

So you just let it go, with a feeling that you just simply don’t deserve to celebrate your birthday or have someone who would remember.

But it would feel nice to have a birthday cake and blow out the candles with a wish, right?

And you cried yourself to sleep, letting yourself bury in your duvet, blankets, pillows and plushies, behind the curtains. Trying to hide yourself and don’t bother anyone who could come in, and soon enough the crying ended, and then even the sniffles and all that could be seen was your sleeping figure hiding in bed.

You stayed in your bed, not eating, not reading. Hardly moving. You stared at the bowl, the book-shelf, your knees.

You listened to the sound of Gryffindor tower. The chittering that your friends were making, clearing their throat, coughing fits, the whistle of a kettle as Remus was making another black tea.

The day went so well for others that they were so happy to enjoy each other’s company without even realising that someone is missing.

Even the other day you woke up with a small hope in you.

But nothing happened. The day with girls was the same as any other day but with boys? That was a little bit more complicated.

You didn’t know if “Not now.” was for today too but you didn’t have the courage to find it so you just stayed by yourself.

“That’s from the walk?” Lily pointed at the leaves budget, throwing you away from your head.

“Yes.” you smiled for her.

“It’s really pretty.” she smiled as she made her way to your bed and sat down in your pillows and blankets next to you, lying her head on your shoulder.

“C’mon Y/N, you can be glad for that and you want them to remember your birthday? C’mon, be more grateful for what you already have.” You thought to yourself, the thought making you bit your lip in an attempt to hold your tears in.

Lily slowly fell asleep on your shoulder while she nuzzled more and more to your side until she made you lay down with her on the top of your chest, playing with her fiery hair too.

You woke up after dinner with Marlene and Dorcas already sleeping in one bed, in each other's arms. Mary greeted you with a smile while she got ready for her sleep. You waved back at her and your eyes found Lily.

‘Something new?’ You signed at her. She knew you were asking for your boyfriends.

‘No. Why you asking?’ She signed back. Her hands moved with such an elegance.

‘Just checking.’ You sighed and turned around to sleep once again. A bit surprised, but not disappointed.

Monday wasn’t anything better than the other day. The small tiny little hope was growing up inside you again and dying more and more with every second of the day.

Not mentioning the lack of communication with your boyfriends. Only one smiles and waves to each other.

The other day was the same.

And that went on for the rest of the week. You really just knew right there and then that nobody cared. Thought Full moon passed and Remus was okay, just a few bruises and scratches. And you were there to comfort him. Of course you were, you always were. Always such a people pleaser, even if you never get it back. But you couldn't change it.

So you stood there, supporting him, supporting all of your boyfriends through it all.

And then it was the next weekend. Unsurprisingly, the weather was too bad to go out. Winter was starting, knocking on your windows and door, begging to let her in but you already felt like she was in your heart sooner.

Anyway, since no one could go out, all your friends decided to stay in and play UNO. When you woke up you saw them, and tried not to be too loud, because you felt tears forming up in your eyes again. They just looked so happy and you couldn’t stop wondering if they’re that happy because they’re without you.

So typically, you went upstairs to your room again.

James was the one who noticed first. For the first time he just joked, looking at you leaving and throwing a pun. But then he became a bit insecure about his actions and asked his other two boyfriends.

“Maybe I was too sharp and she heard it.” James bit his lip nervously.

“James, a bad joke isn't the end of the world, I'm sure it's something else. Maybe she's just having an episode again, you know how she gets. Maybe she wants to be alone and we should give her some space and check on her later.” Sirius replied, already mad about his loss when Mary threw 4+ card.

He knew that his response sounded a little bit too harsh and mean, but you told them so many times that your episodes will come and disappear and that there was no way to accelerate it and nothing to worry about.

"Now Pads, that’s really not nice. And even if she is having an episode, we should help her and not mock her. Lils, could you go check on her and maybe bring her back downstairs?" Remus asked. Somehow he knew that it would be a bad idea if it would be them who would check on you.

"Sure, gimme a sec." She politely agreed and then you heard Lily coming to your room. You were sitting on the bed and you were feeling how your brain is slowly losing in that weird, sad fog once again.

You did hear everything. And Sirius' words really did hurt a bit and you couldn’t stop your brain from thinking why he acted like that. Even when what he said was nice. The first part wasn’t. “You know how she gets.” It sounded like they were annoyed. Like they were annoyed just by your persona and who you are. And you couldn’t blame me. Sometimes even you were bored and annoyed by yourself too.

And why Remus didn’t get up and check up on you by himself?

When Lily found you, you were staring at the stone wall. “Everything alright, sunshine?” she asked when she saw your gaze glued to the other side of the room.

Sunshine. Here it comes, you thought. Because this was Lily. Your best friend, who you always talked to about everything. That kind and sweet girl that always made sure that you were feeling your best.

“Yeah,” You breathed out. “Just want to take a nap. I think I woke up too soon.” you lied and buried yourself in the duvets, rotting there like a worm. “Aren’t you getting an episode?” Lily asked and you could hear her worries in her voice. “No, I’m just feeling a little bit blue. I just want to sleep.” you mumbled. The truth is that your mixed feelings were slowly forming into something that you weren’t able to describe. Lily nodded and placed a small kiss to your hair and quickly disappeared from the room.

Reaching the sofa they were all at, the conversation they were having stopped and they all looked at her curiously. Sirius asked first. "So what’s up with our flower?”

“She’s feeling a little bit blue and just wants to sleep, as she said.” Lily repeated your words with a smile and sat down on the comfortable couch next to Peter. You couldn’t tell her that they forgot your birthday. First of all, it was already a week after.

Second of all, you didn’t know if they would even care.

Third, if they do, you didn’t want to make them feel bad for forgetting your birthday. (But hey, they should feel way worse than bad.)

Fourth, if they celebrate your birthday now it would feel forceful from both sides.

Fifth, are you even in a mood to still celebrate your birthday?

Sirius quickly stood up with “I’ll be right back.” and then there was a silent knock on your door. He didn’t even wait for your ‘Come in’ and just shoved himself into the room, next to your bed.

“Hi there, my little poppet.” He smiled down at you when you opened your tired eyes. At some point, Sirius was the last one you wanted to see right now, yet you still were able to search for comfort in him. “Hi, lover boy.” you still smiled at him. You might have hated him now, but you still loved him and the love was always stronger than the anger.

“Come here.” he whispered as he got into the bed under the duvet and blanket with you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you laid your head on his chest while wrapping your arms around his neck. He was warm. His body was warm and felt lovingly against your body. His touch was soft and gentle. Something he learned after spending time with you. He swore that you made him into being a soft and gentle person.

“You know I’m here for you, right?” He kissed your temple.

‘Oh, didn’t you sound annoyed by my episode like a few minutes ago?’ you wanted to say but you only nodded and nuzzled more into his chest.

“Love you so so much, my poppet.” he whispered and started stroking your back. “Love you back.” you whispered and closed your eyes. And you meant it, you did love him back. You just wanted to punch him sometimes. “Get some sleep, I’ll be here when you’ll wake up.” he promised and he did that. Suddenly he didn’t care about his UNO match (he wasn’t winning anyway though) and all that was important was his blue girlfriend. Sirius fell asleep after ten minutes right behind you, still holding you tightly.

You decided to visit the school kitchen with house elves. You weren’t meeting them for almost two weeks and you missed them. They were always the best company, they never judged you for anything and they always gave you something small to eat from the kitchen.

So you opened the heavy wooden door and you were immediately greeted by an elf with big doe grey eyes and with a wide smile. “Miss Y/L/N is here!” the elf shouted and everyone stopped what they were doing and all their gazes turned to you. “Y/N/N!” one of the smallest elf squeaked and ran into your arms. “Hey Aimee, how are you?” you asked the little elf. She was the real sunshine here. She always made you smile. The elves felt so safe with your company that they allowed you to step into the kitchen any time and without a key. Magic is… magical.

“I’m tired of making pudding every day three times in a day.” she rambled and you laughed. “You can stop adding sugar into it and they’ll stop eating it and then you won’t have to make it again.” you gave her advice and she let out a squeaky giggle.

“We made a cake but you didn’t show up so they ate it but we still have a small cake for you.” the older elf - Aymar - explained and handled you the white creamy cake. It made your heart shatter and break at the same time. Your family didn’t remember it, your friends didn’t remember it, your boyfriends didn’t remember it.

But those elves with whom you spent a minimum of time remembered it. You didn’t even realise the small tear that escaped your eye. You felt extremely loved and unloved at the same time.

“What’s wrong, miss Y/L/N?” the first elf asked. Their name was Q, you believe. “They forgot, didn’t they?” Aimee asked and you nodded. “Everyone… literally everyone.” you whispered as you looked down at the cake. Aimee quickly hugged you around your waist. “But not you. And it means a lot to me. Thank you so much everyone.” you smiled at the elves and finally sat down on a bench they had there.

“Well, we can be your family and friends now.” Q said. “You already are.” you said and hugged them. “There’s one small detail missing.” Aymar said and put a candle into your cake and with a snap of his fingers he blew up the candle. “Happy birthday, our favourite human.” Q joked and you couldn’t hold the giggles that escaped you. “You have to wish for something now.” Aymar said and you closed while wishing something.

Then you ate the delicious cake in elves' company and for the first time in a few days you felt wanted and loved. You know exactly why you love spending time with elves.

And as your mood got a little bit better, you decided to visit your boyfriends since you spent the late morning with Sirius. When you were getting close to their room you heard Peter’s voice saying something about birthdays, but you didn’t catch that. Then you opened the door and saw Peter with the calendar in his hand. You even saw the small mark on your date of birth with “Y/N/N’S BDAY!” and how that mark is visible to everyone, but no one noticed. Or it looked like it. But you told yourself not to hope anymore, because look where hope got you in the first place, right?

“What are you doing with that calendar?” you asked because he only put down the calendar when he was throwing it away. Peter turned his gaze at you and innocently smiled, completely unaware about what he’s doing. And everyone also didn’t have any idea.

“Oh, I’m just throwing it away. No one is giving tests or homework before Christmas anyway and we already celebrated Pads’ birthday.”

BIRTHDAY PT. 2

#poly marauders x reader #poly marauders x reader angst #poly marauders x you #poly marauders x you angst #poly marauders x y/n #poly marauders x y/n angst #harry potter fic #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x reader angst #sirius black x reader #sirius black reader angst #james potter x reader #james potter x reader angst #marauders x reader #marauders x reader angst

[mediocre-daydreams]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞?

james potter x reader

summary: when lily berates james for bullying snape by the black lake, you call her out on her hypocrisy, forcing james to confront how he feels about both of you.

w/c: 5.3k

notes: friends to lovers, mutual pining and mutual idiocy, angst with a happy ending bc im such a sap for it, canon-level "violence," lily's kinda villainized here but lowkey i think there's some truth to it, uhhh swearing. overly detailed retelling of the actual OotP scene bc i pulled out my book for this

(also i realized after i finished writing that this has "you belong with me" energy)

you’d just finished one of your o.w.l.s, and to celebrate, you, sirius, and peter were deep into an intense shit-talking session that remus pretended not to be listening in from where he sat hunched over a book. james was fluffing his hair in case he ran into lily.

“it’s a bit creepy, really,” peter whispered, throwing a genuinely concerned look at james over his shoulder. 

“the fact that he’s been practically brainwashed or the fact that he’s literally stalking her every move?” sirius shook his head in disbelief.

“the first one,” you jeered. “both. i don’t know, and i don’t care. all i know is that lily’s incorrigible and that james is out of his mind. even if she liked him back, which she doesn’t, james shouldn’t be with someone like her anyway.”

sirius raised his eyebrows at you, but peter was the one to voice what the two boys were thinking. “how much of this is you caring about prongs’ wellbeing and how much of this is you hating lily evans because you’re clearly in love with him?”

you scoffed, leaning in so you could hiss loudly at peter without being overheard. “first of all, i am not in love with james. he’s an important friend of mine; am i not allowed to care about him? secondly, i don’t hate lily evans. i just think everyone gives her too much credit. nobody holds her accountable for anything because she’s so perfect and pretty and polite and it makes me so frustrated-”

james wrapped his arms around your neck and placed his chin on the crown of your head. “what are we gossiping about over here, ladies?”

you shrugged him off your shoulders, flustered at how close he’d been to hearing your conversation. sirius gave you The Look™ and you rolled your eyes.

“what’s got you all worked up, huh?” james crouched by your chair, respecting your desire not to be touched but still wanting to be close to you. “is it snivellus again? merlin, that wanker has something against you, i swear.” james paused thoughtfully. “well, s’ppose it’s cos you hang out with us. he hates all of us.”

“nah, i think he’s got a separate qualm about me,” you muttered bitterly, knowing full well that he’d still harbored a distaste for you ever since you and lily had butted heads in third year. this was the second year he’d maintained the grudge.

“he doesn’t matter anyways,” peter reassured you, patting your knee gently. you looked up at him and smiled. peter was a sweet boy. you’d always appreciated his willingness to listen to you.

“right lads, i think it’s time to head out then.” james pushed himself upright with his hands on his thighs, brushing invisible dust off his jumper. he looked at you, voice softening. “y’coming?”

you bit back a smile, taking his extended hand and trying to ignore the butterflies that felt more like pangs and less like flutters these days. as much as you’d tried, you couldn’t push away those pesky feelings for your best friend. it was worse knowing that he was hopelessly in love with another girl.

sirius pulled remus from his cushy armchair, and the two of them murmured quietly to each other before sirius pointed at you and james’ intertwined hands and remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. you caught them staring and flipped them off.

“woah, what was that for?” james chuckled, pulling you closer to his chest as you stepped out the portrait frame. you shivered at the momentary press of your body against his.

“pads and moony. they’re being stupid,” you explained vaguely. how were you supposed to tell james that they were mocking you for your unrequited affections?

it was sunny and cloudless out, with a ticklish breeze that would pass through every once in a while and send goosebumps up your arms. when you passed the courtyard on your way out the castle, you couldn’t help but tear yourself out of james’ arms and grab a handful of leaves to attack him with. he didn’t bother gathering a leaf pile of his own; rather, tackled you into the grass and ran his fingers up and down your torso until you conceded in painful bouts of laughter.

sirius and james had run ahead, with peter just a couple steps behind, as the five of you approached the black lake. you and remus were walking leisurely, enjoying the silence that was rare when being amongst the mauaruders. 

“so, you and james?” remus broke the silence with an oddly formal question.

you choked. “me and- you and sirius?” you fired back, desperately trying to avoid talking about how you’d perpetually be friend zoned by james potter and then have to watch as he swept away the love of his life and your semi-nemesis, lily evans.

“touché.”

leaves crunched under your feet as you and remus caught up to your three friends, who were entertaining themselves with leaves and sitting in the roots of a sturdy beech tree. to anyone else, it might’ve looked childish, but you found it endearing.

james had found a seat between two large roots and was sitting comfortably with his back against the trunk. you slid down beside him until your knees bumped. it was mindless moments of intimacy like this one, where you’d touch each other like it meant nothing, that made you get your hopes up. you cursed yourself for caving into james’ magnetic presence.

“so, how d’you reckon your exam went?” james sighed, letting himself slump against the tree carelessly. 

“oh godric, why would you bring that up?” you groaned, taking the opportunity to place your cheek on the top of james’ mop of curls, as he was so slouched that his head was below your chin.

james chuckled. “i jus’ know you’re smart, figured it would’ve gone easier for you than me.”

you poked his arm teasingly. “you’re ridiculous. james potter, admitting that somebody was better than him?”

“oi, i never said you were better than me, you’re just smart, that’s all.” he pushed himself up to shove his face closer to yours confrontationally. 

“did you like question ten, moony?” sirius snickered as he juggled an apple that he’d managed to sneak out without anybody knowing.

“oh, i loved it. give five signs that identify a werewolf,” he pitched his voice up in a poor imitation.

“d’you think you managed to get all the signs?” james asked, feigning concern. from beside him, you laughed quietly. a small smile flickered on james’ face at the sound of your happiness, and his fingers crawled over to your hand until his palm was covering the back of yours.

remus snorted. “think so. one: he’s sitting in my chair. two: he’s wearing my clothes. three: his name rhymes with lemus rupin…”

james and sirius laughed loudly, whereas you and lupin exchanged knowing smiles and peter didn’t show amusement whatsoever.

much like sirius, james had managed to sneak something out of the castle too. only, it wasn’t an apple, it was a snitch.

“hey, where’d you get that?” you watched james in wonder as he fiddled with the snitch like a simple toy, letting it fly a foot or so away and then snatching it back with ease. your eyes trailed over his long fingers, his knuckles that had pinkened from the chill, and the veins that ran up his forearm so tauntingly…

“nicked it,” he said offhandedly, pretending he wasn’t reveling in the attention you gave him. he’d steal a hundred more stitches and take all the detentions if it meant you’d look at him like that—with reverence, not the platonic indifference you gave all your mates.

remus, unbothered with his nose back in his book, was resting his head very close to sirius’ lap. sirius shook his head, amused by his best friend’s antics. “put that away, would’ja?”

james sighed dramatically, but pocketed the snitch. he turned and dipped his head down to get a good look at you, eyes flickering between your own curiously. your heart pounded.

“hey, prongs! look who it is.” sirius wore a no good smirk on his face.

“snivellus…” james sneered. you thought that maybe he’d drop your hand and saunter over, excited as always to make a show of their rivalry, but instead, he intertwined your fingers between his and squeezed your hand twice.

“you alright, snivellus?” james shouted. you looked at peter; the two of you knew exactly where this was going and didn’t care much for it.

snape was quick to dig through his robes for his wand, but james was faster, having already withdrawn his own. “expelliarmus!”

you squeezed james’ hand in return, a warning to not push things too far this time. everybody was exhausted from exams. you (and remus) were in no mood to de-escalate a hoard of bickering teenage boys.

“impedimenta!” james commanded, much to sirius and a growing crowd of students’ delight. you continued to hold his hand but turned your head from his to engage in a silent conversation with peter.

“how was the exam, snivelly?” james yelled.

“i was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” sirius said viciously. “there’ll be grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.”

you pinched your lips together to hold back a small smile. you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t somewhat enjoy watching snape be put in his place.

“what was it you were saying earlier?” james made a big show of tapping his chin like he was pondering something great. “ah, i remember! that you’d score higher than our lovely girl here? pretty bird’s quite clever, y’know.”

at james’ words, you remembered what snape had said to you a few hours before the exam. you muggle, he’d spat at you like it was the worst insult he could muster up. always in my shadow, always a couple marks behind me. i don’t know why you bother showing up to exams, much less class. you’re hardly a witch. you’re hardly worth something.

you’d tried not to let it throw you off. you and snape had always been academic rivals, his distaste for you heightened by your blood status, and the animosity between the two of you had only grown once you’d found yourself on lily’s bad side. but you hadn’t been expecting something so hostile from him; at least, not before your o.w.l.s. you’d gone and told james immediately, who comforted you.

you fumed, poking your head from behind james’ body. “it’s quite cowardly, you know, that your biggest worry is being outscored by a muggle-born girl. i can’t tell which is more pathetic, the fact that you’re so freakishly obsessed with my parents or that you’re a misogynistic pig.”

the crowd that’d gathered around your friends and snape’s struggling figure chortled, and you perked up, your ego stoked.

snape glared at you with such hostility that your face pinched in a combination of confusion and disgust. he blindly felt for his wand as he sprung curses and threats upon the five of you.

james sighed theatrically. “didn’t mummy teach you manners? wash out your mouth,” he said coldly. “scourgify!”

thick, pink bubbles of soap spilled from snape’s mouth, collecting up his nostrils until he couldn’t breathe and began to choke…

“leave him ALONE!” lily appeared by snape’s side in an instant, crouching by his body.

“gd’afternoon, evans.” james’ voice darkened in richness, suddenly suave instead of piercing.

“leave him alone,” lily glared. “what’s he ever done to you?”

you opened your mouth to speak, but james held you back with a strong arm. “well, it’s more the fact that he exists, if y’know what i mean.”

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you? but all you are is an arrogant, bullying toerag. leave him alone, or i swear…”

“i’ll leave him alone if you go out with me, evans. go out with me, and i won’t lay a wand on old snivelly again.” james’ voice softened to the tone he only reserved for you, and though it was your hand he was holding, and your body he was leaning into, your heart began tearing itself into dejected, limp strings.

“i wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” lily retorted.

you were right there. you were literally right there, hopelessly in love with your best friend, who was pining after a girl who didn’t love him—or, maybe she did—when you were right there.

you were torn from your thoughts as james yelped in pain, looking down at his robes to find specks of blood splattered across his shirt. you gasped, scrambling upright to examine the cut on his cheek.

james was already pointing his wand at snape in retaliation. with a flash of light, snape was dangling by his ankle midair, his robes falling down to hang by his face as his pale legs and graying underwear were exposed. 

lily snapped. “PUT HIM DOWN!”

the crowd that had formed did not share lily’s outrage. with another flick of his wand, james released snape from his dangling position and left him petrified on the grass. “petrificus totalus!”

lily, realizing james would never let up at this rate, came storming over to the five of you. you jumped to your feet, eyes blazing with the same fury.

“you leave him alone,” she hissed spitefully.

your nose wrinkled in distaste. “and what do you want, evans? why is it that you’re always running to save your pitiful excuse of a boyfriend? he’s a fucking blood supremacist, you oblivious idiot. y’know, you are who you associate with. you wouldn’t be the first muggle born to take you-know-who’s ideology.”

lily seethed, james’ presence long gone as she turned her attention towards you. “what are you saying? are you saying i’d associate with the likes of death eaters? do you really think i’m that stupid, that i’d turn against my own identity? if anything, you’re the daft one.”

“you know what? you and snivellus can go fuck off-”

lily raised her wand menacingly, not touching it to your body but holding it at an angle pointing towards you, close enough that she could easily poke you with it at any moment. “you’re just as bad as james, y’know? a slimy, sorry excuse for a witch, picking on people to make you less ins-”

james jumped to his feet, pushing the both of you apart with a hand on each of your shoulders. sirius was on his feet as well, arms crossed and ready to intervene. the gaggle of onlookers was murmuring amongst themselves. the students of hogwarts were used to james and snape’s fights and james and lily’s arguments, but never had they witnessed the two of you throwing such scathing words at each other.

james had to admit, you did have a point.

“you’re such a hypocrite, evans,” you sneered. “you’ll look the other way while snape and his death eater buddies prey on first-year muggle borns, but explode at james and the rest of us for harmless pranks. it’s only a matter of time until snape targets you next, and i bet you’ll be all upset then, won’t you? because nobody else’s suffering matters until it affects sad, sensitive, spoiled lily evans.” you all but spat at her feet, hurling cruelties at the girl remorselessly.

“i’m a better person than you’ll ever be. severus has never done anything to you, and he’s my friend, and you need to lay off him. excuse me if i care about my friends; sorry i just want to help-”\

“i don’t need help from filthy mudbloods like her!”

you and lily froze at snape’s defiling slur. lily didn’t turn to look at snape, nor did she move, but you could see the way that she’d stopped blinking and the moisture that began to collect at the corner of her eyes. you disliked, maybe hated, lily evans, but you hated snape more.

“evans, i’m sorry, i-”

she cut you off with a haughty upturn of her chin. “i don’t want your apologies.” she turned on her heel and made towards the castle.

it was only then that james dropped your hand to chase after the redhead, his hands outstretched in the same way he’d been toying with the snitch earlier, and you stared at remus, sirius, and peter with your mouth parted in post-adrenaline shock.

you collapsed to the ground, rubbing your forehead with your hand, dizzy from the intensity of the unexpected confrontation. sirius came around to take you in his arms, pulling you into his chest and rubbing your back in firm circles. the pressure calmed you.

he cooed into your ear, whispering reassurances and sweet things until you finally relaxed in his arms, letting a few quiet tears slip down your cheek. you buried your face further into your robes to hide them. if sirius felt anything, he didn’t acknowledge it.

once lily had made it up the castle stairs and threatened to hex james, the boy backed down and came jogging back to his friends. the crowd of students who’d been enthused onlookers just a few moments ago didn’t spare any of you a second glance, not caring about your wellbeing as much as they did their entertainment.

as he rounded the hill, he saw you tucked tightly against sirius’ body, whose lips were brushing over your ears in an almost loving manner. a non-platonic loving, that is. his stomach twisted. he wasn’t normally affected by lily’s rejections or snape’s dramatics, but the combined stress of the exam must’ve made him nauseous.

his eyes flickered between his friends, spread out in various locations around the beech tree. he silently asked them what had happened with a raise of his eyebrows, but peter only shrugged and lupin shook his head. when sirius caught on, he merely glared at james in the same way lily and snape had just a couple moments ago.

you didn’t even raise your head to acknowledge his presence; if anything, you burrowed yourself further into sirius’ embrace with a quiet sniffle. sirius pressed a comforting kiss to your forehead before beginning to rocking you back and forth placatingly.

james’ hands were clenched into fists. his knuckles, which had been red from the cold breeze, had turned white. his hands, which had been steady when he pointed his wand to snape, were now trembling.

“y’alright, prongs? looks like you’re gonna punch something,” remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“y-yeah. i’m fine. just, angry at snape. for… upsetting evans, that is.” lily evans could not care less about james. even as she mourned the betrayal and loss of her friend, she’d rather be alone than allow herself to be comforted by james. if he were being honest, it stung. it hurt quite a bit.

evans. you cursed. it’s always about evans. lily fucking evans. you had tried to like her, you really had. but sirius was right. you did hate her, and it wasn’t just because she was prissy and self-absorbed. it was also because you were madly in love with james, and always had been.

you tilted your head up, leaving the safety of sirius’ chest to meet his eye. your faces were close; his breath tickled your nose and you laughed breathlessly.

the look in your eyes told sirius everything he needed to know. you were in love with james potter. you were in love with james potter. it was freeing and excruciating to admit to yourself.

james cleared his throat awkwardly, and you untangled yourself from sirius, embarrassed at the unplanned moment of intimacy. both of you knew it was platonic; both of you were aware of the subject of the other person’s affection. james was an airhead. james knew none of that.

“s-so, you and sirius, huh?” he laughed shrilly, and remus looked at his oblivious friend disdainfully. even peter squinted his eyes at james in disbelief.

you stared at james, appalled, but were only able to keep a straight face for so long before catching sirius’ eyes and bursting into racocious, howling laughter.

“us? oh god, please, never-” you screeched.

“for the love of merlin- i’d rather hug my mother!” sirius cackled.

“pads is like, my annoying cousin at a family reunion.”

“nah, you’re like my bratty younger sister.”

you looked at sirius with faux offense. “younger? i’m obviously the more experienced, favorite oldest child.”

peter snorted when he saw james’ horrified-jealous face morph into a horrified-bewildered expression. james pulled his glasses from his face and wiped them haphazardly on the hem of his shirt before putting them back on, like it would help him understand more clearly. 

“what are you on, prongs? has evans finally gotten to you? have you actually turned into a brainless toerag?” sirius probed, eyes flashing not only to see what james’ reaction to lily’s showdown was, but also to gauge if he reciprocated your feelings.

“i’ve always been a bit brainless, haven’t i?” james muttered to himself as he sat on the grass in a dazed state. “i’ve got to get my eyes checked again. i’m fucking blind. oh my god, i’m such a fool,” he blabbed like he was reciting a mantra.

“you are definitely blind,” remus agreed.

“and we’ve all known you’re a fool,” sirius chimed.

you stayed silent, curling your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around yourself like a protective bubble. you wished you knew how to apparate—not that it’d matter, because it wouldn’t have worked on hogwarts grounds anyway—so that you could escape whatever this was. you didn’t think you could handle another one of james’ pity parties, which he threw every time he fucked up in front of lily. lily, lily, lily.

you looked up at the leaves of the beech tree, which rustled back to you, almost like a voice saying, “you lonely sucker. your schoolgirl crush isn’t cute anymore, it’s just sad.” fuck the beech tree leaves, and fuck the breeze that was making them shake. making you shake.

a soft, wooly jumper fell atop your head, covering your eyes. you waved your hands around, trying to capture the culprit. pulling the thick knit from your head, you saw james standing sheepishly behind you with a thin tee shirt. he’d taken off his lovely blue jumper for you.

“thank you, jamie,” you croaked, voice betraying you of the emotions you were trying so desperately to hide. you chastised yourself for your poor acting.

“it’s no problem,” james said, crouching and bouncing on his haunces to reach your level, where he pulled you closer to his body with an arm around your shoulder.

“won’t you be cold?” you held your hand up to his cheek, which was beginning to turn pink. “you’re all rosy.”

james gulped. “uh, i’m not cold. i just… that’s just how my skin is, i guess. what’s it called, rosacea?”

in his peripheral, james saw remus muttering a big “yeah right,” to sirius.

“i’m being dumb.” james lifted your chin with two of his fingers pressed against the front of your jawline. “i haven’t even asked if you’re okay. i was the one who started it, but you were the one who got hurt. i’m sorry.”

you smiled sadly at james, knowing you could never be upset with him. he could be in love with somebody else and crush your heart into dust, and you still couldn’t be upset with him.

“‘m alright, thanks,” you lied. 

james frowned; he was always able to see right through you. “you don’t have to lie to me, pretty girl. don’t… feel bad. if you’re mad at me, that’s okay. i kind of deserve it.”

you huffed, feeling your heart tug at itself again. moving your head from james’ grasp and fixing your gaze to a patch of yellowing grass, you grumbled. “don’t call me that.”

“what? pretty girl? it’s true, innit?” you could hear the teasing in his voice that he was using to try and cover up his worry.

“‘s not true. not really. not like that.” you sucked air through your teeth, frustrated at how oblivious you’d been, and how oblivious james was being, and how much more intuitive the rest of your friends had been the whole time.

“what d’you mean, not true? love, don’t tell me you think-”

“stop, jamie, just stop,” you hissed, leaping to your feet and scrambling away from him like he was some type of poisonous viper. “you aren’t allowed to call me those things, not when it’s meant for evans. you don’t get to use me as some sort of replacement just because she won’t have you. it’s cruel, jamie, to pretend i’m her—haven’t you ever thought about what that’s like for me? you’re killing me, ‘cause now i’m truly deluded into thinking you’d actually see me that way when in reality, you’re just picturing lily’s face on mine.” you took a withering, shaky breath. “fuck, james, that’s selfish. that’s just mean.”

james’ face had contorted into one sputtering disaster as he tried to piece together the words that had just spouted out of your mouth, which admittedly, were not very eloquent seeing as you hadn’t been planning on pouring your heart out today.

remus groaned in exasperation, sick of his dumb, emotionally incompetent friends.

“please don’t pull an evans and walk away from me,” james pleaded, looking back at his friends for backup. they looked back at him, unimpressed.

“well? d’you have something to say or not, or may i be excused?” you clenched your jaw, sneering at the boy you loved as if you didn’t.

james hesitated, but he must’ve taken too long, because you scoffed and turned away from him, hair blowing wildly in the wind. you were still wearing his jumper. you tugged at the sleeves, annoyed at how his presence seemed to follow you wherever you went, but rather than anger, little tears beaded at your eyes.

you wiped them away with your sleeve, furious at yourself. you could hear james behind you, begging you to slow down, but you didn’t. it was pointless; he would’ve caught up regardless, with those long legs of his.

“please, wait, just-” james panted, bent over with his hands on his thighs as he caught his breath. you raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“whatever you’re about to say, save it, unless it’s a grandiose apology that ends in you groveling at my feet,” you sniffed.

james dropped to his knees. “okay, okay, i can do groveling. please, as long as you hear me out, ‘cos i was wrong earlier, when we were sitting at the tree. i said you weren’t smarter than me, but godric, you are leagues beyond me, and the fact that i thought the opposite is a testament to my stupidity, i suppose…”

“are you here to be self-deprecating, or…?”

he covered his face with his hands. “no, i’m sorry. shit, okay. i’m a bit everywhere- uh, frazzled, at the moment.”

you frowned. it was a bit awkward to be towering over james as he was practically kissing your feet; despite how angry you were with him, you hated being the source of his humiliation and negative emotions.

you sat on the grass silently, shifting so you were beside him but at a reasonable distance, not looking in his direction or acknowledging him when he picked up his head and looked at you hopefully.

“look, i’ve been blind. literally and, uh, metaphorically. i’m like that, y’know? well, yeah, y’do know; you’re my best friend.” the both of you winced when he said that.

“see, but the thing is… i realize that we’re probably not really best friends. at least, i’m hoping we’re not. ‘cos i think i’d like for you not to be my best friend, but my- my best girl. ‘cos i think i’m in love with you.”

you finally turned to james, bottom lip tucked between your teeth unsurely. you squeezed your eyes shut. “what’s my name?”

“what?”

“what’s my name?” you insisted, a sinking feeling growing in your gut.

but it was like the weight of the day lifted off your shoulders, until you felt so lightweight you thought you might float away, when your name dripped from his lips like the golden wildflower honey his mom nurtured in his backyard.

“not lily evans?” you questioned, pushing the corners of your lips down to suppress the stupid smile that threatened to ruin your entire angry act.

“not evans, i swear.” james chuckled bitterly. “think i’ve said her name enough times to meet a yearly quota. i don’t want to say her name, i wanna say yours,” he mused, daring to chase your eyes for a connection.

“why’d you run after her, then?” you muttered, wanting more than anything to believe him, but held back by all the heartbreak that he’d inflicted.

“the other option was to hold you and kiss your forehead, maybe. perhaps your nose. whatever would make you smile. but then what would you think? you’d think i loved you, and maybe you’d be scared away, and i’d rather chase evans for the sake of continuity than lose you or your friendship.”

“when?” you whispered, allowing him to take your hand in his without complaint. “when’d you realize? ‘cause i’ve been in love with you since third year, and you’ve been after evans since second.”

“fourth year, actually.” james let out a heavy huff. “probably earlier, to be honest. we both know i’m not great with feelings ‘n stuff. but i guess i could only admit it to myself after i saw you threw your coffee at malfoy when he made that comment about some first year.”

“i don’t even remember that,” you admitted, a grin slipping out.

“yeah, well i do. after that, you told him off in front of all the slytherins and i swear avery was trembling. ‘n after, you talked to that first year so sweetly, and all i could think was ‘i wish she’d care about me that much.’” when james came out of his memory and saw you smiling, his face brightened as well.

“look, there’s my favorite smile!” he cupped your cheek in one hand, running the calloused pad of his thumb over your pulled-up lips with admiration. “you’re so beautiful, y’know that?”

“i know,” you giggled. “you only tell me every other day.”

“well, that’s just criminal! i ‘oughta tell you that every day.” james gasped exaggeratedly. his voice lowered to a low, gravelly purr. “wouldn’t want ‘ya to forget, now would we?” 

“what’s my name, jamie?”

he laughed quietly, mumbling your name and emphasizing each with a kiss on the cheek. “did i get the answer right?”

you hummed happily. “so you can have a reward.” your voice was small but james felt it travel through his body, the kind of reaction only you could draw from him. “you can kiss me, if you’d like.”

james held back a massive grin, knowing it’d be impossible to properly kiss you if he was all smiley. he held your shoulders so gently it might as well have been a caress, and when he licked his lips and let his eyes puddle into a sea of adoration, you knew that he’d take you up on your offer.

not before he tackled you to the ground though. pushing you backward with a surprised squeak, your back hit the grass as james propped himself up with his forearms on either side of your head. and then he kissed you; he kissed you hard. it was rough and fast and full of longing. james tasted like cinnamon gum and pumpkin juice. 

you broke away from him, maintaining the connection by pressing your forehead to his, and your lips were still brushing together as you finally, finally admitted it out loud. “i love you, james potter.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

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[ma1dita]

it will pass

part two can be found here -> without a doubt

words: little under 2k

summary: Without a doubt, James Potter loves you. But he’s not in love with you.

warnings: none! fem!reader; i would die for best friend!james, did not demonize lily; angst, unrequited love, lil childhood speech impediment, cheesy nicknames, sharing clothes, will they wont they (they wont im sorry)

a/n: guess who just rewatched fleabag szn 2! i chose pain today sorry— god i missed writing. i am a words of affirmation gorl pls affirm me

(posted 9/8/23)

—

There isn’t a single doubt that James Potter loves you.

You’ve been attached at the hip since training broomsticks and pinky swears in Godric’s Hollow. You accidentally call a boy ‘Jam’ once because of your childhood speech apraxia, and he swears you’re meant to be his best friend.

“Don’t worry, I can be loud enough for the both of us, peanut!”

Like peanut butter and jelly, you two were a perfect match– and even better partners in crime. When James puts his mind to something, he sees it through. So even if you were honestly unable to string the words together, who were you to say no?

Technically it’s somewhat official too, by whatever imaginary power was bestowed upon the Potter’s house elf for your very elaborate backyard fantasy wedding the two of you had when you were seven. All of your parents were in attendance, along with your cat and you all had blueberry cupcakes after your first and only kiss.

“Miss Mippy pronounces you huzbind and wife!”

Giggles are heard all around as the tiny elf tripped on her way off the stool, knocking both your heads together. James lost a front tooth that day, but he grinned for the pictures your mothers took anyway. Without a doubt, he loves you.

—

There wasn’t anyone at Hogwarts who would expect one of you to be present without the other following behind. You never had to hold back your smart mouth because James was always willing to finish your fights. The both of you were a package deal, with your number of protectors growing once Remus, Sirius, and Peter came along. It was not a routine you both consciously established, but rather second nature to be in each other’s lives. Like how you always made sure his glasses were clean before quidditch matches and he’d chuck his extra jersey at your face for you to wear.

“Stay warm during the game okay? I’ll see you later, love you!”

He skated around your waist, blowing a raspberry onto your cheek as he grabbed his glasses from your fingers.

“Don’t fall off your broom. Love you too, loser.” You’re already tugging his jersey over your head, inhaling his signature scent of broom polish, cinnamon, and Sleakeasy’s hair potion.

James smiled at you softly, before running to meet up with his team. After Gryffindor won again, he threw you over his shoulder and you laughed and yelled that he smelled like sweat. He always tucked you in his bed after parties, wrapping you in his arms once the lights go out. Without a doubt, he loves you.

—

Your friendship is stronger than most romantic relationships, and as your teenage years fly by, both of you realize how rare that is. He often took you to the kitchens to eat vanilla sundaes after boys broke your heart (and they got black eyes to match, courtesy of him and the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team) and you would listen to him, building him up and calming him down through years of pining over a certain Lily Evans. You were there for each other through everything, silly crushes, secret trysts, boring detentions, and highly esteemed accolades. If there ever were such a thing as soulmates, you knew it had to be him, even if it was platonic. Just being around someone as vibrant as James made you consider yourself lucky.

You once saw your best friend with his head in his hands on your way to a date—he was moping after a nasty prank on Snape went wrong; it ended in Lily crying and after defending her albeit quite boisterously in true James fashion, he still didn’t get the girl.

He gets up to see you walking down the corridor to meet him halfway, and before you even speak he rubs his eyes, posture shrinking as his towering frame melts into your embrace.

“Don’t know why I thought it’d be different this time,” he mumbles, and you gladly carry the weight of his heart.

“Let’s go swimming in the Black Lake, ” you say suddenly, rubbing his broad back in small circles.

“But peanut, you have a date in an hour! You’re all dolled up and pretty...”

“I’ll have more dates. You need me right now, jelly. I’ve got you.” His nickname makes you blush a little more than you should sometimes, so you only ever pull it out as a trick up your sleeve to make him feel better.

“Love you,” you whisper, brushing through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He breathes easily for the first time in hours, mouth curling up from its frown when he sees you walk straight into the lake water with your nicest clothes on, not even hesitating for a moment. Without a doubt, he loves you.

—

When James puts his mind to something, he sees it through. So years later, when your best friend asks you if you could go wedding ring shopping with him to propose to the love of his life, who were you to decline? I mean, who else would go with him?

“Come on, (Y/N). I need my best girl with me to make the biggest decision of my life.” he’s practically moaning, the man ever so dramatic as he’s sprawled across your couch.

“And why aren’t you dragging Sirius with you again?”

Your eyebrow is raised as you stand at his feet, lifting his burly legs for you to place yourself under and get comfortable.

“What does Sirius know about women? He’d tell me to get the shiniest one and leave!” James’ yells into your throw pillow, anguished at the thought. You pull it off his face, before he quietly admits, “I just want to get it right.”

“When are we going?” you answer, without missing a beat.

Later that week, the saleslady recommends a wide array of glimmering engagement bands, none of which are for you. But you let yourself fall into the fantasy of the what-ifs, flashing back to your flower crown and candy ring wedding, wondering if it could’ve been you getting proposed to by him in another life.

“Would you like to try a few on?” the saleslady asks, assuming you two are together.

“Show me and my girl your best. No price limit.” he grins.

And how dare she assume that, as he puts his head on your shoulder, whisking you around the store to look at stunning rings, fingers brushing, and the both of you being able to communicate clearly with no words spoken. James plays along with the saleslady, finally choosing a whimsical-looking diamond setting placed upon your left ring finger. You remind yourself it’s not yours. Your heart comes to a screeching halt and you can’t help but feel all of a sudden like he’s being mean.

After all, he’s not yours, not really.

There is a little bit of doubt now and a weird tightness in your chest that makes you think of the possibility that you’re in love with James Potter.

—

Like a good best friend, you help him plan his proposal. James’ love is loud, pulling all the stops, and preferring the grandest of gestures.

“James, you are not proposing to Lily with a flash mob.”

“But it would be so cool! After all, my heart dances every time I see her face.” he wiggles his eyebrows as he takes a sip of his butterbeer.

“Your heart might, but you, unfortunately, are the worst dancer I’ve ever seen.” You laugh, reaching over to tug the quill out of his hand, crossing it off his list. He pulls you into a headlock, kissing the side of your face teasingly.

“What would I ever do without you, peanut?”

You wipe James’ spit off your cheek, pushing his face away, blushing from his attention.

“Combust, probably.”

Your heart is dancing now too, and you realize that there isn’t a single doubt that you’re in love with your best friend.

—

You keep yourself busy in the month before his proposal. It hurt learning too many details, such as what flowers he wanted to order to bring out her eyes (pink and yellow tulips), and scouting out the perfect location on the beach he picked (next to the lighthouse you and him visited as kids), even down to how he’d convince Lily to wear white without being suspicious (honestly he just expected you to do him a favor for this one). But after seeing each other almost every day for more than half your life, he knew something was off when you became distant.

James shows up at your apartment, his key in hand, but he decides to knock anyway. The sound of the TV is muffled, lowering in volume until he hears your footsteps pad over to the door and it swings open. You’re in one of his old Quidditch sweaters and fluffy blue socks.

“Hey. Wasn’t expecting you to come by.” You smile timidly, as he leans against the doorframe peering down at you.

“Never used to have to tell you.”

“James...” you stutter, before awkwardly opening the door completely. He shuffles towards the couch, keeping his shoes on as he sits at the end, and there’s a certain tension in the air that frightens you. You’re not sure if you’ll come out of this one unscathed.

“Talk to me (Y/N). What’s been going on with you? You don’t answer my calls, you don’t write back, hell, I haven’t seen you in a month because you started deadbolting your door. Did I do something?”

Yes, James Potter. Ever so blunt and to the point, your favorite person in the world is sitting on your couch uncomfortable with the fact that you’re not comfortable around him anymore.

You fight back against your instincts to tell him what’s wrong, but the three words escape your mouth before you can even take a breath.

“I love you.”

It’s silent. The floor creaks as you shift your weight onto your other leg. You lock eyes with him for the first time that night, and so many things are going through your head that you hope he’s able to pick up on how you’ve been physically aching, carrying the weight of his love for Lily for years.

James looks like he’s about to shake his head, and you beat him to it. You don’t want pity, and he knows that, but he mutters a consolation into the air.

“It’ll pass.”

No, it won’t. Not this.

You think he knows that too. He smiles sadly, watching you turn shrinking into yourself. You never were good at thinking before you spoke. A tear drips down your cheek as you look at your socks again. Your love for him is too big and too loud for your chest cavity to handle. This love feels like dramatic choral music clashing and banging around in your ribs.

“I’m—”

“Don’t apologize. This one’s on me,” you say, stopping him before he finishes speaking.

Without a doubt, James Potter loves you. But he’s not in love with you.

“What I was going to say...is that I’m going to have to ask you not to show up to the engagement party. It’ll be better for the both of us. We can start again from there if you want... Peanut...”

The term of endearment hangs in the air. Your dancing heart was a ticking time bomb after all. The fragments hit your insides, tearing you apart as it combusts, and you realize that nothing will be the same after this.

James stands abruptly, shoving his hands in his pockets. He hesitates before he kisses your temple, and for some reason, this feels like a goodbye. After all, when James sets his mind on something, he sees it through. He’s been set on Lily for years.

You’re his best friend, he swears. And there are no words you can think of to deny that.

—

The End

“I don’t know what to say,” he said.

“It’s okay,” she replied. “I know what

we are— and I know what we’re not.”

Lang Leav

#james potter x reader #marauders era #james potter x y/n #james potter x reader angst #marauders x reader #james potter x you #best friend!james potter #made by ma1dita ♥︎ #james potter x fem!reader #mischiefmoons iwp

[astraeaalstroemeria]

James Potter Masterlist by Astraea

Rules & Navigation | Wizarding World Masterlist

James Potter

James Potter? Why he is a troublemaker, of course! Along with his faithful troublemaker mate; Sirius Black. The two were inseparable. Running through the halls, and causing havoc within the Hogwarts Castle. He may be called; obnoxious, bully, or prat. But he had an ego the size of a lake, but a heart to match it.

real sweet, but but i wish you were sober (one-shot) (soon...)

not anyone's second choice anymore (one-shot) (soon...)

she fell too early, he fell too late (part one) (soon...)

↳ she fell early, he fell just in time (part two) (final) (soon...)

i like you, (i don't like you?) (part one) (soon...)

↳ i still like you, (i love you) (part two) (final) (soon...)

#james potter x reader #james potter fanfiction #james potter smut #james potter x y/n #james potter imagine #james potter #james potter x reader fluff #james potter x reader angst #the marauders era #james potter x wife!reader #james potter x you #james potter x sister!reader #james potter x oc #james potter fluff #james potter angst #james potter blurb #james potter fic #astraeaalstroemeria #marauders era masterlist by astraea

[petitemistletoe]

Hi i was wondering if you could write something for James Potter x fem!reader already in a relationship. Maybe they’re at a party and some guy makes her uncomfortable and won’t leave her alone and it’s just James being the protective bf he is.

If not don’t worry!!! xx

Title: Protection Charm

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Warnings: mentions of sexual assault/harassment, eventual smut

Word Count: 2.3K

A/N: Y'all are real lucky that I've been in a marauders era and have been reading ATYD. Read ATYD here! Feel free to request more from this era!

“But why do I have to go this party?” Remus whined as he took a bite of his eggs. 

“Moony! It’s your birthday party!” Sirius said, looking completely affronted that Remus would ever suggest such a thing. 

“Come on, Remus! We went through all the trouble planning it and inviting everyone and-” James started but Remus cut him off. 

“Wait a minute,” Remus held his hand up and looked at his friends sitting in front of him, “who exactly did you invite?”

“Well…everyone! You’re very popular, Moony.” Peter said with a grin. Remus looked like he was going to blow him top sooner rather than later and you thread your hand through Remus’s arm. 

“What would you like to do for your birthday, Remus?” You asked.

“Get drunk with you lot,” he shrugged. 

“Isn’t that what we’re going to do at the party?” Sirius threaded his fingers through his hair and looked at Remus had just been dropped from space.

“I mean just with us!” Remus shook his head, tearing a piece of toast in half and handing you the bigger piece. 

“How’s this, Remus? The party is happening whether you like it or not so let’s get really pissed tonight and next weekend we can get even more pissed at Hogsmeade.” You suggested, dodging the bigger piece, grabbing the smaller one and spreading a bit of marmalade on it. 

“Fine. But I’m not blowing out any candles.” Remus said, draining his tea and standing up. 

“Where are you off to?” James asked. 

“Have to turn in an essay to Binns. Told him I’d get it to him first thing in the morning.”

“See you later, Remus,” you called to the lanky marauder. 

“Cheers love,” Remus gave you a quick peck on the cheek before disappearing from the great hall. 

“Now hold on a second,” Sirius started and you only knew that he’d begin with the dramatics, “why on Earth does Moony get to kiss your girlfriend?” Sirius turned his head sharply to face James. 

“I’m a person!” You protested lightly. 

“Remus is like her older brother. I also don’t control what she does,” James shrugged, moving closer to you so he could put his arm around you.

“So can I kiss her?” Sirius asked James. 

“Still a person!” You rolled your eyes. 

“No. Remus is an older brother. You’re a dog, Sirius.” James rolled his eyes and tightened his arm around you. 

“Are you jealous, Mr. Potter?” You said with mock shock.

“Not jealous, just making sure you don’t get fleas from Padfoot.” James laughed, dodging the piece of bacon that Sirius had flung at James’s head. 

Classes always seemed to take longer when a marauder’s party was scheduled to follow. You promised that you and Remus could have a little dinner just the two of you so you snuck off to Hogsmeade for a quick dinner of pub food and butterbeer at the three broomsticks before the party. 

“Listen I know you said you wouldn’t blow out any candles but,” you pulled out a cupcake with a single candle in the middle. 

“God I’m glad James is dating you,” Remus said, blowing out the candle and cutting the cupcake in half. He handed the larger half to you, which you refused because there was no way you were going to allow Remus to have the smaller half of a cupcake on his own birthday. 

“You’re such a sweetheart,” you said with a grin. 

“Don’t tell the boys but if you and James ever break up, I’m on your side.” Remus smiled. You walked back to the Gryffindor common room with Remus’s arm around your shoulders. The common room erupted with cheers with the guest of honor entered and Remus sent you a bewildered look. 

“Firewhiskey?” You asked him. 

“Definitely,” he nodded as Mary, Lily, and Marlene cornered him and started peppering him with ‘birthday pecks’. You could see James and Sirius playing beer pong and by the sound of their cheers it seemed like they were winning. You poured Remus a strong glass of firewhiskey and then a glass for yourself when you felt a hand on the small of your back. You knew Remus was still cornered by the girls, you could hear James and Sirius at the pong table, and you could see Peter sneaking off with some girl in Hufflepuff. So who’s hand was on your back? You turned to see an attractive seventh year Slytherin, Lucius Malfoy, grin down at you. 

“Hi darling, who’s the other drink for?” 

“Hi Lucius,” you shrugged Lucius’s hand off and stepped away so you were facing him, “the other drink is for Remus.”

“Oh of course, the man of the hour,” Lucius sounded like he was making his voice extra sultry. 

“Surprised to see you here. Didn’t think you were a fan of Gryffindor parties.” You said cautiously. 

“I’d never turn down an opportunity to see you, love. I do have a question for you, though.” Lucius’s finger hooked under your chin so you made eye contact with him. 

“Alright?”

“Are you dating Lupin?”

“Remus? Oh no-”

“Excellent,” Lucius leaned down and kissed you rather forcefully. You put your hands on his chest and pushed him back. 

“Lucius. I’m dating James,” you didn’t want to make a scene but Lucius’s grip on your arms was pretty tight and he gave no indication that he was going to let go. You glanced back at James but he was currently absorbed in making Sirius drink from one of those funnels that Mary had brought back from the muggle world. 

“I don’t see him around.” Lucius said, leaning his head down to kiss you again. His lips were against yours but you didn’t kiss him back. 

“Let me go Lucius, I’m serious,” you said, trying to pull yourself away. 

“Come on now, don’t be a bitch,” Lucius said, his grip tight on your wrists. You were beginning to panic when you felt Lucius pull away from you. You looked up in time to see James punch Lucius right in the jaw. 

“What the fuck, Potter?” Lucius said, holding his jaw with one hand and pulling out his wand with the other. 

“Get away from her, Malfoy. Get out of Gryffindor tower before I hex you,” James said, positioning himself in front of you. 

“Not if I hex you first,” Lucius said, hissing out a curse. James was ready with his own but Remus yelled, 

“Expelliarmus!” Remus snatched both James and Lucius’s wands, “Now you two are making me exercise my prefect duties on my own birthday. Detention for you both. Malfoy get the fuck out of here.” 

“Fuck off, Lupin.” Malfoy said, clearly not thrilled at the idea of returning to the dungeons with a bruised ego and a bruised jaw. 

Peter and Sirius were struggling to hold James back and you heard Sirius hiss at his brother Regulus, 

“If you’ve ever done anything good for me ever in your life you will get Malfoy out of here right now.”

Regulus was not going to disagree and along with a few other Slytherins, they hauled Malfoy out of Gryffindor tower. 

“Let’s do a round of shots!” Sirius said with a grin. He had no intention of letting the party halt because of some interhouse drama. James turned and wrapped you in his arms, 

“Are you okay?”

“Let’s get out of here.” You said shakily. James nodded and you both slipped out of Gryffindor tower. James’s wand was raised just in case you ran into Malfoy again but it seemed that Regulus had made sure that Malfoy didn’t linger. He lead you to the astronomy tower where you sat on the edge with your legs dangling and shared a cigarette. 

The energy between you was uneasy, uncomfortable. James was obviously still upset with Malfoy but was trying to keep calm for you. You were still processing Malfoy’s disgusting behavior. You couldn’t help yourself, though, and you started to laugh. Little chuckles at first but then full belly laughs and finally you were doubled over trying to catch your breath as James stared at you. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He finally asked, after pulling you by the forearm after you almost toppled over the edge of the tower which only made you laugh harder. 

“You were jealous,” you giggled, your hands clasped firmly over your mouth. 

“I-” James started but he too started to see the humor in it and he started to laugh too. 

“How’s your hand?” You asked, picking up James’s left hand and examining his knuckles. There were bluish bruises forming already and you knew he’d probably need to go to the hospital wing in the morning. 

“It’s fine. Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked. You let out a weak chuckle and nodded. 

“Yeah. Thank you for…you know.” You said with a smile. 

“Of course, love. I’ll always be here for you,” James practically whispered. You brought his bruised knuckles up to your lips and kissed them lightly. You kissed around his hand and then on the sides of his fingers and then you slid one of James’s long fingers into your mouth. James took in a sharp breath and watched you, mesmerized, as you slid your tongue around his digits. James let out a strangled moan when he saw how deep his fingers stretched down your throat. You released his fingers softly and looked up at him with doe eyes. James’s eyes were lust blown and he was looking at you while breathing very hard. 

“Come here,” he pulled you towards him and kissed you hard, his hands knotted in your hair as he practically consumed you. He was starving and you were his last meal. He kissed down your jaw and down your neck before coming back up to your lips. 

“We should have sex,” you panted. James nodded. 

“Yeah definitely.”

“I don’t think I can make it back to the dormitory,” you shook your head. 

“No, I can’t either.”

“You got an Outstanding in transfiguration right?”

“Yeah,” James looked at you like you had grown another head for talking about school at a time like this.

“Then transfigure these desks into a bed.” You said, your fingers fumbling with his belt buckle. 

“Oh! Yeah, fuck…yeah.” James nodded, throwing his sweater somewhere across the room.  He was fumbling in his pockets for his wand and you sunk to your knees, pulling his wand out of his pocket and handing it to him before pulling his cock out of his underwear and putting it in your mouth. 

“Oh my god,” James gasped, one hand on the brick wall of the tower. You let the head of James’s cock brush the back of your throat before you made eye contact with him and pulled away. 

“James, the bed,” you grinned before leaning down and taking one of his balls in your mouth while jerking him off.

“In my defense,” he said in a strained voice, “it’s a little hard to focus.” James was able to transfigure the desks into some sort of futon before letting out a strangled moan and saying “please stop before I cum in your mouth.”

You stood up and took your shirt and bra and dusted your knees off before reclining back on the futon. 

“Are you going to fuck me?” You asked, spreading your legs and pulling down your underwear. James watched with pure shock and adoration as you let your panties dangle on an outstretched foot before letting it drop to the ground. 

“Yes, yes! Absolutely.” James nodded, diving onto the futon and burying his face in your pussy. His lips immediately attached to your clit as he maneuvered three fingers inside you. James kissed you deeply before you broke away from his lips and moaned into his open mouth. 

“Fuck, don’t stop I’m going to cum.” You panted. James grinned and if you had been able to open your eyes you would’ve seen how embarrassingly fogged up James’s glasses were. He was also rutting against the edge of the futon and moaning into your own mouth. Your fingers wrapped around his wrist as you rode his hand into your orgasm. You barely had a moment to come down from it before James was fully ripping your skirt off and pushing himself inside of you. 

“I learned-” James could barely get two words out through his moans and you had to take a minute to wipe the inside of his glasses so you could actually see his eyes, “-a charm hold on a minute.” James stayed inside you as he reached over your head for his wand again. He mumbled something and pointed his wand at one of the crystal balls. The ball shot itself into James’s outstretched hand and transformed into a rapidly vibrating clitoral stimulator. James pressed it against your clit and you dug your nails into his bicep. 

“Where on earth did you learn a charm like that?” You gasped, feeling a second orgasm coming on. 

“Moony is a genius,” James said, before practically screaming, “I’m going to cum!” 

You could nod as you came, nearly sobbing and moaning. James came too, moaning loudly and resting his forehead against yours. You pushed the vibrator away and took a few minutes to breathe laying back while letting James rest his head on your chest. 

“So wait a second,” you said once you and James were able to restore your heart rates to a normal BPM. 

“What is it?” James looked adorably goofy with his glasses all fogged up again and you took them off and wiped them. 

“What do you mean Remus taught you that charm?”

“He’s a man of many talents,” James said with a shrug. 

“He deserves a much better birthday party then.” 

#James potter #James potter x reader #James potter x reader smut #James potter x reader angst #sirius black #remus lupin #lily evans #Marlene mckinnon #mary macdonald #petter pettigrew #marauders x reader #marauders era #all the young dudes #atyd marauders

[fookingmuffins]

Say something babe

James potter x reader

Angst

I have not written anything in years and English is not my first language, so pls be kind. I'm trying to do things that scare me (posting my writing) just to get over my fears, and I hope you guys enjoy. (Or not since it's angst sksksk) also, this is not proofread at all I kinda wrote it in my notes and ran imma edit it tomorrow when I'm not half asleep

Pic creds to @/sofflllll on pintrest

You giggled quietly as you were sneaking into the Gryffindor common room with the help of your best friend Penny to surprise your boyfriend. You had been dismissed from your last club meeting before break earlier than expected, and you were dying for a cuddle session after barely seeing him this last week with the many activities you had been doing from extra classes to the clubs you were part of.

"Oi potter! You got to tell me, mate, what's the matter between you and y/n?" You abruptly stopped with Penny looking at each other as you heard your name being mentioned between James and a voice you recognized as Castor, one of his quidditch buddies and a guy who had been randomly getting flirty with you despite your protest and the fact the whole school knew you were with James. You had mentioned to James how uncomfortable Castor made you feel before, but he brushed it off and always seemed preoccupied with other matters, assuring you Castor was just being a boy.

"What about her?" James said with an uncomfortable chuckle

"Well, you're clearly messing with Evans recently, so I was wondering where that would leave her at tonight's party?" You felt Penny squeeze your hand and pull it a little as tears welled up in your eyes. Messing with Evans? You had been with James for a year now, and you knew he liked Lily before, but that was long over before you two got together when they decided they were better off as friends. You held your breath as you waited for James to say something, to deny that something was happening between him and Lily and tell them off because you were his but all you heard was his signature boyish laugh that usually got you grinning like a fool and made your bad days better but this time all you felt was a knot form in your throat.

Penny tried to pull your hand to get the two of you out of there but all you did was shake your head and pull her back, you were frozen in place and needed to hear more despite everything in you telling you to run. "She's all yours if she'll have you mate. Might help me distract her a bit while Lily and I have some fun." A knot formed at the back of your throat, and you tried to swallow it as you blinked to stop the tears that were threatening to spill, but you just couldn't.

"OH come on, Potter, you cannot be serious, I really thought she was gonna be your wife once we left Hogwarts." You heard Percy, another teammate, say. "The girl seems head over heels for you and half the school wanted her, and she chose you"

"That's just it! She is so obsessed with me, it's suffocating! Definitely would never marry her. Can you imagine that? At Hogwarts, I at least get away from her when I'm in the common room, but having to live with her seems like torture to me. Especially with all her stupid friends always around" After hearing that you turned around leaving Penny behind and ran out of the portrait you had just been so careful to pass through unnoticed. You could hear Penny try to catch up to you and call out your name once you were a bit far from the Gryffindor entrance, but you just kept running, although you felt like you couldn't breathe and your vision was blurry. Had he always felt that way about you? Maybe you had done something wrong and that's why he was saying that. You probably were clingy, but you were just trying to help and show him you were there for him despite the many activities you had gotten yourself involved with since you joined Hogwarts.

As soon as you got into your dorm, you started packing the last few things you were gonna take over spring break, checking the time and realizing you could still make the night train. You were supposed to leave the next day with James and all of his friends after spending the day at Hogsmade, but he obviously would prefer it if you didn't. When you were ready you stood in front of your door slowly feeling the knot in your throat fade along with that uncomfortable pang in your chest, suddenly you felt nothing, It's like James Potter had so much control of my emotions you didn't know what to feel anymore.

When you made it on the train, you sat in an empty cabin away from the few passengers who were also on board and just stared at the seat in front of you. You wanted to be mad to feel something, but everything in you had turned numb, and you felt sleep take over from the crying you had done earlier.

Part 2?

#james potter x reader angst #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter #james potter x lily evans #james potter angst #james potter x y/n #fanfic

[fuckmymunson]

🪦 𝐍𝐢𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐮𝐮𝐦 𝐞𝐬𝐭

No. 38

Regulus Black x reader

James used the reader to make lily jealous without realizing how much he had until he saw hiw much regulus had when she was with regulus. Sorry if that doesnt make sense but you dont have to use that idea if you dont want to

It's a really good idea! Hope you like it <3.

🏛𝐉𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧!🫖

Your first love wasn’t supposed to end like this. 

Crying next to the black lake, knees pressed against your chest, hiding from the world. You sobbed, whipping the tears away, feeling your heart aching with pain and melancholy.

“Excuse me.” You raised your eyes, looking at the green and silver handkerchief that was being offered at you by a pale hand. “Um, sorry for bothering you.” Regulus looked away when you took the piece of fabric, giving you proper privacy to compose yourself. 

“Thank you.” You talked in a low voice, your fingers tracing the patterns of silver snakes in the cloth. “It’s okay.”

“Can I sit with you?” He asked. A question that caught you off guard. You blinked a few times, nodding cautiously. He kept a reasonable distance and kept his eyes off you. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“Oh.” You mumbled, so the whole school knew by now. “Well, don’t be.” The bitter sensation of your poor broken heart was heavy against your ribcage. “I suppose I deserve it for dating someone like him. I’m such an idiot—”

“Don’t” Regulus interrupted you. “If there’s an idiot, it’s him, not you.” His grey eyes were fixated on the lake, but you could see their frustration. “That Evans girl is nothing compared to you.”

Perhaps his words were a bit harsh, but, something about them made your stomach flutter. 

Regulus walked next to you through the whole process, getting over your first love wasn’t easy, but with him? It was less painful. Curious students glanced in your way whenever you two wandered around the castle, laughing and joking, always with a smile on your faces. He invited you numerous times to Hogsmeade, buying you candy and butterbeer, making you feel like the world was less heavy after a heartbreak. 

You opened your heart, and he did the same, and, before you could realize it, you were head over heels for him. Charmed by his affectionate manners, his lovely smile, and in love with the way he treated you as if you were his whole world. You glowed next to him, like a big, bright sun. Regulus held your hand, despite the gossiping, everyone could see from a mile around how happy you were, and how happy he was. 

His love felt like your first time over again. 

“Why you didn’t talk to me before?” You asked him one night, sitting next to him in the astronomy tower, eating chocolate frogs, after he confessed the never-ending crush he had on you, the very first moment he met you. 

“Well, you were with James.” He sighed, holding your hand. “All I wanted was for you to be happy. So, I pushed away my feelings, even if it killed me how much I wanted to be the one holding you.” 

“Well, you are the one who’s holding me.” You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you, starshine.”

That weekend, you walked around Hogsmeade, holding his hand tightly, smiling and laughing next to him. Regulus wrapped you in a big hug, causing you to stumble with your own feet, dragging him with you. You both fell into a big pile of snow, a giggling, blushed mess. Winter was your favourite season, stealing his coats and sweaters, cuddling with him next to the fire, and drinking endless amounts of hot cocoa. Regulus and you were too caught up in a little snow fight, to notice the two pairs of eyes watching you from the distance.

James sighed, rubbing his face. From the very first moment he heard about you and Regulus, he thought it was a joke, a badly done revenge towards him for using you just to make Lily jealous. But, the longer the rumours took place, James started to believe you were actually dating Regulus. 

He saw you smiling, sitting next to Regulus in the Great Hall, surrounded by his friends, glowing like a goddess. He saw you at his quidditch match, but not wearing red and gold, but green and silver, shouting encouraging words towards your boyfriend, Regulus. He saw you kissing him in the morning before walking to class, he saw the way he held you, lovingly, passionately, and he cursed himself every single day for taking your love for granted.

“I still can’t believe it,” James muttered bitterly, crossing his arms. “I’m a fucking idiot.” He missed the way you worried about him, how you always were there for him, seeking his love, his arms, begging for his attention. He wanted to be him, the one who got to see your warm smile, the one who made you happy. 

He had it and he blew it, in the worst way possible.

In the end, he realized he didn’t even like Lily that much.

“Let’s go, Moony and Wormtail are waiting for us,” Sirius spoke, diverting his gaze from the happy couple. 

He felt troubled, on one hand, he tried to sympathize with his best friend, who was in love with a girl he let go so stupidly, on the other, he tried to be happy for his little brother, who deserve love after all he had been through back at home. He agreed with James, he was a full-time idiot for using you like that, and he was now paying the consequences.

“All I want is for her to be happy.” James sighed, looking at how Regulus grabbed your hand, kissing your glove and then your lips. You looked so in love, did you ever look at him that way?

“I love you,” Regulus said against your lips, kissing them repeatedly. 

“I love you, darling.” You replied, returning every kiss.

This really felt like your first love over again, and this time, it felt eternal.

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