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#the feelings may get stronger
sunmoontruth-stiles · 18 days
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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saltpepperbeard · 4 months
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you know what i'm so tired of? the influx of negative clickbait articles surrounding the possibility of ofmd s3. i've seen things like "taika says he isn't sure whether he wants to return for the third season" and "the show will go on without ed and stede." and the worst recent offender was "stede might be the one to breakup with blackbeard in the third season" because it misconstrued rhys' words when he was talking about ed and stede likely reuniting with the crew.
and like...intuitively i know that they are all indeed just clickbait, and are trying to take advantage of everyone's desperation for any sort of s3 news. and also, i feel like the negativity is pointed and purposeful, because it gets people talking and subsequently spreads the article around faster/gives that particular site more attention.
but man do i hate it, because it does not mix well with my anxiety.
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jorvikzelda · 26 days
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today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago
#z talks#like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed#(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning)#remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’#babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man#and thats the only one youre looking back on#its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time#(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS)#And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys#its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on#no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted#(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary.#This Was Also Wrong.)#was a weird time man. a truly weird time#anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3#as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks#get well flowers <333333#and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight#With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically!#They coexist Wonderfully <3#Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed#Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic#I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.
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arthurslesbian · 2 years
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arthur always noticing when merlin's down arthur always wanting to know what's wrong arthur always doing whatever he can to fix it
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simplyghosting · 5 months
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Depression is always like “no one loves you” “you’re just a nuisance”“lie awake in torment” and “attempt to sleep for 100 years” blah blah blah as if I don’t KNOW that people love me and I’ve got stuff I’ve gotta do. get the heck out of my way.
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gin-juice-tonic · 1 year
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(im backsorry) thing is idk if I even have that much dysphoria? Like I thought I was uncomfortable with certain stuff (chest, voice) and yeah sometimes it kinda is bad but sometimes I’m just like whatever. what worries me is im not sure if I’m even uncomfortable with being called a girl. to me it’s a little more like someone spelling your name wrong. at the same time. When I use it to describe myself. like one time I played a girl in a game. instant regret needed to change it. why am I like this
Still doesn't matter.
For one thing, 'sometimes its kinda bad/sometimes its whatever' isnt uncommon by any means. Something doesnt have to make you feel awful 24/7 to make the concept of doing something to rectify it justified.
But for another, dysphoria isnt a necessity to be trans at any rate.
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I’m so glad that as I’m getting older I’m becoming more proud of my Cornish heritage and culture it is something so beautiful to me :) even though sometimes I’m just completely unaware that something is a Cornish thing lol. My mum is proper Cornish and she’ll always make a point of saying something if I mention someone and they have a really Cornish name and I’m just there like wait what cause that’s just a name I’m very familiar with.
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yuelun · 9 months
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I know we're only just about to enter August, but I'm not ready for whatever they're going to do for Lantern Rite 2024.
#[ everyone's all about fontaine and i'm there with you but also-- liyue has the grasp on my heart and will never let go. ]#[ there's the leaks of zhongli's skin and they're slowly getting reposted/shared by more reliable leak sources. ]#[ and they're tying it into lantern rite which would /make perfect sense/ and i'm like-- they have to outdo 2023. ]#[ and then there's the leaks of cr/ping and potentially guizhong. all of that would make perfect sense within lantern rite. ]#[ but also we're approaching khaenri'ah and we know zhongli knows more about it. ]#[ and we also know guizhong had relatively stronger ties to it. and her symbolisms as a whole are so debatable. ]#[ and i swear; they directly tied her to the chasm with that damn ost in her trailer. ]#[ ugh. i'll post about that separately still don't worry because i feel like people may go '??? sae???' ]#[ but i just. these leaks would all make sense. we also know that qiaoying village still has to be released-- and what's the other one... ]#[ chenyu vale! or at least those are the highly rumoured/pretty much leaked ones that we know hoyo still wants... ]#[ i feel like i'm forgetting one? ]#[ ah i'll remember later. ANY WAY-- there's logical/rational reasonings for these leaks. ]#[ and liyue is quite beloved. and its archon has a mysterious contract going on-- we're not done yet. ]#[ we're so far from done yet. ]#[ /impatient foot stomp. :( ]#[ ooc. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains…
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imblocking-you · 4 months
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Watching Death's Game because I like suffering 👍
#death's game#netflix#// maple#ion wanna kin bro but i feel like im headed there#'do you travel to the afterlife on a plane?' BYE#SIWON? i forgot the cast is like stacked lmao#feels like a world hopping novel i like it#talk about karma T T also i didnt expect how graphic it was BYE#THIS FALLJNG GUY BYE LMFAO#and he reverts back to the teenage form when the stronger opponent arrives#GOD THE GUILT#yung bulgogi sa spoon :(( wala na iyak na ko guys talo mga may single parents talo mga walang nanay hahahahaha#after death told him that he's only thinking ab himself oh this life is purposeful UN HUH#but we know it's doomed to fail kasi nga second ep pa lang BUT MAN i hope something changes...#'everything is fine yee jae' it is it truly is the fact the mom was calling him before he jumped oh you just know she was ready to tell him#exactly that OH this breaks my heart#choking and holding back tears while eating FELT#NO NO *bunches up hair* I WONT FALL FOR IT THIS IS JUST A PLOY TO GET ME ATTACHED TO THE CHARACTER BEFORE YOU INEVITABLY KILL THEM#Lee Ju Hun HAHHAHAHAHA LARO#tinago niya 'yung pera para next life makukuha niya gagi pangmalakasang ungkatan ng past 'to LMAO#why does this one prisoner dude look like sohee#BYE WHAT IF IT'S JINSANG WEBTOONS TEND TO DO THAT#HELP I KNEW WE'RE TYING UP LOOSE ENDS HAHAHAHAHA#I just know taekang other son is tied up in all of this too#gagi part 1 pa lang pala yata 'yung drama na 'to mapapabasa ko ng wentoon ng 'di oras#jinsang you overgrown chuuni 😭#i feel great for getting jinsang beat up but like we all taesang is dying so...i wouldnt be so comfy if i were u lol#OOH THAT NAME DROP FELT SO GOOD AVENGE HIM BROTHER THATS RIGHT#yall him being given the chance to print shit and he immediately goes to grimes core is obviously a sign that he's pretending to be a psych#NAURR the vendetta just ruins it
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“Wrath: Part 1,” Scarlet Spider (Vol. 2/2012), #17.
Writer: Christopher Yost; Penciler: Carlo Barberi; Inker: Walden Wong; Colorist: Rex Lokus; Letterer: Joe Caramagna
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silenthillbunni · 6 months
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🏋🏻‍♀️🎻🏢
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I love how every month one of my internal organs just cramps the fuck up to tell me I'm Not Pregnant but could be theoretically. Like thanks for notifying me of something I already know in the most inconvenient and painful way possible.
How about next month you mix it up? Cmon let's shut down one of my kidneys or something to remind me that I have two of them. Yeah that sounds painful and pointless, why not -_-
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swingstep · 1 year
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Please drop mrd theatre au lore????
OH HOO BOY so. genuinely did not remember i never explained that au huh ksjdngd its been a hot minute since ive messed with that one, but lets see what i can dig up for it. as a disclaimer, its kind of an... abstract au, very rough around the edges as well. dont expect it to be anything too concrete WAHAHA
anyhow. tldr:   the mrd theatre au is exactly what it sounds like: the plot of the game described entirely through the lens of a theater production! alternately referred to as the dance au, because... its a musical! major events are described through dance, each piece pushing the story forward with the power of music and expression. literally-- the story won’t move on without it. starring mad rat as the lead role, rat god as the director, and heart as... That One Guy, Sure!
    the abstraction kicks in in its presentation though-- it's told through the framing of a stage-- however, the story itself is Real to the characters. their world is real, and as characters, they see it as such. to everyone else, it's exactly as its namesake: a play. the term "actor" and "character" go hand in hand, practically synonyms. actors are the characters. the narrative is their world. all in all: the theatre au is an inspection of the meaning of Reality and Perception, the meaning of what it is to be a Character or a Person, and a play on Stories and Roles. more under the cut.
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  As it does in canon, the narrative starts with Mad Rat waking up, and Rat God telling him his situation. Y'know, he died, she's giving him a second chance, etc etc. However, she Specifically tells him that he is, in fact, a character in a play and, as someone outside of the narrative, she knows what to do and what paths to follow. As long as he followed her, he'd be able to make it to the end of his story a-ok, and finally get the ending he deserved!
  In the beginning, Rat God starts out with a whole musical number as she narrates the scene (to both the audience and Mad Rat) to catch him up to speed on where he is, who she is, and why he died. As she finishes, hands off the (metaphorical) mic to Mad Rat to get a word in for his debut scene. Unfortunately, Mad Rat, having just recovered from a terminal case of Being Dead, Does Not In Fact Have The Nicest Voice. Seeing this, Rat God quickly interrupts and redirects to another option: Dance. Which is where a major quirk comes in: every character has a specialized dance style!
  Rat gods style is tap/swing, which is what the intro scene Truly is! It's Rat God introducing Mad Rat to the concept of The Show in a duet swing performance. Specifically, in this performance, Rat God takes the lead role in this one for several reasons: 1) She's Extra and Likes Showmanship. 2) She's ensuring Mad Rat goes in the direction he's supposed to-- making sure he's following along. And 3) She's effectively re-teaching Mad Rat how to move after. Y'know. Being Dead. Swing is a heavily motion-focused and improvisational dance: Mad Rat Does Not Know How To Dance. However, Rat God is good enough at it that she can take the lead and turn his stumbles and missteps into motion and flair. It's essentially the tutorial stage!
  The narrative is pretty much the same through the first third of the game, more or less. Mad Rat meets Heart, who doesn't really Dance but rather just cheers him on, and they begin "travelling" together, with periodical "intermissions" where Rat God, off to the side of the stage presents recaps, narration, and questions-- but it's never clear if it's to the audience or Mad Rat. Maybe both. What's really important is the Framing, though. Mad Rat (kind of) acknowledges he is just a Character, but doesn't really Understand it. 
  Despite the knowledge, he still functions through the frame of a Character. He perceives the stage as The World Around Him rather than A Stage, while Rat God is the opposite. This leads to Mad Rat essentially just Following Her Lead. Which ends up just seeming... brazenly reckless and incredibly dangerous-- because Mad Rat doesn't think it will lead to anything. Obviously he's the main character, so he's probably going to just... get to his goal and whatever happens happens, right? Rat God said which way the story goes so... whatever, right?
  Which all culminates at Heart's intervention: Heart notices all of this and gets worried. Whatever this Mess about "shows" and "story" and "directors" is, Mad Rat is still being really really flippant about how many Near Death Experiences he's had (not to mention the whole "Seeing Things That Heart Doesn't" thing.) So he decides to step in.
  This is the first time we ever see Heart dance! He'd always insisted on being moral support/backup for Mad Rat, not really stepping in in any major way. Turns out, he's really good at a lot of dance styles. It's the first time we have a music genre outside of showtunes and the adjacent. It's heart basically trying to tell him that, whatever bullshit about "Narratives" he's following, Mad Rat is still Here. He's still a contributor to the world around him-- he can affect It, and it can affect him. It doesn't matter what he knows about Whatever This Is because it all wont matter if he gets himself into Real Trouble. Which is a convenient segue to the next arc-- they go off-script.
  The following arcs are pretty much just those two figuring out what to do and where they’re going. Mad Rat, up to this point, was just (kind of badly) trying to imitate the swing style from the beginning, but slowly starts figuring out his own specialty on his own. Mad Rat kind of dabbles through a lot, but is Particularly good at breakdance/krump. It’s a bit of a slow process, but he slowly forges his own place in a world he technically does not belong in. 
  All the while, Rat God is suspiciously quiet. They weren’t supposed to go that way, or do any of that, But she could improvise. She passively tried to mess with them from offstage-- changing the background scenery, tossing obstacles after them-- but they just. Kept going. Mad Rat even began Understanding the nature of The Stage and learning how to use that to his advantage, predicting the way things would move or shift, and using that knowledge to move even faster. It was only after Mimolette’s scene (which was Not supposed to be this early in the script, to Rat God’s chagrin,) that she Really started to get particularly miffed. They’d completely gone off-script, avoided Everything she sent after them-- but there was still an ending that needed to be told, and she was going to tell it no matter how messy it was to get there. Which leads to an intervention of her own.
  As the director, she had direct control over a lot of things-- but she herself could never interact with the Narrative. She had no real Hold, as it were. She was barely a concept to the characters in the narrative-- they could not really perceive her. So, she decided to break that rule-- and interact with them directly. Rat God’s scene is incredibly similar to that in canon: Incredibly Chaotic and Hard To Track. She mostly keeps to swing, as that’s her specialty, but regularly switches it up to try and throw Mad Rat off. But things are different than their first dance.
  Mad Rat has a grasp on himself and his goals. Rat God’s plan is already off its rhythm-- it was clear from the start that this was a last-ditch effort on her part to kill him. Despite her still trying to take control, Mad Rat was nothing if not stubborn. He was just as good at deflecting and navigating the scene as she was. But it’s hard to truly get rid of something like Rat God. She isn’t done until the Story was done. There was still a story to be told, so here she stayed. She could keep going as long as he could, and longer. So knowing what he did now, and understanding the circumstance, he did the only think of. The two had, to some extent, switched places: Rat God taking the stance of a Character/Participant in the scene, and Mad Rat seeing the full scope of The Stage and how it worked. The show was still going, so all he had to do was end it. 
  Tricking her into a monologue, he truly exits the frame of the narrative for the first time, grabbing one of the curtain ropes and letting it free, closing the curtains on the stage-- with Rat God behind them. And... silence. In the end, it was just the closed curtains, the audience, and Mad Rat and Heart in front of them. They saw the audience, truly, for the first time-- that larger force constantly watching over him from beyond his view, pushing the show forward not of their own actions, but of their presence alone. This is who it was all for. And seeing this, Mad Rat makes the decision... to ignore them. 
  They weren’t important anymore. The show was over-- the audience had no more use here. No more power here. They meant nothing to him. Nothing to them. He has one last talk with Heart-- they knew they weren’t alone, not truly-- but all that mattered right then was just the two of them. What they’d seen, what they’d been through-- it all had to come to an end eventually. But not by the hand of someone who had no stake in their story-- in their lives. Mad Rat gets to make his own choice about his future: And with no story left to tell... he gets up, and walks off the stage. 
   The Story Is Over.
#pikasks#mrd theatreAU#long post#no fandomtags we die like men#anyhow. thanks for enabling another essay of an infodump ur a real one <333 kdjgnkdjf#this au means The World to me but because its so... [waves arms around.] its very hard to explain in a way that feels Correct.#a lot of it is Vibes alone. feelings and concepts and notions of motion and song. as it is in canon too i think.#as with canon; its a play on tiers of personhood and control-- of who truly gets to choose fate; or if it really exists at all.#its about grabbing on with such fervor that the fabric of the world around you bends to your will.#about the inescapability of Role and Expectation; of Progress and Actions. how nobody in this story; truly; could choose how it ended.#not alone; at least.#rat god is equally bound to her role as director. she has no sway in this world. no matter how deeply she may want it.#the difference between her and mad rat is something tragic; to me.#two people in such similar roles reacting so differently they mirror each other perfectly.#surrender to a role you have no control of and hope it eventually benefits you-- or fight tooth and nail against forces stronger than you.#but these are the tags. im just waxing poetic at this point.#if you want a more clear read of the vibes this was inspired and started entirely by the mrd piano medley by tmsy.#please go check it out it slaughters me. id point out a specific part but its kind of all of them.#anyhow. thanks for reading and also enabling me. have a lovely day !! <33
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natandacat · 10 months
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It feels [???!??!?!] to celebrate that, but I am now able to mix batter by hand and cook standing up without triggering an episode
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theoestofocs · 2 years
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reading a truly excellent fic from a small fandom, that hasn't been updated in ages despite the author promising an epilogue: ah fair enough, hope everything's okay, I'll hit "subscribe" just in case bc i loved what they wrote so i'll comment that i liked it
scrolling absently up through the other 5+ comments and abruptly stumbling on a breathtakingly bad faith criticism of -problematic- elements that weren't even present in the fic:
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#id in alt text#linden's originals#seriously y'all never comment ur negative analyses of an author's thematic choices#especially if they're all stuff that's clearly tagged & in the content summary?? this is free entertainment & fully informed consumption#even if u have something to criticize about their word choice or sth - like if the author uses an outdated term or sth#& u genuinely have reason to think they'll appreciate being informed of their mistake. like. you still also tell them the stuff u liked.#u don't leave a comment just to tell an author whose personal stories (stories they chose to *archive* which u may read#but which are written first and foremost for the author's enjoyment! that's what the ''archive'' part means! it's someone else's journal!)#to tell them they Messed Up!#tell them what turns of phrase u liked! tell them why ur glad u got the chance to read the work! they do not owe u a story u like!#and leaving a negative comment (even a well-intentioned one) can wreck an artist's motivation to continue creating a work#(i know if i got a comment like this - however well-intentioned - i'd probably have deleted the entire work & also cried#not bc it was particularly unkind it's just. unsolicited yk? & criticism of something so intensely personal. art created by & for you.)#like. a lot of fic is written by neurodivergents too. it's more relevant than the average situation to remember that an author might be#''disproportionately'' harmed by negative feedback. RSD; emotional dysregulation; stuff that makes emotions so much stronger#& more capable of lasting harm#anyway. i guess this is a#vent post#i know ''flames'' were a common issue in fandom before my time but i get the feeling a lot of that was bc#online fandom had a much higher proportion of teenagers shaping the culture. as we get older i think we get a better sense of ourselves#& better at understanding & respecting each other's boundaries. & rights#kids in fandom learn from adults just like everywhere else. be kind is i guess what i'm saying#never cause more harm than you need to. not when you can just walk away and leave no one the worse. just - be kind#and for the love of tillie mayard don't tell people what u think is Problematic about their literal fanfics#even if ur right & not fantastically misreading something to the point of seeming intentional. like. just don't#anyway. this has been#linden in the tags
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