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halfemptygirlrps-archive · 4 years

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Polyamory CAN work (long post)

As a black, queer woman who could very well be poly, I am always looking for content to feed my soul and have for a few years now. I know I grumble about white/het couples a lot which makes me sound some kind of way but I ship a ton of white couples, that isn’t the problem. It’s the way representation is stepped on these days with toxic white couples being seen as true love that upsets me. And this is coming from a chick that lowkey ships Reylo.

I don’t understand and never will why writers in 2020 think that the only demographic there is are the people who can’t handle seeing anything but a white male and a white female be together. Interracial relationships CAN and DO work and f/f or m/m relationships or any race CAN work, so guess what, so can relationships involving three or more people and while difficult, it can work, even if the people are different races.

My annoyance also stems from Poly woman really getting shat on when writers hit a wall. Very few times have I seen it work out and that’s so stupid to me because she shouldnt’ have to choose.

I start with Wynonna Earp, a CLEARLY Poly woman with a strong sexual appetite that never gets shamed. She loved both Dolls and Doc and though Shamier left the show effectively forcing her to Doc, they still made it clear that she was poly and capable of having feelings for more than one man when they brought in Charlie. He was patient and sweet and while all three men wanted Wynonna to themselves, they NEVER gave her an ultimatum and even while PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER MAN’S BABY Dolls still loved her and held her in bed. I believe that had Shamier (Dolls) not left that they would have went on waiting for her to choose but also letting her know that she didn’t have to.

Then there’s my first real Poly stan, Bo Dennis from Lost Girl. Unapologetically bisexual and poly, Bo was in control at all times, both of her relationships and her sexuality. While she needed sex to feed like a vampire needs blood,she also enjoyed it and didn’t view it as a curse or burden and her partners were alwasy consenting, which was amazing. Lauren never shamed Bo (in fact she praised her sexuality and wished she could keep up) for liking men (thus not being toxic to bi women, which is an issue in the community I wont get into) and Dyson, Bo’s male lover never pressured her to submit to him. Here she is pictured with Tamsin, Dyson and Lauren, all her lovers, at once.

If all three of them can be respectful and understanding while each of them were with Bo alone, not a quad, then why do they make it seem so hard to have three people love each other? And yes, I know that couples break up, but on Tv they just dont need to when it’s what a show is based on.

I could go on about Bo all day but I will move on to one of my favorite movies: Prof. Marsden and the Wonder Women.

Now real or not this story had everything. It showed how slowly and steadily they grew to love each other, the highs and lows and the shame of the community that made them all stronger together. Was there jealousy at times, yeas, but they addressed it and learned that they didnt’ need to be and that they could all be together happily and that it could be easy to be in love with more than one person. Sure, it was the 40s but in this day and age it’s nothing to hide, and if they could have a happily ever after back then, why couldn’t it happen now?

Could it be because of race? Without kidding ourselves, we know that every fandom is capable of being toxic and that it’s just fact that the black girl is often hated. I call it the Iris West treatment, where the clear canon couple is hated and the black girl is trashed for the white option. I quit Supergirl after Season 2 but I hear that Jimmy’s sister is getting said treatment now from a friend that still watches and I am not surprised. You can’t force an actor to stay on a show and I get that having their ship destroyed build animosity, but I really can’t help but feel like had the other girl been white it wouldn’t have been such a huge issue. A Stefan vs Damon issue none the less, but still, less so. I say that because I have seen actual people defend Mon El in that fandom but saying “what’s wrong with owning slaves?” NUff said.

Another reason I bring up why it could be race is because of You, Me, Her.

I really enjoy this show and will be sad to see it and and while I recommend it, there are flaws, but none of these flaws seems to be that the three of them can’t work past it and get back together.

Emma and Jack are married, Izzy comes in and shakes up their world and they both fall ass over elbows in love with her and her with them. They go through the usual things:jealousy, favoritism, hiding their relationship then coming out, but they always work through it. When Jack leaves to date an ex, he comes back. When Emma leaves to date and ex, she comes back. When Jack and Emma think about moving away and Izzy doesn’t want to, they come back. When Izzy has a thing with a co-worker, she still chooses Jack and Emma because they know they all need and love each other. They even have babies together! Izzy sees the sonogram and her heart stops. She realizes that she is going to be their actual mom and they all get married and even look into tri custody because they know they are a family and that it’s not an odd man out type of thing. They try it with other people and with just one another but they know where they’re hearts belong. It works. Does it work because they’re all white? NOPE

Sense8 was a brilliant show. Here everyone was represented and it was such a shame they killed it. Still, they showed us that sexuality can be fluid and that a fandom can be supportive. Raj and Kala married in spite Kala loving someone else. They never made her choose and in the end, they accepted that she was poly and wanted both and guess what? The two guys even fell for each other! Here is a white, bisexual male with his Indian partners. India isn’t the greatest with being gay so for Raj this must have been stranger and scary but they both made him feel safe and comfortable, loved and supported and in the end it was canon that they were all going to be together and learn as they go. Like with You, Me, Her, the fandom is supportive of this and while we didn’t get much of Rajalagang, it is clear that they can work regardless of skin color, religion, and even long distance.

So then why not Polymarine? It was clear it tested well with the audience, haters aside, so what made them feel like they couldn’t carry on? Sure, people fall out of love, but in the show, they just didnt’ need to. Before Ryn Ben and Maddie were together without issue for almost a year. It was made clear every time that he was in love with her, that they had chemistry and that he was attracted to her, so how do they justify saying that this:

Wasn’t real and meant nothing? That this

Wasn’t the same?

If other relationships can survive and thrive then what is it that was so hard, so difficult for the writers that they remove the credit that they themselves paved the way for and throw it aside for something that has been done literally thousands of times? Why throw away what made you unique to fall in line? Why does a show about mermaids have to have this be the “realistic” thing?

#polyamory #polymarine #long post #maddie bishop #ben pownall #ryn fisher #ryn #siren #siren freeform #poly representation

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voidtrix · 5 years

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A midnight encounter Sirius black

Warnings: fluff, Creepy sirius?, bad writing its my first time :)

A cool breeze blowed from across the lake, the lake was empty, It was in the process of getting colder, and was performing an act of hypnosis.

Perhaps going in was a solo trial of some kind, a facing down of metaphysical fears, or perhaps the nocturnal scene was just too affecting, too intoxicating.

Either way, the circumstances were perfect, and she knew she was going to do it.

Getting into the lake was initially an exercise in finding the right set of light waves to go under or over, and, because visibility was poor, She had to rely on her hearing. This one sounds too big. This one is already cresting. It was terrifying. There's nothing like the vast, dark lake to remind you of your mortality. But terror can also be exhilarating.

A dark eyed boy scanned the horizon, but something or rather someone caught his eyes.

Y/n walked gracefully slowly at the edge letting the water lick her bare feet.

Her t-shirt that reached her knees had been taken off slowly, as she removed the small piece of article, he breathed heavily, allowing him to see not clearly, her black ink underwear. since he could only see the back of her, he came with the conclusion that there is nothing covering her breasts,

unfortunately she walked into the cold water slowly without turning, wading farther into the water, making it unable for him to see her natural beauty, but he could see her exposed skin glowed under the moonlight

Sirius observed her bewildered, as the light breeze that held coldness blowed her hair softly, whipping it carelessly.

Sirius realized that he looked like a stalker or more like a creep, but the moon that glows down upon her made her complexion almost shining, he couldn't look away, not even to prepare with his friend for the upcoming full moon, that it is half an hour away.

When Sirius broke from his gaze he looked left and right, but when he looked back at the endless water he searched for her again, upon searching he found nothing,

But then he looked closely just to find her floating on her back in the water, looking almost lifeless. No one seemed to notice the limp body in the lake. Except him.

Sirius almost chocked but he fixed himself to not to blow his cover, sirius tried to not to drool at the sight of the girl slightly shown breast, but surely broke away as he saw her not moving for few seconds, seconds turned to minute soon to five minutes.

When reality hit him, he ran as fast as he could, taking his warm jumper shoes and socks off along the way, he harried toward her, ignoring the sudden coldness that splashed his bare chest and body,

All this happened and she yet to move away from everything she was in her own world the place where she escapes.

He swam toward the nameless female, and came to a halt as he saw her face shook shoot through his veins, the nameless person soon turned to the person who can he relate to, the person who he knows well but not personally.

Sirius took the sight of her wet hair that looked like pure darkness at the moment, her lips, and the soft skin that he wanted to touch so badly.

Not even looking at her bare chest, he rushed to grab her, trying to not to look creepy but determined to save y/n the girl who he has some complicated history with.

However as fast as his arm made contact with the skin of her hip, her sharp eyes that he adored from afar, flew open.

As she prepared her hands to strangle her attacker, she came to a halt examining him with unreadable expression.

More silence broke between them, nether of them spoke as sirius took in her breathtaking features, especially the eyes, they were pretty against his grey ones, the kind of color that made your eyes seems dull, but sirius could've sworn he saw sadness and sorrow under.

Y/n's eyebrows knitted together frowning, and sirius tried to no to look stunned, the girl he knew would strangle him in his place or insulte him with her sharp tongue that he always admired from a far.

The girl looked peaceful not the same girl he saw everyday, this girl looked lost, innocent, harmless, but he knew better, this girl is everything but innocent or harmless he know shes capable of doing things no one want to dream of.

This girl looked as she didn't care about anything or anyone right now. softly she began moving her hand at the top of the water not breaking the eye contact, With a questioning look, she didn't do anything but stare, sirius looked at her carefully taking in her kissable lips.

And with that he suddenly snapped out of his trance, he saw her questioning expression and started to stutter.

"I–I just thought you were drowning or something you looked unconscious so —i got worried a—and i tried t-to but i turned out wrong."

As sirius stuttered the girl held an index finger to shut him up, but when it didn't work she placed her cold hand covering his mouth.

He shut up and looked down but instantly cursed as he could see a small part of her breast not covered by the water, she at once shrunk her self down enough to make them unnoticeable.

"Eyes up here love." She spoke softly, he looked up wide eyed, looking like a kid caught int the act, and y/n mentally slapped herself for thinking he looked cute, and tried everything to stop the amused smile from forming.

"I understand your actions." When y/n still saw his wide eyes she laughed softly, and he thought he never heard much more angelic laugh than hers.

"What are you doing here may i ask?" Sirius met her unwavering gaze, he watched her thick eyelashes blink repeatedly, and gave him a look making him blush deep pink but he didn't let it shown.

Slowly she answered "i find it good to get away from things, from people, from life, i come out here when i feel heavy." And depressed but she held her tongue.

"You never expected someone like me to say something like that, did you?" He shakes his head agreeing at her words.

"Why don't you try it, just float you wont feel anything trust me head up and breath slowly let it carry your weight for you."

"Close your eyes and think about the things you wished never existed." She continued, sirius was shocked at the way y/n speaks with him not her usual way.

Sirius placed his body in the right position and felt stiff at first but soon turned to something relaxing, he felt her soft hands cleaning his face off of his long black hair that covered his eyes, at her touch he thought deeply and let his problems be known to the wide black lake that his body claimed.

His father and mother behavior towards him, his brother sorting and ignorance, his lunatics of relatives, his best mate love life, his own messed up love life, and his bookworm friend fairy little problem.

Suddenly he heard a loud howl, and his eyes snapped wide open, he looked left and right to search for her but he found nothing, she disappeared.

After searching the area for a few minutes of turning around, but she was nowhere to be seen.

When another howl was heard he ran out of the water to go help his friends, but in the back of his mind utter confusion and emptiness shot him.

#harry potter #sirius x reader #sirius black #reader #imagine #howgarts #remus lupin #fullmoon #sirius orion black #midnight

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thiskryptonite · 5 years

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Tagging: August Knight & Xander Drakos

Timeframe: January 13th - 19th 2019 (1 day in the faerielands)

Location: Ashbourne // Sacred Tree Portal to the Otherworld

Word Count: 1669

Notes: August informs Xander that Aria has been taken hostage by the High Queen, and what they must do to get her back.

August

August did not feel the weight of the guards leading his path and following in his step, they were intended to insure he did only as was he was told. No small part of him was humiliated, enraged did not begin to cover it but unfortunately, the witch had little time to be selfish over the matter. Because at this point, he really had no idea what he was going to do. His anger had made him so confident and assured only a short while ago in the throne room, now as August was all but shoved through the Sacred Tree and sent back into the mortal realm, he felt the weight of what needed to be done. The day was unknowable to him at this point, it was light now - morning? When only a few hours ago it had barely been dusk. August looked at his phone quickly, the device was also still trying to get its bearings. Absently he began to make a catalog of contacts he could go to, anyone who might have some indication where he could even begin looking. But the list of people who could reliably get that information was smaller still, nonexistent given how little time the High Queen had given him. Vitalis came through from the Otherworld and August's brow furrowed, was it Xander now and again? "Did you know what her intentions were for us?" His tone was pointed, his eyes leveled, his brow set upon the fae that August had thought was his friend. The fae had told him once that if he was in trouble, to ask him for help. Well he was asking now.

Xander

Xander had of course heard about what had happened; who hadn't? Maybe it wasn't what he had expected, but he had his own tasks to attend to. It just so happened that when he exited the Otherworld, August was still mulling about. The air fae was going to simply ignore him, but the attitude was just too good to pass up. "You know, kid, if I didn't know any better, it'd seem like you were accusing me of leading you into a trap." He walked forward, form back to his human appearance as his gaze was filled with warning, "I'd watch who you accuse, August. If that had been my plan in the first place, I would've delivered you to the Queen myself." Xander stopped when he was only a couple feet away, staring back at August as he searched the young witch's features, "You seem relatively unharmed. And believe it or not, we don't have everything shared with us. I may be loyal to the Queen, but we're not always invited in on the planning. So why don't you tell me what happened, and I'll see what I have to say about it."

August

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.” August stated flatly, he needed this sage out of his system.“I’ve made no accusations, I recognize that I was the one stupid enough to attend.” this wasn’t worth it, not now. He blinked a few times when he remembered he hadn’t, August didn’t move to step away from the fae, “she’s after this.” His tone eased slightly, he dipped into his pocket again to retrieve the note that the High Queen had passed him in the court. It occurred to August now that Xander was certainly old enough to have some passable knowledge of this obsidian chalice.

Xander

"You are a child. It's almost funny that you think you aren't. Ignorance isn't a good look on you, August." He took the paper from August, moving away so he could read it. He had to double check what he was looking at, the pieces falling into place. He'd heard about this after he'd needed it the most; but had the price been worth it? More questions for Nymphadora, he supposed, and definitely not August. Xander gripped the paper possibly a bit too tight, turning to look at August, "This is something she needs. But I guess that means you couldn't possibly know what it's used for, could you?" He held the note back out towards the witch, a different look of interest on his face, "And she kept your friend."

August

“I suppose you’d prefer me reverent, clearly I should be bowing at an alter to your feet.” August said easily, “I should learn my place and accept whatever harsh blow she had planned,” he shook his head, worship was always blind. “Is it your intention to tell me?” August asked plainly, “Because time is of the essence, and while your arrogance is usually entertaining it isn’t right now.” Clearly, Aria was not with him. “Aria saved my life, and hers is forfeit if I don’t return to this spot with that chalice before the end of the week. Likely mine as well. Some party.”

Xander

Xander rose an eyebrow, looking slightly amused at the push back. “Clearly. Because that’s how it’s always been with us, hasn’t it?” He waited a few moments, curious as to if August would rein in the childish anger he could feel radiating off of him. “If you ask me, maybe. But if you’re so intent on making me the enemy in this situation, I wont help you at all. So what’s it going to be?” He asked flatly, holding his ground. August needed him, and while he’d promised to help the young witch before, the air fae was almost curious if the Queen had intended for him to find August first. “Tell me what you know.”

August

He felt the air between them shift, no, it hasn't August thought, but he would not back down so easily. The fae's words of course stung, it had indeed been childish to assume anything but what Xander had made perfectly clear, but that didn't matter now. His brow lost its tension as he was deflated some, though he stepped forward and did not shy away from the fae. August would have questions for him still, but there could be none about where Xander's loyalties lie. He took the paper back. "How should I know? I am but a child." His gaze was serious, but the anger had melted from his eyes, it was rare that he asked others for help "You are not my enemy, but you told me once that if I was ever in trouble, to let you know, and you would help, if you could." - the last time had been a witch, and it had ended in the worst possible way. August's tone remained level, but his eyes were pleading. He was afraid, he couldn't fail, again. "Well I'm in trouble, Xander. I've heard of this object before, but only in obscure references that date back.... A long time. If you know something that can help, then tell me what needs to be done."

Xander

Xander didn't make any change in emotion as he listened to August, still waiting for an actual answer. He didn't have time to play games, and if the other witch wanted to do so, then he'd be stuck finding the chalice himself. Although – Xander almost considered getting the chalice himself. It would've been of great interest to him at one point in time. Selfishly, though. He looked at August, letting out a sigh as he resigned himself to holding his own word. "Okay, okay. So let me get this straight, you need this chalice, and your friend will go free. Fine; let's start with an old friend of mine. Philippe – you and him don't really get along, do you? Either way, he might know something. Otherwise, I'll have to do some digging. Maybe you should too."

August

August nodded, that would do fine. He tried to imagine how interest Philippe would be in this cup and wondered what the vampire’s feelings might be towards fae, in general. They’d been strictly forbidden from attending the Sarau. “That about sums it up,” August said easily, “Philippe has probably considered killing me every time we’ve met.” That was the truth. “But he is also fond of Aria, so he might just feel obligated to assist, though, it’s hard to tell. Might just be more motivation for him to kill me. Likely best for you to meet him alone.” August was pensive for a moment. “At any rate, your Queen put sage in my drink before proposing this arrangement, so I need to get it out of my system before I can do much of anything. But there is bound to be a trail somewhere of lesser known fae artifacts that have moved through this town.” August looked for a moment towards the town before he looked back to Xander, “We only have a week to accomplish this, otherwise Aria’s life is forfeit. I’ll see what I can dig up in the meantime.

Xander

“He likes me - I’m his only friend, I think. He’s kinda like that kid in class no one talks to, but I did.” Xander was clearly joking, but he was somewhat sure he was Philippe’s only friend. He looked at August, slightly nonplussed about Aria’s fate. It was one less thing he had to worry about; he’d let August deal with that one. “I’ll ask him tonight and we can see each other tomorrow. Be well.”

August

It was obviously a jest, but somehow, August really doubted that Philippe was capable of having more than one friend. That alone was impressive. But they were both about as old as the wheel so August supposed it probably made some sense that the two would have found each other and stuck. It did add another layer to much of what he'd built up about Philippe in his mind: he'd assumed a great deal about the vampire. Though he was violent, he wasn't as narrow minded as August had originally assumed. They were parting now, August headed towards home, holding up the peace sign. "You as well Xander."

#event:sarau #convo:xander #discord:xander #Xander 04

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hobo4lyfe11 · 7 years

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[ KBTBB Co-Writing Fic ] Hate At First Sight ❤ At Last Glance Part 2

Fandom: Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Rated: Drama, mystery, thriller, romance KBTBB OC: Ryoko Inui / Kyoko Nakama Main Interest: Soryu Oh Summary: A mysterious woman with impressive skills is hired under Soryu’s care, but is she all that she seems? A/N: Leave Ryosuke alone! He’s just a puppy. Also I’m so glad @hotcocosharing was willing to write another fic with me~ always a honour and pleasure. You can find PART 1 <-- here :) Warnings: Soryu is cute Word Count: 1354 words

✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎

Soryu Oh’s POV

"That's impossible."

Eisuke's going off about how the security system in the hotel casino has malfunctioned but I find it hard to believe that the impregnable program, we've carefully installed, just 'malfunctioned'.

"Fine, I'll be there in 10 minutes," I guess I can indulge in his little burst of frustration once in a while.

It's not everyday you see Eisuke getting worked up like this so I wont be missing this. Heh, seeing 'The Great Eisuke Ichinomiya' lose his composure is entertainment enough for me.

"Make it 5!" He spits with irritation. Impatient as ever.

I arrive 10 minutes later, to the command room in the security ward of the casino, to find a young woman typing away at the main computer naturally. Her slender fingers fly across the keyboard at incredible speed and accuracy before restoring the corrupted server with little, to no, effort at all. Impressive. I would never have predicted an ordinary woman like her to be so useful. All signals regain a secure status and seemed to have increased in strength.

"Not bad," Eisuke says with a smirk.

I can tell he didn't expect to be so impressed by a spontaneous offer from a complete stranger, so much so, he decided to appoint her to the hotel security team, under my supervision.

Tch, now I have to take care of this woman? Probably Eisuke's ways of getting back at me for not coming within 5 minutes. Impatient prick...

At least she's not annoyingly trying to vie for my attention by baking a cake on her face and bathing in perfume. I cant stand that. She seems reliable enough that Eisuke would offer her a job on the spot however, I cant help but find her presence unsettling.

The most secure program in the world that contains several walls of protection for our security system is broken down, and she just happens to be there to restore it back in just seconds? The progression of that was so perfect, almost as if it was planned and staged. Was this all just a coincidence or is she more than what she appears to be? I know better than to jump to conclusions without any evidence to back my theories up, so for now, I will just have to keep my eye on her.

The days go on by and she continuously surprises me, in unpredictably positive ways. Her skills are no joke when it comes to her job and, her hard work and diligence, is admirable. Reminds me of another girl I used to know.

It was back in boarding school when I first met her - she was always striving to be the best in every field, competing for the number one spot in every field- academics, physical education and even art. The way her eyes narrowed in concentration and her aim to always best herself, sparked a new feeling in my chest. How was it, that she was so different from the rest, so accomplished... So perfect.

But soon before we were meant to graduate, she dropped out of our school. The teachers said it had something to do with her family but obviously wouldn’t go into detail. I just saw her the day before and now I wasn’t going to see her ever again? I didn’t even have a chance to talk to her. To say goodbye. To tell her how i felt about her.

"Sir. Sir. Sir!" A voice yaps at me with persistence and returns me from my trip down memory lane.

"What is it Inui?" I respond as I see the woman tense up at the sound of his voice.

Strange. I guess she doesnt take too well to strangers or is easily frightened by sudden noises.

"Looks like the Black Heart gang is trying to breach our contract. What should we do?"

"I'll deal with them," I say before I get up and turn to leave. The woman seems to have stopped in her tracks and that doesn't escape me.

It doesn't take long before I return from dealing with the annoying scumbags who dared to even think they could sever the alliance in such a disgusting manner. I make sure to stop by the security ward before I head up to the penthouse to make sure everything is in order and everyone is doing their jobs accordingly, especially the new recruit. Unexpectedly, I come back to see her overseeing everyone and directing them with perfect coordination, improving efficiency all throughout the sector.

She never seems to disappoint. Perhaps its just in my nature to doubt everyone I meet but maybe, just maybe, I can rely on a woman like her for once. The slight smile that plays on my lips disappears the moment she looks at me. Her big clear eyes, so kind-looking but impossible to read, locks onto mine. I quickly look away to throw off any suspicions of me analysing her and leave to meet with the other auction managers.

"So how are you liking the new pretty lady the boss placed under your care, Sor?"

"She's surprisingly not bad -- she can hold her own and she doesn’t reek of gold digger and hooker." I reply naturally and look up to see the astounded looks on the other bidder's faces.

"Are you saying that the little Koro doesn’t make you want to kill yourself even though she's a woman?? Boooorring, I wanted a better reaction~~"

"She must have sexy collarbones."

"I heard that she was just a kid..."

"Maybe I should see what's so good about her myself."

I ignore the teasing from the peanut gallery but, Eisuke's knowing smirk pisses me off to no bounds. He knows. Is it because we've known each other for so long, or is it because he's THAT perceptive? I'll never know. The bidders panic and scramble when I pull out my gun, but to be honest, I don't actually mind.

It's late and I'm making my last rounds, with Inui and Samejima, before I go back to the Ice Dragon's Headquarters to rest. Today was a real pain in the ass, having to deal with the dirty mafia world but I'm doing the best I can to change that. I wont rest until I can use this influence on the world, for good. I won’t follow in my Grandfather’s cruel footsteps.

The three of us separate on our patrol to cover more ground in less time and by the time I’ve finished with my section, I go to look for the other two. I hear a slight thud coming from the server room, where Inui was in charge of checking, and I cautiously crack open the door.

Through the pitch-black room, decorated with thin rays of light, emitting from the LED lights of the cells, two shadows can be made out with a bit of squinting. As my pupils enlarge to allow more light to register in my brain, I tighten my clench on my trusty gun. It would seem as though the smaller figure has pinned the slightly larger one against the wall.

I can barely make out Inui's rambunctious voice which queue's my entrance. The smaller body jumps at my sudden entry and bolts out of the second exit that very few people know about. By the time I pass by the shocked-frozen Inui to pursue the mysterious shadow, it had disappeared through one of four possible escapes. Damn. I was so close.

I return to Inui and his crumpling body, whimpering like a lost puppy with abandonment issues.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Why didn't you fight back and chase after him?" I question him in frustration.

I know he is capable when he puts his mind to the task, but his mind is fickle. At that moment, Samejima bursts into the room and is utterly confused at the sight. The both of us throw puzzled glances at each other, not expecting him to look so broken. He was less of his over-exaggerated character, and had more of a tame and seriously forlorn expression.

"It's her. She's actually here.”

#Soryu Oh #co-writing fic #amazing writing partner #SoryuxOc #kbtbb soryu #kbtbb #kissed by the baddest bidder #soryu #inui #ryosuke inui #voltage inc #voltage fic #hate at first sight love at last glance #eisuke ichinomiya #eisuke #kbtbb eisuke #kbtbb inui

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khrghosted · 3 years

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Delacroix Twins: Chapter One: Rencontre la Pomme

|| My Little Authors note is I wont be using much French in this because I’m not confident in my French skills so if anything sounds off with my French please correct me, and my apologizes in advance||

Having just got off a plane and now on the way to their Grandma’s place. They had been living in America because of their parents' jobs. But the rest of their family lived in and around France. Though the two children were told that their grandmother lived alone, she was never lonely because she had servants and friends to keep her company. They were mostly excited to visit their grandmother because they usually got spoiled while visiting her to make up for the time that they don’t get to see her.

But there was also a sense of adventure, every year the place seemed different and new. They were determined to explore the place if it was the last thing they did. They knew they wouldn’t get in much trouble for it because it kept them out of most peoples way so the ‘adults could talk’. So with all of that said once they had pulled out to the fancy estate that their grandma lived in they were quick to escape the vehicle.

“Remember your manners you two!” the familiar voice of their Mentor Lex, who was practically scolding them already and they hadn’t even done anything. Though he sighed wondering if his call had only fallen on deaf ears. He saw Anatole spin around lifting his oversized cowboy hat with one hand, their twin looking exasperated beside them as they got dragged along.

“Don’t worry mister Colbert! We’ll behave!” Anatole beamed brightly before once more running full speed towards the front entrance. His twin only let out a huff of annoyance seeming to not care about this conversation at all. Once at the door little fists banged against the door, waiting impatiently for it to open. Once it was open Anatole shouted a greeting to the butler before running past the rather elderly man. While Léonard was the one to utter out a form of goodbye as he was dragged along.

It didn’t take them long to find their Grandmother who they found making their way down the stairs. Anatole was giddishly waiting. Léonard beside him looked less than enthused about the whole situation but was there nonetheless. It was when the lady made it to the bottom of the stairs she finally started speaking.

“First ones to greet me as always, is that right?” a smile formed on her face as she then pulled the two into a hug.

“Of course, Grand-mère!” Though American born and raised the two of them could fluently speak French.

“Grand-mère, you can let us go now” Léonard said as he snatched the cowboy hat off his brother’s head so it wasn’t in his face anymore.

“Oh alright, but you boys aren’t getting any presents till after dinner then” she said with a chuckle as she let them go. The twins let out a sigh of defeat on that one, they knew better than to whine and beg when it came to their grandmother. They had heard all sorts of stories of what she was capable of and they weren’t about to find out if it was true.

“The better behaved the more we get, right?” Léonard inquired, already knowing the answer. Though to be fair when gifts were on the line it was he had to know the best way to get as many as possible. That or the best way to get away with their mischief and still get a satisfactory number of presents. They never get a response from their grandma as their parents finally made it inside followed by their mentor Lex.

They had lost all interest in the casual greeting that they had going on, till their grandmother had mentioned something that peaked their interest.

“The neighbor next door now has a young kid around Anatole and Léonard’s age” It was clear she was giving the twins a hit and a nudge of something they should do later.

“Don’t you think that's a little dangerous?” Their mother was clearly worried about something.

“Not at all, I’ve been over there for tea plenty of times, I think it’d be alright.” was their grandmother's response. The twins exchanged looks with each other. They never really got the opportunity to hang out with other people their age. They really only had each other. So the idea of being able to play games with someone other than Lex, their mentor and teacher, and whatever staff was set to protect them seemed like an opportunity they wouldn’t want to miss.

“Are you thinking what I'm thinking Léo?” Anatole whispered to their bored looking twin, with a smile on their face.

“Always.” was their only response. Blunt as always. With that Anatole turned to their parents to proceed to convince them to let them go visit the neighbors. Promising to be on their best behavior, and that they wouldn’t Make a scene about anything. Trying to appeal to every one of their senses so they could go over to meet this kid.

Fortunately enough for them with enough persuasion they were allowed to do so. Though they weren't sent over empty handed. They were entrusted with a basket to give to the neighbor full of an assortment of items meant to act as gifts. After that they raced over to the neighbors house without any more questions. Léo found himself carrying the basic as he watched Anatole unable to run in a straight line as he was too full of energy. Having to hold down his own cowboy hat so it wouldn’t fly off his own head.

“You're going to trip,” Léo said bluntly as he did absolutely nothing to stop Anatole from tripping right after he spoke.

“Why do you always warn me too late?” Anatole inquired as he forced himself to sit up. Checking himself over to make sure he wasn’t as hurt as he felt. He pouted as tears started to flow down this face.

Léo, simply let out a sigh and walked over to Anatole. Holding his hand out to help the other up. Once Anatole was back on their feet they began to continue walking.

“Are your knees alright?” Léo asked simply as it was his turn to drag his twin along. He didn’t seem intent in turning around and stopping the ‘quest’ they started.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine!” Anatole chirped happily walking alongside their twin having no signs of scrapes and bruises. No tears in sight, they seemed to get over the fall rather quickly.

“Good” Léo gave a firm nod, glad that his brother wasn’t hurt in any way. It did take them a bit before they got to the front doors of the neighbors seeing as both estates were rather large. They knocked on the door about four solid times so that it was clear that someone was at the door. They were greeted by a rather sweet lady, seemingly being a maid of the estate.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle!” Anatole was quick to greet the lady back. “Me and my brother are visiting our grandmother, she told us to bring this gift and to come over and introduce ourselves!” he then quickly explained to the lady in front of him, he was so happy to practice his own French skills with others than his own parents. All while Léo just held the basket up to help prove the claim was true.

The Lady smiled at Anatole’s enthusiasm and Invited the two in and to take a seat in the living room while she went to go get the master of the house. The two boys set the gift basket down on the table, before taking a seat on the couch and looking around. The place seems terribly quiet for a house with a 5 year old in it. Technically three if you counted the both of them.

“Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean I don’t know you're there” Léo said bluntly to seemingly no one. Before a sigh was let out and a boy with light green hair came out of hiding from the hallway.

“Who are you guys? Are you some sort of cowboy and pilot?” They inquired, as if they were one to talk.

“Who’s asking Pomme?” Léo asked, bluntly seeing as the kid was wearing a knitted hat that looked to be an apple atop their head.

“We aren’t supposed to cause a scene” Anatole broke the tension in the room. “I’m Anatole and this is my brother Léonard! Who might you be?” quickly introducing himself and his brother in hopes of getting the stranger to introduce himself.

“Ah, I see you’ve met Fran already” a voice grabbed all three of their attention. It was a rather elderly lady, she had a smile across her face. Fran seemed to be annoyed his name had been given to these strangers. “You must be Mrs. Delacroix grandsons.” She said with a chuckle. “She has told me so much about you two” she said simply before turning to Fran.

“Nice to meet you and Fran!” Anatole was quick to chirp out. “Oh and our Grand-mère had us bring this basket to you!” He stood up from the couch to pick up the basket and hand it to the rather nice elderly lady.

“Thank you very much, Monsieur Cowboy,” she said gently, taking the basket from him. “Fran, why don’t you and your new friends go play outside? Oh, would you guys like to stay for dinner?” She invited them to dinner, even though she had only known them for maybe a minute.

“Oh as much as we would love to we have to head back for dinner. Grand-mère makes a big deal of dinner the first day we arrive” Anatole happily explains simply to the lady. Smile spread across his face “Maybe we could plan to have dinner here another time.” He was quick to offer a solution.

“Oh that would be just lovely, Don’t you agree Fran?” She seemed rather happy at the idea of company. Almost as if she never really got to have any over.

“No.” Fran was blunt and to the point with the answer. He didn’t like the idea of having to spend time with these two strangers more than he had to. Not to mention that one of the pair had not only already gotten on his nerves, something about them just seemed off. Though he couldn’t pin down what it was.

Fran’s Grandmother could only smile and simply shake her head. She turned her attention back to the twins. “Now how about later you boys invite your family over for dinner as well. I'm sure me and your Grand-mère can work something out.” she explained to the pair.

“Sounds good to me!” Anatole turned his attention to his brother “Don’t you agree?” He inquired, he was mostly trying to make sure his brother wasn’t about to get himself in trouble or start something.

“I suppose” Léo stated simply, knowing it was something along the lines of what his brother wanted to hear. Though he much rather not do anything to do with anyone.

“Then its settled.” The elderly lady started with a smile and started to walk away. “You boys have fun now, I have some things I need to attend to.” She explained before slipping away to somewhere else in the house out of their eyes sight.

“Are you guys going to leave now?”Fran asked, really hoping that they would leave, though not that it was clear to tell what he really wanted with how he speaks.

“No” Léo said, much to Anatole's surprise. “Why do you wear an apple hat?” he was quick to inquire.

“Why do you wear goggles on your head? And why is your brother dressed like a cowboy?” Fran simply inquired back, giving Léo the same cold stare back.

“Is there something wrong with me wearing cowboy boots and hats?” Anatole frowns, he really liked these things. He would hate for his new friend to not approve of such things. His oversized hat easily sliding down over his eyes.

“No” Léo and Fran were both oddly quick to reassure Anatole. Even if it wasn’t something they could easily do. Though their simple response was enough to bring a bright smile back to Anatole’s face.

“Why don’t we all play a game together?” Anatole suggested to the others. “What kind of game?” Fran Inquired. “Hide and seek” Léo Informed them both. Not really giving them a choice in the matter. “If we win, you have to be our friend.” He explains to Fran. “And if I win?” Fran asked rather boredly. They didn’t think they could lose in all honesty. “That won’t happen,” Léo said with complete confidence. “Then if I win, you have to do as I say,” Fran said, trying to make a point. “Sounds like a deal then” Anatole buts into the conversation, “Me and Fran will hide, Léo will be the one searching” Anatole quickly decided. “Fine” Fran agrees to this. Léo turns around and starts to count rather slowly. Anatole then took this moment to grab Frans hand and start running. “Do you know any good hiding spots? Are we allowed to go upstairs?” Anatole inquired quickly as he kept glancing around looking for the best hiding spot. Fran let out a huff. “Follow me” He says as he suddenly starts dragging Anatole, instead of the other way around. After a while of navigating the hallways they enter what is an empty guest room. Fran makes his way over to the wardrobe in the room and opens it up. “Get in,” Fran demanded if you can call it that. Anatole gets the idea and climbs into the wardrobe after Fran were after they close the doors to it and sit in the dark. “And now we wait,” Anatole says with a smile. “Ssh” Fran said simply, not wanting any of their chatter to give away their hiding stop. Anatole didn’t complain and simply made himself comfortable for what would be a rather long wait. Because soon minutes turned into hours, and Fran became bored. Though they didn’t want to lose. “He hasn’t given up yet?” Fran asked Anatole, trying to figure out how much longer he would be hiding before he won. “Léo doesn’t give up” Anatole explained simply, that was the truth. Léo didn’t like to give up and would never admit if he needed help or anything of the sort. He was rather stubborn like that. It wasn’t much of a wait longer after they cleared that up that Léo opened the wardrobe doors. “I know you guys are in here” was all he said, which caused Fran to let out a huff. “Fine. i will be your friend.” Fran said reluctantly. Fran might not have agreed to be their friend if he had known what it would lead to in the years to come. But it was too late now, he had become their friend all because he lost at a game. Though to be fair it didn’t seem like a bad idea at the time. Even though Fran didn’t express it, he was glad he had friends. Mostly because he could use the excuse of them being friends to get away with tricks and pranks. “Sorry to interrupt, but I have a message for you two” A staff member said to get their attention. “It is almost time for dinner, and you are to return as soon as possible” She explained simply. Anatole and Léo nodded before turning their attention to Fran. “We’ll see you tomorrow!” Anatole basically shouted. Then the pair made their way out of the room and then back home. That was how they met and became friends with Fran, or as they liked to call Fran, Pomme.

posted: 1/21/2021

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sivaykimura1996 · 4 years

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cantaffordtherapist42069 · 5 years

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breakdown message/running journal

first and foremost i cannot believe I wasted time getting my nails done to not even get to see them on a dick this is what I get for going with something cool again

part of me feels just absolutely stupid. like i have no idea what's going on or what anything means because i am just so used to being manipulated or lied to or choked out in bathrooms. i want to believe u are a genuinely nice person like you seem but part of me feels like you are just really good at hiding that you're just an emotionally dead fuckboy.

but like would i recognize those traits if i were not also an emotionally dead fuckboy probably not.

which is exactly why this week has been so awful.

had this been a week ago i was ready to have the "hey i havent felt any real human emotion in years but if you want me to i can try but like ur dick bomb so i can swing whatever" conversation. deadass i was at times like if he really a fuckboy i guess i can finally get a threesome out of it. (in the interest of funny things I would message u about but wont because i can't tell if you give a shit or not i was so far done caring for alias i suggested he message felecia for a threesome. completely seriously.)

however on wednesday, my anxiety was at an all time high for no reason. and it just kept getting worse all night. and all i wanted was to talk to you. i didnt care if all you did was bitch i just wanted like a ten minute phone call with you because i missed you and talking to you would have made me happy. then on my way home i had to pass a very freshly killed deer which, while interesting to my inner freak because it was like split in half and dragged, all i could think about was that your dumb ass text and snaps all the fucking time while you're driving and that technically speaking you could just hit a deer at like 70 and die and that's it you never get to talk to Dillon again and i lost it i had to pull over to cry. this was partly because i was so high but also mostly because it has been so long since i have cared about the person i was fucking and i am terrified to get genuinely attached to another person like that again. but whatever i thought I could just deal with that later.

then of course the next day was Summers wedding. and yes it was cute and im very happy for them and love is beautiful but like, first off it was weird because i am literally getting a divorce that i could not be happier to finally be getting, but also i am kind of jealous of their relationship, and then when u hit me this week with the "never once contemplated marriage", Dillon i had never been more attracted to you than at that moment. and again all i wanted was to talk to you but you were barely responding so i just volunteered to work all night to get my mind off everything even though it was one of my nights off and i already felt miserable. Then the more i thought about it all night, u bitching about being hungover, i realized that u didnt send me a single drunk text and like.. cant relate! i want to talk to you literally all the time but especially when im drunk and miss you and havent talked to you all day!

friday morning i had mail from the court that the judge on my divorce case put in a removal for dismissal. on my way to the courthouse guess who was behind me! alias! guess who had a panic attack because shes so fucking scared of this actual pussy! me! guess who has to get her paperwork in by the 20th or she has to pay 250 fucking more dollars to the state to file again! me! and of course multiple people have told me that they dont think alias and felecia are doing well and im fucking terrified. i thought theyd at least last a year and buy me some time to heal but nah fuck me. i love feeling absolutely terrified everywhere i go.

i think its probably important you get the whole story. it really explains why im a freak and also why i was temporarily drinking almost every night. but like its really something you sit down and discuss not casually send over a message so a very short version is i knew alias would be abusive within the first week, broke up, got back together when he got back from basic and went to mos school, i knew i was making a mistake because i was crazy about him but i knew he was a piece of shit, cheated on him to convince myself to leave him, never told him and stayed instead, found him sending and receiving nudes and sexting with girls from gone wild on reddit, shit was absolutely awful and we fought non stop for years, he gets out of the marines we move back and he finally admits to me that he thought he wanted kids which i had known he did for a while so wasnt a shock, I smoked half a pack of camels and i was over it. didnt love him at all. didnt leave because he begged me to stay because "he didnt he just needed to discuss wanting kids", then after i specifically warned him i was going to be emotionally distant, he started getting crazy. he was so miserable all the time and reflected it by acting angry around me intentionally. then it was the busting in to my room at random times to accuse me of not loving him and like i wasnt going to admit to the psycho that i was just with him because i couldn't leave kira with him and yes i was def lying about loving him, and then one night he just flipped and was screaming at my accusing me of cheating on him (not that i even had the time to with how closely he monitored where i was and how long for), and then he choked me. he had both hands around my neck and was pushing so hard he basically threw me into the bathroom wall. then after he realized what he was doing he smashed his head into the bathroom mirror and came into my room begging me to kill him. every night after that i was terrified to stay and terrified to leave and terrified to do anything at all. i really thought killing myself would be how id finally get out. then the night with the police happened and now im staying with my mom and stepdad because i literally do not feel safe anywhere else.

or at least i didn't until i was able to sleep all night with you. i did not think i would ever feel safe sleeping with a guy again and now i miss waking up next to you.

there is so much about you that freaks me out but literally not one red flag and that also freaks me out. i know im a mess. you have a nice normal stable life and im sure you dont want a messy trauma bitch all up in it. but fuck Dillon, if you dont want to see me why the fuck are we always talking

like i know i have done everything possible to get you to keep your distance and all i know how to do is self sabotage but like i can't anymore. i am not capable of acting chill again for another whole fucking month and then imagine you hooking up with way hotter girls and cry every fucking night because i caught feelings for the fuckboy. i miss you, literally, all the time. i check my phone every morning just to see if i have a message from you. i think about you every night. and yes the way you fuck me is literally the best sex ive ever had but i am beyond dick crazy about you. i love just being around you. i could listen to you talk for hours, just nonstop. i am already daydreaming about dates we could go on next summer. and i want to tell you all this but i feel so stupid for feeling anything at all for you when you make me feel like i just dont matter to you and im just an ego boost for you.

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galimatios · 6 years

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t/a rambles 1

back on my bullshit part 1

... should look into the tactics ogre games for novel inspo bc my novel is also a political drama ... UNINTENTIONALLY actually id call it a coming of age story in rhe new adult genre since mc is probably 23-25 i have so many feelings about the novel ugh i love my ocs so much and i put them all om opposing sides for this novel the most complex relationship i have in it i think is alex and his mother or rather prince kreutzer in this au queen elaine and her son prince kreutzer .. god its so fucked up bc kreutzer loves his mother- he was largely isolated as a child and his mother was always so loving and sweet and they were so so close but the prince never knew of the shit his mother did as queen she is a tyrant she must have lost a child once. a princess, i think probably to the king who she may have ... overthrew or usurped maybe but regardless of that shes in power now and because she lost a child she became overly protective of kreu and consolidated her power heard of a plot to infiltrate her kingdom and assassinate the son of the previous tyrant king (?) and she just fucking ruled with an iron fist because she has so little trust in the goodness of people that she thinks the only way to achieve good is to force it and as a result she kills anyone who steps out of line thus making the people resent her deeply but to kreutzer shes his mother his loving and doting mother who does all she can to protect him the novel actually starts um after the queen is assassinated h a its not her story but shes a big part of it even after her death bc a big portion of the theme is like coming to terms with the complexity of individuals no one is all good or all bad and kreu starts out unable to understand this he has a very black and white view of moralitt like his mother at the beginning on his coronation day theres an assassination attempt made on him but he gets whisked away by the court jester after that a coup is staged and rebels take over the country and the prince is forced to hide with a traveling circus that the jester brings him to where every performer... is a fugitive or criminal! and thats where his personal growth really begins bc he learns abt these people and realizes his world view was wrong people are complex people do bad things... for just reasons and vice versa esp Keith who makes a major appearance in the novel his entire bg story takes place outside the novel as well hahaha but its a lot after a raid on his village, hes orphaned along w his little sister who is ill so to make ends meet / buy medicine he does literally every fucking crime under the sun starting off with petty theft and scaling up to murder literally sacrificing every last shred of innocence he has for the sake of his ailing sister who... dies anyway! and im thinking, tbh, its a fantine/cosette/thenardiers type sitch where this quack doctor is basically scamming him except instead of fantine dying cosette does anyway thats where he fucking hits rock bottom he could handle things as long as he had someone to fight for you know he was alright with it bc his sister was there, his saving grace but when she dies hes all alone thats probably when lydia finds him i imagine he would he on the verge of suicide or at the very least dying of self imposed starvation and neglect but honestly probably suicide julie's death on top of the crushinf weight of all the crimes hes committed the innocence he lost, the lives he took its just way too much and hes just a naive kid lydia finds him and takes him back to the circus takes care of him gives him food and water and shelter and slowly tries to reach him slowly teaching him that there is still life to be lived that he is so young, and it is far too soon for him to lay down and die that he should live for his dead family, because that is what they would want to keep their memory alive in his heart and he begins to come around slowly starts doing chores for the troup then he finally sees one of their performances acrobats and the trapeze and the glitz and the glamor its the first time in years where he ... wasnt thinking about his dead sister or his trauma he asks lydia to teach him how to "do that" he says while pointing at the stage and so she does and ever since then hes taken up performing full time as a .. daredevil type act doing outrageously dangerous things for the thrill of it it excites him, the risk he loves to see how close to the edge of death he can walk without falling and it fuels him makes him enjoy being alive again and he's.. happy god by the time you meet keith in the novel he's just this happy go lucky teen with this smugness about him a kind of dangerousness belying a sweet exterior he's all jokes and laughs at this point and you'd never be able to tell what he went thru at first glance or at all really bc honestly, at this point he honest to god is okay lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 6:00 AM he... doesnt need anyone's pity. he doesn't need anything but the feeling of being alive now and one of the major points of the novel is prince kreu's relationship with him... bc at first they really clash and kreu is just... he's a fucking criminal and all of then deserve to hang keith plays this off w jokes at first but kreu keeps being antagonistic bc he just cant believe a criminal like him is getting away without punishment but then one day keith snaps at him knife to the prince's throat dangerous, cat like eyes, the usual smile on his face no where to be found you're right. i'm a thief. a liar. a criminal. a murderer. i'm all those things. but i'll tell you one thing, prince: i'm not worthless. he pulls the knife away and walks off leaving the prince stunned after this lydia talks to kreu explaining that maybe he shouldn't judge keith so quickly hinting that the circumstances of his life were... not ideal when i first found him, he was already half dead. perhaps not physically, but in the eyes. you could see the reaper in them. hhmgmgn i need to think more abt the circumstances around this scene ah keith must have been looking for a good place to die

the music from the circus reminded him of better days, when he played songs with his family. i imagine him.. outside the tent, somewhere obscured and there's music flowing from its interior... he's tired. he sits down against a barrel and he's been starving, exhausted... letting sleep take him away on the songs from the circus back to a time he used to be happy...

lydia fines him and shakes him but his eyes look glassy and he's unresponsive

he's taken poison must have been something from his former days working as an assassin something he saved for himself just in case and that's when lydia takes him in and nurses him back to health she's a water mage w healing capabilities so she's able to do it and i imagine at first keith is hurt, angry why am i still alive? i im fucking myself up in the feels i hate this THIS ISNT EBEN IN THE FUCKINF BOOK IT ALL HAPPENS BEFORE IT KEITJS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE BUT IM SO FUCKED UP ugh after kreutzer learns a bit abt keiiths origins he actually thinks a lot. and tries to make amends. apologizes to keith who doesnt say anything much he's sitting, eyes away from the prince, fiddling with the knives he uses for his performances

"a raid took my parents away. illness took away my sister."

"i did a lot of things for money. most of it i'm not proud of. but i would have done anything to save her... you know?"

"you've got someone you love too, don't you?" kreutzer thinks of his mother. the surrogate brother who disappeared on him and never returned "i do." "then, you get it." after this they start to really bond almost as siblings.. which is really funny bc kreutzer doesnt need to be protective of keith keith can MORE THAN take care of himself but its new for kreutzer to feel.. responsibility for someone else like this he was always the one protected before keith laughs at this a lot what're you trying to do? be my big bro? but secretly he ...really likes having family again as idiotic as kreutzer is ofc lydia has always been there for him but as a surrogate mother an older sib is new and.. kind of nice in canon modern au they really are basically bros LOL actually cousins via mothers but alex/kreu goes to live w keiths family after his mom (lain) dies so they essentially grow up like brothers i didn't even get started w the fucking mess that is alan and kreutzer alan goes by calisto also and he hes the court jester but he was trained from a young age as a snake in the kings court he was supposed to kill the prince when the time was right but alan and his dumb fucking gay ass FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM INSTEAD spoiler alert: its unrequited btwn alex and alan is NEVER requited in ALL aus its because alan ... doesnt love himself at all. he has no sense of... purpose or identity alex can never love someone like that but either way he becomes the prince's personal servant and entertainer and this idiot falls for him the naivete he displays, the timid stateliness, the unfitting title of prince bestowed on his shoulders- kreutzer is far too soft to be the leader of this kingdom and alan increasingly has the desire to protect him even as kreu grows older and more skilled in his studies there is always the anxious trepidation they also grow up together from around ages 11-present at the time of the novels start god alan loves him so much it hurts me but its so one sided alex loves cyrus in modern au ): alan could never be more than just a phase tbh poor guy alan and his low self esteem and depression the worst part of this thougg is that because alan feels aimless and without purpose when he falls for kreutzer he ... finally has his OWN cause to fight for and he takes it to the extreme betraying everyone that trusted him to do his job for the sake of a man who wont ever love him it bites him in the ass too bc i kill him off as a catalyst for other stuff h ahahahhahahahahahahaha not just kill him off but horribly because HE FUCKING BETRAYED HIS ENTIRE SIDE THEY ARE, UNDERSTANDABLY, PISSED Alan is so fuckong flawed hes a fuckinf mess and i love it ugh im thinkijg of another scene in the novel once kreutzer gets captured bt the coup rebels he actuallt submits himself voluntarily bc keith gets kidnapped and used as ransom keith tells him hes a fucking idiot keiths life doesnt matter dont fucking come for me! but kreu doesnt listen obviously and they torture kreutzer bc i love suffering and after that they make him listen in a mock trial to the testimonials of all the people hurt by his mother death to the queen! death to elaine of koel! all the horrible stories of lives unjustly cut short because of his mother it breaks him because he loves his mother so much but she's done all these horrible things he doesn't know what to do how to make amends the damage was done and he takes their wrath their scorn and anguish and i'm sorry as if sorry could ever fix anything but it is his burden to carry, his punishment to suffer in place of the queen ironically this makes lilya have a change of heart she was infiltrating the queens court just as alan did and she is directly responsible for her death her assassination, i think or the king's? either way shes part of the rebel forces and she DESPISES the queen good fucking riddance as far as she's concerned that woman made her life hell(edited) so she can rot in it for all lilya cares for but seeing kreutzer there bloodied tortured sobbing broken and taking the punishment doled out to him without so much as a word of protest(edited) she thinks... this... isnt right this is wrong. because kreutzer was not responsible for the sins of his mother as much as people want to blame him, take out their anger on him lilya was at first all gung ho about ending the royal bloodline lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 7:02 AM but she reconsiders this moment feels something tugging at her this isnt right

she remembers her sister back at the circus— lydia. who she always loved dearly but clashed with, leading to her abandoning the circus and joining the rebellion.

retribution is deserved, but should it be served? what then makes us different from our oppressors?

or sth like that so she rescues kreutzer takes him back to the circus. and reunites with her sister after so many years after that ik not entirely sure what to do w the novel LOL bc i know there has to he a big battle bc the rebellion forces begin to quell opposition like how the communist regime in other countries started in ernest bc people felt oppressed but then they went too far and started culling the middle class so then kreutzer leads his own rebellion force against them to take back the country then once he wins he uses his kinghood to dissolve the monarchy and embrace democracy instead asking lydia to lead hes much too tired to lead, and she is much better suited for it but hm inhabe to think more about that entire segment after this he takes over lydias spot in the circus as its owner and organizer and with keith he spends the rest of his days helping people just like keith also they properly mourn alans death it takes forever for kreu to come to terms w his mothers assassination and crimes he probably never truly works it out but he begins to be able to recognize that she is both the tyrant queen and his loving mother that they do not cancel eachother out, that they are not mutually exclusive they are one in the same UGH IM SO UPSET I WISH ID FUCKING WRITE THIS BC I WANT TO FUCKING READ IT the message i wanna convey is like people.. are complex, imperfect, and the systems they create are also subjected to that but everyone does things for a reason. no matter what that reason is and i want lydia to address this too when she becomes the new prime minister of koel a democracy is not perfect, because man is not perfect. there will be hardship, mistakes made along the way. but together we can grow, improve, and learn about one another— and better our society for it. and i believe anywhere injustice goes, justice will always follow(edited) sth like that ig

#the anarchist #notes

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