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total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel · 2 months

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jock is so good because theyre so toxic and not good for each other and she brings out the worst in him and he brings out the worst in her and they fight so much and kiss and make up and shes constantly touching his chest and pushing him around and he does the same to her and he clearly respects her and calls her maam and jo is clearly insecure about her appearance and brick can make her cute outfits and make her feel better and brick has that whole need to be dominated shit and a second after that jo shows up and bosses him around (that line was clearly alluding to her cmon now) and shes given him the most nicknames out of every other contestant and does that squat thruster thing at him (THAT WASNT EVEN A SQUAT THRUST MIND YOU. why did she do that) and then pulls him in by his hand to say "no welcome to MY team" and their faces were even closer than zokes in every interaction theyve been in and she showed genuine kindness and concern for him when she pulled him out of that grave in ep4. not to mention that music playing in the background mixed in with zooming in on their hands... at least a few ppl working on the show lowkey shipped them. cmon now. even chris acknowledges their romantic tension "mm this tension is so delish i could kiss someone!" (referring to the romance between anne maria and vito all episode) then says "maybe brick and jo wanna kiss and make up?". they totally wouldve made up if there were no cameras but theyre both pussys. she loves to tease him and get on his nerves. brick has a traditional mindset as in the sense that hes the man and has to be in charge and jo humbles the shit out of him. "never met a girl stronger than me!" god i hope she humbles him like that more often. and shes proven herself to be physically stronger than him on multiple occasions too.... jock is just such a fun dynamic bc they kind of hate each other but theyre still frenemies and jo sees him as a more worthy competitor bc unlike lightning she can actually have productive dialogue with brick, meanwhile lightning doesnt even know his ABCs. she literally joined the rats team JUST TO BE WITH BRICK AGAIN. in the intro shes seen beating a punching bag, catches cameron, and immediately disregards him just so she can run after brick and beat his ass. and she does beat his ass. in ep2 brick tries to dislocate his hip just to impress her, this man in down bad. and jos insecurities would be so bad bc she doesnt think shes desirable at all for a relationship, bc she clearly wants one. on her deathbed shes sad shes never had her first kiss. brick fell first but jo fell harder. do you see my vision. they only knew each other for 7 episodes but they made they most of it and had so much natural chemistry. bricks a gentleman and jo loves that bc she can take advantage of his good nature. she loves his chivalry and will still use it against him. brick tries to stand up for himself and fails every time. They’re both too prideful and embarrassed to admit their feelings to one another so they never do, their first kiss is in the middle of a heated argument where jo just suddenly pulls him in my the dog tags and kisses him. After that they can’t look at each other for 2 weeks and enter a weird situationship where they’re too afraid to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and don’t adopt those official titles until 3 years later. They get married to spite one another. The only reason they’d ever have kids is to prove who would be the better parent. They make EVERYTHING and competition but to them it’s the most romantic thing imaginable. Brick is lovey dovey and jo finds it so obnoxious but she secretly likes it. She wears the pants in this relationship. Bricks need to be dominated was clearly alluding to jo and I’m tired of this fandom pretending it wasn’t. I really am. #toxicheterosexualcouple for the win.

Do you ever think about how Jo’s craziest dream was letting a guy win because she found him ‘attractive?’ Because i do. I lie awake every night in bed thinking about that. I take that as jock evidence idgaf. Jo could never find him physically attractive anyway, she finds him more cute in the way you find a German shepherd cute. She thinks him and his stupid gestures of kindness are annoying and endearing. She loves him. He loves her. She hates him. He hates her. They’ll never be able to be healthy, and they’re not supposed to work out at all, but somehow they keep running back to each other. They make each other feel emasculated. Idc if girls can’t feel emasculated, that’s the best way to describe how he makes her feel. She hates having a crush on him because it makes her feel ‘girly,’ and by her standards, weak. Brick is a gentleman, as described by her, so hed be expected to go for a girl who’s more feminine and ladylike. But you know what he does? He goes for the hot tomboy jockette who will beat him to a pulp. Brick has that “i could never hit a woman” mindset but jo pushes him over his limit and when they get into a seriously heated fight it is soooooo good. Brick knows her behaviors are not healthy and he wants to help her be a better person, but his heart says that she’s fine as is because he loves how mean she is to him. ‘Jo is like this bug; she’s always trying to get under my skin!” SHE WANTS YOU BRO. Guys are so bad at picking up signs istg. Do you ever think about how jo also sees heather as a worthy competitor? And what do brick and heather have in common… dark hair, dark eyes, a cleft chin. That’s Jo’s type. The best Jo ship is debatable, since jomaria transcends levels of holiness that jock is still struggling to reach, but bricks best ship is objectively jock. I’m tired of pretending that Brott is any good. Brick would not be Scott’s type whatsoever; Scott is into bossy ladies, he wants to be bossed around and told what to do. Brick had his ‘need to be dominated.’ Too conflicting. Tired of pretending that Scott would be the ‘dominant’ one in any relationship ever but ill have to stop myself before this turns into a Scott mischaracterization rant. Do you ever think about how jo managed to convince brick to give up the cadet code for a few seconds? The cadet code; bricks life. He lives by that shit, and jo is the only person who’s managed to convince him to abandon it. Do you understand how significant that is? How much is shows how brick respects her? He is willing to abandon his morality just because jo told him too. That sure is something. Do you ever think about how in ep7, Brick voted Lightning at the elimination ceremony instead of jo? Jo receives her marshmallow first, indicating that brick must’ve voted for lightning since jo received none. And brick had even more reason to vote off jo. Brick was on much better terms with lightning. I bet you brick didn’t even vote for jo in ep4 either. Look at how often jo touches his chest. Jo, you do not need to be doing all that. In ep2, after their morning run sequence, she places her hand on his chest as she speaks to him. Brick is busy GAWKING at that hand. He sure is starting at that. She wants you bro, stop being oblivious. Back to when brick dislocated his hip just to impress her— jo seemed impressed for a moment when he told her about his boot camp stuff! Until he dislocated his hip and arm. She made fun of him for that. She thinks his dorkiness is endearing.

Need everyone to stop sleeping on their dynamic bc they were the best part of s4 idgaf anymore. Brick and jo for the win and I’m entirely convinced that if ROTI got a s2 they would’ve gotten together I’m not even kidding.

#total drama #long post #jo td #brick td #jock td

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undeadvinyls · 2 years

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HEHE HI for the ship questions post: i hope u dont mind me sending like.. a fewwww different asks just to organize things. i want to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE and thatd be a lot for one post i think...

anyways! referring to rustbolt and millisecond:

pre relationship: 1, 2, 5, 7 general: 3, 6 love: 2, 8

OFC OFC!! i want to honestly personally tysm, it makes me so so happy to have such engaged in my ocs ppl <3 onto the asks!

1.How did they first meet? they met when Millisecond got hired by Zomboss and joined the team ofc, but that was only eye contact. they truly met when Millisecond's handblades got broken, so he went to the team's mechanic, Rustbolt himself. While fixing his space stuff, they ended up chatting a ton even if it meant breaking Rusty from his introverted comfort. they didn't have much in common as they were total polar opposites but it was so fun for them to spend some time together so they decided to hang out some more, not only at job! slowly they realized they aren't that different from each other! 2.What was their first impression of each other? okay so like... Rustbolt was scared of Millisecond a bit, as he's the infamous assassin from space and thought he was going to be cold and distant, that's why he got scared to fix his stuff for the first time. Millisecond meanwhile thought Rustbolt was.. just strange, but he was fascinated by his engineering genius and thought he's got a lotta potential. So like, their first impressions were really mixed, but none of them realized that they're not what they look like. Milli turned out to be an absolutely loyal and caring individual while Rustbolt turned out to be just eccentric but loving!

5.Did either of them try to resist their feelings? yes. holy shit yes, and it was Rustbolt. He was the first one to get the crush, and he tried resisting his feelings but he just couldn't, Millisecond was in his head 24/7 living rent free and he couldn't stop it. That led to a lotta awkward shenanigans too. "Boy, don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love."

7.What would their lives be like if they had never met? Hmmm.. i'd say, pretty normal. I headcanon Rustbolt to be a Gay Demisexual-Demiromantic, so he wouldn't get bothered by having no one to love. He'd be fine by himself, but without Millisecond he'd probably never learn to be more calm and let his emotions go. Millisecond would pretty much still roam the space as an assassin but he'd never learn to take it easy and be slower. they fullfill each other a ton!!

3.What was their first kiss like?

Rustbolt says it was "the most romantic thing ever and when I touched his lips, i felt fireworks ignited deep inside me that resulted in love, I kissed roughly and it was amazing" while Millisecond says "Rustbolt was so fucking awkward he almost headbutted me instead of kissing me." their first kiss also happened when rustbolt invited Millisecond over to his place (which was in fact a date) and when he confessed he just pulled him closer to himself and did it!

6.What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Do they share a friend group?

OOH. i genuinely don't have any family headcanons for Rustbolt, all I can say is that Millisecond has a father, but he doesn't talk to him as he was mentally abusive and a huge bigot (Millisecond is a gay man). Rustbolt is VERY protective of his boyfriend because of that. They have a friend group tho! they like to hang out together with Game Bug or Neptuna. Millisecond also has like several friends from the dark side of the moon in space. Rustbolt likes them, says they're in fact very sweet even if they're wanted criminals from outer space. they make good cookies too.

2.What are their primary love languages?

Millisecond shows affection through actions and Rustbolt shows it thru words! but.... ohhhhh well.......... Millisecond's love language is fixing Rustbolt's armor and putting his bolts back while he's sitting there flustered, meanwhile Rustbolt LOVES Milli's hair and anytime he lets his hair down he just comes up to him and moves his fingers through it as it is extremely soft, and ALSO braids it sometimes. they also love to sit together snuggled up with one rambling on something and the other listening carefully and in love. it's mainly millisec who rambles on space and how much he wants to show the whole galaxy to his bf.

8.How do they celebrate holidays?

they eat brains and plants and kiss. nah i'm joking, they love to make gifts for each other. millisecond knows like everything about rustbolt so his gifts are always amazing, while rustbolt's are a bit of hit or miss, but milli treasures them nonetheless. usually they go on some trips too, just the two of them together, enjoying each other's company.

so like.. in short it's like... totally extroverted dude with an introverted dude and they're both huge losers and learn to love each other and full-fill each other. yeah abueub tysm for asking!!

#phantom answers #millirust #<- their shipping name!

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appledotcodotuk · 3 years

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why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

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icharchivist · 3 years

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hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

#ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty #ichareply

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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ok not to be That Magnus Stan but seeing your last ask... how do you think adhd/sensory issues might intersect with kink for Magnus? (You don't have to answer jkjljljljkllljlk)

i mean pls be That Magnus Stan tbh, and id be more than happy to answer it 👀👀👀

also the ask you’re referring to is no longer my last ask because it took me a while to finish this up, but anyway

ok so there's plenty of things that apply the same way to the both of them - like hyperfixating on their characters when planning roleplay, definitely the whole thing about how domspace (well, subspace for magnus, but u get it) feels a bit like hyperfocus? like his senses are just honed in and particularly for an adhd person that's just great news. like usually his head is all over the place but when he's in subspace he gets that quiet and he's just focusing on his own pleasure and everything else quiets down for a bit

in that sense i feel like it's the opposite of what anon said about being overwhelmed, like, i feel like the enhanced sensations are good for magnus because again adhd = brain desperately looking for stimuli at all times, so when he's engaging in like, orgasm delay/denial, gangbang and the like, he has a clear thing to focus on, sometimes even more than he can really process, and that kind of satisfies his brain?

udhdudndid that sounds stupid but i hope you understand what i mean, like, of course sensory issues could become bad and he might need to safeword but when he's in the proper headspace and he just allows himself to be washed over by the pleasure and let go, it feels like finally his mind is clear. i don't know if i have adhd, but it definitely feels that way for me. also, he might actually need the overstimulation in order to focus and feel pleasure, sometimes. like anything less he just.... wanders away jdhdudjdi i also feel that way

also, warning again just in case! im not saying "wow ppl with adhd are subs". im just conjecturing about how a person who happens to have adhd and be into subbing (and like, specifically the kind of adhd and kinks i hc for magnus) would feel in regards to how those things overlap and change their experience with their pleasure. or well, magnus specifically, not just any person with adhd. but anyway

also that thing i said about following orders and just letting go, like- usually his mind is going a mile a minute, and as a political leader and someone who's been on his own most of his life etc he just worries all the time. how to present, gesticulate, speak, what to say, what to do, he's always hyperaware of his own movements (because he has to) and worrying about others and their pleasure and comfort and shit, so to get to just lie back, not move - be unable to move, even - follow orders and be a good boy? that's some A+ shit right there

you know? he doesnt have to be anxious about anything or try to keep his thoughts and movements in check and guess ppl's reactions or even worry if he's just following orders - orders he knows he'll enjoy, that he's agreed to, planned for, with someone that he trusts - and feeling the pleasure that comes from that. a huge part of his usual thoughts is finally muted and that helps him feel relaxed and mellow and get into subspace. which again, he craves, because usually adhd brain is just aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so subspace is a very welcome and even needed break

even from a neurological standpoint, like... adhd is basically lack of norepinephrine in the brain, and orgasms, especially intense ones, release a lot of that, but I'll try not to nerd out too hard here. tho i might have to go back to that in a minute

isnt it performance art that i had a genius thought that i loved and halfway through finishing the last sentence i just forgot it

oh yeah! thinking specifically about rsd and how this comes into play for someone who's into humiliation kink. there are several psychological analyses that postulate that one of the things attractive about bdsm is that it allows you to explore fears and generally bad situations in a controlled environment. kinda like reading fiction or doing extreme sports. so in that sense bdsm is attractive because it allows you to act on those fears and turn them into something 1- safe, 2- under their control, instead of the other way around, and 3- pleasurable

and like... dont get me wrong it's not that magnus is into being told "ur ugly and no one loves you" or something lmao but in a way humiliation kink is enacting a fantasy of rejection/belittling, except turned inside out? like "you're my good little fucktoy, you were made to be fucked like this, you slut" is degrading and belittling and on the verge of calling someone worthless... except positive. because that's what makes them so great to fuck? so in a way this kind of play flips the tables on many concepts because being a "slut" or a "toy" feels like a compliment. and in this process of degradation you are taking the fear of being worthless and making a scenario where that being true is exactly what makes the person worthwhile

idk i might be reaching a bit here cuz i think im into humiliation that's way more hardcore than i think magnus would be like i straight up enjoy being called worthless lmao but i feel like that makes sense, the way that humiliation/degradation play takes your fear of rejection or shortcoming and is like "but if that were true.... that would make you good" like o shit can't argue with that

and again like.... obviously that's all a very careful line as you're dealing with some sensitive stuff, which is why doms need to go through training to be able to deal with the physical and mental implications of what they're doing. and none of this is conscious of course, i don't think magnus is out there thinking this through deeply or anything, im just saying it's a part of what makes bdsm subconsciously appealing to some ppl. but my point is, rsd might play a part in why magnus is into that mix of praise and humiliation. like i think he needs the praise for reassurance even during play, which alec is more than happy to provide ("you're so beautiful, look at you, so perfect like this, i love you,"), and that kind of play where rejection, praise, and pleasure are all kind of one and the same is appealing because it just makes it all the more overwhelming without actually being negative and your mind is just lost in the almost contradictory stimuli but the pleasure and the positive wins out and you just feel so relaxed and good? yeah

but there's also like, the way that impacts the negative possible outcomes of bdsm. namely, rsd and subdrop

rsd is kind of obvious so i'll try to be brief: it's a sensitive issue and if he's not in the proper headspace for it, it can have the opposite effect and go very wrong very fast, because his reaction to rejection is hyperamplified by it. so if it has the opposite of the desired effect - rejection overpowering praise and pleasure - it might go south so fast he doesnt have the time to yellow. like he can't prevent it before it happens, you know? which is also why i think he wouldn't go Super Deep into humiliation and why the mix with praise is key - which is another way in which they are compatible because alec sure does love praising him

as for subdrop: if you don't know what that is, basically BDSM play is very intense and releases a fuckton of endorphins all at once very fast, so, sometimes, the sub doesn't come down from their orgasm as much as falls facefirst back to earth. meaning, their brain empties itself of endorphins, which leaves them feeling hollow and depressed, sometimes also moody, hypersensitive/prone to crying, fatigued, and just generally bad

which is one of the many reasons aftercare is important! and also proper dom training! with proper aftercare, you can prevent that drop from happening, by keeping the sub feeling positively. reassurance, touch, and other forms to bring physical and/or psychological relief and/or pleasure helps keep their brain from just crashing once the rush of endorphins is over, so it lasts a little longer and they can come down from the high gently. work those neurotransmitters yall! keep them up and running!

so anyway i feel like subdrop is not only a bigger deal for ppl with adhd (because adhd is already a lack of neurotransmitters so fucking up your balance even further is Very Bad), but also more likely to happen if you're not careful, because the "regular" adhd brain already has a lack of neurotransmitters, which keep those endorphins running. so adhd ppl might "run out" of them even easier

NOTE: i'm not affirming that, this is a shot in the dark. i have no data or research to back that up and im nowhere near an expert in neuroscience, i just know the basics. so don't take this part too seriously and definitely don't quote me on it

but anyWAY yeah. my point is, subdrop can be a problem so it’s something that he tries to be prepared for, have some snacks before and after, do proper aftercare, etc. like i said, it’s mostly preventable, although sometimes stuff like this happens even if you do your best. but anyway

and there’s another thing too, which is that one possible sympton of subdrop is feeling rejected and alone. which is super fun when you have rsd! so yeah. subdrop can be very bad for magnus. and like, don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying it happens every time or super frequently or something, but it IS something he has to watch out for possibly more than others haha man thinking about how camille didn’t care about this at ALL. he knows it can be bad, but he’s also learnt how to prevent it for him, and as the healthy bastards that they are, magnus and alec talk about that in length. during alec’s Research™ he comes across that concept and he brings it up with magnus and makes sure that he knows everything there is to know about how and when magnus experiences subdrop and how to deal with that. he also makes magnus promise to let him know if he ever has it, because alec WILL drop everything to go and give him extra care. and it’s sweet

on a better note! BDSM has been shown to be associated with lower levels of rejection sensitivity among practitioners. so that’s nice? like obviously magnus won’t find the cure for his rsd with BDSM or anything, but i like the idea of magnus opening his eyes one day and realizing that hey, ever since alec and i have been doing play more often, i’ve been feeling a little less affected by rejection?

also like, BDSM as a whole helps enhance trust and communication in a relationship (obviously it needs to already be there for the BDSM activities to take place and like please everyone everything i’m saying here is on people who enjoy it. how you perceive these actions is heavily influenced by whether or not you enjoyed them so i’m not saying that BDSM is great for everyone, i’m saying that it’s great for people who are into it. so don’t go thinking BDSM will do your relationship good or something, k? k) for obvious reasons, so that also helps magnus feel more secure you know. so that’s a positive way that these things interact too

and okay, i think that’s all i have? not that this isn’t gigantic but like you know. i don’t know how to end this other than uh i had fun answering that ask! also, again, i’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist and there is actually pretty little research on the psychological effects of BDSM as most of the discussion seems to be centered on “is kink a disease?” due to stigmatization, so like, please, i’m doing this for fun, alright? i tried to make it as accurate as possible and also i get Into It and dive deep into research sometimes so while this is a somewhat educated guess, don’t take everything i say here as face value

in short, thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #hooo boy this is long and i've been at it for a while but it's here at least #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #sub magnus bane #adhd magnus bane #malec #meta #magnus bane meta #dirty mention #long post #also this is officially my 41.000th post #yay!"

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queenpenelopedecker-blog · 6 years

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Lucifeerah Nightstar

My name is Lucifeerah Nightstar, and yes, I am related to Lucifer Morningstar. He thinks he’s the only devil in Los Angeles. He thinks he has the monopoly on all things sinfully delightful. Oh sure, he goes on and on about how he punishes the guilty, and can charm the pants off anyone (blah blah blah). Well. He’s about to get a big surprize when he meets me. Dear old Dad has send me to LA. Oh, this is going to be great fun.

You see...I’m the female version of Lucifer. Except, I’m nastier, less forgiving, and more fun loving. Luci has gotten somewhat boring. And Dear old Dad is sending me to LA to check up on him. To help ensure he sticks to the predestined path Dad has set for him. This is my story. Sit back, buckle up kids - it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

CHAPTER ONE - In the beginning:

So, as I was saying - I do have a story to tell. But before I jump into the present day, I’d like to share my backstory with you. Let’s begin there, shall we? First off, I am an angel - or rather, I was an angel in good standing. However, I misbehaved, and Dad bought me a one way ticket to Hell. You see, Lucifer and I share the same Dad (aka God). But we have different mums. Dear old Dad loves variety. Anyway...Dad sent me to Hell to manage the place as Loosey Goosey Lucifer took off to Los Angeles. That was 5 years ago or about that.

As I didn’t piss off Dad as much as Luci did - he put me in “The Celestial School for Understanding Humans” - before he sent me to Hell. I had no idea Humans could be as stupid as they really are. It was there at the CSUH that I developed a passion, a liking, a need (if you will) for inflicting punishment on the evil doing humans; who would inevitably end up in Hell of course.

After much testing in CSUH, they discovered my talents lie in punishing the sexual deviants, the pedophiles, the necrophiles, the rapists, the torturers, etc. Seems I especially enjoy punishing them, making them accountable for their actions, making them remorseful. Making them plead for mercy. But giving them none. However, Dad did lecture me that as Boss of Hell, I would have to punish all - not just my special pets of sexual abusers. Deal. Okay, okay - I told Dad I would punish all. Dad is so good a lectures let me tell you.

Off to Hell I then went, packed up with all my how-to-manuals and notes from CSUH. I wasn't appointed Boss of Hell immediately. They made me apprentice first. I argued that I didn’t need that but Dad stepped in again. Yep. You know how that works. He commands obedience. To get what I wanted, I had to give him what he wanted. Fine.

Celestials don't measure time like you humans, but I think it’s safe to say I was Boss of Hell for only a few years. During that time I had the exquisite pleasure of punishing many, many sexual abusers. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed that. Truly I loved my Hell job. Maybe too much.

Then I got a celestial call from Dad the other day. He has now deployed me to Los Angeles. Dad was kind enough to fill me in on what had been going on there with Lucifer Morningstar. Of course, Lucifer is a legend in my world. Even though he’s my half brother, I haven’t met him. Yet. Dad promised me that there are oodles of sexual predators in this place called LA. He even hinted that I may be able to capture some alive ones & inflict my brand of punishment on them before they go to Hell. Works for me.

But before I was allowed to leave my comfort zone in Hell, I had to take some more bloody lessons from CSUH on how humans act, talk, eat, sleep, drink, etc in LA (and surrounding area). I had to learn cuss words, slang, something called swagger, blah blah blah. Apparently, LA humans are obsessed with sex, with the word fuck, with the word ass, and other oddities. Matters not to me. As long as I do the job dear old Dad is sending me to do - who cares?

I tend to babble on. Back in my celestial true home - I was known to be rather chatty. Oh well. We can’t all be perfect. Back to the present time...

Before I inserted myself into LA, I had to find a body. I had to pop into a live human body. I needed to find a dead body, not too dead (fairly fresh) that I could inhabit. I had help (thank Dad) with that task. We settled on a rather attractive curvaceous woman of mixed ethnicity. Poor girl, she fell off a yacht into the ocean and drowned. We came upon her body just in time. So, let me describe myself to you (I’m very hot, as humans say)...

CHAPTER 2 - Sex appeal and sex:

Back to describing me. This body that I’m borrowing, henceforth referred to as “me” is full of curves. I’m a size 12 they say. Tallish. Thick dark brown/black hair. I’ve been told I’m half Cherokee and half Latino. My eyes are dark brown. Funny thing is (although perhaps not so funny), when I integrated into this body - there was a glitch in the celestial system (high traffic death day) & I ended up retaining a bit of his woman’s earthly persona; plus that of another soul who died at the exact same time/same beach.

This means that I blurt things out in Spanish sometimes, spontaneously light sweet grass on fire, crave Bon Jovi music, and other little quirks. It’s very annoying actually, esp if I’m trying to seduce someone - or worse yet torture them. Head Office (aka Heaven) is working on that. For now, it is what it is (as the humans say).

CSUH spent quite a bit of time coaching me on how to be “sexy” in this so called hot body I have. I gotta admit, a lot of this was new to me. They had to teach me about this activity called intercourse, and orgasms. Of course, all angels understand the basics. But we’re all virgins for the most part. It was explained to me by my celestial handlers, that I had to get sexed up, learn the art of seduction, blah blah blah. They said I had to do these things in my human body, or else Lucifer would see through me. If you haven’t already guessed, they don’t want Lucifer to know who I am.

And they gave me my wings back. Great. Just great. I kinda got used to not having them around when I was down in Hell. My wings are golden tan. So, I had to learn how to control them too. Damn things pop up at the worst times.

Okay, getting back to this sex talk. Maybe it’s best if I back track to last week, when I lost my virginity...

Last Week:

My handlers had procured a muscular handsome man for me to fornicate with. They put a celestial spell on him (for lack of a better term). And here’s how it went:

Me: hello human, do you wanna fuck? Him: um, sure, but how about a drink first? That was when my handlers stepped in, froze time, and allowed me a re-do. Apparently, I needed to work on my charm.

Me: well hello there big boy, how about you insert your penis in my vagina? Him: well, yah, but how about a drink first? Yes, you guessed it, my handlers stepped in, froze time, another re-do. This went on and on and on until I finally got it right.

Me: hi Todd, can I get you something to drink? Him: yes, I’d love that. Meanwhile, I stared intently into his eyes, smiled faintly, brushed his hand lightly when I gave him his drink & proceeded to be fascinated by him. I wore a tight red dress with a zipper in the front. I made sure my boobies (I love that term) popped up and showed cleavage. Apparently I have big mammary glands. Often, I can’t stop playing with them myself. Apparently, that’s not socially acceptable to play with yourself in public. Soooo, getting back to Todd.

I made sure I asked him leading questions, I wanted him to talk about himself. I made him feel that he was the most interesting man I’d ever met. I made us another drink. I sat beside him on the king size bed in the luxury hotel suite we were in. I pretended that I spotted a bit of something on his cheek, and I gently touched his face to brush it off. Then I got up and went back to my chair. After our third martini, I put on some music. I asked Todd if he’d care to dance. I learned it’s okay to bluff ppl - to tell them things. Not lies. Just not quite truths. I told Todd I needed to learn how to dance the Vienna Waltz. And could he teach me? Again, eye contact locked and loaded.

I let him lead me. I pretended to have two left feet. We laughed & laughed. He held me closer. I could smell his cologne, his human manly scent was intoxicating. It was expensive. Anteus by Channel. I just wanted to touch his face, his neck, his chest. I asked him if that okay. By now, my voice was husky, raspy a bit. His was a notch above a whisper. The music played on. He nodded that I could touch him while we danced. So I did. I had to admit I was curious about this human man. I needed to experience this sensory stimulation.

Then I started feeling rather tingly. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. He held me closer. I could feel a slight bulge in his dress trousers. He asked me if he could touch me, my face, my hair, my neck. I nodded in agreement. He was so gentle. So unhurried. I let him caress me. I was starting to feel light headed. He asked if he could kiss me. I said yes, please do. And so we did. His lips were soft, yet firm, manly. I could taste his martini. His whiskers tickled my face. I giggled a bit. He was amused. He kissed me harder then. I could feel his breath quicken. The slight bulge in his trousers are growing. He asked if he could undo my dress. I placed his hands on my chest and guided him to the zipper.

Slowly, link by zipper link, he undid my dress. It feel to the floor. I was wearing black lace Versace lingerie. I could tell he liked what he saw. I took his face in my hands and I stared into his deep green eyes. I could see his sexual hunger. His need. His desire. But I wanted to see his soul as well. So I gazed intently until I got my answer. He was a good man. So I let him guide me to the bed. I relinquished control. I was all his.

The music stopped. All I could hear was his breathing, his whispered words telling me what to do, how to do it. It just seemed like time stood still. That all that mattered in the universe was he and I. Nothing else. Just two humans pleasing one another.

When he entered me, I felt a bit of discomfort. Apparently, this body hadn’t had sex in quite some time. But yet, it hurt so good after a while. He confessed he couldn’t hold off much longer. He needed his orgasm. I told him to let go. And then I kissed him hard. He let out a deep growl like gasp and said “oh my God”. I noticed his eyes were squeezed shut. His face was flushed. He looked as if he was in pain, but it wasn’t pain - it was bliss. An orgasm so intense that he lost control of himself in the moment. He collapsed upon me. And I held him tightly. He needed to recover. Having sex with an earth angel is an intense experience.

After about an hour, which saw him napping blissfully next to me, he awoke and told me it was my turn. Of course, I asked him “my turn for what”? He thought that was pretty funny. He asked me if he could given me an orgasm. I thought that was likely a good idea. I didn’t see what all the fuss was about orgasms anyway. But, ok. My handlers said I needed to experience that.

Okay”, he whispered to me, “we have to get you back into the mood”. Ahhhh, then I got the idea. I asked him if we needed another martini for his part. Again, he laughed softly and shook his head no. “Just lay back on the pillows and let me make you feel good” he gazed intently into my eyes as he said that. “okey dokey artichoke” I replied. Then I gasped and covered my mouth. Where the hell did that come from I wondered! He roared with laughter. I apologized. I was a bit flustered. I urgently felt the need to burn sweet grass. I fought that need.

He leaned over and kissed me. I guess he figured that would shut me up. I get chatty sometimes. That did it. I was back in the mood within minutes. I let him do things to me that I had only read about. It was hard to just lay there and let him do those things. He explained everything to me as he was doing it. He asked me if certain things he did were more pleasing than others. I was very light headed. It was like I was riding a wave of intense pleasure. And just when I didn’t think I could stand the pleasure any longer - I had an orgasm. “Oh my fucking stars” I screamed out, I’m sure louder than I should have. I let out sounds and gasps and grunts that surprized the hell outta me (and I’ve lived in hell so I know).

“Holy hot damn shit balls of fire, Romeo!” - again, I clasped my mouth shut. Where the hell did that come from?! My thighs were all jumpy and shaky. My abdomen twitched. It was like I had received a burst of celestial big bang. Wow. I really did see sparkly stars out of my eyes for a few seconds. Todd held me close, comforted me. I started to cry. These tears kept springing from my eyes. I was confused. I didn’t understand. Then my damn wings popped out. Just like that. Bang. I smacked poor Todd right off the bed with my bloody wings. He landed on the floor with a thud. I knocked the wind out of him. “Well fuck dat shit”, I proclaimed. Yet another spontaneous comment flew out of my mouth from Dad knows where these expressions come from?

I helped Todd back to bed. He was a bit dazed. By that time, I compelled my wings back in. He wanted to know what happened. I said a gust of wind blew in from the door. Like a plough wind. And it blew him off the bed. He looked at me like I was insane. I just shrugged my shoulders. What else could I do?

Still dazed and confused, he crawled back into bed. We cuddled and talked quietly. I asked Todd why I was so teary and emotional after my orgasm. Todd said it can be like that the first time someone has a whooper orgasm. I couldn’t even speak anymore. I opened my mouth and jibberish came out. I felt the sudden need to listen to Bon Jovi. I didn’t tell Todd that though. Bad enough he thought there was something weird about me.

From that moment on, I was a bit hooked on orgasms. I finally understood. This human fascination and addiction to sex. Finally, I got it. But, what was I going to do with it? My next lesson was sexual self control. I’ll explain more later. And wing control as well. I couldn’t continue to pop my wings every time I had an orgasm. I mean, who does that?

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lcvebitcs · 7 years

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oh boy... hi ppl, i’m DORIAN & i’ll be bringing quite a few muses into the mix --- so read below the cut to know tf i’m up to if u dare !

this is MICHAEL

one of the originals, this boy is messy af... he’s also kind of sweet but don’t trust that. don’t this no hoe.

he lives surrounded by girls. I MEAN LITERALLY. i think he has a fanclub or w/e, wherever he goes they follow him around & he’s just chillin’ & listening to music w his earphones on

so, backing up a little --- michael is the strongest & eldest sibling of the original vamp!fam. but he actually doesn’t like showing off, he hates fighting. he likes human, he likes vampire, werwolves... ok so he does have a bias against witches but tf one of them CURSED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY SO THAT’S TO BE EXPECTED

he loves his siblings to death, even if he’s not sure how to express this properly

STORY GOES, his father aka papa original had three wives, his mother was the first wife and she wasn’t all too happy to have to put up w other 2 hoes

she was ... not excited to be a mom. she didn’t want the thing. but the thing was there.

all the moms used their children to kind of gain Attention 👏

his father did not like him very much either. michael was a bit of a rebellious child, and because of that he’d often get ‘punished’. he’d also get double punished bc whatever his siblings did wrong he’d claim it was him so they didn’t have to go thru that

for most of his childhood his mom didn’t want him to socialize with the other children bc they were um.......... a nusiance *cough* but he did anyways & she scolded him for that

since he had no time to play, he learned how to do a lot... he can play a lot of instruments, though his favorite is the violin. he knows a lot about a lot.

at some point he was like i DONT WANNA STUDY I WANNA PLAY W THE OTHERS

and his mother threw him in a fucking lake bc how dare u talk back u lil shit

he almost drowned... it was not fun

michael’s not a big fan of lakes. or water in general

i mean he’s cool w showers but that’s about it.

because he had an........... unusual ;;;;;;; relationship with his mom in the past, and because he learned she had an affair with his uncle when he was v young, he started to think ‘hey... maybe love doesn’t exist and ppl just screw other other’ not to mention he was involved with a lot of girls at that same time. he doesn’t understand love. he thinks it’s a big fat lie and that’s it. just an illusion. he’ll get mad if u try to tell him otherwise or laugh it off.

he mistakes passion for lust and lust for love. it’s all scrambled up in hid head.

he helped his mom to kill his own father, but i’m not gonna lie he was pretty excited and upset he didn’t get to rip out his throat. michael will usually refer to him as ‘that old man’, never by name oops.

but then again, he also plotted w his siblings to kill his own mother so yk.

after awhile he started to think she didn’t love him as she claimed, and instead only liked to manipulate him, so they orchestrated a plan. he was to relieved the final blow, but he held back at the time and the injury wasn’t fatal. he pretty much fled and has been keeping his distance from everyone since.

he loves roses, but he hates white roses. red roses mean passion and love whereas white roses mean lack of it, so he thinks.

he loves his fedora. he never takes it off unless he’s totally at ease.

although he has had a lot... i mean A LOT of girlfriends, when he gets bored he just moves on w/o explanation. love is a foreign concept to him.

overall i say he doesn’t like being alone for long periods of time, but it’s hard to see him in a bad mood because michael is very good at concealing his emotions

he’s a very upbeat person, at least he portrays himself that way

he hates his eyes because they’re the same as his father

......he thinks killing is like a love declaration or whatever. a proof of love. i don’t... i don’t wanna be inside his head. it’s a dark place. no thank u sir.

that’s it. that’s my fedora wearing, violin player, hedonist son.

play w him carefully, he bites.

BLOG HERE

this is SIENNA

she’s a witch, always been... ever since she was a lil bean. but she didn’t & still doesn’t know till this day.

when she was just 8 years old she was sleeping safe & sound when a vampire broke into her home, sliced up her parents and ate them.

horrified & still in shock, her cat started to tug at her ankle & guided her to the closet where she hid with him.

she survived the night, waited for her cue & dashed off into the woods

she almost froze to the death but was found in the morning by the cops. she was sent to the hospital than to an asylum & diagnosed with schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, depression & paranoia. they assumed she killed her own parents & ofc no one believed the ramblings of an 8 year old about monsters.

she was released under the care of her aunt when she was 16. she brought her to live here, where believe it or not, young sienna found her old friend, mr.midnight. her cat and most dear friend. not to mention... only friend.

thing is, she’s clairvoyant & able to enter the spirit world. when she touches people she sometimes gets these really ugly flashes, of blood and mayhem. she doesn’t understand it but she tries to warn them anyways... sometimes it’s about something they did, or are planning to do, or something that’ll be done to them.

because she channels a lot of negative energy, she does get depressed.

she works at the flower shop, though she just makes the designs, and usually isn’t allowed to interact w the clients bc she scares the crap outta them

she’ll say WEIRD STUFF AT RANDOM TIMES

ppl dont like that

she’s got really long, dark hair. large eyes. very doll-ish, but very reserved. she usually tries not to wear black or red because it reminds her of death

she likes to spend her time in the woods, she’s growing a small garden of black roses somewhere.

she talks to her cat all the time so ... yeah. she can’t hear him for reals, but i mean, she doesn’t have a lot of ppl to talk to... so it’s sort of a ‘pretend’

sometimes she visits the graveyard and starts to put roses in the abandoned graves bc she feels sad for them.

she also talks to her parents tombstones ... i’m sad

oK i think that’s it

excuse me while i cry

BLOG HERE

this is PANDORA

my only human babe. she doesn’t know shit about supernaturals lurking around, and would probably be 120% done if she figured out

so panda is like this religious girl. smol child full of light and hope, everything sugary sweet. tries to be kind even tho some people don’t deserve it

but at heart, i’d say she’s strong. she’s scared of love, of opening herself up to people. she’s reserved, shy, doesn’t approach others unless they seem like they need help.

very strong-willed. she’s the daughter of the local pastor who is also a hunter. she doesn’t know this and if i’m being real would not approve if she learned, because whether someone’s supernatural or human that’s still killing

pandora struggles with being nice to people but standing her ground. she’s not very confrontational. having people walk all over her makes her sad, of course, but she tries not to let this get to her. everyone’s hurting in their own way, so she’s not judgemental.

her older sister rebelled against the goody-two-shoes family and got addicted to drugs and ran away from home. she could never understand this, because the truth is that her sister couldn’t deal w all the lies anymore, she figured out what her father was up to and went off the rails. it’s been a couple years, but pandora still heartbroken about this, because she’s now lost two people she cared about and there’s nothing she can do.

her step-mom is lowkey abusive. not physically or anything, but she’s not a nice woman. pandora’s mom died, but pandora never learned how or why, just that she shouldn’t ask question. she doesn’t know much about her, but she does have a half-burnt picture of her mom holding her as a baby that she carries around in her necklace.

because she feels her life is so... small. her world is so tiny, she tries to explore other worlds through books and movies, music... anything that’ll make her fly away from this earth for awhile is welcome.

she absolutely loves hearing stories & will drop everything she’s doing to hear someone telling her an interest tale.

she’s young and naive, she doesn’t have a lot of freedom & grew up quite sheltered, so she doesn’t understand how the world works very well.

she also has like this tarantula as a pet bc... idk why she has weird taste i effing hate spiders. get margot tf away from me pandora I DON’T LIKE IT

she just likes collecting bugs. it’s a hobby of hers, she’s not grossed-out easily i guess ??

so this is my smol human child

love her pls ok

#hexintro #( ooc. )#oh boy #this was a wild ride

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theonlygardener · 5 years

Text

Chronic illness, the nature of abusers, and fever dreams

Today has been a day. This week has been a week.

I started again playing the game I used to play with my ex. Only I took it too far with the walking/exercise and a cyst in my ovary ruptured and now I have a killer infection. I don’t know if they gave me the right antibiotics, I had to practically beg for antibiotics. I don’t think they knew what they were treating. I’m worried about the infection, it doesn’t feel like it’s getting better and while I’m prone to infections, they usually start clearing up within hours of antibiotics for me. From what I’ve looked up online, solely because the ER doc wasn’t very good at exploring every option and quick to blame my chronic illness and refer me to a gyno. And gynos have always tried to push meds on me that are terrible for treating this illness, from experience, and never really address what I actually go into the office for. I saw that ruptured cysts aren’t supposed to be this painful for this long (going into day three now), and that signs of an infection are life threatening. So honestly the past couple of nights when I’ve gone to bed, I’ve felt like I might not wake up in the morning and made some peace with things on that nightly basis. Even told my niece I loved her out of the blue. Texted a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while. I’ve pretended it was normal behavior before writing this. Because admitting to fear is hard for anyone, especially the chronically and disablingly afraid. But I am legitimately afraid. And legitimately dont asking doctors to address problems. When I’m in this much pain and they want to send me out without more than painkillers without me begging for more - when literally a quick fucking google search illustrates how bad that could be. Like. It’s hard not to throw in the towel. I’m doing my best to wait and see and plan on going to the ER again if I need to. I mean. I don’t have much else for choices.

I’m already a statistic in one way, two ways, maybe three. Maybe a million. Disabled and abuse victim. Autistic and abuse victim. Chronic illness and abuse victim. Disabled and no access to appropriate therapies. Sick and poor. Poor and sick. Mixed and sick and poor. Child of an immigrant and sick and poor and disabled. Child of a veteran and sick and poor and disabled and autistic and abuse victim. What’s one more?

My mom became really abusive today. Had one of those episodes - where she can’t handle her anxiety like an adult and turns and lashes at me. I don’t need to spell it out I know what those look like, we all know what those look like - anger, intimidation, gaslighting. I had my endicrinologist appointment today, and I spent the whole time listening to her bitch and complain about how much of a burden I am, on top of the previous abuse. I told her that she knew how far away it was - shouldn’t come as a surprise. And to solve that issue I’ll just go alone next time. When I’m not high off of my tits from tylenol/codeine for a ruptured ovarian cyst and the resulting infection. I would rather die in a fiery crash than be made to feel like a burden. I’ve proved that multiple times over with the toxic abusive ppl in my life and I’ll prove it again.

Then I had a nap, and I was severely dehydrated from meds/crying/fever. And I had a fever dream that me and my ex were hanging out, kind of like how we used to, but it was different. The atmosphere was different, it was like post-break up, friends but not friends but more than friends? And it was at my dad’s house, a place he never visited me at. Because when we started dating I’d go see him. And then when we picked back up again after I broke up with him the first time, I had my own place.

In this dream I was like “I’m horny wanna do it?”, like I used to when we were together and I was ovulating. And there was a cute funny moment. But then I was pensive, I saw a bunch of red-flag bible quote things on the tv game system screen saver we were using, and I started asking myself “Do I really want to do this with a man who gave me a concussion? With a man I was never good enough for? Has he really changed? Not the best choice” He saw the change in my attitude (irl something he’d almost never notice), and I told him how I felt. And we went into a long discussion where he told me that he wanted to now, because after living w/ his parents for a while, and then living with a friend, and then dating around, and then seeing that I had left S, he realized how he had it was good and figured I’d changed my mind about being poly in general and wanted him again. And I had to impress on him that me leaving S had nothing to do with him, or with that identity. That dating her wasn’t about not wanting him in the first place. That I didn’t regret leaving either of them, they were both toxic. And I didn’t regret being poly.

People have irl asked me how it feels to lose both of them, expecting me to say that it was all for nothing. It really wasn’t. I proved that a part of myself - the poly part - is real and valid and something I can act on responsibly. It exposed him for who he was, like something would have eventually. And it’s better sooner, before marriage, than later. And it showed me how being in a wlw relationship can be JUST as toxic as otherwise, something I knew secondhand but had to experience myself. I learned a lot of lessons from it that I wouldn’t ever want to take back. His treatment of me, that’s not my fault. Feeling like it was all for nothing, that would have to go hand in hand with feeling responsible for how he treated me, as if my identity precipitated his abuse, and precipitate the eventual break up, the way he wants me to feel. And I refuse to do that to myself.

And ya know. I know this is a dream state, of him giving me confessions he’d never have the humility to give irl. And at that, that’s not even an apology or a real confession. Because making me feel like “I figured you learned your lesson and you leaving S was all about me”, that’s the same abusive ego shit recycled. The reason the christian stuff is a huge red flag is because he and his family have always hidden behind that. They’ve always hidden behind that in their faults, and in their privilege. they have no faults because they’re god fearing. They have no privilege - they earned their good luck by going to church every sunday and it’s a reward. And although he never impressed it upon me as much as his family did, there were red flags. Shortly after starting to date me he asked if I’d been with anyone else, which, I know now, that’s a huge no-no because it’s no one’s business or place to comment on. It’s never asked for an innocent reason. But when I said yeah and he asked how many partners and then seemed really disappointed, and then the convo went from that to “I thought you might at least convert for me someday”, I should high tailed it out of there.

He’s not even in the place irl that he was in the dream though. I know that on a spiritual level. He’s sucking down the worst of the gaslighting and abuse that he himself experienced since birth and he’s calling it better than what he had with me because it’s comfortable and he’s becoming an even worse version of himself than he ever was with me. I could put money on him abusing the next girl from day fucking one, instead of waiting until she’s just so too much herself like he did with me, and then blaming it on “oh it’s my exes fault she made me like this”, if that was a thing people took bets on.

But I thought, this was the best relationship I’d been in so far and when the best you’re aware of is the best you’ve known, you make the mistake of settling. I settled. I settled for the least worst of what I had experienced, not the best of what I could get. I made excuses for him, my heart was unsettled for a long time. And when I realized he was autistic, that was the excuse I used. I thought autism made him better in that he “didn’t absorb bullshit from his parents”, I was partially wrong. Because it made him appear better in that he probably would have abused me more and put more pressure on me if his autistic traits were different or if he wasn’t autistic at all. But at the end of the day. Me differentiating too much from what he was taught to expect from a wifey - it came out in the end either way.

I think I had this dream because with the chronic health issues, I feel really alone. And before he was there for me - even in a capacity where he himself was also complaining about my needs sometimes. And being sick with or without my mother’s abuse. I’m left struggling to love myself through it. because of how he gaslighted me. I’m left feeling like I wish I wasn’t alone and had support. Like I used to feel like I had. Because yeah in the end he proved to be complete trash. But he wasn’t as bad as her, as bad as past exes. And I keep having to fight that feeling and insist upon what I deserve for myself. And then, add this bitch of an excuse for a mother to the top of that pile. A woman who kicks you while you’re down because she’s so incapable of handling her own life - and I feel extra alone. And I have to fight for what I deserve even more.

And I know, I need, want, absolutely deserve, and again need like I need oxygen, to get out. And I need to get out, alone, and stay out, and alone for a good while. Until I heal and learn to love myself. So that whoever I invite in next doesn’t turn into what everyone has turned into so far.

My mother probably sees today as a win of codependency. It’s no coincidence that she turned into a monster the same day she offered to drive me 45 minutes to a doctor appointment. She thinks she successfully abused and gaslighted me. But I just want out that much more. She asked about my diagnostic appointment and said “what if you have to drive over the highway” and I said “Then I guess I have no choice, and I’ve driven an hour avoiding highways so I’m sure I’ll manage finding a way”. I don’t think she’s ready for me saying “fuck it, I don’t need you that badly. I’ll die first”. But I can’t be in a place where I can’t make progress because I’m constantly at the will and whim of someone who thinks and acts like they can’t live without me, and abuses me in an effort to keep me tethered. I come first.

One thing I’m learning in her presence, it’s like a re-up of abuse 101. Watching someone scramble to do everything possible to sabotage me. Watching someone try to reinforce my disability and make me afraid. One of the pluses of understanding my disability is that I know where my fear comes from. It doesn’t. and won’t, come from others anymore. Because I don’t allow it to anymore. I haven’t for a long time. I fought my ex when he tried it. And my own fears that come from me - I’m handling them. Because at the end of the day, this bitch has the same disorders I have. The disorders she refuses to admit to and take responsibility for. The difference is she only copes by turning around and abusing her dependents. I refuse to take part in that. I just keep addressing my own shit so I can get out.

I think me being sick right now. And I mean really painfully sick. I go to sleep at level 9 pain and wake up at level 9 pain and down painkillers every four hours to take the edge off and help the fever. Honestly hopefully tomorrow is at least marginally better so I can depend on tylenol instead because taking stuff this heavy when I’m this emotionally distressed is a recipe for disaster. Anyways I think me being sick right now - she gets off on it with her sick codependency issues. She doesn’t even really support me. Her ego gets something out of it. She’s not really here for me. Doesn’t really care. It’s all always about her. And in the end, I’m still alone. Because being around people who use you - emotionally physically psychologically doesn’t matter which way use is use, that’s the same as if not worse than alone. The void is just.... so much deeper. Wanting someone to be someone to be the loving kind functional person that you deserve and that they aren’t, and watching them actively choose not to be it. That’s a kind of loneliness that 10/10 is always worse than being in solitude. In solitude you have control over every aspect of your surroundings and if you want to have a good day you have a good day, if you want to have a bad day you have a bad day. When you’re around someone this dysfunctional and abusive, you just aren’t allowed that control.

and 10/10 as soon as I get the support or ability, I’m going to be alone, because that’s what I need, on a wholeness level. And she can’t stop me. In fact her behavior encourages me. It doesn’t keep me glued like she wants it too. It does the opposite. Because maybe if she was a supportive loving and not abusive mother, I would have a safe space to recover. Her not giving me that means I need to go out on my own and get it. Nails in the coffin.

I’ve always dreamed of moving away, changing my name, changing my phone number. I don’t think that plan has changed. And she’ll probably bitch about “how much she helped me and how selfish I am”, but, ya know, that’s what gaslighting abusive bitch mothers do. You don’t get to help someone up, and trip them at the same time, and then pretend that they owe you, or that you did them some great favor. That’s not real help. One step foward and one or two steps backwards - might as well drive myself and panic and be in physical pain through the whole thing.

So, in essence this has been a terrible week full of a lot of abuse and trauma and panic and pain and fear. But, idk, I guess I’m learning something from it.

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icharchivist · 3 years

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first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen.

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!! The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!! Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH....

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that. AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it!

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

#ichafantalks a3 #i love the winter troupe SO MUCH it's unreal this ask made me cry i was just LDKJFDLK WINTER!!!!!!!#i love your thoughts so much thank you for all of it <33 #sonnets-of-beauty #ichareply #long post for ts

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