#the transition into full adulthood is scary man

[jademight]

Hey I know I haven’t been writing many IC stuff lately and uhhhh

I don’t have an excuse I’ll be honest with you, chief.

#;ooc tag #I expect to like. squeeze out a few more replies sooner or later but #what with the whole move to vancouver on the horizon idk if I have mental capacity space left for writing #I don't want to say 'oh I'm DONE we are CLOSING SHOP good DAY folks' but. unofficially yeah writing's been on the wall for a while lmfao #I just expect to get less and less active as time goes on until...poof...I'm GONE #I am always on discord n shit tho so if you want to shoot the shit I'm always around #its just that IC writing is. whew a lot. #its no longer a priority ya kno? #I gotta HUSTLE for real life now. like get a jOB. try to make rENT. try to MAKE IT in the INDUSTRY #AAAAAAA #scary shit! you can imagine why my brain is so preocucpied with all that and not writing lmfao #the transition into full adulthood is scary man #I might also be more active on twitter who knows so #ought to do a socials drop sooner or later

[shilika-c]

Transit

As I progress into the scary and unpredictable journey that is adulthood, I increasingly crave some form of consistency. Recently, I’ve been trying to follow a little routine. Wake up, turn on geyser, brush teeth, shower and so on. I figure that if I get a routine going, it’ll be easier for me to work at accomplishing my goals. In my pursuit of productivity and consistency, I can’t help but notice how I am in a constant state of transit.

On a plane from Johannesburg to Cape Town

Transit is essentially movement from point A to point B. I’ve been fixated on the idea of transit for the past couple of months. For one thing, I am in a constant state of movement. When I’m at home in Lusaka, I mostly travel by mini-bus. Oddly, I have come to enjoy these bus rides. Now let me preface what I’m about to mention by listing a few negative aspects of travelling by mini-bus, which includes but is not limited to; being squashed on the bus, “five ku backseat” (eish), being made to sit ‘pa bondix’ and having to remind the conductor about your change (social anxiety gang stand up). The joy I get from being on the bus by myself comes from the opportunity I get to sit and observe what is happening around me.

A stationary bus at Kulima Tower bus station

There’re two buses I can use to get home from town – Bauleni direct and Woodlands/Bauleni. Bauleni direct is my favourite because as the name implies, it’s a direct route with very few stops. By the time I’m making my way home from town, my phone battery is usually dead. This gives me the opportunity to focus on what’s going on around me, sans distraction. Perhaps it’s the journalist in me, but I like to observe how people operate in society.

Somewhere in Kamwala on the Burma Road/Bauleni bus

The ideal bus ride starts like this: Nestled in the window seat in the middle row of the bus, I watch as the bus starts to fill up. I also have liking to street food, so sometimes I’ll be eating chikanda, maize or tu nshaba. Different people start to enter the bus. A man in a work suit, two school kids in uniform, a woman with a baby on her back – all settling into various seats on the bus. Occasionally, I spot a ‘traveler’ who has lots of bags and has to negotiate with the conductor to put their stuff in the boot. I have also noticed that the front seat is associated with a certain kind of importance. Though not expressly implied, the preferred occupant of this seat is usually an older person – either a middle or working class professional. Sometimes the bus conductor will guide this person to that seat. When the bus is full to capacity, the journey begins. Sometimes the journey is quiet, albeit the conductor asking for payment and distributing change. Other times there is a lively conversation amongst people on the bus, with topics ranging from politics to marriage and day to day issues in society.

A candid of a bus conductor on the Burma Road/ Town bus

During these various transits, I am most intrigued by the convergence of the most random people for a singular purpose – movement from point A to point B. My fascination extends beyond this end goal. When we get on the bus, we all want to get to point B. But what happens when we get off the bus? Our point B suddenly becomes point A again, sending us back to square one. My understanding of transit has moved from being a journey with an end goal, to simply a journey. A never-ending journey can mean different things for different people. For some, it presents an exciting opportunity to discover new things and experience different faucets of life. For others, it’s living in constant fear of the unknown and having to adjust to new environments (which can be such a daunting experience). It could be that my consciousness has been preoccupied by the idea of transit because of how my sense of personal responsibility has increased. I often jokingly remark to my friends that I cannot believe that I’m a real person. When I critically unpack this statement, I realize that it’s an expression of my coming to terms with my growing independence – and the responsibilities that come with it.

Shoes for sale on display in the Lusaka CBD

Transit in this context could be regarded as a synonym for life, like a ladder with only two steps. As you move to the next step, the bottom step becomes the top step. You cannot move up one step without the other. Similarly, in life you cannot skip a ‘step.’ You need a point A to get to point B. The irony of craving consistency whilst being on an unpredictable journey is not lost on me. Perhaps it stems to have some control in the midst of uncertainty. Out of 118 posts on pjt.365, a little over 60 pictures were taken as a result of or during transit – that is movement outside of my home. In a way this project serves as a record of my transit. I look at certain pictures and remember where I was, how I felt in the moment and how much has changed since then. My fixation with the idea of transit has allowed me to reflect on my past ‘journeys’ and see how they inform my current state of being.

Walking to the Stellenbosch University main campus

For me, the idea of transit transcends physicality. It encompasses all aspects of life – our inner and outer being, as well as our relation the world around us. Observing people on the bus has given me an appreciation of communion and kinship. We are all on our own ‘transits’ but at some points our interests align and we get to share the journey. When I watch people get off the bus with me, I wonder where they will go and what they do when they get there. Where do they get their sense of purpose? What motivates their transit? I can never truly know. However, what I can say is that I am uncertain of the end point but I wish to be conscious during the journey.

Five ku backseat : When five people are made to sit at the back seat of the bus, on a space made to fit four people. This is usually on a bigger bus.

Pa bondix: The inner engine part of a mini-bus. In some cases, the bondix is a stool that is attached to the side of the first row.

Tu Nshaba: Some groundnuts.

#lusaka #movement #transit #short essays #reflection

[fmp2halimekaraca]

Childhood V.S Adulthood - Mind Map and Research

I went with something a bit different for this mind map and instead of trying to create links between real life events and various pieces of media, I instead noted down all the different memories I have of my own childhood like counting stars and long summer walks.

I thought this would allow me to better understand the idea of childhood and since these are all my memories and experiences, the idea of drawing something that is supposed to invoke those same feelings seems to be a lot easier due to their familiarity.

Social media was very helpful in my research for finding different childhood memories and settings that I could incorporate in my project. Apparently, a lot of the things that we did as children that we though were silly and weird like running up the stairs on all fours or hiding in clothing racks when shopping were very common customs among kids all over the world. These kinds of childish mentality is what I want to incorporate in my illustrations.

NOSTALGIA

When talking about the kinds of things people used to do as children, they often mention how nostalgic they feel about that particular period of time. Nostalgia is the sentimental and sometimes melancholic longing for a specific period of time , usually childhood.

Nostalgia is usually a positive response which indicates overwhelmingly positive emotions that an adult could feel over a childhood show or a certain toy/movie/book due to it's association with simpler times when the day to day worries didn't exist.

This could also relate with the idea of war and the mental damage it leaves on people that have experienced it such as ''age regression''. It's very similar with the concept of feeling nostalgic/being sent back in time since it basically acts as a way of coping with different emotions and feelings.

A good example could be Ofelia from Pan's Labyrinth which is a story about a girl who wishes to escape her life destroyed by war and live in an supposedly imaginary fairy land where she and her brother would be safe. Although it is believed in the movie that the other world is real, this could just as easily be interpreted as a little girl trying to comfort herself with ideas of escaping in a made up world where nothing could her her and everyone is happy.

Christopher Robin is also a very good example of a child who seems to be lonely and who find friendship and comfort from his animal plush friends that live in a magical world that can be entered through a tree.

Similar to Pan's Labyrinth, Christopher's animal friends are most likely the product of his imagination. This theory is reinforced when we find out that at in the end, Christopher won't be able to visit this imaginative world anymore since he is growing up.

The transition between childhood and adulthood is also beautifully described in Toy Story . Rather than being from the perspective of the child/adult, it is seen from the eyes of a toy that want to be with his human friend more than anything and is hurt by the boy's transition from child to adult.

In the end, the story represents the inevitable straggles of letting go of the comfort of the past and growing up no matter how scary the unknown can be.

The book The Outsiders by S.E Hinton does a wonderful job at portraying the life of an unfortunate family. After the death of their parent, a young man struggles to provide for his younger brothers. All three brothers are forced to mature early in their own ways, with the 2 younger brothers having to drop out of school in order to work and the youngest to be constantly exposed to the rough a rough and unforgiving life full of judgement and street violence.

In my original idea, I really wanted to reinforce this idea of the older siblings (18-20s) playing with their younger ones and being able to re-experience the fun and freedom of childhood without the worries and expectations of adulthood. Even though now I want to concentrate more on creating illustrations of the life from a child's eyes, looking at the differences and massive contrasts between these two stages of life only reinforces the beauty and importance of being young and seeing the world in rose tainted way.

[cocobwrites]

Once Upon A Time in Santa Ana

Summary:  Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes knew you and you knew him. Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes loved you and you loved him. In him, your teenage hopes and dreams found a home, a safe haven. Angel Reyes took your love and spat it back out at you with malice. Once Upon a Time Angel Reyes accepted a tender, fragile love and burned it down. This is the story of a man trying to rekindle his first love from the ashes.

Chapter 1

                                        Ghost Two: Angel 

Angel was unsettled, unnerved and on edge. There were too many ghosts here. The weight of his past decisions was heavy on his conscience. The streets he rode down lead to memories of emotional crimes he’d sooner forget, and the clubhouse felt like it had the potential to morph into his own personal insane asylum. 

“Angel!” The man being shouted at turned to the sound of the voice. This was the second time today that he’d been slapped in the face by a ghost of his past. The first was by his own doing. Angel knew without a doubt that walking into that convenience store was inviting hurt that he wasn’t 100% sure he could deal with, but the temptation of possibly being so close to you and not attempting to see you was too much. 

In front of him now was ghost number 2, Shania. Shania was the perceived catalyst in Angel’s love story. The cousin/best friend to the girl he first gave his heart to. The devil on his love’s shoulder egging her on to do what she desired most and covering for her disappearance acts. 

The last time Angel saw Shania she was just on the brink of womanhood. At 18 her face still held a girlish charm while her body was blossoming into full adulthood. Looking at her now the transition was complete. Her once rounded cheeks were still full but defined. Her eyes told a story of secrets that came with being grown, and her hips swayed in a way that marked her confidence. In short, Shania had finished growing up. Her hair hung in long coils hitting her waist. They were dyed a bright red and highlighted a lighter red that held a pink tone.  The colors complimented her sepia-toned skin. 

Shania threw her arms around Angel’s neck and pulled him tight swaying back and forth. Angel needed the hug. He needed the affirmation that he hadn’t burned every bridge he built while he was here all those summers ago. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath absorbing the warmth and comfort Shania offered.

“Damn, it’s been a long time,” Shania said while letting go. She smiled up at her former friend. “You forget how a phone works?” She asked following it up with a slap to his arm. “I’m mad at you Angel. Just dipped out without a goodbye and then went ghost. “ These fools” she pointed a thumb in the general direction of the members “treat information about other chapters like they’re in the CIA.” she shook her head.

“How have you been?” Shania finished with a bright smile waiting to hear about how things had been with Angel. 

Angel in return just ran a hand down his face and answered with a short “Shit” followed by a shrug of uncertainty. “I mean good I guess.” He raised his hand palm up and rolled his fingers outward in a questioning gesture. “Just doing club shit.”

Shania’s brow creased and her smile dropped, the face she was currently sporting was eerily reminiscent of her uncle. Angel was sure it was a family trait. “Wow, that was a really insightful look into what life has been like for the last'' she waved her hand “however long.”

Angel laughed, appreciating the blunt but humorous honesty. “Do you want a drink, Angel?” Shania asked and looked over her shoulder apparently feeling EZ approach. 

“Shania, this is my brother EZ. EZ, this is Shania. Shooter’s daughter.” Angel watched EZ stick his hand out and give a half-smile. Shania accepted it and gave it one firm shake. She didn’t let go though. Instead, she turned back to Angel and said “So, is the whole family fine, or were the genes reserved for just y’all?’ She finished what a laugh that mixed with Angels and was accompanied by EZ’s own chuckle. 

“I’m going to grab you a drink.” She finished with a wink and went to do just that. 

EZ stepped up to Angel and watched the girl walk away. “So, that’s Shooter’s daughter meaning she’s the cousin to the unnamed girl.”

Angel knew EZ had said you were unnamed for the sole purpose to get him talking. “She’s not unnamed” Angel answered back not without irritation. 

“Then what’s her name?”  Asked EZ angling himself towards his older brother.

Angel supplied your name. “Look, man, I don’t really want to get into this right now. Just let it alone for a bit EZ.” 

Angel stalked off towards Shania meeting her half-way to get his drink. In truth Angel really didn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty about you but he knew he had to. EZ was at a disadvantage not knowing the truth of how Angel left. There were old wounds here that he wasn’t sure fully healed. If judging by how your father reacted and how Shooter was treating him he’d have to say they were very much still open and sore. Why though? That was something that he was hoping to ply information from Shania. 

She handed Angel an open bottle of beer and clinked her own to his before taking a sip. She turned to the side so she was facing him and leaned against an unoccupied pool table.  Angel muttered a thank you and then mimicked her pose. 

Shania took a breath as if to say something, but stopped having changed her mind, and instead took a sip of her beer. 

“Does she know I’m here?” Angel asked deciding to just cut to the chase. “Hell, is she even still here?”

Shania just looked at him for a moment before answering. “Are you being serious right now? You sure you want to open that can of worms?” She huffed and shook her head. Shania set her bottle down on the green of the table and folded her arms over her chest. “Angel, I’m going, to be honest with you.” She paused again. It seemed she was unsure if she wanted to say what she was thinking, but her lips tightened for just a moment and she continued on. 

“You fucked up bad when you left here like you did. At least you gave the appearance that you did.” Her eyes narrowed briefly while she looked Angel over. “I’m willing to forgive and forget. It’s been a long ass time and it’s clear that y’all haven’t had any form of contact. My daddy and uncle on the other hand….” She trailed off. 

“My daddy won’t say anything since it didn’t involve the club, but I’d step lightly around him. Also-” she poked his arm. “Keep yo tail away from my uncle. That man has been itching to beat you down for years. He’s old but he’s quick and trust me, he hits hard.”

“Now do you really want to know the answers to those questions?” She shook her head. “Don’t go pickin’ at scabs unless you’re ready to treat the cut.”

 “I hear you, Shania. I do forreal” Angel paused “and if you don’t think it’s good for her to know I’m here, don’t tell her. I just have to know. Is she still here?” Angel tried to keep the desperation out of his voice but was failing. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about you, but as of late he felt like he was spiraling. There was a need to feel something genuine and untainted again. Something was telling him he could do that with you.

Shania nodded along and listened. “Yeah, she’s still here.”She said casually while pulling her phone out. “Well, more like here again. She moved back home a few years ago.” She continued while apparently responding to a text on her phone. 

“As far as her knowing if you’re back-” She paused again and Angel heard the distinctive single vibration of her phone. Shania nodded in satisfaction. “Put your number in here.” She handed Angel the phone. “I want to be able to get in touch with you again.”

Angel did as directed more focused on if Shania was going to tell follow through and tell you. Shania, for her part, took the phone back and continued to tap away. “She knows now and I gave her your number.” She then pushed off the table and took a swig of her drink while walking away. Angel watched her pocket the phone and felt his stomach drop, rise up in an attempt to lodge in his throat before finally filling with moths. There were no butterflies here. Butterflies were reserved for happy reunions that would be filled with smiles and warm hugs. 

In the time he’d been back Angel had been met primarily with cold acceptance or outright hostility save for Shania. He didn’t know what he’d get with you. He didn’t know if he’d get anything from you. As badly as Angel wanted this reunion he was scared to death of it. 

He’d been reminded multiple times since getting back to Santa Ana that his departure had been less than ideal. From what he was gathering, the ripples of his decisions went farther than he thought they would. Angel huffed to himself and raised his bottle to down the rest. 

When his eyes closed he saw your face; confused and tear-streaked, a silent question on your lips “Why?” He wasn’t sure if what he was remembering was the true sound of your voice or just what he imagined it. While everyone was worried about protecting you they were ignoring the vulnerability Angel was submitting himself to. 

Was your relationship as good as he remembered? Had he taken only the best highlights of it and committed them to memory, leaving all the mess to be forgotten? That was the scary thing about memories. You could never be sure if what you were recalling was the truth or the romanticized version used to get through melancholy.

Angel looked to the now empty bottle and just stared at the label, not really seeing it. Instead is mind was playing that moment on a loop. “Why?” The memory version continued to ask and never getting a true answer. “Because I could” Angel found himself whispering the implied response. 

You had his number. That knowledge left his phone feeling like a boulder in his pocket. Would you use it? Would you let this be content with never having a true resolution? If you did use it would you come at him like your pops? Would you give him a cold welcome like your uncle or would he have you back? Could he take a stroll down memory lane and make you smile like you used to? Would he get to hear that melodic laugh again? Would Angel get a chance at redemption?

Angel eased a long sigh and let the hand holding the bottle fall to his side. He took strides towards the bar looking for another drink and felt the weight of two pairs of eyes on him. A quick glance confirmed they belonged to EZ, observant as usual, and Shania, scrutinizing and assessing. It was going to be a long weekend.

#angel reyes x black!reader #angel reyes x poc!reader #angel reyes x you #angel reyes x reader #mayans fanfic #mayans fandom #fan fiction #cocowrites #black girl writing

[zen3to5]

J/H 7-20: Gimme Shelter

I've said all along that this rewrite is only concerned with the Jackie/Hyde material, especially for everything post-Season 5. That's going to be relaxed from here on out; with Season 7 serving as the series finale in this timeline, there are more adjustments to be made, and they start here with changes to how Eric arrives at his teaching career. But there's Zen here too, as the mess that was Jackie's graduation party gets replaced with something else...

(We assume that 7x18 and 7x19 play out as we know them from the show in this timeline.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   MUSIC NOTE: “Oh Well” by the Rockets.   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   The gang hanging out. HYDE and FEZ rummage through the deep freeze, JACKIE writes in a notebook in Hyde’s chair, ERIC and DONNA share the couch, and KELSO sits in the lawn chair.   Jackie finishes off her writing with a firm dotting of a period and sets her pencil and paper down.   JACKIE: And – done! That’s my last high school assignment. I’m all set for graduation this Friday.   ERIC: I can’t believe I graduated a year ago. It’s like, I feel like I’ve done nothing. Man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.   DONNA: Well, I wouldn’t say you’ve done nothing. I mean, you’ve... wow, you’ve really sat on your ass.   Hyde and Fez emerge from the deep freeze, popsicles in hand.   HYDE: Yup, Forman, we’ve all passed you by. I’m running a record store, Donna’s a DJ, Kelso’s a cop – even Fez has a job now. (to Fez) What is it again, man? Uh, shower girl? Make-up lady?   FEZ: Shampoo boy!   HYDE: (beat) Eh, I was close.   He crosses to his chair and pats Jackie on the back. She stands up, lets him sit in the chair, and sits in his lap.   ERIC: Wait a second – does this mean I’m the loser of the group now?   KELSO: You are the one that’s still living with your mommy.   ERIC: Man, you’re still living with your mommy.   KELSO: Not for long. Me and Fez are looking for apartments. Then the only time I’ll see my mom is when she’s doing my laundry, cooking my meals, taking me to the dentist...   He trails off there.   JACKIE: Oh, Eric, I feel kinda bad. I mean, you wouldn’t even be thinking about this kind of stuff if you weren’t caught in the blinding light of my bright future.   FEZ: You know, the scary thing is, if one year went by this fast, imagine where Eric is gonna be in ten years...   He looks up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   FANTASY SEQUENCE.   TITLE CARD 1: Eric’s crappy future.   TITLE CARD 2: Ten years later.   The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Mr. Spock costume, complete with ears. A thoroughly done Donna, in Uhura costume and wig, steps out from the passenger’s side.   ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Trek convention – Uhura.   DONNA: You can call me Donna now.   Without another word, she walks down the street.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   Back to reality. Fez giggles at his scenario, as does everyone but Eric.   KELSO: That’s good, Fez. But I think it’s gonna be more like this...   He looks up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Luke Skywalker costume, complete with lightsaber. A thoroughly done Donna, in Leia costume and hair, steps out from the passenger’s side.   ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention – Leia.   DONNA: You can call me Donna now.   Without another word, she walks down the street.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Back to reality. Kelso grins at his scenario, as does everyone but Eric.   HYDE: Nah, man. You’re both wrong. Actually, it’s gonna go like this...   He and Jackie look up, the camera tracks in, and we transition to:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Vista Cruiser comes into park. A grinning Eric steps out in full Luke Skywalker costume, complete with lightsaber. A thoroughly done KITTY, in Leia costume and hair, steps out from the passenger’s side.   ERIC: Thanks for going with me to the Star Wars convention – Leia.   KITTY: You can call me Mom now.   Without another word, she heads back into the house.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Back to reality. Hyde and Jackie nod along to the scenario, as does everyone but Eric, who scrambles over the back of the couch.   ERIC: Whoa!   DONNA: Eric, they’re joking around. It’s funny.   ERIC: No, Donna, it’s not funny! In fact – it’s completely  possible!   He turns and races up the stairs.

MAIN CREDITS   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   The next day. The guys play cards while Donna reads in the lawn chair. Hyde, Eric, and Fez share the couch while Kelso sits backwards in Hyde’s chair.   KELSO: (to Eric) So, gonna be a chiropractor, huh? All right, every chick patient that you have, you have to tell her the problem is her tailbone. That way, you get to grab around on her butt.   ERIC: Kelso, I’m doing this ‘cause I wanna help people. A handful of ass is just a perk.   The basement door opens and Jackie enters, box in hand.   JACKIE: Hello, everyone. It is I, the light of all your lives and the newest arrival to the glorious world of adulthood. (sets box on coffee table) Michael, I remember how much you like playing with my equestrian figurine collection, so since I’m a mature woman now, these are for you.   Fez reaches inside the box and lifts up a plastic toy horse. The guys all glare at Kelso, who shifts in his chair.   JACKIE (cont’d): God, I cannot wait to graduate tomorrow. Classes are done and I finally know everything. Now it’s nothing but dinner parties, LoPP fundraisers, summers in Morocco, holidays in Paris...   DONNA: Um, what about earning a degree, paying the bills, finding a place to live – you know, the responsibilities of being an adult?   JACKIE: Okay, Donna, you’re forgetting one very important difference between most people and me – I grew up rich. I get things.   Donna rolls her eyes as Jackie crosses to sit on the back of the couch behind Hyde.   Kitty enters from the staircase, a newspaper in hand.   KITTY: Michael, I circled some apartment listings for you and Fez. (to the gang) I found a great apartment for Janet Myers after her divorce. It has a murphy bed for when her kids come to visit. They never do. She’s in AA.   She exits up the stairs.   Kelso reviews the circled listings.   KELSO: Look at all these places for rent. I hope we can find one that’s got everything my baby needs.   FEZ: Oh, Kelso, you’re always putting me first.   KELSO: Not you, moron! Betsy, my daughter. It’s amazing how one tiny person has changed my life so much.   FEZ: You changed mine, too.   Kelso’s out of insults; he just gives Fez a long stare.   ***   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The next morning – the day of Jackie’s graduation, before school. She and Hyde eat breakfast on the island as RED, Kitty, Fez, and Kelso do the same at the table. Breakfast is eggs for everyone, with plates of toast and sausages in the middle. With one sausage left, Red and Fez both reach for it with their forks. Fez takes it.   FEZ: Too slow, old man.   KELSO: Fez, if you’re not polite, he’s gonna figure out you’re living here.   Red drops his fork and glares at Fez.   RED: You’re living here?   KELSO: Oh, great. You blew it, Fez!   KITTY: Red, he has nowhere else to go.   Red stands.   RED: (to Fez) Well, know this, Pele: you gotta sleep some time. And during the war, when they were sleeping – that’s when I got ‘em.   He exits out the patio door.   KITTY: (to Fez) Well, that wasn’t too bad. He called you “Pele.” He is a terrific soccer player.   She takes her plate, stands, and crosses to the sink.   Fez and Kelso lean in toward each other.   FEZ: What do we do now?   KELSO: I don’t know, man. That apartment was the only one we’ve found that’ll work for you, me, and Betsy.   FEZ: We could try that room above the barber shop.   KELSO: No, we can’t.   FEZ: Why not?   KELSO: Because there’s no way Mr. Lucania’s gonna let out a room to the guy he found hiding in his daughter’s closet. Or the guy he found in her bed. With her. Five times, senior year.   Jackie, who has been watching and listening with Hyde throughout the scene, sits up straight.   JACKIE: Wow. You guys are really struggling with all those adult responsibilities Donna was talking about. And Michael, you’re good-looking, but it doesn’t seem like it’s helping you at all.   KELSO: Yeah. I’m afraid you’re gonna find as you get out into the real world that there are some things a bitchin’ bod just won’t fix.   JACKIE: (gasps) Oh, God!   She clasps a hand over her mouth. Kelso nods gravely and turns back to his conversation with Fez.   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   Still morning, still before school. THE BRADY BUNCH plays on the TV. Hyde sits in his chair with Jackie in his lap while Donna remains on the couch, her neck still crooked. Eric retrieves a popsicle from the deep freeze and moves to join her on the couch.   ERIC: (to Donna) How’re you doing, my little buttercup?   DONNA: Great. The Brady Bunch is so much funnier sideways.   JACKIE: Oh, God, Eric, you ruined her. Donna can’t even stand up straight now. And that’s real important for a lumberjack.   ERIC: Hey, it’s not that bad. I’m sure chiropractor Forman can tend to my crooked little flower here.   DONNA: You know, Eric, calling me cute little nicknames doesn’t make up for what you did.   ERIC: Hey, whatever you say, my little crazy straw.   JACKIE: Wow, this disaster just came out of nowhere, didn’t it? I mean, one minute Donna’s fine, the next some scrawny would-be quack’s turned her into a human pretzel. And Eric – Eric thought he found a career he’d be good at, which he obviously isn’t. (to Hyde) What if my TV show goes the same way? What if I’m no good? Or what if something awful happens to me out of nowhere, like a car crash or a gray hair? Donna was right – there is a downside to being an adult. Why was I in such a rush to grow up? I’m so short, I could’ve kept passing for a kid for years if I hadn’t talked such a big game about becoming an adult!   HYDE: Look, Jackie -   JACKIE: No, Steven! The graduation ceremony is in three hours, and I’ve just realized I’m not ready at all! I can’t do this!   She lets out a scream and dashes into Hyde’s room.   HYDE: (to Eric) Red still got that crowbar in the garage? ‘Cause that’s the only way we’re getting her out of there.   Eric gives a sarcastic shrug as Donna rolls her eyes.   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   That evening. Eric sits on the back of the couch on one end, Fez sits in the seat on the other, and Kelso sits in the lawn chair.   KELSO: Well, Red convinced Fenton to give us the apartment!   He and Fez share a low five.   FEZ: Yeah, and Red seemed so happy. All the way home, he just kept looking at us and laughing.   KELSO: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Red told Fenton that we knew a lot of chicks, ‘cause Fenton kept checking me out, like he could tell that I knew a lot of chicks.   The door opens, and BOB leads Donna inside. Her neck is still crooked.   BOB:  Eric, I can’t believe that you crippled my angel, my pride and joy. It kills me, seeing her like this.   ERIC: Then why are you bringing her over here?   BOB: Oh, I got a date. I met a lady at the open house. She’s got crow’s feet, but she works in the sandwich shop, so I bent the rules.   He exits. Donna crosses to sit by Eric on the couch.   ERIC: Look, Donna, I’m so sorry about what happened. You know, I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think I ever really wanted to be a chiropractor. I was just, you know, grasping at straws.   DONNA: I’d nod in agreement, but... you know, I’m paralyzed.   KELSO: Eric, you know what I’m realizing about you? You’re not good at anything.   FEZ: That’s not true, Kelso. Don’t forget butt-wiping.   ERIC: Oh, you know, just once, it’d be nice if, after you get all your burns in, you guys actually tried to help. I mean, that’s what I do. I mean, I’m the one who was looking out for Hyde when his mom split. And Kelso, I was your math tutor in high school. And Fez, remember when you wanted to learn how to kiss, and I taught you by sticking M&Ms to the mirror?   Donna and Kelso’s jaws drop. They look to Fez, who shifts in his seat.   FEZ: That never happened. I know how to kiss. Ah, shut it, Eric!   DONNA: (to Eric) You know, the only reason you ended up stuck like this was because your one chance to go away to college, you gave up to take care of your family after your dad got sick. You really do try to help.   ERIC: And I love doing it. I wish that could be a career.   DONNA: Right. You just need a career that combines a desire to help people with a high tolerance for irrational and childish behavior.   ERIC:  Or... just children. Just kids. Like at a school. Like a schoolteacher. Guys, I think I could make a good teacher!   Before he can elaborate any further, the basement door flies open. Hyde enters, carrying Jackie in his arms. She has on a graduation cap and gown, carries her diploma in her hand, and wears a massive, spacey grin.   JACKIE: Hello, adulthood! I’m Jackie Burkhart, and I’m ready for ya!   DONNA: Hey, looks like someone got over her little panic episode.   HYDE: Well, after you left, I went to talk to her and told her everything was gonna be fine and she was ready for graduation. But that didn’t work, so I broke out my best stuff. She’s been flying ever since.   Jackie sweeps out her hand holding her diploma, pops one foot out, and kisses Hyde on the cheek.   HYDE (cont’d): You should’ve seen her give the valedictorian address.   DONNA: Jackie, you’re not your class valedictorian.   HYDE: That’s why you should’ve seen it.   ERIC: That’s great, Jackie. You know what? This has just been a great day all around. Jackie graduated, Kelso and Fez found an apartment, and I’ve decided I’m gonna be a teacher. That’s right, you are looking at a future Mr. Forman.   JACKIE: Mr. Forman? Oh, well –   She swings herself down from Hyde’s arms and stumbles over to Eric. She steadies herself by slapping a hand down on his shoulder.   JACKIE (cont’d): Since I’ve already graduated, I can tell you now – my last essay? Yeah, everything in it, I stole from Donna doing the same assignment last year.   As well as she can, Donna turns to give Jackie an incredulous look.   JACKIE (cont’d): Hey, I’ve got my diploma, I’ve got a TV show, I am woman, and I’m ready for more!   Eric, grinning, shakes his head. Donna, Fez, and Kelso chuckle. Hyde also shakes his head and walks over to lead Jackie to his chair.   FADE TO BLACK

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5+ #fan fiction #fan script

[tessatechaitea]

Scarab #6

I don't know what's happening on this cover but I definitely have a new sexual fetish.

This comic book stars a raccoon. Rating: A+.

Most of the weird dialogue in this comic book probably comes from John Smith's high school notepads full of terrible poetry. I mean, this part about winter isn't too bad! I kind of like it. It's almost as if William Carlos Williams and H.P. Lovecraft were caught in a Star Trek transporter malfunction where their minds were melded but they had to overcome the horror of their new two-dicked physical existence to continue writing poetry. I knew John Smith was English from his previous work on 2000 A.D. and other British comic book periodicals but then he uses the phrase "Chinese whispers" in this issue and I think, "If I hadn't already known he was English from his previous work on 2000 A.D. and other British comic book periodicals, I'd now know he was English by his use of the phrase 'Chinese whispers.'" Here are some of the ideas John Smith throws into a two-page account of Scarab's recent adventures that he couldn't bother writing into full scripts but wanted everybody to know he thought up anyway: a television at the Waldorf haunted by the 20th Century, a pervert breaking the spirits of kids with his Zoo of Shame, The Phantom Barber stealing scalps from runway models, the world's sexiest man raped by Tarot cards, and the Electric Fetus Machine which manifests as a large organ whose music foments rebellion in fetuses. Is this how the British writers took over DC's adult comic books? By occluding our minds with so much random and weird pseudo-philosophical garbage that we couldn't think straight? Sure, I guess an Electric Fetus Machine sounds like a way better story than Batman beating The Riddler near to death. But is there really any substance there? I suppose there could be if the idea were fleshed out and some kind of theme built around the idea of fetuses rebelling. Maybe all of these ideas John Smith throws out are just a game of Chinese whispers where he takes, say, a story by John Barth from Lost in the Funhouse about the thoughts of a sperm considering how the race toward life is pointless and, maybe, they should all just give up, and he turns it into the Electric Fetus Machine so that when I read it, I don't instantly think, "Isn't this a John Barth story?" Instead, I think, "That's a better sounding story than the one where the guy is raped by the Three of Wands!"

Meanwhile, Scarab spends his downtime watching Eleanor turn into a Dr. Seuss tree. Or a mushroom cloud (because remember the theme established by the beginning quote and title?!).

Try to ignore Scarab's ass in the previous scan. It's phenomenal. If you're training to be a comic book artist, you need to spend a lot of time getting the ass right. And once you do, you'll never get an ass in pants right again because all you have ever learned to draw is a naked ass which readers will know is actually under skin tight Lycra unless the colorist completely shits the bed. The guy in the jar on the cover is a Russian experiment in psychotropic warfare called a Gloryboy. There are three of them and they're some kind of pacifist dream come true. They constantly mutter Vertigo phrases in a tonal frequency that makes normal people vomit and shit themselves. It's the Brown Note theory of winning battles but taken to the Vertigo extreme. Instead of a whomping bass sound system, the noise comes form a naked albino in a jar composed of dream matter. Maybe they're not composed of dream matter. And maybe they're not about pacifism at all. It seems they've been altered and experimented in such a way that they can give voice to "the Scream over Hiroshima!" That sounds pretty bad. It's probably some form of psychic bombardment, comparable to a nuclear blast, which drives everybody in the vicinity completely insane. Or maybe it really will just be a thing that pacifies everybody because have you ever tried to do anything while shitting yourself? I mean other than read the ingredients in your shampoo. And even then, I bet you take your eyes off the bottle for a moment to really be in the moment. As an aside, do women find shitting as enjoyable as men or is it just the fecal matter pressing up against our prostate as it passes that makes a big shit feel so good? The Russians test the Scream Over Hiroshima on London. What it does is project into the minds of everybody who hears it the entire reality of what happened in Hiroshima. It's the truth of war. It's pure horror and death and consequence. It probably also makes everybody shit themselves. But when it's done, they'll all understand, on a physically primal level what war is. And the assumption is that everybody will finally be against it, I guess? I've been on Twitter for many years and the one thing I know is that even physically experiencing the horrors of the bombing of Hiroshima isn't going to change the minds of most idiots. I mean, if you didn't become a vegan pacifist hug machine after hearing Sting's song, "Russians," why would you become one after living the horror of fifty thousand lives snuffed out in an instant?! Some people, you just can't reach. London turns into a burning chaotic mess as everybody flips the fuck out from suddenly experiencing the most painful thing they've ever experienced. Scarab arrives after it's all over and everybody is afraid of him. Surprise! There's nothing he can do. He just observes the mess and meets a psychic who tells him that Eleanor is coming back. And isn't that the most important part of this eight issue story? That Louis the Scarab's love returns to him while the rest of the world falls into death and chaos? Scarab #6 Rating: C. Smith seeded this issue with more story ideas than story. The main story is an idea that really goes nowhere as well. It's a thought experiment. It's a minor philosophical musing. And Scarab doesn't do anything but distract himself from his wife's condition. But it also wasn't uninteresting. So I think that means it's a C? What am I, a high school teacher? I don't know how to grade shit!

#Scarab #Vertigo #DC #DC Comics #John Smith #Scot Eaton #Hiroshima

[ofeldritch]

MY LOVE, SHE SLEEPS !! OH, MAY HER SLEEP, AS IT IS LASTING, SO BE DEEP !!

( bella heathcote. cisfemale, she/her, lacrimosa + wolfgang amadeus mozart. ) supposedly, VIRGINIA ELIZA CRAIN is a GHOST. they look like they’re 24, they act like they’ve been on earth for 185 YEARS. i just saw them at THE LIGHTHOUSE, i think they’re a VISITOR there. at night you can always find them going home to STATEN ISLAND by FERRY. 

BEFORE.

virginia eliza crain is not a woman of this time and she hasn’t been for a ghastly long time. having been born in the year 1834 on a lighthouse just outside of staten island; it was truly no surprise that the darling babe would forever be loved the moment her cries splashed life onto the barren white walls of her home.

sweet little vee was since raised by an eccentric literary editor who aspired to get his own works of gothic literature into the journal and a school teacher who devoted herself to working in an orphanage. with her father’s talent for spinning stories and her mother’s adoration of the innocent, vee grew up to be a very quaint and romantic girl. 

at the transitioning age of thirteen, vee received the horrible news that her beloved mother had been a victim to a gruesome yet inexplicable murder, her father but a knock away from death’s door. from being this entirely naive to a fault girl to stepping into a pair of shoes that were too big to fill, vee vowed to stay strong for her father and her mother who would have wanted them both to stay alive.

remaining true to her word, virginia kept him company well into her young adulthood, bringing life and nurture into their home in the stead of the late mrs. crain. she supported her father throughout the years; though following the death of his wife, his literature slowly began to dance along the lines of lunacy (as did his sanity), outlandish descriptions of beasts too terrifying for mortal man to bare witness being the pivotal focus of his stories. unbeknownst to vee, there was truth to her father’s stories; her mother having been murdered by a group of vampires, her father being forced to watch the feast after being struck down. that dark knowledge thankfully never made it to vee due to her father’s desperate need to preserve her purity.

virginia eventually allowed herself some freedom and deviated from her father’s strange antics. she found happiness following in her mother’s footsteps and worked as a caretaker at the local orphanage. life was not as simple as it once was so many years ago, when her family was whole and her heart was a child’s, but the longer she worked with the orphans, the quicker that innocent shade of rose began to spring back to life.

the end of an era full of light bared it’s ugly teeth in the form of an otherwise healthy virginia developing a brutal case of consumption. despite the downward spiral that was her father’s mental health (furthermore fueled by his only child’s illness), virginia remained adamant in being hopeful, perhaps even naively persistent to a fault that everything would be okay.

down the road, her health began to resemble a cruel pendulum, swinging back and forth between improving on some years and deteriorating on others. after a five year long struggle with her illness, growing unable to walk, and traveling around the country in hopes of finding a healthier environment (only to come back to her home in the lighthouse); virginia eliza crain succumbed to her illness at three thirty in the morning and passed away in her sleep.

AFTER.

vee doesn’t remember anything 48 hours after her untimely death. she doesn’t remember the grief her father experienced the day of her burial or how the town gathered to bid their goodbyes. it is as if someone placed a black veil over her eyes, shielding her from her own mourners and the aftermath of her own death.

once she was buried and everyone was tucked away in their corners, virginia woke up from what felt like a dreadfully long slumber. not in her bedroom at the lighthouse, but rather in the cemetery wearing a gorgeous white gown. believing herself to have blacked out during a visit to her mother’s grave, vee went back home only to be welcomed by her father’s weeping.

it took her a while to come around to the idea, but vee finally accepted that she was a ghost still stricken with the illness that claimed her life. it was a miracle, to roam the earth a second time and experience what she couldn’t, yet it was equal parts a curse being unable to comfort her father in his desperate time of need.

virginia eventually learned to materialize after many years of practicing and was able to keep her elderly father company during his last days on earth, himself finally affirming that he had finally descended into the pits of madness. to this very day, virginia still mourns the death of her beloved father.

185 years have passed since then and in the span of those years, virginia has found comfort in roaming around, raising those who are forsaken and befriending those who come across her little lighthouse. she even came to the realization that her father’s outlandish stories were not just silly old stories. she learned there are creatures far more deadlier than a ghost such as herself in every corner of the earth.

PERSONALITY.

still as quaint, romantic, childish as before.. virginia crain is the perfect representation of purity and illness. known for being a quixotic little creature while alive, her naivety shielded her from the morbidity of life until it was already too late to learn. a maiden of verity, she has a heart full of song and a rose-colored gaze that sees the beauty in even the darkest corners of the earth. despite being alive for nearly two hundred years, virginia still has a fondness for the living and has discovered a rather nurturing side to her personality after caring for children in her afterlife. tender as she is curious, vee is still growing as an individual and has developed an unfortunate fear of death. a woman of mercurial temperament, she is known by locals for being a lithe spirit full of light yet she has her days where she weeps by the lighthouse; if not for her father, then for all of the people she has loved and lost. 

CONNECTIONS.

someone who has moved into the lighthouse where virginia passed away. sadly, vee is not taking lightly to her home being occupied so she is doing a little bit of innocent haunting in hopes of scaring them away. shockingly enough, vee is not as scary as she thinks she is and has somehow befriended her new housemate.

old friends from the 18th century. 

someone(s) she raised as her own or considers her child. 

a fan of her father’s literature.

someone she is wistfully smitten with and/or vice versa.

someone who teaches her slang from this era.

#nightsbound:intro #tw murder #tw death #tw depression #seven (7) hours to write this and im still not happy #the woes #pls hmu for plots <33

[yesmoviese-blog]

The 25 Best Movies On Amazon Prime Right Now

In the world of streaming subscription services, there's what's become known as the "big three." Netflix is still the biggest kahuna in the game, but Hulu and Amazon Prime are hot on its heels. Each service offers its own large selection of movies, with thousands of titles of various calibers included. Currently, Amazon Prime actually boasts the largest movie library of the three, but it could be argued that quantity isn't nearly as important as quality.

25 of the very best movie titles offered on Amazon Prime can be found below, featuring a mix of blockbuster hits, award-winning critical darlings, hilarious comedies, bone-chilling horror movies, and more. The list below attempts to include something for everyone, and thankfully, Amazon Prime's selection houses quite the robust grouping of worthwhile streaming choices.

Related: What Prime Original Series You Should Watch Based On Your Myers-Briggs® Type

Before the list begins proper, there are some important notes to be made. First the movies below are available to stream on Amazon Prime at the time of this writing. As movies expire, the list will be updated, and new great options will be added. Also, the 25 films below, while numbered for convenience, are not ranked. So the movie marked number one is not meant to necessarily be seen as superior to the movie at number 25.

Last updated: June 7, 2019

Continue Scrolling To Keep Reading Click the button below to start this article in quick view

Tom Hanks Philadelphia - Movies Men Cry At START NOW 25 PHILADELPHIA Tom Hanks Philadelphia - Movies Men Cry At Once upon a time, Tom Hanks wasn't yet cemented as one of the best dramatic leads in Hollywood history. Instead, he was mostly known for doing comedies, such as Splash and Big. While he'd done some dramatic work beforehand, it was 1993's Philadelphia that really proved just how good Hanks was, winning him his first Oscar. Directed by Jonathan Demme, Philadelphia stars Hanks as Andrew Beckett, a corporate lawyer and gay man who's fired by his firm after being diagnosed with AIDS. Beckett sues his former employer, and is eventually represented by Joe Miller (Denzel Washington), who initially struggles with his own homophobia. A landmark film when it comes to Hollywood's representation of the LGBTQ community, Philadelphia is a sad, but moving Amazon Prime pick.

24 HEREDITARY

Most horror films are full of obvious supernatural threats, whether they be vampires, ghosts, demons. or even the occasional sadistic leprechaun. Sometimes though, a horror effort comes along to reinforce that at the end of the day, the fear of losing a loved one is one that audiences can't escape, even after the latest scary movie stops playing. One recent example of that type is 2018's critically lauded (89% on Rotten Tomatoes) Hereditary, directed by Ari Aster, and starring Toni Collette as Annie, an emotionally scarred mom who finds her life spinning more and more out of control following the death of her own mother. Hereditary has become a bit divisive in horror circles, but it's worth watching on Amazon Prime and judging for oneself.

23 CARRIE Carrie 1976 One of the most famous authors in the world, horror master Stephen King has seen his work adapted for both the big and small screens countless times. Carrie (1976) was the very first though, which makes sense, as 1974's Carrie was King's first published novel. Sissy Spacek stars as the titular Carrie White, an outcast teenage girl who finds that the changes to her body brought on by puberty also awaken a powerful telekinetic ability, one capable of striking back at her tormentors, up to and including her religious zealot of a mother.

Related: Every Stephen King Movie Ranked, From Worst To Best

22 THE GAME Michael Douglas in The Game One of the earlier films to emerge from the endlessly creative mind of director David Fincher, 1997's The Game might not be Fincher's most awarded or money-making effort, but it's still a terrific little thriller in its own right. Michael Douglas stars as Nicholas Van Orton, a successful investment banker that's still haunted by his father's suicide. Nicholas' life gets dangerously interesting when his brother Conrad (Sean Penn) offers him an invitation to play the titular game. Nicholas agrees, but quickly wishes he hadn't, as things get crazy in short order. There's never been a better time for Amazon Prime users to discover this gem.

21 EIGHTH GRADE

The feature writing and directing debut of comedian Bo Burnham, Eighth Grade wowed many in 2018 with its very relatable, and often very frank depiction of what it's like to be transitioning into one's teenage years. Most movies and TV shows tend to depict childhood and young adulthood as this time full of nothing but fun and carefree idealism, but in reality, many people spend their youths battling social awkwardness, dealing with anxiety, and struggling to fit in. Fronted by a great lead performance from Elsie Fisher, and bolstered by one of the best speeches ever given from a parent to their child onscreen, Eighth Grade isn't always easy to sit through, but it's consistently rewarding. Another impressive offering from Amazon Prime.

20 SOME LIKE IT HOT Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot Those looking to watch a classic comedy on Amazon Prime need look no further than 1951's Some Like It Hot, directed by Hollywood icon Billy Wilder, helmer of other golden age hits like Double Indemnity and Sunset Boulevard. Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon star as two Chicago musicians forced to assume female identities to get out of town after witnessing a gangland murder. Both quickly notice the singer of their new all-female band, played by Marilyn Monroe near the height of her stardom. Some Like It Hot includes some moments that are problematic by today's standards, but those willing to view it through a historical lens will still find plenty to enjoy.

Related: 22 Best Romantic Comedies, According To Rotten Tomatoes (And 3 Stuck With 0%)

19 MAJOR LEAGUE Major League tom Berenger Charlie Sheen For about as long as America has been making movies, movies depicting baseball have been common. After all, there are few things more quintessentially American. Some of those movies are meant to provoke emotion and draw tears, but 1989's Major League goes straight for the funny bone. Centered on a fictional version of the Cleveland Indians, Major League sees an unscrupulous owner try to deliberately put together a terrible team, in order to get attendance low enough to trigger a contract clause allowing them to relocate to Miami. Thankfully, this gathering of misfits won't be defeated so easily. Major League spawned two sequels, but neither are available on Amazon Prime.

18 SHUTTER ISLAND Leonardo DiCaprio in Shutter Island Directed by Martin Scorsese and starring his modern muse Leonardo DiCaprio, 2010's Shutter Island centers on U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels, who's sent to investigate a mysterious disappearance at a mental hospital on the titular island. Unfortunately for Teddy, nothing is what it seems, and the mystery threatens to swallow him whole. The star-studded cast also includes Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, and Michelle Williams. Those looking for a thriller designed to keep them guessing should definitely stream Shutter Island on Amazon Prime.

[him-e]

Hey! I love your analysis’ of Reylo. They’re my favorite. I have a loaded question (hopefully you’ve never been asked) — when do you think both Rey and Kylo became PHYSICALLY attracted to each other? And when do you think Rey became ROMANTICALLY attracted to Kylo, because I think we can all agree after killing Han Solo and their fight on Starkiller Base, she was, and rightly so, hostile and angry. Sorry if it’s a stupid question but you just seem to go really in depth with details. :)

ok so I noticed a very similar ask is already making the rounds on here, but since I started writing this post before I saw it, you’re getting mine too, yay. 

First: physical vs romantic can be a false binary. Some people don’t experience a difference in physical attraction vs romantic attraction. On a literary level, and especially in the context of a space opera/fairytale geared towards a young audience, the distinction might be entirely redundant: the two spheres coincide, as the sexual element is never explicit in fairytales, and the romantic interest is often a stand-in for both. You don’t get a point where the characters are “only” physically attracted to each other in this kind of stories.  

Second: going from hating someone to falling in love with said someone is a pretty standard romantic trope. It’s juicy, it’s sexy, and it’s all about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. In enemies to lovers stories, the initial hatred is not an obstacle but part of the romantic build-up.Usually there isn’t “one” turning point where the relationship dramatically changes, but many. It’s a gradual evolution. 

With that said… I believe a degree of attraction was always there on both sides (Kylo’s side being a bit more self-evident than Rey’s, though Rey’s part is interesting as well, more on that later). The romantic feelings, on the other hand, are still a work in progress. They still haven’t acknowledged them. 

Let’s start with Kylo because it’s easier. 

1) Kylo is VERY attracted to Rey since the beginning.

Our boy is very transparent when it comes to Rey.He instinctively recognizes that there’s something special to this girl, and he’s drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

^ He looks her up and down. Adam emphasizes this gesture with a blatant head motion because he’s wearing a mask and he can’t be subtle about it. Which means he was probably asked to be unsubtle.

^ He gets in her personal space immediately after that. There’s really no need to be this close if he wanted to simply mind probe her. 

This is especially interesting because the way this scene is edited we don’t see how he got so close that he’s practically…what, sniffing her neck? Whispering in her ear? So I guess the final cut was rather toned down compared to the raw footage of this scene, and it’s for the better, since Rey is immobilized and terrified and in no position to give consent to this closeness. (tbh, I suspect he was originally meant to touch her or cup her face in this scene, and they cut it because they wanted to make sure that Kylo never touches her—aside from bridal carrying her into his ship. See also how he touches her during the interrogation in the tfa novelization but not in the movie. This is an excellent decision in my opinion. It’s crucial that Kylo doesn’t cross that boundary without Rey’s consent, so it makes it all the more poignant when he touches Rey’s outstretched hand in TLJ. Yeah, don’t tell me this wasn’t all planned.)

This attraction isn’t conscious on Kylo’s part—he seems to be completely clueless about it. Both Rey and Kylo are coded as very immature for their ages, both because they’re supposed to have a coming of age arc (which in true sw fashion overlaps with a hero’s journey), and because they’re emotionally stunted as neither had a “normal” adolescence (for different reasons).

^ more unnecessary closeness and he’s also blatantly looking at her lips and neck here. I won’t go in deep into the interrogation scene because there’s too much to dissect, but yeah, the whole thing is Kylo being ridiculously fascinated by Rey and not knowing what to do with it.

But this is also where he starts going deeper into her… ahem, poor choice of words, sorry. I mean he looks inside her mind and he’s enraptured. He sees her loneliness, her fear to leave the place where she’s bound in a forced state of childhood, he sees the island of her dreams—and her affection for Han, which immediately triggers a cascade of unpleasant feelings for him. In short, this is where he connects with her emotionally (although forcibly) and where it stops being just curiosity and attraction and becomes something more, on a deeper level than just the physical, for him.

(casual reminder that this is a space opera so yes, Kylo can see a kaleidoscope of Rey’s inner world and HOPELESSLY FALL IN LOVE WITH IT in the span of 2 minutes of mind probe. This isn’t to be taken literally.)

As she slips out of his grip just when he’s starting to know her, Kylo LOSES HIS SHIT. He gives in to a childish temper tantrum at the sight of her empty interrogation chair, and when she shows up again at Finn’s side, he sees red. This is very possessive/jealous coded behavior.

THEN REY SUMMONS THE LEGACY SABER AND HE’S LIKE:

^ Heart eyes, motherfucker. I think at this point our boy’s fallen HARD. He still doesn’t know, of course. But it’s clear that this moment—the whole duel with her—left a huge impression on him. Later in TLJ, he tells Rey that she has “that look in her eyes, from the forest”, which, wow, someone’s been thinking about Rey’s eyes A LOT and memorizing that particular expression and romanticizing the shit of of it.

Verdict: Kylo immediately finds Rey attractive but has probably no idea why he feels that way, and starts making a lot of irrational decisions in order to take her with him and make her stay. By the end of TFA, he’s already caught a variety of Feelings. They will only intensify in TLJ, but the foundation, both in physical and emotional terms, is already there.

2) Rey. Rey is more complicated because she’s our protagonist/main pov, she’s female—female attraction is depicted differently than male attraction—and most importantly she’s in a situation of disadvantage for most of TFA. Due to her limited agency she is forced to react rather than act, and she’s constantly in a fight or flight mode. 

This, of course, makes her (subtle) attraction hard to notice and problematic to discuss, but we’ll get there.

^ Her first reaction to a full masked Kylo Ren is blind terror (with reason: Kylo chases, immobilizes, and then threatens her with his lightsaber). But remember: per the novelization, “she has seen this man before. In a nightmare, in a dream”. This already introduces an element of ambiguity: why this distinction? Was the dream pleasant? Kylo is, at this stage, the physical manifestation of a shadow that seems to be haunting her (in her subconscious, but also in the force vision she had minutes before). It isn’t as much repulsive as it is scary. 

Soon enough, she starts conversing with the shadow. Once the initial terror fades, she regains composure and starts demanding answers, even as tied up to a chair as she is.

The unmasking is a crucial moment.

^ This is when Rey sees Ben’s face for the first time—the prince underneath the beast—and it confuses her. It’s where she loses her combative attitude and has to regroup for a minute. She blinks, she breathes in, her eyes wander across his figure.The novelization states that it’s because he looks so average (LOL, sure) and not monstrous at all, but beyond the surface reading, this already tells us that Rey took time to register Kylo’s facial features and find them strangely unthreatening–even familiar. She definitely doesn’t find him repulsive or odd-looking.

From this moment on, she has trouble looking at him. She’s constantly avoiding his eyes or stealing short glances at him—he turned from creature into man, and she’s suddenly hyperaware of his closeness and her restraints. (this is where most people feel uncomfortable with that scene, because it’s dripping with ambiguous tension). Then she finds Kylo in her mind, she fights back and locks eyes with him again, this time unafraid. She chooses to look into the monster and while she turns the tables on him, invading his mind, she finds herself “inexorably drawn to”… something. His fears? The novelization leaves this unsaid, but the choice of words is interesting. She’s not merely pushing him out, or defending herself anymore. She finds something that intrigues her in there. That draws her in.

This scene is where they truly reveal themselves to the other—Kylo’s humanity and weaknesses, and Rey’s powers and strength. It leaves them both shaking and bewildered. It’s a sort of initiation—for both. To each other’s force powers, but also to the attractive power each has on the other.

Then comes another turning point—Han’s murder, which Rey witnesses from a privileged perspective.

^ There’s a sort of softness, but also enrapture, in her expression here. She’s completely sucked into this scene, all but forgetting she could shoot Kylo from where she is and end this at any moment. No, what she’s seeing is another side of Han, but also another side of Kylo Ren.

It goes back to when she was first introduced to the story of Ben Solo.

See? Raptured. Camera zooming in on her face. Light spheres floating around her as Han tells her about the boy who destroyed it all. This is a magical moment, the cinematography is telling us. 

On some level, even before meeting him in person, she’s drawn to him. Remember, this is a fairytale.

By the forest scene Rey is horrified, angry, exhausted, grieving. In the span of two days she was forced to grow past childhood, cut her umbilical cord to Jakku, and enter a scary phase of transition into adulthood, which Kylo is, like it or not, a big part of. Now she’s seen him murder his own father—he is a monster with a human face, something that seems to enrage her even more. The following duel is more of a discovery of her own powers (and potential darkness) than it is about Kylo (whereas for Kylo it’s definitely about Rey), but in the end she can’t bring herself to kill him. Again, this tells us more about who Rey is and what is her inner conflict than it does about her relationship with Kylo but… it’s something. I think on an instinctual level, even at this early stage, she recognizes something in him that resonates with her. His loneliness, his anger, his misery perhaps.

Verdict: at the end of TFA, Rey is mostly angry and scared of Kylo. All her actions revolve around getting the hell out of dodge, keeping Kylo out of her mind, and punishing him for Han’s death. Understandably. 

But she’s also curious. This man confuses her. He shows up in her subconscious, and he’s inextricably linked to her understanding of the Force, and her first experiences with it. It’s a sort of imprinting.

TLJ is when the really meaty part begins for Rey. In broad terms, TFA was Kylo’s romantic/sexual awakening to Rey, and TLJ is Rey’s to Kylo.The peaceful, safe setting of Ahch-To and the fact that through the force bond they can communicate but NOT hurt or manipulate each other draws Rey out of her fight or flight mode, allowing her to explore on her terms Kylo’s character, and all the questions and doubts he arouses (heh) in her. 

In their first force bond interactions, Kylo is calm and collected. In the other scenes he’s had so far he’s a hot mess of boiling rage and hurt (just minutes before, he smashed his helmet and launched an attack to the Resistance in which he thinks his mother perished), but with this girl who slashed his face in half and left him bleeding like a pig in the snow, he’s quite the soft spoken gentleman, lol. I think he’s been thinking a lot about Rey, he came to terms with his fascination for her, and now he wants to make Rey think about him too. He tempts and taunts her, from a place of relative knowledge/wisdom (or so he thinks). Rey’s the one who is in emotional turmoil. 

^ Initially, she tries to stick to her feisty heroine script, and she still has a lot of genuine rage and disgust for him, but mostly she can’t make sense of him. She feels insecure in what she knows (not just about Kylo but also about Luke, the Force, her role in this, everything. Nobody is telling her anything!), so she overcompensates with knee-jerk aggression and a false display of confidence (”I know everything I need to know about you!”). 

She also calls him “murderous snake!!!!”, which is hilarious and very revealing. IDK about snake symbolism in the GFFA, but here on earth, and especially in western culture, snakes symbolize insidious seduction, and that’s certainly the authorial intent behind this choice of words. By saying this line, Rey is framed as the quintessential virtuous maiden trying to resist (sexual) temptation, that biblically goes hand in hand with knowledge—which is exactly what Kylo offers. 

On a subconscious level, I think she already recognizes Kylo as a seduction.

^ This is the first thing that throws her off balance. She was probably expecting some angry shitty warped-moral-compass rebuttal, instead he quietly agrees that he’s a monster, while also “coming into the light” to let her see his face better. To make her see him. During the whole conversation, and part of the following force bond scene as well, Kylo is almost morbidly insistent to share with her the details of his past (”Did he tell you what happened? Did he tell you why?”). He wants her to see him, ugly as he is (in a spiritual sense).  

At this point, Rey’s sexuality is GETTING ANSWERS AND FIGURING SHIT ABOUT HER ROLE IN THE FORCE. And Luke (the biblical “God” of the island) is giving her none of that, other than hippie lessons about how the Force is a superior power blah blah and you better not fuck with it blah blah don’t go in the dark wet hole and remember that the Jedi aren’t supposed to intervene in mundane shit, blah.

I actually think the deleted fish nun party scene is important to understand Rey’s state of mind entering the third, and crucial, force connection. The point of that lesson—at least the way Rey understands it—is teaching her inaction and second-guessing her instincts. Luke is projecting his own disillusionment on her. He’s telling her to stop believing in heroes, when what Rey actually needs is believing in herself as a hero. She comes out of it feeling more frustrated and humiliated than ever. Depressed, almost.

Kylo, instead, gives her answers. Not definite answers, but something that propels her into action. He tells her, “do this and this in order to become the person you’re meant to be”. He strokes her ego. He talks about her destiny. He echoes and validates her suppressed anger and frustration. He digs up a painful truth about her family, and encourages her to face it. Even as she demands to know the reason he murdered his father, he makes it all about her. First, he made her see him; now he’s making her see herself through his eyes.

And, of course, he’s half naked through the entire thing. This is the first time Rey is confronted with something textually (as in, not simply existing in the subtext) sexual. The shirtlessness is obviously here for a meta reason too (to loudly communicate the romantic undertones of the dynamic, to symbolically strip Kylo of his layers, and to give the audience an eye candy) but even Rey the character is aware that this has to do with sex, someway. 

^ That’s why she stutters and averts her eyes. This is the unmasking 2.0, only this time the sexual implications are in the forefront. In a pg-13 format, of course, but still largely readable even for children.

This is where Rey starts wondering if they could actually touch. Gee, what a coincidence. 

The shirtless scene is a huge turning point where the romantic build up becomes, for a short while, glaringly sexual. It would be easy to say that this is when Rey’s physical attraction is born, but that’s an oversimplification. Everything in this movie and in the movie before has been building to this. Kylo Ren has been at the forefront of Rey’s thoughts since Starkiller. She has a powerful psychic connection to him, talked about him with Luke, wondered about the reasons of his patricide, questioned his backstory, exercised frantically to blow off the steam of their encounters. 

This isn’t when Rey first begins to feel attraction to Kylo—it’s where she’s first faced with the reality of it, and us with her.

And facing this reality is, in part, what prompts her to go into the dark side cave—the one the older male authority figure forbade her from going, the one in which she already subconsciously expects to walk a threshold. The threshold of knowing what happened to her parents, the question that she’s been avoiding for so long, that kept her bound to Jakku, to a version of herself who never grew up past childhood because growing up would make the years and years of abandonment painfully real, rather than just notches on a wall.

The cave scene has all the markings of an archetypal rite of passage into adulthood (and womanhood). The water, the near-drowning experience, the visions, the multiple selves, the mirror. Rey goes into it fully understanding that however it goes, it will imply a loss of innocence. Thematically, it’s a direct continuation of the other loss of innocence she’s just experienced—the sexual one, with Kylo.

Rey doesn’t get the answer she hoped for, but one that forces her to mature and come into her adult self—it’s time to take responsibility and be the hero of her own story, because the adults she were waiting for are nowhere in sight. So she comes out of the cave as more mature… but also desperate for human connection. Or rather, for connection to a specific someone. She feels “relief” when she senses Kylo’s presence in the Force inside the hut. 

And when she sees him, she thinks again of touching him.

In the movie we don’t get how the conversation started, and the novelization doesn’t delve into details either, and boy what would I pay to know what sparked Rey’s confession. But we can imagine. By this point, Rey already feels a kinship with Kylo, and her distrust and skepticism for him has eroded. She sees her own loneliness in him. She feels they were both betrayed by parental figures on some level. She’s made the mental connection that if Vader was brought back, then Ben could be too, by someone who loves him. Their force connections have been strange but they also gave her the chance to discuss stuff she would have otherwise bottled up. He’s physically attractive to her. He doesn’t judge her for going into the darkness. And when he tells her what she needs to hear the most—that she’s not alone—she makes that leap and reaches out to touch him.

It’s an olive branch, a comforting gesture towards someone she feels is just alone as she is, but it’s physical contact she seeks. She could have offered her sympathy in any other way, yet she chose to reach for his hand. Remember, she’s been thinking about touching him for a while already.

Kylo, after a moment of confusion, responds by taking off his glove. This is such a loaded gesture in terms of its romantic/sexual meaning that I’m still in shock it actually happened. He’s baring himself to her, so that this contact happens without barriers. His skin is not covered in first order leather when he touches hers. This is the real him.

^ And then they have their visions of the future, and that One Perfect Tear falls down Rey’s cheek and Luke blows up the hut and this is where my analysis can stop because by this point it’s completely obvious that our girl has FALLEN HARD, and since she’s the *shoot first, ask later* type, she hops on the Falcon to get her boy back before she can admit to herself she’s stupidly in love with him.

Rey saw a vision of herself with Ben Solo at her side, and she’s so blinded by the beauty of it that making it happen as fast as possible becomes her number one priority.

But feelings for someone don’t change overnight so radically. If she’s so massively affected by that vision, it’s only because her romantic attraction for Kylo has been building up at a consistent pace since the start of the movie, getting her to a point where she spontaneously sought an intimacy with him.

It’s the same for Kylo. Rey literally ships herself to him, but he’s no less reckless than she is in barreling into this promise of a future idyll. When Rey gets on the Supremacy, he already knows this has to end with Snoke’s death somehow. He doesn’t know how to do it, but he will. He will sacrifice his master to be with her, just as she did.

If you asked either of them if they’re in love with each other, I bet they would stare at you with uncomprehending eyes—it’s like they lack the basic lexicon to understand their feelings, let alone verbalize them. So Rey’s like “save the fleet because it’s the morally right thing to do!”, and Ben’s like “join me to rule the galaxy!”, and they’re both like, “you’ll stand with me!”. They’re trying to express the love they already feel but they’re doing it in non-romantic terms, because that’s all they know.

(gifs are credited with the “ ^ “ - click on it and reblog the op!)

#anon #asks #sw asks #sw for ts #// #reylo for ts #sw** #reylo**

[kmclaude]

Something I've noticed lately...have you also seen that a lot of kid characters in popular ships that antis scream at seem to be written as if they're adults, not kids? Like, I swear a lot of these characters could be drawn as 23 instead of 13 and seem absolutely 0% different in personality.

I’ll be honest, I’m not super involved in fandoms but drawing from my experiences and things I’ve noticed, you’re very much not wrong! I think there’s a few things involved there. 

Gonna put it under a cut because it’s a bit rambling, I’m just throwing some thoughts out there...

The biggest factor ime is that a lot of the media starring youthful characters that fandoms spring up around also has these youthful characters dealing with experiences that are decidedly grown up! So you’ve got preteen and teen protagonists in their very canons fulfilling very adult expectations and dealing with very adult responsibilities, in a sense. Which makes sense because a lot of these media are either adult stories containing child/preteen/teen characters if not protagonists (and so very adult things happen around or even to them, like in It by Stephen King) or YA media, in which latter case a lot of these situations function as “coming of age” moments or even stories -- think of how dementors in Harry Potter are a metaphor for depression, which is something that yeah we as a society hope children and teens don’t have to deal with and often try to protect them from but also it’s something many adults have to deal with and sadly many teens to and for many of us it’s a part of our transition into adulthood.

For examples of the latter, look at Black Butler or Harry Potter. Now I know Black Butler is rated TV-MA and the manga is rated OT for older teens but it’s also a shonen manga if I remember right so I’m going to consider it YA manga--perhaps geared to older teens, mind, but still young adult. Harry Potter is of course children’s literature but it also is known for having grown up with its audience. Both of these have a preteen protagonist who Goes Through Some Shit and has to take on -- as a child -- the role of an adult. Ciel makes a deal with a demon for revenge as, what, a preteen? He’s about thirteen by the time of the first anime arc and has been serving as essentially the preteen version of the goddamn Hellsing Organization??? Killing people and searching for his family’s murderer and seeking revenge? That’s a pretty adult mindset, drive, and role. Sure he’s a brat like a child is and acts as such and has the limits of a preteen/teenage boy BUT he’s also written into a role of an adult man and in some respects acts as such. In Harry Potter Harry makes a goddamn knowing sacrifice to face off against Voldemort at age eleven! He’s been abused all his life and then gets thrown into a world where he’s both a superstar and a target, has attempts on his life, and decides to take on an adult wizard and by extension (figuratively and, surprise, literally) Voldemort all at age eleven in one year. And then comes back again and does it all over again. By thirteen he’s regained and lost (metaphorically) a family member and seen the injustice of the court system and at age fourteen he witnesses a full on hate crime and then sees literal death in the face and nearly faces his own (again!)

Most of us don’t see all that by age fourteen.

So it makes sense that a lot of fans writing fic about such characters write them in such a way that, with few adjustments (trade high school for college, trade pubertal sexual awakenings for I dunno late blooming or collegiate sexual awakenings, etc.), they’d easily be twenty-somethings rather than tweens.

Another part of that is that writing kids as kids or teens as teens is hard because the people who make Media are all Adults so there’s a bit of an adulthood lens those characters are written through, no matter how damn good one is at writing a kid or preteen (an example of good kid writing is what was going on in the new It movie because preteens act just like those boys do holy shit kids make nasty sex jokes. I know because I was a kid once and we did that.) And when we read that in canon, well, we’re gonna reflect that in fanon, aren’t we? Hell, even the people writing fanfic who are teens are not always writing characters that are their ages and even when they are, well, it goes back to that first point: these characters often in canon go through more in their “”””childhoods””””” than your average child or teenager. For example: I wrote most of my Voldemort/Harry fanfiction when I was a late preteen and early to mid teenager. I actually started sharing a lot of it during Hurricane Katrina which is a Very Big Scary Thing for anyone to go through, let alone a kid, and yet even with A Literal Natural Disaster under my belt along with a few family deaths over the years prior, I still didn’t go through half the shit Harry James Potter went through at that point in the series (Order of the Phoenix had come out two years prior so Harry was a few years my elder but I was mostly writing post-Goblet fic.) Like...Harry seemed much more mature than I was even though I and that character would have been peers, essentially. 

Sorry, I’m a little disjointed -- I’ve been drinking and I’m currently listening to the new Manson album which is not something to write to, I guess.

Another thought that just occurred to me is, perhaps, this is why so many people now push for OH THEY’RE ALL AGED UP!!!! YEAH!!!! when no one used to care about chan or underage (I mean besides to cover their asses, that’s definitely why people go AGED UP THEY’RE AGED UP.) Because everyone kinda wrote characters with a sort of....mature voice, I guess, you could say? So it was like “yeah no teen acts like this but then again no teen acts like the canon character either, it’s fiction, chill Suzette.” Like I can remember a post-PoA “what if Sirius was exonerated and Harry lived with Sirius and over the summer between PoA and GoF a relationship started” fic where like...you know, thirteen year olds don’t act like that, you could substitute a higher age and it’d make sense (well Sirius’ angsting would just cut down from the age and the godson thing to just the godson thing but besides that...)

Also keep in mind that in general: writing kids (specifically speech) is hard. Super hard. People fuck that up a lot. Preteens and teens may be a bit easier but it’s still hard. Most media is of adults or again these, shall we say, Worldly Teens With Adult Problems so it makes sense that the characters talk and think in a more...grown way. So that’s what people read and emulate when they write. It’s easier to do and harder to fuck up. So I mean when you can easily swap in another older age, that might definitely be at play as well.

#kmclaude replies to anon #kmclaudereplies to anon #kmclaudereplies #kmclaudereplies to ask #kmclaude replies to ask

[jaketheaudiophile]

Best Albums of 2019

Well hello there! Long time, no see.

In keeping up with my lazy past tactics, I really only use this blog for end-of-the-year recaps anymore, which I’m completely fine with. I still listen to music as much as I always have, but have lost the desire to constantly write about it. I guess this is adulthood, or having a “real job” or something.

Either way, here are my top 15 albums of 2019. What were yours?

HONORABLE MENTION

DELTA SLEEP: “Younger Years” EP

released September 27 via Big Scary Monsters

Delta Sleep completely surprised everyone this year by releasing this EP without any prior announcement or notice. No teaser tracks, no hints at studio time, just completely out of the blue. Props to these British math-rock legends for their secrecy; it was certainly a fun thing to wake up and see all over social media on a random Saturday in September. These guys definitely have a formula or format they stick to on their releases, so this is more of the same for longtime fans, and that’s largely a good thing. I still think they tend to rely on filler tracks or noise too frequently, but the good definitely outweighs the bad. This was easily my favorite EP of 2019 and is definitely worth mentioning for this list.

#15

UNWED SAILOR: “Heavy Age”

released May 3 via Current Taste / Johnathan Ford

Man, was I really looking forward to this one. My favorite band releasing their first full-length album in 11 years? And their first new music in 6 years in general? What could go wrong? Not much, to be honest, but I felt overall underwhelmed with “Heavy Age”. Most of the songs run together or could use editing instead of just repeating passes ad naseum. Also, the 13-minute-plus album closer “When You Want Me There” is largely meandering and pointless. Still, I love Johnathan Ford and his merry band of musicians for a reason, and there are definitely quality songs and moments on this record. I worry that I might be including them here out of obligation, but it still was better than other records I left off my list this year. The band has also already announced another new record in 2020, and I’ll go into that with the same reckless abandon of excitement as I did this album.

#14

SOMOS: “Prison On A Hill”

released August 30 via Tiny Engines

I really, really, really wanted to love this record. Boston’s Somos had been teasing this album’s progress for over a year, and their previous releases have been some of my favorite pop and punk from the decade. I’m not always the biggest proponent of politically charged art, but Somos always did it in a way that was sensible and understated. Unfortunately, this album’s release came prematurely due to tragic passing of guitarist Phil Haggerty. The band was able to put out the album earlier than anticipated with all funding going to Haggerty’s funeral expenses and family, which was a wonderful move by record label Tiny Engines. The album doesn’t feel rushed or unfinished, but is a bit too muddled and all-over-the-place for my liking. Longtime drummer Evan Deges left the band prior to the recording of “Prison”, and Somos decided to go the route of programmed drums instead of a session musician or new band member. The result is sadly a bit soulless, although it does compliment some of the more electronic leans in the band’s sound as well. The truly sad thing is that this will most likely be the last release by this band per their social media and interviews post-release, and I wish that tragedy would not have struck them during a time of a seemingly musical lack of focus. 

#13

COUNTERPARTS: “Nothing Left to Love”

released November 1 via Pure Noise Records

I’ve been a huge fan of these Canadian melodic hardcore mainstays for ages, but I wasn’t crazy about their last release, 2017′s “You’re Not You Anymore”. Two of my favorite members (drummer Kelly Bilal and guitarist Jesse Doreen) quit the band right before it came out, and the resulting record felt unpolished and rushed. Thankfully, a bit more seasoning for the new members on the road and in the studio seems to have worked wonders, as “Nothing Left to Love” is back on the quality path for these bruisers. I’ve always adored vocalist Brendan Murphy’s delivery, and it’s legit stunning that he still has a throat after years of brutal barking, let alone how good it sounds on this release. Additionally, the band has a clever skill of interweaving cool triplets or other rhythms and complex structures underneath otherwise traditional breakdowns or song structures, which puts them in rarified air in a traditionally by-the-numbers genre. All this said, the title track / album closer sort of ruins the album for me. It’s essentially an unnecessary clean, polished filler track and feels tacked on to extend the length of the record, and I almost always skip it. Still, it was excellent to hear these guys back on their game, and I’m excited to see where they go from here.

#12

STATE FAULTS: “Clairvoyant”

released June 21 via No Sleep Records

I can’t say that this is the most original record I’ve ever heard. Anyone who is a fan of Deafheaven or any similar noisy / thrashy metal outfits will certainly find this sound familiar. However, it’s done with an unabashed energy and brutality alongside a sincerity that is truly refreshing. There’s a fascinating rawness to both Johnny Andrew’s shrieking vocals and the utter cacophony his bandmates whip up throughout their songs. The dedication to melody throughout everything also makes the songs memorable. This album caught me completely out of nowhere via an Anthony Fantano shoutout and resonated in all its ugly glory.

#11

KING GIZZARD AND THE LIZARD WIZARD: “Fishing For Fishies”

released April 26 via Flightless Records / ATO Records

Speaking of the Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd, I first heard of these Australian weirdos thru the Needle Drop’s channel, but didn’t really fully deep dive into their prolific catalogue until this year. The fact that they released 2 full-length albums in 2019 is impressive enough (let alone releasing FIVE in 2017), but it’s jaw-dropping that the two most recent efforts are on complete opposite ends in terms of sound and genre. I personally prefer the blues-rock goodness of “Fishies” to the thrash-metal leanings of “Infest The Rat’s Nest”, but unending respect to these dudes for managing to pull both off convincingly. . The album closer “Cyboogie” is a bit too overlong and bizarre for me, but it works as a nice transition to the concepts the band bring out for “Infest The Rat’s Nest”, so I get where they are coming from. This album has some of the most infectious grooves and blues guitar riffs I’ve heard while passing along a necessary message on environmental concerns and conservationalism. The serious bits aren’t require, though, and it’s certainly plenty of fun to kick out the jams and enjoy the ride.

#10

INFANT ANNIHILATOR: “The Battle of Yaldabaoth”

Self-released by the band on September 11

Ok, ok...I get it. Most people will dismiss these grindcore hooligans as an internet joke band. That’s really what I went into this record expecting: Absurd lyrics, hilarious-yet-impressive vocals, blistering blastbeats, etc. I was instead greeted by one of the impressive and intricate technical death metal albums I’ve experienced. Vocalist Dickie Allen truly outdoes himself with his quite frankly ridiculous vocal range, but Eddie Pickard truly deserves credit for the album’s newfound ventures. His guitar and bass work is over-the-top but mesmerizing, and the riffs and structures he crafts here are all sorts of brilliant. As funny as it feels to type out, this band really needs to be taken seriously, or at the very least should be commended for leaning into the joke and delivering something complex, disgusting and awe-inspiring.

#9

JIMMY EAT WORLD: “Surviving”

released October 18 via Exotic Location and RCA Records

Speaking of things I didn’t see coming this year...I adore Jimmy Eat World. “Clarity” is one of my favorite albums of all time, but I’ve largely fallen off keeping up with the band’s recent releases. Some good friends (+realfriends) talked up their latest and 10th release, “Surviving”, so I picked it up out of curiosity and was stunned at how competent and compelling it is. I even love the song with no obvious guitars or drums that I would have probably normally panned as a grab at radio airplay (”555″), and generally find the album to be completely badass. Kudos to JEW for proving they still belong in the upper echelon of emo and rock.

#8

THE GET UP KIDS: “Problems”

released May 10 via Polyvinyl Record Co.

...speaking of comeback records...well, maybe that’s not quite accurate, but this was another surprise from a band I grew up loving that had largely lapses in my regular rotation. I guess 2019 had a theme of revisiting bands of my youth due to them reforming, doing anniversary tours, or releasing new music for the first time in ages. The Get Up Kids fly back to the heights of old with a manic punk barrage of joy. It’s probably my fault for not keeping tabs on these guys, but this record is gutsy and charming and lovely. It’s not really reinventing the wheel, but GUK basically constructed the wheel to begin with, so we really owe them more credit all around. 

#7

BARS OF GOLD: “Shelters”

released April 12 via Equal Vision Records

Bars of Gold have been an enigma of sorts throughout their existence. Largely well-known due to rising from the ashes of indie / screamo miasma BEARVSSHARK, the band is content to rest on their laurels and release music and play shows whenever they feel like it, largely due to family and other commitments. This leaves fans like me tripping over their own feet whenever something does come out. The Michiganders truly feel like a group of dads finding the one day a month when they all have a free evening to plug in their guitars and whip up some chaos, and it’s always fun to see the results. Marc Paffi has also always been one of my favorite vocalists, so the opportunity to hear his wacky lyrics and throat is always cherished. Here’s hoping we don’t need to wait 5 or so years for another album, but patience has been rewarded with these guys. 

#6

ORIGAMI ANGEL: “Somewhere City”

released November 15th via Chatterbot Records

Props to my buddy Steve Lee for turning me on to this band (as well as 2 others in my top 5). Origami Angel are one of those bands that defies logic: “How can two dudes make so much noise?”, “How can he play guitar like that while singing?”, “How did these guys put out one of the best indie rock records of the year seemingly out of nowhere?”, etc. Regardless of any questions, I was floored by this album and it was definitely the band I listened to the most for the last part of the year. It’s catchy, diverse, well-rounded and doesn’t overstay its welcome by being just under 30 minutes long with all the fat trimmed off. What more could you want?

#5

PEDRO THE LION: “Phoenix”

released January 18 via Polyvinyl Record Co.

I had a strange moment at some point this year where I found a YouTube video of David Bazan performing a song from Pedro The Lion’s first release (2001′s It’s Hard To Find a Friend”). I was struck by how different his voice sounded nearly 2 decades later thanks to touring and life in general. It certainly was not a bad change, but just one that struck me as a sign of the passage of time. That sort of nostalgia and reflection is all over “Phoenix”, which is largely Bazan dusting off his childhood diary and describing memories of his hometown, tales of school, church, regret, family, plans and tragedies. It’s a celebration of memories, lessons learned and where one comes from, and Bazan’s direct delivery and brilliant-yet-understated lyrics paint perfect pictures. Hopefully it doesn’t take us over a decade for another Pedro release, but Bazan and company cement their status as songwriters and storytellers with this release.

#4

PUP: “Morbid Stuff”

released April 5 via Rise Records and Little Dipper

PUP was a new phenomenon for me this year. These Canadian rockers are full of piss and vinegar, supercharging a sound that is simultaneously infectious and off-putting in the best possible way. They take a genre that can be same-y and repetitive and inject a lesser band’s whole back-catalogues’ worth of creativity and energy, leaving the listener enthralled and endlessly guessing what will happen next. Vocalist Stefan Babcock takes some getting used to, but his permanent-sneer delivery and slam poetry has a charm that compliments his playful and honest lyrics. However, it’s the moments where he busts out of his speak-singing or general hollering to delivery a super catchy hook or chorus that truly put him at another level and proves PUP to be one of the most exciting things to happen in the punk and rock genre.

#3

MASKED INTRUDER: “III”

released March 1 via Pure Noise Records

With the exception of Unwed Sailor, this was my most anticipated record of 2019. Masked Intruder is one of those bands I listen to constantly. I usually default to putting my iTunes or Spotify on shuffle, and find it always makes me happier. For “III” the band hotwired their usual fun, tongue-in-cheek poperpop and craft a pretty perfect record in the process. Previous MI albums had a skippable track here and there, but this one is all killer, no filler. I’ve always adored the underlying Motown or doo-wop foundations in their songwriting and vocal harmonies, which add a timeless throwback quality to their song structures. The heart-on-sleeve lonely lyrics and constant references to petty crimes and best-laid plans are the icing on the top of this sugary musical sundae. It might be irreverent and occasionally basic, but sometimes that is all I wanted in music, and these guys delivered it in spades with this record.

#2

FREE THROW: “What’s Past is Prologue”

released March 29 via Triple Crown Records

From the opposite end of the emotional spectrum, Nashville’s Free Throw released a quality emo record that doesn’t focus on pining for lost loves or revisiting relationship heartbreak and instead dives into one’s personal mental health and well-being. Props to vocalist Cory Castro and the rest of the band for completely baring all and channeling their honesty into this powerhouse album. However, there’s also plenty of diversity in the band’s sound and delivery. No song really sounds like the next, largely thanks to the band employing 3 guitar players who rarely play the same thing as each other. Some emo staples are here, though, such as frenetic drumming, clever tapping riffs, and stripped down moments with just a guitar and Castro’s vocals. All in all, this record makes you feel better about yourself and truly feels like the band came to the same conclusion while making it, which is gargantuan. When Castro belts out “TODAY I FINALLY LEARNED TO SAY I LOVE MYSELF” towards the end of the album-closing title track, you can’t help but root for him in his own journey towards mental health, but to not feel inspiring to do the same for yourself. It will encourage and inspire you, and feels deeply personal and universal all at the same time. 

#1

SNOOZE: “Familiaris”

Self-released by the band on May 3

There were so many times during this past year where I’d be driving, doing chores, at the gym or doing some sort of menial task where I’d decide to put on music and stop myself short of putting on this record again. I’d say “OK, you have to listen to something else besides the Snooze album. You’re doing to get sick of it if you keep listening to it this much. We don’t want that to happen.” Despite these odd concerns, I can say that this truly never happened. This album is effortlessly relistenable to me and has become my anti-depressant. I can’t help but feel charged up on happiness and charm while this is playing. It’s so chock full of killer vocal harmonies, clever yet crazy guitar riffs, well-restrained double-bass fills and brilliant song arrangements. It’s also a cyclical record, meaning one song runs right into the next and the end of the album theoretically plays right into the start, which makes turning it off quite difficult indeed. Add to all this the fact that it’s a concept album about how amazing dogs are, and you’re left with a spellbinding listening experience. This is one of the best records I’ve heard this decade, let alone this year, and essentially locked its place as my album of the year during my first playthru. Well done, Snooze. Who’s a good boy?