#the whole debate is so interesting and multi layered and I really really want to explore that

[88y53]

Maybe I just don't like Zack Snyder movies?

So I'm pretty far into Rebel Moon, and, at the moment, it has failed to really wow me with anything it has to offer.

Is it just me? Am I the problem here?

It's not like I wasn't giving this movie a chance–I was very excited to see a film he had complete and total creative control over... that wasn't Army of the Dead.

I understand that Zack Snyder movies have a lot of themes and metatextual messages. I know this mainly because he very openly talks about it, like a comedian explaining a joke when the audience remains silent after the punchline. And if that fails, he has a veritable army of people–most of whom I'm fairly certain are not astroturf accounts–who will sing from the highest rooftops that yes, indeed, this thing means a thing.

How clever.

This is an issue that I've been noticing with every single one of his movies post 300; they're all saying something meaningful, but in a way that makes it totally meaningless.

300 was a lot like that (to the point that people as still debating whether it can be interpreted as propaganda or not), but it had this raw, over-the-top machismo that gave it a crucial campy edge that made it seem like it was more self-aware than it probably was intended to be.

Pretty much every movie after that–this one included–is trying so hard to be multi-layered that it handicaps itself, turning everything into thematic white noise.

To it's credit, this film does have a surface-level story–The Seven Samurai with the cast of Star Wars–but it's completely smothered under the weight of the subtext. Can this even be called subtext? Having a long horizontal spaceship come out of wormhole in the shape of a vagina doesn't exactly scream "subtle" to me. Maybe we should make up a new term for this–what's the opposite of subtext that isn't just text? Astrotext? Supertext?

I know that Netflix has dreams of this becoming a lucrative franchise, and to that I say three things: "Good. Fucking. Luck."

It's not awful, it's just... not very interesting. There are these flash-in-the-pan moments that work and seriously threaten keep my attention, but they don't gel together into anything that keeps the crucial flow going.

And every character expressing themselves in these awkward, lengthy exposition-dumps also doesn't help. Maybe it's trying to keep within the style of Akira Kurosawa–I wouldn't know, I've never seen The Seven Samurai, and I most likely never will.

Rebel Moon, like most of Snyder's filmography–is either going to really fucking speak to you, or completely leave you cold; it'll all depend on whether you personally relate to the characters or world he's building like an over-excited dungeon master who spent 4 whole days hyper-focusing on this project and just wants one person to say they liked it to make it seem like all the effort was worth it.

"Bitch, we're here to fucking role-play! Not be your fantasy sounding-board!"

The movie didn't start out well for me either. We get a lengthy backstory narrated by Sir Anthony Hopkins (who seems to be willing to be in any movie, these days), and then it shifts to a woman plowing a field with an alien horse before having to dig a large rock out of the ground. And that was precisely the moment where the film lost me: I just couldn't believe that this girl would need to dig that rock out of clearly loose and freshly turned earth.

This is an an edited version, so maybe the director's cut is better. And on that subject I have to ask "did we learn nothing from Batman v Superman or Justice League?" You either let Zack Snyder make the movie exactly how he wants to make it or you get a shit movie. I mean you'd probably still get a shit movie, but at least it would have integrity.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad if the film didn't have this subtle off-putting feeling of indulgence that permeates every single fucking frame. I understand you're making the movie you want to make, Mr. Snyder, but if this movie were to be even 1% more self-gratifying there would've been a 40-foot statue of your dick that pisses fire while Rock Me Like A Hurricane plays in the background and F-16s do barrel-rolls overhead.

Maybe 300 was just the one good movie he had in him? It happens. One day you're directing The Sixth Sense, next you're directing The Lady In Water.

According to a recent post in his safespace blog he's sworn off making movies for the "main stream," which is for the best, I suppose. The mainstream has not been particularly kind to him.

I'm certainly not wishing he'd stop making movies–you make all the weird films you possibly got in you, you mad bastard, but I think you're done surprising me.

And, in case you're wondering, no, I probably wouldn't say all of this to his face.

#Rebel Moon #Netflix #Netflix's Rebel Moon #Zack Snyder

[grendelsmom]

I found such a great article for my response paper and the only problem is that it only kinda fits the theme, so I’m just sitting here hoping that my prof is nice enough to let it pass

#btw it's a about a statue in Germany that honours korean comfort women and the resulting conflict with the japanese goverment #the whole debate is so interesting and multi layered and I really really want to explore that #the alternative I picked out is not even half as fascinating

[michaeldempsey]

The Deep Tech Deficit: Why more people aren't starting technically ambitious companies right now

This is an internal note I sent to a few investors/friends a few months ago.

Over the past 6+ months there seems to have been a noticeable drought in the creation of new deep tech or just broadly technically ambitious companies (ex-biotech). This is a sentiment that has been echo'd heavily from other investors, and has only accelerated with COVID. This became especially noticeable as startup fundraising has massively increased in adjacent areas in H2 2020. 

While there isn't a data-driven reason as to why this has occurred (or if it has, indeed occurred) my working hypothesis is three-fold.

1) The maturation of platforms and no clear outbreak of new platforms

After a fervor of excitement surrounding areas like VR, ML, and Robotics from 2014-2018, we've largely seen unabashed excitement die down and be traded with hopeful skepticism. VR was too early and is looking increasingly like a platform that will be subsidized and dominated in early innings by incumbents due to heavy R&D costs. 

Machine Learning has shown a commoditization curve that erodes value for much core ML development, while also has been incredibly difficult to implement at scale to build vertical specific companies that accrue value (read our 2019 annual letter for more thoughts on this). ML companies have largely turned into product-centric organizations versus true research engineering orgs, which many investors aren't quite sure how to parse mid to long-term defensibility or economics (see Martin Casado’s wonderful post).

The closest next platforms that people seem to be centering on are AR and Quantum. AR has its own difficulties, again, largely a value accrual in the short-term towards incumbents (Snap, Apple, MSFT) and at the application layer very little differentiation in technology (my view is that most enterprise AR companies are building product orgs with little technical moats and early product UI/UX that will be considered cringey in 2-4 years). 

Quantum has a usability problem in addition to a timeline narrative that "this will take awhile and is incredibly capital intensive" so the only vertical use-cases we've seen really have been pharma and finance. In addition, some argue that ML algorithm development has kept pace in lockstep with quantum in reality.

So TLDR, investors need a narrative to drive them towards a Schelling point surrounding "what's next" but can't find consensus. 

Again, Computational bio and further on the spectrum, biotech seems to be only area, but has debates around moats and is incredibly hard to parse and pattern match for technology investors.

Thus we default to what we know has killer cash flow dynamics in a time where TAM has materially expanded (SaaS/dev tools/infra), or follow narratives that we want to be (and may be!) true, like social being ready for VC investment again.

2) COVID & Founder Profile: “It's time to build" wasn't meant for deep tech founders.

Founding a company becomes sexy as generational startups scale and with a large amount of money in stock options, employees feel the desire to work on a new problem where they can seek a new form of status, both social and financial (early ESOP or founder title). It's no longer cool to be at the $10B+ tech company and there are hundreds of people at these companies starting funds, syndicates, and companies, so you should too.

Some subset of employees on the technical side look at internal tools that were built and democratize them (think data science teams, but there are tons of examples).

Another subset are PMs and software engineers who read Marc's essay, saw a year of remote work ahead of them and thought "great I can move out of SF, live cheaply and stomach going from $250k/year to $100k/year, and be a Founder. 

These people like building software that can quickly be iterated upon and is quite realistic to raise $1-$3M to run at for 24 months. In addition, these people likely feel time pressure because multiple other teams are starting startups similar to their idea. It’s time to build because everyone is building.

Deep/frontier/emerging/whatever we call them tech founders sometimes follow a bit of a different founding story. Many have dedicated 4-10 years of their life becoming an expert in a given industry, or banging their head against the wall in academia, in pursuit of applying a technology to the real world, or bringing some other initially non-sexy technology to production level. The time pressure for these companies and founders could be viewed as less existential, as many companies aren’t speedrunning capital markets for a 12 month seed to series A sprint comprised of MVP -> early pilots -> highly extrapolated MRR/ARR. 

Instead, many deep tech companies are operating with a 2-4 year R&D window, hoping to show a step function in technology reality and value creation by month 18 to raise a Series A, where they then start to either begin converting pilots, or testing hypotheses on commercialization over the next 2-4 years. 

Candidly, there ain’t that many people signing up for that trajectory.

So when you're a deep tech profile founder (not to be overly prescriptive but often something like PhD/academic, eng/product lead at incumbent R&D group, Engineering at prior deep tech co, Engineering at scaling tech company with material infrastructure innovation, etc.) your calculus is a bit different.

If you're thinking about hardware, you might say, you don't want to deal with the dynamics of having possible supply chain headaches (not as much a concern today vs. 6 months ago), you don't want to deal with dynamics of really not being able to do remote work, and you know VCs are probably a bit risk averse on funding hardware at this stage as a whole. In addition, while customers might have a strong desire if you're automation focused, you won't be able to ship product for another 12 months probably so, why not just wait to see how the election/transfer of power/vaccine timeline shakes out to truly understand the economy in 2021, before starting something that could be de-railed from random economic/geopolitical policy.

Calculating the risk factor and why now of your business. The reality is, you must convince a smaller universe of investors every 12-36 months in the future you believe in and hope to pull forward, so why *now* matters more when these futures are less consensus. So just doing simple calculus, all of these things once again could lead to waiting. Bank your $300k+ salary at bigco through 2020 and see where the world is in 2021. You're operating on a true long-term time horizon so there isn't as much deep desire to uproot your life/family just to build asap.

TLDR - Deep tech founders maybe viewed as slightly less beholden to the time pressures of the market as many are solving previously unsolvable problems. I will say, many do underestimate the commoditization curve they are running up against though.

3) Burn Out

This point is not talked about enough publicly but is a consistent sentiment I’ve noticed over the past few years.

The first wave of "deep tech as a category" really hasn't created many successful businesses yet (we can debate the recent run of SPACs in deep tech on it creating successful outcomes). As you talk to more veterans in this space, many are pretty disenchanted by their past 7+ years of work. 

Their friends at Uber, AirBnB, and Stripe are multi-millionaires (some on paper), same with their friends at FAMGA, and they possibly are too but don't really have anything material to point to in the real world. They’ve spent a good chunk of their professional lives to hopefully get swallowed up in an offensive acquisition (Boston Dynamics, Skybox Intelligence, Zoox, Cruise) or early commercialization that is strategic (Kiva, Six River, Blue River), and a bunch more are sitting at these companies that weren’t able to quite deliver on the future they believed in. 

I think many are kind of waiting for a "moment" that feels like everything is once again possible. I don't think those moments are obvious in the present, but alas, it's a real sentiment.

--

I know I’ve painted a fairly jaded point of view on both sides of the market but ultimately I think there are massive tailwinds for all of tech over the next few years and believe COVID has pulled forward some futures we were expecting to take 3+ years.

I’m confident that we will see a high volume of deep tech startup creation over the coming 18 months, but as an investor with a large focus on these types of businesses, it has been interesting to hear how many have felt similarly in 2020 and thus I felt the need to litigate *why* this was happening.

#frontier technology #deep tech #venture capital #startups #robotics #ARVR

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 5x19 Tough Love

aka you are not immune to… internalized bi erasure?

Welcome to this dailyish (weekly? bi-weekly?) text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And in today’s episode Tara’s not perfect and gets her mind sucked out for it, we kick off the season’s multi-episode finale arc by revealing Dawn to Glory, and we draw some weird parallels between two of our dynamics. Perhaps mostly though, I’ll just talk about Willow’s sexuality, because at some point, we need to properly address that elephant in the room.

Okay, so, let’s just kick this off. If you’ve been in this fandom long enough, you’ve been inevitably exposed to the discourse of Willow’s sexuality. And you might be asking now… what’s the big deal anyway? Isn’t art up to interpretation? Wasn’t that one of my main motivations for this rewatch? Why does it matter that parts of the audience ascribe different labels to Willow?

And well… that’s valid, but it also misses a crucial element of our media, one that I alluded to in my rant about Whedon character deaths. Art doesn’t happen in a vacuum. And the significance of that is only amplified for folks and groups whose experiences aren’t recognized or seen by society in the first place.

To them it will matter whether or not someone recognizes a character by a certain label. Because a refusal to do so feels like an erasure of their own identities. That’s what makes this whole discussion complicated in the first place.

Now, am I the best person to do a deep dive on this? No. Especially not in one of these barely proof-read long rant posts. I’m sure you can find much better sources, so please do that. But it’d feel disingenuous to ignore it too, so I’m just gonna address it to the best of my abilities as well as provide my own in-universe interpretation of what it could mean for the characters.

Great. Now for that pesky discourse.

Personally my go-to analogy to describe it is the classic Shrek onion one.

You see, you peel away a layer of the Willow’s sexuality onion… and it’s still an onion. You peel away all the layers, you chop it up, and sure, it remains an onion, but now everything’s a mess and you’re crying.

The issue is that you kind of need to peel those layers away anyway if you want to truly divorce yourself from the binary thinking that the show itself often engages with. Which is what’s arguably gotten us into this mess in the first place.

Because however you view Willow’s sexuality, you can’t deny that the show is doing a lousy job defining it. Willow does identify as gay/lesbian as of 5x11 and through the end of the series, but the language the show uses makes it impossible to just leave it at that.

In Doppelgangland, when Willow meets her vampire self, she describes her as “kinda gay”. Not gay, but kinda gay. We also see Vampire!Willow making out with Vampire!Xander in The Wish beforehand, so if Vamp!Willow is supposed to tell us something about Willow’s own sexuality, then it’d stand to reason that she’s bi. Right?

Well, apparently not. But then we run into her actual line in 5x11 where she first uses a label, saying “Hello, gay now!”. Notice, it’s gay now. As in Willow just woke up one day and turned gay. The same joke(?) is repeated in Intervention, where one of the characteristics that was programmed into Buffybot about Willow was saying Gay(1999 - ).

Now, that’s not to say that Willow can’t just have a fluid sexuality and identify anyway she fucking wants to, and she doesn’t need to justify her label to anyone. She fell in love with Tara, and that made her reconsider her own identity. Season 7 almost ends up addressing this too in a scene I think, so that’ll be nice to get to.

The issue mostly comes from the show skipping to engage even with the possibility that Willow (or anyone for that matter) might be attracted to more than one gender at the same time. The closest we get to this is with the love triangle setup in New Moon Rising, except I guess in this love triangle Willow also chose a sexual orientation?

It’s like that episode was the quantum superposition of Willow’s Schrödinger’s sexuality, and upon observation, it locked into either one of its two states. That’s why Tara’s been talking about getting a cat in that episode! Guys, we solved it!

Notice also that I’ve yet to really talk about Willow’s sexual history before Tara in regards to this… because for me that’s sort of less part of the point? If Willow was a real person, and you knew that she had this adorable boyfriend before she identified as a lesbian, you wouldn’t go up to her and question how she defines her own sexuality. I mean… I hope so? Don’t be a fucking asshole.

But that’s both the fallacy of the argument and the reason why you should still respect the label Willow identifies with. Because Willow is not real, she’s a fictional character, and therefore arguments can and should be made about how the show portrays her sexuality… And yet, the people who identify with Willow are very much real, and so are their own experiences of people dismissing their own chosen identities.

So, there you go folks. These are my two cents. Willow’s gay, but we need to acknowledge how the show appears to be either completely unaware, or actively dismissive of the existence of bisexuality. This even comes up in the S8 comics, where Buffy’s sexuality after having a relationship with a woman is continuously referred to as essentially “not-gay”. Because I guess in the Buffyverse canon these are your only two options.

Now that we got all that out of the way, we can briefly talk about this episode, I guess.

To keep it on track, I guess we should dissect the argument between Willow and Tara that sort of caused me to whip this whole discussion out here.

Now, this is a fascinating scene, because it pivots a lot, and reveals a lot about the characters and their insecurities. It also appears to be fueled by Willow’s own lack of self-reflection and Tara’s non-confrontational nature.

It starts with Willow complaining to Tara about how Buffy appears to be trying to be more strict with Dawn. Willow is obviously identifying with Dawn in the situation. But Tara says she completely understands Buffy.

This then probably reminds Willow of Buffy earlier telling her that she wouldn’t understand when she was talking to her about Dawn, which causes a mood shift in Willow. It also reminded me of season 3 of Buffy telling Willow the same thing regarding her connection with Faith, so as a Buffy/Tara shipper that association kind of delights me, ngl.

But as Tara pushes further, seeing that something is bothering Willow, she reveals the insecurity behind it. Willow isn’t just responding to Tara having this wisdom through this major, tragic life experience that she can relate to Buffy with; it’s that Tara’s done all of this so much longer than she has. She’s been a witch all her life. She’s been out much longer.

That however then triggers Tara’s own insecurities about Willow rapidly surpassing her in her own magical abilities, and says that that “frightens” her. She tries walking back on her choice of word later, but it’s too late, and Willow locks into that.

Now, this is some riveting stuff. Because with foreknowledge, the easiest interpretation here is that this will relate back to Willow’s abuse of magic in season 6. That deep down Tara already sees what having this much power will do to her girlfriend.

This is arguably even reinforced in the episode with Willow going after Glory. It’s once again foreshadowing, Willow attempting to take revenge for something that’s been done to Tara; but it also betrays a certain arrogance in Willow. She actually believes that she can take on Glory, a supposed God. (Which, honestly? She probably could by season 7.) That’s the kind of power that she wields and how she chooses to use it.

Still, in the argument itself Tara pushes this fear of hers in a slightly different direction, saying that she’s afraid that she wouldn’t be able to fit into Willow’s life, after all these changes. And that’s where the previous discussion fits in.

Perhaps to understand Willow’s response, we should remember how magic has been used as our lesbian metaphor for almost a whole season. Because she almost immediately jumps to the conclusion, that Tara’s afraid that she would… go back to boys? Which is of course a classic, toxic stereotype used against bisexuals, despite the fact that no one here canonically identifies as bi, so add that to the discourse.

More importantly, it’s said by Willow. Now, Tara totally drops the ball here, asking her “Should I be?”, which reinforces the validity of Willow’s assumption that it’s actually something that Tara is thinking. Even someone as perfect and precious as Tara is not immune to propaganda.

In Tara’s defense, she once again tries dancing back on it, and talking it out before Willow storms out, but yeah. While I’d like to think that Tara’s question came more from a place of general insecurity, regardless of the gender of Willow’s next possible love interest, she sure fucked up in that moment.

Still, the fact that it’s Willow jumping to this debate, might just tell us more about Willow herself and how she sees herself.

Let’s go back to Restless for a bit. In that episode, Willow’s fear was ended up being about how she was scared that deep down she was still the same girl that she was in high school. That all these things she developed through college that made her stand out were just a facade, and that she was merely hiding her true identity as the same lonely loser she believed herself to have been back then.

So… and bear with me here… if we take that fear as a core motivation for Willow’s character, we can interpret the way she identifies her sexuality as a means to distance herself from her old identity. From this perspective, it’d perhaps even make sense for her to feel insecure about a supposed attraction to men, because she sees that as a regression to her old identity.

I can not stress it enough that this is merely a possible interpretation though. And one that would really only become satisfying if season 7 - which was already largely about reconciling with these different aspects of her identity for Willow aside the obvious theme of power - ended up tying it all together with Willow re-defining her own sexuality. It didn’t though, so I’m still left with the same conclusions, and this thought experiment of a character analysis.

Anywho, this is getting so very long, and there are still a few things that I wanted to touch upon this episode. Mainly the parallel we’re drawing between Willow / Tara and Buffy & Dawn throughout.

Normally, I love a good parallel storytelling. It’s efficient and makes the whole thing more cohesive. Here however, they manage to drive the parallel home so hard, that it just becomes weird at some point.

Like the fact that we have these two conflicts in the two relationships, arguably anchoring the episode? That’s good stuff. I also like the fact that Willow and Tara’s argument grows out of their discussion about Buffy and Dawn’s situation.

There’s actually a lot of great interaction in the entire episode. I love Dawn opening up to Spike about how she feels responsible for what would happen to Tara, and how she feels like she can’t be good because of all the terrible things happening around her. That’s a brilliant scene. Spike’s “Well, I’m not good and I’m okay”? I actually love him in that moment, not even gonna lie.

Buffy thinking that she actually convinced Willow to not go after Glory reminded me of a scene in Angel the series, where the gang thinks they managed to curve Fred’s impulses to axe murder her old professor. Do you all even know these people you call friends??? But again, I liked that exchange.

And okay, Buffy needed to be reminded what she would do if something happened to Dawn to realize what Willow was planning. Fine.

But then you’ve got the doctor asking Willow if Tara was her “sister” (to which she of course replied “She’s my everything”, and it’s fine, I’m fine), and then in the last scene, Buffy explicitly equating Willow’s need to take care of Tara with her own feelings regarding Dawn.

Again, I understand parallel storytelling. I love it. But when you’re equating a romantic and a familial relationship there’s a point where it becomes weird, and for me, these two moments put it just over that edge. This is of course a deeply subjective perspective, and I recognize that.

And then you also get Buffy trying to take on these new adult responsibilities in the episode. She’s dropping out of college to try and care for Dawn, and is faced with the challenge to become a parental authority figure in her sister’s life. The scene where she explains to Dawn that the reason she’s being tough with her, is because otherwise she could be seen unfit to be her guardian just gutted me.

This episode is just way too much, guys. And we’re only just at the beginning of the big finish of this season.

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

[coeurdastronaute]

Either/Or: Christmas Day 2 (Found)

I don't know if it will be spoilery since the story hasn't advanced that far but Kara experiencing her first Christmas on earth with lena in the au where she lands on earth as an adult.

It wasn’t until there were lights on trees and wreaths on street lights that the month was noted. By then, of course, there were santas on street corners with their bells, a light snow that was a dusting of a promise of more to come, and the music piped over store speakers were songs of a distinctively merry variety.

And all of it nearly went unnoticed, though not intentionally this time, by a CEO who found herself juggling an illicit alien-aiding crime while simultaneously lying to her brother. There weren’t enough hours in the day to fit in an entire Earth-shaped education while running a multi-billion dollar corporation and getting weird butterflies in her gut when an alien smiled at her in that stupid little way that made Lena’s thighs--

None of that mattered. Instead, she finished sending off a work email as she made her way down the sidewalk, listening to Kara describe her day of earthly adventures, unaware of everything.

“Lena?” Kara asked as she zipped up her jacket a little tighter against the chill in the air. “What’s Christmas? What are the holidays?”

“Oh damn,” the CEO sighed. “Is it that time of year already?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Sure enough, when Lena looked up from her phone, she suddenly saw aforementioned signs of the impending celebrations and festivities. Her eyes narrowed in on a window display with a large tree and a mannequin family putting a tree on the top, all joyful because of their new, expensive pyjamas.

“Throughout the vast religions of Earth, there are certain special holidays. One of the most prevalent is Christmas and during this season there are a few holidays, so it’s kind of rolled into one.”

“But what do you do?”

“Oh, well,” Lena furrowed and tried to think about how she normally spent the holidays in a gin-soaked puddle of self-doubt and loathing on a foreign beach, avoiding her family. “Families get together and spend time doing certain things.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Like decorating a tree, which is, ironically, a pagan tradition, and then going to church, eating a big meal, putting out cookies for Santa, opening presents, things like that.”

“Wow, those all sound spectacular!”

“They could be, I guess.”

“You don’t do some of those?”

Almost worried about it, Kara paused and waited for Lena to look at her. When she did, she furrowed a little more as Lena debated it. From what she could see, the world became a little more magical with all of the lights and decorations and happy songs that everyone seemed to agree on. Lena seemed to be the only one that didn’t care about all of it.

“I don’t celebrate,” she simply shrugged, indifferent to the whole thing.

“Why not?”

“You usually have to have a family to do all of that stuff.”

“And you don’t.”

“Exactly.”

They resumed their walk, though at a slightly distracted speed. Kara dug her hands deep into the pocket of her jacket while Lena adjusted her purse and crossed her arms, completely enamoured with avoiding thinking about her family and the lack of joy she felt toward the time of year.

All of the storefronts were glowing and showed familiar scenes of holiday events-- trees in need of decoration, parties at offices, family dinners, snowball fights, and the such. Each one was a diorama of absence for the CEO.

“Could we do Christmas this year?” Kara finally asked as they stood on a corner and waited for the light to change and allow them to pass.

Ears hidden beneath an adorable toque that Lena picked out herself, and definitely for the reason of keeping Kara warm and not because she was becoming her own personal dress up doll in all the clothes she fantasized about taking off, Kara burrowed into the scarf to protect her ears and exposed skin.

The lights from the street, from the traffic light, from the stores, all of it concentrated on Kara’s face, and she practically glowed with excitement despite the layer of begging that made Lena absolutely angry at herself for being so damn gay.

“You want to celebrate the holidays with me?”

“Well, yeah. You’re one of my favorite people on the planet. I want to do it all with you.”

She melted. Lena Luthor melted like a chocolate bar on an August day left in the back of an all-black interior car in a parking lot with no shade.

“I want to come back to your statement about being ‘one of’ the favorite people. Considering you don’t know anyone else,” Lena began quickly. “But I do think it is possible. If you’re really serious about it.”

“It’d be a nice, healthy item to check off of my bucket list.”

“That’s true.”

“If you are uncomfortable, I understand, but we can do whatever you want.”

“No, no,” Lena shook her head. “You’re right. This will be good. We’ll do all of the things one sees on a Hallmark movie.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Right. I suspect we should start there then.”

Without even realizing it, Kara unleashed an absolute powerhouse in the Christmas celebration department. She didn’t know that simply asking for Lena to show her a few things, she was actually setting forth a perfectionist who was so absolutely desperate for a holiday, that she would take one and never let go.

“I’m very happy you’ve agreed,” Kara beamed as she put her arm over Lena’s shoulder, hugging her to her side in her joy.

“Me too,” Lena mumbled, turning her head slightly to smell the intently Kara smell that existed despite the layers.

Every day for a week, the evening after work and dinner, Christmas movies were absorbed and regarded with intense study. Kara liked the lights and the singing, and naturally came with a lot of questions about many tangential earthly affairs. And Lena answered them as best she could, though she did distract herself taking notes until she compiled a perfect list of things to do for the season.

And now her apartment was a collection of boxes and decorations that were in need of putting things up.

“We didn’t have to get the biggest tree in the lot,” Lena sighed as she took a step back and looked up at the giant evergreen.

“Oh, but look at it. It’s so beautiful.”

The alien floated near the top of the tree, adjusting a pristine, glowing star. Without her abilities, it would have been impossible. That, and the fact that Kara seemed to have a sort of natural predilection toward the holiday spirit that Lena never really experienced. Maybe it was all of the movies, but she honestly believed that it was her natural state.

A carefully crafted playlist hummed throughout the place as the last of the large selection of assorted ornaments were added. Lights were hung from the doorways, and wreaths made it to the doors while a few outdoor decorations were set up on the balcony. Stockings remained hung on the fireplace, while the cat made himself fit in a discarded box.

“Do you think we got too much stuff?” Lena worried.

“No way. I think it looks fantastic in here. But I’m not really an expert.”

“I think you’re pretty close to an expert.”

“I have a list.”

“A list?”

Satisfied with her work, Kara floated down to the floor and tugged a piece of paper out of her pocket. There was something absolutely adorable about the giant Christmas sweater the alien decided to wear. Lena was finding that shopping for her was much easier than shopping for herself. She was certainly more eager than she imagined.

“The tree and the lights, and then cocoa and dinner and presents.”

“Wow! You do have a list. Very similar to my list.”

“I’m liking these holidays. A celebration of kindness and joy and giving. This is so great. I’m glad we’re doing all of this.”

“Me too.”

It took them a while to clean up the rest of the empty boxes that came from the things they all bought. But they managed, and they turned off all of the lights except for the decorations. The place glowed in a different way than ever before. It twinkled and glittered and smelled like the best parts of a forest. While the fire roared in the fireplace, Kara laid down beneath the tree and stared up at all of the lights.

Lena laid beside her on the tree skirt they agonized over for much too long at the store.

“I’m going shopping tomorrow, to find you some presents,” Kara decided, turning her head to look at the CEO daydreaming, her face multi-colors.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I need to give you something nice. Full discretion though, I will be using the card you gave me for emergencies.”

Lena chuckled to herself and sighed as she closed her eyes. It was perfect. She was living a perfect moment, and she wasn’t sure what came next.

“You really don’t have to get me anything. I have everything I could ever want.”

“There are going to be lots of presents under this tree. Lots of them.”

“Okay. Then I’ll get you a few.”

“Just a few?”

“Wouldn’t want to spoil you.”

Kara laughed, melodically and light. It was unencumbered by pain, despite being composed completely of it. Lena admired that about her probably most of all.

“You’re already spoiling me, Lena.”

“Good.”

There were presents, now. The tree brimmed with boxes and bags and different shapes, all wrapped in festive paper spilling beneath it.

The entire apartment remained full of good cheer and mirth. The pair found themselves working through Christmas movies almost every night, often with Lena not that interested as she finished up work, but inevitably failing to keep disinterested, and gradually snuggling beside Kara about halfway through.

There’d been other things as well. They got dressed up and went to the ballet to see the Nutcracker performed. They donned gay apparel and went to a party at Lena’s office. They went ice skating in the park. They drank cocoa like it would never exist after Christmas was finished. They baked Christmas cookies. They built a snowman. They donated to every street corner they could. It was a joyous kind of exhausting.

“I’m so excited,” Kara bounced in her chair as she surveyed the living room and the presents.

“You have x-ray vision and you haven’t looked at the presents?” Lena teased as she licked some batter from her finger and handed over the spatula.

“That wouldn’t be in the Christmas spirit, and I quite like the Christmas spirit.”

“Spirit or not,” the CEO huffed as she lifted the bowl and poured it into the tray. “I’m not baking anymore sweets. You have the metabolism of a greyhound, but I do not.”

“But you bake so well.”

“And I have a sweet tooth, which is not helped by you.”

“If we’re going to have a dinner tomorrow, we have to have something festive for dessert. It’s in all of the movies, Lena.”

“I’ve created a monster.”

Kara didn’t notice, or at least pretended not to as she happily licked the spatula and Lena wiped flour on her forehead again. Kara liked that part. She loved how carefree and un-put-together the normally immaculate woman could look when she stopped caring.

“I was doing research and I discovered a tradition,” Kara smiled.

“Another one? It’s Christmas Eve. I’m sure we’ve done them all by now.”

“In a country made of ice, they give books to each other and spend the evening reading to pass the time. It’s the first gift of the season.”

“And you got me a book?”

“I did,” Kara nodded. “Did you get me one?”

“I did.”

“Great minds are identical.”

“Yes,” Lena smiled as she slipped the cake into the oven and started washing. “But I’m too tired to read.”

“Can we still open a present?”

“Ah, so that was the root of it.” Kara just smiled and nodded, clearly found out and not at all deterred by it. “Go get mine and I’ll get yours.”

The dishes were shoved in the dishwasher, the ham was thawing for the following day, and Kara sprinted at superspeed until she was sitting on the couch with a gift in her lap, impatiently waiting. It happened in under a second, and yet she was too eager to realize that Lena was mortal and did not possess any powers at all.

“Are we going to have to do this every year?” Lena asked before she caught herself thinking about the future.

“Definitely,” Kara agreed with no hesitation.

Lena smiled to herself and accepted the gift and handed over her own. They opened them and smiled at each other, though neither recognized the book the other had picked.

“I’m excited to read this. Thank you,” Lena offered sweetly.

“I thought this was a movie?” Kara furrowed as she scanned her title.

“It was a book first.”

Gently, reverently even, Kara trailed her fingertips along the title of A Christmas Carol, and she looked back at Lena and nodded, as if it were the most important thing she’d ever done. It was this solemnity that made Lena happiest.

“I’m going to read it all tonight. Thank you for this tradition.”

“Thanks for all of the traditions,” Lena shrugged. “Why don’t you read some of it out loud. That’ll be a fresh spin on it.”

“Since you’re too tired to read,” she nodded, quickly opening the book.

Somewhere between the tenth page and the end, Lena drifted off to sleep with her cheek on Kara’s arm and her body pressed up against her’s. It was a compromising position, and she didn’t even notice. But Kara finished and felt Lena and didn’t want to move. Instead, she looked at the cute, exhausted girl and smiled as she pulled a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around them both.

The fire died down and the cat stretched before readjusting, but Kara settled deeper into the couch until Lena grabbed her ribs and held onto her at a terrible angle. She didn’t move though. Just let her.

She wasn’t in her bed. Lena knew that before she opened her eyes, but still, she dug her nose into her pillow and growled a slight complaint about waking at all. The only difference this time, was that her pillow growled back and complained about her movements by adjusting beneath her.

Lena’s eyes shot open as she felt an arm squeeze tighter around her shoulders.

Half laying atop and half smothering the alien beneath her, Lena realized she fell asleep on Kara and then used her like a teddy bear. In what looked like an uncomfortable position, Kara swallowed her fate, her head tilted off to the side as she sat sideways.

“Merry Christmas,” Kara grumbled, not interested in getting up.

Only when she saw that she was staring at someone who was wake did Lena swallow and sit up, pushing away from Kara’s warm and safe arms. She wiped the drool from her chin and cleared her throat as she blinked and got her bearings.

“I’m sorry,” Lena started. “I fell asleep. You could have woken me up--”

“I fell asleep too,” Kara tried against a giant yawn. “And you were very tired.”

With a small smile, Lena cleared her throat and adjusted herself as best as possible. She pushed the blanket away and realized she really must have been tired, to pull it down onto herself and to burrow into Kara with no memory of it at all.

“Because it’s Christmas morning, does that mean we can open presents?”

Oblivious to the horror and embarrassment the CEO was facing, the alien smiled happily, eager to start her day. She had avoided thinking about it at all, and Lena envied it.

“Aren’t you hungry?” she teased.

“But presents.”

“I’ve given you so many presents.”

“But these are wrapped and they’re a surprise. You’ve given me boring things. Like clothes.”

“And what if those are clothes?” Lena teased as she re-tied her ponytail.

“At least I get to unwrap them.”

Her excitement was infectious and even though Lena was still groggy and still mortally embarrassed, she sighed and smiled and nodded. Even though she still needed coffee, even though her neck was tight and sore, even though everything wasn’t perfect and she didn’t know how to holiday, she followed Kara to the tree where they sat, cross legged and ready.

The gifts themselves were vast in their categories. Lena received lovely smelling perfume, much different than the one she owned, but somehow better. She got vinyl records and a new coffee mug and a very expensive watch that she instantly loved. There were weird odds and ends, but Lena was surprised by how thoughtful each gift was, and she could imagine Kara agonizing in the store about what things earthlings might need.

The gifts that Lena picked for Kara weren’t much more cohesive, but she wanted to give her anything that would make her feel more at home. There was a telescope and nice notebooks, video games, a camera, another sweater, and of course chocolate.

Somehow surrounded by a mountain of discarded wrapping paper, each sat with their gifts circling them and lingering in their laps. Still wearing the new toque that Lena got her, Kara smiled at the moment.

“This was, by far, the best first Christmas in the history of Christmases,” Kara ventured.

“I’m glad.”

“What about for you? How was it?”

“It was exceptionally perfect,” Lena promised.

“Do you think we can do it again next year?”

“For however long you’d like.”

Kara smiled to herself and nodded.

[fgodestinyawakenings]

EOR Shinjuku Singularity Chapter 1~Chapter 8

Here it is, the SUPPOSEDLY beginning after Salomon's Singularity for new players to actually understand how HP layer gauge works for the first time. But of course, we have the recent Oniland that jumps immediate to do and complete all Lostbelt so... That's a huge gap in difficulty.

Anyway, this is not compulsory to finish unless you happen to have Servants whose interlude are story-locked in EOR... You'll need to complete them, especially if you intend to get their skills/NP upgraded. *stares at Yan Qing*

Without further ado, let's begin the mystery of Shinjuku!

Chapter 1

........ I kinda started this after Anastasia but I lost the screenshot of this. However, it's as usual your starting mobs and before I forget

Shinjuku Singularity gives HUGE bonus to EVIL-trait Servants for bond points, so if you have any and wanted to grind, this is a good place to do so.

The start as usual is your usual mobs of Caster Hooligans. So that, should be a problem.

Chapter 2

At the start of every wave in this chapter, all of them will start with 1 NP tick in the first wave. Once again, shouldn't really be a problem... Just don't slip your steps and drop yourself into a grave by accident ==lll

Chapter 3

Your first round with fighting of Rider of Shinjuku. Which well... I'll leave the spoilers for later of his true name and others, so anyway, your first battle in dealing against Servant with multiple HP bars.

One gimmick for this chapter... Pray your RNG luck that defense down debuff doesn't hit your main DPS Assassin for this fight. Because it hits randomly among your front-line Servants.

His NP... This can't be spoiler to avoid, especially his NP will have a chance to insta-death you Servants. And also, he also has ignore Evasion skills. So Servants like Shiki and many others... Yeah, do find a Servant to start giving them Guts while also adding on Invincibility because you'll know when RNG fucks you in the ass.

I’ll personally admit... I hate fighting him so much. I nearly resorted to Command Seals to revive my whole team during Welfare Ishtar’s challenge quest to get her copies. Because his attacks and crits are REAL PAIN IN THE ASS. 

And at worst, his insta-death is often just there waiting to happen combine with ignore evasion to kill your whole team.

So yeah, that setup above is no doubt a bad idea to survive against him. Or at least... You need to find a way to survive his crit, his tanky defense buff, his own ignore evasion + insta death NP and the stupid gimmick for this fight.

Fortunately, as this is the first fight on multi-HP layer... You don't get any gimmick buff from them FOR NOW (those who skipped EOR and went straight to Lostbelt would already know the gimmick at each layer break)

Chapter 4

...... I feel so cheated at my impression from FGO wiki the mobs were named Hornet Bees. I thought they were actual bees but... Enough of shame.

Again, TWO gimmicks from here and particular for this mob. Every start of your turn first, there's a chance your whole front-line gets attack down debuff for 1 turn (removable and missable if they can guard from it)

Second gimmick... When Yellow Hornet aka the one with danger sign dies, it'll give all their allies NP damage up. So back to your Nerofes hell in lite mob version, kill all their lackey before the main dish. Or actually, just whack them all at worst because this is an one-freaking wave for this fight AKA bring your best AOE Lancer.

Side note:

Artoria Lancer Alter bond level 9! :D

Chapter 5

Your usual Caster-class hooldum... Eh... No comment since I was more focused on the next chapter.

Chapter 6

First arrow is your usual mobs... Except since this is pre-foreigner when it's going to be release... Only main problem for first arrow, try to survive against two Berserker Chimera.

Another side note:

Ishtar bond level raised to level 6! :D

Second arrow is round 2 against Rider of Shinjuku. This time, it has gimmick of decreasing BOTH enemy and your party HP by 1k. As before, he only has 1 HP layer with no gimmick. Try to survive long enough before the flames damage kill your team and main DPS

Changed my setup arrangement which this time it managed to survive more better than the first round. Jeanne’s NP is definitely helpful especially once her interlude that removes her stun kicks in (DW, when is her interlude for that out on NA?!)

But only problem unfortunately other than his attacks... The flames that drains both side HP is still a problem especially when Rider of Shinjuku crits and attacks hard on your Servant OTL

Chapter 7

Three Assassin mobs at 100k+ each... This is only a breather for the next one below.

Chapter 8

First arrow, again one last breather before the main before the next mini Boss fight.

Second arrow is where you deal with Phantom of the Opera and "Christine" aka a Berserker humanoid model. One is no doubt you'll need to keep your team alive since you're dealing with 2 Berserker here. Another is the gimmick, where the moment you break "Christine" HP layer, she'll turned to Massive Ghost. And cue, AOE attack spam. Either one to deal finish is fine... Christine is more suggested since AOE Berserker will kill your main DPS ASAP.

............ Except the ideal of using Euryale here to kick Phantom’s ass, becomes a huge problem. I went for her in front and well... She’s constantly targeted by “Christine” (at this rate, Euryale is the next Merlin where DW will programmed them AI to target her first) and yeah, didn’t help when she lacked the survivability. So yeah, she died after Phantom’s first HP layer broke :/

Jack on the other hand helps... At least for the first layer? Second layer is debatable since I’m not even sure if the female trait is still there.

Jeanne once again helps a lot with her NP once Phantom unleashed his own. Though as I say all that... This only survive with my own Foreigner Servant in. Like Babylonia before it’s out in NA, this will be really interesting before Foreigner class comes in.

I’ll end things here for now since work drained out too much of my energy... To be continued tomorrow/when I wake up 8~10 hrs later of sleep!

#fgo spoilers #Shinjuku Singularity #the shit i shit myself into #at least so far in the near first half of this singularity #it does gives you lots of basic fights at first in trying to train you into dealing with long fights #which basically time to change your strategy to make your team survive long fights and unexpected buffs + debuffs from enemy Servants #shinjuku JP

[deepmappingdumfries]

Introduction to Deep Mapping Dumfries

"... the deep map attempts to record and represent the grain and patina of place through juxtapositions and interpenetrations of the historical and the contemporary, the political and the poetic, the discursive and the sensual; the conflation of oral testimony, anthology, memoir, biography, natural history and everything you might ever want to say about a place …"

Mike Pearson and Michael Shanks, Theatre/Archaeology (Routledge 2001) p. 64-65

The Deep Map

Maps can be useful, interesting, often beautiful. But any map can only ever portray a particular aspect of a place – and because they are always partial, maps are inherently biased and therefore political.

This is an experiment. An attempt to make a ‘deep map’ of Dumfries - an interdisciplinary, multi-layered, multimedia portrait of the town, from a ‘centre’ that is Oxfam Books and Music Dumfries, where I’m based as writer in residence. The eventual product will depend on how much and what kind of response I get from others. I will work on the deep map using as many other perspectives as I can and the more other voices I’m able to include, the richer the map could be – so how the map ends up shaped depends partly on you!

Are you someone who has known Dumfries your whole life? Or someone who moved here recently? Do you, like me, live outside Dumfries, but know it as the main town? Maybe you’ve only ever visited but have some particular important memory associated with it. Or do you have some expert knowledge – perhaps historical, archaeological, botanical, zoological, even mythological? Each will have quite a different perspective of the same particular places. If we could gather many of these, what could we build?

Throughout the project, I’ll be providing prompts – perhaps photos of particular places, or interesting facts about them or poems on particular themes, hoping to get people’s memories and connections to particular places reawakened. I’ll also be running some place writing workshops to help get folks’ writerly juices flowing! And I’ll be attempting a ‘Poetry Map of Dumfries’, similar to the Stanza ‘Poetry Map of Scotland.’

The project is somewhat fluid, and will be further shaped as it carries on – look out for further developments on how to get involved, here and on the Oxfam Dumfries Facebook page.

Why Dumfries?

I studied in Dumfries as a mature student, at the University of Glasgow’s School of Interdisciplinary Studies. I graduated in 2017 with an MLitt in Environment, Culture and Communication. On this taught degree, amongst other things, I learned much about how previous writers have written about place, about being in particular place and what that means for being a human and trying to live well. I also began developing a creative practice which attempts to incorporate my skills as a writer, artist and researcher, to portray particular place in a profoundly layered and multiple way - just as our experience of the world is always profoundly layered and multiple.

At the same time, I had begun to work on my own issues with anxiety and poor self-confidence by learning and practicing mindfulness meditation. This mainly consists of learning to notice – to notice what your mind is thinking and what your body is feeling, learning how to try to be really present in the world, rather than always absorbed in thoughts about the past or worries about the future, fears about how others see you. These things never fully go away, but almost like magic, the practice of noticing them (or trying to notice them as often as possible) without judgement takes away massive amounts of how damaging they are and helps you make a start at feeling at home in yourself. I didn’t believe it could happen until it did.

This practice of noticing, or remembering to keep trying to notice, also helped me to see how much our experience of the world is always filtered by what we know, or think we know. Our experience of place can be hugely affected by what we know about it and by what emotions and memories we connect with it.

My family moved to Dumfries and Galloway when I was 4. When I was a wee girl, Dumfries was the big town we’d get the bus to once a week, where my mum would get her fruit and veg at the market, where the swimming pool was and all the shops and shoppers in the High Street, the vennel – and where the fair would land twice a year, the wonderful, terrifying, sickening, money-draining fair. As a teenager Dumfries was a Saturday hang out, later a pub venue (though the lack of night buses meant this was a rare affair). It was where I went to college, later university, where I had both babies, where hospital visits good and bad take place. Now, it’s where I volunteer at Oxfam Books and Music, trying to be of some use to the world, finding I maybe can be. So even just to me, Dumfries is not a single place; it’s all of this and much more. Add in the memories and experiences of all the others connected to Dumfries and what a rich and complex picture you’d have.

But Dumfries is also all the things that ever happened to make it what it is now – how the rocks were formed that it’s built on and of, how the soil was formed, how the river flows and why, how the climate is and has been. What plants grow here, and what other creatures we share it with. Which powerful and legendary people made which things happen. And all of this is interconnected.

In recent years, all the towns I know have changed; shops have closed and charity shops, e-cig outlets and bookies are dotted about between boarded up premises. Many of us still want to visit towns but it feels as though we don’t quite know what they’re for any more. Dumfries is in the midst of finding out who it wants to be, what it can be. Many incredibly positive, innovative and community-based placemaking projects are ongoing – including, but not limited to: The Stove Network, the Midsteeple Quarter), Incredible Edible, MOOL (Massive Outpouring of Love) and of course Oxfam Books and Music Dumfries’s various projects, including the current ‘Art Beats Poverty’ summer programme. In order to add to this, I’m going to do what I can to try to build up a portrait of who Dumfries is and has been. I hope that this can be ongoing and include the voices and perspectives of as many folk as possible.

Cliff McLucas - "There are ten things that I can say about these deep maps.

First. Deep maps will be big – the issue of resolution and detail is addressed by size.

Second. Deep maps will be slow – they will naturally move at a speed of landform or weather.

Third. Deep maps will be sumptuous – they will embrace a range of different media or registers in a sophisticated and multilayered orchestration.

Fourth. Deep maps will only be achieved by the articulation of a variety of media – they will be genuinely multimedia, not as an aesthetic gesture or affectation, but as a practical necessity.

Fifth. Deep maps will have at least three basic elements – a graphic work (large, horizontal or vertical), a time-based media component (film, video, performance), and a database or archival system that remains open and unfinished.

Sixth. Deep maps will require the engagement of both the insider and outsider.

Seventh. Deep maps will bring together the amateur and the professional, the artist and the scientist, the official and the unofficial, the national and the local.

Eighth. Deep maps might only be possible and perhaps imaginable now – the digital processes at the heart of most modern media practices are allowing, for the first time, the easy combination of different orders of material – a new creative space.

Ninth. Deep maps will not seek the authority and objectivity of conventional cartography. They will be politicized, passionate, and partisan. They will involve negotiation and contestation over who and what is represented and how. They will give rise to debate about the documentation and portrayal of people and places.

Tenth. Deep maps will be unstable, fragile and temporary. They will be a conversation and not a statement."

http://cliffordmclucas.info/deep-mapping.html

Deep Mapping Dumfries on Wordpress here.

#dumfries #writing #scotland #psychogeography #deep mapping #placemaking #poetry #prose #photography #art #community

[molly-kosutic]

Melissa Gordon

Melissa Gordon is an American and British painter and writer, whose practice is concerned with the body and gesture in painting, through the lens of feminism.

Gordon showed various pieces she made throughout her career, one being ‘The Satisfaction of Knowing’ she made when she graduated. She focused on one subject, for example, monstrosity or female figures. She painted on top of magazines and placed them on a brown painted canvas, she then stated that the background of the painting is an imaginary installation hung on the wall. This piece is the only pieces of Gordon’s that I liked. I liked that she painted on top of magazines and that you can see bits of the magazine showing through the painting. It like a multi-layer piece. You first got the magazine as a base layer, then paint on top of that, then place the actual painting on another painted canvas. The background of the painted canvas gives the magazine piece more depth and space around it. The end result and the finished piece as a whole looked really well. The colours and materials used really fit together and compliment each other really well. With painting on top of magazines you are essentially destroying the use for it. A magazine is designed for reading and by painting over it, it takes away its function. On the other hand however, it is still paper, and paper is the most common thing to paint on; paper and canvas. With regards to this piece linking to my work, the only thing we have in common is the idea of destroying the function of something. Gordon painting over the magazines, and myself painting on cd/dvd disc, wrecking their ability to work. As for what she painted on the magazine, it seems like there just marks on a surface, but then again that’s all what art is it, making pieces out of marks which is debatable, but I think she took this too literally.

There was another piece I was indifferent too called ‘Joke Gestures’. She wanted to capture the sense of cleaning so lay down plastic on a surface and poured thick oil paint on it. She then would ‘clean’ this with a sponge which would only movie around the liquid on the surface and not actual absorb it. She then shone light on it and it reveals the movement left from the sponge. Your left with a big ‘mess’, or what non artists would consider a mess, that turns out to be the finished piece. I personally don’t know if I like this or not. The end result of this piece is unusual and maybe that’s because I’ve never seen anything like this before. I like the idea of using the sponge which is made to clean up mess, to then use it to spread the ‘mess’ around. It has been used for the opposite reasons it was created for. So, I like how the piece was made, but I don’t know if I like end result.

After this piece she became interested in specific surfaces, such as, studio table, whole floor, kitchen counter and shelves etc. She would then use the idea of cleaning to create her piece. I think its also funny how she makes her piece on a kitchen counter, a place where you make your food and were hygiene is important, to then create a ‘mess’ which turns out to be an art piece.

Overall, I don’t think I would use Gordon’s technique or her ideas to help my further my art practice, purely because of practical reasons and the money needed to buy the equipment used.

[anarratorofnogreatskill]

An Airplane Story

So last weekend I smuggled about 60 lbs of Star Crimson and Bartlett pears through airport security.  This has nothing to do with what happened after, but it is worth keeping in mind that  the entire time that the following exchange went down, there was a carry-on stuffed with contraband pears quite literally hanging over my head, with a further 2 checked bags of forbidden fruit waiting for me when I finally disembarked.

So I board the hellish 5-hour red-eye from Seattle to Atlanta late Sunday night, dead-lift a solid cube of pear into the overhead, and sit myself down in the window seat.  I am not the kind of person that likes to talk to anyone ever, so to prevent the inevitable brief-but-awkward seatmate chatter from happening, I layer myself like a complex onion of antisocial behavior.  5 multi-chapter fics downloaded to my phone (BNHA - I don’t even watch this thing but I am ADDICTED to the fics), the loudest alt-rock I have blasting through giant headphones, 2 separate books in my lap in case I get bored, and a Sudoku game up on my seat screen in the unlikely event that I look up from my lap-based entertainment.  I am set.  I am ready. I can take on whatever enforced proximity this flight throws at me.

It does not deter the dude who switches into the seat next to me an hour into the flight.

I am not going to describe how Dude looked, or how old he was, or whether he was attractive or interesting to me because It Does Not Matter. What does matter is that the Dude waited maybe thirty minutes before demanding that I take my headphones off and making a real and earnest attempt to sell himself to me like a used car.

He’s interested in commitment and wants a woman who can keep up with him intellectually. He makes So Much Money. He writes poetry, here read some, there is some saved on his phone. His last girlfriend was twenty years older than him but he just broke up with her yesterday.  He finds me FASCINATING and oh how boring I must find him, poor him, won’t I pity him.  He wants to debate religion with me.  He wants to debate politics with me. He keeps PATTING ME. HE WILL NOT LET ME OBTAIN MY OWN DAMN GINGER ALE AND BAG OF UNDERSALTED PRETZELS.

I have never in my life wanted less to speak to another person.

Now, I am not the kind of person who easily says “stop talking to me”.  I will make vague interested noises for hours on end if it will avoid a conflict, and was willing to do so until this little exchange:

Dude: “So I gotta know, are you married?”

Me (without hand jewelry of any kind): “Nope.”

Dude: “Boyfriend?”

Me (watching this terrible inevitability barrel toward me like tupperware cascading out of an infomercial cabinet, desperate to avoid it and lacking any photo evidence of male company at all): “nnnnnnnGirlfriend.”

And somehow the dude is still not deterred.

He wants to know my lesbian origin story.

I do not have a lesbian origin story.

It is worth mentioning at this point that I have, in my life, developed genuine romantic attraction to precisely one person, and that is Coffee Shop Chase, who stood me up in a blues dance hall because “his shoes got wet”.  

How did I realize that I was gay?  Well, I was never really attracted to dudes, had several failed boyfriends in high school (I did not) but in college, my loving and supportive roommates helped me realize that it was okay to prefer ladies.  I dated one of them for some time, but we found that we worked better as friends.

Sorry @remustheravenclaw, it was never meant to be.

Did I know when I was younger? Uh, in retrospect I was quite fascinated with Helga from Atlantis: The Lost Empire (who wasn’t).

How did I meet my current girlfriend? We worked together, she in the lab, I in sales.  She is  much smarter than me.

How did you know you were both gay? We flashed our eye spots at each other and did the secret lesbian handshake.  Yes I actually said that.  Fictitious gay Rachel was getting real sick of questions at this point.

What do you even do? Uh... we hold hands? We... cu.ddl.e? (MAN I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT STRAIGHT COUPLES DO. MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN THAT WE HIGH FIVE A LOT.)

Where does your girlfriend work? How do your families feel about it? Are you feeling anxious about your stash of illegal fruit? What kind of name is Funmi - what race is your girlfriend? Can I see a picture?  Who’s that dude on the other side of Funmi? (Sorry Charlie - if you ever read this, fictional lesbian Rachel has stolen your wife.)

It is hell.  I am in hell.  A hell of my own making. Anxiety through the roof and desperately trying to keep my web of lies together.

But then, at last, AT LAST.  Dude is satisfied with his line of questioning.  I have made my utter disinterest in his offer sufficiently clear.  I am allowed to put my headphones back on.  I AM STILL NOT ALLOWED TO OBTAIN MY OWN DAMN PRETZELS.

Do I sleep on this flight?  NOT EVEN A TINY BIT.

Were my fics good? YES THEY WERE.  QUALITY AUTHORS IN THE BNHA FANDOM.

What happened after I landed? I PRETENDED THAT I WAS SENDING IMPORTANT TEXTS AND LET THE POPULATION OF THE WHOLE PLANE ACT AS BUFFERING SPACE BETWEEN ME AND THE DUDE.

How are the pears? PRETTY TASTY - I’M GONNA MAKE THEM INTO CHUTNEY.

tl;dr: My false identity as a pear-smuggling lesbian sales rep is cemented in the hearts and minds of the people.

#long post #story #remustheravenclaw

[yuvilee]

12th November 2019: 2019-20 ART4001 Critical Debates EXHIBITION VISIT

Table of content:

Introduction: Lost and found, displayed and hidden world Main part:  Floating World Preservation and artistically approach Re-Print Create connections Thoughts in general about my V&A visit Disconnected reconnection Conclusion Notes: Books and articles Pictures

Visited Exhibitions:

Exhibition 1 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway Exhibition 2 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Landscape and Language in Artists' Books Exhibition 3 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking Exhibition 4 - Victoria and Albert Museum: Beatrix Potter’s Art: 'drawn with design' Exhibition 5 - The Barbican: Into the Night: Cabarets & Clubs in Modern Art

Introduction

Let’s start with a question everyone comes across in his/her life eventually, sometimes more often, sometimes less often - that depends on how concerned or engaged a person is: how do we, as adults, encourage good manners in our society? 

Or, to be less precise and more about the bigger picture, how can we see the forgotten and the unseen things around us?

Not the news and discussions happening around us right now, those on the internet, on TV, on Podcasts, Newspapers or SocialMedia. It’s about things that got lost between the news, between the SocialMedia about self-expression and individualism. How can we learn to really look and conserve something before it gets lost forever? Before we can do that, we need to know that things are there to be conserved, that this object might soon be gone, not relevant anymore, something as mundane as library cards, postcards from holiday stays, letters written by hand, advertisement for the circus or theatre, or something that could be lost forever, such as a language, maybe due to changing society and etiquette or because no one speaks it any longer.

Most of the answer is to collect those things, record them and display them to make people aware. This, however, needs people that do look openly around and find and collect. People that are aware of something becoming lost otherwise and organisations that want to help to conserve and have the financial backing and space to put those things on display. 

We live in a fast-paced world - news that was current 2 hours ago could already be outdated right now; just like following a sports game, news about ongoing investigations or Twitter posts. Part of right now is already in the past. We live in a fluid world. 

Exhibitions often display past events and art and because they can teach or imbue us with new ideas, I chose to visit some and find inspiration for my own work.

Floating world

Above: My screenshot of Japanese woodblock prints (ukiyo-e), (2019).

With short-lived art representing the day's events, the displays of ‘Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway’ translate Japanese wood prints to the modern era. They teach us, while remembering the ‘good old days’ of manners and customs, and open us up to be more aware of our surroundings with a funny twist. Maybe this funny attachment to daily nuisances gives the viewer enough self-awareness through humour. 

My thoughts: It seems to be a common theme in public transport around the world to use humour and subversion to instil manners. What else uses this kind of mix for similar incitements? The boundaries between art to advertisement can be blurry. At what point does advertisement become art? When does art become advertisement? (This is nothing new, see the Pop Art movement beginning in the 60s) Where else might art be used as a starting point for advertisement? Besides this example, what other places use humour to instil manners nowadays? 

Above: My screenshot of Manners and Modernity: Ukiyo-e and etiquette on the Seibu Railway, (2019).

(Not completely related but similar funny commercial for manners in public transport(1).)

Preservation and artistically approach

Above: My screenshot of UNESCO Atlas of the World's Languages in Danger, (2019).

Landscape in artist’s books: Although unfortunately, no audio recordings of the language were preserved in this project by Nancy Campbell, this exhibition is still important and cleverly composed(2). The melting Arctic changes its course. What is left of it will never be the same again. The combination of an endangered language with polysynthetic, ambiguous words places the urgency of climate change in a new context. The combination and contrast between color, white parts, and font creates a multi-layered aesthetic. It is combined with other artist’s books such as ‘Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013′) by dutch artist Herman de Vries, who documented his work of bringing a small patch of farmland back to its original state(3).

My thoughts: How can artists take part in preservation and renovation? How should artists treat such a topic? Should they behave like archaeologists or can they be in free correspondence and take an artistic approach? Is there public interest and funding? This display was quite small, hence my question whether this kind of exhibition would draw more people in if it would be on extensive display with more artist’s books? Are people even interested in artist’s books showcasing sujets like this?

Above: My collage of Landscape and Language in Artists' Books. Left: Campbell, N. (2011) How to Say ‘I Love You’ in Greenlandic: An Arctic Alphabet. Right side: de Vries, H., de Vries, S. (2013) Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013, (2019).

Re-Print

Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking. Well-known methods of expression, such as printmaking, can be set on display to present an overview, a variety from current art directions, and highlight special variations over the decades. Relief printmaking has been around for a long time and the exhibition shows that this method is constantly being redrafted and readapted to current art movements with an appropriate voice and scaffolding.

My thoughts: The displayed works showcased a broad variety of fine art to newspaper illustrations, once again underlining the question of art versus commerce. Is it necessary to draw a line, as exhibitions like this and the mentioned Japanese works with different backgrounds back to back?

Entering this exhibition I was asked by the staff whether I knew about this exhibition or was just passing by. This exhibition spanned two rooms and had a broad display including Munch, Picasso, Beatrix Potter, and William Blake who have a massive show at Tate Britain right now(4). However, this exhibition was barely visited. I believe displaying artwork in context to a classification, influence, certain methods instead of a focus on one’s Oeuvre, can present new and interesting impressions to visitors.

My pictures of the exhibition ‘Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking’, (2019).

Create connections

Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design': The display is rather short-winded with mostly sketches and some letters she made for her childhood friends. These are showing a very sincere and interested approach for her surroundings without revealing too much about the subjects of the letters (meaning: no additional information on display). 

Introducing this aspect of her encourages visitors to rediscover something handmade or even to send a letter to someone dear. 

The fact that they have mainly shown sketches gives the whole exhibition the charm of imperfection. The sketches show that she really learned to draw animal characters through observation. While sketching from the sketches myself, I overheard visitors saying, "Oh, I should do that!". An exhibition can remind people of certain cultural values and perhaps even bring them back to pick habits up again or at least to try to.

My thoughts: I wonder whether there were only so few letters left? Could exhibitions like these get people back to crafting and handwriting? By displaying sketches, are exhibitors serving the broad audience or is this rather for a niche audience? How can letters be presented so that everyone can read and enjoy them when considering the difficulty of some handwriting, language differences, and font size.

Can exhibitions support educational organisations like The National Literacy Trust tackling literacy issues in children and adults? A quote on their website struck me: 

‘Overall, fewer children and young people in 2017/18 said that they enjoy writing compared with the year before, decreasing from 50.7% to 49.2%.’(5).

My collage of the exhibition Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design'. Left: exhibition panels, right: detail of her letters, (2019).

Thoughts in general about my V&A visit:

Should an exhibition be measured by its amount of content? If I would be interested in themes like the ones above, how can I find such exhibitions, when advertisement is mostly for larger exhibitions.

How educational should exhibitions be? 

The ones I visited were displays of material only, none of them were interactive or provided additional digital information. Does an exhibition nowadays have to be modern to lure more visitors in? Is there something like exhibitions tailored for scholars and exhibitions for a bigger audience? Should those perhaps exist?

Disconnected reconnection

This brings me to my last exhibition, Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art, which showed a combination of forms of expression, art in paintings, print and objects, poetry and music as well as interior and exterior design. The cabarets, cafés and clubs all tried to actively imbue people with new ideas and provide nourishment for artists of all kinds to create an interdisciplinary exchange and networking platform. At the same time they were meeting points for a certain scene, which had certain manners, a certain language, and expression which made them appealing for a niche clientele.

The displays were of broad variety, showcasing the scene in different cultures from all over the globe. Colour schemes, architecture and art on display gave each area a distinctive vibe. While Mexico City and Ibadan (Nigeria) were very colourful, northern Europe Cities were more settled in colours and in a closed framework (especially Strasbourg). A surprise somehow was Tehran to me, I knew that it had a western-related history in 1966 - 69, but seeing actual parts of it made me sad. A similarly interesting situation for me personally was when other students pointed out paintings in the part about Berlin and I was able to explain to them the Expressionism and Dadaism scenes in Germany and about ‘degenerate art’ and its prohibition and destruction in the rise of the Nazi era.

But there was a sterile disconnection between the lively scenery they depicted and the visitors. There was some music to be heard, some videos played and some rooms somehow recreated, but everything seemed far too dull, items separated into areas for advertisement, areas for art and areas for the interior. Thus, the exhibition in its form remains closed to the viewer in that it can not show everything, because not everything could be restored.

My thoughts: I can imagine it to be a big task to display so many different parts equally. I recognised many female artists and ethical minorities on display. Did they prioritise those? Could this exhibition work in other venues even better, perhaps with the possibility to showcase more audio and audio-visual samples? Would a documentary series work even better? VR could have been added, too, did they consider it? I felt disconnected from this exhibition even though I found it very interesting and I am interested in learning more about different aspects of it such as Tehran’s past, Ibadan, Hannah Höch(6), Harlem’s history and music from its cafés and clubs.

My collage of the exhibition Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art, (2019).

Conclusion:

We can only see what an exhibition shows to us and that is never the full representation of the original thought or the past that is depicted in an attempt to conserve it. The limitations are many, in terms of venue size, available exhibits, or the chosen media. Much could have been shown differently by using different technological solutions but the question remains - what was intended to be shown, and did it achieve this result? Nevertheless, as long as people collect, exhibit, and attempt to show, items and ideas can be preserved for others to a degree and more so they can inspire visitors to their own ideas.

Notes:

Books and articles

Megginson, T., (2011) Don’t behave like an animal on public transit, Asocio. Available at: https://osocio.org/message/dont-behave-like-an-animal-on-public-transit/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

cf. Campbell, N. (2011) How to Say ‘I Love You’ in Greenlandic: An Arctic Alphabet, Oxford: Bird Editions. (On her website further information as well as a video about the book can be found. Available at: http://nancycampbell.co.uk/work/artists-books/how-to-say-i-love-you-in-greenlandic-an-arctic-alphabet/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

cf. de Vries, H., de Vries, S. (2013) Die wiese; The meadow: eschenau 1986-2013, Eindhoven: Uitgeverij Lecturis B.V..

cf. William Blake (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Tate Britain. 11 September 2019 – 2 February 2020.

National Literacy Trust (2019) Children and young people’s writing in 2017/18. Available at: https://literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/children-and-young-peoples-writing-201718/ (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

I only knew her from my studies about picture books and artist’s books. cf. Höch, H. (2008) Bilderbuch, Berlin: The Green Box.

Picture(s)

Victoria & Albert Museum (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/japanese-woodblock-prints-ukiyo-e (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

Victoria & Albert Museum (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: https://www.vam.ac.uk/event/RnRde4V8/manners-and-modernity-ukiyo-e-and-etiquette-on-the-seibu-railway (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

UNESCO Atlas of the World's Languages in Danger (2019), [Screenshot]. Available at: http://www.unesco.org/languages-atlas/index.php?hl=en&page=atlasmap (Accessed on: 17th November 2019).

Landscape and Language in Artists' Books (2019-2021) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Tuesday, 5 November 2019 – Sunday, 4 April 2021.

Making an Impression: The Art of Relief Printmaking (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Monday, 9 September 2019 – Sunday, 13 September 2020.

Beatrix Potter's art: 'drawn with design'. (2019) [Exhibition]. Victoria & Albert Museum. Monday, 18 February – Sunday, 17 November 2019.

Into the Night: Cabarets and Clubs in Modern Art (2019-2020) [Exhibition]. Barbican Centre. Friday, 4 October 2019—Sunday, 19 Januar 2020.

[writingwithadinosaur]

“Frozen in the Dark” - Oneshot

“Frozen in the Dark” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

Tony Stark x Reader

Word Count: 2,153

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Your Last Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color

Warnings: Cursing, Panic Attack Type Thing, Past Trauma (Hydra Stuff),

Summary: Reader has powers similar to Bobby in the X-Men movies, and is afraid of the dark thanks to Hydra. When there is a storm and all of the power goes out in the Avengers tower, her and Tony get closer.

Author’s Note: So this is my first Tony Stark x Reader piece! I randomly got the idea and decided to write it and run with it! I hope you enjoy! This isn’t beta read, so I’m sorry for any errors.

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces (All Works, Specific Fandoms, or Specific Multi-Parts), please let me know! I am taking requests. And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

<3

- DreaSaurusREX

Tags: @goodnightwife @avengersimaginings

It’s been about a year since you joined the Avengers. Well, sort of. You were still in training. Your hand to hand combat as well as your weapons training were pretty much complete and up to the team’s standards. It was your special abilities that caused a problem. You had the ability to manipulate ice and colder temperatures. You have been working on controlling it, but you haven’t been able to completely get it together. Last week, you lost it and froze half of the hangar.

This inability to control yourself led to multiple mental breakdowns. The only people who could calm you down were Wanda and Tony. Wanda had to use her power most times, but Tony was able to just be him and help. You had always been interested in Tony, and you could even say that you were in love with him. But you figured he wouldn’t go for someone like you. You’re not his usual type of woman, why would he change?

The entire team had to go out on a week long mission. Tony stayed back though. Wanda was for sure needed, but he wanted to be home with you in case something happened. The team agreed and left you and Tony in the Tower.

Everything was going smoothly this week. You had been able to do some personal work, worked out a bit, and even got some training in with Tony. Control was still a struggle, but you didn’t breakdown since Tony was right there to help. The week seemed to speed by. That is, until the storm hit. You had seen the weather forecast for a couple days before Saturday night. You knew it was going to be a bad storm, but you didn’t think it would get as bad as it did.

You were working on cleaning your room while it rained. It had been something that you’d been putting off for awhile. You were working on folding some clothes when the power completely shut off. It was dark outside, so not a lot of light was coming from your window. It was so dark. It became difficult to breathe and you could feel yourself shaking.

“No no no no no.” You backed into the corner of your room and slide down the wall. “FRIDAY! Help!” You just about screamed to the AI system.

“What can I do for you, miss (Y/L/N)?” You knew FRIDAY would be working. It was designed to still be operational in times like these.

“Please tell me that there lights that can be turned on.” You tried to control yourself but felt yourself slipping.

“No ma’am. The power can not be rewired to lights at this time.” There was a small pause before the AI spoke again. “Are you alright, miss?”

The ends of your hair started to freeze as you felt your body temperature slowly drop. The wall behind you started to get cold and sort of freeze as well. You pull your knees to your chest and put your head against your knees. There was a boa constrictor inside your body tightening itself around your lungs. You needed to tell Friday to get help.

“No. Please… Get Tony.” You were able to manage to get out. Friday did a quick scan of your vitals and sent them along with a message to Tony.

~~~~~~~~

Tony was working in his workshop when the power went out. He was fixing a part of his suit that had been damaged during the last mission he was on. His phone went off, Friday was sending a file through as well as a message. He opened the file and scanned through the report of your vitals while listening to Friday.

“Sir, (Y/N) needs your help as soon as possible.” Tony was going through the file Friday sent. Your heart rate was through the roof while your body temperature was decreasing. He knew what was going on in an instant.

Storm. Blackout. You. Freezing. Attack.

“Friday, where is (Y/N)?!” He got his jacket that was hanging on the back of his chair. He knew any sort of layering would help you warm up slowly after you made it through this attack.

“In her room, sir.” And with that, he sprinted to your room.

~~~~~~~~

You were taken by Hydra when you were a young adult. You knew you had a special ability concerning the cold, but you had never really played with it because you thought it was dangerous. Hydra thought it was potential for them.

They had kept you as a prisoner for years. There was never ending torture and trying to persuade you to be one of their soldiers.  You never broke though. You knew how awful Hydra was, and you were by no means going to be fighting for them. So you endured anything and everything they threw at you.

They found a whole new way of making your life a living hell: Not letting you see any of it. They had carried on with what they normally did to you, but this time they blindfolded you. You couldn’t tell what they were going to do or when, it made your life in that hellhole even more terrifying than you thought possible.

Having to go through with that shit until the Avengers came and saved you, being deprived of that sense in everyday life still had negative outcomes.

You’ve gotten help for this, but your fear of the dark still lived no matter how hard you tried to kill it. This fear decided to rise thanks to the storm tonight.

~~~~~~~~

Tony opened the door to your room with a flashlight in hand. You weren’t on your bed or in your chair.

“(Y/N/N)?! Where are you, sweetheart?”

He stayed completely still so he could clearly hear around him. You couldn’t bring yourself to move or anything. You were so scared and so in your own head. Luckily, Tony heard your exasperated breathing coming from the corner and found you there.

His heart broke a little seeing you so broken. He quickly assessed the situation and made his moves. Not only were you having an attack, but your powers were coming out because of the emotional instability. He took his jacket from his hands and draped it around your shoulders. You were too stiff for him to try to get you to wear it properly, but this would have to do for now.

Next, he grabbed your favorite blanket from your bed, it was a thicker one with a simple pattern on it. You loved simplicity. He then picked you up from your floor and took you to the living room. He was always shocked at how cold you could make yourself. When he picked you up, it was like picking up a solid piece of ice.

This isn’t the first time he’s had to do something similar to this. He knew you well enough to know what would help and what wouldn’t.

He knew the living room was a safe bet as a better location for you. It was more open and there was more light coming from the outside through the large windows along the wall. While it was storming outside, there was a dull light that illuminated the room a little bit. Enough to make a difference to you.

He sat you both on the couch, him in the corner with you in his lap. He then wrapped your favorite blanket around the both of you and held you close while he traced circles against your back. You were already starting to come out of your haze, but your lungs still felt constricted and you were shaking like a leaf in autumn.

“It’s okay. I got you, (Y/N). I’m not leaving. You’re safe. I promise.” Tony whispered these every so often. He felt you loosening up as you both sat there for a few minutes. He looked down to see if you looked any calmer. He was surprised.

You originally had your head buried in his neck, but your attention was captured by a faint blue light under Tony’s shirt. You knew it was the arc reactor, but you had never really paid any attention to it until now. The light radiating from it seemed to help you focus back on reality and get your breathing back to normal.

You were lightly running your hands along the grooves and ridges of the reactor through his shirt when he looked down at you. He had never really seen it as anything other than a life support system for himself. Apparently it had a sort of similar affect on you.

You finally got to a stable state. Tony feels your body temperature rise back to normal and you weren’t shaking nearly as bad as before. He leaned his head down and kissed your head. You felt so guilty every time he or Wanda had to come in and help you.

“Tony?” Apparently your voice shocked him because you felt him jump a bit underneath you. He hadn’t expected to hear from you until way later.

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with this type of stuff. I feel so awful whenever I have to have you swoop in and--” You were going to keep talking, but Tony shushed you. He put a hand on your cheek and made you look at him while he talked.

“Stop that. Please. If I didn’t want to help you, I wouldn’t. But I care about you so much more than you know. When you first got here, I thought you were going to be more trouble than when we took Bucky in. But once I got to know you, you stole my heart.” He paused for a couple of seconds, as if he was internally debating about continuing talking. “I love you, (Y/N)> I know this is probably awful timing, but it needed to be said. I love you and I would honestly do anything for you.”

A few tears fell down your face. Tony saw this and panicked a bit.

“Oh god! I said something wrong didn’t I? I’m so sorry! I just--” Before he could get any further, you pulled him into a hug. You both stayed in the embrace for a few seconds before you pulled away to look at him and broke the silence.

“You don’t understand how much I have wanted to hear you say that. I never thought it would happen. But I love you too, Tony. I have for awhile now and I just thought you wouldn’t go for someone like me. I’m not the typical supermodel or anything, and I’m messed up and I--” Tony didn’t let you continue. 

He pulled you into a surprisingly gentle and sweet kiss. It wasn’t too quick, but it didn’t turn into making out or anything. It was perfect.

“You’re right. You aren’t the stereotypical perfect girl. Instead, you are what I want and what I need. No one can control who they fall in love with, but damn I’m glad that I fell for you.”

You both couldn’t stop smiling. You both agreed to take it a bit slow for now. Nothing too intense was done tonight. Instead, you pulled out your laptop that thankfully had a fully battery, and put on some movies that you had saved on it. At some point you ended up falling asleep against Tony, snuggled in his jacket under the blankets. It wasn’t too long until Tony was fast asleep with you on the couch.

~~~~~~~~

The team had come back very late at night. The power had been restored, but the lights stayed off. Steve came in first and saw that there was a faint light coming from the living room. He went to check it out with Bruce and Bucky.

They saw your laptop playing one of your favorite movies, and you two on the couch. You had your head resting on Tony’s shoulder with your hand over the arc reactor; His arms were protectively wrapped around your waist. You two had never looked more peaceful than in this moment.

Bruce quietly took out his phone and snapped a picture of the two of you. Steve and Bucky threw him questioning glances.

“I know Tony. He’ll hate me for a few minutes when I show him these, but then he will take my phone and send them to himself so he can look back on them. He’ll think they’re cute. Trust me.”

The three men turned and went to their respective rooms to shower and rest after the mission. You and Tony slept soundly on the couch. The two of you in total content in each other's arms. You had never felt as safe and okay as you do now, and you never wanted to go back to a life without this much Tony.

#Tony Stark x Reader #Tony x Reader #avengers fandom #avengers fanfiction #avengers imagine

[tyrusoldme-am-spoilers]

The Truth About Ghost Producers – What the Industry Doesn't Want You to Know

Imagine a scenario in which I disclosed to you that your main tune, from your preferred maker, wasn't generally made by that maker… by any stretch of the imagination.

Imagine a scenario in which I disclosed to you the craftsman that enlivened you to join the positions of music makers, never really made their very own music.

Consider the possibility that I disclosed to you that the absolute greatest specialists in the music world today really pay others to make their music for them.

I prefer not to break it to you – yet it's valid.

Apparition creating has existed in the business for quite a long time is still, right up 'til today, one of the most questionable themes out there.

Off camera of your preferred DJ playing an epic track on the principle organize at EDC Las Vegas, Electric Forest or any celebration in a similar vein sits an apparition maker that made that track from the beginning.

In 2015, DJ Mat Zo – a Grammy-assigned British maker – took to Twitter to remark on what number of EDM's greatest stars use apparition makers for their tracks without credit.

He composed that "electronic music has spoiled teeth that should be pulled." He likewise tweeted that he's "only a geek facing the athlete who stole all the geek's schoolwork."

Obviously, there is in fact something of a negative undertone around the job of apparition makers and the absence of credit they get, which thusly goes to said "athletes" – which means the colossal DJs we watch in front of an audience that assume acknowledgment for tracks they may have never contacted.

As electronic move music has ascended in notoriety thus numerous eminent makers keep on sparkling in the spotlight, phantom creation has turned out to be considerably more investigated and discussed.

As an apparition maker myself, I felt this was important to talk about, as there are various perspectives and professionals + cons inside the contention. There is truth behind quite a bit of it – or every last bit of it.

The inquiry we as a whole need to know: is phantom creating extremely that awful?

What is an apparition maker?

An apparition maker, by definition, is an expert maker that is employed to make a track for a craftsman yet remains totally mysterious.

Ordinarily being a phantom maker for a craftsman includes an agreement that keeps the person from regularly uncovering themselves – which, in decency, bodes well since you wouldn't have any desire to let the world realize that a DJ or maker doesn't really deliver their own music.

A significant explanation to make here is that an apparition maker isn't a co-maker.

Periodically people who are accused for being apparition makers are really recorded as co-makers in the track. They will work with the craftsman cooperatively – ricochet thoughts off one another, acquire ability from both of their past encounters and make a last item together – while an apparition maker ordinarily works more on the performance side.

Co-generation is moderately normal and is really an incredible method to acquire different people for their very own mastery specifically regions like vocals or bass lines.

One interesting point in this circumstance, be that as it may, is the meaning of a maker.

EDM Ghost Producer

A few makers remain in additional as administrators and input providers as opposed to dealing with genuine generation. You could have various associates/co-makers on one track yet maybe just a single individual really figured out how to play with the controls.

A few makers may realize how to utilize a specific kind of creation programming. A few makers, then again, may not know anything about programming but rather see how to make a track sound incredible by getting different bits of the riddle. A few makers do both. It's a hurl up.

Along these lines, there are hazy lines as far as definition here. In any case, one thing still stands: co-makers are not apparition makers.

This is ostensibly one of the greatest and most significant inquiries that makes such a great amount of contention around the subject.

How can it be that individuals use phantom makers?

What advantage does it have? This approach goes for the two sides of the relationship – the craftsman contracting the maker, and the maker oneself.

We should consider it from the craftsman's perspective. Maybe they're in an innovative trench and need another vibe or diverse vibe with their most recent track.

Possibly they need another track for an up and coming booking or dependent on a request an advertiser, however they don't have sufficient energy or transmission capacity to assemble it.

Assigning undertakings when you're occupied – or well known, the greatest number of us can envision – makes your outstanding task at hand simpler, isn't that so?

On the off chance that somebody offered to remove an errand from your plate that you knew would take a huge amount of time and exertion, possibly you'd think about it.

Or on the other hand would you?

From the phantom maker's perspective, there are for sure individuals out there who are eager to give out their innovative work with no credit if that implies being paid.

Maybe they highly esteem their abilities however couldn't care less for the acknowledgment. Maybe the person needed to bring home the bacon off of something they adored doing and observed this to be the best in.

With everything taken into account, being a phantom maker is a vocation – one that pays well, at that – and toward the day's end, individuals frequently pick this profession since it's one they appreciate doing.

How does apparition creating work?

So it's settled: apparition makers exist, and they're needed by specialists to keep on doing as such. The individuals who choose to seek after this job as a profession are the ones that keep on propagating this debate. Be that as it may, we should separate it: how apparition makers work?

As referenced before, strategically it's straightforward – from an abnormal state point of view, at any rate. Phantom makers are procured to make a track for a craftsman. They make the track, at that point pass it off to the craftsman to discharge.

There are various EDM apparition maker locales out there, despite the fact that obviously, quality shifts. You ought to be careful with these, nonetheless, the same number of them appear to run tricks and regularly simply sell basic, inadequate or not-justified, despite any potential benefits thoughts and tracks in its present condition.

Be that as it may, on the off chance that you work with an individual phantom maker you'll have the option to work legitimately to make what you're searching for.

The creation procedure relies upon who you're working with and installment likewise varies dependent on the maker.

Some charge per track; some charge every hour. Some lean toward sovereignties. The installment genuinely relies upon the current task.

You additionally need to remember how well the track will do.

Do you need a forthright stipend for the track and no sovereignties to pursue, or would you rather expect the track will detonate and gather a ton in eminences?

To kick things off in a working connection among maker and payee, this is the means by which I'll ordinarily play it.

I'll request reference tracks to discover what they're keen on. On the off chance that there are starting ideas, thoughts or basslines that have been made, I'll accumulate those from the customer too.

From that point, it's an ideal opportunity to assess: is there enough here to assembled something? Provided that this is true, I can assemble a track in multi day. In some cases it's simply a question of taking what exists as of now and finding the correct sounds and layers to make a total piece.

Try not to misunderstand the thought here, however – the creation and coordinated effort procedure isn't in every case spotless and simple. The work process can be mind boggling relying upon what kind of data is sent to the maker. There are a wide range of work process situations, yet here are a couple of models:

Ordinarily the maker will get half-done work from a major name DJ and be approached to tidy up and preferable the current item rather over beginning sans preparation, which might be to a greater extent a period spent to refine the track.

On different events, a customer may send over models and thoughts of the sound they need. The apparition maker will at that point make an idea of a track for the customer, and the procedure moves from that point. Input is an immense key here, and you can reasonably accept that there's a lot of forward and backward occurring between the maker and the buyer here.

This procedure is dubious and as a rule hard to nail down planning for. Like I stated, on the off chance that I have all that I need, I can finish a track in multi day – but on the other hand that is accepting that all components are nearby and can be brought into play.

Culminating the last item requires your complete consideration and exertion, so following a couple of long periods of work I'll delay and step away from the creation so I can clear my head. I'll return to it a couple of hours after the fact to give it a new tune in and settle with the last mixdown.

In the event that this is a way you're keen on setting out down, this is significant. On the off chance that you want to make music and appreciate investing your energy delivering, you're as of now most of the way there. The subsequent half is getting your music out to the majority who are keen on buying it.

There are various phantom creating sites, for example, EDMGhostProducer, Ghost-Producing.com, and GhostProducer.io that enable makers to transfer their tracks and offer them to DJs – who stay mysterious.

This is a simple method to use accessible stages that can connect you with a system of people that are happy to burn through cash to have a track under their name without really making it.

Remember, nonetheless, that a considerable lot of these stages take a cut of the clearance of the track so you will probably leave with 60-80% of what it sells for.

You'll likewise likely have the option to assemble more customers on the off chance that you can make various classifications of music. As you invest more energy delivering, make certain to figure out how to deliver different sorts of music to make greater open door for yourself. You ought to likewise have the option to work with different DAWs, for example, Ableton or Logic Pro.

In conclusion, make sure that your creations are high caliber and are expertly blended and aced. The better your tracks sound, the more probable you'll assemble progressively continuous clients.

As a phantom maker, ensure that you are additionally remembering your own prosperity. You ought to keep up a

[thevampirecat]

Why do you like Norma? She's a horrible person and a horrible mother.

Okay nonny, grab a cup of coffee and sit down. I’ll wait.

Ready? Good.

Firstly I would contest your assertion that she is a “horrible person and a horrible mother” based on the fact that Norma is nowhere near that simplistic and I think it’s unfair to to see her in such black and white terms and does a huge disservice to her character.

Norma is complex and multi-layered. She’s made some terrible decisions, she’s done some terrible things, she fucks up royally a lot of the time. And yet, I think to understand her you have to look a lot further than simply her actions and actually look at her past, understand how her brain works. 

Now I’m not saying that my word on this is the final one, I’m not saying there are no other interpretations to her character, I’m not saying ANY of these things. But, and here’s a doozy, I have a mother who could be considered Norma Bates lite. In fact one of the reasons I am so impressed with the show is because Norma feels very real to me, because I have seen this first hand. And no, my mother didn’t have abusive parents and brothers, but she did have this dream of being a 1950s housewife which was never realised. She did have one child whose existence reminded her of a painful time and another who she dotes on to the point of ridiculousness. She did have a string of bad relationships which she tried to cling to despite them being unhealthy (mainly because her ego couldn’t handle another failure).

So lets have a look at Norma’s past because that is the only way you understand where she is now.

She’s born into a nightmare family. Caleb himself said that their father was the most violent man he ever knew. The two children used to hide while their father beat their mother. This was their example of how the world worked and how adults interacted with each other. She (and Caleb) lived in a constant state of fear and had only each other. 

Think about that for a second. A powerless little girl growing up in a home rife with abuse and suffering and having no one to turn to in all this, except her brother. And then look at what her brother does.

Now, we can sit here and debate Caleb for a long time. I personally feel his story is tragic too but that does not excuse what he did to Norma. Also notice how Norma herself has ambiguous feelings towards this and immense guilt over the fact that she believes herself complicit in her own rapes. So now we have Norma with an abusive father and an abusive brother AND now she’s pregnant.

So what does she do? She marries literally the first man she can find who will have her and passes off the baby as his. So she’s now away from her father and brother and has a husband. Things are looking up right?

No, not really, because Norma is still young and has basically had her childhood stolen and all she has seen are bad examples of how people treat each other. Also, she has a child that, regardless of how much she does or doesn’t love him, is a living walking example of her abuse and her stolen childhood. Is it Dylan’s fault? Of course it isn’t. But that’s not really the point. She’s still a young mother with no family support and no actual skills raising her rapist’s baby. I don’t know about you, but to me that’s tragic.

So Norma fucks up and sleeps with Sam Bates. She divorces John marries Sam and has Norman. 

Now there are a few interesting things going on here. Firstly, Dylan has to be integrated into a step-family. Not an easy thing at the best of times. Secondly, Norma now has a child that is not related to her past or her family. He essentially doesn’t come with that baggage and every time she looks at him she doesn’t have to remember how he came into existence - she’s settled now, she gets to be a mom. Thirdly, she’s also now married to a man who she’s hoping will treat her right.

But she can’t have this because every man that seems to come within a 10 mile radius of Norma Louise seems to think she’s a punching bag. And Sam is an abusive dick. So now she’s had an abusive father, an abusive brother and an abusive husband. Do you have ANY idea what that kind of a life can do to someone? Do you have any idea what it’s like when you believe that all you are good for is a focus for someone else’s rage? When you start believing that this is “just the way things are”?

And in all this Norma has Norman. Her child, her boy. She throws everything she has into him. He becomes her world and she his. Is this healthy? No, dear God, of course it isn’t healthy. But can you see how she gets there? Doesn’t the progression seems obvious?

Then Norman kills Sam. In Norma’s mind, even though she knows Norman has blackouts and mental problems, he was protecting her. She’s not going to turn him in for that, especially as he is her whole world. So they move to White Pine Bay for a new start. 

What is one of the first things that happens to her when she gets there? She is raped. Because men think Norma Louise who just wants a quiet life is their personal punching bag. Then she finds a boyfriend who turns out to be a human trafficker who tries to kill her. All these things just reinforce for her that people suck and that the only man who is good in the whole world is Norman. And he’s hers and OMG she needs to hang onto him.

So when she seems him spying on women and doing bad things she simply can’t let herself believe that he too could be bad. He’s been the one good thing in her life, the one thing that has made her keep on keeping on. So she creates this fantasy world where she buries her head in the sand about him or puts his creepy behaviour down to teenage shenanigans. The fact is Norma knows in her heart that Norman needs help and what he is doing is not right, but she might not know quite HOW wrong it is because her frame of reference is so skewed and also because she has created this reality for herself where Norman is the only good thing in her life and if she loses that she needs to accept some hard truths about herself and also accept that the reason she has had literally for living is a lie. This is why she fights people like Dylan and Romero so hard - because they threaten to shatter her fantasy. They tell her what she already knows but if she accepts it, her entire world falls apart. It’s hard enough accepting that her golden boy is not perfect, it’s almost impossible to accept the level of mental problems he has. It’s also impossible for her to accept that the only thing she feels she did right is in fact a “failure” as you know Norma would blame herself for Norman’s mental issues, which may not be altogether wrong but is not the extent of it.

One thing I think people miss is that Norma yearns to be the kind of wife that looks after the kids and cleans the house, makes curtains and dishes up a delicious hot meal every night for a doting husband. coughRomerocough. This kind of simple life where she’s looked after and isn’t hurt shouldn’t be much to ask but somehow for her it is. 

So after all this, do I think Norma Bates is a bad person? No. Do I think Norma Bates has made horrible mistakes? Yes. Do I think Norma’s treatment of Dylan is justified? No. Do I think she is a bad mother? I think that question is far too black and white for a character like Norma. Do I understand her motivations? Yes. Do I think that excuses the things she has done? No.

This is the thing about characters like Norma. She is not one-dimensional. She can be both wrong and horrible AND sympathetic. She can make bad decisions and bad mistakes and I can want to shake her but I can’t look at her outside the context of what people have done to her. Yes, her life decisions have all led her to this terrible point but so many of those decisions have not been her own. So many of those decisions have been made based on fear and lies and her own perception of her worth.

One of the most tragic moments for me in the show was when she asks Alex to marry her for the medical insurance and adds “I’ll sleep with you if you want” and then doesn’t seem to get why he turns her down and why that actually hurts him. That right there should tell you how Norma sees the world. Basically as a bunch of people just taking things from her over and over again and leaving her with nothing except this child who she has devoted her whole life to.

Once again, is it healthy? Fuck no. It’s completely toxic and she desperately needed help - they all did. Is it understandable? Does it make sense? Yes.

Is it tragic? Completely.

#norma bates #this got long #but i don't think you can just paint norma as bad #without looking at what her life has been #simple characters are not fun #anonymous

[coin-news-blog]

Walk Like Nakamoto: 7 Anonymous Personalities in the Crypto Space

New Post has been published on https://coinmakers.tech/news/walk-like-nakamoto-7-anonymous-personalities-in-the-crypto-space

Walk Like Nakamoto: 7 Anonymous Personalities in the Crypto Space

Walk Like Nakamoto: 7 Anonymous Personalities in the Crypto Space

In late 2008, an anonymous person named Satoshi Nakamoto introduced the Bitcoin white paper on Halloween. While Nakamoto is clearly the most famous anonymous crypto moniker, in the early days there were many other mysterious individuals scattered throughout the blockchain environment.

A Group of Anonymous Crypto Influencers

Ten years ago a person or group of people who called themselves Satoshi Nakamoto introduced the most revolutionary technology of our time. No one knows who Nakamoto is and the hunt for Bitcoin’s mysterious creator has encompassed the lives of many. There’s also been a whole slew of individuals who claim to be Nakamoto, but have failed to prove themselves to the greater crypto community. Despite being the most well known anonymous figure within the cryptocurrency circuit, there are many other individuals who have hidden under the cloak of anonymity while contributing to the blockchain ecosystem. The following is an in-depth look at some of the mystery bitcoiners who have become well known for a variety of reasons within the crypto space. A few of these anonymous characters disappeared like Satoshi and some of them are still in the community today.

James A. Donald

James A. Donald was an anonymous Canadian cypherpunk who was the first person to comment on and critique Satoshi’s white paper and theories. Donald argued with Satoshi about scaling on more than one occasion and detailed that he believed Bitcoin needed a layer of account. “We will need a layer of account money on top of the bitcoins, supporting transactions of a hundred-thousandth the size of the smallest coin, and to support anonymity, Chaumian money on top of the account money,” Donald wrote.

On November 17, 2008, Nakamoto sent Donald the Bitcoin source code for his review. “I sent you the main files (available by request at the moment, full release soon),” Nakamoto stated at the time. There have been numerous theories that claim Donald and Nakamoto are essentially the same people and the creator was merely talking to himself during the emails. However, most of the James A. Donald theories that tie him to being Nakamoto have been debunked and thrown out the window. James A. Donald has not made spoken to the Bitcoin community in years.

Theymos

The owner of r/bitcoin, bitcointalk.org, and the en.bitcoin.it/ (Wiki) page, Theymos is a well known character in the crypto space. Theymos has been involved with Bitcoin since the very early days and in recent years he’s been accused of mass censorship. The censorship accusations derived from the scaling debate and there’s lots of evidence that suggests Theymos and other r/bitcoin moderators repeatedly blocked all discussions that were for increasing the block size.

No one knows how Theymos accumulated so much power with all the bitcoin websites under his thumb. Prior to 2011, there were four r/bitcoin moderators and the owner u/Atlaslgo (now deleted), was wholeheartedly against the censorship of free speech. On July 19, 2011, the Bitcoin community at the time got very upset that Atlaslgo had planned to sell r/bitcoin and he was convinced to give it to the bitcointalk.org owner Theymos. The anonymous r/bitcoin owner Theymos still operates the same Bitcoin-centric web portals to this very day.

Artforz

The infamous Artforz appeared as a pseudonym on bitcointalk.org between July 2010-2012. Laszlo Hanyecz and Artforz were considered the first two people to leverage GPU miners when mining bitcoin. In July 2010, Artforz showed the world his ‘Artfarm’ and at the time the miner said he generated 1,700 BTC in six days. “I had 24 (Radeon) 5970s up until about late summer ’11,” Artforz told the Bitcoin community on February 11, 2012.

Between the summer of 2010 and the last time the community saw Artforz in 2012, he was accused of commanding most of the BTC hashrate during those years. For instance, on October 3, 2010, Theymos explained that the developer’s Artfarm could be processing 20-30% of the hashrate. However, on August 25, 2011, Artforz told the community another story and said he only captured roughly 1% of the network’s processing power. Artforz wrote the community for the last time that February in 2012, and no one’s heard from him since.

Sunny King

Another anonymous person with an interesting cryptocurrency history is the software developer, Sunny King, creator of Peercoin. King is known as the “grandfather” of the consensus algorithm proof-of-stake (PoS) because Peercoin was the first hybrid proof-of-work (PoW) and PoS system. The unknown blockchain engineer not only created Peercoin but he also developed the Primecoin project, which uses a PoW mechanism while it searches for prime numbers at the same time.

King’s Peercoin PoS concept has inspired many other blockchain projects that use the PoS consensus algorithm. The Peercoin creator disappeared for quite some time but has recently returned with another blockchain project called Vee.tech.

Rat4

After Peercoin was produced people attempting to harness PoS became very prominent. In early 2014, the anonymous developer called Rat4 designed a ‘PoS version 2,’ which was the first to combine staking with a multi-pool. Rat4 and Blackcoin kicked off the idea and many other PoS coins followed suit. According to the Blackcoin Github repository, Rat4’s Blackcoin codebase has been forked more times than most coins today. After Blackcoin there are now hundreds of PoS coins based on two major types of consensus: BFT PoS and chain-based PoS. The BFT method uses validators that are randomly assigned while chain-based uses an algorithm that pseudo-randomly selects a validator during a pre-selected time slot.

Brandon Chez

For a number of years, the owner of Coinmarketcap.com, Brandon Chez, kept an extremely low profile until he was doxxed by the Wall Street Journal on January 23, 2018. Since the site was created Coinmarketcap.com swiftly became a top digital currency website but no one really knew who was behind the web portal. This was until Chez decided to delist the exchange rates of South Korean crypto trading platforms on January 7, 2018. Chez recently sat down for a fireside chat with the anonymous Sunny King during The Capital conference. Behind a curtain, the two silhouetted figures discussed Proof-of-Stake (PoS) consensus, bitcoin, and quantum computing.

Brandon Chez and Peercoin creator Sunny King doing an interview this week at The Capital cryptocurrency and blockchain event.

Cobra

An individual named Cobra is the co-owner of the web portal bitcoin.org and a very controversial figure in the space. To this day, Cobra can be seen on Reddit forums and has a Twitter account as well. His commentary over the last year or so has been called “bi-polar” because he has complimented BCH on various occasions and other times snuffed the network. “Increased my holdings of Bitcoin Cash today,” Cobra explained to his Twitter followers.

Blockstream wants to take over Bitcoin just like nChain wanted to take over Bitcoin Cash. Beware of corporations trying to embed themselves in communities by pandering to us.

— Cøbra (@CobraBitcoin) November 19, 2018

At one time, Cobra asked the community and fellow bitcoin.org contributors to change certain statements Satoshi Nakamoto made in the Bitcoin white paper. Another time the anonymous individual suggested an immediate change to BTC’s PoW algorithm as a solution to growing mining pools. Cobra is still tweeting conundrums to this very day and remains a well known anon within the crypto industry.

There are a few other anonymous members of the crypto community that have affected the environment in either a positive or negative way. However, there is never an identity to blame or even congratulate in real life as many of these individuals, like Satoshi Nakamoto, have either disappeared or continue to remain unknown.

Source: news.bitcoin

[photodustorg]

LUMINA: CONVERSATIONS

PART TWO: JESSIE BOYLAN AND LYNDAL IRONS

Jessie Boylan is a photomedia artist based in Chewton, Victoria. She explores the human impact on the land and communities in relation to environmental and social devastation such as nuclear testing, mining and war. Lyndal Irons is a Sydney-based photographer and writer interested in social histories and parts of Australian society that are familiar, accessible, yet not often closely encountered. They are both members of new national documentary collective Lumina - here in conversation via email for PHOTODUST.

Jessie Boylan, Aurum, 2017. Layered photomedia: Kalgoorlie Super Pit, Western Australia (2010) & North Mara Gold Mine, Tanzania (2009). Photographic light box, 100 x 150 cm.

Lyndal Irons: Reading your journal from Gaza in 2009, I noticed you incorporated the quote from Anne Ferran: “… Once something gets left out of the historical record, that absence itself becomes a fact and not something you are free to recreate/reinstate later …” This feels like a natural place to start, as memory and history are relevant to both our work in quite different ways. As I was learning photography it was often drummed into me that, from a historical perspective, there are a whole lot of unrecorded moments even today in an image-saturated world. Many are both mundane and sensitive and can carry an incredible amount of information about our society ... but are rarely photographed. For example, a Centrelink queue. I’ve always carried that interest in missing pages from society’s photo album and I’ve tried to add a few pages into today’s record that may have otherwise gone unrecorded and considered inconsequential. You are on the flip side of memory in your work: shooting issue-based series on deeply consequential topics where one side of the story does not have an equal voice.

Jessie Boylan, Portrait of a Whistleblower, 2015. Installation shot. Various photomedia, video, artefacts, documents.

Jessie Boylan: Well, there are undoubtedly dominant narratives in society, and as an image-maker, I often look to ‘uncover’ or ‘reveal’ that which isn’t visible, or more importantly, that which isn’t shown or seen (these issues are most certainly visible if you look!). I think what’s interesting, or a motivating factor for me, is that issues change and shift over time; an event occurs and it cannot only be looked at in purely historical terms. I’m thinking here about the British nuclear tests at Maralinga: how an event occurred, yet the implications and effects of that event are still very much ongoing in people, place and country. I’m interested in how, as an artist, you can keep returning to issues or ideas and revisit, reimagine, re-understand, and show new ways of looking at, or engaging with, that particular issue. This may come from not wanting these issues to fall away and become inconsequential like you say, or it may just come from a deep fascination with the way we relegate things to history and try to move on, ignoring almost what has become as a result of that history/action/event. 

Jessie Boylan, Taranaki, Maralinga, South Australia, 2011. Digital Inkjet Print, 80 x 60 cm.

LI: ‘Re-understand’ - I like that idea.  Do you ever find yourself in conflict over what makes a better-looking photo that people will respond to versus the most accurate image?

JB: I think each project carries aesthetic and factual decision-making processes; how to show and give enough ‘information’, or how to create spaces or evocative and aesthetically pleasing imagery that may prompt people to engage or inquire further about a specific issue. I think my practice has shifted a lot over the past few years where I am actually less concerned about providing specific information (enough of course!) but more about creating work that allows for each individual’s experience and knowledge and perspective to come into play, i.e. allow them their own journey through that work, not decide that there is only one way to view and to interpret or understand that work, that if something is gleaned from it, or if it is affecting in some way, then that’s what I can hope for.  And I am talking very much more about concept-driven work, rather than a photojournalistic or documentary practice where the facts of the story must be known and revealed.

Jessie Boylan, William Creek Camp, South Australia, 2012. Digital Inkjet Print, 100 x 80 cm.

LI: Many people debate the power of photography today and say we are desensitised to images. As a photographer attempting to tell another person’s story, I feel the opposite - that visual representation is most often very powerful and very sensitive even in everyday circumstances. Do you agree and do you have a personal code of ethics when representing the voice or faces of other people?

Jessie Boylan, Yami Lester, Wallatinna Station, 2006. Digital Inkjet Print, 100 x 100 cm.

JB: Photography has become a whole lot less novel and a whole lot more available and therefore takes a lot more to stop us in our tracks. However, I do agree, that what shocks us, or does eventually stop us in our tracks, tends to be photographic imagery; I’m thinking here baby Aylan, Abu Grahib, Don Dale, etc. We can’t get these images out our heads once we’ve seen them, sometimes no matter how much we want to. They can be very galvanizing and also bring about great change, governmental policies, reviews, Royal Commissions, etc. 

In regards to my own personal code of ethics, yes for sure, I always seek to make sure that my subjects are aware of what I am doing, for what purpose, that the images may be around in the world, online, available, for perpetuity, as much as that can actually be understood (these concepts are difficult sometimes for people living remote lives far away from telecommunications). I often try to give my subjects some sense of control in how their image is taken and made also, that they can decide a certain level of what happens, where they are located, what is shown, what is not shown, check back in and get approval, if possible. Of course, these methodologies are all good in theory and not always easy to maintain in practice, but is certainly my intention and ethics when making work.

In my practice or process I am very open with the way that I make work, i.e., learning as I go through it, not pretending that I always know the answers or have a complete vision of how I want the work to look and what I want it to say from the very beginning, to reveal more about the whole process for me, it’s a very raw way of working sometimes. I could probably be more protective or hold more back, but I think it allows for more conversation or potential in points for subject, viewer and myself if I allow that. [Continued below.]

Jessie Boylan, Shift, 2016 (with Linda Dement). Installation shot. Multi-channel video, dimensions variable, 13 mins, 15 seconds.

I worked on a project about the Government’s Intervention into Aboriginal communities in the Northern Territory, a project which I never show because I didn’t feel like I gave the issue, the people, enough time to really understand (and therefore show) what was happening for people, or what the multitude of impacts were on individuals, families and communities. This process was driven very much by my code of ethics as described above, but the issue felt so complex and so multi-layered that I really didn’t feel safe or confident in showing beyond its initial exhibition. I felt the people we were talking to were so in the thick of it at the point (2008), that it was so new, that one moment they were able to describe the devastation it was causing, and the next they were worried about losing their job if they spoke out against it; it was something that I thought I might return to later, with more space, more of a tangible understanding on what occurred and what the impacts were. 

I think in regards to making work about heavy subject matter, specifically when projects involve interviews, or testimony from people who have experienced trauma in some way, that the process is so delicate there has to be an understanding and recognition it might cause pain for the subject to talk about it, to reveal, to trust me/us with their story and there is a great honour and responsibility in that, so it can’t be taken lightly, for me or for them. I think also, as image makers responding to trauma, violence, war, we have to be careful about what stays with us, what impacts us, what we carry with us. As Sontag said, the camera is a shield, and I recognise that sometimes, but also I do actually want to connect to people and to their stories, I think that it’s necessary to do so in order to have any capacity or integrity when showing that through art in any way.

Jessie Boylan, King Tide Coming, Marshall Islands, 2014. Digital Inkjet Print, 100 x 80 cm.

LI: I’m impressed with your dedication to the medium when a lot of voices fall away in photography in a couple of years. It’s difficult to make work often without financial reward or even at a substantial personal cost in the face of ethical grey areas. What keeps you motivated in photography? What are your rewards?

Jessie Boylan, Tennis Court, Maralinga, South Australia, 2011. Digital Inkjet Print, 80 x 60 cm.

JB: I think motivation ebbs and flows; at times I feel so inspired and like I just want to make make make, and at other times I feel lacklustre and like I am not making work that I like, or that is saying/showing what I want it to. More recently, being engaged with teaching undergraduate students has been motivating and inspiring, seeing people go through and be a part of their journey of trying to visualise and speak about their ideas, that’s so exciting.

Also, I think what has kept me motivated is finding new freedom in ways of making work, and a sense of a shifting and growing practice, that not everything has to be done in the same way, i.e. moving more into the video, installation, whilst alongside maintaining my photographic practice. I really enable myself to allow the slowness of projects, that they don’t necessarily have to be completed now, that I don’t have to be achieving everything now, that it’s ok if I return to projects over time, as long as I find my way back to it, or find ways to make work, to research, to think, to engage, which isn’t always easy amidst the busy life of work, kids and multiple competing commitments etc. 

For me, there is a deep sense of knowing that I want to be making work, that I am excited by the possibility of making work, and the act of doing it, what it gives to me, that in itself is rewarding. Of course, seeing your work in exhibitions or published some way, seeing the outcome and public presentation of your work, seeing people engage, discuss, enjoy or be impacted by your work is such a rewarding process. What is even more rewarding is seeing the people who have shared their story with you be proud, be happy they did so, that you have honoured their story or done it justice. That is such a beautiful reward.

Jessie Boylan, Ngurini (Searching for home), 2015 (with Nuclear Futures). Installation at QUT ‘The Block’. Immersive installation, originally a 360° cylindrical arena with 6 projectors and 7 sound speakers, 20 minutes.

A selection of Jessie Boylan’s video work can be viewed here:

Ngurini (Searching for home), 2015. Preview.

Shift, 2016 (with Linda Dement).

www.jessiebolyan.com

www.lyndalirons.com.au

Lumina is an Australian collective of award-winning photographic artists intent on breaking ground in visual storytelling, founded by Donna Bailey, Chloe Bartram, Aletheia Casey, Anna Maria Antoinette D’Addario, Lyndal Irons, Morganna Magee and Sarah Rhodes.

www.luminacollective.com.au

Instagram: @luminacollective

Facebook: Lumina Collective

Please consider following PHOTODUST on Twitter and Instagram.

[funnythingshere0-blog]

Remedy's Sam Lake Opens Up About Having The Freedom To Be Weird Again

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/remedys-sam-lake-opens-up-about-having-the-freedom-to-be-weird-again/

Remedy's Sam Lake Opens Up About Having The Freedom To Be Weird Again

One of the biggest surprises at E3 2018 was Remedy Entertainment’s new PC, PS4, and Xbox One game, Control. Due to release next year, Remedy’s latest project is an action-oriented game that focuses on environmental destructibility and supernatural powers, but it’s the source of those powers and how they physically transform the game’s setting that stood out the most. As discussed in an earlier article, the demo I saw was beautiful, haunting, and filled with strangely alluring touches that beg for explanation. During my interview with director Mikael Kasurinen, he compared Control’s atmosphere to that of Annihilation, a book (and a Netflix film) that purposefully obscures cause-and-effect dynamics to keep you guessing.

Shortly after the demo, I also had the chance to speak with Sam Lake, the creative director at Remedy who’s had a long and interesting career working on Max Payne, Alan Wake, and prior to Control, Quantum Break. I reviewed Quantum Break, and while I didn’t fall in love with its story or the experimental TV-show structure, I did enjoy its combat mechanics and visual presentation. By all appearances, Control seems like an extension of the great work done in those two areas, but otherwise it seems like a very different beast. Given the opportunity to chat with Lake, I had to know: is there something fundamentally different about this project, and if so, what does that mean to him and the rest of the team? Like Kasurinen, Lake’s answers didn’t disappoint.

GameSpot: Judging by the demo I just saw, Control seems, in a positive way, unhinged. It doesn’t seem like there are any creative barriers. Is that the case? How does that feel?

Lake: For this—and don’t get this wrong because I’m really proud of what we achieved with Quantum Break–but intentionally from the beginning, with Quantum Break, we wanted mainstream appeal, a big blockbuster thing. Because, creatively, you want to keep things fresh and interesting and get excited about it. It’s kind of a pendulum swing. And for [Control] we just said: ‘You know what, let’s just go with what excites us. Really, even if it’s just really out there and weird, let’s embrace it and go with it. We love pop culture, we love many different things, but so do gamers out there. Let’s just trust that if we go on this journey that they’ll come along.’ And that excitement is contagious. So we didn’t want to be boxed in in any way; we just wanted to go out there and go crazy, in some ways.

That was the starting point for this. Obviously inspiration always comes from many different directions, but one purposeful source of inspiration was the literary genre New Weird, which is kind of a subgenre of sci-fi in a way that deals with the unexplainable. Sometimes there are no answers, and sometimes we are dealing with forces that the human mind can’t quite comprehend, or our modern science can’t explain. We want to explore these kinds of ideas in [Control] and build a multi-layered, complex world. World building, as a starting point, was more important to us in this than in any previous game–create an interesting world that the players want to keep coming back to, want to explore, want to discover and piece together.

Once again, looking back to Quantum Break, it’s a very linear experience. All of our games so far have been. We wanted to create a less linear experience, and you know, for a linear experience you kind of are holding the player’s hand, like, “Come here, and this is the next thing and this is the next thing.” Now it’s hands off. We drop you in and you go and find what interests you. There is a story…and for the main character, a journey to find her place in this world. But at the same time there are many directions to go to and many discoveries to be made. You know, less hand-holding, less handing things to you on a platter; find it, search for it–what interests you–and you will be rewarded. Sometimes it’s more challenging, but the funny thing that I feel with mystery and hidden things is that they drive you and motivate you. “There’s something here, and I want to find out what it is.” That kind of thing.

Could a player conceivably finish this game and not understand everything?

Yeah, I can see that happening, or, you have a theory and maybe you go online and you explain your theory and maybe there is someone else, who says, “[Well] I found these things, and my theory is this.” People can debate about it, or somebody can say, “You didn’t find this, go in and search for it and it will give you a slightly different picture.”

But there is a predefined meaning in your head? I don’t want you to say no if you don’t want to, but…

It can’t be random. I feel it’s a good thing to resist the impulse to explain or over-explain everything. It’s fine to leave things open for interpretation, but it can’t be, “Yeah, anything goes” because then it loses its meaning. There has to be pieces [that fit] together.

What stood out to me was the notion of dream logic. Can you elaborate on how that drives the design of the world?

It can’t be just convenient. There need to be rules underneath, and sometimes it can be slightly elusive or more emotion-based, which is where dream logic, I feel, is a good explanation for it. With this we were looking a lot into magical thinking, the primitive magical thinking where things are connected not by causality but by meaning. Somehow when it connects together it makes sense even though physics-wise, or what the science says, it shouldn’t make sense. There is a sense of intuitive discovery in it, still. You know, archetypes and collective unconscious–these ideas are very much present in how the unexplainable and mystical works in this world.

Of course there’s the action side of this game as well. You can see how some of the work done on Quantum Break translates to Control. How has it grown from there?

We tried to learn from every previous project, and a lot of ideas along the way, when working on one project…You come up with all kinds of ideas that maybe don’t fit there, but feel like “this would be really cool to pursue.” This project, all in all, and it might be funny to say it’s much more player-driven because all games are, but coming from that very linear experience and making something non-linear, we purposefully wanted to go in gameplay-first. Gameplay is the focus of this one.

Yes, there is a story, but from that perspective we wanted to create a world and fiction that is very interwoven with the gameplay, and kind of enhances the gameplay and lifts the gameplay up, and frames the gameplay, and in some ways gives you [questions] like “why does it work this way?” But we wanted to create a deeper core action-gameplay system than we have done ever before. That goes into supernatural abilities that the player has and can unlock and discover in the world.

You saw Jesse had the mystical gun, and the idea there is that the Federal Bureau of Control looks for unexplainable phenomena. They go in and investigate and try to contain and control it. Sometimes they discover things that have been mystically altered, and the most powerful things they call “objects of power.” You know, things that have been changed in some mysterious way. The gun that Jesse has is one. It’s an ancient service weapon, and at the same time it’s the Director’s gun. We have, with the gun, the idea of a modern take on [the] King Arthur legend: whoever picks up this gun and is deemed worthy through a trial becomes the Director of this bureau. Jesse doesn’t understand it, and the player early on doesn’t really understand what’s going on. But with that thing comes responsibility and power.

You can find different forms for this gun. It can do many things. You have supernatural abilities, your gun and different gun forms, and we are using our proprietary engine, Northlight, and we are pushing now the concept of dynamic destruction and physics as far as we can possibly go. The environment is a big part of the whole action gameplay thing because you are breaking your environment and then using all of the debris, because many of the abilities you have in one way or another deal with physics or telekinesis and things like that. You can use the environment as a tool and as a weapon against the enemies, and they have similar powers as well. At times, it goes to unexpected places and goes relatively crazy. We had this idea that we wanted to create…that the action part of it should be sandbox-y. There are many systems going on at the same time.

How technically difficult is it to piece that all together?

I’m not a tech guy; I’m always baffled and impressed. Clearly, as tech goes forward…that makes making games for me so interesting. Every single project, we can do something we couldn’t have even considered before. And now we are focusing on these aspects and yeah, you can do pretty impressive things with it.

What are you most proud of with this project?

I tend to be a person who approaches these things from a story angle and from the perspective of mood. I think that we have a really strong identity when it comes to themes and tone and you know how the experience feels. It’s a combination of story aspects and visuals and audio, all of these things coming together…To me it feels very unique. That was, and always is, our goal: to do our own thing, to do something that hasn’t been seen before.

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Control Director Explains Remedy’s Vision For Its Next Big Game | E3 2018

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Who are some of the other major contributors at Remedy working on Control?

We came up with the concept and the world, the idea for this game, together with Mikael Kasurinen, who is our game director. He really is in charge of the project. With Mikael, we have been working together since Max Payne 2.

It’s great; it’s a team effort. There are so many important figures on the team like…the whole brutalist architecture and world building is Stuart Macdonald. One of our art directors, Janne Pulkkinen, is the technical art director, so all of the crazy visual effects and all of that comes from his brain and is realized. Anna Megill is the narrative lead now. I was concepting the story and the characters and then when we went into production I handed it to her and the narrative team. This is always a tricky thing because you don’t want to leave anyone out, but I feel we have a lot of incredibly talented people.

Source: https://www.gamespot.com/articles/remedys-sam-lake-opens-up-about-having-the-freedom/1100-6459988/