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capricornus-rex · 4 years

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Someone Left to Save (10)

Cal Kestis x Reader

Requested by Anon

Summary: The Mantis crew arrives to the capital of Ulfin, in the planet of Pevera, under siege. They meet the local rebel cell spearheaded by the former Republic admiral, Jax Beneb, who seeks to destroy the Empire’s occupation that was aggressively imposed upon while exploiting the planet of its natural resources. A plan is devised to destroy the Imperial’s main base of operations—as well as their influence—in the planet; however, it was a do-or-die mission that you and Cal had gotten yourselves caught in.

A/N: What isn’t strictly prohibited but you feel its illegal? Writing drafts of my fanfic in my office desktop LMAO the banking industry here can be pretty tight with their rules tho. AAAAAHH So sorry I haven’t been posting!!! For the past 2 days, I was finishing this whole chapter and I’ve gotten into like one-fourth of the next chapter!! (stay tuned! that one’s gonna be intense! ;w;)

Tags: Force-Sensitive! Reader, Inquisitor! Reader, Jedi! Reader, Fake Death, Jedi turned Inquisitor, Seduction to the Dark Side, Turn to the Dark Side, The Dark Side of the Force, Aftermath of Torture, Torture, Psychological Torture, Redemption Arc! Reader, Possible Redemption, Premonitions

Also in AO3

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 | Previous: Part 9 | Next: Part 11 | Masterlist

10 of ?

Relying on the spies’ intel didn’t cut it anymore, so getting out there was the best course of action. You perfectly knew that this is no race against the other Inquisitors, and each Jedi is just hunted game in the eyes of the Grand Inquisitor, Darth Vader, and the Emperor altogether.

You marched to the hangar with a graceful, poised stride. When you saw the hangar officers conversing by the entrance, they stiffened at the sight of you.

“Prepare my ship!” you barked.

The mechanics and engineers scrambled to your TIE Fighter—distinguishable by its black body, a red intercrossed stripe making the cockpit look like a rifle’s reticle from the outside—you watched them inspect, recalibrate, and refuel the vehicle before confirming that it’s safe for travel.

“All engines go for your TIE Fighter, Twelfth Sister,”

“Good,”

You climbed the ladder to the cockpit and made yourself comfortable. The mechanics scurried to detach the hooks and cables strapped to the vessel as you pump up the engines. The hangar attendant waved his signal rods in front of your cockpit as you slowly hover forward, following the path the attendant is carving for you, when you inched closer to the open air you cranked the throttle’s lever and accelerated. The rotors rippled out a ring of dust and air as it slowly gained some velocity, and then you zoom out of the hangar like a black comet and out of Mons Golotha.

In less than 20 minutes, the X1 TIE Fighter’s speed hindered as soon as it entered Mons Golotha’s exosphere. Staring back at you through that cockpit windshield is the star-dotted vacuum of space.

“Okay, Cal sweetheart, where could you be hiding?” you mutter to yourself as you fire up the nav computer.

You drive the TIE forward, farther and farther away from the orbiting moon, you weren’t trying to pick up a signal—you’re trying to find some peace, ironically, in the dead blankness of the galaxy in the hopes to pick up where you left in your meditation earlier. Your grip loosened, no more than a delicate, dainty hold of the steering wheel, you let go and let yourself get lost in concentration.

The heavy, gloomy hum of space helped you drown out all of the white noise in order for you to focus better. A silent call whose echo reaches as far as the system in the ten parsecs. You struggle to recall the image of the place where you saw Cal in—that’s your next best shot in finding him.

A blinding red hue—it’s either morning or afternoon wherever he is. You could even feel the prickling heat underneath your suit.

An arid wasteland. A single city perched atop one of the mesas erected across the sandy, barren expanse.

This planet is wholly new to you.

You see Cal standing atop a mesa whose surface has cracked, brought upon by intense drought, it overlooks the small city not larger than half a quadrant of Coruscant’s city block. The image sharply jabbed its way through your skull, causing you to flick your eyelids up, and return to reality.

“Jeddah!” you gasped its name.

The place is unheard of to you, going back to Mons Golotha to check the archives would prove to be inconvenient. The next plausible move is to follow your instincts. You crane the neck of the nav computer so it faces you, then your fingers tapped away with the buttons—it was strange, though you weren’t startled, you knew exactly what its coordinates are, and so you charted your course to Jeddah.

When the computer screen glowed green and showed a map of the destination, without reluctance, you punched it—pushing the steering forward and the TIE Fighter cuts through the empty space like an arrowhead.

—–

JEDDAH

Cal sits at the edge of the exact mesa where you saw him in your vision, taking under the stout branches of a dead tree. He’s lost count of the days you’ve been gone, he wagered it to be roughly a month now—and he still hasn’t moved on, he refuses to. Gradually, his new habits have become routine to him, not that he’s gotten any better; he remains stoic, almost unfeeling, and his fighting has lost its grace.

If only you could see him now—he’s riddled with sear marks either from his pastime tinkering or the miss-by-a-hair grazes from Stormtroopers’ blasts, bruises, and brand new scars. He refuses healing from Merrin’s magick and makes do with the stims BD-1 supplies for him; but truthfully, he prefers your Force Healing. He misses the warm touch of your palm flat on his skin, wherever his injury might be, the soothing sensation might as well be a thing of the past for him.

The humid wind blows over his cheeks, red sand pricks at his freckles. He sits there, eyes closed, feeling for something cannot name yet knows wholeheartedly.

“[Y/N]…” he mouthed. The utterance of your name is carried away by the wisp of sand.

Nothing.

He yearned to feel it again. He had hoped he would.

His meditation bore no fruit due to his desperation, impatience, and a directionless, bottled up anger.

“Come on…” he growled, squeezing his eyes shut as the rays of the sun blazed through the spaces between the tree branches.

Over several parsecs away, Cal’s voice saying your name—all but a whisper—and a deep humming rang altogether behind your ears. In the first few minutes, you’re unbothered by it, until it did reach you. Your eyes on the windshield wandered, searching the skies for the source, spotting planets and moons here and there.

Cal locked in on the connection, his furrowed eyebrows now relaxed, his breathing calmed and he maintained the ideal, tranquil stillness of his meditation.

The humming grew louder, it evolved into a deeper, more baritone rumbling—like a stampede in the distance—you kept looking for its origin, but neither a single planet nor moon in the system you’re in seem to have the answer. You lent a few more minutes of listening in, hoping you’d make sense of it until you picked up the same familiar sensation as earlier.

“[Y/N]…?” asked Cal, confirming your presence through the Force.

You didn’t speak, you exploited the connection to clear out the cloudiness surrounding your objective. The red mesa in the desert appeared before your eyes, a dead tree, and the city overlooking the city sitting atop a single, erect rock pillar large enough to cradle it.

[Y/N]…! Please…!

A wicked grin snaked on your face. Your jaw clenched and your eyes had a sinister glint.

“Found you!” you hissed.

According to your nav, you’re two systems away from Jeddah. You pulled the computer by its metal neck, your fingers flying all over the keyboard as you calculate the jump to lightspeed.

Never have you ever punched the buttons on the dashboard of your fighter, you were particularly fond and careful of this TIE Fighter, though the excitement of finally spotting your prey caused you to crank the steering wheel forward so hard that the cogs inside groaned, consequently making the thrusters roar with great enthusiasm and haul the vessel at its full speed.

You grinned as you put the pedal to the metal with your fighter, you licked your lips and smirked.

“Don’t worry, sweetie, I’m coming for you.”

The young Jedi got out of the trance and he’s out of breath, exhilarated by the fact that you are alive after all this time—after all this time of defending that exact same point in every debate amongst the Mantis crew—but connecting with you felt different and eerie. BD-1 inched closer to his owner, his scanners picking up Cal’s stress levels and his increased heart rate. A single chirp caught the boy’s attention.

“It’s [Y/N], BD, but…”

“Bee…?”

“I have a bad feeling about her,”

The droid was in disbelief, BD never imagined—not even his processors and circuit board—that Cal would say that about you! He sent out a whole string of trills, questions that Cal couldn’t translate one at a time. He eased his little droid companion, gently gesturing at him to calm down.

“I think we need to tell this to Cere,”

The most concrete proof he could ever get a hold of was a connection from you through the Force. He questioned himself if Cere would believe him, considering she is the closest he can come to in terms of the ways of the Force.

Cal comes rushing back to the Mantis.

“Cere!�� he started to call repeatedly when he was only a few meters away until he got into the ship.

The boy was a huffing and puffing mess when he threw himself into the ship, startling everyone and inadvertently interrupting their individual pastimes.

“Cal? What happened?” Cere had to lower her leather journal away from her face just to check on the boy.

“Are you alright?”

“Slow down, kid! It’s not like we’re leaving without you all of a sudden!”

“That’s not it!” he panted. He then turned to the older woman. “Cere, didn’t Cordova write something about having two Force-sensitive beings connecting or communicating through the Force?”

The more Cal rambled on with his queries, Cere had to put her book down on the lounge table to listen to the redheaded youngster. She knows he’s onto something—his excitement is just making slightly incoherent. Her lips parted as if to say something, but the boy is unconsciously unfurling new discoveries with the ways of the Force.

“Well, I just connected with [Y/N]!”

Greez cuts in as politely as he can. “Wai—Wait, how did you know it was [Y/N]? Moreover, what do you mean by ‘connect’?”

“Her voice!” he then remembers the eerie feeling that he put him off during the trance. “But… something doesn’t feel right.”

“About what? About [Y/N]?” Merrin joins in on the subject, curious and intrigued about your well-being, pausing from her tending of the terrarium and stepping down to the lounge table.

“So is it really her or just some random voice you heard that sounds just like her? My poor brain inside this gray head of mine can’t really grasp all of your Force mumbo-jumbo.”

“Cal, you don’t think—?”

Cal immediately refuses Cere’s theory without even letting her finish.

“No!” he bolts. “It can’t be. It’s impossible!”

“Cal, we can’t say for sure. But if you do have a bad feeling about it, then you best be prepared for what you’re about to see when she comes to you.”

There was a foreboding tone in Cere’s voice, consciously warning the boy of what’s to come. In his mind, Cal battled with himself and his inhibitions.

It’s not fair! In his mind, he whined like a child, on the verge of sobbing.

In what ought to be roughly a month and few weeks since you disappeared in Ulfin, his ecstasy in knowing that you truly are alive is instantly overridden by the fear that he cannot pinpoint yet—more like, he cannot accept yet should it be realized.

Coming out of hyperspace brought you to half a parsec away from Jeddah. In the nav, you can see the designated planet outlined in green amidst the others drawn in blue, blending in with the screen’s dark blue background.

You eased down to the regular flying speed as you close the distance between you and Jeddah. While the TIE Fighter cruises through space, passing by the neighboring planets, you cannot help but feel… bothered. Earlier, before you went to hyperspace, you were quite startled with how you behaved—you have never acted like this before. This was your very first solo campaign, as well.

Could it be excitement? For what, exactly? For doing something you want all alone—exactly how you want it? Perhaps.

Uncertainty? Because within the recesses of your being, the old you still lives albeit imprisoned?

“Enough!” you roared, leaning too hard and too fast to accidentally hit the back of your head. “Aaargh! Ow…”

You finally calmed down, for real this time, and your attention from the pain rippling across the back of your skull shifted to the repetitive bleeping of the nav computer. You leaned closer to the dashboard, peering on the screen; the radar indicates that you’re approaching the planet’s orbit. You buckle up and prepare the first phase of atmospheric entry.

Your arms flew in all directions, flicking switches and pressing buttons all over the ship—setting up the shields, applying the right amount of pressure on the steering wheel to counter the gravity, and finding the optimum speed. You close in on the bright, sunshine-gold sheen of Jeddah’s atmosphere.

The leather sank as you lean back, the turbulence made the ship rattle under your feet—the shields are doing its job to keeping the shaking to a minimum—and the TIE Fighter tore through the skies easily.

“Well, that turned out more effortlessly than I expected,” you sighed. “Now, to find you, Cal.”

The same feeling you had when you were still out in space returned, only this time, much louder and more prominent. There wasn’t a doubt that you’ve come to the right place; the connection has staled over time, perhaps Cal has given up in trying. The TIE Fighter circles in the skies in search for a specific city atop a mesa, at least a common signal belonging to it.

Along Cal’s trek, he spots your TIE Fighter—in perfect coincidence—zooming through Jeddah’s sky as a growing black speck. He squints his eyes and shades them with his hand over his brows.

“That can’t be good.”

“If this thing could hold a droid, things would’ve been much easier!” you grumbled as you manually optimized the transmitter. You sighed when no blips popped on the radar. “Might as well find someplace to land.”

At first, the ripple of the Force—barely a whisper again, drowned by the engine hum of the TIE—ran in the back of your mind. Unconsciously feeling it, you’re practically welcoming it; Cal gets the exact same feeling as he watches your TIE Fighter circle the horizon, curious what this lone fighter could be doing in some place as desolate as Jeddah.

He senses the familiarity from the TIE Figher’s pilot, of all people, and little by little he starts to think that it’s not impossible.

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adamarinayu · 6 years

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I feel like babbling a bit about this AU I thought of a while ago but have not mentioned or written or drawn about. Everything below the cut so you can skip it if you want to, this is probably gonna be disjointed as all get-out because I have not organized ANY of my thoughts lol

Mmkay so it’s a Dark Ducks Lite AU, Lite because it’s not too bad (none of the main characters are really evil or anything like that, either) but the world is still a pretty dark world.

Universe: It’s a Magic!Donald AU, which again mixes DT17 with elements of PK. Donald is not a superhero tho. He’s more of an antihero tbh, and he lives almost full time as Paperinik due to certain circumstances. His mask is also different, as he uses it to hide a very identifying mark on his face. Della is alive in this universe and raising her children, and Donald has been missing since he was 7 (~25 years).

Setting: The modern world is a lot different from the one in DT17 or PK. In this world, androids came into being a few centuries earlier than they were supposed to, and magi (umbrella term for all magic users of any type) were exposed to the rest of the world and aren’t an “underground” population anymore. Therefore, there are three different classes of people; Androids, Magi and the Mundane. Androids are currently fighting for civil rights, and Magi are seen in only a slightly more positive light than Androids by the Mundane (the whole “people fear what they don’t understand” thing).

Characters;

Donald is a Magi from a family of Mundane. He ran away from home after an accident when he was 7, which exposed him being a Magi to his family. Their initial reactions (fear, confusion, disbelief, horror, etc), including his sister and cousins’, is what prompted him to run away, having been a very young child at the time he interpreted their reactions as rejection. He was taken in and trained by another Magi alongside his closest friends Mickey and Goofy. He grows up with a distaste for the Mundane and bitter towards his family, but finds himself back in Duckburg about 12 years before the start of the story, where he meets Uno. He’s lived with Uno at Ducklair Tower since then, specifically the 151st floor inaccessible to anyone snooping in the tower. Although Donald would choose Androids and Magi above Mundane any day, his true loyalties lie with Uno and, therefore, you could say the only side he chooses is his own. He lives almost exclusively as Paperinik, even going so far as to fake “Donald Duck’s” death.

Uno is an Android, created by Magi scientist Everett Ducklair some years before Donald returned to Duckburg (between 5 and 15 years). He lives in the abandoned Ducklair Tower (which he can still connect to and control at will), alone, after Everett was supposedly killed in a witch hunt. He does not like the Mundane because of what they did, and when he first meets Donald he wants Donald to leave his tower. Upon finding out that Donald is a Magi, and not Mundane, he lets Donald stay under certain conditions (and only lets him stay because he thinks of Everett and Everett’s fate). Eventually he and Donald develop a real friendship and relationship, and are each others’ closest friend, ally and confidants. He does not ally himself with any class of people, much like Donald, and instead chooses to ally himself with Donald. He helped Donald convincingly fake his own death.

Everett was a Magi who was attacked and supposedly murdered by supposedly anti-Magi people (in a witch hunt). It’s assumed that the group was made solely of Mundane, but the truth is it was a group made of different people (including Androids and other Magi), and his status as a Magi wasn’t their reason for attacking him. Uno doesn’t know this. Everett is, in fact, still alive, but for certain reasons is unable to return to Duckburg or get a message to Uno.

Della is a Mundane, Donald’s twin sister and mother of Magi triplets Huey, Dewey and Louie. She isn’t yet aware that her sons are Magi. She has a scar on her face that almost perfectly mirror’s Donald’s, received in the accident when Donald was revealed to be a Magi. She and her family spent a long time searching for Donald, but gave up when Donald “died” as it seemed then that it was too late. Her greatest regret in life was not assuring Donald that she and the rest of the family accepted him, even when he’d accidentally hurt her. She chooses not to tell the triplets about Donald, knowing she just doesn’t have much to tell them.

Gladstone is a Magi, Donald’s cousin. His magic is his luck- it’s passive, and most people don’t even put the dots together. Gladstone was present during the accident when they were all seven. When he figured out he himself was actually a Magi, he didn’t fear the family’s reaction as he’s been with them the entire time they’ve been desperately searching for Donald and knows they’d accept him if it ever came up. He believes the triplets should know about Donald, even if they don’t have much to tell them- and even less happy things to tell them- but he respects Della’s choice.

Scrooge is a Mundane, and Donald’s uncle. After Donald ran away, he poured a lot of money into finding him. However, Donald’s mentor kept Donald well away from the world, so none of his attempts even came close to reaching Donald. To this day he refuses to believe Donald is dead. Most people call him a hopeful old man, but Scrooge thinks it’s too convenient- that Donald Duck, missing for over ten years, should suddenly show up without any record, without any trace, dead? He refuses to believe it. He continues to search for Donald, only now it’s less openly and he does it more privately, while juggling his family and his business.

Fenton is a Mundane superhero. He’s been trying to catch Paperinik ever since he showed up in Duckburg, completely unaware that the petty criminal is his employer’s missing and “dead” nephew. He’s also an ally to the Androids, openly supporting Android civil rights.

Gyro is a Mundane scientist and works with Fenton. Much like his colleague, he openly allies himself with Androids. He won’t give someone the time of day if they indicate that they don’t believe Androids to be people. Honestly probably only hired Fenton because he was the only applicant who made is clear he shared these views.

Geena is an Android and the leader of the Androids’ Civil Rights movement. She often calls Donald a friend of Droids, and despite him not being an Android would be willing to die to save him. Her resentment towards the Mundane blinds her to exactly what kind of future she’s leading her people towards, unaware that it is not a future she wants.

Now I’mma just throw down some bullet points because I can

Donald and Uno have a very obvious romantic relationship that neither even try to hide when, eventually, Donald is reunited with his family

Donald’s mentor is an ass and will probably be the big bad of the entire story. She may have also orchestrated the accident that caused Donald to run away, and is pulling so many strings “puppetmaster” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Her name may even be Magica de Spell... *cough*

Donald has a hard time believing that he misinterpreted his family’s reactions to him being a Magi, and the idea that his entire life has been based around a misunderstanding and a lie is hard for him to swallow

I’m not sure what, but something prompts Donald to kidnap Della, Gladstone, Scrooge, the triplets and Webby, and bring them to Ducklair Tower (with Uno’s help and permission, of course). They only know him to be Paperinik, and fear he might be dangerous. They haven’t seen him since he was seven, so when he reveals his identity to them he does it by removing his mask- and revealing the scar he’d received that last day they’d seen him

The above event may be prompted by an unconscious desire of Donald’s to protect his family during a dangerous and chaotic time in the city. Uno goes along with it because, again, he’s on Donald’s side- not the Androids or the Magi or the Mundane’s, but very specifically Donald’s

Of course at some point Donald has to choose between loyalty to Geena (and the Androids, minus Uno) and loyalty to his fractured family, most of whom are Mundane who would get hurt or possibly killed during Geena’s plans. He ultimately decides he wants his family back.

That’s sadly not the end of the conflict. Donald manages to stop Geena’s plans from going through, saving both the Mundane and Androids (the latter of which none of them actually realize), when Everett finally manages to return to warn them about the real threat coming. Donald, of course, recognizes his mentor’s name, and now has a crisis of conscious as he realizes he and his friends, and everyone else who had been taught and trained by her, were being groomed to be her future army. Thankfully, this one he doesn’t have to fight alone

So yeah basically Donald’s life has been really screwed up, so his moral compass, while not completely absent, is a little wonky. He’s a petty criminal in that he occasionally steals, and he messes with people, but he’d never murder anyone or something like that

Uno’s own morality isn’t the best either, here; being designed as an Android from the start, and experiencing so many negative emotions so early on in his existence has led him in a direction where he could easily slip down either the path of good or bad. Although he can definitely make his own decisions and is not, in any way, dependent on Donald (if anything, Donald’s dependent on him), if Paperinik had gone bad Uno probably would have followed him still

Oh yeah almost forgot, after the final battle is over they end up on Grandma’s farm. Della, Gladstone, the kids and Scrooge are reunited with Grandma, and Donald goes to leave with Uno back to the tower when Della grabs him by the raggedy remains of his cape and drags him over to Grandma. Grandma recognizes him immediately and hugs him. It’s quite a moment.

#DuckTales 2017 AU #Very AU #Like super AU #Like I don't even know how to tag this thing #The AU contains Donald/Uno tho

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ficdirectory · 7 years

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Disuphere (An AU Fosters family fic) Chapter 41

CHAPTER 41

NOW

Monday, November 24, 2014

Home: 3 years, 1 month and 10 days

Five days since Jesus sat down with Ethan, and he can’t stop dreaming about Jacob. It’s been bad. Put him on edge. Made him pissed. Scared.

It’s made Frankie so alert that now, she checks from the doorway of any room, to see if he’ll snap at her. (“Buddy? Are you scared right now? I am not E.T., okay? I promise.”) In the three weeks since he’d touched base with her outside the restaurant, about fears, Frankie had been thinking about it. Even though the conversation had been about way more than that, Frankie had zoned in on the being afraid part, and her own fear, and somehow merged both together whenever she approached him. (And she always follows that up with: ‘By the way? If you are scared? Just say ‘back up,’ and I will, okay? You don’t have to yell.”)

It’s getting under his skin, like almost everything is these days, but it also helps. Frankie’s nothing if not direct. She helps him keep that important stuff in his head when he’s freaked out.

Pretty much the only good thing that’s happened since Jesus came back from talking to Ethan was that he found a letter from Mariana in his mailbox that same night they came back from the park. In five days, Jesus has read it a bunch. He keeps it in his wallet like it’s money. It’s that important to him.

At least three times a day, Jesus has to read the letter. It’s written on bright pink stationery paper. Pink flowers in two corners and Best Friends Forever across the bottom:

Jesus,

So I know we don’t talk about this, but I’m going crazy not talking. Especially not talking to you. If you don’t want to read this or if it’s too much for you after today, just throw it away. But just in case it was like this for you...well...I thought I’d share.

When I think about That, or when people at school ask me about it, I never know what to say. It’s not their business, I know, and I would never tell them anything personal about you. It’s just...when I think about it? Words don’t come. Feelings do. Mainly this one awful feeling.

People at school don’t get to know my memories, especially because they just want them for pity-gossip. But YOU do...if you want them. (Sorry, I’ve just been thinking about this ever since you put up the mailbox, but I wasn’t sure if you could take my baggage, with all you’re going through. But since all I really want is a way for us to connect, maybe the mailbox and the random letters are you saying you want the same? And maybe that means I should meet you halfway…)

Here goes:

There was this one night, right after we got to Stef and Lena’s. Maybe it was the first night? (But everything about that time is so blurry, so I don’t know for sure…)

Anyway, I just remember waking up in the middle of the night, and feeling totally alone. Because you just weren’t there. But I totally expected you to be. You always were right next to me. But not that night.

I was like, frozen with fear. Scared to move. I didn’t know where I was, and worse, I didn’t know where you were. It wasn’t like at Ana’s where we were always together. I just remember this huge amount of fear. This crushing grief. There was too much space without you. It was like you just vanished. And I couldn’t keep it together. Started sobbing: “My brother’s gone! My brother’s gone!” I was beyond devastated because I thought it was forever. It was dark and unfamiliar so I couldn’t even think about getting up to look for you. (And even if I could have moved,, who would protect me from the dark and the Things in the dark?)

After what felt like years alone, crying my eyes out, Lena came. She picked me up and I don’t remember her saying anything, but she just brought me down the hall and opened the door to your room. You were in bed, asleep, and Lena said: “You’re brother’s here, love. He’s right here.”

And it’s weird if I say to the girls at school that you being Gone and coming home again is like this one memory from when we were five, but maybe it’s not if I say it to you...and maybe it sounds like I’m minimizing it, but I’m not, I swear. This is me being clear, Jesus. This is me being honest. This is the closest I can come to telling anybody what it was like. I haven’t told Callie. I haven’t told Moms. Or Dr. Ramirez. I’m telling you. And I really hope it’s okay.

I hope YOU’RE okay after today and everything that happened. I’m trying to respect you by understanding that you can’t share hard stuff over and over, especially right after it happens. But if and when you need me, just let me know and I’ll be there. Thanks for asking me to come today.

Always your backup,

Mari

Writing back to Mariana felt like coming home all over again, but mostly in a good way. He’d been nervous, yeah, of course. But the chance to connect with his sister again was pretty much all he’d ever wanted since coming back - he just hadn’t known how.

Taking a deep breath, he’d found some drawing paper. Jesus sketched them from the back, holding hands. He drew grass. A path. The sun going down, and in the distance? A house with a front porch and a swing. On the back, he wrote:

Mari - You never have to be afraid to share with me. I love hearing your memories of us. Even the hard ones. I’m sorry it scared you that I wasn’t there when we were little, and later. I always wanna be here for you, I just need a lot of time and space to deal sometimes. But I’m always thinking of you. I always love you. Do you have anymore memories of us? My memory is crappy, but I love hearing about us. I drew you another memory instead of that scary one (even tho that one is totally valid.) Just for in case you need something more positive ever. This is us, on our way to Stef and Lena’s together. I am not doing the best but your letter helps so much. I already read it 3 times. I hope you’ll write again. I feel like we’re really talking for the first time. AYB, Jesus

Jesus reads her letter when he wakes up from another dream about Jacob.

It’s early Monday morning. Still dark. The dream had been so real, with him fighting to unlock Jacob’s chains with toy plastic keys.

“My real name is Jesus,” dream-Jesus says. (Not Josh.) He’s sixteen. “I found the keys. I can get you out.”

“Try the yellow one,” dream-Jacob says. He’s still eleven-or-twelve. Covered in chocolate pudding. “Yellow is my favorite color. So that has to be right.”

Dream-Jesus tries all the keys but none work. None fit. And then there’s boots. They’re gonna get caught.

Jacob’s crying and his tears are melting off all the chocolate pudding. He tries to lick it but it’s fading like old ink.

Dream-Jesus thinks that Jacob is gonna say how hungry he is, but instead he looks straight into Jesus’s eyes and says: “You have to hide the keys.”

Jesus had gasped and started awake. He’d turned on lights. Read Mariana’s letter. Played some Brandon-music in his headphones, but he could not stop shaking. Could not get the smell of the damn basement out of his nose. He stared at his wrists. Level 1, at least.

In a daze, with Jacob’s face and his voice still echoing in Jesus’s head, he feels his way around. (He’s at home in the dark.)

Making his way to the front door, he gropes around for the wooden bowl that holds everyone’s keys. Jesus brings it to his room, removes every key and then returns the empty bowl.

Finally, he falls into a fitful sleep.

#fic: disuphere #fosters fic

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