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princessconsuelapark · 3 years

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my ultimate Sam and Dean are soulmates playlist | 61 songs, 3 hr 59 min

I started putting this together over my summer SPN re-watch, and I thought I'd share it with you all, so we can all cry over our Wincest feels together. It has all the usual cliché songs, and some of my own favourites. (Very country-heavy, so if that's not your thing proceed with caution.) I'm a writer, so lyrics are very important to me - I linked them for every song. All songs are individually YouTube linked, alternatively you can find the Spotify version above. I included some comments and explanations for all my choices, as well as quotes from the show. Happy listening! | Last updated: 18 November 2020

Carry On My Wayward Son by Supernatural: The Musical Cast // lyrics // Cliché and all that, but a good place to start.

Somewhere Only We Know by Lily Allen // lyrics // Even as children - as tumultuous and layered their relationship has always been - it was just the two of them, alone, in their own little world. I Found by Amber Run // lyrics // I found love where it wasn't supposed to be.

Fade Into You by Mazzy Star // lyrics // Unhealthily codependent Weecest vibes.

I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys // lyrics // Secrets I have held in my heart / Are harder to hide than I thought. Something's Gotta Give by Christian Kane // lyrics // Wanting to get out of town as a metaphor for Dean wanting to act on his feelings for Sam? Yes, please. Christian Kane being a country god? Absolutely. The fact that this man was actually on SPN as Dean’s freaking love interest, and Jensen and him got to sing together still makes me the happiest person on this planet.

Don't You Wanna Fall by Frankie Ballard // lyrics // So, I love the lines Fall down here where an angel should know better than / To walk around this world with me, because god, Dean so often thinks he belongs in Hell, and is terrified of forcing his little brother into anything he doesn’t want. But still, he can’t stop himself: Don’t you wanna fall? (Shoutout to any Destiel shippers out there, because what a perfect song for you guys too, wow.) Thinking of You by Christian Kane // lyrics // Dean, just before Sam leaves for Stanford. (Link is for the Leverage version, because I love that show, and because Eliot Spencer is an angel. Funnily enough, Alona Tal was actually in that very episode, and did actually sing this song - you can find that here.) Hold On by Limp Bizkit // lyrics // I'm waiting for you, I know you're leaving / I'll still adore you, you never need me. LOST BOY by Troye Sivan // lyrics // Thinking about little Sammy’s stolen college admissions guide. Arms of a Stranger by Niall Horan // lyrics // Some jealous!Dean, while Sam is at Stanford angst.

Walking Away by Lifehouse // lyrics // Silence is all we have to give / And the memories of a life I wish we'd lived.

San Francisco by Niall Horan // lyrics // Listen, it’s a song about pining and not being able to let go and love in San Francisco. I mean, where do you expect my mind to go? Stanford Wincest all the way. How Did You Know? by Jedward // lyrics // I don’t wanna hear a bad word about Jedward, they are good lads. It’s a cheesy song, but hey, I love it. Sam comes back. Well, here I am / I couldn't stay gone. Drive by Halsey // lyrics // All we do is drive / All we do is think about the feelings that we hide. And the California never felt like home to me line! So perfect. "We made a hell of a team back there." (01x01 Pilot) Belong by X Ambassadors // lyrics // This is where Sam belongs, really. Riding shotgun, in his brother’s car, on the open road. Link is a fanvid that makes me feel things. Go and watch it, because it’s everything.

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol // lyrics // “Sam, you were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life.” (01x11 Scarecrow) Do the things that you always wanted to / Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do.

Big Black Car by Gregory Alan Isakov // lyrics // "Who was that?" "My brother." "What did he say?" "Goodbye." That soft, disbelieving, confused look on Sam's face when Dean tells him he's proud of him. When it turns out Dean loves him enough to let him go. It should make him feel happy and free, it should make him loathe his childhood, defiance should fill him to the brim. Instead it makes him run straight back to Dean. (01x11 Scarecrow) Hey Brother by Avicii // lyrics // Faith. (01x12) Link is a fanvid, because reasons. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you / There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do. Sober Me Up by Frankie Ballard // lyrics // Sam always seems to make the world all fall into place. (Sort of 02x03 Bloodlust vibes?) But baby when you kiss me all the demons seem to disappear.

Always Gold by Radical Face // lyrics // “Killing this demon comes first, before me, before everything.” “No, sir. Not before everything.” (02x07 The Usual Suspects) And they said you were the crooked kind / And that you'd never have no worth / But you were always gold to me. Sold My Soul by Zakk Wylde // lyrics // Bit on the nose, but my god, how fucking real. (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Let Me Sign by Kirk Matthews // lyrics // "Well, then let it end!" & "I'm gonna take care of you." (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Follow You by Bring Me The Horizon // lyrics // “I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don’t you think I’d do the same for you? You’re my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” (02x22 All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2) Say Something by A Great Big World // lyrics // "I just wish you'd drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause." (03x07 Fresh Blood) Take Me To Church by Hozier // lyrics // “This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? […] Dean’s your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too.” (03x11 Mystery Spot) Outlaws of Love by Adam Lambert // lyrics // "You're my weak spot. And I'm yours." (03x16 No Rest for the Wicked) Everywhere we go we're looking for the sun / Nowhere to grow old, we're always on the run / They say we'll rot in Hell, but I don't think we will / They've branded us enough, "Outlaws of Love". Wanted Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi // lyrics // Well, I had to include this one, for obvious reasons. (03x16 No Rest for the Wicked) In Other Words by Ben Kweller // lyrics // Dean's going to Hell. Sam's not okay. In his eyes I see the fear. Real With Me by Cady Groves // lyrics // Dean is not dealing well with remembering Hell. Sam is upset that he's not opening up. And it was never about what you were not / But I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Devil's Backbone by The Civil Wars // lyrics // None of it matters. Leaving for Stanford, choosing Ruby, the demon blood, that he’s Hell’s chosen. Dean will always come for his brother, no matter what. Stay by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Sam leaves. It's fucked up. "Hey, you, uh... wanna take the Impala?" Dean doesn’t trust him, not like he used to, but he would say anything to make him stay. (05x02 Good God, Y’all) Hotel Room by Calum Scott // lyrics // They die in a motel room. They find out they share a Heaven. Sam can't find the words to explain. He wishes Dean would just give him time. (05x04 The End) So I kind of wrote a ficlet about this...? Read it if you fancy. Here Tonight by Brett Young // lyrics // The Wincestiest Wincest song to ever Wincest. The lyrics! Sometimes they can just take a minute to sit on the hood of the Impala and watch the stars, Apocalypse be damned.

I Hold On by Dierks Bentley // lyrics // “Sam, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you.” (05x22 Swan Song) Dean believes in his brother, and I’m a sucker for pick-up truck metaphors Lifeboats by Snow Patrol // lyrics // The look on Dean's face when he hugs Sam, when he realises that Sam's back, that he's alive. (06x01 Exile on Main St.) Potentially also some Purgatory vibes. Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones // lyrics // The moment Sam turned up on his doorstep, there was no question he'd choose him. Choose him over Lisa and Ben. Choose him over everyone. “But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy.” (06x06 You Can’t Handle The Truth) Heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots // lyrics // “Pick one... Sam’s soul or Adam’s.” “Sam.” (06x11 Appointment in Samarra)

H.O.L.Y. by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Oh, this song. A bit of religious irony and whatnot, but my god. The lyrics are everything. You're the healing hands where it used to hurt immediately makes me think of how Dean helped Sam turn the pain from his scar on his palm into “stone number one, and build on it”. (07x02 Hello, Cruel World) I mean, Sam can't even tell what's real anymore, but he trusts his brother. Blindly and with everything he has, because that's who he is. But then there’s also Dean making his promise in the church, and Sam choosing him over dying in 09x01 (I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here). God. Just. I love this song for Sam and Dean.

Through The Dark by One Direction // lyrics // "We'll figure it out, okay? Just like we always do." (08x23 Sacrifice) Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park // lyrics // Sam is okay with sacrificing himself. He is ready to die. When my time comes / Forget the wrong that I've done. Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance // lyrics // “There is nothing, past or present, that I would put in front of you... I need you to see that." (08x23 Sacrifice) Okay, but look at the lyrics, and try and convince me this song is not about Sam and Dean. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // "You wanna know what I confessed in there?" (08x23 Sacrifice) TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan // lyrics // The look in Sam’s eyes changes, his face falls. "How do I stop?" He chooses Dean like he always does. (08x23 Sacrifice) Brother by Kodaline // lyrics // “Come on. You and Dean? That’s something special, don’t you think?” (09x08 Rock and a Hard Place) Link is a gorgeous fanvid, go watch it and cry. Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons // lyrics // Dean really messed up this time. Gadreel fall out stuff. Sam breaks up with him in a motel car park in Wisconsin. (09x12 Sharp Teeth)

better off by Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler // lyrics // "Something's broken here, Dean." (09x12 Sharp Teeth) & "No, Dean, I wouldn't." (09x13 The Purge)

I Can't Go On Without You by KALEO // lyrics // Sam taking Dean’s body home, laying him on his bed, drinking by himself in the dark. (09x23 Do You Believe in Miracles) I Won't Give Up by Noah Guthrie // lyrics // "I am going to save my brother." (10x01 Black) Sam never gives up on Dean. Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw // lyrics // “I never even said thank you, so…” “You don’t ever have to say that, not to me.” (10x04 Paper Moon) Link is another beautiful fanvid, because I can’t help myself. Sittin' Pretty by Florida Georgia Line // lyrics // Sam's sunshine and he’s endless planes of warm skin, soft long hair, and sometimes Dean looks at him. Really looks at him. (No, okay, but the Chevy line really made it for me.) Blood Brothers by Luke Bryan // lyrics // "I don’t need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother.” and "The two of us against the world!” "What she said.” (10x05 Fan Fiction) I don’t know, country songs just make me think of Sam and Dean, okay.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Daniela Andrade // lyrics // “This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…” (10x18 Book of the Damned)

Golden by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // Dean is so so broken. “No, there is no other way, Sam. I’m sorry.” (10x23 Brother’s Keeper)

Church by Fall Out Boy // lyrics // This whole song screams Sam and Dean to me, and initially I thought of Sam’s Wall breaking down, but then I got stuck on the lines And if death is the last appointment / Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room / I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom and that’s so clearly Dean killing Death, unable to murder his little brother in the end, because his devotion to Sam runs too deep. (10x23 Brother’s Keeper) In which the SPN writers and Pete Wentz really should get together and discuss over-the-top religious imagery. You are doomed but just enough. Right Back Home by Lifehouse // lyrics // “We are home.“ (11x04 Baby) Be There by Seafret // lyrics // "Bring him back. Bring him back and take me instead." (11x17 Red Meat) You're my way out / You're my way through / And I can't, I can't / Be without you.

Only the Brave by Louis Tomlinson // lyrics // “I need him, he needs me.“ (11x23 Alpha and Omega) With or Without You by U2 // lyrics // The absolute poetic tragedy of 12x09 (First Blood). The way they don’t even have time to really look at each other after six weeks apart, that they are both ready to die for each other without a moment of hesitation.

I Won't Mind by ZAYN // lyrics // “I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are. Because our lives? They're ours and maybe I'm too damn old to want to change that.” (14x13 Lebanon)

Fine Line by Harry Styles // lyrics // "Just us.” (15x19 Inherit the Earth)

#spn playlist #supernatural playlist #sam and dean playlist #wincest playlist #sam and dean #wincest #sam x dean #spn #supernatural #wincest quotes #wincest song recs #this is how i'm coping with the show ending okay #leave me alone i'm sad #spn s15 #my post #sam winchester #dean winchester #15x20 #the epic love story of sam and dean

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asocier · 4 years

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interaction guide for alison!

last edited: april 6th, 2021

***please be sure to read the note at the end of this guide pertaining to interactions with alison as a muse!***

alison is a complex muse. for the most part, i’d say she is pretty flexible with some limitations ( more on that in the note at the end of this guide ). slice of life plots, romantic/friendship plots, and generally lighthearted interactions are the easiest to start with alison, though angst certainly has its place as well under the right conditions. while alison is very kind, very loving, and overall a fairly soft type of muse, she is also incredibly strong ( not necessarily in a physical sense unless we’re talking about her spy verse ) and, in main verse, will not take kindly to being treated like a pushover. this is important to keep in mind so as to not baby alison and overlook the fact she has gone through a lot to get where she is now.

fashion-related plots — in her main verse, alison is employed by her aunt as a designer for her aunt’s clothing line. it’s not a huge label, but it’s fairly noteworthy, so alison gets to experience quite a significant chunk of the fashion world. as part of her job, she also assists in fashion shows and travels quite frequently to different cities, and in her free time, she runs an art and fashion blog and dabbles in sewing at home. needless to say, fashion inspires alison a lot, so meeting other muses who are involved in the fashion industry or who are also interested generally in fashion would be a nice way for alison to meet them. fashion plots aren’t limited to main verse, either — in high school and in post-high school verse, she’s always looking for ways to make a little extra cash, so if a good opportunity arises, she’ll take it. some ideas below include scenarios where your muse:

works in the fashion industry and meets alison on a business trip ( airport thread anyone? )

is part of a fashion show staff or is a model that works closely with alison ( imagine your muse wearing something alison designed though :weeps: )

needs their outfit tailored. this can be professionally, for example, alison doing part time work as a tailor to make a little extra cash, or casually, like alison is a friend your muse knows can sew and so they ask her to tailor as a favor.

just needs some fashion advice for a big date/event/job interview so they ask alison for input. on the same vein, alison can be your muse’s personal stylists as a job too !!

works in the same office as alison at the fashion firm and collaborates with her on a design

works in the same office as her and just hates her because your muse thinks she got handed everything to her bc the ceo of the company is her aunt

asks alison to design something for them, whether that be an outfit for a special occasion ( prom dress, wedding dress, suit, costume, ect ) or something for a fashion show!

art/music/photography related plots — fashion and art go hand-in-hand when it comes to alison’s inspirations and big interests. she dabbles in a lot of hobbies, and while she’ll go through phases where one interest may wane while the other waxes, painting, playing the piano, and taking photographs are three big hobbies that will always be close to her heart. my favorite plots involve alison being able to express herself creatively through her artwork, and allowing another muse to see her artwork is a fairly intimate interaction tbh just because alison doesn’t usually share much about her hobbies to others aside from “oh yeah, i do x,y,z for fun sometimes.” some plots under this category involve scenarios where your muse:

talks to alison about shared interests such as watercolors, sketching, photography, or music ( specifically piano )

encounters alison while she’s painting, drawing, playing the piano, or taking pictures. photography especially is a big one since she runs her fashion and art blog, and i wouldn’t put it past her to run like a food/travel instagram either so she’s always taking photos !!

asks alison to take their photo ( or a photo of them and their crew ) just because they can’t do it themselves and surprise it turns out alison takes some bomb ass photos

is alison’s art muse. this can be that they pose for a sketch/painting or, if we wanna get interesting, your muse actually allowing alison to paint on their body since i headcanon that alison experiments with body art to make some really powerful creations before photographing the model to add to her portfolio.

asks alison to be their art muse ( which, would get her v flustered bc she never thought she’d be someone’s muse, ever. but she’d also be very flattered ).

gets piano lessons from alison

asks alison to take pictures for their prom/wedding/graduation/just because they want a photoshoot !!!!

asks alison to play piano for their super special fancy event that has live music !!!!

post-high school verse plots ( trigger warnings may be applicable ) — post-high school is where the bulk of alison’s time as a sex worker is spent, either when she’s with her ex-boyfriend grant or after they broke up since she continues to do sex work to support herself even after she leaves him. sex work for alison includes a variety of activities including prostitution, escorting, and sugaring ( being a sugar baby ), so plots in this verse are not limited to sexual encounters. in fact, i’ve had a lot of fun discussing with other muns plots and relationships that started out in a post high school setting but evolved into a new canon for alison where she finds her footing and breaks away from sex work in a manner different from her actual canon!! in other words, post-high school verse is the point in alison’s life where significant events can really change the course of alison’s life, so interesting things can really come out of interactions started in this verse. this verse does canonically have a lot of triggers due to the nature of alison’s relationship with grant, but we definitely don’t have to delve into that dark side if you don’t want to <3 some plot ideas under this category involve scenarios where your muse:

is one of alison’s clients ( regular or first time ). being a client of alison’s is such a broad plotting point with so many possibilities that i’m just going to put some plot bunnies all in this bullet point: 1) it can be an instance of your muse paying alison to be their first sexual encounter for whatever reason you choose; 2) a misunderstanding where someone else paid alison to come visit your muse but your muse actually has no interest in sex with her. but maybe they could just hang out with her maybe? gives more sustenance to the plot than her just going home lmao but if she did go home it’s possible this mishap is a conversation starter when they meet again someplace else! 3) your muse could also just be really nice to alison and their encounters start to blur the lines between business, a casual relationship, and something romantic. in any case, they spend a lot of time with each other, so they get to know each other real well. again, can be romantic or no strings attached, though the latter will probably be difficult for alison in the long run. 4) your muse and alison regularly hang out and chat in exchange for payment or gifts; why your muse decides to pay for company is up to you. this plot has potential for a very pure sugar baby relationship, no sex needed. 5) tries to be a savior and financially supports alison so she doesn’t have to do sex work anymore, or at the very least, allow her more of a means to find her footing so that she can decide where she wants to take her life. these are just some ideas, but you’re never limited to them. a client/sex worker relationship doesn’t have to be a bad experience for either muses, and the basic idea i’m getting at is that the dynamic can be sexual or just your muse looking for company and some affection in exchange for money or some other gift. there’s definite possibility for platonic relations here since sugaring isn’t always sexual. whether or not grant is still in the picture can also impact this plot idea and change it radically too, so more options for you if you’d like!

is in need of a fake date/girlfriend. this can be a one time thing or a regular thing. to add onto this — if it’s a regular thing, a “breaking up” plot when alison decides to move on from being a sex worker is a possibility, and your muse can either handle this really well and support her decision to pursue something else, or they can freak out and things turn toxic because they become unhealthily attached and possessive of her.

attended the same university as alison and notices a few things. post-high school verse does include a short period in time in which alison is a university student, so it’s possible for your muse to have befriended her in a class, and as such, they might notice that she stops coming to class suddenly. they can then run into her a while later and asks her about it, or they can actually find out what kind of work she’s been doing somehow while attending school despite alison telling your muse she does something else.

talks a lot of shit about alison and spreads nasty rumors about her while she’s still enrolled in college, which kind of helps her find more clients but also just really negatively affects her image too ( and she confronts your muse about it )

high school verse plots ( trigger warnings may be applicable ) — high school verse holds the bulk of alison’s interactions with cedric and nate. this verse also has a lot of triggering details since quite frankly, cedric and nate are actually terrible people. heavy plots containing serious matters can come from this verse, but lighthearted school plots can also come from this verse! below are some some ideas in which your muse:

knows about how much of a asshole cedric is being to alison and tries to convince her to break up with him.

knows that nate is harassing/blackmailing alison and gets involved somehow.

protects alison during high school because bullies just love to pick on her for no reason, so they become her protector of sorts.

is one of alison’s bullies. can either run with the drama and use that to make life even more difficult for alison, or they can have a change of heart where they realize how much nate and cedric fucked over alison.

is one of alison’s close friends in high school; can be a classmate, an upperclassman, an underclassman, someone she only sees during clubs or at lunch.

is a teacher alison learns to trust and really confide in, especially when it comes to her life at home, her relationships, or her assault. can extend this plot idea out to older muses in general who alison may learn to trust!!

has a crush on alison uwu she may be dating cedric canonically, but we can work something out. it’s not like cedric was faithful to alison anyway—

royalty/aristocrat verse plots — alison does have a royalty verse with very, very, basic information fleshed out, but i’m not super attached to what’s written in her royalty verse. i mostly enjoy writing royalty threads with alison due to how regal she is in her mannerisms, so i really like writing her as someone with royalty status uwu. this sentiment can extend to plots where alison is some sort of aristocrat as well, but a rags to riches story ( or vice versa ) is also fun since that’s kind of what happens to alison and her family anyway in canon. so please consider plots in which your muse:

has a forbidden relationship with princess alison and the two of you have to keep it a secret and work through whether your relationship will last or not ( bodyguard/princess; princess/princess; princess/prince who isn’t the one she’s arranged with; princess/commoner )

is arranged to marry princess alison but she’s so anti-arranged marriage that she doesn’t even want to look at you let alone talk to you ( or the reverse — your muse just refuses to acknowledge alison )

holds the princess hostage for ransom ( could be money, could be something revolutionary like wanting the royal family to change laws to benefit the people )

helps alison conceive a child. as much as alison wants to have a child, conceiving a child can be incredibly difficult even under the best conditions, and with how much weight is put on a woman for conceiving the next heir, stress can make it even more difficult to conceive. so :eyes: how your muse helps her is up for discussion.

other verse/au/wishlist plots — in addition to royalty verse, alison also has an alternate verse, a werewolf verse ( note: this isn’t an abo/omegaverse setting even though i do draw elements from this verse ), and a spy verse. the wishlist tag is also another option if anything strikes your fancy!

alternate verse — this is a very general verse that essentially captures interactions in which the canon events of alison’s high school and post high school events do not happen. additionally, alternate verse alison was raised differently from canon alison such that she was not socialized to uphold traditional feminine gender roles. in other words, she was not discouraged from acting more tomboyish as a kid, and she was not raised in a strict environment that forced her to act a certain way and as such, alison’s trajectory in life is very different. alternate alison is more aggressive, more forward, and she can be a bit of a misandrist. she tends to be more social than canon alison in the sense that she’ll go clubbing, partying, and barhopping more readily, and her career path is a little less developed ( re: she’s not tied down to a fashion job and can take on all sorts of work depending on what makes sense for a thread ).

werewolf verse — a post explaining the basics of this verse can be found here! alison’s in this verse is a blend of canon and alternate alison in how she acts. because she was raised without a pack for most of her life, her only family being her brother, emile, alison learned to carry herself like an alpha even though she’s an omega, which leads to a lot of problems when she meets other, actual alphas who try to hit on her or take control. this is where alternate alison’s aggression can come in. on the contrary, canon alison’s maternal instinct and affectionate nature becomes apparent whenever werewolf alison decides to eventual settle with a serious partner, whether that be another werewolf she’s bonded with ( up to mun’s decision whether bonding is a thing in our thread ), or someone else she loves. i’d like to re-emphasize that this is not a true omegaverse even though i do categorize muses as alphas, omegas, or betas, mention bonding between werewolves, nesting, heat/rut, and the use of suppressants to control the severity of heat. the description of these topics, however, are very tame as the focus of this verse is not unhealthy power imbalances or plotless smut. this verse exists bc werewolves are cool, and also because the idea of bonding between partners is where i find the most interest since true bonding really embodies the “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death” sentiment in marriage vows except even to a more serious degree. so yeah — werewolves. have your werewolf meet mine. she can take care of yours or you know, keep them company.

spy verse — also known as handler and hound verse on this blog due to reasons. this is essentially an espionage verse in which alison is a rather high ranking field agent. she’s older in this verse than in canon ( 31 vs. 24, though her age in spy verse can vary depending on plot ), and is technically engaged to her agency assigned partner. this verse opens up the opportunity for morally grey muses to interact with her. the best way to learn more about this verse is to read this link which should outline all the details you should know about this verse’s setting, this link for a tl;dr ( not recommended ) and look through the verse tag for aesthetics and answered asks set in this verse!

miscellaneous plots — these are plots that don’t fall into a defined category for whatever reason ( mostly because they aren’t developed yet ) but i’d still love to explore them <3

future plot — i think about this a lot because i have such an immense love for alison, but i’ve headcanoned that once alison is older, she becomes a very big advocate for sex workers those who have been in domestically abusive relationships with a romantic partner. it takes her years to find the courage to share her story, but after years of volunteering at women’s shelters and doing charity work, she eventually finds her calling to take things a bit further. it’s possible your muse encounters alison during her volunteer work or while she’s a guest speaker sharing her story at some event. really though, i think it’d be interesting for muses to interact with alison when she’s a lot older since she’d have so much time at this point to process her trauma and, hopefully, seek the help she needs.

angel plot — alison is an angel and is very much one to stick by the rules and be good. a big contrast to leah’s angel verse in which leah is childish and does whatever the fuck she wants. angel alison is more experienced and is regarded as a good angel, but her curiosity about romantic love might get her into trouble.

childhood plot — alison is a tomboy who kicks ass; the older she is, the more feminine she’ll be ( unless it’s alternate alison, in which she only gets more aggressive ); your muse is an older muse or a fellow child who interacts with her ( male child muses beware! she’ll make you eat dirt if you aren’t nice to her or emile! )

single mother plot — this would straight up be a self-indulgent plot for me to be able to play alison as a mother. she absolutely adores kids, and while the circumstances in which she has a kid in this plot wouldn’t be ideal, she’d love her kid with all her heart, and this would allow your muse to help her raise her child, try for a romantic relationship with her, or maybe they’re the other parent??? just tossing thoughts around, i just really love alison as a mom :weep:

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now that you’ve made it to the end of the guide, please read this important note about alison before interacting with her!

tl;dr — please respect my muse and don’t force scenarios that would not make sense for her to be in on me. she’s a fairly flexible muse, but i will not ignore specific, canon, character traits just to make a plot work. i’m open to discussions regarding how to make an idea work ( which includes perhaps using one of alison’s other verses ), but please don’t assume. also read her character bio — this is a must ( trigger warnings are included ).

like i’ve said before, alison is a very complex muse. i’d like to think she’s a fairly flexible muse but with some limitations as a result of her experiences. if you’ve read alison’s biography ( which you should have, and in fact, i expect you to since it’s very crucial to her as a muse ), you’d know she has been through a lot of traumatic events. as such, she has developed certain mannerisms, tendencies, and thought processes as a result of what she has been through. these behaviors, such as being very wary of men when she’s alone with them in a setting that goes beyond a normal, casual interaction ( e.g. a man ringing her up at a cash register at a store ), are engrained in her character, and it takes a lot of time and trust building for her to change any behavioral patterns she may have.

i say this to preface the fact that if you have any plot ideas you’d like to share with me, please take into consideration whether it makes sense for alison in her canon verse if that’s the verse you’re interested in. canon alison, in short, is not the type to form casual, sexual relationships. if this is what you’re looking for, look elsewhere. there are exceptions to this, but these exceptions have involved a lot of plotting to make it work and make sense. i could say more on the matter, but for now, i’ll just say that alison behaves very different depending on what period of life she is in. as such, canon/main verse alison behaves differently than post-high school alison, who behaves differently than high school alison. alternate, werewolf, and spy verse alison behaves even more radically different than the former three. so you certainly have options if you’re really interested in a specific plot for alison! i’m very open to ideas, but i ask that you also respect my muse and what she’s been through as well since i’ve worked hard on her backstory.

#wishlist;#cw: long post

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alittlebitofpersonality · 7 years

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The Four Types of Love

“What is love?” is a question that has been asked throughout the ages, by philosophers, poets, and Haddaway–insert obligatory head tip here. While that is a perfectly valid question, and you guys know how heart-eyes we are for proper definitions around here, I think instead today we’ll ask the ever so aLBoP question, “How can we use double-dichotomies and the Four Types of Information to better understand love?” Because dichotomies are sexy, dontcha know?

Conveniently, the Greeks had four main words for love. Now, my intent is to use the Four Types of Information to help us break down love into component parts, to both understand it more fully, define it more accurately, and help us apply these four sides of love to our own lives and relationships in order to see where our relationships are succeeding, and where they might stand to improve. As such, I might have to alter the definitions of the Greek terms somewhat from their originals.

The Four Types of Information are fundamentally equal, whereas it wasn’t the Greeks’ intent to make their four kinds of love equal, so it stands to me to fudge a bit. But hopefully I can still do justice to what Plato, Aristotle, etc. meant by their terms.

Now this post will rely on information found in Super Simple Part 1 about the Four Types of Information (aka 4Toi), and on Type Specializations about Scope and Objective. (And of course we go into more depth on Phase 2 and there will be Super Simple posts on Scope and Objective at some point.)

But a quick recap…

The 4Toi are:

Letters

IP – Introverted Perceiving

IJ – Introverted Judging

EJ – Extraverted Judging

EP – Extraverted Perceiving

Double-dichotomy

Specific Information

Universal Information

Specific Action

Universal Action

Type of Information

Data & Details

Principles & Trends

Action & Consequences

Observation & Motivations

Scope

Situations and Objects

World and Trends

Group and Experiences

Individuals and Reactions

Usual matching Objective

SFS

Now depending on how much aLBoP you’ve read, including Phase 2, some of this might be more or less familiar to you. One concept that I intend to explain in more depth with Volume 2 of Super Simple, is that Objective usually lines up neatly with the 4Toi as much as Scope does (bottom line of this chart), as:

IP = NT

IJ = NF

EJ = ST

EP = SF

Which makes INTP, INFJ, ESTJ and ESFP the “corners” most of the time, like in this graph from Type Specializations:

That just means that those four types are the most specialized by those types of information, which isn’t a good or a bad thing, it’s just a them thing lol.

However, in looking at the Double-dichotomy by which we’re going to break love down into segments, it seems the corners do not stay the same. This actually happens when we apply the 4Toi to lots of categories, but I haven’t talked about many of them on the main site yet. One example though, is Optimism, Pessimism and What We Do About It.

Sometimes different variables other than Scope even form the 4Toi corners! I had a post I wrote for the pre-Wordpress forum that was all about types and approach to style/fashion/appearance, etc. (Don’t worry, it’ll make its way to the main site once we release Facial Typing on the main site, since it was chock-full of real life examples… please don’t ask me how soon that will be though lol. It will be sooner if everyone plays nice on the main site

) Anyway, the placement of the types in that graph ended up very oddly placed (with reasons behind them!) with variables including “FJs” and “ST for Judging half of the cognition process” which makes it look super wonky.

Long story short, as I went to determine what the four lurve corners should be, I wasn’t too shocked to discover they weren’t the typical corners.

And actually, they line up by Objective first, which shouldn’t be too surprising considering our approaches to Love are all about desire and what we want to get out of relationships.

And so a quick recap of the four Objectives:

Letters

NT – iNtuitive Thinking

NF – iNtuitive Feeling

ST – Sensing Thinking

SF – Sensing Feeling

Double-dichotomy

Use of Concepts

Meaning of Concepts

Use of Experiences

Meaning of Experiences

Objective

Expectable – Potential Use of What Could Be

Edifying – Potential Meaning of What Could Be

Practical – Protective Use of What Is

Enjoyable – Protective Meaning of What Is

Tends to think in…

Truth and Error

Justice and Mercy

Right and Wrong

Pleasure and Pain

Usual matching Toi

Data & Details

Principles & Trends

Action & Consequences

Observation & Motivations

Can I just get the stupid out of the way and talk about how annoying it is that many would assert that “Thinking” had nothing to do with love?!?! Or, equally bothersome to me, they might imply that Thinking would make for the most “rational, non-subjective” forms of love, while Feeling would give you the most twitterpated “irrational” ones. I declare bovine feces!

We have too many posts about that already, but I can’t talk about love and feelings without at least a brief mention that any type can have a good or bad relationship with their emotions, and that’s not what makes someone F or T. Sorry to the regulars who hear that rant too often.

And while types are more likely to approach love according to their combination of these, that doesn’t mean any type, including the corners, need be unbalanced between the four types of love, and it also doesn’t mean that someone can’t lean unhealthily towards a type of love that isn’t their home type. In fact, Type Angsts often make us feel like we need to prove competence in our weaker Toi.

There is danger in trying to prove anything with a relationship, be it that your home-type of love is superior, or that you can excel at types of love that you’ve been criticized about. Love is too important to be a megaphone for any soapbox or vendetta. Talk about a waste of human interaction and a quick way to cheapen something that might have actually ended up being worthwhile.

So yes, ideally I think, a relationship of any kind, be it friends, family or romantic, will be able to find ways to apply all four types of love, although obviously in different forms. While parent-child relationships shouldn’t have “Éros” in the traditional Greek sense (let’s not be Oedipus Greek, heh), I think they can have it as the type of love I describe below (which again, makes it much more equal and balanced… so there

Okay, after all that disclaimer-age, let’s talk about the double-dichotomy that defines the Four Types of Love

Yay!

Protection vs. Growth – S vs. N

As usual, Sensing and experience are one and the same, and S is all about protecting what already exists, what is already possessed; what is. And also as per usual, iNtuition is concept, the discovery, growth into, and addition of what could potentially be; what might be. So, when it comes to love, the two S types of love center around protecting the love and relationships you already have, as well as making those relationships a safe haven where the individuals included feel protected. And the two N types of love center around getting more and more out of a relationship, pushing and stretching relationships to new heights. They also tend to focus more on how much excitement is happening within a relationship, as excitement is typically about newness and growth within a relationship. Now we’ll get into later why the assertion that either of these is more important than the other is just dangerous and dumb. Also, like all N things, the N types of Love focus on how things are connected in concept, so how the members of the relationship are either conceptually similar, or different. While S things, including the S types of Love, focus on where the pieces fit with the rest of the world as it stands. So the S types of Love focus on how the relationship gives its members a place in the wide world experienced.

Use vs. Meaning – T vs. F

As always on aLBoP, Thinking is all about the usefulness of things, and love is no exception. The two T types of love focus on what love can bring to the table for the benefit of all involved. And with Feeling, as always on aLBoP being about the meaning of things, the two F types of love focus on the intrinsic worth of love in its own right, the happiness it brings with no need of additional benefit.

I found it fascinating and fitting, also, to notice that the F types of Love are the kinds you “fall into;” that grasp you up, take you by surprise, and just feel very natural. T types of Love, in contrast, take joy from being a decision. T Loves desire to decide where, when, and how they’re going to love. When I was discussing this dynamic with Justin, he said profoundly, “Pikachu, I choose you!” -_- Uh, sure. Like that.

Now that we know our dichotomies, we can see how they fit together to form four distinctive sides and approaches to love, and we can examine in detail how they are each essential when used correctly, narrow without access to all the others, and treacherous when twisted. For the record, I decided to go alphabetical with these, so that’s where the order comes from, no ranking or anything.

Agápe – Meaning Love Objective: NF – Corner: ENFP – Element: Air

Lifting the participants above the dimness of empty mediocrity, Agápe is the song of archetype, the thrill of being a part of something larger than yourself, a fairy tale worth telling. It is the embodiment of ENFP’s Type Specialization: the significance of individuals in the context of all time. It cares deeply about the worth of each member, their individual, intrinsic meaning, as well as the sum of both parts.

As such, Agápe tends to focus less on things like appearance, focusing instead on the excitement of relating over topics that are meaningful to both parties; shared views, shared hopes and dreams, and jokes and experiences shared together. All about finding conceptual similarities and connections, Agápe enjoys the question, “how can we make life more meaningful together than apart?”

It includes the amazement that someone could care so much about little-old-you, and the feeling of adoration (hopefully for both of you) of putting the other person on a pedestal, because they’re just so gosh darn amazing! Agápe includes “puppy love,” but it also motivates staying up with your best friend squeeing all night, or getting overwhelmed holding your newborn for the first time. It’s fitting to me that Agápe without the accent is “agape,” because that’s how Agápe love makes you feel, mouth agape in wonder because the love you feel for someone else is just incredulously amazing.

As NF love, Agápe is about the joy of ever improving the meaning of your love, uncontent with stagnation. As such, true Agápe never loses the giddy pleasure of initial love, because it’s always renewing its purpose, finding new ways to grow closer and new things to connect and relate over. The heart of Agápe’s strength comes from communication. Being able to open up to each other, whole souls, and be desired for that consistent, forever being that you are; what could bring more excitement than that?

I think a poor handling of Agápe tends to come from an oversimplification of the motives behind it–surprise, surprise, EP is a valid Toi ;)! When people in “adult” positions poo-poo relationships as childish and over excited, they miss what makes the often young participants want this sort of relationship. It isn’t just the rush of emotion, which stern onlookers may deem fleeting. And tbh, if a relationship is based on only this type of love, it certainly will be. But it’s the excitement of having something precious, something that matters, which makes Agápe a thrill.

But when Agápe does grow dangerous, is when its meaning grows exhibitionist and competitive. Unhealthy Agápe feels the need to show not only how meaningful it is, but how much more meaningful it is than other individuals, relationships, worldviews, etc. It feels the need to advertise its “love for the ages” or even proclaim that “no one else has ever felt meaning and feelings so powerful!” This sort of relationship advertising suddenly subverts Agápe’s very power, taking away the emphasis on the intrinsic meaning of the relationship, and making it all about comparison and show. In turn, this leads to shallow, cotton-candy relationships, which may be saccharinely sweet on the outside, but lack the substance required to produce long-term satisfaction.

At their most severe, these relationships that subvert Agápe end up producing meaning-competition between their own members. Because as soon as a relationship’s purpose is to bolster the apparent meaning of the participants, then the connection becomes a matter of individual ego, which can quickly be turned into which individual in the relationship is more meaningful.

You find this often within “soft rocker” relationships, a term we use based on this song by Jonathan Coulton. I love how painfully incisive that song is, as ISTP Jonathan Coulton seemed disgruntled by the trend of “nice guys” who use tactics like sensitivity and, honestly, weakness, as ways to get people to treat them like they’re more meaningful than others, to slowly manipulate people to do what they want, and to look caring while honestly having no respect for anyone. Often with an unhealthy helping of bad Storge, luring people in with the promise of “I’m so safe, unlike those other guys,” Soft Rocking uses competitive meaning to say, “if I can appear nice, then it doesn’t matter what my motives are.”

Another common symptom of these unhealthy Agápe meaning-advertising relationships, is in the pursuit of not only having a relationship become as meaningful as it can be, but to have a relationship that is more meaningful than others’, it is easy to find more meaning elsewhere. Without enough of the other Types of Love to ground you, the wind can easily whisk you away to greener pastures, with the thrill of newness having an enticing meaning all its own. While not always a side effect of unhealthy Agápe, it’s a wonder to me how often “loves for the ages” end up being broken up by Agápe-ish claims of “you just don’t understand me like he does,” “but I forgot how strong my feelings were for her,” or “but I think she’s actually my soul mate.”

But without Agápe, love can’t breathe. Agápe gives hope to love and lives, makes the sun shine brighter and the heart sing louder. Agápe makes us feel loved for the person we’re trying to be. Without Agápe, the other types of love feel tied down and restricted, like you can never really hope for anything more than the here-and-now of your relationship.

In short, Agápe is the wind in the wings of love, that when healthy helps you soar, and when unhealthy makes you feel like a tumbleweed.

Éros – Passion Love Objective: NT – Corner: ENTJ – Element: Fire

Like dancing flames, Éros is the excitement of the tug of wills; intelligences grasping at one another, the shock of an entity outside yourself. Whether it’s the thrill of being grabbed up into a surprise kiss, the blush produced by that friend who knows exactly how to tease you, or the joy of seeing your toddler get a mind of her own and give you sass, Éros finds passion through two independent desires interacting.

While a lot of the classical meaning of sexual passion would be included in this NT Éros, that is by no means all that Passion Love is. Sex may be pursued through any or all of these four approaches to love. And Éros is the push and pull of strengths that, while often associated with the collide of two bodies, certainly isn’t limited to that.

With ENTJ being the Éros, Passion Love corner, we can see that it’s the collision of NT Expectable, and EJ Action and Consequences, as Éros is in so many ways the physics of love. “If I move this way, what happens? If I push here, let go here…?”

Whereas Agápe is all about finding conceptual similarities, Éros instead finds joy and humor in conceptual differences and contrasts; small and large, different shapes, masculine and feminine, muted and bright, leather and lace, old-fashioned and modern, sarcastic and serious, etc. etc. They say “opposites attract,” but in truth, I think, that isn’t a hard and fast rule so much as a reflection that contrast and enjoying having differences is a necessary part of healthy relationships, one that demonstrates the appreciation that the other person is a whole *person* outside of you!

That they have their own desires and thoughts and ideas, which can be excitingly foreign from your own thoughts. A major purpose of aLBoP is sharing joy over the fact that not everyone thinks just like you do, and that that is a good, exciting thing!

One thing I love about interacting with Justin is that, after over 9 years of marriage, his humor still surprises me. NT intelligence specializes in being able to predict what to expect (with ENTP specifically predicting reactions), so it makes sense that NT love would be particularly excited by not knowing what to expect. I love how Justin, in his high-contrast of cloaked seriousness and seemingly random bursts of snarky color and silliness, never ceases to catch me off-guard. And for someone who spends their life and mind-power predicting how people are going to react, being surprised is really exciting for me, and frankly pretty sexy.

The combination of future-aimed NT and swift-moving EJ, Éros is the most in-motion type of love, which brings a great deal of its passionate thrill. And yet, with that comes the danger of things tumbling out of control. In Avatar: The Last Airbender (tv show, tv show, tv show, not movie

), the rather jaded firebending master Jeong Jeong puts it this way, “Water is cool and soothing, earth is steady and stable, but fire, fire is alive. It breathes, it grows. …[A] rock will not throw itself. But fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it!” And the same applies to Éros; while it brings great life and color to relationships, as the Love of passion it can quickly spin out of control and burn those in its path.

At its most dangerous, Éros becomes the subversion of its own pursuit, attempting to undermine the very human wills that made it exciting in the first place. And that really seems to be at the core of the disaster whenever Éros breaks: not viewing the other will as as valid as one’s own.

Whether it’s a tawdry one night stand, the oppressiveness of a parent who claims “my way or the highway,” or in the most extreme cases, rape or other forms of physical or sexual abuse, Éros breaks as soon as at least one member of the relationship views the other’s will, or tries to force it, to be subservient to their own. The reason we call empty physical relationships “cheap” in the first place, is because they try and get the benefits of other human beings without actually sacrificing anything to being vulnerable to the intelligence of another person.

True, healthy Éros enjoys the trust placed in someone else as much as it enjoys the trust someone places in you. In fact, I believe the motives behind the subversions of Éros usually come back to fear of Éros itself! While other wills are exciting, they are also scary because they’re out of your control, which is the heart of vulnerability itself. Healthy, fulfilling Éros requires a degree of surrender on the part of both parties.

Because just like everything with EJ Action, when you’re interacting with a world and wills outside your own, you can control what you put in, but not what you get out. You can choose what to do with your will, but you can’t control if someone else is going to want what you want, want to do what you want to do, care the way you care… or care way more than you do. For better or for worse, playing with multiple, powerful intelligences is playing with live dynamite, although it might be the most worthwhile gamble you might ever take.

Because on the other hand, without Éros, relationships become cold, lacking the color, life and vigor they need to have power. Éros is the warm firelight of contrast that sharpens relationships through heightened light and shadows, both parties given the excitement of surprise by the other’s own free will. Without Éros’s push-and-pull of passion, the other types of love feel bland and under-spiced; without spark.

So Éros is the fiery burn of two wills doing their own unique dance, playing off each other like light and dark which, when healthy, brings surprise and excitement and passionate closeness, but when unhealthy burns like wildfire, consuming the very wills it was intended to love.

Philia – Dedication Love Objective: ST – Corner: ISTJ – Element: Earth

I feel like I can stick fairly closely with the original Greek definition on this one, just because I really love it, as I understand it.

The bedrock of enduring relationships, steady and dependable as the earth beneath your feet, Philia is about nourishing your relationships as they’re planted, dedicated to the role that love has promised. Defining the greatest, most legendary friendships of the ages, Philia is the love of most conscious choice. While family is something that initially happens to you, the dedication of friendship is something you must choose for yourself. Who will be there with you through rain and snow, heartache and loss? Who will you stand by when all lights go out? Philia is the Love of endurance, of good faith and strength through long nights.

An essential, lost art in many families, where love is taken as granted (see the bad version of Storge, below), or in relationships where the excitement of the N Loves sweep people up in the glittery and new, Philia is often undermined as stale and close-minded. But I think that overlooks the powerful, inherent meaning and archetype demonstrated through the choice of intentional love.

Whereas the other types of love are more likely to be keen on outward demonstrations of love and often more showy displays of affection and commitment, in word, deed or intimacy, Philia is the type of love that knows that if sacrifice doesn’t really pinch, it’s not really sacrifice. Philia is there without reward, without need of honors or high praises. Philia is dedicated to the continual establishment of a safe and secure place for its members, providing a lasting, unyielding foundation.

The love that drives a young mother to be there for her little ones through long, thankless nights; the drive of a man-at-arms to be there for his captain; the quiet endurance of the spouse who stays even when their loved one’s mind doesn’t remember as it once did, or of the grown-up child who holds their parent’s hand as they slowly slip away; all these demonstrate Philia’s profound romance of solid, grounded, determination to choose love over and over again. Philia is centered around the roles that its members play, as enduring archetypes: the father, the sister, the wife, the teacher, the protector, the best friend. Philia takes these roles and makes them pledges, filled with honor and faithfulness.

The combination of ST’s practicality, working with the resources it already has, and IJ’s unending trends, Philia is the love of appreciating what you have, maintaining it with the attitude that you only have one of that relationship, so you better keep it polished, honed and protected like a diamond.

But as is always a danger when trying to protect what is already there, the dedication to what once was can often overlook the current state of what’s missing, and what might be. When it becomes narrow and unhealthy, Philia forgets that the relationship protected must live up to its original meaning, not just be an empty Principle of what it woulda/coulda/shoulda been. While Philia should stand firm against the flightiness of abandoning relationships as soon as they prove challenging, it needs to repeatedly check in and determine if the relationship is fulfilling its original intent.

When relationships rely overly on Philia to get them through, lives feel empty, people get needlessly hurt, and resentment builds. Resentment is an emotion borne of disappointment, but shoved down until its owner feels torn and despises the source of the disappointment. Philia turns into this unhealthy alternative when, instead of asking the relationship to grow into the other types of love, love becomes just an obligated shadow of its former self, relying on fear of what would happen if dedication was abandoned, as opposed to being able to enjoy the relationship for its own sake anymore. Disappointment in a relationship needs to be properly looked at, or feelings of resentment will grow and sour love into a hollow chore, going through the motions.

Otherwise, unhealthy Philia ends up glaring at the very people it sought to protect. Thoroughly disappointed in how the relationship isn’t fulfilling the meaning it hoped to have, but also without hope of anything changing, Philia grows cynical, rote, and despising. It produces a pessimistic belief that “this is as good as things are ever going to get, so why even try to change them?” which in turn attacks the relationship itself, as an outlet, punishing the source of hopelessness, because “what point is there in trying to change anything?”

This pessimism leads not only to the resentment of one’s own relationship, but to the resentment of others’ relationships, placing a rigid, rooted limit on the height relationships in general are allowed to attain. Because disappointed pessimism about one’s own relationship easily leads to an assertion that others shouldn’t be happy or feel fulfilled within their relationships either, usually implying either that others’ happiness is fleeting, shallow and destined to fail, or unmerited, and undeserved. This jealous, unhealthy Philia can even lead to attempts, verbal or otherwise, to tear down others’ relationships in an effort to tamp down the awareness that other relationships are being more fulfilling than one’s own.

People often lean toward Philia because the consequences of doing so look less dire on the surface. In an attempt to protect from the “flighty” extreme of Agápe, the runaway heat of Éros, or even the tumbling waterfall effect of Storge, it’s common to hide in this unhealthy extreme of Philia, deeming its negative effects less impactful than that of the others. But that attitude overlooks how empty, tired, despondent, hopeless, and alone residents of bad Philia can end up feeling, dedicated to a path that feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, living with no real purpose, just life for the dedication of it.

This grinding sort of Philia ends up subverting its own purpose, of choosing love, by dismissing its ability to chose love as a forgone conclusion, dangerously planting its feet and saying, “I will stand here, no matter what,” without even daring to consider if that’s the best choice or not. Even when Philia is difficult, even when it takes sacrifice and painful choices, its power comes from choice renewed.

Philia must be an ever-renewal of Principled purpose to bring joy and be effective. Whether that purpose is the nurturing and protection of the other member of the relationship, or the protection of your own little kingdom of love and safety, or other reasons entirely, Philia draws its strength from deliberate resolve, understanding *why* it’s planting its feet.

Because when done correctly, Philia gives unmatched strength and stability to relationships. Pylons of stone, healthy Philia gives a wise and understanding core to its tenants that makes their unification merrily unbreakable. Without Philia, the other types of love feel flimsy, cheap, and ill-defined, lacking the fiber to weather life’s bumps and hurricanes, and without the enduring peace and sanctuary that Philia keeps within its unaffected walls.

Philia is the love most determined and planted, its unyielding boulders unmoved by time or travail, which can either protect and provide a foundation for enduring love, or can stubbornly stop a relationship from rolling forward to its purpose.

Storge – Safety Love Objective: SF – Corner: ISFP – Element: Water

As constant and reliable as the tides on the shore, Storge is the promise of safety, calm, and belonging. Like the path of a stream, winding its way around obstacles and settling comfortably into every crevice, Storge is the most natural, unplanned type of Love, taking joy at a love totally unforced.

The combination of IP moments and SF enjoyment, Storge sits as the comfy corner, embracing people as they are. While the ancient meaning implied people you “have to” love, and that meaning does fall within Storge’s borders, this definition of Storge is far more about a love you “can’t help” but have.

Whether it’s high school sweethearts who have always been there for one another, that friend’s house where you always have a place to crash and a fridge you can stick your head in, or your parents who will always take you back no matter how prodigal you are, Storge tells the recipient, “You don’t have to exert yourself, or change; you have a place here no matter what.” Storge knows who you are, where you’ve been, and helps you feel like you belong for all your quirks.

There’s a verse in the song “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service, co-written by ISFP Ben Gibbard, that says, “I’m thinking it’s a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay” (actually, I thought it was “puzzle pieces from on high” until I looked up the lyrics just now, but “from the clay” is pretty too). I love that very ISFP sentiment; you and I fit together like the most perfect, comfortable match ever, clicking together so everything fits in harmony.

Storge is the love of peace, being a tender oasis of safety from the past, the future, pains and bad memories, where its members can be in the moment and heal through feeling thoroughly cherished. In a world where it’s hard to find anyone without so much painful baggage, where it’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t feel broken in some way, we all need the soothing balm of Storge to tell us that there’s still pockets of safety in the world, still people who want us when we don’t feel put together, and still someone to put their arms around us and tell us that despite how dark things can sometimes seem, there’s still love and support to get us through it.

But Storge’s ultimate desire for safety and comfort can end up actually undermining the needs of its protectorates. When Storge grows unhealthy, it can take two very different forms, which can sometimes overlap.

The first form of unhealthy Storge is like a stream that has set its course and refuses to deviate, demanding calm and composure of its participants, treating peace as if it’s something that comes only from not ruffling feathers. This kind of unhealthy Storge often goes to the point of acting like legitimate problems that members of the relationship have get in the way of the safe atmosphere if brought up, so issues go unaddressed and un-dealt with, everyone just pretending that things are okay, as if that actually makes them so. It often takes love for granted, assuming that because things have been in a repetitive rhythm for so long, surely everyone knows where they stand, not realizing that just because things fall into places, doesn’t mean they fell into the right places, just by chance. Just because a relationship’s monsters lie beneath the surface of a calm lake doesn’t mean they aren’t there, waiting and lurking. Likewise, emotions shoved to the side for the sake of a “happy home” or relationship, lie ready to break the seemingly calm surface tension when least expected.

This form of unhealthy Storge, while it may seem to provide a tranquil atmosphere for its members, actually undermines the very safety it provides, by making members feel like if they feel things outside the relationship’s given parameters, they’ll irreparably break the relationship’s status quo, so they better just pretend like everything’s okay. When people feel unable to open up about their worries, angers, anxieties, joys, and frustrations, for fear of rocking the boat, they can’t truly feel safe, no matter how good the facade created.

The other form unhealthy Storge most often takes is like a gushing waterfall of love, needing and smothering oppressively, so that neither member of a relationship can truly breathe. When Storge’s sweet and ardent desire to cling and find safety together turns sour, often one member treats the other like the air they need to breathe, hanging on to the other like they’re drowning, pulling them down like a siren into the deeps.

When a relationship defines safety by the time spent together, and refuses to find peace and comfort outside of each other, unhealthy symbiotic relationships form. #Badsigns include members of a relationship insisting that they’re only happy when they’re together, or that it physically hurts when they’re apart, worrying or growing jealous when one member of the relationship spends time with anyone outside of the relationship, guilting in order to get praise or to get the other person to do what makes them feel safe, or even insistence that death or suicide is imminent if the other person was to leave.

But when one person requires the subjugation of another’s will in order to feel safe… a) that’s not true safety, and the smotherer will never truly feel the peace and security they claim the other person provides for them, and b) the Éros of the other person having the right to their own will is totally lost, their will becoming just a means to the end of the first’s comfort, which must break or explode at some point.

Both of these unhealthy forms of Storge, while they can start from sweet intentions, can end up dangerously controlling and manipulative when they become twisted, forcing others to adhere to one version of “safety,” while making them feel anything but.

Storge is subverted into something truly ugly when it uses everything that once felt like a sanctuary of being known, into ways to needle and twist everything to its own comfortable advantage. No tidbit of the past, no like or dislike, or known insecurity, is safe when twisted Storge is being used to extract revenge on members of its own relationship, forcing them to get back under the water or be cast out in shame. Usually this ultimately ugly version of Storge combines the worst of both the unhealthy versions, taking all the “let’s pretend it’s okay” from the first form, and the “love me or I’ll die” from the second form, and uses everything about the relationship as a compilation of tactics to grasp whatever it wants, willing to take the relationship over the waterfall’s cliff with it, if necessary, all in the name of security and keeping the relationship within one’s own comfy control.

But without healthy Storge, love feels scary, unprotected and unsettled, nomadic and discordant. Storge is the life preserver of its members, giving buoyancy to the heavy heart and a safe harbor to its members from the tireless storm outside. (I’m having a little too much fun with these water metaphors, did you notice?

Interestingly they seem much easier to produce in great abundance than air, fire or earth analogies.

) Healthy Storge provides a lighthouse that is always waiting for you, wanting you for who you are, and saying “Welcome home.”

In short, Storge is the love of utmost comfort, which when healthy provides smooth and happy sailing, and a peaceful cove of your very own, and when unhealthy threatens to drag you down with its heavy, clinging arms, into its very depths.

(Darn, I should have used a mermaid metaphor somewhere! Don’t know where, but pretend there’s a mermaid somewhere, okay? Mermaids are the bestest.)

So there, we have the Four Types of Love, in their effulgent splendor when healthy, and in their soul-ripping terror when unhealthy.

I find that most over-leaning into a Type of Love comes from pendulum swinging away from Type(s) of Love we’ve been burned by in our pasts, ways we’ve been hurt, scared, invalidated, or left alone in our lives. When you’ve been hurt by Agápe, Philia, Storge or Éros in the past, it’s hard to get back on the bike. But my hope is that, in seeing how the healthy versions of each Type of Love are so unmistakably different from their twisted counterparts, you’ll be able to shoot for the good of each in all your relationships, while simultaneously acknowledging that the bad that hurt you was not okay.

And while it isn’t always the case that we overcompensate into the Type of Love opposite from the one we’re avoiding (opposite meaning opposite Objective/Corners–so Agápe being the opposite of Philia and Éros being the opposite of Storge), it is common. And it is usually helpful, when we’re leaning too far into one Type of Love, to work on understanding its opposite in order to regain balance.

Justin and I like to joke about the two extremes in Japanese culture and how utterly ISTJ vs ENFP they are, with the “honor, zen, dedication and precision” on the ancient, ISTJ extreme, and the “OMG Kawaii!!!!!!!!!!” anime culture on the ENFP extreme, which seems to have risen up in direct response to the first culture. I think these examples perfectly sum up the attitudes behind Philia/Dedication love and Agape/Meaning love, and can benefit in a similar way from the appreciation of the other.

Those who lean toward Philia can end up treating Agápe as childish and silly, and Agápe-leaners can treat Philia as stiff and unenlightened, both treating the other as if they don’t qualify as “love” at all! But as the precise endurance of Philia’s cold steel finds balance in the exciting bubbly color of Agápe’s rush, it can be given a new kind of hope and meaning in its everlasting dedication. And as the eye-popping rainbow of Agápe’s thrill finds balance in the steady sturdiness of Philia’s consistency and patience, it can be given the ability to stay the course of its highest purposes.

Likewise, proponents of Storge can treat Éros as a danger to everything safe and secure, and fans of Éros can treat Storge as boring and cowardly. But as the quiet content of Storge finds balance in Éros’s smirking spark of contrast, it can find its members *more* able to be comfortably themselves. And as Éros’s prodding flames find balance within Storge’s soothing calm of still waters, it can know exactly where to push and pull while keeping its members safe from fear of being consumed.

And in this same way, the S/N Loves can learn from the other, and the T/F Loves can learn from each other as well, and we can often lean too far to one side or the other for feelings of security.

Types of Love and Type Angsts

As I looked at the effects of leaning toward one Type of Love to the minimizing of the others, I realized that each extreme brought with it the Type Angst of its native corner! Because Type Angsts are weaknesses that come from trying to gain each type’s strength, and it’s much easier to gain another type’s weaknesses than its strengths, without proper balance in all four Types of Love, any type will gain the Angst of the type they’re becoming like.

Too much Agápe, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ENFP’s Type Angst, McFly Conviction, which is the fear that your feelings are worthless, invalid and stupid. So overly Agápe relationships are rife with the fear that the relationship may be invalid, immature, worthless, or exaggerated.

When McFly Conviction gets out of hand, a common way to cope is by attempting to prove the validity of one’s own emotions and self-worth, sometimes even to the belittling of others’ emotions and self-hood. Following the same pattern, when Agápe relationships go too far to prove themselves valid, they can find the need to imply that their relationship is *more* meaningful, *more* powerful, lasting, beautiful, archetypal, enlightened… etc. etc., than others’ relationships. Unhealthy Agápe relationships can often be found with an inability to shut up about how noble, sweet, adorable and fairy tale-worthy their relationship, or the members within it, are compared to others.

But it’s important to note that this comes from the insecurity of fearing that the relationship *isn’t* meaningful, worthy, lasting or enlightened, that all the powerful Agápe feelings are for naught. But as Agápe gets tempered with all three of the other Loves, it is able to overcome the fear of insubstantiality, and stop feeling the need to prove.

When there’s too much Éros, at the expense of the other Types of Love, it results in ENTJ’s Type Angst, The Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum, which is, at its core, a fear of not being listened to or having your will truly heard, which usually leads to feeling like you have to push and assert if you want to get your way. In the same way, overly Éros relationships end up making one, or usually both members feel like if they don’t get pushy about their own desires and the direction they want things to go, they won’t be heard by the other.

It makes sense that, as the heart of Éros is the wills of its members–the exciting rush of each person being individual–when relationships grow overly Éros, one’s own will often feels in jeopardy, as members of a relationship, be it couples, family members or friends, want different things, pulling in different directions.

When Great and Powerful Trixie Tantrum gets out of hand, those who experience it often cope by growing louder, pushier, and even refusing to let others get their way at all, insisting that if others don’t compromise all the way, then they’re not compromising at all. Controlling other wills, instead of letting them spark freely, feels much safer to runaway Trixie, and likewise when the members of overly Éros relationships feel unheard, it can be tempting to find the other person’s will scary and out of your own control. But again, Éros’s exciting fire comes from enjoying differences and contrasts in will, even differences in desires.

As Éros is strengthened by the other Types of Love, it’s able to find its love deepened in richness and happiness, actually far more benefitted by others’ wills being fulfilled, for each member of the relationship to be strong independently, which leads to having a stronger relationship together.

Too much Philia, at the expense of other Types of Love, results in ISTJ’s Type Angst, Thranduil Denial, which is the fear that you’ll never have a place in the world that’s truly your own, where you belong, that you’ll never find a place that will last, where you are the puzzle piece meant for your one and only spot. And with Philia’s focus on the roles that a relationship provides its members, overly Philia relationships end up full of the fear that if the relationship were to be lost, the opportunity to have that role in the world would be lost forever.

It’s an excellent side of Philia, treating relationships like a precious metal that you only get one of, but Thranduil Denial can lead to anxious, panic-filled relationships that keep their members from branching out, growing, and really living life, for fear of losing the only place they ever felt that enduring wantedness. It can also keep people in toxic relationships where they really shouldn’t be, for fear of never being able to interact with the world in that same role again.

But as Philia is cushioned with the other three Types of Love, it’s soothed with the adaptability of the others, given the power to find hope of new beginnings, new friendships and find places anew to feel wanted, treasured, and given a place to apply its forever dedication.

Too much Storge, at the expense of the other Types of Love, results in ISFP’s Type Angst, Banner Trepidation, which is the fear that the world is too big, scary and dangerous, to be able to have any hope of keeping the precious things you care about from breaking. Relationships with too much Storge feel “exposed, like a nerve” to the world outside, so determined to be safe that nothing feels safe enough.

Banner Trepidation run wild leads to excessive clinging, and building forts around the things you love, to the point of smothering them, and even breaking them yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Likewise, as Storge runs amok, people end up building bomb shelters for their relationships, afraid that any exposure to the outside world will hurt the relationship or the people in it. Whether it’s outside dangers, outside relationships, or outside influences, it can feel like anything has the power to come break the things most important.

But as Storge is bolstered by the other three Types of Love, it can be shown that true love isn’t fragile, and can withstand all the elements, given the perspective it needs to be the refuge it can be for all involved.

I found it quite remarkable how much each overcompensation ends up in that corner’s Angst. In fact, I believe a reliable way to identify if you’re starting to lean too much toward one Type of Love, is to look at each relationship individually and ask yourself if you feel any of the following fears about that relationship:

“I fear I have to prove this relationship, or the members of it, are as valid and meaningful as others’, or else feel like they’re being minimized and invalidated as mattering at all.” — If yes, then too much Agápe in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that I have to push to have my will heard and my desires met, I feel like what I want is just too far outside what they want.” — If yes, then too much Éros in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that if I lost this relationship, I would lose the role it gives me in the world; be it spouse, romance, friend, sibling, parent, child; if I lose this relationship, I’ll never be able to interact that same way in the world again.” — If yes, then too much Philia in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

“I fear that I can’t keep the members of this relationship safe, so I feel like I need to protect this relationship from outside influences, be it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, cultural, etc.; I have to keep them safe or things will get broken.” — If yes, then too much Storge in that relationship, at the expense of other Types of Love

I hope that gives a useful guide to seeing if you’re leaning too far in one direction or another with any of your relationships. For example, I feel pretty balanced in my marriage now, but I can look back at when we were first going out, and can see that we initially leaned too far into Philia (surprisingly), and needed more of the “sweep you away” kinds of love, and actually that’s something we’ve continued to work on over the years. We’re a good “through rain and snow, hell and highwater” couple, but we’ve struggled on and off with the other three.

And looking back, I was in fact afraid when we were in that early stage, that if I lost Justin I’d never have the opportunity to interact with the world the way I did with him. Which, while that was somewhat true, was a fear borne out of not having the other Types of Love to give me other reasons to be there. You don’t want the role a relationship gives you to be the only reason you stay. Which is the exact reason why Justin and I broke up for a while, while we were dating. Long story, whole big thing.

We grow within relationships, and the same relationship will require different balancing at different times, but also different relationships within our lives will need different things. I have some relationships that provide me with a lot of Storge, some that provide me with more Agápe, etc., but ideally I want to always be finding more balance within each of them.

Okay, and finally, what are the natural, home-base approaches to love for the 16 cognitive types? Let us look at our handy-dandy graph and find out!

We have our four Objectives, called by the attitude nouns we acquired from our Four Types of Love, above, and then we combine them with our four Scopes, called by the approach that Scope takes to love, which is an adjective. So we end up with a Type-of-Love-Noun from our Objective and an Adjective describing how we approach that love from our Scope, and the two make for, I think, adept descriptions for how each cognition approaches love, typically. That description made it sound way more complicated than it really is. Roll the film, er graph…

(I have to get used to the corners being oddness on this one, it looks wonky to me with the Scopes not in their usually Toi spots, but I’ll survive.)

NT = Passion EJ = Fervent NF = Meaning EP = Earnest ST = Dedication IJ = Enduring SF = Safety IP = Steady

Now if you’d like more depth on these approaches, I’d be happy to do more posts on this topic in the future (I think this post is already long enough, don’t you?

). But for now, the short version is that, besides the corners, each type tends to approach love by prioritizing a combination of the two Types of Love that form its Objective + Scope, with the corners getting a double helping of their Type of Love (thus corners

{Subtype, which we talk about on Phase 2, follows this same pattern, fyi, with (ep) matching with Agápe ToL, etc. If the Phase 2-sers want a specific ToL and subtype post, I can do that… but it pretty much just follows the same pattern lol.}

These patterns seem to be each type’s “home base” approach to love, which comes naturally and healthily to them, and it’s okay if you find yourself an especially big fan of your native ToLs. But again, any type can grow unbalanced in any of the Types of Love, based on life experience, both nurture and environment, and personal choices. Just like the Four Types of Information, we all need all Four Types of Love, and sometimes we might need to get help and perspective from the people in our lives who we find excel in the areas where we struggle. Find people who have relationships that you feel exemplify good Storge, Philia, Éros, and/or Agápe, and learn from how they make it work in their relationship!

We can even learn from powerful fictional relationships! See what you can glean from Merida and Queen Elinor learning to balance Merida’s Éros wild will and Elinor’s dedicated Philia, in Brave.

Watch how the tug of wills and meaningful excitement that Rapunzel finds through Flynn in Tangled, as they start with Éros and grow into Agápe, are able to free and heal her from the twisted, guilting Philia, and clingy, overprotective Storge that Mother Gothel raised her with.

Enjoy the tenderness of enduring Philia and Storge in the montage at the beginning of Up, but learn with Carl that losing the one you love doesn’t mean you have to lose your place in the world, and that Agápe’s out there!

Watch the transition as Lightning McQueen in Cars realizes that life and love aren’t more satisfying if you constantly pursue Éros’ flashy newness, and that a feeling of Storge belonging, and choosing Philia by realizing who your real friends are, gives you a place in the world that you wouldn’t exchange for any stupid cup.

(And now I’m going off analyzing in my head how Anna, in Frozen, started out with bad Agápe, fueled by desperation and loneliness, and how Elsa was pushed by guilt to consider only Storge and Philia to be safe kinds of love, when really she needed to embrace her own NT Éros will, and love herself, and that in the end it’s Anna’s ability to combine all four Types of Love for her sister that saves the day… *ahem* Going off there. I’m done now…. Except to say that the frost trolls’ song about “Fixer Upper” borders on bad Storge, settling and not helping people change, so that’s one of my not-so-favorite parts of the movie. Okay, I’m really done now.)

Apparently all the examples that came to mind were Disney/Pixar CGI films, but I hope that gives you a sampling of how we can use story to teach us about balancing all types of Love, in our own relationships.

(And now Justin is talking about how HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey could have used being programmed with more Éros, because his Philia dedication was too powerful.)

Obviously we could have so much more fun with examples, but I hope that giving this foundational overview, defining and exploring sides of the Four Types of Love, will give you enough information to start seeing these patterns around you, especially in your own relationships. It was helpful to me to be able to see all four distinctly different sides of love, and how much, together, they can bring more balance, hope, harmony and excitement to all our relationships. Because maybe it’s true that all you need is love… so long as you have all the different loves, interplaying together.

With our powers combined, it becomes Captain Planet! Er… I mean full love, in balance. (So Heart! Okay, now I’m embarrassed to have linked that video. I swear that show wasn’t nearly so “gah” as a kid… although the Fire guy was always cute.

)

But anyway, the Four Types of love; since we’re all better together than apart, with our wills strong, our dedication firm, and our peace secure.

Much Love (of all Types),

<3 Calise

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from The Four Types of Love

#ALL Types #ENFP #ENTJ #ISFP #ISTJ #The Essentials #Banner Trepidation #Disney #Four Types of Love #G

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