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whiskynottea · 5 years

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An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43

AO3

@theministerskat , thank you so much for being such an awesome beta!

Chapter 44. Dreams

In the morning, I felt Jamie’s soft lips against my cheek. His whispered words mingled with my dreams, causing me to doubt that he was really in my room - Lallybroch’s guest room.

“We’re leaving, Sassenach,” he announced, lightly pecking my lips with a kiss that didn’t quite alleviate my want for him.

“What time is it?” I asked confused, opening my eyes to see the most beautiful sky blue in his. He wore an indigo t-shirt and jeans, and he was smiling.

“Seven-fifteen. Go back to sleep. We’ll be back before ye know it.” With that, the heat of his body vanished from my side. I heard the door close behind him, and my heavy eyelids shut the light out again. It was too early.

I nuzzled my pillow, pulled the covers up to my chin, and thought of him.

Dream a little dream of me.

I woke up almost four hours later, and stared at my phone, stunned at how late I had slept.

That’s what holidays are for, right?

Relieved that Brian wasn’t there to witness my waking hours - the man woke up before dawn - I stretched my body languorously and got out of bed. Having the entire house to myself had its advantages. Without bothering to get dressed, I padded to the kitchen in my pyjamas, looking forward to a warm cup of coffee.

It was a beautiful summer day. The rays of sunshine squeezed through the curtains to dance upon the wooden kitchen table, Bran barked his disagreement with the chickens’ behavior in the yard, birds were chirping from the trees next to the back door, their song a praise to the cloudless sky.

The house was quiet and I closed my eyes. The coffee’s scent had filled the room and I inhaled deeply, listening to all the sounds that were usually swallowed by the constant buzz of the city. I was far away from Edinburgh, and yet, this place felt like home.

Lallybroch held a distinctive warmth, like a wisp of vanilla and cinnamon enfolding me when I stepped into the house. Brian, Jenny, Jamie… They had opened their arms to me. Even Ellen, with her fiery locks flying in the wind, smiled at me through the picture on Brian’s desk. Her eyes kind, her gaze conspicuous. Take care of them.

I suddenly felt alone. There was a note with Jamie’s writing on the table and I picked it up to see a smiley face next to a hastily-written ‘Good morning, babe. Breakfast in the oven.’ I chuckled and opened the oven door to find a bowl of porridge, with blueberries and toasted nuts.

My little chef. Jamie Fraser is not little. My personal chef, I amended.

With a smile, I took the bowl with one hand, my coffee with the other, and headed to the library. On my way there I realized I had left my phone in the kitchen, but I had read Jamie’s good morning text already, and it would probably be a while before he could send another message.

We had been at Lallybroch just for a day, when Jamie’s coach had called him, asking if he and his father could return to Edinburgh because he needed to talk to them – both of them. He apologized for the inconvenience but insisted it was important.

Jamie and I had spent the previous night on the couch, him lying on my outstretched legs, making guesses as to the meeting’s purpose. At last, we agreed that Jamie’s coach would want to talk to Brian about Jamie’s future, and make sure he would continue training with the team during the next year.

Which was ideal, concerning our gap year plans.

Our applications to the colleges at Oxford University would be due in October. Our interviews would follow in December, and by the beginning of the new year we would know if we were accepted.

We would - I knew it. And then we would celebrate our success with a trip to Paris, just as we had agreed. Maybe Rome, too, depending on our budget.

Our budget was currently at zero, but we had come up with a way to fix that tiny detail. We had both started looking for jobs in Edinburgh, and we wanted to talk to Brian about our plans as soon as possible, because he had to let Jamie stay with Murtagh one more year. Maybe it would be easier after the meeting, if his coach talked to Brian about the importance of Jamie’s training.

But just in case, we had a backup plan too. Once Brian set his mind to something, it was difficult to convince him to change it - just like his son. So if he would insist on Jamie staying at Lallybroch, I would go with him and find a job in Inverness. We wouldn’t spend our gap year apart when the last year we had been just a phone call and 10 minutes away.

Thinking of my phone, I remembered the message he had sent me that morning and a wide grin spread across my face. It had been a gif of a sleepy baby, and a text saying how much he would like to be in bed with me.

Just a few more hours and he will be back.

Perched in my armchair – the olive armchair that I had declared mine – I ate my breakfast, staring at the bookshelves and wondering what to read. My gaze fell on Circe, the book Jenny had suggested, and I soon found myself lost in its pages, forgetting to finish my coffee.

I was so engrossed with my book, that the next time I checked the big clock on the wall behind me I sprang to my feet and almost ran to the kitchen.

Two hours had passed, and the meeting would certainly be finished by now. I was sure that I would find tons of messages from Jamie wondering where I was – and yet, there was nothing.

Sassenach: Jamie? Are you still in the meeting?

Five minutes passed without a reply. Five minutes, even though he was online.

Sassenach: Jamie?

He didn’t read my messages.

Calm down, he probably hasn’t checked his phone. I heard a little, calm voice in my head.

But he’s online. An evil second one, added.

Sassenach: Is everything okay?

Nothing came in response to my texts. I paced back and forth in the kitchen, then back to the library to retrieve my bowl.

I checked my phone again. Nothing. I washed the bowl to avoid sending yet another message. Once my hands were dry again, I grabbed my phone from the table, typing furiously.

Sassenach: Where are you?

Finally, three dots appeared on my screen – only to disappear again. I felt my stomach clench. Jamie never hesitated when messaging with me. But he had never avoided me before either.

I typed again, but deleted my message. I stood in the middle of the kitchen – his kitchen – on that same beautiful summer day, and yet I shivered. I stared at my phone’s screen, waiting, willing myself not to text him again. Finally, his picture appeared on my screen, next to a new message.

Scot: Coming home, Sassenach.

That was all? No emojis, not even an exclamation point?

Sassenach: Are you alright?

Scot: Yes, fine. Ttyl.

Talk to you later, my ass.

That wasn’t fine. It was far from fine. Miles away from fine. Jamie never texted like this.

What the hell happened in Edinburgh?

I spent the next two hours watching the clock, wishing the hands to move faster. Wishing Brian to speed up, to bring Jamie back home to me.

I needed to see him, to listen to him say he was ‘fine’ and look me in the eye. He wasn’t fine.

I had tried to resume reading, but I couldn’t focus. I could do nothing but pace back and forth, then sink in the armchair in despair only to find that my limbs needed to move as much as my lungs needed to breathe.

The house suddenly seemed too big, too empty. Every little sound drew my attention, upsetting me. A subtle sound of plates settling on the drying rack in the kitchen, scaring me half to death, a door creaking, the roof clicking… And above every other sound, the one of my nerves rattling. The same question repeating itself in my head, loud and clear.

What is wrong? What had happened?

We had everything planned, we had thought of a solution for every possible problem. This meeting was supposed to help us.

And yet, Jamie wasn’t speaking to me. We had promised we would share everything, and now he wasn’t opening up to me.

I had my head buried in my hands when I heard Brian’s car and then the front door opening. I walked to the foyer to find Brian alone, his brow furrowed, mirroring mine.

“Jamie?” I asked, hesitantly.

“He’s outside, lass. Give him a moment, aye?” His eyes were soft, his lips pressed in a tight line. As if he was sorry.

Sorry for what?

I nodded, but my lips moved involuntarily, asking “Why?”, even though I knew there would be no answer to my question.

I waited five minutes. Five excruciating minutes, and then I walked back to the front door, put my shoes on, took a deep breath and stepped out. The sun blinded me for a second, and then I saw him, tall and impressive, red hair fiercer than the sun, standing on end in all possible directions.

With a shaking breath, I walked to him. He stood with his back towards the house, facing the hills, just as he had told me he did as a child, when he felt sad. The scenery calmed him down; wild and tamed, it was like him.

All my anger about him not replying to my messages and then being cold evaporated like fine mist under the sun’s heat. I wanted to hug him. To wrap my hands around his waist and bring him to me, whispering that it would be alright. But as I took a final step towards him, I felt afraid, unsure of how to approach him. I placed my hand between his shoulder blades tenderly, wishing not to startle him.

Jamie took a deep breath and let it out in a single word. “Sassenach.”

I had never heard that tone in his voice before. A relief, feeling my hand on him, mixed with concern and something that was terribly close to fear.

“Jamie?” My voice was small, but my steps were steady as I walked to face him. “What did your coach say?”

Jamie pursed his lips together, just as Brian had done minutes ago. “Come with me?” he asked, unsure.

“Of course.” I smiled and turned to take his hand. My eyes lingered on the scraped knuckles, the blood still fresh, painting his fingers. “What happened?” I asked, swallowing with difficulty.

“I punched a tree,” he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You punched a tree.” I repeated. “And I guess if I go check, the tree will be worse than you, right?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Ye’re really funny, Claire, have I told ye so?” he mocked me, but his lips curled up.

“I think you have,” I said, and took his other hand in mine. “Let’s go inside to clean that up, you bloody Scot.”

His laughter came stronger this time, and I revelled in the sound. As long as I could make him laugh, all would be well.

Jamie sat quiet while I cleaned and bandaged his wounds. When I finished he pulled me closer, breathed in, and said, “My very own doctor.”

“Always,” I whispered, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. I pulled away then, scowling at him. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Jamie shrugged, his eyes fixed on the floor. “I didna ken what else to do.”

“Will you finally tell me what has happened? I’ve been waiting for hours, Jamie, and you kept me in the dark.”

“Claire,” he said, and his hand came to rest on my cheek. “Ye ken I love ye, aye?”

Things are worse than I thought.

“Tell me,” I pressed, feeling my heart speeding up.

The kitchen was suddenly too small, the walls too thick to let me breathe. Jamie must had felt it too, because he took my hand and walked us outside again.

“Come, Sassenach,” he said, when I pulled us in a stop. “I want us to be alone.”

We walked up the hill behind the house and sat on the grass. The view was beautiful, the sun caressing the hills, hues of green and yellow coloring the earth, as if an invisible hand had painted them fresh that same morning. Walking had soothed my nerves, but when I caught my breath again I felt the anxiety build in my chest, rising up in my throat, threatening to choke me.

“Tell me,” I demanded again, before tears could come to my eyes. This tension was painful, the truth he kept from me mocking me from the shadows, hidden, powerful, intimidating. I needed to know.

“There was another coach in the meeting today,” he started, and I took a breath to steady myself, but Jamie didn’t continue.

“And?” I asked, impatient.

Jamie turned away from me, hiding his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. “I was offered a scholarship,” he mumbled in his hands, so low that I wasn’t sure I had heard correctly.

“What?” I froze.

I should be hugging him now.

I wanted to move. I wanted to do something more than just stare at him, lost. Something that wouldn’t aid him in building a wall between us. “A scholarship?” I whispered, striving for more words. “That’s wonderful, Jamie!”

God my heart hurts.

The scholarship wasn’t for Oxford. Because if it was, he would have called me the moment he had left his coach’s office.

In that moment, seeing my world tumbling down, I smiled the strangest smile of my life. Happy, sad, afraid.

Happy for him. Sad for me. Afraid for us.

He turned in my arms and cupped my face with both hands. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do, Jamie,” I answered and kissed the lips that I ached for all day, tasting him. Counting.

One more kiss, now that he’s still mine.

I needed that kiss, and all the kisses that would follow, to feel his presence next to me, inside my heart. To believe that the end of the world hadn’t come yet. “I do,” I repeated. “Tell me about the scholarship.”

“The coach was from the University of Michigan,” he said in a low voice, as if the volume would change the blow.

Michigan. The United States.

Oh God.

I listened to him quietly, not daring to trust my voice, unsure if I wanted to bring my feelings to the surface. This was a great opportunity for him. Maybe the best thing that could have ever happened. Jamie explained to me that the University of Michigan had one of the best bachelor programs for business administration in the US, and one of the best swimming and diving teams. He wore his mask tight, careful to show no emotions. Maybe because he couldn’t sort them out either.

“They have an Olympic sized pool for student-athletes, coaches and sports-specific dieticians and physios. Michael Phelps trained at the University of Michigan.”

Michael Phelps. Jamie’s first crush before he met me.

“It’s going to be amazing, Jamie. I’m so happy for you,” I said and hugged him again. I didn’t want to let go. I needed to keep him there, with me, in that moment while we were still together. But all I could see in front of me were broken dreams, their shards painful against my skin, carving a smile on my face that was neither fake or genuine.

I didn’t know how to feel. At that moment, I understood why Jamie hadn’t replied to my messages, why he’d hit that tree. It was happiness and anguish mingled together in the most inexplicable way.

“I didn’t say I’m going,” he said pulling away, his eyes searching mine. Dropping his mask.

In that moment, I saw his dreams and aspirations tearing him apart in front of my eyes. Half a heart here, half there. Torn, no matter what.

I wouldn’t do that to him.

“You didn’t accept?” I asked, my voice matter of fact.

“No.” He shook his head repeatedly, as if to prove his innocence, his devotion.

“Jamie, you should. This is like a dream coming true.”

My smile was genuine this time. Not our dream, but his. There was not a me anymore, just him. I had to see him safe, whole. And if I had to sacrifice a part of me to do that, I would gladly cut it out myself.

“I ken,” he said, his voice light at the thought of accepting the offer. “But what about us, Sassenach? Michigan is… far,” he finished lamely.

Too far. But still.

I took a deep breath, forced the widest smile on my face and took his hand between both mine.

“Are you kidding me? You have the opportunity to go to the US on a scholarship and you’re thinking about it?”

Jamie didn’t say anything, just looked at me.

“You said you love me,” I said.

“I do!” he exclaimed, his hand squeezing mine. His eyes honest, shining with unshed tears under the sunshine.

“Well, I love you too, you bloody Scot. You will go to Michigan, and we’ll make it work. If…” I trailed off. “If you still want that. Us.”

Jamie wrapped an arm around my waist, claiming my lips with his. “Of course I want that.” His whisper was hot on my lips. “You’re the most important thing in my life, Claire!”

I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “We will FaceTime, we will visit, and you’ll come home during breaks, right?” Jamie nodded, and it was my turn to take his lips in mine. It was a long, unhurried kiss; trying to convince us both that we could make it work.

“He said I have to hurry, if I want to start in January. I have to take the SATs and complete my application by the 1st of October.”

“Then that is what you’ll do.” I shrugged, and smoothed the frown between his eyebrows with my index finger.

“Are you sure?” he asked again, and I silenced him with another kiss.

“I’m sure. You have to go teach Michael Phelps how things are done.”

His laughter. That boisterous sound, filling every empty nook of my soul.

“I dinna ken what I would do without ye, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered, still smiling. The sigh that followed felt as if the weight of the world had been taken away from his shoulders.

And set upon mine.

As we walked back to the house, hands tightly clasped together, I could feel my heart beat with difficulty, my brain hurt.

No Paris. No Rome. No Oxford.

No sleeping in Jamie’s arms every night.

No waking up to his whisper breathing ‘good morning’ in my ear every day.

Dreams crushed, like the wildflowers underneath our shoes.

Chapter 45

#thermodynamics #The first law of thermodynamics #jamie x claire #high school au #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #picture is mine!#from Aberdeenshire not Lallybroch #but it was beautiful

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ethompson928 · 6 years

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We are Bulletproof (BTS GANG AU) Part 22

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

WARNINGS: Nothing graphic, just ever so slightly suggestive 😊😙

Returning back to the Bangtan base was tiring. Ally felt very drained both physically and emotionally. She could only just focus, her adrenaline high had faded away, the buzzing in her head was gone and she no longer felt like she was like a toddler having eat too much sugar when their parents weren't looking. Her head was leant against the window lightly jolting every now and again as the uneven terrain of the road jostled the car ever so slightly making the occupants of the car shift up and down and side to side. Her eyes slightly wincing everytime the side of her head made contact with the cool glass that she rested against.

Hoseok still hadn't let go of her hand.

His grip was tight, but not tight enough to leave any marks or bruises. His thumb rubbing small circles on the back of her hand, her other hand was clenched tightly in her lap. Her eyes began to droop and her head nodded gently the more sleep tried to pull her in to the darkness. She lurched her eyes open as she forced herself not to succumb to the pull of sleep that called to her like a siren called to a sailor.

Hoseok calmly watched her out of the corner of his eye. He observed her as she fought sleep time and time again, he was almost tempted to cradle her to his chest like a child and allow her a few moments of peace. Something she had very little of since she was taken from the club the night she sealed her fate as the newest member of Bangtan whether she wanted it or not. Hoseok felt sorry for her, she was only young, not much younger than himself and she had led what must have been a wonderful life before crap hit the fan. Unlike her Hoseok didn't have a choice, his circumstances that led him to Namjoon and Bangtan were the nails in his coffin. If he didn't join Bangtan, his life might have been much worse. Abandonded at a young age, Hoseok strived to work as hard as he could so that he could live. Namjoon saved him and he owed a lot to the leader of their gang. But he wished things might have been different for Ally. Although he admired her for being able to stay strong, he pitied her and felt sorry for her. He didn't expect to fall for her, but she pulled him in and he wasn't going to fight it anymore. He gained a soft spot for her the day he helped save her in that small shop and he couldn't deny it when he was glad he kissed her that day in the training room. The feeling to keep her safe, to watch over her and never let her get hurt again, he didn't know where these protective feelings came from but he was secretly glad they were there.

The familiar house pulled into view as Ally finally mustered the strenght to pull her face away from the window, her cheek had slightly turned a pale pink colour from the prolonged contact to the cool glass, a small smug could also be seen on the window. Ally rubbed her eyes and gave her head a good shake as she allowed herself to be led out of the car and back towards the house. Hoseok finally letting go of her hand as she folded her arms and tucked in her hands for warmth, a small shiver vibrating her small body as she followed the boys willingly back into the house.

Almost rebotically Ally followed Hoseok to his room. She didn't know what compelled her to trail him like a little puppy. She blamed it on the tiredness, just putting one foot in front of the other. She had past her own bedroom door several paces ago and have every chance to go into her own room or turn around whenever she wanted but she threw all caution to the wind and continued walking.

Being the gentleman he is Hoseok allowed her to go into his room first. It was a basic room, much like her own. Very minimal, only a small number of possessions and quite dim, low lighting which almost made it near impossible to see but Ally's eyes adjusted quickly. The door behind her closed with a soft click.

She felt herself sit down on the soft mattress, her fists curling around the bedsheets in a last ditch attempt to clear her head from all the stress and fatigue she had been experiencing. She jumped ever so slightly when Hoseok grabbed her hand as he sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry..." "I am so so sorry"

Both of them spoke at the same time Ally's voice a quiet whisper while Hoseok being slightly louder but he still heard her and his expression softened.

"What? Why are you sorry?" He asked quizically looking at her.

Ally didn't really know why she was sorry but she felt this compulsive need to apologise for everything so she wouldn't get hurt or in trouble with any of the boys here. Looking back even before any of this happened Ally found she apologised a lot for things she didn't really need to. She just shrugged and Hoseok let out a big sigh.

"None of this was you're fault, don't even think that for a second. Don't you dare." Hoseok told her. "If anything this whole thing is my fault...if it wasn't for me you wouldn't even be in this mess in the first place."

Ally looked down at her lap, she felt so conflicted right now, her feelings were all over the place. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Hey" Hoseok said and got her to give him her full attention. "I'll always be here for you. You don't have to worry."

He meant forward and gently kissed her forehead. He stayed there for several seconds before he pulled away. Ally's face light up with a smile, it wasn't a shy smile or a forced one but a genuine smile and Hoseok loved seeing her smile, that in turn made him smile and he sat and admired her for a few seconds.

"Please smile more". Hoseok told her. This was the second time he had mentioned her smile.

"Thank you." Ally said softly and she let out a small giggle.

"What was that?" Hoseok asked, a small smile creeping up his face.

"What was what?" Ally asked the small smile slipping off her face as she thought she did something wrong.

"You're laugh, it's cute. Don't stop smiling". Hoseok muttered.

It was at moment that Hoseok lent in and plastered a big kiss onto rhe tip of her nose which made her smile again.

"I will never"

Kiss.

"Let anything bad"

Kiss.

"Happen to you."

Kiss.

"I promise".

Kiss.

He sat back and nearly laughed at the flustered look Ally gave him after he finished kissing her face, her cheeks going a bright red and looking slightly shocked. "I also promise to keep you safe" he whispered.

Ally then leant in and planted a soft kiss right onto Hoseok's lips as he finished talking. She leant back but felt a tiht grip on her arm as Hoseok pulled her back in and kissed her back. Hoseok was kissing her! She gently closed her eyes as she allowed the kiss to happen. The kiss was very soft and fragile. Hoseok lifted his hand up to cup her cheek as he tilted his own head to deepen the kiss, his tounge running gently against Ally's bottom lip, asking permission for access. His thumb gently stroked her cheek, his other hand tracing patterns in her skin just under the hem of her top. He moved her back further against the bed and gently lay her down against the mattress, supporting himself by his forearms resting on either side of her head.

A soft moan escaped her mouth as they continued their heated kiss. Scundered by the noise that she made Ally went to push his chest away but he grabbed her wrists and held them up by her head. "Please don't" he muttered softly before kissing her jaw and side of her neck gently which sent shivers down her spine.

Groaning slightly Hoseok finally stopped himself before going too far. His head was spinning and he didn't want to take advantage of her when she was in a fragile state. He kissed her once more on the lips, a long kiss with a lot of feeling behind it. Placing his forehead against hers, he tried to catch his breath before staring deep into her eyes.

"Please don't ruin me." He whispered hiding his face in the crook of Ally's neck before finally getting up giving her one last look before leaving the room.

Ally could only watch as Hoseok left, her face still beetroot red. Her heart beating at the pace of a thousand drums, her palms getting sweaty and she felt even more tired as she lay on Hoseoks bed wondering should she go back to her own room or stay where she was.

Giving herself an extra 5 minutes lying there staring at the ceiling contemplating all that had just happened. Her fingers ghosted over her lips as she remembered the kiss her and Hoseok had shared. A small smile lit up her features and she finally turned over to get up off the bed when she heard a small rustling in her pocket. Fishing whatever it was out of her pocket she found a small piece of folded up notebook paper in her hand. Tilting her head she tried to remember where it was from then it struck her, it was the note JB slipped her as she left GOT7s hideout. Looking to the door and realised no one was coming in she quickly opened it up and stared at what was written on the page, on it was a phone number and underneath it it said:

Just in case you ever need it. Stay safe. JB.

#BTS #kpop #scenarios #mafia au #gang au #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

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