#think this is the first time I've ever seen that spin on this panel

[butterkofiinthemorning]

I was trying to find Mangas that have similar vibes to Dungeon Meshi because it's really the best media I ever consume for awhile and it checks all the boxes on what I'm looking for in a story.

But then, maybe I'm just trying to find something that is plot consistent or ever growing, character driven and at least have some system within the story. No ass pull whatsoever. Probably why I dislike most of the Isekais so much and the lazy writing of some OP characters (Mob Psycho 100 and One Punch Man might be my only exception for this, because they did handle OP characters very well).

The reason I liked Hunter x Hunter more than any other shonen out there is because of the nen abilities well explained (and it's the basis for Jujutsu Kaiden CTs) and it can potentially grow.

Railgun on the other hand got my curiosity with how abilities could be applied. I don't have the same sentiments with Index as I'm more pulled in by the science sides of things and I kinda dislike some harem sub elements on it, both the mother and the spin off story.

--------

So, from what I gathered these will probably be my to read list;

1. Witch Hat Atelier - I've seen some artworks, and it's one of the best panelling I've ever seen. Plus it's the fantasy closest to Dungeon Meshi. And the author's a fan of Good Omens! I think.

2. Blue Period - The talent vs. hardwork discussion made me wanna read it.

3. Fool Night - Apparently Sui Ishida liked this, and I watched some video regarding this and it pique my interest delving back to this type of genre.

4. The Summer Hikaru Died - Hmm.. I've seen this quite a few times last year when I was scrolling through a raw manga, and honestly the blue background and some ominous looking boy got my attention.

5. March Comes in Like a Lion - I've been dismissive of this for quite a year/s because I thought it was too heavy for me back then. But now that I'm in the mood of ever growing characters, I would like to read it. Though what really made me read about it is because the artist is the same with Oberon's design which I really liked in FGO.

6. Chainsaw Man - I already know what happened. I watched a summary video in YT that explained Part 1 and Part 2. BUT I wanted to give it a proper read. Denji and Asa is something special and yet relatable to me in a sense. Plus I like how clean his panelling is for this.

7. Kaze Hikaru - Man, I looove Shinsengumi. Okita has been my favourite character in FGO and my first 5 star saber. But this Manga, it fleshes out his character more and also the Shinsengumi as a whole up until it's downfall. I already read some of it but I think I just can't find the continuation.

-----

Maybe this post is just a reminder for myself on what I'll be reading because I'm too forgetful in everything. I doubt anybody is reading this though.

#Dungeon Mesh #hunter x hunter #a certain scientific railgun #witch hat atelier #Blue Period #march comes in like a lion #Fool night #the summer hikaru died #chainsaw man #Kaze Hikaru #Oberon Vortigern #Okita Souji #Manga I wanna read #one punch man #mob psycho 100 #fgo

[tiny-elf-of-doom]

The Cloak-and-Dagger Game - DA2

M!Hawke x Fenris ft. Varric

Varric is writing another book and needs inspiration for his protagonist's sex sequence. To ensure his knowledge is clear as glass, he decides to snoop around Hawke's mansion to see what he and Fenris get up to. The dwarf ends up pleasantly surprised.

MDNI 🔞: sex, gay boys, top!Hawke, bottom!Fenris, flirting, dirty talk, language, erotic massage, rough kissing, spying, humor, Varric is hilarious, and plenty of banter.

In my attempts to complete my most recent tale, I've found myself in a rut; stuck with a lack of creativity. This happens among writers many times in their lives, but through trials and tribulations, or perhaps sheer luck, they break down such blockages. Unfortunately for me, I've been staring at this page for a while now, and of course its a heated scene.

I would love to think of myself as a sexually involved man, a romantic lover, but moments like this brings me to opposite conclusions. Perhaps I need to get into the mood when I write these sequences, or ask someone how to go about establishing the involvement of two men. I wipe the annoyance from my tired eyes, knowing fully that asking that question would be rather complicated. Sebastian has probably never been touched in his life, nor has Anders, but Hawke has, and so has the broody elf, Fenris.

Perhaps the clouds have lifted. A warmth pools over my lower belly as I imagine their secret escapades, or perhaps its the ale. No one knows what kinds of lustful acts they conduct, which would make it hard to interrogate them. I nearly banish the thought from my mind when I recall a conversation had between them at the Hanged Man. Something about staying the night in Hawke's mansion to 'catch up' after all of three days of separation had passed. I could snoop around, wade my way through the mansion until I stumble upon his sleeping quarters. I'd stay in a tight closet, yes, Varric, very good!

And so it is settled, I play the cloak-and-dagger game.

~*~

If I hadn't been so dull, I would have left some space between myself and the damn linens. Closets in these large houses never fail to be stuffed with ridiculous clothing. Wriggling against the farbics, I peek through the grates on the side of the wood paneling. From there, two figures are seated on the carpet, enjoying wine next to the fire. It crackles, blazing gold against their casual garb. I don't think I've ever seen Fenris and Hawke dress so simply, especially in one another's presence. Firelight brightens their skin and for once in all of the time I've known the elf, he smiles. Chuckles, even, at the yarn Hawke begins to spin.

He's truly not that comical. Well, compared to me, at least.

"...and that was how I defeated a Qunari in battle with a broken sword," Hawke finished with a bow.

Fenris had clapped, smirking with full lips. "A true hero of legend!"

Hawke batted the comment with his hand," forget it!"

"Award him with anything he desires!" Fenris replied.

Of course, I feel happy for Hawke and that broody elf, but their interactions are anything but unique. Typical lovers congratulating one another on their accomplishments was mild drabble, I want more, and after a moment of feeling like a fool trapped in a closet, I finally have my wishes granted.

"Anything I desire?" Hawke coos, "I would like you in my bed, elf."

"Me? I'm sure you can find someone better..." Fenris might be serious, appearing self-conscious as his gaze is cast aside.

Suddenly, Hawke's voice lowers. "No, Fenris. You have always had my full desire. I only crave you."

Now we're talking. I wish I brought a quill and paper with me, though I doubt it would fit in that closet with me. Hawke pulls the elf into a kiss with the tug of his fingers under that dainty chin. It's slow at first, then picks up when they began to get handsy. To be completely honest, I have always wanted to see the full design of Fenris' lyrium tattoos. They peak out along his arms and throat, some on his legs, but I have never had the chance to truly see what kind of chaos covers his torso. Hawke has, and I am still slightly jealous for that.

The elf happily disrobes, sitting nude in the wake of the fire. White, glowing lines flow along every muscle, branching around his body as a tree in spring blooms outward. It's kinda cool, though unfortunate. All the pain of a full body carving, and for what? To rip people's hearts out? It doesn't seem very fair. Soon, Hawke joins him in the disrobing, throwing their clothes to the side nearest to this closet. I hold my breath, don't you dare bump anything.

Luckily, they don't seem to notice my shadow moving between the grates. I am safe for the moment, thank the Maker. Fenris climbs atop Hawke, straddling his left thigh. He moves along the bulging muscles with finesse and utmost experience. To my surprise, he begins to make a stream of noises I never thought I would hear. They are loose, sultry in the back of his throat. A songbird couldn't carry a pretty tune as this elf can. Hawke has his left hand settled on the elf's hip, moving it along with the smooth gyrations.

"Care to take a ride with me, my beautiful Fenris?" Hawke asks softly.

Fenris nods, "yes, I believe a ride is much needed."

Oh yes, I agree. Hawke lifts the elf into his arms and I can't help but adore the way broody elf's legs wrap around Hawke's strong torso. To the bed they go and I've lost visual on them. Goddamnit, I curse. I peer around the closet for any holes in the wood, but I am left with darkness. Perhaps if I slightly open the door, I can see the bed. Rattling is heard from the nightstand, so there is enough distraction and noise to hide my movements. Carefully as to remain hidden, I push the closet door forward until there is a decent view of the bed. To my relief, neither of them noticed the squeaking. Varric, if you ever do this again, don't choose the fucking closet next time.

Hawke takes his time kissing the elf, making sure his lips have ventured over every crevice and marking on Fenris' body. His moans are sweet, but grow desperate when his lover pushes his legs upward to touch his shoulders. Maker's balls, I can't believe how flexible the elf is. If anyone else in our group ever tried that, they'd be out of commission for a month. However, Fenris wraps his arms around his calves, keeping them in place so Hawke has full access to his ass. He dips down to plant a kiss on the back of the elf's thigh, relaxing his partner, no doubt. Fenris is always a nervous creature, so such tenderness is most definitely needed.

Then, things become interesting.

I watch as Hawke latches to the elf's backside, licking the skin and fucking the hole with his tongue. Broody elf's big, green eyes roll back into his head, flopping to the bedsheets in absolute delight. A tingle pricks at my belly, an excitement like no other. I may need to take care of personal business at this rate, but not here. The sounds are obscene and Fenris is eating them up, going so far as to grip Hawke's hair for dear life.

"G-Get the oil, Hawke," the elf pleads, "I want more than just your tongue inside of me."

"Is it that bad?" He joked with a wink.

"It's better than anything I could ever dream."

Cheesy as hell, and I roll my eyes. Another kiss is pressed to the elf's leg before Hawke turns to grab their decorative bottle of oil. It's in a gold vial covered in intricate markings, likely one of the treasures Hawke's been gifted over the years. A few drops suffice along with the man's spit to lube them both. The larger man lays back against the pillows, welcoming a needy elf to seat himself on his lap. Those markings glow brightly, nearly blinding me as I try to shield my eyes. One hand on Hawke's well endowed cock and one lyrium clad palm help ease the elf onto that incredible hilt.

Pain, plenty of pain causes the elf to cry out. Even I cannot help but flinch at the idea of being penetrated by something so thick. The stretch must be unforgiving, though broody is taking it like a champ. Hawke rubs the elf's hips, attempting to sooth the agony just a little more. It takes time, and I expect it to, but soon he's seated and breathing heavy. And this is why I don't bottom.

"Are you alright, Fenris?" Hawke checks in, voice gentle.

Fenris only groans, gasping for any words willing to be released. There appear to be none present, therefore, he ignores communication and starts to rock his hips. Bouncing up and down, he brings Hawke into a small fit of vocalization. It's everything I imagined it would be, just as masculine and deep as his usual voice. Opening up slowly, Hawke joins Fenris in thrusting upward into the elf, angling his hips in a different manner every time. I raise my brow in momentary confusion, what is he trying to accomplish?

Suddenly, Fenris cries out, gripping Hawke's strong forearms. I think I see trails of blood leaking to the bed. "Keep your hips like that and don't you dare shift them!"

Ah, I mumble to myself, he found broody's love spot.

The thrusting continues in this new position and Fenris is mewling like the most popular whore in all of Lowtown. I never thought I would be hearing Fenris lose himself in the wrung of pleasure, but here I am, stiffening from the men before me. Bianca will be jealous, but I ignore the thought and begin to palm at my trousers.

"Fenris, not so fast... I might-" Hawke growls, head thrown back against the plush pillows.

Fucking hell, Hawke.

The elf slams his mouth against his lover's, taking him in a deep, hot kiss. "Come, right now... fill me with your kin."

What the hell, Fenris?

It all becomes too much, even for me, and I watch as the two come undone within each other's grasp. Fenris releases himself all over the front of Hawke's stomach and chest while the champion of Kirkwall has found a safe place to expel his orgasm within the elf. In order to keep myself from joining them, I squeeze the hell out of my testicles, focusing on the pain as opposed to the pleasure. They collapse onto the bed, heaving breaths until the only sound in the room is the roar of the fireplace.

"Once you're up to it, how does a bath sound?" Hawke questions.

"Much needed," broody raises his head to kiss Hawke's cheek, "thank you, my darling Hawke."

"Always, Fenris," he had replied.

No, no, thank you both, I cackle in thought, for all of these incredible ideas. Hopefully, I won't get anything wrong when I tell this story.

#dragon age 2 #dragon age 2 fanficiton #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age fandom #hawke x fenris #m!hawke #fenris #varric tethras #broody elf #dragon age headcanons #garrett hawke #character pov #humor

[fluffykitteninabox]

My thoughts on MHA s6 ep17:

⚠️Spoilers (obviously) ⚠️

Alright let's get all my emotions about the episode out of the way first:

OMGFXFJCJFXGJGXUC THEY WERE SO CUTE OMG GUYS DID YOU SEE BABY NATSUO?? HE WAS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE THING AND FUYUMI WAS SO CUTE WITH HER LITTLE DRUM AND FXFJXIGCGJCU BABY SHOUTO OMG HE WAS SO ROUND!! AND TOUYA'S LITTLE FEET TAPPING WHEN HE WAS EXCITED😭😭HE WAS JUST A CHILD OMG 😭THEY WERE ALL JUST CHILDREN!!😭😭I'M HEARTBROKEN!!

ok...

Now about the episode. I think it has some of the best cinematography I have ever seen in my hero academia!

I'm going to gush a little. Bones decided they wanted to start experimenting with the animation and I'm here for it!

First they gave us A GREY SKY last episode and then this episode we get shots like these:

I am LOVING these Dutch angles and the camera spins.

THE COLOUR CONTRAST OH MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD!!!

It looks like Touya literally opened the door to hell in that shot!!

It's fucking amazing!!!

I hope they continue to experiment with lightning and creative angles like this in future episodes too, It really elevates the scene.

The one animation thing I will complain about (which is a real nitpick) is the single blood tear.

Hori gave us this nicely composed shot of the blood tear dropping as we transition from the panel of Dabi on the couch to a panel of the Todoroki household.

The way they animated this it shows the blood flowing down his face but then we cut to black hearing the sound of the droplet, before cutting to the shot of the Todoroki household.

Again this is a real fucking nitpick. They still shot it in a creative way, it's just not how I would have preferred it. I wish we saw the droplet landing or something. Especially because there's multiple other instances in this episode where they cut to black for dramatic effect, so taking out this one wouldn't change much.

They also changed the doctor. I remember everyone theorising that in the scene where Endeavor and Rei go to a doctor about Touya's condition that it was Ujiko.

And in the manga where we only got one not very detailed shot from behind, he really did look like that. However in the episode they changed that completely.

In the manga he looked bald, so I can see why people thought it was Ujiko. And personally I like that idea more since it fits with what we learn later about Touya in chapter 350.

AFO and the doctor would need to keep a close eye on him for AFO to appear and take Touya when the Sekoto incident happened. They were waiting for this. So showing "maybe Ujiko" as the doctor that Endeavor and Rei consulted was a neat little bit of foreshadowing.

They also reanimated the ball scene. In the season 2 version of the flashback they made Touya's hair red (even though it's white in the manga). I think that's why there was so much confusion about his hair colour in the fandom.

In the new version of the flashback they changed his hair back to white to fit the timeline of his loss of melanin better. I'm wondering if they're going to change the season 2 flashback too now or if it's just going to stay in as a continuity mistake.

I mean obviously the DVDs for season 2 have been out for long, so it would cost them a lot to fix it now. So they're probably not going to, which is understandable.

Something I didn't expect to like this episode was Hawks!!

I mean, I still don't exactly like his decision to help Endeavor. I don't like how Horikoshi keeps inserting him into the Todoroki side plot in general (as I've said many times)

But I liked the comedic relief he kind of provided. I think it wasn't as good in the manga, but here when they added the silly robot voice and him furiously typing on his phone! I think it worked a lot better in the episode.

Overall I really liked the episode, I think its quality is a lot better than the average my hero episode, even if there's not a lot of "premium treatment" scenes. That's what I like to call when the animation gets really smooth which usually happens in fight scenes, or in the intro.

The cinematography was visually intresting and that made panels that aren't really anything special in the manga, look absolutely amazing.

Again the scene where Touya opens the door to go outside.

It looks cool in the manga but I didn't think the animators would do anything other than colour these panels and slap some generic background behind the door. But they exceeded my expectations this time.

Even the shots of Touya training in the forest

LOOK AT THAT! WE HAVE A DARK NIGHT SKY IN MY HERO ACADEMIA!!

Not as shocking as the grey sky we got last week (OMG STILL HAVEN'T FULLY PROCESSED THIS) but still impressive by bones standards!

I mean I was half expecting them to just make him train midday with a bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds in the background!!

But look at how interesting and good my hero academia looks when the animators get some creative freedom and play around with the lighting and angles and the colours.

I wish every episode could look like this.

ok ok I'm done gushing about the animation now! 😂

Loved the episode

episode good 👍👍

more of that please!!

#mha #mha season 6 spoilers #mha manga spoilers

[nnatsume]

MUSEUM VISITS !!! absolutely they are so interesting depending on what they showcase

i like small museums of historical things cuz they're very interesting and things i have rarely ever seen before most likely !! looking around and reading the panels about them >>

i like it when it's in a historical building too !! like. some rich person's house or something

i rambled in this post sorry. i feel like a stupid nerd

oh yes, small museums are so much better.. my aunt took me to the louvre once and it was horrible. but i was in the vicinity of the mona lisa i guess. AHEM.

ANYWAY!!! more recently than that i've been in a film museum. it's a pretty specific part of history so it was really empty—you can walk around, and there's suuuper old films playing on original machinery. you can even operate some of them.. there's wheels painted on the inside that you spin, and when you peek through a gap, the paintings inside make repeating animation using illusions. kind of like the thaumatrope technique (which is a predecessor) where the front and back of a plate spin so fast that you see them both at the same time. does that make sense?

i took a couple photos.. i loooved the magic lantern sections, they were SO, SO beautiful. i have some photos here. first one was my favorite. it's SOOOOO PRETTY

i didn't give a shit about the modern sections tbh i just stayed at the ancient ones and watched some 1900s thingy things.. (people back then thought that people getting out of a train was so exciting and interesting, they paid a load of money to watch that. when you think about it.. ok wtf, but also ok understandable)

#💌.mail #🐇 ! qian

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

#the mitchells vs the machines #aspergers #movie analysis #denki shut up #nobody cares about your emotional backstory #long post #this took me over an hour because I kept crying

[albertasunrise]

It's Yours - Chapter 3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: You and Javier have been sleeping together for almost two years but after his name was leaked by the papers, he is sent home for investigation. You remain behind with Steve to catch Escobar but when he’s finally dead, you decide to go after the man you’ve fallen for. You don’t like what you find when you finally reunite with him.

Warnings: Angst, Kissing

Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader

Note: I picture that Si looks like Charlie Hunnam, hot but with the kindest eyes and face.

~

The guest house was beautiful. The wood panelling was whitewashed with two potted orange trees sat either side of the steps that lead up to the porch, a swinging bench hanging to the left and a small table and chairs say to the right of the front door. Javier unlocks the painted, white, door and leads you inside to the lounge with minimalistic decor. It was clear that the place wasn’t finished but it was certainly liveable.

‘The bedrooms are through here.’ He states as he motions with an open hand for you to follow.

He takes you down a long hallway. The first door to your left is a bedroom, its small with a single bed on one side and a desk and bookshelves on the other, then a little further on to the right is a bathroom, tiled white with a large double shower, clawfoot bath and double sink. Javier watches you as you admire each room you pass. He comes to a stop next to a door at the far end of the hall and you glance at him before heading inside. The room’s walls are painted a warm shade of red with a four-poster bed stood proudly within. A door sat in the centre of the wall opposite the bed with a wardrobe on one side and a dresser on the other, both the same rich shade of brown as the bed.

‘This is beautiful Javi.’ You say as you turn to look at him, noting his nervous expression.

‘The place isn't finished yet but I hope you’ll be comfortable here.’ He states ‘Well at least until you find a place or whatever.’

‘I’m sure I will be.’ You reply with a smile.

‘There’s no food in the fridge, didn’t get a chance to buy anything in but Pops has invited you to dinner tonight if you want to join us.’ He pauses as he studies your expression ‘Unless you and Si have plans.’

‘Si’s working tonight.’ You reply and he nods ‘I’d love to join you and your father. Be nice to get to know our baby’s grandpa.’

Javier’s heart tugged at the mention of the tiny being growing inside of you, the being that he had helped create but then his heart ached a little as he remembered that you wouldn't be raising this baby together. He showed you where the towels were and how all the appliances in the kitchen worked and then left you alone. You took your time looking around a little more before picking up the phone to call Si liked you'd promised.

‘Hey, baby.’ You say sweetly, grinning down the phone like a loon ‘I’m here. The place is lovely.’

‘That’s great baby.’ He replies ‘Everything okay? Not weird or anything?’

‘Well of course things are a little weird.’ You chuckle ‘I’m pregnant with my partner’s baby and living in a guest house on his father’s ranch. No way for this not to be weird.’

Si chuckles in reply and you laugh along with him, chewing your bottom lip as you swoon over him.

‘He’s invited me to join him and his dad for dinner tonight.’ You start ‘Should probably get to know my baby’s only grandparent.’

‘Probably.’ Si teases ‘But I’m taking you for breakfast tomorrow morning beautiful.’

‘Oh, are you indeed?’

‘What?’ He chuckles ‘Can’t a guy treat his girl?’

‘So I’m your girl am I?’ You tease, eyebrows raised in feigned surprise.

‘I hope so.’

‘I hope so too.’ You grin ‘See you tomorrow handsome.’

‘Bye baby.’

You hang up the phone and practically shake with excitement. You’d not felt this excited about someone in a long time. Simon exhilarated you in a way that only Javi had before, but you hadn’t been Javier’s girl. You unpack your clothes and decide to take a walk around the ranch, surprised at how many animals Javi’s father has. You perch yourself on the bench that overlooks the two horses you’d seen that first day you came, smiling as they play and prance.

‘Those two never stop.’ Chuckles Javier as he walks up beside you.

‘Do you ride?’ You ask, glancing up at him as he watches the two mares play.

‘Yeah.’ He replies plainly as he looks down at you ‘You?’

‘Used to.’ You reply with a smile ‘Haven’t in years.’

‘Well, maybe we can go for a ride some time.’ He says sweetly and you smile at him.

‘I’d like that.’ You pause as you place your hand on your belly ‘I uh… I made an appointment to get a scan done. It’s on the 17th.’

‘Okay great.’ He replies as he perches himself on the edge of the bench.

‘I’ll probably need you to drive me. I need to return the car tomorrow.’ You state and he nods.

‘Do you need me to collect you tomorrow after you give it back?’

‘No Si’s coming with me.’ You reply, a pang of guilt rearing its head when you mention his name ‘He’s actually going to take me to breakfast tomorrow morning so I’ll be gone early.’

‘Oh right.’ He replies, unable to hide his disappointment.

‘What?’

‘It’s nothing.’ He replies, giving you an unconvincing smile.

‘Javier I know when you’re lying. What is it?’

‘Pops bought a load of extra food in. He assumed as you had no groceries that you’d join us for breakfast too.’ He replies honestly, grimacing as he spoke.

‘I’ll cancel with Si.’

‘No don’t.’ Javier shakes his head ‘Why don’t you invite him? There’s plenty for us all. Pops won’t mind.’

‘Javi-.’

‘It’s fine really.’ He says, giving you a small smile ‘I better get back to work. There’s a really nice walk down that way.’ He says as he motions to a small dirt track ‘Just don’t leave the path. So easy to get lost.’

‘Okay.’ You reply as you watch him stand ‘Thanks.’

He gives you a brief nod and leaves, heart aching for you as he walks towards his truck. He doesn't want Si there but he knows that that man can offer you everything he can't so he has to accept he's lost you to the nicest man he knows.

~

‘Chucho, these are the best Enchiladas I have ever eaten!’ You gush and the man grins at you ‘Actually Javi made these.’

‘You can cook?’ You make no attempt to hide your surprise.

‘Yeah well, I’m Mexican. Cooking was forced onto me from a young age.’ He chuckles.

‘Well, these are delicious Javi.’ You smile ‘At least I know the baby will eat well when it visits.’

Javier’s face drops at this and you feel your stomach twist. You hadn't really discussed what the arrangement was going to be. It was a little early on to be thinking about it but you’d somewhat assumed that you would move back to DC and the baby would come to visit during the holidays. The distance is a bit much for alternating weekends.

‘Have you thought about what you want it to be?’ Asks Chucho, trying to relieve some of the tension.

‘Not Fussed’ ‘Girl’

You look up and Javier in shock, a small smile tugging at your lips.

‘You want a girl?’ You question ‘Didn’t know you’d given it any thought.’

He shrugs as he chews ‘I dunno… I've just always thought if I have a kid, I’d like it to be a girl. Boy’s are hard work.’ He chuckles.

‘You really not thought about it Chica?’ Asked Chucho, smiling at you.

‘Honestly, as long as it’s healthy I’m happy.’ You reply, smiling back at him.

‘Javi said your boyfriend is joining us for breakfast.’ You nearly choke on your food at this statement, you’d not labelled him yet.

‘Uh… yeah.’ You reply ‘If that’s okay with you.’

‘Not a problem.’ He replies ‘Plenty of food.’

‘Thank you, Chucho.’

Dinner goes by with relative ease. Some leftovers get wrapped up for you, you thank Chucho for a wonderful evening and then Javier walks you back to the guesthouse, casserole dish in hand. Stopping beside the front door you take the dish for Javi and smile sweetly at him, willing your heart to slow down.

‘Thank you, Javi.’ You start, feeling your heart flutter a little as he looked at you with his expressive brown eyes ‘Was a really lovely evening.’

‘Glad you enjoyed yourself.’ He replied ‘Goodnight.’

He leans in and kisses your cheek, your heart stopping as his soft lips make contact with your skin. You let out a shaky breath as he pulls away, just enough that he can look you in the eye and you find your gaze flitting between his lips and his glittering brown orbs. In the blink of an eye, his lips are on yours, kissing you with fervour and after the initial shock, you’re then kissing him back. Then your brain catches up with you and you push him away with your free hand, chest heaving as you feel tears forming.

‘We can't do this Javi.’ You sob.

‘Hermosa-.’

‘No… We can’t.’ You interrupt ‘I’m with Si. I care about him and he doesn't deserve this.' You pause as you wipe your tears with the back of your hand 'Goodnight Javier.’

You quickly unlock the door and disappear inside and leaving a heartbroken man in your wake.

~

‘You don’t have to do this baby.’ You say as you walk towards the main house with Si at your side ‘Still time to back out.’

‘Well, I should probably get to know the sober version that is the father of my girlfriends baby.’ He states and your heart skips a beat ‘If this is heading where I think it is then we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.’ He finishes as he spins you around to kiss you passionately, beard tickling your lips and making you giggle.

‘Girlfriend eh?’ You question with a wink.

‘That okay?’

‘More than.’ You reply as you place a sweet kiss on his lips.

You knock on the door three times and you’re greeted by Chuchos smiling face ‘You didn’t tell me Si’s your man!’ He exclaims as he gives the man a friendly pat on his shoulder.

‘Good to see you Chucho.’ Replies Si as he grins at him.

‘Come in, come in!’ He says excitedly as he motions you in with his hand.

The table is covered in food and you can’t help but smile at the effort that’s been made. Javier is busy at the stove and you make your way over to him, peering at the pan and seeing that he’s making scrambled eggs.

‘Good morning.’ He says with a smile and you wonder if he’s forgotten about what happened last night.

Then the smell hits you and your stomach rolls. You say nothing, just make a b-line for the bathroom and Javier’s face drops as he watches you run. Si sprints after you and holds your hair as you empty the contents of your stomach, letting out a sob as you try to breathe through it.

‘You okay?’ Si asks as he rubs comforting circles on your back.

‘What happened?’ Asks a flustered Javier as he appears in the doorway.

‘Morning sickness.’ Replies Si as you rest your head remains resting on your forearm ‘She gets set off by the smell of eggs and Coffee.’

‘Shit I-.’

‘You didn’t know man it’s fine.’ Interrupts Si and Javier nods before leaving, not wanting you or him to see the tears forming in his eyes.

He feels like he should know these things. You’re carrying his baby yet the local barman knows more about your triggers than him. You walk back in to the kitchen ans see him tossing the eggs into the trash and your brows furrow.

‘What are you doing?’

‘The smell makes you sick so we won’t eat them.’

‘You didn’t need to do that Javi.’

‘It’s fine Chica really.’ States Chucho ‘There’s still plenty of food.’

Si and Chucho talk each other’s ears off over breakfast but Javier doesn't say a word. You note that his eyes are bloodshot, that he keeps wiping his nose with his napkin and that he avoids any form of eye contact with you. You help clear up, hoping that it will give you a moment alone with Javier to talk but he doesn't say a word to you, doesn’t look at you and you feel yourself getting more and more irritated as it goes on.

‘Can I speak to you a moment?’ You say suddenly as you toss the drying cloth down and grab his arm, pulling him through the backdoor ‘What the fuck is your problem?’

‘What? He growls.

‘You’ve been in a shit mood all morning.’ You spit ‘I’m sorry that I got sick because of the eggs. You didn’t need to act like a child about it! You put this kid in me. You don’t get to be upset about some silly eggs.’

‘You think that's why I’m upset?’ He says, raising his voice a little ‘I’m upset because I don’t know what triggers morning sickness in the mother of my child and yet the local barman does. I’m upset that I won't get to raise my first kid with the woman I love. I’m upset that I’m not going to be able to do the feeds with you, the night changes... I’ll miss watching them grow, walk, probably talk. This is not how I imagined things would be when I finally became a father but it’s what I deserve right? I’m a bad man. I don’t deserve the perfect life with a wife and a baby. But he does!’ He finishes as he points at the closed door before he storms through it, leaving you speechless.

The woman he loves?

What were you supposed to do with that information?

You looked through the windows and saw him swiping up his keys and bidding his father and Si goodbye before leaving them as abruptly as he left you. Then your eyes drift to Si who’s looking at you with a sympathetic expression and your heart flutters. You’d waited years to hear Javi say that he loved you. It had been all you'd ever wanted but you also knew that he’d fuck it up. He wouldn’t be able to prioritise you and this baby. The job would always come first. Si was everything you’d ever wanted in a man. He was kind, loving, committed. He knew what he wanted and he would stop at nothing to get it and what he wanted is you. You could feel yourself falling hard from him already and that scared you because you had to decide. Do you want the man you’re in love with? The father of your child. Or do you want the man you’re falling in love with? The man who you know will give you everything you’ve ever wanted.

Time to decide.

~

Chapter 4

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