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bisexualoftheblade-old · 3 years

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how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

#cai's 200 #asks #mininacl

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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like i said i’ve never dated anyone, never slept w anyone, never even really kissed anyone that i count as a proper kiss; i don’t regret this as i’ve never really wanted to date anyone and i doubt i ever will—not in the proper “romantic” context anyways. in fact nowadays the idea of being totally independent in that regards is appealing whereas the abstract concept of being with someone makes me feel Neutral - Put Off

as per kissing, i just havent happened to do that tho im not put off by the concept, exactly. its the same w having sex—i’m not against it, but i do have a lot of boundaries and i wouldnt be surprised if nobody came along at the right time that i’d be comfortable being fwb. but there’s a chance i could ever have an orgasm w someone else’s help, as i’ve never even gotten close on my own, but frankly if this never happens at all i dont really care. im just mad that i don’t have access to this basic ass thing. being able to masturbate and get an orgasm. thanks for another arbitrary shit deal that ought to be one fuckin luxury in this life

also im fine w kissing to express affection. but again; boundaries. again; not betting anyone will come along who i’ll be comfortable kissing, awesome if they do. again; dont really care much abt missing out

oh im also always annoyed abt virgin jokes. i also would not call myself or anyone else a virgin because thats a fake and shitty concept but you know. there’s really no way not to be mocked here and i’m not about to take on the burden to spend 49 min dismantling why it shouldn’t really be particularly funny or be obligated to lay out every reason i’ve never had sex to prove that i get to be exempt from being laughed at

also it doesnt help i’ve never dated anyone b/c thats like oh definitely a loser. and im fine w it myself but im not fine w other ppls shit obviously. and yeah i’ve turned people down but i shouldnt have to say so. yeah i guess its hilarious or whatever that im single. im used to all kinds of contempt based on other bare bones factoids abt you and im not about to hide anything abt myself so that i can, idk, retain the respect of total asshats

oh and then there’s the fact that i dont really drink. ive been drunk once for like five min but that was coz i was dehydrated and didnt stop to think that my first drink shouldnt be coincidentally a cocktail that i didnt even like b/c i can’t get thru a full glass of anything containing rum w/o it being just punishment and gagging at the end. nobody likes alcohol for the taste and i dont like getting drunk coz ive never had friends for social drinking and all alcohol does for me is the Depressant shit of making me even more tired. but i dont have to abstain b/c of religious or Moral High Ground reasons and yeah i’ll have a drink to be polite or b/c i came to this bar to use their tvs or whatever but most of the time i dont bother but if you say you don’t drink assholes wanna ask why for shitty reasons and for the sake of ppl who truly would not be comfortable answering that question i hate being asked it and also ive never been non-sober in other ways and don’t particularly want to but i very much despise the whole straightedge thing and gotta explain im Not That lol like. its never enough to just say you dont want to. i mean, of course it is, it should be, but people act like its not

anyways back to the never dating ppl and don’t particularly intend to ever do so—sucks becauseeeee

1) having that kind of partner is being given priority from someone in a way you probably won’t be given otherwise (*i* won’t be given otherwise, i don’t have family or longtime close friends, and i wouldnt expect or want anyone i know to have to support me this much)

2) related to that first point—all the kinds of support ppl get in a relationship, financial and emotional and all that shit. like even that simple issue of how married ppl often get a bunch of essentials as wedding gifts that a single person has to buy themselves and theyre not getting to split the rent either lol

3) related to the first and second point—you’re the extra wheel around all the Most People You Know who arent interested in being single forever. like man i third wheel even as a friend amongst friends. and im just not interested anymore. used to be more depressed abt how Never Dating Anybody means youre guaranteed to be non top tier priority to anyone but im less bothered by the idea of not getting that kind of support. i have myself to be my Number One and its never enough to make sure things are okay for you but i dont care about how little other people might care about me b/c i’m not interested if they’re not

like its not me who has a problem w me not wanting anything Romantic but its so fuckin like hammered in as the ultimate peak of humanity that there’s plenty of external bullshit with this. smh

#what *i* want is a fuckin friend group of ppl i feel completely comfortable w but #honestly i’m also getting more used to the reality that this is very unprobable #i know it could happen but #i’ve been going all this time largely w/o it so. i’ve learned how to be independent #also: maybe its obvious (or not??) but i LOVE ppl loving each other even in a Dating way and i think its a great thing that we do #but i dont want it personally. but the way i think abt things Personally isnt always the same as the way i think abt it in General #and thats the damn theme here #to say ‘’i’ve never done this’’ or ‘’i never want to do this’’ you gotta defend it and explain why this isn’t like some deal where like #you think everyone else should feel the same way or otherwise believe you are Rising Above everyone else this way like #jfc no im not a damn vegan i have my own reasons that i shouldnt have to explain #i shouldnt have the onus of defending my right to some basic freakin respect #ugh

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surprisesidney · 7 years

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🍑 Call Me By Your Name: Questions and answers part 3 🍑

1. you are an angel, thank youuu. i have a question if you dont mind answering. during their first night, like how handsy are they with each other? whats the foreplay like? So the camera does pan away before they actually start having sex, but there’s quite a lot leading up to it. They’re both pretty nervous, so Elio starts by just putting his feet on Oliver’s, and then next thing you know, they’re all over each other, kissing like there’s no tomorrow and Elio is practically climbing him like a tree.

2. Hi! Just wanted to ask real quick, besides their first time, when do the other love scenes happen? I think there were a few implied love scenes on the trip and maybe one more at the house, but like the first one, nothing is explicitly shown.

3. I heard there's a scene where Elio emerges from the water with the star of David necklace in his mouth. Can you elaborate, if you remember? Xx Yes! I think it’s after the foot rub. When Oliver rubs too hard, Elio starts grabbing at his neck and shoulder, and looks at the Star of David necklace he’s wearing. He says that he used to wear one, but stopped because his mother said that they’re a family of “private Jews,” or something to that effect. It cuts to Elio swimming at the river, and he dunks his head under the water. When he comes back up, a necklace is hanging around his mouth and you can just see the Star of David there. Then it cuts away to another scene. It’s just a really quick show-don’t-tell moment, nobody ever mentions it, but he wears it for the rest of the movie.

4. When the boys lie in bed next to each other, like how close are their bodies? Haha like is there a huge gap between them? Does it look natural? One of my favourite shots in the movie is after their first night, it’s kind of looking towards them from the side of the bed and you can only see their bodies all tangled up. Once they get together, there is definitely no distance between them at all, if they can help it.

5. do elio and oliver ever sneak quick kisses when they have a brief moment of privacy? dunno if you recall, but do they ever give each other lil kisses on the cheek or forehead? 6. Can you pretty pretty please tell us more about their kisses other than the first kiss? There were so many kisses throughout the movie that it’s kind of hard to remember. I don’t think there were a lot at the house because they weren’t alone very often, but there might have been some in the backyard pool and the corridor outside their rooms? And lots on their getaway trip. I’m sorry guys, my memory is fading.

7. If you are tired of answering questions, I completely understand, so no worries. Just wanted to ask if you could describe the footsie during their first night? Thank you They’re both sitting next to each other on the side of the bed, and Elio just slowly puts his own foot over one of Oliver’s. Oliver says “What are you doing?” and Elio says “Nothing.” Oliver starts rubbing his feet back and the shot stays there for a minute. This is before anything really happened, so I think it was just an easy, innocent way for them to get into it.

8. So if I got one of your answers right the only explicit sex scene is heterosexual sex scene? Im totally fine with that but do I have to state the obvious? It doesnt surprise that the "proper sex" scene was between man and woman... I wouldn’t say the scene between Elio and Marzia is explicit, but it’s the only full sex scene. It takes place in the dark, they’re both clothed and you can’t really see anything. It’s also really quick, whereas even though the first scene between Elio and Oliver pans away before anything happens, we spend so much more time with them. Probably about 10 minutes, before and after, and it’s very intimate and sensual with lots of kissing and touching. I’m not gay myself so I don’t think I can make a fair comparison here, but the fact is: the only full sex scene is a heterosexual one. I guess it’s one of those “disappointed, but not surprised” moments, especially considering Luca is gay himself.

9. I don't know if you've been asked this but, in the book before the first time Oliver is kinda awkward when he answers the door for Elio, would that happen to be in the movie at all? I don’t think Oliver actually answered the door, I’m pretty sure he was waiting on the balcony of Elio’s room and Elio met him out there.

10. Does Timmy smile a lot in the movie? Does he laugh with Oliver? Does he smile seductively? Haha I just really wanna see happy Timmy cause he's an angel Timmy has the most beautiful smile, it honestly hurts to look at it. Elio and Oliver are pretty playful with each other, so there is a lot of smiling and laughing, even before they get together.

11. What's their second kiss like? What's the context, if you can remember? Xx Oliver kind of rebuffs Elio after their first kiss, so nothing else happens until they meet at midnight a few days later. Lots of passionate kissing to make up for the lost time.

12. What scenes stuck with you the most after seeing it, the ones that keep replaying over and over in your head? Ugh, so many. I’m trying to remember as much as I can, because I won’t be able to see it again until December. I’ve mentioned that my favourite scenes are their first kiss, Elio playing the piano for Oliver and the last scene. The peach scene is obviously also pretty memorable, and the one at the train station.

13. hey there, was wondering if you could tell us more about the scene on the balcony where they talk about how much time they wasted? i think that's where oliver confesses he was holding back and/or when he started to like elio. xx So this is maybe a couple of days after their first time and they’re sitting up on the edge of the balcony together. Elio says “We wasted so much time! Why didn’t you say anything?” and Oliver explains that he tried to show him how he felt, like with the back rub during volleyball, but Elio reacted like he’d molested him. Oliver says that he decided to keep his distance after that.

#call me by your name #cmbyn #laterpeaches #timothee chalamet #armie hammer

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swearronchanel · 7 years

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ALRIGHT HERE IT FINALLY IS; 6.03 by me

I apologize in advance: this will be lengthy LONG AF, as it’ll be part-my thoughts watching live & part-post comments to certain thoughts

ALSO** DISCLAIMER** I SHOULD’VE SAID THIS A WHILE AGO BUT I’LL SAY IT NOW that I type my thoughts VERBATIM, which is why it’s never in essay format because eh, it’s not me. IT ALSO MEANS I CURSE A LOT IM SORRY IT JUST COMES OUT, I’M NOT ELOQUENT ENOUGH TO MAKE MY POINT WITH BETTER WORDS .. Anyway I shall begin, feel free to comment on anything *just don’t come @ me for literally just thinking something*

Ready @flyingnonny, @marialujan22

Cute little community, alright let’s see what’s going down

Chinese laundry a little stereotypical but I get it

SHELAGH’S UNIFORM BARELY FIT HA AW

“dear Patrick!” Laura is so adorable I can’t

The smiles in the mirror!! *shit after I think about it, more parallels. Shelagh’s looked in the mirror in so many of her great scenes. Series 1! & 2! & was that 4 with the nurse’s uniform the first time! Ah my bby growing up 😭

Lol sister Ursula’s annoying ass still here .. not for LONG THOUGH😊

NO ONE INVITED U ALONG SIS

dead @ Patrick’s reaction, someone gif it

Her mother in law looks mean as hell

Is Lucy mixed?

ah yep called it. Damn deported? Too relevant today..

PHYLLIS

I just get so excited now I love her

Lmao remember when I legit didn’t like her because of her comments to Shelagh before she came back to nursing. DONT WORRY IM OVER THAT

Shelagh looks so pretty!! More of her in cute outfits with the hair down pls 😍

Here for her 1962 wardrobe

Lol lullaby type music what’s she pulling out

“Tempting fate” stop! No bby everything will be okay if not I’m losing my shit

Sister J & Shelagh moments are precious ** Ah you guys reminded me of again another parallel I’m so here for it.

But like if she’s almost halfway as sister j says, has she told everyone already? we shall see, or maybe it’ll be implied

Shelagh saying “WHAT?” is most of my internal monologue in just about all my classes

FUCK, SISTER URSULA ARE YOU FOR REAL

Phyllis’s hand raise tryna avoid actually saying “no offense” to Dr Turner is gold

UGH I CAND STAND THIS NUN UGH

I will bet all my the cash in my wallet (prob $30 at most) we’ll see a soft side to her and Ima still be like “adios puta”

Shelagh’s like “we have a game plan” aw she is pure gold, protect her at all costs what the hell!¡💖

Also if no one at nonnatus knows this could’ve been a perfect chance to tell them, or someone could’ve been eyeing her walking around the table and suspecting? Like Phyllis would notice, she knows everything

Shelagh looking at Patrick literally like “is this bitch serious??”

This isn’t Downton Abbey, I never hated a ‘main character’ (don’t come @ me I hated a few characters but still loved the show)

SISTER URSULA STRESSED? OH WELL

Yo did sister Julienne really not slide Shelagh a new uniform? She’s in a cute outfit but c'mon

Lol this lady knows she’s pregnant

Fred angrily spinning the wheel, I feel

DONT TOUCH THE ROLODEX

PHYLLIS COME AT HERRRRR

20 min visits, “OK”.

Oh no. I sense a sad story coming

Phyllis’s little run, precious

Sister Julienne spilling the tea, but again I don’t care about sister Ursula’s feelings or backstory

WAIT WHO CALLED A THREAT OF GETTING SHUT DOWN THOUGH? IT WASN’T ME BUT I REMEMBER READING IT? Lol score for u because I didn’t see this coming (even though I know damn well they’re not shutting down, like the show would be over)

PHYLLIS ANGRILY EATING IS ME

IDEALLY I’D WANNA SAY I’M TRIXIE BUT HONESTLY WHEN AM I NOT PHYLLIS

she’s my hero anyway, no disappointment

Angela is precious

Tim trying be funny lol but we actually hate sister Ursula

HA NO SQUIRRELS , WAIT so today literally a squirrel ran across the feet and I freaked out. My campus is full of squirrels but like I’m from NYC I don’t fuck with them.

Ok, A) Shelagh’s shoes kinda don’t match but I’ll let it go & 2) is it implied everyone @ nonnatus knows? Like how has she not had a checkup this whole time. I guess Patrick could but that’s doesn’t seem likely

Toad in the hole?? que eso?

I think I said the other day I think she’s watching tv somewhere

MAKE SISTER MJ RETIRE ?? UM HOW DARE U SAY A THING LIKE THAT

The table: *collective gasps* me: *LOUDER GASP*

EVERYONE WAS SHOOK WHEN SHE CALLED BARBARA A SLACKER

Why is babs taking it to heart? Like she sucks anyway

I love Phyllis damn it, not in a way I love Trixie and Shelagh though, it’s different I can’t explain it

I need Phyllis to encourage me to stay in university PLS (some one meet Linda Basset & send me a video of it)

Ah “delightful” screams. This show terrifies me to think about being pregnant one day lol. Like I thought my mother’s stories were bad enough but nah

Shelagh: *is frustrated* me: *gets frustrated* RELAX BBY

how did they really leave her alone, DAMN IT SISTER U, THIS THREATENED MISCARRIAGE WILL BE ON YOU

Also someone get her a new uniform she’s going to dirty her nice clothes

When did scrubs become a thing ?? my mother has like a zillion pairs & I can’t imagine her working in a dress all day. Omg I gotta find a picture one day from when she graduated nursing school she had such a similar style uniform to the nonnutans, I love it 😂

Patrick needs to put his damn finger down im tired of that shit. If he ever does it again with Shelagh I’ll flip a lid

Anyways..

Did she not want a girl?? @ in law

“no, a girls very special” aw

“MY WIFE IS SPREAD TOO THINLY” ha like on a cracker JK STOP STRESSING SHELAGH

“She wouldn’t appreciate the term Elderly primigravida” ha true man, remember she said that last series

lol I wanna see her reaction if they ever label her again

UM SIS YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP THEM FROM BEING COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL THOUGH?

get the fuck outta here, let them send sister MJ away I will revolt

Saw this scene haha, hope Ursula falls off

Damn came at Lucy, what’s wrong with Linda haha, that’s my gram’s name

She’s so chill about that, me? I wouldn’t let that go. I’m also so damn extra & annoying

“HELLS BELLS” Lmaoo

Not the same as Phyllis saying “Hells teeth” but that’s catchy

Also Patrick can’t type that’s funny

“mending your dress” FIRST OF ALL PATRICK, SHUT UP

YES SHELAGH TELL HIM

“Cool, calm, collected & professional” love her

SHE LAUGHED BUT CRINGED I NEED The GIF

You guys don’t understand, i need to screenshot a conversation with one of my friends. Her and I only ever use CtM screenshots for message reactions it’s so funny but also weird in a way😂 sometimes their cringes are better than basic memes

But to be honest they really have never fought? Lmao that moment could’ve been a little argument but they got over it too quick, bc/ how do they ALWAYS agree/get on? (Excluding the adoption issue but whatever)

Lol why did she have to get up, you get up Patrick

Her outfit is so cute !! My bby

AW!, they’re cute, I’ll forgive him

former nun sitting on a mans lap I love it!¡ without context it sounds funnier

“We’ll pull through, we always do” better be some foreshadow for something good!

I don’t think she has postpartum though

*SUCKS TEETH* UMM BABS not checking the baby is prob a bad move

Shelagh definitely has a baby bump at that angle, DOES EVERYONE KNOW or not WTF?

Bby you feel pain that’s not good u know this !

seriously does Barbara not see it

I’M MRS COLLIER OR WHATEVER BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT & BETTING ON IT

“Have you all been speculating?” HAHH

“Well I don’t approve of gambling on the premises” SHELAGH YOU ARE A GEM

seriously protect her at all costs, I know it’s coming but I don’t know when or how

ALSO THESE PATIENTS KNOW AND ARE ABOUT TO TELL EVERYONE THEY SEE, SO AGAIN, DO THEY KNOW @ NONNATUS?

shit they screaming, calm down ladies

“SPOILED UNGRATEFUL GIRL” SHIT SHE PLAYED HER

lol Patrick trying to play it all off like he’s calm, cool and collected

WHY IS THE INSPECTOR SHADY?

no one asked u to be honest keep it pushing

Also it’s 31 MINS IN & TRIXIE IS NOT HERE YET? like when is she coming? I’m less hopeful of her saving the day the more time goes bye :/

WHY IS THE BABY NOT BREATHING?

“how can you [maternity home] compete with that [hospital]?”

JUST WATCH

Don’t blame yourself Barbara :/

Again Shelagh’s having pain, it’s going to be soon isn’t it?

This better not be the heart to heart Laura mentioned ** ah we’re good it’s not

#SaveTheMaternityHome2k17

Shelagh is going to the bathroom OMG SHES GONNA BLEED NOW RIGHT

FUCK, SHE IS. MY BBY💔💔

DIOS MIO AYUDA ME

she’s so scared, I cry for her

“Hello nurse Crane, it’s Shelagh..” *omg she rarely introduces herself & even less as Shelagh & I feel no one calls her that but Sister J & Patrick?

PROTECT SHELAGH AT ALL COSTS

why St Cuthberts vs the London?

DOES THIS MEAN PHYLLIS KNOWS? I need answers

Phyllis being a badass simply walking down the hall

BEATRIX BBY💕💕

HERE SHE IS, LETS GET IT

I hope this baby lives omg

I mean baby Lin, baby Turner will happen

FUCK THE INSPECTION YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT SHELAGH

THE MAGNIFICENT PHYLLIS CRANE

Shelagh in the hospital bed is breaking my heart I swear I don’t have

PHYLLIS IS GOING TO HANDLE SISTER URSULA & SAVE THE DAY

I wanted it to be Trixie but IM NOT MAD LETS GET IT PHYLLIS

ugh pls save the maternity home

my poor girl looking so sad **** also how did she get all her things on the table?

Give Laura Main every damn award this series, I don’t care if we’re only 3 episodes in.

Her bump looks more visible in the hospital gown? do you think it’s a pillow or something lol

TRAGIC BACKSTORY UNLOCKED

SHIT ITS SO SAD omg, I’m cryin

PHYLLIS FINALLY PRESSING SISTER URSULA, TELL HER

AW babs we all feel

Phyllis protecting Barbara aw

There’s not been as much Trixie as I had hoped 💔

But she’s back bitches and I’m happy I missed her

So Barbara smokes for real now, but Trixie doesn’t share her black cigarettes haha

Take your weak apology and go

I CALLED IT, DONT @ ME

I KNEW SISTER MJ WAS WATCHING TV SOMEWHERE

they put a bench out for her how sweet

Sister MJ saying “silence” then “shh it’s starting” is me every week watching this damn show

It hurts that I am so invested in this show

How did it happen I don’t know but I love it so much

Barbara’s ring is pretty

All is well & everything is almost back to normal and lovely *for now*

Sister Julienne is so faithful, like I really would struggle to be so compassionate

Sister Ursula is upset and I’m awful because I do not care

I knew they’d show her vulnerable side so we’d change our minds but I can’t

Sister Julienne you’re so great

It wasn’t a leak??

YES SHE’S ALIVE

“I’m going to the mother house” *squees* YES ENJOY, THANK YOU FOR THE DISTRESS, PLEASE BE ON YOUR WAY

Sister Julienne don’t ask her to reconsider

This was a sweet moment but still don’t like Sister Ursula

AW SISTER MJ I LOVE YOU

she’s so pure, protect her!

Nice leaving the door open Sister Ursula

HATE THE CHARACTER, but you HAVE TO ADMIT HARRIET WALTER IS AN EXCELLENT ACTRESS

Phyllis driving her is only right

YES SISTER J IS BACK IN CHARGE

#LETS GET IT 1962

Trixie’s concerned, WHERE IS SISTER MARY CYNTHIA?? ** I really thought Trixie was going to play a bigger role in this episode & I thought this was going to be a longer scene but there’s 5 more episodes, I won’t complain I’ll just be patient. LOL JK UM when is Trixie going to get some time to shine

Oh Shelagh 💔

Aw the Chen’s

OKAY THEY’RE CELEBRATING & EVERYONE’S HAPPY BUT DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT SHELAGH? ** **I’m still not sure if they even know she’s expecting but why was Sister Julienne not told she was in the hospital? I know it happened fast but there was time. I don’t like how this played out like it seemed pushed aside but I guess that’s what next episode will address (I hope)

Otherwise, excellent as always

AH VANESSA REDGRAVE & THE NARRATION >>

“We are all traveling through one another’s countries but it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love..” ah this so applies today ugh the world is insane

BONUS: PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK

New midwife = Valerie’s coming back which is cool but also she’s going to be problematic so *hmm* maybe not

Fred and Violet are cute but still cringing & laughing about them in episode 1

“..The way the world treats women” MORE PHYLLIS BEING THE MAGNIFICENT GEM SHE IS, I AM EXCITED

finding out Tom’s past will be interesting, I’m thinking his mom almost gave him away but then didn’t? probably was raised with out a dad maybe? We’ll see

“We were happy enough before and we’ll be happy again, whatever happens” I don’t freaking know if this is Patrick comforting or breaking but I’m going to BAWL NEXT WEEK. Shelagh’s face omg💔 I can’t take this like she’s been through so much! They’ve been through so much heartache, what more can they take. UGH WTF I feel like they never get to enjoy anything, & I know “that’s life” & “it’s a drama” or whatever you say but damn. I love this poor character so much (why?¿!) & she’s usually sad in every series !!

The End.🙃 it’s 1:52am, I should go to bed.

#call the midwife #Thoughts #lets get it 1962 #save nonnatus 2k17 #my bbys #PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS #especially shelagh this series #i mean it!#my commentaries™

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wdfa · 7 years

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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience #ask to tag

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lilietsblog · 7 years

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sailor moon liveblog episode 20 (I skipped 19 because im too tired for that shit right now)

omg omg i think the next episode is The One That Had Nothing To Do With The Main Plot

and that's the most beautiful thing that exists

particularly in context of my ongoing analysis effort of Everything Usagi

tsuki no hikari ni michibikare~

I will forever love Usagi's enthusiasm in the opening when she says 'I don't look like a superheroine, but I am!' (but no child you do look like one you're the defining superheroine of my childhood)

Ami's summer outfit is the best actually I love all of their summer outfits but Ami is just special oh right its the weird one week summer holidays or something? how it works in Japan?

Usagi is dreaming of being tan and I can't help but note that I like this particular beauty standard

Usagi omfg got very distracted no but seriously why is everyone so shitty to her they just. leave her behind as she's lost in her dreams im the slow autistic (tm) and i tend to space out and lose track of what's happening and i have been hiking since i was 5yo and listen. trailing behind everyone trying to catch up is my worst nightmare. when everyone stops to rest and let you catch up but when you, going at your top speed, exhausted, arrive, is exactly when everyone else, refreshed and rejuvenated, stands up and goes on

like i should probably not project my feet issues on Usagi (SURPRISE IT TURNS OUT MY WHINING ABOUT MY LEGS HURTING WAS NOT IN FACT ABOUT THE SAME SHIT EVERYONE ELSE WAS GOING THROUGH AND MY MOM HAD NO IDEA)

but goddammit STOP LEAVING MY GIRL BEHIND YOU FUCKS YOU DON'T DESERVE HER

honestly 99% of my feelings towards Usagi are bitter bitterness towards everyone around her except like. Naru

aww Usagi so tired she's lost any and all control whatsoever sniping at Rei, screaming at the sight of a little kid she does not atually normally complain this much this is no-filter tired!Usagi

also Ami is the sweetest creature known to men 'are the flowers okay?'

these creatures are genuinely spooky it's kind of interesting to analyze how Ami and Rei aren't reacting to their appearance at all while Usagi is freaking out this is the Weirdness Filter - when people just assume that the weird thing has a perfectly ordinary explanation and anyway if it doesn't affect them it might as well be ordinary either way

also I love how Ami immediately picks up on the fact the girl is being treated badly

Rei is too distracted by Usagi, Usagi is too distracted by EVERYTHING IS SCARY

and here's Luna chiding Usagi for making a commotion

you know when I was a kid I thought of myself as being a bad student and lazy. I got nearly all perfect marks and the only person who was better than me was my best friend but all I could think was 'i am worse than her' bc my mom was ~in a very bad place~ at the time and more or less did nothing but criticize and tear me down for everything that went the least bit wrong

I think back to my kid years and I just feel so weirded out by all the self esteem I was missing back then. like I'm sorry but I was kind of awesome??? and like. the only person who would tell me that was my grandma who lives in a different fucking country and visits twice a year. her praise did not exactly impact my daily life much

my point is FUCK OFF LUNA USAGI IS GREAT AND PERCEPTIVE

she is freaking out because she is paying attention okay

poor kid

omfg Rei 'it's incredibly cheap!' why do you think

'costumes of the employees' see this is what im talking about Usagi is perceptive enough to understand it's not costumes Rei is I guess perceptive enough to know they aren't a threat regardless? but she doesnt comfort Usagi either beacuse OF COURSE WHY WOULD ANYONE COMFORT USAGI EVER

aaaAAAAAAAAA I WANT SUMMER BEACH AND WAVES SO MUCH I LOVE BEACH SO MUCH also hee Usagi still has her bow-decorated swimsuit <3

also Usagi had failed to quite grasp what 'private beach' means XD

Usagi is really wise like normally I'm against snatching books from people but Usagi is very right

also oh my god Rei "Usagi is for once saying something reasonable" more like "for once I take a break from tearing down Usagi for long enough to notice that things she's always saying are actually Not Wrong"

man I hate this kind of "you doing not bad is an unexpected exception" verbal abuse shit so much

also girls why do you think knocking over Usagi is fun??? jfc she's the designated punching bag of the group wtf

this is the kind of fun where you end up feeling like 'wow that sure was a normal teenage thing that just happened to me! i totally fit in! they laughed and there were no freakouts so clearly that was Fun(tm)'

Usagi is really good at seeing the best in situations and loving her friends selflessly but holy shit she's being put through so much fuckery

I absolutely love that this anime just kinda casually includes a werewolf, a frankenstein's monster and a vague monster creature in one episode without them being either explained or ever brought up again

hm so here's Rei and Ami independently stumbling across some secrets how bout my Usa-chan

man Ami knows all about recognizing loneliness doesn't she ...makes me wonder how her parents treat her. i dont think her family is ever featured ever and i also dont think its for no reason

AND AMI'S SOLUTION FOR LONELINESS IS FOR EVERYONE TO BEFRIEND USAGI GOD BLESS HER CLUELESS BUT APPRECIATIVE HEART the one person who realizes how much emotional labor Usagi's ready&willing to do for anyone ever

this guy is such a good portrayal of an abusive parent. hes technically doing all the parent things, never going more than /slightly/ over the edge, so if the girl complained to anyone it would never sound like anything really bad was happening to her. he sounds so reasonable and caring and his selfish motivations are so obvious

so hey theres Usagi literally stumbling upon something scary omfg Rei are you seriously that oblivious 'normal human beings' omg well hey at least she feels the kid psychic

ahh!!! Ami busts in to protect the kid!!! oh hey the point where the girl has had enough <3

what I wanna note here is that Usagi and Rei's roles here are 'the person who actually gets what's going on and resonates emotionally with the locals' and 'the clueless sceptic outsider' also that when terrified out of her fucking mind Usagi still obediently pulls out her moon stick sailor soldier indeed there is nothing about this that is fair to her but she manages still

Usagi is the one of the girls whose life became only worse since Luna came and I'm not going to stop reiterating that

and her father is capable of /some/ actual caring he's not black and white but his actions are and it's very well done

I kind of wish the senshi could do more to help, I vaguely dislike the idea of their powers /only/ being useful to combat their Designated Foes

Rei and Ami picking on Usagi is genuinely actually really not fun even if Usagi's capable of making the best out of it

#tsukino usagi #sailor moon #its not funny! not funny! not funny!#yes i project unashamedly and im not going to stop #liliet rewatches sailor moon

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