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#this is when i finally get fucking cancelled
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The Truth of the Matter
A/N: Warning dirty talk and misunderstandings of a certain word.
Summary: One day, Eddie, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike decide to summon a fairy. . .it's Steve Harrington. Chaos ensues. Pre-season 4, pre-Steddie.
Eddie pouted as he sat down on his throne. He was really looking forward to playing tonight, but Gareth, Jeff, and Frankie were all out sick. They had all gotten mono, which is what they get for practicing kissing. Gareth immediately yelled at him for that comment. Apparently, that's not what happened. Eddie was cackling to himself when the door opened. Dustin, Mike, and Lucas all filtered in talking excitedly.
"Hey, buttheads, did you not get the memo? Hellfire has been canceled," Eddie said.
"We thought you were joking," Dustin said.
"You never cancel Hellfire for anything," Lucas frowned.
"Well, Jeff, Gareth, and Frankie are all out sick with the kissing disease," Eddie said.
"Oh, that's right, they weren't at lunch," Mike said.
"Well, now what?" Lucas asked.
"You boys want to perform a spell?" Eddie said. "I found this cool little book at a Flea Market. Want to try it?"
Mike, Lucas, and Dustin all shared weary looks.
"Uh. . . "
"What? Don't be a bunch of chicken shits. Nothing is going to happen. It's just for fun," Eddie said. "What could possibly go wrong?"
"Of course, nothing is going to happen," Dustin said laughing. "That would he crazy."
"You're laughing a little hard there, Henderson," Eddie said. "It's not like I'm going to accidentally open a portal to hell."
Now, it was Lucas, Dustin, and Mike all laughing rather loudly. Eddie gave them all strange looks.
"Robes!" Eddie exclaimed, clapping his hands.
"We have those?" Lucas asked, and Eddie just cackled.
Several moments later, they lowered the lights and slipped on robes that covered their faces. Lit candles were scattered around them as Eddie opened a leather bound book in front of them.
"Why in the fuck did I get stuck with the pink robe?" Mike asked. "Why are all the others black and this one is pink?"
"You were too slow, Mike. Now, hush," Dustin said.
"What are we summoning?" Lucas asked.
"A fairy," Eddie replied.
"Why a fairy?" He asked.
"Well, according to this book, fairies have extraordinary healing abilities, bring you good luck, and have the ability to shield you from harm," Eddie said. "Sounds cool although, sometimes they have shitty luck themselves, so I don't know how that works."
"It also says they're loneliest creatures on the planet because they're wildly misunderstood," Dustin read over his shoulder. "Rather than harming children like some think, these creatures do everything in their power to protect them from harm. Most of the time, it is because they themselves were stolen in the night as children to be used by human greed. Aw, why didn't you say you just wanted to summon a lonely fairy who protects children?"
"Shut it, Henderson," Eddie said.
"And you're sure they won't be able to see our faces?" Dustin asked, and Eddie gave him a look. "Right. Shutting up."
Eddie began speaking and used his deep dungeon master voice as he said the spell. After the entire spell was done, they waited. . . and waited. . . Finally, a huge gust of wind swirled around them, the flames grew large, and the lights flickered behind them. Suddenly, a figure was falling in the middle of their circle with a loud thud.
"I was on a fucking ladder! What the fuck!" Steve’s voice yelled. "Oh, there's the light bulb. Huh, it didn't break."
Steve flopped onto his back and screamed at the sight of hooded figures surrounding him. Surprised voices whispered excitedly as they looked down on him. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at the sight of the bright pink one.
"Do not be afraid, Steve Harrington," a deep voice spoke. "We mean you no harm."
"What the fuck do you want from me?" Steve asked. "How did you even bring me here?"
"Magic. . .tell us your deepest, darkest secrets," the voice said.
"Fuck. Fuck! Okay! Okay! I, uh, like blue and yellow, but what everyone doesn't know, besides Robin, is that I like the color pink," Steve said.
"Interesting, but not what we're looking for," the voice said.
"I always wanted a little brother, but it wasn't until the kids I babysit came into my life that I finally got the siblings I always wanted, and I think if anyone of them died, I would die," Steve said.
"Aw," a familiar voice said softly and sniffled.
"That's . . . Really fucking sweet but no, not what I'm looking for," the voice said.
"Okay, okay. . .Robin's like my best friend in the world, my platonic soulmate, but I lied to her. She asked me if I was still in love with Nancy Wheeler, and I lied, I think I always will be. I just didn't want to seem so pathetic because I know it's over," Steve said. "Is that it?"
"Uh. . .warmer. . ."
"I once had a sex dream where I was with Jonathan and Nancy, but I never told anyone because I thought it would be weird."
"What the fu - "
"Quiet," the deep voice said. "That isn't what I'm looking for, but, uh, close."
"Okay, I once got my dick sucked at a party by a guy, and it led me to a lot of realizations. . ." Steve trailed off.
"OKAY. . .mi'lord, I do not think this man knows that he is a fairy," one of the figures said.
"HEY! That is a really offensive term. I'm bisexual," Steve replied. "Sacrifice me all you want but respect my sexuality please. Although I once used a rude term, I didn't know about myself at the time. Do you want to talk before you kill me?"
"You're, uh, surprisingly calm now," the deep voice said. "For someone who thinks we're going to kill them."
"Well, it's happened too many times now," Steve shrugged. "Is that what you wanted to know?"
". . .no."
"Well, I wish I was a woman sometimes. . .mostly because I wish I could go through the birthing process. . . I don't think my parents are my real parents. . . I once let Robin touch my dick because she wanted to know what it felt like. . . It was weird for both of us. . .sometimes I think about getting on my knees for Eddie Munson and - "
"OOKAY! STEVE, STOP SPILLING YOUR DEEP DARK SECRETS! I ACCEPT YOU FOR ALL OF IT BUT SOME THINGS SHOULD REMAIN A MYSTERY!"
"Let him speak!" The deep voice said.
"Stop with the sexual ones, at least!"
"Okay. . .um, it makes me really happy to know that I have a hobby to share with one of my kids. I mean, at least one of them, you know, understands why I like basketball so much. I love all of my kids, and I really wish I could play D&D, but I'm not great at math. I don't want to look more stupid in front of them. More importantly, I could be doing anything with them, and I still feel less alone knowing they want me to be around them. . . Even if they're being shitheads. I love it though, when they bitch at me. They're my family, and I've never really felt like I had that until they came along," Steve said. "Robin, too. She's my family too."
Suddenly, all Steve could hear was the sound of them sniffling, and they dropped to their knees around him. They dropped their hoods, revealing Mike, Dustin, and Lucas. They all hugged him tightly.
"What the fuck?" Steve asked.
"We'll explain it all later," Dustin sniffled. "Just know that we love you too."
"Oh, you're also adopted," Mike muttered.
"He wasn't adopted! He was kidnapped!" Lucas exclaimed.
"Oh, right."
The other person dropped their hood, revealing Eddie Munson.
"So, what was that thing you wanted to do with Eddie?" He asked with a smirk.
Suddenly, the doors burst open and Robin came running in, breathing heavily.
"Guys! Steve was changing the light bulb in Family Video, and he just disappeared - oh, hey, Steve! Steve! What the fuck's going on?!" Robin asked.
"Robin, guess what?!" Mike asked. "Steve’s a fucking fairy!"
"No! Robin, don't punch Mike! That's not what he meant!"
Mike screamed.
Part Two
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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anotherpapercut · 5 months
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
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#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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thejazzywaffles · 9 months
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ND Stevenson? more like Enby Stevenson, gottem
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widevibratobitch · 2 months
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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Thought about Mando and went through like twelve stages of grief again.
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ohdorothea · 5 months
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I can’t believe I might actually get to see the eras tour in the next few days 😵‍💫😭
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hxlcyon · 1 year
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hi guys i am so stressed watch me dive into honkai
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silverislander · 5 months
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so after the prof cancelling like 8 classes in old english, losing quizzes and assignments and grades, never making expectations clear, barely explaining what he was teaching, etc, we didn't complete all of the things on the syllabus and i don't think i can. calculate my grade going into the exam?
there's supposed to have been 9 quizzes with the lowest mark of that 9 dropped; at my best count there was 6 and i have no idea if we can still expect that lowest drop
there was supposed to be two tests and no exam, but i suppose the exam is the second test bc having an exam was his plan from the start and the dept wouldn't allow it so he's doing it via loophole + we did do one test already
we completed 2 translations as expected but i won't have the second one returned before the final exam is due, so no idea how i did on that since i felt ok abt the first one and only got a 50
i also don't have my essay back, which was like 20% and the only thing i've felt confident abt all semester
multiple quizzes and assignments were returned with random numbers on them with no indication of what they were out of (i was given a quiz back with "12" written on the top? 12 out of what? 12%?)
can't find half of the quizzes- i don't think i even have them. i have 1, 3 and 6. we were emailed some of the marks, so they might be in my inbox somewhere? but i don't have the physical quizzes and can't use them to review or like. learn from them
also the prof is out of province rn i think. this is the third time this semester. so i can't meet w him to check up on this
like i need a 65 average in every course to stay in honours, if this course fucked it all up for me i'll lose it i really will. i THINK i'm over that but i have no fucking clue. and not to catastrophize but if i don't get a 65 i can't do my essay next semester and everything is completely set up for me to go do that already, and ofc then i won't graduate in spring and won't get the degree i worked my ass off and paid a fucking exorbitant amt of money for that i am almost finished. i hate this fucking school man
#its a miracle im even passing. i shouldnt be i dont know shit#but it genuinely is not my fault this prof is the worst#hes ancient so he barely makes it to class (he hasnt been on time once all semester) and hes sick all the time#he can barely hear us talk and keeps losing and forgetting crucial shit for class#almost every time he cancelled class it was last minute and i mean within an hour of class starting. i was already in the building#he doesnt really teach so much as say shit and then act confused when we dont understand immediately#he Stated that he knew we wouldnt understand basic grammar bc we werent taught it. which is true and was said kindly#and then acted surprised when we didnt fucking know what a preposition is or the difference between that and a conjunction#hes also just. super boring. but thats just me i can see how he would be fascinating to someone else#and thats the worst part hes not even a terrible guy hes just a bad prof. hes nice hes just absolutely clueless#he literally gave us each a different translation of beowulf from his own collection for a project and let us keep them#shame i cant fucking read it! bc its in old english! and i still cant read old english!#its way beyond time for him to retire but he just. wont fuckin leave apparently#levi.txt#i couldve taken middle ages and the movies. middle ages and the movies gets to write a screenplay as a final assignment#middle ages and the movies gets to go watch the green knight and is taught by a prof i think is really cool#but noooo intro to old english is the only medieval studies req that fit into my schedule bc i live in a fucking hell dimension
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lord-squiggletits · 1 year
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Getaway and the whole mutiny arc literally is one of the most disappointing things in all of phase 2 lmao and it’s not that I’m like “oooh Getaway should’ve been a perfect angel who was right and a better captain than Rodimus” it’s more that I would’ve liked to have him NOT immediately descend into cartoonish levels of pure evil and for him to have gotten to make a point about Rodimus/Megatron being shit captains besides the final confrontation between him and Rodimus. Like goddamn I understand now why there are so many Getaway fans/Megatron haters because I’m pretty sure if I didn’t come into this continuity as a Megatron simp I would hate him too
#like it's just... ugh i guess the early cancellation was part of it but like#(holding hands together)#getaway was literally right that it was unfair and ridiculous for the LL to accept an ex genocidal dictator as their captain without questio#he was right about rodimus being a shit captain#and instead of him getting to be 'asshole that has a point' as a sort of rival to rodimus#he basically just went insane immediately (literally insane)#and then what the story ended up being was like#getaway is just a delusional mentally ill asshole with no redeeming traits except his sad backstory#like ugh HE WAS PRETTY MUCH LITERALLY MADE MENTALLY ILL TOO#'getaway wants primus himself to come and tell him he's right' was literally a serious thing that happened#the characters more or less outright stated he had primus apotheosis (not like diagnosed but this is a narrative so we're meant to#take the implication as such)#and then getaway died one of the most brutal on screen deaths faced by anyone except maybe the people who died in grindcore#like it's just so fucking over the top how much getaway became a moustache twirling villain and was cast as pathetic in every possible way#and then got killed in the most horrible way possible#and then afterwards the mutiny isn't even spoken of besides 'oh i forgive you uwu'#JRO put fucking megatron in the final panel of the LL quantum copy as if the mutiny was completely solved#as if megatron was just one of the boys lmao#just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth when i think too hard about it#negativity#squiggposting
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ok so you've heard of the 'I liked this before it was popular' crowd, now get ready for the equally insufferable 'I disliked this thing when everyone else liked it & now everyone hates it so I feel smug' lot lol...
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wrecking · 9 months
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expired white cheddar popcorn, my only solace rn.
edit: oh fuck i didn't mean to post this yet i wanted to like. space this out from my last post? sorry in advance i guess
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ladsofsorrow24 · 9 months
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hannibal nbc is such a weird lil series when you considered that when it got aired, the trend in early 2010s tv shows are mostly detective series like csi, ncis, the blacklist etc
it's even hilarious when i'm reminded how hannibal did start like a proper crime thriller tv show at first, like i still remember when i watched the pilot on tv for the first time, i thought "hmm this looks like the other tv shows but damn they presented everything in such weird ways"
then season 2 aired.
like, season 2 really changed everything, i can't really call it a crime procedural tv series anymore at that point, it had already morphed into something hilariously very distinct from that first episode aired in 2013
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jmrothwell · 1 year
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...
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transmasc-slykinnie · 2 years
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It's not often anymore cause a lot have already been rooted out but why are some dmmd adult fans so fucking
Weird.
/nbh
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hazardsoflove · 1 year
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ndcw is so tragic to me bc they took one of my favorite things in the world (nancy drew) and combined it with more of my favorite things in the world (murder mystery, supernatural elements) but then ruined Everything in just a matter of episodes
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