#this time im posting my poetry for real. if ppl dont like it thats on them. or something.

[falled-over]

top 5 favorite art movements 🧐🧐🧐

ive never studied art theory or history (couldnt fit it on my schedule) so im gonna name some and make some up

chiaroscuro- characterised by extreme lighting as if candle lit or some shit (been trying to understand how do do it lately- love its influence on modern cinema too)

Artemisia Gentileschi- her version is way better than her dad’s or whoever it was

that gay shit ppl like jean-michel were doing following Warhol so like the 50s-90s ish (neo-expressionism apparently- also i probably made that all up). i like how free it is. its also something i see local artists come back to over and over, i feel like its under-celebrated and really a movement for like poorer artists. i mean that with respect

jean-michel basquiat

this one im making up but like memes i think that art movements are too small to be universal anymore. i call this ‘moe girl horror’ early 2000′s to now probably (dont use this term its bad) and its a category of inhumanly anime girls in gut-wrenching dissociative scenarios. its like the culmination of the internet. to me. this is probably the least gorey example i can post.

marabarl-and-marlbara on tumblr

the next one im making up is transsexual art. u get what this is. art thats queer in a way thats radically loving and accepting and also totally unpalatable to a lot of people. this spans a lot of mediums from things like poetry to physical art to hyper pop and other music. on screen also probably but i havent got a personal example (unless titane counts which it does)

girlofsword’s bonfire

edit: fuck the last one my real answer is online horror unfictions and arg’s!!! literally anyone can make them and the well-funded ones suck shit. they’re immersive horror experiences stemming from interactive board games, creepy pasta’s and like the scp foundation that either catalogue or play out a scenario in real time with audience interaction. my favourite examples being ones like petscop, the backrooms or sexygirlmax2019

petscop

#thank u thank u love getting asks and making lists #top 5 #ask

[evandorepart2]

omg so my dad and i were talking about the future and stuff and things and he told me that my best option was pursuing a creative career and look into writing more seriously. so i am. by that ive found a bunch of magazines and stuff so im gonna start writing to submit things into there + i made a whole list of ideas or older stuff i could possibly rewrite split into novels / short stories / poetry + flash fiction

so the goal now is to like. i guess just write and build up my portfolio lol i mean its not like i Havent been writing but its mainly been fanfics which hmmm dont rlly consider that. as real writing no offense. thats mainly just been practice. ill make like a sideblog and stuff to post it all etc etc but for now i have to focus on my submissions. currently theres two im looking at since theyre open - though one i couldnt find a deadline? so ill be saying before the end of december but idk. other is late january so i have time

the rest either reopen january or later in the year so ill get to it when i get to it.

anyway my two things; one is a series of poems under the theme of Intersections. which i have titled very originally as [the soulmate / the meadow / the boar (the beetle]. take with that as you will lol

the second is a horror - science fiction with a focus on magical realism. so it Has to be grounded in reality. which im doing a short story about Grief, your lover as a ghost and your house is your graveyard.

i have drafts for both done but im gonna be rewriting like. lots and lots and lots. and obv cant share anything until after i submit and im rejected or accepted. if im being honest i do Not have super high hopes bc this is my first time ever doing this and also the ppl i see getting accepted are like multi published authors with multiple degrees and i am a highschool dropout who struggles writing a single paragraph. so um but its whatever i think just the act of actually Finishing and Submitting is the best in the world. and i can always rewrite stuff as i get older or submit to other magazine - esp the ghost story it fits a few other ones i have my eye on.

butttt yea! very happy to have something to work towards i guess! and finally be able to say that i am a writer and have something to show for it :)

[vriendenboekjes]

sweet teeth

#my writing #words #hi there posting again because i got self conscious and deleted the previous one #this time im posting my poetry for real. if ppl dont like it thats on them. or something. #idk i think making a second account removes it too far from myself. like if i cant take a mutual not caring what am i gonna do when- #-strangers leave nasty comments or something. time to get out of my shell (for real this time lol) #guess my 2021 project is working on my appreciation for works;literature;poetry and acknowledging my own passion- #-and skill level. i can only improve and there's no shame in posting things that aren't perfect. or you know. bad #(that's what i tell myself at least) nevertheless i hope some people like this <3 #🌬️

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

a sleeping kitty - 1st time cinder undastand the point - to being blankie covered - actually a sweatshirt but it was her blankie for yrs - she lay on it not under - she waking cuz its time and she hear the click and dont like fotos - so a little grumpy yah but comfy 

did i write awready the poem bout the kitty - i think yes but this morning a lifetime  - things cool  - things that coulda didnt go wrong  - started to get chill and wet - despite overkill and layers - fing wind gust to 40 mph make even mild and imma pussy tho y thats an insult or an indication of week ness escape me and it the only word that fit - but u gotta wonder  (imma lissening stevie btw ) - anyway it sounds better than old af and feeble yah?

still been out 2x   - store post office -   then acupuncture and lunch w vita - we strategize  a bit make sure we on the same page  - always  - evrything else is details  - we both complicated ppl  - we boil it down to real as fuck and love  but share an illusion or two and then play music  - 

wuz sposed to go hear liam and check out scene but didnt wanna tempt fate - made apologies to find he flight delayed aint gonna make it his own self  - we not in the same book right now never mind the pages - we walk in love best we can  - ignore the bullshit - and right now some rug sweeping underneath the radar - not quite dancing but sway a little - maybe a shoulder shrug next thing u no he vogueing - no not even that would b just too  - fuck if i know - am i digressing - bout fucking time lol - imma proud of starting wat turned out 2 b mothers of science  despite it not turning out in almost any way that intended  -  it really aint my scene  - it might b if could put out music on it - cross promote  and not have to fund 2 company  - some water flows under burned bridges - i fucking warned u i writez poetry i gess sometimes - i sneek it in  

yah t inna middle or wuz or - complicated in waze only teenage  mixed in w diagnosis ‘  - and like tree branch and it never gonna get unfucked up that i can see in my lifetime - maybe 20 yrs time pass 

actually may play w an adult tomorrow at madrone lol - lots of maybe in that equation - sly just how much higher u wanna takez me ?  been there done that 

hungry murders fed and they do b hungry tween rain storms  - sleight of hand - change the subject 

everyone worried bout t health - inc t  - its the fucking winter and bad things have happened  - that said - cept for 2 short relapse not smoking - i only push myself hard when no choice and starting healthy - taking heart meds - a vacation from copd med cuz steroid - cramps and i forgetz sometime but mood swings omfg chronik  - exercise moderately and building still muscle  - if i get short of breath i stop until normal 

we wuz tawking awk awk crows yah 

in my heart i think imma make it thru the winter maybe few more i dont think a decade but i didnt think 21 either - lol  i did call out death a while ago  -accident like - not sorry tho  - a scene from iron man that didnt end well 

(OMFG t is actually editing and making changes like it matters - wtf )

like a sunset draping formless over hillside 

i change again - the subject 

i dont fukken know how or why but im spending most my time getting ready to - in shape for or recovering from 

making magic - sometimes only moments sometimes slowly hours pass  - mostly 

playing music 

love 

#poetry i guess

[jimiin]

💌 𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑔 ⟶ 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 ...

at   7:30   pm   𝔁𝓪𝓷   said   :   if   u   see   this   keep   scrolling   unless   ur   julie   then   pls   read   aha   ..   happy   birthday   @lovesjoon​   !

im such a fool not posting this in time for it to still be ur bday where u are but thats just the way the pussy crumbles i guess ! i really wanna take the time to add in all the cute emojis not only bc u are the emoji queen but bc u made me love using emojis too .... but i also want this to be heartfelt and if i have to pause to copy and paste emojis im gonna get distracted whew .. insert pleading emoji here </3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE !!!!! let me start there hehe i really do hope u had the best day today u really deserve it im so glad u skipped school u have the biggest brain baby JSBDJWBDJWBDJWD and if today wasnt that great for whatever reason i really do hope this new year u are entering is the best one yet filled with much better days !!! its truly .. wild that we’ve only been talking for real for like a year bc we’ve been mutuals so long and i would love seeing u on my dash !! i really did love ur blog i rmr if we ever had any vague interactions id be like !!! bc i wanted to be ur friend but alas i do not talk to strangers like that .. SJBDJWBJWBWJDJW unfortunate things had to happen to bring us together finally but it was literally so okay and worth it bc i really clicked with u and u introduced me to jane too and then i introduced diana to u guys it was just .. truly beautiful like it all felt really natural and easy which !!!! isnt always the case yk like we clicked right away and im more comfy with u today than with ppl ive been friends with for like 7+ years which says a lot about ur friendship and u as a person !!!! ur so genuine, literally an angel u are so kind sometimes to a fault ):< and ur so funny truly talking to u is always so fun for me ive never felt awkward with u or bored & i think that out of everyone i talk to i feel like ur the person who gets what im thinking best & that we tend to agree about almost everything which is <3333 omg i feel like this is the most scattered message im so rusty i havent written messages for ppl in so long but this is the first bday im celebrating with u i have to write a love letter !!! im just super grateful to have met u & to be as close as we are today i stand by the fact that u are somehow a gemini too i dont care WHAT the stars say u have a gemini brain baby girl ... JSBDJWBJDBJWBDJWDBJWBW and that is so sexy of u . amen ! not to be all straight man and straight girl in a cringey relationship but ur crazy ... matches my crazy .. u have spectacular bobbies and a heart to match <3 its okay that u bully me in group settings i love being sexy in private aha x i wanted to write u a poem but that would be a disaster i havent written poetry since i graduated and i would rather die than give u a poem i think sucks so maybe next year ... JDBJWBDJWBDJWBDJWDBWJ i love u so much stinky ( with affection ) i cant wait to make new memories with u !! <3333333 stay sexy ..

(thats us btw)

#julie #im such a fool pls pretend u live in the est timezone aha... JDBJWJBJWBJDD #also im !!! not super happy with how this turned out i feel like #my thoughts didnt translate as well as they could have ): #but i hope u know u are loved !! a bunch !! by me !! #happy birthday best fishy girl <3333

[tiptoelightlypastmymind]

this got rly long and like Philosophical so if ur on mobile and the read more thingy doesnt work then i hope your thumb appreciates some good calisthenics bc thats what i got for you

im heading off to bed here in a moment (cuz i fucking LOVE sleep even tho i never actually ya know SLEEP) but like ive been thinking a lot about like. ignorance is bliss and stuff like that.

mostly cuz like in the last few weeks my family has just fucking waffled the fuck outta how they handle homosexuality. like for a bit every so often they’d say something and id be like damn you guys are like mb close to like realizing Some Ppl Be All Like Gay And Shit and mb realize you cant use gayness or effemininity (that’s not a word but i dont got that word) as a punchline or negative characteristic. but then we had a buncha weeks back to back where it was like bam slam nope. 

waking up and realizing this shit and being like Really Fucking Aware Of The Power Of Language And How It Shapes Belief is hard bc you cant just like ignore it like someone making a punch line like that does two things (1) it creates a pattern that reinforces that behavior (2) it ropes everyone else present in to Being In On The Joke and no fuk u i am not in on this joke and i dont have a silence loud enough to convey what a piece of Shit ur being but like this isnt the time or place to call you out

like its one thing to hear my older brother say something bc he has the social awareness of a duck that has been in a coma for the last thirty-seven years but mom saying shit when she should kno better is frustrating. and i cant get a read on my father bc hes just fucking quiet in general so idk how to interpret his silence on it tho i guess im the most hopeful so far for him given some of our complicated history and stuff. then theres the younger brother who is catholic af but at the same time i also kno if i was able to have a conversation with someone else about it in front of him hed also be the person to immediately realize how Shitty it all is bc hes just introspective enough.

there mighta been a point to this post when i first started typing but i think my train o thought got kinda tangled-the-fuck-up back there so i think ill just let it stand as is. 

also im gonna lay a marker down in the sand. internet will be back mid-june. not bc ive done the math and know this is possible. but bc things cant keep going on like This. and by This i mean like. everything i suppose? or mb just me. or mostly just me. its like theres a path out of this thats been there forever but i keep swerving and not taking it. not bc i like living like this but bc taking action means risking failure and given a choice btwn uncertainty and certainty its far easier to choose certainty bc i like having control even if that control is essentially the fact that ive relinquished control. and as it turns out, that has major fucking consequences, as in like thought patterns and shit that i didnt see coming until we got right up to the edge of the cliff and by that point it was too l8 not to just thelma and louise this whole thing and just live with it 

which is a long assed way of saying im p beaten and down but defs not out of things and im a long ways closer to this side of things than the side i was on when i let it all kinda slip and things got fucked. like at the end of the day failure isnt rly a real option both bc as much as ive seemingly tried to fail the world has strictly informed me that it just isnt rly something thats possible for someone who is me apparently. and if i cant fail then i guess that means ill just have to find a better answer and that answer is probs going to involve being a real person again and taking up physical space instead of just evaporating into a metaphysical concept 

k but one last thing since its bugging me that no one might get it (were about to nerd the Fuck Out so bear with me) but you can reduce any letter of the alphabet to shapes specifically the letter i is either just a line with a dot or its a single line the same as the number one. one is a number but its also how we talk about ourselves and others, both oneself and/or one other. or we can get super reductionist and simply call it is/is not, right. oneself IS me. one other self IS NOT me. 

alright now you can read the last three poems and mb get it bc tho u wouldnt normally know it my hubris is p fucking off the rails sometimes and poetry is p much the only acceptable way to express that kinda thing 

ill be here tomorrow and forever still full of love. goodnight <3 

#musing #being open isnt rly like in my wheelhouse anymore but hey why not i guess?

[chrliekclly]

do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !

YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)

okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.

to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).

i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.

as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap

just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.

charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 

dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.

when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???

at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:

i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.

i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.

iv gone too far goodbye

#chardee #charlie kelly #dee reynolds #maybe this is sort of #meta #ramblings #headcanon #rape ment #im so sorry this was not wat u askd for flnsjkfgh #anon #ask

[8eht]

q - u? :)

 q: how do you feel about collaborations?

i don’t have too much of an opinion on it, to be completely honest. im pretty particular about what i like reading though, so if their writing styles differ too much i won’t be able to enjoy it really.

with that being said, i give lots of props to those who actually collab w others bc im so picky abt my writing and have extremely specific ideas and if details aren’t described exactly how i imagined it in my head it causes me so much anxiety and distaste for it and askfhaskjfhasfkja. so it must really be difficult and i rly respect those are able to achieve that type of teamwork i could never tbh

r: are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

the first writer that comes to mind is tahereh mafi. i know her style is def not for everyone and neither is mine so sajkfhaskjf. feelinggenious on wattpad actually wrote a post about why they don’t like her style and expressed the reason being is that its “written in a chaotic, hallucinating-ish, journal style that’s oozing and overflowing of metaphors” and that ppl may find its a “lump of metaphors and horrid imagery” n binch thats exactly why i aspire to be on her level someday asfjhsfjhasfk. but i love it so much tho!! and thats exactly how i would want mine to be described as tbh

another person that stands out is tabitha suzuma. i’ve only read one book by her, but i remember ppl on goodreads reviewing it and saying its like 418 pages of poetry. she brings out so so so much emotion and all of her characters (even the younger children) are so three dimensional and they honestly felt like real people to me. the story is so so traumatic and hard to read, but i, at least, went thru so so so many strong emotions and sadness and happiness throughout the entire book. not many writers can do that to me and i admire her so so so so much. she took an extremely taboo subject and made it so you actually feel for the characters involved. i wont mention the book due to reasons but if anyone is interested u can message me or w/e!! 

and lastly, i mention her literally every moment of my life and she really is my biggest muse ??? i guess but its nicole dollanganger. she a songwriter which is technically a writer so i think she counts. not many ppl have heard of her bc she basically just came from bandcamp. but she’s been described as being like lana del rey but with way scarier and more horrific lyrics. i listen to a lot of her songs when i write to keep me going tbh. but i wouldnt rec her music to anyone who can be triggered by v*ol*nce and etc!! so keep that in mind

ask me more fanfic q’s!!!

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

i love angsty bffs who are secretly in love with each other but are too much of stubborn and frightened buttholes they never say anything. so they always fight and get jealous and wow … im so weak for this d*mb shit. hmmm also practice kissing tropes and hurt/comfort and ajkdhaskfjasf. im boring ok i know this dont tell me

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

ok so theres not many that i CANT stand, but theres a lot i literally have no interest in. i rly am against anything obviously problematic or gross. so theres that. but in terms of just popular tropes that im not into ??? anything paranormal (which is hilarious bc i love anything else paranormal n that includes books but for some reason in fanfics i just ??? cant do it.) however there have been a few that i love so i wouldnt disregard a fic completely jsut bc it has supernatual elements. i wouldnt disregard a dystopian fic tho maybe. idk wuts wrong with my brain and why it chooses some things and not others aksjfhasfkasf. but anything thats not everyday boring basic ass shit i usually cant get into it rip

so yeah. theres actually way more bc im so so so so picky af to the point where its disgusting brtywgasfjk

u: share three of your favorite fics writers and why you like them so much.

IM CHEATING !!! ok so instead of writers im gonna go w three of my fave fics bc thats easier for me.

1. letters (things unspoken) was the first fic i ever read that i really, really loved. its super heavy and so so sad so be warned if u wanna check it out. listen i didnt just tear up reading this ok. i straight up sobbed like a lil annoying binch and it really really broke my heart and wow. it involves d**th so. and its monsta x fyi

2. when i get weary of the sky is unbelievable. i havent read it in such a long time so i even forget a lot of it but i remember it being so incredible and well-written and asofhasufohas. im not gonna try to get into my reasoning bc as i said its been quite some time since ive read it and i dont want to give it an improper description. but anyway its abt pentagon!

3. desperate inhales;; relaxed exhales is shortish but its so good omg. im surprised it wasnt written by me tbh bc the author has a similar writing style as i do imo. its everything i could ask for in a fic i think. and wow its actually a svt centered fic amazing. which is wild bc 98% of the fics i read are seventeen related but yet 2/3 of the ones i mentioned are writers for different groups oops

idk why but i feel embarrassed if any of these writer have a tumblr and follow me but prob not and idek why i care but im such a shy awkward bean afhjksjkaf

#jacksinn #i put some under the cut bc it got way tooooo lengthy lmao #tysm for asking !!! ily !!! #💕💖💕💖💕💖 #THIS IS SO HECKING LOVE IM SORRY #*long #i talk too much if u havent noticed #angel things.txt #replies #not 17

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

its darker than it looks - prob could get a better shot - later - if i remember - i rather gaze than shoot - have gone out specifically to shoot the moon and forgot while  eye view  

im not a photographer  true 

maybe imma shaolin stylin yah like a gung fu carradine  - a virtual grasshopper not dennis but old af  - flux siri i said flux   - this iz reel deal scene 

i think but then again 

i been told im a wee bit uh 

delusional? 

i could method man an absent minded professor while my hare duz an einstein  - while doin back flips -  there t   thats the delusional  and no ur not a fading rawk star either despite the 30 made a couple weeks ago  - not even a has been  lol  there never were the glory days not even minutes  - wait there wuz a set in front of a thousand ppl and they danced and applauded like hippies - t that wuz awmost 50 fukken yrs ago and as i remember you wuz last billed playing a benefit for peace in a street dance that you proposed - provided the equipment for and some promoter took over  - fuck u creeping dementia or exhaustion or meds my memory is fine - mostly - tho reminders daily of exactly - how old af i am  lol    we lol a lot lately sending frog emoji freely fairly frequent - oh yay  - its tomorrow - frog friday  - except for a paucity - of - uh - froggies in my drafts  - im ahead of the game and there r sure 2 b many in the morning  - feel free to freak freely - no - i meant - to hop on board like a love train meeting peace frog  

do u talk w your oh appliances for instance - do some have personalities  - peculiarities  - some are just plain quirky - my kettle for instance - spits burps and flips its lid literally  - sometimes i beg them to work cuz they tek and ....if u cant finish that line i dont know y i even bother  - this is interactive as fuck if u dont real eyes  - well thats some thing  - did i post chet faker  - i will check but 

u sposed to laff - throw stuff at ur screen - close ur paptop in diss gust - dance - sing along to the songs ffs  - write graffiti  ( t - u lucky anybody reeds u atol and no u aint that clever )  watever 

its later the sky is darker - the moon brighter  - gotta make some dinner but 1st the unpoet chops the garlic - chopping garlic still painful af go figure  - i think imma pome a couple fragments like an alternative reality  - the last time truman capote was in sf  - committing grievious insult to the brain - he was drinking at the kokpit and no it wuz not an airplane themed pilot bar lol  - now why tf does that pop in my head while cooking dinner - gawd i hopez frogs rnt prudish  - r they - no - prudent maybe except when it comes to eating - i wunder wat happen ifn i google - this gonna sit in drafts until at least midnite sister iggy get jiggy  so u dont hafta entertain urselves waiting  (newsflash t - ur uh poetry - is not published in real time w breathless readers hanging on and waiting for every wurd  - u r delusional )  - ok u aint gonna belief this - there is a website that has “everything u wanted to know about frog sex but were afraid to ask “ lol i aint afraid of no ghost  - hmm false advertising or they post fax sequentially as discovered - so latest is a new position for frog sex discovered   https://daily.jstor.org/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-frog-sex-but-were-afraid-to-ask/      i let u read urself  but i think it answer question - i mean prudish frogs wouldnt find new positions after all theses years - would they 

discuss cuz my mind is empty  - ooooooo zen af   lol    btw paptop wuz a typo witch made the poem better  - do u know @potato  - funny af yo

lets talk about my kitty :) a good one i love her so much 

yay its after midnight or 2morrow or frog friday  the 13th   its ok im not a mason 

thats nightz templar t   u always think its perry mason guilty    anyway on a fri 13 in the oh lets say middle ages cuz lazy af and too tired to look up - the pope idk which one - btw the church owed plenty $$$ to templars and templars may have had some dirt on the church or pope - so they rounded up and tortured or deaded - a few escaped - but the mass country wide - france i think it was - round up of templars was onnna fri 13   

was that a fun fact or a tangent  - r tangents tangy - remember tang the space drink  - the jetsons were only on 1 season i liked the theme song 

still a dish or 2  - more like a sink full  - i should b doing laundry 

insted hedfonz el vy  a quick text 

duckling teenz accounted for  - yah nightly cuz they dont want me to worry sleepless  - which i dont do usual  - and we wish each other good night and good morning often usually daily - and omg emojis - is this thing gonna work out  - yah in some form or fashion w input varied - might need another partner - one who work for 0 $ lol  - tho commissions and sales and we barely start marketing those should increase - and our web site unfinished but there are a couple good reasons  

sorry if u only reading cuz of froggies and wonder if t ever gonna stfu 

laterz 

love 

#frog friday #poetry i guess #morning kitty poem #kitchen sink sorry

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

uneventful mostly - itsa holidaze  - i did write a morning pome imma pretty sure cuz kitty poets dont have a union and we getz no days off  - yes indeed that cat is a good one u knows it 

maybe things a little better even but 

oh look t - the moon  - oh wait thats a streetlight - later i should see 

(whew that wuz close  - whining averted )

cold rocky revenge  - now thats poetry  - theres a post below somewhere that mansplains it  - y am i thinking of f zappa 

so in the spirit of no whyne zone imma tell the tale of the good footin and james brown maybe barefootin as well  - the sciatica = better much still painful af at times but usual not hobbling - acupuncturist trynna help t sleep as well - at night  - u know when everybody else  does - when things r open and ppl r awake like daytime i should also - imma trying  - onna bad day im better than b4  and more well rested than usual lifetime deprivation -get about wat i got done on a good day 6 weeks ago  - on a mostly good day - dont lie t - u still get fuck all done by most standards even on a good day  - still a bit more accomplished - lots more walking than in a long long time - have gone from bed ridden every 3rd day  to active almost daily  - every 10 days or so i need to totally collapse and do almost nothing for about 36 hours - stress as much as anything  - it has been a uh trying couple of months  - 3 months at least t w brief periods of wat may have gone from fantasy to delusion inna heartbeat or rose colored glasses keep cracking  -with a season in hell for large parts of the last 10 days  - thats not whining just fax  - all in all i wouldnt trade my life w anyone  - i still play music w ppl i love just not too much lately  - if the biz ends it was a wat u call it - oh right - a learning experience - there is still to post - remeber tek hatez t  - some vids from a couple weaks ago  - serious magic on i know places  - i havent listened to much else except briefly the night performed but we played and sounded great at times  - we got virtually no tips however - tho the tip jar was not real visible - we give half the $ to a charity vita works w in india - vita gets the rest  - last sat - when it was victory to show and perform - we were not bad - a little tired and lot sad and then after - but we made 30 $  - actually quite good considering the venue - mostly students w laptops and buds and a few locals - im rarely out of breath - i want a fukken cigarette so fucking bad it makes me fucking crazy for a minute a few times a day  - i try not to dwell but fux  lol - there has been laffter  - the sickest of humor or just plain stupid silly - in 2s tho for over week now  - no way we gonna get an album or even an ep recorded b4 skool  - i reality good when i hafta but i do not like it much  - well some parts maybe - like the moon and the ocean - and kitties - crows and baby birbs  tho there always a bit of the supernatural there  - speekin of witch - got a peek on patreon of maggie umber’s upcoming horror comic - omfg - those of u who know her also know the price she paid and paying still  - get well again maggie !      and all those i love esp w illness chronic  - where wuz i - oh yah the reality bits i likes - wuz lissen to my favorite things one of the uh free err by trane - maybe a wee bit atonal at times but melody hinted at mostly - yah t all over the place - biz as usual ?   lol

night

love 

birdsong morning

#poetry i guess #@maggieumber #how the fuck did it get 2 b 1am

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

i wuz thinking - ok just scroll yah keep scrolling til u cant see this post 

yah thats better - oh i gess u dont know that cuz u scrolled - oh well - abbie hoffmans publishers didnt like it when ppl actually stole the book either  ( t not everbody as old af  - u gotta mansplain that hoffman wuz a 60s radical - if i remember right pete townsend punched him - possibly the only fight pete ever won ask roger - who rote a book entitled - steal this book - its funnier if u awreddy freddy new that but are we ever gonna get to topic - YOU FORGOT AGAIN didnt u ) 

maybe for a minute - and just how alone did u feel when u herd the minutemen were dead  - actually 

thru the miracle of modern science t’s brain cells started communicating again - both of them- they wuz lonely also - no im not lonely - least not lately in a while 

the topic t   the topic 

killjoy

no - i told u b4 im not a multiple - i do tawk to myself tho - out loud in public sometimes when im not singing - which reminds me 

i realized how much i have been performing and playing in the past month - oh and madrone not gonna open mic a couple weeks soon - imma playing kava 2morrow i think - its planned - both liam and vita  - i havent played kava this year i just reel eyes - gonna b interesting - played on their porch a couple times w vita - drew a crowd one time  - imma play i know places i thinks - yah strict time limit - played it once w vita it wuz magic - she sang counterpoint - bereft sad looking for a place of solace improvised totally she never heard the song maybe a snatch one time at “practice”  certainly never the original - and there is the time liam played perfect accompany w me to it - yah he never herd the original either  - and realizing none of u have ever heard her  - her w me  and except for at liams one night “jamming” the 3 of us have only performed 1 time as deep space 9 and i wuz mostly inaudible and other tech/sound probs w liam - still ppl kinda dug it seemed tom anyway - so anywaze - idk i might hafta travel light still - but i so wanna have some recordings - u aint heard my new guitar either - well acoustic quick dylan take that actually came out well considering  - for all u nose imma making shit up  - u ever been told ur not real but thats really a story best untold 

u ever been told u dont matter  

no t  just no - i dont care if its poetry it aint healthy - u onna good foot and the others gettin better - save the sad song method acting for the stage or recording - btw - when i played w jim last week we were introduced as the sad bastards - now thats a golden oldie in dog years which i thinks iz close to tumblr time - i aged a lifetime here awready  - yah 

i forgot how this started - afraid to scroll up and see - how much drivel and should i delete - nah 

we been thru a lot - u and i and i - here 

in this conceptual playhouse of 1s and 0s where we make connections - real af connections 

its all love 

the only thing thats real

and maybe chocolate  - imma thinking of the unpoet  - i never let the house run outta tho that reminds me - there was a scarcity the last time i gotta find some soon - chocolate that is 

love we got 

oh and kitties - which means we gotta include canines - what about the birbs?  yes and froggies  - they all manifestations 

da fuck t    u writing an opus  just fucking end it 

if it wuz morning

birdsong 

#poetry i guess #mostly tmi and drivel