#this touch of assertiveness is also the reason why From Eden is one of my fav songs of his

[astralilith]

NFWMB has a certain darkness to it that is unlike any other Hozier song. It's rare to see him showcase ACTUAL possessive feelings -- usually his writting is much more in the lines of "I am lucky for any crumb of attention you throw my way, darling". But in NFWMB he goes all out and is like "nah, you are mine, actually", while still managing to be submissive somehow, and it's fucking HOT.

#nfwmb #hozier #andrew hozier byrne #wasteland baby #this touch of assertiveness is also the reason why From Eden is one of my fav songs of his

[valley-of-the-lost]

The Emotional Abuse of Eden Starling

    I have a massive soft spot for Barbie movies. They defined most of my early childhood, from the music to the dress transformations. It was an intense nostalgia trip to revisit them when I was older and through a more comprehensive lens compared to when I saw them last. While I was doing this, one in particular stuck out to me. Barbie in a Christmas Carol. It was the version of the classic tale A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens that I had grown up with, and while my memories of it were fond, it didn’t trigger intense nostalgic reactions in me like ones like 12 Dancing Princesses did. So, naturally, I rewatched it to refresh my memory. And it immediately shot up to my favorite Barbie movie, at least, of the ones I have seen, because it handles surprisingly more mature and complex themes than you’d expect for a piece of early 2000’s kid’s media. I’d like to dissect one of these themes today: childhood abuse, specifically how Eden Starling, the protagonist of the movie, was abused by her caretaker, Aunt Marie.

Aunt Marie was emotionally abusing Eden throughout her childhood by overworking, socially isolating, guilting, shifting the blame, and asserting control over Eden through verbal manipulation. All of the above can be seen in the interaction between Eden and Marie in the Ghost of Christmas Past flashback section of the movie. While the conversation is brief and I am well aware that technically due to how short it is, it could possibly not be representative of Eden’s entire childhood, the movie treats it as the standard for their dynamic when Eden was a child, so that is how I will be treating it as well when analyzing the quality of Eden’s upbringing. So, without further ado, let’s parse out what tactics Marie employs on Eden throughout the conversation.

The scene opens with the Ghost of Christmas Past and Eden from the present (whom I will call “Present Eden” throughout the rest of this post aside from this scene summary) arriving in a room via a golden portal. Eden as a child (whom I will call “Past Eden” to differentiate her from Present Eden, again, aside from this summary) is sitting at a long table, resting her head on her arm and staring out the window at the snow falling outside. She has food in front of her, implying she was eating or expected to eat at some point, but she doesn’t touch it until her Aunt Marie says her name and walks into the room. Past Eden then straightens in her seat, looking more alert, and quickly eats all her food as her Aunt Marie enters the room while staring into a handmirror. After she is done, Eden asks if she can go to the Beadnell’s house for Christmas, where she had been invited by her friend Catherine Beadnell. Aunt Marie refuses, and says that after dinner they rehearse. Eden tries to press the issue, but is shut down and told to rehearse until dinner is ready.

Already the movie itself is calling attention to a major disparity in this scene: there is no indication of celebration within Marie’s household, be it Christmas or otherwise. The room Past Eden is sitting in is literally bare floorboards and blue wallpaper, with the only lighting being the dim sunlight streaming through the window. The decor itself is the epitome of the bare minimum; it’s wooden and matches the floorboards, giving the room a homogeneous appearance. Taken altogether, the dim lighting, cool color scheme, and general emptiness of the space gives the room a cold, lifeless feeling.

To further reenforce this, when the Ghost of Christmas Past thinks she accidentally didn’t send them to Christmas due to the room’s clearly lacking Christmas cheer, Present Eden corrects her by saying “No… this is right…” establishing that this is indeed how she spent her Christmases as a child. If that was not enough indication that something is definitely wrong, the Ghost of Christmas Past is still in disbelief, pointing out the absence of typical Christmas fixtures like a tree or stockings, but then she comes to a realization and says to Present Eden “Oh… you poor thing”. This expression of sympathy shows that there’s not just something off about this scene, something’s terrible about it that would warrant this sympathy in the first place. The conclusion from just this section of the scene would be that Eden was not very happy as a child, and never had what would be thought of as a “proper” Christmas growing up for one reason or another. So what was the reason for this? Why, Aunt Marie of course. Not just because she’s Past Eden’s guardian and therefore these responsibilities would fall onto her, but for other reasons that are revealed in the following conversation when Past Eden asks to go to the Beadnell’s house:

"Eden: I'm all done Aunt Marie. Can I go over to the Beadnell's house? 

Marie: Of course not. After dinner we rehearse. 

Eden: I know... But I thought we could... maybe make an exception today. Because it's Christmas! They all said they'd really love to see me there. Catherine even said it'd make her Christmas!"

This immediately ticks off two red flags: social isolation and overworking. Marie is preventing Past Eden from spending Christmas with Catherine and Catherine’s family, and by extension, denying her positive social interaction. In the context of the date being Christmas, Marie is also denying Past Eden a better Christmas with this action, as when Past Eden sneaks out to the Beadnell’s house, it can be seen that they celebrate a more typical Christmas. They have family, food, decorations, a tree, and presents, even some for Past Eden. This shows that Marie shows a lack of regard for Past Eden’s mental wellbeing, as positive social connections and interaction is critical to a child developing into a healthily functioning adult.     In addition to isolating Past Eden, there are implications that Marie is overworking Past Eden as well. It is obviously cruel to make a child work through a holiday when they obviously do not want to, but Past Eden’s wording (“...maybe make an exception today…”) insinuates that working through the day with no known breaks under any circumstances except to eat is the norm for her. Barbie and Kelly, the former of which is telling Eden’s story to the latter, also confirm this:

"Kelly: Wait... Aunt Marie is making Eden work on Christmas? 

Barbie: Well, every day. But yes, on Christmas too. 

Kelly: But that's not fair! 

Barbie: It's not. 

Kelly: And there's nothing Eden can do about it? 

Barbie: affirmative noise"

Forcing a child to rehearse day in and day out with no time off except to eat against their will is not natural; it’s controlling. It’s a bad sign for their future development and mental health, as this constant pressure to rehearse and by extension be good at this thing they are rehearsing for will likely end with them pinning their sense of self and self-worth on this one thing they’re working towards. Thus, they will have a harder time coping with failure at this one thing, or have no other emotional rapports to fall back on if something happens. Marie is not setting Past Eden up for a healthy adulthood here in any way. She has no regard for Past Eden’s mental wellbeing, and is not above employing manipulation to force Past Eden to agree to her demands, as she proceed to do when Past Eden tries to press her request:

"Marie: Make (Catherine's) Christmas? Make her Christmas? What about your Christmas? More importantly, what about your future? You want to be a star, don't you? 

Eden: I do, but- 

Marie: More than anything else in the world? 

Eden: Yes, but- 

Marie: Then what Catherine and the Beadnells want doesn't matter!..."

    Now, what happens here is that Marie guilts Past Eden for considering Catherine’s feelings and manipulates her answers to shift the blame for the circumstances onto Past Eden. This is all designed to browbeat Past Eden into submission so she will do what Marie wants. First, with the guilting, Marie shifts the conversation from spending time with Catherine to Past Eden’s future (“...What about your Christmas? More importantly, what about your future?...”). Her word choice of “what about” and “don’t you” suddenly imply that Past Eden is putting her future singing career in jeopardy by wanting to spend one day with Catherine. In essence, Marie is saying Past Eden is putting her entire future at risk just for the sake of catering to what the Beadnells want, completely ignoring that it’s what Past Eden wants as well, and thus making her feel guilty for putting something so important as her singing career on the line just for the Beadnells and their feelings.

    Marie also shifts the burden of the situation onto Past Eden over the course of the conversation, by suddenly placing it on Past Eden’s shoulders. “More importantly, what about YOUR future?” and “YOU want to be a star, don’t YOU?” both imply that Past Eden herself is responsible for the perceived obstacle (her singing aspirations) blocking her from going to Catherine’s house, and thus absolve Marie herself from any of the blame she has for creating this situation for Past Eden in the first place as her guardian.

    In order to guarantee that Past Eden will comply, Marie manipulates the conversation in her favor. First, she poses a yes or no question to Past Eden (“You want to be a star, don’t you?”) giving Past Eden reflexively predictable answers, so she can more easily get the response she wants and shut Past Eden’s objections down when Past Eden clearly has more to say by interrupting her (“I do, but-”...”Yes, but-”). She employs the same tactic again with “More than anything else in the world?”, except when she gets the affirmation she wants, she uses the absolute of “anything else in the world” to dismiss what Catherine and the Beadnells want, and by extension, what Past Eden wants. The message from this she’s sending Past Eden is that by her own desire to be a star more than anything else in the world, it’s her own fault for not being able to spend time with Catherine or the Beadnells because they fall under “anything else in the world”. In short, the problem is Past Eden’s fault. Which it isn’t, but Marie wants Past Eden to think that it is, so she bends to Marie’s will more easily. And eventually, she wants Past Eden to bend to her way of thinking too:

"Marie: Then what Catherine and the Beadnells want doesn't matter! What do I always tell you? 

Eden: In a selfish world, the selfish succeed. 

Marie: That's right. And if you want to succeed, you must use every second of your time selfishly. 

Eden: Yes, Aunt Marie. 

Marie: Good choice. I'm proud of you. Now go work your scales until dinner's ready." 

Marie defines how Past Eden should feel, and then tops it off with a dose of conditional affection. She makes Past Eden repeat a mantra she has told her in the past (hence the “always”): “In a selfish world, the selfish succeed”. Her goal is to make Past Eden internalize this value and eventually have it dictate her life, so she shuts down any other avenue for Past Eden to deviate from this. No Catherine, no Christmas, no disagreeing with her on any level.

Ironically, it should be said that Marie is telling Past Eden to be selfish and to “use every second of her time selfishly”, yet there’s no room for Past Eden herself to define “selfish” for herself. How can Past Eden truly live selfishly if she’s not allowed to define what selfish is for herself? She can’t, it’s a contradiction, and it exposes that Marie doesn’t want Past Eden to live selfishly with regard to herself. No, Marie wants Past Eden to live selfishly with regards to her, and wants Past Eden to only think she’s living selfishly for herself. A line earlier in the movie supports this and puts Marie pushing Past Eden to practice in a new light: “(In a selfish world, the selfish succeed) was my excuse for not having the talent to become a star myself!" This makes it seem like Marie was living vicariously through Past Eden due to her failed aspirations, like those dance moms who live through their daughters.

Of course, Past Eden finally relents to Marie as she’s no longer being allowed a voice in this conversation and Marie rewards her with “Good choice. I’m proud of you”. The “good choice” sounds vaguely threatening, as if implying there was a BAD choice in the first place, but the small bit of praise in “I’m proud of you” is an example of conditional affection, especially in the context of Marie giving it. Past Eden bowed to her wishes, thus she “earned” Marie’s affection. This is a bad message to send to Past Eden, as it says to her that she’s only worth the affection when she agrees with Marie. Essentially, she’s not worth loving as her own person, only as what Marie wants her to be.

After this, Past Eden sneaks out when her Aunt is asleep and sleds to Catherine's house. She briefly gets to celebrate Christmas with her friend and the rest of the Beadnells, but then a knock comes at the door. Aunt Marie had woken up and is there to yell at Past Eden and drag her back home.

When the knock comes, Present Eden’s reaction is worth noting, especially to determine how the following events affected her long after they initially occurred:

"Present Eden, to the Ghost of Christmas Past: Take me home. Now. 

Ghost of Christmas Past: Why? We're having so much fun! 

knocking gets louder and more insistent

Present Eden: NOW! 

Door opens to reveal Marie standing in the doorway

Aunt Marie: Where. Is. EDEN?!"

    Present Eden’s immediate distress with the smile vanishing off her face to be replaced with a scared expression at the sound of the knock and her increasingly insistent demands for the Ghost of Christmas Past to take her home before the door opens signifies that this particular part of the memory was traumatizing for her. It also implies that Eden, both Past and Present, is afraid of her Aunt Marie. This isn’t the first time Present or Past Eden have shown fear in Marie’s presence. Earlier, in the beginning of the flashback, when Aunt Marie addresses Past Eden, Present Eden recoils with a fearful expression on her face at the sound of Marie’s voice. Past Eden also has trouble keeping sustainable eye contact with Marie, especially when Marie is looking directly at her, which could be a sign of intimidation or anxiety.

    The traumatizing part of this event wasn’t just Marie angrily demanding to know where Past Eden was though, as is revealed when Present Eden relays the rest of what happened in her bedroom with her knees pulled up to her chest:

"Present Eden: She ruined the whole holiday. Just stood there, screaming, for what seemed like forever. At me, at Catherine, at the Beadnells, oh, it was horrible. That was my last Christmas there. Aunt Marie never left me alone for a second after that. 

Ghost of Christmas Past, placing a hand on Present Eden’s: I'm so sorry, Eden. 

Present Eden, shrugging off the Ghost of Christmas Past’s hand and getting up from the bed to fluff her hair: Don't be. Aunt Marie was right! I wasted time on those silly Christmas pageants for the Beadnells. After that, I concentrated on myself. And you know what happened? I made my Covent Garden debut at thirteen. Thirteen."

    According to Present Eden, Marie screamed at not just Past Eden, but everyone present. Not only is it already traumatizing for Past Eden to be yelled at by an adult figure she’s already shown signs of being scared of already, but it would also be mortally humiliating because she’d likely think the Beadnells are being yelled at because of her. As if Marie hadn’t already heaped enough undeserved blame onto Past Eden, intentionally or not.

    This event also marked a turn for the worse in Past Eden’s life. If Marie wasn’t controlling enough before by depriving Past Eden of social contact in favor of having her rehearse, she apparently became worse by “not leaving (Eden) alone for a second after that”. That, coupled with that being Eden’s last Christmas at the Beadnell’s, likely means that Eden was completely socially isolated for the rest of her upbringing, except perhaps in special Marie-approved and supervised interactions.

    As if this wasn’t all bad enough, Present Eden also reveals two key pieces of information through mentioning her Covent Garden debut at thirteen years old. It confirms that Past Eden in the flashback was at the very least younger than thirteen, as Present Eden speaks about the debut as if it happened after Marie forced her away from the Beadnells, and that Eden was a child star. The abuse has been happening at the very least since Eden was younger than thirteen and she was a child star, which she does not have the proper support system to manage the stress that would come with that. And even Present Eden herself doesn’t seem too happy about it either for a split second.

While the peek into Eden’s childhood is brief, dissecting it reveals that it is far more insidious than it appeared to be upon first glance. Marie’s methods of molding Eden into what she wants is terrifying as she’s willing to sacrifice Eden’s happiness and agency as a person in order to further that end. And the worst part is that she succeeds. The Eden at the beginning of the movie is the result of years of being subjected to Marie’s abuse, someone who was never allowed to grow into her own person and probably doesn’t even know how to express herself properly beyond the toxic methods that Marie taught her. But the extent of Marie’s damage to Eden’s life will have to wait until another post, since that’s another deep hole I want to dive into but for the sake of staying on topic we’re leaving that for later. Thanks for reading!

Loose ends: 

- The hell was Eden eating in the flashback? It looked like burned potatoes and toast. I remember being baffled by this even as a kid, because I was confused that I was supposed to see that as food. The implication seems to be that Eden didn't have good food and nutrition growing up, which @/barbie-movie-reviews pointed out in their review of this movie could be why she was so passionate about her crumpets. I plan to expand on that later for another post, but Marie apparently can’t be bothered to get decent food for Eden.

- Aunt Marie's handmirror and her looking at herself in it is likely a visual shorthand for her being a selfish person like how she wants Eden to be, especially since she is supposed to be the Jacob Marley of the story and the mirrors are her “chains”. Though now I get more of the impression of "narcissistic tendencies", which are apparently common in emotionally abusive parents.

- Aunt Marie tells Eden that after dinner they rehearse, implying Eden just ate dinner, and then later orders her to practice her scales until dinner is ready? It's either an inconsistency or awkward wording.

#meta of the lost #barbie #barbie in a christmas carol #barbie a christmas carol #eden starling #eden starling meta #aunt marie #catherine beadnell #cw: emotional abuse

[boulderuphill]

call me (kevjean, 1k)

Warnings: (light) mentions of abuse, alcohol and drugs, but that kind of comes w the territory i guess.

“You called me last night.”

Kevin’s mind flashes with images from the night at Eden’s. It’s a blur of Nicky laughing while holding up a bag of cracker dust, trays of shots, scrolling through old messages.

He closes his eyes and tries to bring the memories into focus, but all it does is increase the headache he’s been nursing all morning.

“I did?”

--

Kevin slips his buzzing phone out of his pocket, but the name on the screen makes him do a double take. Andrew is still engrossed in his book, not showing any sign of even having noticed it ringing, but Kevin still slips out of the living room and into the bathroom. There, he leans against the locked door and takes a deep breath, then he picks up.

“Hello?” 

“Kevin.” Jean’s accent shines through, even saying something so short and simple. The fact that it’s actually him on the other end, and not Riko with Jean’s phone, is a greater relief that Kevin expects. But he isn’t able to relax quite yet.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he says, “is everything alright?” 

“You called me last night.” 

Kevin’s mind flashes with images from the night at Eden’s. It’s a blur of Nicky laughing while holding up a bag of cracker dust, trays full of shots, scrolling through old messages. 

He closes his eyes and tries to bring the memories into focus, but all it does is increase the headache he’s been nursing all morning.

“I did?”

“You did.” There is a pause, and when Jean speaks again it’s in French. “You told me you hate it there.”

“I was drunk,” Kevin says, ignoring the pang of guilt, and it earns him a scoff.

“Really? I could never have guessed from the way you were slurring your words, or how you stayed on the phone even when you threw up.” 

The memory of his knees pressing against cold bathroom tiles is suddenly the most vivid of them all. It’s like watching a rerun of a thousand previous nights, all of which end with his forehead resting against the toilet seat, and with the quiet resolve to never drink again. 

“It’s been a rough week,” he says, because it’s true. Then he remembers what constitutes as a ‘rough week’ in the Nest, and immediately regrets it. “It won’t happen again.”

“Funny,” Jean says, his tone cold and humourless. “You want us to pretend like you don’t always do this, then.”

“I don’t want us to do anything.” There’s a soft ‘thunk’ when Kevin leans his head back to stare at the ceiling, trying to focus on anything except the hazy recollections of last night. “Did you call just to lecture me?” he asks.

“I need a reason to call now? You are the only one who is allowed to do it out of nowhere? Maybe I am like you, and calling because I am an idiot who is only now starting to realise that you walking away from Riko is going to have bigger consequences than we could have even imagined.”

Despite Jean’s voice being low, almost a whisper, the words are quick and fierce like bullets shooting through the phone. The headache still has Kevin in an iron grip, and he presses his fingers to his temple in search of relief. When it doesn’t work he squeezes his eyes shut again, and the dark makes it a little easier to focus. 

“Look,” he says, “I don’t remember what I said last night, but I don’t hate it here. And it doesn’t matter what the consequences of me leaving are, because there’s nothing I can do to undo it.”

This time the pause is a little too long. Enough so that Kevin brings the phone from his ear to make sure Jean is still on the line. When he presses it against his ear again he’s just able to make out the breaths on the other side, then Jean speaks again, with a voice void of all its usual firmness.

“You could come back.”

The words should make him angry. Jean, better than anyone, knows why he had to leave, and all that he gave up in doing so. But it is not anger that showers over him like cold water, or disappointment that twists his stomach and weakens his knees. Instead it is doubt, filling his body until it’s sliding along the door and lands sitting on the floor.

“Don’t say that.” He swallows, because the words do not sound as assertive as he means for them to.

“Why not? You are stubborn, not stupid.”

“Because you know I can’t come back. Riko wouldn’t let me.” 

Just the thought of facing Riko again makes him nauseous. It’s been months, but at times it still feels like he could burst through the door of Kevin’s dorms at any moment. He would be furious, forcing Kevin onto his bed and sitting on his chest. Then he would press the knife against Kevin’s throat, and tell him that a choice is a choice is a choice. 

“He would,” Jean says, and it doesn’t sound like a pitiful lie. “He has not let anyone touch your room; it’s still the same. We practice the drills as if you’re coming back. He even calls me Kevin sometimes when he’s...” Jean’s voice trails off, but Kevin has no trouble filling in the blanks himself. 

“You could leave too.” Kevin says it before his mind catches up with his mouth. On the other end of the line, Jean laughs. It’s cold and bitter, but the sound of it still makes something within Kevin ache.

“Maybe it is stupidity and not stubbornness after all. Does Wymack run a home for wayward Ravens now? Do you think me coming there would make us all a big happy family? That Riko would let me run, just like he has indulged this little experiment of yours? If you truly intend on staying, like you say you are, then lose my number. Because the next time you call me to cry about how you don’t fit in with those rejects, I won’t pick up.”

Kevin pulls his knees to his chest, hugs them with his free arm until he has made himself as small as his tall frame permits. 

“I’m sorry I left you,” he says, and the words make his mouth numb in a way that makes him certain he has never spoken them before, drunk or sober.  

“You are not.” Jean’s voice isn’t soft anymore. But it also is not harsh. Just tired. “But I’m not either. It was just easier when you were here too.”

The words are left hanging between them in perfect silence. It takes Kevin what feels like minutes before he’s able to reply, and when he does the words are small and inadequate.

“I miss you too.”

--

if u liked this and ur into kevjean check out my ao3 :^) also me and anna are working on another longer kevjean fic that we’re about to wrap up. so stay tuned and pls look forward to it etc!!  

#kevin day #jean moreau #kevjean #aftg #aftg fic #fic

[darkkidplaidopera]

“Seven first glances” Khunbam

coming back with some translated khunbam fluff again!! (it has some angst in it, but only a little bit i swear)

<- ->

Khun Aguero Agnis has never considered himself to be exceptionally sensitive. What's more, he was perceived as rather cold, and distant or at least that's what he was always told by others. His fascination with the tower started as a child. Aguero knew people wanted to reach the top of it for different reasons – some were looking for wealth, power, others got captivated with their own heroic desires to change the world for the better. Aguero wasn't an exception. He wanted to climb the tower to prove himself worthy. Khun Aguero Agnis was an extremely intelligent man. When thinking about finding companions for the journey, their usefulness became the top priority for him.  He didn't show any interest in looking for friends, relationships, and making pointless small talk at 5 AM while drinking beer. His mother's words were stuck in his head, and Aguero repeated them like a mantra – “Never trust anyone.” Humans are traitorous, not worthy of your loyalty. Don't follow the rules, but make them, because that's what it means to be a leader. And above anything else, a success must be created with your very own hands. Otherwise, you'll become a trash lying on the first floors of the tower. That's the attitude Aguero entered with. Yet what a surprise he encountered, when the first person he met there was a boy, whose personality completely opposed to what Khun's mother told him as a child. The boy didn't seem to be someone who would be capable of using other people for his own plans. The clear confusion filling his eyes was quickly suppressed with happiness, after Khun had proposed him to climb the tower together. At that moment Aguero wasn't yet aware how much those eyes are going to change his life. Those that seemed to be made of fragile amber. Those that because of their beauty couldn't be compared with anything else. Those that from the very beginning looked at Aguero as if he was the only one in the world.

Khun Aguero Agnis has never fully understood other people. What's more, Bam liked to make him reach the apogee of his confusion. Why was he smiling all the time, even though he had no reason for it? Why was he treating everyone so kindly, even though they didn't deserve it? Why was he able to sacrifice himself without hesitation, even though he got no benefits from it? And, above all, why was he so damn addicting? He's not that special! Khun didn't blame Bam for his anger, he blamed himself.

“I'm too weak, too naive,” he thought to himself. “I should have never suggested climbing the tower together.”

I should have never met him.

But... was it bad that he wanted to look into his eyes once more? Run his fingers through soft, dark hair, and close the distance between them to see how Bam's blushing cheeks try to divert Khun's attention from the flustered orbs filled with curiosity. Aguero wanted to tenderly kiss his forehead, and promise that they'll stay together no matter what. Because Bam wasn't like anyone else. Others couldn't ever compare to a single smile of Bam's. What's more, one evening was enough to assure Aguero in that.

“Mr. Khun?” Bam said, trying to start a conversation.

“Aguero”, Khun corrected him.

Usually, he didn't like being called him by his name. Yet with the awareness that Bam won't let him get as close as he wanted to, all Khun could do was to get rid of unnecessary formality.

“So, Aguero,” Bam continued while smiling at him. “Why are you climbing the tower?”

“I need to get stronger. That's the only way to outperform my father,” Khun answered.

He didn't lie, even though he could. Khun Aguero Agnis was a member of Ten Great Families after all. If someone heard about his plans toward his father, he would face tremendous consequences. But Bam wasn't that someone. He'd never betray him, right? Aguero... his name in Bam's lips sounded exceptionally pretty.

“I understand.”

He didn't lie either. And that's what made Khun lose his senses.

Khun Aguero Agnis didn't exactly like what was happening to him. What's more, it had nothing to do with Bam. Okay, maybe a little bit. The main problem was his health. Apparently, Khun's immune system was defective, and that was the reason for him to stay in bed for a few days straight. Aguero hated every part of being sick, starting from taking some kind of disgusting medicine, and ending with the fact that Bam didn't mind him acting like a jerk about it. The golden eyed boy was taking good care of him. He brought him warm meals, took his temperature, spent time with him, and when he thought that Aguero has already fallen asleep, he had a habit of kissing his forehead before leaving. With each moment they shared together Aguero was more, and more certain of one thing – the burning he felt on his skin wasn't there only because of the fever. Bam's subtle touches were quite pleasurable, yet too ephemeral. When thinking about it, Khun tried to be honest with himself, and that led him to one conclusion – even eternity spent in Bam's arms wouldn't be enough.

“Aguero” said Bam when entering the room. “I brought your medicine.”

Just hearing about those ungodly disgusting substances made him shiver. He could already feel the bitterness on his tongue, which didn't fill him with happiness.

“You look like a grumpy toddler.”

“If you were me, you wouldn't be ecstatic either.”

Bam looked at Khun apologetically, and gave him the medicine.

“You seem more lively today,” Bam added. “Maybe you'll get healthy soon.”

“I hope so, Bam. All I'm doing is wasting time, because of that stupid fever,” Khun answered.

“I would never let you climb the tower in such a state. And we have a lot of time anyway.”

Aguero smiled. He had no idea what he did in his previous life to meet someone as sweet as Bam, but it was surely worth it.

“You should rest.”

He took the empty medicine bottles, and slightly leaned over Khun. He was close. Really close. Before Aguero managed to register what had happened, Bam kissed his nose. After that, the only thing Khun heard was a sound of the door getting closed.

“He knew that I wasn't asleep earlier as well, didn't he?

Khun Aguero Agnis didn't like wasting his time. What's more, because of his workaholic tendencies, he almost never did that. Each free moment had to be as productive as possible, so when Bam proposed to get a break, and spend their afternoons together, he wasn't delighted.

“We should train more,” Aguero stated.

“Yes, but we should also take a break from time to time,” Bam argued.

Khun smirked. Bam seemed to feel more comfortable in his presence, which lately led to that kind of trivial disagreements. When they met for the first time, Aguero couldn't possibly predict how stubborn Bam might be. And that trait wasn't really helping with anything – what kind of monster would be able to refuse someone so adorable? There was a tremendous determination in his eyes, in his beautiful eyes that others could compare to wheat. For Khun whatsoever, they looked more like daffodils. Not because of some kind of narcissistic tendencies, of course. They just seemed like an embodiment of eternal beauty. Unreachable, never for Khun to touch, yet the most marvelous, and outstanding that he has ever seen.

“Aguero?” Bam said. “Are you even listening?”

“Hmm... oh, yes, of course!” Aguero answered, yet too quickly, and chaotic for it to sound honest.

Bam sighed. Nothing seemed to be good enough to make Khun change his mind, and every time he tried it brought no success with itself. Aguero really didn't want to look at Bam being unhappy.

“So, what's the plan for today? Maybe we should start with a proper dinner” Khun said.

He knew what Bam did to him. He didn't like it, but he knew. Khun Aguero Agnis couldn't possibly be assertive around him, he was just a human after all.

“Yes, that sounds great!” Bam answered quickly with a wide smile appearing on his face.

Aguero could accept a lot of his mistakes. But he would never forgive himself, if Bam stopped smiling because of him.

Khun Aguero Agnis has never been exceptionally empathetic. What's more, he often caught himself at feeling an unreasonable disdain towards sensitive people. He wasn't completely sure if it's a matter of his own nature or more of a negative result of bad parenting. Aguero's mother taught him that being delicate leads to having weaknesses. And he had to be tough. Khun knew what kind of effect had on him Bam's presence. He hated it. Bam's sensitivity towards others and their pain seemed to change Aguero's behavior. It was like the sweetest poison known to men, and it made Aguero lose his sanity. Being nice wasn't good for his heart. And because of this, he came to one conclusion. To get an antidote to his sickness he needed to get rid of a chemical element called “Bam”. And it hurt. Like hell, some may say. With every “I don't have time for you” he felt as if a billion of tiny needles was piercing not only Bam's heart, but his as well. Deep down he hoped that Bam will stay with him. He wanted Bam to be his sweet chestnut that treated his Aguero like the biggest treasure in the world. Yet those hopes couldn't possibly come true.

“You're avoiding me, Aguero” Bam said one evening. “But I don't understand why.”

Khun didn't understand that either. He wasn't even sure what Bam's eyes were filled with. Sadness, anger, disappointment? Maybe everything at once.

“We should have never met” Khun whispered through clenched teeth.

It hurt, yet no tear left Aguero's body. He didn't deserve to cry.

“I understand.”

When Khun saw Bam closing the door he wasn't yet aware, that with leaving this room he also left his life. Maybe that's the way it was supposed to be from the very beginning. How could someone like Khun, who wasn't loyal even to his own family, deserve an embodiment of Eden? Maybe they'll meet again someday. In a place, where the ungodly tower doesn't exist, and Aguero is capable to love Bam as much as he deserves to be loved. Khun didn't care when it'll happen. He would wait another seven lives for Bam to meet him. He'd do that. But is it bad that his heart aches even at the thought that Bam might not remember someone called Aguero?

Khun Aguero Agnis was leading an excuse of a life. What's more, he was the one responsible for it. That's what he wanted, right? Get rid of Bam. And as an adult he had to understand the consequences of his own actions. Yes, Khun Aguero Agnis couldn't admit that he needed help, because he's able to deal with everything himself. A display of his independence were the countless hours that he spent looking at the ceiling. If Bam lied next to him, everything would be different. But there's no Bam anymore. Bam left and shouldn't come back. His golden eyes were Aguero's weakness. If he had to summarize their relationship, he would describe it as seven glances. The first one, after meeting each other. The second one, when he saw Bam as someone more than a stranger. The third one, taking place during Aguero's fever. The fourth one, when Bam saved him from his workaholic tendencies. The fifth one, which ended everything. The sixth one. It should take place right now, because Khun really fucking missed his chestnut. And the seventh, for Aguero still believed they'll meet again. Khun was that kind of fool he used to laugh at. He didn't want to stay so sick inside anymore. He didn't want to imagine Bam's fingers running through his hair, when in reality they were his own. He felt pathetic. Khun had no strength to eat, drink. Sleeping came to him with difficulty. Dark circles under his eyes were getting larger with each day. And he didn't even want to look at anything. Every little thing reminded him of Bam. Was he obsessed? Probably. He felt like a fish in the water that suddenly lost its gills. Like a child looking at a wrong side of one-way mirror, hoping to see the reflection. Khun Aguero Agnis became the exact kind of trash that his mother warned him of. But if he could hear Bam's voice once more...

“Aguero?”

Yes, exactly this one. As lively as the one in his mind. The prettiest in the world.

“Aguero?”

Maybe a little to lively? Bam couldn't possibly be back.

“How did you manage to make such a mess out of yourself?”

It was too real to be a delusion. Shit...

Khun Aguero Agnis was a happy madman. What's more, since his chestnut returned, a really productive one. It was almost as if his fate was to come back to senses.

“Bam?” Aguero asked. “Never leave me again.”

“Don't let me leave again, then.”

He won't. Khun promised himself he'll wait even another seven lives for Bam, but deep down he knew he wouldn't be able to do that. Because that's not living.

“I love you, Bam.”

“You're telling me this for the hundredth time today” Bam laughed. “But I love you too.”

The night was still young, a lot could happen. Some relationships might come to an end, some start. But at that moment it wasn't important. Khun Aguero Agnis has never considered himself to be exceptionally sensitive, yet with every touch that Bam gave him he was losing all the self-control he had. Aguero's mother has always taught him that choices made because of emotions were actions of a fool. But Bam was the one that made him realize a true fool would ignore his heart in the name of pathetic statements. Bam was his weakness. The only one that Aguero was proud of.

“Let's see the stars together” Bam said. “Before they fall.”

Khun smiled upon hearing those words. Is wasting his time on watching the stars something he should avoid? Probably. Will he do it anyway? Of course.

“Okay, just let me grab something to drink.”

Aguero truly couldn't comprehend why Bam came back. Maybe he didn't want to understand it. After Khun had opened a kitchen cabinet, he took two glasses out of it. When Aguero entered the tower he wasn't interested in making pointless small talk at 5 AM while drinking beer.

No one said anything about wine.

#khunbam #khunbaam #tower of god #tog #kami no tou #tog ff #khun aguero agnes #khun aguero agnis #25th bam #25th baam #twenty fifth baam #twenty fifth bam #khun x bam

[umthisisawkward]

Feels Like Home

Welp, I watched Midsommar a couple weeks ago and have slowly become obsessed with it, while also maintaining my obsession with Far Cry 5. So this is what happened, I guess. 

Title: Feels Like Home

Pairing: Sort of Female Deputy x Jacob? Not...really, though?

Rating: M

Warnings: Non-Consensual Drug Use, Descriptions of blood/violence, dark.

Link to Story on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22788205

The way he looks at her feels as though it was important - something that she should pay attention to and a moment she should keep in her head for the rest of her life. As if the cosmos had all lined up and brought her to him on a bed of stars and he would protect her through every horror she had seen. Like she is home. For the first time in her life, she is home.

His long fingers reach out and brush away the wet hair from her face as she keeps her eyes fixed on his as best as she can. The entire world had felt so heavy when she went under the water, but the moment she came back to the surface, it is as if the entirety of that burden is lifted from her shoulders. No more fear rests inside her belly, no more pain or anguish. Well, the pain is still there. She’s not exactly sure why it’s there, or what purpose it serves, but she knows it’s real and will take time to fade. She accepts that.

“My child,” he whispers.

“Father.”

“Welcome to Eden’s Gate.”

The others, gathered along the shore, applaud and cheer as the Father himself wraps an arm around her waist to help her make her way back to them. Dizzy and delirious, she wonders what she was so nervous about before all of this. Arms welcome her to her new family, and as she is passed from person to person, each one locking her in an embrace and telling her how welcome she is, Sarah cannot find her footing but somehow stays upright. As if her feet are guiding her on their own.

The last pair of arms that find her are rough and scarred and when she looks up, she is met with eyes so blue they startle her. They match the Father’s eyes, just as they match the Baptist’s eyes, and she knows whose arms cradle her as she takes in his fiery red hair and beard.

“Welcome, Sarah.”

His voice is jagged and rough, almost like gravel crunching under a tire. Arms circle her and pull her to his towering frame, and she lets out a sigh at the way they warm her through her soaking wet clothes. Her feet forget their inherent clumsiness for a moment but as those eyes find hers again, they remember. She stumbles forward though she tries to move backwards, as if her body will not cooperate with her brain, and he steadies her on her feet with a smile on his lips. Something she has seen only once before, but she can’t remember when.

A celebration follows later, near the river from which she had emerged a happier woman. They eat a modest feast and toast sparkling grape juice and laugh and dance. Dance. Sarah watches the rest of the followers dance from her spot at the long table but she cannot even begin to think about lifting her arms or moving her legs. It’s like the entire air hums with energy and peace, alive like a wire but softer, gentler. Something she cannot explain. It’s as though she could feel the Earth rotating slowly in its suspended place in space, and she is moving along with it. Safe. Home.

Faith places a flower crown on top of her head and wipes away the tears that have gathered on her cheeks. Sarah wonders where those came from, she didn’t even know she had been crying. Why is she crying? Is this not a celebration? Something to be thankful and happy for? The tears must be from joy, from relief that the fight has concluded and she is safe now, and the world will not end as Joseph had said it would but it will thrive and grow and learn. Learn from her example. Learn from what happened in Hope County.

The sickly sweet smell of Bliss wafts from the flowers around her head into her nose and she inhales it, almost needy. Desperate. To make all of this stay as light as it feels. There is happiness, joy, dancing, laughter. Peace. Quiet. Calm.

Nothing could ever take her from this place. This is where she belongs, where she is meant to spend the rest of her days. Her new family rejoiced and welcomed her, despite all the harm she has caused. Despite the blood that still taints her hands - even though the baptism was supposed to cleanse her of her sins. The blood is still there and bile rises up in Sarah’s throat for a moment before she swallows it back down and tries to smile.

Desperation.

She wants to feel clean but she cannot stop thinking about the blood on her hands. So much blood. So much violence. All because of her. Why, though? What had happened to cause it? She cannot even remember if she wanted to. It’s as though there is only the ‘here’ and ‘now’, no such thing as the ‘then’ and ‘past.’ As if whatever brought her here is not real at all, not compared to the way that joy and laughter seems to flow through her bloodstream. Her entire body is alive, is present, awake now out of the darkness.

The big hand on hers causes her to look up. Jacob. His eyes nearly drowning her and causing her breath to catch in her throat. What can she possibly feel desperate about, sad about, while he is there with her?

“Are you all right?”

She nods and the motion is slower than it feels. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“You’re crying.”

“I...don’t know why...”

“I’ve heard dancing helps,” John’s voice startles Sarah and she turns to see him standing before her with his hand extended.

She does not know why but she glances at Jacob, as if silently asking for permission. The older soldier wears a smile on his lips that she doesn’t understand as he nods. She stands and makes her way around the large table before John sweeps her up into his arms and leads her around all the others, as if they are nothing but air and he is the wind. They move for them, and Sarah isn’t sure which way is which after John spins her around and pulls her back into his arms. She catches Jacob’s eye as he watches the two of them with a happy smile, and for some reason she feels as though he should be jealous. Why?

“John,” she whispers. He doesn’t hear her over the music, the laughter, the dancing. “John.”

He still doesn’t hear her and she is certain if she raises her voice that the entire group will stop and stare at her for yelling at one of their Heralds. She tries again and again but her voice is so soft, so meek, so pathetic-sounding as though she cannot summon enough oxygen into her lungs. But what is causing it? Why is she so afraid to speak louder, assert her presence? Why is she afraid at all?

“John,” she says, voice shaking and tears clouding her already cloudy vision.

He hears her this time. “Yes, my dear?”

“Where are we?”

“Holland Valley.”

“Why...why are we...why are we dancing?”

He smiles at her like she’s a toddler asking an obvious, silly question. The look would normally irritate her, but this time it frightens her. Why is she so afraid? She is happy, everyone around her is happy so why isn’t she? What’s going on below all this joy and excitement? It’s as though she can smell something rotten under the scent of the Bliss flowers. Something rotten and disturbing and horrifying. What is it, though? She cannot put her finger on it.

“Sarah, it’s a celebration. Dancing always happens at celebrations.”

A celebration of what, though? Just her atonement and baptism? Why is that a cause for such a celebration when every single member of the Project went through it, too? Did they do this for every single one of them? No. So what makes her special? She tries to remember what took place before the baptism, before she confessed her sins aloud and John had tattooed ‘lust’ onto her wrist to accompany the ‘wrath’ written across her chest. Her brow furrows in concentration as she tries to think, tries to remember what she had done earlier, just moments before the atonement.

She looks down at her arm to see the fresh tattoo, but what catches her eyes is her dress. It’s white, which she was aware of before, but it is more than just a dress, it’s a gown. It reminds her of a wedding gown. She glances back over at Jacob, who is dressed nicer than usual, too. A boutonniere is pinned to the lapel of the suit jacket he wears.

The desperation comes back.

Her entire throat seems to close.

“Sarah,” John insists as he stops the movement and cups her face in his hands. “Sarah, breathe.”

She shakes her head and croaks out that she can’t.

“In and out, in and out.”

John’s eyes slide behind her and brighten as she feels a hand on her back. She turns to see Faith again, carrying a vial of something. Bliss. Bliss. She’s in the Bliss. That’s what this is. She’s trapped inside a world that she cannot control, not even for herself. She’s in their clutches and they can do whatever they want to her and…

“Sister, don’t worry. I know how heavy the world can feel,” Faith says as she wraps her arm around Sarah’s shoulders.

Sister?

“Be careful, Faith.”

“I know,” Faith says with a smile, despite John’s venomous tone. “She just needs the world to dull a little. It can be so sharp and painful sometimes.”

Sarah winces as Faith uncorks the vial and places it under her nose. She tries not to breathe, to hold her breath so she can come out of this alive, she has to come out of this alive without anyone hurting her…

But she can’t hold her breath for long and soon the powder dances up her nose and the world grows fuzzier in her line of vision, duller, the way Faith had said it would. A peaceful calm washes over her and blankets her in a cloud of safety. John’s fingers stroke her cheek and she leans into the touch that feels like home. Heaven. Home.

“Jacob,” John greets.

Sarah turns to see those blue eyes again, the ones that threaten to drown her in their beauty. Warmth floods her entire body as she looks up at the older man with a smile on her lips. He returns it and mutters something to John that she doesn’t exactly catch. His hands find her waist and before she understands what is happening, they are swaying to some sort of soft, acoustic song. The lyrics babble through her ears like a brook but she doesn’t catch the specific words or their meaning. Her eyes stay on Jacob’s as the entire dance floor moves away from them like the Red Sea had parted for Moses. The way she glides across it effortlessly makes her think she may be floating. She should not feel such grace, she knows, not while the Bliss is flowing through her veins at the rate that they’ve given it to her.

“Sarah,” Jacob says, bringing her attention back to him and away from her thoughts. “Are you all right?”

Why does he keep asking her that? Why is he so focused on whether or not she’s all right when she should be absolutely perfect? Is it her? Is she doing something wrong, something not in custom with what this celebration entails? Does she look sad?

Suddenly aware of every muscle in her body, she tries to relax her face and place a smile on her lips that doesn’t sting like her mouth is on the ends of fish hooks, tugging it into the shape of a smile while she bleeds from the corners. No, that’s not the right look to have here, is it? Muscles in her face spasm as she tries to relax them, tries to paint her expression into something that would make sense here, that would make Jacob stop worrying about her.

He places a hand on her cheek and it's then that she realizes they’re not dancing anymore. They’re not even on the dance floor. The music is far away now and they stand in the woods, her back against a tree as Jacob looks deeply into her eyes and Sarah isn’t sure what all of this means.

“Sarah, do you know where you are?”

She shakes her head and Jacob sighs, his fingers soft in a way she never imagined he could be as he wipes more tears from her cheeks. Tears she doesn’t remember gathering in her eyes. What is going on?

“I told them to be careful with the amount they gave you.”

“Amount?”

“You’re on Bliss,” Jacob says.

His eyes are dark with anger and disappointment, but Sarah doesn’t flinch. Without him even verbalizing it, she’s aware that the intense emotions the Soldier is feeling are not towards her but towards his own family. His eyes meet hers and the blue is not so suffocating now, it’s softer and gentler and she sighs as his hand finds her shoulder.

“What do you remember?”

“Dancing. Being underwater. The way I moved as if I was on air.”

“Shit,” he whispers. “Before that?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

She nods and Jacob rubs a hand down his face as if in frustration before he plants a kiss on her head and tells her to stay where she is, that he wants to talk with his brothers. He makes it very clear that she needs to remain right there, in that spot, back against the tree. There is no threat in his voice, it’s mostly filled with worry, as a parent would worry about a small child running off into the unfamiliar only to get lost in the abyss and never be seen again.

She does what he says, she waits. The longer he is gone, the more anxious she becomes. She presses her back up harder against the tree, hopeful that the pain will bring her some sense of clarity. Happiness and sorrow battle it out in her belly and she shifts from highs and lows in a way she’s never experienced before. One second she has a smile on her lips that finally feels natural and the next, she feels her entire body curving inwards - stomach towards spine - and she cannot see with the tears that cloud her eyes.

When Jacob comes back, she is crying. Sobs rip themselves from her throat despite her desperate attempts to hold on to them. The pain and anguish in her stomach blossom and stem upward towards her brain. It feels like grief. Grief for what? She’s not sure and that scares her. Grief is specific, there is mourning involved with grief, but not sixteen yards away she can hear the soft music playing and the laughter wafting up to her in her seclusion and darkness.

“Sarah,” Jacob whispers as she falls into his sturdy arms.

“What’s happening?” she begs.

“I don’t know. What do you feel?”

“Sadness and…” She doesn’t know how to verbalize it.

“Like you’re in mourning?”

“Yes,” she gasps.

“Do you remember anything at all before the baptism?”

“I can only remember feeling unclean. Like no baptism would wash away what I’d done. But what have I done?”

“You didn’t do anything, Sarah. You didn’t.”

“I did, I can feel it.”

“You blame yourself but you should blame us. We’re the ones who started this war. We’re the ones who found your friends.”

“My...friends?”

The word tastes unfamiliar on her tongue and suddenly Sarah remembers flashes of Nick and Kim, Grace, Mary May, Eli, Wheaty, Tammy...all of their faces float out in front of her as if they are spirits. Spirits? That doesn’t make any sense, does it? She gasps as Jacob pulls her close again and closes her eyes against the accusing looks that her friends’ faces shoot at her. What has she done? What has she done?

“They told me you came to them on your own.”

“Who?”

“My brothers.”

Did she? When would she have come to them? She imagines it would have been a rough night, full of violence. She could only picture herself anointed in blood as she appeared on one of their doorsteps after everything and threw herself to the ground and begged forgiveness from them for everything she had done.

Only that memory doesn’t feel real. She frowns as she tries to recall what had really happened to make her come to them. The Seeds were her enemies before all this. They were people she was afraid of and hated. She cannot recall what would have made her join them, side with them, abandon all hope for saving her friends and Hope County as a whole.

Hope County.

Hope.

She crumples to the forest floor with a wail as she remembers. Everything. She remembers the guns pointed at Kim and Nick’s faces, the way Wheaty’s hair was bloody and matted to the side of his head, the way Mary May shouted at her not to do it and how the butt of a gun had collided with her temple, causing her to crumple onto the floor in a puddle of blood, her face frozen in a look of panic and fear. She remembers weeping at the sight, remembers the cold and calculated way John ordered her body be taken away so as not to upset the Deputy. Sarah. The Deputy. Sarah.

Sarah, do you see what your violence has done?

You see it now, don’t you, Deputy?

Your friends will die, they will be offered to God if you do not come to us like you are meant to.

Sarah, do you see?

Do you see, Sarah?

Jacob’s arms wrap around her small frame as her screams pierce the night air. She can still hear the shouts of her friends as they are carted away, the way she knelt on the ground with her head bowed in front of Joseph and how he pet her hair as if she was a child, as if she was his child, as if she was his.

His.

Theirs.

Jacob’s.

Jacob sounds broken as he weeps, too. His pain echoes hers in a way she doesn’t understand, and as she looks up to see his eyes she realizes that he did not know either. His brothers kept him in the dark the same way the Bliss kept her from feeling the grief that had sewn itself into the lining of her stomach and the chambers of her heart. The memories of gunshots echo in her ears as she remembers the screams from the friends she thought she was protecting. The way their blood baptized her bare feet and the way that her clothes grew soaked after Joseph made her stand behind him for each and every one. The weight of her arms feel heavy as if holding a shotgun as she remembers it all. Had it been her? Had she been the one to do this?

Before she can register what’s happening, Faith’s smile floats into her sight and the young girl kneels at her side with hands reaching for her face. Lips press against hers and she tries to back away as another sensation takes over her, brings her back to Earth or farther away from it, she’s not exactly sure because it feels like both at the same time.

“It needed to be done, darling Sarah,” Faith says, petting her hair down. “No peace would come to us if you had not made your own sacrifice.”

Sacrifice?

Sarah breathes.

Sarah breathes and inhales oxygen almost greedily as she tries to hold onto the horrors her brain had recalled just moments ago. She cannot forget them, she cannot forget the friends she took from this Earth.

But as their faces slip away, back into the hidden corners of her mine, she smiles up at Faith. The feeling of fish hooks comes back but she ignores it as her sister wipes the tears from her cheeks again.

“Thank you, sister.”

She is home.

#far cry 5 #far cry 5 fan fic #far cry 5 fan fiction #fc5 fan fiction #fc5 #jacob seed #john seed #faith seed #joseph seed #female deputy #hope county #fan fiction

[christianstevefinnell]

WHAT MUST I DO TO BE SAVED

FAITH- JOHN 3:16REPENTANCE-ACTS 3:19CONFESSION-ROMANS 10:9-10WATER BAPTISM-1 PETER 3:21-ACTS 2:38

THEN REMAIN FAITHFUL UNTIL DEATH Revelation 2:10. Matthew 10:22

read more at   steve-finnell.blogspot.com

May 10th, 2021

MORE YOU MIGHT LIKE

SCRIPTURES THAT OFFEND   BY STEVE FINNELL

1. Romans  16:16 Greet one another with a holy kiss. The churches of Christ greet you. (NKJV)

The name church of Christ offends people enough, that some churches remove that name from from their building, they do not want to be identified as a church of Christ.

2. Acts 2:38 Then Peter said to them, “Repent, and let every one on you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (NKJV)

Acts 2:38 offends those who deny water baptism is in order to the forgiveness of sins.

3. John 14:6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. (NKJV)

John 14:6 offends believers in Christ who believe in universal salvation. Some believe it is arrogant to assert Jesus is the only way to heaven.

4. Genesis 1:1-31…….31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good . So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (NKJV)

Genesis 1:1-31 offends those who believe in theistic evolution or claim it is too difficult to understand that God created the heaven and earth in six days, in a twenty four hour day.

5. Galatians 5:4You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law, you have fallen from grace. (NKJV)

Galatians 5:4 offends men who teach one in grace always in grace.

read more at   steve-finnell.blogspot.com

IGNORING THE NEW COVENANT BY STEVE FINNELL

Those who deny that immersion in water is essential for salvation do so by ignoring the terms for pardon under the new covenant.

The new covenant was not in effect until after the death of Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 9:14-17 And how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? 15 And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance. 16 For where there is a testament, there must also be of necessity be the death of the testator. 17 For a testament is in force after men are dead, since it has no power at all while the testator lives.(NKJV)

The new covenant terms of pardon were only in force after the death of Jesus.

After Jesus died He gave the new covenant terms for pardon. Mark 16:16 “He who believes and is baptized will be saved..(NKJV)

New covenant conversions.

1. Acts 2:22-38. They believed and were baptized.

2. Acts 8:12. They believed and were baptized.

3. Acts 8:35-38. He believed and was baptized.

4. Act 9:1-18, Acts 22:16. He believed and was baptized.

5. Acts 10:34-48 They believed and were baptized.

6. Acts 16:14-15 They believed and were baptized.

7. Acts 16:30-34 They believed and were baptized.

8. Acts 19:3-5 They believed and were baptized.

Examples of those saved before the new covenant was in force.

1. 2 Kings 2:1-11. Whirlwind into heaven. Can men today be saved like Elijah? No, they cannot

2. Hebrews 11:5 Can men today be like Enoch? No, they cannot.

3. Can men today be saved like Moses and Abraham? No, they cannot.

4. Luke 7:37-50. Can men today be saved like this woman who was a sinner? No, they cannot.

5. Matthew 9:2 Can men today be saved like the paralytic? No, they cannot.

6. Luke 18:13-14 Can men today be justified like the Jewish tax collector? No, they cannot.

7. Luke 23:39-43 Can men today be saved like the thief on the cross? No, they cannot.

None of these people who were saved before the the new covenant was in force believed that God raised Jesus from the dead. None of them were baptized into Christ for the forgiveness of their sins.

NEW COVENANT TERMS FOR PARDON

1. FAITH: John 3:16

2. CONFESSION: Romans 10:9

3. REPENTANCE: Acts 2:38, Acts 3:19

4. IMMERSION IN WATER: Acts 2:38, Mark 16:16, 1 Peter 3:21

It does not matter what men say. What did Jesus say? (Mark 16:16)  

read more at   steve-finnell.blogspot.com

5 notes

The Tree Of Life

GEORGE L. FAULL

Interviewer:       Brother Faull, why do you believe men die?Bro. Faull:         Death is the result of sin.Interviewer:       Is that because of personal sin?Bro. Faull:        Of course not. Some are born dead. It is said of Jacob and Esau while still in the womb, that they had neither done any good or evil.

Romans 9:11

.Interviewer:      But why should everyone die for Adam’s sin?Bro. Faull:        Because that is what God warned would result if Adam sinned.  “For in the day that you eat thereof, you shall surely die,” or “Dying you shall die.”  This was before the creation of Eve.  Adam is the fountainhead of the human race.  He obviously understood that not only he himself would die, but all humans, likewise.  Later he told his new wife that she was included for she told Satan in plural:  “Ye shall not eat it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.”  So it is clear that they understood it was for both of them and their posterity as well.  If an electrician says to a man, “You touch that wire and you will surely die.”  Surely it includes his family.Interviewer:      Well, I can see that it would apply to the man who did the same thing, but not all men have eaten the forbidden fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.  So why will they die?  If I touched a wire, I would die, but not my children, unless they touched the wire.Bro. Faull:        Good observation!  Scripture does say, “Nevertheless, death reigned from Adam to Moses even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression.”  

Romans 5:17

.Interviewer:      So again, why do men dir for Adam’s sin?Bro. Faull:        We do not die for Adam’s sin.  That would imply that we are guilty of his sin.  We die

because of

Adam’s sin.  

Romans 5:12

.Interviewer:      Go on.Bro. Faull:        God warned Adam, that if he ate of the forbidden fruit, he would begin to die.  Adam sinned!  As a result, God removed Adam and his wife away from the source of life, namely the Tree of Life.  When God removed the source of life from mankind, and put cherubim to guard them from partaking of the Tree of Life, they obviously all died.  Since their descendants could not eat of the source of life, they too died.  They did not die

for

Adam’s sin, but

because of

Adam’s sin.  Suppose a man and his family were in a lifeboat.  The man drank the rest of the forbidden canteen.  The children did not die for the guilt of the father’s sin, but because of his sin.                        Likewise, the guilt of Adam did not pass to his descendants.  The effect of taking away the Tree of Life caused all men to die, for it was the source of life.  God drove the guilty pair from the garden and from the source of life, causing their descendants to simply die for there was no tree of life for them to partake of outside the Garden of Eden.  The children suffer the consequence of the parent’s sin, not the guilt.  Sin, therefore, is said to have brought death and it happens to all mankind.Interviewer:      Are you saying then that death is not the wages of sin?Bro. Faull:        No.  Death is the wages of sin.  It is the price Adam paid for his sin.  He died and his posterity also died because we cannot partake of the Tree of Life.  The tree was the means of life.  Its absence brings death.  Man could keep living even after he sinned, if he could have continued to eat of the Tree of Life.  This is proven by what God said:                        

Genesis 3:22-24

, “22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil:  and, now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:  23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the Garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.  24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the Garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.”Interviewer:      But isn’t it true that all men are born sinners now?Bro. Faull:        This is the commonly held doctrine of both Catholicism and Evangelicals.  I do not believe that.Interviewer:      Doesn’t the Bible say, “For as by one man’s disobedience, many were made sinners?Bro. Faull:        Yes,

Romans 5:19

says that, but I suggest that we quote all of it.                        

Romans 5:19

, “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.”                        Now, let me ask you a question.  When a person becomes a Christian, the text says that he is made righteous.  Is he really righteous, or is he counted righteous?  Is he righteous or is it an imputed righteousness?Interviewer:      It is an imputed righteousness.Bro. Faull:        Likewise Adam’s descendants are counted sinners.  They do not become sinners in reality till they personally sin any more than we are in reality righteousInterviewer:      But I must call you back to the statement, “By one man’s disobedience many were

made

sinners.  They were made sinners!Bro. Faull:        Yes, they were made or declared to be, constituted or rendered sinners just as we are declared to be or rendered, or constituted to be righteous, even though we are not sinless in reality.  Note what Paul says in :                        

Romans 5:12-14

, “12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:  13 (For until the law sin was in the world:  but sin is not imputed when there is no law.  14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.”                        Note that sin is not imputed [counted, reckoned, or laid to one’s charge] where there is no law.  Nevertheless, death reigned over those from Adam to Moses.  Why did death reign?  Because there was no way for them to eat of the Tree of Life and live.Interviewer:      Didn’t those under law sin?Bro. Faull:        Not after the similitude or likeness of Adam.  Once the law was given, they became sinners.                        

Romans 7:7-9

, “7 What shall we say then?  [Is] the law sin?  God forbid.  Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law:  for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.  8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence.  For without the law sin [was] dead.  9 For I was alive without the law once:  but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.”                        

Sin is a transgression of the Law.

I John 3:4

, “Whosoever commiteth sin transgresseth also the law:  for sin is the transgression of the Law.”                        

By the Law is the knowledge of sin

.                        

Romans 3:20

, “Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight:  for by the law [is] the knowledge of sin.”                        Before that, they were guilty of the sin of omission and commission against their conscience.  They will thereby be judged by it.                        

Romans 2:14-15

, “14 For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves:  15 Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and [their] thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another.)”                        Likewise, unborn children and infants have not sinned against knowledge.  They died simply because their parents never ate of the Tree of Life.  They suffered the consequences of Adam’s sin, but not the guilt of it.Interviewer:      This is all new and interesting to me.  However, we Christians will get to eat of the Tree of Life, yet the Bible shows that even the wicked will be raised.  Does Jesus’ death give eternal life to everyone?Bro. Faull:        By no means!  Adam’s sin resulted in death to all mankind.  Christ’s death on the cross paid the price and His resurrection proves that His work was accepted as the payment of the wages of sin.  His death makes it possible for all men to be raised from the dead, as all shall be raised from the reign of death.  However, not all shall be raised to eternal life in Heaven.  Some will be raised to condemnation.                        

John 5:28-29

, “28 Marvel not at this:  for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, 29 And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.”                        It is those who do Christ’s will who have the right to eat of the Tree of Life, and live eternally.                        

Revelation 22:14

, “Blessed [are] they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the Tree of Life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.”                        Those who for sake Christ, will experience the second death.                        

Revelation 20:15

, “And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.”Interviewer:      I am still hung up on “made” sinners.Bro. Faull:        They were rendered or constituted sinners.  The word is a passive verb.  They were not made to be sinners by nature or against their will.  They are reckoned sinners by God, that is in His mind.  God reckoned them to be sinners.  One is not “reckoned” a sinner if he really is a sinner!!!  If a token is reckoned or rendered to a quarter, it is not a quarter.  God reckoned all men sinners because of Adam’s sin.  God did not make them sinners in the womb in actual fact, for if they were made actual sinners, they are not “reckoned” or  “constituted” sinners.  They are tokens, not quarters.  God did not start making embryos inherent sinners because Adam sinned.  He counted the sinners.Interviewer:      Please illustrate what you are saying so that I can grasp it better.Bro. Faull:        I recently went to a farmer and asked him if I could fish in his pond.  He said, “No. I allowed another man to fish here and he made a mess and didn’t clean it up.  I determined not to let anyone else mess up my beautiful environment around my pond.”  He counted me a polluter.  I am not actually a polluter.  He counted or reckoned me to be a polluter.  I suffered the consequences of the actual polluter, and like him, was forbidden the use of the pond.  Now, he never changed my nature, made me bent toward polluting or in any way affected my future.  He just reckoned I was like the polluter. God reckons all men sinners.  Bu choice we all become transgressors after we are born.  We go astray.  There is none righteous.  We have all sinned and are falling short of His glory.  Innocence soon leaves us by our own choice.Interviewer:      Won’t some argue with you on that?Bro. Faull:        Of course, but if that view is not held, they have a very serious problem.Interviewer:      Which is?Bro. Faull:        Jesus was made in the likeness of sinful man.  He took on our very nature.  Was He indeed made an actual depraved, guilty sinner?  That would have to follow, if men inherited an evil nature from Adam.  Listen to these verses:                        

Hebrews 2:14-18

, “14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he

also himself likewise took part of the same

; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is the devil.”                        

Philippians 2:5-8

, “5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:  7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and

was made in the likeness of men

.  8 And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”                        If Jesus were made like man in his nature and that nature is inherently evil, then Christ was born evil.  Did God make Christ a sinner so He could save us?  Was the first Adam an inherent sinner from creation when he was created in God’s image?  Is not a baby still created in the image of God?  Is then God an inherent sinner?  The ramifications of the alleged depraved nature of man are endless.Interviewer:      I’m sorry.  I think my time has run out.  We will just have to get together soon to discuss this further.Bro. Faull:        That will be fine.  Feel free to give me a call at any time.  Thank you for your time.

read more at   steve-finnell.blogspot.com

MAN-MADE CLIMATE CHANGE? BY STEVE FINNELL

If man has the ability to change the climate by increasing or decreasing CO2 emissions, then, why has it been cold in winter and hot in summer for the last six thousand years? Why has man not changed the seasons? The answer is because God controls climate, men do not. God controls the weather.

Genesis 8:22 “While the earth remains, Seedtime and harvest, And cold and heat, And summer and winter, And night and day Shall not cease.” (NASB)

GOD CONTROLS CLIMATE AND WEATHER.

Jeremiah 5:24 ‘They do not say in their heart, “Let us now fear the Lord our God, Who gives rain in its season, Both the autumn rain and spring rain, Who keeps for us The appointed weeks of harvest.”(NASB)

MAN-MADE CO2 EMISSIONS DO NOT CONTROL CLIMATE AND WEATHER.

James 5:17-18 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. 18 Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced fruit.(NASB)

Elijah did not use man-made CO2 emissions to stop the rain nor to cause the rain to fall again.

ONLY GOD CAN CONTROL RAINFALL.

It is easy to understand how that atheists can believe in man-made climate change. How is it possible for God fearing Christians to believe that men are capable of changing climate and weather?

PRIDE IS STILL THE FATHER OF SIN!

read more at   steve-finnell.blogspot.com

[kingdomofthelogos]

The Two Ways

Read Esther 4

Download a Printable Version Here

In life, one cannot escape the knock on your door to choose between the Way of Life and the way of death. There is no lukewarm sanctuary where you can appear noble and virtuous before all; therefore, it is better to proclaim the truth of Heaven than to be pleasing to hell. When all is stripped away, and we find ourselves standing in the valley of the shadow of death, do we know how to abide in all that is good, true, and beautiful? Do we understand both the cost and importance of declaring that Christ is Lord and the beast is not?

“To do ought proper never be our undertaking, but to do ill is our sole pride,” thus spake satan to his miserable comrades in hell, as detailed in Paradise Lost. We must understand what it really means for something to be good. For something to be “good” is not the same thing as being “satisfactory” or “sufficient,” although our modern way of speaking has come to believe this falsehood. Goodness is connected to Godliness, and for something to be good then it must have some connection to God and His great will. Satan cannot do good, for that would entail doing something righteous before God. 

The goodness of God is precious and rare, but God has graced us with windows into this beauty. Great among these windows is the family, that distinguished framework given to men and women upon which all society is built. God has revealed Himself to us through the design of the family, and even His church is an expansion of familial bonds.

The breath of life is a very precious thing, and even though our fallen bodies are not for long on this earth, we do well to appreciate the goodness which can come through a righteous family. Moreover, we do well to hold the church true to her familial foundation. To see love honored in a family shows us the beauty of God.

In John 14:34-35 Jesus says, “34 I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” This commandment to love is not ambiguous, it is neither love by the standards of the world nor love as desired by the heart of a fallen creature. It is the good love of God exemplified by Christ.

Here on this side of Eden, it is not a given that a family will have the good love of God, that its members will make good on the talent charged to them by birth. There are often breaks between husband and wife, brother and sister, and even parent and child. When Gabriel announced the birth of John the Baptist, the archangel distinctly said that one of his noble tasks would be “to turn the hearts of parents to their children,” in Luke 1:17. There is a reason why the angel included this duty in his good news.

It is a precious thing when families love their own, for it is not a given that love will be returned. Attacks on the family have been a chief study of evil, dating all the way back to the fall. The chaos that steals into the life of the family is destructive beyond words. Therefore, let us cherish the time we have with our families. Even though our bodies, tainted by sin, are not meant for long in their current form, the time we have together is more precious than the rarest gemstones. The hardest things on this planet are gemstones, and although they can outlast our bodies in durability, the value they have before God is small. Men and Women were created in His Image, and it was in the delicate mystery of the family that God said it was good.

The family cannot be explained by pure evolution or survival of the fittest, for a multitude of lesser creatures do quite well in multiplying without it. To truly appreciate the family, one must appreciate God. Moreover, to truly appreciate God one can learn from the innate calling of the family. 

Goodness, truth, and beauty are things of God. Those who assert that God did not create us cannot explain the existence of goodness, truth, and beauty. One cannot explain the noble virtues of God in claiming that our origins are nothing more than a random fusion of elements that exist without explanation. This is how our world has been trained to think, that we are here randomly with no larger meaning. At the heart of this unfortunate thinking is a life without beauty. Yet, no one really wants to live in such misery. Therefore, the fallen creature will dabble in the joys of goodness, truth, and beauty without giving proper credit to God. They are like robbers who enjoy the products of God’s labor while rebelling against His right as our creator.

Today we are at a juncture, and we must choose our path for there are two ways: the Way of Life and the way of death. A further breakdown of this choice might be to describe them as the way of truth and the way of tyranny. Before us is a great test. Can we be people with eyes that see clearly with the One who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life? With mercy can we heal the sick and courage cast out the evil? Can we look upon our fellow creature with eyes that see children of God? Can we use the vocabulary of God’s Word, and speak truth to those who hate it? Do we understand that there is a Heaven to be admired and a hell to be repulsed?

In Esther 4:13-14, Mordecai gives the following warning: “Do not think that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. 14 For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.” Do not think that one can escape the knocking of the door. You did not ask to be in this moment, to be born in the world in which we dwell but here you are. We may not be royalty in quite the way that Esther was queen, but in a way we are. We are neither rocks nor birds, for as men and women we are the unique creature made in the Image of God, and when we honor our design as servants to the Heavenly Father we find that we are kings and queens of this terrestrial domain. There is unique power given to each of us, we have a capacity to love and think which is unmatched on earth. Just as Esther stepped into the royal robes and became the woman God designed her to be, we must raise up courage as men and women who declare Christ is Lord and the beast is not. You have been trusted with the responsibility of living in a time such as this. What are you going to do with your talent?

There is a great distinction between the Way of Life and the way of death, and outside of these is no middle ground, no lukewarm sanctuary. The Way of Life is the life lived with Christ Jesus. It is a way that recognizes truth, not just as a tool or a means to an end, but as its own reward. The world, in her fallen state, rejects the Way of Life in rebellion against God. Nonetheless, it is the only way in which goodness is found on this earth. One cannot endure in the goodness of God without recognizing the right of God as creator.

In order to walk in the Way of Life, one must acknowledge something higher than yourself. Consider how the sun can touch your face and give you a blister, yet, at the same time you can neither touch the sun nor control it. It is dangerous and otherwordly, and in its noble state it gives light and life to our world. Regardless of one’s understanding or opinion of the sun this fact is true: without it the world will fall. Inasmuch as this is true of the great star of our solar system, it is even more so of God who is the light of all worlds.

Outside of God there is only darkness, and those who are not walking the Way of Life are trapped on the way of death, the way of tyranny. On this downward path, you exist without meaning.  You are nothing more than an accidental assembly of atoms that has no real purpose. Your life is nothing more than an illusion. In this way of tyranny, your documents and credentials matter more than your God-given design, for any recognition of God as creator is to be rejected. If you identify as a dragon, then that reality is more real than the reality outside your mind. Moreover, you have the right and the duty to demand the world bow down your serpentine form.

Here on the way of tyranny, that is the way of death, there is no truth. It matters not that a man is true to honor his commitments, for people are nothing more than an assembly of atoms, small particles which do not care about contracts or words. Here it does not matter if a man is true to his wife, for such is irrelevant to random selection and survival of the fittest. You are nothing more than a random fusion of elements with no broader meaning. Your existence is what you make of it, or, as it always goes in time, what the forces of hell decide to make of it for you.

Since truth and providence are rejected, it should be noted that people are not valued as being children of God. The world may exhaust itself in talking about identities, but never will it concede to looking at people as children of God. Yet, the world needs some currency to trade, some method of valuing people, therefore it focuses on perspectives, biases, and credentials. Never does the way of tyranny value a man or woman as a unique child of God who is worthy of love for that fact alone.

Officiality matters more than authority on the way of tyranny, because it has rejected the authority of God and the laws of nature He designed. Feelings matter more than truth, and sensation more than endurance. There is no virtue, no goodness, and no beauty, for all must be tolerated; and, in tolerating all the ugly must be equal to the inspiring, the sane equal to the insane. Never can truth be exerted, and as a result the only thing permissible is blasphemy. This always ends up the same: the evil and the ugly reign supreme.

Safety is preeminent, not because you matter, but because your statistic does. Hell needs food and slaves. The way of tyranny does not care what joy and meaning is present in your life, but only that the data for your group has a satisfactory comparison to other groups. The way of tyranny does not want you to escape from its own rebellion, so it takes away your tools for liberty. 

The bearing of false witness is cherished on the way of tyranny, a skill for which people attend college. You are ruled by the will to power, and the better you are at bearing false witness the better you are to rule and be ruled. There are no rules or restraints, and as a result there is no freedom. There are no standards, and therefore everything is art and also nothing is. There is no beauty. This is the way of tyranny, the way of death. 

Be not confused: it is not God who seeks to quench the light but the ancient serpent himself. In our world right now, there are those who want to censor and silence other voices. They will assert that this is done on the grounds of safety, and in some sense this is honest, because the powers and principalities which are our true enemy need you to be well secured for the voracious teeth of hell.

In recognition of the goodness of the family, we must appreciate that God desires we be adopted in His family. God loved us despite our flaws and grotesque rebellion. We must love our neighbor and enemy alike that they may find adoption in the family of God. We in the church must put on the Whole Armor of God and sow seeds of truth that illuminate the Gospel for those who are lost. We must be people who let the lion out of the cage, to declare the Spirit of God with its radiant liberty. We must show people the source of Goodness. There are many who want the effects of God’s noble virtues without God as the cause, and this desire will collapse. Moreover, we are seeing it fail in real time. The good things of God must be fought for, to be declared with strong courage. Galatians 6:7 reminds us to not be deceived, God will not be mocked, a man will reap what he sows. You did not ask to be here, but here you are, you have been entrusted with life for a time such as this. We must raise up courage and declare Christ is the Lord and the beast is not. This will not happen easily or smoothly. It will be ugly, and there will be great weeping and gnashing of teeth, for evil is never willing to give up its prey. Let us be righteous men and women who sow seeds of light.