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Napoleon: If you want my advice-
Gaby: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.
Napoleon: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, he also tried to kill me.
Illya: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.
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Illya: You're losing blood! what's your type!
Napoleon (bleeding out, delirious): light hair, blue eyes, maybe Russian
Illya: your blood type!
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*Napoleon and Illya looking after a child during a mission or something*
Napoleon: So … you want a beer?
Illya: He’s FOUR!
Napoleon: Well I don’t know what to do with him!
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Illya: Why are you so petty?
Napoleon: I think you miss pronounced “pretty”.
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Napoleon: Okay. So what do we do when someone is trying to provoke us?
Illya: Kill them.
Napoleon: No. No we do not. Try again.
Illya: Lightly stab them?
Napoleon: ...
Napoleon: So I can see we're gonna have to keep working on this one.
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Illya : I am this close to punching you. 👌
Napoleon : Why are your fingers touching?
Illya : Exactly.
Napoleon : … *runs
Illya : *runs after him
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Gaby: This food is delicious! Compliment the chef for me
Illya: OK
*goes to the kitchen*
Illya: Napoleon, you are beautiful
Napoleon: 🥺💕💕
(Based on the comic https://theghastlyordealofcorey.tumblr.com/post/55396298270 )
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Illy and Napoleon: *fighting over how to run a mission*
Illya: Go on then, try me.
Napoleon: Oh I intend to.
Waverly: Uh, is this a fight or foreplay?
Gaby: It might be both?
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Napoleon: So that's my plan.
Illya: Can I give a second opinion?
Napoleon: Sure, let's hear it.
Illya: It fucking sucks.
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illya kuryakin: [to napoleon] you’re trash
later
illya kuryakin: WHY WONT HE UNDERSTAND IM TRYING TO FLIRT WITH HIM
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illya: you fainted! do you remember anything?
gaby: only the ambulance ride to the hospital
illya: there wasn’t an ambulance, i carried you there
gaby: .. but i heard a siren?
illya: yes, that was napoleon
napoleon: sorry! i was nervous!
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Illya: Napoleon can't go to Russia. He is too pretty. Russian man would make wife of him.
Napoleon, staring into Illya's soul: I wish one would.
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