#ugh. i hate this. its so frustrating

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i find the degree to which i cannot concentrate very alarming #like bro i canno read. i have so much to do but i wanna sleep forever #i just have to get up and go somewhere else. normally id go transfer algae or run but im stuck inside and .y fingers r all cold #usually its just in the morning that I get thr high distress so its prob the meds #but yesterday was kinda fucked. ugh.i just need to run around but i cant #i have such a sinister combo of: brain stops me from being able to b productive and if im not productive i am compelled to do horrible #things. mood issues and 0cd is horrible. horrible feedback loop #i just wish i could breathe. itll b fine. eventually itll b summer again and itll b fine #its like someone's squeezing my throat. like im sick but i kno its just that im anxious #i was doing so well the past few days in terms of reading and productivity despite the distress #and im trying to b kind and roll with the punches but its so hard #like i kno i need to relax and not resist bc resistance makes it worse but it's just hard and im worried this is how itll always b #i wish i could go back on lamicta1. i felt way better on low dose of that then i do on low dose of abi1ify. its so hard to stay on this #just bc of how my head works. and like things were complicated with the lamicta1. maybe i wouldnt habe had a reaction if i didnt get a #tatto0 while upping the dose but now im marked as allergic so i prob wont b allowed to try any of thr anti convulsive type antidepressants #ugh. i hate this. its so frustrating #unrelated

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china” #my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

reading the liveblogs is making me realize that there is actually a type of character I can't stand! :D

fucking martyr complex character that will hurt and destroy themselves and everything around them, innocents and the people they love included, and are fully aware of it, are making that choice and thinking they're doing it for good. not even for the greater good, but for the good of the people they care about. stubborn morons who have no way to be helped because whatever you say they will have a justification to them. You're in danger! it's ok, I'm ready to die for this. What you're doing is awful! It's ok, I'm doing it all for the ones I love. The ones you love are being hurt in the process! It's ok, I'm a bad person. You have done good and you can be good! Lol no I can't. I literally told you you could! I was faking.

Like dude stop being so fucking frustrating and contradicting you don't care about them you care about feeling like a bad guy (when you're not) and a martyr. and telling you that won't even help because it just fucking fuels your "im naturally evil" bullshit. you're not you've been hurt you did bad things but that doesn't mean it's necessarily all lost you fucking moron.

the only thing that will stop these kinds of characters is failing hard, realizing that what they've been doing was for fucking nothing. it breaks them on the moment but at least now you can pick up the pieces to help them.

anyway glad yall are excited honestly it's good and cool for an arc and all that but on my side i will have a strong aversion to q!cellbit and hope he's going to get slapped in the face with failure :)

#qsmp #this isnt really neg besides towards a character trope and its not even in a its bad just in a personal reaction to stuff #idk i think what frustrates me the most is the stubbornness of these characters #i think i just hate overly stubborn characters and people as it's often what brings troubles #so here when the stubbornness is so fucking destructive and with no possible ways out it's just. UGH. #LET YOURSELF BE HELPED YOU FUCKING MORON BITCH STOP THAT ITS BAD ALL THE WAY AROUND #qsmp cellbit

[blueskittlesart]

i don't mean to be an ass but people who go so hard on lesbian zelda always ick me out 😭 its giving "im gonna headcanon the main female character who has romantic subtext with the main male character as a lesbian so she doesn't get in the way of me shipping him with other male characters" 😵

yeah ur right lmaoo its totally like. normalized in fandom to just. make female love interests lesbians so they don't "get in the way" of mlm ships ESPECIALLY if the girl in question is mean to men sometimes. i don't DISLIKE lesbian zelda by any means i would be insane for that im literally lesbian. and i LOVE a lot of wlw zelda ships. but i totally agree that she sometimes gets the 'mean lesbian who i only decided was lesbian so i dont have to think about her in relation to my male fave' treatment. and its frustrating as a lesbian lmao like. wlw ships are already obviously looked down upon in fandom and then you add into the mix the idea that lesbian is a fucking. filler sexuality for Girl I Do Not Like when she gets a little too close to the man i want to throw at every other male character regardless of characterization or chemistry. being a lesbian in fandom spaces is uhhhhh literally exhausting sometimes lol like crazy concept i know but we r actually real people and not just an excuse to ignore female characters.

#THAT BEING SAID any wlw who thinks zelda is lesbian for the right reasons is correct and sexy as hell #i just. fandom in general is so man-centric and its FRUSTRATING to be in a fandom with GREAT female characters that STILL get overlooked #or shoved into random back corners so that we can talk about the men more. like. ugh #society if zelda fans didnt hate women <3 <3 <3 #asks

[bostonbakeddeans]

i think that being trapped in a room for 12 hours while various sitcoms play in the background without being allowed to question the premise of the shows should be classified as a hate crime actually

#my coworkers remembered that we have a TV and so the majority of the shifts ive had in the last few weeks #have had fucking sitcoms in the background #mostly friends #and im just so fucking sick of it. im tired of having to sit quietly for 12 hours and listen to fucking laugh tracks #and people be mean to each other #and im losing my ability to be curious about it which frustrates me #usually if media doesn't connect with me (which happens frequently; hello autism) #i can treat it as a learning exercise: what is the goal of this media? why might others find it appealing? #and more and more im like. i dont get it and i cant figure it out and its frustrating and i dont like it #and im tired of it!! i dont think its funny when people are just shitty perpetually! #do allistic people need the laugh track to cue them that something is funny??? what is the purpose of a laugh track! #i hate it i hate it i hate it #ugh!!!! #and i dont trust my coworkers to be able to answer me honestly/helpfully/non judgementally #if i ask why these shows are considered funny #so i just stew in my own misery and confusion and annoyance for 12hrs #i am a well marinated chunk of Autism

[epicdogymoment]

once again rubbed the wrong way by friends who unintentionally reveal that they dont really engage with my masculinity in any real way and see me as nonbinary (female-lite)

#leologisms #...................i need more trans friends. in real life #its so frustrating. your gay friends knowing youre transgender but still being able to tell that yeah. they really do just see you as #female-lite. and pushing back by overcorrecting the other way. but im NOT a trans man! and im not a woman either! and the label #nonbinary doesnt fit me even if other people might understand my identity best as under that label. im just transgender. none of #your business. but hearing people say 'well thats why you dont date men' and 'ugh i hate men' etc while i KNOW what they mean #the fact that theyre ok just saying that around me. TO me. a bisexual transgender. feels so bad. #not only am i not masculine in their eyes theyre also telling me that to them masculinity is inherently. dirty. dangerous. but thank god IM #not like that right? hahaha!!!!! thank god i would never be attracted to masculinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #.........god. anyway. the thing that prompted this happened a few days ago now and it was just a throwaway comment #but my awful brain loves latching onto those. so whatever.

[arsonwizard]

i fucking hate how easily youtube can crash your computer if you watch videos for too long. what do you mean i have manually clear the cache every two hours fix your fucking website!!!

#acorn speaks #vent post #god!!!!! i hate this sm i am trying to WORK #i lose fifteen minutes of work every goddamn time which yeah tiny violin but. ugh it keeps HAPPENING its just so frustrating #and i canNOT find an extension or whatever to automate it :( #ill just have to set a timer and do it manually i guess. rip my workflow. #im going to go get a snack so i wont be so mad. fuck you youtube

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i called my dad and he's gonna fly out tomorrow #i feel so bad dragging him out here just bc im having some sort of breakdown #he's already been thru so much in the last 2 months. i hate that ive added to his stress #i dont kno how im gonna get things done this week. or how im gonna get thru the rest of the semester. or what im gonna do this summer #my life just feels like an absolute disaster. it's all been leading up to this: a catastrophic meltdown #but im stuck not being able to meet with my counselor until may 6th. not that it was very helpful last time. nor was my emergency session on #Thursday. i just dont kno what to do. so that makes it hard for ppl to help. i just feel like im a child throwing a tantrum #i just want to burn it all down. im so tired. i dont kno y i picked a career that makes me feel so stupid #maybe i should just stop. defer a semester or stop altogether and do something else #i dont have the self discipline to do something so far above my head. i dont care enough. i dont care about anything #ugh. but my dad is coming tomorrow so i should clean my room and try to get my assignments done before he gets here #ugh. this just sucks. its so stupid and frustrating #unrelated

[toothpastewolf]

wow i sure love having self confidence issues they don't cause any irreparable damage to my hobbies and my self image and anything i do 😊

#ugh . mental illness is so fucking exhausting #i hate it here #and its so so frustrating because i know that the thoughts are thinking isn’t true but . #idk it just gets to me a lot #i’m gonna go decompose now <3 #random rambles #my posts

[starsnheroes]

So what are Clint's thoughts on the various members of his thunderbolts team?

ANONYMOUSLY ASK ANYTHING -> Accepting All Anons, Asks, & Memes

So this needs a little preface that I personally thing that T-Bolts / the writers fundamentally misunderstand Clint's character, as well as I think T-Bolts is a poor follow up on the Freefall storyline, which I do think was an interesting turn for Clint's character and than there was no continuation or pay-off, or more there should have been more.

There should have been a longer run for Freefall, or a Hawkeye book or run that explores how exactly Clint goes from end of Freefall, to making his way back to being included in greater superhero society.

I just think it's a poor handling, or there could have been a lot more. There's also the fact that it doesn't acknowledge that Clint is a good leader to most degrees; that he had for the most part done well with the WCA and than the original Thunderbolts? It's good, I'm reading that right now, and I feel like the very short T-Bolts run sucks for content, because it's just too short and not building up anything, besides the next big world ending arc event.

That and when I say it misunderstands Clint's character, they needed to show more of the aftermath of Freefall and see Clint having perhaps legal struggles, or see that something happened in those years between, to explain why he wouldn't be riding on Luke Cage a lot harder, cause Clint hates PR, hates marketing, and Tbolts feels corporate, like Clint made it clear if he had been alive during Civil War 1, than he'd have stopped the Superhero Registration act with A BULLET, and even in Civil War 2, he was again removed from that action; and he's the one who gave Carol this unknown to the readers deux ex machina to end the second one; like Clint to his core, would be against what is happening in the current canon of NYC in Marvel comics; like everything that we have based on this character that builds his personality, would be against this, like his last major character arc; we literally see him go against these laws, and be ronin, and like. . .

at the core, when he is presented with everything by Luke and the "PR" manager of the Thunderbolts "project", he should have been more against it based on what we have decades on his character; and he just agrees so quickly. like it just. made no sense. should have been handled differently. like clint was literally thinking about leaving new york, to start a team, because outside new york there weren't legally sanctioned teams / all these extra laws on superheroes, it's just in NYC. LIKE. he was going to leave, start somewhere else, where he wouldn't have these rules and things.

So just to preface, the mun's own bias about the 2022 run, and that will affect how i respond to this and what clint's thoughts are; and to be honest, I did not know most of the characters (i know one of them is new/created for this comic) before literally they appeared in thunderbolts.

like i don't know a lot about the others, so some of this is affected by the fact, that i know nothing of the others beyodn their tbolts appearance and my feelings of 2022 run is very poor.

But to preface a well, that I don't think there is anyone that Clint dislikes on the team. He likes the team, sees that roaster is good, but there's again in the really the issues lie with the fact that I don't think this Tbolts run understands Clint, or goes into the depth of why he would take on this team; like it doesn't recall on the fact that Clint was part of the original Tbolts team, as their leader in their attempt redeem themselve and turn their lives around.

LIKE I'm giving all this preface, cause like, I am a bias human, and thus this colors how I react and view things, and that to go into how Clint feels, which is generally he likes them, and respects them. wee gotta go into why i don't have much of an opinion or more to say there.

also just the way that no one really respects or listens to clint's lead or orders, as the leader. and like they do have moments where they allow him to be written as competent and doing a good job.

it's also why for my blog canon to explain why clint is not super good in this, or why he kind of seems to be a doofus that fumbles (which have we not established that's a bit of an act for clint), is the alcoholism and that he is an alcoholic ("functional") and that perhaps that's playing on clint more and affecting him

ANYWAYS TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION UNDER THE CUT

MONICA RAMBEAU

This is who Clint knows the most about; they have been on teams together and been in the same sphere of each other plenty of times before as superheroes. Monica was on the East Coast Avengers team for a team, when Clint was running the West Coast Avengers; and worked together due to WCA Annual #1 (read it im not going into the plot of that).

He knows Monica, likes Monica, and trusts her. Clint knows what she was capable of, and is glad to have her on the team because they go years back at this point, before any of the other team members.

Clint has a great deal of respect for her and has known her from all her alias, from her being Captain Marvel, to Photon, to Pulsar, and now Spectrum. He is definitely glad to have her on the team, because he's old guard and she's old guard; and there's solidarity and understanding found there.

AMERICA CHAVEZ

This is the next person that Clint knows, personally knows. That's Kate's best friend, so he knows about her. Knows her deal, and has personal opinion formed on her. He likes her, he finds her dependable and knows she's a good kid, a good person. Why wouldn't she be?

They've worked together, were both there for Kate's West Coast team, and there's enough a history there to know how she operates and how to work with her. He respects her and he's glad that she's on his team.

VICTOR ALVAREZ

The new Power Man. Clint would know Victor from the Avengers Academy, although he was not a teacher there for long; but he would know at the least that he's a good kid, and than he would have known from through the extension that he was on the Young Avengers, which was Kate's original team.

He also gets that this is the personal tie in for Luke, because Luke's the original Power Man, and now Victor bears that title. SO Clint comes from Luke's side of view, in knowing what it's like to have a legacy and share a title. So he knows that there is some pressure on his shoulders, and tries to really give Victor some slack on that.

KARA KILLGRAVE

Clint knows that she has been around, may as well be counted as old guard as well, but he's never ran much over lap with her. He knows of her, doesn't have too much of an opinion, besides knowing what its like to be worried about being their own father, about being in their fathers' shadow. He knows to give her the benefit of the doubt. There's respect there, knows that she's got to live up to and redeem herself against.

He's still getting to know who she is, since Clint's rarely ran in the same circles as Alpha flight, even if he did run in the same circles as Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau.

Terrible taste in sports team though.

GUTSEN GLORY & EEGRO

Who the fuck are these guys? What the fuck are their deals? What's Gutsen's powers?

Clint's gives people the benefit of the doubt; and he doesn't really get the say on who is on his team or not. So he can't say anything more on that, would he have these two on his team if he had control of that?

Probably not, because Clint would need to know them a little better; he would need someone to vouch for them. and that someone, sure can't be the government to vouch for them. The government's word can mean shit-all to Clint. Just look at US Agent coming into the West Coast Avengers.

He doesn't like unknown entities or trust government-vouched for individuals.

NOW He doesn't dislike either of these two; but he doesn't have a good enough read on them. He'll trust them, cause he has to; give them the benefit of thde doubt and extend trust first before judging them harshly (if earned or deserved).

#i know this was suppose to be able the teammates and it will be under the cut. BUT I JUS HAVE MY ISSUES. like please marvel. show us #show us how FUCKED things for clint were after freefall. that when presented with tbolts and all the RULES #he agrees because of desperation because of... JUST ITS MY BIGGEST FRUSTRATION. #tbolts 2022 makes me angry. like that's not to go into the way it disrespects clint as a leader. #and like why not just have monica be leader. she doesnt have it in her. with the media circus. OK. i think she should have. been like. #instead of her being luke's top pick. adn the kindof joke to the readers. that she should have been th true leader. #if they wrent gonna respect clint as a leader. than UGH. i. like shoul #and just FUCK I HATE THIS RUN FOR CLINT SO MUCH . #like it's like every other page. is good and then bad. and not cohesive in how clint is acting. #about; clint barton #all headcanons tag #about; blog canon

[angelboybreakdowns]

idk if its like the fact that im constantly being told what to do at school or like the depressive episode thing but my demand avoidance or whatever its called is getting so bad lately. like im just seething with rage any time anyone tells me to do sth. had to fight tooth and nail against myself just to shut the chickens in tonight. which i do almost nightly and have no problem with its just my mom reminded me to do it and my brain immediately tried to go Well Now We Are NOT Doing That How Dare She Tell Us What To Do. We Have To Prove Shes Not The Boss Of Us

#its so. fucking. frustrating #like i KNOW im being unreasonable i KNOW i have no reason to get angry at a simple request but i cant help it. ugh. #i hate my brain #its like its constantly working against me :( #rambling

[weenie-kun]

how do u figure out what u like to do. i know its gotta be hands on but u have to weigh pros and cons and its breaking my brain scales. actually. tell me what to do instead. i am tired of thinking

#im not even excited for school its just #end goal is money and i know that can cause u to burn out #i guess ill be motivated by fear of going back to a worse job i hated?? that can work?? i guess #its so frustrating like UGH FINE i GUESS ill try not to suffer or whatever #ive never had a will of my own it sucks having a brain like this. free me #txt #UUUUUGHHB

[the-kipsabian]

stressed

#the london weekend has me pulling my hair out a little tbh #so revpro announced the meet and greets like two days ago. and the times horribly overlap with the all in fan event #which means i gotta miss one of them. and it sucks cause i need to know asap if im ditching half of the fan event to go meet ppl #an hour away from wembley and who knows how long tickets will be available for that with whos annouced to be there #but also idk whos at doing meet and greets at the fan event. cause im obviously prioritizing kip and penny if they show up so like #but we dont know until maybe next week. who knows cause aew is so bad at announcing these things ahead of time #i just have to make decisions and its infuriating #i might be able to do both if aew meet and greets are early enough and its not that many people #but again copper box is an hour away. and the meet and greets end at 2.30 so :) #its fucked up. i hate it #anyways. we'll see i guess. sorry just had to get this out its so frustrating #the worst aew could do is not put kip and penny on this event either tho so like 🤷‍♀️ #but again i wont know until much later. and then its ticket roulette with revpro potentially. who knows #its just irritating how these things are organized ugh #at least im still seeing both shows on good seats but. yeah #ANNOYING #night is an absolute mess on main