#uncomfortable whenever this happens

[crismakesstuff]

“What if I become him and I don’t even know it?”

#invincible #invincible show #invincible spoilers #invincible season 2 #mark grayson #nolan grayson #omniman #omni man #invincible fanart #do you ever think about how mark is haunted by everything that happened in episode 8 #do you think he ever looks in the mirror and sees the features of his father on his face and shudders #do you ever think mark is up late at night burdened by the countless sins of his father #do you think that whenever he has angry outbursts and then realizes what he did and feels his father’s hand on his shoulder #applying just enough pressure to be uncomfortable #crismakesstuff

[ghostnorm]

i want episode 7 of murder drones to be a beach episode, i want there to be enough emotional whiplash to kill 6 grown men

#murder drones #drones can't go into the water so they just awkwardly stand on the beach for 20 minutes and whenever v is brought up they all just go silen #its super uncomfortable but tessa is having fun #good for her #im sorry im just trying to get my mind off what the hell happened in ep 6

[starrysharks]

i wonder if white people specifically white progressives realise that black people are only ever seen as their skin color first and foremost

#this goes for all poc but im talking about black people here #black people are constantly connected to their skin color and tone in good ways and in not good ways #people will always see you as your race first because white is considered the default #like if someone wanted to insult me the first thing they would go for is my race or gender presentation #whenever an actor is cast for a role people see the fact that they are black before anything else - talent. style. etc is ignored #black people are othered in society to put it bluntly . that is why white people get so upset when black people are cast as any role #or when they uuuuuh you know exist #and if the other becomes the majority - say a movie with mostly black people or a black-exclusive setting #then white people will get uncomfortable and complain #maybe the way i explained it is weird idk im not good at explaining #what im trying to say is that blackness is not something you can hide unless you are able to pass as white/are biracial etc. #and so the many stereotypes about black people are what people see first #what i'm trying to get at is that the way people percive black people completely changes our experiences esp if we're queer or women #a white and visibly queer person will have a different experience than a black and visibly queer person #and white progressives often forget that #sorry if this was explained weird im not a good explainer and also some bad shit happened today so my head is not really in the game #do people even say that god #whatever man

[furiousgoldfish]

Hi, just a little reminder to everyone who has attempted to message me or talk to me, and didn't get a reply or didn't get a reply they wanted.

I often have people messaging me expecting instant friendship and emotional support and talking to me as if we already knew each other. I don't think this is done with ill intent, but I do want to gently remind everyone that we are complete strangers when interacting online, and that I cannot grant anyone instant friendship; to me you are a person I don't know. I will talk to you as a stranger would. Even if you've been reading my words and taking solace and imagining a friend telling them to you, to me you are someone I've never met or known, and I cannot function as an emotional support on a personal level to strangers. It ultimately is not helpful for you to convince yourself that a stranger on the internet is your personal friend, or to push that stranger into trying to act the part; I am unable to fulfill this role. I am not emotionally well myself, and I do not have a support system, so being put in a situation where I'm expected to be one for a stranger feels unhealthy.

Another thing I'd love for everyone to remember is, that I don't have all of the answers. I love to help where I can, but ultimately I am a person in a lot of distress, trying to deal with multiple disorders without any access to therapy or even friends who understand what I'm going thru. I am isolated and posting on this blog is often all I have. If I knew how to get rid of trauma, how to deal with disorders, how to not be sick or in pain, how to evade abuse or how to feel okay, I would use this advice to fix my own life. But I am sadly, lost like the rest of us.

There are times where I am in too much distress to talk to anyone, if you sent me a message and it went unanswered, it is very likely that I was in a state so bad I could not communicate. I will usually recover from it within several weeks, but by that time I feel bad even reminding someone they've sent me a message, it feels asinine to try and reply so late. And it reminds me of the period where I felt bad looking at the message, unable to respond. I'm not ignoring messages on purpose. If you try again some time later, you're likely to get a reply, if I'm in a good state of mind.

However, if you send me a big number of messages at once, start talking about your issues without asking if it's okay first, send several messages without a reply and then keep sending them and demanding a reply, put pressure on me to communicate with you, try to guilt me into giving you an answer you want, or assuming I'm maliciously ignoring you, you've made me uncomfortable and I have to listen to my instincts and stop talking to you.

I am sensitive to anger, aggression, ranting, swearing, slur-use, and doing that in a conversation with me it will make me feel threatened. Because we're strangers, and any stranger acting like I'm an acceptable target to take their anger at is dangerous. We are not friends, and dealing with angry strangers is terrifying. In that situation I have to do what I would advise anyone else to do - leave the conversation.

The last issue is with people attempting to trigger me on purpose, pretending they need help then defending abusers, trying to convince me that all of my resources are harmful and doing nothing but damage, or trying to get me to delete my content, change my posts, advocating for abusers, siding with my abusers, telling me I'm a monster, insisting they're victimized by me unless I personally disprove my smear campaign to them, and generally trying to get me to lash out in order to post it online to claim I should be cancelled. That is the worst thing you could be doing to a traumatized abuse victim. I am a person, of course I sometimes say something wrong and not well thought and put out. That doesn't mean anything I ever do to help others is worthless and should be erased. And you will not convince me that my blog is useless or harmful. It helps me. And I am someone too.

#furiousgoldfish #why messaging me will sometimes have bad results #parasocial relationships #communicating with strangers forgetting they're strangers #i am scared of strangers online it is scary to be interacting with others #especially when trying to help you end up getting hurt and you just don't understand why it got so bad #that happens so often #and i have to be wary and have boundaries #and escape whenever i feel uncomfortable #even if it means someone will feel slightly bad #i don't have to bend my life so nobody ever feels slightly bad because of me #i need to feel safe #and i generally feel bad because of people who don't care how they're making me feel #because i only exist to get their needs met in their head #but i exist for me

[moe-broey]

When it comes to horny art esp in FEH like. I'm always split between "I don't wanna be sex negative and prudish that's stupid" and "Okay but there IS a misogyny problem (specifically about how female characters are portrayed/treated)" and "I'm Sorry Women (I do like huge titties and stupid slutty outfits)" and "I'm a huge anatomy nerd and what's pissing me off the most are the shit proportions here actually"

^ This user is on the asexuality spectrum.

#i don't wanna start discourse about it LMFAOOO it's just. the motions i am constantly going through #i think there is a difference between official artwork that is essentially a product being sold to you #vs independent artists who regardless of it they're selling their art. somehow there's a difference there #like i think horny/fetish art is so fucking important and worth protecting/going to bat for #esp the joker voice Society. cannot fucking take myself seriously LMFAOO BUT #idk idk. head empty. there's probably something there though. #i'm just stuck on an endless loop about it whenever something like a loki incident happens LMFAOOOO #that said though if any feh artist gives sharena an extremely sexualized alt i WILL have to kill them in cold blood. #and then the loop keeps fucking going like. it needs to be tasteful. she can be attractive. but it needs to be tasteful #and then the loop KEEPS GOING. like ohhh are you adsigning morality to art?? I DON'T THINK SO????? #i'm just devastingly demisexual about everything like. i love loki's new alt bc all things considered #it suits her. you can argue about the merit of Creating A Chara like her. but like. grah another endless loop #but it would NOT suit sharena #she would be SO uncomfortable. she would probably be found in the bathroom crying about it. #and then there's more complicated situations like plumeria. #i think her ny alt suits her v well. she is the elegant type. i am going to kill whoever made her summer alt. #and that's coming from a guy who's FAVORITE ALTS. ARE THE SUMMER ALTS #idk idk. i am incomprehensible even to myself.

[punctuation-completionist]

you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website

well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.

#ask tag #not counting #like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay #but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized #for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy #there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know #like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view #and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that'' #also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable #i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it #whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault'' #like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma #you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault #and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right? #anyways. that's my take on the situation. #and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here #like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would #like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory #and that was on purpose #but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste #idk just seems like a waste of time #at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened #also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now

[curiouschaosstarlight]

person #1: "[character i really love] should die violently!"

me: okay, bye

person #2: "i love this character!"

person #2: "[other character i really love] should die violently!"

me:

#not important #chaotic rants #if i had a nickle for every time one of my non-villain favorites got bashed i'd... #i'd be rich honestly why the fuck does this keep happening to me #i feel like i've made this post before #anyways i dont want to get directly specific because i dont want this to show up in searches #but if anyone's wondering the characters are Sampo and Argenti from HSR #i love those two immensely #i also love Kafka WHO ALSO gets bashed a lot i've noticed :\ #i think i'd be deeply uncomfortable with ANYONE wishing violent death on any character #it's a feeling i genuinely cannot relate to in the slightest despite having characters i dislike and dont really want to see #but it's especially distressing when it's my favorite characters #in case you're wondering this is why you'll never see me participate in direct character or ship bashing on my stuff #maybe i would have in the past but everyone is someone's favorite #and whenever im about to directly namedrop a character or ship that frustrates or annoys me i just kinda pause and go #'okay but what if someone who really likes this character/ship sees this and feels ashamed for their enjoyment?' #And Then I Don't Do It #not because anyone's making me but because the internet is a public space and frankly #there's already enough toxicity in the world #...i should post more character positivity and dress up/picrew stuff (and art but my art block's been severe lately) #maybe i'll build a queue in a bit if i can get my energy up #(if y'all are wondering why i have so many posts that are me complaining about fandom attitudes) #(it's 'cause spite gives me a temporary energy boost and i've been severely lacking in energy lately) #i -am- a bit hesitant because i know my takes on certain characters (particularly Dottore) are #insanely niche in a way i dont think anyone reading this before i've posted anything demonstrative of that fact will expect #and then i feel self conscious putting my niche stuff out there to be looked at #but! that's why i have custom character tags anyway i s'pose

[pepprs]

ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

#purrs #conference tag #chicago #im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o #if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been #other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel #less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt #like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself #if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely #anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared. #like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell #myself that i make it so. #trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED! #i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something. #obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen #to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie #i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have #been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha #i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before #like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i #genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still

[confinesofmy]

uh-oh <- just realised how easy it would be to go on a road trip to a cool place 2 & 1/2hrs away, spend the day there, then drive 2 & 1/2hrs back

#you know when you're young and first start driving and start being allowed to drive how you get a little crazy with it #that never happened to me bc i missed out on driver's ed and no one took me to a driving class or anything like that #so i just fully got my license as soon as i was of legal age #no class and very little practice pure trembling during the test driving 30mph around town bc i'd never driven around cars before #then for two years i was incredibly uncomfortable driving because i had to seriously devote more attention span than i had #and i could tell i was not capable of processing my surroundings at 80mph #then i totalled my car in my first ever accident of any kind hydroplaning into the median going like 70+mph #ptsd made driving impossible for a year then incredibly difficult for 3+yrs then BAM plague. stay inside your house don't ever leave. #so now i'm 28 and undergoing a serious revelation of like.. wait i can leave whenever i want??? and go anywhere??? 😳 #i was reading about this place on wikipedia when i was like 15 and i've always wanted to go but no one would/could take me 🥲 #what if i just went 🥲🥲🥲 #i fr think i might cry #adam talks too much

[silasbug]

i have no idea what happened or how it happened, but i can finally play bar chords!!!!!

i am so fucking excited. i know it's nothing special but this is a big deal for me because my fingers are short and that shit is painful, but i can actually sound the chords!! and i can switch to them with relative ease, too!

i'm going to be an absolute fucking menace now that half of the songs i want to play are actually playable for me, ha. hahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHAHA.

#and by menace i mean shyly play when nobody else is home because i'll be dead before i sing in front of anybody #with a few notable exceptions (e.g. my drinking buddy. he's already heard me croak like a dying frog so.) #'i have no idea how this happened' bub.. it's probably practice and your fingers getting strong enough to hold that shit down lol #well. i.. didn't practice these chords. ah well. thanks hands. you did me a good turn. #nooo but like. fucking *yay*. i'd given up on bar chords. at least on my behemoth of a guitar that is Sal. #he's almost uncomfortable to hold but that's my baby and i still haven't re-strung him after 10 years... disgraceful #but to be fair those strings have some silly sentimental value. okay. okay. yeah idk i'm going to be weird about this #whenever there was any kind of an F or a B or even a Gm in the chords i would just... hug my ukulele a little tighter and put Sal away #NOW I NO LONGER HAVE TO #i love my ukulele but Sal just sounds nicer. also provides a more comfortable vocal range? that makes no sense #i am only saying this after like. 3 days of being able to play them for some reason. found out just because i was too lazy to switch #when i saw there was an F in the song so i said fuck it we die. #bug.txt

[tariah23]

Why did this random white person comment on my post talking how problematic and evil the boondocks is for black people to watch just because I mentioned it in the tags of a random old personal post-

#weird #I went to their acc and they made a whole call out post about the boondocks I’m like man huh? #the post wasn’t even talking about the show i literally just mentioned it while talking about something else much more serious and it was #from years ago idk how they happened upon it 🚶🏾‍♀️ #rambling #white/nbs never learn to stay in their lane whenever they talk about black shit it’s crazy to me #the show and comics have never been perfect but I’m sure that most of us are aware of that #it’s just a form of social commentary and that in itself is never a bad thing just as long as you can take what’s important from it etc etc #they were going on and on about how Riley is a bad person like bro he’s literally an easily influenced 8 year old they were talking about #his character as if he was a grown man #its always uncomfortable seeing whites and nbs heavily criticize things that were never made for them to begin with #because in gen #they don’t understand or ever try to get us ever and we’re always at a crossroads tbh #there’s never an in between or middle ground or bridge being built between black folks and nbs it’s always us and then them both in rl and #in media/ the art that black people create to tell our stories and various perspectives of live etc etc #I’m going on and on about nothing rly but anyway stop being weird about stuff that was never made with you in mind to begin with you really #don’t have the context for majority of the shit that you’re even talking about most of the time

[girlscience]

i hate that my brain is like this. i hate that it does this to me. i see so many people for whom their sexuality is a source of pride and community and finding their sexuality opens a whole new world to them and they become open and confident people who are more themselves than ever before. and that's amazing! i am so happy for those people!! but it has never been that for me and i despise myself for that.

#i want so badly to say 'I AM [insert sexuality here]' 'IM OUT AND IM PROUD!' #i want to find local community and go to the gay bars #and meet people and make friends and kiss girls and all these things i see online or in fanfic #(listen i have been reading a huge amount of griddlehark and there is a lot of modern aus that i desperately desire) #but my brain thinks i am lying about all of it and whenever i say no i'm not lying it sets about convincing me i am #i think about women and it instantly goes okay but men though. what if you thought about them instead #and then it's all i can think of even though i don't want to #i think about dating a woman and it says actually. think about dating a man #i say i don't want men and it says that's rude and mean and you never know what could happen #and you don't believe there is some magical difference between men and women they are all just people so you are a hypocrite #if you leave men out and honestly you don't find men repulsive and there have been men you thought were attractive even if you can't figure #out of it was attractive like sex or attractive like marble statues #and you say you like body hair on women but it weirds you out on men but it's the exact same thing so you have to like it on both #and you read so much mlm fic and so little wlw so you think men are hot cause you've thought some of the mlm stuff was hot #so obviously you want to have sex with men #even if all the men who have actually hit on you irl made you uncomfortable #you didn't actually stop it from happening and honestly you really wanted it to happen and you just wanted them to force it on you #cause you are a evil gross freak who fetishizes #nevermind. this is spiraling. #and is just turning into a way for me to hurt myself more with this

[eepybubble]

i don't understand i usually get 7 hours of sleep and last night i got 6 which is only one hour less but it feels like my eyes are gonna fall out of my head

#also i keep twitching?? #like in an anxiety way? #and whenever something makes me uncomfortable #but i can't tell if i'm doing it consciously or not #is been happening for like two days #borf barks

[yuribalisms]

I hate my gender I hate it I hate my gender this is fucking stupid I hate it I hate it I hate it could I be literally anything fucking else I’m so goddamn sick of this

#I’m like 99.9999999% sure I am genderfluid #which is all great and fine when I go like literal months #being perfectly happy and content being feminine and being called a girl and enjoying she/her pronouns #until all of a sudden I’m just vibing on the couch last night and the dysphoria just fucking SLAMMED into me #and it was so Fucking Stupid too I just saw a buff shirtless male video game character and my brain was like #‘kinda bullshit you don’t look like that huh’ #and now I hate everything and I get my five millionth ‘am I trans man’ crisis #except at this point I KNOW I’m not cuz this is the pattern #I’ll be uncomfortable for several months like two ppl I know will use he/him pronouns for me and I’ll enjoy it #and then eventually I’ll decide THAT now makes me uncomfortable and I’ll go back to either hyperfem or androgyny #whichever is scratching the itch at the time #and I’m so…. so fucking sick of this pattern #cuz say I DID do anything to transition then whenever I inevitably wanted to look like a woman it’d be the same thing just reveresed #AAAAHGGGHHHHHHHH #I want it to stop I want stable feelings about gender one way or the other this is so fucking stupid and unfair #I hate it I hate it I hate it #this is the worst way to experience gender ever I literally can do NOTHING about it #and these intense switches are just gonna keep happening #like idk at least I’m self aware enough I’ve figured out the pattern but honestly I think that kinda makes it worse in a way #androgyny is my go to and has definitely never made me feel Bad #but life certainly is fucking easier when I’m happy with and leaning into being more fem aligned than masc aligned #bye I’m gonna go die in a hole now #kaz rambles

[khunvegas]

i mean, yeah. love in the air makes no sense, the plot is going nowhere, i'm pretty sure some scenes that were supposed to be deleted scenes were added at the last minute. questionable things happening and bad decision making is the core of this show. it's all trash.

but this is MAME we are talking about. she has a sharp eye to get hot guys to play her characters and a way to make you look past the questionable plots and just get you wheezing with the intimate scenes

we are here for a good time, not a long time

#all i'm saying is guys #if you feel iffy with the dubcon pls stop watching #do yourself a favor and please go watch something else #the way some here pop up just to lament on this show is tiring #and pls don't say we lita enjoyers are advocating for the dubcon and abuse #all of this is fiction #and like someone said before #this is probably mame's kink because there's no way she would use the same stuff in all her novels #is it uncomfortable to watch? yeah but you gotta tell yourself is not really happening #and you can turn it off whenever you want or even skip #i'm more concerned with the fact that we still don't know the plot for this #unless the plot is actually the #make you fall in love with me in 30 days #which is a very weak plot #and after so many good shows these past years this feels like a setback #like i said it's all trash #but i'm nothing but weak for a cute guy with a ponytail #we'll see if the dumpster burns to the ground #love in the air the series #thai bl #thai drama

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#ppl who accuse disabled ppl who use aids of looking for attention are actually delusional as fuck lmao #&its so wrong it would be hilarious if it wasnt so fucking infuriating lmao. #at this point i do everything possible to not look disabled&its not bc im ashamed of my disabilities or the fact #that my life is easier both w a cane+being able to be visually uncomfortable instead of masking it 1000% of the time #its bc it is actually easier to deal w everything that is physically required of me to mask appropriately&successfully #than it is to deal w any of the millions of absolutely batshit things that happen basically exclusively bc abled ppl arent capable #of being around disabled ppl without being weird as fuck about it. #my cane is currently in the car bc i keep it there for emergencies now; it isnt like. comfortable lmao to walk w/o it but i finally have #enough core strength back to hold myself up the way ive done for basically my whole life lmao #&the second that happened despite literally several years of adjusting to being ok using a cane esp publicly i stopped using it #whenever possible bc the social restrictions imposed are less hindering than the physical restrictions #&it makes me want to put my head thru a window LMAO. #anyway im complaining bc ive been debating going late night grocery shopping but the idea of going down the stairs w/o the cane is just. #awful. lmao.