#until it is a constant state

[beautyinthediss0nance]

Peace, love, balance, gratitude

#these are what I am striving to live within #conscious practice #until it is a constant state #not that I am incapable of other emotions or reactions #but it is a choice to try to stay within these #not perfect by any means #but I do have gratitude and acceptance of divine timing down

[cabesswtaer]

how do I stop thinking about Jeremy Knox. like genuinely this man has been churning around in my head 24/7 for the past three weeks its too much i cant take it anymore

#jk i would think about jeremy forever if i could #This will be my constant mental state until tsc2 when i have other things to hyperfixate on #jeremy knox #the sunshine court #aftg #tsc #jean moreau #all for the game #nora sakavic #jerejean

[juniperleafdelivery]

#my art #trans #side note: following tags are a pretty long thought dump #ugh okay i'm going to be honest #i didn't know anything about predstrogen until she was banned and many people started talking about her #also looked through photomatt's blog very briefly #to me he sounds callous- if that's the right word. he just didn't seem to care about what happened to predstrogen prior to her being banned #also? car with hammers that explodes multiple times feels far from being a serious death threat to me #yes predstrogen explicitly mentioned death wishes #but i don't know. what she said is more cartoonish than serious #also something i noticed from photomatt: where is the evidence that predstrogen threatened other users? #i haven't been looking into all this that deeply #but that photomatt stating that as part of the reason for predstrogen's ban and then not elaborating is. weird. for lack of better words #on a slightly different note: i love tumblr and how i can be my silly queer self and nobody cares #but if we don't stand up for each other — especially those who are constant targets for harrassment and other crappy things #tumblr will eventually die or bear no resemblance to the site i enjoy so much #maybe i'm privileged! being a trans masc guy #or maybe i'm ignorant #but i guess i have a tendency to say a lot. and i hate staying silent when i have the opportunity to speak out #so i'm going to scream #and i hope y'all are going to speak in support of trans women too

[crawley-fell]

worst cop in britain? more like saddest man on earth

#broadchurch era more like constant state until my ultimate demise #broadchurch

[grayvveyard]

I've reached a point where I no longer can tell if a post is just showing a cool item or if its an objectum thing, I'm just gonna assume everything is objectum until proven otherwise

#grayves brainbugs #slowly mary is infesting my brain and crawling into my skin purely through tumblr #objectum #thank you mary among other people #i am in a constant state of confusion now #objectum?? or is it just a cool computer #its just gonna be innocent until proven guilty #im a confused lad

[sxcret-garden]

Does anybody else have this thing where you're used to living with anxiety and being constantly on edge, and the second you finally enter an environment where you know logically that it's safe, you get even more anxious because your nervous system is preparing for the Bad Thing that's bound to happen Anytime Now??? Because that's currently me and i'm not having fun

#it's bearable while i'm doing things but i'm running out of things i can do in this state #it doesn't help that this is mixing in with my general anxiety about changes #and like i wish i could somehow power through this and do the things i want to do regardless if i focus real hard #but unfortunately my anxiety usually comes with a big freeze response so #im just sitting here unable to move while feeling my entire body panicking #fun :)))) #like... if you're still reading and you know what im talking about #is there any way to speed up this process of unlearning the constant fear of Danger #or do i just have to sit it out and wait until i get used to not having to be on edge all the time? #shut up salty

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

[deathbypufferfish]

Does anyone have any tips for what to bring for an overnight stay after surgery? (besides all the obvious + entertainment)

#puffer talks #4 days until surgery ‼️‼️‼️🙌 #i am in a constant state of stress and anxiety but i am doing my best

[soullessjack]

they should invent a transition into adulthood that doesn’t make me want to kill myself before i turn 20

#‘you don’t need us to take care of you’ I CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF #cannot stress enough that i am in a constant state of keeping my head above water . #cal.txt #to be ignored #having parents that believe in you is great until they don’t believe you can actually struggle long term #from the literal disability they agree with you on having #cant wait to bury my feelings for my work shift and cry about it later if i can even still feel it by then

[mamaestapa]

finals week has me questioning all my life decisions

#in a constant state of 🥹😵‍💫🤡 #i’ve been doing great all semester…until NOW lmao

[brbarou]

I MISS HUEMONI 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#I MISS THE WAY THEY USED TO MAKE ME FEEL #I USED TO BE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF CREATIVE AND EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD (POSITIVE) #I FEEL LIKE MY MIND IS A WASTELAND NOW #no seriously the absence of the baccano hyperfixation is making me uh. depressed #i don't think i've ever seriously used that word on myself until now i just don't know how else to call this state of being #i'm familliar with the awkward phase between two hyperfixations been there done that...but this is different #i /actively/ don't want it to end. like i don't want to get into anything else i wish my brain could sustain itself on the three 1700s books #---forever but obviously that's not possible. i don't know. makes me want to kms ahahahahaha #i've never had a fixation this long. attack on titan lasted for a year-ish and by the time it was over i was just so sick of the whole thing #but not this😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭 i've never felt this lonely #auughg. made myself cry #:(( #.txt

[novemb-r]

.

#how am i supposed to have any life experiences when I refuse to leave my homw or talk to anyone #i was honestly fine with this for years until recently #and now its almost unbearable #going from being a traumatized teenager barely lucid and in constant pain and in such a state of confusion all the time #and now im an adult realizing i was sleepwalking all that time and now i have absolutely 0 social or emotional skills as a result

[answrs]

makima-s-most-smile

Insert the 'What?' Meme. Did I miss something?

@makima-s-most-smile oh you lucky bastard for not having encountered this (jk jk).

(the tags on this post, for reference)

#anti nonsense #christ the brainrot has spread deep #yeah you get three guesses and the first two don't count it's the pla fandom children* again because who else would it be 🤦 #*gods i fucking hope it's only twelve year olds doing this. i know it's not but let me exist in a more sane world for a moment please. #i have never seen a fandom so violently obsessed with yelling about a pairing where half the ship legit doesn't even exist in the source medium #I am BEGGING y'all to be fucking normal. #the bar was set so low and you're digging into the earth's core to go under it

I’m gonna just tldr sum up the drama for other people just tuning in with unknown level of knowledge on this absurd level of nonsense too:

*DEEP BREATH* OKAY SO! tldr there's a giant moral panic in the legends arceus fandom from purity culture/antis about a super niche incest pairing of side character warden ingo and his (notably absent) brother emmet. except the sheer SCALE to which this spitting, vitriolic (...and performative: see the giant shitfest when japanese fanartists started blocking people with ‘proship dni’s and suddenly those dnis ~mysteriously disappeared~ like hmm! might be something there!) hatred means that basically any fluff piece that gets posted also comes with a giant “ALSO I KILL INCEST SHIPPERS I MUST CONSTANTLY REMIND EVERYONE OF THE FACT AN INCEST PAIRING EXISTS WITH THESE TWO CHARACTERS FUCKING ON ANY AND ALL G-RATED FLUFF PIECES”

yeah so that’s the background. like ive literally seen fics of the teen sidekick getting railed by the entire adult cast float around but nah, it’s only this one, niche pairing that gets plastered all over the tags on the genfic tags on ao3. (which, again, shows how performative out the wazoo it is with these people. seeing ‘proship dni’ tagged on a fanfic on archive of our own, the site literally built by a wincest shipper to host Problematic™ Content™™ the first time absolutely sent me... but the six hundred times after that were much less funny. also the death threats that some come with. yeah. not funny.)

anyway i noticed it started spreading into parental ingo&protagonist fics where emmet is literally not even mentioned whatsoever a few weeks ago. and now i have found at least one fic that’s at the point where neither character involved in the pairing are even present in said media. and the fucking ‘bLaNkShIp dNi’ tags are still there.

#purity wank #anti nonsense #purity culture #I'm not tagging the ship because spam but ive looked and theres literally like. maybe four entire people that post stuff for this pairing on #on tumblr #like fucking hell y'all can you shut up for ONE MINUTE PLEASE #i had no idea the ship even existed until i saw it plastered all over every piece of fanart and looked it up #like theyre *literally* advertising it to everyone that just wanted fluffy gen stuff and is now going to look up what a blankship means #and either get whacked with a constant 'HEY YEAH PLEASE THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT THESE BROS FUCKING NOW' #or like. start spite-shipping it lmao. #these people would never have survived ouran high school host club and the thought of them reacting to the canon twinshipbait #is either fucking hilarious or the most depressing fucking thing to think this is the state fandoms are in now

[theforestknowsmydreams]

people really suck sometimes

i'm 95% sure my neighbors right next door have been ringing my doorbell/knocking almost every single day for a while now and instead of just. leaving me a note at the door or even in my mailbox. they keep doing it???

like. excuse me, but some of us are trying to have an anxiety disorder in peace

#there's a good chance they've been waiting until they hear me come back to do it too #meaning they KNOW by now i'm not opening the door despite being home #so LEAVE A NOTE PEOPLE #they're also probably trying to complain about something i have no control over right now #so i'm in a near constant state of panic whenever i'm home #i don't even have any weed to take the edge off #:(

[donutdisturblivball]

i remember first watching the whole heart to heart byler talk in will’s room and texting my friend “wow this guy is in happy tears after being friendzoned” (i have photo evidence too although it exposes me a little bit lmao) but like… after reading the script???? holy SHIT. no fucking wonder this kid was in happy tears after a reaffirmation of their friendship he’s down so fucking bad for this man. like it never really processed in my mind how in LOVE he is with mike and all of a sudden his reaction just makes so much sense especially when put into the context that will probably thinks being friends with mike is all he’ll ever have and how scared he was of losing mike’s presence in his life as his friend. like putting it all into perspective suddenly him tearing up at the fact that they can still be friends makes so much sense and hits so much harder.

(here’s the proof btw i’m just gonna go hide in a hole now)

#byler #will byers #will byers is gay #will byers is in love with mike wheeler #i’m on my shit again #IDK WHY IT NEVER PROCESSED UNTIL LIKE FUCKING 12AM #HEAD LITERALLY EMPTY ONLY BYLER #every time i read the script again my chest TIGHTENS bc of how in love will is like #if this build up leads to unrequited byler i am going to throw myself out the nearest window #i just. need a time machine. #like i am going to be living in a constant state of anxiety for 2 years until s5 comes out #mike wheeler i know what you are #(yes ik this post is will centric but I LOVE THIS TAG TOO MUCH TO NOT USE IT OK)

[teatitty]

Before the Nightmare is a great prequel novel to DMC5 because it very effortlessly destroys me about Vergil all over again just by casually saying these two things:

That Mundus found Vergil first before Dante, and so Vergil had been fighting Mundus’ forces for literal years by himself (also lmao @ Mundus basically going “OH SHIT OH FUCK THEY’RE GONNA HUNT ME DOWN AND KILL ME QUICK I GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS AAAAA” great plan you had here fuckface)

And that Vergil would have killed Mundus if not for his previous fight with Dante

#devil may cry #lore post #before the nightmare #there's also the whole 'even as nelo angelo vergil refused to obey mundus #until he had his amulet returned to him' thing which makes me cackle #mundus really had absolutely no control over anything #and was just in a constant frantic state of 'shit shit shit I fucked up how do I fix this' #also special shoutout to the confirmation that dante used a fragment of yamato #to escape from hell back in dmc2