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reyescarlos · 4 years

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we found each other in the dark

chapter 3/4: heavy in your arms; word count: 6.6k || read on ao3

And is it worth the wait? All this killing time? Are you strong enough to stand Protecting both your heart and mine?

Eddie expected to have an eventful first day at the 118 but he couldn’t have possibly imagined the night would end like this.

Bobby had told him this morning that each shift was like playing Russian roulette. Some calls were minor, scenarios that the team could get through quickly enough without anyone’s life hanging in the balance. But the flip side to that were high stakes moments where one bad decision could mean death.

Eddie was used to working under pressure. He was certain that nothing could be more daunting than trying to save someone’s life and maintain his own while in the middle of a war zone. By comparison, the streets of L.A. would be milder, easier to tame, he figured. So, to find himself now staring down at a 40 mike-mike is startling, bringing his mind back to his tours in Afghanistan. How crazy, he thinks, that he would leave the military behind only to be faced with the weaponry in his civilian life. It’s a lucky thing, Eddie supposes, that he’s here for this now. He has a particular skill set that can very well save this man’s life.

Bobby calls it in to the hospital as they wheel the gentleman across the lawn and get him loaded up into the back of the ambulance.

“We have a 65-year old male with large shrapnel in his right thigh. Femoral artery damage…”

It’s hard not to get caught up in the belief of destiny when this is the kind of call he responds to on his first day with the team.

The gentleman, Charlie, is essentially a ticking time bomb and as he speaks his fears of dying tonight aloud, Eddie is grateful to have Buck with him now. As he gets the drip set up, Buck is there to settle the older man down, assuring him that he’s going to survive the night. Buck glances to Eddie and in his eyes, he sees Buck’s confidence in him. Eddie isn’t expecting such faith from the man seeing as though they’ve only just met but it feels good, he won’t deny, to have someone believe in his capabilities.

More often than not Eddie feels as if he’s stumbling through his life just hoping for something to stick but situations like this are ones he tends to thrive in. The irony doesn’t escape him. Day-to-day life is a challenge. Matters of life and death bring out his sense of calm.

Eddie assesses the damage, quickly working through the best course of action. Charlie’s words slur and soon he’s under, giving Eddie and Buck the chance to work in absolute silence.

“Tell me what you need me to do,” is all Buck says as he settles in beside Eddie, looking to him expectantly.

Buck takes a backseat and follows Eddie’s instructions to the letter, clearly realizing that even though he’s been with the LAFD for however long, it’s Eddie’s experience as a military medic that can decide the fate of this man. It’s quite the test for them to have on their first day but Eddie is relieved to see they’re able to meet the challenge head on and work so well with one another.

Buck is good at reading the terrain and anticipating what he’ll need next, an invaluable skill to have in a partner, Eddie notes.

Eddie can feel Buck’s eyes boring a hole into him as he tries not to disturb the grenade too much. One false move and all three of them won’t make it. With clear knowledge and practiced hands, Eddie works carefully as he extracts the grenade from the man’s leg, with Buck continuing to keep pressure against area to prevent Charlie from bleeding out. Eddie has been through much worse, much more intense situations than this controlled environment but this scenario is still grave. He feels confident, however, in his element somehow and that clears his mind enough to successfully dislodge the grenade.

“Get that box open,” he says, though Buck is unsurprisingly already flipping open the lid beside him. They’re still not in the clear yet but the second he hears the contact of metal against metal, Eddie can’t help but to let out a shaky breath of relief.

Buck is beaming at him, a mix of wonder and disbelief on his sweaty face.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” Buck says.

“I can’t believe you’re still holding that thing and we’re still in here. Let’s go.”

Buck’s laugh is hearty and Eddie feels the timbre of it somewhere in the pit of his stomach, along with a strange tug of some kind. Eddie chalks it up to adrenaline and opens the door to the ambulance to make the hand off to the bomb squad.

“Hell of a first day, huh?” Buck notes as the ambulance pulls away, that playful smile on his lips again.

It’s growing on Eddie already, the way Buck acts as if the two are co-conspirators who share some kind of secret. It manages to draw him in and make him feel included in something even though this is all still so new. It’s been far too long since Eddie’s felt close to anyone, or even felt the inclination to let someone in. He’s used to keeping the world at an arm’s length but in just one day, Buck has managed to ease past those walls he’s been putting up. If he’s to keep to his objective for life in L.A., Eddie knows he has to do things differently this time around.

If that means forming a friendship with new his co-worker, he supposes it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to open himself up a bit more. The purpose of his move was to start over, to reinvent himself and grow. Eddie liked the idea of creating a new kind of family for himself. Judging by this trial by fire experience, Buck seems like the perfect starting point.

“Good work you two,” Bobby compliments as the pair take off the vests given to them by the bomb squad.

Eddie looks over at Buck and smiles. “He can have my back any day. I couldn’t have asked for a better a partner in there.”

It’s the honest truth. From their calls earlier, Eddie had gotten the distinct impression that Buck thrived off the high of rescuing people, of the danger in this profession. But when it came time to dial back and let someone take control of the wheel, he’d done so without question. They strike the perfect chord with each other and for Eddie, that bodes extremely well. Good chemistry was hard to come by but for them it’s organic. It feels like it’s been a lifetime since Eddie’s instinctively clicked with someone to this degree.

He supposes maybe this feeling is due largely in part to the fact that their kinship was just forged by fire. But if there were ever a measurement by which to set such a thing to, Eddie feels safe in saying this experience would bond them for a long time to come.

Buck smiles back at him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

“Or, maybe, you could have mine,” he counters. He gives Eddie’s shoulder a light squeeze. “Welcome to the 118. We’re damn lucky to have you.”

But Eddie hears a different set of words behind the ones Buck has just uttered.

Welcome to the family. This is where you belong.

~*~*~

As they hang around the loft between calls, Buck and Eddie settle around the table grabbing a quick bite. Eddie takes his phone out of his back pocket and sets it on the table. The screen comes to life and Buck’s eyes immediately take notice of Eddie’s lock screen. The image is of Eddie with a young boy, their cheeks pressed tightly together to fit into the frame. He doesn’t mean to be nosy but that’s a hard thing to miss.

Eddie notices, his expression soft as he looks at his phone.

“That’s Christopher,” he says. “My son.”

Buck sits up at this bit of information. Of all the things he’s been trying to imagine about Eddie, he hadn’t expected him to be a dad. Eddie unlocks his phone and pulls up a new photo and hands it to over to him.

Buck takes the phone, his smile almost as bright as Christopher’s in the photo. Chris has got a big grin on his face as he stands with the Ferris wheel at the pier in the background on a cloudless, sunny day.

“He’s ridiculously cute. How do you keep from spoiling him rotten?” Buck laughs, grinning at the photo for a beat longer before looking up at Eddie. “How old is he?”

“Just about nine actually. I can’t believe the years have been going by so quickly.”

Buck sucks in a breath. He’s been haunted by that precise length of time. It’s too coincidental not to mean what he thinks it does. Buck has been allowing himself to dive in slowly to the idea of claiming Eddie as his soulmate. Between the rush he felt when they first met to how natural they are with each other to this discovery that nine years ago Eddie had created a family supports his budding theory. This would explain perfectly why nine years ago he stopped getting updates to his marking.

It’s all matching up perfectly into place like a key in a lock. Buck just wonders what’s waiting on the other side of the door for him when he eventually pushes on it.

“Nine? That’s a fun age, right before the double digits kick in. Kids are such a blast,” Buck says, sitting back in his seat and handing Eddie back his phone.

“You like kids?”

“Oh, I love them. They’re way cooler than adults, that’s for sure. I like how they see the world, you know? They’re just taking it all in and learning about things for the first time. It’s awesome. Plus, they’re hilarious and rarely ever have a filter. You’ve got to respect that kind of honesty.”

Eddie smiles at him and Buck can’t help but to think his response passes some kind of test. Eddie looks satisfied with his answer, setting his phone back down and picking up his fork again, spearing a piece of fruit on the prongs.

“Judging by that picture I’m guessing he’s liking Cali a lot, huh?”

Eddie laughs. “You could say that again. He barely even mentions Texas. All he wants to do is explore the city. It’s been great for us, the move. I still have a few loose ends to tie up though.”

Buck raises a brow. He doesn’t want to push the matter too much but the statement intrigues him a bit.

“I’ve almost got his school situation figured out. I had a meeting a few days ago with the school coordinator but...,” he trails off, looking away. Buck isn’t sure he’s going to continue until he clears his throat and speaks. “They need to speak with Chris’ mom first. She has an interview with them tomorrow. If that goes smoothly, he should be enrolling with them.”

Buck shifts in his seat, his head erupting with questions about Chris’ mother. Whether they’re still together is the most pressing of them all. From Eddie’s tone and hesitancy, Buck can tell they aren’t on the best of terms. Eddie called her Chris’ mom, not his wife or partner. It’s a stretch but Buck is flexible enough to make it work.

“I haven’t seen her since the divorce but this is important. I really want Chris to get into this school. It’s perfect for him.”

Buck’s thoughts are split evenly in two, torn between the sheer relief in he feels in hearing Eddie isn’t married anymore and the concern he feels in seeing how worked up Eddie is over Christopher’s schooling.

“I’m sure her talk will go well. I know there’s a lot riding on this but she has to know that too and I’m sure she’ll crush the interview because of it.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, his brown eyes meeting with his blue. Land and sea, Buck thinks, two components that make up a world.

“Thank you,” Eddie says simply but Buck feels the full weight of it.

“Anytime.”

~*~*~

Eddie’s fingertips drum an uneven beat against his knee as he waits for Shannon to show up. It’s ridiculous, he’s well aware, to feel this antsy over seeing a woman he’s known for almost half his life. But these last nine years, their relationship had risen and fallen like a heavy breath. Now that it was out of both their systems, Eddie isn’t sure how to function around her.

He keeps an eye out for her and rises awkwardly off the park bench as she approaches. He waves at her, trying to gauge what kind of mood she’s in from a distance. She’s got on a flowing yellow dress that makes her look like sunshine. Her smile is just as warm too.

Eddie relaxes at the sight of that and takes it as reassurance that this talk will go well. It’s strange seeing her now. She looks different to him and Eddie has to wonder if she sees changes in him too.

“How’d it go over at the school?” he asks as they both sit down.

Shannon sits back and stretches her legs out, letting them cross at the ankles.

“Pretty well. They seem excited to have Chris enroll. You picked out a great school for him.”

Eddie takes the compliment with a simple nod and a quiet word of thanks.

“How…how is he? Is Chris liking it out here?” she asks tentatively, dipping a toe into uncertain waters.

Eddie unclenches his jaw and nods. She’s making an effort and Eddie knows this can’t be easy for her, to be sidelined in her own child’s life. Even though she had made the decision to take time to find herself, Eddie can see that it’s taking its toll on her to be away from their son. He can extend a kindness, an olive branch of some kind by way of decent conversation.

“He loves it so much. I think he wants to live at the pier,” he muses. He’s taken Chris down a few times now just to watch the waves and enjoy the beautiful weather. “He’s doing really well here and honestly, it’s a relief,” he sighs.

When he’d told his family he was leaving, they’d gotten into his head a bit that uprooting Christopher from Texas could have a damaging impact on his son. But he knew better than they did about Chris’ resiliency and adaptability. Chris was the kind of person who could make himself comfortable anywhere. It was a trait Eddie prayed his son would never lose. He knew all too well what it felt like to struggle for a bit of semblance. Luckily, Chris didn’t seem to have that problem.

Shannon stays quiet and Eddie desperately wishes he could open up her mind and see the thoughts that live there. There’s an unnamed tension between them, an awkwardness that Eddie doesn’t know how to get around. He supposes, with their history, it makes sense but he wants better for them both.

He decides to switch gears. If they’re really going to have a clear road ahead, he needs to do whatever he can to show Shannon that they’re on solid ground now. It’s exhausting constantly being at odds with her. Now that they’re divorced and no longer confined to the box they’d shoved themselves into, they both have room to breathe and grow. Hadn’t that always been a wish he had for them? For the two to mend the bridge that had given way years ago? They are in a different place now and Eddie knows he has to adjust his outlook accordingly.

“I don’t want us to be angry or upset with each other anymore. I want us to…I don’t know, be better to one another than we have been in the past. I don’t think I can carry those feelings inside me anymore. It’s draining and I don’t have the energy for it. I never really did.”

This seems to be the right set of words because Shannon blinks back tears and smiles at him.

“I would love that.”

Eddie sighs in relief and this time the quiet that settles between them is comfortable.

“Can I ask you something kind of ridiculous and personal?” Shannon says, tucking one of her legs under her, fanning out her dress over her legs smoothly.

“Should I be afraid?”

She laughs and it feels good to be able to joke around with her again. These are tentative steps but it feels reassuring to think he could be on his way to getting his old friend back.

“Eh, it could go either way.” She pauses for a beat before continuing. “Have you met Eva yet? I’ve been thinking a lot about your move and imagining you finding her out here.”

Eddie thinks it says a lot about where their relationship left off that Shannon is so casual in discussing him with another woman, a soulmate at that. It’d been awkward for the both of them seeing the makings of names on each other that weren’t theirs. They’d never talked about it explicitly but Eddie figured it was just as strange for her to wrap her mind around as it had been for him during their nine years together.

“Actually, it’s Evan not Eva,” he drawls, trying to get used to the taste of the name on his tongue. His heart is racing with the confession. How much will this change the way she sees him?

Eddie doesn’t even look at her. He fumbles with his watch and takes it off, showing her the soulmate marking. They both stare in silence at his wrist. It had been a complete shock to his system when it appeared so he can’t blame her for being stunned over the news.

“Wow. Wow, that’s…I don’t have any other word,” she laughs.

Eddie turns to look at her then. She looks surprised, of course, but happy. Eddie’s brows furrow.

“Where’d you meet him?”

“I’m not sure exactly,” he says, flipping the inside of his wrist back over, pressing it against his thigh. “I’ve been trying to figure it out. I think he’s someone I bumped into outside of a coffee shop but I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since. I didn’t even see his face that day, actually.”

Shannon’s smile turns into a frown at this.

“Oh, Eddie. I’m sorry.” He can tell she really means it. “But at least you know he’s out there. Whenever you do find him, don’t let go.”

Eddie searches her face for a moment, looking into her eyes and for a fleeting moment his mind drifts to a different set of blue eyes, ones that he’s grown so accustomed to in the short time he’s been working at the 118. It’s a startling thought that seems to come from nowhere. Eddie does his best to cast it aside. Buck isn’t where his thoughts should be right now, despite the fact that the other man has been on his mind more and more as of late.

Shannon takes him in as well before she continues to speak.

“I know you, Eddie. I know you’re probably scared over the fact that this is actually happening for you. But please remember you deserve to be happy. Despite everything we’ve been through, or maybe because of it, all I want is for you to be able to let the right love in. Evan is your soulmate, whether you’re ready for it or not. When you meet for real, don’t run from it, please.”

It isn’t lost on Eddie that this is the second person in a little over a week to tell him not to be afraid of his destiny. The women in his life know him better than anyone else. There’s no hiding from his grandmother who always had a knack for understanding him since he was a child. And Shannon had cultivated a life with him. Eddie couldn’t avoid being known by either of them. He could hide and keep himself from the rest of the world but these two were in the rare category that could see through it all to the heart of him each and every time.

Eddie wipes at his eye and laughs nervously. “I don’t know if I’ll be good for him. I’m kind of still figuring things out these days.”

Shannon reaches out a hand and holds onto his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“That’s sort of the point of a soulmate though, isn’t it?” she says, peering at him, lifting a brow knowingly. “To love you unconditionally, no matter what kind of state you’re in?”

Eddie can’t refute this argument. He had always liked the idea of being able to turn to someone at the end of the day and speak openly about what he was feeling. He was able to do that with Shannon at times during their marriage, of course, but the tension between them made it hard for Eddie to cross the divide that lived with them sometimes. He imagined being with a soulmate would be the exact opposite, that even if they were upset with each other they’d still be a harbor for one another.

“I hate it when you’re right,” he jokes.

“You poor thing. Then you must be upset all the time,” she quips.

Eddie laughs, a real sense of elation he hasn’t had around her in some time solidifying in his chest. They still have a way to go but this first step was a crucial one and Eddie feels as if they’re finally moving in the right direction together.

~*~*~

Days like today have quickly become Buck’s least favorite. He knows he can’t expect to work every shift with Eddie but still, the times when they aren’t together begin to grate at him. He feels selfish for how badly he craves Eddie’s time and attention but he can’t help it. Soulmate or not, he’s genuinely been enjoying getting to know his new co-worker. The two have found an easy rhythm with each other since Eddie’s first day. Buck supposes nothing bonds two people together faster than saving the life of someone else.

With Eddie out for the day, Buck feels restless.

“Aww, is someone missing their new best friend?” Chimney teases as Buck flops back against the sofa in the loft. “Look at that pout, Hen. We can go diving off that lower lip.”

Buck tosses a cushion at him as Hen laughs at the two of them. Chimney lobs it back and jokingly flips him off, revealing his soulmate marking on his middle finger, the word Mad branded there. He thinks it’s the height of comedy. Buck has to agree it is pretty hilarious.

Hen nestles in beside him and pats the top of his head.

“Come on now. Buck up, Buck,” she muses. Chimney reaches over to give her a high five and Buck rolls his eyes playfully.

“A couple of comedians here.” He rises from his seat, ignoring their outcry for him to come back. They get over it quickly, starting up a new conversation by the time Buck makes it to the dining table.

They’re absolutely correct and Buck can’t even pretend to deny that. He’s gotten so accustomed to having Eddie around that a day without him just doesn’t feel right. He feels…unmoored somehow and Buck wishes he could have a definitive explanation for why that is. He has his theory, of course, but a proven hypothesis is what he longs for most of all.

The thought of asking Eddie outright what his first name is terrifies him. He doesn’t trust himself to have a neutral reaction if he were to hear it directly from Eddie’s lips. What he needs is a filter, a buffer of some kind to absorb his shock should his suspicion pan out to be correct.

Bobby is in the kitchen getting started on dinner.

“Hey, Cap,” Buck calls over as he goes into the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “What’s Eddie short for?”

As he closes the door to the refrigerator and looks to Bobby, the man has stopped chopping peppers and is standing still, looking at him.

“Why do you ask?”

Buck busies himself with twisting off the bottle cap but he can still feel Bobby’s eyes fixed on him.

“No reason; I was just wondering. I mean, I know I could ask him,” he says, hoping his tone is nonchalant. “But you’re here right now so…I figured you could answer just the same since you’ve seen all his paperwork and stuff.”

Bobby holds his gaze for a beat before returning to prep the meal and Buck is glad for it. Sometimes his captain just seemed to fix him with a stare that went right through him. There were so many things he didn’t want anyone else to see and Buck always had the feeling Bobby was skilled in noticing private things, even if he didn’t voice his findings out loud.

“His first name is Edmundo but, as you know, he prefers going by Eddie.”

Buck pretends not to notice Bobby’s eyes flickering up to him again. He just takes a sip of his water and nods.

“Cool,” he says, trying to keep his tone indifferent but inside Buck feels as if he can just about burst at any second. He isn’t sure which is racing faster, his heart or his thoughts.

Buck still can’t shake the feeling that he’s showed his hand in a way he can’t bounce back from but he couldn’t stop himself from asking the question. It’d been gnawing at him having this question mark dangling over his head. At least he could finally put that mystery to rest officially. If the cost of that information was making Bobby suspicious, it was a price he was willing to pay. Any bit of information that could bring him one step closer to certainty would be worth it, ten times over in fact.

But for the sake of not drawing Bobby’s eye too closely to the situation, Buck does his best to change Bobby’s train of thought, whatever track it may be on.

He reaches over the island and snags a piece of meat off one of the cutting boards. As he expects, the move is enough to shift Bobby’s focus. His captain swats at his hand and points his finger at him.

“What are you, a dog swiping scraps off the table?” Bobby jokingly reprimands, shaking his head. “You know, you really shouldn’t tick off the guy with a knife in his hand.”

Buck grins and wiggles his brows as he tosses the food into his mouth and walks away, successfully dodging a bullet and distracting Bobby from getting close to whatever conclusion he seemed to be gearing up towards.

It isn’t until he’s heading down the stairs, past Hen and Chim, and is safely on his own that his thoughts begin to spiral in earnest. His hands shake as he holds on to the railing to keep from losing his balance. He’s coming undone at the seams. This confirmation is too much for him and the worst part of all is that he has no one to talk to about it now.

Buck keeps moving forward, his legs working on their own accord to take him outside of the station. His body knows that what he needs is time to himself to process this information. Breathless, he presses his back against the side of the building, the surface hot but he doesn’t care. He needs the support of the brick wall to keep him standing. The question of who his soulmate was had plagued him for almost a decade and now that he has an answer, Buck isn’t even sure what to do with it.

He knew he felt drawn to Eddie, literally from the moment they met. He had sensed it. Buck was a personable guy; he got along well with virtually everyone but that instantaneous connection to Eddie felt different to him. Buck had wondered if he was just so keyed up on the idea that Eddie was meant for him, as if he had on rose colored glasses but the truth was, he had been seeing the situation for what it was exactly. That spark was a flare, an internal signal alerting him to the fact that something big was happening here.

Buck presses his fingertips against his ribs, the move so instinctual since the name first appeared. It’s like air to him now. He may not be able to see it but he knows it’s there. More often than not, it feels like the only thing sustaining him. Discovering that Eddie is in fact Edmundo is similar to learning the meaning of a word that you’ve come across often but never looked up. You’re aware of its existence but it’s abstract until knowledge is gained.

Buck’s eyes sting and he feels as if he could just scream. For as much as he hated the fact that Eddie has the day off, he’s glad to be away from him in this moment. He’s in no fit state to be around him now. He wouldn’t trust himself to keep from shouting the truth that’s desperately trying to claw its way free, demanding to be heard.

~*~*~

The station’s alarm blares, drowning out the sound of the simulation game Hen and Buck are playing. They drop their controllers and hop to their feet, ready to gear up.

“Hen and Chim, I need you two to ride over in the ambulance. Eddie and Buck, you’re with me. Let’s go, guys,” Bobby instructs.

The team doesn’t hesitate to fall into line with Bobby’s orders. Buck grabs his helmet and hurries to the rig, swinging open the door and climbing inside, Eddie right on his heels. Bobby has the truck pulling out of the station just a few seconds later.

As always when they’re sent out on a call, Buck’s adrenaline races wildly. He’s already trying to imagine what scenario they’ll find themselves in, coming up with tactics he could use to help those in need before even arriving at the scene. If he can be prepared in any way, even by way of a hypothetical simulation in his head, Buck will be grateful for it. Sometimes seconds is all it takes between making sure someone can return home to their families that day or them never seeing their loved ones again.

As Bobby cuts through the streets, his hand heavy against the horn at times, Eddie looks at his phone screen and purses his lips. Buck knows he shouldn’t pry but he can’t stop himself from speaking up, seeing how distressed Eddie’s expression is.

“Everything alright?” he asks over the headset.

Eddie glances up at him as if weighing what to say before he sighs.

“Not really. My aunt is saying she isn’t sure she can watch Chris next week like she thought she’d be able to. I need to find someone in case it turns out she can’t. I haven’t been meeting too many people out here and either way, I’d hate to have to ask that favor.”

Buck thinks for a second. “I know a woman who could help,” he offers up.

“Are you trying to play matchmaker?” Eddie jokes.

Buck resists the urge to grimace at this. Like he would ever deign to pair Eddie up with someone else, as if the man’s name hadn’t been branded on his skin for days now. Eddie was his, even if the other man was none the wiser. Buck wouldn’t compromise that for anything.

Regardless, that wasn’t even remotely close to where Buck was going with this conversation so he dismisses Eddie inquiry with a laugh and roll of the eyes.

“Not in the way you’re clearly thinking right now. Her name is Carla Price and she is possibly the most badass caregiver in the whole city.”

He skips over the details of how it is he came to know Carla. Abby hasn’t crossed his mind in ages and he’d rather not get hung up with her in the back of his thoughts.

“Wait, seriously? Do you think she’d be willing to meet with me?”

Buck nods and fishes his phone out of the inside of his jacket. He sends a quick text to Carla and she responds less than a minute later.

“She’s up for it. If you’re free tonight, she says she’s available to chat.”

The smile that washes over Eddie’s face makes Buck’s brain short circuit for a second. All he ever wants to do is keep Eddie in good spirits, to ensure his peace of mind however possible.

“Buck, I owe you. Whatever you want, it’s yours. Just say the word.”

Buck falters for the briefest of seconds before smiling to cover it.

“It’s nothing. I’m just glad I could help you out somehow.” His voice sounds different in his own ears but Eddie might be too distracted and overjoyed with the good news to notice it.

Buck bites back on the inside of his lower lip and glances away, unable to look at Eddie right now. He’s certain the truth of what he wants is written plainly on his face. He’s sick with want, filled to the brim with longing. It’s a wonder Eddie can’t hear the call Buck’s soul makes to his regularly.

He looks out through the small window in the back of the truck to see how close they are to the scene and to look at anything but Eddie. What he finds is that Bobby’s peering at him through the rear-view mirror before turning his focus back on the road. Buck can feel his cheeks flushing and is glad for the hot day to be the perfect cover for the sudden change in hue.

He wishes the comms had a private channel he could speak on. Bobby was too good at reading between the lines.

~*~*~

It’s the end of their workday and the team hangs about the station around their engine, recounting the day they’ve had. Hen is adjusting her shirt, her wife Karen’s name visible on her collarbone. Eddie wonders what it would be like to be that confident in showing his soulmate marking off. In theory he could do so at work but for nine years, Eddie has gotten into the habit of hiding it.

At first it had been to avoid throwing the reminder in Shannon’s face every single day. Now it’s just become second nature. If he’s being completely honest, there’s also a small part of him that isn’t ready to make that bold of a statement. He’s comfortable in his sexuality and clearly the 118 isn’t close-minded but he isn’t even sure what label suits him best. His soulmate marking calls into question a lot of things he’s suppressed over the years. Being in L.A. as a whole is dredging up those dormant feelings.

He’s had fleeting attractions to guys every now and then but these days he finds himself focusing on one guy in particular even though he knows he has no business feeling anything towards Buck. He’s his co-worker and nothing more. He can’t be anything else to him. Eddie’s already disregarded his soulmate marking once before. He can’t bear to go down that road a second time.

Sometimes, he’d try discreetly to see if by some strange miracle his name is on Buck’s body but to no avail. He’s constantly torn between thinking Buck is skilled at hiding it like he is with his own marking or that the truth is staring him in the face and they aren’t meant for each other. The latter is a terrifying thought, especially since Eddie has been quietly taking a real liking to the man already but it’s just as well. Eddie’s never been lucky in love. Why should that change now?

“You good, Eddie?” Hen asks, pulling him from his thoughts.

Eddie looks around at the group, their faces all expectant. He clears his throat.

“Yeah, just daydreaming, I guess.”

She regards him thoughtfully and her kind, concerned gaze is like a serum that manages to pull more words out of him.

“I just noticed your marking,” he says, pointing to his own collarbone. Hen breaks into a wide smile and places a hand over where her wife’s name is printed on her skin.

Eddie wishes he could have that sense of ease. The matter of soulmates has always been such a sensitive topic for him, a source of stress.

Hen must see something in his face because her head tilts a bit to the side.

“Have you gotten yours?” she asks.

Eddie glances around at the group. These people are supposed to be his family after all. He can trust them and speak as freely as he’s comfortable with.

“Yeah, but I don’t think it makes much of a difference either way.”

Buck looks affronted as Chimney and Hen share a glance.

“Why do you say that?” Chim asks, leaning a shoulder against the side of the truck.

Eddie shrugs, struggling with the right words as he always seems to do any time he talks about something so personal.

“It feels a little too good to be true when you stop to consider it. Maybe for some folks it works out perfectly, like for you and Karen. But, I’m not so sure that’ll be the case for me. My soulmate and I have already gotten off on the wrong foot, I think. It’s…complicated,” he settles on saying.

“Like a Facebook status?” Chim interjects.

Hen presses her fingertips to her forehead, dropping her head down. “You’ll have to excuse him. His foot has a habit of landing in his mouth. There’s no cure for it, unfortunately.”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “I’m just not in a rush to find them right now is all. If it happens, great. If not, it’ll be alright too. I guess I’m good with just playing it by ear, you know? Whatever happens, happens.”

That’s the mantra he’s been adapting for himself now. Evan has been elusive since the man’s name first appeared on his flesh. Every day he’s had to look down and see it plastered on his skin but still he is nowhere near closer to finding him than he’d been on day one.

Chimney shrugs and nods in understanding. “I get that, too. I mean, they’re our soulmates, right? They’ll turn up. I’m just happy to know it’s going to happen,” he laughs, looking at the budding marking on his finger.

Buck rises from off the back bumper of the truck suddenly, making everyone in the cluster look over at him.

“I really gotta get going, sorry, guys,” he mumbles, saying something else Eddie doesn’t catch.

Eddie frowns, unsure of what to make of Buck’s changing mood and apparent hurry to get home. Hen and Chimney look just as confused too as Buck hooks his duffle bag onto his shoulder and starts to walk straight ahead.

“See you tomorrow?” Eddie calls after him but he doesn’t think Buck hears him for the man does not reply.

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