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bylertruther · 2 years

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"there's no basis or case to be made for will having powers" okay then genuinely please explain any of the following now after watching season four:

why does the upside down look like hawkins and is presumably stuck on the day will arrived despite the fact that vecna was there first and has been residing there this whole time? if vecna was capable of reshaping the world, as he's stated he wants to do, why hasn't he done it in his own world? why is he so intent on seeking out the person for whom time apparently stopped if it's all just coincidence? if will didn't do that and he doesn't have powers, then why didn't time progress or the setting change once the teenagers got there? why was time only influenced by will and will alone if he has no powers whatsoever?

how was will able to call joyce multiple times? the only person we've seen so far be able to do something similar is eleven when she would channel what she heard through the radio. electricity doesn't work in the upside down, so how did will do that? why did it cause a shock and ruin the phone, the same way that the radio went up in flames when eleven did it, if he doesn't have powers?

how did he manage to wake joyce up at one point? (it could've been her imagination, but the show made it pretty clear that joyce had been right about everything the entire time even though everyone thought she was crazy, and will was wearing the same outfit but he looked and sounded distressed + exhausted like he may have been while hiding in his upside down version of the house.)

how was will able to see his mother and guide her with the lights to the place he was hiding?

how was will able to see the letters she wrote on the wall?

how was will able to light up the lights that fast and sometimes simultaneously? especially with the lights that were on the ceiling? the way he communicated with joyce isn't totally similar to the way the teens communicated with the party in season four. he's too short to reach the ceiling and he doesn't have elasti-arms or super speed, so he couldn't have been touching that many lights that fast all by himself with his own hands. if anything, it's more similar to the training exercise brenner had the lab kids do, because they didn't need to touch the lights (obviously) to control them. so, how do you explain that if he has no powers?

how did he acquire true sight before his possession? the doctors thought it was ptsd and all in his head, but just like with joyce, we come to learn that will had been right the entire time. the mind flayer was real and it was coming for them all and eventually it did. how did he know that? how could he have had such knowledge before it ever melded minds and bodies with him? no other powerless human could do that, so how do you explain it?

if will is truly a powerless human being, why did vecna hunt him down? we know that vecna stalks his prey before he strikes. we know that "the monster" followed will from mike's house all the way to the shed where they vanished without a trace. we then saw it stalk will again and eventually possess him. will said that vecna wanted to kill everyone else, but not him. why? we know that vecna doesn't care about people. so what did will have that he wanted so bad? what was it about will that made him more valuable to vecna—a self-perceived god among useless, pitiful, and brutish men—alive than dead? what was it about will, a supposed powerless and normal human boy, that made vecna want to spare him and use him? if he wanted access to the lab, weapons, or tools that could bring down entire nations and rendered millions around the globe defenseless to his attack, then he wouldn't have picked a sweet twelve year old boy who lives a tiny little life in a tiny little town who just wants to hang with his friends and play games. unless... he was the key to achieving his plans? but according to this argument that will is just a normal boy, why is it then that vecna did all of that if will isn't capable of anything?

additionally, we know that gates are opened with a psychic connection. when the psychic connection was made in that shed, will entered the upside down. there, he was hunted for a week. why did the demogorgons kill and eat everyone else, but never will? why did they only carry him to the library aka the source of it all? why didn't they treat him roughly or eat him like they did all of the others? will didn't suffer any serious damage from the upside down, so he couldn't have been "dead" for long when his parents found him. why was it different with him? why did he get special treatment even in hell if he's just a boy?

why does will still sense the creatures of the upside down even after he's been exorcised? how is it that the psychic connection is still there? how is he still able to know what vecna is feeling, the kind of state that he's in, and what it is that he's planned? how does he have this connection still even though he shouldn't if he's Just Some Guy?

if will was just a normal, powerless boy... then why did a self-proclaimed god try so hard to recruit him more than once? why did it hunt only him? why did this god want to kill everyone but him? why did this god deem him more worthy and useful in life and at his side than in death? why did it seek him out and not eleven, a girl who actually has powers, powers that were once stronger than his own even and that he clearly wanted as we saw in s3? why is the upside down stuck on the day will went missing, despite it clearly being inhabited by other creatures that we assume to be more powerful than him? why is will going to be central to season five, the season where it will all come to a close and we'll be learning about the upside down and more, if... he's Just Some Guy that had to brave it for a week and that's it? why did season four (and the show overall, but said outright and explicitly here in 4x09) reiterate that it has always been vecna and that will has always been his victim/in his sights/connected to him? why did vecna choose will byers, who some of you claim to be Just Some Boy, of literally all people on planet fucking earth to achieve his plans?

vecna stalked will. he hunted him. and when his plans were foiled, he tried again. when he couldn't do it his way, he sought to kill eleven so that he could absorb her powers (s3). and now, they're back in each other's heads. the silver cat fed when blue met yellow in the west, but they're back now and we've been told that this is only the beginning. if will is just another powerless human, then what is the point of any of that? how do you explain everything that we've seen? how do you explain the choices these characters have made and continue to make? how do you explain away the connection that they keep drawing our eyes to? the connection that shocked the duffers and made them ask jamie if he'd seen the scripts when he brought it up (that it all goes back to will, how everything and everyone is connected to will)? the connection that they themselves are saying we'll see clearly in season five?

that isn't even scratching the surface of all the obvious instances where they make it clear that will is vecna's narrative foil, because that would make this already gargantuan post thirty miles longer.

they wouldn't have done everything that they've done over the span of multiple seasons now if it was just for nothing.

it doesn't make sense if will is just some normal kid and a random fluke in the master plan. the writers could've had vecna pick anyone. they could have made it so that will's connection was severed or lessened, but they didn't. they could've admitted that will was just a meaningless casualty, but they didn't because he wasn't. it wasn't a random animal that took will, he wasn't possessed for shits and giggles, and he doesn't continue to have that psychic connection for no reason. they don't tell us that nothing is a coincidence and they don't have the characters themselves remind us that they need will just for it to be... nothing.

will knows what's coming, what's happening, and the condition of the person who will do it all. why have him experience all of that, and even be able to in the first place, if he's... powerless? how do you even explain the connection in the first place? no other character, not even the ones cursed by vecna, are able to do what he's done. how is that not considered a power? and how do you write off the hours of content that you've witnessed as nothing?

clearly, at some point you have to realize that something is going on, no? like, you don't even have to take my (one-too-many) word(s) for it. jamie and the duffers themselves have been saying it over and over again. so... honestly, what's not clicking?

#like i just genuinely don't get it lol #vecna is a big bad and you think he hunted this tiny nerdy little twelve year old for shits n giggles?#you think the writers are making will a main point in their final season and are saying that we're going to learn so much more about #why the upside down is stuck on the day he went missing just to be like 'oh yeah jk it's nothing LOL'#you think that vecna jus went 'lol sure why not' and picked a child with no connections no powers no nothing just because?!?!#like literally WHAT #VECNA LITERALLY HATES HUMANS HE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM SO WHY DID HE NOT WANT TO KILL WILL?!?!?!#why did he value will more than EVERYONE else!?!?!? IF HE'S JUST NORMAL?!?!?!?!#literally explain it to me genuinely bc i don't understand lol this is season five that we're headed into #i didn't think will had powers beyond his beast sense bc we weren't given any indication otherwise #but now that we know there was A Guy planning everything that it wasn't just random chance but A Person who is manipulative and cunning #and deceptive and ambitious and who is behind EVERYTHING THAT WE'VE SEEN SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING #and now that we know how the lights work and that that realm is stuck on the night will went missing and that gates are formed with psychic #connections and that will STILLLLLLLLL knows what he feels etc etc i just . I Just Don't Get It i don't get how you can think #there's nothing there? especially when the creators of the show are telling you he'll be a major focus? IN THEIR LAST SEASON?!#but no im sure its nothing. will did all those inexplicable things and the mastermind big bad chased him and wanted to spare him and use #him for shits and giggles or because the cuteness aggression was too much lol it means Nothing At All obviously #crazy together was in their auditions they Knew what they were going to do with will they're telling us that it MEANS something that the #upside down is STUCK on the day WILL went missing will spent all of season one trying desperately to go home he went to his house and his #castle to hide and joyce said that emotions can make time go really fast or really slow and one day vecna said Enough and stopped the cloc #k himself he created his own powers the duffers TOLD USSSS that it MEANS SOMETHING THAT THE UPSIDE IS STUCK ON THAT DAY #AND THAT WILL IS GOING TO BE A BIG FOCUS AND WE'LL BE GETTING ANSWERS AND THAT WILL AND VECNA HAVE HISTORY #WILL DID EVERYTHING RIGHT TO TRY AND ESCAPE BUT NOTHING WORKED AND THE FOUR VICTIMS IN S4 DID THE SAME THING #THAT WAS VECNA IN THE SHED WILL HAD A CONNECTION WITH HIM BEFORE HE WAS EVER POSSESSED WILL WAS STALKED THE SAME WAY THAT THE VICTIMS WERE #STALKED WILL IS ABLE TO DO THINGS THAT OTHER CHARACTERS CANNOT INCLUDING ELEVEN HE HAS EXPERIENCES THAT ARE ENTIRELY DISTINCT AND HE HAS #VERY SPECIFIC AND OBVIOUS PARALLELS TO VECNA BECAUSE HE IS THE LIGHT WIZARD TO HIS DARK WIZARD #WHAT IS NOT CLICKING !!!! am i missing something. do u think they would do all of that in EVERY SINGLE SEASON for it to mean nothing?#they're going to start and end the show with will but don't worry he's Just Some Guy? bro. duuuuude my GUY !!!!#mine

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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months

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i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now

#no i haven't enjoyed the last two no i don't expect to get much out of the next five or so movies. but i need to know.#i guess saw v mightve suffered bc i watched it basically immediately after iv #something i didnt do with any of the others #but i was told v was one of the good ones so i was looking forward to it. i dont think it was burnout yknow #but uh. i didn't like it. i think i liked iv more honestly. strahm and hoffman do absolutely nothing for me #i liked the traps. that was it though #it felt so pointless and empty. it was the first one where i genuinely wondered why they made it. why did they decide to keep going with #this. i think ii and iv both function more/better as setup for their following films but like. at least iii was pretty good yknow #like both amanda and hoffman's accomplicing feels kinda retconned in but at least amanda's an interesting character #what does hoffman have. what does strahm have. nothing. and no i don't think they have much in the way of homoeroticism either.#i don't tend to be so negative and im sorry if someone goes in the saw tags and feels bad about me talking shit about something they like #because i know that doesn't feel good. honestly i'd love to hear why people like v. maybe it'll change my opinion of it if i look at it a #different way yknow? but for now im just annoyed by it. iv was engaging in the moment but very forgettable #i liked riggs well enough but we barely learned a thing about him. he wasn't a deep character at all and i think that's a shame #but v was just a paperwork-based cat and mouse chase. 90 minutes and it still felt like they were wasting my time #why did strahm go to the old trap locations? i don't think he found anything out there. likr it was just a framing device for the flashback #but he didn't actually have a reason to go there. waste of my time #not an original critique im sure but saw ii on seems to be more focused on scale and layers of shit (i.e. having two games going at once)#than using the traps to examine the characters. i mean you go from two guys in a bathroom for a couple hours #learning about who they are gradually at a slow pace vs like 8 people in a house plus cop stuff plus 90 second traps of dubious fairness #hoffman has no real relationship with kramer (unlike amanda) and basically everyone who'd been following jigsaw is dead and so are jigsaw #and (presumably) amanda. what am i supposed to be here for? the vague outline of a saw trap? the type of torture happening?#im not even opposed to that per se but frankly the more they focus on the cops surrounding this shit the less fun it is #why are you making all the traps like 15 seconds long and tied to characters who aren't the primary focus. it's saw #ughh i miss adam. i miss amanda. hell i miss kramer and he was pretty present in this one (flashbackwise)#whateverrr. anyway that poll comparing chainshippng shotgunnshippng and coffinshippng where shotgun was last? lesbophobic.#im only half joking about that. im sure ppl have their reasons for coffin but i also think it's the tendency fandom bias for “two white guy #ships. but hey maybe vi and onwards will add more context to that that'll make me reconsider. i mean i wouldn't have liked the amanda #accomplice thing That much if i'd only seen ii. i think iii really makes it mesh better and it leads to fun character stuff #(though i still think i would've liked it more bc like. amanda was always grateful to jigsaw right? again hoffman comes outta nowhere)

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cherrymoonvol6 · 1 year

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#k i watched the finale #it made me cry of course lol #very satisfied with eda king and luz trio (they were the best dynamic of the show as it is)#but mannnnn #if lunter was canon hunter would've had first row seats to kicking the shit out of belos #my man was ROBBED #every h/ntlpw moment felt as empty as all the others #dadrius was the obvious choice for hunter's guardian and i'm glad the show agrees with me on that lol #fuck the hunter noceda shit <3 lunters keep winning #and by keep winning i mean: we didn't get nothing. not even a lil canon hug wtf are you doing TOH #like i don't like how isolated luz felt from willow and gus... her og best friends in the BI. are you kidding #and again it feels like hunter deserved some closure as the one with the closest connection to the big bad #and DON'T GET ME STARTED.... bro. if he had learned glyph magic he would've been the one pushing everyone to use them in that scene #like why is camila doing that when we already have a non traditional witch from the demon realm........#and it def felt like raine was fourth wheeling the climax #but like. very satisfied with luz's character in general. and i LOVE her college design... butch luz real #toh

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doodlboy · 10 months

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Y'all wanna know what I wanna know? How do you go in a salon asking for this ⤵️

And come out looking like this⤵️

It does not make sense

#yes i am still bitter #i don't even look as cool as mello bc the bangs are wrong #i deadass look like i have a hair helmet on #we tried to go get it fixed today and they honestly made it worse #its somehow flatter than it was before AND the fucking DOUSED my head in hairspray #I'm gonna learn to cut the damn shit myself isth #elliot rambles #mini rant #oh and i asked if they could just cut the back shorter so the bangs & side pieces stood out more #and they all went “oh no! let us just style it first and see how it looks” so then i felt morally obligated to let them do that l #and by the time they were done i just didn't care and said “looks good :]” because i didnt want to bother getting my hair rewashed AGAIN #bc they had me wash it b4 coming in then the stylist washed it then she put too much gel in it which looked bad bc my hair is thin #so she washed it again- and now IM gonna have to wash it again to get all this fuckin hairspray out #this is why i do nothing with my hair

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marklikely · 11 months

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hey what is going on in tech right now that we keep having to do this "new buzzword dominating every conversation you have" thing every year

#i swear to god it didn't used to be this prevalent or change this frequently #like if tech companies were getting into something you at least wouldn't have to hear about it every day but now its like #2021 every single day you will hear about nfts. everyone will need to learn what crypto is #2022 every single day you will hear about the metaverse. everyone will know what the metaverse is #2023 every single waking minute you will hear about AI. forever.#and in the case of those last 2 the terms are mostly big bc they mean nothing and get applied to everything #anyway. will the AI shit crash and burn like metaverse and nfts did before it or are we going to be stuck in this one forever #i personally think its a lot less likely to flop like the other 2 because a lot of regular people are actually buying into this one #and playing with stuff that's labeled AI in a way that nobody did with stuff labeled as metaverse #like metaverse and nft headlines were always about some company trying to push it into consumers #but most of the stuff around machine generated stuff (somehow we count this as Intelligence i guess) is from regular people.#avpost #im tired im ready to be done with all this i don't want to have to hear elon musk's thoughts ever again.#fully ready to become old man yelling at cloud.

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statusquoergo · 10 months

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“Come on.”

“Uh?”

Diane looks up as Naomi stands and holds out her hand as if this isn't a ridiculously careless thing she's asking her to do, as if neither of them has the good sense to mention that neither one of them has any idea what they're getting themselves into. As if neither of them might be walking straight into a trap of their own making, or nothing much will change at all and they'll forget about each other in a month, or a few days. As if it's a risk worth taking to find out which.

As if there's anything else to do today.

“I'm not going to the hospital.”

“I know.” Naomi reaches a little closer. “I have a first aid kit at home.”

Enough to get them through, that's all. Enough for now.

“You know how to wrap it?” Diane asks as she takes Naomi's hand to pull herself up, as though the answer might change her mind somehow. Naomi smiles a little, as though she knows it just as well that it won't.

“Yeah.” She sets Diane's hand down on her shoulder. “It's not far, come on. I'll carry you down the stairs.”

“You'll drop me.”

“I will not.” Naomi urges her forward, along the concrete path out of the park. “I mean I'm just offering, I don't have to.”

It's a nice gesture, though, isn't it? It was a nice thought.

They walk slowly down the street, stepping more or less in sync past the general store with the baking supplies just past the doorway, turning at the corner to walk toward the coin laundry that's open even at three in the morning and also on holidays. A hand-drawn poster in the window of the discount shoe store across the street loudly advertises VACUUMS REFURBISHED while a Times New Roman printout on the telephone cubicle in the middle of the block offers “suitable compensation” in exchange for willing test subjects, No Questions Please; a few steps farther along stands an apartment building that somehow looks like it's missing a couple of stories, and Diane shifts her weight to her good leg as Naomi steps away to fumble with the lock on the front door.

“It's the door on the left,” Naomi says, the door sticking only slightly as she shoves it open. “When you get to the basement.”

She opens the first door on the right, a stairwell that only leads down.

“Upstairs is that door over there, but I don't know any of the neighbors, so. I'm not gonna introduce you to anyone.”

That's fine. Diane doesn't want to know any of them, either.

Naomi walks down the stairs first and doesn't try to carry her.

“Bathroom's at the end of the hall,” she says. “The taps aren't broken, the water's just cold when it's cold outside and warm when it isn't, but if you let it run for a little while, it'll...fix itself. And make sure you don't touch the water heater, it's metal and it gets really hot sometimes.”

Diane clutches the wooden banister nailed to the wall as she limps her way down and wonders how much of all this she's supposed to remember. All of it, probably. It isn't very complicated.

Naomi unlocks the door on the left and holds it open.

“You can sit on the bed.”

It's good of her to offer. It isn't much of a bed, really, more of a mattress pushed into the corner, but that isn't exactly a surprise, and it's good of her to offer all the same.

“Thanks,” Diane says, a little too late to seem quite natural. Naomi hums a disinterested acknowledgment and doesn't seem to mind.

“Take off your shoes.”

Diane promptly unties her sneakers, placing them on the floor beside the bed as Naomi kneels in front of her with a roll of ACE bandage in her hand and her eyes focused on Diane's ankle like she's the only attending physician in the entire complex who doesn't have better things to do with her time than tend to something as trivial as all this. Diane should count herself lucky the timing worked out the way that it did.

Lucky, was it? It's about time.

The single bulb in the overhead light flickers a little as if a public execution has just disrupted the power grid, or someone's turned on too many air conditioners at once and blown a fuse a few floors up.

“Don't worry about it,” Naomi says. Diane doesn't bother to assure her that she wasn't.

#anna tries to be original #i started reading something that objectively has nothing wrong with it but within about three pages had me bored out of my mind #and i started skimming it to see if it picked up or anything caught my interest later on #but i noticed that a few of the paragraphs were like thirty lines long #and i immediately noped the hell out of there #and then i was like 'you know what i should do is i should work on that story that i spend about twenty minutes on every four or five days'#i took a phys ed class in college that was literally all education #we didn't actually do any sports or anything #it was all classes and lectures and stuff #one day we went to the nurse's office or whatever you call that area on a college campus #and we learned how to wrap sprained ankles #i know i picked it up very quickly but i have absolutely no recollection of how to do it now #also yesterday i had to spend the day dealing with some incredibly idiotic coworkers #i don't even think they're necessarily stupid people but they were certainly acting like it #and first thing this morning one of the messaged me with a stupid question to follow up on all her stupid questions from yesterday #'where is this data in the file?' oh gosh i don't know have you tried spending two seconds actually LOOKING FOR IT #and someone else messaged me at the same time to ask for help with something that he's now doing completely wrong #but it's a new system and i know he's trying and i also know he is actually good at his job so i don't mind helping him #but i'm going to have to waste my afternoon in a meeting with the other idiot #and two people who DO have their shit together but i know for sure that if he has to do anything it'll add like half an hour's time #to a task that should take five minutes tops #also there's a severe weather warning for excessive heat today #i want to go out and buy some fruit before it gets too unbearable #but in order for that to happen i need these people to leave me alone for twenty minutes

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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the way that randos seem to have learned a tiny bit more about autistic people and are using this newfound power to give their ableism more range, like [inspiring: this gender-respecting bully will only give victims swirlies in bathroom that aligns with their identity] and [guy who researches your identity so that his microaggressions are more accurate] like oh radical that now you're throwing around the word "autistic" more comfortably as meaning shit like someone's "clueless" or "has an interest or perhaps talent" or what nonsense will follow when someone's breaking out the term "social skills" like oh nice, people accessing all the abilities of Autism Parents without having to be a parent

#nothing inherently brand new and just kind of a side effect of ppl learning Anything more abt autistic ppl like being Real & Out Here #which doesn't make that exposure Bad; b/c of course [exposure; proximity] or even Learning Anything At All doesn't make ppl like #have to do anything but just fit that into their preexisting framework; i.e. ableism #just like the examples of ''oh don't worry you can recognize trans identities while Keeping The Bullying''#keep the ableist perspective and just update your idea of what autistic ppl are like At All #also it's ofc just like. wild lol like; it keeps being disparaging / Othering #and i'm sure ppl think they're being just neutral or w/e but even if they out & out Mean Well....like good for you personally idc??? what??#if i was watching some shit and someone was like Would They Be That Autistic [as to do that]? like excuse you....?#like i'm not Baffled like. it's just ppl keeping the depths of ableism & adding some surface level knowledge that autistic ppl are real #and just adding ''autistic'' to their lexicon in a supposedly more technical sense....keeping the spirit of things though; ultimately #and of course the matter of like you don't fix marginalization by making ''exceptions'' to the systems/approaches/perspectives....#like oh well i'd so heroically exercise restraint about considering people Existing Wrong lesser if i knew they were Autistic(tm)#like you don't need to Know to ''make exceptions'' and you need to change the entire approach/situation already thanks #like ppl being nonbinary & others figuring out ways to just try to tack this onto cisnormativity &; indeed; the gender binary #we didn't need an ''equivalent'' to gendered nouns; why is a blog in 2023 opening some random post w/''ladies & gentlemen & others''....#someone's tweet the other day abt cis acquaintances being ''considerate'' emailing like ''should we call it a sex reveal party?'' like.#i'm going to need you to realize the fundamental heart of the issues here. incl ableism. and i realize you think that's Too Much.

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kittlyns · 1 year

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One day I am gonna start journaling again and then I won't post all this sad shit on here but until then! *posts another sad post*

#it's dark and I'm tired so this means NOTHING. but.#there's no heartbreak like raising your younger siblings and them growing up to side against you #I lost my childhood to playing parent and trying to distance my siblings from the fighting and verbal abuse I witnessed and endured #I learned to read the room early on so I could get them out of situations before they turned bad #I knew I had to be perfect so I could take the fall for shit I'd never do and get a lighter punishment than the 'problem children'#I understand the younger kids. I was older so I could shield them better until they were old enough for our parents to mellow out a bit #of course they would choose the parents who don't care enough to parent them over the bitch who had multiple public breakdowns over them #but my brother. I don't understand that. it was our war. we had to figure it out together #of course he didn't though. he'd hit every landmine and it was up to me to pick up the pieces and salvage what I could.#instead of there being a solidarity between us as survivors of a pitiful childhood he's taken to blaming me for it all #I'm the reason he's depressed. suicidal. can't get a job. can't drive. never leaves the house. it's all because of me.#he'll joke around and egg on the man who used to corner and scream and threaten and insult him.#he'll wax poetic about how he has our bio father's blood. how he shares so many traits with a man who never wanted him. will never care.#I won't say I was perfect or that I did right by him in every way. I was a child trying to survive and I lashed out plenty of times.#I never understood why he couldn't just shut up. couldn't just let words be said and meekly take them. always had to get the last word in.#couldn't just curse the man in his heart with his head bowed and a 'yes sir. sorry sir.'#I blamed him for that at the time. I was wrong for that.#so yeah. I can accept my part of making things worse for him. I should've tried harder to understand him.#what I can't accept is that the blame falls solely on me. not our bio father who beat our mom and abandoned us.#not our stepfather who made every day a walk on eggshells. not our complacent mother. not the external family who only ever made it worse.#just me. I'm the only thing that ruined his life.#and sure. he can believe whatever he wants. if that's how he feels then so be it.#but he has to tell everyone. yeah my sister ruined my life. yeah she's the reason I want to kill myself.#over and over and over. all the family believes him.#my mom tells me to be nicer to him. my grandma asks me what I've done to hurt him so badly. he tells our siblings I'm a bitch and a liar.#I haven't even spoken to him in years. but every time he has a mental health crisis it's my fault.#in what way? who fucking knows. he talks in circles and the only thing he says for certain is it's my fault. and that's all my family needs #it truly got to the point I had to stop speaking to him cuz no matter what I said he decided it was an attack on him.#so. I've dealt w a lot. sacrificed an entire life stage. got nothing to show for it #except mental illness and a creeping sense that it was all for nothing

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sanremengoni · 1 year

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#it is sad but it is also incredibly funny #the way my siblings brought their sick kid to the last family #gathering #or had a sick kid at home but still came over #and now this weekend's gathering had to be canceled #because most of them are sick #i've been feeling like shit since monday (we met on sunday) but am better now hope it stays this way #three years into a pandemic and you have learned nothing ?? lol #(i mean they don't have covid but you shouldn't knowingly spread any sickness lol)#didn't plan on actually going this sunday anyway but yikes #more worried about christmas now asdfghj

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tasmanianstripes · 2 years

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Absolutely hate it when language classes aren't split into two groups only because there aren't enough people in class

Literally curb stomping people's education and skill growth for some arbitrary number

#thylacines can talk #ONE person left our classroom and suddenly we had to be put back into one group and english went from one of my favourite classes to #the most boring one we had. fucking ONE person. and advanced group was a lot smaller than the other group anyway and the person that left #wasnt even from our group!! literally what the fuck!!!!!!!!!#we went from fun engaging class to being done with our assigments in the first few minutes and then sitting around doing nothing while the #teacher focused on the other students. which for the record im not mad about. itd be WAY shittier if she focused on us and left the other #students in the dust. what i AM mad about though is the fact they ~had to~ put our groups together because of some idiotic number in the #system when we were literally ONE FUCKIG PERSON SHORT FROM BEING ALLOWED TO SPLIT INTO GROUPS #this is bullshit. just. why in the fuck would you do yhat? even if you had to couldnt you just let classes so close to the minimum #requirement be split up anyways??? im honestly not at all surprised. the school system doesnt give a fuck about its students.#its a good thing our english teacher was normal and reasonable because she COULD focus on the advanced group and let the other students #fend for themselves but she didnt. unlike our math teacher who only focused on the best students and didnt bother to help the others.#a good majority of our class had to get tutors for math. and when my grades went up and i finally started doing work in class because #i finally knew how to the bitch took the credit. 'see what happens when you pay attention in class' GOD I WANTED TO SLAP HER SO BAD AT THAT #MOMENT. she was such a bad teacher and the school didn't do shit about it even when we complained.#this has turned into a general school rant huh #anyway fuck the school system it doesnt give a fuck about its students. doesnt punish horrible teachers and if you have a different style #of learning or any kind of neurodevelopmental or learning disability WELL GOOD FUCKING LUCK THEN coz youre gonna need it #the school system absolutely fucked me over and for a long time i thught that i was just lazy but no i sctually love learning and i do #wonderfully when i get appriopriate accessibility. who would have thought. the fact that the only accessibility feature they give is 5-15 #more minutes on tests is a fucking joke.#man why is it always the math teachers that suck so fucking much #both my middle school and technicial institute (is it what its called in english???) math teachers SUCKED. i always thought i hated math #but after dropping out and doing math in my free time through educational videos and shit i realised on this is actually very fun #provided your teacher doesnt fucking suck

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dragonfyre-creations · 15 days

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I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design #especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design #but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it #ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply.#she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her #this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down #for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say #is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them.#you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“#the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional #we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply #so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship #despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others #but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again #and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us #but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it #out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating #we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them #they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group #but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie.#we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave #like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened #i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh #i am she and she is me #rambling #dragon character #character writing #character building #dragon oc

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teaboot · 1 month

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This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

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