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s1utspeare · 2 years

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ok so i know you just got a liu sang prompt but !!! it was good so i need more - could i get liu sang & the iron triangle + "what was that? did you just wince?"

i hope you're having a good day! :)

oh anon, I will ALWAYS take more liu sang & iron triangle >:)

Send me a prompt and some characters and I'll write some whump!

Liu Sang is a terrible liar.

Wu Xie thinks that it probably has something to do with the fact that he can hear when other people are lying, but can't quite figure out how to keep his own body from giving off the same tells. Or maybe he does, concentrating so hard on suppressing the mechanical rhythms of his body that he forgets to steel his expressions and all of the things that normal people notice in others when they aren't telling the truth.

Wu Xie knows these very well, because he is a very, very good liar. It's not really a skill that he's proud of, necessarily, but it's served him well over the years. He learned it from Sanshu, who is a better liar than Wu Xie is, and only because he's the type of bastard that enjoys that sort of thing.

The only people that Wu Xie can't lie to are Pangzi and Xiao-ge, and even Pangzi can be fooled sometimes, though that has less to do with Wu Xie's lying skills and more to do with how wholeheartedly Pangzi trusts him. Xiao-ge always knows, though, whether he's lying about how dangerous a particular tomb was, or telling him that Hei Xiazi was not planning him a surprise party, or when he says that he's fine and he really isn't.

Liu Sang's just tried to feed them that particular lie, but it's even less convincing than his mistruths normally are, considering that the question they asked him was, Are you okay?, and Liu Sang replied with, Yes, despite very obviously trying not to collapse on them.

So now they're having a standoff in the middle of a tunnel, with the Iron Triangle on one side, and Liu Sang on the other, his arms folding, glaring at them with as much force as he can muster, which isn't very much. His skin is pale and wavery, and there's sweat dotted along his hairline.

"Jinx," Pangzi says, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Liu Sang asks, and if Wu Xie knew him any less, he might be fooled by the innocent act that Liu Sang's pulling. "I'm just waiting for you. We've got a long way to go before we get to the interior chamber."

"You're obviously not going to make it there like this," Pangzi says loudly, gesturing to all of Liu Sang, and the pitch and volume of his voice makes Liu Sang flinch, his throat bobbing as attempts to keep himself from throwing up.

Wu Xie catalogues his symptoms. Nausea. Pale. Sweaty. Wavering on his feet. He does a test by shining his flashlight at Liu Sang's chest, and when the younger man reels back by the sudden gleam, his diagnosis is cemented in his head. Migraine. Not the worst, if Liu Sang's still on his feet, but he won't be doing himself any favors if he keeps going like this.

"What was that?" Pangzi accuses him, his already hyperactive protection instincts on high alert. "Did you just wince?"

"No," Liu Sang hisses. "I'm fine." He rolls his eyes, and pales even more, if that's possible. "Can we just—?"

He doesn't finish the sentence, because he tries to turn around and walk off down the tunnel, but the change in position sends him reeling, and he collapses against the tunnel wall, catching himself mostly on his shoulder, and sliding halfway down as he tries to keep his legs underneath him.

“Damnit,” Pangzi says, immediately striding over and placing himself behind Liu Sang, making sure that he’s not going to fall backwards onto the cold ground; if he falls backwards, it’ll be into Pangzi’s arms instead. “Jinx, why do you do this to me? You’re going to give me an ulcer one of these days, and you won’t like hearing what I have to say about that.”

“Nnf,” Liu Sang says, one of his shaking hands peeling itself from the wall to press against his forehead, one knuckle digging into the point just above his nose.

“What’s wrong?” Xiao-ge asks, his voice calm and quiet, so quiet that Wu Xie almost can’t hear him, which he knows must be a blessing for Liu Sang right now.

“They were mining the next mountain over,” Liu Sang mumbles. “While we were camping? It woke me up.”

Wu Xie sighs; he’s sure the combination of mining drills and a lack of sleep couldn’t have done much to help Liu Sang’s attitude or his headache, and that means that it’s going to be awhile before he’s ready to go again. At the very least, they need to rest.

Liu Sang hears his sigh, apparently, and immediately pushes himself off the wall. Luckily, Pangzi’s on guard, and is able to course-correct Liu Sang when he lists too far to one side. “I’m fine. We can keep going.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Pangzi tells him firmly. “We’re parking our asses and you’re taking a nap. Would you prefer inside the tomb or out?”

Liu Sang stares at him, confused, and then sends a guilty little look in Wu Xie’s direction. “I... what?”

“You can’t keep going like this,” Wu Xie tells him, and Liu Sang’s eyes go wide with panic. Before he can say anything that will make Wu Xie want to wrap him up in bubble wrap, or more embarrassingly, cry, he interrupts him. “Not because we don’t trust you, but because we don’t want you to hurt.”

“If going on will hurt you, then we wait to go on,” Xiao-ge says simply, and Wu Xie couldn’t have put it any better himself.

Liu Sang gazes at each of them in turn, slowly, eyebrows just slightly scrunched and lips pressed together in a thin, pale line. He’s got the concentration that he does when he’s trying to figure out whether or not someone is lying, but luckily for them, none of the Iron Triangle are.

“Come on, Jinx,” Pangzi says, his voice far softer than its usual volume, “You get to choose. Outside or in?”

Liu Sang looks down at his feet. “Inside,” he says after a moment. “It blocks out the other sounds.”

“Inside it is,” Pangzi says. “Xiao-ge, want to make sure that no one’s set up camp in that nice chamber we passed through a ways back?”

Xiao-ge gives him a slight, strong nod, and disappears like a gust of wind down the tunnels. Wu Xie comes to Liu Sang’s other side, pressing him in between two members of the Iron Triangle, and Liu Sang doesn’t seem to notice that they’re essentially keeping him upright, even though the tunnel would be too narrow to walk shoulder-to-shoulder if they weren’t packed together.

They take it slow, not wanting Liu Sang to get dizzy again, so it’s just a few steps at a time, but then Liu Sang says, “Thanks,” so breathlessly that Wu Xie almost wonders if he imagined it.

“Of course,” he says, because even if it is all in his head, Liu Sang still deserves to know that he has people watching out for him. ��We take care of our own.”

“That’s you, Jinx,” Pangzi says, just to make sure that there’s no room for doubt.

“I know,” Liu Sang says, his voice sounding drowsy now that he’s not having to physically will himself conscious, “Your heartbeats told me.”

Wu Xie doesn’t know if that’s referring to Liu Sang’s ability to detect lies, or if there’s something more there, but either way, it’s a sentiment that he enjoys.

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foxofninetales · 3 years

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Liu Sang 101: An Introductory Course

Or: Why I Love This Hissy Kitten and Why You Should, Too

So perhaps you’ve been scrolling your dash and you see this man:

You might think “Why are people obsessed with this random character?” or, if you have good taste, “Who is this beautiful human and how do I get a piece of that action?” If so, congratulations: this post should provide all the basic knowledge you need to become just as obsessed as we are!

Please note that all references to “fandom” in this post are specifically referring to the English-speaking DMBJ fandom. There is an enormous Chinese-speaking fandom that I am, alas, not a part of and definitely cannot speak for.

The character:

Liu Sang (played by Liu Chang) is a young loner specialist who is initially contracted to help map a tomb. Over the course of the show, the business relationship turns into a personal one as he forms bonds with the other characters and finds himself doing more - and giving more - than he would have ever expected.

What media he appears in:

Liu Sang first appeared in the webnovel 盗墓笔记重启 Daomu Biji Restart by Nanpai Sanshu. An interesting bit of trivia is that the character was inspired by the actor Liu Chang who had appeared in a previous adaptation of the author’s works; that actor was then cast as the character of Liu Sang when the adaptation was made! (And I thought we had it bad for Liu Chang.) If you want to see what printed word Liu Sang is like, @aurawolfgirl2000 has started a project to collect all of Liu Sang’s novel appearances here (check the reblogs for links to each additional chapter)!

Liu Sang then appeared in the Chinese TV drama adaptation of that novel, 墓笔记重启 The Lost Tomb Reboot (also known as The Sound of Providence or Reunion: The Sound of the Providence). This show (henceforth referred to as Reboot) is one complete story divided into two seasons. You can watch the English-subbed show on the streaming sites Viki.com (Season 1, currently free - 32 episodes) or IQ.com (Season 1 and Season 2, currently paid access only - 30 episodes). Note that Liu Sang only appears in approximately half of the episodes across the two seasons: for a complete guide to his appearances, I recommend my Liu Sang Watcher’s Guide (currently a work in progress). The AO3 tag is 盗墓笔记重启 | The Lost Tomb Reboot (TV).

Liu Sang also appears in two short spinoff movies, 沙海番外之画媒 (Hua Mei) a side-story set during shortly before Reboot where he is solving a haunting at Wushanju, and 月陨回声 (Moonfall Echo) a transmigration-type crossover with the “A Chinese Ghost Story” universe. Both of these can be found on the Chinese-language Tencent site without English subtitles. Neither has any real effect on the rest of the universe, but they can be a fun extra for the obsessed. For the really obsessed, check out this two-minute advertisement featuring the character of Liu Sang, notable for its excellent glasses porn.

Notable character attributes:

Ridiculously pretty: What? We’re shallow people. As well as looking like a Botticelli painting come to life, notable attributes include Those Eyes, That Hair, Those Hands, and (surprisingly for someone who looks that skinny when clothed) That Bod.

Basically superpowered: Liu Sang’s skill is super-hearing. Specifically, as well as being able to hear exceptionally well, he’s also incredibly skilled at analyzing the sounds and can, for example, map out an entire tomb just by sound, or tell if you’re lying by your heartbeat. Super-hearing can also lead to super-suffering in situations where there are loud sounds (see Whump Magnet, below).

Hissy kitten: Liu Sang initially comes across as colder and pricklier than a refrigerated hedgehog, and though you see past that as the series progresses, it’s still a fundamental part of his personality. He’s quick to take offense and strike back at any perceived slight against himself (or his highly-admired Zhang Qiling). This can make others (*cough* Pangzi *cough*) inclined to tease him just to see him snarl.

Heart of gold, ego of glass: Despite that prickly exterior, Liu Sang is deeply caring of those he likes/respects and willingly sacrifices himself to save or protect them. He has a very strong pride in his skills and accomplishments and demands respect for them, but at the same time seems to have little value in himself as someone people might actually like or care for. “Liu Sang Needs a Hug” is a common tag on AO3 for a reason.

Tragic backstory: His exact backstory is uncertain (multiple different versions are told, sometimes even in the same media), but we’re pretty sure it involves neglectful/abusive parents, fire, and child trafficking. It has resulted in him being fiercely independent and having very little trust in others.

Whump magnet: Liu Sang’s actor, Liu Chang, looks stunningly beautiful when suffering, and by golly the production team wasn’t going to let that go to waste. He is possibly the most-whumped character in Reboot, and if you know Wu Xie you know that’s saying something. At the same time, he’s got a resilient core that keeps him from being a woobie: the combination of self-preservation to try to save the situation and self-sacrifice when it inevitably goes to hell makes Liu Sang whump exceptionally satisfying.

Nicknames: (Nicknames are a big thing in this universe, so knowing nicknames can help reduce your confusion somewhat.) Pangzi often calls him “Sang Bei’er” 丧+贝(儿, a play on 宝贝 (treasure) which is a commonly used diminutive for kids, which can be interpreted as “unlucky boy”. This nickname usually gets translated to “Jinx” in English subs, which is a popular nickname in English-language fanworks.

You might like this character if: You latched onto Q in the James Bond fandom and never let go. (What? I’m not wrong.)

“This sounds great!” I hear you saying. “I want to get in on this Liu Sang action, but I’m confused by the universe / can’t commit to another show right now / just want enough context to be able to enjoy the gifs and fics and fanart!” I HAVE YOUR BACK. Click on the cut for a Liu-Sang-centric guide to the DMBJ universe, including basic canon, associated characters, and Shipping and Fanon 101.

The DMBJ universe

To get one thing out of the way right off: people will often ask if DMBJ is BL, and the answer is no. However it is very shipping-friendly, with lots of strong relationships that lend themselves well to romantic or found-family dynamics.

盗墓笔记 Daomu Biji aka DMBJ aka The Grave Robber’s Chronicles aka The Lost Tomb Series is a sprawling universe consisting of multiple related webnovels written by Nanpai Sanshu / Uncle Three, plus all the various screen or other adaptations thereof. The basic premise of the overall franchise is tomb-raiding adventures (think Indiana Jones or, well, Tomb Raider), with a strong throughline of mafia-style family power struggles, decades-long conspiracies, and mysteries of the past surfacing to influence/ruin the present. Reboot specifically is focused on the mystery surrounding Wu Xie’s missing uncle and the quest for a mysterious site known as Thunder City that contains a mysterious, powerful artifact.

Notable features of the DMBJ universe include:

Tombs: Ridiculously elaborate tombs with all the good stuff: traps, zombies, shibie (carnivorous/poisonous beetles), hallucination triggers, etc.

Dubious science: A lot of this is due to Chinese censorship, which won’t allow certain topics on screen. Hence, the zombies are actually being puppeted by killer clams. No, don’t think about it too hard.

Every character has sixteen different names/nicknames. For that matter, each show/adaptation has at least two titles. You will be very confused. We are sorry.

Most characters have been played by multiple different actors across the adaptations. This definitely does not help with the confusion.

Endings! Or lack thereof. The author literally writes himself into corners and then starts completely new stories to distract people from the fact that he has no idea how to write himself out again, and the film adaptations reflect this. This is oddly more endearing than frustrating.

Mob powerplays: A lot of the plot comes from the various schemes and machinations of the Nine Families (think tomb-raiding mafia). We don’t have space here to explain all of the Nine, but the important families to know for Liu Sang purposes are:

The Wu Family: This is Wu Xie’s family. The other major Wu players for our purposes are Wu Erbai and Wu Sanxing (see Other Notable Characters, below)

The Zhang Family: This is Zhang Qiling’s family. Zhang Qiling is the last surviving member of the main line and de facto head of the family, but the day-to-day Zhanging is handled more by one of the offshoot branches.

The Wang Family: (Note that despite the name, this family has no relationship at all to Wang Pangzi. - “Wang” is basically like “Smith” for English names). Their role in Reboot is minor, but the family is a driving antagonist for much of the DMBJ universe and comes up a lot in fan works. Their machinations had a lot to do with why Zhang Qiling is the way he is, and Wu Xie dedicated a lot of time and lost innocence to destroying them. They are usually bad guys when they appear, and are known for producing fanatically loyal fighters.

Important characters:

The Iron Triangle: The Iron Triangle is the heart and soul of the DMBJ universe, and consists of three friends/brothers-in-arms, Wu Xie, Zhang Qiling, and Wang Pangzi. Reboot actually occurs fairly late in their careers, after many other adventures when they are partially retired. The good news is that you do not have to have watched the other DMBJ adaptations in order to enjoy Reboot - in fact, Reboot is many people’s gateway drug to the DMBJ universe thanks to the presence of Zhu Yilong.

Wu Xie: (played by Zhu Yilong) The protagonist. Most of DMBJ is focused around him and his adventures. The only heir of a professional tomb-robbing family (though he attempts to be an archaeologist when possible) he starts off the series as a very young, idealistic and naive character; he becomes hardened over the course of his adventures, but still retains some of that idealism in Reboot. Is in possession of the ancestral tomb-robbing journal which is full of mysterious lore. Very charming and knows it, uses this to get his way as much as possible. Wears soft sweaters to try to disguise his utter ruthlessness. Extremely loyal, collects found family like Pokemon, has a very strong moral sense that divides people into People I Would Die For and People Who Are Completely Expendable. Exactly where someone falls on this scale cannot be predicted based on how many people they’re murdered or whether or not they’ve personally tried to murder Wu Xie. People who have met Wu Xie often want to murder him, or become utterly devoted to him, or sometimes both. Is in a long-term codependent relationship with Zhang Qiling; you decide the level of platonicity. Owns a decaying but beautiful old-style mansion complex called Wushanju, which serves as both antique shop and residence. Liu Sang starts off having little use for him, but quickly succumbs to the Wu Xie charm.

Nicknames: Tianzhen ("Naive” - usually called this by Pangzi), Xiao Sanye (”little third master”, called this by Bao Haotian) Laoban (”boss” -not really a nickname, but how his subordinates sometimes refer to him).

Zhang Qiling: (played by Huang Jun Jie) Do you like mysterious silent martial artists who appear just in time to rescue their love interest best friend and then disappear just as mysteriously? Have I got some good news for you! Even he doesn’t know his backstory at first, and much of the DMBJ series is dedicated to figuring it out. By the time of Reboot, he and Wu Xie have discovered how all the interlinked schemes of their families have nearly destroyed them, have each made major sacrifices to protect each other (you may see references to bronze gates and a ten-year promise, as well as Wu Xie’s scars), and have come through all this to a well-deserved semi-retirement. Wu Xie is basically his entire reason for living. Notable things about Zhang Qiling include: terrifying martial arts skills, obsessive love of hoodies, knowing everything about how to navigate and disarm booby-trapped tombs, blood that doubles as monster-repellent, never using two words where none will do, Not Aging (is 100+ years old and looks 20), and periodically having his brain completely wiped by total amnesia. Shows up every time Wu Xie is in trouble, often shirtless. To the delight of smut writers everywhere, has a chest tattoo of a qilin that only appears when his body heat is raised. Liu Sang has a hero-worship crush on him and follows him around like a puppy while he is busy hissing at everyone else.

Nicknames: Xiaoge (a general form of address meaning “Little Big Brother”, this is Wu Xie and Pangzi’s main way they refer to ZQ). Menyouping (”tightly closed oil bottle”, often translated as “poker face” - Wu Xie’s nickname for this cool silent guy when he first met him and didn’t know his name, mostly notable for being where the “ping” in the ship name comes from.) Ouxiang (”idol” - called this by Liu Sang, indicating his viewing ZQ almost as a disciple would.) Note that Zhang Qiling is more of a title than a name, but he has forgotten what his original name was.

Wang Pangzi: (played by Chen Ming Hao) Usually just called Pangzi. Unlike many of the other characters, has nothing to do with any of the Nine Families, but basically saw baby Wu Xie during his first adventure, said “Welp, this belongs to me now” and has been joined at the hip with him every since. Pangzi is the beating heart and soul of the Iron Triangle, combination bouncer and mom friend, carrying most of their emotional health and a significant amount of their brainpower. For all intents and purposes, platonically married to Wu Xie. The only member of the Iron Triangle who can be relied on for normal human responses to situations. He can be kind of a sexist jerk in some of the earlier material, but by the time of Reboot is a Hello-Kitty-wearing, makeover-getting, hug-giving breath of non-toxic masculinity. He and Liu Sang get on like oil and water.

Nicknames: Pangzi (”fatty” - honestly basically his name by this point - his real name is Wang Yueban but no one ever calls him that) Pangye (when referring to himself)

Other important characters:

There are many MANY more characters in the franchise (and Reboot) than this, but for the purposes of this post, these are the characters that tend to show up the most in Liu Sang-focused fanworks.

Wu Erbai: This is Wu Xie’s second uncle, who basically runs the Wu family. Majored in business with a minor in mob boss. Most people answer to him - even Wu Xie, when he can’t weasel out of it.

Wu Sanxing: Wu Xie’s third uncle. He was Wu Xie’s childhood hero and adult headache, and most of Wu Xie’s adventures stem from trying to either find out where he disappeared to or figure out what scheme he is plotting now. His good points and motivations do not outweigh the fact that he is a sneaky manipulative bastard that you will want to punch in the nose.

Boss Jaio: Antagonist, also searching for Thunder City and its mystical artifact, enjoys being a creepy villain a little too much.

Hei Xiazi aka Hei Yanjing: A freelancer with an unknown past and a fondness for Wu Xie (and Wu Xie’s money). He has similar (though slightly lesser) martial arts skills as Zhang Qiling, and like Zhang Qiling shows slowed aging. Always wears sunglasses. Very rough-edged sense of humor and kind of a jerk, but has your back.

Bai Haotian: Youngest manager ever at Warehouse 11 (think where they stored the Ark in Indiana Jones, but with way more OSHA violations). ADORABLE but will also cut you. Has a massive baby crush on Wu Xie. Congratulations, it’s a female character!

Huo Erjing: Wu Erbai’s longtime family retainer and second-in-command

Kan Jian: One of the subordinates of the Wu Family, his specialty is using a slingshot/catapult. Amazing arms, rips all the sleeves off his shirts so they can breathe. Utter himbo, very in touch with his emotions, will cry at the drop of a hat.

Wang Meng: (again, no relation to those Wangs) Wu Xie’s direct subordinate, keeps the antique shop running in Wu Xie’s absence and acts as general assistant and gofer. A nervous and put-upon boy who does not deserve all the shenanigans he gets pulled into.

Princess Mute: A mummy (yes, as in ancient dead person) who rescues Wu Xie when he is trapped in a tomb, she has a tragic backstory and a lot of wasted character potential (and how often can you say that about a mummy?).

Jiang Zisuan: Sniper, younger brother of A Ning (see below), has a hate-boner for Wu Xie. Technically an antagonist in the series, but he is very conflicted and very hot, so he’s pretty much been embraced as someone to be redeemed in fanon.

A Ning: Long-dead by the time Reboot happens, she was a major character in earlier DMBJ installments. Made hard-edged by life, sometimes antagonist and sometimes uncertain ally, tomb raider, way more competent than most of the men. Younger Wu Xie had a messy crush-or-idol-worship thing for her. Died pointlessly to provide man-pain.

Li Jiale and Jia Kezi: Two Warehouse 11 workers who start as antagonists but later join Wu Xie on his adventures. Good boys.

Huo Daofu: A doctor who saves Wu Xie’s life, but clearly has an antagonistic past with him. Most dramatic bitch in the series, as well as the best dressed.

Xie Yuchen aka Xiao Hua: Appears in Reboot only marginally, but is often referred to in fan works. The young head of one of the other Nine Families, notable for being very pretty and having to fight to keep his place as leader from a young age, he was Wu Xie’s childhood friend and still close associate. Is often shipped with Hei Xiazi.

Li Cu: Does not appear in Reboot at all, but is often referred to in fan works. A young kid who was pulled into Wu Xie’s schemes, he’s now basically Wu Xie’s unofficial adopted son.

Wang Can: See “notable fanons”, below.

Notable Fanons/Headcanons:

Hissy Kitten: I don’t think this nickname for Liu Sang is used in-universe, but it’s very widely embraced in fandom. He’s adorable and needs a home but will claw you the whole time you’re trying - need I say more?

Aesthetic: You may see references to Liu Sang wearing beautiful drapey outfits, or having curling tendrils of hair, or generally Looking Artistic. This largely comes from the fact that Liu Chang (the actor who plays Liu Sang) is ridiculously pretty and prone to appearing in Very Aesthetic Photoshoots covered in flowers or being windblown or draping artistically across things. See also Hand Porn (not covered in this article) and That Thing He Does With His Eyes.

Fox: Liu Sang is often head-canoned as having fox attributes, being foxlike, or even being a fox shifter in AUs. I think this one comes from a combination of Liu Sang’s very foxy haircolor and a photoshoot that Liu Chang did where he dressed as a fox spirit. @merinnan and @xantissa are largely responsible for this one.

Twin Brother: One of the more confusing aspects of the DMBJ cinematic universe is that they like to pull from the same stock of actors over and over, meaning that the same actor may appear as different characters from one adaptation to the next. As well as playing Liu Sang in Reboot, Liu Chang previously appeared in the adaptation Sha Hai/Tomb of the Sea playing a Wang family minion and bad guy named Wang Can. Fanon has embraced this character as being Liu Sang’s long-lost and hopefully redeemable twin brother.

The Liu Chang Cinematic Universe: Related to Twin Brother, this is the tendency of the fandom to grab every minor character Liu Chang has ever portrayed in DMBJ (which are several, because he's one of NPSS's in-house actors and he enjoys casting him in his productions) and pull them into Liu Sang fic, often having them turn out to be related, reincarnations of each other, aliases of each other, etc. Besides Wang Can, the next favorite is Yan Sanxing, a side-character from the republican-era Mystic Nine spinoff movie, who had the good taste to be a murderous little meow-meow with a mystical facial tattoo.

Attending a Party: There was a party. Liu Sang didn’t get to attend it. The entire Liu Sang fanbase is extremely indignant about this fact and it probably has more fix-it fics than anything else in this fandom.

Notable ships in the English-language fandom:

PingXieSang: The threesome ship Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling/Liu Sang. Why this ship? Wu Xie canonically tends to gaze at Liu Sang every time he appears on the screen and Zhang Qiling is less demonstrative but rescues Liu Sang a lot. But why a threesome? Because the main ship in the DMBJ fandom (and the driving theoretically non-romantic relationship for DMBJ canon) is PingXie (Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling) and overall there is very little fan desire to break that relationship up. You may occasionally see Liu Sang paired with one or the other of these two on their own, but for the most part he gets both!

KanSang: Kan Jian/Liu Sang. Why this ship? Kan Jian and Liu Sang don’t share much screen time, but in their brief amount of interaction they are relentlessly cute, with a lot of touching and caring that you don’t usually see between Liu Sang and others. Probably also influenced by the fact that Liu Sang’s actor (Liu Chang) and Kan Jian’s actor (Kudousi Jiang Ainiwaer, aka Waer) are extremely good friends and like to film adorable Weibo vids together.

CanSang: Wang Can/Liu Sang. Why this ship? Because troubled backstories are more fun when shared. (Interesting note: In Chinese language, the ship name can be translated as meaning “vibrant sadness”.) This is the ship for those who like to keep their relationships in the family, as it were.

RiSang, aka The Pool Noodle: Zhang Rishan/Liu Sang. Why this ship? The short answer is @kholran, but the long answer is pairing up smart, gifted characters who have been hardened by life and deserve to be soft with someone. Zhang Rishan is the current Zhang family leader, a relative of Zhang Qiling who appears in other DMBJ adaptatations, is not in Reboot at all, and shares no screen time with Liu Sang. But when has that ever stopped us?

PangSang: Pangzi/Liu Sang. Often, but not always, a subset of PingPangXieSang. Why this ship? You mean besides the peanuts scene? Who doesn't love a good antagonists-to-lovers scenario?

Other notable ships: Liu Sang/Self-Worth, Liu Sang/Found Family, Liu Sang/All The Hugs

We would be remiss if we did not point out that Liu Sang is the gateway drug to the Liu Chang Addicts Club. If you are interested in keeping up with this actor, you can’t do better than to stalk @wirwerdensiegen‘s Liu Chang tag.

tl;dr: Liu Sang is Best Boy. Join us, we have whistle porn.

Note that DMBJ is a very confusing universe and I do not speak any Chinese, so if you see any errors in this post, please let me know so that I can correct them!

#liu sang #dmbj #the lost tomb reboot #sneaks one last post under the Liu Sang Week deadline

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jockvillagersonly · 3 years

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Ok @humanlighthouse I don’t think this is what you meant when you told me to meme this but we all know I love a classic alignment chart so ....

[Image ID: A tumblr post saying, “What kind of political compass is this,” referring to a 3x3 square of recommended tumblr posts, all of which are popular text posts. OP has added DMBJ characters to each square.

Top Row, left to right: Box 1 says “*writing in my diary using a glitter gel pen* I’m losing my sense of humanity” and has an image of TLT3 Sanshu looking neutral. Box 2 says, “I am in severe distress. I am vibing. I am king of the world. I am bored. I am lost at sea. I am...” and has an image of TLT3 Xiaoge looking somewhat snarkily to the side, hood up. Box 3 says “et tu bestie?” And has an image of TLT3 Pangzi squinting his eyes and grimacing.

Middle Row, left to right: Box 1 says, “I don’t think that news about shrimp colors not being real is true. I think they just want us to...” and has an image of Li Cu turned and smiling. Box 2 says, “if I get at least one thing done a day I’m a genius if I get two things done I’m a god” and has an image of TLT3 Wu Xie looking stressed / perplexed. Box 3 says, “babygirl I’m deficient in vitamins scientists haven’t even discovered yet” and has an image of Zhang (Daddy) Rishan in a suit and tie, looking somewhat startled.

Bottom Row, left to right: Box 1 says, “if you’re so smart than riddle me tits,” and has an image of TLT3 Hei Yanjing grinning. Box 2 says, “the whole concept of tiktok being the new tumblr for kids makes me insane...” and has an image of TLT3 A’Ning looking serious and talking. Box 3 says, “God works in mysterious ways TO YOU. I get it though,” and has an image of TLT3 Xiao Hua looking disdainful.

/End Image ID].

#dmemebj #I .......... am not sure this is funny but I am avoiding writing :)#dmbj #wu xie #zhang qiling #Wang Pangzi #tlt3 #ultimate note #Ning #Zhang Daddy Rishan #hei yanjing #Xiao Hua #Li Cu

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naanima · 3 years

Text

This is the promised Ultimate Note (UN) // 终极笔记 rec post, but also honestly just a sincere post of love to the series.

UN is a 36 episodes series that covers the books 4 to 7 of the DMBJ/Lost Tomb book series. Yes, it covers FOUR (4) books over 36 episodes. None of this 40+ episodes covering ONE (1) book bullshit. This means that you won’t have to put up with literal 30+ episodes of fucking filler, pointless romance, and NO drama only characters taking up 50% of the fucking screen time.

What UN is, is that it is a tightly paced, actually decently scripted series, not too badly acted series that’s SINCERE and ADHERE to the major plot points of the DMBJ series. You can tell EVERYONE in the production had great respect and love for the original. The script writers, the set designers and the actors all did their homework. They read the books, studied and what was finally realised on the screen brought me nearly in tears and definite squee. Because fucking fuck, FINALLY, a live adaptation of the DMBJ books that’s good and faithful to the plot and the characters and the core of the series.

Okay, now onto the details of why I love this series so:

The CHARACTERS and their RELATIONSHIPS with EATH OTHER! The Iron Triangle here is new, and at the beginning of the series it isn’t 100% trust yet, but it deepens and strengthens through the series. And it is fucking beautiful watching them trust each with their lives.

Xiaoge – people, this is the Xiaoge of my heart. He bleeds, he fears, and he has so much vulnerability. And despite of it all he is brave, loyal and so very beautiful. He is ethereal! But seriously, he comes across finally as human, instead of a paper cut-out with not depth. Xiaoge has feelings, and they aren’t just about Wu Xie for fuck’s sake. But also, I FINALLY have seen the light that’s the greatness and hotness of Xiaoge. I FUCKING THIRST.

Wu Xie – FINALLY, a Wu Xie who is allowed to be imperfect, a Wu Xie who is normal, who is young and reckless but so fucking brilliant. He has so much anger which he is finally allowed to express here, because yes, he deserves to express his anger and displeasure at the way his life has been manipulated, the way he has to navigate this minefield while family won’t/can’t tell him the truth. It was fucking cathartic and so very fucking satisfying.

Pang Zi – OMFG! PANG ZI! FINALLY. A super fucking competent Pang Zi who is good with his money, sees through the bullshit to reach the heart of the problem. He comes up with the bluntest plans but the plans that work, he can be a leader when the situations calls for it. And he is just fucking amazing.

I LOVE how, each member of the Iron Triangle have a relationship with each other. That Wu Xie and Pangzi’s relationship ISN’T dependent on Wu Xie. The love and bond between Xiaoge and Wu Xie runs deep and it is fucking strong. JUST FUCKING YES.

A-Ning is actually MORE than a sex-dream for men here. She has a PERSONALITY, her own MOTIVATION. She is not set up as a love interest for Wu Xie. I’m so fucking thankful. Like, FUCKING FINALLY.

Sanshu is both uncle and fucking dick. Which honestly is the best portrayal of him. But it is Er Shu who is fucking amazing, I don’t want to say anything else beyond what a terrifying motherfucker.

And Heiye and Xiaohua!!!!!! AHHHHHHH! They are both such fucking badasses. Xiahua here is smart, competent and will go for the jugular. Heiye acts like he has got a few screws loose except when he is kicking ass and we get flashes of the dude beneath the dumbass act. And Xiaohu and Heiye’s back and forth is fucking amazing – you will laugh and you will have your heart clench.

The Sets

GUYS, THEY TRAVELLED TO ACTUAL PHYSICAL LOCATIONS – fucking insane natural mountains, deserts, forests and so much more. Their built sets are beautiful and so amazing, while the CGI isn’t the best (apparently their budget was tiny) but they spent it on the things that mattered. It is FUCKING GLORIOUS.

The PLOT

I love the plot, for once, a DMBJ adaptation that has a COHERENT and TIGHT plot with AMAZING pacing. What is amazing is the fact the scriptwriters integrated information from other books, side stories and fan theories in order to create a tapestry that links EVERYTHING together and makes sense of the fucking mess that has been the previous adaptations. What this means is that it lead to character and story depth, and the viewer is introduced to a sense if history and lived in world. It is beautiful and amazing.

OTHER STUFF

The New Moon Hotel episodes were fucking beautiful. The pace and tension was intense and just heart pounding good.

The fights are really good. Barring the first third which had too much quick edits.

THE NOT SO GOOD

Look, some of the actors are young and some of the earlier episodes they are a bit green. But as the series progress their acting improves.

The intrusive bgm, which I personally found super annoying. However, it does disappear in the latter half.

In conclusion, if you want a new C-drama that’s tightly scripted, decently acted with pretty people, good action with hints of horror, comedy and some truly A++++ friendships. THEN GO WACH ULTIMATE NOTE!

Oh, and of course you can watch this and walk away SHIPPING Wu Xie and Xiaoge, Heiye and Xiaohua.

At the end of the nearly 1k words of love I’m gonna go vids for this show now.

#终极笔记 #盗墓笔记 #ultimate note #daomu biji #the lost tomb #recs

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

Note

MORE REBOOT PINGXIE FACTS OMFG I'm still crying after the fear trace and the peanuts and the ending, I will never watch it the same! what else you got???????????????????????????

I don't know what you know but I'll try to surprise you with something lol.

Remember when Wu Xie was training in the warehouse to get into that god forsaken hole with a creepy child? In the script it mentioned that he called Xiao ge to ask him what to eat, so next time he chomps his cabbage or whatever that was you can think of that and how married they are xD

Also you know the more info I find the more I'm thinking that we're not far off with everything else haha. This part is the only one that just keeps giving. And I also love all the theories too since he wasn't saved in the book and they went a bit crazy here with some weird stuff.

I btw thought they just simply added their scenes at first, but midbook I've cried a bit when I realized that a lot of moments are what Wu Xie in this novel dreamed about him doing. Like when he desperately wanted him to came up to see him in the hospital and he didn't, but here he did. And their first meet after separation and the after he left with 2nd uncle and when I realized I got so sad for some reason even tho in the back of my mind I was like "he got it, he got all that, you can watch it" but I was like that's so sad to me idk why T_T

My favorite thing we've discussed so far is that idk was that Nanpai Sanshu's doing since I've read he was very involved in this one or was it some other precious human being, but remember those several interview talks when they were discussing what it would be like if Pingxie could be together? The one "their families are gonna be against it, but eventually get over it esp if they buy a house in Hangzhou?". He said they're gonna be broke, so Wu Xie would have to stop selling the antiques and get a real job, Qiling would be stay at home, but would want to be sure Wu Xie eats well... IS THIS NOT EXACTLY WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED AT THE END OF THE REBOOT? lmao we were just wheezing haha

I'm still like... who was the blessed soul who suddenly decided to give us a happy ending instead? China never does that.

#answered #anonymous #lost tomb reboot #pingxie #zhang qiling #wu xie

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cross-d-a · 3 years

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As I'm slowly making my way through DMBJ Vol. 8 (takes place right after Ultimate Note), I'm coming across a lot of little passages that I adore and want to share bc Feelings✨

Warning: these excerpts obviously contain spoilers for what happens after Ultimate Note. So if you don't want spoilers please skip this post! (*・∀-)☆

For all these posts I'm using MereBear's absolutely amazing translations!!! Please check out their work!!! They put a lot of time and effort into it❤️✨

The scene I really wanna talk about first takes place in Chapter 25: No Choice.

To set it up a bit: Wu Xie is still masquerading as Sanshu and has returned to the mountains to try to find his friends. He's got a whole team of people with him and he manages to reunite with Pangzi who's escaped the horrors underground. Pangzi's got a map leading to Xiao Ge carved into his own belly. Before Pangzi wakes up, Pan Zi and Xiao Hua decide to follow the map while Wu Xie anxiously waits above ground. Then they lose contact and Pangzi wakes up. Wu Xie and Pangzi are eager to rescue their friends so they set out with the rest of their team. Except!! Wu Xie hasn't found a good moment to reveal himself to Pangzi!! He's still posing as Sanshu and it's Stressing him The Fuck Out. THEN! We get this lovely little gem of a passage:

It's such a cute little moment!! And also a meaningful one. Pangzi knew it was Wu Xie and he still kept up the charade so Wu Xie could save face. Wu Xie's somehow managed to fool everyone but Pangzi (and believe me, Wu Xie's barely scraping by the skin of his teeth at times). But Pangzi knows Wu Xie so well that he immediately saw it was him. And he still chose to follow Wu Xie despite not knowing his plan. Despite not knowing why exactly he was masquerading as Sanshu. He trusts Wu Xie so much that he didn't even question it. He just ran with it, damn the details.

Except, okay I'm gonna rip the rug right out from under this sweet moment because there is something hilarious about this scene, too. In Chapter 15: Fatty in the Gap, Wu Xie finds Pangzi who is hurt and mostly unconscious, and Wu Xie is just losing his mind a bit with worry. I'm gonna do a post about this particular scene later, but what you need to know is this:

Wu Xie TELLS Pangzi that he's actually Wu Xie and not Sanshu! He fucking tells him! Is Wu Xie so worried about Pangzi that he immediately forgets this? Does he get so distracted by everything after this moment that he forgets? (Xiao Hua and Pan Zi do leave after this, and Wu Xie's going a bit crazy worrying about Xiao Ge) Pangzi is also very out of it when Wu Xie tells him and he's comatose for a while afterwards, so maybe Wu Xie didn't think Pangzi heard. But even through the pain Pangzi reaches out and grabs Wu Xie's wrist, like Wu Xie is the only thing that could reach him. And then he relaxes. Like he's acknowledging Wu Xie. Like he's comforted by Wu Xie being there. He trusts Wu Xie. That is so painfully obvious. (And oh god there is a LOT about the deep trust between Wu Xie and Pangzi in Vol. 8 like holy shit)

But also, if we assume that Pangzi does know 'Sanshu' is Wu Xie because he remembered this moment- it is fucking hilarious that Pangzi chooses to tease Wu Xie in that Chapter 25 reveal moment. It is so in character for their relationship. However, I think Pangzi would know it's Wu Xie without being told. They just know each other so well. They understand each other so well, though they're still learning. (more on this in a later excerpt post!!)

And right after Pangzi reveals that he knows who Wu Xie is, Wu Xie scolds Pangzi for not telling him beforehand:

And there we have it again. Pangzi's unwavering trust. "Of course I'll cooperate with you," he says. Because Pangzi would follow Wu Xie to hell and back.

And, because I am always crying about the theme of trust in Vol.8, the conversation ends with this:

I just- have so many feelings about this little scene. Once again, Wu Xie and Pangzi understand each other so well. But I think Pangzi understands Wu Xie more than Wu Xie understands himself. We talk about Wu Xie being a bleeding heart a lot, and it's true. And Pangzi knows it. He sees it, he recognizes it, and he knows it's Wu Xie's greatest strength and worst flaw. In these chapters, Pangzi establishes that he does not trust Xiao Hua. He does not trust Granny Huo. He does not trust anyone in this expedition. He trusts no one but Wu Xie. And Wu Xie trusts far too easily. Pangzi loves Wu Xie so much, but he realizes that if Wu Xie continues in this way he won't survive. Not alone. This is why Pangzi puts himself in this caretaker role. He'd rather be the one to take the brunt of the darkness of the world (he is much like Xiao Ge in this way, treasuring Wu Xie's innocence). But Pangzi is also practical. Pangzi can't always be there to save him. In fact, Wu Xie's been separated from him for a while now. And as much as it pains Pangzi, he wants to teach Wu Xie not to trust so easily. Because he knows Wu Xie won't survive this by being so naive. (Again, even if his naïveté is one of the reasons why Wu Xie is so precious to Pangzi)

There's a lot of character development in Vol.8 that really hurts, especially because it foreshadows Wu Xie's character in Sha Hai. Here, Wu Xie is young, and he's thrust into this grand plot he's desperately trying to figure out. And he's alone for a lot of it. Left to fend for himself and pretend to be someone he is not. Someone who is ruthless and scheming. Someone who puts the mission above all else. And this someone (Sanshu) raised him. It's a lot to deal with. Especially when he starts seeing these traits reflected in himself. But if he doesn't act this way, then the people he loves will die. So he forces himself to carry on despite this bleeding heart. I'm gonna do later posts about how Wu Xie sees himself, but I think this book is really the beginning of how young Wu Xie grows into the hurt and weary Wu Xie we see in Sha Hai.

Anyways, I just really wanted to share this little moment between Wu Xie and Pangzi. Especially because I feel like their relationship sometimes gets overshadowed by Pingxie. This little scene stole my heart not only because it's adorable, but because it's very heartbreaking and truly reveals their characters and relationship ❤️

#Wu xie #wang Pangzi #dmbj #ultimate note #dmbj novels #dmbj vol 8 #cross reads dmbj #dmbj meta #the lost tomb #I just have a lot of feelings about these two okay #dmbj books #cross post

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bowsie22 · 6 months

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Whumptober Day 18

Of course it was his uncle's fault, of course it was.

It had been a quiet day in the Wushanju. Honestly, that should have been Wu Xie’s first warning. Nothing ever stayed quiet or calm in his life. Especially with his family. His Sanshu seemed determined to mess up his life in multiple ways. So, it really was no surprise that what happened was the older man's fault.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was stock day, so the shop was closed, and the Iron Triangle were all in different parts of the building. Xiaoge was looking over their garden and outdoor items, Pangzi was in their general stock room and Wu Xie was busy restocking the main shop. Their plan was to work for three hours and then break for lunch, before working into the evening. Wushanju had a lot of stock, this was always one of the worst times of the year. So involved in his work, Wu Xie didn’t notice the knocks on the main gates at first. He noticed when the knocks turned to bangs, startling him enough he dropped the clipboard in his hands.

He made his way to the door, muttering under his breath. There were clear signs stating the shop was closed, who the hell was making this much noise. Wu Xie swung the gate open, freezing at the sight of the men in front of him. The man in front was clearly their leader, three men lined up behind him. “Wu Xie, yes? Nephew of Wu Sanxing? I think we need to talk.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His goddamn uncle, once again screwing everything up. Wu Xie was on his knees in front of the leader, two men holding him on his knees while the third loomed behind the smaller leader. He’d already been beaten, his lip split, one of his eyes bruised. “All we need is your uncle. Tell us where he is, and we leave you and the shop alone.”

Wu Xie wasn’t able to focus, he really hoped he didn’t have another concussion. He blinked, eyes focusing on a photo of his second uncle and a childhood friend. “You know my uncle has no friends? I mean he has Panzi. And contacts in the business. And he obviously has a lot of enemies. But there’s no one he can go out to dinner with or see a movie with. And that’s sad. And don’t get me wrong, he’s a piece of shit, even I’m aware of that, but he should still have friends. Everyone should friends. I have friends, I have a lot of friends who love me and who I love and even Sanshu deserves someone who loves him. Not because he’s family or he saved their lives, but because they love him for him. But then again, piece of shit, so who’d love him? He’s really –“

Wu Xie is cut off by a punch, only staying up because of the grip of the two. He shook his head, looking up at the leader. “Sorry, I tend to deflect when I’m threatened. It also buys time for those friends I mentioned. You should look behind you.”

God, Wu Xie wished he could look that scary with just an eyebrow raise. He wondered if it was a Zhang thing? Trusting his friends to look after himself, he allowed himself to fall unconscious. He had to get his uncle some friends, it was nice to have friends.

#whumptober2023 #day 18 #“I tend do deflect when I'm being threatened”#wu xie #dmbj

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kolachess · 3 years

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DMBJ 2010 Nangongling Interview Translated

I’ve finally (poorly) translated the infamous Nangongling interview with Nanpai Sanshu (aka Xu Lei, author of DMBJ)!

This is where that famous quote, ‘My lifetime, in exchange for you a decade of innocence and purity’ comes from. More on that here.

Interview Context: First off, in case you don’t already know, NPSS started DMBJ off as a fanfiction. And more on that here. Hence, his style of engagement with fans will be much more direct and why he’s very... knowing of the fandom world. And why the interview does not hesitate to ask about pingxie.

This interview seems to have been conducted somewhere on the internet in 2010 or nearing it. Although I couldn’t find more confirmation on its ‘authenticity’ so to speak, I also haven’t seen anything to the contrary that this might be made up. (Chinese internet is a strange, strange place...)

Here’s the version I’m basing this off of.

Translation Context:

Ok first, I’m a native Chinese speaker, but grew up in the US and not fluent in reading / writing. I am not at all familiar with a lot of idioms, let alone internet slang and pop culture references (of which there are a lot in this interiew), so there will be a lot of guessing. Anyone who knows better, free free to point it out.

Text Legend:

Parenthesis indicate actions / reactions. E.g. (smiles awkwardly)

[TN: ...] are my notes

[??? some words ???] indicate major uncertainty in translations

== or =w= and such symbols are emojis from the interviewer

Original text sometimes had random forward slashes in between what seems should be one word / term. My guess is it might be to skirt censorship?

Names Context:

They use a lot of different ways to refer to the various characters and NPSS

The interviewer calls NPSS ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Sanshu’ a lot. But Sanshu can also refer to Wu Sanxing... so it gets confusing a bit.

Zhang Qiling can be anything from Menyouping to Pingzi to Lao Meng to Meng... just... anytime there’s ‘Meng’ or ‘Ping’ or ‘Zhang’ it’s safe to assume they’re referring to ZQL.

Wu Xie is often just Wu Xie or Tianzhen

Nangongling is the name of the interviewer

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Your Majesty, come interview. After this, we’ve got to sleep.

NPSS: OK. Let’s go. Be gentle.

Interviewer: Oh Your Majesty, you’re so shy.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, is DMBJ ultimately a tragic or happy ending?

NPSS: For some, a tragedy. For some, a regular drama. For some, a comedy. For some, an absurdity.

Interviewer: That’s no different from not answering! ==

NPSS: But that’s the correct answer.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What’s the relationship between Tianzhen and ‘It’? Your Majesty, care to give a spoiler? ==

NPSS: No relationship. [TN: ‘No relationship’ and ‘No problem’ are the same phrase, hence the subsequent answer.]

Interviewer: Then go ahead and tell us. =w=

NPSS: No relationship.

Interviewer: … No relationship?

NPSS: Yup. No relationship.

Interviewer: … ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu about the plan for DMBJ, when might you finish it?

NPSS: 2010.

NPSS: The problem is…

Interviewer: What?

NPSS: There is an unexpected situation.

Interviewer: Don’t give us cliffhanger sentences. Just tell us. ==

NPSS: Maybe [??? Something about being possessed ???]. I might work on it till 2050.

Interviewer: Hey!

NPSS: It’s great.

Interviewer: Might as well make it a Gundam series. [TN: Gundam is referring to the Japanese anime series. I guess they’re making a joke about how he should turn it into a never ending universe / entire franchise.]

NPSS: Conan never grows up. Wu Xie will never get old either. [TN: Conan is referring to Detective Conan, another Japanese anime series.]

NPSS: Even when you all become old, Wu Xie in the book will still be pursuing the answer to all the mysteries.

Interviewer: And if it’s with Lao Meng forever mutually loving and caring, then we have no objections.

NPSS: Fifty years, Golden Wedding [TN: Think he’s referring to Golden Wedding as the 50th anniversary].

Interviewer: Yes, yes. Don’t know if there will be a son. (Tea) (Silence) [TN: I guess the actions indicate ‘sipping tea awkwardly in silence’]

Interviewer: Alright, His Majesty has become shy. Let’s continue onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what the Menyouping’s ending will be? Will he find his memories? Continue to live on? Your Majesty can’t because of Classmate 370 [TN: Rumors are this is NPSS’s classmate? Potential prototype for ZQL? See ref.] once scorned your [??? finger ???], you end up holding a grudge?

NPSS: Whether or not you can ‘fujoshi’ for 50 years is uncertain. [TN: Word is ‘fu’, which literal = ‘rotten’; but refers to fujoshi. AKA he’s questioning how long they’ll ship pingxie for.]

Interviewer: No worries. In the future, there will appear a lot of Li Yinhe grannies. [TN: Seems to refer to this LGBTQ activist.]

NPSS: Hands / feet have not fallen off, OK? [TN: I’m not sure what this is referring to lol. Maybe some play on the rotten nature of fujoshi.]

Interviewer: Hands / feet… the whole body?

NPSS: The meaning of ‘entirely not fallen off’ is ‘entirely not fallen off’. [TN: Idk I’m lost...]

Interviewer: … ==

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your resentment for 370 is too deep…

NPSS: Menyouping’s ending will definitely surprise you all. It’s definitely not something that can be conceptually considered at all.

Interviewer: Could it be that he really will be mutually loving and caring with Tianzhen? == It’s not in concept…

NPSS: Hn. That’s a nice thought. [TN: Tone reads a little like ‘ha, as if’.]

NPSS: Like, turn him into a woman or something. Or is it Wu Xie who turns into a woman?

NPSS: “Actually, I’m a flat-chested Mary Sue.” [TN: Lol, yes. They refer to Mary Sue omg.]

Interviewer: … hey now… == Speaking of Mary Sues, after Yun Cai is it Xiu Xiu? Your Majesty, you wouldn’t gift Yun Cai to Lao Meng, and Xiu Xiu to Wu Xie, right? ==

NPSS: Maybe I’ll write Lily stories. [TN: I think Lily stories refers to femslash / stories between two females.]

NPSS: Don’t underestimate my pervertedness.

Interviewer: I’ve never underestimated it… (serious)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what Sanshu’s current weight is? Are you losing weight? Hahahah (Hands akimbo)

NPSS: Now it’s probably a little less than 200 jin. [TN: ~220 pounds.] I’m always in the middle of losing weight, but fat really likes me.

Interviewer: Your Majesty, you should continue to make effort to cosplay Pangzi.

NPSS: I think I will exceed Pangzi’s category soon, cosplay a huge monster instead.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: When will the DMBJ movie be released? Who will play Pingzi? To be honest, I don't want to watch. ==

NPSS: Probably around 2015. I don’t know. Hope it’s not [??? black people ???]. [TN: Yeah that’s what it says, but idk if it’s a reference to type of personalities or it actually is referring to skin color. Wouldn’t surprise me if it were a racist remark. China, sigh.]

Interviewer: Could it be there really will be a movie?

NPSS: Probably.

Interviewer: In America?

NPSS: I can’t say I understand / know Hollywood’s situation.

Interviewer: So it’s America… (Tears running) Too tragic!

NPSS: Hei Xiaoge [TN: Lol I think he’s saying a black young lad] is also not bad.

Interviewer: No! No! No!

NPSS: A-ning has already been designated the female lead by a foreign scriptwriter.

Interviewer: Oooh ~~~ We don’t want to see ghosts ~~~ [TN: Idk what this expression is…]

NPSS: Little D might be able to accept. [TN: Idk who Little D is… might just be a slang way of writing ‘little brother’, in which case, I still don’t know if that’s referring to himself or someone else.]

Interviewer: I guess he will squeak along with me. [TN: Again… I’m lost.] Nope cannot anymore. Next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will there be romance?

NPSS: [??? Eloquent love ???] will have porn scenes.

Interviewer: … who and who?

NPSS: Not sure yet. One party should not be human.

Interviewer: Heavy tastes, Your Majesty.

NPSS: Tentacles.

Interviewer: …… Your Majesty, are you playing some XXOO games recently? [TN: I’m just gonna assume some hentai shit here.]

NPSS: Nope. Haven’t played in a long time. Got any good suggestions?

Interviewer: [??? The imperial doctor has ghost glasses ???] [TN: Guess it’s the title?] Try it (rubs hands).

NPSS: I’m currently still holding out strong.

Interviewer: Gee… what a pity.

NPSS: You can train your boyfriend.

Interviewer: He’s already very calm.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi is so good to Wu Xie, any particular reason? I mean deep underlying reason? For example, knowing the truth about Wu Xie’s life / existence or something. Or being entrusted by Wu Xie’s family or something. Or he thinks he’s brought Wu Xie harm and wants to redeem himself or something.

NPSS: Just doesn’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Huh? What?

NPSS: Don’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Disturb what?

NPSS: Tianzhen Wu Xie [TN: Remember, this means ‘innocent, naive, and pure’]. The prompt is very deep now. [TN: Sounds like he’s saying he’s given a deep hint now.]

Interviewer: Oh (Actually someone who doesn’t really understand). [TN: GLAD I’M NOT ALONE! IT’S NOT A TRANSLATION ISSUE!]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are there new Lunar New Year Celebratory Extras this year? [TN: NPSS writes occasional extras, and often will publish on special occasions like Lunar New Year.]

NPSS: 2010’s publishing work was too heavy. Can’t celebrate. I even wrote the outline already.

Interviewer: That’s such a pity. What about Tibetan Sea Flower. I’m still waiting for the lama that has JQ with Lao Meng. [TN: They use the term JQ here… seems like slang for something like bromance.]

NPSS: Ah little living Buddha… probably can’t write. [TN: Yeah idk what that really means…] Due to religious issues, living Buddha’s chrysanthemum is very sensitive. Huge crawling creatures will come and bombard. [TN: IDK BUT CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE OFTEN EUPHEMISMS FOR THE ANUS AND GAY BUTT SEX SO IDK.]

Interviewer: Hey… ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Qinling Sacred Tree arc was too mysterious. Will Sanshu later be connected to the Sacred Tree? If so, how will you do it? I think DMBJ is not as thrilling / exciting as before. Can you still return to that previous style?

NPSS: There are no plans at present to connect Qinling. I need to settle Meng first. The core of what’s being written is his business. The excitement of DMBJ is not found in the novel but in the heart of the reader. The reader will upgrade / improve while reading.

Interviewer: Is that so… (Eats late night food) [TN: Idk what this expression means.]

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Interviewer: Will you still publish new books and dig new plot holes? == Besides this official vest of Nanpai Sanshu, do you have anything else? Like diving party? == [TN: Yeah idk what that means…]

NPSS: Doesn’t returning to the original style of writing offer you some thrilling / excitement? Your heart has already upgraded, it’s just that the novel is still like that.

Interviewer: Heart! ==||| [TN: Yes, this is another face lol]

NPSS: There’s still some more. Like Nangongling. [TN: Name of the interviewer, but I have no idea what this means.]

Interviewer: The watch drags me underwater. [TN: I got nothing *shrugs*.]

NPSS: Actually are we answering our own questions?

Interviewer: Haha, fun right?

NPSS: Indeed. Could it be a split personality? Never thought my hidden personality is a Fujoshi. Tragedy.

Interviewer: Hey I didn’t say my hidden personality was a perverted uncle yet. (Two bored idiots stare in silence for a few seconds)

Interviewer: Enough. Next.

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Interviewer: Pingzi’s age… is it ‘uncle’ or ‘grandpa’? Anyway, I know it’s not ‘brother’. [TN: They’re referring to which generation basically.]

NPSS: Taizu Grandfather [TN: Basically hella old… great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?]

Interviewer: Wow… paleontology relic?

NPSS: Age must be in the triple digits.

Interviewer: Old monster! I like it! Just afraid that next to Tianzhen, he seems younger (talking to self)

NPSS: Tianzhen is even older. Quadruple digits.

Interviewer: Really is younger? ==

NPSS: They all end up in the museum display.

Interviewer: Does it cost anything to visit? Museums are now free / open to visit.

NPSS: After hour events charge fees. There are special programs, but the TV station will not allow them to be broadcasted.

Interviewer: Strip tease / dancing?

NPSS: No. It’s the old monster [TN: Probably referring to ZQL] performing Xiangsheng [TN: Some Chinese duo comedy schtick]. Xie Ling [TN: I think this is Wu Xie + Zhang Qiling?] social / not-famous Xiangsheng actors.

Interviewer: Looks like it will be Two-Person Turn Opera [TN: Idk if there is an English term for this… but another type of skit it seems.]

NPSS: Wear the dancing shoes. [TN: I think it’s just this?]

Interviewer: … It’s so cold… Your Majesty…

NPSS: Zhang Wenling, Wu Wenxie [TN: Lol I guess this would be their comedy stage names. It’s extra / intentionally stupid because all he did was insert ‘wen’ which means ‘literature’.]

Interviewer: Enough… Don’t worry about this anymore. I’m gonna move onto the next question.

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Interviewer: Is Wu Xie the most tragic character in the entire novel? Is it inevitable that, between him and Pingzi, one of them will have to die in the end?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s fate as the most tragic is a set tragedy, but Lao Zhang doesn’t have it easy either.

Interviewer: And then?

NPSS: Delayed the inevitable tragedy.

Interviewer: And then they encountered tragedy together?

NPSS: Using [his] own lifetime to exchange you another decade of innocence and purity.

Interviewer: … (wailing) (too stunned) Lao Meng [??? became the Virgin Mary???] (smashes wall)

NPSS: I also want to get a cult.

Interviewer: Does Lao Meng really not have a crush on Tianzhen? It can’t continue like this. DMBJ is still a serious / proper drama after all.

NPSS: Nah. It’s serious / proper.

Interviewer: But what you said is crooked.

NPSS: Alright. Then let’s put it this way.

Interviewer: How?

NPSS: Comrade Zhang Qiling sacrificed his own time to save and prevent the disillusionment of a youth who was about to go astray. [TN: Yeah… not too sure about the implications of this.]

Interviewer: …. Your Majesty, you [??? use soulmates ???] [TN: I’m really not sure about this… context and definitions I found seems to indicate it’s a soulmate like thing, but also used kind of queerbaity?]

NPSS: I’ve been working real closely with soulmate recently.

Interviewer: We can tell. Next question. Best leave some room for free thought.

NPSS: It’d be fine if you just don’t post it.

Interviewer: This is iron proof of JQ! [TN: Again, some internet slang for bromance / malexmale CPs or something.]

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Interviewer: Are all the incomprehensible things that happened so far man-made? Or will it be explained by the supernatural?

NPSS: There’s nothing incomprehensible.

Interviewer: Probably in reference to Qinling.

NPSS: Oh. Doesn’t that count as a spoiler?

Interviewer: … then let’s skip again. Actually, I thought you already forgot about Qinling.

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Interviewer: What is Pangzi’s little secret?

NPSS: Xiao Pang’s [TN: Little Fat’s] tragic past.

Interviewer: What… Pangzi is also quite tragic.

NPSS: Probably a ‘fought with his best friend over a woman and was hurt very badly’ kind of relationship. Pangzi had a very simple but tragic love.

Interviewer: Sad…. == You really can’t tell…

NPSS: A woman he promised to take care of for a lifetime and a brother he can’t help but save.

Interviewer: Pangzi has sublimed (victory fist] [TN: I assume ‘sublime’, which literally means converting from solid directly to gas, is just representative of a massive promotion or rise into awesomeness.]

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Interviewer: I’m always thinking of Ershu’s mysterious air. Does he know a lot of things that others don’t? I also want to know what Wu Xie’s dad does.

NPSS: [??? Location scouting ???]

Interviewer: Ershu?

NPSS: He knows some.

Interviewer: Then what about his dad.

NPSS: Location scouting. Totally innocent. Just like Jesus’s old man.

Interviewer: What kind analogy is that… == Next.

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Interviewer: Hey Sanshu, on Dec 9, 2009 at 02:58 in the morning I dreamt of you. Did you dream of me? …. == Your Majesty, your fans [TN: Yeah idk.]

NPSS: That night I seem to have pulled an all-nighter. I wouldn’t mind dreaming again tonight.

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Interviewer: Will Pingzi eventually return to being a normal human? Live on from the age of 18? Has he had a lover / children before? Yun Cai? Is Pangzi the boss or the person coming to supervise the boss (Tianzhen)?

Interviewer: Lao Meng… I’ve long since been speechless towards him. By the way, was he always this kind of stone in the latrine? [TN: I guess a saying about how he’s stuffy and expressionless per usual.]

NPSS: No. It used to be really bad.

Interviewer: …How bad…

NPSS: Like a Tibetan horse. [TN: Lol this is the literal translation but when I Googled it, Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho came up and hahaha I guess it kind of makes sense as an analogy?]

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your definition of really bad is Kurama’s level huh…= =|| So he wasn’t born latrine stone… [TN: Ok, so background on Kurama - an infamous fox demon thief escaped into the body of a newborn child because his spirit was weakened after being hunted, and so he cohabits the body with this boy… I’m not entirely sure of the reference jousting here.]

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Interviewer: What happens to Pangzi in the end?

NPSS: Dies of old age.

Interviewer: How mundane!

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Interviewer: We want to know when DMBJ 7 will be finished?

NPSS: 3/15-20 complete.

Interviewer: (Recommends to everyone not to believe… ==)

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Interviewer: Sanshu, will someone die at the end of DMBJ? (Alright I only care about MengMeng and Tianzhen and believe Pangzi will definitely not be killed off). Also, just how many volumes will there be?

Interviewer: How many die, I also want to know. [TN: Lol they also use the counter word not for humans, but… something else?].

NPSS: There will be someone half-dead. Because it’s a grave-robbing novel, dying completely will never happen. A-ning died and still comes around often, right? [TN: Lol I’m not entirely sure what this is in reference to… first part he’s making a joke that people can become zombies, but second part… I don’t really recall A-ning coming back? Unless he means in mentions? Then again I’m still making my way through the novels.] Just that you go from hero to villain. I still haven’t decided how many to kill off. Anyways for the last volume, with the exception of Wu Xie, [??? anyone can be killed ???].

Interviewer: …Just kill everyone why don’t you; it’s easier. (self-destruct) ==

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Interviewer: May we ask Sanshu, will Pingzi have emotional drama in the future?

NPSS: No. No time / effort for that, and communication skills are limited.

Interviewer: Ahaha….

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Interviewer: Normally, will Sanshu come check out our Tieba? [TN: Kind of like Chinese reddit I believe?] Do you know the Warm Fox? [TN: I did a quick search, seems like a big fandom name that interprets a lot of the DMBJ stuff.]

NPSS: Don’t know.

Interviewer: As expected…

NPSS: It’s your husband?

Interviewer: Hey don’t involve me in everything. (Flips table)

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Interviewer: Just out of personal interest… I really want to know if Xie Lianhuan likes Wenjin?

NPSS: Uh, yes. Very much so.

Interviewer: Then what about Wu Sanxing?

NPSS: Also likes her.

Interviewer: So it turns out to be a crime of passion… (awakened)

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Interviewer: Is Yun Cai just an inconsequential character? Those Huo family Forbidden Ladies won’t have some sort of emotional development with Pingxie, right? [TN: It does say Huo family Forbidden Ladies… I guess they might be referring to Huo Xiu Xiu, but not sure why there’s multiple. Also, recall that the Forbidden Lady is that tomb creature.]

NPSS: Huo family really did become Forbidden Lady professional household [TN: Maybe like a ‘firm’?]. Yun Cai’s ending is also quite tragic.

Interviewer: Indeed. If transmigrating, don’t transmigrate into DMBJ. [TN: Transmigrate is the common c-drama trope where someone in modern times / average suddenly wakes up in the body of some one in the past or something.] Female beings all have no good outcome.

NPSS: If you’ve already died once, then there’s no need to be afraid.

Interviewer: Oh yeah, will that pink-shirt show face again? (Xlaugh) [TN: Idk this expression, but I think pink-shirt is referring to Xiaohua.]

NPSS: Yes. [??? Young Lord of Solutions ???] Grave-Robbing Prince.

Interviewer: Ahhhhh~~great~~~ >///<~~ The Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???], right? … Then Xiao Hei [TN: Hei Xiazi / Hei Yanjing] also has a role?

NPSS: Yup.

Interviewer: The descendants of the Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???] are nine golden men? =w=

NPSS: One isn’t. 8 men. 1 woman.

Interviewer: The female is Huo family Forbidden Lady, right?

NPSS: Yup. Counting her.

Interviewer: So that means Tianzhen still has 7 in his harem… Damn, catching up to Cracked Pot’s bunch of shiny guardians. [TN: Idk what that is in reference to.]

NPSS: Cracked Pot? What’s that? [TN: Yay I’m not the only one!]

Interviewer: Cough Cough. Your Majesty, you don’t need to know.

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Interviewer: Will Sanshu come to Nanning for an autograph session?

NPSS: Nanning? Need a Nanning bookstore to invite me.

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Interviewer: If we may ask Lao San [TN: Still referring to NPSS], from Wu Xie’s (or Pangzi’s) perspective, where does Menyouping stand? Just a ‘person who stands on our side’? [TN: Refers to when ZQL told them he was a person on their side.]

NPSS: Now it should be like a son’s role / part.

Interviewer: What? Son? ==

NPSS: A very promising son.

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie having the ‘My son has grown up’ old mother mentality?

NPSS: Not really. More like, my son has bad memory or something.

Interviewer: Wu Xie he is indeed [??? person wife ???] [TN: Uh... term used was 人\妻 which when Googled had the first link to pornhub lol. But I think the slang used is actually this.]

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Interviewer: In Sanshu’s day to day, how often does you use code words? Or is it scrunching your feet and thinking on it for a month or two before coming up with something? [TN: I think they’re referring to Sanshu as in NPSS and not Wu Sanxing Sanshu?]

NPSS: It’s usually simultaneously [??? buckling ???] and eating and typing.

Interviewer: Does it taste good?

NPSS: Often get stomachaches.

Interviewer: …Very toxic huh…

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Interviewer: Can you fill the bit plothole of Sanshu’s storytelling? Your Majesty, do you have any filled pits? == (Hides face)

NPSS: I promised my father I would fill them before he turns 70.

NPSS: [??? New Year’s Eve pieces ???]

Interviewer: How old is his esteemed Majesty’s father?

NPSS: 60.

Interviewer: …. (speechless)

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Interviewer: What kind of person is Wu Xie’s mother?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s mother is probably a strong / great woman.

Interviewer: I think so too.

NPSS: Beautiful but strict and fierce, which is why Dad is rather pathetic / a good-for-nothing.

Interviewer: Queens are great. Queens usually marry good-for-nothings. [TN: The ‘queen’ here is literally ‘female king’, so more implies a female ruler.] ==

Interviewer: In the end, did Wu Xie inherit his dad’s genes?

NPSS: Wu Xie also has a very dark personality.

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NPSS: I’m nearly at my limit…

Interviewer: Same here… (sleepy)

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Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, if excluding psychological factors, in terms of human nature, do you think Pingxie is suitable?

NPSS: I think, the two of them together. Neither can earn money. Parents on both side would not agree.

Interviewer: Can it not be one steals and the other sells stolen goods?

NPSS: At the very least, Wu Xie needs to get admitted to a civil service position. [TN: These are stable job positions lol]

Interviewer: Looks like Lao Meng eats soft rice! [TN: A saying that refers to men who lives off of women lol. Basically that the woman supports the man instead of the expected vice versa.]

NPSS: And also will need to buy a house in Hangzhou.

Interviewer: … Too realistic… == [TN: Lol no joke this is exactly how couples get ‘permission’ to marry each other by the families… Hangzhou housing prices are not cheap either. I was born there and visit often… those prices have gone uuuuuuup.]

(And the two are dozing off)

NPSS: Let’s end it. I can’t hold on anymore.

Interviewer: Ok…

(The physically / mentally exhausted two rolled off to sleep, interview unfinished… ==)

~ End Interview

Whew that was a long ride. NPSS is such a troll lol... 😅I don’t know nearly enough Chinese slang / internet speak to parse this properly, but the general gist is there.

#dmbj #daomubiji #daomu biji #pingxie #interview #translation #the lost tomb #the lost tomb reboot #zhang qiling #wu xie #wang pangzi #ultimate note

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s1utspeare · 3 years

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DMBJ Characters as Shakespeare Leads

I got into it in the notes of a moonfall echo post and now I’m going insane about what Shakespeare Characters each DMBJ person vibes the most with who do I blame for this

ANYWAY WELCOME TO MY LATEST NONSENSE THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS AND ALSO BASED ENTIRELY ON VIBES ALONE

WU XIE as VIOLA from Twelfth Night

okay bear with me, I know this is a strong one coming right out the gate. But the GAY ENERGY. the ATTEMPTING TO BE SOMEONE THEY’RE NOT ALL THE TIME. the sheer amount of LOVE INSIDE. also this bitch spends SO much time in the series dressed up as other people like??? mans loves cosplaying except the cosplay is for Life and Death Situations. also the love triangles are hilarious. plus they’re both cute and gay and i love them

ZHANG QILING as CORIOLANUS from Coriolanus

did i choose these two because they’re arguably the hottest characters in each of their canon? maybe. also Cori Boy is the only one violent enough to even come CLOSE to xiao-ge’s deadly energy. I could have done Hamlet, who is the only other real Shakespearian swordsman, but Hamlet talks too much. also something about the desperation and side-switching that appeals to me. OH THEY BOTH HAVE GOOD TITS yeah that’s a good reason too

WANG PANGZI as THE FOOL from King Lear

okay before any of you come for me in the notes, the Fool is arguably the greatest Shakespearean character. They’re only CALLED the Fool cause it’s their job, but actually they’re the only one with any braincells in the play. Both start out as the archetypal comic relief character and then become the heart and soul of the story. The Fool makes a bunch of jokes and also prophesies the end and possibly is magic?? who’s to say. But anyway Pangzi also does all of those things and I feel like he should get to wear a funny hat. plus the Fool just has to deal with idiots trying to take his job by being clowns for free, and Pangzi can relate to that energy I think

LIU SANG as ARIEL from The Tempest

If it weren’t for just the SHEER amount of creepy magical energy they both exude, it’s the loyalty and sacrifice that does it for me. Not only are they both Ethereal Beings, there’s also a lot of sound ties to Ariel in The Tempest, so like it checks out. Plus they both Crouch. Also I just want Liu Sang to be able to smite some bitches sometimes. That would be good for him (it’s NOT because they’re both my favorite characters IT’S NOT)

Bai Haotian as Puck from A Midsummer Night’s Dream

So this is not only because i have a thing for casting women as Puck, but also because they fit so well together!! like. they both have crushes on people they perceive to be in authority! they both like being helpful! they both should get to be a little feral and also do magic! like Xiao Bai would be SUCH a cute Puck and if Wu Xie weren’t such a dumbass he’d make a good Oberon but alas. He is a Dumbass. so Xiao Bai is Puck but Wu Xie doesn’t get to be in Midsummer because he is simultaneously Too Dumb and Not Dumb Enough.

LI CU as PRINCE HAL from Henry IV Part I

sorry for more Tom Hiddleston pics but he’s genuinely like the best Shakespearian actor I’ve ever seen, and he’s done it all. Anyway Li Cu is Hal but specifically Hal from Part I because Part II isn’t as good and Hal is basically Dead when we get to Henry V so it has to be Part I. Anyway. Troubled youth who doesn’t want to do what his father wants so he basically gets kidnapped and raised by an older man who is full of Trickery and also Witty Remarks? The Best Friends Trios? The evolution into a Hero in Their Own Right? These guys are perfect for each other. Also I go feral about both of them at any given moment

A-NING as LADY MACBETH from Macbeth

YES I used A-Ning from Time Raiders because I think she’s the hottest version of A-Ning WHAT ABOUT IT. Anyway A-Ning could be no one other than the scheming girlboss Lady Macbeth. They’re both Morally Ambiguous but Fuck they look so good doing it. Can And Will manipulate literally any man into doing what they want. Su Nan was also a contender for Lady Macbeth because she resonates very strongly with the “Out, damned spot!” monologue, but she respects authority too much. A-Ning would not hesitate to kill the bitchass king of Scotland so that her family could ascend to the throne and I love that for her

ZHANG DADDY RISHAN as HAMLET from Hamlet

OKAY BEFORE ANYONE SAYS “brigid i know u chose them because ur a simp for zhang daddy rishan and ur a simp for hamlet stop being so predictable” LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD DO IT THO??? LIKE??? ok they both are setting their life purpose on the bedrock of an older mentor figure’s death... they both have to deal with conspirators trying to usurp them... both the Ultimate Tragic Hero and Make Me Cry Every Damn Day... both are torn away from their nerd boyfriends by death... they both live in my head rent free... I know Zhang Daddy Rishan does not talk as much as Hammie Boy but I 100% think that there’s a CONSTANT monologue going on in his head at all times. Also the Am I A Coward speech? That’s our Daddy Rishan to the MAX. No one look at me or im gonna start making picsets of him with Hamlet quotes superimposed over it I swear to GOD

and finally....

WU SANXING as IAGO from Othello

Not only does this picture from the NTL production of Othello represent what I want to do to Sanshu every time I see him onscreen, but these bitches are two of The Fakest Hos I have ever come across. It’s a love-hate relationship with them most of the time; you hate them for what they’re doing to the heroes, but they’re so good at the Trickery that you can’t help but admire them for it a little bit. They can, have, and will sell their family members for a single Lick of Power and Wealth. And yeah, you could MAKE an argument for them to be Good or at the very least Morally Ambiguous but they’re both giant dicks and deep down in our hearts we all know it.

#so welcome to my hell #it's an ambiguous amalgamation of all of my interests and they only sort of interlap #anyway i have a lot of feelings about Shakespeare and a lot of feelings about DMBJ #if u have any questions or would like me to assign a different character a Shakespeare-sona #or would like me to assign YOU a Shakespeare-sona #please drop by my ask box #thank u and goodnight #dmbj #dmemebj #the lost tomb #billy shakes #i did not have to do this and yet

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yue-muffin · 3 years

Text

Ultimate Note (2020)

Episode 13

NEW OPENING SEGMENT INCOMING. Looks like we are out of the rainforest. Also, Xiaoge actually gets hurt? They are spending a lot of time on this part. Looks like things are going to get pretty dramatic.

But, back to the talking snakes for now. Oh, yes, Wu Xie. Thank you for the great “scientific” explanation haha. Easier to explain away than zombies anyways.

Hey, treat Xiao San Ye nicely. He’ll also treat you nicely back! “Mop” guy hasn’t been able to catch a break between his own half-baked plans, Wu Sanxing, Xiao Hua, and Hei Yan Jing.

Still trying to get rid of Wu Xie, haha. You should know that he won’t give it up until he finds the answers he wants. These two are so much alike haha.

Why do you still have one of the baby snakes on hand lol.

I love how this Mop guy is like, the only normal person among all these adventure and mystery chasing weirdos who keep getting into life and death situations. A coward, but somewhat relatable at the same time lol. This is definitely more than they signed up for.

LOL save the water! Poor Xiao Hua. I had no idea this guy was so obsessed with cleanliness. Then again, we barely get to see the guy in the other dramas.

When have you ever known Xiaoge to stay in one place for long, Wu Xie haha. Of course he isn’t still with Panzi. If he stayed up there, how could he save you in the nick of time from some creepy crawly or your own terrible luck…

There’s also something pretty interesting that is brought up here in regards to Xiaoge. Everyone knows he doesn’t speak much and reveals even less about his motives, past, or intentions. No one really bothers him about it, either, they just accept that he’s like this and try to plan around his loner tendencies. On one hand, they do give him some regard and respect and don’t try to push the man for things he doesn’t want to reveal (partly bc they know it’s an exercise in futility lol).

On the other hand, there’s Wu Xie who is both deeply interested but respectful of what Xiaoge is willing to reveal - but that doesn’t stop him from expressing very strongly that he would like to know, if Xiaoge would tell him, because he cares about Xiaoge as a person (past, future, and current wants included). That’s the reason he expresses some disappointment at times when he learns there might be something Xiaoge didn’t tell him. It’s not that he’s super nosy or something? I think he just wants Xiaoge to trust him, and be able to confide in him these things (similar to his thing with his uncle, though with different dynamics. He wants Xiaoge to trust him enough to let him in and be his support, and he also wants his uncle to stop seeing him as a kid to protect and instead support him in whatever zany mystery they’ve got caught up in).

Wu Xie is just. A super interesting guy who also changes quite a bit as the series progresses.

I love how Wu Xie keeps pleading with the dead to leave him alone and excuse him for intruding. This was a slightly confusing sequence lol, it immediately cuts to Xiaoge hiding in the alcove the same as Wu Xie, without any hint he was there before (of course…). But anyways, Xiaoge is back! And Wu Xie looks started to see him, yet again haha. He always does that.

Hey, she really cleaned up nicely lol. What the heck, she was covered in mud from head to toe haha. Looks like it really is Chen Wenjin.

XIAOGE HAHA. He’s so low-key hilarious. “I gave you hints” “what hints” “my eyes”

What

Wu Xie is definitely not as good at reading him as he will be later on (but also to see that develop! the iron triangle definitely gets good at reading each other + that secret language they develop when they need more than glances and gestures), but really, that was not a good hint, Xiaoge…he’s trying though!

??? The Xie Lianhuan thing! It was never properly resolved in TLT2. WHAT.

SANSHU IS NOT SANSHU?? The identity issues and how alike the two look were definitely hinted at, but that’s quite the curveball. Also, it’s not like Wu Xie was a baby when that happened, how could he not have realized it was the wrong person who came home?? Not to mention his brothers, Wu Xie’s father and Er Shu.

Oh, they were transported to the sanatorium after passing out in the sea tomb. So “it” is whatever is moving behind the scenes.

oh?? Oh? What will happen next with Chen Wenjin stepping out.

This actor is doing great as Wu Xie during these emotional parts tbh.

Yes, of course the real Wu Sanxing is alive! Because he is a cryptid who still has to give people the run around later in the story. Actually, looking back from Reboot and Tomb of the Sea, I’m not so sure who is actually the Wu Sanxing they keep talking about lol. This is so confusing.

#dmbj #daomubiji #the muffin's drama watching adventures

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foxofninetales · 3 years

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Carbon and Other Forms Of Dating by Fox_of_Nine_Tales

Written for the 10 Year Promise Pingxie fic exchange - read all the exchange fics here!

Fandom: DMBJ | The Grave Robber’s Chronicles, The Lost Tomb 1, Ultimate Note

Pairing: Wu Xie / Zhang Qiling, background Hei Xia Zi/Xie Yuchen

Rating: Teen

Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Humor, Romance, Idiots in Love, Action/Adventure, First Meetings. Getting Together, Meet-Cute, Angst, Pining, Supernatural Elements, Canon-Typical Violence, OOC Sanshu (not a complete bastard), plot holes you could drive a bus through just go with it, Old Bastard (Carp) - Character, a suspiciously familiar fox

Summary:

Roped into a temp job as night watchman at his uncle’s museum, Wu Xie is looking forward to the most boring summer of his life. Until his other uncle sends him a mysterious artifact...

(A Night at the Museum inspired DMBJ AU.)

Excerpt:

“This,” said Pangzi, “is your badge. It’ll get you in and out of the restricted areas. And this is your radio. And this-” he held out a clunky silver cylinder “-is your flashlight. Any questions?”

Wu Xie held the flashlight out at arm’s length. It weighed more than his heaviest textbook and was, at a guess, older than he was. “Yes. Why is this in my hand and not in one of the display cases?”

“Don’t mock your elders and betters!" Pangzi held up an admonishing finger. "That flashlight is the elegant weapon of a more civilized age. Besides, you know we keep the lights low at night to protect the artifacts, so you may actually need that now and then.”

Wu Xie let his wrist go limp under the weight. “You do know that we have cell phones now, right? With built in flashlights?”

Pangzi snorted. “Where’s the poetry in that? You discover that a couple teenagers have hidden out inside the yurt diorama again and you’re going to, what, take a selfie with them? Nope. The flashlight comes with the job.” He took it from Wu Xie’s hand and hooked it on his belt, next to the radio, then stepped back to admire the effect. “There. Now you really look the part.”

“Thanks,” said Wu Xie dryly. “Rub it in, why don’t you?”

“Look, you were the one who was all excited when your uncle said he had a summer job for you at the museum. If you didn’t want it, you could have turned it down.”

“I thought he meant working in the preservation rooms, or staging the displays, or… or anything that uses my degree! Not this.” He waved his badge in resigned disgust.

“Hey!” said Pangzi. “Being a security guard is a fine and noble occupation. Defending priceless artifacts-“

“There’s nothing here that's that rare, you know.”

“-against the depraved intruders-“

“School fieldtrips.”

“-who would threaten our country’s glorious past!”

“You had to scrape gum off the lion statue again.”

Pangzi smacked Wu Xie lightly on the back of the head. “Besides, it’s not like you actually have the degree yet.”

“I’m working on it, though!” Wu Xie rubbed at his head, trying uselessly to restore some order to curls that were only too ready for any excuse to become disordered. “Just one more year! And then I’m going to be out there competing against other graduates who got actual summer internships in their field of study.”

“Yeah, and you could have had one, too, if you were willing for it to be unpaid. You want to earn some money? You’re gonna do some real work.” Pangzi grinned at Wu Xie as he stuck his tongue out at him. “You’re just annoyed that nepotism didn’t work.”

There may have been a little truth in that. “Couldn’t I at least be on the day shift? At least then maybe some stunningly attractive visitor would come in and we could have a meet-cute over the jade radish or something. If I can’t get academic cred, at least let me have a summer romance, Pangzi!”

“The job that was open was for night security guard, that’s the job you get,” said Pangzi ruthlessly. “You can romance the mummy, okay?”

Read it on AO3

Bonus extra: since this is set in a museum, beneath the cut are some visual references for the various exhibits (with links to more info), in case anyone is curious!

I won’t post a pic here (because she’s enough like a recent corpse that it might bother some folks) but follow the link to read more about Xin Zhui, the incredibly well-preserved Han Dynasty mummy.

Here’s her stone coffin:

Han dynasty jade burial suit (no, I wasn’t kidding about the articulation)

The Sword of Goujian

Jadite cabbage (the inspiration for this fic’s jade radish)

Insect specimens

Tang Dynasty pottery female polo player figurines

Ming Dynasty stone lion

Qing Dynasty dragon screen (this one found at auction here)

BIanzhong - bronze bells

Song Dynasty silk painting

Woodblock prints

Zhou Dynasty jade tortoise

Qin Dynasty bronze cranes

Qin Dynasty hanfu (though I admit my visual is significantly affected by my favorite costume from TSOTMD)

Compsognathus

Martaban Jar

The koi pond floor and the pottery huli jing were, I will admit, creations of my own whimsy!

I honestly don’t know if the jade “ritual object” is real or not, because that was not a Google search I was prepared to make.

#my fic #dmbj #foxfic #pingxie #10 Year Promise exchange #carbon and other forms of dating

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t-eyla · 3 years

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WIP Game: DMBJ

@hils79 tagged me in a WIP game, so here's a list of DMBJ WIPs! Some of these ideas don't have any words written yet, but they're solid enough to probably turn into a fic at some point. Also I've included vids, because vids can be WIPs, too!

* [Fic] Ultimate Note to LTR

I want to know how Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Xiaoge got from UN to LTR. I know there's canon, and I've seen Sand Sea and all that, but there's no coherent story that takes them from A to B, so I'd like to write myself something just so I'll know how it goes.

It would probably be from Pangzi's POV and start with Wu Xie returning from Changbai Mountain after Xiaoge ditched him. I'd be assuming here that in Ultimate Note, Wu Xie and Xiaoge were in the early stages of having a relationship, and Pangzi is at this point still just a friend. Cue 10 years of Wu Xie doing that thing he does, Pangzi realizing that he's hopelessly in love with this idiot and losing his shop in Beijing over it, Xiaoge eventually returning, lots of emotional struggles post-Bronze Gate, Wu Xie and Pangzi at some point getting into a relationship, Pangzi and Xiaoge finding each other after Xiaoge gets back and Wu Xie is too much of a mess to really support Xiaoge in re-acclimatizing himself, Wushanju moving from Hangzhou to Wuzhou (NOT SURE WHY BUT IT DOES SO I GUESS IT HAPPENS), and something something that leads into the threesome relationship they (in my reading of canon) have in LTR. And then probably a post-LTR epilogue that leads into Rain Village, though I've already kind of written that.

I've got about 1k of this written, but I need to read more of the books that occur during this time to get a better idea of what's actually canon. Also need to finish Mystic Nine to get a better idea of the Jiumen stuff and the elders of the Wu family.

* [Fic] Wu Xie Death and Resurrection

WHAT IF THUNDER CITY HADN'T WORKED? I just love temporary character death, and that's such a good opportunity for temporary character death.

So Thunder City doesn't work, and Wu Xie dies a pretty bad and unwilling death. We are once again in Pangzi POV because he's my boy and I love him. Anyway, after Wu Xie dies, Xiaoge snatches his body and absconds with it, without explaining wtf he's up to. Pangzi doesn't manage to stop him. He does try to go after him, but eventually receives a cryptic text from him along the lines of "Everything is gonna be ok, trust me".

Pangzi is not really willing to trust more things that will give him hope that'll probably be disappointed, but he does stop looking for Xiaoge and returns to Wushanju, where he's a sad widower for a while. He probably also (together with Wang Meng) sorts out the Wu family trouble that's still around at that point, just to have that out of the way.

Anyway, ONE DAY, Xiaoge shows up at Wushanju with, gasp, Wu Xie in tow! Explanation follows of how Xiaoge pulled that one off, and then healing and figuring out where they all stand starts, but I don't want to give too much away so you'll have to wait for the fic to read this part.

I only had this idea a few days ago so nothing has been written yet, but I really like it, so it'll probably be the next longfic I tackle.

[Vid] TOMB FAST TOMB FURIOUS

You know how in the books, in the scene where Xiaoge returns from the Bronze gate, Pangzi plays that F&F 7 song? So combining F&F with Tombs is canon. You also know the Luda song Act a Fool from the F&F 2 soundtrack? Anyway, that's it, that's the idea, it's not deep but I hope it'll be funny. I've got like a minute of this done.

[Vid] Jiumen generational trauma

I want to make a vid about Sanshu, Xie Lianhuan, Wu Xie, Xie Yuchen, and the utter awful gaslighting fuckery the youngest Jiumen generation has been put through. This is kind of a challenging idea so it's been percolating for a while; I've finally got a song for it but I haven't started working on it yet. Soon, though!

This got long! Tagging @uschickens, @merinnan, @foxofninetales, @elenothar, and @psychic-waffles (for art! tell me about your art WIPs, if you don't have fic to talk about!) only because you are the last five DMBJ folks who followed me :D. If you don't feel like doing it, or have already done it, of course no pressure. <3

#my wips #dmbj #meme

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merinnan · 4 years

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Time Raiders

Okay, pausing the DMBJ 2 watches to watch the Time Raiders movie instead! I've been told that the entire movie is basically one big crackfic & I want to see how true that is

- Apparently the only place I can find it is YouTube

- And we open with someone laying down cards which...seem to be making a qilin pattern. Okay.

- And now we're at the Himalayas, and it seems to be a bunch of white soldiers shooting people?

- Oh, this leader white guy has a classic villain look. I love the pocket watch, too

- Wait, he's supposed to be a scientist?

- He obviously hasn't read the Evil Overload Handbook

- And now this is giving me flashbacks to Xiaoge's first appearance in DMBJ1

- Ah, yes, I think this is the Xiaoge for this movie. Excellent.

- DUDES. You have GUNS. You were using them just before. Why are you now using knives only?

- I mean, it wouldn't do much better, because Xiaoge, but still

- This is A Look

- Finally, one of them uses a gun, and it's as useless as I expected it would be

- Ahahahah, omg, what he did to these two guys is hilarious

- That is a TERRIBLE hiding place

- Don't....don't leave him alive. JFC

- This flashback montage is super weird

- Look, I don't have a tattoo myself, but I'm pretty sure that that's not how you get tattoos

- And now we move to Wushanju

- Oh, I think it's Sanshu who's been playing with those cards

- ...you have got to be kidding me

- Really? We're really doing this?

- I guess this is Wu Xie, then

- What even did he just randomly put that mask on for

- That is NOT a newborn

- Awww, kid Wu Xie

- Yay, creepy old houses. And ofc kid Wu Xie is gonna try to get inside

- But that is a fucking massive lock

- Yes, of course, wrap the porch in giant fuckoff chains, but don't lock the front door. Why not?

- ....k

- Sure, that happened

- And bratty kid Wu Xie still pinched one of the medallions after all of that

- Okay, yeah, if you were a kid who had to go to a funeral every month, no wonder you'd be so bored at them

- This movie is all over the place in terms of timeline

- I think we're finally into the time period of the main story

- And it seems this one also has Wu Xie as having been an architecture student of some kind

- Oh, yes, that's exactly what you want to find while crawling through a tunnel

- WX: "Sanshu can never know about this. You didn't tell him, right?"

WM: *oh shit I'm screwed face*

- Hi Sanshu, I wonder how you got here

- I love that no matter what version it is, Wu Xie is a little shit XD

- ...Wu Xie. Moths. Light. No.

- Wu Xie gonna Wu Xie

- Wu Xie, what are you doing?

- OMG

- Sanshu, this is all your fault for never letting him in anything like this. He doesn't know not to touch

- Wow, that wasn't subtle at all

- That's some steampunky looking villain lair right there

- I love how the 'passerby video' getting screened fucking everywhere is just the movie footage of that scene XD That's some high quality passerby video with interesting angles

- That's an interesting drinking spot, Xiaoge

- I love that so far Wu Xie's instincts for everything is either 'touch it', 'wear it', or 'dismantle it'

- ....okay

- Yeah, I....I think this is going to be my reaction to most of the movie, tbh

- Although at least this whole magic Snake Empress and weird ancient technology/magic thing is more interesting than the bland het palace drama randomly dropped into the middle of DMBJ1

- Oh, finally, some product placement

- I was wondering what was taking it so long

- I love how all their desks and papers and such are inside what look like coffins, and then fold out

- Oh look, Xiaoge's sword is inside one of the coffins.

- And there's Xiaoge

- Hei Ye gave Sanshu the sword decades ago?

- lol, this is like some Sword in the Stone bullshit right here

- I love it

- a) Was all that really necessary

- b) wtf even is that sword?

- It's a really bizarre design, and surely being able to be moved like a mechanical device would weaken it?

- ...okay, that was a cute meeting, I'll give it that

- Love how the older guys are teasing Wu Xie in the truck here.

- Oh, Wu Xie's actually a psych student in this one

- And like, Wu Xie, how do you know Xiaoge was looking at his reflection. It's a window, he might have just been spacing out at the scenery

- You must have been paying a lot of attention to him to notice it was the reflection he was actually looking at, hmmm? 👀

- This is a cute Wu Xie, tho

- Yes, Wu Xie, despite your lack of modesty there I totally caught that you just called Xiaoge handsome

- WU XIE WHAT NO DON'T DO THAT

- Hahaha, Xiaoge had exactly the same reaction

- No, Wu Xie, it doesn't matter that you'd taken the ammo out, you should never stick the barrel of a gun in your face and look down it like that.

- Even if you're certain it's unloaded, you just DON'T DO THAT

- Wu Xie, lacking impulse control and survival instincts without Xiaoge and Pangzi since....forever

- (okay, lacking survival instincts was perhaps a bit too far, but still)

- I love Xiaoge's "omg what even are you" look at that

- This is a very talkative and open to talking about himself Xiaoge

- It's kind of weird

- lol @ Sanshu locking Wu Xie in the truck so he can't come with them

- I mean, really, does he actually expect this to work?

- He knows his nephew both likes and is good at taking things apart, after all

- lol, I knew it

- Oh

- Oh, that's not a good sign

- Even Coral's logo just screams 'villainous organisation'

- These mercenaries look like video game characters from like COD or something

- Oh hi, lady I presume is A-Ning

- I like the haircut. Looks kinda like DMBJ 1 Xiaoge's haircut, just with the fringe over the opposite eye

- Oh, there's that gratuitous boob shot that @thosch3i told me about

- I really don't see why it was necessary for A-Ning to crawl all over the truck like that when everyone else just walked past it

- There is some really nice scenery in this movie with all the mountains and cliffs and such

- "What I'm doing isn't about right or wrong, it's about how much" I like this A-Ning. She is refreshingly direct and mercenary

- Damn, I though Xiaoge was going to notice the drone. I mean, it's so close to them! He should notice it!

- Love Hendrix's surprised Pikachu face at recognising him, though

- I'm honestly surprised that none of them have looked in the truck at all

- I do appreciate that this movie doesn't even attempt to pretend that they're not tomb raiders

- And that they have no interest in preserving this place

- Because BOOM! Let's just dynamite our way in and destroy half the wall

- Oops, no floor there

- Hahaha, this tomb is a fucking platform game

- Lovely, a shootout in a tomb. Just what every good tomb raiding movie need

- lol, Sanshu

- Don't you ever ever again wonder where your nephew's little shit tendencies come from

- I think Xiaoge and A-Ning are the only truly competent people on their respective teams

- A-Ning, 'keep them alive' does not mean 'try to shoot one in the face at close range'

- That little boot knife is kinda cute, though

- Clever move, Pan Zi

- I love the Xiaoge/A-Ning fight. He really is the only one who could keep her distracted

- I'm impressed at how well she held her own with him

- IDK why he was holding back

- Also, Xiaoge participating in fight banter, no matter how minimal? Strange, but also kinda cool.

- I'm going to be giggling about that "Not bad"/"I know" for awhile, I think

- IDK how they had the time or the ability to stay still long enough to rig up that trap, I'm impressed

- lol, yeah, I didn't think that it would take Wu Xie long to get out of the truck

- I take back my earlier comment about it being too harsh to say that Wu Xie lacks survival instincts without Xiaoge and Pangzi around

- Wu Xie, there is not enough light down here for you to get good shots without your flash being on

- I know having your flash on is a BAD idea, but still

- You cannot be getting good photos in this light

- Why is Xiaoge separated from everyone? He jumped down with them

- I mean, it's good that he is, otherwise Wu Xie would be kinda screwed right now

- Huh, bats, there must be an actual entrance to this tomb, not just the one that Sanshu's team made.

- A-Ning's tiny baby drones are so cute

- The English dubbing in this is surprisingly good compared to the shows

- Yes, good, the staring is starting

- ...Wu Xie, you little shit

- He's so pleased with himself

- Xiaoge is so confused until he explains it

- OMG, a Xiaoge smile

- OMG A XIAOGE LAUGH

- Ah yes, multiple large tornadoes, a way to signify weird shit is going now

- And weird spinny planets forming an...energy grid of some kind?

- ...k

- The mini drones apparently only pick up on people who are part of A-Ning's team, I guess

- JESUS

- I mean, I had a strong suspicion that was gonna happen, but it still made me jump

- Xiaoge to the rescue!

- Damn, that sword is strong

- This tomb definitely has a spider colony, but given it also has a bat colony that doesn't surprise me

- Those are some creepy looking mannequins

- This set up looks like a game of Mouse Trap

- A game of Mouse Trap with fire

- That's actually a really cool way to light all the candles and lamps

- I'm impressed that none of the cobwebs have caught on fire

- Oh, so NOW you use your flash, Wu Xie. When the room is all well lit and you don't actually need it

- CREEEEEPY

- Wu Xie and his compulsive need to touch things

- Are all the puppets connected somehow, or are we gonna have spooky magical shit making them all come to life?

- Oh, the puppet band is like the bells, I guess

- Huh, it seems Wu Xie's the only one who got thrown into memories in these illusions, everyone else's hallucination still has them inside the tomb

- wtf, a lion is a weird thing to hallucinate

- Magic Zhang blood, go!

- IDK why he needs to cut himself for each person, though, surely one cut should be enough to get all the drops of blood he needs

- Good boy, Wu Xie, already so protective of his Xiaoge

- This really is a fucking platform game

- Guys, this is why you study up on the raid mechanics BEFORE you enter the instance

- Ahahahah, the music playing as Wu Xie basically dances with the sword trap

- lol, the look on Xiaoge's face as he realises Wu Xie is just...fucking dancing and taking photos

- And that it's WORKING

- OMFG, this is basically just a bizarre dance sequence

- I love it

- It's so stupid

- The puppets having fucking crossbows

- Because ofc they do

- Repeating crossbows

- ...k

- So now we have a room full of skeletons stuffed into cages

- Why not

- Ah, we're about to have bugs show up

- Excellent

- This is what I've been waiting for

- Let the hilarity begin continue

- Dude, you can quit right now as much as you like, but it doesn't mean you're going to be able to get out of here by yourself

- I guess this guy's gonna die now

- For the tropes are hungry and must be fed

- Much like the bugs

- Yep, here we go

- Hello, shibie, I've been expecting you

- These ones don't look as cartoonishly ridiculous as the ones in DMBJ 1, I'm sad

- OMFG, it's eating the shovel/pick/thing

- Okay, this is a good effort at cartoonish ridiculousness

- It's a lovely day in the tomb, and these are horrible shibie

- Poor Wu Xie, so shocked at getting slapped

- And yeah. Yeah, that's about the only thing you can do there.

- Only way to save the guy is to just give him a quick death so he doesn't suffer from being eaten alive

- They're lucky these shibie move so slowly. It gives them plenty of time to climb up onto those frames

- lol, weird bendy sword again

- Wow, good catch, Wu Xie

- Y'know, Wu Xie, it might have been more useful to give the knife to Da Kui

- And ofc Wu Xie falls down

- What is a DMBJ adaptation without Wu Xie getting himself into danger like this?

- That was so much wtf all at once

- First, an unbroken flute just, like, laying there on the ground

- Then, Wu Xie somehow thinking that playing it would save him from the bugs

- Then that WORKED

- He's like the fucking Pied Piper of the shibie

- What even is this movie

- Haha, the little OK sign he flashes at Xiaoge

- The wtf look on Xiaoge's face

- Same, Xiaoge. Same

- I love how everyone just. Accepts it & congratulates Wu Xie on being an awesome flute player

- But then ig what else are you gonna do?

- It's like, well, this may as well happen

- Sanshu's team really likes using grenades, huh?

- Well, it does work pretty well!

- See, Wu Xie, this is when you need to summon your bugs back

- On a completely different tangent, I cannot get over how weirdly the subs translate men you ping. I had to look up wtf shtum was. I've never come across it before. Is it something more commonly used in the US or something?

- Xiaoge, when you said you had a better way than digging under the door, I didn't think you meant just BATTERING THE FUCKING DOOR WITH THE SHOVEL

- Oh, no, it's with your sword

- Because the best way to look after a sharp blade and keep it in good condition and keep a good edge is to...hack at rocks with it

- Ofc

- Why didn't I think of that?

- OK, ig fucking up your sword's edge did actually work, there's now a giant-ass hole in the door

- This is serious Day After Tomorrow vibes here

- Ah, yes, giant lightning strikes that cause so much force to travel through the earth that they can semi-collapse a tunnel deep underneath a mountain

- Just your usual tomb robbing dangers

- Physicists and meteorologists would have a fucking field day here

- Ah, I see we're at this level of the platform game

- With the collapsing floor you need to get across without falling

- Okay, that's really kinda sweet of Wu Xie here. He thinks he's likely to die, and the most important thing to him is giving Xiaoge the pictures he took of him so that he doesn't lose all his memories

- And aww, Xiaoge's so worried about him

- Like, I'm totally understanding why the transmigrated Wu Xie in that fic looked at these two and went "wow, we're so gay in this timeline"

- Even the music in this scene is shipping it

- Romantic line, and dramatic fall through the floor. Yep.

- I'm amazed he survived that fall, but it's Wu Xie, and he can't die

- ...yes, ancient Persian architecture totally had anachronistic technology. Sure. This is definitely like that

- omfg, they're statis chambers

- 2000 year old stasis chambers

- Guess they're not worried about catching Sanshu and his team to get the key anymore. They've been kinda sidetracked

- Side quests will do that

- ...plant golems

- "Don't shoot the thing that's in the process of murdering your friend! You might damage my research project!"

- Ew, that's not a nice death

- Yes, good girl, A-Ning

- That thing was just gonna kill your whole team otherwise

- ...how did that laptop survive the blast enough for Wu Xie to be using it with no problem

- That's one tough laptop

- Where do I get one?

- And hey, I guess the one Chinese guy with A-Ning isn't actually one of her people, since she just, like, left him there 🤣 In the room with a plant golem 🤣 That she then threw a grenade into 🤣

- ...omg, that's meant to be Pangzi?

- I was wondering why no Pangzi in the movie. I guess 3/4 of the way through isn't too late to properly intro him

- Ahahaha, Wu Xie actually thinks his bluff was super successful when there's a plant golem behind him

- Xiaoge to the rescue again XD

- lol @ both Pangzi and Wu Xie using Xiaoge's sword as a restraint

- ...surprise A-Ning! I wasn't expecting her to actually come back

- And she's somehow lost all of her guys

- That's a lot of snakes, but I'm more interested in where all the water is coming from and why you can see the sun behind those shelves

- Given how deep under a mountain they're supposed to be

- I do love competent, pretty girls wielding huge fuckoff guns

- This door mechanism is so intricate (like the key/timer). So ofc I'm sure they're going to destroy it all

- Because that's how tomb raiding movies go

- Introduce a tomb with intricate and complex mechanisms far in advance of anything else known to that time period and civilisation, and then destroy them in dramatic fight and escape scenes

- OMG the floor is lava

- Of course there's lava as well

- Oh, and it seems it's now all open to the sky

- Ig the lightning which could mysteriously exert high levels of force must have smashed through the mountain and very neatly cleared it all way so that this part of the tomb and only this part of the tomb is now open air

- Wang Zanghai wishes he could go this extra with tomb building

- And now Xiaoge being super extra to get across the destroyed section of the bridge

- So this dude is gonna wake up just before Xiaoge gets there, isn't he?

- And we're going to get an epic swordfight between them

- At least, it better be an epic swordfight

- Otherwise this buildup will be very disappointing

- Ah, yes, good, there we go

- And all the plant golems are also waking up

- ...along with a shitton of snakes

- OMG the snakes have arms

- The snakes

- have arms

- OMG Xiaoge's sword is doing what now?

- That's almost as ridiculous as the snakes with arms

- It's like a sword designed by a 13 year old weeaboo boy

"it's gonna be ancient, and super strong, and nothing will ever make it blunt"

"okay, seems like a typical magic sword so far, that's fair"

"and you can bend it at right angles"

"...you can what"

"and when it's bent at right angles, you can make it spin really fast and still use it like a proper sword"

"...it what"

- ...the Snake Empress is reforming in her armour as thousands of little vines all coming together

- k

- Sure

- This may as well happen

- And her armour has boobplate, because ofc it does

- Oh, she ain’t happy that Xiaoge just killed her plant golem boyfriend

- Her aesthetics are hilarious

- It's part Queen of the Damned, part Little Shop of Horrors

- Okay, snake lady, your worms might change the world but honestly I think that lightning would be more effective if you could control it

- Sanshu and co just randomly walk in through another entrance

- Oh, and there's the rest of A-Ning's team

- I want the story behind this A-Ning and her team. The way they all call her captain, and follow her without a second word, and are so genuinely happy to see her. This isn't just a throw-together team, or a team that Hendrix put together and put her in charge of. This is her team, and there's an obvious history between them

- And snake lady is suddenly not looking as pretty as she was, for no discernible reason

- One minute she's jumping around, the next she's all pale and falling apart. At least her face is

- It's like she's decomposing throughout the fight

- And here come the snakes with arms

- They move just as slowly as the shibie in here do

- They jump pretty fast, though

- RIP the next member of Sanshu's team

- Yeah, machine guns aren't that effective against regular snakes, let alone magic snakes

- And the plant golems are here

- RIP more of Sanshu's team

- Ah, the little snakes with arms are all grown up and off to conquer the world

- ...omfg Pangzi

- And this time it's A-Ning to the rescue

- I love how quickly Wu Xie and Pangzi fall into the dynamic of a pair of clowns, regardless of adaptation

- RIP Harry. You went out like a badass

- Oh wow, both teams are having some fucking epic sacrificial deaths in this fight scene

- I like

- And more cute pingxie, this time in flashbacks

- lol, clearing out plant golem conversion by pure force of will

- ...and channeling blood down the grooves in the sword blade apparently...makes it sharper?

- At least, it couldn't cut through the vines before, and now it can

- That's not how magnetic fields work

- Ahahaha, Wu Xie pulling out his flute

- He's gonna pull that Pied Piper shit again, isn't he?

- Here come the shibie, come to nom on plant-snake-lady flesh!

- She's having just as much trouble with them as everyone else does

- Because it's a lovely day in the tomb, and they are horrible shibie

- Wow, she hits hard, she knocked Xiaoge like halfway across the chasm

- Good thing there was a random broken pillar there

- Are they getting obliterated?

- Ah, no, they're getting sucked up by the wind

- Shibie-nado!

- You know, I kinda like how bad Wu Xie's English is compared to everyone else who's spoken English so far

- It nicely demonstrates who speaks it a lot and who doesn't

- Aw, Wu Xie, you're always so optimistic when you're baby

- And it actually worked. I'm impressed.

- Oh wow, A-Ning, that's some character development right there, caring about right or wrong instead of money

- Nice Pangi & A-Ning dynamic in this movie, given how they usually hate each other

- This is definitely the final level of a platform game

- Hahah, the two teams now

- Awwwwwwww 😭

- I think this is the first time I've seen Wu Xie rescue Xiaoge rather than vice versa

- "I regret not locking you in the truck myself"

- Sorry, Xiaoge, I don't think you'd actually have much more luck with that than Sanshu did

- Xiaoge, you really should have been more careful there, you almost did low Wu Xie

- Good thing A-Ning was close by!

- ....the sword...is being used...as a boomerang

- wtaf

- Hahahah, the snakes' death throes, omg

- lol what even was that ending

Overall: This movie was just one long DMBJ PingXie AU crackfic, and the author didn't know how to end it so just...didn't write an actual ending. That's the only way I can explain it.

#dmbj #daomu biji #time raiders

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