#we've all had that moment

[ssaalexblake]

Why is 13's regen abt a white dude and why is 15's regen abt a white dude when do we get rid of that white man that just Cannot let other people have their own moments I swear this is so old, like really, it's a tale as old as time where white dudes are the center of the narrative and universe and everyone caters to them, and I'm so bored of it being celebrated. It's not innovative, it's not new, it's not brave.

#dw shit #dw negativity #im literally actually bored #We've been Knowing the same shit was done to whittaker and gatwa outside the show #and got treated like we're just bitter bc of very real criticism about the optics and treatment of them botj #*both #and worried that the same thing would happen in the show #and uh... #like really? idc abt wacky plot points but I've just spent Years dealing with ppl #digging under the sea to think of reasons to be pissed at anything that happened in or bts in 13's era #and this foul treatment is front and center and it's not an issue? #gatwa deserves the spotlight in the most important moments #he has been denied them both in and out of the show and i have yet to be given a good reason #as to why that's acceptable. #can somebody Please let dt know this shit bc he's a clueless as fuck privileged white dude but by all accounts seems nice enough #and i think he'd Probably care if he had a clue

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

No. Please. A century I have known naught but sorrow; rage. A century have I been Ketheric's captive. Release me. I beg you.

A bit that I find really heartbreaking happens if you try to leave the dialogue with Aylin in her Shadowfell prison, after you've convinced her you're not a Sharran. This is mere seconds after she was smirking at you with:

She sounds genuinely afraid that you, the only person in over a hundred years who isn't there to ritualistically kill her or torment her in some unthinkable way, are about to abandon her. In sheer contrast to all the brave posturing and proud defiance she was demonstrating not moments before, all the blustering and insisting that she, immortal, will simply outlast all of you, that this affects her not a bit and is in fact nothing in the grand scope of her life (which we later see is actually rather painfully untrue).

#we've had a hundred years hurt now it's time for TEN THOUSAND YEARS COMFORT FOR DAME AYLIN #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #dame aylin #bg3 spoilers #the notes say her “bravado melts for a moment” and that she really is desperate to get out of there and i just #the way her face softens and her eyes widen... #yeah #me making a resolution to be more active on tumblr in order to have a healthy outlet for all my fannish nonsense once again #(the font size is really tiny on so many of my screenshots it makes them look horrible when posted ugh)

[symphonyincoordination]

"I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and then I move on"

-Charles Emerson Winchester III

#mash #mash 4077 #charles emerson winchester iii #it's OK Charles we've all had our moments XD #episode is The Young and the Restless

[panncakes]

"Drive safely."

LAWS OF ATTRACTION (2023)

#laws of attraction #laws of attraction the series #charntinn #tinncharn #jamfilm #film thanapat #jam rachata #mine* #loaedit #bledit #the way tinn visibly works up the courage to say something and then immediately back tracks #how despite charn having been flirting with him since the first second and they had a genuine Moment but a few hours ago at most #he is still such a school boy with a crush trying to play it cool when he is the one taking initiative #and god how delighted and fully charmed charn is by him and his awkwardness #and the endless lingering stares as tinn moves to go when he actually really doesn't want to go #im so obsessed with everything about them #theres absolutely no reason for this gifset ot be this long but i just really love all their nuances here #especially tinns bc we've seen so little of it around charn until this episode but look at his little face!! #give him a reason to stay charn!!

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^

#i really want to write sth like this about gender too bc thats also connected to all of this #special love to sonja for all the moments of self-discovery we've had in the past months 💚💚 #joker out #personal #thanks for listening to my rambles <3

[taikanyohou]

The Note Saga.

HIS MAN 2 (2023). Jun Sung + Sung Ho in Episode 5.

#his man 2 #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramasource #asiandramanet #dailyasiandramas #kdramaedit #kdramasource #kdramadaily #* #faiza gifs #ONE THE MOST ICONIC MOMENTS BETWEEN THEM! #SO MUCH WAS SAID BETWEEN ALL OF THIS BETWEEN THEM! #SUNGHO FINALLY GAVE IN AND RECIPROCATED BACK ON HOW HE FEELS AND JUNSUNG? HE'S GONE. HE'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GONE LMAOOOOO/ #and then sungho WHINING at the end like 'you should have woke up earlier we could have gone on a date!!!!!!!' LIKE. THIS BABY BOY OF MINE!! #WANTS TO GO ON A DATE WITH JUNSUNG TOO!!!! #he wants it tooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! #HE SAYS WHILST MUNCHING ON THE COOKIES JUNSUNG MADE FOR HIM AND GIFTED HIM :((((((( GOD THEY'RE JUST. SO !!!! MUCH!!!! #god i was just thinking rn we've had SO MUCH buildup for this 'DATE' between these 2 and how BOTH of them are at the point now where they #SO BADLY wanna go on a date with one another ............. GOD. when we FINALLY ACTUALLY LITERALLY get their date ........... #ugh its. ITS GOING TO BE SO GOOD. i can just FEEL IT in my bones the way the whole and the narrative has SET their date up #to be this BIG ANTICIPATORY thing. IT'S GOING TO BE SO SO SOOOO GOOD WHEN WE FINALLY GET IT!

[chipistrate]

I think my one real issue with Vanny and GGY coming back in future installments is just,,, we didn't get any real time with 3 star fam??

Like- we never saw their dynamic, we JUST got confirmation they were even canon only 5 months ago, and now that's all going away before we can even see them interact and we're back to square one with them being Glitchtrapped again?

It's a really interesting concept, Cassie freeing Mimic and getting the two re-Glitchtrapped- I'm not upset about the idea at all, I love it!! I just wish we'd gotten some time with 3 star fam first,,

The best thing I could compare it too would maybe be the Metal Virus saga in the Sonic IDW comics? There were new characters in IDW that we'd basically just met and didn't know a whole lot about, and then they were thrown into a huge climatic saga that felt like it'd rely on us knowing the characters and their dynamics really well and being super attached to them, but we'd practically just met them. It didn't make the saga bad of course, it was amazing! It just felt like it was way too soon in the comics life span and should've come later once we'd gotten to see more of the characters personalities and dynamics.

Just- TLDR; neat concept neat idea I want to see where it goes, but if that's where we're going next with the series then it was done way too soon and we should've gotten at least one installment with 3 star fam before this arc.

#Chip Chatter #help wanted 2 spoilers #HW2 spoilers #sorry for shoving Sonic in there it was genuinely the best example I had on hand ruigjhlrfdgcx #even then we'd at least seen most of the characters interact at least once before the metal virus saga iirc #Vanessa Gregory and Freddy have NEVER had a moment where we've seen them all interact outside of Security Breach- in which Gregory and #Freddy were actively working against Vanessa and Vanessa against them #it's not the dynamic of 3 star fam so it doesn't really count 2 me

[doortotomorrow]

CLARK KENT - Smallville: 8.01

#Smallville #Clark Kent #Tom Welling #smallvilleedit #this shot of him never fails to make me feel short of breath #he's positively gorgeous #when he came onto the screen looking like this #you just knew we were entering into the show's second golden age #because the show had reached the moment we've all been waiting for #Clark working in Metropolis at the Daily Planet

[blood-orange-juice]

I keep complaining but I actually did like the 4.2 Archon Quest very much.

It was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

The moment I understood what was happening I stopped caring about spoilers and theories and how it all ties into the lore. It just didn't matter anymore. It never does with stories such as this.

#best AQ we've had #I didn't think it was possible to top Sumeru #and yet here we are #ugly cried at a certain scene #also the moment when furina comes out of the opera house after everything #perfection #it was all so sad and so *right* at the same time #as befits the archon of justice #cheers to hoyo for writing that #also his grace got his flying ship and I approve #focalors #neuvilette #fontaine spoilers #genshin spoilers

[aq2003]

my verdict on the day of the doctor novelization is that the plot is still so stupid to me but at least i can live my life knowing moffat can write ten marginally correctly but he only keeps it in a novelization where nobody is going to see it. (my personal highlights under the cut)

him. aroace

this is a really good take on the ten and river dynamic, they're acquaintances and ten purposefully keeps it that way. the "time can be rewritten maybe her horrible death that happened in front of me can be prevented if i stay away from her" really goes well with how he's left after the events of journey's end

"he had to stop thinking before it tore him apart!" is THE most ten narration i've seen in my life. i need to eat rocks

this part just makes me really really sad. the dissociation between the tone and what's actually happening (him getting tortured. for months). how he's so clearly not acknowledging what's happening to him (he won't describe the screaming as his own). how he latches onto the only other presence there and focuses on charming her and making her laugh??? this also makes the hinting at a romance between ten and elizabeth that moffat does, extremely fucking upsetting because you can see how ten is just so fucking lonely and on instinct attaching himself to anyone who has any amount of regular presence to him. even if. well. you know. the torture.

like this. see. i need to be shot

you will hear from my lawyers steven.

[coughs up blood]

the "over and over". i need to be put in a blender

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

#i say marginally. it's not perfect. but he manages to get ten's general vibe down well and wow i didnt know u had it in u dude #manic and melodramatic. talking himself hoarse. pacing everywhere. repeating what he's saying over and over #simultaneously fearing and embracing death. full of so much love and anger and grief. like yeah .. thats my boy... he is here.. #but the queen elizabeth marriage plotline is still. Annoying ! (i can see v clearly that moffat is trying to do like #a madame de pompadour 2.0 re: queen elizabeth in the novelization and it's like. steven he's aroace we've established this) #and i still. dont like what this overall story is trying to accomplish! but this is the fault of the episode the novelization cant fix that #but besides the expected gripes i have it was much more enjoyable to read than watching the actual episode #the structure of it was fun and does a lot in making use of the written medium that u couldnt do in tv live action #dr who #10 era #11 era #aspec doc tag #also realizing all my highlights are a singular aroace ten moment followed by ten being the saddest wettest beast you'll ever see. lord

[unpretty]

Okay feel free to delete this if it's too rude, but. Like. I cannot IMAGINE seeing the words "Kickstarter exclusive rulebook" and thinking, "oh, that's definitely this obscure game console, no other possibilities." Like- what??? That's like if someone said, "Oh, they saw this really pretty book on my shelf" and I was like "Oh, you mean an iPad?" I understand that there are people who don't know ttrpgs have physical rulebooks or don't know what a Kickstarter is, but you'd at least KNOW that there

are things you don't know about and then move on!!! Not, like... assume it's about something in a completely different category along *multiple* axes??????

it's SO weird, they see the words "game system" and "kickstarter exclusive" and their brains shut down leaving nothing but the word OUYA where reading comprehension should be

#original #THE ORIGINAL ASK SPECIFICALLY SAYS IT'S A BOOK... ON A SHELF... #listen i get it we've all had moments where we just can't read suddenly #we've all been there #but why have multiple people been very excited at the opportunity to derail into dunking on the ouya #it's been ten years guys no one is still talking about the ouya #being smug about not buying an ouya is like bragging that you never bought an hd-dvd addon for your xbox

[henrysglock]

S4 Victims: Story by Proxy?

Okay so. In spitballing with Em...something stuck in my head.

So we all know how serial killers leave crumbs because deep down they want to be caught/want the truth to be revealed? Well what if the Duffers, or even current Henry, are doing the same thing. That is, leaving breadcrumbs.

This mainly has to do with the S4 victims, their stories, and the order in which they're chosen.

So, it goes like this:

Chrissy: Abusive mother who resembles Virginia

Fred: Eaten alive by the guilt of being responsible for the accidental death of an innocent.

Max: Suicidal over guilt about Billy's death and her response to it. Billy, who died saving her/while she was saving herself from the Fleshflayer, a regenerated form of the Mindflayer.

Patrick: Abusive father, not much else told.

Max (again): Suicidal Ideation, dies, soul taken, but was revived by El. She's now in some limbo-state, where her body lives but her identity/mind is elsewhere. She will likely be brought back entirely by El in S5.

It almost feels like a story by proxy if we piece it together.

So, let's piece it together:

Person with an abusive mother...feels responsible for the death of an innocent...a sibling who was killed while this person was trying to save themselves from a monster which came from Hawkins lab, which leaves them suicidal...and this person lives in a situation with an abusive father figure. This person becomes suicidal, and their suicide attempt was not entirely successful. They were revived by El, and end up in a limbo state. They may or may not be brought back by El later.

Now, let's collect details about our serial killer:

Abusive mother? Check. (No matter how we frame it, Virginia was not a good mother.)

Innocent died? Check. (Henry has nothing bad to say about Alice, which we know he would if she were not innocent, since he does this with every other victim.)

Sibling died as a result of saving oneself? Check. (The Creel massacre was a situation where Henry was, with whatever intentions we may assign for the other family members' deaths, trying to save himself from Virginia and by extension the lab.)

Ended up with an abusive father figure? Check. (Well...an abusive Papa, one might say.)

Brought back by El multiple times? Check. (El was the one who took Soteria out and brought Henry back from being powerless. El was the one who put Henry in the UD/limbo state. El was the one who opened the gate for his return to the RSU.)

IT ALL ALIGNS. So let's put it together with all the feelings involved:

Citations (I guess? Explanations?) are in the tags listed by number!

Henry had an abusive mother who was at least trying to have him shipped off to the lab, if not actually trying to kill him outright. This situation builds and builds, him wanting to be left alone (1), putting out subconscious and conscious cries for help (2), and her targeting him about it, until March 25th, 1959.

Virginia starts it, attacks, and this time she's out for blood (3). Henry defends himself (4). Virginia, being the parent with powers (5), doesn't actually die (6). Victor, Alice, and Henry go for the door (7). Virginia's on the stairs (8). She's got to finish what she started, since her original plan was botched (9). Henry puts his energy into trancing Victor (10), protecting him from Virginia, since logically two people can't occupy one person's mind.

This leaves good, innocent Alice to fend for herself, standing directly in front of the staircase. She's a loose end (11). Virginia kills her, but can't kill Henry or Victor while the trance is occurring. She figures Henry's going to run himself into the ground (12). She figures she can call Brenner in to collect Henry, like they planned (13). If she disappears, she figures it'll go into the news something like this:

"World War II veteran kills entire family in deranged fit of insanity. Wife missing, presumed dead. Son dies in hospital."

And on both counts, she's essentially right. It does basically go into the papers that way. Victor is taken in for murder, and Henry is taken by Brenner, but not before he sees that Alice was caught in the crossfire (14).

Henry ends up with Brenner, the abusive Papa. He's got the guilt about Alice's death, something that makes him sad and angry. Brenner, maybe, decides to push this in order to increase Henry's powers, but it backfires. Henry's powers increase, but he does...something. He lashes out, he snaps, maybe he even tries to kill himself. He's Brenner's prized pet, though, so Brenner can't let that happen. He seals Henry's powers away with Soteria. It's a death for Henry's entire identity, so far as to have him under the name Peter Ballard. Then comes along 011. She removes Soteria from Peter Ballard...and revives Henry Creel. She then exiles him to the Upside Down in 1979, only to eventually bring him back in 1983 when she opens the Mothergate.

All this to say: It could be his own story, told through the stories of his victims.

Breadcrumbs, or maybe...obvious things, which nobody by any chance ever observes.

Below the cut is where I speculate into motivations for his actions after Soteria's removal, so...not required reading for this particular analysis.

Years of MKUltra torture warp Henry's guilt about the situation into a bastardized, violent, brutal, unethical savior complex based in the notion that he's a predator by nature, but a predator for good. He "saves" the lab kids from a future like his own, filled with nothing but torture. He "saves" El from her ignorance about the lab and intended to have her join him, thereby attempting to "save" her, technically his little sister, from the lab entirely.

He "saves" his s4 victims from their guilt and suffering, which so closely mirror his own, which no one saved him from. I could even go so far as to say he was "saving" Will, who is set up to be so much like him, from a world of horrible people who (from Henry's viewpoint based on his lived experiences) would only serve to abuse and betray him.

This of course isn't to say any of it is right. None of it is right or good...but it makes sense. It follows a pattern. It coheres. The math...maths.

#Citations! #1: Henry often hides alone in the attic. #2: Victor's burning cradle vison (a child in need of help). The drawing of the Shadow Monster. Possibly Alice's nightmares. #2 (cont.): Can all be interpreted as calls for help. Children in distress act out and make disturbing art in hope of conveying that need. #3: Virginia may or may not have been trying to kill Henry but based on the Fleshflayer parallel re: sibling death...it's probable. #4: Henry himself describes that night as self defense/being forced to act. #5: Virginia likely had powers given that Henry has powers #6: Her powers are likely similar to Henry's and Henry has regenerative powers. There are also fishy scenes of her death which imply #6 (cont.): that she may have still been alive. These include: shots from her POV. The fact that her eyes are bloody-- #6 (cont.): but still intact in some shots. The unexplained POV from the top of the stairs. #7: Henry looks very nervous and fidgety at the door like he's antsy to leave with Alice and Victor #8: Again the unexplained POV on the stairs...stairs she earlier runs down after Henry gives her her mirror moment in the bathroom. #9: Henry was successful in disabling her initially which exposed her culpability. #10: Henry puts *so* much time into Victor in canon with basically no explanation why. #11: Alice seems to be a smart and upstanding girl. She might not be controllable re: Virginia being alive/the whole scheme with Brenner. #11 (cont.): The only way to eliminate that risk is to kill her...and we've already seen that Virginia is not good to at least one child. #12: If Virginia has powers like Henry's she likely has a sense of how long someone can be tranced before the trancer runs out of energy. #13: Who called Brenner to come get Henry during his coma? How did Henry end up in Brenner's hands specifically? #14: amerion-main's recent post re: Henry's position change in the foyer shots #End Citations! #This is all very much speculation when it comes to the actual path of events re: the Creel Massacre #but we can all agree that we don't have the full story about the Creels yet...so who knows. #henry/vecna/001 #henry creel analysis #henry creel #virginia creel #creel family #stranger things #stranger things analysis

[theflyingfeeling]

I rewatched some old Aleksi streams today and sigh I can’t believe they really are late night boyfriends and I can’t believe Aleksi really said Olli is the best chef and he also said they always share a room and the others tease them and I can’t believe he called loafers ollimatela shoes and they really just do casually call each other whenever they want and answer immediately and and and- sigh 😭😭💗💞💓💖

it's not just the delulu, it really is like that and it's killing meeeeeee 🥺😭😩

just the other day (or was it this morning? 🤔) I was actually thinking how they spend sooooooo much time together already because of the whole band thing, and STILL they facetime and call and text each other regularly outside the band stuff and Olli sends Aleksi his guitar riffs so Aleksi can use them in his remixes and Olli apparently drops everything to amuse Aleksi for his silly twitch streams and Aleksi retook the 'which BC member are you' quiz and GOT OLLI and Olli's socks ended up in his suitcase "somehow" and and and--

just, HOW are we supposed to witness this with our own eyes and not have Thoughts(tm)?? 😭😭😭💞💞

#if i had more than 24 hours in a day and also the skills i'd make clips of all the times olli has been ''present'' in allu's streams 🤧 #because it's happened so many times it's making me a little crazy 😂 #also. personally i'm still very much thinking about 1) aleksi deciding to re-take the BC member quiz in the first place #of all the quizzes 🤨 #and 2) his confused reaction skfjsjfkdjfkdj ''how did i not get myself'' #well honey it's because you have a crush #like. was that either a moment of realization OR was he trying to prove a point to himself? #''i'm NOT actually crushing on olli and this quiz will be the proof of that'' well look how that turned out lol #(you know. much like that...other thing he did to ''prove he's not crushing on olli'' we've talked about in the dms 😶) #aleksi in denial is still such a delicious trope <3 #answered asks #sparfloxacin #ollixallu

[micamone]

know somethins wrong with me when im standing in the store staring at the eggs thinking "maybe gaston was onto something just straight up eating a dozen of those. maybe i should try idk." when i dont even like eggs.

#what am i lacking to be craving this come on #sorry remembered this moment as i got another craving for eggs rn #ive been stretching all the things i can get away with putting eggs in this week man #we've done SOUPS with egg we've done RICE with egg jve had TORTILLAS n egg ive made FRENCH TOAST #with bread i dont even like!!!!!! #im two steps away from making egg nog from scratch. or pudding and just drinking that. its getting serious #my posts

[hella1975]

realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually

#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head #went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that #like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined #but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear #that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never #be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there #but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here #like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her #like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened #i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever #and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints #bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF #like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would #give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive #so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed #and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs #and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit #and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause #bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been #SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair #but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said #she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me? #like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum #hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit #like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious #and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper #and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off #and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life #but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE #then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fun connection on this archived kickstarter update from the 2011 production/s of "the bus" as found by @broadway-heere-i-come ft. many pics from their trip to wichita, kansas for several performances there, including this one

fantastic stuff & was noticing that it seems like partly legible lyrics back there, which sent me over to consult that q&a sincerely me vlog again like hang on lol. and sure enough

lo, behold

#giving ''every moment'' vs ''where a moment'' but i'm sure either is plausible just based on listening. anyone got a cd insert booklet #tragic that further pages of the kickstarter aren't waybacked up. may not have let you access them if not a backer? #lot of great stuff on page 1 though fr #will roland #hey beautiful #(the The Bus tag lol) #live it up!: #deh #maybe could've used a fourth take actually lmao. let's all watch the 6+ min ''interview'' w/those two seeing spamalot together #love the bit right at the start where someone asks what mike faist's hair smells like & will immediately launches into explaining what it #feels like & michael park is like oh yup. we've all been there. probably the more fun answer anyways #speaking of him b/c it's such a Journey of a video i never remember precisely when mike faist barrels through the door #get out!!! what were you thinking.... #used to keep forgetting it happened at all which was a delight. happens during the karaoke / singing in shower answer! #oh i also had the thought like. the Probably Non Phone Photography of 2011 here #noticed that like ''Portrait of someone near the camera with motion blur towards its focus point'' & also noted it as feeling like #a Stock Photo kind of phenomenon now decidedly Out Of Date. then thinking like well that might not be much of a coincidence lol #as in: it would be a spontaneous Photo Effect ppl were more accustomed to At The Time. maybe! #(just realizing fantastic grammatical ambiguity. i meant the ''including this one'' in the opening there to be going off of ''many pics #[...] including this one'' but that it can be interpreted as ''several performances there [...] including this one [will karaoke.jpg]'' #like wow works great either way actually lmao. no notes) #p.s. i dunno why some of the lyrics were bolded. did not enter any of the terms into the search. Watch You Smile While Sleeping emphasis