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vesperlionheart · 4 years

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Vesper’s Quarantine ‘Finished’ Reading List

If you’re stuck indoors and feeling anxious sometimes the best thing is to drown your brain in distractions until you’re able to function again. Thus, I’ve put together a list of Sakura centric stories to entertain you. There’s a lot of shameless self promo here, fair warning, but it’s my blog and my blogpost so that’s where we’re gonna start. Some of my favorite fic are ones still being updated but this list includes only stories marked as [complete].

[Finished personal fic]

Obelisk: Kingdom of Man By: VesperChan 'She could swear she smelt sulfur when she exhaled. Nothing good ever came from boys who smelled like sulfur.' An ancient Egyptian curse and a world of dreams opens Sakura up to a life devoid of safety. In the darkness her nightmares bow themselves to her. In the morning they feast on her heart. AU SakuraMany Obelisk: Kingdom of Beasts By: VesperChan One Kingdom down, three to go. Carrying the scars on her heart, Sakura must brave the dreams again as this time, there are more sinister things then men waiting for her when she goes to sleep. The wolves have come to feast and her body will know their teeth. AU SakuraMany Obelisk: Kingdom of Monsters By: VesperChan More than halfway through the curse, Sakura's nightmares hold nothing back as fangs and spells seek to drag her down and bury her with the dead. Monsters have come at least to feast on what is left of her bones and devour her wounded heart. Beyond the scars and bloodshed, her soul is beginning to fade under the dim lights of another enchanted speakeasy and ruby eyes. AU SakuraMany Obelisk: Kingdom of Gods By: VesperChan Entering the final kingdom, Sakura stands atop a castle of sand to face down the gods who first orchestrated the curse and began the bloody tradition of collecting human souls in a little black obelisk. Gladiators, Egyptian gods, and blood thirsty pharaohs paint a vivid picture on the inside of her mind as she sleeps, dreams, and struggles once again. AU SakuraMany Total word count for Obelisk series: 565,292 (just over half a million words)

RED KING By: VesperChan In the wild country where it never snows but always freezes, the Red King marches his armies against the White Tsar. That is why Sakura is swept away from the lonely streets and the empty barracks into a car with a bastard prince and a promise of redemption, but if only she can face the demons that chased her in the first place and be what the king needs in his war. SakuraCentric

Touken Revolution by Vesperchan (rated E) Sakura, a sword smith, is nearly killed for what she really is: a sage, one who can animate weapons into warriors and give bodies to the souls she hears inside swords. Now a refugee in the land of Kiri she's building an army because it's her only hope for survival and maybe even happiness. SakuraKiri Sakura centric

Things We Lost in the Fire By: VesperChan Years later, living alone in the woods with half a dozen dogs, questionable reading material, and crippling non-attachment issues, Sakura realizes she has turned into her teacher. Agebent Sakura Sensei ShiSaku

Jealous gods by Vesperchan When a coup takes the lives of the king and the rest of the royal family, Sakura, the sole surviver, escapes to the edge of the world with Kakashi to strike a bargain with an old god. Her worship in exchange for his power. She's warned he's a dark and jealous god, but that's not enough to sway her. ItaSaku Kakasaku darkItachi AU

Lindworm & the Tam Lin Love a Changling by Vesperchan Sakura travels as a curse breaker across the land, doing what she can to put some peace back into the world. She doesn't think much of it when she breaks the curse on a lesser dragon or a fae knight, but maybe she should have. MadaSaku, HashiSaku Poly

A Confluence of Stars by Vesperchan (my WitcherAU) With the war over between two princedoms, Sakura, a sniper, returns home to celebrate Confluence with her grandmother, the local Story Keeper. She had expected it to be nothing more than just another celebration when the star rivers overlapped and the poor people partied. But, along with the rest of the world, Sakura soon realizes that Confluence did more than just give people a reason to celebrate. A wicked new world filled with monsters and magic straight from Baba's tales spills into theirs, and Sakura is forced to turn to her rifle and her stories to make sense of it. Sakuracentric

Sugarplum by Vesperchan "They will use you up, and love you all the while, until there is nothing left of the girl you used to be." Sakura had been a chosen one, once upon a time, but that was years ago, and all the magic has left her. Still, the world calls her back and she has a new role in supporting the next girl savior many years her junior. ItaSakuSaso

Stag by Vesperchan He was a wizard with a tower and a set of rules he should never break. Sakura was a girl with just a bit of budding magic he decides he can't ignore. Some things were made to be broken. TobiSaku

[Finished general fic list]

Hollow Point by Sariasprincy @sariasprincy Arms dealing is her trade, but young and in a man's world, it takes a criminal mastermind to play with the big dogs without getting bit. TobiSaku/ItaSaku. Crime!AU. Rated M for mentions of adult themes.

Where it Happened also by @sariasprincye He was the new head of Cardio and her new boss, and though she thought him a little full of himself, it seemed there was more to the famed Uchiha Itachi than he led on. Not that she could claim her life was that uncomplicated as well. ItaSaku. Modern AU. Grey's Anatomy AU. Rated M for mentions of adult themes.

Nightmare in Red by @sariasprincy Haruno Sakura used to think the eyes were the windows to the soul, but after witnessing the horrors of the Sharingan firsthand, she's convinced they are the doors. ItaSaku. Nonmass. Rated T

Blurred Lines by @sariasprincyHe was an international criminal. She was a federal agent. And she wanted nothing more than to arrest him - or shoot him - if only he would stop providing her leads to more desirable criminals first. MadaSaku. Rated T.

The Man in Black A man in black haunts her hospital. But what does he want and why is it that Sakura is the only one that can see him? ItaSaku. Modern Myth AU. Death AU

The Choices We Make by @sariasprincyHe was the Head of the Uchiha Clan and she the fearless discipline of the Hokage, but how the hell was she supposed to find the strength to tell him she was pregnant? MadaSaku. Rated M for mentions of adult themes.

halcyon days by jaylene @thefreckledone Sakura sees dead people. Well, two dead people to be exact. Everything changes. Sakura-centric. Indra/Sakura/Ashura.

hands like houses by @thefreckledone Sakura finds herself trapped in the past and discovers a new family along the way, however unwilling she may be. Time travel. Fix-it fic. Sakura-centric.

Borage by @thefreckledone Sakura is in search for answers. What she finds doesn't please her.

Forest Fire by Moor @kendochick-moor Mod AU. Sasu x Saku x Ita. A small spark can launch a forest fire.

Forest Fire II by Moor @kendochick-moor Sequel to "Forest Fire". University AU. Sasu X Saku X Ita. After Sasuke inexplicably broke up with her when he leaves for Oto, Sakura throws herself into her school and social life. Friends like Ino, and surprisingly Itachi, are there to help her along the way. Meanwhile another threat, in the form of unbalanced Uchiha Madara, stalks her, ever nearer.

Tipsy series by Moor @kendochick-moor Mod AU. MadaSaku. The 1-5 part of the "5 Drunkfics" prompts. (Rated 'M' for language & themes)

Akatsuki Sakura AU by moor DeiSaku, ItaSaku. Konoha-verse AU. Akatsuki Sakura AU. Raised by Uchiha Madara as part of the Akatsuki, Sakura is sent to infiltrate Konoha's ranks. Things become complicated when she is promoted to a team with one of Konoha's most well-respected ANBU captains, Uchiha Itachi.

Soulmates by Moor - KakaSaku. Age-swap AU. Based on the "Soulmates" prompt from the October 2015 tumblr KakaSaku fest. Kakashi has a reputation as an enfant terrible; at least, until Sakura sensei takes him under her wing. Rated M for later chapters.

Fancy Footwork by silverfootsteps @silverfootstepswrites For Sakura, there's always been dreary days of schoolwork and unreliable people. Who knew a clumsy womanizer, an accidental pervert, a soft-hearted glutton, and an incredibly sexy virgin would light her life up like this? A friendship founded on dancing and the strange threat that tied them all together: "Fiji". AU

Equinox by silverfootsteps Sakura is half-siren, half-human, and 100% unprepared for what waits for her when she moves to a little seaside town. A place where calling someone a monster always receives the answer: "….well, duh". Monster AU. Multisaku.

Lullaby by Silverfootsteps Sakura is part-siren, part-human, and learning how to deal with a nest of lovable dorks. But nothing seems impossible in the sleepy little town of Old Pines, where magic hangs heavy in the air and a certain werewolf has learned to stop pissing everywhere. Sort of. Sequel to Equinox. Monster AU. Polysaku af.

Butterfly by silverfootsteps After winning her first and only Olympic gold, Haruno Sakura shocks the world by announcing her retirement from skating. When she returns to her little hometown of Konoha, she finds that not much has changed. The same old temples, the same old persimmon trees. Resigned to a quiet life, she settles in for what she hopes will be an uneventful retirement. Skating AU. Itasaku.

Five Kingdoms for the Dead by Evil Is A Relative Term After the Forest of Death, Sakura comes to realize that being weak is no longer an option. However, she finds that change is sometimes painful and that truth doesn't always come easy. Luckily, she'll have some help along the way.

Vertigo by Cynchick Sakura accepts the most critical and dangerous mission of her life, but the price of success may very well be her soul. When your entire world turns upside down, how do you keep from going under? DeiSaku.

An Indispensable Assistant by TayMor Professional. Intelligent. Intuitive. Haruno Sakura is the assistant every boss wants. She is smart, she is capable, and she is experienced. Operating with her own hard and fast rules, Sakura has one, very important personal rule. Never fall in love with your boss. However, being indispensable to Uchiha Itachi will put that rule under heavy duress. AU.

The Third Chance by TayMor reviewsJust because he died didn't mean he got to stay dead. The Rikudo Sennin reincarnates Uchiha Madara as his 26 year old self and he begins his third life broken, humiliated and full of despair. But things change as Madara finds himself competing against Sasuke for the attention of Konoha's favorite medic... MadaSakuSasu Set after the final battle and during the blank period.

Rainy Days by Wynth It took her a while before Sakura was convinced that she was once again in her twelve year old body, but by that time it was too late. •Time-Travel / AU•

Consequences of Saving a Life by BelleDayNight reviewsAt the end of the war, Neji is revived by Sakura. She has saved his life, now she is responsible for it. The Hyuga clan leader covets the power that Naruto and Sakura could bring the clan with unions with Hinata and Neji. Can they survive the politics of the noble clan? Naruto trains with Sasuke and Hanabi for CPE while Sakura and Neji embark on a mission together for the Daimyo.

Take It or Leave It by kc-archive Akatsuki & Sakura. After a moment of shock, Sakura realized that two fully grown, fully naked men were sitting squished uncomfortably together in her bathtub. (dubcon warning)

Till Death Due Us Apart by SpeedDemon315 Ever since he was gone, she never was the same. The world was warm and cheery while she was cold and dreary. She thought there was no hope left for her…or was there? Oneshot, character death [SasorixSakura]

Bringing Back What's Dead by SpeedDemon315 Sequel to Till Death Due Us Apart. She made a promise to herself to discover a way to revive him and have him finally see his son. What happens when your greatest enemy from the past is the only one who can grant your fondest wish? SakuraxSasori

Time Flies Like An Arrow by katlou303 Sakura traveled back in time with the intent of changing everything, but something went wrong, and now she's a four-year-old civilian having nightmares about impossible monsters and losing friends she has yet to meet.

Uneasy coexistence by DeGlace One grinning shark–man. One pink–haired medic. Ankles. Teeth. Kisame x Sakura. Yes, you read that right.

The Art of War by leafygirl Entry for the LJ Kakasaku AU contest. Sakura gets stuck following her teacher after a bet with her friends. But his mysterious life is nothing she ever expected.

Vespertine by Cynchick Two enemies strike a bargain to save what they both hold dear. He will reveal a truth that shakes her beliefs, drawing her into a web of lies and betrayal. She will offer the redemption for which he never hoped and show him how to be human again. ItaSaku.

Caught and Set Loose by Celtic Oak AU. On a mission, Sakura and her companions find themselves in the custody of the wildest clan of the East Province. Forced to accept their hospitality and a redheaded escort, the medic must make the best of her situation, wherever it leads her. GaaSaku.

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justal0wk3yg4mer · 4 years

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Things I’ve Said: Thief 2014 (Some Spoilers)

My words *Player/My actions* Character dialogue

Nice title screen. Very dark and foreboding.

*Reads a tip* Oh goodie, I get to be a peeping tom.

I like Garrett, he’s sassy. And hot damn that voice.

Y’all laying on the eyeshadow thick. Like, raccoon thick.

See Garrett has good morals, if necessary kill, if not necessary don’t kill. Erin WTF is your deal?

Now see, I think that was a bad idea. If she relies on that thing so much you are just gonna screw her over if there is a need for an escape.

Don’t tell her that, she has an inferiority complex.

Thank you! Robes ARE sketchy.

*Gets my rating back* I am a GHOST!!!!!!!!

Wait we like birds? I thought we avoided birds cause they’re snitches.

Oh shit, a year?! I thought maybe a few months, but a year! Damn, their just dragging this place through the mud turtle speed.

Old blind people always know what’s up and are cryptic about it.

You want coffee? No honey, what you need is a good ol’ knockout. Don’t worry, I’ll hook you up.

This creep is gonna shot you. He’s the bad guy, he’s gonna-...........or maybe not? That’s it? Mentally scar the dude? Not very evil of you-*Thief-Taker General kills the man*-and there it is. Told you he’d shoot you.

*Listens to a conversation* Oh, only the wealthy can get cock rings? Good to know. *Listens for a few more minutes* And somehow this conversation got worse.

Is that a..............! It is! Finally, a plague mask! I was wondering when I would see one of these.

So, either the proportions on that woman are wrong, or she’s got a fatass.

*Meets Orion* Nope. Don’t like you and don’t trust you. I don’t care that you are ‘helping’ people, something is wrong with you.

You want Garrett to steal a book? That is the first thing you have said that actually interests me.

*Me thinking I can jump over a large gap like in Assassin’s Creed* *Garrett Dies* Fuck

Brilliant, blood makes a sound.

Yo, fuck this. I did not sign-up to go to the upside down. And why does Erin sound mad?

*Garrett touches a painting oddly* Huh, guess Garrett is an ass man.

Erin is related to the Baron, calling it. *Chapter 3 memories play* Damn it. But you know what, good for her!

OMG! Is that a drag queen!? Yas bitch, tell his crusty, creepy ass off!

I knew one of these holes would lead to a sex scene.

Thief-Taker General: Punish me mommy, I’ve been bad. Eeewwwwwwwwww. I didn’t need to hear that.

How much freaky cult BS is in this town?

Orion: You can’t just walk in the front doors. No kidding? Damn, how else is a thief going to enter a building without using the front doors?

Why the fuck are people panicking? I haven’t done anything.

*Listens to a conversation* 4 to 5 days? I’m pretty sure the architect is dead. *Enters the architect’s study* Called it.

*Garrett falls and lands in front of several Nightwatchmen* Garrett: Good Evening. That’s kinda funny.

VIVA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!

Don’t you do it. Garrett no. We are getting Basso and getting the fuck out of here, you hear me! Garrett: It’s who I am. ITs wHO i aM

You fucker, I knew you were gonna be here. *Referring to the thief-taker general*

Oh great, I’m going from the crazies of the streets to the crazies on a fucking island. (BTW Garrett said almost the exact same thing right after I said this and I screamed. Thanks unreal.)

*Reads a tip* First of all, what the fuck are freaks? And second, freaks do what now?

Please don’t let this be a Victorian style Outlast.

*Door slams shut behind me* Fuck. *Doors are suddenly barracked behind me* FFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!

Oh fuck, it’s the bonies! (Warms Bodies anyone?)

Orion did what to you? See, that is a red flag for me. I don’t like that, something is up with that guy.

He’s the Baron’s brother? Has to be the youngest, and I stress the young bit, brother. And of course he’s crazy, I knew he was suspicious!

Why is it, whenever I get out of a major cutscene, 95% of the time I get force pushed? Like, I just watched a memory and now I’m in danger. That is oddly common in Garrett’s life, watch, next someone is going to be waiting for him on the ledge. *Enter thief-taker general and his stupid rant* You motherf*cker! I knew that shit was gonna happen, but I didn’t want you!

A hand for a leg, and a leg for a hand. Not how it goes but this game makes it work.

Fuck the graven. Who decided that burning the bridge was a good idea? Yeah, let’s destroy a major bridge that could have brought over supplies or let people come and go as they please. Fucking dumbasses.

BBQ anyone? *Few seconds later a person burning falls over* Like I said, BBQ anyone?

Damn, I can’t swim across this little area? This is gonna be like Altair all over again.

Beggar Queen got more sneak game than Garrett. At least he didn’t jump. *She leaves* Correction, Queen’s sneak game is over 9000.

Ah yes, the final mission. It’s dark, it’s raining, and lighting flashes over a worn-down cathedral. I fucking love it.

Gaming logic. Fires are still burning when it is pouring down rain. And I have to shoot a WATER arrow to put the fires out. Genius.

My dude, you grapple?

These flowers were really pretty at first. Now, they just give me the willies. I’ll probably turn a corner and see a bonie. *Does exactly that* Fuck my life.

What the fu-No wait, why am I surprised? It’s more cult BS.

Oh no, she screamed and force pushed everyone, run away!

*Thief-Taker General enters for a final battle* Fuck off! You are the most stereotypical villain ever.

Well when you say it like that, all you ever wanted to do was murder Garrett. Not see him hang, there is a difference.

FINISH HIM! (If you didn’t read that with the Mortal Kombat voice, you’re wrong)

Garrett: I’m not alone down here. Yeah no shit. Wanna say that a little louder to let the bonies know as well?

Oh God, Orion has daddy issues.

Erin, WTF? Garrett literally said not two minutes ago that he wanted you. Not the primal.

Erin quit it, you’re scaring me. That ‘secret’ better not be some BS like “BTW you’re my dad.”

Erin: Garrett! I’m slipping! Fuck you game, I already went through this.

And the darkness finally leads to dawn. Good job Garrett, you and the city live to see another night.

Ladies and gentlemen this weeks tally was lovingly name after how many time my dumbass said this. I give you:

Oh Pretty!: 168

#Things I've Said #thief 2014 #thief garrett #erin #thief-taker general #video games

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sariaakineko · 5 years

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Looking back

I have a (very open & just-for-fun) prompt exchange going on with a friend, so I’ll probably post some of the stuff that I write for that here as well :)

"you created something, could be physical, could be the universe. and after some time of use, you decide to evaluate it"

There's blood on the streets. He always thought that sentence sounded silly, what a dumb metaphor, clearly whoever said that first had no idea how much blood it would take to paint a whole street red. But here he is. And the streets are red. It's a wonder there's still people left to shuffle around in the gaping openings of unhinged doors. Noticing his schocked expression, Vaell grinned at him. "Don't you know? You've created a trend." It's like a nightmare come true, and it's all around him, and he didn't know.

One year, two months and 5 days earlier, in a rundown backroom of the local Pub. "So, that is the job you wanted me to do?" He's wearing dark clothes and a hood even indoors. There's no way they can see his face, and that's how it should be. Assassinating people is not a line of work were you shake hands to agree on a contract. Either the mark dies, or someone else does, inevitably. The three guys in front of him seem not to know that. Or they don't care. It takes a special kind of crazy to start a revolution, so either one might be true.

"Yes, we want you to kill the major. Preferebly, in the next two days." The guy looks nervous, like he doesn't know what to do with his hands. God forbid he smudge those pristine white gloves on the beer stained table. The big guy to his left eyes him suspiciously. "It's gonna be worth your while", he says. "If you deliver, that is." Typical bravado. As if they could do anything if he didn't. It's not like there's an abundance of killers for rent in this backwards city. "50% now, 50% later. I'm not going to start a war for you without sufficient insurance." He doesn't look at the two clowns in their peacock fracks with their styled hair and watery eyes. He looks at the third one, the silent one. "Deal." Dark eyes stare back at him and a bag smacks heavy on the table. He can hear the noise of coins klicking. He takes the bag, weighs it in his hands. Rising, he gives a last glance to the Trio. "You will know when it's done. Leave the remaining money with the barkeep. Don't contact me again." He leaves through the back door, just another unnamed shadow in the bustling city streets.

He'll have to move towns for a while. Part of the job description. Killing authorities doesn't help, either. But he's pretty sure they wont get what they want. That's how it mostly ends. If you're desperate enough to kill someone, it means you didn't see other ways anymore. But killing never solved anyones problems. He wonders, sometimes. If they really believe that one death would make a difference. Killing one major in one border city certainly wont start the revolution they planned. It might however get them more attention then they'd bargained for. It doesn't really matter for him. Just another job, like any other.

#prompt fill #writing #my writing #assassin

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thebookkeeperslibrary · 5 years

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The Time Page’s Wish: Ch. 13 - Exit This Way

Fandom: Time Warp Trio

Author: The_Bookkeeper_96

Rating: G

Summary: It’s been four months and Uncle Joe is still missing. On his twelfth birthday, Joe decides it’s time to track him down. One wish lands them in the middle of a revolution. And it seems the only way to get them home is with the help of some untrustworthy thieves. As long as they don’t take The Book for themselves.

A/N: The penultimate chapter is here!

Read on AO3

Fred, Sam, Arwen, and Juniper sit on the steps waiting for Joe and Tessa to return. It's only been thirty minutes, but it's been a long thirty minutes. The temple sits high above the city. The ruined streets of Cealus stretch out before them. The sunlight reflects off the marble pillars and cracked walls. It's so serene, it's hard to believe this place is boobytrapped.

"So, how long does this usually take?" Fred looks to the girls.

Arwen lifts her shoulders. "Tessa was only up there for fifteen minutes last time. I have no idea what's taking them so long."

"Maybe Joe died."

Everyone stares at Juniper, eyes wide.

"What?" She shrinks away, hair falling into her face. "It could happen. Not everyone can handle the awakening. Statistically, ten percent of wizards don't survive it."

"June, we really need to work on your filtering."

"I don't see the point in being dishonest." She crosses her arms, her mouth set in a firm line.

Arwen sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm sure they'll be back down any moment."

"Well, I'm going to go explore while we wait. I can't keep sitting around like this. I can feel my muscles turning to fat." Fred flexes his arm, poking at his bicep.

Arwen stares at him. "You can't be serious. You'll be dead within five minutes. You have no idea what kind of traps and monsters are out there."

He walks down the steps and turns his head over his shoulder. "Then come with me if you're so worried about me."

Seeing Arwen's look, Sam says, "He's going to go no matter what you do or say."

Arwen glances at Juniper and Sam, and seeing that neither of them are going to make an attempt to stop Fred, she stands up and follows him down the steps. "Just stick to the roads, okay? Last time we were here, we ran into a vicious monster that I'd rather not face again."

Fred scoffs a laugh. "I didn't realize you were such a scaredy cat. You and Sam would get along great. Of course, I shouldn't expect anything less from a Red Sox fan."

"I am not a scaredy cat," Arwen says, scowling. "There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity. You clearly don't know where that line is. And if you bring up this stupid sports rivalry one more time..."

"Whatever you say, scaredy cat."

They move through the streets in awkward silence. Despite the high sun, the light doesn't reach into any of the buildings, hiding whatever may be lurking inside. They reach the end of the street and turn right down a new path.

"See? No scary monsters anywhere. Sorry, Ari, seems like you girls set off all the traps last time you were in Cealus. Maybe you three aren't as great as you think you are."

"First, only my friends can call me Ari, and you haven't earned that privilege yet. Second, just because we've been lucky so far, doesn't mean there isn't anything out there."

Fred rubs the back of his neck. "Man, you girls are so uptight. I get you've been at Horae Manor longer than us and know more about magic, but you don't need to be so snobby about it."

Arwen puts her hands on her hips. "Well, maybe if you three took this more seriously, we wouldn't have to act so uptight about it."

"Jeez, you really are like Sam," he grumbles under his breath. A squat building tucked away on the side of the street catches his eye. It's painted a bright blue color and shines in the sunlight.

Arwen sighs and follows along behind him, stretching out her limbs and cracking her knuckles as she goes.

Fred watches her from the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?"

"Preparing for the trouble you are inevitably getting us into."

"Not gonna try to stop me?"

"What's the point?"

"Fair enough."

They enter the house side by side. The interior is as dilapidated as the rest of the city. Broken windows allow trace amounts of sunlight to stream inside, but overall, the house is dark. Standing in the foyer, Fred and Arwen can see almost every room in the house through various holes in the walls. Wooden beams with rusted nails and piles of crumbled stone and marble are scattered everywhere.

"Congratulations. Your adventuring skills have led us to discover tetanus city. I can't wait to pick out my souvenir rusty nail." Arwen rolls her eyes.

Fred heads further into the building, stepping over mounds of debris. "How cool is this place? It's like something from a horror film."

"How comforting," she grumbles as she follows behind Fred.

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I must have left it at home."

"You should lighten up, magic can be fun too you know."

The corner of Arwen's mouth quirks up. "You sound like Tessa."

"Maybe you should listen to her. She's fun."

Arwen's smile vanishes. "That fun has nearly cost us our lives several times."

"But," Fred pokes her in the shoulder, "hasn't it also given you tons of awesome adventures? And saved your lives several times? You just gotta find the balance. You act like we could die at any moment. Take a chill pill, scaredy cat." Fred folds his arms over his chest and leans against a wooden beam. A crack fills the air, the beam splits in two and crashes to the ground. The noise reverberates through the house as dust floats up from the ground. "Oops."

Arwen coughs. She flicks her hands in front of her face in a desperate attempt to create breathable air. "Great. Now I can have asthma to go with my tetanus."

Then a roar rings out from the back of the house.

"What was that?" Fred says, while at the same time Arwen says, "There it is."

"There what is?"

"The trouble I knew you were going to get us into." A slight grin plays along her mouth as she cracks her knuckles.

He smiles in return. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look like you're about to have some fun."

She shrugs back at him, not even trying to hide her enjoyment. "I enjoy a good fight or two."

Soft footsteps begin to move toward them and a large, hulking shadow emerges from the darkness. It lets out another roar.

Arwen's smile vanishes. "But not this fight."

"So, you're saying that magic is science?"

Juniper nods, only half-listening to Sam while she skims through the notebooks she picked up earlier in the catacombs. "Technically, it's just one of the many branches of science, a long forgotten one by normal people."

"That's ridiculous." Sam huffs and crosses his arms. "Science is facts and research. Magic is… magic. It had no basis in reality. It shouldn't even exist."

Juniper lifts a shoulder, still not looking up from her notebook. "There are currently twenty-two million people involved in the magical world. I wouldn't say that to any of them. You'll figure it all out soon enough once your lessons start at Horae Manor. Magic is fascinating."

"Is that why you're so focused on those books?"

Juniper jumps and slams the book shut. "Maybe." She turns away, hiding behind her hair. "I just like learning, okay?"

"Okay. I didn't mean to offend you. You don't need to be so defensive about it. It's actually refreshing to meet someone who loves learning almost as much as I do."

"Almost?"

A groan from behind interrupts their conversation. They both snap their heads around and find an exhausted-looking Joe and Tessa standing behind them. Tessa is out of breath, but otherwise appears okay. Joe, on the other hand, looks worse for wear. Heavy bags rest under his eyes, and there's a smear of dried blood under his nose. He's leaning heavily on Tessa, who grunts under his weight.

"Joe!" Sam jumps to his feet and hurries over to his friend. "What happened?"

"The awakening." Tessa answers. "Highest high of your life. Worse hangover you'll ever experience after."

Joe groans again, too weak to speak.

"He'll be like this until we get him to the infirmary at Horae Manor. Cas will be able to heal him." Tessa sets Joe down as gently as she can. As she stands back up, her eyes do a quick scan of the marble steps. "Where are Fred and Arwen?"

On cue, a roar echoes down the streets of Cealus.

Tessa runs her hand over her face. "Nevermind. We were gone for less than an hour! What the hell happened?"

Arwen and Fred come peeling around the corner, charging up the stairs. They nearly crash into the others.

"We gotta get moving. There's this-" Fred stops when he sees Joe holding his head in his hands. "What happened to you? You look like death."

"Thanks," Joe mumbles, his senses slowly returning to him. He manages to turn his head to Tessa to glare at her. "A warning about this part of the awakening would have been nice."

She turns away, a rock on the ground suddenly becoming very interesting to her.

"What are you two running from? What was that noise?" Sam yells.

Another roar rings out. Closer this time.

"Fred pissed off a drake."

"Hey! You're the one who-"

"We don't have time for this!" Tess interrupts him. "We need to get out of here before it finds us."

"What's a drake?" Sam runs his hands through his hair.

"It's like a small dragon without wings. They spit out a highly corrosive acid," Juniper responds.

"And we're dead if it gets to us. So let's get moving. Now."

Fred helps Joe to his feet, and everyone rushes down the stairs. Fred stumbles down the steps under Joe's weight. He looks to his friend. "Can you walk at all? There's no way we're going to make it out of here like this." Fred drags Joe down another step, and bumps into Sam. "Okay, you standing here doesn't help either. Why aren't you moving?"

He peers over Sam's shoulder and sees why the group froze. A beast with forest-colored scales stares at them from the bottom of the steps with glowing yellow eyes. Razor-sharp spikes line its back from the base of its head to the tip of its tail. The claws on each of its feet are just as sharp. A string of saliva drips out of its mouth and onto the stone street, turning to the road to liquid. A low growl rumbles out of its throat. The drake.

"Change of plans." Tessa takes a step back. "Escape is no longer an option. We'll have to fight."

"Fight?" Sam's eyes widen. "You can't be serious! It's bigger than my mom's car!"

"He's right, Tessa. There's no way we'd win," Arwen says. "We'll just have to go around it."

Tessa scans the rooftops. "I can work with that. Arwen, keep the drake distracted. June, get the boys back up top. On my signal, we run."

"What are we supposed to do?" Fred asks, eyes never leaving the slowly approaching predator.

"Stay out of the way," all three girls answer at once.

"I like this plan," Sam says, following Juniper as she retreats to the temple.

"I don't," Fred responds, but pulls Joe back up the steps anyway.

Tessa runs to the side of the staircase, leaps off, and lands next to a mostly still-intact building. She starts scaling the side, making her way to the roof. Joe watches as she goes, fascinated by her speed and dexterity. Was all that because of her training at Horae Manor? Or were these skills she had picked up from her years in the circus?

Only Arwen remains at the bottom of the stairs, ready to face the drake head-on. It shows little interest in her retreating friends, and continues to crawl towards her, hissing as it does so. "I hope your fast, Tess." She lunges for the drake, landing a heavy punch directly on its snout.

The drake blinks, more surprised than hurt. It shakes the shock off and snaps at Arwen, forcing her back. Acid flies out its mouth, destroying the steps around them. Arwen feints left, driving her foot into its soft underbelly.

It cries out, whipping its tail at her, throwing her to the ground. She rolls to the side, narrowly missing a blast of acid to her face. She stands back up, ignoring the pain in her legs. "I need you to be faster, Tess!" she calls out to the rooftops.

"I'm doing my best!" Tessa's hands glow vivid purple as she whips them through the air. But nothing down below seems to be happening.

"Well, do better!" Arwen jumps back as the drake lashes out at her with its sharp claws. "I'm not trying to die today!"

"We have to help her," Fred says as he watches the fight. He tries to move down the stairs, but Juniper holds him back.

"No. You'll just get in the way."

"We can't just let her fight that thing alone! She'll die! She's already bleeding." He points to the red smear on her legs.

"Arwen is more capable than you think. She'll be fine. Besides, you're the one who got us into this mess. Do you really want to make things worse?"

Fred glares at her, but stays silent.

"Arwen, get back to the others!" Tessa yells down. "When you get up top, jump off on the right."

Arwen dances away from yet another acid ball. Throwing in one last punch, she spins on her heels and takes off for the temple. When she finally reaches the top, she's out of breath. "Tessa says to jump off on the right side. That'll take us out of here."

"Jump off? Is suicide really our only option?"

Arwen and Juniper roll their eyes in unison. "Just trust us."

They grab onto the boys and pull them over the edge. The drop should have been over fifty feet, but they hit the ground unharmed instantly.

"What the-?"

"We'll explain later. Now, move. Tessa won't be able to fool the drake for long."

The group runs down the narrow alley, Fred once again carrying Joe, who's still too weak to run on his own. They follow every twist and turn, but somehow never make it back to the main street. In the distance, they hear the drake screech. They push on, rounding one last corner before bursting out into the jungle. The last stones of the street turning into dirt.

Everyone stops to catch their breath, doubled over in shock and exhaustion.

"Where's Tessa?" Joe wheezes. "We can't leave her behind. That thing is still back there."

Like a true performer, Tessa chooses that moment to launch herself off the roof of a nearby building. She rolls out of the landing and pops up next to the others. "What are you standing around for? The drake will track our scent at any moment. Move!" Without waiting, she runs off into the jungle.

The others don't need to be told twice. They follow her, dodging boulders and trees as they go.

"We just need to get outside the magic barrier. Then I can tear us back to Horae Manor."

The group presses on, sprinting through the jungle, leaping over rocks and fallen trees. Their escape comes to a sudden halt when they reach a wide river. The water is too murky to see the bottom.

Tessa curses. "We'll have to find a way around."

"Why? Let's just wade through it." Fred lets go of Joe, moves to the front of the group, and peers into the water. "The current isn't even that strong."

"We have no idea what kind of creatures are in there. Besides, it could be too deep to wade through."

"Can't you swim?"

"Of course I can. I just-" Tessa bites her lip. Her eyes dart to Arwen, then back to Fred. "We're going around, and that's final. I bet there's a bridge or something farther upstream."

"That would take too much time. Can't you just do whatever weird magic trick you did to get us out of the city? What was that anyway?"

"Yeah, there's no way we should have survived that fall."

"Just a little spatial manipulation. As long as I have an aerial view of the space, I can twist the locations of buildings and pathways, basically making a maze. It's the same trick I pulled in Paris." Tessa steps away from the water and starts to head upriver.

"Paris?" It's difficult for Joe to process anything through the haze of pain and anger he's in, but a recent memory resurfaces in his mind. His fists clench. "You tricked us. You lured us into one of your mazes when we were in Paris. We were trapped in there for hours!"

The trees behind them begin to shake. Heavy footsteps move toward them.

Tessa's eyes flick through the jungle. "Now is not the time for this conversation. The drake will catch us if we don't get out of here."

"Why?" Joe crosses his arms. "First, you steal my pocket watch. Then you lie and manipulate me? We're supposed to be partners! What is wrong with you?"

"Wait, she stole your pocket watch?" Sam narrows his eyes at Tessa, really studying her for the first time. "I was right! I told you they were untrustworthy thieves. I knew it the moment we met them."

"We can all talk about how Tess is a terrible person later." Arwen grabs Joe's wrist, pulling him forward. "Like when we're safe inside the dining hall at the manor. It'll make great dinner conversation. But we need to survive here first."

"No." Joe pulls his arm free. "I don't trust her. I don't trust any of you."

Tessa flinches. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"Definitely not okay."

Arwen growls, "Look, she is the only one who can get us home. You can trust her now, because her life is at stake too. And I promise you, she values her own life too much to die today." Arwen's eyes slide over the trio. "So get moving. Now."

"I'm with Joe on this one." Sam holds his stance next to his best friend. "Ever since we met you girls, you've been hiding stuff from us and acting all superior. How do we know you're not leading us into a trap where we get left behind and you three make it out alive?"

"Because we're not monsters!"

"Sure about that?"

"All right. Everyone needs to just relax." Fred steps forward, placing himself in the middle of everyone. "We're in a tense situation, and we don't know each other that well yet. Once we get back to the manor, we can do a ton of team bonding stuff. We can't give up on each other just yet."

"You're only saying this so you can win the bet," Sam puts his hands on his hips.

"I am not!" Fred frowns. "That's just one of the reasons."

"What bet?" Joe's glare shifts from Tessa to Fred.

Fred doesn't meet Joe's gaze. "It's nothing. Arwen and I just had a little deal that if you could stick it out with Tessa, I'd win fifty dollars. But I totally had faith in you. I know you can stick this out."

"I don't care! Why would you do that?"

"It's not a big deal. Just calm down. I thought your little rages were supposed to go away once you were awakened?"

"Stop telling me to calm down!"

"Bunny-"

"And stop calling me that!"

The argument continues, the shouts growing louder and louder until everyone is screaming at each other.

And no one hears the drake approach. It bursts through the trees, acid spit firing everywhere. It charges forward, bulldozing anything blocking it from reaching the kids.

Their screams of anger turn into screams of terror as the beast approaches. Arms and hands fly up in a meek attempt to protect themselves.

No. Joe can't let them die like this. He may be weak and his mind may be scattered right now, but he wasn't useless. He puts all his energy into raising his hand at the charging beast and opens his mouth.

"Stop."

#time warp trio #twt fanfiction #fanfiction #time warp trio fanfiction #twt #my post #kellie writes #kellie fanfic #kellie twt #time page's wish

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perkoform · 5 years

Text

SKITS

Title:

The WHOLE-SALE

Characters:

Shipping God

Middle Man

Customer

Plot:

Okay so middle man is on the phone to shipping God the whole time. Customer is trying to buy a beauty product that makes you look EXACTLY like Grace Kelly, through this shipping company. But middle man keeps refusing. It is one act.

*note on recitation: watch youtube video called: Zuikin Girls – take anything you want! For tonal value.

Dialogue:

Shipping god: we can’t sell that. Tell her that.

Middle man: I’m sorry ma’am we can’t sell you that product today.

Customer: come on, I have the money. (Pause). Trust me sir, I know about the side effect, how it makes you look EXACTLY like Grace Kelly.

Middle man: (turns away from customer) she says she has the money and that she knows about the side effect, what do I say.

Shipping God: don’t tell her anything. Say we do not sell this product.

Middle Man: I’m sorry ma’am we do not sell this product, you will have to try somewhere else.

Customer: (to audience) contrary to popular cinematic convention, (whips out giant gun) I’m not going to whip out a giant gun and threaten the guy, because I can’t get what I want. (throws gun over shoulder)

Customer: it’s a beauty product! I mean, can’t I for a moment take my own health into my own hands…?! (scoff)

Shipping God: tell her, it’s her health.

Middle Man: it’s your health, ma’am.

Everyone laughs

*Someone holds up a sign to the audience that says, ‘LATERS, ON…’

On stage is a girl with her hair in a towel, wearing a GRACE KELLY mask.

Title:

I ordered ‘The Rest of Eternity’ Online

Characters:

Shipping God

Customer

DIALOGUE: Customer: hi, I ordered ‘someone else’s life to live’ the other day from your company, but some part of the product was still a drag to experience, and I’d like my money back please.

Shipping God: I’m sorry sir, there must have been some kind of mistake. I would like to inform you that we have just received a new shipment of, ‘Krishna’s Own’ Good Karma, ‘Corrupt Cops’, ‘Colonial Values’ and ‘The Original Scapegoat’ that comes in ‘the body and the blood red’,‘Twin Towers were an inside job grey’, and ‘the dingo stole my baby blue’. The blue one comes with an ‘assumption’, on the house. Would you like to try one of these products today sir?

Customer: Why thank-you, I might try ‘Corrupt Cops’. Do you still stock Solipsism? Yes? Thank-you, I’d like to order 22 of this product if that’s possible.

Shipping God: Okay sir, the items will be shipped out just in time for the next mention of a social revolution.

Customer: tank-you.

Title:

The Punch-Up: Season 1

Characters:

Fred

Jim

(played by women)

Plot:

Fred and Jim are having a rational conversation about how they do not get along at the moment and about how they used to be friends.

*NOTE: Jim and Fred both wear one boxing glove each. Fred is holding a beer can the whole time. Jim is holding tongs and wearing an apron.

Dialogue:

Fred: oh my god I hate youuuuuuu…(said like, hi how are you?)

*throws a punch

Jim: you have no idea (said like, its been a while how are you? Using fake smiles.)

*throws a punch

Fred: I’m going to kill you over that incident with my wife.

*punching each other

Jim: haven’t you heard of polyamory, maybe you should branch out and actually live a little.

*remove their punching gloves and stop punching

Fred: you know…you make a good point. I actually can’t fight you there…I agree, but you see I’m channelling Barbara, (turns to crowd and says, ‘she’s my wife’) and she needs me to be jealous, so you are gonna fuckin’ pay for what you did. I am pissed.

*put gloves back on and start punching again

Jim: tell her I’d knock her up, that’ll do it. .

*cease punching for a moment, jim and fred grab each other by the shoulders and say

Fred: we should all just have kids withal the wimmin. Leave no womin unimpregnated. 24/7.

Jim: yeah, what kind of society is this? What are we even doing here, I mean why isn’t 24/7 baby making like, the norm??

*resumes punching. Jim continues punching as Fred stops to contemplate

Fred: I’m gonna try and answer that. Perhaps it’s just not the right time in earth’s geological cycle to support that kind of reproduction, the food plants are not growing enough. They are sending us an internal, instinctual message that this is kind of life is not supportable at the moment.

Fred continues punching as Jim states

Jim: very logical, I think that’s the reason. So again, why do you hate me? Because Barbara needed you to be jealous so that she feels valued?

*fight stops for a second

Fred: I’m not the type to say to her, ‘but hey Barbara, you scored me and Jim!’

- maybe I should say to her, ‘you’re an individual’, that wouldn’t go down that well, maybe ‘you’re special, there’s only one of you’.

Jim: try saying, ‘you suit me uniquely’

Laughter from Fred and Jim

*resume punching. They punch for a while. Jim goes down cold, Fred states

Fred: it’s just like I don’t even know, there’s no one like her or anyone for that matter. Even twins are different. So like, I can’t value her anymore at the moment.

*Jim is lying on the ground, he states

Jim: I get it you have to like, show her that you value her, without getting into a brawl, show her that jealousy is not the answer! Free love is the answer!

Fred: I don’t know how that’s possible, all reason aside.

Jim: okay Fred, okay.

PROPS:

Boxing gloves

A moustache (for Fred)

Face paint (to paint a beard on Jim)

Beer can

Tongs

Misogynistic apron

*note must be wearing wife beaters and short shorts

Title:

Get A Way With It

CHARACTERS:

Jimmy

God

PLOT:

*Jimmy is reciting the following text, while doing the following things:

Jimmy shoots Satan

Jimmy shoots God

Jimmy dowsing the Great Barrier reef with bleach.

Jimmy cuts down the oldest tree known to man.

Jimmy dressed as Captain Cook, shooting Aborigines

Jimmy dressed as Bob Marley, shooting the sheriff.

A baby born doll with giant lollipop. Jimmy steals the lollipop.

Jimmy is wearing a shirt that says, ‘Get-a-way-with-it’

DIALOGUE:

*Jimmy smokes a bong.

God: And so it was told, (Jimmy shoots Satan)

Jimmy: (said with an efficient air) Shit in one hand, wish in the other and see which one gets full quickest. (shoots God)

This is what my mother used to say. (Shoots aborigine)

Because everyone knows that if you can get away with it, (bleaches the reef)

it’s legal. Because, well, it happened. (steals candy from baby) No one stopped you right?

and so, It. Is. legal. (licks the lollipop, then throws it away)

So, aim for the heart, stab once, and tell ‘em, down the street. Because (shoots the Sheriff)

you only get one chance, and if you fuck it up, it’s your head on the chopping block. (cuts down the tree)

PROPS:

Hitler moustache

Bandana (for aborigine)

Face paint – black and white

boomerang

Fork and horns

Toga and beard

Captain cook hat

A map

20 Litre storage container/round fish tank with coral statue in it. (to label with a sign that says ‘the great barrier reef’)

Bottle of bleach

A bong

Baby born doll

Giant carnival lollipop

Dreadlock wig

Sheriff badge

Potato gun

Potato

Cardboard cut-out of a tree

A saw

A t-shirt

Black marker

Title:

Poignant Sculptural representations #1: The Winning Diorama at the Primary School Fete

Plot:

20 litre storage container full of black water with a layer of dirt and astro-turf stuck to the lid. Jimmy sticks a pump in the turf and pumps out the “oil” into a jerry can, by sucking on the pipe. Meanwhile, an automated voice reads out geological facts about oil and its lifespan and how it’s the nutrients for the forests of the future. (in a really poignant way.)

Title:

Poignant Sculptural Representation #2: The Prospective Sculpture

Plot:

On a table is 30kg of clay with a scroll in a canister, hidden inside. Participants have 5minute to search through the clay for the canister with the scroll inside. If they find the scroll they get a free beer. This will be on stage by the way, in the interval.

Title:

Track Marks and Pigeonholes

Characters:

‘Main Character’

‘Other people’

Plot:

*this is a video work

‘Main character’ is not a heroin addict.

‘Other people’ believe that ‘main character’ is a heroin addict. ‘Other people’ won’t stop treating ‘main character’ like a heroin addict.

‘Other people’ are constantly trying to catch ‘main character’ in “the act” of taking heroin but ‘main character’ actually never takes heroin so they will never catch them.

‘Other people’ cry and wail and state “when do you do it, I know that you do!” and grab him by the arm, to check for track marks.

‘Main character’ always begs ‘other people’ to believe that “I don’t do that, seriously. I don’t know what else to say.”

SCENARIOS:

‘other people’ bust in on ‘main character’ and accuse him of taking heroin:

- On the toilet

- In the shower

- In bed asleep

- At the corner store at 11pm

- Driving

- Praying in an empty church

- Helping an old lady across the street

- While watching television, the people on the television are accusing him.

- Running from crazed fan grrls.

- In china from inside a bowl of rice.

- After he drops a hanky and a crowd swamp him ‘Perfume-style’. He blurts out over the top of the crowd, I don’t take heroin!

Haha

*ALSO:

Idea: Making Mighty Boosh Into a SERIOUS DRAMA about father-son bonding psychology

Title:

Initially Undetected

Story:

“You’re Not allowed to Draw Me While I’m Raping you emotionally with This Other Girl,” he said, sounding a bit annoyed. “it totally ruins the point.” He got up and pulled out his dick, no no, he pulled it out then got up and walked over to me. He grabbed the computer I was using to draw him with (on paint) and clipped me in the head, with the computer. I went down cold, hah hah. Funny story.

Title:

Last in Winning Backwards #1

Plot:

A girl wakes up in her backyard one morning. She is lying on her back on the grass. She thinks, “it’s a beautiful day, I might go for a walk”. She goes for a walk in the park. As she’s walking she contemplates life. The end.

Dialogue:

*Birds twitter. The sun is shining.

Girl: hmm I think I might go for a walk.

*Cut to park. Girl is walking

Girl: I think that I might believe today that I was born along time ago. And it was before anyone I know in this life were ever alive. I had decided shortly after I was born that, I would never fuck and live forever. So I guess it makes sense that larger society marginalise me. I ignore it when they marginalise anyone else, really it’s just me. The point being, for the third time, they marginalise people. They hate. They are murderers. They don’t get shit. They don’t honestly do it with the same vengeance to everyone else, and and, hell is hierarchical. Not heaven. So I’m the top dog around here. Do you get shit? Hah hah respiratory I fucking will wake up in this bed cunt tomorrow morning. You will NOT get me out of bed, CUNT.

1 note · View note

mandaloriangf · 6 years

Text

reasons why detroit become human makes no goddamn fucking sense beyond just the shitty allegory (aka i nitpick the fuck out of this game)

captain allen refuses to give connor any information about daniel despite this being a hostage situation and connor is there to diffuse it

also allen says that if connor doesnt take care of it he will and if he could why didnt he??

connor can reconstruct crime scenes with so little information that theres no way he could come to his deduction. for example in the first chapter he figures out that the father was holding something when daniel shot him despite there being NO WAY he could know this

theres segregation despite the fact that androids are servants to humans??? how are androids supposed to work for humans if they’re barred from entering certain places??

TEMPORARY PARKING????????????

unemployment is at 35% yet the economy is booming????

unemployed people blame androids for stealing their jobs despite the fact that androids did not get a choice and were made to do certain jobs. their anger should be directed toward cyberlife

markus shows emotion and has a distinct personality before becoming deviant like why does he even need to become deviant when he clearly already is??

carl’s on the nose monologuing.

carl says lets see where we left off and when markus takes down the tarp theres a finished painting. carl makes like five strokes lol.

he also makes the same “oh my god” no matter what markus paints

PRESS X TO SADNESS

how does todd afford kara and alice when he doesnt have a job

and why does he live on ethan mars’ street

and the biggest issue - ALICE IS AN ANDROID??????????

seriously how do android children work? whats the point???? if people hate androids why would they pay money to take care of one????????????????????

honestly how do they work? because alice can sleep but she doesnt eat????? and shes not gonna age so what happens to child androids? do they just have their memories wiped and get bought by another parent????

and if alice is an android, why does todd say kara needs to help with alice’s homework? she doesnt go to school! its addressed in the same fucking chapter!

and why doesnt alice saying anything to kara like hey stop trying to ask me if i want food i dont eat because im a fucking android

also kara figures out that alice is an android at the very beginning yet just ignores it?? i guess??????

and alice has a picture in her keepsake box of todd, his wife, and his biological daughter?? why???????? kill me

todd leaves his drugs in the laundry detergent, makes kara do the laundry, and then gets mad when she finds the drugs

HE MAKES HIS ROBOT TURN ON HIS ROOMBA LSAKDJFLKSJDFLKJSDF

no one does anything when connor enters a bar that doesnt allow androids

also its never explained in game (i think) why connor does the coin trick. i suppose it can be up to the player (i see it as a nervous habit/fidget device but you could also argue its for recalibration)

no one checks the attic of carlos’ house??? and his android hid up there for THREE WEEKS????????????

connor is designed to work “harmoniously with humans” but they gave him a forensics lab on his tongue so he literally just puts blood in his mouth in a crime scene alsdjflsjflajsdlfjdlj

kara serves alice dinner and alice actually sits there but she wont eat BECAUSE SHES AN ANDROID

the guy that comes on the bus doesnt bat an eye when he sees an android in the human section of the bus (i almost threw up typing that)

leo can survive that????????

carl doesnt try to reason with the cops before they shoot markus

why do deviants self destruct in stressful situations? we dont know. we dont fucking know.

connor can show genuine compassion to carlos’ android but doesnt seem bothered by it????

why is there such an extensive android scrapyard? first of all theres android resale shops (yuck) and parts are probably expensive, plus androids have existed for what? ten years at the most? theres no way cyberlife would just allow perfectly good android parts to be thrown away this makes no fucking sense

MARKUS CAN JUST PULL OFF HIS LED LIKE ITS A STICKER

A STICKER

seriously if its that easy whats the point? they already dress androids a certain way, why have the led except to know what androids are thinking? and if theyre thinking dont they have some level of free will?? (for example kara’s turns red when todd threatens her)

no one recognizes kara despite being a relatively common model like yeah she eventually changes her hair and clothes but she’s still got the same face lkadjfalsjdfljsdlfj

connor is unfazed when he’s shot but looks like he’s in pain when gavin punches him???

connor is able to get a confession from carlos’ android but can’t make small talk asdjflskjdfljdf

the whole chapter where markus finds jericho doesnt like have a lot wrong its just REALLY tedious

though the jump scares are stupid

ra9 is constantly referenced (particuarly in connor’s story) but doesnt go anywhere. at all. unless i missed something. but as far as i know its never explained who ra9 is.

(i think its markus)

the deviant in the pigeon filled apartment is just chilling in the attic? why do androids always stay in the same place instead of escaping????

the androids in jericho are really just hanging out in an abandoned, rusting ship doing nothing. like theyre shutting down bc they dont have blue blood and incompetents but no one thinks to go get any until markus rallies them.

also what is up with lucy? why does she talk like she can see the future

THE ENTIRE ZLATKO CHAPTER HAPPENS AT ALL

no seriously!!!!! you expect me to believe kara would just go to the address given to her by some random garbage collector android in the middle of the night which leads to a creepy house with a creepy guy with BLUE BLOOD ON HIS FINGERS who wants to take kara into the basement alone to remove a tracker she clearly doesnt have??????????????????????? she would’ve just booked it

KARA ACTUALLY GETS IN THE MACHINE AND IS SURPRISED ZLATKO IS GOING TO ERASE HER MEMORY

that android that says “whos the real monster” PLEASE MR CAGE MY NOSE IS SORE

connor just fucking breaks the window and jumps in alflskdjflskjfljsdljfkdsfljldsafskdf

putting hank under cold water sobers him up somehow

the game thinks it needs to spell out for me in actual letters on the screen that hank is suicidal despite the fact that you find him unconscious on the floor with alcohol and a gun AND he says he was playing russian roulette.

connor petting sumo is cute but sumo looks like he’s from a ps2 game

markus magically develops the ability to “convert” androids so to speak.

im telling you, he’s ra9

the whole eden club thing is very...icky

like the androids are literally put in tubes like wtf

the tracis have a relationship despite club policy of wiping memories every two hours

also im pretty sure they have the same face...?? why is this not addressed more

hank hates androids but likes it when connor spares them?

kara, luther, and alice dont just stay in the car for the night

luther brings up that theres something off about alice but gets interrupted. this is not the first time it happens. it happens THREE TIMES in total before the reveal she’s an android

the jerrys break the windows like zombies and then are like “dont shoot we come in peace”

the carousel scene is cute but where did the power come from???

connor starts showing signs of deviancy but doesnt notice it??? and amandas just like “stop it” and does nothing about it saljdflsjdflsjkdf

markus does the fake phone call right in front of the person he’s calling

who brought the box up to the bathroom? was it the deviant that connor can interrogate???? explain pls

pick up the bag. carry the bag. put down the bag. open the bag. kill me.

THEY GET OUT ONTO A WINDOW WASHING LIFT BUT THEN RAPPEL UP?????????????????

a giant screen that says rise as markus and north are going up the building

markus removes his skin for the broadcast (ew) to conceal his identity BUT IT REVEALS HIS SERIAL NUMBER THAT CONNOR LATER SCANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

north straight up wants to murder other androids for android freedom

no one finds simon on the roof unless connor goes up there

no one hears connor and the deviant fighting in the kitchen and no one hears connor calling out for help

rose is literally just 2038 harriet tubman

she compares what is happening to androids to what happened to black people in the past yet david cage expects me to believe this game isn’t about racism

kara believes that they will find refuge in canada because there are no android laws there, however the reason they dont have android laws is because CANADA HATES ANDROIDS JUST AS MUCH AS THE US

she has literally no reason to believe they’ll be able to survive in canada. theyd have to act like the cullens and move around all the time.

ntm if androids and their parts aren’t being manufactured, if anything happens to kara, alice, or luther theyre fucked!

markus had to choose between two very black and white options: violence or pacifism. i have a HUGE problem with how this is done bc being peaceful results in the “good” ending while being violent results in the bad “ending

(and for the record, going with a violent revolution can still result in freedom for androids. its just a LOT harder to keep everyone alive)

basically it completely misunderstands how real life oppression works and assumes that if a marginalized group is peaceful, public opinion will go up

thats not how it fucking works dipshit cage

kamski is literally just a weird combination of oscar isaac in ex machina and jared leto in blade runner 2049

like he’s left so ambiguous that you can’t even come to your own conclusion

connor can remark that chloe is pretty and seems sincere but doesnt question himself????

if you choose not to shoot chloe, you get nothing. you either have to replay the chapter and shoot her or look it up yourself. and im not fucking shooting her.

markus and north become “lovers” during a normal conversation

seriously. when it happened my mom and i were like ???????????????

yet markus can’t romance simon despite having more chemistry

and on that topic why can’t kara romance luther???? they have a lot of chemistry too.

the freedom march. just. ugh.

like markus really leads a bunch of androids down a street shouting “EQUAL RIGHTS” lkjasldfjlakjfjldf

markus evolves to the point where he can just look at androids and convert them like what

north and josh clearly both have a death wish

if i have to hear “we were going to crack the case” one more time i will kill david cage myself. do cops even talk like that?

gavin just straight up tries to murder connor????

THEY START PUTTING ANDROIDS IN CAMPS?????????????????? AS IF THE REST OF THE GAME WASN’T BAD ENOUGH????????????????????????

kara finds out alice is an android and luther has to spell out all her feelings for her??? like why would she stop loving alice skalfsjdlfkjdlfj theyre both androids

the fact that connor even has a machine story line

carl just straight up dies while markus is venting about his oppression asdjfsjflskjflkejiofjeijfoejflkjsflsj

we dont get any kind of resolution to connor going deviant. he just suddenly is. how does he feel about it? who cares!

“ask us something only the real connor would know”

why is that human couple with the baby so upset about not getting out of detroit? theyre human. they’ll be fine. i feel no guilt in taking their tickets.

alice can arguably forgive todd as he explains he just wanted to prove he’s a good dad. boo hoo. he’s still a dick.

connor can suddenly wake up androids too????

markus can really save the androids by kissing north or singing.

that actually

happens

KILL ME

the president looks like hillary clinton but has a “was a celebrity with no political experience” trump like background

#theres probably a lot more but this took forever and i just want to move on ldaskjflsjflskjf

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