#who am i to chase my dream when other people cant chase theirs? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oh-mother-of-darkness · 5 years

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answers (16)

Anonymous said: A lot of these secrets are really serious and sad so heres a lighter one: me and my sister are knitting christmas socks for the whole family as a surprise. Ive never knit a pattern before but im really good!!

Amazing!!

Anonymous said: idk if your still doing this but my secret is I fear im a terrible person who only acts nice to rick people into liking her and ik that actually does make me an okay but i still feel im doing it for the wrong reasons and someones going to get too close and find out the truth and hate me

That’s very self aware of you, I think-- probably too self aware. You’re absolutely right to say it’s the trying that matters, but I’m not gonna blame you for worrying about it. I have similar concerns about myself sometimes. I’m aware that for me personally they’re partially justified. Some of my kindness is self motivated.

I think though (and it seems like you already know this) it’s the effect of the kindness that matters. Maybe it’s better for me if I have “pure” intentions, but if I don’t, I should still do the kind things anyway, right? Because at the end there’s still going to be good. And there’s nothing bad about actively trying to be good, which is all we’re doing.

Anonymous said: my secret is that ive been chasing after a dream my whole life but im not sure ill ever achieve it. times running out and i dont know what to do if i cant. i feel like my whole life has been put on standby and i dont know the way out. i know ill be okay in the end but i dont know what the end will be and that scares me.

Shit that’s relatable. You really will be okay, but it’s terrifying in the meantime, isn’t it? To have those turning points bearing down on you?

Things will happen. You can’t stop that. Time is gonna continue, but you’ll still be there at the end. Your head’s already in the right place.

Anonymous said: My secret is that I really, really like one of my friends, but he has a girlfriend and slept with one of my best friends when they were both super drunk. I want the feelings to stop and go back to being just friends, because I honestly think I don't have a chance, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to let go. I don't know what to do.

Well that’s a bitch of a situation, isn’t it? Romantic feelings aren’t really my area, but I understand holding on to things you consciously want to let go. Emotions always feel like part of me, you know? I don’t want to tear them away. Sometimes it’s better to do it, though. I don’t know from a few sentences if that’s the case here, but I hope you find the way that’s the best for you

Anonymous said: My secret is I used to be suicidal, in my pre/early teens. I had realised I was lesbian in a small, largely Catholic town and hated myself for it. I was awful at social situations and couldn’t make friends. I hated myself for having baby fat because I danced part time. Then as I got older I slowly got more confident until one day a friend died I realised that holy shit I used to be suicidal and I could have killed myself. I’m terrified that I might get like that again and actually do it

Honestly, and I know this is gonna sound cliche, but I’m always in awe of folks like you. I don’t handle my own mental health issues super well most of the time, and to hear about someone growing? Changing? Getting better? Amazing

Anonymous said: If you're still taking these... my secret is that I don't want to give birth to children ever, and would consider adopting instead (when I'm older), but if I were to voice that to any family member or even an acquitance, they would shun me for it and make sure they try to talk me out of it. I really hate how conservative people put so many expectations on my shoulders

Heyyyyyy same. I’m not planning on birthing any kids, but my parents have come down pretty heavily on the single-women-should-not-adopt-children thing, which is.... bullshit. I’m gonna adopt some kids one day, whether they like it or not.

You know your own mind and your own plans. Other people don’t have to be happy about them, even (maybe especially) family members.

Anonymous said: My secret is that I’m a bad friend. I don’t make time for the few friends I have and spend most my time working or being in my room. They deserve better than me.

I don’t think you’re a bad friend. Not being around isn’t bad-friend behavior. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And I certainly don’t think that it justifies the idea that they should leave you. Relationships are always kinda a difficult balancing act, but you don’t have to be perfect at balancing it, you know?

Anonymous said: My secret is that I'm extremely self-sufficient, I've always had to be. But because there's no one else taking care of me it's so hard to invest my time in others because I'll neglect my own mental state. It make sit hard to develop stable relationships. Every once in a while I re-realize that I'm no one's priority so I have to be my own. And it just sucks.

Shit anon that’s really really rough. It makes me sad with you. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, because I don’t know, do I? But I hope you are.

Anonymous said: My secret is I imagine myself as OCs I create for certain fandoms like Young Justice or Castlevania, and I spend all my time daydreaming of how I would act in episodes and how I would interact with the characters. I think it’s because I’m not satisfied with my life, and I’m also afraid that this makes me either weird or crazy.

Oh biggest mood

I do that too. I’m not in a position to say whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I like to think it just makes us creative. For me, it eventually found an outlet in writing, and that’s been a big source of joy in my life. I had some unpleasant experiences sharing that stuff with people in the past, but for me? I don’t worry about it anymore. I know a lot of people that do similar stuff.

Write some fanfiction, maybe :) You might be real good at it

Anonymous said: My secret is I’m secretly attracted to people who are better than me at stuff

That’s not really my area, but seems to me that’s a pretty good thing to be attracted to. One of the sweetest things I hear around school is people talking about how their partners are going to be such good lawyers. It’s cute.

Anonymous said: My secret is that my anxiety is crushing me. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Oh, anon. I just.... feel you. I’ve been really struggling lately with the idea that other people move through life without that handicap, and it amazes and angers me. Why don’t I get that? Why am I like this? It isn’t fair.

And it isn’t. It just isn’t. You didn’t ask to death match your brain every second of the day. You’re not any worse than everyone else, so why do you have to suffer? I don’t know. I really don’t.

The only happy thing I can say to you is people do heal. It’s bullshit that it takes so much time and effort, but it is possible. I’m better off now than I was five years ago, even if it did take five years and a whole lot of therapy, medication, and energy. You shouldn’t have to fight like this, but you can, and you can win.

Anonymous said: My secret is Im so bitter most of the time that I cant be happy for others. Me and my best friend are both singers but I can never be happy for her when she gets compliments or any success bc im jealous and im scared I'll never learn to be selfless and happy for other people

You’re only human. You have human emotions. You have every right to feel them. The only thing that matters is your choices, because that’s the only thing you can control.

I’m so sorry you’re scared. That’s another emotion you have every right to feel

Anonymous said: My secret is that sometimes I hated myself for not express what I felt because I thought they'll hate me or make distance of me but I'm learning to express my feelings to others and try to be more confidence :) I hope you'll be brave too and do whatever you want to do 💜

I wanna be anon when I grow up

Anonymous said: My secret is that my hands hurt all the time but in different ways, and I’m scared to get help because I’m scared they’ll tell me I’m making it up or being dramatic.

Man do I hate the shit people put you through to get medical help. Everybody’s entitled to ask, aren’t they? So why are we all making that difficult? Why are we making people feel bad about their own pain?

I understand your fear, but I hope you start asking questions anyway. Other people’s opinions about it aren’t your fault

Anonymous said: My secret is that my dermatillomania has gotten way worse since I got to college, so I’m having to wear headscarves again to keep myself from picking my scalp. I smuggled my scarf collection out of my room without telling my parents.

I’m sorry, anon. That’s difficult. That sucks. That’s bullshit.

Anonymous said: my secret is that when one of my family members says something homophobic I'll laugh and agree because I'm afraid that they'll disown me if there's any shred of proof that I'm LGBT and it makes me feel like such filth

That’s not your fault. It’s theirs for making you feel unsafe, because your safety really should be your first priority! That’s okay! You’re not being a bad person by doing it. You’re just protecting someone. You’re allowed to make that someone you

#some pretty heavy subjects here so #suicide #suicidal thoughts #anxiety #depression #mental illness #homophobia #if there's anything else let me know #asks #secrets

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zookeep15 · 6 years

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So most people know I am leaving the zoo field.

I know.

It’s crazy.

And right now my life is a whirl of sad thoughts, what ifs, and an overall sense of “why am I doing this?” since my last day is Tuesday. It’s oh so easy to forget the dumpster fire that has led me here when I’ve had a good couple of weeks due to lack of fucks to give anymore.

Well sit tight kids as I drop a truth bomb on the nature of the zoological industry.

First. Let me say that up until about two years ago I LOVED my job. Like head over heels in love with the position. Had very few bad days, grew quickly as a trainer and keeper, and found myself surrounded by people who seemed to share the same enthusiasm I had.

Everything was great. I was living in my “dream job”. That’s right. My DREAM. JOB. The ultimate career. The top of the top. Starting at age 22.

(Hashtag blessed am I right?) *IM NOT RIGHT*

But I started to notice a trend. Over the last few years, I’ve watched person, after person, after person who I have loved and respected pick up their things, close the door and say goodbye (okay some were pushed out the door and some needed a swift kick in the ass out the door but I digress.)

I didn’t get it. How could someone leave this job? It’s a dream right? I was told I was LUCKY to have this job. So lucky that in fact there were twenty more people just like me that could replace me in the blink of an eye. I should be grateful for whatever they give me because I am LUCKY to have this job. There might not be some great things but if I work REALLY hard they’re bound to notice and make those problems and not great things go away right?

*pause for laughter at that naive notion*

I mean sure... the pay is literally the worst considering I’m required to have a four year science degree and two years paid experience to get a part time job at the zoo, and my work environment is a literal and figurative mine field that is exhausting to navigate daily, and my boss is a manipulative micro manager that refuses to listen to any of the staff members, and I spend my entire day manually laboring for 13$ an hour and come home emotionally and physically exhausted so much so that every relationship that I’ve been in has crumbled because I have nothing left to give, and I spend my weekends in a state of depression because I have to catch up on sleep but sleeping too long is bad but I’m so tired and I just cant catch up, and I can’t save money because I’m already living paycheck to paycheck with my parents helping me every month, and I work over a thousand programs a year and no one seems to want to reward that even when you go in and ask for a raise because ten cents IS NOT A FUCKING RAISE and you ask and get told “that’s not in the budget” but hiring two new worthless VPs (to bring that grand total up to 17) whose starting salary is 100 grand is, and you can never actually grow here because even if your supervisor left you’d only make two dollars more an hour and be expected to work ten times harder with more responsibility and have everything get blamed on you, and no one can help you with continuing education or professional development because “it’s not in the budget” but ordering 65$ worth of ceramic “stations” was because they felt like it, and sometimes questionable decisions get made regarding welfare and you can’t say anything at all because youre boss has no interest at all in your opinion if it doesn’t agree with theirs and if you voice that opinion they go talk about you behind your back to other coworkers, and you’re expected to do more, and more, and more, and more and....

Wait a second.

Why does all of that not align with what I want in life? Why is my dream suddenly not what I thought it’d be? Why did everyone tell me “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” which is absolute bull shit because ITS STILL WORK AND WORK SUCKS SOMETIMES.

What do I love about zoo keeping you might ask? The animals. They’re incredible. Those training breakthroughs? I’d rank it somewhere between eating the best coconut cream pie you’ve had and a decent orgasm. And those programs I get to do? Occasionally there’s one that just reminds me how important it is for kids to see these kinds of things. And I will immediately be the most interesting person in almost any bar I walk into because I am a zookeeper.

But at the end of the day, I’m a 26 year old woman. Who is not making enough money to support herself. Who doesn’t have the time to do the things she loves outside of zookeeping. Who had an identity crisis when she finally decided this is not the dream she dreamed.

So Tuesday. My last day. I’m sad. Of course I’m sad those animals have a piece of my soul forever.

But man am I ready to be able to see my family. To have weekends. To have time off. To make a livable wage. To have a life outside of my job.

I won’t recommend zookeeping to the average person. Because the lifestyle that comes with it is borderline unhealthy if you don’t navigate it perfectly. And I know that might come as a surprise to some people but the zoo field has a serious problem that is not looking to be fixed anytime soon. And so I won’t tell other people to make that their life.

For those that follow me and are zookeepers I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. I would never want you to think that I am shitting all over your job that you continue to love and do. You’re circumstances are hopefully vastly different than mine! I hope your boss is wonderful and treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope your zoo offers livable wages and good cost of living raises. I hope your voice is heard and listened too. And I hope you’re dream stays true to what you thought it’d be! But just know that if the day comes that you find this post to be describing your situation? Don’t panic. You will be alright.

All those thoughts of “you quitter. You failure. You giver-upper of dreams and letdown to all those who say “you have the coolest job ever!”” ARE WRONG.

I’m going to say that again.

THOSE THOUGHTS. ARE. WRONG.

You magnificent human being who chased down their dream of a zookeeper. Who achieved the goal they set out on and grew and learned and prospered. You son of a bitch you did it.

You lived your dream. And hopefully it was a good dream for as long as it could be. And then. Once you achieved your goals. You found another dream. A new horizon. A bigger adventure. You successful, wonderful human being. Life is too short to stand still, afraid to run headfirst down a new path that could end in a cliff, and stay rooted knowing that if you stand still you can’t fall.

Because if you do that, you will never. EVER. fly.

Go fly my friends. Take flight and believe that your life is a wonderful adventure only defined by the limits you put there yourself. Take the leap of faith into the great unknown for what lies on the other side might define your life.

So. Tuesday. May 15th. I’ll see you in the skies.

Thanks for listening tumblr friends (if any of you ACTUALLY made it this far down kudos 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼)

*end emotional zoo rant that ended in philosophical motivational speaking*

#zookeeperlife #truth #rant over #newadventures #behappy #valueyourself #reality #are these corny yet?#asking for a friend #startover #leapoffaith

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