#wish that were me (for either) cause

[dear-mrs-otome]

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikepri silvio #birthday can't come fast enough #THAT BITE MARK ON DAMN NEAR EMMA'S ASS #boyfriend shirt BOYFRIEND SHIRT BOYFRIIEEENNNNDDD SHIRT #wish that were me (for either) cause #goddam emma 😍

[lottieurl]

me realizing some people were emotionally hit by the twist that it's a dream sequence while i was watching it the whole time absolutely sure it wasn't real but still worried it might be and thinking about how the true horror was shauna being all touchy feely towards the baby

#happy for the people just to be clear i wish i didnt feel let down by this ep #but i felt super underwhelmed and it felt very #hm. like. oh my god are you scared of rly getting into pregnancy as horror. you were setting up shauna as someone who is A BAD PARENT #a fucked up parent even from the first scenes of the pilot #and shes having a baby as a 17yo (18? by now? whatever) in the wilderness. the pregnancy reveal caused her best friend's death #and shes not shown to give a fuck abt that baby before its born either like #you rly want me to get hit emotionally with this? well im too busy trying to figure out why shauna is acting like uh #a woman who just gave birth to a planned baby she wanted lmao #like my god can we PLEASE have tv thats unafraid to show pregnancy as horror #and characters who dont feel that quote unquote magical 'maternal' haze blah blah forgot abt all the pain bc oh look at the fucking baby #sorry im disappointed #just to be clear im not one of the I Hate Kids freaks in fact i adore children i just hate pregnancy and would rather die than get pregnant #was p excited for fucked up pregnancy shit and we got this . lifetime lukewarm take on shauna pregnancy #someone write horror shauna pregnancy fic i swear this has to be done #anyways. rant over #yellowjackets spoilers #yellowjackets blogging

[thegirlivealwaysbeen]

i have a very very soft spot for both debut and fearless

#because that’s what i grew up on !! first albums little me listened to fully cause we had the cds!! they were my everything my first real #music you know??? #i wish our speak now cd hadn’t gone missing before i got into using our cd player lol #and i think we might’ve had 1989 too but idk where that is either #anyways fearless and debut were without a doubt my everything and now they still are #kaela.txt #kaela music tag

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

It's been a few days since I watched the most recent Shortonegaming episode of V3 but I'm still thinking about how delighted I am that for once the reaction of the LPers to Gonta saying something along the lines of "Gonta not very smart but will do his best to help investigate" during ch1 was not "awww its okay gonta" but "Aww gonta no!! You are smart!! You're literally an insect scientist!!" Like AUGH I've said it like 10 times but this playthrough continues to be everything I've wanted a v3 playthrough to be!! 10/10 stars!!

#shut up me #the only thing I wish was different about it was that they put new episodes out either More Frequently or on a regular schedule #cause im kinda like sitting here kicking my legs every day hoping a new episode will drop #itd be nice if they were like. Every sunday or every 9 days or something so I could get hyped when I knew it was coming #not a big deal though #I should go watch their other dr playthroughs

[kirbyddd]

for a long while when I'd visit my relatives on the chesapeake for a brief respite from the hells of home life, there was an odd beat-up little cardboard box sitting amid the plastic-cased ds games in the gamestop I'd always visit (rarely to actually get anything)

finally, one time before the journey back to hell, i actually had a scattering of bills in my pocket. after looking around at the shelves of shovelware (i didnt have enough for any of the proper titles like mario or pokemon), i finally decided to bring the story to a close and give the ragged little box a home

it was Sola-to-Robo, one of the rarest ds games ever published, possibly the most technically advanced engine ever devised on the system, and among the most unique and emotional experiences I'd ever encountered in a video game (which is saying something considering I'd already all but lost emotion by that point)

i barely remember it anymore, but for the time it became my favorite standalone game of all time (although it technically is part of a series, succeeding the PS1's equally obscure Tail Concerto)

I still dream of returning to it and seeing just how well it holds up from a more experienced point of view

the one thing i do remember is that it had and still has by far the most beautiful and powerful opening song of any game ive ever encountered, which is saying something considering the hundreds out there! it's up there with Atelier Meruru's Cadena

also the fact that when you beat the game, after the credits it goes "chapter 2" and there's an entire sequel within the game. altogether both parts are probably not longer than any other rpg, but on the original ds where full 3d action rpgs were resource intensive and typically limited in scope, it was mindblowing

also it apparently had like undefeatable copy-protection and to this day still requires a modified rom to emulate or even run on original hardware without a card?

anyways.... remarkable game. i was shocked to find that it's one of the most sought after titles on the system. in rarities ive personally enountered it's second probably only to Retro Game Challenge, which I encountered at regular price once in the late 2010s but didnt have the money for at the time... that's my "one that got away"

#for me it's also up there with klonoa and a handful of old sonic titles for having anthro designs that are actually great instead of weird #i always start thinking anthro designs are just a lost cause but then i remember like solatorobo and redwall and beatrix potter and am like #“no theres tons of room for animal folk in art it's just that modern 'furryism' is usually so soulless and based on corporate mascot styles #anyways..... my short recollection of a remarkable game #hotel dusk and last window are very rare too but theyre so obscure their prices aren't actually that high #tingle's rosy rupeeland wasnt expensive either back in the day but i bet it's gone way up now. wish i got it back then #mario 3-on-3 is another one that's insanely rare but absolutely no one remembers or cares about it lmao #i found it at a gamestop in ass-nowhere shenandoah in 2020 long after the stores were supposed to have done away with their ds collections #anyways..... original ds is a favorite system of mine... not actually for nostalgia reasons (i barely experience any anymore) #but for the sheer variety and uniqueness of titles to be discovered on it... maybe the most of any platform ever #and the fact that many of them had SSS-tier stylistic direction #ive yet to find another title that even comes close to the blue-skies beauty of bomberman land ds #OG ds was definitely a blue-skies system

[monster-noises]

Ahahahahaaha love love Love getting Medical Anxiety triggered by over hearing something at work and fucking Finally feeling normal by the end of the work day only to come home and Remember It

Best time

Good vibes

My insides are vibrating at a daaaaangerous frequency and it's Not Helping

#monster noises #i never know what to call this type of Ongoing Exaggerated Anxiety #cause I don't want to misues terms #and I don't think it's...... Active enough for me to qualify it as Paranoia Or Hypochondria #but it's got a Hairline trigger #(i.e useful tips posted benignly on the internet about how to check for/detect something - overhearing co workers talk about their health - #part of a podcast that portrays a catastrophic health event; all things that have sent me absolutely Spiralling #some that Continue to affect my behavior) #and a base level of Constant Fear that i just really wish i didn't have to deal with #i loose a lot of days were i'm just kinda puttering around not doing much unable to drum up the energy because my Brain is on Fire #trying to convince myself i either Am or Am Not on the verge of having a Stroke or some shit #and I don't talk about it a lot because......... #idk #seems like it's not serious enough to warrant it #though it absolutely is #and i don't want anyone to like... get concerned cause that's just gunna make Me Worse #and that's Really not gunna help

[autumnhobbit]

my parents house genuinely just makes me so sad

#and frustrates the crap out of me lol #my mom hates throwing away paper towels so if they’re ‘lightly used’ she just #leaves them crumpled on every surface for ‘later use’ #every single empty container is kept even though they’re never used and there’s no room for them #the cups haven’t been replaced since at least 2016 cause I was here the last time they were #they’re all scuzzy and sticky like plastic is when it’s been washed too much #rotting fruits and veggies litter the counters #honestly I wish I could get them to decluttering but both my parents have that deep-seated Great Depression #leftover guilt about throwing anything away or not keeping anything #even if you don’t need it even if you don’t want it even if it would better suit someone else #even if it’s taking up all this room and you never actually use it for whatever you’re ‘saving it for’ #mom fussed about clothes and shoes and books #but the siblings bedrooms are both clean and organized #and the rest of the house is a wreck #they need to take a stand on papers and garbage and unnecessary items #but they won’t and so the cycle will repeat #in a lot of ways my mom has gotten better but it still just makes me sad that they’re both this old and still can’t keep house #without it being agony for both or either of them #because dad remembers everything he’s ever owned and constantly demands them when he hasn’t known where they were since 1996 #and blames everyone else for not being able to find His Thing #and how we /always/ take his stuff and he spent his whole life providing for us worthless people and we pay him back #by taking all his shit i guess #just cause we all love getting yelled at. #sigh.

[silenthillbunni]

.

#i called even if all i wanna do is stay in bed forever lol #she on the phone thought it sounded more like an ulcer sksksks #it's what they said the first time abt this in august but omeprazol etc did nothing for me #maybe it's an ulcer. maybe it's smth other than gallstones that causes this pain #tbh i have no idea. sad part is that doctors very often have no fkn idea either #but now i started to get worried like what if this pain isnt caused by my gallstones??? what if i remove my gallbladder nd then it continues #wheeeeew unlocked anxiety!!!!! #but she still gave me an appt today in 3 hrs so a doctor can look at me #which they will at least be able to tell if im dying or not #so then just that can calm me down a little. even if i dont fully get to know what's going on :(( #i know it's kinda hard even for doctors and they cant magically know everything but i wish they were better nd more trustworthy #whatever it is im sick of this pain :((

[pronouncingitwang]

.

#truly no faster way to make me so so ill than the seol and the seolite diaspora DE tag on ao3. not in a bad way not in a good way either #also last week i hung out w a friend i hadn't seen in a while and we joked about diaspora lit bingo a lot #but yeah idk. the way my sister is reconnecting w her asianness through like. kdramas/cdramas and kpop etc #the way i only have about 4 chinese language songs liked on spotify and they're like #one from the CRA soundtrack two bc i looked up an artist whose photos were on tumblr and who i found hot #and one from my white roommate who's learning mandarin #and i wonder if my parents are like. so bummed that we ignored them and made fun of their shows and music and accents as elementary schoole #and now they see her doing this and me. idk. claiming POCness via something i never engaged with in a way i find satisfactory #or idk. the whole immigrant parents being your passports to your language/culture and once they die it's game over #ESP bc you only ever took enough chinese classes to graduate hs or college no more #and kim kitsuragi is suchhhhhhh an interesting look at that bc like. he is an orphan and he does have zero cultural or language ties to seo #like. he would absolutely dannyamericanbornchinese himself if he could #and i want him to reconnect like i imagine him reconnecting w being asian and it causes feelings of comfort and such in me #but like. he shouldn't have to obviously and #one of the notes of a fic in that tag is from a biracial person who says #I flip between wish fulfillment and scrutinizing the degree Kim 'needs' to reclaim his heritage #and like yeah. yeah. that thing #and idk i don't think there's a distinct chinese-american culture the way that chinese-american cuisine is like. A Thing you know #maybe i'd feel better if there was that #and if there was just one other seolite person in disco elysium but i think kim's racial isolation is purposeful #what is there for me but to idk. reread the joy luck club and have another crisis about it #personal

[theloveinc]

not claiming that i am automatically unproblematic by default but.. it does make me sad how such stupid things tear people apart on this site

#not directed at anyone im just thinking #im blocked by a few people i really like/liked #and i have clue what it is that did it #and if it's what i think caused it... i just think... what a shame. #and ofc part of me is apologetic. for the things i do know about and don't #and tho i can justify a lot of that behavior with minor excuses.. i am also overwhelmed by the thought that i have dogmas too #that i wish were equally as respected and understood as i try to ... regard others with theirs #even if unsuccessful ... #iwant people to know i never do anything with intent to harm even if i come off as brash and abrasive and judgemental #i don't spare myself from that kind of treatment and loathe either #hence why it seems silly to fight with others why im fighting with myself #an imma be honest. there's a lot of fighting on here and i think it's all stupid as f*ck lmaoooo #but yeah. i'm sorry if i ever hurt you #even if i wish you understood me too #caitie blabs

[davinaclare]

you know how i said in an older post that i probably deleted how it wasn't worth it to feel this amount of stress and anxiety to go to a dinner party where i would probably get ignored the whole night anyway? yeah... i was right. i could have dropped dead at any point and nobody would have noticed. expect my "friend" who kept leaving me her purse. i love being a coat hanger.

#i wish people would stop inviting me to things #oh and i didn't even mention the drunken guy who started to psychoanalyze me at 1 am cause i never smile #how about you TALK to me like a normal person if you wanna see me smile?? huh? #how about you involve me in things like you do with the others? #people would literally take pics with my two co-workers and i was just standing by behind them like a fucking moron #'you have sadness in your eyes' oh you noticed? why would that be i wonder? #telling me 'life is full of ups and downs but you gotta react' when you know nothing about me #you don't even know what you're talking about #i didn't react? it's a miracle i didn't jump off a bridge and you're telling me i didn't react? #i'm sorry i'm not jumping up and down from happiness when i don't feel it i guess #of course HE was happy he drank the entire bar! #that wasn't real happiness either my guy #so i guess he just wanted me to pretend to be happy so i woulnd't make him feel uncomfortable #which i do btw i try to smile and laugh as much as i can so i look normal #i'm sorry if after 5 hours i was tired and my feet were killing me and i couldn't keep up the pretence! #rambling #don't mind me just let me vent

[kabutone]

like not to sound like some edgy piece of shit but that is also why horror is like such a breath of fresh air to me lmao like in almost all the horror media i've seen

#like horror media is the most accurate representation of real life for me cause . life is suffering!!! life is pain!!! #everything fucking hurts !!!! #like i really liked that there were multiple suicidal characters in made in abyss #or at least a common theme was that death is sometimes the one and only way to relieve your suffering #bc thats true! the best day of my life will be the day i die bc i will not be in pain anymore !!! <3 SO TRUE MIA !!! #even the characters that werent horribly deformed like mitty and irumyuui. vueko wanted to kill herself bc of trauma #and saw my beloved i LOVE SAW !!!!! and i FIRMLY BELIEVE that saw is just like real life <3 #bc a lot of the victims arguably did not deserve to die. they did not deserve to be “tested” #a lot of good people suffer irl and a lot of bad people get away with what they've done #and sometimes you wake up in a situation that is not your fault but theres nothing you can do to get out of it #sometimes you are forced to endure something that will maim or kill you #and if ONE PERSON decided it was not worth it to hurt you you could have been spared. #and sometimes you panic bc the easier option may be letting yourself die but you wish it wasnt #you wish there was a key or that someone would come and free you painlessly but there isnt a third option #sometimes its immense pain and then death or just death. and you can only pick between those two #sometimes all the fucking tables are turned against you and you can do nothing to fight back! ultimately you just have to take it #and nobody is coming to save you either. someone picked YOU to be the one to suffer and die and now you just have to endure it

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

when i was 14 i had a crush on the same guy as my best friend, whom we were both very good friends with, and i never made my crush known (despite the fact that it was obvious) because she was more charismatic and better at getting him to agree to things than i was. anyways, one day after school we went on like a three-way date (we said it was a friend thing but we both obviously wanted to date him) to a mini golf course and then back to my house where she did makeup on him and i recorded the whole thing and put it on youtube (the videos are private) and everytime i watch them i just feel this aching nostalgia where i wish i had just spoken up and said i liked him too.

i guess it doesn't really matter bc in the end, we had a weird falling out and he ended up with neither of us and we don't talk to him anymore but i still always wonder how he's doing!! he was a weird fucking kid but he was a good friend and i liked him a lot 🤷‍♀️

#he got nosebleeds super easily and he always wore hoodies with nothing underneath to school (LOL?) and we used to race to lunch like 6 y/os #this other kid i had a crush on that year after i got over my crush on him (mostly) was in the same class with us and commented on how we #'acted like a couple' and both of us were liie vehemently denying it but idk. he's also the only man i've ever hugged outside my family #it's all just kind of bittersweet when i look back at it... i was 14 and i didn't know how to be a better friend to either of them #i essentially caused the falling out bc i told my best friend that i also liked him and then she told him and. yeah. it was stupid #it all came to a head at the only dance i ever attended in high school where lana del rey was playing and he messaged us on KIK saying #that he was gonna kill himself and i fake threw up in a trash can JDHDUDIDJND IT WAS ALL VERY MELODRAMATIC AND HIGH SCHOOL... #but anyways like i said i just kinda wish i had told him but it is what it is. i had like 4 crushes freshman year so it's not like it was #that important but yeah. i just rewatched one of those videos and it got me thinking of that time. my relationshio with my best friend #is much more fraught than you would believe from this story lol

[bunibelles]

Intrusive thoughts hour 😭🫶🏼

#I need to check messages more often #I think my friend who graduated visited campus #and then I message their story #and read up after thinking huh I wonder how they’re doing #ONLY TO REALIZE I WAS THE ONE WHO NEVER READ THE MESSAGES 😭😭 #so ngl it’s really my fault if smth doesn’t happen #cause it’ll be sad if I missed the one day they were here #like sometimes friends drift apart cause life gets busy #I know that #but also I miss them #and honestly it’s my fault a lot cause I’m like the worst at replying #I wish I had unlimited energy but that’s not it either #I know my mom said like if u really care u’d make time #and she’s right but also #a lot of times I don’t open messages cause I want to give people 110% when I respond back #but also that just kinda stops me from messaging people right?? #like a terrible cycle that’s only in my head #I know it’s not a big deal #like my friend would probably be like haha I am on campus #but the instrusive thoughts are hitting deep rn </3 #I miss u I wish I was better at reaching out I love u I hope ur doing well #small voice at the back of my head being like pls don’t forget about me #even tho girl it’s my own fault 😭 #also another intrusive thought being like u only say all of this to justify not responding so honestly u could do better #and I can!! #so I should probably change this #hopefully it’s complicated… i say this a lot but it always gets back to this point #I hope people spam message me out of nowhere or don’t mind if I spam message them back #also irl stuff is actually busy cause extracurriculars are every single day 😭🫶🏼 #Bella rambles

[getting-messi]

:(

#so I haven’t been on Instagram since that day I mentioned I’d stop #but I was on Snapchat and this girl that I was super close with was posting a bunch of stuff cause it’s her bday #after years of wishing her a happy bday publicly and getting her gifts and her not even sending me a message on mine or even remembering - #I stopped going out of my way for her since she has given me no energy back #but anyways it’s her bday today and a bunch of people were posting her #and what’s crazy is that she got married recently but she didn’t even tell me when she got engaged I had to find out through someone’s story #and then she had the audacity to just send me a link of an invite to her bridal shower and I was like……I thought we were friends? #like I just don’t know I don’t care that she didn’t tell me she was talking to a guy but she didn’t tell me about her engagement #had a party to celebrate and didn’t invite me to that either #and then barely acknowledged my existence to send me ONLY A LINK to her bridal shower? cause she wanted gifts that’s all #so I was like whatever I’ll go and I even bought her and her man a couples gift EVEN THO I DONT KNOW HIM and clearly don’t know her #but it was a big winter storm so she had to cancel and said she’d let us know when she reschedules #she didn’t bother rescheduling and had the wedding last month #and now on her bday I’m seeing everyone post pics from the wedding and I’m like…… #ouch #she couldn’t even invite me to her a wedding #it just feels like a slap to a face #I’m really in my feels recently about not having a single friend #and it’s like I still have her dumb gifts because I couldn’t return it #and it’s like okay people lose touch with each other but every single one of my ‘old friends’ cut me off so harshly #I have way more stories about the other ones #like I truly PRAY that I could just have A SINGLE good friend that I could text and hang out with #but it gets harder and harder the older I get #I saw a tweet that said stop putting energy in your relationships and see how many last if the other person cares they’ll seek you out #and look at that - I was the only one holding onto flimsy friendships that stopped the moment I stopped putting effort #:( #social media sucks

[daenerys-targaryen]

damn I forgot what the feeling of being left out was like during non tour albums 🤩

#leah rambles #basically I’m spiraling rn #I just wish I were more. #being happy for those who are getting noticed -> feeling bittersweet cause it’s not you #jealousy is a human emotion and I’m not ashamed to admit that I do have it sometimes #but also I’ve known this feeling since 2014 so. word. #and it’s not even about Taylor either it’s just like the fandom as a whole too #cause I’ve also felt this @ st fandom on twitter too #and I know I shouldn’t base my self image off of strangers #but get this: I always have and always will 🤪😞 #like if I were smarter or prettier or wealthier or more creative maybe I’d like.. make more friends? #phew the self loathing tonight is very strong #anyways #I once again am re thinking being on social media except tumblr. #this shit is not good for my mental health. #my fear of not being good enough is like AMPLIFIED on every other social media except here #it’s ridiculous. #anyways um. hehe. #I feel like that Tik tok of the person who said ‘watch me organize my anti psychotics’ #because I am trying to get off my mood stabilizers. and hm. I am… most certainly.. not stable atm. #okay bye I’ll stop rambling if you made it this far here is a snack and a flower 🍿🌸 #bye again.