#yes i know this is going to look bizarre to 90% of my dash but hey you can veronica mars AND tolkien

[theserpentsadvocate]

I am drowning in half-planned fic right now because I made the mistake of rewatching Veronica Mars (and seeing the new season) and then there was very very little of the stuff I wanted to make me feel better, so I am now writing it myself all at once??? (Yes, juggling like six AUs at once is a bad idea, no I did not do it on purpose.) And I know better than to post unfinished stuff, so give me some feedback, guys:

What are people interested in?

(Relevant information: I am here for Weevil, and I am decidedly not here for Logan. Also, these are mostly not the actual titles, I just don’t have one yet.)

Finish the short ones first!

*The long, sad, bittersweet Weevil/Jade reunion, where she runs into trouble post S4 and has no one else to call. (Pros: As a (long) oneshot, will probably be finished in the next millennium! I’ve also not only started it but made some decent progress. Has a likely sequel which is… maaaybe less sad. Kind of. Jade POV, which is, uh, scarce. Cons: Sequel is less well-planned-out and kind of self-indulgent, this is a ship that like two people are on. Also it’s sad.)

*Five Children Veronica Mars Never Had (Pros: Short enough it might get finished before the heat-death of the universe! I’ve also already started it. Takes a bit of a turn from the typical children-as-a-ship-exploration/validation these things often have (most of these children are not biologically Veronica’s). Novel canon is relevant! Some very solid V/W friendship in at least one. Cons: Tremendously, horrifically depressing; I literally just keep killing people to make the premise work. Very little shipping.)

*The Jade/Eli Chronicles (Pros: Related oneshots so, again, will probably be finished in a semi-reasonable time. Fluffy if you block S4 from your memory. Jade gets, like, lines. Cons: Not a ton of substance, only happy if you block S4 from your memory, this is a ship that two people are on.)

*Five (Or Some Number) Worlds Veronica Didn’t Grow Up In (Pros: Fun crossovers/fusions! All the chapters will be more standalone, so I might even post it serially. A BtVS where Veronica isn’t the Slayer (Lilly was). Animorphs!!! Cons: Fusions are automatically disinteresting if you don’t know the other canon. Some of them are not super well-developed yet. Also, how do you make Veronica Mars more upsetting? Cross it with Animorphs!)

I want longfic, because the literal problem is not enough V/W longfic!

*Veronica Mars, Intrepid Reporter

A Lilly lives AU where canon splits whenever Lilly (doesn’t) begin her affair with Aaron. Veronica copes with Duncan’s sudden cold shoulder by becoming an investigative high school journalist.

Pros: This is my first-concieved AU, and maybe the project I’m most proud of? (Pending completion.) Heavy focus on the death of Marisol Reyes. Features a not-irredeemably-awful high school experience for Veronica. Lilly is still flawed as per canon but she’s not evil and she loves her brother and her friends. Eventual (very eventual) Veronica/Weevil. Meg lives. Lots of Keith and Veronica’s relationship. Probably the most optimistic of all my AUs.

Cons: Spans a long time and will probably be gigantic (these things always get bigger once I’m writing them), so will take approximately forever to finish. Planned out to some extent but not started yet. Somewhat critical take on Logan (I almost put that in the ‘pros’ column but I know how the fandom is about him).

*The Lawsuit Story

An AU where Weevil doesn’t settle as soon as in canon (or maybe Lamb just panics quicker), and an attempted attack on him kills Jade instead.

Pros: Hello to the novel canon! This is probably my favourite of all the universes I’m messing around with. The Weevil/Veronica friendship is so strong with this one that I am legitimately conflicted over whether to actually even have them get together. Valentina has an extremely strong presence and I love her. It's pretty charitable to Logan, considering I wrote it. Carmen makes a few appearances. Celeste Kane goes down.

Cons: This was originally just part of ‘Five Children…’ so the long version probably won’t be written until that’s finished. May or may not contain Weevil/Veronica, but if it does, it is a loooong wait. Does contain LoVe.

*High School Revenge Story

Another Lilly lives AU, where Lilly definitely IS having an affair with Aaron. And also Weevil, but not anymore. And also, Veronica’s (post-Troy) boyfriend. Anyway, Veronica finds out about the last point and decides to get revenge/prove she’s not some virginal innocent sidekick by hooking up with Lilly’s sidepiece, who she imagines wants to piss Lilly off as much as she does.

Pros: Not only is it Veronica/Weevil, but Veronica/Weevil is, like, eighty percent of the plot. There’s definitely smut (plot- and character-advancing, even!). There’s an unexpectedly touching strangers-with-benefits relationship even before the extremely unplanned pining. This one felt the most like the show when I was planning it out, especially with the nature and timing of the twists. Lilly is not evil, she’s just a teenager in over her head who doesn’t want to admit it and coping maladaptively.

Cons: I always feel weird touting porn as a selling point when I wrote it, because I have had zero sex in my entire life (although I am thirty, and I feel like life experience and general knowledgeableness about actual human anatomy count for something here). I have not started this one yet, although it’s more or less outlined. Logan also does not come off well (this is because he is a teenager having a Very Bad Time, but his actions are still not excusable). This was originally two different AUs before I realized they should probably be one (I cannot say what the other one was, because it’s a major spoiler), so there’s the possibility of disjointedness where they meet. Also, I’m not entirely sure I have the chops to pull this one off – there’s a lot of dark stuff going on under the surface (well, there’d have to be, for the plot to work, because otherwise it’s just very OOC), and it’s not the kind of thing that’s usually my forte, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway.

*Platonic Co-parents

AU where Veronica stays at Hearst. She and Weevil have a one-night stand in her third year and end up getting a child out of it.

Pros: It’s just a lot of fun! It’ll probably end up W/V but in the meantime they’ve got a solid, supportive friendship going on, to the aggravation of everyone either of them tries to date. (“What do you mean your daughter’s father is sleeping on your couch because the hot water broke in his apartment???”) I have a later scene planned out where they go to the high school reunion separately and deliberately show everyone the same picture of Mariana to see if anyone realizes it’s the same kid, which sums up the vibe pretty well. There is Keith+Weevil awkwardness and then probably some Keith+Weevil friendship later on. Lots of time given to Weevil’s family. Also, Veronica looks into Susan Knight’s suspicious drowning. I have also (technically) started it.

Cons: Listen, I know it’s a reach for Veronica to be willing to have a child at this point in her life, but I’ve done my best to justify it and I think I did okay. Plus, you know, the entire premise is a junk food trope – it’s not evil, but it’s trite. I love it anyway.

No, I want something else/FINISH YOUR OTHER STUFF

*[Earth’s Children] The story where an adult Durc and Brun’s former clan meet the post-Ayla Lion Camp!

Pros: Ambitious dual narrative I think I’m pulling off well (time divergent; one strand moving forward from the first encounter, one from Ayla’s departure), lots of screentime for supporting characters with wasted potential (Vorn, Frebec, Ura, Brac, not to mention Durc), several chapters already written.

Cons: Extremely ambitious so it will take me forever to finish, there’s basically no one in this fandom.

*[Earth’s Children] The Echozar/Joplaya fic

Pros: Actually develops their friendship into something that makes sense, development of Echozar’s childhood and of the Lanzadonii, I’ve got a rough outline and a few pages written.

Cons: Definitely chaptered so it will take some time, there are even less people in this part of the fandom.

*[The Old Guard] Give An Inch Fall A Mile (Joe and Nicky friendship-with-benefits their way into being Joe and Nicky)

Pros: Lots of sex scenes (obviously) on which I have had positive feedback, several chapters written (probably half-finished), I'm very proud of the writing quality on this one, and I absolutely should be writing this first.

Cons: I have been stalled out on it for more than a year, it may not be finished before the new movie comes out and possibly makes it incompatible with canon.

*[Veronica Mars] The Firebird AU… crossover… fusion… thing

Post-S4, Veronica travels through alternate universes and learns that she needs to get her shit together and apologize to Weevil.

Pros: Um, the Firebird Trilogy is cool but is not required knowledge for entry, alternate universes are neat, and even though this idea is probably dumb I can’t stop thinking about it. It would probably even technically comply with canon.

Cons: Half of the universes I have up my sleeve are from the AUs mentioned above, so it probably won’t get written (if it does) until they’re finished in like ten to twenty years. The actual plot is thin; I mostly have a bunch of scenes. There is a decent chance this idea is self-gratifying and pointless, but I also just cannot stop thinking about it.

*[Veronica Mars] Zombie Apocalypse

Post-S4 zombie apocalypse lands Veronica and Keith on a stolen yacht with a bunch of Weevil’s gang, Jade and her new boyfriend, and this one other guy.

Pros: There’s a lot of compelling (I think) personal drama, which is largely not rooted in anyone being an asshole (except Veronica, but that’s canon and I can’t do anything about it except try to fix it with zombies). Weevil finds out his kid is trans and does his best to speed-run the acceptance ladder despite his personal doubts because he’s extremely concerned about being killed by zombies (and thinks he's dying for a minute) and knows this is his only chance to make them feel supported. Eventual W/V, probably.

Cons: I do not know where I’m going with this. Author is not trans herself and might fuck up.

*[Veronica Mars] The Babysitter Effect

Valentina’s babysitter is still in the truck when Weevil stops to help Celeste, and she witnesses everything.

Pros: Teenage awkwardness, but in a fun way. Weevil gets the justice he fucking deserves. Beginning already written.

Cons: I have no plans at all for what happens after the inciting incident, and even if I did I don’t know how long this would be.

Soooo... if you're not in the Silm fandom you've probably never seen my writing before, but I'm happy to back it up with excerpts! Please ask me for excerpts.

If I keep up the volume of writing I've been doing I can probably get something substantial finished by the end of the year but I need input, please weigh in even if we're complete strangers and you found this post two years from now, best-case scenario I can link you to the completed fic. :)

#veronica mars #eli navarro #weevil navarro #fanfic #fandom misc #earth's children #i seriously keep bouncing between these ideas at the speed of light #give me some direction and i promise i will finish SOMETHING #i just want to keep my momentum up #yes i know this is going to look bizarre to 90% of my dash but hey you can veronica mars AND tolkien #so hopefully i am not screaming into the void #although that's not much different from talking loudly about weevil in my empty living room which i already do #so i'll be fine either way #revenge gambit fic #the jade/eli chronicles

[flowerthornsart]

Haven meets Sybil

A drabble that i ended up working on for the day, it ended up being longer than i thought it would (3493 words) but I’m super happy with the result!

CW for blood, body horror, and medical grossness

Applying for nursing jobs was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wasn’t expecting to have a job right away, but with my rent, bills, and student loans cropping up, it’d be nice to get a higher paying job than door dash and Walmart. Sure, I was getting by, but it felt almost as though I had wasted those years studying. It was getting more and more disheartening with every email stating I wasn’t “quite what they were looking for”, if I even got an email or phone call back at all.

I was lying in bed, scrolling through social media, and trying not to let the weight of the last rejection email I had gotten suffocate me when a notification popped up.

 1 new email.

 I sat up a little, clicking on the notification and being taken to my inbox. I refreshed, and refreshed again, but nothing popped up. That’s when I noticed that there was a 1 next to the spam folder.

“Thank you for your application!” the title read, and I could feel my heart start to flutter with nervous excitement as I opened it up.

“Hello Miranda Havis, thank you for submitting your application. We here at Mending Collective have looked over your application and would love to interview you in person. Please give us a call at…”

I barely read the rest as I looked over the number, typing it into my phone and waiting with bated breath for an answer. After a long bout of ringing, it cut off suddenly.

“Mending Collective, Sybil speaking.”

The woman’s voice on the other end was low, in both volume and tone. It took me a second to speak up, nerves getting the best of me for a moment.

“Yes, this is Miranda Havis. I had gotten an email about the position?”

“Oh, Ms. Havis!” The voice sounded more sing song at that. “I’ve been waiting for your call; you’re wanting an interview, right? How about this, I have a client I’m going to meet tomorrow, so why don’t you come with me and show me just how good of an assistant you can be? It beats sitting in my office and asking a bunch of questions.”

“err…” I stammered, unsure what to think. This was in no way professional; I wasn’t sure how to react. “I could always meet you after, if you’re busy.”

“Well, if you’re there, you can show me how well you preform under pressure. If not, I can go alone and consider other applications.” She replied bluntly. “Meet me at the address listed on the email by 3:00 pm. If you come early with some coffee, that might warm me up to you more!” She cackled a bit at that. “Hope to see you then!”

Sybil hung up before I could even reply, and I was left stunned, mouth gaping. Did I really call the right number? I looked over the number listed again and again, even clicked through to the official site linked, only to be greeted with a very early 90s looking site. It had the same number, the address, and a little about the head and seemingly only doctor, Dr. Sybil. There was a picture of what looked to be an almost generic woman in a doctors’ uniform, face framed in grey hair and smiling a pearly white grin. The description of services was vague at best, things like “surgery, pharmaceuticals, and cleansing.” I sat back, eyebrows furrowed, and phone still clutched in my hand as the picture stared up at me. This couldn’t be real. To have a practice so small, to have such a strange doctor with an even stranger idea of an interview, it all seemed too crazy. But I did need the money, maybe Sybil was just getting started, as bizarre a start that would be.

I went through the rest of the day in a haze, flipping from going, or not going, or reasoning behind why someone would pull such an elaborate trick. Kidnapping? Murder? From sundown to sunup the next day, my mind was racing.

Yet I found myself getting dressed, and ready to go by 1:30. I wasn’t completely stupid, I texted a couple friends the address, a vague sense of what was going on, and what I was wearing to the ‘interview’. I didn’t tell them of the odd phone call, just that I felt safer letting them know where I was, since it was in the town over. I could tell they thought it was odd, but they assured me the interview would go well and to not be so nervous.

So, I drove, and picked up coffee on the way while I was at it. The office ended up being in a building consisting of different offices and clinics. If it wasn’t for her office being pushed into a back corner, the black out curtains covering the glass front along with the sign “by appointment only” being plastered on the door would have made it stick out like a sore thumb.

I shifted one of the coffees into the crook of my elbow and tapped twice on the door waiting for a response moment trying the door. It swung open, and the first thing I could smell was potpourri. Its strong scent in comparison to the slightly sterilized smell of the outside hallway made my nose itch, but I shook it off as I walked in. It wasn’t as dark as I thought it would be, the fluorescent lights overhead buzzing as I took in the room.

There were shelves of books, jars, knickknacks that made the whole area look eclectic. There were only a couple chairs in this, what I could only assume to be a waiting room. The plush carpet seemed to hold on to the scent of the potpourri on a couple of the shelves, though there were some petals and plants in there that I just couldn’t identify. The door on the other side of the room had the plaque for Sybil’s practice, though it still only listed the name “Dr. Sybil”. No first name or indication that she had any other surnames. Before I could go to knock on that door, it swung open.

I wasn’t expecting the doctor to be so tall, or to look so different from the picture online.

If I had to guess, Dr. Sybil is easily 6’0”, give or take. Her skin is a pale grey, oddly shiny in the fluorescent light as though she was drenched in water. Her hair was a pale, almost grey purple, her wild hair tied in two loose pigtails on either side of her face. Though the first thing I noticed after her height was the scowl on her face.

She had many sharp teeth, too many for a human to have. Her yellow sclera made her white eyes even more piercing, before her expression changed to a strange crooked smile.

“Oh, look who showed up! Ms. Haven, right?”

“uhm, M…Ms. Havis, ma’am.”

“I didn’t expect you to actually bring coffee! I can already tell we’re going to get along great.” She took the coffee cup from the crook of my arm. As she spoke, I could see glints of even more teeth peeking from the sides of her lips. She took a long swig of the coffee before looking to me again. “Follow me, I’ve got what we’ll need for the house call, and I think I have an extra mask for you.”

“extra mask? Wait-!” I finally bring myself to speak. “Who are you? I mean, what are you? What kind of practice is this?”

Sybil stopped at the door, turning back to me before shaking her head.

“Ah, I forgot I pulled from some human candidates. I didn’t realize I pulled from ones that are unfamiliar with less… mainstream practices.” She turned fully to look at me, tilting her head.

“you already know my name, but as for what I am… well, best way I can put this…” she furrowed her brows for a moment. “You know what a vampire is right?” I nod, taking a step back. “Christ, calm down, if I wanted to bite you I would. I’m sort of something like that, but not in the traditional way. I don’t turn other creatures to vampires, I don’t burn in the sunlight, I’m more akin to a leech, I suppose.”

Sybil pulled her lip back, revealing what I thought I had seen: Her teeth seemed to circle her mouth, and there were a few more hiding behind the from teeth.

“I’ve been around humans for centuries, long enough to learn about you, the way you work, and what shouldn’t be there. Including more supernatural things. That’s what we’re dealing with today.” Sybil put her hand on the handle of the door, looking at me expectantly. “I may have pulled resumes from places other than my usual, I forgot that humans don’t always want to dabble in this sort of environment. If you don’t want to come with me, that’s fine, I don’t even mind if you tell people, because who would believe you? I will say I pay handsomely, but this is ultimately your choice.”

“Handsomely? How much would the payment be?” I blurted out. As unsettling as Sybil herself was, and the idea there was more out there like her, I did still have rent to pay. Sybil’s grin crept back onto her face as she chuckled.

“There’s not exactly co-pay for the visits I do, usually I get to keep the money for myself. But I don’t really need a lot of money, just enough for upkeep and I get my meals as payment from the client as well.” She must have seen the horrified look on my face because she waved me off. “Its nothing deadly, I promise. The most the client has after is a bite mark. My point is, I don’t mind doing a fifty-fifty split with you. These sort of jobs are high demand, there’s very few people who can do it, and my services can range from 3,000-5,000. So, half of that at least 3 times a week if not more.”

I opened my mouth to speak, before closing again. That sounded like an amazing opportunity, almost too good to be true. But if there was even a chance… I nodded before speaking again.

“I’d like to try and see how this first day goes.” I replied, and Sybil gave me a firm pat on the shoulder.

“Atta girl, you’re a brave one Ms. Haven! Let’s get going.”

             The ride there went without a hitch, Sybil asking small questions and I asking small questions in return. Ones like “how was your day? what was college like? Man, the weather outside is too hot isn’t it?” It was almost like I wasn’t sitting next to a vampire leech. It wasn’t long before we pulled up outside of a residential house, a cookie cutter house that looked like the ones surrounding it, save for the tacky flamingo lawn ornaments outside. Sybil reached into the backseat, pulling out a bird mask before fishing out what looked like a gas mask. She measured the band between her fingers, looking from it, to me, before handing it over.

“Here. It’s good practice to have your face covered, and for a human like you, its best for creatures like these to not be able to recognize you later.”

I was about to ask, but she put her mask on and opened the car door, and I just went along with it. It fit fairly smug over my mouth and nose, my eyes the only thing really visible. I followed tentatively behind after Sybil retrieved a bag from the trunk. She knocked on the door, and I could hear the sound of multiple locks being slid open before it opened. A face of a man peeked out from the door, looking the two of us over before opening the door completely. He looked to be in his 50s, haggard, his T shirt drenched in sweat down the collar and pits. I shoot a glance to Sybil before she clears her throat.

“Good evening, Mr. Paisley, I take it Mrs. Paisley still isn’t feeling well?” She asked, a lilt of concern in her voice.

“Feeling well? She’s torn up the whole basement, she looks like a fucking nightmare!” He snapped, a tremble in his voice. Sybil lifted a hand.

“Language, sir. That’s why me and my assistant are here. Did you mix the sleeping medicine into her food like we discussed?”

“Y…yes… she fell asleep twenty minutes ago. She actually looked peaceful, and…” He trailed off, swallowing the knot in his throat before continuing. “Please help her, Doctor. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

Sybil nodded, walking past him as I followed after.

“So, what it sounds like is a possession, but not the usual demon kind. From what it sounds like, something implanted into her, maybe she ate something, on their last camping trip that’s been driving her to animalistic tendencies. My thoughts are that whatever it is, it’s using her like a skin suit. Its not too late to save her, though.” Sybil explained as we walked down the hallway, to the staircase that lead to the basement. She stopped, looking to me as I had very obviously paled at the thought. “Your job, quite simply, is to assist me in this surgery. Be alert: this is a live creature, and you’ll have me by your side. And this.”

She stepped down a couple steps, grabbing a baseball bat leaning on the stone wall and handing it to me. “your resume said you were quick on your feet, Ms. Haven, we’re putting that to the test.”

My stomach churned as I thought of turning back, but I felt I couldn’t just leave, not after entering this house. I followed after Sybil, closing the door behind me. The lights in the basement were dim, torn up cardboard boxes and the contents inside were strewn around the room, the stench of rotting meat mixed with the musty smell of the basement and made me gag. In the middle of the room was a woman, lying on her side. Red liquid was dried on her face, and her fingers looked caked in pieces of ground meat. Sybil pointed me to a knocked over ping pong table in the corner, and as quietly as I could I set it back upright. Sybil set the woman on the table, handing me plastic gloves, and putting on ones of her own. I swore I could see movement under the woman’s skin.

“Alright, lets start with the scalpel.”

For a bit, I was simply helping Sybil with tools, watching as blood pooled, cuts were cauterized, flesh was moved away, and her chest cavity revealed. Except, there wasn’t natural.

If you’ve never seen a teratoma before, it looks like a lump of flesh with teeth, eyes, but is ultimately benign. This, however, looked more like a large bone growth. I wouldn’t have thought it was alive if it didn’t have eyes that immediately snapped to me. It was nestled just below the ribs, the woman’s’ organs pushed out of the way enough to accommodate the boney mass as tendrils of flesh twisted into each other and were trailed out to keep it anchored in the body. It clicked and writhed in the light, making the woman’s skin undulate in different areas. I couldn’t see Sybils face, but I could hear a steely resolve in her voice.

“Be ready.” Is all she said, before grabbing the pair of forceps she had laying on the table and clamping it around the creature. There was a loud wail, muffled but still audible, as it tried desperately to get its hosts’ arms to move. One of its tendrils ripped through the skin of her forearm, bringing muscle with it before letting it fall back and shooting out at me on its own. It wrapped around the front of the gas mask with surprising force, pulling me forward and making me stumble nearly face first into the wound. I clawed at it as I started to coil around my neck, trying to get a grip on it but the mixture of blood and whatever other fluids it secreted made it hard to get any sort of hold. I looked to Sybil for help, but she was too busy dealing with the creature herself, fighting against a few of the tendrils as she pulled the creature with the forceps. As my vision started to get fuzzy, I spotted a scalpel on the table. I snatched it, using the last of my strength to plunge the blade into the creature. Another muffled shriek escaped the core as I stabbed, it pulled tighter around my neck until I sawed through the flesh, an off-white ooze bursting from the middle and smelling distinctly of sulfur and rotting flesh.

“Get the bat!” Sybil yelled, yanking the forceps back and falling flat on her back as the creature was pulled from the body with sickening pops and squelches. It wriggled, the full length of its tendrils finally on display, tall enough to easily pull away from Sybil. I could see now why the screeches were so muffled: teeth clattered on the top of its form, stained red from having been buried in the flesh surrounding it for so long. It attacked Sybil head on, ripping into her now held up arm to protect her face and mask. Quick as I could I wound up with the bat, smacking it hard enough to launch it across the room. The force of the hit and how hard it slammed into the wall caused it to crack open, grey brain matter oozing with that same off-white fluid pouring onto the floor. It twitched and gurgled, still trying to crawl towards us before the extent of its injuries finally caught up to it, curling into itself and going still.

“good work, Ms. Haven.” Sybil panted, a rivulet of blood staining her sleeve. “Take this jar and this solution, scoop some of that creature into the jar and whatever else is there, dissolve it in the solution. I’m going to fix Mrs. Paisley up.”

How she was so nonchalant about what just happened, I don’t know, but the rest of that procedure was a blur. I vaguely remember scooping the remains into the jar, tightening the lid, and cleaning up the excess. My body felt shaky with adrenaline, and I remember Sybil telling me to take the bag and jar to the car while she discussed payment with Mr. Paisley. I heard the front door open after what felt like hours, but what could have only been a few minutes, with Sybil walking out to the car while Mr. Paisley waved, looking relieved and less haggard than before. I couldn’t help but stare at the wound on his shoulder, ringed teeth marks threatening to bleed again until Sybil blocked my view by leaning on my door.

“Ms. Haven, hand me the gauze, I didn’t even realize I was bleeding until now.”

I nodded, reaching into the back, and grabbing the gauze, passing it through the window. She wrapped her arm as she walked to the driver’s side, sliding in, and tearing the gauze with her fingernails before tucking the excess in.

“M…my name is Ms. Havis.” Was the only thing I could think to blurt out.

“Oh. Do you mind if I call you Haven? It rolls off the tongue a little better.” She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but notice the red tint. I nodded and sat back in my seat. “You did wonderful, by the way. You’re stronger than I thought! You handled it like a professional, so I guess college is good for something!” She laughed. “Listen, you’re going to see and deal with a lot of dangerous things working with me, but on the bright side, we got 4,000 for that arrangement. So, 2,000 in one day isn’t so bad, right?”

I nod, smiling a little up at her as she started the car, taking off her face mask. I pulled mine off as well, feeling how sore my throat was after that ordeal. It felt like that surgery should have taken the whole night, but it was only an hour and a half tops. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but it was just as exciting as it was frightening, and the money was great already.

“I think I would like to work with you again, Doctor.” I said, and Sybil cracked a genuine smile.

“I’d hope so! Let’s get some booze, and some food in you, and we can discuss if you want it in cash or not.”

An odd start, for sure, but I was starting to get used to strangeness already.

#writing #drabble #original writing #monster girl #my writing #cw body horror #cw blood #cw medical

[rogerthat-taylor]

Numbers on Flyers Part 3

(Roger Taylor x Reader x Ben Hardy One Shot)

Part 1 | Part 2

Summary: You were flatmates with Roger and one evening, while meticulously duplicating flyers for Queen’s upcoming gig, he picked up the phone and heard another boy, Ben, asking to speak to you. For the first time ever, in your decade-long friendship with Roger, he was undoubtedly jealous.

Warnings: Kind of smut, ugh and this is hella angsty

Words: 3.6K+

A/N: I literally had 90% of this done right after posting Part 2 but took forever on trying to write smut so there's that - and it’s barely even smut. I even made a GIF just for this because I couldn’t find any appropriate one so yeah, I hope someone enjoys this idk

Time seemed to have froze. The swaying bodies around you slowed in agony and the music was drowned out. You were held captive by his morbid glare. You were immobilized, even numbed from your own thoughts and even though he was a whole audience, a stage and a drum riser away from you, you could feel his vexation. 

“Liar! they bring you down before you begin” He sang and drummed, his hooded eyes still on you.

“Hey!” Ben called, stooping his head lower to meet your gaze, “I got us juice. Orange, I think.”

“Ben!” you muttered to yourself in relief of finally tearing your eyes away from Roger. 

He handed you a plastic cup of orange juice and then said, “You don’t look so good. Everything alright, Y/N?”

“Yes, yes!” You lied, raising your voice over the music, “Just - It’s a little bit hot in here.”

“The next song we’re going to play is a new one and it’s written by our guitarist, Brian May,” Freddie spoke to the audience when Liar ended, “This is, The Night Comes Down.”

The opening drum beats of the song echoed the hall and instinctively, you looked up to Roger just as you always had when he played any of his distinctive drum bits but just as you did, it dawned upon you how furious he was about you coming in late - well, it was either that or because you came in with Ben. Cynically, you wanted it to be the latter but that was mischievously selfish of you so you brushed of your thoughts.

“This is one of my favourites,” Ben chimed in, sipping from his cup.

You nodded your head and mirrored his actions, taking gulps of your own drink and then wishing there was a kick of alcohol in it. You’ve always enjoyed The Night Comes Down and every time it played, you couldn’t help but be fond of the memories you had with Brian in the middle of the night when you’d be awaken by his soft and gentle voice humming to the harmonies of the song. Naturally, you found yourself swaying and singing along to the song with your eyes close. Your thoughts and worries of Roger slipping away as the song progressed on with the aid of Ben singing along, knowing the song lyric by lyric.  

“And it’s dark again.”

The bass intensified but your head was still swaying accordingly to the song, eyes still shut when suddenly you hit your head against Ben’s hand. He was about to take a sip when your head had hit the cup from his hold causing the juice to spill all over him. 

“Shit,” You gasped, pathetically trying to wipe away the residue that was on his shirt with your bare hands, “I'm so sorry. I’m such a klutz.”

“No, it’s okay, love,” he reassured, chuckling slightly and thoroughly enjoying the sight of you frantically trying to help but ironically only making the situation worse. He reached for his back pocket, pulling out his handkerchief and said, “I think you’ve got a bit on yourself, as well.”

You looked up only to realise Ben was peering down on you, not at your eye level but rather on your chest. You followed his gaze and realised how you had droplets of the juice sprawled across your chest as well.

“I’m sorry,” Ben looked away, “I didn’t mean to-”

“Nono, it’s okay,” you assured him.

Before you could try to wipe them away with your hands, Ben handed you his handkerchief, “Use this.”

You complied, awkwardly wiping away the juice from your chest and then proceeding to do so with Ben’s shirt. God! You were so embarrassed of yourself and of the whole situation but you couldn’t help but be even more attracted to how much of a gentleman Ben had been the entire night. 

“You’ve still got a bit on you,” he said, taking the handkerchief from you, “May I?”

You nodded, your heart pounding loudly from your chest and your fists balling.

“Don’t worry, it’s just at your neck,” he said lowly. Dragging the handkerchief from your collarbone and then at the base of your neck. 

He barely even touched you but you could feel yourself melting away from his fingertips. Your senses taking over and your thoughts driven by lust, imagining all the things you'd let him do to you. Bit by bit, the thought of Roger seemed too redundant. Why bother tolerating him when you had Ben who has been treating you way better? 

“There,” he smiled, pocketing his handkerchief, “You, alright?”

You shook your head and cleared your minds of your thoughts, “Are you alright? I was the one who spilled juice on your shirt, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s really not a worry,” he said, closing in on you, “My dorm’s nearby. It won’t be too long ‘til I get off this shirt.”

You chuckled, lowering your head and biting your lips. You could feel your senses heightening with pressure and delight building up in places where you longed for him. It had been quite a while since you had done anything with anyone and your thoughts were racing with your pounding heart. You were so engaged into the situation with Ben that you didn't even realise that Queen has already transitioned to their last song; Roger’s Modern Times Rock ‘n Roll.

“Everybody in this bum sucking world gonna know-”

There was an audible gasp from the audience followed by palpable murmurs across the hall and you felt chills running down the back of your spine. That was before you even looked up to see what had happened. The band’s harmonies carried on and Freddie went on to sing the last bit of the song seamlessly but at the back, right behind the drums, you barely see Roger’s head all there was was his mop of blonde hair. His head bowed down while John and Brian were crowding around him with concern. Something was very wrong.

“Thank you so much for coming tonight,” Freddie carried on, knowing fully well they were one man down, Brian and John dispersing from Roger for the sake of formalities, “and once again, we are Queen.”

Roger’s head popped up from his tom toms as he raised his drumsticks, one cracked into two, before taking a head bow with the rest of the band. His left eye appeared to be bruised and red. Your jaw fell and your heart wrenched at the sight of Roger in pain. Just like that, you were held hostage by his very existence. Whatever anger or frustration you managed to uphold had crumbled away right there and then.

You fought against the tide of crowds, heading towards the exit while you were heading for the stage which, as usual, already had a small pool of girls. You get to the front only to find Roger missing from the band, “Bri, what happened? Where’s Roger?”

“Reckon, he was playing a little too aggressively so one of his drumsticks broke into two towards the end of the song and ricocheted to his eye,” Brian explained, coiling the wires.

“Where is he?” 

“Thought he dashed off to look for you,” he said, his eyebrows drawn in together, confused.

You ran off, grumbling internally. How could he be so reckless and stubborn? You turned to Ben, concerned you had left him by himself but you found him in the corner greeting a group of his friends (at least you presumed, judging how comfortable he appeared to be with them) and took this as your green light to proceed on looking for Roger. You head out of the performance hall and into the relatively dead street of your campus. The crowd from the gig still dispersing, some getting on their cars while others walking and from across, with your eyes squinted, you see Roger in his flowery blazer (Freddie’s, you were certain) with a can of beer pressed against his eye. Typical.

In a span of no more than three minutes, you managed to plea your way into getting a bag of ice from the convenient store nearby before jogging up to Roger who seemed to be on a daft quest to walk home. The way he was acting was incredibly foolish and very unlike him. He was never one to walk out on the band right after a gig, he would always stay behind, helping everyone to tear down and pack up so to have him just take off like that was very bizarre.

“Roger,” you called out to him from a few steps back.

You knew he heard you, he had to, the streets were bare and awfully silent but he didn’t turn or show any sort of acknowledgement.

“Roger Taylor,” You fumed.

“Leave me alone,” he yelled back without even turning to you, the can still prominently held up to his eye: this was his efforts to nurse his swollen eye.

“Rog, that needs proper tending-”

“I said leave me alone,” he repeated with aggression, “Go back to your Ben or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ben’s a fan of Queen,” you reasoned out to him, “Can’t you appreciate that?”

“Not when he’s got his hands on my girl,” he grunted and spun around to face you eye to eye.

Roger shook his head, licking his lips nervously and turning his gaze on the pavement, “Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You’re girl?” you pondered softly, your heart racing as you awaited for his approval. You wanted to have heard him right. You needed to have heard it all correct, that perhaps you weren’t alone in this whirlwind of emotions. You approached him, closing the distance between the both of you, and attempted to replace his beer can with the bag of ice you had that was already dripping wet at that point.

“I-I...” He stuttered under your touch, “I mean on you. Jesus, Y/N!”

He stumbled back, dodging away from your hand, “With you dressing like that, no wonder his hands were all over you,” he scoffed, “A little skimpy, don't you agree?”

“How dare you?” 

That was the final straw. You wanted to believe that perhaps Roger wasn’t what everyone claimed him to be; the temperament, the volatile drummer and so on but you were beginning to see all that. Perhaps it was time you began to see that too, that he was no longer the kind and passionate boy you grew up with. Even if this had all been of jealousy, you thought he would have handled it better - you wanted to believe that he wouldn’t turn his back on you and treat you the way he has.

“Look this argument is beginning to bore me,” Roger added, “It’s Wednesday night which means ladies night at some bar nearby so really I’ve got better things to do than have you bore me with your excuses.”

He walked away and you let him walk away. Your jaw was clenched tight and fists were balled, your nails digging into your palm. You threw the bag of ice at him and even though it barely hit him, at least somehow you purged a small bit of that anger that wreaked in you. You felt yourself crumbling and you heart aching just as your tears began to pour. This was normally what happened when you were too angry, you’d often resort to crying your anger out and usually it would be at home. A lot of those times, Roger would be around and he would hear all this, sit with you, holding your hands until you calmed down for bit. He would bring you water and insist on you drinking it before you would go on to him about what was bothering you. This time it was different, he inflicted all this.

“Hey,” Ben panted, tapping on your shoulder.

You turned and you couldn’t help but throw your arms into him, seeking solace from his embrace. He understood all this and wrapped his arms around you, laying his chin on your head and rubbing circles on your back to calm you down. He didn’t need to hear the whole context as he watched Roger’s figure walking away, no longer holding the kind gaze that you looked into. He was furious, he knew this all this had to be Roger’s doing and he hated that he hurt you. 

-

Ben had offered to send you home given how you had been in a terrible state just a little over an hour ago after what went down after the gig. None of you spoke about what really happened but you gathered that Ben knew the gist of it. 

“Do you want to come in?” You proposed, unlocking your door.

“It’s quite late and I don't want to trouble you-”

“If anything, I've been the one causing you troubles. Let me try to at least amend those. I think I’ve got a shirt you could borrow.”

You opened the door and switched on the lights before entering.

“I doubt any of your shirts would fit me, love,” Ben sniggered.

You held the door open, gesturing for him to enter, “Don’t underestimate my collection of over-sized T-Shirts. You wouldn’t believe it but I find them to be the best pyjamas.”

He finally gave in, stepping into the havoc that you called home. The table had been left with piles of oranges and scattered popcorn on the table and floors. Both the boys’ rooms were left opened and you could only presume that perhaps they were running late - as usual. 

“This looks like a boy’s flat,” he remarked lightly.

“You’re two thirds right,” You affirmed, leading him to your room which was closed.

He tilted his head and pouted his lips in confusion.

“Unfortunately, I live with half of Queen: Roger and Brian and they hardly ever clean up.”

Your room was in a much better state, it was fortunate that that day you decided to be the better version of yourself (that hardly came around especially in stressful times like these) and tidied up your room so Ben could be spared of the expansion of the havoc that was your flat but had you known earlier that he was dropping by, maybe you would have bothered to going to the extend of making your bed. You crossed to your dresser while Ben leaned against your door frame watching you dig for your clothes. You rummaged through shirt after shirt until you found a plain black tee that was meant to fit almost like a dress to you, considering how baggy it was. You turned and handed it to Ben.

"You sure about this, love?" He confirmed once more.

You nodded compliantly before turning your back to him as a gesture of respect and privacy. In those few moments you were left to yourself and the wall before you with the soft sounds of Ben changing out of his shirt, occasionally grunting here and there. You knew it wasn't the right context or timing for it but somehow you ached for him and it didn't help that at that very moment, he was probably shirtless just a few steps back from you in your own room. You wanted him. You wanted someone who would treat you right. You deserved this.

Without the full knowledge of whether he had finished changing into the black shirt you had lent him, you spun around inching closer to him. He barely had your shirt pulled down when your fingers grazed his jaw before tugging on it to pull him closer to you. Your lips crashed into his in the most delicate way, moulding into one another seamlessly. You heard him humm the second your lips met his as he pressed his lips together against your upper lip gently and almost hesitently. He wanted this too, desperately and he had done his fair share of waiting. You deepened the kiss and occasionally tugged on his bottom lip, earning you a raspy moan from him. That alone, was enough to drive you through the roof but just as that happened, he pulled away, holding onto your elbows.

"Y/N, I can't do this," He panted remorsefully, "You were just crying in my arms half an hour ago-"

"I want this," you cut him off affirmatively, "I'm fine and I don't want to think about what happened."

"Are you sure, love?" He asked leaning in but only to plant a kiss on your forehead, "I don't want to take advantage of the situation."

At least one of you were against taking advantage of the other.

Your conscience pressed on as the revelation dawned on you that perhaps you wanted Ben for exactly just that. For it had been too long and you ached for someone - something - and you needed to fill in the pain and frustration that had been echoing in the void that you felt within. No. No, that wasn't it, surely that was all wrong. You gazed up, your hand reaching for his cheek as you reunited your lips with his once again as if it was an attempt to decline your pressing consience. Ben, however, understood the consent you have granted him, complied to the kiss and committed to it. Reigniting your impulses just like that. You felt the heat and the pressure between your legs intensifying as he got more agressive into it. He cupped your cheeks, pulling you closer to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His tongue worked in wonders you had never experienced before, first grazing it softly against your bottom lip before he would proceed. You moaned into his lips and almost instantaneously, his hand slipped at the bottom of your back pulling you closer to him. You could feel his hardening length pressing against the bottom of your stomach and in turn you got on your toes and rolled your hips against his. He moaned into the kiss right before your hands met the back of his neck guiding him backwards to your bed. You paddled back, lips still connected right until you felt yourself collapse at the feet of your bed. You pulled him closer as you inch higher up on your bed until he pulled away.

"God, you're so beautiful," Ben hummed supporting himself with one hand while the other, tucking loose strands of your hair at the back of your ear.

Every second with you was bodacious to Ben and every fibre in him wanted to treasure this so he took his time, mesmirising you beneath him. You shared the very same want and need with Ben except that you wanted it then and there. You were growing impatient as your hands crept to the hem of his or rather your shirt that was still bunched up from his mid-torso, hardly noticing the way the corner of his lips trembled as he smiled even wider. You tugged on his shirt and he complied, leaning back only to peel away from the clothing. Once chest-bared, he dived into the crook of your neck starting insidiously with small kisses trailing from your collar bone working his way up with his tongue right beneath your ear where he planted a kiss.

"I've wanted this for so long," he hummed into your ear before gently biting on your ear lobe.

His hand lingered dangerously low from your belly and to the hems of your jeans, swiftly unbuttoning and unzipping them then tugging them down. Eager, you continued the rest, shimmying the rest of it down until they were completely off. His hand returned from where it last halted only to proceed on in an agonizing rate. From the lacy hems of your panties right down in the middle, taking his own sweet time to peel it off while exchanging kisses on your neck. You felt your hips buck up as soon as you were bare, craving more of him as his finger met your wet and ready entrance. Nimbly, he slipped one finger in, thrusting it in and out shortly before introducing another finger. You choked out a moan you've been bottling as you shut your eyes, ridden by the sensation. You clawed the sides of your bed sheets as he inserted another finger, his thrusts picking up speed. This was when everything was going undoubtedly right until it went very wrong.

His toungue made a peek between your folds, right above his fingers, and licked you at an antagonizing but all the more sensational rate up to your clit. This carried on, exchanging his fingers for his tongue and then both simultaneously. You reached for his long luscious hair, your eyes still shut tight with pleasure. You felt yourself reaching your high as your moans got aggressively louder, only encouraging him. You were lost in the ocean of pleasure with prevalent thoughts of him and all the concotions that made him. You hated him and sometimes even loathed him but he made you feel so good. It was precisely then when all the right things crumbled into a very grave mistake.

"Roger," you moaned out.

Your heart skipped a beat and your eyes opened wide. For that millisecond, you hoped and prayed that Ben hadn't heard you but quite wrongfully so. He leaned up, your gaze meeting one another's. His had a straight gaze, indecipherable at first until you looked into them longer. His eyes were drawn with shock and hints of pain, only tugging on your guilt even more.

He should have known that all this while, you wanted Roger and not him but how could he when you barely knew who you wanted.

A/N: Okay, hello it’s me again, heh. First off, lmao that was my first time writing smut so take it easy on me - don’t worry, i’ll probably never do that again and second, thank you so much for reading and for everyone who have been supporting this, it means the whole world to me and I appreciate y'all so much!

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @merelthehuman @babebenhardy @mrsmazzellotaylor [ thank you, thank you for the support! I can’t explain to you how smiley I got seeing your comments :’) Sorry, I couldn’t reply, it’s a side blog thing :( ]

#ben hardy gifs #lmao cause i really did make that gif #roger taylor #ben hardy #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor one shot #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy one shot #roger taylor x ben hardy #roger taylor x ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x reader #roger taylor angst #ben hardy smut #ben hardy fluff #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody imagine #bohemian rhapsody one shot #queen imagine #queen one shot #bohrhap #borhap #faith writes

[drscotcheggmann]

Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You Review & Wider Reflections

On Sunday afternoon I went to see Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You. As a longtime fan since Generation 1, the thirteen year old boy still hiding inside this now thirty year old man (sometimes not all that well hidden) was nothing short of buzzing; but while excitement was running high as the lights dimmed and the curtain went up, at the same time I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I knew what I wanted: a huge slice of nostalgia; to be transported back to the late 90s, a reminder of when my love for these little monsters was still in its infancy; a warm, tingling Thundershock of a hug from Pikachu and the gang. But would this be what I would get? Would the film alter or even damage my memories of watching the original Animé all those years ago? Getting up early before school, willing to forgo breakfast to make sure I’d watched the latest episode. Some will say “Get over yourself and stop being so precious”, arguing that no matter if good or bad, those golden mornings watching Mew dance across the screen as the ridiculously infectious theme tune rose to crescendo shouldn’t be and can never be touched by watching this one film. Yeah, that’s all well and good in theory but it’s never nice having a half baked reimagining or rehash of something classic seemingly shit all over your childhood. And this was a slight worry because....I’d heard things. That Brock and Misty had been ditched for two other male and female companions. That the movie was only loosely based on the original Animé and might stray from what longtime fans like me might expect. It’s always the longtime fans that feel most entitled, whether it be video-gamers, movie buffs or Pokémaniancs. So as Ash’s Mum comes in to wake her long sleeping son, dreaming of his future adventures in the early hours of his tenth birthday, the weight of expectation was weighing on my mind. But. I’m pleased to say that this longtime, entitled, nostalgia crazed Pokémon fan had nothing but a huge smile on his face when all was said and done. I would go as far as to say that I left the movie theatre, mentally waving my arms in delight, like a Togepi on speed. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t perfect and it didn’t tick all of my own personal boxes but sitting at the end watching the credits roll, I realised that it didn’t have to. Looking around me as the lights went up I realised that it was about more than just me and all of the other Gen 1 superfans sitting there in the semi darkness (and I would wager there were quite a few of us)! Let me explain. WARNING: FULL SPOILERS AHEAD. Something for the Oldies The movie tells a story which is, at its core, rooted in the original Animé. Ash, a regular 10 year old boy living in a world inhabited by Pokémon, dreams of one day becoming the greatest Pokémon Master (yes, the greatest Pokémon master, not trainer). Ever. Like no one ever was (sorry, couldn’t resist). And in this fact alone, the film lavishes longtime fans with nostalgic riches at every turn. From Ash’s frantic dash out of the house (he doesn’t seem to shower at any point before setting off, as noted by my cynical cinema going companion), to those first wonderfully endearing moments of love hate interplay between Ash and Pikachu, it’s all just ‘kid in a sweet shop’, ear to ear smile inducing stuff. Another thing that struck me as a fan from the beginning is that I’ve never seen so many Gen 1 Pokémon in such a short space than in this movie. As Ash tumbles off a cliff into a river clutching Pikachu, a murmuration of angry Spearow in pursuit, a snarling Gyarados darts downstream in what is a near miss for our hapless duo (but at least he has a wash in the river). Pinsir prowl the forests, people can be seen strolling down streets and indoors with their Pokémon at heel. A slumbering Onix is provoked into pursuing our group of heroes. Nidoran of both genders, a Sandshrew and a Paras are all led into a cave to shelter from the rain by a certain legendary dog (more about them later). At one point, I even had to laugh as Ash approaches the summit of the mountain towards the end of the film, only to be greeted by an audience of exclusively Gen 1 Pokémon: Graveller, Venomoth, Golbat, Nidoqueen, Nidoking, Magnemite, Magneton, Electabuzz and Magmar. You wonder if some of these even belong on a bloody mountain but this is the love the filmmakers are keen to show those fans of the earliest generation. A clear message: ‘Here we are! The originals. Back in all our glory again’. And the effect of this is wonderful. I actually began to go through how many of the original 151 Pokémon I hadn’t seen. There were still quite a few but not as many as you’d think. And it’s not only Gen 1 that seems to get that special treatment. Gen 2 is just as lovingly captured. Ho-Oh is the Gen 2 Pokémon at the heart of Ash’s quest in the movie, a quest which was never realised in the original anime but still has its roots there, as Ash spots Ho-Oh flying over the rainbow in the very first episode. But there are others too. The legendary dogs, Raikou, Suicune and Entei all feature, the latter most prominently. When I say prominently I mean this in the most literal sense for Entei - he’s the size of a freakin’ house! There’s even a glimpse of Lugia as the film draws to a close. As a longtime fan it’s great to see all of these guys on the big screen again but I’m also quite honestly glad that the movie did not become an exercise in crowbarring in every legendary Pokémon across the generations, just for the sake of it. Arguably seeing all 3 legendary dogs, who are so incredibly rare that hardly anyone ever encounters them, is a bit much but I was ok with this. It’s not all about the legendaries though; the not so legendary Pokémon spanning all generations are well represented. That first moment when I saw a non Kanto Pokémon alongside a Kanto one and the realisation that this wasn’t a world totally rooted in Kanto. It was great, despite my Gen 1 bias. It really showed how far the Pokémon phenomenon has come over the years and that the filmmakers weren’t afraid to lay out all their wares and risk upsetting those wanting a solely Gen 1 affair. What’s there to be upset about anyway? We all love Pokémon, right? Classic Pokémon from numerous generations are one thing but it’s the set pieces from the Animé that I still remember fondly today and some of these have been reimagined in this iteration of one of Ash’s adventures in Kanto. A clever use of the slightly jazzier (but not necessarily better) theme tune advances Ash’s journey as far as Erika’s Gym, but not before we see him catch his very first Pokémon in the form of Caterpie. We see those initial struggles (and shocks) with Pikachu, the Charmander left out in the rain and Butterfree’s departure to the spawning grounds, presumably to do some spawning with his female companion (can we not even say ‘mating’ anymore?). These set pieces are either bang on the money in terms of paying homage to the original or are slight twists on the original formula (most notably, the Charmander arc). Unfortunately for me, Butterfree’s departure to pastures new didn’t really have the same gravitas here as it did in the original Animé. I think the reason for this is partly due to the time constraints of the movie and that we don’t really get to see Ash’s relationship with Butterfree develop in any sort of meaningful way, except for seeing Caterpie evolve into Metapod and then into Butterfree. The tears flooding down Ash’s face, while they served as a call back to what was a particularly heartbreaking farewell in the Animé, just didn’t have the same punch. But perhaps without a direct comparison, this wouldn’t be an issue at all. Regardless, it’s still a touching monument, showing the deep and lasting bond humans form with their Pokémon; perhaps one of the best outside Ash’s relationship with Pikachu, which shines as brightly as it ever did despite having only 90 or so minutes to show it. And it’s perhaps because it seeks to wow its audience with so many of these individual moments, both past glories and new, that the movie feels a little disjointed in places. At times the action moves on a little too quickly, leaving no room for character development beyond the high octane chase/fight we have just witnessed. Consequently I didn’t feel that the synergy was quite there between Ash, Sorrel and Verity. Marshadow on the other hand is well deployed, being introduced gradually as the movie progresses. I actually thought that using Marshadow as the primary Pokémon antagonist was a good move as opposed to the likes of Darkrai or something a little more obviously evil looking. Marshadow’s ability to seem innocent enough but to pack a few punches when backed into a corner was well done, even if Marshadow isn’t a Pokémon just for the fans of yester year. But this is ok. More on why is coming. Team Rocket make their appearance as you would expect but maybe not in quite the way I expected. If anything, Team Rocket are fringe players here. There is no grand and bombastic entrance with the Team Rocket signature jingle; in fact, I can’t recall a moment when Ash and his friends actually come into direct contact with Jesse, James and Meowth. There doesn’t seem to be much of a grand plan from Team Rocket: they want Entei, then abandon that and go after Ho-Oh but are always thwarted without our heroes ever knowing, either propelled into the air or disappearing off the side of a mountain and always into a glinting star denoting that they might not be back for a while. But they do keep coming back, which is fine, but to no great effect. It’s all a little bizarre and you can’t help but feel, having watched the original Animé, that they could’ve been put to better use rather than simply be made to seem even more ridiculous than they already are. To the movie’s credit though (and this sounds like I’m wanting to have my cake and eat it here), the filmmakers don’t beat us over the head with Team Rocket, as was sometimes the case in the Animé. I remember physically sighing and rolling my eyes at times when Team Rocket would appear and break the flow of a perfectly good episode. The XY Animé moved away from this thankfully but I suppose it was nice to not have Team Rocket dominate, despite also being a tad underused. For longtime fans (or certainly for this one), there were one or two other things missing that, while they didn’t detract massively from the overall experience, just would’ve been nice and not too much trouble to implement. For one, although Ash seems to be largely the same character as I remember, here he comes across as even more gung ho and sure of himself than usual, to the point of actually losing some of the naivety that made him so endearing in the first place. At no point in the film does he whip out the Pokédex, looking confused and saying ‘What’s that?’ as he spots a Pokémon he’s never encountered before. Indeed, there is no Pokédex AT ALL as far as I can remember, just like the one so ceremoniously presented to Ash by Professor Oak in the Animé. There is a smartphone though which Verity uses to take pictures (sigh). Not even Kanto is free from the reaches of modern tech it seems. The lack of Pokédex and ‘what’s that?’ moment made me a little sad as Ash’s confusion was once my confusion, as a 13 year old sitting in front of the TV, pre widespread internet and readily available lists of information, wondering what this new and wonderful Pokémon Ash had just run into actually was. And then running into school to chat wildly with my friends about it - “Did you see this morning’s episode?! That was awesome!” I still remember the original speculation about who the Pokémon at the beginning of the theme tune was and why it wasn’t part of the original 150. Ash’s naivety was mirrored in my own. Don’t get me wrong, Ash is still green around the gills in the movie, pushing Pokémon to their limits at times without fully knowing their capabilities or strengths. But maybe the absence of this wide eyed naivety, even if only a little, struck me so much as I’m not that naive young person anymore. Someone who lives in a different world where information is at our fingertips and there is no excuse for not knowing. I’m digressing slightly here but it did make me think about the then and now. But perhaps the movie’s most striking departure from the Animé is the absence of some key figures. Brock, Misty, Officer Jenny. I understand that maybe 90 or so minutes just wouldn’t be enough time to make Ash’s relationship with Brock and Misty believable, especially when Ash’s relationship with Pikachu should be centre stage. I know that the movie is really only a side quest in Ash’s overarching journey. A snapshot of his travels on his way to glory. But a small cameo would’ve been nice. Fighting a gym battle in Pewter or Cerulean City, especially since the only gym battle we see is beyond this point chronologically and so it’s not a case of Ash having not run into Brock and Misty yet. Ash’s direct rival, Cross left me feeling a little dissatisfied too. What was wrong with good ‘ol Gary. Even though Cross goes from Pokémon masochist to seeing that there’s more to the whole Pokémon thing than ruthless ambition, he’s still a bit of an ass when he goes his own way, despite the fact he owes Ash (and Charizard) his life. The Charizard he abandoned as a Charmander. The bastard. Yeah, he wasn’t my favourite. Let’s leave it at that. Something for the Newbies While you may think that because I’ve spent the last section of this review picking at this bit and that bit and perhaps making unfair comparisons to the Animé days, I just want to reiterate: I loved the movie, imperfect as it was. I loved it for all of my own reasons, some of which I’ve mentioned and some I’m yet to mention but also for other people’s reasons too (bear with me on this one). For as I watched the audience file into the cinema (and I saw absolutely everyone file in, having been über keen in arriving half an hour early), I began to realise that the Gen 1, diehard Pokémon fan wasn’t going to be the only type of Pokémon fan represented. I’m talking about the kids, of course. Kids ranging in age from 4 to 14. The younger ones especially excited to be seeing their favourite Pokémon on the big screen for the first time. One particular Mum and Dad ushered their two young daughters to their seats, one carrying a Squirtle and the other with a Charmander tucked under one arm and an Eevee peeking out of her bag dangling off the other arm. This is a whole new wave of Pokémon fans, all of whom weren’t even born when Ash first set foot out the door and the Gen 1 hype was thriving. And I can’t overstate how much this is a great thing to behold. That the love of Pokémon is still running strong some twenty plus years later. And that’s of course thanks to Pokémon moving with the generations. Literally. I know I’ve been banging on about how wonderfully Gen 1 is represented in I Choose You but in actual fact the movie does a great job of pleasing fans of all generations. If you grew up with Piplup as a starter, you’ll be happy to see that little guy flapping about onscreen; Lucario is perhaps one of the most recent Gen Pokémon to be embraced by both old and new fans alike and he’s here by Sorrel’s side in all of his hard assed glory. And even if you just dived into the world of Pokémon last November with the release of Sun & Moon, there’s plenty to keep you happy here. Marshadow appears and disappears, Cross’s midnight Lycanroc is broodingly evil at all times, and Incineroar, while low down on my favourite starter evolution list, will have younger fans especially bicep flexing and fist pumping in delight. Personally I would’ve loved to have seen Decidueye unleash the full extent of his ghost/grass power, being what I feel is the most impressive starter final evolution in generations but the fight with Charmeleon would then not have been a fair one. Again, to hammer home my slight bias for the original 151, I was glad to see Charizard kick Incineroar’s ass in the end, not just in terms of satisfying the movie’s story but also as a mini victory of Charizard, THE ultimate fire starter Pokémon of all generations for many, over Incineroar, who I feel would look better placed on the side of a cereal packet. Rarrr! That was a bit catty but yeah, he’s just not a favourite of mine but I’m totally fine with these younger generations cheering him on. I did actually force my eyes to leave the action now and again during the screening, as I sometimes do, just to see if everyone else is enjoying the action as much as me. Of course there were the parents, some of them maybe older fans like me but there were an equal if not greater number of bemused parents whose faces seemed to be struggling to grasp what all the fuss was about. But I salute these parents for giving up a chunk of their Sunday afternoon for the sake of their young Pokémaniacs. And what a wonderful sight it was to see this new generation of Pokémon fans hanging on Pikachu’s every ‘Pika’. One little boy stood up through majority of the film, clutching and peering over the empty seat in front, so obviously brimming with excitement. Someone somewhere in the darkness screamed a giddy ‘Pika-pi’ at one point, causing a fair few chuckles. Another child sitting along my row had an expression of pure awe etched on their face the whole time and I can completely understand why: imagine seeing the Legendary dogs for the first time; not just onscreen but EVER. Imagine seeing Ho-Oh for the very first time, gliding over that rainbow; imagine hearing the names Articuno, Zapdos & Moltres, as they were mentioned at the movie’s conclusion, and thinking to yourself ‘I wonder who they are?’ and then rushing out of the cinema to look them up and find out. Oh, to be young again and see it all with fresh eyes. Something for Everyone So far I’ve tried to look at how I Choose You might appeal to the older generation of Pokémon fans as well as the new. But although I’ve painted a picture of distinct camps of Pokémon fans, the movie does a great job of bringing fans from all corners together thanks primarily to its rich visual aesthetic. Everyone can appreciate the sun drenched vistas, rainswept plains, snow capped mountains, billowing clouds drifting over fields filled with flowers dancing in the wind, dense forests and buzzing metropolises so vividly and vibrantly depicted; each area alive with Pokémon just waiting to be discovered, caught and loved. The visual feast starts and continues unabated to the end, never more so than in the Pokémon battles which have never looked sharper and more dynamic. Charizard zooms into the air with a menacing elegance; Pikachu nimbly dodges this way and that, all before landing a thundershock attack of seismic proportions; you can almost feel the flames lick your face as Entei or Incineroar unleash a frightening flamethrower blast; and some of the Marshadow-possessed Pokémon’s attacks land onscreen with the megatonne force of an atomic bomb, or so it seems, also offering a stark contrast between the affectionate side of Pokémon and their über aggressive side when given the chance. It’s all lovely to watch and your senses aren’t allowed a moment’s rest. And that goes for your emotions too. In keeping with the willingness of some of the more recent video game entries in the series to explore powerful and often dark themes, I Choose You also does not shy away from putting its audience through the emotional grinder (the dark lore threads in Sun and Moon are especially worth reading about; I still think about that abandoned Stuffl). There’s neglect (Charmander in the rain), physical pain (Lycanroc biting Cross and not letting go, something that shocked me particularly for some reason), the dangers of greedy ambition (as Ash ponders if Pikachu would’ve won the fight which his Charmeleon just lost). The latter is particularly interesting if we consider the end of the movie; we see Ash finally battling Ho-Oh and the scene cuts to a long shot of the battle taking place from afar, represented by flashes of light on the mountainside. But we never actually find out if Ash managed to catch Ho-Oh or even come close, despite seeing Pikachu looking a little worse for wear as Ash delivers him to the Pokémon Centre after the battle. And this is ok, because we don’t really need to. Arguably, Ash’s greatest adversary isn’t Marshadow or Cross; it’s himself, as he has to put aside all of his own ambitions to save his friends and his beloved Pikachu. Some may perceive this uncertainty over Ho-Oh as quite unsatisfying but Ash’s willingness to let Ho-Oh go might point to him growing and realising there is more to his journey than ruthless ambition. Viewed like this, I find this ending very satisfying and think that had Ash done a pompous and over the top victory dance having caught Ho-Oh, this would not have been tonally in keeping with what we have just seen: everyone escape with their lives narrowly and Ash come back from the dead (or a state of semi death at least in an alternate reality). I’m glad that Ash emerges at the end of the movie better off having not had a moment like this. The Pokémon Centre Lady’s ‘That’s nice’ when Ash tells her they’ve just been battling Ho-Oh is perfect in showing that the result of that battle (caught or not) doesn’t really matter. And, most importantly, Ash seems ok with it too. I would go as far as to say he looks pleased to have had the opportunity to battle Ho-Oh, caught or not and Pikachu having lost. We can see he’s come a long way. Ash’s brush with death is incidentally not the only occasion that the movie is happy with testing its audience. I sat wide eyed as I watched that Luxray found dead in the snow, frozen, trying to protect its infant owner from the fate it ultimately suffered itself. This idea that Pokémon are dispensable yet indestructible; that they can be pushed to the limit with few consequence that a Pokémon Centre wouldn’t be able to fix. With Luxray’s onscreen death, this notion is shattered in an instant and the world the movie seeks to flesh out is made all the more real and believable for it; a tenderness and bond exists between people and their Pokémon which shouldn’t be scoffed at. And, in closing out this section of the review, that bond between person and Pokémon is hammered home no better as Ash and Pikachu part into different worlds, at the tail end of the movie. That moment as they lie face to face and Pikachu speaks. PIKACHU SPEAKS. I actually thought I was hearing things. The minute I saw it I knew this would be a scene to divide opinion. The cynical side of me initially thought this was an easy pull on the heart strings. The Pokémon equivalent of Jack and Rose. But it’s actually much more than this. Having begun watching the original Animé, I’ve been used to Pikachu communicating with Ash by way of facial expression or tonal variations on the same word or half word for nigh on 20 years. But to actually hear what the little guy truly thinks of his partner, that he never wants to leave his side. I’m going to level with everyone reading this. A tear welled up in my eye. The fact that Pikachu never wants to leave Ash’s side wasn’t exactly a revelation I admit but to allow something like this to happen by way of them sharing different realities and one of which being situated a stone’s throw away from death. It was beautiful. It won’t win and Oscar and some won’t think it was anywhere near as impactful as I’m describing. Some will think that it probably wasn’t necessary at all, seeing as a trainer’s bond with their Pokémon seems to transcend language. But, to put forward the most compelling argument for the scene’s inclusion, this is arguably what gives Ash the push he needs to transcend death and push out of that nether realm. Not for himself, but for Pikachu who he would be leaving alone otherwise. Aww man, I can feel the tears coming all over again. Joking (or not) over tears aside, the willingness of the Pokémon universe, both in film and video game media, to engage with what are uncomfortable topics, gives me lots of hope for the future. I still hope for a more adult fan orientated game in which our hero feels like he or she is in genuine peril or at risk of death (I don’t think I fainted once in Pokémon Moon!), a game which makes fans confront real world problems but then allows us to eventually overcome them. I know I’ll be hoping for a long time, as Gamefreak would be unlikely to make such a move and risk alienating such a huge demographic represented by the series’ youngest fans. But, on the flip side, I wouldn’t want this alienation to happen either. The fact that the movie was able to articulate some of these themes and do so in such a way as to make it palatable for younger viewers is a triumph in itself. Those wide eyed children in the audience of my screening were the proof of the pudding and long may it continue. Conclusion I really enjoyed I Choose You. Even though the movie wasn’t perfect, it did one thing really well for me personally: it affirmed my love of Pokémon, as if that really needed any affirmation in the first place. It reminded me just why I fell in love with everything Pokémon in the first place and why that loves has endured until today. The world of Pokémon and the simple but powerful messages it communicates are timeless: that someone seemingly insignificant can achieve great things and make a difference; that we should all step out of the front door and pursue our dreams; that we can rely on our friends and family for support along the way. Never have these messages been more relevant and important than in the shitstorm of a world we live in today and it’s always nice to be reminded that this is the other side of what humanity is capable of, even if that reminder does come from a fictional world filled with fictional creatures. Such is the power of art and fiction. I’ll finish here with a reflection on a scene from the movie which really made me pause and think (to the point where I nearly missed the five minutes of the onscreen action that followed). The scene is when Ash first succumbs to Marshadow’s dark seduction and is taken to an alternate reality where Pokémon don’t exist. He leaps out of bed, a poster on his bedroom wall of a blue car, a red car and a green car in place of Blastoise, Charizard and Venusaur. He’s late to school that day, not for Professor Oak’s lab. Just regular, boring old school. He looks out the window as he sits daydreaming in class , glimpsing Ho-Oh gliding high above, except it’s not Ho-Oh at all but an aeroplane. And when he questions what is beyond the confines of the school fence, we hear something along the lines of: towns, forests, fields, more towns, forests, fields and then the ocean. What is essentially being shown, described and imagined by Ash is a world without Pokémon. A drab, boring and monotone world which lacks a layer of purpose. Quite ironically, this is our reality. Real life. I remember sitting as a kid and thinking that the coolest thing in the world would be if Pokémon were real. To be caught, trained and loved. To some extent a virtual version of this was achieved via Pokémon Go but the initial hype has died down. I knew then, as a kid, and I know now that there won’t ever be anything approaching what Pokémon does in the real world but this scene in a Pokémonless alternate reality got me thinking about the wider implications of this being communicated (and I think intentionally) by the filmmakers. Imagine a world, this shitstorm of a world we live in, WITHOUT something as wonderful as Pokémon, even if they are only virtual monsters living on our screens. This phenomenon which has brought and continues to bring so many people together, be it via the TCG, games or Animé. The phenomenon which was a huge part of my childhood and is something I engage with in some way every single day as a grown man. Imagine if all of that didn’t exist and never had done. It’s a frightening thought and as Ash snapped out of his alternate reality and I came back to mine, I gave thanks for the enduring charm and appeal of Pokémon. The fact that I was sitting in that cinema seat almost twenty years on, still enjoying everything the Pokémon universe has to offer is something that I’m so pleased the film allowed me to experience and feel and give thanks for. Thank you for the memories, Pokémon and here’s to the memories still to be made. My final parting piece of advice: stay beyond the credits. A few shorts, a goosebump-inducing rendering of the initial start sequence to the original Pokémon games on Gameboy and a beautiful piano arrangement of the Pokémon Animé theme tune. A shout out also to @brayshgaming - I hope he particularly enjoyed the Noivern clip but also hope that it isn’t now a regular feature in his nightmares. There is no escape! Thanks for reading guys. Comments on my reflections are most welcome and I’d love to hear some of your own thoughts about the movie. This review was written solely from my memory of watching the movie (and thanks to lots of frantic jotting down of ideas the moment the lights went up, while they were still fresh in my mind). There may therefore be some inaccuracies in here which I cannot yet verify without watching the movie again. Apologies if so.

#pokemontcg #pokemon #ichooseyou #pokemoncollector #pokemonmovie #pikachu

[everymovie2020]

Doppelganger (1993)

Date watched:  1 December 2018

Holy. Fucking.  Shit.  Is this the greatest movie of all time?!

Narrator:  It isn't.

How do I even begin to describe what this movie is?  It's a horror movie, but it has elements of a psychological thriller, plus there are ghosts, plus there is a reveal, plus there's sex – it has EVERYTHING.

It is B-movie – actually, more like C-movie – greatness, the likes of which are unparalleled.

Now I will try to unravel the extremely bizarre and convoluted plot of this movie.

We start out in New York with a young Drew Barrymore walking down the street in a headscarf and glasses.  Cut to Drew Barrymore being attacked/raped/consensually having sex (I'm still real unclear on what was going on there) and orgasming with an old dude.  Then cut to Drew Barrymore's mother on the phone talking about how Drew Barrymore is a pain in the arse and needs to be taken care of, then suddenly Drew Barrymore is there, and she kills her mother! Or stepmother? Still unclear.

Then we're in sunny California, where a young, no-head-scarf Drew Barrymore is on an apartment hunt.  She turns up at George Newbern's place, because he's an out of work writer (of course) searching for a roommate.  There's only one bedroom but he sleeps on the couch, so she may as well have the bedroom! Boom.  Roommates.

And he's like, damn, this girl is hot, but I’m a kind of a dorky sort of a dude and I'm respectful and such, so I won't be sexually harassing her.  A nice change of pace.

He has this lady friend with a stunning perm – STUNNING – who is a talk-a-mile-a-minute, smokes-a-lot gal, who thinks it's weird that Drew Barrymore is living with him (why? She's in love with him, of course, but she's not one of those women who will simply take a chance on love now is she?).

So Lady Perm and George Newbern are having coffee when all of a sudden they see Drew Barrymore standing across the street staring at them.  George Newbern is like, oh, it's Holly, hey Holly, come over, let's have a coffee, this is my friend, hi, hello, hi – but Drew just stares at them with murderous intent on her face before simply vanishing into thin air.

Newbern is like wtf?  He asks Drew Barrymore about it when he gets home and she's like, "Oh no, she's back," and we're like, "Who?  Who's back?!" and she's like, "My doppelganger," and we're like… huh.  Cool cool cool.

Anyway, Drew seduces Newbern and they bang on the kitchen floor and then in her bed, but when they wake up in the morning and Newbern is like, "Sup, baby," she's like WTF WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE I DID NOT CONSENT TO THIS.

And he's like, "Well I remember you consenting last night," but she's mad and she throws him out.

And I'm like huh.

Then we find out that doppelgangers are mythical ghost creatures that can manifest into a physical form (or something like that), and then someone (I can't remember who) says that she actually has a split personality and I was like but WHAT ABOUT THE GHOST THING?

Anyway, for some reason and despite all this insanity he starts to believe her, and fall in love with her, despite the constant freak-outs and nosebleeds, and he even believes that she does have an IRL doppelganger.  Then the doppelganger kills her brother (who is in a mental institution) and they lock her up, believing that she did it but Newbern is like, "She has a doppelganger!"  Quite rightly, the cops do not believe him.

Then one day he follows the doppelganger around town for a bit, and then he's almost murdered by a dude with a scar (who has something to do with the plot of this movie but honestly, I don't remember what), and then Madam-Perms-a-Lot takes Drew Barrymore and Newbern in for safekeeping, but Drew Barrymore is like, "No. This ends tonight."

So the trio go to this big old house (which, I swear to god, looks like the exact same house from the movie The Crush, though I could be wrong) which is apparently her family home, or something (look a lot was happening, there were split personalities and ghosts, doppelgangers, dudes with scars on their faces, the FBI, sex scenes, perms – this movie is jampacked), and she goes inside where her doppelganger brains her over the head and lays her down on a conveniently located couch.

And you're like, huh, because isn't it a ghost?

Newbern is like, I have to save her, and Queen of the Perms is like, "I like love you and stuff," but he's already in full on hero mode and dashing to save her life.  Once he gets inside he finds the doppelganger, and Drew Barrymore on the couch, so he and the doppelganger have a "fight" (kind of), and then I was like, oh my god.

Oh. My.  God.  IT'S HAPPENING.

SCOOBY DOO ENDING.

Because sure enough, sure fucking enough, he rips the mask off of the doppleganger and it's SOME DUDE who I'm SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO HE IS BUT I DIDN'T.

And he would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you pesky kids!

Turns out this dude has been impersonating lots of people with scary, realistic masks, all with the intention of having Drew Barrymore all to himself?  A noble cause, but also, gross.

And then I was thinking, wait a second.  When Newbern and Drew Barrymore banged, he was banging this dude?

But no. No.

Drew Barrymore DOES have a split personality, and when they banged for the first time and she didn't remember, it's because the other personality was in control.  And I was like, that makes sense because I feel like George Newbern would've noticed if the hot girl he was banging was wearing a mask, had no boobs and a penis. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt there and say that he definitely would've noticed.

BUT THEN, IT GETS BETTER.

How does it get better, you're asking? How?  After the doppelgangers and the sex and the split personalities and the very underwhelming violence and the PERM, how can it possibly get better from here? HOW?

Well. In one of the most spectacular movie scenes of all time, and yes, it's a big call but I'm making it, Drew Barrymore – who is still lying on the couch at this point, just watching the action, not really doing anything, not tied up, just lying there watching – starts to convulse, and then she's covered in goo, and then she starts to melt (both dudes are just staring at her at this point like wtf is going on), and then she starts to split into two bodies, and then suddenly there's this:

The two personalities split into terrifying, skeletal, blood monsters because… it's a horror movie now?!

And then the blood monster kills the bad dude!

And then the monsters become one again!

And George Newbern just watches this all happen!

And I'm like cool coolcoolcoolcoolcool

Then Drew Barrymore is whole again with no recollection of anything that happened! And George Newbern is like, guess I've got that movie script now, heh heh heh.

The end.

Look, I knew when I embarked on this endeavour to watch a bunch of movies I've never seen or heard of before it was going to take me down some dark paths, and there have been some rotten stinkers in the mix, but this one is the most batshit, weird, not scary, convoluted, kinda-sexy-but-not-really, early 90s pretend horror movie that has ever existed.  And I'm not going to sit here and say that I didn't enjoy it – I especially enjoyed the part where she split into two monsters – but I'm also not going to pretend like it wasn't the worst, because it kinda is.

But then, I always like the shit ones the best, so… five stars.

#doppelganger #1993 #movies #movie review #horror movie #i guess it's horror? #drew barrymore #george newbern #literally nobody else famous #because this shit is c-list

[vileart]

Fish Dramaturgy: Michael O'Halloran @ Edfringe 2017

Avenue Stage Presents

Fish Food

Long before he was President, he really liked to buy hotels.

It’s 1990 in Boston. Like the Berlin Wall, Joe Bacon’s life has been reduced to rubble. On the day of his father's long-overdue burial at sea, a bizarre interview leads to a job in the basement of the Plaza Court Hotel.  

Celebrity financier Avery Grand (bestselling author of that 1980s classic The Deal Is Everything) has promised a facelift for this faded beauty, but furniture and fine wine are disappearing at an alarming rate.  

Joe finds a ready-made dysfunctional family among his rather unhinged co-workers, who will go to extreme lengths to protect their livelihoods. But will scuttling around town with unmarked bags of cash really help him get ahead

Listings Information: FISH FOOD, by Avenue Stage

Venue: Paradise in The Vault (V29)                     

Dates:  4th – 19th Aug 2017 (not 13th)                  

Times: 11.25, 5th-19th Aug (1 hour)                     

              19.25 on 4th Aug

Tickets: £7.00/£5.00

Box Office: 0131 510 0022

Online: www.avenuestage.org

What was the inspiration for this performance?

In 1989, at the age of 19, I went to work in a hotel in Boston, receiving meat and fish and produce on the loading dock. The hotel was a well-known (if somewhat faded) local institution that had recently been sold to an out-of-town group, and longtime employees were scrambling to keep their jobs. 

In the midst of this, a dashing young financier named Donald Trump blew into town for a visit, and was feted in the Grand Ballroom. I was fascinated not only by his apparently shameless narcissism (his "people" made sure his name was emblazoned on everything, from bottles of spring water to a large whole salmon) but also by the way people deferred to it so readily.

The incident stuck with me, and a year later I made it the centerpiece of a play I wrote for a creative writing class at my local university. The play was given a reading, then promptly placed in a drawer where it lay for more than 25 years. The bizarre political rise of Mr. Trump inspired me to dust it off and see if there was anything interesting in it. Over the course of a year it became "Fish Food." The themes and characters of the current version are completely different, but the core incident -- the disastrous visit of celebrity financier Avery Grand -- remains.  

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

I have to say yes. I have a blind faith that putting more than ten people in a dark room and focusing their attention on a live performance is good for the individual and for the society. (I also think it's a good thing to sit in a church once a week.) That being said, most performances I go to do not foster a public discussion of ideas -- at best they are beautiful or amusing, at worst ineffective. I think sometimes beauty or amusement are enough.

From time to time, though, something strikes a nerve, and we see how dangerous performance can be. 

This has been the case recently with the Julius Caesar in New York, with the Trump-like figure as Caesar. I haven't seen it, but I was interested to know that in 2017 Shakespeare In The Park can cause abject rage. And while grand public discussion might be rare, more often than not the new plays I see are well worth a private discussion on the subway home. Good writing persists.

How did you become interested in making performance?

I was very quiet at school, but I discovered that I could be loud and confident on the stage. Growing up in the seventies and eighties, you had teachers and an educational system in the US that believed in the value of the arts. We got to try everything. We were taken to see an incredible variety of performances. I played the Duke of Ephesus at the age of 10, in a marvelous purple costume.

I also had an aunt that would take me to the theater. 

In those days Boston was still getting pre-Broadway previews, and I particularly remember seeing Christopher Plummer and Glenda Jackson in Macbeth. I think the production may have been considered a disaster, but I was fascinated. We sat near the front, and the reality of the actors sharing the space with the audience -- divided only by light -- hit home.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

The play (in this version) was conceived as a circular "year in the life" of a young man, where he ends up roughly in the same place he started (if somewhat wiser). The challenge has been to get that feeling of the passage of time between scenes without marking it with obvious exposition. To that end there has been a great deal of revision led by the actors.

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

We perform in a cafe in a neighborhood where theatre-going is not the usual thing. Our audience comes for dinner and a show. Our first goal is to entertain -- to make it seem a worthwhile evening out. We have been (mostly) successful in choosing plays that hold the audience's interest enough that the themes begin to resonate. "Fish Food" certainly strives for that balance. 

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

I hope that audience members will be immersed in the story, amused by the characters, and that they will find beauty in their resilience. I also want those who experienced the era (late 80s, early 90s) to have that pleasure or recognition of an earlier time of their lives.  (I love a good frisson of nostalgia.)

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

We have tried to tell a very personal story in a straightforward and honest way, in the hope that it will resonate. And we tried to write good punch lines.

FISH FOOD, written by Avenue Stage co-founder Michael O’Halloran, is an eccentric ensemble comedy that chronicles a young man’s turbulent entry into the joys and sorrows of the workforce. It has delighted audiences with its quirky characters and its nostalgic look at the fashions and mores of the late eighties.  From shoulder-padded jackets to telephones with cords, FISH FOOD takes us back to an era when talk was cheap and capitalism was (almost) sexy.       

Since 2012, Avenue Stage has produced innovative theatre in a café setting in Dorchester, a working-class neighborhood on the south side of Boston. FISH FOOD, its 6th production, sold out its initial performances in May, and will enjoy a pre-Fringe run at Boston Playwrights’ Theatre in July.

www.avenuestage.org        

from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2skdtFO

#Theatre #Blogger #visual art #Edinburgh Fringe #Experimental Critique

[kitliveblogs]

so this is basically a long-ass rant disguised as a review of Little Mermaid II that I originally posted on a different blog. maybe someday I'll actually get back to that blog, but for right now the theme is broken and I can't read anything on it anymore.

so for now, this will live right here instead c:

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Everyone's already taken their shots at the notoriously bad Disney sequels made in the late 90s and early 2000s. They're basically a walking punch line just by existing. But really, not all of them are completely worthless, and a couple of them are even pretty enjoyable, in a hilarious "I can't believe they actually made this" sort of way.

But I'm here to talk about only the most heinous of cinematic disasters. And let me make one thing perfectly clear: this isn't just Kit being a bitter and cranky old fogy with a chip on her shoulder because the shitty sequel ruined her childhood. I mean, I am bitter and cranky, but The Little Mermaid II couldn't possibly lower my opinion of the original -- there's not really anything lower than rock bottom. (yeah I hate The Little Mermaid fight me)

This movie is just flat out that bad.

word count: 3070

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I'm just gonna get one thing out of the way right now: nothing about this movie frustrates me more than the cast. This cast is made up of particularly well-known voice actors, and it's heartbreaking that they all got wrangled into doing this shit. Jodi Benson (Ariel), Samuel E. Wright (Sebastian), Kenneth Mars (King Triton), and Buddy Hackett (Scuttle) all return to reprise their roles from the first movie, and Pat Carroll who played Ursula is here to play Morgana, the main villain and Ursula's conveniently-never-before-mentioned sister. Yeah. They're doing that. And on top of getting so much of the original cast, they also roped in:

Rob Paulsen (Eric)

Tara Strong (Melody)

Clancy Brown (Undertow)

Cam Clarke (Flounder)

Rene freaking Auberjonois as Chef Louis

and one my favorite VAs Stephen Furst as Dash, one half of the Timon and Pumbaa knock-offs for the film.

When just looking at the cast list pisses me off this much... I don't think this is going to be much fun.

A quick recap for those who have been living under a rock since the late 70s: The Little Mermaid is the story of Ariel, daughter of the ruler of Atlantica, who at the completely world-wise age of 16 decides she's had enough of life under the sea and wants to live with the humans on land. She turns to the sea-witch Ursula for help, and in exchange for her voice is given a pair of legs and a deadline: kiss the man of her dreams within three days or join the shriveled legion of Ursula's previous victims. Naturally the witch doesn't play fair and Ariel fails, and King Triton offers himself in exchange for his daughter, thus sacrificing his washboard abs and obscenely powerful trident to Ursula. One climactic battle later, Ursula's dead, Triton turns Ariel into a human, and she and Prince Eric live happily ever after.

Until the sequel, of course, where Ariel and Eric have a baby girl, Melody, which makes me question the exact biology of this bizarre offspring. I mean just look at this thing:

She was just born but she's got a full head of hair and disturbingly large blue eyes. It's freakish. But anyway, this is where movie number 2 begins.

And we're off to a good start: smacked in the face with a terrible music number. I would say get used to those, but there aren't really enough in the movie to warrant it -- which is pretty bad when you consider this is supposed to be a musical. Also, "listen to Ariel's Melody"? That's... wow. I can't even say that's cute in a sarcastic way that's just terrible.

But oh no! The party is interrupted by Morgana, who is, as Sebastian so eloquently puts it:

Oh good. I can see we'll be dealing with truly ingenious writing here.

So after stealing the baby Melody, ranting and raving about being better than her sister Ursula, and attempting to feed the baby to a shark (all while Ariel, Eric, and Triton stand there doing absolutely nothing), Morgana flees to the arctic. Wait, the arctic? Well, alright, you need to escape pursuit to a barren wasteland, that's fair. I won't linger on this for now, as the geography problems will get a lot worse later.

One of the main MacGuffins of the movie is a gold locket with Melody's name inscribed on it, that projects an image of Atlantica and plays a lullaby when opened. King Triton was giving it to the baby before Morgana came onto the scene, and after failing to find her in a massive search of the sea, Triton drops it in the water and leaves. This strikes me as odd. Wouldn't you want to hang onto it? As a keepsake of your family? Or at the very least dispose of it more properly, just in case Melody might one day, oh I dunno, find it and realize her mother and father had been lying to her her entire life? Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Fast forward 12 years. A giant wall has been built on the shore to keep Melody and the ocean apart, but being a tenacious kid she naturally figured out a way around it. Or rather, under it. Which raises the question: if this child could figure out a way out, why couldn't Morgana figure a way in? It would have been a simple matter to slip under the wall, scale the outside of the tower with her suction cup-riddled tentacles, and kidnap the baby to hold for ransom. Why was it so imperative to wait until Melody found the locket before enacting her plan to steal the trident?

Oh, yeah, that thing I mentioned before about her finding it? Lo and behold, she discovered the damn thing on one of her jaunts to collect seashells (which are comically huge by the way). If only Triton had done literally anything else with it, this whole mess might have been avoided.

But no time to worry about that now; there's a birthday party to attend!

Through a convoluted mess of trying to hide her seashells and pretend she'd been in her room the entire time, Melody accidentally ties Sebastian into the dorky bow on the back of her party dress. I'm sure this will have no consequences down the line at all--

Huh. Didn't see that one coming. This leads to a ridiculous scene of Chef Louis chasing Sebastian around the ballroom like some sort of crazed lunatic. I know this was a thing from the first movie, but this guy is out of his fucking gourd; why do they keep him around? Ultimately, Melody runs off to her room out of embarrassment.

I really don't want to linger on anything for too long since this movie doesn't deserve that much energy, but there's two things about this scene I need to address. One: so basically if Sebastian had just remained calm and waited it out... none of this would have happened? I think the blame for this one falls on him. And two: why the hell are all these other children making fun of Melody? I know she's ~weird~ and all, but she's the freaking princess. Don't you think they'd know better than exclude the princess of the entire kingdom? I would want to stay on her good side is all I'm saying.

Anyway. Melody finally takes a good look at the locket and realizes something's up, confronting her mother about Atlantica. Okay, Ariel, here's your chance. If you just explain the situation, she'll understand and maybe you could even take her to Atlantica under heavy guard or something so she can finally meet her damn grandfather.

Or you could just get mad. Getting mad is good too.

Naturally after that Melody decides to take off, rowing a rather conveniently placed boat out to sea to try and figure it all out for herself. While she meets Undertow and agrees to follow him to Morgana, Sebastian is back at the castle psyching himself up to tell Ariel that Melody ran away.

WAIT. YOU DIDN'T KNOW? IT'S BEEN TWELVE YEARS AND YOU HAD NO IDEA SEBASTIAN WAS KEEPING AN EYE ON MELODY??

So in the end, a) Ariel is the least observant person in the world, b) Sebastian never once told her about Melody's excursions beyond the wall (remember that for later), and c) Triton didn't bother to let Ariel know he'd assigned Sebastian the job, continuing the family cycle of not communicating with each other. In hindsight all this bullshit family drama isn't that surprising.

Back to Melody and Morgana (yes, somehow Undertow and the manta ray minions hauled the boat to the arctic in just a couple of hours), Morgana is doing what she does best: whining about Ursula. Honey, I don't think your mother favored her because she was the oldest; I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Ursula was actually competent and managed to accomplish her goals. Plus her magic is clearly more powerful than yours, since you have to use one of her potions to turn Melody into a mermaid.

OH MY GOD A SONG. I forgot this movie was supposed to have those. It's an upbeat little tune about learning to swim with her new tail, which quickly evolves into a duet with her mother and finding their "worlds:" Melody finding a place she belongs underwater, and Ariel keeping Melody safe. It's boring, but at least Tara Strong can sing well, and Jodi Benson can still belt it out like she could twenty years ago.

Morgana tells Melody that the spell will only last for two days, and that in order to make it permanent, she'll need the "powerful trident that was stolen from her." I'm sure you're as shocked as I was when it was revealed that she didn't just want a puppy and someone to make her pie. So off Melody goes with naught but determination and a map carved into a block of ice. Wait. That seems... poorly designed.

There aren't even words on it. Now I'm no cartographer, but that seems like a pretty major flaw for a map.

Meanwhile, Ariel has joined the search for Melody as a mermaid again, because apparently, according to Eric, "You should go. You know these waters -- and you know our daughter." Um. I'm not even sure where to begin with that one. Let's just say I agree with half that statement; I'll give you one guess which half.

Back in the arctic-- Stop. Okay look. I liked Timon and Pumbaa well enough. Timon had his moments of obnoxiousness, but Nathan Lane was likable enough to always bring it back, and Pumbaa is still my favorite character from The Lion King. But lemme tell ya, I HATE what Timon and Pumbaa did to Disney for a while. They wanted quirky, amiable sidekicks that would keep the kids entertained and distract from the lion sex happening in the background. I can understand that. But when every kid walked away singing Hakuna Matata and the Disney execs realized what they'd stumbled on, every movie afterward that was bound to fail miserably tried to shoehorn in a pair that would have the same appeal to sell more merch. Timon and Pumbaa themselves wound up with their own movie and a SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON SHOW. YEAH. THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

Why do I bring it up? Do you really have to ask?

Meet Tip and Dash, your knock-offs for the evening.

They are, as they put it, "adventurers slash explorers." That might have actually been a good way of setting them apart from the lackadaisical Timon and Pumbaa -- except that in their very first scene they attempt to save a baby penguin from a shark and completely botch the whole thing by being complete cowards. And then when the penguin family gets upset and berates them for their piss-poor job, the movie has the audacity to frame this like we should feel sorry for them. Movie, I refuse to sympathize with them when all the criticism against them is CORRECT. Also sharks don't live in the arctic. Neither do walruses. Just throwing that out there.

From there they bump into Melody, and she convinces them to take her to Atlantica, since Morgana was an idiot for carving the map into an easily-breakable piece of ice. By the way, for the record, Dash is the only likable character in this entire movie, but even then that's not saying much when you consider I'm biased because of his VA. He's the one that actually agrees to help Melody because she's "a damsel in distress," and doesn't care that she's actually a human-turned-mermaid. Come to think of it, this could have been a really good analogy for trans youth, but that probably would have been way too complicated a subject for a shitty Disney sequel.

Also I was gonna skip this part but it's stuck in my head so I'd like to introduce you to the CATCHIEST AND MOST OBNOXIOUS SONG IN ANY MOVIE EVER. Like damn! That would be an accomplishment if it wasn't so terrible. And I'm not exaggerating; I'm completely immune to It's A Small World, but THIS? This garbage sticks to me like glue. (and if you decided to skip the song you now have It's A Small World in your head so either way you have to SUFFER WITH ME)

Ahem. Moving on.

The Three Stooges here finally make it to Atlantica, just barely missing Ariel, Triton, and Flounder going the other way. Flounder, in the past twelve years, has had about five annoying kids and developed a dad belly. It's not really relevant to anything but it's just hilarious to me that even fish can have dad bellies. But there's only a half hour of this turd left, so let's keep chugging along.

On their way into the palace they bump into a piece of-- what? Fish jailbait? Jail fish bait? Eh, whatever. THEY BUMP INTO THIS KID:

Yes, as a matter of fact it was. Even though Atlantica is clearly in tropical waters. Starfish, sea urchins, and crabs all live in tropical waters, whereas penguins live in colder climates. This geography is seriously messed up. I don't think anyone on the creative team even bothered to so much as glance at a map while making this -- which would also explain the terrible ice map, I suppose.

Melody swipes the trident and heads back to Morgana's lair. Cloak and Dagger, the two manta ray minions (I know, subtle), follow behind, and Ariel catches sight of them. She and Flounder in turn follow them, discovering the witch's hiding place in the arctic. Personally my first thought was "So, we've looked everywhere actually means except there because it's cold as balls and nobody wanted to?" but Ariel's a bit more focused than I was by this point.

Ariel tries to send Flounder back, to let Triton know where they are, but Flounder, being an idiot, says he won't let her go in there alone. DUDE. GO GET HELP. Who does, in fact, go to get help? Why Scuttle, of course!

And it's all your fault, bro.

Ariel rushes in in the nick of time to stop Melody from handing over the trident, but naturally the two of them get into the argument that puts the final nail in coffin. Melody actually says "You knew how much I loved the sea!" but I'd like to refer you back to the facts. Melody and Ariel never had an honest and open conversation about, well, anything. The closest evidence we have to support this statement is that Melody thought Atlantica was just an old fish tale, which means at some point Ariel told her stories about it and the mermaids. Otherwise there's just genetics: your mother's a mermaid so you must love the sea too. That's an awfully big leap. And there's the fact that Sebastian never told Ariel about Melody's adventures outside the wall. She had zero idea about any of it. So how could she have possibly known how much Melody loved the ocean, outside of sheer guesswork?

Oh, but "you know our daughter." Well if you SAY it it MUST be true!

By the by, Melody's little realization here of "I have made a horrible mistake" when she gives Morgana the trident is just priceless.

De-licious.

Finally we've reached the big battle. Morgana builds herself a big fuck-off tower of ice, and we're ready for action.

Scuttle, in a rare moment of non-stupidity, comes soaring in, tailed by Prince Eric's ship. Before blasting it to pieces Morgana asks, "Come to join the party?" and I have to agree; where the hell have you been for the last 40 minutes, anyway, Eric? ALSO

And I present you the only funny line in the movie:

...If it feels like I'm rushing through this it's only because I am.

After getting the trident, Morgana had sealed Melody and Flounder into an ice cavern. Unfortunately for her, Melody's two days are now up, and she turns back into a human in a chamber full of water. Tip and Dash rush in to save her, and come face-to-face with a full-sized Undertow. Through a not-at-all suspenseful sequence of the shark chasing them around, they manage to trick him into ramming the ice wall trapping Melody and Flounder, and get her back up to the surface. Where she just. wakes up. No coughing water or dizziness or trouble breathing. NOPE. Her eyes open as soon as she hits air and she's good to go.

Disney: showing the lighter side of almost drowning.

As Morgana fulfills her power fantasy of getting everyone to bow down to her and shrieking "WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE NOW, MA" (yeah I'm pretty sure it's still Ursula), Melody scales the ice tower in an attempt to retrieve the trident. If nothing else, this movie shows a very inaccurate portrayal of trying to walk on ice. Unsurprisingly, Melody succeeds and tosses the trident back to Triton, who seals Morgana in a block of ice to rest forever at the bottom of the sea.

So Ursula was literally stabbed through the chest with an entire boat and died but Morgana gets punked out in a block of ice? Weak.

The family reconciles, Melody takes the whole "grandfather" thing a little too well, and the movie ends with them tearing down the wall so the humans and merpeople can interact freely from now on.

I only have two questions before I finally shut up about this stupid stupid movie:

1. So does the whole kingdom just sort of take it in stride that a) merpeople exist and b) the prince married one? 2. How can a movie that's only an hour and ten minutes long sans credits feel SO MUCH LONGER

This whole thing was ridiculous from the jump. Who was demanding a sequel to the Little Mermaid of all freaking things? Who really wanted to see sequels to any of the movies from the Disney Renaissance? And there are quite a few of them. Like I said, some of them can be pretty enjoyable if you like cheesiness. But most of them are just terrible like this one, and if you're wondering whether you'll be seeing more of the Dark Age of Disney, don't worry. Their days will come.

#feel totally free to ignore this honestly c: #watching: Little Mermaid II