#yes this is about f*mboys

[lostryu]

some of you are getting awfully comfortable with using hateful terminology that originated on Nazi website 4chan against other members of the LGBT+ community.

#transphobia #yes this is about f*mboys #like i support exploring gender and clothing and identity 100% #but i do not think we should be popularizing a word that took the place of tr*p to do so #gnc; questioning; cross dressing #are all great terms without the baggage of f*mboy

[aloeverified]

i don’t get how people can be like "this character can't be trans theyre called a crossdresser" because here’s the thing: cis people don’t view trans identities as genuine and see them as people who dress up as another gender. the writing is transphobic and you’re eating it up for some reason.

what do you want me to say? i’m sorry that your f*mboy (again, quit using that word) is actually a trans woman? it’s not my fault that you have absolutely no media analysis skills, so that’s not something i’ll apologize for. do better.

even if "they're not actually canonically trans", why do you have such a big problem with a fictional character being seen as trans? why do you care so much? i'm gonna say it's the transphobia you refuse to acknowledge.

#transphobia tw #tw transphobia #yes this is about chirio fujisaki what about it #fuck u transphobic losers #and you weird freaks who call trans women your uwu f/mboy gayboi sinners or wtvr #i hope u suffer

[the-trans-dragon]

Kinda really tired of seeing people SAY they respect trans women and then watching them ignore trans women’s critics of the LGBT community/tell trans women they’re not allowed to voice complaints about the LGBT community/push trans women out of the LGBT community when they express discomfort at the actions of other LGBT members/shut down trans women who are trying to tell other LGBT people they shouldn’t identity as transmisogynistic slurs

#YES this IS about the f*mboy stuff #sorenhoots

[tailss]

being the only trans person in your friend group be like: *asks friend to stop using slur* *explains why they shouldnt* *argues for ten minutes about why you should not support transphobes* *explains why they shouldnt* *asks friend to stop using slur* *tries to be nice about it* *uses yourself as example* *argues for ten minutes about why you shouldn’t use slur* *asks friend to stop using slur* 

#yes this is abt the f*mboy thing #i feel like im directing babies with the shape blocks #theyre like oh so pronouns.......dont equal gender????? #and im like oh wow you got it lukas!!!! there you go!! #exausting #i try to tell them about different veiw points that arent just mine but they get so confused lol #cis people......... i luv u but rwjnefbbtej

[transmisogyny-explained]

a genuine question.. dont answer if you dont want to. do you know how to.. somehow.. explain 2 someone how transmisogynistic the FB slur is when they refuse to believe you bc of. some reason??

It really depends on the person and their specific reasons for refusing to believe you.

Some TMEs argue that it can’t be a transmisogynistic slur because it “just means feminine boy.” Obviously, most transmisogynistic slurs, stereotypes, and caricatures blatantly misgender transfems. That’s part of what makes it transmisogyny.

Some TMEs argue that it couldn’t be harmful to call people f*mboys or identify as one because it’s just a word. This presumes that the issue is with the word itself rather than the way it’s used to enforce transmisogyny. Anyone who struggles with this concept probably doesn’t have a very firm grasp of how systemic harm works in the first place, so you’ll probably need to have more thorough, holistic conversation with them beforehand anyway.

Some TMEs argue that because different transfems have different opinions about what constitutes a transmisogynistic slur, that makes it okay to use. Of course, transfems are not a monolith, and it is important to listen to transfems whose experiences with the word might be different. However, the word still has a demonstrable relationship to the way that transfemininity is seen as inherently sexual and fetishized (particularly by cishet men, and particularly in porn made for them). Enough transfems, I feel, have come forward voicing not only discomfort, but outright trauma regarding the word and its surrounding subculture that I think TMEs at the very least really ought to be listening as we conintue having this intracommunity discussion, rather than deciding for themselves that the cultural phenomenon of f*mboys has absolutely nothing to do with systemic transmisogyny. (Additionally, transfems are also divided on whether words like “tr*p” actually count as slurs, but that’s not an invitation for TMEs to start using them freely.)

Some TMEs argue that every word which means “feminine boy” has been or can be used derogatorily against transfems, and therefore it’s okay to use. I don’t really understand this logic at all because the fact that there are a lot of negative ways which you can refer to transfems doesn’t make transmisogyny acceptable...? Also, not every derogatory term which can be used against transfems is necessarily a slur. It’s the association with the institutionalized sexualization/fetishization of transfemininity that makes f*mboy a slur.

I’ve said before that I don’t personally care that much if TMEs identify as f*mboys — For several reasons, but mainly because I think the refusal to listen to transfems about what is and is not transmisogyny is often symptomatic of some much deeper transmisogynistic attitudes, and as it says on my carrd, I’m not interested in changing the minds of transmisogynists. Do I think it’s possible for a TME to both identify as f*mboy and be an ally to transfems who fully acknowledges the term’s relationship with transmisogyny? Yes. Do I think that most authentic allies, when informed about its relationship with transmisogyny, will stop using the term altogether? Also yes. It’s a nuanced issue.

So, returning to your original question, if you want to explain to someone why it’s a transmisogynistic term, you have to root out what it is that they aren’t understanding and address that. And I think the best way to do that would be to show them what transfems have actually said about this topic and use that as a starting point for a deeper conversation with them.

Anyway, I hope you found this reply at least somewhat helpful. Sorry it took me so long to answer. Good luck!

#fb slur #ask to tag

[crowfeets]

i wrote this word garble about my gender in a uquiz box

"none gender with left boy. gay gender (for men way) if f*mboy didn't seem to exclusively describe "egg trans girl"...... i can grow a mustache now and it looks so good with black lipstick and i wish i was brave enough to go outside that way. the word transmasc makes me want to scream because masculinity has never felt like home but like im a man but also im not a human gender but also i wanna be two boyfriends, two husbands. fem in a black leather jacket gender. limp wristed effete gender. every day i have to pretend to be a masc-enough binary man to be safe something inside me dies a little. i miss dresses and they would look so good with my like 5 chest hairs."

it said 10 words or less and i didn’t notice, but,

im also really dysphoric r n but i will spare everyone else the addendums i want to make, but, man fuck science for not being where i need it to be yet

addendum: he/him yes in a man way but also not like your dad

#pls do not rb //

[nooonbinaryyyy]

can you speak more on the use of the word femboy? i’ve been seeing it a ton lately and it makes me super uncomfortable but i want to make sure i’m understanding completely why it’s wrong since i’m not transfem

(Putting my answers under the cut, as it’s a bit long.)

[ID: Three screenshots of anonymous tumblr asks. Ask 1 says, “whats wrong with using the word “femboy”? my best friend is a feminine trans man who calls himself a femboy. it just means feminine boy.” Ask 2 says, ““Stop using the word femboy” Gender non-conforming men have a right to exist too”. Ask 3 says “hi cis person here!! i was just wondering if it’s okay to use the word femboy in certain contexts?? like i know a few cis boys that like to wear dresses/skirts and makeup and will refer to themselves as femboys and i never saw a problem with it. If someone was calling a trans girl or nb person that, i could see why it would be a problem. but what about cis boys who refer to themselves in that way?” End ID.]

First thing first: I’m TME (TransMisogyny Exempt; that is, exempt from experiencing transmisogyny, not from being transmisogynistic). If you see trans women saying something else, listen to them first. That being said, I’ve only ever seen three (3) trans women say that f*mboy isn’t transmisogynistic. One was in the notes of my post, and the other was in one of the posts I’ve linked below.

Why it’s bad: It’s from porn fetishising trans women. It doesn’t mean feminine boy, it means people only view trans women as boys wanting to be feminine. Which is, y’know, transmisogyny.

If you’re tme (yes, even if you’re trans or gnc) and trying to claim something isn’t transmisogyny: Can you imagine if a cis person tried to tell a trans person something transphobic isn’t transphobic? Y’all would lose your minds. But that’s what you sound like. Trans guys shouldn’t use it. GNC guys shouldn’t use it. Cis guys definitely shouldn’t use it.

#ask #transmuscadine #Anonymous #transphobia #transmisogyny #long post

[white-chalk-sapphomet]

I really appreciated your addition to the post about those trans girl facebook memes. It weirds me out seeing anyone obsessed with hentai, tr*p, f*mboy shit so openly online. I used to be the kind of trans women on twitter without boundaries and it is a very unhealthy rabbithole to fall in.

Yeah!!! I'm really happy you get it :/ I just wish people would be like. Reasonably critical about their interests. Like at this point I feel like its become like. The face of the trans community, at least online?...

like even the incredibly useful extension meant to weed out transmisogynistic people is named after anime shit, n like. For something that's objectively really good and protects people from like radical transmisogynistic politics, its hard to like. Feel taken seriously when its named after death note?.....

like it reminds me of when morons were all like "remember that terfs are not genuine radical feminists, but reactionary and oftentimes right wing, and therefore shouldn't be affiliated with feminist movement, so remember instead to call them FARTS instead of terfs!"

Like omg... yr right about the first parts of stuff, yes, absolutely. But like. We wanna be taken seriously lmao...

Idk

#answered

[x-v4mp3y3lin3r-x]

Something that really frustrated me recently was when I made an Instagram response poll and asked people "Would you identify me as a twink?" and most of the responses were yes, but there were a few responses that kinda bugged me. Now, I'm not shy abt my identity or sexuality, but I admit that on Insta it's not the main focus.

What bugged me about the responses was that ALL the "no"s or "maybe"s came from girls. Cis and trans, but girls. None of these girls know me personally.

But really, I EXPECTED that. A lot of my IG and Tiktok followers are cis girls who view me as 'afab fem-lite' when in reality I'm a nonbinary, andro/masc leaning person. This is a common occurrence. Someone with a wlw icon flirts with me, I try to politely decline, the cycle repeats.

But, like. It's genuinely frustrating. That all these girls follow me, flirt with me, etc. But they never actually listen when I talk about who I am. To them I'll always just be afab, to them when I say "gay" it means "lesbian". It's bullshit.

So yeah, lowkey might start calling myself a twink just to make cis girls mad. Especially when they're off romanticizing their cishet "f*mboys"

#tw transphobia #tw enbyphobia

[transgenderbenders]

haiii okay so i need sum advice,,,, i told one of my friend groups(the one im the closest 2) that the word f*mboy is transphobic, but they dont rlly.... Care. 2 of them are trans boys and 2 are cis girls. im nonbinary. do u know what i should tell them to make them get it???

Hey! Mod sam here :)

Femme boy is one of those complicated slurs cuz there's no general consensus, even between transwomen, on whether or not it's actually a slur.

Femme boy was originally used to describe *feminine* *boys*

But what was originally misinformed labeling of transwomen as femme boys, became a slur as it was used intentionally and maliciously towards transwomen, especially in the porn industry.

In it's intended context, i feel that it's valid as a descriptor.

But when people say g**sy they don't mean romani most of the time

But it's still a slur against romani people.

Femme boy is a slur against trans women, regardless of context, because you cannot erase a words connotations.

If used, expect potential backlash, even in the *intended* context

Because i have met trans women who view femb*oy and tra*p on par with shem*le, l*dy b*y, or tr*nny

But even so it's important to note that while we share the same culture, none of us will encouter slurs in the same context.

For me, i couldn't reclaim tr*nny for years, even the sight of it or mention of it made me suicidally dysphoric

But i now use it without dysphoria cuz i see trans people on tik tok reclaiming it and using it positively

I never had beef with queer cuz it was never used against me

And for words like shem*le or femb*y...

I feel pretty nonplussed, because I've only ever encoutered them in a sexualized, pornographic context, and accepted it as encounterable biggotry that i have to accept if i want to see myself in a sexual or romantic context in porn or media.

Everyone has their own lives, and if you insist on reclaiming, or for those outside of a community (which your friends certianly are), using a slur, you have to expect backlash and cant get pissy if someone has beef with it, even if that person is just speaking on behalf of a nonpresent, oppressed group.

Cuz uh, idk if you know this, but if you wanna reclaim a slur, 1. You have to acknowledge it as a slur, and 2. Acknowledge that it describes you outside of harmful contexts.

You can't reclaim something that isnt a slur.

And you shouldn't use a slur if you're not part of the slighted group, if at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

However, with all this being said, its so important to mention *how new* of a term femme boy even is, let alone how new of a slur it is.

Not everyone even knows about it, let alone it's confusing, albeit, short lived, history, but speaking as a transwoman, i respect the hell out of you for going to bat for us, and you can feel free to link your friends to this post cuz yes Femme boy/i is a slur, cuz it is used as a slur, and has the intended effect of oppressing and invalidating transwomen.

i can acknowledge it exist outside of transphobia, but when a term is so wildly sene as offensive and hurtful to a group that faces it frequently..... Please be more sensitive to our pain.

Transmen can still feed into transmisogyny and gay people aren't excused from transphobia.

Don't go around invalidating genders, feminity, or our attempts to pass. Trans women are not femme boys cuz we ARENT BOYS, and the use of it in any context including transwomen boils my blood a bit.

I hope this clears things up, and i hope this helps you get thru to your friends.

Btw, I apologize for the delay in response time, I was really busy helping my family with some stuff.

Best,

Mod samantha

P.s. if they continue to be transmysoginistic and transphobic, and you feel its a deal breaker, feel free to draw that line and cut them off.

Toxic people dont deserve your time, energy, or mental space.

#anon #slur tw #queer #tw slurs #femme boy discourse #transphobia tw

[chemicalcandy]

actually the term f*mboy is offensive? you can just say "as a trans boy i'm not offended by this slur meant to dehumanize trans women & girls so it's not offensive." also saying you have select transfem friends who don't find it offensive doesn't take away the years of history the word holds. it's literally equivalent to a while person saying they can say the n-word if they have black friends. it don't work like that bro.

yes it may be a slur when talking about trans women, but to use the term on a cis male who is simply dressing up, is not a slur, and to compare it to the n word is stupid.

men are allowed to be feminine without it being an attack towards the trans community.

in my context, femboy was used for a cis man. you can get angry at me if i call a trans women a femboy, but i didnt, and i never have or will

[transmisogyny-explained]

Fetishization-anon here, yes, transmisogyny does undoubtedly exist and is a bad thing, and yes, fetishization is of course informed by systems of oppression. But how do fetishes "contribute" to oppression? Not trying to start shit or anything, I'm just trying to understand. I always found fetishes in and of themselves pretty value-neutral, some people just find some things sexy for some reasons, that doesn't stop anyone from being a decent person.

Finding something or someone sexually appealing or attractive is different from fetishizing them. When I refer to the fetishization of trans women, what I’m talking about is a core facet of transmisogyny — the way that transfemininity itself is cast as erotic, perverse, and fetishistic. Remember that transmisogyny is institutionalized, meaning that every TME individual’s perceptions of trans women is informed by transmisogynistic ideals, beliefs, stereotypes, and biases. For that reason, fetishes can’t be inherently value-neutral, as they can’t be removed from the cultural context in which they’re formed. Does that mean every single fetish is 100% bad and you’re a horrible person if you have them? Of course not. But in the same way that genital preferences should not go unchecked for biases, one’s attraction to trans women as a “concept” can most definitely be informed by the way that they’re encouraged to view trans women as sexual objects.

“Pericisnormativity can (and does) deeply impact the assumptions one makes about sex, sexuality, and the human body. Deconstructing pericissexism involves more than just saying ‘trans men are men and trans women are women’; it involves rooting out these biases within ourselves, which sometimes means reevaluating what assumptions our preferences are founded on.”

The same general idea can be applied to this discussion: When people view trans women as a “concept” (meaning they ascribe this to all trans women, regardless of individual experiences) as essentially and little more than “women with penises” — which many people do because of how we’re sexualized and reduced to our AGABs, and which caricatures like f*mboys, tr*ps, and f*tanari perpetuate — this contributes to transmisogyny (on a largely interpersonal level) because it informs the way that people will interact with us. And I don’t think I need to explicitly state how it is that cis men tend to behave when they feel entitled to someone’s body and view them as a sexual object.

I highly recommend reading all the posts I’ve linked about genital preferences, I think they’ll be very helpful in seeing where I’m coming from with this.

#ask to tag