#you can chose your family

[deoidesign]

A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.

I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.

Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.

If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.

#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary... #steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!! #after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives. #especially specifically regarding their body/gender #and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man' #AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose' #like for fucks sake #you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon. #your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word. #god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out #dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm #they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!! #how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!! #scream. #anyways. #delete later lol im just frustrated again. #im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3

#arknights #asto speaks #not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too #thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like #maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you #it just gets to me. i guess. #jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating* #just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy #but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination #god. what a Character #i love jordi so much like genuinely #i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him #the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy #gently holds #for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server #cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out #and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD #in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro #because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him #and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that #thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*. #this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him #side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore #i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like #i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow #ak #iberiaposting

[flowercrowngods]

cw suicide mention & imagery

original play idea where people seem to live their normal lives but the audience gets the feeling that something’s wrong, there’s a tension and there are things that obviously go unsaid that hang in the air between the characters uncomfortably long enough until the last member of the audience has filled in the blanks in their own way.

there is a figure off to the side, a very young man in a suit, watching them, unmoving and silent, and as the scenes and progress, as characters leave and appear, as the setting changes, the young man is always there. no one interacts with him, but there are moments when they almost do. when the characters stop what they’re doing when they stand close to him, and appear to listen. but there’s nothing.

the sound of TV news reports, all playing over each other, create an uncanny and uncomfortable buzzing that never, never stops, and there are too many to really make out the words. they get more silent the closer they get to the young man in the suit, quieting down to nothing when they stand by him to listen — but the characters seem unaware of the change. so does the young man, statuesque though he is.

then there’s a little girl, covered in dirt, her hair askew, her cheeks rosy — the image of having spent the day outside, playing in the dirt, a smile on her face, her eyes big, as she skips towards the young man and asks, “can we go now? can we play?”

the young man cards his hands through her hair and says, “you go ahead, i’ll be right there.”

but still he stays there, seated.

everything continues as before, but the characters slowly undergo a complete change in character, in routine, in appearance. the old man who wore suits is not dressed in sweats and old, worn out, dirty shirts. the sweet, kindhearted young adult is now quiet and apathetic. the woman who, in the beginning, was talking her friend’s ear off and could barely stand still is unmoving now, staring out into nothingness.

the buzzing and bustling background noise is slowly, gradually getting louder as the characters become increasingly nonverbal and unmoving. the lights dim down.

then all at once, after a crescendo, the noise stops suddenly, the lights turn off completely, before, with warm, yellow light, a woman we’ve seen before — as she stares into nothingness — appears on the stage, slowly approaching the young man as if unsure of her body but undeniable in her grace.

they smile at each other for a moment.

m, whispering: you’re not supposed to be here, not yet

w, cradling his cheeks: i was always supposed to be here long, long before you

m: i know. i’m sorry, i—

w: i know. i forgive you. i’ve always forgiven you

m, after a while: but not yourself

the woman shakes her head.

w: a mother will never forgive herself for burying her child, and a father will forgive himself even less. (a beat) you have such a handsome face.

m: it’s not your fault

w: so beautiful, those eyes, i’ve missed you so much

m: listen to me, it’s not your fault!

w: and your hair! papa would be so glad to know that—

m: mother. mama. listen to me. it’s not your fault

w, tearful and whispering: you were supposed to be fine. you were always supposed to be fine. it was never supposed to be this bad, we were supposed to help, but—

m: i know. i tried, i really did. both times

in that moment, the little girl comes skipping on stage again, approaching them with her wagging ponytail.

g: what are you doing here, mama? will you play with me now? it’s been so long!

the woman gasps, her tears getting the better of her as she falls to her knees and pulls the girl to her chest, who readily returns the hug

w, sobbing, kissing her cheek: hi, baby. yes, i’ll play with you, of course i will. let’s go.

the young man helps his mother up, allowing her to pull him into a hug, and she whispers: “as much as i love her with all my heart, i’m so proud of the young man you’ve grown into. and now i have you both, just as i always did.”

the young man brushes a kiss to her cheek, then lets her go, watching as his mother disappears with the little girl.

m: i have to stay a while. i’ll follow you soon.

(woman and girl, hand in hand, exeunt)

the lights dim, and the buzzing returns, accompanied by the sound of dragging footsteps the audience cannot see, until everything’s back in total darkness. the noise stays. growing louder in increments, leaving the audience uncomfortable and unsure if this was it.

as they quiet down, we hear a man, sobbing uncontrollably, before eerie silence takes his place, too.

the curtain falls.

#idk what this is but it’s deeply fucked up suicide awareness #obviously there are no dialogues except for that one half assed thing but the dialogues and the imagery and the stage setup and directions #will allude to the fact that the young man who killed himself remains uncomfortably in the lives and the minds of those who miss him #and he cannot leave because he chose this. he’s anchored to them more than he was when he was alive #maybe he’ll have a soliloquy or two. or maybe the empathetic character will speak for him in ways that we do when people die #in the ways that we put words in their mouth and turn them into people they might not have been because grief is funny like that #the static buzzing news caster noise is obviously 1) the 21st c at large; 2) grief preventing you from feeling calm; and 3) doom news #there will be quotes like ‘your death it won’t happen to you. it happens to your family and your friends’ #yes the young man is trans. no that’s not why he killed himself. yes the mother takes the blame bc that’s what mothers will do #it’s all just fucked up what can i say. there are no redeeming qualities #suidice cw #cw suicide #it’s 2am i have nothing to say in my defense #i was overcome with the urge to write a play and the ideas for it sorry #not st

[notmoreflippingelves]

Obsessed with the dynamic (not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing--both and yet neither) between two characters who knew and cared about each deeply years ago when they were both younger and life was much less complicated.

But then, tragic, transformative circumstances separated them. Assuming that this separation was certainly permanent, because how could it not be?

And yet, somehow finding each other again years later, and sometimes they aren't sure whether the reunion that they once longed for with every fiber of their beings is a blessing, a curse, a joke, or a punishment.

Because they've both changed in the intervening years--largely because of the hellish circumstances that caused their separation. They've both changed completely and irrevocably, even if one of them has changed much more noticeably and dramatically than the other to the point of seeming a complete stranger. It is about leaning to see and appreciate all the things that have changed about the other and all the things that have not changed. It's about learning to reconcile beloved, often rose-tinted memories with the complex, yet-equally-compelling reality of the person those memories are about.

#it's the very particular sensation of loving someone who is both recognizably your beloved childhood partner-in-mischief #while also being someone so different (physically; mentally; and/or emotionally) that you can scarcely see their past self in them #and knowing the feeling is mutual #and also knowing that the only person who can truly understand the full extent of the change in you is each other #because their transformation is linked to your own #forged in and through the unique experiences that you shared and the way you were separated #it's the idealized adoration of youthful playmates/pseudo-siblings #transforming into a very different but no less powerful connection in adulthood #that's what really gets me #it's just #*chefs kiss* #estabalena #nahyupollo #jaydick #anyway this post is specifically about estabalena and jaydick #and to a lesser extent apollo/nahyuta #but it doesn't really matter if people tag and respond with other ships #even the narumitsus provided they recognize that not every post was made for them #it goes double for jaydick and estabalena tho since they each have two (2) shared formative and transformative experiences #that few (if any) others can possibly understand #for estabalena; it's the 41 years of suffering in the dark times and the crystal well magic flowing through ones veins #for jaydick; it's the experience of being "Robin' and feeling that the role and all it means was ripped from you too soon #and then it's the experience of dying and your family failing to welcome you back with open arms #because you didn't come back 'right' or quick enough #and that you 'chose' to stay away rather than circumstances forcing the issue #apollo/nahyuta also has the jaydick parallels in terms of bruce and dhurke #it's recognizing that your very human shared father figure failed you in many ways #even as he simultaneously saved you in others #he made you both the best version of yourself while also creating or enabling all of your worst tendencies #just

[lotus-pear]

girlboss/malewife duo, hydro edition😤💧

#i come in every few weeks and drop a banger post that sets the bar too high for my next piece and then disappear back into the abyss #kokomi and childe are like my favorite rarepair ever like their personalities are just made for each other lmao #you can take that in a platonic or romantic sense but it's impossible for them to not get along if they ever met #kokomi and childe aren't besties in canon because god knew they'd be too powerful together #like they're both war machines with immense analytical capabilities and tactics that can either be your greatest ally or formidable enemy #also they both have blue eyes and the same 'v' shaped gloves and literally the prettiest aesthetics and will 100% steal your man/girl #also they're enemies of their respective archons during the main quest #but above all: both can't crit💀💀 #my friend said that if she were to ship any two characters in the element families she'd chose kokomi and chiode for hydro #i said xingqiu because chilumi and also they both love books and canonically adore each others company #irodori festival was so sweet i wonder if they'll rerun the event one day #anyway that's not important #genshin impact #genshin impact kokomi #sangonomiya kokomi #genshin impact childe #childe genshin impact #lotus draws

[suffarustuffaru]

ok but reinhard x julius would simultaneously be the most hilarious yet tragic pairing of all time. reinhard thinks they met when he was fourteen and julius was sixteen and like yes they did, but julius vividly remembers being ten years old and learning about reinhard and julius was like METAPHORICALLY FROTHING AT THE MOUTH BC REINHARD?? MOST POWERFUL MAN ALIVE?? ILL NEVER MEASURE UP TO HIS LEVEL.... meanwhile reinhards like hahah julius is such a good friend of mine, im so lucky to have him haha we met when we became knights when i was fourteen haha. reinhard sees him as an equal while julius is vividly aware of the Distance between them while joshua is VIVIDLY AWARE OF THE DISTANCE BETWEEN HIM AND JULIUS AND LOATHES JULIUS FOR IT. joshua loathes reinhard too so its like this big giant envy triangle from joshua to julius to reinhard and julius doesnt know about joshua and reinhard doesnt know about julius OR joshua and reinhards so head empty hes like haha julius and joshua are so nice haha. meanwhile joshuas CLENCHING HIS FISTS AND FIGHTING BACK INTENSE RAGE BY GASLIGHTING HIMSELF. hes like haha i love my brother i love my brother i love him so much haha EVEN IF HE HAS HIS HIMBO OVERPOWERED PERFECT BOYFRIEND WHO CAN KILL ANY OF US WITH JUST ONE TOUCH WHILE ALSO PERFECTLY COOKING ANY MEAL IN EXISTENCE....

meanwhile heinkel takes a five extra shots every day on top of the usual bc reinhard and julius clock in at work every day and make lovey dovey eyes at each other EVERYWHERE. joshua and heinkel are going INSANE while julius has a bad case of ace gay person who doesnt know if they wanna Be their crush or if they wanna Be With their crush and Am I Even Having Romantic Feelings? and then theres the crisis of. oh god im not allowed to have this anyway. i have to marry a girl and have kids like a good noble knight. meanwhile reinhard has no idea about any of this, partly bc hes dead inside partly bc of Too Many Powers partly bc of neurodivergence partly bc of also probably being ace partly bc of having to continue the sword saint line.

until one day he has skin to skin contact with julius and is like haha oh whats all these emotions haha? are you okay julius? :,DD and julius promptly decides to NEVER HAVE SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT WITH REINHARD AGAIN. meanwhile felix is pulling his hair out watching all of this unfold. heinkel and joshua have joined forces and are HATING EVERY INCH OF THIS DEVELOPMENT bc they WILL be homophobic only bc its REINHARD AND JULIUS. subaru gets involved in the family drama and julius personally thanks him for clowning on julius’s crush’s dad, who is also julius’s boss. and then reinhard forgets julius even though reinhard was like the MOST LIKELY PERSON to remember julius. and then reinhard’s great great great x100 grandfather vibe checks julius into oblivion. 

and thats the end of reinhard x julius a tragicomedy in several, several parts. 

#reinhard van astrea #julius juukulius #clowns. both of them. #joshua juukulius #heinkel astrea #i have way too many feelings on reinhard x julius. funniest and saddest couple alive. they dont even know theyre a couple but they act like #it. #i stand by my ace spectrum reinhard and julius headcanons. #ALSO WITH ANY JULIUS X ANOTHER GUY PAIRING. REID GOING HAH youre gay. IS GONNA BE TRUE. #EVEN WORSE IF ITS WITH REIDS LITERAL DESCENDANT.... #the hilarity of heinkel being at work and then suddenly reinhard and julius get caught holding hands (soooo scandalous) and he'll be RAGING #WHAT DO YOU MEAN REINHARD HAS A CRUSH ON THE F I N E S T OF KNIGHTS. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. hes immediately homophobic purely bc its #reinhard and the other most famous knight. #joshua is like one of those anime little siblings thats going INSANE bc their older sibling now has a partner #hes gonna be like NII SAMA CHOSE REINHARD OF ALL PEOPLE??? THAT PRETENTIOUS FUCKING PRICK???? #THE LITERAL SWORD SAINT???? URGHGHGHGHGH. #maybe i should start a tag just for my rambling... #arc 5-6 spoilers... #rezero #and its like.... julius and reinhard can relate to having Expectations to follow... family expectations. societal expectations. the pressur #to be refined and perfect and good. #and the importance of Your Name.... #the importance of upholding family legacy.... #and theyve both known loss from a young age thats for sure. #and they both cast large shadows on others... especially their own family. #they had to mature too quick...... #and. of course. julius being the tender age of ten and meeting reinhard CHANGED HIS LIFE.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i want to go ahead and write up A Whole Thing about how ricky's arc ultimately comes down to 'protect what's yours,' in a way that tbh manages to be kind of the opposite of the toxic masculinity that trope tends to embody in western media especially. but also it relies on several other major essays about the themes in this show that i need to write up first to tie them all together with it. ashdjsjdjdh. Help

#SDMItag #ricky owens #i'll probably try writing it up for now and then see which things it does turn out i'll need to establish first #but the tl;dr is that ~protect what's yours like a man~ tropes are all about Defending Your Assets from Outside Forces with Violence(tm) #and ricky's 'protect what's yours' is about love as in loyalty as in setting down your stake Here #committing yourself to the wellbeing of whoever or whatever you've chosen; being a support for them to grow and be safe and be free #'yours' as in your family your community your work your activism the things you've built #instead of 'yours' meaning 'i have the right to destroy this and exploit it and throw it away as i please. it's there for me to take from' #it's 'i have a duty; and that duty is not synonymous with Violence; it can be feeding and healing the people you love' #'it can be putting your foot down and removing someone's access to a person or thing you've chosen when they're exploiting them/it' #'it can be *refusing* to do violence' #it's 'you chose me and you were supposed to love me and instead you treated me like a thing that exists for you to use and ruin' #'well i wasn't. i'm not. and i'm going to be what i needed you to be and you weren't' #'i refuse to hurt what's mine for my own gain because i can and i won't let you do it either' #it fucking kills me and it makes what pericles does to him and forces him to do in retaliation that much more fucking tragic #there's so much dude oh my god #kill me #professor pericles #dyn: when i die i want you to die too #abuse cw

[everysongineverykey]

difficult to explain the emotions the stupendium's shine through evokes in me but suffice to say. wough💙

#the stupendium #you've got this power inside and it's frightening #drowned in emotion this ocean you're siphoning #chromatose down in the tide that you're hiding in #no one should be as alone as you try to be #family trees don't need be organic #the branches you graft are as equally valid #so if your party of one's world is pallid #go plant some paladdins packing a palette... #know that you're not alone don't gotta stay in the monochrome #WHENEVER YOUR LIFE IS STRANGE AND #THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH TO GO THROUGH #KNOW THAT YOU CAN FIND YOUR HAVEN #IN THOSE YOU'VE CHOSE TO BE CLOSE TO! #CAUSE WE'LL FIND THE BRIGHTEST COLORS #WHEN WE LOOK INSIDE EACH OTHER! #THIS LIFE IS MORE VIBRANT FOR THE ONES WHO FIND THE LIGHT TO SHINE THROUGH!!!!

[aj-thegreatest]

Someone needs to make an essay on how the Owl House tackles the “don’t fully fall into fantasy/don’t believe you’re the main character” moral with Luz stronger than Amphibia did with Marcy

#the owl house #amphibia #quiet mumbles #i think while Marcy’s arc was well defined and showed how believing in that mindset was harmful #it doesn’t finish the landing for her arc in season three (it gets shoved to the final episodes) #meanwhile the Owl House literally structures its world and characters around how believing this is not good for you #the second episodes moral is all about how you need to chose your destiny and that Luz DOES have the ability to become a powerful witch #without needing some prophecy telling her she’s special #…SO THE TRIO ENDS UP BEING PART OF A PROHECY- #i think this all comes down to The Owl House being a more thoughtful deconstruction on the isekai premise and the harm it can bring #(with Belos having that mindset) vs Amphibia briefly sprinkling it in to seem smart while also abiding to the harmful/typical tropes of an #isekai. especially when Luz feeling like she has to chose is shown as an internal conflict and pressure she puts on herself #that (hopefully) will be proven wrong #because the owl house actually knows the found family aspect is a key part of their narrative

[meownotgood]

Hello! I was wondering what would wedding day be like with AKI? 👀 Would be be nervous or excited to be with darling reader forever <33 how would he react when he sees them walk down the aisle? He would probably want to see them before the wedding day but as the superstition goes that it’s bad luck to meet the bride before the big day so then he would feel SOO clingy and want to meet them <333 I would love your headcanons on the big day!! 💕

ahhh... getting married to aki...

I think he'd be really nervous, mostly because he wants everything to be perfect for you and he's so scared of messing up. nevertheless, he tries to make things as stress-free as possible for the both of you. he plans out everything super far in advance, and he makes sure he has plenty of money saved.

if you insist on not meeting him until the day of, I think he'd be a little pouty about it, but if it's what you want, he'll go along with it. he makes sure everything is extra perfect then, so you won't have to worry about a thing.

and when he sees you walk down the aisle... wearing the most perfect outfit... he would feel tears welling up in his eyes. and once he takes your hands in his and gets to marry you, gets to finally know that you're his and he's yours — you're his, wow, he can't even believe it. what did he do to deserve someone so perfect? even though everyone is watching, aki can't hold back from crying like a baby, sniffling, tears streaming down his cheeks as he says his vows.

he kisses you tenderly, and when he pulls away, he whispers against your lips, quiet enough for only you to hear: I love you.

and of course he'd be crying when he has his first dance with you... and when you share the wedding cake... and when he sees your ring... and when you both go home

#aki would cry a lot honestly #he just can't help it #he's so grateful to be able to marry you #considering the life he chose to lead he never considered marriage would be something he'd get to experience #so he feels incredibly lucky #and I've talked about this extensively before but.... taking aki's last name.... #if you decided to do it he'd be so so overjoyed #he'd fall for you even harder than he already has #his eyes would be so puffy by the end of the day from crying so much lol #aaah and introducing aki to all of your family members..... he'd be so happy to meet everyone #you'd think aki might be sad since he doesn't have much family who can come #but he's just so happy to meet your family that it doesn't bother him #and of course your whole family loves him #and dotes on how much of a perfect husband he'll be #I mean.... obviously #ask mags #aki <3

[palestinenatural]

just complaining keep scrolling but. love when my mom turns around and invalidates my entire cultural heritage thank you mama I also love colonialism and assimilation

#she was like. oh you were raised with significant influence of palestinian culture? name one (1) thing. you're not arab #OK? then why do you tell people I am. #and it's like. yeah we've assimilated a lot bc sitti chose not to teach her kids arabic #but it's not like she discouraged them from it. my aunts chose to learn #and my dad chose not to but he's encouraged me to learn and talk to sitti about her life in bethlehem #when he HAS discouraged me from our culture it's mostly been bc he thinks the political situation is hopeless #and he doesn't want me to get caught up in it. which I disagree with but that's not the point #the point is I'm entitled to reconnection. I'm entitled to my cultural heritage! #ultimately I think my elders' decision to just not talk about it was not their choice to make #anyway how dare she #she doesn't know what it's like to beg for scraps of your identity #it's insane that I feel so ashamed just casually bringing up palestine with my own family who is from there and has traveled there. why! #why did they isolate me from the community like that it wasn't their decision to make!!!!!! #why can they give it up so easily I don't understand #my mom is like it's fine to engage with the other half of your culture! as long as you don't do anything beyond cook food ofc

[badedramay]

so. since you’re revisiting, a diyar-e-dil question. i started rewatching a lot of old dramas i used to love recently and while i can acknowledge many of these are products of their time and emblematic of certain societal ideals i also feel like the harm of those ideals is sometimes so hard to ignore. like in rewatching diyar-e-dil i’ll go to the youtube comments and so many people have nothing but disdain for ruhi when all i can feel rewatching as an adult is immense sympathy for her. i know the point of the drama as a whole is to overcome differences and prejudice and to mend old wounds, and there is of course a valid concern in how ruhi imposes her own anger and hatred onto faarah to the point of suffocation. but i don’t know how people don’t sympathize with ruhi for the reasons she’s angry in the first place. if i were a mother and my husband told me to get my daughter married to her cousin out of a need to mend old wounds i would be infuriated. i would feel terrified for my daughter and for her ability to make her own choices. and it feels like the degree to which ruhi and faarah are stripped of agency for the sake of perpetuating the whole narrative is almost absurd, like they have to go along with everything and wait for it all to fall into place bc that’s the only way the message of familial unity will get across (and i know faarah doesn’t give in literally speaking, she’s obv quite defiant, but i’m referring more to the wait-and-see narrative approach that our dramas are so often fond of to make a girl come around to a guy she’s forcefully married to). of course wali ends up being the better love interest in the end even though he utterly manhandles her in the beginning bc she “belongs” to him. of course ruhi was just wrong and judgmental of the family the whole time and not reacting to a fear of feudalist tradition and supremacy. of course faarah’s mamoozaad cousin was conveniently evil and psychotic the whole time. it all feels way too convenient. and i know there has to be some suspension of disbelief to successfully engage with these stories but i don’t know how capable i am of it anymore when it seems so many harmful stereotypes and mindsets are perpetuated through our dramas and continue to be, and they overwhelmingly treat people who are apprehensive of the harms of certain traditions like judgmental aliens who simply have to meet the right family to come around. it feels like a very naive approach to addressing those apprehensions and the societal concerns at the root of them

in any case, i know you love diyar-e-dil a lot, so if any of this upsets you feel free to delete the ask entirely. but (to finally ask my question lol) i was wondering, did any of these little details ever catch your eye or bother you too with respect to what we allow dramas to subtly perpetuate on a societal level? i feel like people’s engagement with these topics and to this level of depth is quite low on pak drama twt, but i’ve enjoyed your deeper analysis so i figured i’d take a chance and ask for your insight. hope none of this comes off as judgmental of you or your tastes bc i definitely don’t intend it to be! for all of my qualms with the drama now i am still fond of it in certain aspects, just not so much in others anymore

*rubs hand in glee*

first off, thank you for sending in this long and insightful ask. just to be clear i am not the least bit upset or offended by it cuz whatever you said IS a valid point. tbh, the reason why i want to revisit Diyar e Dil is because I want to watch it and see how I *now* feel about it. nostalgia paints a pretty picture and while I am sure no amount of years will lessen my love for this drama, my reason for revisiting is to see what more I can add to the commentary that I have already made (and i have made a LOT of it) about the drama and its narrative themes. have my tastes changed? how forgiving or not am I now about the things show in the drama vs when I first watched it in 2015 or when I rewatched it in 2018? i know i have changed..but how much has Diyar e Dil changed in the years? these are important questions and I believe asking them is only fair and legitimate. bhayee jo baat hai..how long can we continue to recommend dramas as "best that the industry has to offer" but with a disclaimer "yeah ignore some of the obvious flaws of it though". Diyar e Dil for so long has been my no-brainer drama to recommend to people looking for quality scripts..it's only fair if I put it to test.

therefore fair warning: i am answering this based on my previous knowledge of the show which might be lacking cuz time works in a funny way to the memory xD

warning 2: it's long.

Ruhi was, in its truest essence, a grey character. up until the point when Behroze takes Ruhi to meet Aga Jaan after he makes the choice of choosing his love over his family, Ruhi had all my support. she wasn't a bad person; despite her fears she encouraged her husband to reconnect with his family. even until Behroze makes his decision of getting Faraa married to Wali, I could sympathize with Ruhi. where she fully loses me is how Ruhi treats Faraa after all that. the years long emotional abuse she subjects Faraa to..that's where she crosses a line of no coming back. the thing with Ruhi is that makes it easy for the YT audience to make her the subject of their disdain is how hypocritical Ruhi was when it came to her family vs Behroze's. Ruhi went above and beyond to keep her family close and in love with her. I get why she did it, the fear of abandonment had her clinging on to them for dear life. Where Behroze also lost her is how she simply refused to extend that courtesy towards Behroze's family. She had such a trigger happy response ready whenever Behroze mentioned his father that it baffled Behroze. Had he not been a good husband to Ruhi? Had he not been a good son-in-law for her family? Had he not loved and supported her and her family in whatever capacity he could? Behroze's obligation was only towards Ruhi but he accepted that Ruhi's family came around in their toughest times so he accepted them as his own. But that doesn't erase that his family DOES exist. That for years his brother had been trying to build the bridge between him and their father. That it was Behroze's own zidd that made him lose time in which he could've made more peaceful amends. Behroze was troubled, he was emotionally and mentally disturbed; the first person he expected to give him support no questions asked was the first person to abandon him. And Ruhi CONTINUED to abandon Behroze for years by not caring for Faraa; by not even trying to muster up the manners to have a kind conversation with her father-in-law. Ruhi and Behroze were both abandoned by their family. In both cases the families did eventually come around. if Ruhi was willing to forgive her own family for it, why not for Behroze's? Specially when Behroze reconnected with his family by getting the worst possible news he could. Ruhi's flaw that pushes her in the darker of the grey category is her victim complex. And the narrative does call her out on it. That in the list of people who made mistakes, Ruhi is not excluded from it. A lot of Ruhi's anger and fears are justified but SO MUCH of her actions aren't.

so many harmful stereotypes and mindsets are perpetuated through our dramas and continue to be, and they overwhelmingly treat people who are apprehensive of the harms of certain traditions like judgmental aliens who simply have to meet the right family to come around. it feels like a very naive approach to addressing those apprehensions and the societal concerns at the root of them

Fair point but it doesn't really apply in the case of this show, does it? Ruhi spent her life with a man who belonged to the same society and family whose supposed evil traditions she wanted to "protect" her daughter from? if Behroze turned out to be a decent man, by sheer law of probability his family could also be decent. No. this show only chooses the veil of being apprehensive towards the norm of a certain society to show how a person uses certain stereotypes and prejudices to conveniently stay in their own bubble where they feel safe. as far as themes go, Diyar e Dil was never meant to address these socio-cultural concerns. sure, they were an important plot device but the plot itself was not fully reliant on them. if anything, DeD ended up showing a positive side of the often criticized segment of the society by reiterating that a person's inner goodness or evilness is not defined by which socio-cultural background they belong to.it never made any sweeping statements about how ALL families in ALL over the world are ALL like this. no. it showed a story of this ONE family only with all the mistakes it made and how it worked to rectify them and left it to the audience to learn something from it if they liked it enough.

One of the big takeaways from the show is to judge people by their individual merits, to ponder over their actions not in isolation but within the context of their situation, because that's how one truly knows a person and until you don't know a person..how can you love or hate them? (that's what Faraa confesses no? that how could she hate Wali when she didn't even know him? she always only knew the version of him that was fed to her by people who ALSO didn't know him)

I am someone who was always fond of the story of Diyar e Dil. It's one of my favorite comfort reads by Farhat Ishtiaq. When it was announced that DeD was going to be adapted to screen, i was scared. not always does a book to screen adaptation does the story justice. however, DeD onscreen didn't disappoint. not only the script for TV added more layers and dimensions to the characters and situations, the STORY at its core remained intact. DeD was written always to give the lesson of how ego rots relationships. that while ego can give a temporary satisfaction it's the bonds that tie us which are our salvation. and to make bonds is to abandon the ego. Aga Jaan, Behroze, Ruhi, to an extent Faraa..it was their ego that made them stand on the precipice of disaster. Behroze lost his chance. AJ learned his lessons but not until he faced immense tragedy did he fully embrace it. Ruhi had to fall from the cliff into the mouth of tragedy to learn the lesson but she got rescued midway. And Faraa was lucky enough to learn it while she had the time and she stepped away from danger. I see DeD as a story like this. Hence, the flaws that it has become not wholly ignorable but they lose their ability to overpower the heart this story has. and the story has its heart in the right place.

maybe I am the odd one out here but I judge a drama (desi dramas more specifically) based on what it intends to be and how it presents those intentions. everything else is secondary. convince me on the intention and convince me that the methods chosen to present that intention are in tandem with each other and be very CLEAR about them - you'd have my attention. this works across all genres for me. I lose my interest when i see discrepancies in the intention and the presentation. which is why I have dropped shows after being hyped about them to the skies (Tere Bin/Pyari Mona) and which is why I have gotten back on board on shows that previously lost me (Yunhi). Diyar e Dil had the intention and presentation decided right from the beginning and it very clearly stayed on the path. did it have to rely on some plot conveniences? of course it did, it had no other choice (like for the longest time I was a staunch Moiz supporter and only until he fully showed his ugliness did i start to hate him...his villanness which seems obvious now in hindsight broke my heart {despite also knowing Moiz was a bad guy in the novel as well like wow ajeeb dimag chalta tha tab mera dkjaehakjsdhawea} but it was necessary for the plot so contrived it might be..i accepted it) would i like to change things about it? sure! which drama is so wholly satisfying that it leaves the audience with no ground to transform it? it's just that there's something so fulfilling about this story and how it's told that I keep coming back to it again and again even if its to say the same praises and air the same grievances again and again.

#diyar e dil #type: opinion #pakistani drama #i hope i was able to answer this ask completely #as you can see when it comes to DeD i LOVE to talk #and when I TALK i end up going idhar udhar and often lose the track of my thoughts #hence.....this. #edit to add: Faraa and Ruhi did have agency though. Ruhi chose her agency to abuse Faraa. Faraa chose her agency to go back to haveli. #an argument can be made that Faraa only went cuz of the contract and the promise of the divorce #but the show took its time to emphasize that Faraa went there because in her heart she WANTED to go there #Faraa remembering her father's words that between the head&heart..choose what your heart says #Faraa's heart yearned for her family..for her father..Faraa's heart was always soft towards AJ and it was that heart that made her take #the chance to be with him #had it been her head at play here she wouldn't have been so vulnerable with AJ within a few days of being with him #yehi baat toh Wali ki bhi samajh mein nahin arahi thi #and he had taunted her for being a good actor #FUCK I NEED TO START ON THE REWATCH ASAP #manhoos twt :@ #mood hi kharab kiya hua hai

[squanderedpotentials]

I wish I had never met you at all.

I want my ten years back.

I want my time back.

I want the tens of thousands of dollars back.

I wish I could go back and give it all to someone who would have tried to understand me at all.

#you make me fucking sick each and every day of my life #i hope you live a long boring plain ass life without me #my heart hurts in ways i didn't know it could #you could have met me with love instead of disdain #one day you'll regret it #you'll wish you would have done differently #you can never undo this #i'll mourn our family forever #i chose you and your daughters over my own son #you never fathomed nor appreciated what i was doing #you forgot everything good #so you could grip onto the bad #and it made it so much worse #you punished me for choosing you #you punished me for forgiving you #you punished me for loving you #and now not one of the kids gives a fuck about me #i literally mourn you all #its all i can do

[thedragonagelesbian]

garashir..............

#theres a more coherent thought here but i havenf had coffee so i can find it #just........... 'i let him mould me' #a) DID YOU GARAK IS THAT HOW FAMILY ABUSE WORKS DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN #OR DO YOU HAVE TO CONCEPTUALIZE IT AS SOMETHING YOU CHOSE TO PRESERVE YOUR LOVE #FOR YOUR FATHER #b) the parallels......... THE PARALLELS #they were both moulded and so very literally and materially made by their parents #who didnt care what they wanted and just wanted to twist them to suit their purposes #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[johndonneswife]

wish i could articulate how being around my family makes me feel. i genuinely had no idea life could be good until i left home. i had no idea people could exist without screaming and fighting and going out of their way to make each other feel miserable. i’ve spent all day feeling sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears because i have to be around these inconsiderate, awful people, and i don’t have a choice. i grew up thinking everyone felt like this all the time, and that my palpable fucking sadness and loneliness were things other people also felt all of the time.

today my mom was talking to my cousin, and she said, ‘when i was growing up, i thought our family was the only family that existed and we were the only people in the world!’ and they had a laugh about it and were getting all fucking wistful about it, like it was better when they weren’t aware of the rest of the world. this whole family feels like a fucking cult and the worst part is - the fucking worst part of it all - was how stupid i was when i thought this was totally normal. that being treated like an afterthought - if that - was what every other human being on the planet went through, too. that friday-sunday, all fathers drink until they get angry or until pass out, and all mothers humiliate and berate you. that everyone is a narcissist once they grow up. that it’s normal to have no friends besides the people in your own family. to forgive your cousins who have pulled knives on you and given you bloody teeth just for being Different and Weird and Smart and Quiet, because those are the worst possible things you can be.

i’m annoyed and i’m frustrated and it’s three in the morning and i just want to be home again. i want somewhere quiet. somewhere i don’t have to beg to be treated with decency and kindness. somewhere where i have control of everything - so my useless fucking aunts don’t invite random drug addicts i don’t know to my own fucking engagement party and get pissy when i want to - god forbid - listen to the kind of music i like. where people don’t make racist comments about my friends and the people i love. at my own fucking engagement party! i have been home three times since the pandemic and literally not once has someone spared me an ounce of respect or kindness; they’re all too busy making everything about themselves.

#there’s just so many things i want to complain about but i’m so tired #growing up surrounded by addicts and racists and generally shitty people #i never ever want to come back here and i never want ayesha to have to come back here #i’ve been trying to post this for 14 hours but i’ve been so busy being forced to mingle with people who don’t even pretend to care about me #i feel like i’m the dumbest bitch on the planet because i chose to forget about all the ways i was abused growing up #but i had to do that in order to survive here #and now that i’ve moved away and started healing i don’t think i can pretend anymore #i’m in the uber to laguardia and it’s the first time since wednesday that i can breathe #the whole ‘your family is allowed to abuse you and degrade you and violate you and you just have to deal with it’ thing is not okay #i am embarrassed of them and angry at them and i feel so much fucking hate in my heart for them #even with my own parents…i’m so tired of parenting them #and being trapped in that house has made me want to claw my own skin off #the screaming the mess my mom’s hoarding the nagging the passive aggressiveness #the house is screaming and burning and being there makes me feel so trapped and depressed #i cannot believe i grew up there and survived and also can’t believe i used to think everyone experienced anxiety and had panic attacks #and that everyone else was afraid of people raising their voices even slightly and loud noises #the sound of my mom’s car as she parallel parks across from the house…it’s so triggering. it seriously makes me cry and freak the fuck out #if it wasn’t for our friends and my grandmother i would literally never EVER come back here #i need to gtfo and get on that fucking plane and go home and feel normal again #this was the first time since i was probably like 17 that i went to a family party and didn’t drink myself sick - didn’t vomit and black out #because of course this wasn’t exactly an engagement party - despite how hard my sister worked - of course this was just FoR ~tHe FaMiLy~ #because i can’t have one fucking day to celebrate without it coming back to them #and my dad can’t skip his stupid fucking hockey game one fucking night to be here with his daughter who he never sees anymore lol #loving people who are so fucking inconsiderate - it’s awful #but the drinking…i’m so glad i didn’t drink #even though it’s not a party until you have ten beers and vodka shots and get into a huge fight #i fucking resent everything these people took from me and i resent my parents for not protecting me when i was young #i chose to forgive them but maybe i chose wrong