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intosnarkness · 1 month

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So IDK if any of you are interested, but I felt the need to write a sort of DVD commentary for Adding on Weight talking about easter eggs and inspirations.

General

Working title was "Die a Boring Death" but I decided that it didn't make sense past chapter 5.

I spent a lot of time trying to find something about longing, about wanting someone to want something. About wanting to be wanted, or wanting in general. I never found it and I'm not sure I like the title I landed on.

(The song after the chapter is where the title is from.)

Chapter 1: Dial Drunk, Noah Kahan

I moved the timeline of the book because I wanted everyone to have more time to feel consequences. Kaz gets happy years before he gets imprisoned. Matthias is in Hellgate for longer. Everyone has a long enough time to actually work through the grief because I don't have to write YA where they're 17 years old.

Sir was originally 2 characters; a heavy and a talky guy. By the time I got to chapter 5 and knew what was going to happen when Kaz escaped, I knew I had to cut them to one. So we lost the talky guy and Sir just became more odious.

Kaz eats an apple because this is his Kobyashi Maru

The assignment was originally to wipe out the principal of the debt. Once I did math, that wasn't going to be near enough of an impetus.

The chef Kaz works for is named Kooken, which is just the Dutch word for "cook"

Chapter 2: Afraid of Heights, boygenuis

The party was not the original idea here, at the point of writing this chapter I didn't have the inciting crime totally figured out (originally Jordie just lost money he was carrying, but that wasn't good enough later to imprison and brutalize Kaz) and so I had this idea that he'd been breaking into the office of the brothel and doing like… audits that got him attention. And Pekka was going to send him to a Mercher's home to get their financial information. I scrapped that when I decided Pekka was going to be our major villain.

The entire point of this chapter was to get Kaz in eyeliner

No actually, the idea of Kaz being forced to sit on Pekka's lap and count cards came extremely early in the process, as did the idea of it being where Inej sees the potential. Originally she was going to be a Dreg lieutenant but I didn't want to have to deal with Per Haskell, so I gave her a gang of her own.

The tattoo knife thing would absolutely not work in reality.

Card counting is not that reliable.

The tray of glasses was a very late addition to the story, but I fell in love with the idea of Kaz having glass stuck in him that no one will help him with but Nina.

I always think the trope of a person sitting in the shadows waiting for another person is ridiculous because it implies that they broke in and sat in the dark for hours waiting. Doing fuck all. I still made Inej do it.

Chapter 3: Afraid of Heights, boygenuis

The chapter that boygenuis wrote, this whole thing is a mix between revolution 0 and afraid of heights

I just want to know/who broke your nose/figure out where they live/so I can kick their teeth in

There's been a run of fires downtown/On half-built construction sites/I know you never liked a townhouse/I've seen you climb a crane at night/If they ever catch you at it/I know you'd want me to be proud/That you took a rich man's dream/And brought it with you on your way down

Kaz thinks the Jam Tart House is a stupid name because I do. Who names a house that? But it's in the book!

They're drinking fantasy Strongbow at the night market.

Kaz crawling into Inej's bed is, to me, the saddest scene of this entire fic.

Chapter 4: Stick Season, Noah Kahan

A deck of cards and book of tricks gets left in Kaz's room, but he doesn't stop to think about who left them there. This is Inej, wanting him to want things.

"Good days" here is lying in wait for Jesper's question six chapters later.

The client Kaz kills was an early idea, that he'd be set off by the word "daddy". Mostly because I am.

The Floating Place is pure dissociation. Brought to you by my mental illnesses.

"So break me. Or buy me." is one of my favorite lines.

Kaz makes more than $1,200 a night. At the end of 8 years, assuming no days off and no fines, he would have made $3,504,000. He has paid off his principal 54 times.

We learn later that his debt is held at 500% interest, which means at the end of 8 years with 0 payments he would have owed $221,709,240,000.

Kaz is getting fucked by the interest.

"Young, dumb, and down for everything" was originally "young, dumb, and full of come" but I couldn't bring myself to put that in a story.

Inej's story changed a few times, mostly her age at the time of the raid. At first she was 14 when it happened, but I needed more time for her father to drink himself to death and her to hunt down slavers before getting to Ketterdam. So now I imagine she left Ravka on her mission around 14.

Chapter 5: Afraid of Heights, boygenuis

Kaz's birthday is canonically in December or January, so I believe my exact idea for this scene was December 20. That's my mom's birthday.

Kaz's Kaelish is actually the gaelic for "you are an excellent lover"

Jesper's comment about using the curtains to hang youself is due to the way Margret Atwood describes Offred's room in the Handmaid's Tale.

Getting them in year four would mean Kaz was 17, so after the leg, which he refers to as "breaking him beyond repair" later.

Kaz doesn't put on shoes because I wasn't sure he would own a pair. Why would he?

The Sir fight scene was originally much shorter, but I liked the idea of Kaz getting a little beat up.

I kinda regret killing Sir here. I should have done it after chapter 8, it would have meant more to the audience.

""No," he says. "I'm right here." was originally the last line of the story.

And then she's gone/And then he's alone is a reference to Come From Away and you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Kaz hiding under the bed is inspired by the one scene in The Haunting of Hill House that I have never watched, where the Tall Man comes for his hat.

Inej brings coffee because Kaz wished for coffee in chapter 1 as a luxury he didn't get. She doesn't know it, but I do.

Chapter 6: Harmony Hall, Vampire Weekend

Going to the exchange to see his debt posted was a night before publishing add or I would have written the entire scene. I should have.

I had to think of a reason for Inej to be painting. In reality, I think she just finds Ketterdam ugly and needs the beauty in her life.

"Wool socks" is inspired by that viral Danny Pudi clip

I imagined Inej did a lot of the "hanging head first in a canal while the tide comes in" type murders because then she can tell herself that if the Saints want them to live, they will.

"Don't come into my club and refuse my hospitality" is based on something my grandfather would say if we came to his restaurant and weren't hungry. You could order a plate of nothing, but you had to order something.

Kaz mentions that he should learn people's names here. By chapter 14, he will know the name of every Razorgull he meets.

Chapter 7: Dial Drunk, Noah Kahan

I forgot about the first tattoo knife for a long time and had to go back and write it in. I believe Nina had it with her on Heist Night.

Kaz's back being scarred from beatings was a decision I made because I needed him to be damaged in ways people didn't know about to echo his insides.

This is the only time the word "rape" is used in the entire fic.

The private room where they have dinner is based very specifically on one at the Palm that my parents rented out for my dad's birthday once. There are fewer caricatures in Kaz and Inej's.

"Secret for a secret" was the only way I could make Kaz talk in this scene.

Chapter 8: revolution 0, boygenuis

Is the whistle Inej uses (and Wylan does later) the conflict motif from West Side story? I'll never tell.

Inej in the meeting with Pekka is heavily inspired by a specific Space Pirate RP Pixy and I did 12 years ago. "I didn't do it and you can't prove it" was her character's MO there.

$60,000 at 500% for 40 years would end up being $1,764,509,279,127,346,261,335,823,263,022,972,928 with 0 payments.

We know Kaz makes more than $1200 a night, and works 7 days a week. Assuming he never had a day off and never incurred a fine, he would make $17,520,000 in 40 years.

He was always fucked.

I very nearly cut the leg breaking scene because it was just that brutal. I expected more people to be disgusted with Sir afterwards, anyway. This is why I shouldn't have killed him so early. If he was in the room for Kaz's flashback it would have hit harder.

The style of the leg breaking is deeply inspired by my friend Ruby, who writes such beautiful horrors.

Chapter 9: Afraid of Heights, boygenuis

Kaz counting his kisses starting over is something I borrowed from Natasha Romanoff fic. It doesn't count if you had to do it.

I also do not know how to make dry coffee be wet coffee but that's because I hate coffee.

Inej gets to show her smarts here, she knows what Kaz saw even if he still doesn't. He never mentions two sets of books, but she recognizes the behavior and names it.

Inej does angry dishes as a homage to my college friend Elle who used to clean my dorm room when she was pissed off.

Chapter 10: revolution 0, boygenuis

Originally Nina was going to be able to control dissociation a lot better until I reread her intro in SOC and she specifically says she can't control the brain. That's when I invented plan B for the heist: fantasy roofies.

Jesper and Kaz are flirting while picking locks and I ship it.

"You've been through it" is in fact the most insane way I could think of to respond to "I wish I could have picked locks so fewer people would have assaulted me," which is in itself a BUCK WILD thing to say.

The affidavit was a late addition. I needed Kaz to be more afraid.

"Torpor of constant terror" would be a good band name

Originally the painting had a representation of Kaz and Inej in it, but that felt too obvious to me.

Chapter 11: revolution 0, boygenuis

Inej is wearing a fantasy Sari. Kaz specifically got 9 yds of silk for it.

It is raining because something has to go wrong in a heist and it can't be something that the characters could have planned for. Adding it allowed me to slow down the escape from Pekka's office later (sealing the tray) and also set Kaz on high alert so he'd be more susceptible to the panic later

Chapter 12: Cool About It, boygenuis

Describing a person as "built like a ship- wide and low" gave me great joy.

The cloche tray was one of those happy accidents I wrote in that turned into a gift. Initially it was just a tray. Then it had a fork. Then it was a ledger containment device. But that all happened organically.

Originally Jesper left the code in his pants in the ceiling, but I decided that was a stupid mistake to make and I didn't want him to look incompetent.

The guards absolutely smell the acid and that's what brings them into the room.

Chapter 13: Harmony Hall, Vampire Weekend

The chapter of badass lines

There are 0 hits on google for the phrase "upstanding young criminal", which I was sure I stole from somewhere.

The tattoo knife being Kaz's weapon here was planned from chapter 2. I loved the idea of Kaz stabbing Pekka with a knife made of the ink Pekka put on him.

Maybe someday I will write a story about Dime Lion Hostage girl, because I love her an irrational amount.

The hero/corpse line gave me so much joy that I told it to my roommate who also thought I plagiarized it. I did not.

I knew Kaz had to think something happened to Inej, but I was disgusted at the idea of actually hurting her in a sexual way. In the first draft of this scene, I still didn't know why Pekka wanted to get her alone and I wrote a whole monologue about them joining forces and it was extremely bad.

I considered having Kaz tell Pekka that his son had already signed a contract to be a closer analogue to the book, but it just didn't make sense for this Kaz.

Chapter 14: House By The Sea, Moddi

Do not jump out of third story windows. I did a lot of research about this, you will injure yourself.

Here we have the first hint that Kaz has actually integrated into the Gulls, even if he doesn't know it yet. When he bursts into the guard shack Dael (who I also love?) speaks to him, and not Jesper.

The guardroom questions between Jesper and Kaz are my least favorite scene in this story. It feels like plain exposition to me, but it needed to happen and I never figured out how to make it better.

"You should see the other guy" is what Jesper said back in chapter 4 when he got stabbed. It was my brother's go-to response when he was hurt after wrestling matches in high school and college.

"I've been worse" is what Kaz told Nina back in chapter 2 after the beating. It's what I tend to say when someone at work asks me how I am.

Kerstan, the Razorgull who gives Kaz a blanket, is roughly 9 years old. I know his backstory vaguely (he is Dael's little brother), but mostly he's meant to invoke feelings of "what the fuck" in Kaz

I went back and forth about the scene with the caning scars. I almost cut it, but in the end I wanted Inej to assert that she loved Kaz, and I wanted Kaz to be able to tell her that he wasn't ready for her to love him that way, but he wanted to be.

Pekka in draft 1 was the captain of the ship, but if he was running the Dime Lions when Kaz was 9-13, that would only give him a few years to get to that position. So I adjusted him to the owner.

Chapter 15: Harmony Hall, Vampire Weekend

I had the worst time with this chapter, it got rewritten about 90 times

This piece of paper (below) reads "Open before fall/house by the sea/contracts" as the three things I needed to remember to keep in it through the drafts. It was taped next to my computer.

Inej is talking about the Ice Court when she talks about the big job

This is the only chapter that was NOT finished when I started posting. I didn't know what the last line would be, but I knew I'd find it in editing.

#my fic #commentary

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swanimagines · 2 years

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hello again Jenni! could I request a random shuffle 🎶 for shadow and bone? I'm leaving the character up to you and whoever you want to write for the most! I just really miss the gang! I'm super curious to see what you come up with :)

PMMP - Pikkuveli

Fandom: Shadow and Bone

A/N: The song IMMEDIATELY ignited an idea so the character was clear... (well I kinda decided it even before it, I mean c'mon, you let me to choose the character, it's obvious who am I gonna pick XD But the song happened to make me an idea too, and I'm not sure how it's a Finnish song again but oh well) Also some lyrics don't match with the text but this was the idea I got from the song. But I really like how this turned out, I hope you do too Clara!!

Warnings: melancholic, places itself to the time when Kaz has just survived from Reaper's Barge... (I may be planning to buy SoC and CK in near future even though my English isn't good enough, I may have spent an hour yesterday because I got lost in my ebook version of it)

Word count: 704

The sky is pitch-black and the trees are dark / When I travel to city from my little brother's place / I would have wanted to stay at home / To wake up early to the thumps of the snowplow

The sky was pitch black as rain poured upon Ketterdam, drawing out the stench from the sewers. People were either gone home or going home, except for some drunks at the clubs around the Barrel. You tried to keep up with Kaz, who was agitated and walked quickly through the streets. You started to feel out of breath and took a few running steps towards your brother while wrapping your cloak tighter around yourself.

“Kaz, slow down!” you called after him, and he turned, a dangerous look in his eyes. You shuddered at it, you almost didn’t recognize Kaz from those eyes. You gulped, staring down at him.

Always stay as my little brother and a bird, never become a man / I don’t want any more adults in our home

“I have to find Hertzoon, I… he needs to pay,” Kaz breathed out and you took a tentative step forward, tears prickling in your eyes upon remembering Jordie, what had happened just days earlier. The street you were on was completely empty, one of the less used alleyways so nobody was bothering you. Kaz shivered slightly from the rain, you had nursed him back to his health for the last few days, only to be met with someone who didn’t remind you of Kaz.

You slowly unclasped your cloak, exposing your arms to the cold, but Kaz needed the cloak more right now. He had just been sick and almost died, and you definitely didn’t want to take a risk of losing him again. Kaz eyed at the cloak, then at you and you threw it over him, careful not to touch him but still tugged the cloak tighter around him, clasping the buckle shut. You wanted to cup his cheek or rub his arm and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but you had already learned that Kaz couldn’t stand touch anymore, and you had to do everything you could to make him feel safe. At least, as safe as possible.

He reluctantly wrapped the cloak tighter around himself to warm himself up, glancing at you again and a flash of concern passed through his eyes, before he took in a long breath and lifted his chin up, the coldness in his eyes returning.

“We have to find Hertzoon,” he repeated the mantra he had been saying ever since he had gotten better, and you nodded slowly. He turned around, making his way towards the house where Hertzoon tricked you all to be living in, hoping to get a lead there and you continued to follow him.

I know that the weak boys meet / In men’s toilets to get their beating

Ketterdam was beating the weak, picking out the ones who won’t manage - and Kaz seemed to know it. He apparently had decided to become stronger, tougher… and you didn’t like to see the person he was potentially going to be. Would he be feared, ruthless, without conscience? Doing anything for money, like some of the criminals around the Barrel seemed to be - killing people for money. Just a few weeks ago, you wouldn’t have known that Kaz could ever turn out to be like that. Just a few weeks ago, you three had been alive. Hungry and cold, yes. But alive. And Kaz had the biggest heart than any other child you had known, but now… he seemed to have lost his heart.

But (my) little brother still reads comics in the morning / In bed with me, in bed with me

You just wished he wouldn’t grow up, you wished this all could be reversed. If your father hadn’t died like that, you wouldn’t be here right now. You wouldn’t be afraid that Kaz, your little brother, would become a man who people would be afraid of. You wished that his anger would subside soon enough, and he would stay as your little brother - that he would heal. That you could hold him one day again after he had seen a nightmare. To offer him comfort without him pulling away. Tickle him or hear him laugh at your jokes. Anything that would prove that Kaz was still your brother and not becoming one of the emotionless monsters at the Barrel. Just a few weeks ago, you had had to protect him from one of them.

But instead, you were afraid that he would grow out to be just like that. And that this new person who was brewing inside him would completely abandon your little brother, and you'd never get him back again.

Always stay as my little brother and a bird, never become a man / I don’t want any more adults in our home

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corpsebasil · 3 years

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Easily Replaced | part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Kaz Rietveld didn't need a reason.

You knew this, of course, as you always had, but it was most clear the day you, Jordie, and Kaz stepped foot into Ketterdam. The two brothers were, as long as you’d known them, ambitious. Ketterdam would fuel that ambition.

"For you, Sankta." Jordie Rietveld laughed, and covered your eyes with his hands.

He was thirteen—much too old for you, as you were only eight, and though you were teased back in southern Kerch for hanging around with him so much Jordie was something like a brother to you. Your own parents were gone—your mother a woman who died too young and your father a mystery.

"I thought you were getting me food." Kaz scoffed, plucking the wrapped omelette out of your hands before you even had a moment to see it.

"Kaz!" You shrieked as you tore out of Jordie's grasp, lunging for the food, but Kaz simply laughed in return, looping his arm around your shoulders and tugging you along, sharing the omelette between them.

The omelette stands in Ketterdam were Kaz and your favorites.

"(Y/N), wait." Jordie called and you paused, turning to glance over at him. His expression was wide and happy—the happiest he'd been in a long time, since he and Kaz's father had died. "Welcome home." He said, and you smiled.

"WAIT!" You yelped, lurching into sitting position so fast your head spun.

He was there, you thought, still blinking away the image of Jordie from behind your eyes.

Your heart raced and your eyes stung as you stood, scanning the streets several stories below you. You’d fallen asleep on the window pane after sneaking into your room at the Slat—if Kaz wanted you gone that night, you’d be gone by morning just to spite him. If only so you had more time to snoop around.

You weren’t expecting the dreams again.

You wiped your hands over your face and sighed, blinking away the remnants of sleep and forcing Jordie to the back of your mind. Jordie Rietveld would always stay in the very back of your mind, in the dregs; you’d think about him only during your last breath, and wouldn't let yourself do it one moment before then.

You crept out of your room and glanced around its interior once more, hefting your satchel over your shoulder. You’d miss this place—you’d miss Ketterdam, but if leaving helped keep certain memories at bay and kept a certain someone from bashing your head in it was worth the risk.

Your feet were silent when you finally dropped to the streets outside and ran, taking back-ally's and fire-escapes and rooftops as you traveled across Ketterdam on a route few knew. Your mask was pulled up and your hood rippled behind you, your shape merely a black speck against the moonless sky.

When you reached the Crow Club you ducked the guards and snuck through a window at the top. If there was anything to be known about the heist for one million kruge the Dregs had been murmuring about, Kaz would know about it. And if you were anything you were vengeful, and you’d get that prize to earn your freedom or you’d die trying.

"The Orchid isn't Dime Lions turf." Kaz's rock salt voice reached you and you paused, one foot sinking into the plush carpet of your old friend's office.

"Well, it's a new acquisition." Another voice purred, and your blood ran cold.

You knew that voice.

That voice had haunted you for years.

"You heard it here first." The voice continued, and you dropped into a crouch, tugging your hood over your head as you crept towards the office.

Your heart dropped into your stomach.

Kaz was being held on his knees by a nondescript man with a sneer on his face while Pekka, Pekka Rollins, clutched Kaz's cane like he owned it. Your stomach rolled as you took in Pekka's face and you barely stopped yourself from gagging.

It was him.

It was the man who killed Jordie.

"Now, I know you saw Dreesen," Pekka continued, oblivious to the assassin hardly ten feet away who was contemplating his inevitable death. "You got the jump on whatever job he has. I don't know the details...obviously, just that you have a little travel hazard ahead of you. So. Here's the deal: you can do nothing—walk away from it. I'll tell Dreesen I'm taking over for you." He paused, a cruel smile on his face. "Then we're even."

"Not even close—" Kaz began, and you tensed. You knew the man holding him, touching him, was causing him agony.

You had to stop it. You had decided long ago that Pekka Rollins' death would be slow. You could make it last for hours—could make blades sing until he was nothing left but a scrap on a table, but something fast might have to do.

"The other option is..." Pekka began, leaning forward to press the beak of Kaz's cane against his jugular, and you lunged. "I'll cave your head in with your own—"

"Let go of him." You snarled and, quick as an asp, had one of your many blades nestled dangerously against Pekka's throat.

Kaz let out a sharp breath and tensed as the man holding him pulled out a gun, pressing it to his temple to balance the odds.

"Sankta Riipka," Pekka mused, seemingly unaffected by the knife against his neck. "it's nice to finally make your aqu—"

"Shut up, pig." You spat and dug the blade in deeper, your eyes snapping up to the man next to Kaz. You felt steel against your head and froze—

—you’d forgotten about the other member of Pekka's trio.

"By the time you kill me," Pekka began, oozing calm that made to your blood boil, "my friend here will shoot your friend. And then you." He made to twist in his chair and you tightened your grip, stilling him. You knew you were drawing blood. "You ought to make the wise decision here, Riipka."

"Let him go." You repeated, heart pounding violently, refusing to look at Kaz even as you felt the gun against the back of your head push harder. "Let him go or I swear on all Saints I'll slit your throat right here."

The room was quiet for several beats before the man holding Kaz shoved him, knocking your friend—was he your friend?—to the floor. You made no move to remove the knife—your chest was tight and your breathing uneven. Jordie's face was flashing behind your eyes and this moment, this moment, killing Pekka, was what you had been waiting for.

You could do it.

Why couldn't you do it?

You could—

"Stop." Kaz breathed and you froze, meeting his stare. His face was serious but his eyes—they were filled with pain. "Just stop."

"You should listen to Mr. Brekker." Pekka crooned and your gritted your teeth, biting back a snarl as you removed the knife and swung, knocking the gun out of the man behind you’s hands.

He threw his arms up and froze but Pekka simply laughed, eyeing you like you were a monkey at a circus. You felt small and, for the first time in a long time, like you were eight years old again, sweating with a burning illness and being sheltered by a widow who had no kids of her own.

You felt like you were eight years old, managing to survive the plague and stumbling down to the docks, half-drunk with a barely broken fever and finding Kaz laying drenched in sea-water on a dock, screaming at you in agony.

It was Pekka's fault.

It was all his—

"No one has to die today, Riipka," Pekka smirked at whatever he saw in your eyes and brushed past, chuckling to his accomplices as they left the office and slammed the door behind them.

The room was silent for several moments before you turned, watching Kaz as he stared at the floor, making no move to stand.

"Let me help you—" you began, reaching out to offer a gloved hand but he jolted, deer-in-headlight-eyes flashing to yours.

"Don't touch me." He snapped, face flushing, and the knot in your throat threatened to burst.

He pushed himself awkwardly to his feet and scrambled for his cane, one hand absently on his leg as he winced. It was terrible to watch—he was strong all the time, and so serious but this...

...this was him broken. And you weren’t sure if you could handle seeing it.

"I should've killed him," you started over, hands trembling as you resisted the urge to reach out to him. You didn't know if you wanted to help or if you just wanted, needed, his touch. "I should've—"

"You should've been gone by now." He swallowed roughly as his cane hit the floor with a thud, eyes snapping back to yours. "I had it handled. We all could've died tonight because of—"

"Don't you dare blame me for—"

"Well if you had just left when I asked—"

"I'm not leaving you!" You shrieked, yanking off your mask and hood so that you could breathe better. "You can boss me around and yell at me and treat me like Jordie was my fault all you want but—"

"I don't think that," he interrupted, his face stricken as he stared at you. "Saints, (Y/N)." You were silent for a moment, both breathing heavily, before he shook his head and turned away. "If you're not going to leave me alone, at least leave the Club. I can't—" he paused, sighing exasperatedly. "I can't deal with this tonight."

Without waiting for a reply he strode out the door and shut it, locking it behind him so you’d have to leave out the window. You waited for several moments until you were sure he was gone, strode over to the spare couch around the corner and screamed into the pillow until your throat hurt.

@iamnoobmaster69 @emil7y @balmasedas @euphoniumpets @subjecta13-thefangirl @itisroe @thefandomplace @ambrosia-v-black @i-padfoot-things @kaitlyn2907

hiii sorry I know this one was kinda angsty but it’s gonna spice up soon HA

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #wattpad #shadow and bone #six of crows #angst #Ketterdam #kanej #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #freddy carter #Jordie Rietveld

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serene-victory-77 · 3 years

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Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case?

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid.

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events.

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do.

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could.

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass.

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning.

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history.

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones.

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16.

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing.

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later.

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

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draggingthedregs · 3 years

Note

Hi, I’ve been reading a bunch of your fanfics and they seems amazing and I was wondering (if you have the time to, of course) if you could possibly write a fix about either Kaz opening up to the crows or the rest of them finding out about him and Inej after a little while of them being together? (If you really felt like it you could combine them if you wanted) If you would do this that would be so amazing, I’m not in the best place mentally and this would totally cheer me up.

a/n: i’d be more than happy to, love! thanks for the ask and i hope this helps! i kinda did a follow up to this lil headcannon/ask i did almost exactly a year ago, so happy reading!

despite the group protests, inej insisted she go out the next morning to ensure everything was clear.

they may have pulled off a tight job successfully, but she wasn’t one for loose ends. especially since she’d begun hunting slavers. loose ends meant vulnerability, and vulnerability meant the bottom of the ocean.

she’d left early, the sun barely visible over the horizon, casting long shadows against the crooked buildings.

with nothing to do while they waited, the rest of the crew decided to take advantage of their circumstances and get a hot breakfast at one of ketterdams rare, reputable establishments.

kaz attempted to wriggle out of it, claiming that even here in the financial district, they may be too well known for such an outing.

nina promptly stated that attendance was mandatory, even for “the barrels biggest grump”.

they walked together, jesper humming some song that lived only in his head, faced turned toward the morning sun. matthias spoke to wylan through the melody, their voices building a three part harmony that set kaz’s teeth on edge.

then, nina stopped them, yanking the nearest door open with the metallic jangle of a bell. they all filed in and gawked at the menu posted to the wall, first in kerch, then in ravkan.

when he looked over, kaz could see that zenik was practically drooling and the rest weren’t far behind. even he couldn’t deny that the smell of the place was heavenly.

they ordered, providing crisp bills of kruge, before finding a table by a large window. it was odd, seeing as most clubs and inns in the barrel were dark and dank; and there were no windows to allow a view of the canal and the gondles passing through it.

kaz sat silently, listening as jesper attempted to explain a zemeni card game to matthias. he felt the tension in the air as a pair of eyes settled on him. it wasn’t difficult to guess who they belonged to.

he growled, never turning away from the window. “spit it out, nina.”

“you and inej.”

“do try and be more specific. i’m afraid i don’t actually possess the ability to read minds.”

kaz could practically feel it when she rolled her eyes. “how long has it been going on?”

the others had turned now too, pulled away from their conversation by the promise of a way more interesting topic. he turned to face her now, “i fail to see how it’s any of your business.”

nina smiled. it was the smile of someone who knew they’d already won. “if you don’t tell me, she will. and besides! we’ve placed bets. you wouldn’t want to miss the look on jespers face when he loses!”

“hey!” jesper was clearly offended by the confidence nina had in his loss.

“jes, you are a terrible gambler. i am only using logic here.”

“since when do you give a shit about logic? you bring people back from the dead for saints sake!”

she only shrugged, her smile as charming as always. “wylan is rubbing off on me.” then, nina turned back to kaz. “so! go on, brekker.”

he looked between all of them, their rapt, attentive gazes all trained on him. there was a brief conflict within him, as there nearly always was, but in the end, he told them what they wanted to know against all better judgment.

he explained (slightly begrudgingly) how after meeting her parents, after gifting her the ship, they’d stay up late talking like they never had before. it wasn’t about the dregs or a job, it was just two friends speaking of life into the late hours of the night.

though, kaz conveniently left out how he’d described the few memories he had of his mother. the way he could still hear jordies laugh. the pieces of his father he saw in his own reflection each time he looked in a mirror.

and there was no way he would’ve shared the stories from the menagerie that she’d trusted him with. or the details she memorized inside her family’s caravan. or how he would let her sleep in his bed when she was too tired to walk home.

“slowly”, he said, “i began reaching for her hand and she let me take it.”

it was an uphill climb. that much he could say with complete certainty. and though touching her had become easier, he wasn’t sure they’d ever be like other couples. he looked across the table at nina and matthias, sitting so close their sides were pressed together. wylan and jesper sat across from them, fingers entwined, pressing easy kisses to each others cheeks.

seeing them all so close felt like a punch to the gut. but it didn’t feel impossible to overcome like it once did.

kaz didn’t know how long he’d been speaking, but their empty plates had all been scraped clean of anything edible. the realization crept softly into the back of his mind, and he recognized that he could’ve talked about inej for hours.

clearly he’d been going on for long enough because her crystalline voice flew through the air, cutting off whatever he planned on saying next. she was the only person he’d gladly let interrupt him.

“what are you talking about so intently?”

kaz turned to look up at inej as he gestured to the seat across from himself, “jesper owes nina five kruge.”

then came that laugh. the laugh that melted all the frozen parts of him, the laugh that soothed all ailments. “what for this time?”

jesper saved him from the truth, “does it matter? i’m five kruge poorer.”

suddenly, like her presence warmed them all, life was breathed back into the table. nina threw a crumb at jes. “i have a feeling you’ll survive.”

as they laughed and carried on, kaz only watched inej. and when she extended her hand for him to hold, he took it gladly.

he listened to their conversations with newfound interest, because her voice was now the one he could follow through them.

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noemibalbii · 3 years

Text

Six of Crows duology quotes

“Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you’ll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won’t matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.”

“Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?” “Knife to the throat?” asked Inej. “Gun to the back?” said Jesper. “Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina. “You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for ‘good luck’.”

“The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.”

“When someone knows you’re a monster, you needn’t waste time doing every monstrous thing.”

“She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.”

“He needed to tell her… what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he’d begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. He needed to thank her for his new hat.”

“I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.”

“Please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?”

“What do you want then?” The old answers came easily to mind. Money. Vengeance. Jordie’s voice in my head silenced forever. But a different reply roared inside him, loud, insistent, and unwelcome, You, Inej, you.

“Greed is your god, Kaz.” He almost laughed at that. “No, Inej. Greed bows to me. It is my servant and my lever.”

“The easiest way to steal a man’s wallet is to tell him you’re going to steal his watch. You take his attention and direct it where you want it to go.”

“Better terrible truths than kind lies.”

“You’ll get what’s coming to you some day, Brekker.” “I will,” said Kaz, “if there’s any justice in the world. And we all know how likely that is.”

“You can’t spend his money if you’re dead.” “I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.” “There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance.”

“Stay,” he said, his voice rough stone. “Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me.” She looked down at his gloved hand clutching hers. Everything in her wanted to say yes, but she would not settle for so little, not after all she’d been through. “What would be the point?” He took a breath. “I want you to stay, I want you to… I want you.” “You want me.” She turned the words over. Gently, she squeezed his hand. “And how will you have me, Kaz?” He looked at her then, eyes fierce, mouth set, It was the face he wore when he was fighting. “How will you have me?” she repeated. “Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?” He released her hand, his shoulders bunching, his gaze angry and ashamed as he turned his face to the sea. Maybe it was because his back was to her that she could finally speak the words. “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.”

“Some people see a magic trick and say, “Impossible!” They clap their hands, turn over their money, and forget about it ten minutes later. Other people ask how it worked. They go home, get into bed, toss and turn, wondering how it was done. It takes them a good night’s sleep to forget all about it. And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”

“He’d broken his leg dropping down from the rooftop. The bone didn’t set right, and he’d limped ever after. So he’d found himself a Fabrikator and had his cane made. It became a declaration. There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.”

“Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?”

“Facts are for the unimaginative.”

“When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm.” “I’m going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me.” “Why don’t you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That’s what the big players do.”

“How do you get your information, Mister Brekker?” “You might say I’m a lockpick.” “You must be a very gifted one.” “I am indeed.” Kaz leaned back slightly. “You see, every man is a safe, a vault of secrets and longings. Now, there are those who take the brute’s way, but I prefer a gentler approach - the right pressure applied at the right moment, in the right place. It’s a delicate thing.” “Do you always speak in metaphors, Mister Brekker?” Kaz smiled. “It’s not a metaphor.” He was out of his chair before his chains hit the ground.”

“A liar, a thief, and utterly without conscience. But he’ll keep to any deal you strike with him.”

“You couldn’t train a falcon, then expect it not to hunt.”

“The life you live, the hate you feel - it’s poison. I can drink it no longer.”

Jesper: “If Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.” Kaz: “I’ll just hire Matthias’s ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.” Matthias: “My ghost won’t associate with your ghost.”

“But all he could think of was Inej. She had to live. She had to have made it out of the Ice Court. And if she hadn’t, then he had to live to rescue her.”

“He was going to break my legs,” she said, her chin held high, the barest quaver in her voice. “Would you have come for me then, Kaz? When i couldn’t scale a wall or walk a tightrope? When I wasn’t the Wraith anymore?” Dirtyhands would not. The boy who could get them through this, get their money, keep them alive, would do her the courtesy of putting her out of her out of her misery, then cut his losses and move on. “I would have come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together - knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

“Fear is a phoenix. You can watch it burn a thousand times and still it will return.”

“Maybe there were people who lived those lives. Maybe this girl was one of them. But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to write magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.”

“Crows remember human faces. They remember the people who feed them, who are kind to them. And the people who wrong them too. They don’t forget. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for.”

“Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or want to kill us?” “So?” said Kaz. “Well, usually it’s just half the city.”

“She smiled then, her cheeks red, her cheeks scattered with some kind of dust. It was a smile he thought he might die to earn again.”

“No mourners. No funerals. Another way of saying good luck. But it was something more. A dark wink to the fact that there would be no expensive burials for people like them, no marble markers to remember their names, no wreaths of myrtle and rose.”

“Have any of you wondered what I did with all the cash Pekka Rollins gave us?” “Guns?” asked Jesper. “Ships?” queried Inej. “Bombs?” suggested Wylan. “Political bribes?” offered Nina. They all looked at Matthias. “This is where you tell us how awful we are,” she whispered.

“We meet fear. We greet the unexpected visitor and listen to what he has to tell us. When fear arrives, something is about to happen.”

“You don’t look like a monster.” “I’ll tell you a secret, Hannah. The really bad monsters never look like monsters.”

Until this moment, Wylan hadn’t quite understood how much they meant to him. His father would have sneered at these thugs and thieves. a disgraced soldier, a gambler who couldn’t keep out of the red. But they were his first friends, his only friends, and Wylan knew that even if he’d had his pick of a thousand companions, these would have been the people he chose.”

“They were twin souls, soldiers destined to fight for different sides, to find each other and lose each other too quickly. She would not keep him here. Not like this.”

“At some point, Jesper realized Kaz was gone. “Not one for goodbyes, is he?” he muttered. “He doesn’t say goodbye,” Inej said. She kept her eyes on the lights of the canal. Somewhere in the garden, a night bird began to sing. “He just lets go.”

“I’ve been nothing but kind to you. I’m not some sort of a monster.” “No, you’re the man who sits idly by, congratulating yourself on your decency, while the monster eats his fill. At least a monster has teeth and a spine.”

“But if you couldn’t open a door, you just had to make a new one.”

“You’re not weak because you can’t read. You’re weak because you’re afraid of people seeing your weakness. You’re letting shame decide who you are. […] It’s shame that lines my pockets, shame that keeps the Barrel teeming with fools ready to put on a mask just so they can have what they want with none the wiser about it. We can endure all kinds of pain. It’s shame that eats men whole.”

“She could feel the press of Kaz’s fingers against her skin, feel the bird’s wing brush of his mouth against her neck, see his dilated eyes. Two of the deadliest people the Barrel had to offer and they could barely touch each other without both of them keeling over. But they’d tried. He’d tried. Maybe they could try again. A foolish wish, the sentimental hope of a girl who hadn’t had the firsts of her life stolen, who hadn’t ever felt Tante Heleen’s lash, who wasn’t covered in wounds and wanted by the law. Kaz would have laughed at her optimism.”

“No matter the height of the mountain, the climbing is the same.”

“But when someone does wrong, when we make mistakes, we don’t say we’re sorry. We promise to make amends.” “I will.” “Mati en sheva yelu. This action will have no echo. It means we won’t repeat the same mistakes, that we won’t continue to do harm.”

“Van Eck promised us thirty million kruge,” said Kaz. “That’s exactly what we’re going to take. With another one million for interest, expenses, and just because we can.” Wylan broke a cracker in two. “My father doesn’t have thirty million kruge lying around. Even if you took all his assets together.” “You should leave, then,” said Jesper. “We only associate with the disgraced heirs of the very finest fortunes.”

“You’re better than waffles, Matthias Helvar.” A small smile curled the Fjerdan’s lips. “Let’s not say things we don’t mean, my love.”

“A proper thief is like a proper poison, merchling. He leaves no trace.”

“She took a shaky breath. The words came like a string of gunshots, rapid-fire, as if she resented the very act of speaking them. “I didn’t know if you would come.” Kaz couldn’t blame Van Eck for that. Kaz had built that doubt in her with every cold word and small cruelty. “We’re your crew, Inej. We don’t leave our own at the mercy of merch scum.” It wasn’t the answer he wanted to give. It wasn’t the answer she wanted.

“I just don’t get it. I’ve spent my whole life hiding the things I can’t do. Why run from the amazing things you can do?”

“She felt his knuckles slide against hers. Then his hand was in her hand, his palm was pressed against her own. A tremor moved through him. Slowly, he let their fingers entwine. For a long while, they stood there, hands clasped, looking out at the gray expanse of the sea.”

“Matthias knew monsters, and one glance at Kaz Brekker had told him this was a creature who had spent too long in the dark - he’d brought something back with him when he’d crawled into the light.”

“She wouldn’t wish love on anyone. It was the guest you welcomed and then couldn’t be rid of.”

“Brick by brick. Brick by brick. I will destroy you.” It was the promise that let him sleep at night, that drove him every day, that kept Jordie’s ghost at bay. Because a quick death was too good for Pekka Rollins.”

“Kaz narrowed his eyes. “I’m not some character out of a children’s story who plays harmless pranks and steals from the rich to give to the poor.”

“Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. “The trick is not getting knocked down,” he’d told her with a laugh. “No, Kaz,” she’d said, “the trick is in getting back up.”

“It was because she was listening so closely the she knew the exact moment when Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the Barrel and deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted.”

“Our hopes rest with you, Mister Brekker. If you fail, all the world will suffer for it.” “Oh, it’s worse than that, Van Eck. If I fail, I don’t get paid.”

“This isn’t… it isn’t a trick, is it?” Her voice was smaller than she wanted it to be. The shadow of something dark moved across Kaz’s face. “If it were a trick, I’d promise you safety. I’d offer you happiness. I don’t know if that exists in the Barrel, but you’ll find none of it with me.” For some reason, those words had comforted her. Better terrible truths than kind lies. “All right,” she said. “How do we begin?” “Let’s start by getting out of here and finding you some proper clothes. Oh, and Inej,” he said as he led her out of the salon, “don’t ever sneak up on me again.”

“They fear you as I once feared you,” he said. “As you once feared me. We are all someone’s monster, Nina.”

“You still may die in the Dregs.” Inej’s dark eyes had glinted. “I may. But I’ll die on my feet with a knife in my hand.”

“Shame holds more value than coin ever can.”

“None of us move on without a backward look. We move on always carrying with us those we have lost.”

“You came back for me.” “I protect my investments.” Investments. “I’m glad I’m bleeding all over your shirt.”

“Why do you wear gloves, Mister Brekker?” Kaz raised a brow. “I’m sure you’ve heard the stories.” “Each more grotesque than the last.” Kaz had heard them, too. Brekker’s hands were stained with blood. Brekker’s hands were covered in scars. Brekker had claws and not fingers because he was part demon. Brekker’s touch burned like brimstone - a single brush of his bare skin caused your flesh to wither and die. “Pick one,” Kaz said as he vanished into the night, thoughts already turning to thirty million kruge and the crew he’d need to help him get it. “They’re all true enough.”

“You have no finesse,” a gambler at the Silver Garter once said to him. “No technique.” “Sure I do,” Kaz had responded. “I practice the art of ‘pull his shirt over his head and punch till you see blood’.”

“A gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse.” [...] “What bound them together? Greed? Desperation? Was it just the knowledge that if one or all of them disappeared tonight, no one would come looking?”

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myhockeyworld87 · 3 years

Text

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 1

Word Count: 3,332

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language, smut, NSFW

Notes: So here we go with this new story that’s been stuck in my head and finally worked it’s way onto here. Please see the Masterlist for the synopsis. The first two parts should really be one, but I broke it into 2 because well sometimes I don’t have time to read long fics and then I lose my place, so I tried to make this a bit easier for anyone else that has this problem. So, Part 2 is coming out tonight as well. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Happy Reading!

You sat there staring at the piece of paper in your hand, debating back in forth in your mind about what you wanted to do. This was your dream offer, just not in your dream city. In fact, if you were being honest this was the last place you saw yourself moving, but could you or would you turn it down because of him. He’d dictated most of your high school life, and some of college, to give him that kind of power over your career now would be so stupid. Especially, when you literally hadn’t seen him in almost twelve years. He probably wouldn’t even remember you, but there was no way that you could ever forget Jamie Benn.

It was your freshman year in high school when you’d met him. He was slightly older and had just come to your secondary school to play hockey. Jamie was quiet, which seemed kind of funny for a jock. They were always loud and boisterous, but maybe you were just going by the ones in your family. By default, he was thrown in with all the other hockey players and one so happened to be your older brother, who was also friends with Jamie’s brother Jordie. The three of them ended up being thick as thieves and drove you half insane at times. Well, maybe not Jamie. When he was at your house the two of you always ended up having some random conversation about god only knew what, but it was always entertaining. You easily got a crush on him after about the seventh or eighth time you were around him but kept that to yourself. Oh, it wasn’t like you weren’t pretty or anything. It was the opposite really. Cheerleader, as well as on the track team; you were one of the more popular freshmen in school, but you were also terribly shy and inexperienced when it came to boys. You always felt, well, awkward around them, not knowing if you would say the right thing or do something embarrassing. With Jamie though, it was different. He made you feel so at ease, but then maybe part of that was because he shared the same awkwardness that you did.

You distinctly remember one night early your sophomore year, when your brother, Justin, and Jordie decided to take both you and Jamie to a party. They practically had the school slut, throwing herself at Jamie, but it was clear the boy had no clue what to do, as his hands awkwardly fumbled her advances. Which was fine with the jealous streak that suddenly went through your entire body. She attempted to kiss him, and with all eyes focused on him, he went to return it, only to completely miss her and end up bonking her on the head. In end, he’d laughed things off saying he was too drunk, but you knew that he’d only had one beer. He somehow slipped out of the cabin you’d been partying at, and back to the woods, after the incident. Of course, you’d followed him. “Hey Jame, you ok?” He simply shrugged as you sat down on the log beside him. “Justin and Jordie can be dickheads sometimes, you know?”

“Tell me about it.”

“I’m sure you’re a better kisser.” Oh my god, did those words really leave your mouth? Fuck. “I mean…like…” Jamie just sort of smiled over at you as you stumbled through words that seemed to be regurgitating out of your mouth.

“Maybe,” he finally said, staring off into the woods, then very quietly added. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

You had to strain your ears to catch that last part, but you were definitely sure he said he’d never had a first kiss. “Oh,” you answered softly, with a hint of surprise in your voice, though inside you were giddy. Somehow, you’d just assumed that someone like Jamie, who was athletic and good looking had definitely been kissed before. It was surprising that he admitted it to you, and before you knew what was happening that same word vomit from before was making an appearance. “Me either.”

“Really?” His question came almost as soon as you spit out the words. Why he found that hard to believe was beyond you.

“Yes really.”

“I just thought….well…” This time it was Jamie stumbling through a sentence instead of you. “I know that you and David have been hanging out a lot.”

��“David?” While it was true, you’d been hanging out with one of the school’s top soccer players, it was for a completely different reason then stolen kisses. “I’m tutoring him in biology. If he fails, he’s off the team.” The words fell from your lips before you had time to fully think them through. “Please don’t say anything. He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“I won’t,” Jamie told you and you knew that you could trust him with this or any secret that you had. He turned toward you then, his eyes locking with yours. “I’m glad you’re only tutoring him.”

“Oh, why? He seems like a nice guy or have you heard different…” you trailed off not quite sure of what or why you were even asking.

“Oh, he seems nice. I don’t really know him.” Jamie ran his fingers through his hair then. A telltale sign he was searching for the right words. “I mean…I’m glad you’re not dating him, you know…because…well I thought….” He blew out a breath and you held yours. “Maybe you’d want to date me.” Goose pimples rose on your flesh at his words. This was the moment you dreamed about, and now, here it finally was. When you didn’t answer right away Jamie added, “That is…did you want to go on a date?”

The corners of your lips pulled up into a smile and Jamie’s did as well. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.” He adjusted himself so that he was sitting closer to you on the log you shared. Now only an inch or two separated the two of you as he hesitantly made a move to hold your hand. It hovered just above yours for a few seconds, both of your eyes shifting down to watch as he finally clasped your hands together, and then you were both shared a stupid grin. “Can I…kiss you?”

You were speechless at all that had transpired in the last couple of moments, and so you just nodded, both excited and afraid to share your first kiss with Jamie. You moved in closer, while Jamie did the same. Your eyes slowly going shut as your lips drew near. Jamie’s lips ghosted over yours, just barely a brush against your skin as first, but then he added a bit more pressure and it was both awkward and wonderful at the same time. You both stayed that way for several heartbeats neither of you moving, both unsure what the next move was. His free hand, the one that wasn’t tightly laced with yours, came up to caress your cheeks, and then your lips were moving together and it was one kiss simply melting into a million more. Unconsciously, you sighed. Your lips parting open for him and his tongue darted into your mouth. Eyes flying open at the contact, you weren’t sure how to react. Of course, you knew what a French kiss was, had seen it on television a million times, but to experience it was quite different. You realized you could taste the beer he’d drunk earlier and something else, though you couldn’t put your finger on it. Tentatively, you let your tongue mingle with his, letting your eyes flutter shut once again so you could savor the feel of this kiss; your first kiss with Jamie Benn.

It was one of many that you shared with Jamie over the next few months. He took you out on several dates, mostly to the movies or to the little pizza shop you both loved, but most nights were either spent on your couch or his, where you’d watch hockey and then makeout until it was time for curfew. Your relationship progressed about as much as any fifteen going on sixteen-year-olds did; there was a lot of holding hands and quiet kisses. On night’s that one of your parents would go out and leave you both alone, it definitely went from first to second base rather quickly, and you learned that Jamie was definitely a boob man. He became an expert at unclasp your bra in record time, of course, there was a learning curve that involved a lot of fumbling around.

It was Jamie’s birthday, that you decided to give him a present he’d never forget. For the life of you at the age of fifteen, you couldn’t figure out why it was called a blowjob when you were definitely supposed to suck on his cock. Thankfully, you’d seen enough of your brother’s porn stash to know how to give a proper one and not look completely stupid. Though you didn’t expect to gag when Jamie thrust his hips into your face uncontrollably. At least you recovered quickly and were able to swallow most of his cum when it shot down the back of your throat. It was two weeks later that he finally reciprocated, by going down on you in the backseat of his car. While not the most romantic place in the world, his tongue flicking across your clit made up for the cliché atmosphere.

By the end of summer, you’d rounded all the bases but hadn’t hit a home run yet. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to sleep with Jamie; it was the exact opposite. However, there just wasn’t a time or place for the deed to get done. The two of you had discussed and decided that you wanted to make it special and not just make it some little box that you could check off in your relationship. This would be the first time for both of you, so while it was going to be memorable, you also wanted to savor it. As neither of you were eighteen yet, it wasn’t like you could go and get a hotel, for you’d thought about that option, and you’d already ruled at the car. With limited options in Victoria, you had no choice but to travel to your parents' second house on the outskirts of Vancouver. It was rarely used, as your dad only stayed there on business trips which had become less frequent over the last couple of years. Even though the house was rarely occupied, you came up with an elaborate plan for your parents to let you not only stay there overnight but travel there by yourself. Well, technically it wasn’t by yourself as you said you were going with your best friend Emma. Who covered for you, god love her.

You weren’t sure what excuse Jamie had told his parents, but he picked you up at Emma’s house one Saturday morning and the two of you made the trip in less than three hours. It was a nerve-wracking drive, though Jamie held your hand most of the time. It wasn’t really the thought of having sex with Jamie that made you uneasy. It was the thought of having sex period. You were afraid it was going to hurt, but you kept trying to push past that thought, knowing that you wanted to do this, more so that you wanted to do this with Jamie.

It was awkward, just like all your firsts with Jamie were, but eventually, you two were able to move past that, and in the end, it was actually kind of amazing. Though the most wonderful part had to be falling asleep in Jamie’s arms. He’d made you felt so loved and cherished, and you’d known right then and there that you’d made the right decision to give you virginity away to this man. It felt like the two of you would be together forever.

That was until the following Tuesday at school came around. There were stares and whispers everywhere you looked, or so it seemed. It wasn’t until lunchtime, that you finally found out what was going on, and then it was only from Emma. “Em, what is going on with everyone? I feel like half these guys are staring at me.”

She closed her eyes as if mustering up the courage to tell you something she didn’t want to. “Jamie told everyone that you two slept together.” You gasped, then quickly covered up both your mouth and the hurt that came along with it. “That’s not the worst of it,” Emma said and it felt like your heart just sank into your stomach. “I also heard that he told people you two have been fucking for months.” There were so many ‘whys’ and ‘how could he’ running around in your head you couldn’t make heads or tails of them. Jamie wouldn’t do this, there had to be some explanation. Your eyes scanned the cafeteria looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. You were just about to get up and look for him when Emma’s hand came down on yours. “There’s more. He said the only reason he was dating you was because you were easy.” Bile rose in the back of your throat and you wanted to just run to the girls' bathroom and cry, but Emma stopped you. “Don’t,” she said simply. “If you go, it will just feed more gossip. Act like nothing is wrong and that nothing happened. Like you don’t care.” Easy for her to say when it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest along with your reputation. “Breathe.” You hadn’t realized you’d stopped until she said the word.

The rest of the day was a complete blur. You couldn’t find Jamie anywhere. As soon as you could make it home after practice, you were dialing his number. His mom answered, “I’m sorry (Y/N), Jamie’s not feeling well. I’ll have him call you when he’s feeling better.” The next day passed and still the lingering stares, mostly from the guys, continued. You’d even had a few ask you out, to which you simply rolled your eyes and told them it would only happen in their dreams. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say and just added fuel to the fire, making it seem like everything that Jamie had said true. He avoided you yet another day and you were beginning to wonder if he was going to pretend to be sick the entire school year just so he didn’t have to face you. By the third day that you hadn’t heard from him, you knew it was done. No matter what excuse he could give you, it would never make up for not only what he said but the way he’d treated you afterward. You simply needed to move on. So, when you saw him at school the following day, you completely ignored him. He attempted to talk to you several times, but you weren’t having it. “Come on (Y/N), please just talk to me.”

“I think you’ve done enough talking for the both of us Jamie. We’re through.” There was hurt in his eyes and you wanted to break down and cry right then and there, but you held your head up high and continued down the hall to your next class. It was two periods later that Emma was handing you a note. You unfolded it, seeing Jamie’s writing on the top.

(Y/N),

I’m sorry. Please let me explain….

That’s all you read before tearing the letter up and tossing it in the garbage can in front of Jamie, hoping he would get the point and leave you alone. He didn’t. As soon as you walked in the door of your house, your mom told you he’d called three times already. After explaining that the two of you broke up, and crying on your mom’s shoulder for a half-hour, though not mentioning the details of your breakup; she told Jamie not to call back when the phone rang again. Ever persistent, Jamie came banging on the door after dinner. This time it was your dad that told him he wasn’t wanted in your home, even though Jamie was practically begging him to let you in, while you sobbed in the background. He kept up the same routine over the next week, all with the same result until eventually, he gave up.

Over the next two weeks, you could hear the whispers as you walked down the hall. Girls muttering that you were slut, while the boys were trying to figure out which one of them would get to sample you next; now that it was clear you were no longer with Jamie. The icing on the cake was when David, the soccer player you’d been tutoring told everyone that you hadn’t been studying at all; that he’d been sleeping with you for the last month. No matter how many times you said it was a lie, no one believed you. Your reputation was simply shredded apart all by a few words Jamie had uttered. So, after a couple months of being talked about, there was only one thing left to do, and that was to become that girl that they whispered about. If they were going to condemn you, you might as well earn it.

Your junior and senior year, you became the girl that gave the star point guard a blow job behind the bleachers after the game, as well as giving one to the goalie, the wide receiver, and the captain of the debate team, and a few more as well. Jamie seemed to take out his aggression on the ice, dropping the gloves with opponents left and right, but you tried to pay him no mind. Until he finally went to play for the Grizzlies and you didn’t have to see him all the time. By then end of high school, you truly had earned the reputation that he’d given you, but you were sick of it. Tired of being looked at for only sex, you applied to schools in the US. Thankfully, while you’d jumping from penis to penis, you’d still kept up your studies and were accepted at every school you’d applied to.

When you received your acceptance letter from Georgetown, along with a scholarship, you jumped at the chance to put yourself all the way across the continent from not only Jamie but what you’d become. At University, you put your head to the books instead of on some unknown guy’s cock, studying constantly which earned you a 4.0 in undergrad, and basically allowed you have your pick at the top medical schools in both Canada and the United States. It was a no brainer when John Hopkins wanted you and during your time there, you were able to work with not only the Baltimore Ravens but the Orioles as well, all within your first year. Which had you taking up orthopedics and sports medicine as your specialty.

All of this led you to today and the offer you were currently mulling over. It was literally everything you’d ever wanted and allowed you to work with not only the NFL but the NBA and the NHL as well. It was the last one that had you rethinking it though. The pros well outweighed the only one con that you could think of and that was Jamie Benn. Who’s to say if he’d even remember you though? It wasn’t like you could forget him after what he’d done, but you let him dictate enough of your life; you weren’t about to let him continue. So, you typed up your written acceptance, then called Dr. Ellis to let him know you were taking the job. You’d made a new reputation for yourself this time around and you weren’t about to let Jamie Benn ruin this one.

#ruined the series #jamie benn #jamie benn smut #jamie benn imagine #jamie benn imagines #jamie benn fanfic #dallas stars #dallas stars imagine #dallas stars imagines #dallas stars fanfic #nhl smut #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #nhl fanfic #hockey smut #hockey imagine #hockey imagines

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just-jordie-things · 3 years

Note

hi i love your writing so much!! could i request 28 & 58 with Sokka? thank you!! :)

prompt 28: first kiss prompt 58: moving around while kissing, stumbling over things, pushing each other back against the wall/onto the bed ___

“It’s just not fair,” You muttered, slumping down against Appa’s saddle, and crossing your arms as you pouted. “How have all of you been kissed?” You asked your friends.

They kind of just shrugged their shoulders, not knowing what to say.

“I mean, Zuko?” You threw your hands into the air, making the firebender gape in offense. “Even you?”

“Hey!” He whined.

You rolled your eyes, and rolled your head back on the saddle to look at the stars above you.

“It’s bullshit. I’m seventeen, and no one has ever thought of me as worthy of a kiss. Unfair”

“Well, have you had boyfriends?” Suki asked.

“There was Jet” Katara said, meant as a tease, but you shot her a glare, not wanting to be reminded of Jet’s weird infatuation with you.

“Not really” You grumbled in response.

“I’ve never been kissed” Toph cuts in, trying to make you feel better, but it doesn’t quite work.

“You don’t understand affection, you don’t like it” You remind her.

“Can’t argue with that,” She says with a bark of a laugh. “Don’t know why you want to be kissed, boys are the worst anyways”

Your eyes glance at Sokka, who quickly looks down at his lap to avoid your gaze. Your heart drops to your stomach and you lean your head back again. You don’t want to think about your stupid crush who seems to hit on every girl except you.

“Yeah,” You mutter back to the blind earth bender. “They’re the fucking worst” __

Once you got to the island, Zuko showed you to his old family vacation home, which would serve as your shelter for the next few days, before Sozin’s Comet.

It was definitely the nicest place you’ve ever gotten to stay during all of your travels, and you had to be grateful to sleep in a real bed, even if the Fire Nation property gave you the creeps.

You were settling in for the night, unpacking the few items you owned and eagerly pulling back the covers of the bed, your features lighting up at the comfortable and inviting mattress.

That was when there was a knock on your doorframe.

You perked up to see Sokka there, standing awkwardly in the hall, not wanting to walk into your space without your invitation. You gave him a small smile and waved him in.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked, going back to sorting through the clothes in your luggage.

While you were preoccupied trying to figure out what needed to be washed and what didn’t, Sokka was nervously fiddling his hands together as he waited for your attention. It took a few seconds, but eventually you could feel his anxiousness wafting off of him, and you turned to him.

“Something wrong?” You asked, your brows furrowed.

“No, not really, I just... um... I...”

His stammering puzzled you, and you recognized his nervous tick as he brought his hand to the back of his neck.

“I felt bad, about what you were saying earlier, so I wanted to come in here and... um...”

He trailed off again, and you cocked your head to the side.

“About the kiss thing?” You asked, and he nodded. “You have nothing to feel bad for Sokka, I don’t need you to pity me,” You told him. “It sucks, but it’s got nothing to do with you”

“Well I thought-”

“Seriously, I don’t need you to feel bad for me,” You repeated yourself before he could make you feel worse. “Trust me, the last thing I need is you of all people sympathizing over me. In fact, let’s just not talk about it anymore because I’ll only feel-”

Before you could finish your rambling, Sokka had flown towards you, his hands cupping around your cheeks and bringing your lips to his in a fast and heated kiss.

Your eyes widened for a moment, but just as quickly fluttered shut as you melted against him. You lowered yourself from your tiptoes, and slowly, your hands fell against his chest.

He pulls away, and neither of you open your eyes for a second as you both catch your breaths, and let it sink in what just happened.

“Why... why did you do that?” You murmured, your eyelashes fluttering as you looked up at him.

His own eyes flickered over your features before he smiled softly at you.

“I just wanted your first kiss to be special,” He mumbles, his thumbs slowly tracing her your cheekbones. “And from someone that cares about you, not just some random guy”

You’re flustered, your heart is doing somersaults and you’re a blushing mess, but you still manage to tease him.

“You sayin’ you care about me, Sokka?” You asked, gently blowing at his ribs.

“Care about you?” He repeats with a scoff. “I’ve been in love with you for ages”

Your smile falls slightly at the confession, the surprise making you freeze up as your eyes widen.

He takes your expression as the first step of rejection, and drops his hands from your face.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

Now it’s your turn to surprise him, as your hands seize his, and you lean up to capture his lips again.

It’s only your second kiss ever, but it’s explosive, and more than you ever could have fantasized about. You wonder if that’s what kissing is always like, or if that’s just Sokka.

As his soft lips slide expertly over yours, meeting them in sync and progressively becoming longer and deeper with every kiss, you decide it’s just Sokka.

You bring his hands to your waist, before throwing your arms around his neck so you can pull him down lower to meet your height. You kiss him enthusiastically, and you have a tough time biting back your smile.

A part of you wants to shut the door in case anyone were to walk by, but you just couldn’t be bothered to break apart from Sokka for longer than the half second it took to catch your breath, so you pay it no mind.

You pull him backwards, until the back of your legs hit your bed, and then you tug some more until he gets the hint and pushes you with all the gentleness he can back onto the mattress, following you down and propping one hand next to your head so he didn’t completely crush you.

You’re quick to shove all your things off the bed, not caring that your clothes would be in a lump on the floor and all need washing the next day. And then your hands are pawing at the material of Sokka’s shirt so you can tug him over you.

As you move back to be laying completely, and more comfortably, on the mattress you smile up at him, and your hands softly slide over his jaw, before mapping out the rest of his face.

“I love you too” You murmur, pulling him down closer to you, until his chest falls over yours, and your noses bump together delicately.

His free hand falls to your face, pushing your hair back before splaying his fingers over your skin. You blush from the way he looks at you, and you want to look away, but you just can’t, his eyes were too beautiful.

“You’re gorgeous,” He whispers, as though reading your thoughts. “And so very worthy of kissing”

You giggle softly, nervously, as he leans down to kiss you chastely.

He pulls too far away, and you chase his lips, but his hand brings your head back down against the mattress.

“Jet did try to ask you out” He admits, seemingly out of nowhere, and you furrow your brows.

“Why are you telling me this now?” You ask, and again try to kiss him, but he turns his head away.

“Because I told him not to”

Your confused look doesn’t go away, but you don’t look hurt like he thought you’d be.

“Why?”

“Pick a reason, he sucked” Sokka tried to laugh, but the sound was forced, and awkward.

“Well, yeah,” You agreed. “But what’d you tell him?”

“When he told me he had a crush on you, and, he, uh, wanted to ask you out... I told him that you were my girlfriend”

“Oh”

“And then I threatened him”

“Oh”

“And then when he said he was going to go for it anyways, and said some stupid shit about how you wanted him, I hit him”

“Oh my spirits,” You giggled, which wasn’t the reaction that he’d expected from you at all. “Sokka, that’s so ridiculous. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your hands wrap around the nape of his neck, fingers drawing shapes in his skin soothingly. It eases Sokka’s anxiety, if only for a brief moment.

“Because I was jealous and it was dumb and I didn’t think it mattered at the time”

“Well, then, why are you telling me now?” You ask, quirking a brow.

“Because I don’t want to keep anything from you because I love you and that wasn’t a fair thing for me to do”

You hum, appreciative and a little shocked by his complete honesty.

“I mean, it was weird, that’s for sure,” You tell him. “But it was completely fair, Jet was... the worst,”

Sokka gives you a small smile, glad that you weren’t upset with him since it was so long ago.

“But I’m more frustrated that you had to bring him up now,” You added, nodding between the two of you. “Things were kinda just getting good and you had to bring up that freakin’ guy?”

Sokka laughs, and he doesn’t waste a second before he’s leaning down and pressing his lips to yours again.

You sigh contentedly, and fall in love with him all over again. He was a dork, a jealous dork with apparently a bit of anxiety, but he was all yours. And you were all his. ___

xoxo ~ jordie

#sokka #sokka x reader #atla #sokka imagine #sokka scenario

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angelz-dust · 4 years

Text

masters of none (jason todd x reader)

summary: welcome to my jason x celebrity fic, based on this headcanon. pls enjoy.

word count: 5.2k

warnings: gun mention. food mention.

part 2

626 bedford avenue

baby let's have a conversation and god forbid we have a connection

...

"are you sure? i don't wanna leave your here alone," dex had said to you as he put his jacket on. the two of you were in the studio when he got a sudden invite to a party.

"i'll be fine. i just wanna finish this track tonight. or attempt to, i guess," you explained, spinning in your chair to face him. you watched as he used his wooden military brush to fix his waves. "everyone else is going so you should go."

"you should also go," he chuckled, shaking his head before sighing and pocketing the brush. "at least let me take you home now."

"i have to finish this, dex. seriously. just go," you told him, turning back around to face the monitor.

"fine, but i'm coming back when it's over and i'm taking you home. i don't care if you're not done or passed out on the couch," he told you firmly, grabbing his keys off the coffee table. "are you hungry? i can get you something to eat."

"i already ate."

you did not, but you weren't hungry. you were too invested in working to be hungry. you'd eat later when he picked you up.

"alright. make sure the doors are locked when i leave. you know where the gun is, right?" he asked and you lifted your arm up, giving him a thumbs up. you had your headphones back on and were about to focus on that again. he rolled his eyes before leaving, making sure the doors were locked himself.

your work in progress played loudly in your ears as you stared at the meticulously placed loops on the monitor. you didn't like hearing your own voice but you loved the rush of putting together the puzzle that was a song, so you let it go. you worked for hours, unmoving from your spot until you felt a familiar tingle make place in your temples. a hunger headache was coming on and staring at the monitor, probably without blinking, wasn't helping.

it was midnight and dex probably wouldn't get back until 2 or 3. you weren't sure if you'd last that long. there were snacks in the mini fridge that could tide you over but it wouldn't be satisfying. you stood up, your legs feeling like jelly from not being used for so long. your ass had gone numb, too.

you wobbled your way to the fridge of wonders, resting on it to balance yourself as you opened it. you were looking for the yogurt you had stashed in there but...

"fucking jordy," you breathed out, recalling how he had eaten it that morning before you both left for your video with gotham insider.

...

"hey, i'm jordy rivas."

"and i'm y/n l/n."

"we're here with gotham insider and we'll be answering your burning questions."

you had a bucket filled with slips of paper in your lap as you waited for the cue to start picking. you took in your surroundings, not being able to see much with the bright lights illuminating you from above and keep everyone else in the dark. sometimes you couldn't tell if you were on set or on an operating table. jordy, your group mate, noticed that you two had plenty of questions to answer as he peered into the bucket.

how you got here was still a blur. your rise to stardom alongside your friends felt so sudden, it was hard to believe. you didn't expect to have such a large following at this point, or ever. and you never thought you'd have a band of brothers and sisters who loved music as much as you did. it was like a dream come true. not only did you have them but you were able to expand your horizons musically. you were just a below average producer before but now you produced music of all genres at such a high caliber. hell, you even sang a little now.

being a celebrity was overwhelming at times, but you loved interacting with fans or the family, as you affectionately called them. you'd take a simple q&a or fan meet over an award show or social event any day.

"alright, go ahead and start," a staff member said from behind the camera and you stuck your hand in at the same time as jordy, both pulling out a slip.

"how did you guys come up with the name cloud 9?" jordy read from his slip.

"stockholm syndrome," you said simply, getting a little laugh from jordy and some staff before he spoke up to explain.

"we were unofficially going by seven heavens before y/n and dex came along. we had just dropped music under our own names before but we couldn't really do that if we were going to do a group album so we needed a name."

"we were just producing a song each for the album," you spoke up to clarify. "i decided to call our studio session 'on cloud nine' since it fit with the theme of the group and there were nine of us working together."

"then we realized y/n and dex were geniuses and we asked them to produce the whole album," jordy chimed in with a smile. "they had already put so much work into it, so we asked them to join the label and we dropped the album as cloud 9."

best decision i ever made, you thought to yourself, a smile playing on your lips. on cloud nine took ages to produce but the results were worth it. for you, it was more than the money and the charts. creating music was a labor of love and an extension of yourself. you helped create a piece of art that you loved and allowed others to love too. it was the greatest feeling in the world.

"next question is... how do you guys decide who collaborates on what and when you do it?" you read, shrugging your shoulders softly. "we just do it on a whim. covers, singles, eps, full albums, it doesn't matter. we still operate as a group but sometimes we wanna do our own separate projects. we're in charge of ourselves so we do what we want."

the rest of the questions were pretty tame, mostly asking about your music and your label mates. occasionally they got more personal, asking about your interests and families. you both answered with enthusiasm, joking around a little and keeping certain things private when you felt necessary or when you were contractually obligated to. can't go around spilling secrets about upcoming music and other projects.

you and jordy were actually working on an album but it hadn't been announced yet. that was why you two came together, as a way of hinting at it and getting ready for promotions to come. the album was nothing like what you both normally did in a lot of different ways. the sound, the aesthetic, all of it. it was an ambitious project and you were looking forward to seeing how it would be perceived.

you were just about done with the q&a, pulling out the last question from the bucket that jordy had then ceremoniously punted out of frame.

"who is your favorite vigilante? i don't know actually. i've never thought about it," you softly clicked your tongue with a pensive look.

"i like signal," jordy answered as you thought it over. "i saw him kick ass up close one time and he has a cool costume."

"i like nightwing's costume! uniform? whatever," you said with a confused shake of the head, not really sure what to call it. "the blue bird is cool. i personally enjoy the color blue, so he gets points for that. it's a sexy shade of blue."

that last part elicited some laughter from jordy. "is that some roundabout way of you saying nightwing turns you on?"

"it's a direct way of me saying i like the color blue," you corrected him. "but yeah, he looks like he'd be hot. it has no bearing on how i feel about the blue, though. two separate feelings."

"who else is there? you got batman and robin. red robin. uh..." jordy trailed off, trying to think.

"batgirl," you supplied, getting a nod from him. "orphan? right? and uh..."

"red hood!" jordy said with a smile. "that dude is cool as hell. i like his jacket."

"doesn't he shoot people?" the staff laughed again at your delivery of the question. clearly you were on a roll today.

"he doesn't have a hood, though," you realized, looking perplexed. "why is he red hood if he doesn't have a hood? why doesn't he just call himself... red helmet?"

"because that's fucking stupid," jordy said through his laugher, shoulder bouncing. that would have to be censored in post.

"he's fucking stupid."

that too.

the staff watched as the two of you managed to go off on this tangent that had nothing to do with the original question. one of the interns looked to the camera man, who looked equally intrigued and confused at where the conversation had gone. "do we... stop them? we're going over on time."

the camera man shrugged and the manager shook her head. "god, no. do not stop them. this is gold."

"he doesn't need a hood, y/n. it's just a name. nightwing doesn't have wings," he reminded you and you rolled your eyes, a subtle pout on your lips.

"yeah but the bird does. it's still on brand. just like batman. and robin. and red robin. and signal. and batgirl," you listed matter of factly.

"what about orphan? is she an orphan?" jordy asked you with attitude.

"probably, bitch. why else would she call herself that?" you said, the both of you riled up now, hence all the sudden cursing. you two kept it (mostly) clean up until this point. "red hood is the only one off brand."

"why are you being a hater right now?" jordy asked with lopsided grimace and you rolled your eyes. "you completely derailed the conversation."

"oh, i'm sorry. i didn't realize you were on his payroll."

"red hood doesn't need payola. he's cool by himself."

"why are you dick sucking red hood?"

"don't ever say that shit again," jordy said immediately, almost cutting you off at the end of your question.

he crossed his arms, looking annoyed as you looked into the camera with a blank expression. you were trying to fight it, but a tight lipped smile appeared on your face, making you look down and scratch the tip your nose lightly with your nail. then your ear. then back down to the side of your neck. your body shook with silent laughter when you glanced at him.

"i'm sorry," you said convincingly after having collected yourself in record time, just barely getting cut off by jordy again.

"no you're not."

"no i'm not," you shook your head, your facade dropping as quickly as it was put on. "you still haven't answered the-"

"i hope red hood shoots you," he told you seriously, giving you a blank look. your jaw dropped, a surprised noise that almost sounded like laughter came out of your mouth as you looked back at the camera. you knew that he was just playing around but it didn't change the fact that it outrageously juvenile.

it was silent. you and jordy knew this was just friendly bickering but the staff weren't too sure. you rubbed the inside of your cheek with your tongue, slowly dragging it over your teeth as you contemplated his words.

red hood wouldn't actually shoot you. right? he's a bit more morally gray from what you've heard about him but he wouldn't just shoot somebody for making a joke, would he? that seemed kind of ridiculous. overkill, if you will.

your eyes darted between jordy and the camera. back at him. then the camera. jordy again. your head jerked a little in his direction before fully turning to look at him.

"do you think he'd actually shoot me?" you asked quietly, looking at him with a smile on your face as your expressions quickly mirrored each other.

"i would," he told you and you laughed, looking at the camera again.

"mr. red hood, if you're watching his, m-my bad bro," you stuttered through yours and jordy's laughter. "i was just talking shit. please don't shoot me. i-if you don't i'll uh... i'll be your bard!"

"what the fuck?" jordy cried out, hiding his face in his hands as he laughed harder.

"i will write and sing about your adventures and conquests," you pleaded with the man who definitely wasn't going to see. you made a heart by lifting your arms up and having your fingers meet at the top of your head. it was really a waste of time in hindsight but you had to cover your bases just in case he did see it. getting shot was not on your bucket list. "please don't shoot me. seriously. i didn't meant it."

"that's all the questions we had," jordy's voice was pitchy from all the laughing. "i'm jordy."

"and i'm y/n," you smiled, doing a little dance as you stayed in your heart position before waving with jordy. "byeeee!"

...

you weren't entirely sure how long you had been standing there with the door open, letting all the cold air out of the fridge. you assumed it was too long since your nipples felt hard as rocks now, which only added a layer to how uncomfortable you felt. your stomach was touching your back at this point and that headache wasn't going anywhere. and now your nipples felt like they were going to fall off. you were pretty sure exhaustion was going to start claiming on you, too.

killing yourself seemed to be the only option and what you were thinking of doing was practically suicide. you wanted to go walk to the corner store that had the yogurt. your craving was too strong. you needed it and waiting for dex was not an option. there was nothing of substance in the fridge anyway. just drinks and snacks that weren't yours to eat.

a normal person could probably do it and not die. but you were in gotham and you were convinced that the moment you opened the door killer croc or one of the penguin's goons would be waiting for you.

taking the gun would be the smart thing to do but you didn't feel comfortable walking around with it. the feeling of cold steel against your skin was unsettling and the chance of it going off on you was even scarier. yes, you would have the safety on, but that wasn't enough to ease your mind. it felt like walking around with a bomb strapped to your chest. you didn't even wanna think about it dropping it or something while you were in the store. you were sure the ock wouldn't like that.

you grabbed your keys, slipping the wristband on. you had a little card holder and pepper spray hanging off the key ring. you also had a small switchblade for all your stabbing needs. you hadn't used it for murderous intent yet and you wanted to keep it that way.

i'll have red hood put me out of my misery, you thought morbidly to yourself. maybe jordy wishing death on you this morning was a blessing in disguise because you were progressively feeling more like shit with each passing moment.

you braced yourself for the crisp nighttime air and the dangers lurking around every corner before opening the door. it was dark, as expected. you had your hands stuffed in the pockets of your sweatpants. your right hand rested right on top of your phone carefully stashed away in the black polyester pocket.

your sense of direction was, to put it lightly, dog shit, and the pitch blackness of night wasn't helping. you had your airpods in with the gps telling you where to go. if it had a mind of its own, it would probably be judging you for needing to locate a building that was 5 minutes away. nevertheless, hearing the robo voice in your ears was oddly comforting.

the walk there wasn't that bad once you got to the area with all the traffic, illuminated with fluorescent lighting from the surrounding stores. it was the first time you felt comfortable under blinding white light.

you walked into the store quietly, beelining for the cold food section. you grabbed hot fries and sour skittles on your way over for dex, wanting to soften the blow for when you told him you left the studio by yourself. you spotted the salted caramel flavor through the condensation on the glass and you could already taste the creamy treat on your tongue. you smiled to yourself, grabbing the handle to the door when you heard the automatic door to the store open, accompanied by a chime.

"hey, man, what's going on?" you heard the voice of the cashier from behind you. you grabbed your yogurt and turned around, freezing in place when you saw who had entered.

red hood!

you could hear jordy's enthusiastic voice from this morning bounce around in your head like a pinball. the man you had been talking shit about earlier was right in front of you. jesus christ, was he there for you? how did he even find you? the video hadn't even dropped yet!

he must have felt your intense gaze burning a hole in the side of his head because he turned to face you. thankfully, you slid to the side, hiding behind the chips. he knew you were there and that you had been staring at him, even though he didn't catch you in the act. you attempting to hide yourself behind the buy two, get one free mini chip bags was slightly suspicious, but to be fair, he did just walk into a public place as red hood, so he let it go. turning back to salim, the cashier, he grabbed the bag of m&m's he had slid him.

he always paid for the things he picked out when he came to the store, but salim always gave him m&m's for free. red hood kept his store and community safe, so in salim's eyes, giving him candy that only cost a dollar anyway was nothing.

you started grabbing some other snacks, slowly weaving through the aisles as to not cause alarm to the huge man standing not to far from you. you knew he was big but fuck. he was built like a freight train. probably hit like one, too.

"anyone give you trouble tonight?" you heard a voice, his voice. it was distorted behind that mask... helmet... thing. it sounded robotic. was he actually a robot? like cyborg or something?

"nah, it's been quiet tonight," salim shook his head as the vigilante grabbed a little bag of cookies from the shelf behind him, setting it on the counter before asking for a carton of cigarettes. "i heard that jewelry store on bedford ave got hit though."

bedford avenue? your studio was on bedford avenue, tucked away from the main street. the store wasn't too far from it, either. you must have been so wrapped up in working that you didn't hear the commotion because it was definitely close enough for you to hear it.

"just came from there," the vigilante informed him, his robotic voice being both intriguing and off putting to you. he walked back over with the warm cup of liquid in his gloved hand, setting it on the counter next to the cookies.

must have just missed it then, you thought to yourself, if he just came from over there. lucky me.

"you alright, honey?" salim called out to you with familiar affection. he always treated everyone who came to his store with respect and like family. he was always very sweet to you and he felt a sense of pride knowing that he had both celebrities and vigilantes frequenting his store.

"don't tell me you're trying to rob me," he added on at the end, getting the attention of red hood. he wasn't sure if salim was being serious or not. it would confirm his suspicions about your weird behavior from earlier. it would be kind of ballsy to try something while he was standing there, though.

"uh... yeah. this is a stick up. give me everything you got," you said lamely, standing on your toes to peek at him over the shelf.

salim's rich laughter filled the store and he shook his head. "just checking," he said before redirecting his attention to red hood, who loosened up when he realized it was just banter between friends.

you realized the longer you spent in the store, the later it would get. you waddled your way over to the counter with your snacks in your arms a comfortable distance away from red hood, who set cash on the counter. he looked over at you again, making you shrink under his gaze. he was essentially faceless, which was a little unsettling, to say the least. he turned away, grabbing his things and moving out of your way.

you put all of your snacks on the counter, trying to ignore the man's presence. he wasn't doing anything but being intimidating.

"you here by yourself, honey?" concern laced salim's words as he rung up your snacks. "it's a little late, isn't it?"

"oh, uh, yeah," you nodded, pulling your card out to pay. "everyone else is at a party in maywood."

as red hood was walking out, his brow furrowed when he heard what you were talking about. maywood was where all the big social events took place. he had been out there a few times with bruce. not anyone could go to a party out there so...

"ah, one of those celebrity parties you all go to, huh?" salim grinned, giving you your bag of goodies. he still felt unsure about you being by yourself, though. "hey, red! you should walk her back home."

he was almost out the door when he heard salim call out to him. he turned, looking at the both of you. you felt awkward looking at him and you quickly shook your head.

"no, no, it's fine. the studio isn't far," you told him and salim firmly shook his head in protest.

"it's late. you shouldn't have even walked here to begin with," he scolded you a little. it was just out of concern, of course. "she's a big time celebrity, you know."

you frowned at salim's description of you. not being able to read red hood's expressions to gauge how he felt about this whole thing was frustrating, too. he was probably glaring daggers at you.

"i can take you," the robotic voice said. normally he wouldn't be escorting civilians around but he was done for the night and if you really weren't that far, it wouldn't kill him to walk you back to wherever you were headed. he was in a good mood, even if it didn't appear that way.

"see? let the man take you back," salim pushed and you complied, giving him a little nod. "you two stay safe out there! i don't need my favorite customers getting hurt."

you waved goodbye to salim, turning to see that red hood had already started walking off. you quickly shuffled your way out to follow behind him.

"where are we going?" he asked, not even giving you a glance as you both stood on the sidewalk.

"bedford," you said quietly and he turned to face you, his look of disbelief hidden under the mask. why the hell would you leave? you had to have left while the heist was still going on. no wonder salim asked him to take you home. clearly you had a death wish.

"lead the way," he said to you, trailing behind you as you listened to the gps tell you where to go. you hoped he didn't have supersonic hearing or something, because needing to use the gps was still kind of embarrassing.

you two walked in silence, the sound of your plastic bags and the ambient city noises being the only sounds ringing in your ears. you felt a little safer having red hood as your temporary bodyguard but you'd rather risk dying to avoid the awkward silence.

"so big time celebrity," red hood spoke up, startling you a little. you almost thought it was the gps talking to you. "what do you do?"

he knew you were feeling awkward and probably afraid walking with him. he wasn't trying to scare you, though. he figured talking to you would ease the tension a little.

"oh, uh... music," you said simply.

what a dry response. were you expecting him to carry the whole conversation? because he wasn't.

"why are you out here and not in maywood?" he asked, carrying the conversation anyway.

"the studio is here so i'm here."

"so you're working?"

"yeah."

you were not fun to talk to. he wasn't going to hold it against you though. he himself probably didn't come off as a guy who wanted to talk.

"do you shoot just anyone?" you asked suddenly.

well that was one hell of an icebreaker. did he just shoot anyone? where the hell did that come from? were you that afraid of him?

"no," he said, hoping you couldn't hear his smile in his words. it was such an odd question to ask. "why? you think i'm gonna shoot you or something?"

"are you?" you asked panicked, whipping around to face him.

he put his hands up in mock surrender, letting out a laugh this time. "relax. you haven't given me a reason to want to shoot you. or have you?"

"i hope not," you said honestly, turning back around to continue walking.

"i'm not going to shoot some innocent girl, let alone a famous one. it's a bad look," he explained to you, hoping the humor behind his voice would make you relax a little.

"why don't you wear a hood?" your line of questioning continued. "you're red hood but you don't wear a hood."

"why do you keep asking ridiculous questions?" he asked rhetorically before answering your question anyway. "a hood doesn't protect the face."

well, that made sense, actually. it looked like that helmet thing he wore was made of metal or something. much better protection than cotton. it was still off brand but you could respect it.

"what the hell are you wearing?" the man had exclaimed suddenly, making you furrow your brows and look back at him. his gaze was down at your feet. "how did i not notice those before?"

"clearly that stupid helmet obstructs your vision," you pouted, looking down at the cute bunnies that sat on the strip of your pink slides. "they're my slides."

"they're hideous," he told you seriously and you scoffed.

what an asshole. how dare he insult your babies like that? they were minding their fucking business, chilling on your feet. they didn't asked to be attacked like this.

"you're hideous," you retorted childishly. "my bunnies are cute, thank you very much."

"how am i hideous? you can't even see me," he reminded you, tapping on his helmet.

"your outfit is hideous. you look like... i don't know. ugly. your face is probably ugly, too," you huffed, crossing your arms.

you wished you could go back in time and not apologize for insulting him earlier. he deserved it.

"you wound me," he said sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart. "how will i recover?"

"give me your gun and let's find out," you said, holding out your hand jokingly before getting it swatted away by his.

okay, fine. he wasn't that bad. you were actually kind of enjoying the conversation and so was he.

"arrived," you heard in your ears, looking up and seeing the studio right before your eyes.

you had been so wrapped up in bantering with him that you forgot what you were doing in the first place: going back to the studio. you almost felt disappointed that you were about to go your separate ways. you had just gotten comfortable.

"this is the place," you said, gesturing up to the building. "thank you for walking me here."

"try to keep your late night excursions to a minimum."

and with that, he used his grappling hook and disappeared into the shadows of the night. creepy. kinda cool but mostly creepy.

you walked around back to the side door, letting yourself back into the studio and locking up immediately afterwards. another successful snack run. now all you had to do was wait for dex to get back.

...

it had been about two weeks since your encounter with the vigilante. jason had long forgotten about it. he had been at the manor, lingering around after a meeting in the cave with bruce and his brothers. he didn't like sticking around once business was taken care of but alfred offered to make him chili dogs. it was a calculated move to get him to stick around and it worked.

tim was lounging on the arm chair while dick and damian were both seated on the couch. jason stood off to the side, directing his attention to the television that sat above the fireplace. tim had been watching youtube videos all day and stumbled across a gotham insider q&a that had a clickbait-y title about vigilantes. naturally, he was intrigued and wanted to watch it with the rest of them.

"what am i looking at?" he asked, taking a bite of his chili dog.

"something hilarious. i've been waiting to show you guys all day," tim explained, grabbing the remote.

"i hope this isn't something juvenile, drake," damian chimed, resting his body against the arm of the couch.

"or gross," dick co-signed with a grimace. "we just ate."

"just shut up and watch," he sighed, unpausing the video.

jason felt a little tingle in the back of his mind at your face was on the screen. you looked familiar. he silently watched as you and jordy discussed your feelings about vigilantes. dick snorted when he heard your comment about nightwing. tim began to snicker in anticipating for the main event: the red hood argument.

as jason watched, everything made sense. you were that weird girl he walked home. that was why you asked him those stupid questions. he was a little annoyed at you calling him stupid and off brand but he had to admit the segment was funny. especially the part at the end where you were begging him not to shoot you. you seemed so much more relaxed and naturally funny than you did when he was with you that night. it almost gave him whiplash.

"you should shoot her. for good measure," damian told jason once the clip ended, making the older boy roll his eyes.

"nah. i can't shoot my bard," he smiled, making dick smile too. he had expected jason to be all grumpy about getting talked about but he seemed to be taking it fairly well. tim was kinda disappointed that jason didn't seem more bothered by it. he wanted to tease him a little.

"i think red hood payola is probably the funniest thing i've heard in awhile," dick said, laughing along with tim. even damian cracked a little smile.

jason walked back to the kitchen, recalling that night he ran into you now that he had seen the video, finally understanding why you were acting so strange.

his bard, huh? cute...

#jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #dc x reader #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damian wayne #batfam

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rocohen20 · 3 years

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Fic Rec: Military AU

In honor of me being discharged from the army, I decided to do a related fic rec. Personally, I like to read about this, but I do find problems with reading some of the stories on the matter. As someone who knows what army is like, you sometime sees when it’s not realistic.

Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

-and live honorably, by orphan_account, 9,185 words

hockey plater Jonathan met soldier Pat when the team visited his military place. It started a great friendship, now when Patrick is back home, Jonny come to visit him.

-Scratch Lottery Ticket Life, by dedougal, 3,776 words

Patrick and Jonny are both part of a multi national military force. Patrick slowly developed feelings towords Jonny.

-That Feeling When, by thefourofswords, 4,609 words

A slow burn love story between Soldier Jonny and medic Patrick. This story has a really reaistic feeling for it.

-Your Faded Arrangements , by ukiyo91, 9,735 words

Jonny gets back to his childhhood home after getting back from war. This is the story of how he deals with the aftermath.

-Stand (You’re Gonna Run Again), by windsthatwhisper, 13,840 words

Jonathan gets home from war after he lost his leg on the field. The story follows his recovery both physical and mental.

Sidney Crosby/Claude Giroux

-Still Breathing, by burkiebeans, 21,495 words

Cluade got discharged from the army after he lost his leg. To get away from home he moves to Philadelphia, that’s leads to him meeting Sidney Crosby.

Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

-Shadows, by eams81, 46,139 words

Tyler has PTSD from a traumatic event in the army. By a strange coincidence he meets the hockey player Jamie Benn.

-Like the Jack of Hearts, by LadyJanelly, 31,666 words

After Jamie and Jordie fought in the civil war they move to the Yukon, for the gold rush. Jamie becomes the sheriff of the town, and that’s how he meets the new tenant- Tyler Seguin.

GOOD READING EVERYONE!

#fic rec #ao3 #fan fiction #Fan Fiction Recommendation #Patrick Kane #Jonathan Toews #sidney crosby #Claude Giroux #jamie benn #Tyler Seguin #enjoy

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lotusss-flowerbomb · 4 years

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Dark Knight (2)

Bucky x reader

Warnings: violence, smut (y’all knew it was coming), 18+

A/N: Hey cousins! Just wanted to thank you all for your interest in this fic. I hope this chapter lives up to the expectations you all had for the rest of this story. Enjoy!

Word Count: 3,801-ish

********

You clawed at Andrew's face trying to get him to release you. When that didn't work you reached out for a piece of the glass and cut his face. He finally let go and you coughed and gasped for air.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!!" He lunged for you again.

You swung the glass towards him again and then his entire body went flying into a wall. You looked up to see Bucky rushing towards you.

He helped you up and examined your face and body.

"Wait!" You stopped him when he got close to glass.

"Deep breath," he said to you just before yanking the glass from your arm.

"Ow! You didn't even let me inhale," you screeched.

You heard Andrew groaning as he scrambled to get to his feet. Bucky turned towards him and moved you behind his back. He let Andrew stand before stalking towards him.

He spit blood on the floor before rolling his neck and preparing for a fight. He swung his fist towards Bucky who easily dodged it, grabbed his hand and broke it. The high pitched howl that left his mouth could’ve awakened the dead.

Bucky didn't stop there. He grabbed the same arm, punched his elbow completely shattering it and dislocated his shoulder before throwing a punch to his ribs cracking those too. When Andrew dropped to the ground, Bucky stomped on the shin of his right leg. Another loud crunch echoes through the room and then picked him up by his throat and squeezed.

"Bucky! Bucky, stop, you're gonna kill him!" You tried pulling on his arm.

"He deserves it," he said and squeezed a little tighter.

Andrew's eyes started rolling to the back of his head and he was begging to foam at the mouth. His body dangling as the entire right side was broken.

"I know, but not right now. Bucky, please don't!" You stood in front of him and put your hands on his face.

Bucky finally let him go and his body hit the floor with a loud thud. He wasn't moving.

Just then Steve and Wanda came bursting through the front door. They looked to you and Bucky and then at the still body on the floor.

"He'll live," Bucky nudged his broken shin with his foot and Andrew sucked in a bunch of air and started coughing.

Shortly after, the police walked in and Wanda walked you outside to be seen by a medic. They examined you, cleaned up your cut and then prepared a stretcher for a broken Andrew.

Wanda stood by you while you gave your statement to the police before heading back inside.

"I'll pour you a drink," she sat you down once you reached the kitchen and grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine for you. Once the police left Steve came in and hugged you. Bucky stood across from you on the other side of the island.

"I told you," he pointed his finger at you. "I told you not to bring men to this house." He yelled.

"Bucky, you might want to —" Wanda started, but he cut her off.

"No! Stay out of it," he looked at her. "What if our daughter would have been here? He could have hurt her!"

You couldn't stop the tears from flowing. You were hurt by his words. How could he ever think that you'd put your child in danger?

"I'm not falling for the tears. If you weren't being so fucking stu —"

You threw your wine in his face before he could finish his statement and tossed the glass like a championship baseball pitcher. It hit the counter top, but Wanda used her powers and stopped it before it shattered everywhere.

"Okay, everyone just calm down," Steve tried to reason.

"Fuck you, James Barnes!" You got up from your seat and walked towards the stairs. You slammed your bedroom door behind you.

"You're a real ass do you know that?" Wanda started in on him, "she didn't invite him here. He followed her home, she thinks it may have been from the coffee shop where they met."

Bucky visibly deflated. He really was an ass.

"Looks like you've got a whole lot of apologizing to do," Steve smacked his back. "We'll get out of here, so you can get to it."

He and Wanda left. Bucky cleaned up the pieces of glass from the lamp as he thought about how he was going to apologize for the things he said.

********

When he was finished, he washed his face and decided that pouring you another glass of wine was the best he could do in the moment. He grabbed the bottle and a glass and headed up to the bedroom. Halfway up the stairs, he could hear you sniffling. He took a deep breath and continued on. Normally, he'd just leave until you calmed down, but now wasn't the time for him to run.

He knocked on the door softly before entering. You were lying in bed with your back towards the door hugging your body pillow.

"Go away," you said to him.

"I'm sorry, doll," he walked over to you and sat down. "I shouldn't have said what I said. I let my anger get the best of me."

"Just go, Buck."

"I can't do that."

"Why not? It's not like you don't know how," you snapped.

Bucky exhaled. He knew you still held resentment towards him for leaving. He never gave you a reason why he did and now might be the perfect time to tell you.

"I didn't just leave, because I don't love you or want to be a family..."

His long pause made you turn around. You made a hand motion for him to continue.

Bucky took a deep breath and proceeded with his explanation.

"I almost died on that mission," he looked down at the floor. "I had been back at the compound healing for almost a week before I came home."

"You what?!" You sprang up into a sitting position.

"Let me finish," he put his hand up. "While I was in the medbay, I just kept thinking about how it would hurt you and Jordy if I would have actually died. I figured it would be best for me to distance myself sooner rather than later just in case you ever had to be without me. You'd already know what it felt like."

The room went completely silent. Bucky couldn't place the look on your face. He couldn't tell if you were angry, sad or confused. You'd somehow managed to fit them all into one glare.

You picked up a pillow and swung it at him.

"That has got to be the dumbest fucking thing that I have ever heard in my entire life!" You kept hitting him.

"I know," he snatched the pillow away. "I know that it was stupid. It felt like the thing that I should do at the moment. I immediately regretted it, but after I'd already said that I wanted to leave I couldn't take it back."

You stood, no longer able to keep still.

"Why couldn't you just tell me about the mission?" You paced back and forth. "Why do you have to be so dramatic?!"

"I couldn't tell you, because I already know you would've asked me to quit and I can't do that. After the things I've done, I owe it to the world to keep doing what I do." He said.

You stopped in your tracks and walked over to him, pushing his thighs apart with your legs, so you could stand in between them. You cupped his face in your hands and looked into his eyes. They were full of sadness.

"Sweetheart, you're the only person on that team to give your life twice, because you were saving the world. You owe it absolutely nothing." You pressed your forehead to his.

He pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around your waist. This was the first time he'd been able to hug you in a long time and he missed it more than he was willing to admit.

Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss you right now, but after what you had just gone through he felt like now wasn't the time.

"I'll run you a bath, it should help you relax so you'll get a little sleep tonight." He let you go and stood before he was no longer able to contain himself.

"Thank you. Oh hey, after that, can you run to the kitchen and grab me two slices of bread?" You requested.

"Bread? Why?" He asked, completely confused.

"I just need it," you shrugged and picked up the bottle of wine. You turned it up and started drinking. At this stage in “needing a drink” a cup was useless.

Bucky started the bath and then went to the kitchen for the bread you asked for. He seriously couldn't figure out what you needed with bread, but you hadn't eaten anything, so maybe you were just hungry?

"Ooh, yay," you did a little clap when he returned and handed you the slices. You stood from your spot on the bed directly in front of him.

"You were too afraid to tell me the truth about your near death experience, so you decided to be a drama queen and break up with me." You placed a slice of the bread on each side of his face, "What are you?"

"For fucks sake," he rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying it."

"You know I've always wanted to do this and honestly, it is the least you could do. Now, what are you?"

Bucky stared at you for a moment before mumbling the answer under his breath.

"Aht! Aht! Louder for the people in the back. What are you?" You pressed the bread onto his face more. You were trying your hardest not to laugh.

"An idiot sandwich," he said before moving.

The damn broke and you flooded the room with laughter. Ever since you saw the old episode of Hell's Kitchen when Gordon Ramsey said that to a contestant, you’d bided your time until you had an opportunity to do it.

"It's not that funny," he rolled his eyes again.

"Yes, it is. You're just upset that I did it to you," you cackled.

He walked out of the room to stop the water in the tub and quickly came back to tell you the bath was ready. You thanked him and started getting undressed when you realized he was still in the room.

"Get out."

"I've seen you naked a million times."

"Well it won't be one million one. Go, go, go." You shooed him away.

He turned and left the room. You went to your tub and sank down into the perfectly tempered water. He still remembered exactly how you like it. You smiled to yourself.

********

After your bath, you applied your favorite body butter and put on a sports bra and shorts. They'd be your pajamas for the night. You could hear the TV playing downstairs. You shouldn't have been surprised. After what happened today Bucky couldn't be paid to leave you alone tonight.

You crawled into bed and tossed and turned for a while before calling out for Bucky. He appeared at the door within seconds and you never heard him coming.

"I don't think that I'll ever get used to you being able to be all stealth mode when you want to be," you said to him.

"What's wrong?" He came into the room.

"Can you get in bed with me? I can't sleep." You moved over and pulled the cover back.

"Are you sure?"

You patted the bed. The spot that was once his was ready and waiting for him. He kicked off his shoes and stripped down to his underwear. He never slept in his clothes, because of his unusually hot body temperature.

He slid into the bed beside you. You couldn't resist reaching up and pushing his hair out of his face.

"I've been meaning to ask, how'd you get here so quickly earlier?"

"I was already on the way here."

"Really? But you knew Jordy was at my sister's, so why were you coming?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I just had a feeling and then I got your call. I could hear you telling him to leave and then that... that scream. I mean, I fell off of a train, but hearing you... I've never been so scared in my life." His voice shook a little.

You could see the tears in his eyes.

"Oh no, Buck, don't cry," you wiped the tears away just as they were about to fall. "Just like always, you were just in time. Swooped in like my dark knight."

You pushed a stubborn stray loc of hair from his face and kissed his forehead. Then his cheek. You looked down at his mouth and back up into his eyes. You knew that you shouldn't, but your emotions were getting the best of you.

"Thank you for saving me and staying with me tonight," you said before kissing his lips slowly and softly.

You kissed him again and again until your tongue invaded his mouth. Basking in the feel of such a familiar action. One you'd both been missing.

He pulled away and broke the kiss, but you weren't done, so you planted little kisses on his neck.

"We shouldn't do this, doll. You're on an emotional wave right now and you'll regret it." He tried to reason.

"Mmm hmm," you hummed just before biting his earlobe. You knew that drove him insane. You slowly raked your fingers down his chest.

"I'm serious, It's been months and if we start this I won't be able to stop."

"You promise?" You asked and gripped his rock hard dick.

He flipped you on to your back and crashed his mouth into yours. He pressed his hips into you causing you to moan in his mouth. He pulled your bra over your head and threw it to the floor. Dipping his head to take a nipple into his mouth, he swirled his tongue around the erected bud.

He rubbed his finger lightly over your clit in a circular motion. The whisper of a touch was sending chills up your spine. Then he pressed down on your clit and rubbed his finger around your slick hole before slowly sticking it inside.

The tiny gasp that escaped your mouth made him smile. He pulled his finger out and ran it across your lips.

"Open," he instructed. You opened your mouth and sucked your juices from his finger. "That's my girl," he said before replacing his finger with his tongue.

He lowered himself in between your legs, pulled off your shorts and trailed kisses down your right thigh until he reached your mound.

"Hold them wide open for me," he placed your hands on your thighs.

You were already shaking. You knew you wouldn't be able to keep your legs open while he ate your pussy.

He flicked his tongue over your clit slow at first and then fast. He stuck his tongue in your core and then sucked your sensitive bud into his mouth.

"Yessss, baby," you arched your back and pushed your pussy into his face even more.

You let go of your legs, but he quickly replaced your hands with his own. You reached down and grabbed a fist full of his hair and lifted his head a little. He peered up at you with his lust blown eyes.

"Spit on it."

He did as he was told and swirled it around with his tongue. He sucked your clit into his mouth really hard and then let it go with a loud pop. You pushed your hips up for him to do it again. Over and over and over again, until he started fucking you with his tongue again.

"Fuck baby, fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm gonna cum!" You screamed and rubbed your clit furiously just before squirting all over his face.

He moved back just enough to watch. Your legs were shaking so hard the bed frame was moving.

You grabbed his chin to pull him back up to you and pushed his wet hair from his face and kissed him.

"I need you. I need you right now," you said as you pushed at his underwear.

Bucky kicked the shorts off, but he took his time before entering you. Your legs were spread and your juicy glistening pussy was ready and waiting for him. He stroked himself slowly as he admired all of you.

You rubbed your clit and then patted your pussy softly before using your fingers to spread the lips. He couldn't resist anymore after that. You were opening up for him and he wanted to give you what you were waiting for.

He slid into you leisurely. He wanted to feel every part of you in this moment. You dug your nails into his ass urging him to give you more. When he finally bottomed out he stilled. He tucked his face in the crook of your neck.

"I'm gonna cum right now if I move. Give me a moment." He breathed.

You tightened your pussy around his throbbing cock.

"Fuccckkkk, please, doll, don't!" He pleaded with you.

You locked your legs around him and squeezed some more. When he tried to pull out his body stiffened and his toes curled. He moaned loudly as he bit your shoulder and released himself inside of you.

You smiled and silently congratulated yourself on a job well done.

Bucky never pulled out. His dick was still very much hard and ready to go. He sat up and looked at you.

"Why?"

"Why not?" You smirked.

He pulled out and flipped you over on your stomach.

"You know what to do," he said and slapped your ass.

Your pussy trembled from excitement. You rested your face on your hands, raised yourself up on your knees just a little and arched your back.

He spread your ass cheeks apart and watched as you pushed his cum from your pussy. He used the tip of his dick to rub it around and then he entered you in one swift push.

He fucked you from behind. Quick, rough pumps in and out of your pussy. You gripped the sheets and screamed into the mattress when you felt another orgasm building.

"Don't you fucking dare," he growled.

"No, please, I can't. I can't!" You panted.

"What did I say?" He smacked your ass hard. That didn't help the situation. He knew the harder he hit you the closer it would push you to cumming.

He slapped your ass again.

"Damn it, Bucky!!"

"Next time," he smacked your ass once more, "when I say stop, you stop."

Smack!

"I hate you so much," you clenched your eyes shut. You were literally on the verge of tears not being able to cum.

He pressed his chest to your back. "I love you too," he chuckled and kissed your neck.

He finally pulled out and gave you a break, but only for a moment. He repositioned you on your back and reentered your silk cavern. He'd completely switched his pace this time, so he could see you. He loved the way you'd bite your lip as he rolled his hips into you.

He started slow and then sped up little by little. You mewled beneath him as he stretched you with every stroke. He pushed your knees to your chest. He wanted you completely open to him.

"Bucky I —"

"It's okay, my love, go ahead." He rubbed your clit with his vibranium fingers. The light vibration you felt made your entire body tingle.

Your legs started shaking a little and then you felt the vibration intensity from his fingers increase. He fucked you harder and harder until your pussy erupted. You dug your nails into his right arm as you rode the wave of your orgasm.

Bucky's breaths were getting shorter and his moans were getting louder. He was about to cum.

The bed shook with every movement, but you could hear that something was off.

"Bucky stop..."

"No, this is my pussy," he growled.

He was so close and he thought you didn't want him to cum inside of you, so he drove into you harder. He grabbed the headboard as he coated your walls with his essence.

"No, the bed is gonna — shit!"

Before you could complete your sentence, the entire thing caved. When you opened your eyes he had you wrapped in arms.

You looked at each other and bust out laughing.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine," you rolled off of him and stood to look at the damage the two of you had just caused.

"I can't believe you broke my bed," you said in disbelief.

He walked over to the fallen mattress and pointed at the big wet spot.

"You do that and you can't believe that I broke the bed?!"

"Bucky, how are we gonna explain this to Jordy? She'll be home in a few hours."

********

You changed the sheets and Bucky did his best to prop the bed frame and mattress back up. He considered leaving before your sister dropped Jordyn back home, but you both decided that she would be more excited to see him upon arrival.

When you heard the front door open, your energetic little girl was already screaming for her dad and jumping into his arms.

"Well hello to you too, Jordy." You said faking hurt that she'd completely ignored you.

"Oh sorry, hi mommy," she leaned over to kiss your forehead.

Your sister raised her eyebrow and before she could say anything you swept her away to tell her about what happened the night before. You heard Bucky tell Jordyn to take her things up to her room and then she yelled something about having a present for you.

Suddenly there was a loud crash and the three of you went running up the steps to see what happened.

"I didn't touch it! It fell on its own," she yelled and ran into her father's arms.

"Oh no, it's okay baby daddy's the one who broke the bed," Bucky said before he realized.

"How?" She asked. Her little face was completely scrunched in confusion.

You waited for his explanation since he was the one to blab.

"I uhh... Was jumping on it??"

"Oh... Be careful next time," she cautioned.

You shook your head and turned to go back downstairs. You all said your goodbyes to your sister and settled in to have lunch. Bucky couldn't keep his eyes off of you and his baby girl. He was a fool to ever think that being away from you was a good idea. He'd do his best to fix this and make everything right again.

END

********

Taglist:

@titty-teetee

@bluestarego

@ilovesupersoldiers

@andycanbeemotional

@bubblegumbarnes

@cleflove

@rosalynshields

@imsonick

@buckysthing

@fanfictiontrash9

#bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #Smut #marvel smut #marvel fanfic #Avengers #avengers fic #Lotusss Writes

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draggingthedregs · 3 years

Note

Hello! Absolutely adored your protective Kanej fic, especially how you managed to make it meet the middle ground in a dignified manner. I was wondering if you could do the same with the topic of jealousy? Would you be willing to write a fic about Jesper's feelings for Kaz, and his pov on Kanej falling in love, with a healthy dose of jealousy? Maybe a bit where he and Inej bond over their feelings for Kaz? Totally understand if you don't want to, but thank you either way!

a/n: ah! thank you so much! i’m so glad you enjoyed that lil fic!! i also really loved your ask and was really excited to write it. i’m actually on vacation right now and didn’t bring a laptop so i hope you don’t mind that it’s in the headcannon type structure (i did get slightly carried away but what’s new)! so yeah! here ya go <3

Inej had been gone for nearly a month, her first voyage on The Wraith proving to be a success

And all of Ketterdam felt her absence in the darkening shadow of gloom that followed Kaz Brekker.

The Dregs were careful to keep every toe in line, for fear they would find a cane breaking the bone. Even Jesper managed to tone down his charm

Though he wasn’t sure if Kaz’s anger was the whole reason.

When she’d left, they had all gone to the dock to see her off

Jesper slung his arm around her shoulder, pulled her tight, and made her laugh with one last terrible joke

Then he watched as Kaz said goodbye, in whatever twisted way he was capable. It didn’t sit right with him.

The way Kaz spoke to her, how he held her hand, hell- how he looked at her. As if it were the first and last time he was seeing her.

Jes watched until he couldn’t any longer. Something had balled up inside him, manifesting itself in his pounding chest and heated cheeks

He recognized the feeling

It was the feeling of someone else winning at Makkers Wheel, of watching someone make Wylan laugh, of his revolvers in anyone else’s hands.

it was the feeling of jealousy

It warmed his skin and froze his bones. He hated himself for it.

It wasn’t as if he loved Kaz the way she did, wanted him the way she did. But you’ve been here longer, saved his life just as many times.

Then she was gone, disappearing into the sea like she’d always been good at. And a dullness settled in Kaz’s eyes as he headed back to his city.

Now, as they all approached the dock once more to welcome her home, Jes felt anxiety flipping in his stomach

Wylan must have noticed, taking one of the hands that he’d begun to tap along his thigh

The dock was crowded, a mess of ships coming and going, and still they knew which ship was hers as it sailed smoothly into her berth

And through the thick, bustling crowd they knew their Wraith by silhouette alone. Her grin was wide, her hair down and curling in the salty air.

Jesper laughed, his anxiety forgotten, as he grabbed her and lifted her off the ground

“Is it possible you got smaller out there?”

Inej laughed now. “Is it possible you’ve gotten taller?”

“Just prettier. But I see how that would be confusing.”

He let her go and Wylan reached for a hug. As they spoke, he became aware of a dark spot ebbing into view

And so did Inej.

She looked up to him, taking a deep breath as she scanned him in his entirety

When Jes followed her gaze, he could see that Kaz was doing the same to her

Then, Kaz reached a single hand out, every inch deliberate. She watched him with careful eyes until he gave a single nod.

Jesper was sure he didn’t make up the near desperation on her face as she rushed toward him for an embrace.

His hands wrapped around her frame slowly, pulling her closer and tighter to him. There was a hitch in his breathing and Inej looked up at him, but Kaz didn’t pull away.

As he watched, he could feel the ball of jealousy rattling once more

Wylan cleared his throat, “All of your things you left at the house are still there. You’re both more than welcome to eat with us tonight.”

Then he tugged at Jespers hand and off they went. He had turned back once to see that the pair separated, but the intensity on both their faces remained

What are you even jealous of? She deserves to be happy. That’s all that should matter to you.

It was dark by the time Inej snuck inside the Van Eck mansion. She approached the sitting room from behind, nearly scaring them to death

“Hope i’m not too late?”

After Wylan recovered from his heart attack, “Of course not.”

Jesper mustered a nod, unable to shake his feelings this time

Inej came around and sat in an open chair

And suddenly Wylan was up. He squeezed Jes’ hand and gave him a small smile. “I’ll just be in the kitchen cleaning up.”

Of course he noticed. My merchling has decided to be observant.

The two of them left sat silently for a bit, letting the crackling fire fill the air, then, “I missed you... I missed being here.”

Her eyes were already on him when he looked up. Inej gave him the barest smile and shrug.

“Well- I’m impossible not to miss.”

She laughed, pulling her legs up underneath her. “Fair enough. How was it here while I was gone?”

Jes let out a scoff. “Kaz didn’t tell you anything?”

“Not about Ketterdam, no.”

“Well it’s been shitty. He’s been worse than usual, if that’s even possible.”

He could see the look on her face as she registered that he was upset. Inej turned to the fire then.

“You know-“ He immediately regretted it. “I couldn’t begin to guess what he has over you but he isn’t worth it, Wraith.”

“Jesper. You’re being mean”

“To who? Him?”

She turned to face him now, her face severe. “To me.”

It was then that he crumpled.

Jesper fell inward, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. “I’m sorry- I just-“

You just what? What could you say to dig yourself out of this? Why do you even feel like this?

Then she was beside him, taking his hand.

“Jes, what is it?”

Even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t lie to her. And he couldn’t control what he said next.

“You’re too good for him- we all are! And- and yet we all just go along with it all! For what? It’s not like we get anything back, he doesn’t even-“

“Care?”

Jesper looked up at her again.

“Look- I know how he is. He’s cold and frustrating and nearly impossible. But he’s also loyal and fierce and he would do anything for his crows. I think that’s what we all stick around for.”

“Is that enough?”

He could see her turning his question over in her mind.

“I wasn’t always sure but- I believe so. And if it isn’t, then we’ll revisit this conversation. Surely you can see that things are changing.”

Despite his anger or jealousy or frustration, Jesper couldn’t ignore that she was right. When isn’t she?

Kaz was changing. Between Per Haskell and Pekka Rollins, Inej leaving and becoming a barrel boss, he was different.

“Call me crazy. Call me too optimistic or pious for my own good, but there is something in him. Even if it’s buried deep.”

Jesper interrupted, “Very, very, very deep.”

Inej laughed. “I know.”

“I just want something in return sometimes. It feels like running on water and getting nowhere. The rest of us- that’s friendship, but him-“

“It isn’t the same. I understand that. Though he does feel something for you... something deeper than friendship I believe.”

He thought back to the clocktower of the Geldrenner, to the intensity in Kaz’s eyes. What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?

He nodded, supposing he wouldn’t start doubting Inej today.

“You aren’t alone, Jes. I know how you feel...”

That, he hadn’t even considered. Of course she knew how this felt, probably better than anyone.

“How do you do it, Inej? How do you love him?”

To his surprise, the Wraith smiled. “I love Kaz as he is, in every way. Not the boy he was or the man he could have been, but who he is right now. Ketterdam needs him like this just as much as it needs you and me as we are.”

Jesper hadn’t known Kaz before he had become the Bastard of the Barrel and he’d always had a difficult time placing him as a child. He couldn’t picture a young Kaz, coffee eyes and black hair glinting in the setting sun as his little legs carried him home.

But he figured Inej could. She always saw the big picture, the city from above instead of a single grimy street.

“How long will you be in Ketterdam?”

She shrugged. “As long as I’m needed here and not somewhere else.”

“Waffles in the morning then. On me.”

Inej laughed. “Jesper paying for breakfast? Things really have changed.”

It felt like a weight lifted off him as he laughed with her. “Dont get used to it.”

They stood, hugging for a brief moment.

“Goodnight, Jes.”

Then, he watched as she melted into the steady shadows with ease, as though she had never missed an evening in the mansion.

#six of crows #kanejheadcanons #jesper #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #shadow and bone #kanej #soc #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #kaz x inej #soc fanfic #grishaverse fanfic #soc fanfiction #kanej fic

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onestowatch · 3 years

Text

Oston Pens Her Coming-of-Age Story on ‘Am I Talking Too Much? [Q&A]

Photos: Dolly Ave at Lollapalooza

Rising star OSTON is no longer sitting at the kids' table. In her new EP, Am I Talking Too Much?, the singer-songwriter puts her fears, frustrations, and deepest thoughts on display. It’s a victorious display of emotion sonically paired with massive pop moments, an ethereal interlude, impressively sharp lyricism, and so much more.

Am I Talking Too Much?, which has been in the works since 2019, has forged a path through a time of tough life lessons, self-realization, and most importantly confidence. The project navigates topics such as the pressures of growing up and the universal fear of falling in love in just eight poignant tracks. Overall, the EP tells OSTON’s coming-of-age story, learning when to not take things seriously and gaining the ability to spot those who underestimate her tenacity.

We had the chance to chat with OSTON about the making of the EP, what it means to her, and an exclusive track-by-track breakdown.

Tell us about what’s different this time around, versus making your debut EP, Sitting at the Kids Table?

Am I Talking Too Much? feels astronomically different from my debut EP in so many ways. When we were making my first project, Sitting at the Kids Table, I was really focused on creating a project and getting it out into the world rather quickly. The songs were written and produced with a very fast turnaround, and because I was so new to the industry, I was more than okay with that.

After that project came out, I started really digging into my artistry. Since Am I Talking Too Much? was written over the course of two-and-a-half-ish years, I got to choose exactly which songs I felt described this second chapter of my musical life. I went through some huge life changes while writing this EP, and I think that’s very apparent in the story arch of this project.

Taking “last time pt. II” into consideration, do you feel Am I Talking Too Much? is a continuation of the topics explored in Sitting at the Kids Table or does it exist in your head as a separate entity entirely?

This EP feels like an entirely new chapter of my life, just as I hope the next generation of music I put out can serve as something completely new. This project follows me on a journey of moving away from home, shedding toxic relationships and old layers that used to hold me back, and learning not to define myself by how others view me (or at least trying not to). Other than the name “last time pt. ii,” the two songs live as their own entities, and I’m really excited for listeners to discover that.

You have some special collaborators who worked on the EP, can you tell us about your creative journey with everyone who helped this project come to life?

I was lucky enough to get to work with some of my closest friends and collaborators on this project, which is part of the reason it’s so special to me. My boyfriend, Drew, executive produced the whole project (with me staring over his shoulder the whole time). Our great friend, Nydge, came in on two of the songs (“Am I Talking Too Much?” and “Sour”) to help spice up the direction a bit. I also co-wrote a few of the songs with my friends JORDY, lixa, and Mr. Popular—who all helped bring the crazy stories inside my head to life.

What are some of your goals for 2021, if any? Or are you just taking things day by day?

2021 has been an absolutely crazy year for me so far, and I’m lucky enough to say that I’ve already reached a lot of the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year. For starters, finishing up and releasing this EP has been an enormous box on my to-do list, so finally having it out in the world is a huge accomplishment in itself.

Last weekend, I experienced a crazy, unexpected run of shows – I opened for Omar Apollo at the Metro in Chicago for a Lollapalooza aftershow, and then stepped into the official lineup of Lollapalooza on Friday at the Lake Shore Stage. I hadn’t even imagined playing my first music festival for another year or two! Another bucket list goal of mine has been to go on a support tour with another artist, and I’ll be joining my great friend JORDY on his “Mind Games” tour in the fall!

What do you want listeners to take away from listening to Am I Talking Too Much?

If you listen to this EP and take anything with you, I hope it’s the understanding that there is always room to make mistakes, and nobody ever gets everything right the first time around. We all live through our own tragedies, and that’s what makes us the badass people that we are.

Would you mind breaking down each track on the project for us?

“Am I Talking Too Much?”

This was actually the first song we wrote for this project. At the time, I was thinking it would just be a single, but I could never get over the idea of a whole body of work called “Am I Talking Too Much?.” It just felt so fitting with who I am as a person.

The concept came from a date where I was talking with this guy, and he turned to me and said, “Wow, you sure talk a lot don’t you?” I walked away reflecting on how talking “too much” and overthinking are such big characteristics of mine. But, it’s also a part of what makes me who I am, and I realized that maybe the people who love and accept me for that are the people I really want in my life anyways.

“Hypocrite!”

“Hypocrite!” was such a fun and quick one to write that came from one day in the studio with the amazing writer/producer Mr. Popular. We started talking and joking about the stereotypical “shitty ex” that gaslights you and tries to make you think that everything they do is somehow your fault. It was particularly fun and therapeutic for me because I got to pull from multiple different relationships throughout my life to create this one sort of evil, hypocritical character as the star of the song.

“I Think You Should Leave”

Man, I love this song. It’s such a fun one! I’ve never really let myself get as pop as I did with this one. Drew and I really just aimed to have a fun time writing this one and wanted it to be as out-there as it could. I’d call this the “party anthem” of the project, telling off all the haters and mansplainers. This is the song that gets the most hate on social media, and it’s quite funny to me that the main group of people getting angry online are exactly the demographic we wrote it about.

“Lie About You”

“Lie About You” was the last song written for this project. In all reality, the song was never supposed to see the light of day. After I got the demo back, I actually really hated the song and it felt way too personal and on-the-nose with what I was going through to ever release.

I don’t know what willed me to throw the demo up on TikTok (maybe it was the fact I was visiting home, drinking wine, and feeling sappy as per usual) but the next morning I woke up to a viral video and thousands of people asking me to release the song for real. That same day I was supposed to announce “I Think You Should Leave,” but my management called me and was like “Dude, we’ve gotta finish this one and put it out like, tomorrow.” and that’s exactly what we did!

“Hurt Like___”

“Hurt Like___” came at a time when I wanted to write something really sad and emotional, even though that wasn’t how I was actually feeling in the moment. I decided to write this alternate ending for my relationship with Drew—one where I had let my fear of things going wrong take over. I wrote the story of our breakup and how I thought I would’ve felt if we ended things when I moved to LA, instead of continuing to date long-distance and then eventually move in together. I’ve actually never written a song from this point of view before, so it was pretty challenging, but so worth it.

“How To Feel Human”

JORDY, Drew and I wrote this on a little trip to Drew’s old Chicago studio in the middle of the pandemic. We all had a little pink wine (this was also the same week that we wrote “Tomorrow” for JORDY’s project, so clearly we were feeling pretty sappy) and we started reminiscing about how easy things used to be when we were younger and living at home with our parents – even though it didn’t always seem like it back then.

We realized that as you get older and move away from your upbringing, the idea of “home” starts to become less and less clear. You start to find “home” in the places you move to and the people you surround yourself with, and the childhood memories of “home” sort of start to fade into the distance. It’s a pretty somber topic, but when you surround yourself with the right people, it makes growing up a whole lot easier.

“last time pt. II”

All I’ll say about this one is that Drew and I wrote it before our very first date. It was kind of our way of saying goodbye to the people in our lives that were holding us back, and realizing what we had sitting right in front of us. This song makes me wanna cry every time I hear it.

“Sour”

Sour is my unapologetically-honest diary entry to myself. Funny enough, this record actually started out in a completely hyper-pop direction with massive synths and drums, but I couldn’t get any of the lyrics or melodies to make sense. When we went back in and stripped it down to just piano vocals, this whole story started flowing out of me. I started asking myself why I treat myself the way that I do, and similarly, why society encourages us to be so critical of ourselves and one another.

I wanted to pay tribute in this song to one of my biggest musical inspirations, which is the Melodrama album by Lorde and Jack Antonoff. The outro bit of the song deviates away from the piano/vocal vibe and shifts into a very musical, ethereal space. This is where the project starts to culminate and become blurry—I wanted this bit to feel like a conclusion to the chaos of the seven songs that came before it.

Ending the song with the words “but I gotta go” felt like the best parting gift as I left to start another chapter of my musical life.

#oston #interview #am I talking too much?#singer songwriter #pop

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uptownbabyfanfic · 4 years

Text

Prologue.

*Flashbacks*

Chevaugn

*2 Years Earlier*

“Fuck,” I mumbled shaking my head as I watched the ball bounced off the rim for like the tenth time in a row.

“Aight pause,” my pops called out after catching the ball. “Come talk to me Chevy,” he motioned for me to come over where he took his seat.

“Wussup pop?” I asked, grabbing my water I sat next to him watching as he shrugged his shoulders.

“You tell me, you’re missing shots you can make in your sleep which is crazy to me,” he paused, clearly frustrated. “With tryouts right around the corner how you gon make JV playing like this?” He asked

“Chill dad, it's just a few missed shots, let's run it again,” I stated trying to get him to get off this topic.

“Hell no, and it’s not even about the missed shots, you've been off the whole time we've been out here & we’re running basic ass drills. What’s on ya mind boy?” he questioned looking over at me.

“Nothing. Why something gotta be on my mind? I’m fine pop,” I said lying through my teeth.

“I’d believe that if you weren’t my son, but you are and as ya pops you should already know I know for a fact when something is bothering you,” he paused making us laugh a bit.

“We ain’t getting back to this till you clear ya mind so talk,” he said I sighed, shaking my head. Something is in fact heavy on my mind but I don’t exactly know how to express it to my pops especially since this is a problem we thought was finally over.

“It’s mom,” I paused looking over at him “What about ya mother?” he asked curious

“She’s using again and she thinks I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head.

“You know this for a fact?” he asked me, I nodded he breathed out shaking his head.

“You have any idea where she's getting it from?” he asked me

“Yea. Dre,” I answered referring to my moms boyfriend, which is the main reason I ain’t wanna mention this to my pops in the first place. My parents aren’t together and even with the way they ended things, my pops always managed to keep things on a respectful level or at least tried to.

“Dre?” he questioned, shaking his head I nodded. “I thought they broke up,”

“So did I, but they’ve been back together for awhile. I just didn’t want to tell you to avoid any drama between y’all,” I said making him laugh a bit. My pops and Dre have known each other since they were kids but as they got older things changed. Dre made an enemy out of my pops and made things worse when he got with my mom. He caused problems he shouldn’t have been able to, the main one being the custody battle my parents went through a few years back. He’s the reason why I can only see my pops every other weekend.

“You don’t have to worry about that, you could have told me,” he said I waved him off.

“I do though pops, I may be young but I understand a lot for my age and everything we go through when he’s in the picture is too much,” I paused, shaking my head.

“I hate it when he’s around and I don’t understand why or how the judge granted mom full custody because living with them ain’t fun,” I stressed

“Is something else going on you tryna protect me from? Cause if that’s the case you need to tell me,” he said h

“No. It’s just the simple fact that he ain’t my pops and serves no purpose in my life, I just rather live here,” I expressed he sighed

“I've been trying like hell to get full custody with everything that has happened over the years, but you know with my record & the shit your mom be pulling it’s hard as hell,” he sighed

“I just need you to know despite what the judge say I’m not gon turn you away if you wanna come here, you my son so I could give a fuck what anybody gotta say,” he said pulling me in Ismiled shaking my head.

“I know that pop but honestly I just don’t want you in any more trouble with the law. I don’t know how this will work if you ain’t here,” I said he nodded.

“I appreciate that son but ain’t nothing I wouldn’t do for you, besides I’m here for good. You ain’t losing me, I can promise you that”

“Thanks pop, & I just might take you up on that offer too,” I said standing to my feet grabbing the ball from him.

“You got keys right,” he said, making us laugh. “Can we get back to work now,” he smirked and I nodded, bouncing the ball.

“Let’s go and watch how I lock you up,” I joked setting myself up on the court

“You can’t lock me up boy, I taught you everything you know,” he said waving me off.

“Lamar the cops out front,” my aunt yelled running in the yard.

Dropping the ball I watched as a bunch of police officers swarmed the backyard and approached my pops. It was like something out of a movie, I’ve never seen them grab somebody up so fast in my life. I tried to follow after them to get answers but my aunt pulled me back.

“Stay with ya aunt Chevy, I’ll be home sooner than you think,” my dad called out from the back of the car but little did me and my pops know he wouldn’t be coming home no time soon.

Lanay

Placing the phone up and away from my face I waited patiently for him to appear on the screen. After the many failed attempts for my mom I thought I’d try cause only lord knows if I come in the house with food for everybody but him all hell will break loose so for his own good he better answer cause I won’t be ringing his phone off like my mom.

“Wussup Lala?” he answered looking at me through the phone

“Oh wow look who finally decided to answer the phone,” I joked, shaking my head.

“Nah I was doing something, I tried to call mommy back but she ain’t answer, she home?” he asked

“Not yet she should be home soon though,” I informed him he nodded

“Wussup though you good?” he asked I nodded.

“I’m going to buy food from Ms. Cherry’s what you want?” I asked him as I placed my sneakers on.

“What I usually get, but get rice and peas instead of macaroni and see if they have fried dumpling get like 2 or 3,”

“You asking for a lot,” I said shaking my head as I walked out of my apartment

“Just buy it big head. I'll give mommy back her money,” he said but I shook my head.

“Nah this is my money, so Ima need that back plus interest,” I smiled he laughed waving me off.

“Whatever. Yo La that tiger & puma head mix you drew was so fire, that might be the piece I get tatted for my 18th birthday,” he said making me smile big.

“Word? Okay that was the draft Ima draw it better for you,” I said he nodded

“Cool and put ya signature on it too, like at the bottom or something,”

“I got you, but you know mommy gon be mad when you finally do this,” I said as we laughed

“She’ll be fine, Ima get her face tatted so she can’t be mad,” he said I waved him off.

“I need my face too, that should be the first one honestly,”

“Here you go,” he said shaking his head as his boys started making noise in the background.

“Tell mommy I’ll be home in like an hour or two, keep my food warm Autumn,” he snorted, making me roll my eyes. He knows I hate when people call me that.

“Whatever, bye lil Lucky,” I laughed quickly hanging up before he could respond.

“Why you laughing?” my best friend Jordy questioned as I walked out the building.

“Lucky,” I replied, placing my phone in my pocket as we walked to the Jamaican restaurant.

“You were talking to my man, where is he?” my other best friend Sky questioned eagerly. Since the girl was old enough to fully understand and grasp the looks of boys she’s been crushing on my brother and as we get older and closer in age I need to keep it at just a crush. I love my girls I do, but my brother is off limits and it's for their sake honestly.

“Bye Skylar, my brother don’t want you,” I said, waving her off.

“You don't know that Lala, freshman year will soon start and we gon be seeing each other everyday,” she squealed, causing us all to laugh.

“Yea you and every other girl in school checking for his ass,” my other best friend Krissy chimed in I nodded.

“Exactly,” I said as we approached the restaurant.

“Whatever, when we get married I don’t wanna see any of y’all at the ceremony hating asses,” she waved us off as we burst out laughing and proceeded to order our food.

____

“Yea but Lala I’m serious, let me know if you want me to do ya hair for the first day of school,” Sky said as we walked in my apartment.

“I got you, cause mommy talking about wash n’ set but it’s honestly too hot for all that,” I said as we laughed a bit.

“Lucky what’s the problem now?” I heard my mom ask as we walked in the kitchen.

“In the bookings for what? What did you do?” she asked in a slight panic which had me worried. I just got off the phone with my brother so what could he have possibly gotten himself into 20 minutes after hanging up.

“Ma what’s wrong?” I asked her but she just placed her finger up at me. This isn’t my brothers first go spending time in the bookings and it’s usually never anything serious. It’ll be for something minor like the cops shutting a party down, or just acting a fool with his bros but this time around with the look my mother has plastered over her face it seems like something more.

“Just explain it to me when I get there, I’m on my way now. I’ll be back Lala,” she said grabbing her keys I nodded watching her leave.

“La,” Krissy called out.

“Yea,” I answered, facing her.

“I don’t know if this has anything to do with Lucky but Tati just posted that her brother got locked up. She said the cops bust in her crib and it went left from there,” she said referring to a friend of ours from school who’s brother runs in the same circle as Lucky.

“I highly doubt it,” I said, shaking my head. I don’t want to believe my brother is a part of that because as I said before him being locked up can mean anything.

“Ima just wait for Ma to call and tell me what’s up, besides I already know they gon come home,” I said, but little did I know that phone call would be the last time I see my brother for a very long time.

#yg #megan thee stallion #trey songz #malibu mitch #big sean #teyana taylor #asap rocky #saweetie #meek mill #Roddy Ricch #lil baby #nicki minaj #cardi b #chris browm #urban #urban fiction #hood #hood love

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