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#your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that
golyadkin · 9 months
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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr
not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work
believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody
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inlocusmads · 3 months
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Nora Can't Draw For Shit ~ trystan x nora, crimes of passion
A really really quick drabble I wrote with a half-baked idea haha
wc: 698; teen and up for strong language, you get the idea
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The after-party was in full swing and by swing, there were actual swings involved. You’d expect some sort of an orgy under such circumstances, but it was more along the lines of a fashionable extravaganza.
Trystan was ever so graciously invited, on account of his sister’s collection being put up on display and honoured. Suffice to say, the after-party was entirely for networking purposes. Glossy champagne, lush couches, suited-up beautiful people-- what more could someone ask for? Trystan had a list though. Tacky parties were quite right up his alley but this one was no fun. Not even a chicken fight over Uno, how sad.
He watched across the bar to find Nora who was caught in a group conversation. For a second, he assumed she was enjoying herself - being around people, so many people and their chitter-chatters about how much they had to starve to fit into a dress, their sad stories of switching between diets according to their fitness coach and oh the horror of giving up a specific kind of cheese because they were partially lactose intolerant - not fully enough to milk it (pardon the pun) for all its worth - as their publicist intended. The worst part was Nora didn’t even have a roll of blunt to help her get through this. Most parties would be kind enough to distribute them so she didn’t have to be sober for this conversation. Would help her relax her anxieties. Stop fussing over her blazer so much. Go through five existential crises whilst someone’s talking to her about etiquette school.
Trystan assumed she was more than happy to talk to people and go “haha, totally get you about those damn porcelains!” but he appeared to have misinterpreted her. Nora met his eyes and was pointing subtly at herself and another finger at the exit.
Trystan gave her a perplexed expression. What?
She tried to mouth her words. 
“Kate Mihir is out of the -- eggs?” Also who the hell was Kate Mihir?
Nora shook her head. Trystan threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. She then proceeded to put her arm on the table, make a stickman with her index and middle finger and moved her hand across- in a swift motion to the exit.
“You need two more of what?”
Nora buried her face in her hands. She gestured her hand at him. Wait. Trystan watched as she proceeded to take a pen from her pocket and grabbed some rolls of tissues. It was remarkable how well she did so without earning people’s attention. She then drew a face, an arrow pointing at a square - a door - in the most horrible caricature known to mankind. The face was lopsided; the door was not even a door and looked more like a shot glass. She didn’t care. She held it up like a billboard sign. Trystan had to take a couple steps closer to see what she’d drawn. And even then, the dimly lit area didn’t do her drawing much justice.
“Erm.” One of the people she was talking to, tapped on Nora’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to tell a guy with blurry eyeballs that I need to go. It’s nothing personal. I -- really cannot have another conversation about porcelain plates. I just don’t care about plates, okay? I’m sure someone else out there knows a lot about them.”
The person gave her a disgruntled look before walking away. Trystan, still perplexed, approached her.
“Subtle stuff.” Nora sighed.
“That is not a stick figure. What were you drawing? A potato?” he laughed. “Why does that -- thing look like a skirt?”
“It’s a door.”
“Remind me to never encourage you to pursue art, by the way.”
“I briefly dabbled in sketch artistry for my precinct back in the day, okay?”
“And how did that go, hm?”
“Like I said. Briefly dabbled.”
“And what was that -- action? It looked like you were signalling the bartender for two more of your potato skirt shots. Potato skorts.”
“What is this? Be Mean To Nora day?”
“I read somewhere that honesty is the most valued trait among friendships, partnerships- among human beings. It’s okay, Nora. I love your potato skorts.”
“Stop.”
***
not tagging people cuz, it's a quick drabble and not my most polished work if that makes sense lmao
tagging @choicesficwriterscreations
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therealvinelle · 11 months
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Kudos for your amazing meta-posts and stories! I was wondering about Benjamin, since he comes up a few times in your fics. I looked him up on a fandom page, where it says “Edward mentions that B has a good attitude as well as a clear sense of right and wrong, and likes him for it.” I did like B when I read the books (years ago), but now that I’ve read your interpretation of Edward's own sense of morality that sentence sounds a bit... suspicious. Do you have any thoughts on Benjamin?
Thank you!
As for Benjamin, I do and I don't.
What we know about Benjamin
Benjamin was a street urchin in Kairo who was talent scouted by Amun, who recognised Benjamin's street performance as something more than mere human artistry. He took Benjamin away, turned him, and Benjamin turned out to be a powerhouse.
Having never gotten over the loss of Demetri, however, Amun made himself Benjamin's jailor, telling him that he needed to stay with Amun and hide if he wanted to be safe from the Volturi, keeping him locked up in a temple he wasn't allowed to set foot outside. A fiercely possessive man, Amun did not agree to let Benjamin see his old friend Tia, and Benjamin had to leave to seek her out and turn her himself in his only act of rebellion.
He and Tia have been living with Amun and Kebi ever since, with Kebi envious of Benjamin's importance to Amun and Tia never growing to trust Amun and Kebi the way Benjamin so easily did.
When Breaking Dawn rolls around and Benjamin sees a chance to stand up to the shadow forces that have forced him and his loved ones to remain in hiding for so very long and perhaps win his freedom along the way, it's an obvious choice for him to fight.
Worth noting that Benjamin is fifteen years old, and Tia is seventeen.
My thoughts on Benjamin
Benjamin has allowed himself to be defined by the narrative Amun told to him, and I don't think it's coincidence Amun turned him at such an impressionable age. Benjamin allowed himself to be kept locked up for five years straight and remained in hiding for centuries, with no hint of rebellion on the horizon: this is a boy who doesn't at all question the truth that Amun protects him from the Volturi.
Interestingly, it's not that he's not capable of standing up to Amun, in fact he does so whenever he has reason to. He missed his friend, Amun didn't want him to risk the excursion, Benjamin gave him the finger and turned her. He wanted to fight the Volturi, Amun didn't: sorry, Amun, but we're fighting the Volturi.
The only reason he does as Amun says with regards to hiding in Egypt, the only means Amun has of controlling him, is the boogeyman Aro, and Amun knows this. Benjamin, who doesn't understand why Amun wouldn't want to fight the Volturi and assumes cowardice is the only reason... doesn't.
Even Tia, who has two years on him and, being a girl, statistically would have a more developed brain than him, is only seventeen years old and while she's more critical of Amun she's not going to question the necessity of hiding from the Volturi either. As the Guide phrases it, being able to protect him from the Volturi was part of her motivation for giving up her humanity.
All of this to say that Benjamin is fifteen years old, he acts exactly that age and I unfortunately don't see a happy ending in store for him. He will either keep believing in the worldview Amun told to him and live in captivity until some new opportunity or another to overthrow the Volturi comes along, or something will happen to dispel him of his beliefs in which case I can only imagine he'll do something extremely rash.
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batidochokolat · 9 days
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The Outsiders // Pro Ice Skating AU ⛸️❄️
- Ponyboy and Curtis brothers centric (for now)
- If you have any idea how any more characters of The Outsiders would behave or react to this AU please let me know.
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- So first, Ponyboy is all about ice skating, like how he's into sunsets, books, and movies. It's his thing, even though the gang doesn't really get it. His mom, though, she's his biggest support, staying up late sewing his outfits and taking him to practice and tournaments all the time.
- But then, when his parents pass away, he takes a break from skating. One day, Darry finds him and says like, "I was looking through some of mother's things and I found all your medals, accomplishments, all that, Pony. She loved you, more than she loved anyone. You can't keep dying in your own greave, sobbing all night. You have to get back out there and make them proud."
- So, Ponyboy throws himself into training like never before. But now, it's not just about having fun; it's serious pressure. Especially with Darry taking charge, pushing him harder. You have to remember Darry was this big football star back in high school, had a shot to leave Tulsa and all, but then their parents passed, and now he's dead set on turning Ponyboy into the best ice skater in the country.
- But Ponyboy feels like Darry doesn't get him. They clash a lot because Darry's always reminding him that skating's alway been for the rich kids, not greasers like them. And the judges and other skaters don't make it any easier, they don't understand his DIY outfits and background, giving him low scores in presentation and seeing him as a greaser who skates like a girl, basically he's making a mockery of the "elegant" art of ice skating.
- Ponyboy, he thinks (like in the book) Darry sees him as a total annoyance and burden, always saying he can do better. It's like he's constantly walking on thin ice, trying to live up to Darry's expectations while dealing with his own doubts and insecurities and all that.
- But even then he doesn't care what other people think, he knows he's talented and he won't be apologizing for being who he is. He will prove EVRYONE just how wrong they are about him.
Ponyboy
Pretty much like in the book he is a little angsty and has to deal with a little too much at a young age, but he's still that guy who loves reading books, watching movies and ice skating. His drive here stems from a desire to prove his worth, sometimes leading to a touch of obsession in seeking the perfect embodiment of his artistry and a score that silences all the people who think he can't make it.
Darry
I know Darry sounds like a total asshole but I belive he's giving everything he has for pony and tries to push him like how his coach used to do when he was in high school. Despite being barely older than a teenager, He's under so much pressure and stress all the time that he might be setting some into his younger siblings.
Sodapop
I personally think Sodapop might not be super into ice skating as a sport, but he's always been there to cheer on Ponyboy, especially after their parents passed. He decides to attend one of Pony's tournaments, but he's taken aback by how intense Darry is being. He's like, "Don't you think you're pushing him too hard?" But Darry's all like, "I know what I'm doing. I'm making him a star."
Sodapop also may try to be with Ponyboy more, inviting him to hang out and take breaks from all the practice, but Pony keeps turning him down. (Steve's obviously happy that Pony isn't always tagging along anymore lol)
As time goes on, Sodapop starts feeling a bit distant from his own family. With all this new attention on Ponyboy and the constant tension at home, he starts feeling really alone. He still cares deeply about Pony and is proud of his achievements, but he just wishes things could go back to how they were before, with their family all together.
Rest of the gang?
Idk, I thought this AU yesterday over discord. What would Johnny's reaction be to all of this?
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(Gif is relevant because this AU came to my mind inspired by the Tonya Harding story and a bunch of Yuzuru and ice skating tiktok edits.)
Extras
I will probably be adding more to this AU later on the week 🫶
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cinemaglow · 6 months
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This isn't going to be very coherent I'm sorry. I'm not a Buck-Tick superfan. I very easily *could* be but I've held myself back since I don't really have the time and energy to invest and become voraciously obsessed with a band like when I was younger. I haven't listened to all their albums. I've only watched or read a few translated interviews. Idk why I feel like I have to preface this post like this. I guess it's just weird that this is the most profoundly affected I've been by a musician's death in years, and I don't even have the encyclopedic knowledge that I do for some other musicians to have built a parasocial relationship on. I think it speaks for the depths of the beauty that Sakurai contained, that even while maintaining a respectful distance and just catching a surface level glinpse of his inner life he was so, so compelling. And even though I never learned a lot about his personal life I feel a kinship with him.
There are a few bands that have changed my life, not just in a general sense but in specific, measurable ways. Buck-Tick is one of them. I've had treatment resistant depression for most of my life. In 2020 I was, not as actively suicidal as I have occasionally been, but just so so tired and hopeless. I couldn't imagine a future for myself and I was fully prepared to never get out of bed again until I starved and decomposed. Somebody shared a picture of Sakurai on tumblr. I don't remember who or why or what picture but I thought he was compelling and beautiful and me being always a slut for men with long hair I was like 👀👀👀 and that's what led me to Buck-Tick.
Discovering Buck-Tick in late 2020 convinced me to keep fighting for my life. In fact it was reading the translation of these particular lyrics that literally gave my an epiphany or an internal eucatastrophe, like something fundamentally changed in the workings of my brain and the trajectory of my life made a sharp turn:
Your living heartbeat in this world is ephemeral, but it’s beautiful
The living heartbeat of everything in this world is ephemeral, but even so it shines
Your living heartbeat in this world—there’s nothing sad at all
A person I love can live in this world—there’s nothing sad at all
It's honestly kind of cheesy that something can change your outlook so immediately but I remember distinctly realizing that living depressed and miserable is still being a living person and therefore an expression of the goodness and beauty in the universe. I sobbed. I felt truly glad to be alive for the first time in a long, long time. I posted as much on facebook, so you could actually go back and find the exact date it happened. Anyway. I accepted that even if I never get completely better it's still worth fighting to be a bit better. I started grad school. I've made it alive through a lot of rancid shit associated with grad school. I still feel an underlying current of hope and ?cosmic joy? even when my more immediate mental health takes a nosedive because my fundamental view of the world has changed.
People who are a lot more knowledgeable about Sakurai's personal life than I am are posting about how even though he struggled deeply all his life he always fought to live, to find the beauty inherent in living, and that mindset clearly came through in his words and music, because he transmitted it to me. He was so, so beautiful, his mind, voice, countenance, artistry.....he and the rest of the band gave me a blueprint for aging fabulously when I literally couldn't picture myself being middle aged. I think he did a good job, with everything. I kind of feel the same way now as I did when I found out about a friend's suicide earlier this year. Like, it's all okay for him, on his end. One of my spiritual beliefs is that death is a reward, a well earned rest after engaging in the Sacred Work of living. Even if it's a few decades earlier than expected Sakurai deserves to rest after all he's given and I'm happy for him. It's the rest of us that have lost something. It's like we have one less star in the sky. I kind of had a dream that maybe I could make so stage clothes for him one day but oh well.
I was up for several hours just kind of numb last night after I heard the news so I am going to get something to eat and go back to bed for a bit (being unemployed does come with privileges haha). I'm feeling a lot more at peace now than I was last night. Later on I'm going to take a shower and then paint my nails, which seems like the best thing I can do at the moment to honor him. And I'm going to keep living, and making beautiful gothy clothes, and putting more beauty out into the world and appreciating the beauty that is always there no matter what happens.
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radical-revolution · 11 months
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Paradoxes of Insight
Perhaps you do not trust this, but your life will not fall apart if you let it all go, the opposite is true and here is exactly what you’ll find:
You will lose your anger and frustration when you stop demanding that reality be different than it is.
You will lose your anxiety if you will simply accept that you can stand your future, no matter what it may be.
You will lose your depression when you accept that your fundamental needs are met.
You will lose the guilt and shame, only when you realize your intrinsic worth.
You will only love others unconditionally, when you love yourself without condition.
You will discover the deepest wisdom only when you stop seeking.
You will know nurturing when you stop caretaking, and you will know compassion when you stop enabling.
You will not feel abandoned in the present if you stop clinging to the memory of a painful past.
You will discover yourself when you stop running away, if you do not leave, you will find your essence.
You will not discover deeper joy until you stop joking - to realize true happiness it’s important resign the role of the jester.
You will know natural artistry when you stop creating.
You will not find new beginnings while you’re burning old bridges.
You will discover true sovereignty only when you stop ruling over and trying to control the lives of others.
You will know responsibility when you stop the innocence.
You will find deeper connection when you stop seducing.
You will rest only when you stop working. You cannot stop working by working.
You will find poverty by craving for more, and you will discover abundance when you stop grasping.
You will discover non-attachment through generosity.
You will remain a coward to yourself while you are at war with others.
You will only find peace when you stop fighting.
You will find inferiority behind all claims of superiority.
You will only learn concepts by studying, you might better understand a lesson by teaching, the meaning will only be realized by experiencing.
Your inner elegance can only be discovered when you stop flaunting.
You will know interdependence if you walk without a trace, you will only meet ego if you try and leave your mark or legacy.
You will know that is all illusory when you stop fabricating.
You will know liberation when you accept suffering.
You will find what is truly extraordinary only in the ordinary.
You will know the nature of form only by realizing emptiness.
You will know the meaning of existence by knowing non-existence and you will realize that reality is between the two.
You will know the nature of the effect when you know the nature of the cause.
When you can’t find the beginning, that is the end - where there is no destination, there is no journey and without a journey, then no need for a traveller.
When you look for the self that is present, only subjectivity is experienced, but no subject.
When that subjectivity looks for what is conscious, only awareness remains and in that suchness, there is no suffering, only freedom.
With Palms Together
In Loving Presence
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The statue is of the Golden Buddha Khumjung Gompa, Nepal.
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willsimpforanyone · 2 years
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Hello! I would like to request a PJO headcanon where the reader is Will's older half sister (Percy's age), and what that would include? Maybe she and him can have similar powers, but she also has artistic ability? Maybe she could be a bit of a mom figure to her (very) young half sibilings? Thanks!
thank you for your patience, i have a burst of energy today so let's do this!
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as one of the older members of the apollo cabin, you tend to be the one the younger kids come to
this was especially true when it came to will
he didn't know anyone and you took him under your wing
people tend to expect a lot from apollo kids as they're associated with a lot of things- healing, music, artistry
you showed him that he didn't have to be good at everything
while you're both really good healers and spend a lot of time in the infirmary, will excelled in the medical aspect of apollo, even more than you
he is constantly amazed at your art, your masterful use of a paintbrush or pencil or even moulding clay
the poor kid could just about draw a smiley face
when he struggles with life as all demigods do, you are the person he turns to
he trusts you implicitly and absolutely adores you
when he got older the pair of you took on older sibling roles in the apollo cabin
the younger kids are often scared and confused
luckily you've had years of practice with kids like these
and will follows your example, mirroring the things you did for him when he was a scared kid
your crowning glory was a movie night for the cabin
for some reason about six 9-11 year olds had been claimed and moved into the camp in a week and the cabin had anxious, panicky vibes
something had to be done
will was slightly freaking out at the sudden influx of kids so you gave him a concrete task
you asked him to get a couple of the older kids and find as many blankets as they could
while the younger kids were out doing activities, you transformed the room with another sibling who was a month or so older than you
fairy lights were strung up, beds were all against one wall with mattresses on the floor, pillows were scattered around and thanks to the talents of the hermes cabin, there were enough bowls of popcorn for everyone
will and his little group came back and helped hang blankets from the walls and ceiling to create a smaller space that looked proper cosy
he had a childlike excitement in his eyes and you felt that even if you just made will happy, the effort was completely worth it
the movie night helped the kids settle in a bit and get to know the other members of the cabin, with you and will taking charge of the movies and silly sleepover games
you gave everyone little canvases and with a little demigod magic you brought their art to life
flowers moved in the breeze, cats meowed and purred and little people waved out the windows of houses
by the morning, everyone was exhausted but will hugged you tightly and said you were the best so honestly?
you wouldn't change a thing
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i very much hope you enjoyed, thank you for requesting!
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misguided-madness · 9 months
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40 yrs ago today, Madonna released her 1st album. To say she changed pop music - and me personally - is a bit of an understatement. No shade to any other diva, but some of your current faves who’ve been around 15+ yrs are just NOW approaching records she broke in her first 7 yrs. She’s a legend, a record breaker, a Guinness World Records powerhouse, including Best Selling Female Recording Artist ever with over 400 million plus albums sold. Billboard said she’s the first musician to achieve 50 and counting #1 hits on any chart, in 4 different decades, making her the Queen Of Pop with more than 340 awards and counting, 180 #1 singles and counting on official chart/lists worldwide, A net worth of over $850 million, with a record breaking tours in her career including one even grossing over $1.3 billion. Her relevancy, her innovation, her influence, her reinvention, her artistry, and her power to withstand everything that comes in her way. Including more controversy’s than anyone else, banned, cancelled, and even excommunicated, at least twice. Creating a large fan base before the Internet, social media, etc. As a fan, and as a world we nearly lost her earlier this summer, resulting in her postponing her tour to celebrate 4 decades! Many of her counterparts are gone! Michael Jackson, Prince, George Michael, David Bowie, Etc. How lucky are we to still have her and cherish her while she’s alive! She’s been healing up the last month or so and today she posted a video - showing the world she’s still dancing, still reigning! So all across this world, in every nation, take some time to celebrate, you know you want to come on, dance and sing!
Madonna on Social Media Today:
"To be able to move my body and dance just a little bit makes me feel like the Luckiest Star in the world!
Thank you to all of my fans and friends!
You must be my lucky stars too!
And Happy 40th Birthday to my very. First Album”
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replaybf · 3 months
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happy 5th anniversary to “want,” the song and music video of all time. and happy 5th anniversary to me too, for becoming a taemin fan :) i was on the other side of the globe at the time, and i don’t know how or where, but i saw the want teaser photos, more precisely Thee Red Suit photo, and well, i Had to know more.
my classmate showed me the “press your number” music video few months back but with want it was my own accord to seek it out and watch it and… oh lads when i tell you. when i tell you i fell in love. i mean it. it was an Experience, trying to watch it with the shitty hotel wifi, sweaty from the heat, tired after long days of sightseeing. but worth every second of it. “want” is such a good concept and so perfectly executed by taemin it makes my head spin. years pass and while “idea” remains my favourite title track of his, “want” will forever have a very special place in my heart.
i wish i had words exactly to describe how grateful i am for the… privilege almost, to have taemin’s music and artistry at my side for so long now. i’ve only been here for exactly half of his solo career, 1/3 of his overall idol career, but to be able to experience even that… well. i’m at loss for words other than sometimes, i get so overwhelmed with it all that all left to do is let myself be absorbed in the mournful vocals of “already,” in the dance beat of “into the rhythm,” in the grandiose of “rise” or “love,” in the clear affection seeping through “pansy” or “night away,” in the defiance and challenge of “advice” and “pretty boy.”
i could go on and on, but the point is, i am in love with his music. and i am so very happy to be able to see his growth as an artist and person, to see him grow more confident and yet more relaxed in his craft. wah. this has gotten long, to wrap this all up………
taemin saranghaeyoooooooo
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give-soup-please · 2 years
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Previous anon here
I understand. Hell, I even get your perspective, at first you were Just Some Guy, but then I saw more of you. You're the guy who really likes soup, who likes analysing and enjoying fan content, who ran away from home. The guy who lived a life worth considering a story in of itself. When someone makes something that I enjoy, I feel happy and associate that happiness with them. I always rejoiced whenever I saw your comments, I love hearing what authors think of their works, or just commentary on it. Just. The person behind the art puts a lot of the art into context.
And I'll be honest, I've read your response over and over again. I don't think it's still sunk in that this blog has an expiration date. Despite that, I feel pressured by myself to say "oh, you can still think of the characters, you can still love them", but considering your ride or die artistry, I feel more negative will come from positive there. (Apologies if this is a bit all over the place, it is roughly 4am.)
Just. I care about you. I feel emotions for you. I see a you behind the curtain of words that you display, and I care. I feel comforting warmth when you post, showing you're alive. I feel conflicted and bittersweet about this whole situation, and I feel hopeless yet hopeful that there'll be a happy ending to this. I want to say that you can walk your own path, but I don't know enough to say that. I want and wish to be able to help or know what to say for comfort, but instead it's just this jambling mess. I'll miss you, and I'll be concerned for you. What I want to do is pull you close, hug you tight enough to make all the bad problems be squeezed out, and work together on the ones that can't be squeezed out. But I am a stranger on the Internet staying up well past their bedtime. And you are another stranger on the Internet, probably sleeping much more consistently than me. I wish I could end this on something thoughtful and daring and caring, but I'm nearly passing out every time I close my eyes. So, know that you are loved, even if it's the most distant, platonic love you've ever seen.
See ya soupman 🍜🍜🍜
I've kept this in my inbox for a while now, just smiling every time I read it. I'm glad that you and others have gotten joy out of what I've produced over the summer, and I'm doubly glad that people are enjoying the glimpses they see of the person behind the blog.
The relationship I have between my hobbies, my academic life, and the characters I love dearly is a complicated one. Even now, despite the fact that I've been thinking through a response for this for 2+ weeks, I still have trouble defining it. I will always love TSP, there's no way out of it, and I believe that the narrator is one of those exceptionally rare characters who I will always enjoy thinking about and rotating in my head. That won't go away, despite my attempts to suppress how I feel about the game. Believe me, I tried. It didn't work, the narrator lives rent free in my head and is outrageously smug about it. Even now, if I concentrate, I can see him grinning, kicking his feet back, and refusing to go. And frankly, I love him for it. Smug bastard.
The blog can't continue, I already made that determination when I started looking at what being a full time student means. It's a shame, but I only have the brainpower to focus on one at a time. And rather than keep stringing people along and have them wait and hope I get to their request, I decided it would be easier on all of us to make a clean break.
Me going off to college is... technically a happy ending in its own right. It's a matter of perspective, really. I'm majoring in English, my long standing passion. The thing it feels like I was born to do. I wrote my first story when I was five, devoured my first analysis essay at twelve, and I was set on the road for wonderful things. I get to read books and write all day, and you can bet that I'm looking forward to it. On top of that, if I keep my GPA high enough, I've got guaranteed housing for the next 2-3 years, depending on how I play my cards. (That's a long story by itself, a combination of unexpected financial help and scholarships.) As a technically homeless youth living in the most expensive state in America, that's huge. Housing is so hard to come by, and I'm incredibly lucky to have the resources I do. It's either go to college, or risk going to the streets. I know which choice I'm making.
While the direction my life is taking isn't the happy fairytale ending everyone hopes for, it's definitely not a tragedy either. It's a complicated transition between one phase of my life and another. There's grief and bitterness and sorrow, but also a lot of joy and excitement.
There are lovely books in this ivory tower, and the gilded cage is comfortable. I am genuinely content, now that the grief is starting to pass. I mean- they're offering a 'video games and culture' class. C'mon, I'm going to take that for the pure excuse and joy to rant about TSP in essay format. Hell, I'll do my dissertation on it down the line, if the chance ever presents itself. Even within complicated situations, there are ways to find joy and entertainment. I'm planning on taking fun, easy A classes wherever I can. Life will be good, because I'm going to make it that way, even within my limitations.
I appreciate your words, whoever you are. I do not know you, I do not recognize your writing style, but your words are seen and appreciated. Hugs, both physical and virtual, are appreciated too.
I'm wishing you well, anon, just as much as you wish it for me.
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92% for sib & demos (have i ever asked you a question on tumblr rather than discord? lord help)
Oh my it has been a hot minute my friend! But here we are! Thank you for sending one in! Let’s get to it!
92%. Is your character particularly confident? Does their confidence level change if less people are around?
Siberite
She is very confident in many parts of herself. From her physical appearance to her diplomatic skills to her ability to get others to pay for things on her behalf. It almost is a stubborn kind of confidence, like it just comes from the fact that she's too stubborn to let anyone tell her she can't. She will go and go until she decides she can't anymore. This is useful when she runs away from home finally and everyone in Ul'dah says she can't but she knows she can, she knows she can be capable of doing the fighting if they just let her show them. The only time she really starts to doubt her skills are with the time in the ending of ARR into Heavensward, she'll still put on the show that she's the best and capable at everything but there's so much more pressure and attention to detail in her actions.
In terms of people being around it doesn't effect her confidence anymore. She used to be less confident in bigger crowds just due to the fact she never could say the right thing or follow the right etiquette and it would result in some lecture from her mother, so she just kind of stayed quiet if possible and away from most people at the party. Her parents really are about the only ones that will make her confidence falter at this point. They just bring about this sense of smallness for her and can make her feel like she's not doing enough or just doing everything wrong. It was something she was unaware would still effect her until she sees them once again in EW and completely shut down. Though she should have seen that it was possible considering her reaction (or lack there of) to what the twins' dad did.
Demos
He's more confident in skills that leave a result. That never changes, he will always have that confidence. The man knows his worth in that regard. He is less confident in his ability with words. He never was much of a talker and always had a habit of fumbling over them and feeling like no one understands him when he tries to explain something. He thinks very visually and he doesn't have the words to describe certain things, much rather why he would prefer to make his feelings. He also isn't confident in his looks, he doesn't think himself unattractive, Demos just finds himself more awkward. He's on the taller side and a bit bulkier and doesn't have grace. He's tripping, bumping into people/things, letting things slip from his hands, and just you would have a hard time believing he could hold a writing utensil or paint brush with such a precise and steady hand.
This does get worse with people around as more can witness his insecurities and its why he tries to stay more in the background of things. He was absolutely not happy about becoming the new face of the WoL since it involved much more talking than both Sib and Alphie let on, and Alphie was already doubting his own skills that made Demos having to speak more on their behalf. Frankly he was fine risking the heresy with Sib handling the leaders of Ishgard if it meant he didn't have to do public speaking. Crowds will not effect his artistry and in fact he wants you to see what he's capable of, unless its from his personal sketchbooks then you gotta ask first.
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wild-houseplant · 2 years
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Hello Plant!!! I found a moment and would like to pose a few questions from the OTP asks. For Rhodri and Zevran:
5. Describe their cozy night in.
8. What happens if one of them gets sick?
30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing?
And/or
42. What's their favorite type of weather to enjoy together? (getting snowed in together, watching thunderstorms, etc.)
Please feel free to pick the ones you like and to take as long as you'd like ^^ Lovely even temperatures to you and a spectacular day! And give Rhodri and Zevran all my love ^^
Hello my excellent and superb friend :3 I really appreciate you sending me the ask!! I am greedy and will choose them all, and as I rabbit on and on and on I will be steadily wishing you a very long sequence of perfect days and excellent temperatures.
And, of course, Rhod and Zev send their best love to you. Please keep half an eye on your nearest window; I'm told they had a bit of a shopping spree, as is their wont, and gifts are coming your way in untold quantities. I hid my own presents for you in there too, though, so as to bum off their postage. One must get one's money's worth, don't you think?
Under the cut, you know the score. The curse of the waffler! ok but I kid you not, I went all-out on this one. It's seriously long.
5. Describe their cozy night in.
This will be a lengthy answer, my spiffing friend, as there are headcanons galore in here. I humbly offer my condolences and sincere appreciation for your manifold patience! :D
my tl;dr for this is that they might sit and do their own thing together (Zevran will read, play the mandolin and/or sing, cook, and draw; Rhodri will read and enjoy his singing); dancing is also a thing, and Rhodri starts getting a mite... how would you call it... dumping the affection (sfw).
A cosy night in means they've got time alone, because the Callistus-Amell family usually spend evenings together at every possible opportunity, so it'd mean the parents and siblings all have prior engagements.
Not that they're not a cosy bunch, per se. There's plenty of contentment to be had, but they'll often be pretty involved in some activity or another that you couldn't call cosy. Stuff like dancing, taking in a show, attending a gala, paying visits to friends or vice-versa... probably the closest thing they get to cosy would be sitting and chatting-- and lord knows Aurelio and Revka just won't shut up. Factor in the boisterous twins Mazarin and Evander, plus the quieter but still involved Owen and Bethann, and now also Rhodri and Zevran, and the bastards will stay up until all hours. They don't go to bed until the beloved housekeeper politely but firmly shooes them out around daybreak.
One particular thing I think they'd love, if they wanted something really low-key, would be to just sit together and do their own thing.
I think Zevran in particular would really enjoy this avenue because up to now, he's never really had the opportunity to pursue his interests. The Crows were awful, physically and mentally, about people doing what made them happy, and it’s a forbidden pleasure he now-- tentatively-- relishes. He could turn his hand to anything but I can see him being a voracious reader if given the chance. He also seems to dabble a lot in arty things (tattoo artistry, dance, the mandolin, etc.), which is frankly perfect since the Callistus-Amell bunch are great patrons of the arts, both in Tevinter and Kirkwall.
So now, with an entire library, more comfy chairs than you can shake a packet of peanuts at, and basically anything else his heart desires, Zevvo can park himself beside/on/against Rhodri and devour a pile of books, or practice the mandolin or some other instrument, do some sketching... gosh, he could do whatever he pleased. To actually have the means to pursue what he enjoys, and to actually have that encouraged by Rhodri and the family means more to him than he can find the words for. Better still, it’s not only encouraged but modelled by the rest of the family, and so he treasures the times where he and Rhod can sit together and feed their interests, and share them without fear of something awful coming from the other.
Also, not to be ridiculous, but I hc that he has a very pleasant singing voice- somewhere between baritone and tenor, I can't quite decide, but absolutely splendid vibrato either way- and if he's in the mood to have Rhodri rocking them hard enough to tip the chair over backwards, he'll take the ol' vocal cords out for a spin. Happens more often than we’d think.
As for Rhodri, she's usually reading or writing. Creative outlets done by someone's own hand are limited for Tevinter Altus. The HC here is that the Altus place such high value on convenience that they hire other people to do just about everything for them. It's a lot of work to learn to play an instrument well, or draw well, or act, or anything really. Dancing and maybe designing their own outfits would be about the limit. Maybe crafting stupendous insults to whip out in the Magisterium. Nothing beyond that, though. In practice, this means that if they want something arty, they'll hire someone for that. A singer, an artist, an actor. It's small change for them. If they’re good at it themselves, it’s by sheer miracle.
(It's been that way for ages; many Vints are under the impression that it's the same in other countries. To this day, Rhodri's father Aurelio is convinced that her mother Revka, who is a classically-trained singer, was naturally born with a beautiful voice. He has often taken umbrage to accusations (in Revka's absence, of course) that this is untrue, and swears on his own grave that his wife has never taken a music lesson in her life. Revka has no idea he is under this impression. It's gorgeous oblivion.)
They might dance!
Both of them are great on their feet and love to tear up the dance floor. The Antivan dancing style tends to be a little lacking in modesty compared to the Tevinter approach (think bachata vs. zouk, respectively), which means it's best kept for home. Better for if they're feeling energetic.
Zevran could get seized by a Fast and Ridiculous Mood. Or Rhodri could.
As it says on the tin. What usually happens is one of them ponders something absurd (e.g. 'how hard would it be to recreate a raincloud indoors?' 'will a stack of 250 pancakes weigh more than me?'). Really weird shit, and they ponder it aloud. The other one hears it and gets a wild look in their eye, and next minute you've got the love child of Jackass and Mythbusters unfolding as they get to the bottom of it.
Massage and Tevinter gestures of appreciation (SFW)
Rhod's nowhere near as good at massage as Zevran- at least initially, but has anyone else ever offered him so much as a back rub? Not on your life. She's not awful at it, just amateurish, but Zevran enjoys it all the same. Sometimes he can persuade Rhodri to let him give her one, even though it's "not his job" to do something nice for his stupid wife. Rhodri is a damned fool. Usually if he explains it's for teaching purposes, or to keep his skills current, she's much more amenable. Both are true, and they're the more palatable truths.
Rhodri's also very hung up on showing Zevran that they are equals and that she doesn't consider herself above him in any way. This is especially the case once they're back in Tevinter and it becomes quite clear that she could, in theory, exercise a lot of unfair power over him.
With that in mind, in comes my last headcanon for this question: in Tevinter and Antiva, and parts of Rivain, the feet were once-- and in some contexts still are-- considered a dirty part of the body. Kissing or washing someone's feet are the most significant displays of deference, reverence, and respect in all three nations. Unfortunately, most of the time it's done by slaves who are forced to show submission to their masters, and it's often done in public.
Now, I hope it goes without saying that Rhodri would rather display things like reverence and respect to Zev through everyday behaviour- actually asking for his opinion before reaching a decision together; doing her best to give him whatever reasonable thing he wants; checking in on him; fixing his problems wherever she can and looking ahead to anticipate what he might need, often at cost (often small, but) to her energy and time for herself. Things that actually have an impact on your life, and are petty much what her father would expect of his heir.
But these things are what she considers to be displays of genuine care for someone’s wellbeing, and tender as they might be to onlookers, she doesn’t attach too much emotional significance to them. Certainly she does them lovingly, and out of love, but also out of moral obligations. She performs them almost reflexively, because she has spent her whole life doing it and doesn’t know any different. The result of this is that they come at minimal emotional cost to her.
At the complete opposite end of this, for Rhodri at least, is feet-washing. Showing your love is one thing; showing the extent of it is quite another. There’s no practical reason to wash Zevran’s feet; he is a fastidiously clean man, and his feet are rarely dirty, especially indoors. The only real purpose to being sat down as someone gets on their knees and tenderly washes your clean feet in fragrant water is a symbolic one. And culturally speaking, a Magister kissing or washing the feet of anyone is unheard of, except perhaps for their parents, or the Archon. Her doing it to him is just bananas by Vint standards. Actually, to an outsider it's probably closer to embarrassing because it's so implausible as to seem gauche, if not outright mockery.
But Rhodri does mean it. She’s completely, deadly serious every single time, because as far as she’s concerned, this is the most truthful (and emotionally costly) way of conveying to Zevvo how highly she thinks of him and treasures him, and how she sees herself in relation to him. Rhod’s not given to talking about her emotions. Her father didn’t allow it with anyone but him, and she finds words to be frustratingly inadequate. (In fact, she was extremely distressed about one of the last letters she sent to Zevran while they were apart; he had asked her if she missed him and she considered her response woefully understated, and upon their reunion in Kirkwall, bypassed greetings and kissed his feet in front of a very astonished Fenris, Isabela, Varric, and Cousin Tank).
So in practice, expressing the depth of this particularly strong one, even to Zevran, is like offering herself up on a platter.  Especially in her case, because in her heart of hearts, she’s such a proud person, and painfully aware that whatever she does could easily be interpreted as hyperbole. In Kinloch Hold, she was roundly mocked for her rather jarring honesty (among other things), and the embarrassment of having something as tender and privately valued as the depth of her affections being mistaken for dramatics, well. I think it would be more than she could stand, and she’d never do it again. But hey, it was explained to Zevran the first time, gravely and in a very soft, embarrassed voice, and the importance was understood immediately.
And better still, Zevran relishes it. He wasn’t sure what he’d think of it at first, since it’s a rather unexpected gesture (by his standards). But yanno, Rhodri’s ‘moral obligation’ loving gestures shocked and awkward-ed the hell out of him for an entire year, and he ended up feeding off them, so. By the time his shoes were off he was convinced, and the bugger swan-dived into the affection like a hog into the trough. He sees the change that comes over her whenever they do it, and since he’s the one usually doing the opening-up emotionally, it feels good to be on the other end for a whole host of reasons. He’s encouraging and appreciative in that gentle way he has, and so she keeps offering.
Anyway, on a night in, she'll probably ask to wash his feet at the end of the evening, and he’ll accept with alacrity. The added bonus of this, of course, is that Tevinter nights are often quite warm. Even without all the humble-adoring-devoted symbolism shit, cool water on the feet before bed is the Good Stuff.
8. What happens if one of them gets sick?
Oh, it's resolved pretty quick for Zevvo. Though Rhod's not as good of a healer as her younger twin siblings, she's a dab hand at anaesthesia- both in the sense of taking away pain and sedation. Zevran's never out of sorts for too long with her to hand, and once Mazarin and Evander bustle in with some foul-tasting cure-all, the matter is resolved before the hour's out. If it takes longer, Rhodri appoints herself as both his nurse and his doctor, and keeps a close eye on him. Most of his issues are chronic, and they have detailed plans from top healers on how to manage them, so she's quick to leap into action and get him as comfy as soon as she can.
Rhod's not so good at being unwell, unfortunately. Not on her own. There are a lot of things that make her uncomfortable in everyday life. Loud noises, certain fabrics, tight shoes, weird temperatures... it's all go in Autism Land. Usually, the way illness manifests in her is that her skin aches. Just a full-body oversensitivity. Light touches are especially painful; clothes or skin glancing over skin are agony. She can't get comfortable; it's always at the forefront of her mind, and it's so distracting that she can't always puzzle out what the bloody problem is before a meltdown is imminent.
Zevran, bless him, only needed to witness this once; now he can spot it from a mile away. Once she starts trying to straitjacket herself with her robes, or she flinches when he touches her, he'll let her know his suspicion that she's not well and she'll arrange for the healer. Even knowing why she's uncomfortable helps, but sparing her pride by letting her sort it out herself is a kindness that she appreciates so much. He'll help out if the pain is stopping her from getting it done, or get her father to do it, but most of the time that's not necessary. Smart feller, that Zevvo.
30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing?
Somewhat unsure, I tried to ask Rhodri what she'd do for Zevran, and she flat-out refused to participate. As far as she's concerned, it's not an appropriate thing to do when elves are commodified for their looks and have had very little agency over their bodies in general. On top of that, in the event her outfit selection deviated from any of Zevran’s own personal style preferences, she would be horrified if he started doing that thing just to please her. She wasn’t having a bar of Zevran’s gentle reassurances that that wouldn’t happen if she didn’t want it to. If we can put that all aside and delve into her reptile brain, though, where such notions float around unformed and certainly unsaid, she'd probably kit him out in the flowy Antivan shirts he's fond of, in the very finest silks. Complements his shoulders, and better still if it’s tucked in to show off his waistline. The shirt's probably in a jewel colour- purple is my first guess. Tan breeches made of top-notch Antivan leather, and boots of the same, rounded off with an embossed leather belt. Jewellery, especially gold and with precious stones, would be worn generously- possibly more than Zevran would usually wear. (Rhod's got the most awful weak spot for seeing him wear finery that he enjoys, and sometimes she does just take it a little further than necessary). Fingers, toes, ears, neck, wrists-- a nose ring, if he fancies... hell, if he’ll let someone weave filigree gold chain into his braids, it’ll be done.
Zevran has absolutely no problem with kitting Rhodri out for the day, mostly because he knows she wouldn't wear anything she didn't want to, so if he chose something out of the ordinary and she wanted to wear it to please him, it'd have to please her as well. (he sighs and quietly wishes she'd feel the same in regard to him, but what can one do?)
That said, what he’d want choose for her outfit isn’t something she tends to wear any more. As a child, she absolutely did, and the rest of her family certainly dress in it now, but her own pair is much simpler than theirs: traditional Tevinter loungewear. He’d kit her out in an exquisite robe made of Imperial vestment cotton, in peacock green, royal blue, or deep red with gold chain detailing around the seams. It’d be a short-ish wraparound robe that came to the hips or mid-thigh paired with matching pants and a pair of soft shoes.
If Rhodri were really willing to humour him, Zevran would go ham accessorising her, too. Earrings, chain finger rings, cuff bracelets, one of those decorative headchains... she wouldn’t look out of place on the front cover of Lonely Planet: Tevinter edition.
42. What’s their favourite type of weather to enjoy together? (getting snowed in together, watching snowstorms, etc.)
Ahhh, you know what? They’re tropical babies. The year in Ferelden (plus the other twelve in Kinloch Hold for Rhodders), was spent missing the humid afternoon weather. The hot day in both Minrathous and Antiva City builds all through the morning and midday into a swelter, clouds gather, and the air is heavy and exhausting. People who can wangle it will take cover with a cool drink and good company (book or person), or a bed, and spend the next hour enjoying the flash of relief as the rain clears out the humidity and the thunder/lightning gives them something to watch.
Rhodri and Zevran make time to enjoy it together as often as they possibly can, often daily. Usually, especially since she was cured of the Taint, Rhodri’s pretty dozy by this point in the day, and Zevran won’t say no to extra rest either, so they’ll often take the opportunity to sprawl out on a day bed in the observatory or, when the heat’s especially oppressive, outside undercover. Say a few words, knock back a cool drink, and then drift off to sleep. What more could a person want?
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pieroulette · 6 months
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I feel the same with my sleep schedule— which isn’t even a schedule🙃 What book were you reading?
And I've been extremely occupied with college and the emotions that come with it (i.e. stressed, angry, stressed, tired, and stressed). But other than that, I guess it hasn't been too bad. l've been working on my dancing and writing (sort of, I can't stop procrastinating😃) and the like.
I really did want to message you but I didn't want to clog your inbox☹️
I especially wanted to message you when you made that post asking if your blog was already dead lol.
Just so you know, I would ABSOLUTELY read fics that aren’t smut! It’s so dry here on Tumblr in terms of &TEAM fics, especially ones that are longer or even good, so I’m literally willing to read anything🫠🫠 especially if it’s you writing though!
Like I was OBSESSED with Open The Door, Please? That shit was good mate😗👌
Anyways, I hope we can talk more!🥰
—🌕🌑 anon
oh 😟 college can be rlly stressful, remember to take breaks when you need it! time management is a skill that's hard to master but it will be worth it, trying my best everyday to get better at it >< it's good to hear that you're working on your dancing and writing, glad to hear that you're having fun! and don't worry about procrastinating, i do too most of the time hehe. it just takes a bit of effort to tackle it every single day, like maybe start a min or 2 mins early. (well we r both a procrastinator but still, maybe we can be accountability buddies <3)
i picked up a few books to read, cuz just like writing, i couldn't focus on one. i switched them up on random days when i get bored w the other, my brain works the best this way, and it help me refresh my vocabularies too lol. the books i read tho are; the thirteenth tale, house of salt and sorrows, anna karenina, something wicked this way comes, emma, the art and craft of storytelling. but the last one is a priority bc it's a writing book, and i have to study it.
and don't worry about clogging up my inbox lol, i love to read them. i'm just not able or not in the best state to reply but up until now, i still kept them in my inbox bc reading them gives me motivation boost when im down 💚 so thank you for all the long messages you've sent me up until this point, i honestly appreciate them.
and thank you! like thank you very much, i'm very very glad to hear this from u. it's terribly hard to function in tumblr as a writer who doesn't write smut, it discourages me sometimes but it's not like i would write smut just bc i want more interaction. i'd rather improve on my craft and artistry, even if it means it gets lonely sometimes. i would never be swayed away :3 and hearing this from you makes me very grateful, thank you! im so grateful you are here 💚
and happy to hear that you love the fic!! looking forward to talk w u too, i wish u a good day anonnie ദി ᷇ᵕ ᷆ )♡
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intellibloghub · 6 months
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