textsfromcybertron

[textsfromcybertron]

(520): You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed “WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!” And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen.

#he forgot he can fly </3 #maccadam #starscream #thundercracker #g1 #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #520

[textsfromcybertron]

(701): I’m seriously considering starting a savings account so I’ll have bail money this summer.

#maccadam #arcee #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #701

[textsfromcybertron]

(310): I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.

#maccadam #megatron #g1 #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #310 #vp mention

[textsfromcybertron]

(208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

#maccadam #bumblebee #ravage #g1 #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #208

[textsfromcybertron]

(253): I don’t care. It’s wine Wednesday get your gameface on.

#maccadam #wheeljack #bulkhead #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #253

[textsfromcybertron]

(218): Look don’t ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!

#maccadam #starscream #knock out #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #218

[textsfromcybertron]

(310): You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals

#maccadam #optimus prime #ratchet #optiratch #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #310

[textsfromcybertron]

(703): Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

#maccadam #wheeljack #skyfire #jetfire #g1 #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #703

[textsfromcybertron]

(239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

#maccadam #soundstar #starscream #soundwave #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #239

[textsfromcybertron]

(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

(816): ..So we should take it off YouTube?

#maccadam #bumblebee #hot rod #meteorfire #cosmos #cyberverse #660 #816

[textsfromcybertron]

(352): You told me you aren’t worried about the police that you’ve been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

#maccadam #bulkhead #arcee #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #352

[textsfromcybertron]

(816): You know you’re old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip

#maccadam #ratchet #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #816 #vp mention

[textsfromcybertron]

(615): I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv

#maccadam #megatron #bumblebee #whirl #cyberverse #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #615

[textsfromcybertron]

(256): There are way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me

#maccadam #starscream #soundwave #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #256 #vp mention

[textsfromcybertron]

(216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

#maccadam #ironhide #jazz #wheeljack #g1 #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #216

[textsfromcybertron]

the valve plug tag is switching to VP mention

#sorry gang in the tag👍 #^ for the people who dont wanna think about robo sex

[textsfromcybertron]

(870): God knew I’d have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I’d never fuck them.

#maccadam #soundwave #tfp #texts from cybertron #texts from last night #870 #vp mention