undiagnosedsecrets

[undiagnosedsecrets]

[undiagnosedsecrets]

[undiagnosedsecrets]

The annoyed artist

Who has two thumbs and lost two hours of art work? I did! 

[undiagnosedsecrets]

I Broke the Future

I was planning on getting over my ex, I was planning on moving on and just focusing on my own life without romantic relationships. But I got pulled in and it feels really safe. I 100% had a choice, I know I could’ve said no again at any point and it would have been accepted, respected and validated. But I felt like I couldn’t say no, I just got pulled in and it engulfed me again. 

I feel seen in ways that he didn’t see me before, or maybe he did but I just didn’t feel like he did. I feel heard like I never thought I was heard. I feel like I can really open up without judgement - which I knew I could do before but I never let it happen. 

I have a new found hope for this relationship that I didn’t have before. It’s like a new honeymoon period but very different because it is still so familiar. 

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Wanting to Write

I really want to start writing some fiction but it’s difficult for me to start as I’m constantly doing something else and I don’t want to spread myself too thin. I do a lot of art already (digital and painting) and I’m also learning how to play the ukulele. It’s not easy to keep myself focusing on one thing. 

Damn ADHD haha. But I might see if I can find the time eventually. 

#vent #writing #adhd #fiction #creative

[undiagnosedsecrets]

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Contraception Advice - Implant

Just wanted to throw out some advice about the implant for anyone who is considering getting it.  A symptom that I’ve seen in myself and other people is that pregnancy tests don’t work when you’re on the implant. I’m not sure why this is but I’ve known multiple people who have had pregnancy scares whilst on the implant that constantly got inconclusive test results when taking a standard urine pregnancy test. 

#pregnancy scare #implant #contraception advice #birth control #birth control advice #contraception #advice #planned parenthood #pregnancy tests #pregnancy #contraceptive implant #birth control implant #implant birth control #lived advice #I'm actually so annoyed right now that I can't get a clear yes or no #I'm probably not pregnant but putting my mind at ease to cancel it out would be amazing right now

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Shitting Myself

I’m absolutely terrified, I could be pregnant and it’s really scaring me. I’ve had loads of pain in my upper region. But the thing is, I’ve been pregnant before and I knew almost instantly - I guess I just knew my body really well that I just knew something was different about it. But this is slightly different, but I’ve also been under a lot of stress recently so I don’t know if I’m listening to my body as well as I should. 

Either way I cannot have another pregnancy, and definitely not another baby. One is definitely enough and I know than the potential father of the potential embryo doesn’t want biological children. 

I took a test earlier but it came back completely blank and I don’t know what to think about that. I just bought some more and hopefully it will give me an answer on whether I’m pregnant or not. 

Wish me luck I guess. Here’s hoping that there’s nothing in my uterus...

#pregnancy scare #pregnancy signs #venting station

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Oh I've been thinking a lot recently about the not-them, because when you first hear about it, you kinda assume that when people can see that someone's been replaced, that's a flaw in the monster. Something that just sort of goes wrong sometimes. Some people can see through it, and that's unfortunate for the not-them.

Because when you first hear about the not-them your first instinct is that it is a creature with the purpose of replacing someone completely. Because from the point of view of the statement giver the monster has very easily decieved everyone but them, so surely that's their aim, to hide themselves. The fact that this person can see through it is obviously an unfortunate flaw.

But then you learn about the fears, that they don't feed on pain and violence, rather than the fear itself, and maybe you're like me and you only realise it several months after finishing the entire series, but eventually you realise that it's goal was never to replace the person they killed, but to scare the person that can see through their disguise.

It's the horrifying realisation of the fact that the only reason that they exist is to feed off of fear.

[undiagnosedsecrets]

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Please Don’t Objectify Me

TW: Mention of CSA and SA survival. 

So I’m absolutely sick and tired of being objectified. Once upon a time I was all for it, I almost craved it because I had such a strong desire for external validation which probably comes from not knowing how to get validation in any other way. 

I’m a CSA survivor and an ASA survivor, the main kind of physical interaction I’ve known within my life is sexual, so in the past I’ve felt like sexual comments and sexual touches were just validation rather than further assaults and problems. 

Now that I’m coming to the realisation that I’m allowed to have boundaries and that people aren’t entitled to my body I’m disgusted by certain interactions I face in every day life. 

I got a really nice outfit today, it made me feel very powerful and very attractive. It gave me both internal and external validation (the external validation is now second place to the internal validation). But I was soon met with comments about how people wished they could fuck me in this outfit (which I probably wouldn’t mind coming from a partner, but this is coming from friends that I view completely platonically and they are in monogamous relationships). 

Now I just feel gross and like I don’t want to wear it at all anymore because I don’t want those kinds of comments. I feel like I’ve done a complete 180 and neither are healthy ways to live or think. I’m tired of being seen as a walking sex toy by some people. I think I need to cut ties with more people this year.

I need to learn that I’m allowed to have boundaries and I don’t need people who are bad for my mental health. 

#mental health #csa #sexual assault #survivor #objectified #feminism #sexism

[undiagnosedsecrets]

i hate when people make fun of the "do yoga go for a jog drink water eat healthy get 8 hours of sleep" advice for mental health. theyre like OH THANKS IM CURED when the sentiment is not a CURE but an IMPROVEMENT i promise you if someone drags you out of your bed and forces you to go for a mile run you will ultimately feel better than if you stayed in your depression hole of a room covered in food containers and clothes on the floor for another 72 hours i PROMISE U. its not a cure but it is a step in the right direction with clinically proven benefits i say this as someone diagnosed w major depressive disorder stop being so cynical u have to actively engage w trying to get better

[undiagnosedsecrets]

you are more than enough :)

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Gerry as an archival assistant would have been too powerful

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Evolve or Repeat

[undiagnosedsecrets]

This was my first entrance to a new year completely alone (apart from the cat and the dog). It feels so strange.... 

[undiagnosedsecrets]

Isolating yourself because you feel like no one wants you around quickly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you don't reach out to people because you're afraid that they don't actually want you around, you are sending them the signal that YOU aren't that interested in THEM. This will make them less likely to try to include you again - and once they stop reaching out, you'll then use that as proof that they never liked you anyways, which will then make you even more hesitant when it comes to reaching out to new people. But it isn't actually proof of anything but the fact that maintaining a healthy relationship requires effort from both sides. So it's time to push through your insecurities and work to break the toxic spiral before it ruins another friendship!