viosjaan

[viosjaan]

ivy this song

i am going off to war 🫡🫡

YOU- 😭 as the person who will cry the most at your funeral I FORBID YOU to go to war chup chap ghar pe baithe reh aur idk padhai kar playlists bana mujhse raat raat bhar text kar

#wow #no wonder i can't move on. who tf talks like this man😭

[viosjaan]

why did you change your sleep schedule god i fucking miss you

#what is the point of this if we can never even talk 😭 #but okay good for you good for your health finally #just. i miss talking to you

[viosjaan]

for you to move on and want to be friends is all i wanted but

#it feels incomplete somehow #i don't want to bring this up because everything feels fragile and im really tired both physically and emotionally and you're even more #tired than me #i don't know #won't you apologize for all the cruel things you said? they were so hurtful #but okay i guess i fucked up so i deserve it

[viosjaan]

a whole webweave of things i said? why? 😭

#this is so. confusing #i won't ask tho #are you really over us? doesn't really look like it #but okay maybe that's what you need rn to move on maybe #i don't get it #it's like i summoned you wow idk i just had this really strong feeling that you'd come back in 2 3 days #been feeling it since i sent that anon #or maybe i manipulated you into it by sending that anon a little idk maybe it worked😭 #this is so sweet tho need to save it before you take it down

[viosjaan]

actually yesterday na

#it was english exam #and 'passed by' was a phrase jiska we had to write the meaning of and a sentence #and all i could think of was that girl in red song october passed us by #and the way you made me that gifset from the mv and even pinned it. i was so shocked and like. felt special that you're okay with telling #everyone you made it for me #it was so sweet #and the way you said it was us #and i remember the way you alternated like one side yearning one side kissing #so i was just sitting in the exam thinking all this. 😭👍 #and then i was thinking about that newest stsg webweave you made #from the 1 #it was so fucking beautiful that it made me ugly sob in my dads room??? i had to lock the door and all😭 #it was so embarrassing i think i cried for 30 mins straight and it just wasn't stopping i couldn't even understand why #maybe because it was so beautiful and i couldn't say anything and i felt like i lost someone so talented and creative and artistic and #amazing and ill never find anyone like you? #or maybe #remember that rwrb quote that was like #you're it for me #i had it as my theme for so long i even linked you in it so openly #and the 1 ke lyrics it would've been fun if you'd be the one we were something don't you think so #it was you you were the one #idk #you probably weren't thinking about us when you made it right?

[viosjaan]

not upset anymore just super concerned

#wtf 2 pills in one hour??? bhai overdose mat kar lena😭 #doesn't painkiller have side effects i don't think this is normal #and they're not even working??? i hate your parents why won't they treat this seriously why won't they get it checked #it's not normal and okay to suffer this much every month for so many days #i think im just going to keep talking like this one sided because s said you can't be friends don't try let her try first 👍

[viosjaan]

that pinned post. why

#if you hate me so much if you get the ick from me #then fucking why #use all the great things your other gfs have #said to you god knows you have a fuckton of them #im just so sick of you treating me like a villain acting as i cheated #when you pushed me to do it back then #and wasn't this time different anyway we had said we won't like before we're just talking there isn't anything #so why #just #this is really unfair #why do you get to show off something i said to you lovingly when you've been so cruel to me? #or like. are you so indifferent that you don't even care who said it separate the art from the artist or wtvr #it fucking hurts okay like i started crying in the middle of my exam because i couldn't stop thinking why and dreaming up #fake scenarios of you coming back saying fuck everyone else ill date you properly don't worry ill try my best to be physically close to you #for college #it would've been okay if you weren't able to do that the promise to try would've been enough for me #but like yeah fine whatever you said even if i say ily i won't mean it so there's nothing left to say #honestly so cruel of you to use my worst fears like a knife. my parents have always said that they loved me when they clearly don't #it's good that you want to be like them just fucking grand

[viosjaan]

i miss my resident gifmaker and giffinder

#i can't find a gif of that scene from tsit where they kiss and this love is playing #i really want to pin it because that's the scene which made me fall in love with the song😭😭😭 #how did you used to find them so quickly and easily i can't 😭 #and if you couldn't i know you would've made it for me if i asked #sorry that i took you for granted #i miss you

[viosjaan]

breaking up is funny i forget you aren't mine

#this song #weird feelings came up today with dad complicated wali and i have no one to tell no one who would #understand the way you do #and i feel like crying for no specific reason #i wish i could tell you about it and then you'd calm me down make me smile and #i really miss saying #i love you goodnight to someone everyday #i will just say it here i don't know where to put this feeling anymore #i love you #i miss you #goodnight #and thank you for everything thank you for listening thank you for being there i love you so much you're the best

[viosjaan]

i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here

#i am sorry #truly genuinely #ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your #needs in the way you want #but i think it was #yesterday #this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me #like what am i even doing #how could i have done that #you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive #episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step #of the way. #but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for #liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable #and we were something na. we were everything except the label #i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again #but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time #we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was. #but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata #i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to #not lose you forever #now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you #i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between #which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt #again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost #i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand #love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and #none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it #you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did #but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future

[viosjaan]

"I THOUGHT OF YOU." // CLOSE, BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH

Adrianne Lenker anything // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Ingmar Bergman from a letter to Liv Ullmann // Sonya Vatomsky Salt Is For Curing // Isaac Marion Warm Bodies // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Richard Siken Crush // Leah Horlick For Your Own Good // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Roland Barthes A Lover's Discourse: Fragments // Bret Easton Ellis The Rules of Attraction // Thomas E. Yingling "My Way Home is Through You," Hart Crane and the Homosexual Text: New Thresholds, New Anatomies // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Adrianne Lenker anything // Frank Bidart "Guilty of Dust," Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016 // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Yrsa Daley-Ward Bone

#it's you #if it was toxic codependency and not love why can i relate to this #but maybe #this is why it's toxic #😭

[viosjaan]

.

#i need to talk to you so fucking badly but i don't know how #i hate you a little for convincing me that we could do this we could be this weird thing between more than friends but less than lovers #and that i could be okay with it #i told you i couldn't #i told you i was so scared of losing you fucking everything up hurting you again #you said it would be fine #it's not fucking fine #you said not to test your self control but do you want to see pictures of me in a tank top #sometimes i hate you so much for perfectly knowing which buttons of mine to push to get me to agree to you #i hate that i can't even hate you properly because im too busy feeling fucking fond ki aw kitni cute hai kitna mast flirt karti hai there's #no going back you're it for me #when you're not. im tired of waiting and hoping #it's literally a vicious fucking cycle we fight we make up things stay good for a while but then ek din we talk at 2 am #and my fucking feelings become too real and i start having expectations hopes for our future together and then one tiny thing #happens something that is normal but perfecy for shattering my illusion like you saying 'uske liye pehle date bhi toh karna padega na' and #flirting with others #i hate that i can't express my feelings well i hate that i was too fucking embarrassed to say that #i know it doesn't mean anything to you but it means something to me. it means that you don't respect our relationship enough it means that #other people believe you're single and available and they're shooting their shot trying to impress you and it's so fucking maddening ki idk #i want to kill them all i hate them so much #i hate that you bring out the worst and best parts in me i hate that i feel so possessive and angry but also how i always try to be gentler #more soft hearted to people in my life because of you because of your lovable tender heart i hate the way i try to talk to my mom politely #because you love your mom. i hate that i don't hate anything at all about all of this except for the fact that you're not physically here #i miss you and love is understanding and i won't ever find anyone like you again and i don't want to remove enchanted from my ts playlist #but i also don't know how to not cry everytime i listen to it i don't know how to listen to renegade and think #that whoa i used to be the renegade in my first relationship and now it's you you're the renegade and you need me and all that joking about #i could fix you but i couldn't. i can't. not because you're too broken but because it hurts too much to stay im not strong enough to be #there for you

[viosjaan]

fave Gracie Abrams songs and albums and lyrics?

her minor ep is my favourite personally because that's how i got to know her and became a fan, as for songs two people, i know it won't work, will you cry?, right now, block me out, 21, friend, i miss you i'm sorry, unlearn, brush fire, mean it, stay, mess it up, for real this time, camden are my all time fav from her released songs.

as for lyrics there are two aspects that depends on determining if i love them, for example in i know it won't work, i love how she sings "it won't work like that, huh?" but lyrically i like "i am your ghost now your house is haunted" so you can guess. anyways i will give my fav lyrics from my fav songs now <3

two people - "i loved you so hard for a time i've tried to ration it all my life, we could go yellow to black overnight i take you for granted because you're mine" (it's long but yes yes this) ALSO "cause you know everything that could kill me"

already mentioned for i know it won't work

will you cry? - "now you walk through me with my heart heavy breaking my reverie i could die early with your arms around me would it not kill to say goodbye?" AND "it's kinda funny how it goes from all to nothing you have to laugh before you start to cry"

right now - "and i ended a friendship on the day that i left and though i really meant it, it still makes me upset" (OUCH TOO REAL)

block me out - "i think i am burning alive but nobody sees the fire cause when i open my mouth i seem to be stuck in silence" AND "plus after all this time i should be a pretty crier"

21 - "i see the look in your eye and i'm biting my tongue, you'd be the love of my life when i was young" and "i get a little bit alone and sometimes i miss you again, i'll be the love of your life inside your head"

friend - "and i hate the way you love and i hate that i still care funny how you feel like we could ever talk again, how could you ever think i'd be your friend?" (applies to SO many people atp this is my lifesong)

i miss you i'm sorry - "thought you'd hate me instead you called in, said i miss you, i caught it" and the whole bridge honestly because NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE WAY I WANTED EVERY CORNER OF THIS IS HAUNTED AND I KNOW YOU SAID WE'RE NOT TALKING BUT I MISS YOU, I'M SORRY, I DON'T WANNA GO THINK I WILL MAKE IT WORSE EVERYWHERE I GO LEADS ME BACK TO US (i am very passionate about this song sorry)

unlearn - "i keep bringing all my problems to a pillow fight" and "cause if i'm gonna learn how to love you i need to unlearn how to love too need to unlearn when it feels right OH MY GOD I AM TRYING"

brush fire - "then we become a brush fire, burning all the pain HOW CAN WE SURVIVE A DESERT WITHOUT RAIN?" and "boy you know what to say before i turn away you words hit me like a hard rain in L.A"

mean it - "holding onto thin lines until we just walk between them, getting so loud i can't pretend that i dont hear them, maybe that thing you said under your breath you mean it, i know you mean it"

stay - the whole chorus honestly because COULD YOU HOLD ME WITHOUT ANY TALKING? WE COULD TRY TO GO BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO STAY I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO STAY BUT IF I WOKE UP WITH YOU IN THE MORNING I'D FORGET ALL THE WAYS WE'RE BROKEN I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE CHANGED I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO STAY

mess it up - "heard that you're happier hope you're sleeping well knowing i'm not, i am doing too much" and "and everytime i get too close i just go mess it up" AND "i keep thinking maybe if you let me back in we can make it better breaking every habit pull myself together you can watch it happen make it happen" (the mv has very special space in my heart btw)

for real this time - "a thousand times i got up to say goodbye i could be wrong but i think i'm for real this time"

camden - "self diagnosing till i'm borderline i will do whatever helps to sleep at night" and "somebody take over drive somebody notice how i'm trying" and "all of me, a wound to close but i leave the whole thing open i just wanted you to know i was never good at coping" (one of the best bridges ever)

#you're so cute #saved

[viosjaan]

what is the song/album you don't usually listen unless you need a cathartic breakdown?

#me and ivy were talking about songs and this came up i don't visit superache clean this is me trying boygenius or daddy issues #unless i am having worst day ever and need to just sit and sob #gracie would've been on list but now i am used to hers #for her waiting room is definitely no. 1 #anyways #if this flops you saw nothing #<- prev tags #weirdly cute of you to talk about us as a unit in front of everyone and speaking on my behalf like ivy ko toh ye pasand hai i know it #i like it

[viosjaan]

#not the best first interaction but well now im all yours

[viosjaan]

is that heesung i see in your pfp???? (pls ignore this if it's not i was hacked yada yada)

nooo it's just some random guy idk who he is i have matching pfps with yang i cropped him out of a pinterest picture but i know heesung!!!!!! he's cuteeeeeeee everytime he and beomgyu interact my tl goes insane

#“girl your life is going to be changed” AND THEN IT DID

[viosjaan]

vio ur midas touch on the chevy door

november flush and you flannel cure this dorm was once a madhouse I made the joke well it's made for me how evergreen our group of friends DON'T think we'll say the word again and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the hallways that once we walked through

ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW

I NEVER WAS READY SO I WATCH YOU GO

SOMETIMES YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TILL SOMEONE'S ON THEIR KNEE AND ASKS YOU

SHE WOULD HAVE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE WHAT A SHAME SHE'S FUCKED IN THE HEAD THEY SAID

but you'll find the real thing instead..... she'll patch up your tapestry that i shred....

#YOU'RE THE REAL THING VIO #patching up my tapestry that other people shred :(