dillydeitydally

[dillydeitydally]

Dear, Me #5:

What happened to you? What changed you? What turned you to be sad and constantly think about death?

Where did it go wrong?

#trauma dump #spilled thoughts #feelings #filipino #filipina #my post #my writing #personal #my own stuff #my thougts #dear diary #mental health #sad thoughts #journal #writing prompt #writing #diary entry #journal entry #entry #inner thoughts #alone with my thoughts #help #this is a cry for help #my words #spilled words #trauma #my wrtitng

[dillydeitydally]

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.

[dillydeitydally]

dear, me #4:

it's so ironic that the idea of cutting/hurting yourself is your way to live. for many years, i have been asking myself, 'why am i doing this?'... and for many years, i came empty-handed. but, now, at twenty, i discovered that self-harming in not my way of life, but to feel life.

#trauma dump #trauma #my inner child is screaming #spilled thoughts #feelings #filipino #filipina #my post #my writing #personal #my own stuff #my thougts #dear diary #diary #self healing #health #healingjourney #journal #writing prompt

[dillydeitydally]

dear, me #3

is it that unusual to choose peace over adventure? people often look at me with disbelief when i tell them that i am already content with my books, coffee, and netflix subscription.

[dillydeitydally]

dear, me #2

for a long time, I had no answer to the question, 'who was there at your lowest?'

the answer has been in front of me all along.

the four corners of my childhood bedroom heard my cries in the darkest part of the night; my two pillows wiped the tears from my eyes and cheeks; my thick blanket gave me thousands of comforting hugs whenever i'm sad and terrified, and my brown teddy bear stayed when the world turned its back on me.

sometimes, a friend can be a place.

#spilled thoughts #feelings #filipino #filipina #my post #my writing #personal #my own stuff #my thougts #literary #journal #my inner thoughts #inner child #inner thoughts #literature #writing prompt #diary #blog #trauma dump #trauma #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing

[dillydeitydally]

dear, me #1

i wonder if you regret wishing to grow up fast now that you're twenty and have discovered that the life of grownups you saw when you were a child is far from the fantasy you imagined when you were nine

#spilled thoughts #feelings #filipina #personal #letters #dear diary #filipino #trauma dump #my inner thoughts #my inner child is screaming #my thougts #my own stuff #my post #my writing

[dillydeitydally]

Loneliness is the price I am willing to pay just to keep the peace. In my head. In my heart. In my soul.

[dillydeitydally]

my teenager self wouldn't understand this but i do... and she will be proud of me because finally i'm slowly loving life again by letting myself feel fear, be imperfect, embrace my flaws, and create mistakes and learning from them.

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some storied don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

— Gilder Radner

[dillydeitydally]

sa labang mahirap maipanolo

ngunit, titindig hanggang dulo

sisigaw hanggang maubos ang tinig

hindi mapapagod, manantili akong nakatindig

para sa kapwa, para sa bayan

para sa bansang nais kong ipaglaban

#tagalog tula #maikling tula #filipina #filipino #filipino poem #tula #filipino poetry #post #poem #literary #literature #poem writing #short poem #spilled thoughts #philippines #pilipinas #pilipino #kakampink #my own stuff #feelings #election #memories #manunulat

[dillydeitydally]

she is more than her scars

her eyes that are once dimmed

they are now twinkling like stars

the heart that once dead

now pounding to live

all her once faded dreams

it is brighter than before

she is much more than her scars

you are more than your scars

because you are enough

#spilled thoughts #feelings #literary #literature #poem writing #filipino poem #tula #filipina #filipino #filipino poetry #self healing #mental wellbeing

[dillydeitydally]

when things are falling apart, who do i call?

no one.

when life gets hard, who do i run to?

no one.

when tears are falling from my eyes, who would help me wipe them away?

no one.

when loneliness becomes a weight that is hard to carry, who will help me carry it?

no one.

when everything starts to feel wrong, who will remind me that everything will be alright in time?

no one.

when i start to question my existence, who will remind me that i matter too?

no one.

who will help me find the light?

no one.

who will extend their hand to help me?

no one.

no one is going to do these things for me because i am me

disposable and forgettable

[dillydeitydally]

it is so unfair that i have to bear the responsibility of healing the wounds that other people caused me

[dillydeitydally]

binabawi ko na ang sinabi kong 'di na kita mahal'

binabawi ko na ang pangako kong iibig ako ng iba

binabawi ko na ang mga salita kong 'di ko mapanindigan

binabawi ko na ang sinambit kong 'ayaw ko na sa'yo'

binabawi ko na ang mga salitang isinuka ko dahil hanggang ngayon, ang mga ngiti at litrato mo pa rin ang nagpapa-ngiti sa akin

binabawi ko na... binabawi ko na ang lahat dahil mahal pa rin kita

[dillydeitydally]

after three years, i am finally trying to erase you in my memories

for three excruciating years, i am finally saying goodbye to you

i will no longer call you 'my love'

let's go back to where it all begun

the time where i can look into your eyes without my heart clenching

the second i only see you as you

not someone i used to love

for the second time, i will look straight into your eyes and say hi

this day and the following days, you and i are now strangers

[dillydeitydally]

Distansya

sa paglipas ng panahon, damdamin ko'y sa'yo pa rin

hindi naubos, hindi natapos

kahit nasa malayo, ikaw pa rin ang nasa panaginip

palaging nakatingin sa langit, nagdarasal na sana'y ika'y bumalik ng ligtas

hindi man sa akin uuwi

malaman lang na maayos ang lagay, ang pighati'y mapapawi na

mula noon hanggang ngayon, hindi na kita maabot

malapit man o malayo

ngunit kahit ganoon, ang puso ko'y iyo pa rin

kahit na ang iyo'y may sinisigaw na pangalan ng iba na rinig ko mula roon at dito

[dillydeitydally]

“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”

— Lemony Snicket

[dillydeitydally]

Other Me

What does it feel like when someone checks up on you?

What does it feel when someone misses you when you don't reply to a text?

What does it feel when someone remembers you when they saw something that reminds them of you?

What does it feel when someone wants you to tell a story about your life?

What does it feel when someone patiently waits for you to be online and chat with you for hours?

What does it feel to be someone's favorite person?

What does it feel to have someone you could call whenever you need someone to talk to?

What does it feel to be someone's best friend?

What does it feel to not be alone?

What does it feel to not be invisible?

What does it feel to not be me?