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#'is time going by really fast for anyone else this year?' no one had any fucking clue what i was talking about lmafo
arctic-hands · 2 months
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I like having joined a book fandom that's still new and fresh cause we get to nerdily bond as we devour a release of a new book in the series and I get to see all the theories and discussions and memes in real time as opposed to years later when everyone else knows how it ends so I have to block the fandom bc of spoilers. It's a feeling I haven't had since a teenager bc as of late I drag my ass into a fandom like a decade after its hayday and miss all the fun stuff
But it sucks ass that I am no longer as weirdly and eerily patient like I was as a child and the nine month wait for Heavenly Tyrant to come out is driving me crazy
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writingsbychlo · 5 months
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IS IT NEW YEARS YET? | lorenzo berkshire
summary; you're not a huge fan of new years, since when was it all about couples, anyway? luckily, someone else is in the same boat.
word count; 6712
notes; this is completely unedited, it's bound to be riddled with mistakes. this is the second to last christmas fic, just my baby mattheo to go! I saved the best for last.
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Sitting at the table, you did your very best to hide the scowl sitting on your face. Pansy had left you only a moment ago to dance with Luna, Astoria had pulled Draco away onto the floor ages ago, and Blaise was off flirting up a storm with every girl possible. Regulus was sulking at the bar with his brother, while Mattheo and Theo had long since snuck away to smoke and hide from the party. 
That just left you. Sat alone at the table, trying not to get too drunk as you watched all the happy couples around you mingle. The Christmas period had always been so fun, but lately, it only seemed to be a holiday for couples. Which, really wasn’t fair, in your opinion. They already had Valentine’s Day, why the fuck did they need this one, too?
However, everything seemed to be spinning around kissing at midnight, and dancing, and romance, and Luna’s bag full of grapes, for whatever that was about. You’d tuned out when she’d begun explaining. 
Glancing around the room in search of the only remaining member of your party who was unaccompanied, perhaps a little reprieve from the loneliness, you spotted Enzo near his parent's table. He looked, in a single word, uncomfortable. Scratching at the back of his neck, he wore a scowl, and while you couldn't hear over the loud music and chatter what he was saying all that distance away, it was clear that he wasn’t happy. 
His mother glared at him, and his anger dimmed only a second, a flash of fear in his eyes, a bob of his throat, but he didn’t back down. Finishing off the last of your drink and standing, the sequins of your dress glitter under the lights, falling perfectly in the simple, floor-length dress you’d chosen for the evening. 
As you wove through the bodies, heels clicking on the floor, you started to be able to pick out the deep rumble of his voice throughout the other conversations. He didn’t have a great relationship with his parents. Certainly, not as bad as others in the group, but strained He rarely wrote them, he only ever went home at Christmas and Summer, and they never came to visit. In almost a decade of knowing Enzo, you’d perhaps spoken to them three times, and once, was merely your introduction. 
“I’m not going to date a girl I don’t know just because you think I ought to!”
Your brows furrowed, stilling momentarily as his words raced through your mind. Regulus’ parents had tried to set him up with someone recently too, only six months ago, they’d sent him letter after letter about the eligible girls from other noble families he could woo. You’d gone pale upon discovering your own name on the list, quite highly ranked, and Regulus had assured you that as much as he loved you dearly as a friend, he had absolutely no interest in pursuing you romantically. Nor, any of the girls on the list. 
However, you hadn't expected Enzo’s parents to leap on him so fast. Your mother had been making some subtle comments about relationships lately, but nothing nearly so bold, not since your break-up. Enzo dragged a hand through his hair as he groaned, this conversation obviously wasn’t going in his favour, and you pitied him. 
In a generous mood, you finished your walk, closing in by his side and putting on the charming smile that you knew could win over any adult or peer, with a few simple words and a bat of your lashes. Anyone, except, perhaps Enzo’s mother. Her eyes narrowed on you as you placed a hand on Enzo’s lower back, standing respectably by his side, by far closer than could be considered friendly, as you smiled up at him. 
“Enzo, sweetie, Draco is looking for you.”
“Wh— What?” His brows pulled together, obviously confused, and you slipped your arm around his waist, settling in by his side. 
“Lorenzo, who’s your friend?” His mother’s cold tone sliced through the space between you as his gaze scanned over your features. 
“Hi, Mrs Berkshire.” You held your hand out offering your name, and she only hummed, shaking it loosely before returning her hand to her side, elegantly. “I’m Enzo’s… well, we haven’t quite figured out terms yet, have we? I’m his date tonight… at least, I hope?”
He did well to hide his flicker of surprise, before finally seeming to understand the aim of the game, his arm snaking around your body like a boyfriend might do, and curling you further into his side. “Of course you are, darling.”
“Well, that’s good to know.” Your giggle was far more high-pitched and sweet than usual, but the tension bled from his mother’s shoulders just a fraction, as she analysed the pair of you. For emphasis, Enzo leaned in to press a polite kiss to your temple, and you stretched your smile wider, like a happy girlfriend would. “I’m so sorry to have interrupted, I promised Draco I’d find you, and you left me all alone at the table. I was starting to miss you, but now I see you were doing something important. I thought perhaps you’d snuck away with the boys.”
The piercing gaze of his mother drilled into you, but you didn’t falter, or show any weakness. In your social circles, one cowering sign was just an opening for snapping teeth at throats, and you wouldn't give anyone such an opportunity. 
“Why would you now simply tell us that you had a date, Lorenzo?” His mother eventually questioned, finally dragging her stare away from you and back to her son, and you felt like you could breathe again at last.
“Well, as you heard my girl say,” He murmured, stumbling only slightly over the words, and recovering them smoothly with a cough. “We haven’t settled on any kinds of labels yet. I didn’t want to be presumptuous, or too forward.”
“And how long have you been seeing one another?” She wasted no time, raising a brow. 
“Just two months.” You smiled, and she flickered her sights to you for only a moment. “You raised a real gentleman, Mrs Berkshire. He’s been so patient and sweet, it can be so hard to find times between classes to see one another and spend time together. We’ve been taking it slow. I apologise if I come as a surprise to you tonight, that’s my fault. I asked Enzo not to write to you, because I haven’t told my own parents yet, you see.”
Leaning in to whisper your joke, as if you were passing secret information;
“My father can be a little over-protective, I wanted to spare Enzo, so I knew my father wouldn't scare him away.”
At that finally, a smirk broke on her lips. She made a vague sound of agreement, and you could feel your friend relax a little where your hand was rubbing his side, gently. “Well, I suppose I can understand that. Lorenzo, you may leave for now. But I do not expect to be kept in the dark on such matters again.”
Waggling a finger at him, he only nodded, eyes wide. “Of course, Mother. It won’t happen again.” 
Leaning in to kiss her cheek, he gave a hurried goodbye, before steering you away with his arm still around you, and guiding you back toward the other side of the room. When you were far enough away he knew his parents wouldn't hear them, he let out a shaky laugh, and turned to look down at you. 
“I don’t know if you’re brave, stupid, or both. Taking on my mother like that? Impressive, and also insane.”
“You have a funny way of saying ‘thank you’, Berkshire.” You tutted, and he only grinned. Dipping down, he kissed your cheek now, coming to a stop beside your table. 
“Thank you, for saving me back there.”
“Well, you seemed like you needed a save.” You shrugged, his arm still looped around your waist, hand on your lower back, rubbing lightly as he looked around the room. 
“You don’t have an actual date, right?” Leaning in, his breath brushed your ear, and you shuddered at the feel, “Because there’s a guy over there glaring at me like I kicked his dog.” 
His fingers touched your cheek, guiding your gaze to casually follow where he had been looking. As your eyes fixed on the man on the other side of the dance floor, you hardly concealed a scoff. He wasn’t glaring, so much as staring with curiosity now that you were the one looking. He smoothed a hand up his girlfriend’s leg as she sat beside him engaged in another conversation, not noticing where his attention now lingered. 
Turning your gaze away with a heavy sigh, your motions caused you to curl a little further into Enzo, who leant back enough to look down at you. “Is that the dickhead-ex that broke up with you in a letter a few months ago?” He whispered, and you could only nod, swallowing back the lump in your throat. 
Over him, you might be, but that didn’t make it sting any less. You’d suspected for a while he might be cheating, based on how soon he’d moved on, how ingratiated into his social circles she seemed, but this was the first time you’d ever seen her. 
She was pretty.
“That would be the one.” You replied, and Enzo only hummed, freeing his other hand from his pocket to tip your face up, an act that was far more intimate than any touch the two of you had ever shared. His thumb smoothed over your cheek, flicking a gaze back to the other side of the room and smirking slightly. “I don’t need to make him jealous, Enz. As much as I appreciate the sentiments, this is unnecessary. 
It wasn't needed, but you couldn't deny it felt good. Felt good to be held again, to settle your hands on someone’s chest, to feel his steady heartbeat under your palm as he touched you so tenderly. “I know, but isn’t it nice? To make him see what he let go, to show him how you should’ve been treated. We’re stuck together all night anyway, might as well make it count for you too.”
“Why is it that we’re stuck together?” You murmured, scowling a little at his choice of words, even more so when he only chuckled. You both knew he didn’t mean it like that, but it felt better to channel a little bitterness than let in the hurt. 
“My parents now believe we’re a couple. Your heroic act of saving me now has consequences.” He clicked his tongue, his hand smoothing down to your neck, thumb under your chin to force you to look up at him. 
“I figured you’d sneak away to see the other boys once I got you out.”
“And abandon my doting girlfriend who comes to my rescue?” He gasped dramatically, shaking his head, and a small laugh fell from your lips. “I would never. So, what do you say? I’m in your debt, let me be your real date for the night. I promise I’m a fun date.”
“You don’t have to beg, Lorenzo. I’ll let you be my date.”
“Oh, you haven’t seen me beg yet.” He smirked, a wicked look glinting in his eye, before he stepped back from you. Slipping the hand from your waist to slip into your own, he grasped tightly. “How about we go and get a drink?”
“I have a drink.”
“A real drink. I hate champagne, and I know you do too.” He cringed at the sight of your half-drunk glass, and didn’t wait for an answer, beginning to lead you both through the party and towards the bar. 
Settling in together, he pulled out a stool for you, tapping at the surface of it for you to sit on. When you shifted towards it, his hands settled on your waist, boosting you up to sit on it, and winking at the surprised sound that slipped free. 
He flagged down the bartender with a quick wave, before stepping in closer to your side, his hand finding a home on your lower back once again. Your spine was stiff, and you tried to convince yourself to relax, mumbling your drink order to the waitress as she passed by and took them both. 
Leaning back into his touch, he responded in kind, hand rubbing up and down your back softly, and turning to face you. Twisting your body on the stool, your knee bumped into his thigh, and your hand dropped to sit over the top of his on the bar before you. 
“So, didn’t expect your parents to be pushing your impending marriage so hard.” You murmured, tracing a finger over the prominent veins and marks in his hand, along each finger, all the way to the tips until they twitched, before returning to the back of his hand. On one finger sat a prominent family ring, the Slytherin ring on his thumb, and a couple of varied bands stacked amongst the others. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel like I’m far too young to be considering marriage. I haven’t seen the world yet, I’ve never been in love. Not— Not that soul-shredding, intense kind of love. I want to experience that at least once. I want to pick my own wife.” He shook his head, casting you a downtrodden look, a pout on his lips. “Doesn’t seem like that’ll be in the playing cards for me.”
“You could always leave. After we graduate, we get to leave. Maybe you should just… run.”
He only raised a brow at you, shaking his head slightly. It was a stupid suggestion, really. There wasn’t a place he could go that he wouldn't be followed by the reputation of his family, of his magical status. Unless he were to give it all up, disappear as a muggle, and spend the rest of his life feeling like he’d chopped off a limb, or had a vital organ removed. 
“Sorry. Dumb thing to say.”
“No, it was sweet. You were just trying to be comforting.” He whispered, and the drinks were placed down before you both. Pushing your drink to you with two fingers, you tapped them together gently, glass clinking, before taking a sip of your cocktail. “I might milk this little situation you’ve gotten us into for a while, though. Let my parents believe I’m courting you back at Hogwarts, and when we call it quits, I’ll be heartbroken. I’ll tell them I need time to get over you.”
Shaking your head with a small laugh, the sound brought a smile to his face.
“I’ll milk that one too. I reckon I can buy myself… at least a year, all in all.”
“Only a year, is that all my fictional love is worth?” You raised a hand to your chest, and he stepped even closer, playing into the act as his arm tightened around your waist. 
“You’re right. You're the one. When you leave me, I’ll be devastated. I’ll never get over it. You’ll be my one that got away.” He gave a heavy sigh, a groan at the end of it, slumping slightly into the bar and only increasing his dramatics as you giggled. “Don’t leave me, I’ll be better! I’ll buy you more flowers, I’ll stop sleeping with my secretary!”
You were gathering odd looks at his declaration, an older couple behind you tittering disapprovingly but you didn’t care. Not as he straightened back up, standing closer to you still, and smiling at you so widely. Your cheeks flushed as he took in your features, and you sipped at the cold alcohol in your glass, fingers raising to your cheeks to hide the blush.
“Truly, though. Thank you. That was sweet of you, you didn’t have to step in for me.”
“I know, but you’re my friend. One of my best friends. I know you’d help me out in a pinch, too.” Your hand fell back to his, toying with the house ring on his thumb, and he twisted his hand to give you better access. Such a small gesture, but you appreciated it nonetheless, as he fed into your anxious habits with no extra thought, your chest flooding with warmth and gratitude for him.
“I would, but, my parents are more than just a pinch. You were brave, my mum likes to pride herself on being intimidating.”
“She doesn’t have to like me, but I knew she wouldn't hurt me.” He raised his brows, silently questioning, and you looked at his hand. Unfolding his loose fist, you laced your fingers through his. “You were there with me. I knew she wouldn't hurt me.”
His hand tightened around yours, and his throat bobbed slightly. Lifting your raised hands, he kissed your knuckles softly. Instead of finding words to respond, he used gestures, his eyes fixed on yours as everything that needed to be said shone in them. He wasn’t his parents you saw him for that and trusted him. This was real, it wasn’t just for show, and when he moved his lips from your skin, you cupped his cheek with your other hand. 
“I know you’re good, Enzo.” You whispered, a fragile tone for just him to hear over the music, and his smile wobbled from flirty to heartfelt. “You’ve been my friend for so long now, I feel pretty confident in saying I know who you are.”
“Thank you.” His words came on a rushed sigh, and you swiped your thumb across his cheekbone one final time, before pulling away to clasp your drink and take a sip. He kept a tight grip on your other hand, though, clasping it to his chest momentarily, before resting your joined hands back on the bar. “So, what have I got to do to get you to dance with me out there?”
“Oh, no. I don’t dance at these things.” You shook your head quickly, and his grin only stretched at that prospect. At the look on his face, you waved a finger at him. “I have never danced at one of these things before. You aren’t the first guy to ask. I. Don’t. Dance.”
“I say you can.” He snickered, humming a fragment of the song as your eyes rolled. Leaning in a little closer to him, his wicked, flirty smile was back. Your nose brushed his.
“Not a chance.”
He seemed to accept the challenge, finishing off the whiskey that was in his glass. He wasn’t giving up, and you knew for certain that once Enzo set his mind to something, he achieved it. He waved to the bartender again, ignoring her flirty smile as he placed his order with two fingers raised, “Can I get two shots of tequila, please?”
“Make it four.” You muttered, and his eyes sparkled as he corrected himself. Finishing off your own drink, you pushed the empty glass toward his own, nothing but an overly saturated berry left in the bottom. “How’d you know tequila is my go-to for shots?”
“Because, my darling, I am observant. In fourth year, you legitimately gagged when we gave you Sambuca to try and you refuse to touch it even to this day, you say vodka tastes like nail polish, and you never drink whiskey or rum. And, only a psychopath would shoot gin.” His nose scrunched up, and four shot glasses were soon placed down before you, each one being filled up, a few droplets escaping to the bar. A dish of salt and limes followed, and you awed silently over it as he wiggled his brows. 
“Fancy, we get the fruit, too.”
“Always impressive these days, every family trying to one-up each other with parties.” He handed you your first shot, clinking your glasses together and spilling some of the sticky amber liquid onto your fingertips. Sprinkling salt on your hand, he winked, “Cheers.”
Licking the salt from his own fingertips, you copied, licking the substance from the back of your hand. Quickly, you did your first shot, then the next, and before you could even reach for one, Enzo was pushing a slice of lime between your lips. He’d surely smudged your lipstick, and juice was now running down your chin, but he caught it with a quick swipe of his thumb, grinning around the citrus in his mouth as he sucked it dry, and winced. 
Pulling the lime out from between your teeth, laughter soon spilt over in its place, and you left the half-drained slice in one of the empty glasses. Licking the tips of your fingers for the remaining tequila, Enzo watched, eyes a little foggy, as you cleaned up. “You shouldn’t do that.”
“Why?” You muttered, and he leaned in again, invading your space as the woodsy smell of his cologne overpowered you, making you want to press your face into his neck. Instead, you held his gaze, with bated breath.
“Because it’s hot. And I’m only so strong.”
“Are you flirting with me, Enz?” You smirked, watching as he offered you his hand. Taking it, you hopped down from the bar stool, waiting for the effects of the shots to kick in, ready to welcome the numbing buzz they’d carry. 
“Most definitely. You like it?”
“I do, actually.”
Linking your arm through his own as he led you slowly to the dance floor, he patted your hand on his bicep. “You could try to sound less shocked by that. I’m great at flirting.”
“Oh, I know. I’ve seen you put it into use before. That pretty smile, a few sweet words and a wink, you normally have women falling at your feet.”
As you reached the edge of the floor, he turned to face you, settling a hand on your hip, and tugging you in closer than needed. “But not you? Because you’re different to other girls.”
“Oh, no. I’m just like other girls. And it would work on me too, if I didn’t know you so well. Unfortunately, I’ve watched you throw up in your own shoe and eat food off the floor. You’ll have to work a little harder to get me.” Pinching your fingers between your faces to show a gap, he watched, before taking that hand and placing it on his shoulder, smoothly. 
“I love a good challenge.”
With that, he was sweeping you across the floor, your shocked laughter breaking free as he spun you suddenly into the madness of the dance floor. Perfected routines and perfect dances, and even in your addled mind, the steps began to come back to you. You’d always thought that there was something so eerie about the dances, the melancholic music that played, always building to a crashing crescendo. 
It felt like music with a tragic tale, spinning and dipping and dancing, like a Shakespeare play given music instead of words. Rows of perfectly organised dancers, all moving in perfect sync and harmony. 
Luckily, tonight, that structure seemed to have fallen apart a little. Various levels of dancing skills were taking place. Some were just swaying, others were performing flips and spins that made you dizzy, as you and Enzo settled somewhere in the middle. His hand tight on your waist, the other clasping your own, he spun you between people, guiding you towards the centre of the floor. 
“I thought you said you didn’t dance!”
“I don’t, that doesn’t mean I can’t. My mother had me in lessons three times a week as a child. I am an excellent dancer.” Glancing around, it was mercifully informal tonight, not the regimented performances it sometimes could be. “This whole… thing. It just creeps me out sometimes.”
“When they all dance in perfect, synchronised lines, like some kind of terrifying ballet performance?” He muttered, smiling and nodding as you wove past an older couple. 
“Yes!”
“I get you,” He hummed, shuddering a little. Ahead of you both, Draco was spinning a smiling Astoria, and he looked utterly exhausted by this point. She didn’t seem ready to stop dancing any time soon, though.
As he spun you back in, your arm wrapped around his neck this time, holding yourself closer to him and calming the crazy dance he’d drawn you into. He was smiling himself, cheeks flushed from the exertion, and as you began to move into a slower sway, his cheek came to rest against the top of your head. 
“You ever dance at one of these parties with your ex?”
“I told you, I don’t dance.” You mumble, the arm around his neck sliding, hand slipping to brush lightly at the hair on the base of his neck. He stretched his head a little further, leaning into the touch with a soft sigh. 
“You didn’t dance,” He corrected cheekily, pinching at your hip, and your eyes rolled upwards at his pedantic behaviour. “Your ex is watching us.”
“I told you, I don’t care.”
He made a vague noise before turning you subtly, so that you could see him now. The displeased look on his face, the narrowed eyes as he watched you and Enzo, and the way he turned in a flustered rush once he realised you’d caught him. “You may not care, but I’m getting a sick sort of satisfaction from it. I had to watch you hurt over him, even when you tried to pretend you weren’t. The way your face fell that day in the hall when you opened that letter, I’ll never forget it.”
“Enz…” Your whisper is barely audible, his own words mumbled by your ear so low they were barely decipherable. Goosebumps still rose along your skin at the snarl he made, lips brushing the shell of your ear as he shook his head. 
Dipping down, he pressed a kiss to your cheek, so tender and loving that you felt your heart skip in your chest. “He’s a dick, and I wish I could do a lot more to him than just pork a few holes in his ego tonight. He deserves a right kicking.”
“I was over him long before that letter came. The distance had been growing.”
“Maybe so, but he’s still a prick.” Turning you around and around in slow circles, you gained and lost sight repeatedly each scene just a little different from the last. He was putting on a show, that was for sure, as Enzo took you for turns around the dance floor. One moment he had his new girlfriend in a passionate kiss, the next she was laughing as she stared up at him, the next, whispering sweet words in her ear. 
If you could see it, you were sure Enzo could too, his grip tightening on you protectively. Leaning up, you returned the affection, pulling his focus back to you as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Let’s go get another drink, yeah? I could use some hydration after all this dancing.”
He looked right through you, like he knew it was a distraction, and yet he nodded anyway, jaw clenched. This time, you took one of his hands in both of yours, leading him through the crowd as his fingers clutched your own. 
Settling at the bar, you called for two waters, before turning your gaze back to him. 
“Wish I could just push them both in the fireplace, and watch them burn.” 
His words made your eyes widen slightly, and you pressed a glass into his hand the moment they arrived, encouraging him to drink. “Enzo, why are you so bothered about this all of a sudden?”
“Because— Because I can see him now! And he’s a jackass, and I’m already mad enough about my parents, and the fact it’s this stupid day. I need something to channel my anger into, and he’s a mighty good conduit.” He took another swig of his drink, jaw clenching as he slammed the empty glass down and licked his lips. 
Placing a finger on his chin, you twisted his head to you, and he softened slightly as he looked. “Not a fan of New Year's, huh?”
“Not a fan of the holidays in general. Especially once I have to go home.” Your heart clenched for him. The expression on your face must’ve given you away, because he soon shrugged. “I used to love the holiday period, but nowadays, all my parents do is get at me. Plus, being single at Christmas sucks, y’know? Since when was this time all about love? I thought it was supposed to be about generosity and love and whatever. Now it’s all about couples.”
Your jaw dropped a little, and his brows furrowed. 
“What?”
Enzo had just echoed the exact sentiments you’d been thinking about only a couple of hours ago, and a breathless laugh escaped you as you shook your head. At least he understood you. “Nothing. Just, I was thinking the same thing, earlier.”
“Great minds.” He whispered, shaking a little tension out of his body and closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, the fire was dulled, sweet sparkle back, and he loosed a heavy breath. “Sorry. That got heavy.”
“I’m always here for you to talk, Enz.”
He smiled, eyes closing again as he rested his forehead on yours, tugging you in with arms around your waist for a hug. His face moved, chin hooking over your shoulder, with a kiss pressed there as he did, which sent your pulse skyrocketing at the feel of his lips on your skin. “I love you, you know that, right? You’re one of the most important people in my life.”
“Love you too, Enzo…” You murmured, running your fingers through his hair. He pulled away, a shy smile on his face, and he nudged your glass to you this time. 
“Drink up. I want to get you back out on that dance floor. I take pride in knowing I’m the only man you’ll dance with.”
“Because you’re the most insistent man I’ve ever met. I know that if I said no, you’d only spend the whole night bugging me.”
“It’s charming how well you know me.” He teased, and your eyes rolled, resulting in a soft slap to the outside of your thigh as he tutted at you, mumbling about your attitude. “Oh, incoming.”
“Who—” You barely got the word out before an arm was slung over your shoulder, a heavy weight following as they leaned on you. Mattheo beamed at you lazily when you turned your head to see. Theo soon followed, shuffling his feet a little, and rubbing at his eyes. The second he saw the half-drunk glass of water in your hands, he lunged for it, managing to get the whole thing down in one go, without evening coming up for breath. “Jeez, how baked are you two?”
“Theo brought some good shit this time,” Mattheo murmured, kissing his fingers and waving them to the air, and Theo gave a delayed scoff after a couple of seconds. 
“I always bring good shit.”
“Agree to disagree.” Mattheo smiled, bopping his friend on the nose, as Enzo only laughed. 
“So, that’s where you two have been, huh? Outside smoking all night.”
“Not all night,” Theo smirked, waggling his brows as he produced his phone from his back pocket. “I spent a good deal of time flirting. I got six girls’ numbers, and Matt here only got four.”
He set off snickering as Mattheo only grumbled, and the moment he loosened his hold on you, you slipped free so he could lean against the bar instead. You didn’t get far, not before Enzo was snaking an arm around you, and tugging you into his chest. Theo might have been higher than a kite, but he didn’t miss the way Enzo’s touches trailed over your back, settling low on your spine. He smirked, eyes glinting when Enzo dropped an absentminded kiss to the top of your head. 
“So, what’s new with you two?”
“We’re dating now.” Enzo beamed, and Mattheo spluttered over his drinks order, the bartender wandering way as Mattheo turned to face you, and Theo’s jaw dropped. “Or, at least, that’s what we’re letting my parents believe, so they’ll hop off my dick about marrying some stranger.” 
You pat his chest for his use of words, and he shrugged. Finally, Draco seemed to have persuaded Astoria to let him go. She was now happily dancing with her sister, as Draco stumbled over to your group at the bar, and collapsed down onto a free stool. 
“That girl has more energy than a toddler on crack.”
“Interesting metaphor.” You said, and Draco only patted his chest, sticking an extra glass of water and a whiskey onto Mattheo’s order as he tried to get a drink once again. Turning his gaze back to you, those grey eyes slid from head to toe, a pale brow raising. 
“What’s with you two?”
“Haven’t you heard, Dray?” Theo mused, “They’re dating.”
He had a similar reaction to the other two, equally as entertaining until the news was broken, and you hid your laughter in Enzo’s shoulder. He was smiling, hiding his own amusement in your hair, his fingers playing with the tips as the strands spilt down your back. 
The night went on much the same, hours blurring by as more friends came and went, joining you in the group, before being pulled away. For a while, you sat on the stool beside Enzo, listening to Mattheo retell the story of their competition to get numbers. 
You let Enzo pull you onto the dance floor again, and even Mattheo, who swung you off-beat and out of sync to a song in his head, certainly not the one being played, but it made you laugh until your stomach hurt, so it was worth it. You danced with the girls too, and exchanged gossip in hushed whispers as you moved across the checkered floor. 
It always ended with you stumbling back to Enzo, progressively building more of a buzz as the night went on, falling back into the security of his arms. And he was always there, smiling, tucking hair behind your ear and kissing your forehead as he asked you whether you were having fun. For the first time in a long time at one of these events, you could say yes. 
Only as the hour was finally approaching midnight, less than fifteen minutes to go, did you all leave. Mattheo ordered several bottles of champagne, gathering two in his hands and passing two more to Theo. Then, he was commanding you all to follow him, and marching away without another word.
You shared a look with Enzo, before hopping down, following after him with an equally puzzled group. Your hand found Enzo’s quickly, a comfortable act that had become familiar far too quickly, but just for tonight, you didn’t care. Not as Mattheo led you down all and corridors, away from all the noise. 
Not as he led you all up, until you were exiting onto the roof. Below you, chatter filled the courtyard as the party guests began to file out onto the patio, ready to witness the fireworks. The view would be uninterrupted from here, a perfect view of it all, and a contented sound left your lips. 
Staring up at the night sky, stars twinkled in the cold void, and you rubbed one arm lightly as you stared into the vast openness. Only a second later, a jacket was slipping over your shoulders, and Enzo was turning you to him, guiding your arms through each of the sleeves, bashfully. 
“Told you I was a good date.” He winked, hand on your back as you followed the rest of your friends to sit down. 
“You said you were a fun date,”
“Well then, I’m a good and fun date.” He effectively ended the conversation with a kiss to your cheek, hand sliding dangerously low on your back as you gathered with the others. A couple of benches and boxes were up here, stacks of pallets for makeshift seating, and you settled onto one, Enzo following you down. 
Once you were sat, he pulled you in, tucking you into the heat of his side, and you curled in closer, twisting to face him. “Tonight has been… wonderful. Thank you.”
“Are you kidding? Thank you.” He whispered, nose brushing your hairline as the words were whispered onto your skin. “Tonight has been one of the best nights I’ve ever had, and I never thought I’d say that about one of these parties.”
You fiddled with the edge of the sleeves hanging over your palms, grinning at him. Your head fell to his shoulder, and your gaze moved to scan over your friends. Draco and Astoria were cuddling equally as sweetly, as were Blaise and Daphne. Luna and Pansy were nowhere to be seen, but Tom and Reggie stood at the edge of the roof, talking quietly. Mattheo and Theo were bent over laughing, trying to pop the corks on the bottles, and almost taking out each other’s eyes each time. 
When a bottle was passed to you and Enzo, fizzing over the top and foaming on the wooden palette you perched on, you took a sip. The bitter liquid fizzed on your tongue just as the countdown began to sound from all of the people below. 
“Ten, nine, eight…” Mattheo screamed, arms held up in the air with his excitement. 
“Seven, six, five…” You murmured, sitting up straighter as the anticipation of the new year came in. 
“Four, three, two…” Enzo joined you, your face turning to smile at him as you heard his voice mix with yours. 
“One.” You spoke, just as Enzo leaned in. His lips closed over your own, warm and spicy from the lingering remnants of firewhiskey, and you groaned against his mouth. As you did, his hand slipped up to your cheek, angling your head just right as his tongue slid into your mouth.
He kissed slow, and deep, like he had all the time in the world to be here. You were gripping his shoulder, kissing back with just as much passion, sliding closer to him until there was no space between your body and his. Your thigh pressed to his own, his hand on your cheek slipping into your hair as he pulled back for a breath, just to dive right back in. 
And you loved it, leaning forward, chasing his lips, kissing him until you couldn’t think straight, couldn't think at all, unless it was about him. 
Finally, he pulled back, to the cheering and celebrating of your friends as the New Year rolled in. Fireworks began to explode behind you, and you sighed, breath clouding in the night air and floating up to the sky. Licking the taste of him from your lip as you panted, his nose bumped your own.
“What was that for?” You mumbled, the way he kissed you still playing over and over again in your mind like a loop. 
“Because when we go back,” He stole another kiss, your lips stretching in a smile as his palm engulfed your cheek. “I’d love to take you on a real date.”
You’d never looked at him like this before, never let yourself consider what it would be like to date Enzo. That urge had never arisen, everything between you both had always been platonic, he was one of your best friends. Now, as those pretty eyes opened up to stare at you, he was anything but platonic. 
He was pretty, in a way you’d acknowledged but never appreciated before. Loyal in a best friend way, but would doubtless be a wonderful boyfriend. He was doting, and kind, and sweet. He was cheeky and funny and caring. He was here, and interested, and if tonight had proven anything, it was your compatibility. 
You and Enzo worked well together, you made a great couple, and for the first time ever, he was staring at you in a way that made you think he wanted to take your clothes off. And you liked it. 
The choice seemed clear. 
“I’d like that too, Enzo.”
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beanytuesday · 6 months
Note
Hey, I love your art -- I was wondering if you ever posted your illustration for Kafka's "A Hunger Artist" on here? It's really evocative and gorgeously framed, and I find myself thinking of it frequently!!
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Thank you for the kind words. A Hunger Artist by Franz Kafka is one of my favorite short stories of all time, and it’s a very quick read. You can read it right here:
https://www.kafka-online.info/a-hunger-artist.html
Go ahead, I’ll wait here.
I’d like to take us opportunity to talk a little bit about the story, if I may.
Although there are a couple different interpretations of the story's meaning, it unambiguously read to me as an allegory for the plight of the creative, likely drawing from Kafka’s own experience. The ‘starving artist’ comparison is obvious, but there’s much more to it than that. In a departure from most other depictions in media, the plight of the artist is not depicted as something noble or redemptive, but as a sort of self-destructive madness. The hunger artist dies alone and in obscurity, his impact on the world ultimately being completely marginal and insubstantial. When questioned about why he chose a life like this, he reveals that he doesn’t even enjoy fasting, he simply couldn’t find any food he liked. That is to say, a true creative does not select this kind of self destructive lifestyle because they enjoy it; rather, it is because they cannot possibly bear to do anything else. Kafka himself, It should be mentioned, supposedly despised pretty much every job he ever had.
As some of you may know, I developed severe tendinitis a couple months ago. Mentally, September was probably the worst months of my entire life. I reflected on this story a lot –I had wrought my own self destruction, and for what? A couple of bucks? A few comics that i’ll become embarrassed of in a year’s time anyway? Unsure about my prospects for recovery, I became incredibly depressed.
But having been starved of the ability to write or draw, I had a genuine epiphany. Standing at the corner of Boston liquors in Allston, I resolved that I would muster the strength to endure this, regardless of how long it took, because what awaited me at the end was nothing short of the greatest prize a person could ask for: That very thing derided by Kafka –the life of an artist.
There is no greater pleasure than making art. I mean that genuinely, I mean that literally. No, it isn’t noble, no, it isn’t redemptive, but in a totally hedonistic and self-serving way it is simply the greatest thing that life can offer, ambrosia in the mouth, better than sex, better than drugs, better than anything that money can buy, and I feel pity for anyone unable to experience it. I am not being hyperbolic, I am not being metaphorical. I am stating this in the plainest of terms, having lived a life without it for the last couple of months.
So although my personal relationship to the story has changed in the past couple months, Kafka was right about one thing; nothing else tastes good, at least not by comparison. We must imagine the hunger artist happy.
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imfinereallyy · 1 month
Text
I wonder if you look both ways (When you cross my mind) pt. 2
pt. 1 pt. 3
🐝・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・✦ʚɞ
June 1996, Chicago
Steve doesn’t exactly know when Eddie Munson became one of his best friends, let alone when he fell in love with him.
He supposes both things occurred between the end of the world, and Eddie’s back walking out the door for the last time, unbeknownst to anyone. Though, that is five years of time, who’s to say when it really happened.
Dustin will argue the friend part. He likes to think it was he who brought them together (it certainly wasn’t; in fact, it put a real bump in the road for them). Dustin also thinks, which Steve is more inclined to think is true, that the two of them had become friends during Eddie’s slow recovery and Steve’s guilt complex, which made him feel responsible for him.
Which—ouch, Dustin—but years of therapy would prove him right.
Little shit.
Dustin doesn't know about the love part, though, and Steve doesn’t think much of the party knows except for one or two of the perceptive ones.
Looking at you, Lucas.
Robin likes to argue that Steve doesn’t know when he fell in love with Eddie because Eddie was different from everyone else.
Steve puts everything into love, moves fast, falls hard, and ultimately gets crushed by his own passion. Steve doesn’t know how to take things slow or wait around for the right person.
Until he did, with Eddie.
Steve managed to have a slow decent into the madness of loving a man like Eddie Munson. And he never did anything about it, although he didn't mind. Steve was okay with just being friends and loving from afar.
Until they weren't even that, and Eddie was gone.
Steve can't think about that now, instead he should probably worry about the man himself breaking into his apartment at 3 a.m.
"Get. Out." Robin hisses, breaking Steve from his thoughts.
Suddenly, Eddie stands. His hands thrust forward in a placating nature, and nervous energy radiates off of him. "Robin, please—"
"No, Munson. You don't get to disappear from our lives for five years, and then break into our apartment!" Robin whisper shouts, the metal bat waving around in her grip.
Steve still hasn't said anything, still unsure of any of it is really happening. But he can't help but warm at Robin's fierceness.
She will go down swinging for Steve, even against someone she cares about.
Fuck, he loved her.
"Give me one good reason not to bash your skull in with this thing, Munson. I dare you!" Robin took the metal bat and pushed it into Eddie's chest.
Steve gets a good look at him as he stumbles backward. He doesn't look much different—well that's a lie. He does look different; more tattoos, more piercings and Steve is pretty surprised to catch him wearing anything other than a band tee. It is just so all quintessentially Eddie. The jewelry is all silver, any tattoo he got after 1986 appears to be in black and red ink only. Even his tee is still black despite the lack of a band on the front.
"Birdie, I don't think you should have Steve's bat in your hands, you're a bit dangerous." Eddie tries to grab the bat from her hands but Robin yanks it back.
"Oh, fuck you, Munson! You don't get to call me Birdie, and this is my bat. Steve's is wooden and full of nails and underneath his bed. You should know that, or has the last five years really rotted your brain?" Robin is now waving the bat around with gusto, nearly missing Steve's head at one point.
Trying to shake himself from his frozen state, Steve decides it is probably in everyone's best interest if he steps in.
"Robs." Steve speaks gently, hand on the bat as he slowly lowers it down. Her shoulders drop, the fight draining out of her in seconds. "It's okay."
It's not okay. Steve doesn't understand what's happening right now. But Steve is okay as long as he has Robin, and Robin has him. Steve hopes she understands that's what he meant.
Robin nods her head, and shuffles closer to him.
Steve takes a shaky breath, "What are you doing here, Munson?"
Eddie cringes at the use of his last name but doesn't comment. "Listen, I know it's weird me just stopping by suddenly—"
Robin snorts, "I wouldn't exactly call breaking in 'stopping by'."
Eddie shakes his head, ignoring her. Stray curls start to fall loose from their bun. "I just want to talk, for you guys to hear me out."
Steve rubs a hand down his face, he is getting too old for this stuff. Being blindsided, being surprised—being thrown sideways and upside down. Sure, twenty-nine isn't exactly old, but Steve has lived practically six different lifetimes by now. There is so much damage to him—physically and emotionally. He is supposed to be past nonsense like this.
Robin takes his silence as permission to snip at Eddie, "No. Go away, Eddie. You don't get to do that. Get out."
Eddie moves a step forward, he is now illuminated completely by the side table's light. He looks tired—good but tired. It's not the kind of tired you see of someone in distress, not the ache that comes along in the tunnel that has no light in the end. No, Eddie looks tired in the way that comes with healing. Like working hard exhaustion. As if coming home from a long but good day at work, and the night grows weary.
Eddie opens his mouth to argue, but Steve cuts him off. "It's fine, Robbie. It's late; let him crash on the couch."
Eddie's shoulders sag in relief, "Thanks, Stevie, we can talk—"
"No." Steve chokes out, moving his hand towards his throat so he can remember to breathe. "You don't get to call me that. And we're not talking about anything. You'll sleep here, but that's it. I might not want you here, but it doesn't mean I'm going to let you wander the streets at night."
"Steve, please—" Eddie reaches out his hands to touch Steve. It is most likely going to be a gentle touch, but Steve can't help the way he violently flinches.
Eddie looks taken aback, eyes wide and full of sadness. He pulls his hands back.
"No, Eddie." Steve grabs Robin's hand and starts to pull her to bed. She doesn't protest and instead leans into his touch. Steve turns over his shoulder to look at Eddie again. "You'll stay the night. It's not an option. But my morning? I want you gone. I don't want you to be the first thing I see after sunrise."
Steve turns quickly back around, ignoring the pained grunt from behind him.
Bypassing Robin's bedroom, Steve pulls them both into his. Robin doesn't question it and instead makes herself comfortable in his forest green blankets.
Steve quickly follows after, snuggling into the bed beside her. People have thought them weird over the years—always in each other's spaces and knowing every little thing about each other. Partners, friends, family—all of them had something to say about it, never even bothering to understand.
Well, except Eddie. Eddie appreciated it, accepted it. Adored it at times.
"Are you really okay with this, Dingus?" Robin whispers softly between them.
"No." Steve never lies to Robin; she'll know. "Not at all, but I'm not going to let him wander the streets, no matter what I loved him at some point. I don't let the people I loved, get hurt."
Robin squints in pity, "Loved?"
"Not now, Bobbie," Steve whispers.
Robin nods, "Besides, I'm pretty sure 'Ed Sloane' can afford a fucking hotel room."
Steve lets out a loud snort, it echoes throughout the room. "God, don't remind me. What a stupid fucking name."
The two of them dissolve into giggles, bumping their heads together. Under the covers, they clasp their hands together tight. "I just don't want you to derail your life, for someone who walked so easily out of it. I know you have that important lunch with Drew tomorrow."
Steve takes a breathe through his nose, "Yea, I do. But it'll be fine. He'll be gone before I'm even up. You know Eds, he's a runner. Wouldn't stop trying to prove it, in fact."
Robin's face is scrunched in pain, and her eyes pool with pity. It's as if she knows something Steve doesn't or sees something he chooses to ignore. She doesn't comment on it, though. Instead, she raises an eyebrow, "Eds?"
It isn't snippy or accusing. Her voice is soft against his cheek. Steve doesn't have the mental capacity to argue though. "G'night, Birdie."
"Goodnight, Stevie." She whispers.
Steve closes his eyes, knowing it will all feel like a dream tomorrow.
Steve is familiar with having dreams with Eddie in them.
🐝・゚ ・゚·:。・゚゚・✦ʚɞ
more to come i promise, especially after your (loving demands). especially my mutuals who yelled at me in the tags and my dm's (it made my day).Part 3 is currently being typed up. Also might fuck around and make this a full-blown ao3 one shot; who knows.
tag list!:
@stevesbipanic @withacapitalp @emryyyyy09 @brainfugk @blueberrylemontea-fanfic
@slv-333 @thetinymm @connected-dots-st-reblogger @helpimstuckposting @dreamercec
@goodolefashionedloverboi @stripey82 @little2nerdy @anne-bennett-cosplayer @resident-gay-bitch
@ghostquer @sourw0lfs @devondespresso
(please let me know if you don't want a tag, I had to guess by the comments, and sorry if you’re getting a random tag after posting, I had to fix the tag list cause tumblr is weird)
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cupid-styles · 2 months
Text
casual
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partially based on casual by chappell roan and a lil bit of sad personal experience hehe
word count: 2k
content warnings: angst (no happy ending), references to smut, alcohol, harry being a douche, not ramadan friendly
main masterlist | talk to me
. . .
From: H (12:47 a.m.)
Come over?
To: H (12:50 a.m.)
Give me 15
From: H (12:52 a.m.)
K
. . .
It’s not unusual for her nights to look like this. Or her early mornings, rather.
It wasn’t always this way. When she first met Harry, she wanted nothing to do with him romantically or intimately. She’d heard about his reputation — it wasn’t anything bad as long as you were looking for the same thing. He was an expert in bed and the friends that slept with him always provided rave reviews. Ever excited rumblings of, “oh my God, he’s so caring! He made me finish twice before he even took his cock out” and “he’s the perfect one night stand — seriously, I’ve never had anyone better.” 
But Y/N didn’t care for that.
She was a serial monogamous, always bumping around from one lengthy relationship to the next. In hindsight, she supposes she wasn’t any better than Harry, who earned his notoriety from a series — a long series — of casual hookups. 
If you needed a rebound, you went to Harry.
If you were going through a dry spell, you went to Harry.
If you were just horny and needed someone to go home with at the end of the night (and he hadn’t miraculously already found somebody else yet), you went to Harry.
And Y/N never planned to sleep with him. Ever, really. He was a fine friend, someone who mixed well with their mutual friends, but they hardly exchanged conversation except for the occasional nicetie. She had his phone number from when he planned Rachel’s surprise birthday party last year and they were friends on Venmo, passing back the same $20 every month for drinks or a shared Uber. 
That was the extent of their friendship. 
Until a few months back, when Y/N was down in the dumps. She’d been seeing this girl, Samantha, for a month or two, assuming that they were headed straight towards a happy, exclusive relationship — only to discover that Samantha was sleeping with and seeing just about 10 other people on the side. And it only came out because Samantha happened to contract chlamydia from one of her sexual partners, so she’d been forced to tell Y/N for the sake of her health.
Y/N's friends, Rachel, Maeve, and Len gave her time to wallow. They offered it to her on a silver platter, even, offering multiple girls nights out (and in), providing Y/N all the space she needed to cry and complain and talk about how hurt she felt. 
But then… a week of moping turned into two, which turned into three, which eventually turned into a month and a half. Her friends were exhausted from watching her spiral into sadness, so they did the only thing they knew: They sat her down and told her she needed to rebound. Fast.
“And who the hell am I supposed to rebound with?” Y/N asked through a sniffle. The only thing that made this whole thing worse was her friends staging an intervention for her because she was being annoyingly sad about her not-really-breakup-but-felt-like-a-breakup. “See, that’s the best part of being friends with a man whore,” Maeve replied eagerly. Len and Rachel sat on either side of her with bright eyes, nodding excitedly. “Harry! He already said he’s down and everything!” “Wait— you already asked him?” “We just put the idea in his head. Don’t worry, men are stupid,” Len quickly waved her off, “But he’s going out with everyone tonight. We’ll feed you a few shots to get you just buzzy enough, and then send you off to your night in heaven. You won’t even remember that girl’s name by the time Harry’s done with you!” Y/N cringed. “Hasn’t, like… everyone slept with him though?” Maeve shrugged. “Yeah, but he’s clean. He gets regular testing and uses condoms. Really, Y/N, it’s sort of a rite of passage at this point. But you should do it only if you’re comfortable— don’t let us force you into it.” Y/N swallowed tightly. She had to admit, the thought of a rebound sounded… appealing. She’d swiped through dating apps looking for one, but she was too scared that a one night stand would end in her bloody murder. And it helped that Harry already knew what he was doing, and— wait, was she crazy or was she actually starting to consider this? “Alright, fine,” she replied with a shaky exhale, “Let’s do this.”
That was four months ago.
And what was supposed to be an evening of stupid, lusty, casual sex turned into Y/N falling hard. It wasn’t her fault, though — no, not when he panted breathy promises into her mouth in the back of the Uber, mumblings of “just tonight, you know that, right?”. She’d replied just how she’d rehearsed it in her brain hours prior: “yes, yeah, I know— just tonight. Just for tonight.” 
"Just for tonight" shifted into Harry asking her to stay until the morning for breakfast and shower sex. Then, the following weekend, he texted her the ever classy you still awake? at just past midnight. She was indeed up, doing nothing but rotting on her couch and watching a documentary about the deep sea — and her hookup with Harry had been good, really good, and she wasn’t going to turn down another night of orgasms. 
As he wrapped a condom around his dick and pressed messy kisses down her neck, he whispered the same hurried sentiments from the weekend before: “didn’t see anyone I wanted tonight and we were good, yeah? It was good. So just… just one more night, okay? That’s fine, right?” 
Foolishly, with flittering eyelashes and her nails scraping down her back as he pushed inside, she nodded and echoed his words. Just one more night, that’s fine.
It didn’t take long for their friends to catch on when Harry would leave the bar an hour early without looking for someone to take home. Or, when they’d both be out and, like magnets slowly being pulled towards one another, they’d end up kissing on the street as they waited for an Uber to take them back to Harry’s place. 
The guys hounded Harry about it, asking if Y/N was finally the one to tie him down.
“Nah,” he’d reply with a shake of his head, “She’s a good girl. Too good for me.”
When Y/N’s friends demanded to know every last detail, she shrugged.
"I'm not really sure. It's... good, I think."
They only responded with small, tight smiles.
. . .
“Your mom texted me today. She invited us to come see them this weekend.”
Harry doesn’t reply — or rather, he makes an unassuming humming noise — as he gets out of Y/N’s bed, untangling his naked form from her sheets. He hunts down his briefs and pulls them on before stretching his arms out. 
“Did you eat dinner?” he asks, grabbing her tee-shirt off the floor and tossing it to her. She sits up, tightening the sheet around her chest. She shakes her head as she clutches the fabric of her shirt in her hands and watches him scroll on his phone.
“No. I thought we could get something.”
Harry hums again, pinching his bottom lip between his fingers. Swallowing, Y/N puts her shirt back on. She’s not sure why, but she always feels oddly vulnerable once they’ve finished hooking up. When she’s still naked and he’s already moved onto the next thing, like having plans with the guys or taking a shower before he heads home. She'd even purchased his favorite body wash and shampoo when he started sticking around a bit longer, but he'd never even mentioned it or uttered a thank you.
“Yeah, maybe,” he finally replies. He locks his phone and places it back on the ledge of the TV stand in her bedroom. The simple act makes her heart jump — usually, he’ll stuff his phone in his pocket as he’s leaving. Maybe he was planning on staying the night. “So listen, I know I took you to dinner at my parents’ place that one time, but I don’t really feel comfortable with you talking to my mom.”
Y/N furrows her brows in confusion. “She texted me, H. I don’t, like, regularly reach out to her.”
“Right, but it just makes this whole thing feel way more serious than it is.” he says, sitting back down on the bed. He maintains a steady distance between them and it makes a small lump form in Y/N’s throat. 
“Okay,” she murmurs slowly, “That’s fine, I get it. But… we never really talked about what this is.”
Harry glances up with wide, confused eyes. “We’ve said it a million times, Y/N. This is casual. Completely and totally casual sex.”
An ugly, involuntary chortle leaves her chest. He raises his eyebrows.
“We’ve been fucking for four months. That’s not really casual.”
“Yes, it is. It’s friends with benefits.”
“Sure, maybe, but that’s if you explicitly outline that you’re just having sex. No feelings involved.”
“We did that.”
“When?”
“At the beginning,” Harry responds. He seems frustrated now, but it feels as though he’s recalling a memory that Y/N was never even around for. “Remember? I told you, it was all just for tonight type shit. Nothing real.”
“Then why the fuck did you take me to your parents’ house two months ago?” Y/N demands, anger rising in her chest, “And why am I your date to all of your stupid, boring work events? And why the hell are you at my house like four times a week, and why do you have a drawer full of my clothes at your place?”
“Y/N—”
“This isn’t fucking casual, Harry. This is dating. You’re dating me and you don't even realize it.”
“I would know if I was dating you, but I never asked you to be my girlfriend. I don’t want a girlfriend, you know that.”
She groans and shakes her head, ignoring the way her jaw already aches from clenching it so hard. She grabs a clear pair of underwear from her drawer and quickly slips them on. Harry’s silent the entire time.
Suddenly, she whips around and faces him. “Have you been fucking other people?” 
A wrinkle forms between his brows. He shakes his head.
“No. I wouldn’t do that, and it’s unsafe.”
“Right,” she murmurs, placing her hands on her hips, “So piece it together, Harry. Neither of us are sleeping with other people. We’re exclusively seeing one another.”
“You’re just making this out to be way more of a thing than it is—”
“Oh, fuck off!” she exclaims, “You have a key to my house! That’s pretty serious!”
“I didn’t ask you for that!” he fires back as he stands up from the bed. They’re in a stand-off now, staring at one another with angry eyes. She snorts and shakes her head in disbelief.
“My friends were so fucking right about you. You’re such an asshole. You know Maeve called me a loser for thinking you were a good guy?”
Harry rolls his eyes as he grabs his phone and sweater, “Yeah, I’m sure.”
They don’t exchange any other words as he leaves her room. She sits back down on the edge of the mattress, listening as he stuffs his feet in his sneakers and slams the front door shut. She doesn’t even notice that tears are lining her eyes and falling onto the apples of her cheeks.
. . .
It’s barely 48 hours later when Y/N’s watching a YouTube video as she stands in the bathroom, doing her nighttime routine.
Like four months prior, when she hoped Harry would be a good rebound for her heartbreak, she's been moping around in self-hatred and sadness. She's in awe of how cruel and oblivious he's being, but more than that, she can't believe she actually believed he had real feelings for her. Ones that extended beyond sex.
She’s brushing her teeth when she notices a text notification come down, redirecting her attention from the influencer vlog to read the name of the sender. She taps on it to see a familiar initial.
From: H (10:32 p.m.)
Sorry for what I said. Can I come over?
766 notes · View notes
forever-rogue · 29 days
Note
you asked for fallout request, so here i am, eagerly writing this…
i’ve been craving a cooper howard x reader oneshot where him and the reader are navigating through life in their own way. maybe a run in with tricky people?? angst?? fluff??? it’s up to you best friend. THANK YOU!!!
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AN | Alright, let’s goooo. First go around with Cooper and we had to go with some fluff because that is my specialty. I’ve loved Fallout for a long time and I love the show too❤️
Pairing | Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x fem!reader
Warnings | language; gun violence
Word Count | 3k
Masterlist | Main 
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
You weren't sure if you'd call yourselves friends.
More like…an unwitting duo of sorts. Unwitting on your end more than anything.
You'd promised him that you absolutely didn't need company or anyone to assist you. He'd insisted that the only way he'd let you go on your own was over his dead body. You'd contemplated that idea for a few moments. Given his reputation, you decided not to push him too much.
The realization that he was a stubborn old man who wasn't going to change his mind was the only reason he was still next to you. Begrudgingly, mind you.
“How much further, darlin’?” His deep voice cut through your internal monologue and you shot a glare in his direction, “I'm starting to think you're not the best judge of distance.”
“If you're just going to complain,” you pointed over your shoulder back to the last town you'd passed through, “you're more than welcome to go back and terrorize that town. I told you that I didn't need you to come with me.”
“And why would I listen to you, huh?” He rolled his eyes lightly as you scoffed, “you'd be dead before the sun went down, sweetheart.”
“So what?” You turned on your heel, walking backwards so you could face him, “why do you care?! You don't even like me!”
“Contrary to what you believe, I do have somewhat of a conscience,” his voice was gruff but somewhat soft, “and if I let you go and then heard that you were killed, I'd be a little annoyed.”
“Why?” 
“Because I’ve already saved your life once,” he so sweetly reminded you as you sighed heavily, “and I didn't just save your life so you could go and be killed by someone else.”
“Ain’t that sweet? You’re a modern day prince,” you mocked his twang as his expression refused to shift. It was almost annoying how unfazed he remained the majority of the time, “I had it handled. You happened to come at an inconvenient time.”
“If that's what helps you sleep at night,” he had to fight to hold back a laugh as you turned back around and you marched in front of him, making it a point not to look back at him. He had to be the most infuriating person you'd ever met. He'd had two hundreds years to perfect being annoying and he had done exceedingly well.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The two of you had been traveling together for a number of days. You'd managed not to kill each other, luckily, but otherwise things had remained mostly the same. Silence, and if it wasn’t silence, it'd be harsh words and fast quips.
You didn't hate him - not really. You hated the idea that anyone, let alone a man, believed that you needed help. You'd had things handled and would have kept yourself safe. He'd just happened to come fight when you were in the midst of either killing or getting killed. 
He wasn't going to let that go anytime soon. That much you already knew about him.
“It’s cold,” you announced as the two of you made camp for the night. You pulled your jacket tighter around your frame but it was no use, “I’m cold. Can we make a fire?”
“That, princess, is one of the many reasons you need someone out there to keep an eye on you,” if you didn’t know any better, you’d almost have thought that he was being kind - nice. 
“Listen,” you sat down and leaned against one of the trees near the clearing you’d decided to call home for the evening, “I know it’s not exactly safe or the best idea, but I’d rather do that than freeze.”
“It ain’t even that cold,” he mused, stripping off his overcoat and tossing it over to you. You made a sound of surprise, but didn’t hesitate to put it on, “life really was different for you, wasn’t it? I’d say it was almost as easy as those vaulties had it.”
“It wasn’t…” you knew he wasn’t wrong. You’d come from a place of privilege, having been born into a family with wealth, new world wealth anyway, and had it pretty easy for a surface dweller. You’d lived in a large, well stocked and safe home with people around to do your bidding. Those were some of the perks of having a father that was some sort of merchant prince, “it wasn’t like that.”
“Yeah?” he rolled out his bedroll, a bitter laugh escaping him, “sounds like you had nothing to do and everything done for you.”
“I mean…” you trailed off, knowing it was futile to lie to him. He’d known your father after all; Cooper Howard was the one sent to fetch you and return you home once your father had found out you’d run away, “it was…good sometimes. There were a lot of bad times too. But I still know how to do things for myself. I could kill you with my bare hands if I wanted to. I’ve done it before.”
“Huh,” he grabbed a vial and downed it one go, his eyes never leaving your face, “guess that makes you a killer. Just. Like. Me.”
“I did what I had to do,” you swallowed thickly, blinking back tears that threatened to well up. Cooper knew that you had run away, but he didn’t know the full extent of what had happened to cause you to run away, “and we’re here.”
“Tell me what happened,” your eyes snapped to him as you tried to weigh his words in order to see if he was being serious or not. He’d never really taken an interest into your personal life, but you wondered if that was because he genuinely didn’t care or if he’d just created some sort of creed for himself that didn’t allow him to get close to anyone, “what made you run away from your sweet little life, darlin’?”
“Cooper,” you wiped your hands on your thighs and shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. You’d never really said his name before and that caught him off guard, “does it really matter?”
“It’s still buggin’ you, clearly,” he mirrored your position and crossed his arms over his chest, “and we ain’t got nothing but time.”
You inhaled deeply before slowly exhaling and looking at the sky. You could feel his attention still focused on you, “my father told me that there was a man I was going to marry. I told him no and he told me that I didn’t have a choice. Said man found me shortly before the wedding was supposed to happen and he…he tried to…”
You paused for a moment, wiping away the tears that had unwittingly rolled down your cheeks. Cooper’s gaze had darkened but he was still watching; the expression on his face looked like he was ready to commit murder.
“He didn’t get a chance to do anything,” you said softly, “I killed him before he could. But he managed to get me a little bit when he was trying to fight me off. That’s why I had a black eye and all the bruises.”
“Darlin’-”
“I didn’t hesitate, Coop,” your expression steeled as you looked him in the eyes, “and I won’t hesitate now. A man will never tell me what to do. And I don’t need anyone thinking I need someone to protect me.”
Cooper had been listening with rapt attention, his mind already thinking of the things he could do to your father.  Bringing you back to him definitely wasn’t one of those things. He’d made up his mind about that almost the moment he’d met you. You’d been sporting a black eye and cut lip, dried blood caked on your hands and arms. He was smart enough to put two and two together.
“For what it’s worth,” he looked back at you with the gentlest expression you’d seen on him, “I’m sorry for what you had to go through. Those are not men, those are monsters.”
“And you’re going to bring me right back to him,” it was a question presented as a statement. You weren’t entirely sure what his plan with you was; you’d been scared to ask. But he also wasn’t hadn’t mentioned a word of bringing you back to your father, “aren’t you?”
“I ain’t bringing you back,” he admitted and you couldn’t keep the surprise off your face, “I never was. I’ve been around a long time, little girl. I know what your father is. I figured it was a better option for me to find you than someone else.”
“You’re not?” you hated how small your voice sounded; how you almost sounded scared. In a way you were. Scared of going back to the place that you hated and would surely make sure you suffered, but you were also scared of forging a new path. You didn’t really know where you were going or what you were going to, “really?”
“On one condition,” of course. You waved your hand, motioning for him to go, “you admit that you have no clue where we’re going and we’ve basically been making this hell of a trek for no real reason.”
You tried to look serious for a moment, but you couldn’t help but start to laugh at how well he could already read you. Cooper was so taken aback by the soft, sweet sound that he couldn’t help the smile that tugged up the corners of his mouth. When you managed to catch your breath, you looked at him and cocked your head to the side, “I have no clue where we’re going and we’ve been making this hell of a trek for no real reason.”
“Honesty,” he pulled one of his knees toward his chest and drummed his fingers on it, “it’s refreshing. You’re gonna be alright, kid.”
“There’s a place,” you murmured after a few moments of silence, “that my mom told me about when I was little. She made it sound like this magical place. I guess really, that’s where I want to go.”
“I hate to break it to you,” Cooper said, “but magical places don’t really exist. They never really did.”
“I know,” you admitted softly, “it just seemed like that when I was young. She died a long time ago, but I’d always think about that place, going there someday.  She said it was west - just go west and you’ll know when you’re there.”
“Hmm,” he nodded and paused for a moment before getting up and grabbing some nearby sticks and bringing them to the center of the clearing. He started making a fire before you could even question him, “if it draws anything out, I’m sure we can handle it.”
“Thanks Coop,” you watched him work, an odd feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. Once the fire was going, he settled down near you, “Cooper?”
“Hmm?”
“We are going west, right?” your question caused him to chuckle before he reached into his pocket and pulled something small out that he passed over you. It was a small silver compass worn and weathered just like him.
“I’m sorry to tell you, sweetheart, but we’ve been goin’ east for the last couple of days,” he shrugged as you groaned at yourself. At least you didn’t have anywhere to be at any particular time, “had I know we’ve been searching for a magical place, I could have told you we were going the wrong way.”
“I guess I’m not as handy as I thought,” you grumbled to yourself, clutching the compass tightly in your hand, “you know you don’t have to come, right?”
“I know,” he nodded, “you think anyone could force me to do something against my will, you don’t know me at all, sugar. Now stop your yapping and get some rest. We’ll start heading west at sunrise.”
You paused for a moment, pulling his coat tighter around you, “thanks, Coop.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The next couple of days of trekking passed in relative peace. The two of you were now making your way west for whatever magical place your mom had made you dream of you. You weren’t sure why Cooper was still with you, but you weren’t about to complain. He provided some decent company since you’d had your little heart to heart, but he owed you nothing. You weren’t exactly complaining; he was the closest thing to a friend you’d had in a long time.
But, as things would have it in the wasteland, life threw a wrench in your plans. A wrench in the form of two raiders that definitely weren’t looking to get chummy. 
“Ugh,” you groaned as the two figures approached from a distance. The two of you were outside of a saloon, trying to decide whether to keep pressing on for the evening or staying put and turning in. Cooper followed your line of sight and made a sign of annoyance, “why do I feel like they’re going to make trouble?”
“Well, darlin’, that’s because they’re about to make trouble,” he touched the brim of his hat and pulled it further down. 
“Look who it is,” one of the men sneered at the two of you. He looked about as unfriendly as they came, “the Ghoul of the hour and his little bounty.”
“We heard you were having some trouble delivering her back home,” his partner came up and eyed you without shame. He looked disgusting with greasy hair and rotting teeth, a sinister expression on his face, “so we came to take over.”
“Go fuck yourself,” you spit at him, reaching for the dagger that was at your side. You felt Cooper reach for your hand and gently squeeze it in order to stop you from making any rash moves.
“What this charming sweetheart means is that she is not going back with you,” Cooper smirked at them, “so you can run along now.”
“Fucking Ghoul,” the first man snarled at him, “you couldn’t even do your job. Turn the bitch over and we’ll let you go alive…or whatever the hell you are.”
“You can go back to my father and tell him that he can go fuck himself too,” you hissed, blood boiling with sheer annoyance and anger, “and if you don’t turn around right now-”
“What?” His voice was sticky sweet and filled with vinegar as he smiled at you; both of them had pistols in their hands and that made your stomach churn. They could easily get the jump on you, “you’ll kill me?”
“No,” Cooper pushed you behind him and looked at them with a grin on his face. Of course he’d  be enjoying this, “but I will.”
“Why don’t you just-” but the man couldn’t get another word in as the sound of the gunshot rang through the air, causing you to stumble backwards and cover your ears. A second shot rang out within seconds and you saw the other body fall to the ground. 
It happened so fast that you couldn’t help the shock that ran through your body, causing you to let you let out a loud sob. You’d seen death before, you’d seen things much worse than before but there was something about the moment that was overwhelming. 
Blood spattered the side of the building, causing you to dry heave as you noticed the bits of brain and bone clinging to it. Your ears were still ringing as you tried not to completely lose your grip on reality.
“Hey,” you heard his voice cut through the fog and you felt his hand on your shoulders, helping to keep you steady and upright. You shifted your gaze up and found his eyes concerned, “hey.”
“I-I…” you couldn’t even form a proper sentence as you looked at him, “they…you. You saved me.”
Before he could even respond, you threw your arms around him and held tightly onto him. He was taken aback for a moment before he hugged you back, and you could feel his breath of relief. There was something so good and reassuring about the feel of his arms around you.
“You would have had it handled,” he insisted and you shook your head. 
“No,” you looked at him and to your surprise he gently wiped away your tears, “I couldn’t have. I couldn’t have saved myself this time. Thank you.”
“No need to thank  me, darlin’,” he took your chin in his hand and kept your gaze on his, “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
“I do,” you wrapped your fingers around his wrist and nodded slightly, “I do need you. Don’t go.”
“The only place I’m going is west,” there was that smile again, the one that rarely graced his features. The same one that made your legs feel like jello, “are you comin’?”
“Yes,” you promised, “I’m coming.”
“Well then, we best get goin’ sweetheart,” he glanced over the carnage that he left behind, “before someone else comes to make trouble.”
He checked himself over to make sure he had everything ready to. You missed the feel of his touch almost immediately. 
Once he made sure he had everything, he held his hand out to you.
You took it without hesitation. 
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reiding-writing · 1 month
Note
hi! could you write prompt 6 from the angsty dialogue prompts for the climacteric event? fem/gn reader whatever you prefer, i was thinking that reader finds out something about spencer and it results in this messy situation, but honestly how you want to do it is all up to you!
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JEALOUSY [CLIMACTERIC]
6. “Don’t touch me.”
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WARNINGS: spencer is a bit of a twat but apologises profusely afterwards, arguing, happy? ending
spencer reid x gn!reader || angst || 2.5k || event masterlist!!
main masterlist!!
a/n: majority vote chose this one to come out first 🫶 they also chose for it to have a happy ending bc y’all are really boring /j (i love you guys you aren’t boring i swear 🫶)
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Spencer Reid grew up too fast.
He was remarkably smart for his age, that much was a given, but in terms of emotional development Spencer was forced to skip what should’ve been his childhood.
He didn’t get to experience what it felt like be praised over a rudimentary piece of ‘art’ by his parents, because he was ‘too intelligent’ for that.
He didn’t get to go out on a Saturday morning with his father to learn how to play a ball game because his dad was never around.
He didn’t get to be coddled by his mother when he cried because by the time he was nine he was her full time carer.
Ironically, his childhood was an era of time where he could barely remember a single detail, despite his renowned eidetic memory, and it only seemed to further prove that Spencer Reid’s childhood didn’t exist.
All he could remember was what didn’t happen. The key milestones of his life that he never got to live through.
To say that impacted his emotional availability was an understatement. Spencer had never been one to ask for help from other people, but in instances where he really felt like he was about to fall apart it was even worse. He’d grown up with the expectation that he was responsible for his own well being. That him and him alone was the only thing that could get him through whatever dark patch that he went through.
He didn’t need anyone else. He wasn’t allowed anyone else. It was just him, always.
You were decidedly the opposite. You wore your emotions on your sleeve, and for the most part, Spencer found it entirely refreshing to watch you be able to express yourself with no holds barred and no internal monologue telling you that what you were doing was wrong.
Sometimes he wished he could do the same.
There were times of his career where he wished you’d do something wrong, that you’d make a mistake or cross a boundary and it’d allow him to exert all of the anger and deep-seeded jealously he felt whenever he saw you be so open with yourself.
He knew it was horrible of him, and more often than not the minute those thoughts invaded his mind he thought of nothing more than how much of a terrible person he was. He was wishing ill on you just because you’d managed to have a healthy emotional output.
Because he was inherently broken from all the years of keeping everything to himself.
“Are you okay?”
Spencer furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of your voice, gaze turning upwards from the mug of coffee sitting on the kitchenette counter to meet your face, covered in worry lines as you furrow your own eyebrows.
He hated when you looked at him like that. Like he was something to be pitied.
“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer presses his lips together in an awkward line of a smile, a staple of his character that seemed much less genuine than usual from your point of view.
“You’ve uh- You’ve been stood here staring at your mug for almost five minutes,” Spencer flickers his eyes up to the analogue clock on the wall at your declaration.
You were right, he’d been stood in a state of dissociation for almost a whole five minutes without realising it. Great, that’s just wonderful. Like his life couldn’t get any worse.
“Everything’s fine,” He gives you another one of those awkward smiles as he takes his mug in between both of his hands, the ceramic barely even warm anymore, which tells him that his coffee isn’t hot enough for him to actually enjoy it, but right now he’d take a cup of warm coffee over standing here talking to you about his ‘feelings’.
But you’ve never made things easy.
“It’s not though is it? Something’s wrong Spencer, everyone in the office can tell,” You sigh softly at the indignation on his face as you prod at what’s going on inside his head. “We’re worried about you…” You reach out your hand slowly to lay it on his arm, and he pulls away from you without a second thought.
“Please don’t touch me,” He takes a step to the side, clearly trying to bypass you and get back to his desk so he can escape the conversation. “I said I’m fine.”
“And you’re lying Spencer.” You step in the same direction that he does, effectively blocking his path out of the kitchenette. “We need to know what the issue is or we can’t help you Spencer,” Your voice is tinged with a small amount of desperation, and it irks Spencer in a way that he can’t even fully comprehend.
“You want to know what the issue is?” He puts his mug back down on the counter with enough force that small droplets of coffee spill over the rim and onto the granite underneath it. “It’s you.”
He leans forward slightly like he’s trying to emphasise his point. “You are the issue.”
His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden you’re regretting caring so much.
God you’re beginning to regret even waking up this morning. Maybe that would’ve spared you from the stake in your heat that was Spencer Reid explicitly telling you that you were the sole reason why he was acting differently. Why he was being cold and distant from the team and their genuine want to just make sure he’s okay.
Because they couldn’t do that. Because you were a part of the team. And as long as you were there that coldness wouldn’t go away.
“Right…” You press your lips into a line. “Sorry for asking.”
Spencer regrets what he said almost as soon as the words come out of his mouth. He watches as that usual sparkle of compassion in your eyes literally fizzles out right in front of him, and all of a sudden he feels like an absolutely horrible person.
As you turn to leave he reaches out a hand to stop you. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, how could he possibly redeem himself after a comment like that? But his body runs on autopilot and all he knows is that he needs to apologise to you. “Wait—”
“Don’t— touch me Reid,” You pull your arms further into yourself to stop him from reaching out to them, and he swears his heart breaks at the sight of you being dismissive. And then there was the added blow of you using his surname to further distance yourself from him and making him want to cut out his tongue so saying something so rash with absolutely zero provocation. “I understood you the first time.”
It was a complete turn of your character, all semblance of warmth and vulnerability evaporated and replaced with a cold, hard shell that Spencer could see calcifying behind your eyes.
“I-“
“I’ll leave you be now.”
And with that you disappear around the corner, leaving Spencer alone with his thoughts. His terrible thoughts that rightfully pummel him into the ground for so much as suggesting that you could ever be a problem.
When you said you’d “Leave him be”, he didn’t think it meant you’d literally avoid him like the plague. God you’d even roped Emily into switching desks with you so you wouldn’t have to sit opposite him anymore.
How was he supposed to grovel for your forgiveness if you wouldn’t so much as spare him a glance?
How was he supposed to explain to the team that the reason the two of you suddenly weren’t talking to each other was because he’d fucked up so badly that he felt like he was going to implode?
And most importantly, how on earth was Spencer Reid supposed to make you listen to him so he could explain himself and try to reconcile with you?
He’d considered cornering you in the break room, or catching you in an elevator on your way to the parking lot, but he knew that would only make things worse.
He’d considered turning up to your apartment your favourite snacks and begging you to let him inside, but that would be weird and borderline stalkerish.
He was really running out of ideas, and the longer he went without saying something the deeper he felt he was being pulled into the pit of despair that he’d dug himself to the point where he wasn’t sure if he as going to be able to claw himself out of it.
He had to speak to you. And he had to make sure that you didn’t run away.
The opportunity practically handed itself to him during a case. He knew budget cuts would mean that the team paired up when staying at a NYC hotel, and after some under the table begging for the other team members to room with each other so you didn’t have any choice but to room with him, he took his chance.
There was a very obvious blanket of tension between the two of you as you entered the room together, your apparent vow of silence continuing as you dump your bag on one of the twin beds to claim it as your own before shutting yourself into the bathroom to ready yourself for sleep.
He could tell that you weren’t happy about the arrangement, and despite how much you were distancing yourself from him you still wore your emotions on your sleeve, and right now they were telling him that you would literally rather be anywhere else.
You skirt past him as you exit the bathroom in your pyjamas, leaving your clothes and your bag on one of the decorative chairs to climb into bed with the continued silent treatment you’re serving him.
Spencer sighs dejectedly as he watches you take a seat on the edge of the bed with your back to him. “Can we talk? Please?”
“What is there to talk about?” Your voice washes him like a cold shower, your vocal chords dipped in ice and your words a perfect combination of blunt and dismissive. He can’t see your expression as you speak, but has a pretty good idea of the furrowing of your eyebrows and the narrowing of your gaze.
“I want—” Spencer lets out another sigh, raking his fingers through his hair in internal frustration. “I need to apologise to you. What I said was horrible and I’m sorry,”
“I don’t forgive you.”
As much as the words cut through his heart like a knife, he can’t blame you.
“I understand… I just wanted you to know that I really regret what I said, and that it’s been tearing me up thinking about it,”
“Right…” You let out a short, sarcastic laugh that causes Spencer’s eyebrows to furrow. “Because it’s all about you right?”
“That’s not what I—”
“Goodnight Reid.” You punctuate your sentence by shutting of the lamp on your side of the room, officially putting an end to your side of the ‘conversation’.
Spencer wasn’t done with it quite yet.
“I’m jealous of you. That’s why I said that ‘you were an issue’. You’re not. I am the issue and I was projecting it on to you. That was unfair of me and I need you to understand that I am apologising to do right by you, not to make myself feel better.”
“You have no reason to be jealous of me Reid,” You still haven’t turned to face him, but he’d rather be talking to your back than not be talking to you at all.
“Please stop calling me that..” Spencer lets out a small breath at the end of his sentence, words tinged with a small amount of desperation. He didn’t want to be ‘Reid’ in your mind, he wanted to be Spencer. “I have a lot to be jealous of when it comes to you,” Admitting his faults outright made him feel nauseous, but he needed to break this brick wall you’d built around yourself when it came to him.
He couldn’t stand being an outsider in your life.
“I mean, you’re sweet, kind, you have an inherent knack for social situations that I could only dream of possessing,” He takes a small break in his sentence to nervously chew on the inside of his lip. “and your emotional vulnerability makes me so jealous of you that I want to just—” He exhales sharply.
“It’s very easy to be jealous of you,”
There’s a small pause after Spencer’s confession, tension lingering in the air as he watches you aimlessly fiddle with the edge of the sheets whilst you debate how to respond.
“Those are stupid things to be jealous of,”
Spencer physically deflates at your answer. “They’re not, people like you are envied because you’re so open with yourself, that’s something not a lot of people have, myself included,” Spencer takes a small step forward, cautious about scaring you off if he approached too quickly. “even if I wish I did..”
He places a deft hand on your shoulder and you jolt at the contact.
“I’m really sorry.” His voice drops to a point where it’s almost inaudible, and you swear you can hear his voice catch as he tries to maintain his composure. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore… please,”
You let out a small sigh of indignation, and Spencer knows he’s won you over. “Fine,”
“Thank you,” He gives your shoulder a small squeeze, and you return it with one of your own as you rest your hand on top of his.
“I’m still angry with you,”
“I know…”
“You’ve got a hell of a job making up for it,”
“I know,”
“Good,” You finally turn to look over your shoulder at him, and Spencer is glad to see that your expression isn’t one of loathing or frustration. “Get some sleep Spencer,”
“Okay…” He gives you a soft nod and a half-awkward smile, the sound of his name rolling off your tongue one that fills him with more contentment than it probably should. “Goodnight…” He hesitantly pulls his hand from your shoulder to walk back to his own hotel bed, walking as you tuck yourself into yours.
“Goodnight Spencer, we’ll talk about this in the morning,”
“Yeah… Thank you…”
Spencer flicks off the lamp beside him, relaxing as the room is shrouded into darkness and allowing himself to get the first proper night of rest he had in weeks now that he’s finally made his peace with you.
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Text
Marry you
Pairing: Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader
Summary: During an interview, someone asks you to marry them and your girlfriend isn't happy about it
Disclaimer: English is not my first language.
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MASTERLIST | READ PART TWO | READ PART THREE
“My next question is for Y\N.”
Hearing your name being said from somewhere in the crowd in front of the stage, you looked up and quickly finished drinking your water to put the bottle back on the small stool they placed between your and Evan’s chairs. That was the first question directed at you since everyone else who got a chance to ask a question to the Marvel actors seemed more interested in asking things to the people who had been a part of that universe for longer. You couldn’t blame them because that was your second year being a part of that large cast and that was your first ComicCon, not to mention that your colleagues and friends were very entertaining to watch answering the fans' questions.
Now, however, someone was about to ask you something and you got excited very fast. You had prepared to be asked a number of questions about your character, who had featured in two different movies in the MCU and was about to get a movie with her very own name after making success among the fans. You took the microphone that Scarlett elegantly gave to you from where she was sitting in front of you and waited to hear the question. Your eyes scanned the large crowd to find who was about to talk to you, finding someone standing with the microphone in hand after a few seconds.
“Yes?” You prompted the man to talk and also to let him know you were paying attention to what he was about to say.
“Will you marry me?”
There was a beat of stunned silence before the theater erupted in laughs. You were so surprised by his words - and fairly disappointed for having to hear that type of question when all the men got asked very deep questions before - that it took you a moment to go back to the present. You pressed your lips in a thin line and looked around while you thought about your answer. You didn’t want to be rude, but you also didn’t want to let this guy think he was so amazing for asking that type of thing.
Most of your cast mates were laughing around you, but you saw the way Scarlett turned around to throw you a sympathetic smile, which certainly brought you some comfort at least. Brie was also one of the few who didn’t think it was funny, and you thought you may have seen Holland grimacing a bit. There was another roll of chairs behind you and you couldn’t see the reaction of anyone sitting there. You couldn’t see if your girlfriend, Elizabeth Olsen, was sharing an awkward laugh with everybody or if she was as stunned as you.
You had been dating for quite some time now and, although you didn’t make any effort to keep it a secret, the public hadn’t connected the dots yet - which was a first. You liked to think you knew Elizabeth enough to know she didn’t find that question to be funny, though. Not because she would go jealous or anything, but because she could see it was a sexist joke to make every man in the room laugh. The guy himself was accepting the catcalls his friends were throwing his way like he was the most amazing man on Earth, and that’s what made you decide to shoot back instead of going for a simple answer.
“Really?” You asked on the microphone. “You have the right to make one question, and that’s the question you’re going to make?” You added incredulity in your voice and more laughs filled the room, then you shifted to sarcasm - your greatest weapon. “I mean, we’re not going back to you. You know that, right? You have one question, you make it, and that’s it. You can’t make another one.” You could see Scarlett laughing honestly at you, her eyes shining with mirth, and then Elizabeth’s chuckles reached your ears as well. Before the guy could say anything else, you kept talking, dragging him without remorse. “I will give you two seconds to think if that’s what you want to ask.”
For dramatization, you raised your hand, slowly taking two fingers down while everyone else seemed to have fun with your actions. Even the guy who made the question was laughing, although you doubted he realized you were making fun of him.
“Fine, you can ask your question now,” you joked, pointing at him and reclining against your chair. You crossed your legs, placed an arm on the back of the chair, and turned your body to the side a bit to look directly at him.
And then, the question got asked again: “Will you marry me?”
Of course, laughs sounded all around one more time, even louder, and you bit the inside of your cheek while swinging the microphone in front of your mouth for a few seconds. Then, when the laugh died a bit, you crossed your arms. “Give me a reason to do it. Come on.”
“I have money!” The guy shouted since the person mediating the questions had already removed the microphone from his hand to move on to find someone else who wanted to participate.
“So do I, my dude!” You shouted back before remembering you didn’t have to.
However, as you realized everyone else was laughing again, you knew it was a nice reaction to have for the public. Brie, sitting a few chairs from you, had thrown her head back to laugh, and Scarlett placed a hand on your knee as if to show you support. You risked throwing a glance behind you and caught the way Elizabeth was smiling at you and that’s all you needed to keep going on with that crazy conversation.
“Really, I have money. So, unless you’re an Arabian Prince or something, I don’t think I will be too impressed with your bank account,” you provoked and then leaned over to point at him with your free hand. “I mean, if you are an Arabian Prince, you wouldn’t want to marry me to start with because, you know, I’m not a virgin. That ship has sailed, my friend.” More laughs. “Are you a prince of some sort?” You watched as the man shook his head and started sitting down, laughing so hard you were a bit worried he would stop breathing soon. Well, at least he wasn’t offended by your reaction, but you kind of wished he was. “There we go. So you’re not a prince. And I have money, so I’m not interested in that. I’m not saying I’m richer than you, but I would only get impressed if you were a prince, sorry.”
“Someone is going to have nightmares lost in the desert tonight,” Robert joked over his own microphone, causing some more laughs.
“No, really,” you kept talking, looking at him now. “He had one question and that’s the one he chose. I even gave him a chance to make up his case because I totally ignored the biggest reason why I wouldn’t marry him. I’m gay! Everyone knows it.”
Now you were just drawing the moment because you couldn’t help yourself. People were laughing and they were having fun, and you wished to keep it like that. Also, it was a way of letting everyone know you wouldn’t put up with stupid shit like that. It could’ve been much worse, you knew that. You had seen the amount of sexist questions Scarlett got asked through the years, so you should be glad that it was a minor thing. Harmless, even, albeit very annoying. Even so, you wouldn’t let people think it was okay to brush your work to the side to ask those types of things.
“By the way,” you said, looking back to the crowd even if you couldn’t find the guy anymore, “thank you for ruining my first proposal.”
“No one ever asked you to marry them?” Holland asked in his overly excited manner.
“Nope.” You shook your head. “It just got ruined for me now. My first proposal and it happened like that.” Then, you pretended to be sad, pouting and everything.
“Oh, no,” Scarlett joined in the joke after stealing Robert’s microphone. “I hope the second one goes better.”
“Not as special as the first one.” You shrugged and that put an end to the subject, finally.
Everyone shared another laugh and the panel moved on after that. It was filled with more funny moments and you got asked some good questions after that, so, once it was over, everyone was in a good mood. Some of the cast had to attend another panel starting soon, but some of you decided to enjoy the mood to have a little celebration at the hotel bar. Once you all got there and got your drinks, your friends started talking about the things that happened during the panel, obviously addressing one of the most memorable moments.
“You dragged him!” Brie exclaimed with a laugh. “The guy has no idea what hit him!”
“He has no idea because he didn’t even realize he was wrong,” Scarlett pointed out gently, although she reached out to squeeze your shoulder. “But, damn, that was awesome.”
You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “If they don’t fire me now, I think I’m safe for another ten years or so.”
While everyone else chuckled and started talking among themselves, you noticed that Elizabeth was quiet beside you. She was sitting on the chair by your side, nursing a fancy drink that she had only taken a sip from, and looking from face to face without paying attention to what was being said. You couldn’t ignore it, of course, and quietly moved your chair a bit to get closer to her so you could lean over to whisper against her ear, masking your actions by pretending you were only getting closer to kiss her cheek.
“You okay?”
You pulled away a bit, but kept close by leaning your elbow on her armrest. Elizabeth glanced at you with wide eyes and surprise written all over her features, and you watched as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. Her pale cheeks acquired a pinky shade and, even if you worried with her, you also couldn’t help but think she was the cutest person on the planet.
“Yes, I am. Why do you ask?”
“You’re very quiet,” you pointed out gently.
“I’m always quiet, sweetie,” Elizabeth declared with a chuckle.
It was an earnest chuckle, not forced or faked, and it made you relax almost immediately. You rolled your eyes fondly now and leaned closer to kiss her cheek again “Not always,” you whispered before pulling away with one eyebrow arched, giving her a very meaningful look.
Elizabeth picked up the meaning behind your words and blushed a deep shade of red, which caused you to laugh loudly, bringing the attention of everyone back to you. Everyone there knew you two were dating and they quickly jumped in to tease both you and Elizabeth, much to your amusement and her distress.
The night was amazing despite that - or maybe because of that - but you all said your goodbyes before you got too excited with the drinks. Everyone needed to get up early the next day to be a part of more panels and other interviews, not to mention that having half of the Marvel cast getting drunk in a hotel bar was a very bad idea, so you all decided to call it a night.
You and Elizabeth kept company to Scarlett, walking her back to her room so she wouldn’t be alone, and then took the elevator again to go to the room you were sharing. As soon as you stepped inside, you kicked off your shoes and started taking off the vest you were wearing on top of a long-sleeved shirt. Elizabeth stepped in behind you, being much more pragmatic in her actions. She took her high heels and placed them neatly beside her empty luggage, then she started taking off her earrings while walking towards the safe deposit box where she had placed everything valuable. Meanwhile, you threw the vest away and lay on the bed with a deep sigh, arms and legs stretched out like a starfish.
“Oh, I wish I could sleep all day tomorrow,” you groaned, feeling the ache in your body make its presence known.
Elizabeth had her back turned at you, but you heard her chuckling softly at your words. “You should go take a shower before you pass out on the bed.”
You whined but you knew she was right. Elizabeth knew you better than anyone and she knew you could fall asleep in a minute without even realizing it. You were a bit sweaty and you also needed to remove the make-up you applied earlier that day, no matter how tired you were. Making loud noises just for drama effect, you got up and made your way to stand behind Elizabeth. She was slightly higher than you, something she liked to tease you about. You kissed Elizabeth’s shoulder gently and hummed when she leaned back against you. Your arms wrapped around her waist and you smiled when she rocked her body from one side to the other with you.
You stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying her presence and the silence in the room after a day filled with attending crowds and making interviews. After a while, Elizabeth turned around in your arms with a loving smile that made your heart a bit warmer. She pecked your lips before her hands moved to start undoing the buttons of your shirt, slowly revealing your bra beneath it. It wasn’t a sexual gesture at that moment, just something she decided to do for you to keep you close to her for another minute.
“Go take a shower,” she told you again. “You’re smelling like Evans.”
“He hugged me like a thousand times,” you complained, earning a kiss from her and an amused laugh.
You eventually managed to take the said shower, taking your precious time under the warm water to lose up some of your tense muscles. You would have to wake up extra early to wash your hair to have enough time to get to your first interview, and you wished you could stay in bed with your girlfriend all day. After getting out of the shower, you went through your skincare routine - the one that Scarlett forced on you until you put it in your daily agenda - brushed your teeth, and finally left the bathroom ready to jump in bed and go to sleep.
As soon as you stepped outside, though, you realized something was different. Well, it wouldn’t take a genius to notice that the lights around the room were almost all dim or the soft music playing in the background, but it surprised you enough that you stopped short in your tracks as you looked around. You opened your mouth to call out for Elizabeth when you spotted your girlfriend standing by one of the corners where a champagne bottle was left at some point when you were taking your shower.
You arched your eyebrow at her, but Elizabeth didn’t say anything as she walked towards you holding two glasses and smiling at you. She was still wearing her beautiful black dress, feet bare, and cheeks just a bit red, and you found yourself being rooted on the spot, hypnotized by her. You took one of the glasses when she got close enough and saw your girlfriend reach out to close the bathroom door behind you.
“What’s going on?” You asked when she took your free hand gently to pull you to the middle of the room. Elizabeth didn’t reply and you couldn’t help but keep talking out of nervousness. “I feel underdressed now. I already put my pajamas on, didn’t know we would be celebrating tonight. What are we celebrating, by the way?”
Elizabeth smiled throughout your rambling, eventually stopping you by squeezing your hand once. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she said.
“Okay,” you mumbled, suddenly much more nervous than before. The mood wasn’t somber, so you didn’t think it would be something bad, but you could never know.
“I had a plan,” Elizabeth started to explain. “I was going to wait for our anniversary, take you to ski or something equally dangerous because you enjoy this type of thing,” she chuckled fondly at that. “I would have more time to prepare a speech and there was going to be roses. I was still debating if I would do it before or after dinner.”
You had no idea what Elizabeth was talking about, so you didn’t try to stop her. Your heart was beating so fast inside your chest that you were afraid she might be hearing that, though she just looked utterly content looking at you.
“I got the champagne, at least, but the hotel couldn’t provide me the roses this late at night with such short notice. And we don’t have snow. It’s actually very, very, hot outside, and our dinner was old peanuts from the bar downstairs,” Elizabeth kept talking, her hand still holding yours and your glasses were dangerously forgotten. “You’re already in your pajamas and I’m not wearing the very cute dress I was thinking about wearing when I did this, but…” She paused, took a deep breath and let her eyes fall to your joined hands for a moment. “But I don’t think all of that would have made it any more special.”
“Lizzie,” you whispered, making her eyes snap back to yours. “I’m lost.”
Elizabeth laughed lowly and nodded. “Right, sorry.” She blinked at you. “I’m sorry someone ruined the first time you got proposed to and I can’t let you go with that lame proposal as your only proposal for longer.”
Okay, now you had a very clear idea where that was going and you felt your eyes widening immediately. Your racing heart started going even faster when Elizabeth let go of your hand to pull out a small blue box from somewhere between the folds of her dress. You had no idea how she hid that there, but you also didn’t care. Not right now. Elizabeth gently opened the box, with the inside turned at her yet, and smiled when she saw what was inside. Then, she held the box with the same hand that was holding her glass and reached out to take your hand again.
And then, because life wasn’t already crazy enough at that moment, Elizabeth got down on one knee in front of you.
“Y/N, will you marry me?”
She showed you the ring finally, but you honestly didn’t even mind what it looked like. What mattered was the woman in front of you asking you to spend the rest of your life with her. You loved Elizabeth and had known for a while that she was the one you wanted to share your life with, but you had never imagined she would be proposing to you. It surprised you enough to delay your reply for a couple of seconds, even if you had no doubt what your answer would be.
“Yes! Of course! Yes!”
Your voice was way higher than it had to be, but neither of you cared.
Still ignoring the box between you two, you leaned over to kiss her, bringing your hands to cradle her face. You forgot about the glass in your hand though and your kiss got interrupted by a yelp when Elizabeth felt the cold drink falling down her shoulder and ruining her dress. You parted and shared a look before bursting into a fit of laughter. You helped her go back to her feet, still holding her face - more carefully now - and you shared another kiss before she slid the ring on your finger.
Turns out you were wrong. Second time was even more special.
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juniperskye · 2 months
Text
Who Are You Again?
Based on the following ask: I had another plot thought! Aaron x BAU Reader (female or gender neutral) where Reader disobeys an order to save a victim and gets hurt really bad. Reader wakes up in the hospital to Aaron who is angry at first but then is shocked when it turns out that Reader has retrograde amnesia from the injury. Reader has forgotten their entire career in the BAU and even that They and Aaron were secretly dating! Last thing Reader actually remembers was attending a lecture in college where Aaron was a guest speaker and Reader developed a crush on him! Now Aaron has to carefully navigate helping Reader recover without outing their relationship to anyone else. Or maybe he wonders if it's better they forget? But for a HEA ending definitely Aaron doing something romantic sparks a memory and helps everything come flooding back. @nyxwolph thank you for requesting again and trusting me with your ideas! – I did have to change things up a bit (I struggled big time with this one)
Aaron Hotchner x BAU! Fem Reader
Angst/Fluff
Word count: 5336
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, age gap, some language, BAU canon typical violence, mention of parent death, mention of kidnapping, mention of Haley and Jack, secret relationship, let me know if I missed any!!
That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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“In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” Essentially, something as small as a butterfly flapping its wings could cause something as catastrophic as a tornado.  
Aaron wondered what small event happened that led to this moment right now. A moment that would change the trajectory of your lives forever.
*36 hours earlier*
“Garcia has the unsubs location; he’s headed down a backroad just east of the 95.” Aaron said.
“He’s devolving, he’s probably going to try and dispose of his latest victim.” Morgan chimed in.
“Not if we have anything to do with it.” JJ replied.
“His location is being shared with you all, everyone be safe, at this point he’s going to be willing to do anything to avoid prison.” Hotch added.
“I’m close by, I am going to go try and cut him off.” You suggested.
The team expressed their worry and care and urged you to be careful. The only thing you had on your mind, however, was saving the five-year-old boy this unsub had hidden. You drove as fast as your vehicle would allow, you had to get to the unsub. You had to save that boy.
As you got closer to the location Garcia had shared, you could see the dust trail the unsubs car was leaving down the road. You thought about your options, and you made a snap decision. Drive on, no matter the consequences – take out the unsub’s car. So that’s what you did.
You drove forward and your car t-boned the unsubs, only you hadn’t considered that he’d be driving a semi tractor. Upon impact, your SUV was crushed, in your rush to get to the unsub you’d forgotten to put on your seatbelt and your body was ejected through the windshield.
The accident was enough to stop the unsub long enough for the team to arrive. As they surveyed the scene, Aaron’s stomach dropped. He immediately began barking orders, demanding medics, and sending agents to the unsubs’ farm to find the boy.  Throughout everything he refused to leave your side.
*Present Day*
“Sir, we had to place her in a medically induced coma to allow the swelling in her brain to go down.” The doctor explained.
“Is there an estimate as to how long it’ll be until she wakes up?” Aaron asked.
“With these kinds of injuries, it’s hard to say. The brain is a tricky thing, and no two injuries are alike. We just have to wait and see.”
“Thank you.” Aaron said, shaking the doctor’s hand.
Your doctor made her exit and Aaron moved to the seat beside your bed. He gently took your hand in his own placing a kiss to the back of it before returning it to your side. Aaron had thought back to the night everything changed.
*One year earlier*
“Hey Hotch, here’s that report you asked for. You aren’t staying are you?” You asked, glancing at your watch.
“Thanks, and yeah I had a few things I needed to finish up.”
You made your way over to Aaron’s couch, dropped your bag to the floor, and shrugged your jacket off. You pulled your phone out to see what was still open for delivery in the area. Aaron and you had shared many nights like this, spending late nights together in his office. The two of you had grown very close over the years, so much so that David had outright asked Aaron if you two were dating. To which Aaron let out an awkward chuckle and denied the accusation. If only he knew.
“What are you doing? You should head home.” Aaron said.
“Well, you should too, and you aren’t, so I guess that means we’re ordering dinner.” You smiled at him.
“I love you.” Aaron said simply.
“What?” You were stunned.
“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. I didn’t – I um….”
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Aaron made his way over to you, gently caressed your face and kissed you. It was everything you had ever imagined. There had been this tension between the two of you over the last two years and it was all finally coming together.
After that night, Aaron and you had agreed to keep your relationship under wraps, to avoid any potential disruption to the team, but also any question as to your position on the team. Aaron didn’t want anyone to question the fact that it was your skills and resume alone that got you to where you are.
Yours and Aaron’s relationship blossomed after that night, but not without hardships. Aaron and you faced a lot of adversity in multiple aspects of your relationship; you had a hard time trusting people, Aaron had been self-conscious of your age gap, and you both couldn’t help but feel that you weren’t good enough for the other (not that either of you would bring it up).
*Present Day*
A tear fell from Aaron’s eye, he couldn’t fathom losing you. This was all part of the reason he didn’t want to get serious with someone after Haley, but then you came into his life. You’d come in and made yourself known with your kind eyes and witty charm; how could he not fall in love with you.
Aaron fell for you slowly then all at once, it came naturally, and he couldn’t help it. He knew that the team had their suspicions and honestly over the last year there had been some close calls, but you had ultimately maintained the secrecy of your relationship.
In this moment, Aaron couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt and regret over the fact that he’d asked you to keep things quiet. Had he let the team in on your relationship, he could’ve done a better job at keeping you safe.
*2 Weeks Later*
Aaron had been by your side as much as possible over the last two weeks, which is exactly where he was when you started to stir. Aaron shot straight up in his seat, his hand quickly reaching for your own.
You couldn’t help the groan that escaped your throat, your body hurt so bad, and you felt very confused. You attempted to open your eyes but immediately regretted it – the bright fluorescents adding to the pounding in your head. As you blinked through the brightness of the room, you glanced over to your bedside, noticing a tall man seated there.
“What on earth were you thinking? Driving into the unsub like that, you could’ve been killed. Your actions were reckless and unacceptable.” The man scolded you.
You couldn’t find it in you to reply, your head was pounding. You brought your hand up to your forehead and gently press the heel of your palm into it, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure.
“Sweetheart hold on, I’ll go get your doctor.” A deep voice sounded from your bedside.
Before you could question the pet name, you heard the sound of his dress shoes clicking against the linoleum floors.
The man returned with your doctor; he dimmed the lights slightly on his way back to your bedside. He moved to grab your hand again, to which you shifted, wringing your hands nervously in your lap.
“Hello, I’m doctor Raynor. How are you feeling?”
“Like I was hit by a truck, what happened?” You questioned, giving your doctor and the man a once over.
You recognized the man; it was Special Agent Hotchner of the BAU. What was he doing here? What happened?
“Well, you were involved in an accident, can you tell me what you remember?” Dr. Raynor inquired.
“I um, well, I was leaving a lecture.” Your gaze shifted to Agent Hotchner “Your lecture actually, you were talking about MO’s. I guess the accident was after that?” You couldn’t help but notice Agent Hotchner’s expression faulter.
Your doctor looked over at Agent Hotchner and he shook his head. The two of them seemingly knew something you didn’t. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d just given the wrong answer in front of the class. Dr. Raynor had gone through the rest of your injuries with you, multiple lacerations that had required stitches, a few broken ribs, a broken wrist, and of course your TBI. Once she was done she gave you a somber look.
“Would you excuse us for just a moment? I am going to send in one of your nurses to check you over and I’ll be back in just a moment.” Dr. Raynor said.
“Oh, okay.”
Dr. Raynor and Agent Hotchner left your room, and you tried your best to listen to their conversation.
*Hotch’s POV*
She doesn’t remember me, well us. It’s like the last five years have just disappeared.
“Agent Hotchner, I gather that the lecture she’s referring to did not occur two weeks ago when she was brought in.”
“No, that lecture was nearly five years ago.” I explained.
“This would be a case of retrograde amnesia, if she’s lost recent memories.” Dr. Raynor replied.
“Will her memory return?”
“It’s hard to say.”
While Aaron was completely devastated, he couldn’t help the doubt that creeped into his mind, telling him “This is for the best”.
*Normal POV*
Dr. Raynor and Agent Hotchner looked extremely serious, and you started to feel nauseous. Something was obviously wrong. You watched as their conversation ceased and they made their way back into the room.
Something must have happened, why would Agent Hotchner be here.
“Alright, it would appear that due to the brain trauma you sustained in your accident, you are experiencing what we describe as retrograde amnesia. This is when you can’t recall memories from your past. Based on your most recent memory, it appears as if you’ve lost approximately five years.” Dr. Raynor explained.
“Five years? Five years of memories are just gone. I don’t understand. If that’s true then why are you here?” You asked gesturing to Agent Hotchner.
“Well, you work for the BAU. You have for about three years now.”
“I do? I – I, this is a lot. What does this mean? Have you called my emergency contact?” You asked.
“I uh – I am your emergency contact.” Agent Hotchner spoke up.
“What, why? It has always been my mom, I don’t understand.”
“I’m so sorry, your mom, she uh – she passed last year. That’s when you switched it over to me.” Agent Hotchner’s gaze shifted down to his shoes.
“She’s gone?” Your voice cracked.
“Okay, this has been quite a bit of information. The most important thing right now is getting healthy. We want to keep you here a little longer to continue monitoring the swelling in your brain. Once we’ve confirmed it has gone down, you’ll want to get back in your usual routine, that is the best shot at getting your memory back.” Dr. Raynor gently patted your leg.
“How am I meant to get back to my normal routine when I don’t know it? The one person I had, I just found out is dead.”
“Given that Agent Hotchner is your emergency contact, we would be able to release you into his care. For now, we just need to stay positive.” With that, Dr. Raynor made her exit.
“I know this is a lot, but the BAU, we’re like a family, that includes you. Each member of the team is going to be willing to do anything to help you throughout this process.” Agent Hotchner said.
Part of you knew you could trust him; he had kind eyes, and you knew he was genuine. However, the other part of you felt so hopeless, like a lost kid in a department store. How were you meant to go home with this man who you didn’t know.
*Five Days Later*
“Do you have everything?” Aaron asked.
He had been with you every day for the last five days. He had brought you some things from your apartment and asked you to call him Aaron for now while you were “getting to know him”. You had to admit, it had been pretty nice talking with him the last few days.
“I think so!” You looked over at him. “I know that I am meant to be staying with you, at least until I’m fully healed, but could we go to my apartment first? I’d like to see it and maybe go through some of my things?”
“Of course we can.” Aaron nodded, gesturing towards the door.
The drive to your place was filled with small talk, mostly you asking Aaron questions about the BAU and the time you’ve spent there. It felt weird asking the man who is technically your boss about your personal life.
When you arrived, Aaron made sure to open your door for you and carry your bag into your home. He led you inside and you couldn’t help but notice how comfortable he seemed in your place, like he’d been there before. Like he belonged there. You shook the thought from your mind.
“I got you a new phone, it’s all set up for you.” Aaron said handing you the device.
“Thanks! Were they able to back up the old one? I was hoping to go through old texts and pictures to gather some insight into my life. God that sounds weird.” You huffed out a breath.
“I have our technical analyst Penelope Garcia working on that for you.” Aaron informed you.
“That’s great, thank you.”
The truth was, Aaron didn’t have Garcia backing up your old phone, at least not yet. He knew that if he had brought it to her she would uncover all the private texts and photos that you two had shared over the last year. He didn’t want to risk everyone finding out about your relationship, especially now when he wasn’t sure what your future would hold.
Aaron watched you as you made your way around your apartment. You wandered slowly around letting your fingers graze the spines of books on your shelves, picture frames on the walls and tchotchkes that were strewn about your desk and shelves. 
He so badly wanted to pull you into his arms, kiss your head and tell you that everything was going to be okay. He wanted you to know that he wasn’t just your boss. But he also thought about all the things that could go wrong if he told you. You could question your own ethics and fall into self-loathing with the thought that you’d potentially slept your way to the top – this was the furthest thing from the truth, but he knew you and the way your mind spiraled. He wondered if it would just be easier if he let you find yourself all on your own, to let this thing between you go and hope that maybe you’d find your way back to him again.
When he looked over to you once again, he saw that you had found a photo album. It was one he was very familiar with; Garcia had gotten it for you on your 1-year BAU anniversary and filled it halfway. Since then, you’d continue to add to it all the photos you’d taken with the team.
You hadn’t realized you were crying until a tear had fallen onto the picture you were currently examining. Your emotions were running high, looking through the album was so strange it felt like looking at a stranger and yet it was you in photo after photo looking happier than ever with these people you couldn’t remember.
You felt the couch dip beside you and Aaron gently rubbed his hand up and down your back.
“I can’t imagine how overwhelming this all must be. I know that I can’t understand but I am here for you and I’m happy to lend an ear if you want to talk about it.” Aaron quietly soothed you.
“Thank you so much Aaron. I just don’t know how to wrap my head around this being me but not remembering it. Clearly you all mean so much to me and yet I have no recollection of any of this.” You sobbed.
Aaron and you sat like that on your couch for a while. He gave you the time you needed to calm down, while holding you, whispering sweet nothings to you. You felt oddly comfortable there in his arms, your mind shifted to the thought that enjoying the way his arms felt around you was also incredibly inappropriate given that he was your boss. At that thought you shifted slightly. You thought back to why you had signed up to audit Aaron’s lecture and while the main reason was the knowledge he’d lend you, a part of you allowed his looks to give you that final push in signing up.
“I should probably grab a few things so we can head out.” You whispered.
“Do you need any help?” Aaron asked.
“I should be okay, but I’ll let you know!”
Aaron drove the two of you back to his apartment, for the time being he had asked Jessica to keep Jack, this way you could adjust, and Jack also wouldn’t out your relationship. Aaron had his guest bedroom set up for you, he’d set it up with some of your favorite things. A lavender scented candle, extra pillows, a fluffy blanket, and he made sure to set a small trinket dish on the dresser, so you’d have a place to put your jewelry.
These of course were all things Aaron had previously had at his place for you. When you two had gotten increasingly more serious, he encouraged you to leave some stuff at his place and he’d gone as far as to supply some of your favorites around his home for you.
Aaron led you into his home and you couldn’t help but glance around, really taking in your surroundings. You couldn’t help but take note of a few things as he showed you around; there was a photo missing from the side table next to the couch (you could see the tiny bit of dust that must’ve collected around it), the pantry was stocked with quite a few of your favorite snacks, there was a pink coffee mug in the cabinet, and lastly, tucked under the shoe rack near the front door were a pair of fluffy gray slippers.
You couldn’t explain why, but there was a slight pang of jealousy in you as you thought of Aaron having a girlfriend. You knew you had no right to feel that way and it would be incredibly inappropriate, but it was a gut reaction.
*One Week Later*
Aaron and you had fallen into a weird sort of routine, it started to feel a lot like the 50’s, you making dinner and cleaning while he worked. You were starting to get a bit stir crazy, which is exactly why you were so excited today. Garcia would be coming by to see you; she was bringing over a bunch of photos and videos of you with the team throughout the last three years.
It was a paperwork catch-up day for the BAU, so Aaron had given Penelope the go ahead to take a long lunch and spend some time with you. So, when a knock on the door rang through the apartment, you couldn’t help the burst of excitement that coursed its way through your veins.
“Hi Penelope!”
“Hey babe! How are you feeling?” She asked, giving you a look of concern.
“I’m feeling pretty good, you know, except for the missing five years of memories thing.”  You let out a low chuckle.
“Oh goodness! Well, I’ve brought a ton of stuff that might help bring some stuff back. I read that sense of smell is the sense that links with memories the strongest so have a bunch of things for you to smell while you look at photos in hopes something will come back to you.”
“That sounds like a great idea!” You smiled at Penelope.
The next hour or so went by with Penelope showing you photos and videos along with passing you various items to smell in hopes of bringing back some of your memories. And while it wasn’t like a wave crashing over you, bringing all your memories back, it did bring some things back. You could remember the members of the BAU and some of their quirks, you remembered the feeling of being in the bullpen (thanks to the smell of some very burnt coffee). What you were struggling to regain was your emotional memories, you couldn’t quite pinpoint the relationships you had with anyone from the team. 
“I am glad that this helped! I should probably get out of your hair though; I can tell you have headache.” Penelope
“Thank you Penelope, I really appreciate all of this!”
You led her to the door, and she reminded you to get some rest and to take it easy. She also suggested that you come by the BAU for lunch in the next week or so to see everyone. The team had been doing a good job of not overwhelming you and allowing you time to get back in the swing of things.
“Oh, Penelope before you go, did you get a chance to back up my old phone? Aaron said you were working on it.”
“Oh, hon. He must’ve forgotten to mention it, but I will get started on that right away! I’ll text you as soon as I’m done, okay? We will just be able to pull the backup and put it on your new phone!” She said pulling you into a tight hug, before making her exit.
Why would Aaron have lied to you about your old phone? Maybe Penelope was right, and it just slipped his mind, he had been dealing with a lot, taking care of you, and having you stay with him.
You hadn’t meant to snoop, honestly, but after having talked with Penelope, the feeling Aaron was hiding something from you was extremely prevalent. You decided to look around a bit, you know, while putting the laundry away. You needed to put the towels away in Aaron’s bathroom, you just happened to notice the second toothbrush in the holder, the dress hanging inside his closet (come on, the door was already open), the ring box tucked in his sock drawer, what shocked you the most were the photos in the hall closet. It was a photo of him and a tall brunette that had you spiraling, where was this woman? You had clearly been invading his space long enough and you couldn’t bear the thought of coming between him and this woman who was to be his fiancé.
You needed to get back to your life, and out of Aaron’s hair. You decided that you’d tell him that night over dinner, you were going to move back home.
“Hey, I’m home!” Aaron called.
“Hey, how was your day?” You asked.
Aaron explained that his day was good, and he asked you about your get together with Penelope as you finished up dinner. Aaron set the table as you followed behind him plating up the food.
“I’m glad to hear things went well with Penelope. I think lunch with the team is a great idea.”
“Aaron I’m gonna move back home.” The words flew out of your mouth faster than your brain could catch up. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want to impose on your life any more than I already have.”
“It’s truly not an imposition, but if that’s what you want.” Aaron looked deflated.
“I just think it’s important we both get back to our usual every day.”
“If you think that’s best.”
You two ate in silence. Afterwards you both went to the kitchen, cleaned up the dishes and made your way to your separate rooms. You began packing up your belongings and Aaron scrolled through photos of the two of you from before the accident.
*Two Days Later*
“Good morning gorgeous!!! I am calling to inform you that the backup from your old phone is ready, and I also think it is the perfect day for you to come in and have lunch with everyone!” Penelope sang over the phone.
“Okay, what time should I come down there?”
“Ummm maybe around 12:30? Everyone is usually ready to eat by then. I can call and order in something too!”
“Oh, and uh Pen, I don’t know the address, and I’m not cleared to drive.” You said shyly.
“Oh shoot, okay! I’ll see who is available to come and pick you up, no worries.” Penelope reassured you.
You took some time getting ready, most of the team hadn’t seen you since before the injuries, and while the cuts and bruises have faded and scarred, you still had a very broken wrist and frequent headaches, along with PTSD and anxiety attacks thanks to the TBI. You felt like you had been doing well, and based on your recent check-up with your neurologist, things are trending up in regard to your health. Though you began to worry that the worst had yet to come.
A knock on your door shook you out of your thoughts, as you made your way to answer it, you wondered who Penelope sent to get you. Pulling the door open revealed someone you were hoping you wouldn’t see so soon.
“Hi Aaron.”
“Hello, were going to go pick up the food on the way back to the BAU, if that’s okay.” Aaron explained.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded.
The drive was filled with tense silence. You couldn’t help but wonder why Aaron would harbor any negative feelings towards you. You’d only moved out of his apartment so he could get back on to his life, if anything he should be grateful that you’ve gone home. One of the main reasons you’d really decided to go home was because of the fact that you were growing far too comfortable.
Things at Aaron’s house were starting to feel right, like it was where you belong. You had no idea how you had been able to work with him over the last few years, the crush you had on him all those years ago had only proven to grow stronger.
“I’ll run in and grab the food.” Aaron said, pulling you out of your thoughts.
Before you could reply, he stepped out of the car and made his way into the restaurant.  
Aaron got you signed in with a visitor’s badge (as you weren’t cleared to work) and then he led you up to the sixth floor, BAU bullpen. Upon walking in, you felt an odd sense of familiarity. You knew that it would make sense for the BAU to bring memories back and that you would have muscle memory to help lead you through the building, but it felt very strange.
You looked over at Aaron, “I need to go see Garcia, do you mind pointing me in the right direction?”
“Of course, her office is that way. Second door on the right.”
“Thanks.” You smiled.
You wandered through the corridor, catching a glimpse of Garcia through her open door. You lightly knocked on her door and walked into her office.
“Oh! Hello gorgeous!” Garcia squealed, standing, and pulling you into a hug.
“Hey Pen!”
“Let’s get your phone squared away and then we will go eat.”
You handed your phone over to Penelope and she began downloading the last backup from your old phone.
“This should only take a few minutes.”
Penelope and you made idle chit chat for a few moments while waiting on your phone. When it finished uploading, she unplugged it and handed it to you. The two of you then made your way to the bullpen.
Lunch with the BAU was overwhelming to say the least. It was fun talking to everyone, but you could tell everyone was walking on eggshells and you could see the pity flash behind their eyes as you sat and explained your lack of memories with the people sitting before you.
After lunch, Aaron let everyone leave early. It had been a paperwork day and the team had been very productive. He told them all to go home, but of course to leave their phones on, just in case they had to leave. Emily offered to drive you home, given the close proximity of your apartments.
When you got home, you changed into some comfortable clothes and sat on the couch. You took a deep breath and unlocked your phone. There were two things you noticed while going through everything, the first being a significant number of photos saved and the second being the texts exchanged between you and your boss.
You decided to go through the photos first. There were plenty of you with the various members of the BAU, but what caught your attention was one image in particular, in it, you were laid in bed with your head resting on a man’s chest…the man being none other than Aaron.
You quickly switched over to your messages app. Clicking Aaron’s name, you saw the most recent text…
“Be careful sweetheart. I love you.”
Your mind was racing, what were you meant to think, why would he keep this from you? Was the ring meant for you? You needed to see him.
You ordered an Uber and made your way to the FBI building. You signed in, getting a visitors’ badge and headed up to the sixth floor.
“Aaron” You called out into the bullpen.
“Is everything okay? What are you doing here?” Aaron asked as he walked out of his office.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Aaron questioned.
“That we were together.”
You gestured to your phone. Aaron dropped his gaze for a moment, before looking back to you. You could see the pain behind his eyes.
“Sweetheart, we had been keeping it a secret, and I don’t know, I guess I thought that maybe you’d be better off. I figured you might find someone more appropriate for you.”
“That wasn’t a choice for you to make. Aaron things have been confusing enough, losing my memory. But to have you lying to me, it’s total bullshit. How am I supposed to get my memories back if you are keeping such a big part of me a secret.” You couldn’t help the frustrated tears from slipping down your cheek.
Aaron reached for you and let his thumb brush the tear off your cheek. He stepped closer to you and brought his other hand to your cheek.
“I am so sorry. I should’ve told you from the get-go, I was scared. I thought that maybe I would tell you and you’d have to get to know me again and maybe you wouldn’t love me the way you did before. I also couldn’t help but think that I don’t deserve you and this was your perfect out. But that was selfish, I should’ve told you the truth.”
You leaned your head onto Aaron’s chest, and he wrapped his arms around you. He pressed a gentle kiss to your hairline and then he pulled back.
“Can I show you something?” Aaron asked.
You nodded and followed him to his office. Aaron led you around his desk and gestured for you to sit in his chair. He pointed to his computer screen, and you took note of the screen saver. It was a slideshow of pictures taken throughout your relationship, there were pictures of you at the FBI Gala, Jack’s soccer game, art museums, at Aaron’s home, at your apartment, etc..
It happened slowly, then all at once. A warm feeling flooded your veins, and a dull ache filled your head. Tears were steadily streaming down your face. You looked up at Aaron, and he met your gaze. A moment was shared before understanding washed over Aaron.
“I remember.”
525 notes · View notes
farfromharry · 5 months
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new year, new man 🏎️ ln4
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Summary: you meet Lando for the first time after being dragged to a new year’s eve party. safe to say you didn’t hate this new year as much as the rest.
W/c - 1485
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You were far from a fan of celebrating the new year. It wasn’t much of a holiday for you, rather than a period of a couple days that made you sad. You spent too long focusing on how it felt like time was moving too fast and you were getting old and by the time midnight arrived you’d successfully brought down everyone else’s moods.
For that very reason you were planning to stay home and mope in your room to greet 2024. But it seemed your friends had other plans.
“I don’t want to go to a party,” you huffed.
The brunette at the end of your bed rolled her eyes. “And I told you, I don’t care what you want, you’re going.” She tossed a dress at you and stood there expectantly.
From out in the hallway you could hear one of your other friends calling for you. “Come on, Y/N, it’ll be fun.”
You knew there was nothing you could do. They wouldn’t leave unless it was with you following behind them. Part of you was warmed by the fact they wanted you around, but another part of you was irritated that they couldn’t just let you be in your misery. You wished you would have been more stubborn.
An hour or so later and you were stepping into a complete stranger’s home where a party was in full swing.
A drink was quickly passed into your hands and within minutes you were left alone sitting in a quiet corner. Your friends had failed to let you know that this party was being hosted by a friend of theirs, with some of their other mutual friends in attendance. Maybe you would have put up a bigger fight if you’d have known you wouldn’t know anyone here and yet they would know everyone.
It was awkward, you standing there, drink in hand and eyes darting around the place at all the strangers. You must have looked so out of place.
“Do you mind if I join you?” A voice startled you out of your daydream. You were getting ready to turn them away when you locked eyes with one of the most attractive men you swore you’d ever seen. Your heart began to beat a little faster. “All the other seats are taken by couples basically swallowing each other. Figured this is the least awkward place to sit.”
You managed to laugh, like a real laugh. You were surprised that a random guy had managed to make you feel even slightly happy for the first time tonight.
“No, you’re fine. I sat here to get away too.”
It was silent for a brief moment and you cursed yourself for being so antisocial.
“Not enjoying the party?” he asked.
You perked up at the chance to talk to him again. “Uh, not really. Unless it’s your party, then it’s great. I’m having so much fun.”
He chuckled. “It’s not my party. Friend of a friend. I don’t really know anyone here.”
There were butterflies in your stomach. Could this man get any better? “Me either.”
He seemed pleased by that, like he’d needed to know he wasn’t alone in feeling awkward and uncomfortable in order for it to dissipate. “Well now you know me.” He held his hand out for you to shake. “I’m Lando.”
You smiled. “Y/N.”
The pair of you were only talking for a short while when he was approached by a clearly drunk man. “Lando Norris!” Was all he said, rather cheerfully, shaking hands with the man beside you. Lando smiled, nodding to the stranger before he left.
You watched the interaction with a furrowed brow.
“I thought you said you didn’t know anyone here?”
He looked at you with a shy grin. “I don’t. I have no idea who that was.”
The revelation made you laugh, louder than it probably should have, but you would blame the alcohol for that one. He quickly joined in, the 2 of you trading giggles in a secluded corner as everyone partied around you.
When your laughter died down and you wiped a few stray tears, you took a long look at Lando. “I’m actually really glad I came tonight.”
He took that to mean you were happy to have met and spent your time with him. “Me too. Maybe we could do this again sometime, but in an environment we both like. Somewhere quiet, like dinner?”
“I think I’d like that.”
Going into the new year it looked as though you’d be getting a shot at love, or at the very least a nice, new friendship. Maybe new year did bring good things sometimes.
As you noticed the minutes ticking closer to midnight and the party getting rowdier, you ached to convince Lando to move somewhere that wasn’t right in the middle of the busy crowd. You were unsure if he would, given that the atmosphere would change so drastically, but what was the harm in asking.
He looked at you as you stood from your seat, worried that you might be about to present him with an excuse to leave early.
“Come with me,” you instructed, holding your hand out for him to take. He eyed it, feigning hesitance.
He hummed. “I don’t know. My mum’s always telling me about stranger danger.”
You rolled your eyes. “Come on.”
Lando didn’t waste another second, slipping his hand into yours and allowing you to blindly lead him through the maze of people. He didn’t expect you to take him outside into the garden where it was much quieter. There was no one out here but the 2 of you and a couple stray drunk people.
“Much better,” you sighed. “I finally feel like I can hear myself think.”
As the moonlight fell upon you he believed you looked even more beautiful than you had inside. He was slightly in awe. His daze was momentarily broken when he noticed you shiver, the cold chill of the December air being unforgiving to your bare skin. There was only one thing that would be right for him to do as the gentleman his mother raised.
“Here, take my jacket.”
Your mouth opened to protest but the stern look he gave you told you he wasn’t willing to hear any of it. So instead you let him place it over your shoulders, his warmth and scent immediately making your body heat up to a comfortable temperature.
“Thank you.”
He brushed it off. “Not a problem.”
Now that there was no overly loud background chatter from those inside, a lull in conversation meant things got awkward, fast. Or at least on your part. You weren’t sure what you could say now and that led you to a panic about whether he was thinking about how silent you were being.
In reality, he was working up the courage to ask if he could kiss you. In the end it was the lack of time to deliberate that led him to just blurting it out.
He was afraid you’d be mad, considering you hadn’t met that long ago, but actually you were just happy he’d pulled you out of your nervous thoughts— even if his question gave you nerves for a whole different reason.
“Would it be presumptuous of me to ask if I could kiss you at midnight?”
You pretended to think it over, taking a step closer to him so that your fronts were pressed together. His eyes were rapidly looking over your features. Between your eyes and your lips, like he couldn’t make his mind up about where he wanted to focus. In the end he settled for your eyes.
“I might be persuaded.”
And then the countdown began.
As the clock struck midnight Lando made his move and closed the gap between the 2 of you. His large hand on your jaw was more or less guiding you through the sweet kiss, a gesture which made your knees even weaker than they already had been.
The cheers of the party inside were what brought the 2 of you back to the present.
Your face burned as you eyed the crowd, wondering if any of your friends had noticed you sneaking off with the handsome stranger to steal a kiss. You hoped they didn’t, because truly you wouldn’t be able to escape the mountain of questions they’d have for you.
He must have noticed you were slightly distracted, taking the initiative to gently guide your gaze back to him. The corner of his mouth curved upwards when your eyes met.
“Happy new year,” he mumbled, brushing his nose lightly across yours. It was a tender move for a man you’d met only a short hour ago.
You beamed, maybe you’d get the chance to know him a little more this year. “Happy new year.”
It looked like 2024 was already going to be a good year.
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559 notes · View notes
ellisgirlfriend · 10 months
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pure love ゚☾ ゚(audio)
ʚ♡ɞ childhood friend!ellie x reader
cw: weed, drinking, ellie is jealous, nsfw (ellie receiving), oral (ellie receiving), fingering (ellie receiving)
wc: 6,646
You and Ellie were always inseparable since little kids, it was rather easy to become Ellie’s friend since she seemed so cold to everyone else.
At first, you tried your best to talk to her since she lived right next to you and you were always a talkative kid but of course, it didn’t go as well with Ellie, she always tried to end the conversation after a few words and go home, but as time went by she seemed different, still irritated with your behavior but she never left you, she was always waiting for you in the same exact place, knowing that you’ll go outside to chat with her, you were so happy to find out about that, jumping around your room and going to tell your parents as fast as you could. After that it was history, just sweet moments with you and Ellie, playing in your mom’s garden in the weekend, sleepovers and everything friends do at that age, those were the best years of your life, living carefree without any stress, always with your best friend, you sometimes wished you were still so young, so innocent. But of course, reality was hitting you, especially college, you didn’t even have the time for Ellie and it was hurting your heart a bit too much for your liking, you tried your best to ignore it, to just study for these stupid exams and just get them over with.
That wasn’t the only reason you wanted to be young again though, maybe at that time the feelings were easier, everything was easier, you didn’t want to admit it for a long time but you’ve always had a crush on Ellie, when you were a kid too, you weren’t sure but you were so attached to her from the start and you’ve only just realized it now how clingy you were with her even as kid, that thought made you blush from the embarrassment, asking yourself if Ellie noticed that behavior, if she thought it was weird or something, or maybe she didn’t even care, you don’t really know which one hurt the most.
Sitting at your desk, you sighed deeply, you couldn’t study, mind full of stupid thoughts about Ellie, you’ve always wondered if she really thinks about you as much as you do, looking up at the ceiling, already in your own thoughts, you heard a soft knock on the door, you almost didn’t hear it, as you slowly turn your head to the door, you heard another knock, slightly harder this time.
You get up from your black chair, approaching the door as you try not to remember your thoughts you just had now. You open the door softly and you were welcomed by Ellie’s presence, of course, you two were always hanging out like everyday so this wasn’t something new, you tried not to show your sadness so she doesn’t question you about it, you tiredly smile, gesturing your hand to your messy bed.
“Tired already, dude?” Ellie said while walking inside your dorm room, analyzing the clutter all over your small desk, she was trying to notice everything, always observant of you.
The nickname always bugged you, it wasn’t a big deal, Ellie always used it on anyone, but you wanted to feel special, especially since you two were so close, it hurt to hear her say it, you wanted to hear her call your name softly, or at least a simple pet name, something. 'Were you always this needy?' you thought. You sighed deeply, trying to answer her question before making her suspicious,
“Mhm, tried to study but I have a bad headache soo…” you quietly say while looking at the ground, Ellie is already sitting on your bed, feeling comfortable as always, she notices your awkwardness but she only assumed that you’re pretty tired. Out of nowhere she changed her voice to a softer one, gently patting the space on the bed next to her, and you complied.
“Why don’t we watch something 'till you fall asleep, I don’t mind” she quietly says in a soft voice while looking at your tired eyes, waiting patiently for your answer. You nod, you didn’t have the energy to study nor to talk to Ellie about anything because you knew deep down that you will confess to her about your hidden feelings, you were not ready to be rejected tonight or any day really. You switch off the lights as Ellie was browsing something for you two to watch, you sat next to her afterwards, feeling her warmth against your cold skin, making you slightly tremble. You try to think of something else, anything while watching the movie that Ellie chose but your mind always drifted to her presence being so close to you.
It wasn’t something new, you and Ellie always stayed very close to each other, it felt rather safe to feel her skin touching yours, especially when you weren’t feeling your best, but after thinking about your feelings for this girl, the skin on skin touch felt a bit different this time. You tried to move a bit, Ellie always noticed things about you, even though she was focused on the movie, she could feel your awkwardness somehow. She bumped her shoulder into yours, wanting to make you speak up about your mood, you try to hide it from her, slightly humming so it seemed that you were too focused watching the movie or whatever it was, you didn’t even know. Ellie wasn’t happy with the 'answer' so she stopped the movie, sitting up slightly while she was analyzing your face, you tried to avoid her gaze, looking around the room awkwardly.
“Why did you stop the movie?” You softly say, her tone was a bit louder than yours which made you look at her.
“Well, tell me what the fuck is wrong with you first?” She sarcastically said, still looking at you. You have been caught, it was hard to hide your emotions from her, so you tried to come up with a lie about the sadness inside your heart, but at the same time her tone of voice pissed you off, she pissed you off so much sometimes, always so friendly to you. You wanted something else. Yes, she was always a good, caring friend but you wanted another type of caring, her question irritated you for no reason, Ellie was just trying to lighten the mood with a little bit of her usual friendly aggression but it still made you irritated. Your lips were moving without realizing, making the conversation into an awkward one: “Nothing, dude.” you never called Ellie that, it wasn’t your thing, you could clearly see Ellie’s expression changing into a confused one, realizing that you are not in a good mood. She was a bit annoyed but you couldn’t really tell, she was so hard to read sometimes even though you knew her so much. It made you smile a bit, realizing that maybe you pushed a button, you didn’t want to sound stupid but maybe you had a chance, a bit of hope blooming into your heart.
“What did you just call me?” she said in an upset tone, almost mocking this conversation. Suddenly, the air in the room became thicker. “What? You always call me that” you sarcastically say, she looked at you with a slightly annoyed expression.
“I don’t know where this is coming from but what’s gotten into you? If you're mad at me just say so and stop acting like a stupid kid.”
The name offended you, yeah, maybe you were acting a bit childish but you couldn’t stop the petty feeling inside your stomach. So, your mouth still moved without realizing what you were doing, overwhelmed after all these years. “You were the one mad because I called you a stupid nickname, I was just telling that I’m okay but you changed the subject to this shit.” You confidently said, making Ellie even more irritated than she was earlier, “Something’s clearly off about you.” She softly said. “What, you don’t like the little name I gave you?” You finally said it, you were so curious about the small outburst she just had...maybe she felt the same?
Ellie looked at you dead in the eyes. “No fucking shit, of course I don’t like it.” she exhaled sharply before continuing, “Can’t you see it, dumbass? I’m behaving like this because you just called me “dude”, connect the dots.”
You quietly took a deep breath, feeling your heart exploding in your chest, you didn’t want to assume anything but it was clear, too clear that she liked you as well, still, you were scared to say it, there was a small chance that this wasn’t what she was talking about.
“What?” you breathless said, feeling overwhelmed by her presence and what she just said, the air felt even thicker, suffocating your lungs. Ellie almost didn’t hear you, you hear another sigh from her side, suddenly, you feel her getting up from the bed, not even bothering to switch on the lights. She looked down at you and with a slightly forced monotone voice she said “Never mind, this is going nowhere.”
“What do you mean?” you say, louder this time for her to hear you, you were so confused. “This wasn’t the subject to begin with so let’s cut it out, okay?” She moved her gaze from your eyes, looking at the wooden door before opening her mouth again “I’m leaving, just… take some painkillers for your headache and sleep.” Before she could touch the door knob, you interrupt her, “Why are you leaving? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to sound so childish but I promise I'm okay, Ells. I was just…tired from studying so I exploded, I guess?" you awkwardly laugh, waiting for her to come back to sit next to you, you somehow felt guilty, you didn’t want to seem too mad and ruin the whole mood but you couldn’t help it anymore. Ellie heard your sad tone, she bit her lip while opening the door, leaving you alone without saying anything back.
You were shocked to say the least, you didn’t expect this to turn into some kind of argument, you felt so bad, you ruined the whole mood just because of your silly feelings. You should just put those behind, but still you couldn’t take off your mind from what your friend said, 'connect the dots'? Maybe she did like you back, just maybe. You shakily sighed, reaching for your phone from the edge of the bed, texting Ellie 'good night', like usual. You tried to fall asleep with your phone right next to your head, waiting for Ellie's response.
.
.
The sun painted your features while you tried to wake up from the dream you were having. After some time, you managed to wake up, stretching your body while slowly getting up from the bed. You do your usual routine, you needed extra time because, you looked like hell, messy hair and purpleish eye bags, it was obvious why you were having such a rough morning. Ellie was still in your mind rent free, you couldn’t wait to talk to her, you always hated arguing with her over anything, you couldn’t even be mad for a whole day because your heart was screaming at you to just make up (and make out)! You were just that type of person.
After a long cold shower you reach for your phone to see if Ellie at least left you on seen, which she did. It made you smile a bit, she wasn’t completely ignoring you, you still don’t know why she left so suddenly. You could have just talked about the whole thing, maybe even confess. It was Saturday so you felt a bit better, you could just relax from all this stress before the big exams hit you again. You sigh from the thought, after a while, you went to put some clothes on to get some coffee because you were already looked dead enough.
After throwing on some clothes without thinking too much about it, you were on your way to the small coffee shop near campus. Taking slow steps and enjoying the warm weather of spring around you, before realizing, you were already in front of the shop. Out of nowhere, you feel a slight touch on your shoulder, you slowly turn your head to the person, it was Dina, Ellie’s friend. You and her were pretty close but not that close, she was also in one of your classes so it was pretty common to see her around your dorm room, asking for your help on anything really. You warmly smiled at her, you weren’t in the mood but you didn’t want to show it to her right now.
“Hello..” you softly said while she looks at you with a smile.
“Hey, saw you around here, just wanted to say hi.” you nod at her, while gesturing to her to sit down with you at some table around the shop. When you finally found some empty seats she began to speak again in a more serious tone.
“Is everything okay with Ellie?” She curiously asked, it was weird to talk about Ellie without her being here but at the same time you were curious to see her behavior after the conversation you two had.
“Kinda, she was a bit mad yesterday because of me but..” you said while looking around the shop, feeling embarrassed to remember the petty argument.
“I don’t know if I should be in-between you two but…” she stopped before continuing “she was acting, I don’t know, cold? Ignoring me and stuff and I know that you two are very close friends so my mind went to you immediately.”
“This is very stupid but I tried to annoy her with calling her, uh” you wanted to punch yourself, this was so stupid to say out loud, you cringed for a bit before finishing the sentence, “I called her “dude, bro”, can’t remember but I usually don’t do that and she got kinda annoyed with my behavior.” you wince after confessing.
“It was stupid of me to start this but I was a bit annoyed already and yeah…” you looked at Dina, embarrassed. You felt like a teenager. You received a snort from the other side, you quickly look up at her.
“That’s it? Damn.” She still laughed while you look at her even more embarrassed.
“I thought it was a lot more serious by her reaction, lord.” she said.
“Just talk to her, I don’t why she got mad because of that but you can’t ignore her, you know.” She finally changed her facial expression into a more serious one. You try to talk while she shuts you down with her voice."Well it’s kinda obvious why she got mad but you’re her best friend, you should know.” She smiled afterwards, leaning against the small table while analyzing your reaction. You realized what she was trying to tell you, you looked at your feet under the table, trying to avoid this subject at the moment.
“I don’t think I do.” You softly said.
Dina knows Ellie as much as you do, they were kinda close friends, they met in the first year of college but they connected easily afterwards, which was surprising to you since it was kinda hard for Ellie to make any real friends. That’s why you knew you could trust Dina.
After getting no answer out of you, Dina exhaled while trying to change the subject to lighten the mood between you two.
“Just try to talk to her, it’s not even that deep.” she finally ended it with that sentence, receiving a soft sigh from you.
“If you feel too awkward to do it today I can make up an excuse to have a movie night with you, Ellie and maybe Jesse, boom!” she said while waiting for your approval."
“Nothing too awkward, right? Just usual friends shit.” She said.
“True…but I’m not in your friend group, so..” you trailed off, you might be really good friends with her but other than that you are pretty much alone, yeah, you spoke with Dina sometimes because of the classes you shared but it wasn’t that important to you.
“You’re Ellie's friend, it works, plus we should really hang out more.” she said while smiling warmly, grabbing your hand to give it a little squeeze, you finally gave in, accepting her help, also thanking her for the whole effort put into this. You were sure it was going to be awkward but you hoped for the best, exactly how Dina said, it wasn’t that deep.
.
.
After some time talking to Dina, you decided to go back to your room to get ready. The others agreed to the little party, which made you relived. You thought Ellie wasn't going to agree after hearing that you are going to be there too. You planned to relax for a bit before putting on some nice clothes, you wanted to look good at least, the crush wasn’t going away, that’s for sure.
After some hours, you could call yourself ready, for a second, you looked at your reflection, you looked decent. The make up made your features stand out even more, you softly smiled at your reflection, feeling a bit more confident about you seeing Ellie looking like this. You didn’t want to admit it, but you wanted to impress her for no reason. You quietly sighed before taking out your phone to text Dina, she answered you quickly, telling you that everyone is already here. After you saw her message, you quickly reached the door knob to leave your room. Feeling anxious to see the girl, you bit your lip out of nervousness while your legs move quickly to Dina’s dorm room, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling.
When you reach the wooden door, you took a deep breath before gently knocking, in under a minute, Dina welcomed you with a smile while gesturing to sit on her orange couch. You silently enter the room and immediately, you gaze goes to Ellie, she was wearing some casual clothing, as usual, while she was sharing a joint with two men. Your expression changed drastically to a confused one, you thought only Jesse will be here? You already didn’t know him that well, you couldn’t really bear with another stranger in the room, the feeling of nervousness already hugging your heart, quickly, you feel Dina’s warmth next to you, telling you that she forgot to mention that another friend of hers was coming to this. You tried to be polite with her decision but you still felt slightly agitated since you weren’t really used to new people. Dina saw your expression and she gently smiled, whispering an apology into your ear, also telling you that she didn’t want to ditch this friend since she was already planning on going out with him but she totally forgot, you understand her nevertheless. It wasn’t a big deal anyway so you just patted her shoulder as a thank you for her concerns.
You sit on the couch next to Ellie and the group while Dina was making some drinks for you. You felt Ellie's body tense up when she realized that she's next to you, it was so weird to see her uneasy around you, it kinda hurt. The others began to talk to you, asking if you want to smoke too, you quickly nod, you had to find a reason to escape this knot inside your stomach. You wrapped your fingers around the joint, taking a small hit, before exhaling the smoke into the air, trying not to cough because of the strong scent filling up the tiny room.
"I haven’t seen you around the campus. Freshman?" the stranger quickly strikes up a conversation with you, easing up the awkwardness between you and Ellie. While she was watching you from the corner of her eye, waiting for you to finally talk and hear your honey like voice.
“Not really, I just don’t go to parties.” you simply said, still feeling nervous.
“A shame, I’m Liam by the way.” he said, you felt a bit icky by his comment, hoping he was not flirting with you, it was the last thing you wanted to happen tonight.
“Not for me, I like to spend my time with close friends so this is new.” you continued, feeling a bit awkward by Liam’s sudden curiosity about you, softly playing with your fingers while he was analyzing you very closely that you could feel it inside your bones. The tension breaks when Dina comes holding some glasses, she gently places them on the small round table in front of everyone while she sits on the carpet, the couch was obviously too small.
“Leave the poor girl alone, you're making her shy.” Dina warned Liam, noticing his gaze on your figure. The stranger puts his arms up in defense, apologizing sarcastically, you could feel Ellie’s eyes roll which made you slightly flush in your seat. Luckily for you it was warm inside the tiny room, at least you had an excuse.
You began to relax a bit after a few puffs and a bit of alcohol hitting your system, you weren’t drunk, that’s for sure but at least you could feel a bit comfortable under Ellie’s gaze eating you alive. You try to make conversation with anyone in the room but her, it was harder than you thought. Dina could see the tension between you two, at the end of the day, she made this small party just for you two to make up at some point. She thinks for a bit before she speaks louder than everyone else.
“How about we play a game? We can’t just drink for free.” she smirks. She slowly gets up while you watch her going to the kitchen, after some time, she comes back with an empty water bottle, she places it on the small table right in the middle. You already knew where this is going, especially when you saw the water bottle in her hands, you nervously look at her while everyone but Liam is rolling their eyes at this stupid game.
“Are we 12? The fuck is this?” Ellie finally speaks after an hour of not even saying a word, it was weird to hear her voice after almost 2 days, you could already feel yourself blush, even more deeper than the last time.
“Yeah, yeah, didn’t ask. It can be fun, if you want it to be, so…” Dina says while grabbing the bottle, and spinning it on the table without even asking the others if they want to play, you softly chuckle at her. The empty bottle landed on Jesse, he just looks at it, confused by this game.
“Truth or dare, c'mon.” Dina says, waiting for his answer.
“I’m not doing this…” he quietly says while sighing, already feeling a bit tipsy but nevertheless he continues to play “…truth, I guess.” Dina smiles widely, making a thinking face, being a little too dramatic for this, when she finally knows something to ask, she softly gasps. “Why did you decide to get back together with me?” Dina says quietly this time, feeling a bit weird asking this personal question in front of everyone. Jesse was looking at her shocked, a soft blush on his face while he was thinking, feeling a bit embarrassed by the other's eyes looking at him.
“Because it was a stupid reason to break up, like usual…” he stops, thinking deeply for an answer “I knew we were better than that and I wanted to try it again since I trust you.” He finishes it off without telling any details about the break-up, you were a bit curious but you didn’t want to be nosy about it since you weren’t that close to them. You still smiled at the sweet moment in front of you, Dina tried to be casual about it but you could see her genuine smile under her act. After a few moments, Dina spins the bottle once again, landing on you, you looked at the bottle, nervously thinking of what you should choose, it wasn’t a big deal but you still felt a little knot inside your stomach. “Truth!” you say, still looking at Ellie sneakily to see any reactions from her, you really wanted to talk to her. Your thoughts were interrupted by Jesse’s loud voice, “Let me think..” He says while leaning on the couch thinking of something, “Do you like someone?” You freeze when you felt Ellie’s green eyes on you, impatient with the long wait, you fidget with your fingers, thinking of a safe answer, but you still wanted to say the truth. Maybe it’s time to give a little sign to the girl next to you, it didn’t need to be specific so you were safe.
After some time, you nod, feeling Ellie tense next to you, it wasn’t allowed to ask anything else so the game continued. You could tell that Ellie's confused by your answer. She thought that you didn’t like anyone, since you two always told each other everything, it made you a smile a little, finally getting a reaction out of her.
The game continued for a bit, and finally the bottle landed on Liam, the stranger, he confidently chose dare, he was the first one to do so. Dina was feeling a bit braver because of the alcohol so she asked him to kiss the prettiest person in the room. Oh, no. Dina didn’t know if this was a good idea but the tension between you and Ellie was getting under her skin, like just talk to each other? It was clear that you two like each other, but you were the only ones who didn’t see it.
When Liam heard the dare, he looked straight to you, you felt his gaze, already feeling tense about this. You didn’t want it but it was just a simple dare at the end of day, you didn’t want to ruin the mood in the room so you just went with the flow and with whatever Dina was doing right now. You could feel him getting closer to you while Ellie was watching the whole thing silently, after a few seconds, you could see his face clearly, a bit dazed by the weed, looking at you lustily without feeling any shame that everyone is watching his every move. Without even asking, he puts his hand on yours and pecks your lips, you almost wanted to throw up after you felt his lips again, wanting to kiss you properly. You firmly pushed him away, receiving a whine from him, he did too out of nowhere, it made you even more uncomfortable but you still tried to ignore the feeling.
“The dare said one kiss.” you say, while Dina grabs Liam’s shirt, putting him in place. Liam rolled his eyes, sitting silently on the couch, while you look at the carpet under your feet. You felt a bit embarrassed by this whole thing, especially by Liam’s reaction, it made you feel unpleasant. So, after a few rounds you excused yourself to the bathroom, telling everyone that you feel a bit sick because of the alcohol. Nobody's suspicious, other than Ellie.
You reach the small bathroom, washing your red face with some cold water to wake you up, afterwards you grab the small towel and you bury your face in it. The door opens quietly, you turn your gaze to the person, when you see Ellie in front you, you softly smile. You couldn’t wait anymore, you just wanted to hear her voice, you were so used to seeing her everyday, hearing her everyday, it was such a hard task not to do those things with her.
You didn’t get any answer from her, she quickly gets closer to you, analyzing your face, everything. You look up at her, feeling overwhelmed under her strong gaze. She opens her mouth after a while: “Are you okay?” She gently says, receiving a reassuring smile from you, Ellie sighs, putting her hands inside her pocket out of nervousness before speaking again “It was obvious that you were uncomfortable in there, you shouldn’t have let that dick touch you.” She says, a bit irritated than the last time."
“Well it was a dare, plus I didn’t want to ruin the whole mood.” you say.
“Who cares about that? I wanted to punch that asshole the first time he talked to you, don’t care about the mood.” she sternly says, her comment made your heart flutter a bit, you try to ignore the feeling, too distracted by her face, you softly counted every freckle on her face, she was so pretty, you thought.
“Are you even listening? Think about your well being, not the others’” she speaks a bit louder this time, waking you up from your thoughts, you try to hide your blush from her through your hair.
“Thank you for being so caring but I’m fine.” you finally looked up at her, reassuring her that you’re okay after all of this.
“He clearly flirted with you too.” Ellie says annoyed, still focused on her thoughts, pressing on the subject. You look away from her, you didn’t want to piss her even more. She sees your reaction, she couldn’t quite figure it out what you were thinking, so she assumed the worse, feeling herself getting even more irritated than she already was.
“You didn’t have a problem with that?” she insisted, your eyes lock with hers, sensing her jealousy in the air.
“Are you jealous?” you felt a bit braver than the last few hours.
“No.” she quickly says, which made you a bit sad but you try to hide it, you still wanted to press on the matter exactly how she was doing.
“Then stop asking me things.” you say in a serious tone, which makes Ellie clench her hands inside her pockets.
“I won’t stop, I need to know. I’m your friend.” she says
“Why? It’s not that important, no need to get mad.” you switch your attitude a bit, talking too much for your own good.
“It’s important for me then.” she sternly says, before sighing, she couldn’t hold it anymore not when she had you like this, in this situation, she was too jealous.
“You think I can hold myself together when I see that fucker get closer to you? Even breathe next to you? I can feel a knot in my stomach, I wanted to rip his arms out so he can’t touch you like that.” she finally says it, letting her anger take control of her. You look at her, shocked, you couldn’t believe your ears. You seriously thought you were just in one of your dreams about her. Your drunk mind can’t process this right.
"...Huh?" you wanted to pinch yourself, to check if this is actually reality and not some fantasy of yours. Ellie began leaning closer to you, making you back away until your body gently hit the sink. You tried to gaze somewhere else other than her pink chapped lips, but you failed miserably.
"You're drunk.." you mutter, if she was gonna steal your first kiss it might as well be a genuine one, not one that you forget about next morning. But still, you couldn't really resist much longer, your whole body felt hot as her gaze pierced your lips, you could feel her getting closer to your ear.
"Can I kiss you?" she whispered simply, making you shiver.
This was the last straw for you, you grabbed her collar and pulled her closer to you, making your lips smash into eachother. The kiss felt so relieving, after all these years of pining for her, daydreaming and dreaming about how her hands would feel on your waist, the way her body felt against yours and her scent. It was driving you crazy, you wanted to feel her fingers and mouth on your body, you wanted her to mark your skin and make you scream of pleasure.
You felt her tongue brush against your teeth, asking for permission to deepen the kiss, you let out a whimper as you open your mouth slightly for her. The kiss gets messy, you feel saliva on your chin and her hands touching every inch of your body. You wanted more.
"Please, I wanna feel you." you whine quietly. You wonder how much time is left before anyone checks up on you, you've been here for quite a while. "Who's stopping you, babe? I'm all yours." Ellie says as she takes your hand and slips it under her shirt. You grab Ellie by her hips and switch places, now she's pinned against the sink. You take a quick look at her and realize how fucking hot this all is, strands of her hair were sticking to her face because of the sweat, her collarbones were showing a bit, you might've pulled on her collar a bit too much, she had rose tinted cheeks and she was looking at you with lust-filled eyes. She was so sexy.
You nibble at her neck and lick your way down to her collarbone, as you grab her waist. She grunts, clearly enjoying this as she grabs your hair and pulls gently, and wow, that felt good. You positioned your knee between her legs, supported by the cupboard under the sink. She lets out a low moan, surprised by the sudden contact. You cup her chin and kiss her again passionately as she grinds against your leg.
"F-Fuck, keep going..." she uttered, interrupting her heavy breathing. You grab her hips, moving her forward and backwards, creating friction as she slowly puts her arms around you , nuzzling your neck, when suddenly: "Hey, I've been holding it in forever!" Dina yells as she bangs at the door. Shit.
You gently fix Ellie's collar and she fixes your hair for you as you awkwardly mutter an 'oops' and then you reach for the doorknob. As the door opened, Dina's expression changes from annoyed to smug real fast. She definitely noticed our breathlessness and flush on our cheeks.
"Go home," she whispered "I'll make up an excuse for you." You were so gonna get made fun of for doing this in her tiny bathroom for the next week...or months...years? Ellie grabs your wrist and drags you to the front door quietly, you yelled out a 'bye' as you hurriedly leave the dorm room. Luckily, her room is just a few rooms away from Dina's, how convenient.
You both enter the room and get straight to it, as the door shuts behind you, Ellie kisses you aggressively. As you made out, you quickly found yourselves on the bed, breathless and really horny.
"Ellie...I- I wanna see you." you mutter during the pauses between your kisses, and Ellie fulfilled your wish fast, turning on the lamp on the nightstand. As your eyes got used to the brightness, you notice her iconic galaxy themed bedsheets, you'll never get used to this.
"Pff- When are you gonna replace these?" you laugh, trying not to ruin the mood.
"Just shut up and kiss me."
And so, you obeyed. Things were getting heated and you couldn't wait anymore, you unzipped her jeans and tossed them on the floor while she was admiring you closely. You pinned her against the bed and slid your hand in her boxers, making her breath hitch. Suddenly, your confidence drops drastically. You've never done this before. Ellie noticed the change in your demeanor and stopped.
"This is your first time, right?" she asked calmly. "Want me to top?"
You totally forgot that she actually knows what she's doing, you buried the fact that she's done this with other people deep in your mind. You were extremely jealous, you wanted to be special to her, to be the only one she did this with.
"Ah, no- I- I wanna to make you feel good." you stammered, embarrassed.
"You sure? I don't wanna for-" she gets cut off by the sudden feeling of your fingers teasing her cunt. She involuntarily squeezed her thighs together as you started to rub you fingertips gently around her clit. She was so sensitive and aroused, it was almost pathetic. You paused for a bit to take your blouse off, it was way too hot in here. You quickly slid her boxers off too and lifted Ellie's shirt up to reveal her pale, freckled skin. You slowly trailed soft kisses down her stomach, you could feel her eyes watching your every move as you slowly pushed her legs apart.
You were so nervous, you could feel your hands shaking. The alcohol was starting to wear off, this was definitely not a dream. Trying to steady your breathing, you admired her body and looked up at her. Her eyes were half closed, filled with anticipation, she looked so vulnerable and fragile.
You slowly tease her with your tongue, licking everything but her sweetspot as she squirms under you. As you continue teasing her she starts getting visibly impatient, grabbing your hair and forcing your tongue to apply more pressure.
"Come on, stop fucking teasing me." she whined. You softly chuckled when suddenly you grabbed her thighs and spread them out more, making her gasp. Without any warning, you start eating her out. Ellie couldn't help but moan at the sudden change in intensity, one of her hand grasping a lock of your hair as the other one covered her face.
You glance up to look at her and for a minute you pause : "Don't hide your face." She silently nods and interlocks your hand with yours and you continue to stimulate her. After a while of getting her wet, you finally slowly insert a finger inside of her, making her slightly arch her back. You look at her, silently asking for permission to move and she nods desperately. You slowly start moving, trying to find the right spot and after a while you hear a sudden gasp and her tightening around your finger. You smirk proudly, then add another finger. You start moving faster and faster, her breathing was getting heavier as your other hand grabbed her breast, teasing it.
Her moans became more and more loud, it was driving you crazy. You could feel her getting closer by the way she was squeezing you with her thighs.
"'m gonna cum...please- I- I love you so fucking mu-" she manages to blurt out. The sudden confession made you so riled up, you began to pound your fingers into her faster until the wave of pleasure washed over her.
After her breathing started steadying, you slowly removed your fingers and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I've been waiting to hear that for years...I love you too, Ellie" you whisper.
''Fuck...me too, you should've told me earlier.'' she says while she tries to shakily hug you, holding you even closer to her warm body. You smile in her neck, sighing in relief. Ellie still continues to pour her heart out to you; ''Since we were teenagers, I've always dreamed of this moment..but I was scared to tell you, I didn't even know if you like girls.'' she says, you finally face her, pecking her pink lips. ''I'm sorry, I was stupid, if I told you earlier..'' she looks at you lovingly but at the same time a bit sad that it took her so long. You couldn't care about the past, you were so happy that the feelings were finally mutual. You grab her face, kissing her passionately to shut her up while muttering into her kiss.
''It's okay, we have each other now." you quietly say while the moon watches over you.
author’s note: if this doesn’t get popular I’m going to hang myself. ☺️
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mxqdii · 9 months
Text
nott into you - m.s
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pairings: nott reader x mattheo riddle
summary: reader's brother is theodore nott and develops feelings for his best friend mattheo
warning(s): drinking, brief makeout drugs.
not proofread
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FRIDAY:
my hands tangled in his hair, the smell of his cologne and cigarettes filling my senses, everything just feels right.
it's funny how a week can change everything.
okay! i know this looks really wrong, but i can explain.. let's go back to where this all started, monday.
-1 WEEK PRIOR.-
MONDAY:
i sit in potions, bored as ever at snapes lesson, feeling eyes on me.
i look over seeing mattheo riddle staring, which isn't totally weird, considering we've been friend's since first year, just abnormal.
this time it's different though, like some weird tension in the air, i feel as if red smoke is filling my lungs and calling out mattheo's name.
snapping out of it, i clear my throat and focus my attention onto the horribly boring, lesson
the class ends sooner than later and i take my time to collect my stuff, not noticing mattheo waiting for me.
i head to the door and meet eyes with him
"waiting for me, riddle?" i question and his lips curl upwards
"i might be, walk with me will you?" he asks and i nod, following wherever he's going.
"i noticed you staring" i mumble
"yeah and i noticed you drooling" he says and i scoff
"you think too highly of yourself riddle" i professed
"mmh i'm not so sure about that, have you met your brother?" he adds on and i realize
my brother, shit.
this flirty banter shouldn't even be happening right now, considering if theo saw he would absolutely loose his shit.
"yeah thats theo, uh- anyways i gotta go, nice talking to you riddle!-" i say in a rush, walking the other direction.
TUESDAY:
i hear the door open and look up seeing pansy, i'm currently in the slytherin common room working on some extra homework.
"hey" she says, plopping down next to me
"hey pans whats up?" i ask, putting my books down.
"okay so, i know this is a long shot.. buuuttt, there's a party tomorrow and before you say no just please please think about going!" she says the last part really fast and i laugh
"who's throwing it?" i question and she squints her eyes
"we are..?" she mumbles and my eyes widen
"pansy what!?!" i yell
"okay i know it seems bad, but some first years accidentally heard me saying how slytherin parties are the best and one thing led to another and all of a sudden i had to prove it was true and now everyones expecting a party tomorrow night and i need your help!" she rambles and i sigh
"fine."
later that day, i cross paths with mattheo again.
who cares what my brother thinks or wants for me, it's my life.
"hey mattheo, sorry about yesterday" i say with a smile and he nods
"don't worry about it sweetheart" the name makes my cheeks flush.
we kinda just stand there looking into eachothers eyes for a moment, i'm not sure how it was, but i definitely looked full of lust.
he moves closer to my ear, whispering
"you're drooling again"
i roll my eyes throwing in a, "you wish"
WEDNESDAY:
the party is all set up, and it took HOURS.
me and pansy had to rush right when classes ended to get everything ready
we're supposed to start the party in an hour but before doing that, me and my friendgroup decided to have a little fun
me, pansy, theo, mattheo, draco, enzo and blaise decided to play a friendly game of truth or dare before letting anyone else in.
"y/n" enzo says and i let out a shakey breath, not noticable enough for anybody to hear though.
"yes enzo?" i respond, eyeing him in anticipation
"what'a a dirty secret you've been hiding lately?" he asks and i smirk
maybe i could fuck with these people in a way that wouldn't expose me, but in a way... would?
"well enzo, so glad you asked. recently there has been someone catching my eye... someone who's off limits, someone i'm not allowed to touch, you could call it forbidden, but i prefer the term secrecy." i say with a smug smile, avoiding any and all eye contact with mattheo
before anyone has time to say anything, the clock chimes and the doors to the common room open, the room flooding with people from all different houses.
the rest of the night was kinda a blur, except for the end of it.
i'm too drunk to even function right now, feeling vulnerable and anxious.
god this is why i don't go to parties.
"hey beautiful" a random gryffindor says and i make a face of disgust
"jus' leave me alone" i say in hopes of peace, turning around to walk away, but instead he grabs my wrist.
i turn back to look at him seeing the no-good look on his face
"oh no" i mumble
"are you gonna like.. do bad thing's to me" i ask
i'm never drinking again i feel like an idiot.
"you just consented to it so i might as well huh baby?" he says and i groan.
"i actually have a-" without thinking i grab someones hand, anyone to get me out of this situation would be great
"mattheo?" i say looking up, seeing its him who i grabbed
well, i was going to say boyfriend but mattheo works too.
the gryffindor boy's expression quickly changes from being in control to being scared shitless.
i'm too hazy to even feel right, not paying attention to the bickering mattheo is doing, the way he's absolutely screaming at this boy.
my hand tugs mattheos arm, causing him to look down at me
"mattheo please- just get me out of here" i say, leaning onto his arm.
fuck i'm not supposed to feel like this
THURSDAY:
the last thing i remember, is mattheo dragging me out of that party.
i think he was carrying me? or was it theo? i don't really remember.
i turn over, opening my eyes seeing mattheo next to me
what the fuck.
"g'morning princess" he says and i wince, feeling the light hit my face.
"what time is it?" i ask and see him look over to his bedside table
"like 10" he says and my eyes widen as much as they can.
"it's thursday mattheo we have class!' i yell, attempting to get up
his arm lightly pushes me down
"you need to rest, do you remember what happened last night?" he asks and i shake my head
"you were drugged and you passed out." he mumbles and my eyes widen
"who the fuck drugged me??" i exclaim
"i don't know" he says and i sigh, thinking about last night trying to remember anything i can.
i don't even realize how close me and mattheo are, the way he's shirtless and the way the sun hits his eyes, his morning voice, his soft sheets.
i look down seeing me in his shirt and i quirk an eyebrow which he notices
"no don't worry uh- pansy changed you not me" he reassures and i smile.
the rest of the day we end up just talking and laughing in his dorm, only leaving for food and water.
i gotta admit, it is awfully suspicious me leaving with him last night and waking up in his dorm, now us ditching and spending the whole day together.
but like i said before, i don't care what my brother thinks.
FRIDAY:
i'm currently getting lectured by snape for missing class and i can't help but let my mind wander to mattheo
lately, thats been all my mind is full of.
the tension has been getting thicker and my desire for him has been getting needier.
i need to tell him.
i rush out of snapes lecture as soon as he's finished, rushing to the common room.
what am i even doing, i'm being way too impulsive right now, it's fine i only live once, i have to do this. i tell myself
i reach the common room and run upstairs, knocking on mattheos dorm frantically
he opens the door and i smile, suddenly feeling all of my words leave my mind, going completely blank
then i remembered, i dont need words to tell him what i need.
without thinking, i grab his cheek and kiss him, it definitely caught him by surprise, but it did for me too.
without breaking the kiss, he leads me inside and closes the door, pinning me against it.
my hands tangled in his hair, the smell of his cologne and cigarettes filling my senses, everything just feels right.
an abrupt knock interrupts us, mattheos hand covering my mouth
"dude come on, snape is pissed you missed class and his lecture, we gotta go" a voice comes from the other side of the door.
fuck, it's my brother.
a/n: let me know if u guys want a part 2<3
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sister-lucifer · 1 year
Note
can we get gross pervy dom toby content 🙏
Some Gross Pervy Dom Toby Content 
Toby Rogers x Gender Neutral Reader
Genre: NSFW 
Summary: There is really no plot to be summarized, Toby’s just a horndog and he chased you down. good fuckin luck  
Content/Warnings: Dubcon/Noncon elements, implied stalking, horror elements, Toby being creepy, Toby smells you and touches you in the weirdest manner you can possibly imagine, NSFW with minimal (mostly implied) plot, no real sex happens just fucked up shit, no seriously this is nasty as fuck i’m getting put on a list for this 
Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio (request rules + masterlist in pinned post)!
Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out 
Feedback is encouraged and appreciated:)
Not fully proofread! Let me know if you see any errors!
A/N: Just to avoid confusion, in my headcanon Toby has a stutter as well as but separate from his tourette’s; i’m writing his stutter, not his tics! thankies!
also READ THE FUCKING WARNINGS THIS ONE IS NASTY
Staring down the barrel of a loaded gun would fill you with less dread than staring up at the lanky boy who’s currently towering over you. 
You don’t have to look at him to know there’s a twisted smile filled with crooked, chipped teeth spread across his face, hazel eyes scrunched at the corners as he grins like a madman. You don’t want to look at him, really, but you can’t stop yourself before you’re slowly craning your neck to see. Slowly his face comes into view, and it’s even more unsettling than you could prepare for. 
His messy brown hair flicks up in all directions and partly obscures his eyes, and yet they seem to glow in the dim light of the sunset. One of his arms is above you, folded against the wall, while the other cages you into the corner. Besides his fingers drumming restlessly, he’s not moving, but his entire body is trembling with….excitement? His chest is heaving like he’s struggling to breathe, and the uncomfortable feeling of his warm exhale fanning over your face makes you shudder, and…oh god, is he drooling over you? Shit—
You press yourself hard against the wall, face burning hot against the cool air of the drafty abandoned building. Something tells you you shouldn’t take your eyes off of him for too long, but in your peripheral vision you can see through the broken windows. There’s nothing but trees in all directions, and the sky is rapidly darkening with each passing second. You’re watching any chance you had of escaping in the daylight slip from your fingers. Everything is becoming much too disorienting much too fast, thoughts racing and overlapping and screaming at you to do something, but you can’t. All at once you’re trying to figure out an escape plan, how to appease your captor for long enough to execute an escape plan, and how you even got here in the first place. 
The last thing you remember is running from him, the branches of the thicket grabbing at your pants and arms as if trying to hold you back. You had no choice but to run into the old hospital, but now you’re wishing you’d simply kept going. 
You must’ve moved too much for Toby’s liking, because he suddenly grabs onto your arm with a grip that feels strong enough to snap the bone in two. You yelp in pain, a second gloved hand quickly clamping over your mouth. The echo of your cry rings loud in your ears, and for a moment you wonder if it’ll ever go quiet again. 
“You…you…” Toby stutters, and your eyes widen at the sound of his voice. You aren’t sure what you were expecting to hear, but he just sounds so…normal, like any other nineteen year old boy, except if it were anyone else in any other scenario a mere couple of syllables wouldn’t strike such fear into you. 
“You ran a loooong t-time…” He scolds, but his grin doesn’t falter. He brings his hand away from your mouth to shake a finger at you, seemingly trusting you not to scream. 
Not like it would matter. You made him chase you pretty far in. 
In an instant his hands are on your waist, slipping under your shirt and eagerly grabbing at the soft flesh he finds beneath. You have to bite your tongue to hold back another yelp. 
“Oh, ooohh but it w-was worth it!” Toby slurs with a drawl, “I’ve f-finally fooouund yooouu, aha…” 
He sounds so proud of himself. Something about his tone is almost childish, deceivingly so. He truly thinks he’s done something amazing. 
Your heart skips a beat when he suddenly freezes, face going void of all emotion, and you wonder if you’ve truly angered him. If you did, would that be the mistake that ended it all? 
Fortunately, it seems he was just changing gears. You panic when you realize he’s leaning in towards you, but he moves past your face to practically bury his nose in your neck, taking a long and deep breath. He lets out a faint laugh as he breathes out, and it feels like a horrible sensation crawling down your spine. The only thing you can do is grab onto his arms, nails digging into the dirty and worn fabric of his hoodie. It’s practically caked with dried mud in some areas and you can feel the dry cracking beneath your hands. 
“I m-missed your…your s-smell…” Toby whispers. You’re confused for a moment, and it takes a few seconds for it all to set in. 
‘Missed?’ 
He’d…smelled you before? 
He ‘missed’ you… 
“I-I should have…should have visited m-more…I-I got ssso busy, b-but I didn’t forget you, I-I promise…” 
He keeps talking, but it starts to fade out. Only a few words matter, anyways. 
There’s an incredibly brief moment of clarity that flashes through your mind, a split second flicker of understanding that you hadn’t just been misplacing or losing things, that you weren’t imagining all those noises or shadows that you told yourself were childish things to be afraid of, and it nearly floods your brain before it disappears as quickly as it appeared. Maybe you purposefully pushed it out, at least for now. There was too much going on to process the past. If you were lucky enough to get out of this alive, you could reflect then. 
You’re frozen for a few moments as Toby’s idle hands begin to wander, as they always do. He’s at least considerate enough to feel you up through your clothes, but that doesn’t stop you from sucking in a harsh breath through your teeth when he roughly gropes your ass. It forces you to push yourself into him as you try to get away from the aggressive grip. You can feel him laugh with his chest pressed flush against yours. 
He takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around you, and it’s become painfully obvious that he’s much stronger than he looks. You’d never expect someone so skinny to be able to manhandle you like this. 
He sways slowly from side to side as he holds you, one unsteady hand toying with your hair in a gesture that, on Toby’s end, seems as though it is meant to be sincere. 
“Th-There’s so much I want t-to do to y— to do with y-you…so little time…” He goes on muttering to himself over something or other, but you can’t understand him as he trails off. 
He seems preoccupied with his own thoughts, distracted enough that you begin to squirm. He doesn’t react, continuing to quietly rant about nothing while stroking your head. You struggle again, a bit bolder this time. Nothing. 
Maybe you actually had a chance, you just had to slip away. Hell, maybe you’d get lucky and run the right way on the first try; for all you know you’re only a mile away from a highway, that could be your lifeline. You just had to slip away— 
“Stop it! Stop doing that!” 
…Easier said than done, it seems. 
Hearing Toby yell, seemingly allowing a genuine flash of anger to overtake him as he slams you back against the wall, chills you to the core. He was unpredictable, bouncing back and forth between the extremes of whatever emotion he was feeling, making it impossible to plan around his potential actions. 
His hand splays out across your chest to keep you pinned to the wall. He’s applying much more pressure than he needs to, and he knows it. His smile twitches as you struggle to recover from having the wind knocked out of you. 
When he reaches back for his pocket, you expect him to pull out a weapon; maybe a knife, or even a small handgun you somehow hadn’t noticed. 
But no. He returns with something much smaller, and your brows furrow in confusion as you struggle to make out the shape among the shadows that have quickly taken over your space. 
“What’s t-the matter?” Toby asks, “Never seen a-a condom before?”
He snickers cruelly at the way your mouth hangs open in reply. 
“Whaaaat? I-I’m trying to be nice…don’t be a bitch.” 
“N…Nice?!” You choke out in reply, and this time Toby’s jaw drops. 
“Oh, it does speak!” He exclaims with genuine excitement. “Good, good…s-so good…” 
He holds the corner of the wrapper in his mouth so that his hand can be free to fumble with his belt. The sound of the buckle clanking as he slips it off makes your stomach flip. Your gaze flicks quickly back and forth from his pants back to his eyes, and he hasn’t stopped staring at you. You haven’t even seen him blink. 
His tongue runs over his glistening teeth as he prepares to speak again: 
“I h-hope you squeal for me, pretty thing…When we’re done here, I’m t-takin’ you with me…” 
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greenishghostey · 1 year
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Eddie, without prompting, proclaims that anyone who is only willing to eat pussy if it's shaved, is a coward
I wasn’t sure how to do this “without prompting” so it’s more there’s minimal prompting
18+ content MDNI
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“Okay, okay, wait a sec.” Eddie said hastily, moving your arms from around his neck so he could hold your hands. “What’s up?”
Fuck, he caught on way too fast. “Just don’t think I’m into being eaten out.” You mumbled, averting your gaze to anywhere but his face.
In reality, you’d forgotten to shave your pubes. The other times any one had gone down on you, you were trimmed, if not totally bare. When you sieve through too many cheesy magazine articles about sex, you tend to pick up what the societal perspectives are. Rather than forming your own.
Shaving was a pain. It was itchy. You nicked yourself at least once every time. Reaching every pube covered area was difficult. You hated that it was just sort of expected.
Eddie didn’t look the least bit convinced by your excuse. “You don’t think you’re into it?” He said fixing you with a curious look. “No one eaten you out before?” Now he just looked horrified, but on your behalf.
“No, no, people have. It’s just-“ you sat up and tried to gather together the right words. It was unlikely that Eddie would be put off by hair - but you’d thought that about George Ulrich last year and he’d recoiled at the very sight of it.
“We can give it a try and if it’s not your thing then we can do something else. How’s that sound?” Eddie smiled, perching himself close to you and kissing your forehead.
You wanted to ride his face more than anything by that point. So, you were just going to have to bite the bullet and deal with any consequences. “I didn’t shower or shave.” You mumbled, chewing the inside of your cheek. This felt like having sex for the first time again and it was just painfully awkward.
“Hmm?”
“I said I didn’t have a chance to shower, so there’s hair. Like a lot.”
Eddie was silent for just a touch too long. His big eyes had widened and he just stared at you - his stare always did make you squirm a little.
“Can I see? I really wanna see.” Eddie rasped, still looking at you, but with a much warmer gaze.
For a split second, you sat in surprise. Pleasant surprise at his request. The slight desperation in his voice only served to make your stomach tighten and your cunt throb.
“Uh, sure. Yeah. As long as you’re sure about-“
“I’m so sure.” Eddie wasted no time in hiking your thighs closer to him, laying you down again and clawing your underwear to the side. He deftly ran his fingers across the hair around your cunt, gathering wet as he stroked. It was like Eddie was fascinated or mesmerised by you and your body.
His calloused fingertips flicked your clit and caused you to groan out a moan. “Hair’s not an issue, got it.” You sighed, melting back into lumpy pillows as Eddie continued to explore you.
“Anyone who’s only willing to eat pussy if it’s shaved is a fuckin’ coward.” Eddie stated, looking up at you with a smile. It was a reassuring smile - all comfort and admiration. He really was grateful that you let him get this far. He would have been good with just kissing you at that party and living on cloud nine from there.
Before you could response, Eddie dove into you. He was licking and sucking at your clit and hole, wishing he could focus on it all at once. Thick fingers soon came up to press into your cunt and making you whine for more. Any friction at all. Anything he could give you.
“You like this, huh?” Eddie mumbled, pulling away from your sopping cunt by a hair. “Said you wouldn’t like getting tongue fucked, but look at you.” He sang ‘you’ with a laugh and grabbed at your hips - wiggling you closer to his face.
“Never had you down there so,” you whined, your voice sounding hoarse as knotted your fingers into Eddie’s wild hair. “God - fucking yes, yes, Eddie.”
“The flattery’s doing it for me, keep going. Please.” Eddie groaned into your cunt. From his nose downwards was pressed into you. He was desperate to get as close to you as physically possible. To taste you, smell you, fuck you. Whatever you’d let him do.
“Your fingers are so much bigger than mine.” You sighed with a smirk, pulling at Eddie’s hair to make him look at you. “Bet your cock’s gonna split me in two.”
At your filthy words, Eddie doubled down his efforts. Sucking your clit into his mouth and flicking it with his wet tongue - drool running down the side of his mouth. The fingers inside you crooked just right and rammed into your soaked hole.
“Cum on my fuckin’ face. C’mon, god, please cum on my tongue. Need it. Need it.” Eddie was chanting and rambling.
The sound of it all was obscene. Beautiful and raw. But obscene. Slick squelching and hoarse panting filled Eddie’s bedroom as he devoured you like he was starving.
In those moments of ecstasy, you decided to never shave again.
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gatorbites-imagines · 2 months
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Anakin flirting with m reader and ending making out? Pls
Anakin Skywalker x Male reader
Headcanons
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You are a non-jedi general during the Clone wars, cuz yall lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship.
This turned out a lot sweeter than i had planned ngl.
You were a general during the clone wars. You weren’t anything special, you couldn’t use the force, you weren’t from some rich or special background, your name didn’t carry any weight. The only gift you seemed to have, was your inability to be affected by the force. All in all, you weren’t anything to write home about.
Of course, that’s also what made you so damn useful in your role. No one kept an eye on you, everyone underestimated you, you could get away with so much because to most people in charge, you didn’t exist. You not being able to be manipulated by the force, also made you extremely skilled in what you did, without anyone seeming to notice.
Your feat of climbing the military ranks in leaps and bounds only got you mild acknowledgments, and a handful of attempted manipulations from some people in power. But when they realized you didn’t bend, but you weren’t important enough to get rid of, they left you alone.
At 22 you had reached the rank of senior general in the republic army, placing you above even a good chunk of the jedi you fought against, which was also why you had been placed with the 501st, to apparently teach their general the basics.
Anakin and Obi-Wan had both been unsettled by the fact that they couldn’t sense you in the force the first time you met. Every being, even the nonliving, had a presence. But you didn’t. it was like you didn’t exist.
That took quite some time to get used too, especially to someone as force sensitive as Anakin. But over time you two started getting along, and though it took him some time and a lot of grumbling, Anakin did learn quite a lot from you.
The flirting had been subtle in the beginning, or as subtle as Anakin could be. From getting your help on reports and readings he just “couldn’t understand”, to getting you to help him stretch after he had spent hours going through his katas.
You weren’t oblivious, you couldn’t be with the life you lived, so of course you noticed his attempts at flirting. It was endearing in a way. To see someone who was supposed to have no connection to people like that, seem so drawn to you.
It also left you feeling uneasy in a way, as you had never really had much time to relationships or even flirting for that matter, having spent all these years making something of yourself.
Alongside the flirting you two became good friends, and you had even signed yourself up to stay with his platoon, even when your training was done. This was also where you learned he had had a thing with Padme, but they realized they were better as friends a while ago.
When you shared your own lack of experience, it seemed to boost some of Anakin’s confidence, seeing as you both were on new ground. And like with anything else, he took to it with gusto.
The fact that you never turned him down or rejected him, sometimes even laughing and playing along, only made Anakin try even harder. It was cute, to see him trying his best to woo you in a subtle and less noticeable way, seeing as he was still a jedi and it wasn’t actually allowed.
The 501st knew though. Of course they knew, and when Ahsoka came around she figured it out very fast, and she most likely took up the role as hype man and background support.
Your flirting became part of your dynamic, it was just something that you two did, which to outsiders was just seen as banter to keep the spirits up.
It also didn’t go past flirting for a long time, seeing as you guys were always surrounded by people. And being besides Anakin didn’t let you slip into the shadows like you were used too, since he would glow so brightly.
The need for privacy was what had you two slinking off to the side during one of the nights in camp, the platoon having settled down on a planet and waiting for their next orders. Anakin and you had decided to wander off, settling somewhere nearby, but far enough away to get some time alone together.
There might also have been a bottle of alcohol in your coat. It was nowhere near enough to get either of you drunk, especially with the force helping clear it out of Anakin’s system quicker than average folk. But it was enough to loosen up and get comfortable.
Your normal banter of flirting was constant, but as the buzz settled it became something softer and somehow hotter, the feelings growing thick in the air and noticeable enough that even you, who was as force sensitive as a rock if not lesser, could sense it.
Anakin must have made some corny pass at you, that cocky grin on his lips and his hair brushed back and out of his face, letting you truly see his handsome features. Something came over you, later you would blame the force, but it just felt right.
Leaning in and closing the gap between you seemed to have shocked Anakin, his eyes wide before he seemingly melted against you, arms wrapping around your neck and torso and pulling you even closer.
The kiss was far from the most skilled or pleasant, but your shared lack of experience was fully made up for by enthusiasm.
Anakin would pant and grunt as the kiss turned steamier, lips parting and tongues rubbing together, spit gathering at the edges of your mouths and a line of drool running down his chin. His eyes were shut tightly in concentration, his brows furrowed and hands grasping as your coat.
You had no idea how long you two were laying there, kissing like two lovesick fools from some romance novel. Hands were grasping and exploring, but never going further than that. Now wasn’t the time to go any wilder than what you were doing, but the possibility of it was enough to make the kiss even better.
When you pulled away, Anakin leaned after you with a soft noise, bottom lip pouting out and red from the insistent kissing, his eyes cracking open to look at you with the softest look you had ever seen from him.
“Not all of us can hold our breath for hours” you snarked with a soft chuckle, since you knew he could, thanks to the force. Your jedi grumbled, but tucked his head under your chin, still clutching you close and brushing his lips against your neck.
Neither of you spoke for a while, just holding onto each other. You found yourself brushing your fingers through his hair, Anakin almost arching into the touch like an affection starved tooka, a sight that only made you smile more.
“I like you a lot” he mumbled, glancing up at you through his lashes with that insistent determined, but somehow still soft and warm look in his eyes. Just seeing him like that made you wanna kiss him again, to devour him whole.
“I think I like you too” you replied, an upwards tick to your lips as you pulled him close again. Even without the ability to feel the force, you could still feel it flare, like the sun rising in the morning. It would be no surprise if Ahsoka knew exactly what had happened, and the padawan would be confronting you guys about it later.
But right now all that mattered was laying there with Anakin, and maybe stealing a couple more of those deep insistent and longing kisses, since he sounded so pretty when you did. You guys could deal with everything else later.
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httpiastri · 4 months
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ollie bearman x crawford!reader
the instagram story was subtle enough. or, at least, so you thought.
ollie didn't seem to agree.
it was a video of you in the newly bought sundress you'd decided to wear to the sprint race today; twirling around in your hotel room, the geotag of "silverstone circuit" in the top right corner. but none of this is what ollie cares about: it's the choice of background music.
they say home is where the heart is, but god i love the english. you know i love a london boy…
the poor boy nearly had a heart attack when he saw it in the paddock. he thought it was super obvious; "i love a london boy" could only mean one thing.
your relationship with ollie is still secret from everyone, including your brother, to ensure that people won't get involved in your private business. besides, once the news is out even in just the racing world, you know it will spread and get big in no time; that's the way it usually is with formula drivers. especially fan-favorites like ollie. so, for the moment, you've decided to just enjoy wherever this takes you, without caring what anyone else thinks. but now, he's scared you've blown it.
your instagram account is on private, so you aren't afraid of fans snooping around and seeing it. but still, it worries ollie; your brother follows you, and that is much worse than fans, he reckons. when you first started going out, you thought it would be natural to tell your twin brother about it, considering the fact that ollie is one of his best friends – but ollie disagreed. the whole dating your best friend's sibling-thing never went well in the movies, and that's all he had to go after.
the song echoes in his brain all morning. during the driver meeting, his pre-race briefings, even as he watches the f3 sprint. he likes my american smile like a child when our eyes meet; darling, i fancy you. all morning leading up to the race, he's distracted and can't think of anything else, though his mechanics and engineers think he's just focused on the race ahead of him. ollie needs some kind of closure, and it isn't until he spots you walking down the f2 paddock that he finds an opportunity.
it's not long before ollie is supposed to get into his car that he sees you on your way to the dams garage. the sundress you showed off in your instagram story looks even better in the real world, and he can't help but swoon at the sight of your smile lighting up the paddock just as much as the sun. he snaps out of it just in time, because when you walk past the prema garage, he swoops out and grabs your wrist, pulling you in.
"ollie-" is all you can get out because now he's pulling you along with him so fast that you can barely even keep up. you manage to nod and greet a few of the prema workers on your way – most people recognize you as jak's sister since you spent a lot of time in the paddock with them last year – but soon, ollie has managed to find you a secluded corner far in the back with no one around.
you rest one hand on his shoulder as you try to catch your breath, looking up at your boyfriend with pinched eyebrows. "you..." he starts, letting out a sigh. "your story on instagram..."
"what about it?"
you weren't usually one to tease him, so he assumes you are actually sincere in your current confusion. the thought of your story may have been etched into his mind for the last few hours and the reason behind his displeasure might be totally clear in his head – but you never were one to read thoughts, which he sometimes forgets. "jak is going to know."
you don't look any less confused by now, which makes ollie feel even more impatient. "why would he know?"
"the song choice. london boy, really? it's so obvious." he pauses for a moment. "you can't do that."
his words are meant as a warning, but the smile on his lips tells a whole other story. no matter how scared he is that your brother will find out that you've been hiding this relationship from him, he can't stop himself from finding it just a bit amusing. and with the way that you're still watching him with such an innocent look and your other hand is also reaching for his shoulder, there's no way he can hold back a grin.
"sweetheart, it's one of the most popular songs out right now. in the entire world. no one will even bat an eye. plus," you tilt your head. "i'm an american girl in england, so london boy is an obvious choice."
"you could've chosen so many other songs about england, but you had to choose that one?"
the chuckle leaves your throat instantly. "you're not even a london boy, ollie."
he knows he's lost. he knows he's just worrying about nothing, he knows there's a much bigger risk that someone finds out about you being here with him in the prema garage than jak connecting the dots from just your story. but he can't give up just yet.
"i'll forgive you. but on one condition," he says, and you immediately nod at him. "give me a kiss. for good luck."
there's not even a second of hesitation before you get onto your tippy toes, reaching up to him. your lips are pressed onto his once, then twice, then thrice. you're both smiling into it, and his hands cup your cheeks, holding you close when you part for the last time.
"you know," he starts, thumbs drawing circles into your cheeks. "i fancy you."
the giggle that leaves your lips is like music to his ears. did he actually study the song? "oh, oliver," you say, trying to pull off your most british accent. "darling, i fancy you, too."
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