#(FEEL FREE TO) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tinukis · 19 days

Text

i think about trans sanji a lot... mtf or ftm he's transgender (or genderfluid ♥️)

but i think about ftm sanji and his struggles with his identity. his self hatred, self esteem, and toxic masculinity... i think about ftm sanji a lot...

i have stuff from my notes app. one was meant to be written as a fic but i gave up so it's incomplete. this takes place after wci and before wano. warnings are below the cut and in the tags, please read with caution.

trigger warning - gender dysphoria, child abuse (may be graphic.), misgendering, self-harm

Sanji wishes he was never a man. Let alone be born with the genital of a woman's.

He loves women. He admires them. Their beauty, their bodies, their smile, their femininity, everything. He wishes he could be just like them, that was his assigned sex, after all. Yet as a child, every time he stared at himself in the mirror, he would be staring at someone else. He did see a girl, but it wasn't him.

It's his turn on night watch. As everyone exchanges their goodnights and enter the cabin, Sanji climbs into the crow's nest and leaned against the window where the moonlight shined. His hand over his heart and crumpling his shirt into his fist. They just left Whole Cake Island but now that half his crew learned about the Vinsmokes, he was only filled with dread and anxiety.

They knew too much and there was nothing he can do about it but fill his lungs with tobacco. He knew they wouldn't pry further and he was relieved that they still see him the same but... It was being confronted by his Captain he dreaded the most. He didn't care about anyone's past nor does he try to look into them, but after everything Sanji did to Luffy and what Luffy did for him, he doesn't know what the hell to expect anymore.

Sanji knows Luffy would notice something's wrong and he couldn't avoid him forever. What was he supposed to tell him anyway?

Oh everything's fine, Luffy. Just you know, I've been reminded what sex I was born as and how I grew up hating myself because I'm actually a man. And I hated being a man because of how all the men in my life raised and treated me. I feel like I have betrayed all the women in my life. But other than that, I'm fine, Captain.

He puffs out a trail of smoke with a long exhale, clutching his head and pulling his hair that covered his right eye. He only wishes for silence but the calm waves below. Not his shitty thoughts about his identity or what lessons he'd been taught on Kamabakka Kingdom. With little to nonexistent self-worth, it was fucking hard to accept who he is. He needed no one elses approval but his own.

—

"Mother... is it wrong to feel like a boy?" Sanji fiddled with his thumbs, sitting on the edge of his mother's bed. His back was turned towards her, but he could hear her smile.

"What makes you feel that, Sanji?"

"... I don't know. My heart feels bad and heavy when I am a girl," Sanji hugged himself tight, gritting his teeth to hold back his tears. His brothers told him a man doesn't cry, otherwise he'd never be considered or respected as one.

"Sanji, look at me," his mother's voice was soft and full with kindness.

Sanji slowly turned his head, sniffling his red nose with his tearful eyes. His mother gently cupped over his cheek and wiped away the teardrops overflowing from the corner of his eye.

"Follow what your heart feels, Sanji. Despite what your father says, you continue seeing me, right? Continue with what your heart desires."

...

If only it were that easy.

—

"I was born wrong," said Sanji.

"Clearly," responded father. Unsure what he had meant by that, Sanji was overjoyed to be treated as a boy going forward.

A man was not who he wanted to be, yet those feelings of euphoria when dressed alike to his brothers and referred to as a "son" or "he" were undeniable.

It was a bit of surprise that even his brothers were forced to comply. But that doesn't stop their bullying and abuse whenever left alone with them.

–

"We're only wrestling! It's what boys do!" Yonji exclaimed with his arm strangled around Sanji's neck. Sanji tugged and tugged, attempting to escape his grasp only for Yonji to flex tighter.

"You're a boy, right, Sanji? Then act like one! Reiju is more of a man than you are!" Niji laughed, swinging a harsh kick into Sanji's shin.

Sanji was gasping between breaths, his skin turning from a shade of red to blue. For once, Yonji obliged but that moment of refreshing release was cut short by Ichiji's foot to Sanji's mouth.

"If you're a man, then stand up!" Ichiji yelled, kicking Sanji again by his stomach, not giving him a single chance for a breath of air. Coughed up blood splattered over the red carpet and Ichiji's white pants.

"Eww! She spat out blood!" Yonji exaggerated his gagging with his tongue lolled out his mouth and pointing into it.

Sanji shakily forced himself up, bloodied and bruised. His brothers smirked at him, intrigued that he was even capable of standing up after a beating.

"I'm... I'm not a she!!!" Sanji shouted and panted heavily. He knelt over, clutching onto his growling stomach that was building up his throat.

"Oh yeah? If you're not a girl, then," without warning, Niji swung his leg across Sanji's head, forcing a crack into the castle's walls. "Try not to pass out!"

His brothers waited for their useless brother to even breathe one shallow breath. Sanji couldn't move a single muscle, yet he was still conscious. When he heard heavy footsteps, his eyes widened and his heart beat grew steady. Sanji cried out for his father, but his throat felt clogged and not a word was heard.

"H-hel...p... me..." Sanji sputtered with quivering lips. His brothers laughed aloud, every time their mouths opened their words would never be positive.

The heavy footsteps got closer and Sanji turned his head towards that direction, staring at his father's unchanged expression. The burning sensation from his stomach rose. It ached terribly and he couldn't do anything but cry.

"F-fath— MGH—!" Sanji vomited on the carpet, his brothers expressed their disgust and laughed. When Sanji's eyes met with Judge, he was stared down at with revulsion. He bit back the bottom of his lip, trying to prevent tears or vomiting again, he couldn't tell what was happening anymore. It was like the room started to spin, the laughter dissipating in the background before everything turned to black.

–

The only people in Sanji's life that even treated him with kindness were women. His bedridden mother, his bystander sister, and the maids. But his mother was long gone for months. All he became accustomed to was the gray brick walls, steel bars caging him in, and a heavy iron helmet upon his head. The only people that ever kept him company were the Germa soldiers. But of course, they never bothered with conversations and only responded to Sanji's needs. He was even lucky that his requests for books were allowed.

Being kept alive, rotting in this dungeon was a fate worse than Hell. His hair grew longer and it felt so damn itchy. But with the stupid mask over his head, he couldn't satisfy the itch. Sanji had to resort to scratching his arms until they burnt and glowed red. Sometimes he'd scratch hard enough that it'd draw blood. He'd only stop once his arms started to bleed.

Sometimes Sanji refused baths. He wasn't comfortable with either a man or even a woman scrubbing him clean. He didn't want to do it all himself. He didn't want to look at the bare body he couldn't stand to look at. He wanted his mother. He wanted Reiju.

Since Sanji refused to have a bath because of the growing pit in his stomach grew each time he had to strip down, reminded of the body that shouldn't be his. The Germa soldiers resorted to soaking him with a hose and drop off his preferred choice of clothing.

That was all these past months of hell Sanji lived through alone in the dark and dank dungeon. The isolated loneliness was more agonizing than being beaten like a worn out punching bag by his brothers. Despite the amount of bruises and broken bones they may have caused, he missed them.

But maybe he thought too soon. Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji found him, surprised that he was still alive. They purposely spoke aloud how killing Sanji would likely make their father happy. His heart began to race like it was about to burst right out of his chest. Once they got the gate unlocked, they approached Sanji slowly, making him backed against the cold brick wall.

It was the same cycle as previously. Maybe even worse now as they were beneath the palace so no one would hear Sanji scream and cry for help.

–

Liquid rolls down Sanji's forearm and his cigarette burnt out. His nails dug into his skin deep enough to draw blood. Shit. No matter the pain he's given himself, it will never get rid of the filthy hands that bruised his body.

Sanji tosses his cigarette into the ashtray and lights another.

Why couldn't the good people in his life just leave him to rot?

11 notes · View notes

shrikeseams · 7 months

Note

[For Halloween] Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween! You get... a treat! A recipe for Pickled Asian Pears with Lemon and Ginger!

Makes about 2 pint jars

Ingredients

• 2 pounds Asian pears, or any other sweet, firm pear (3-4 pears)

• 4 (2-inch) pieces of lemon zest (use a paring knive, not a zester)

• Juice of 1 lemon

• 4 slices fresh ginger (or several slices of pickled ginger for original recipe)

• 1 1⁄2 cups sugar

• 1 1⁄2 teaspoons kosher salt

• 1 cup white wine vinegar (5%)

• 2 tablespoons mirin

Select pears that are firm and on the small side. Peel them, cut them into quarters, and core them.

Combine the lemon zest, lemon juice, ginger, sugar, salt, vinegar, and mirin in a medium nonreactive saucepan off-heat; don’t worry that the sugar is not yet dissolved.

Add the cut pears to the pan to coat them in the acidic brine.

Meanwhile, fill a second medium saucepan with water and bring it to a simmer.

Using a slotted spoon, transfer the pears to the simmering water, leaving behind as much of the brine as possible.

Simmer the pears until they turn white and are just cooked through but still quite firm, about 6 minutes.

The pears should be pierced easily with a fork, but you don’t want them to overcook and get mushy.

Drain the pears and transfer them to 2 clean pint jars (I used a single quart jar), packing them tightly and tucking them under the curved “shoulders” of the jar.

Bring the brine pot to a boil, uncovered, stirring to dissolve the sugar, about 2 minutes.

Once it’s boiling, turn off the heat. Divide the ginger and lemon zest between the two jars.

Pour the brine over the pears in the jars to cover completely (reserve the leftover brine).

Tighten the lids on the jars immediately and let them rest on the countertop for 1 day before moving them to the refrigerator, OR

Process in a hot water bath for 10-12 minutes.

The pears are ready to eat in 3 days, but taste even better after 5.

They will keep their flavor for about a month in the refrigerator, but the color will begin to change after 2 weeks. Annotated, from Karen Solomon's e-book, Asian Pickles: Japan, published by Ten Speed Press.

#Tricks to learn & treats to share #Tricks = crafts/diy recs and treats = recipes #Feel free to ring the bell twice if you want one of each #San shoots the breeze #Feel free to #Leave a more specific request

15 notes · View notes

rossbehere · 30 days

Text

Heartleaf and Chamomile Ep 1

Hey y'all!

this is a pet project that I'm working on for myself so that i can get used to drawing and just to have an easy creative outlet. I am writing and drawing it for me so there might not be super sophisticated backgrounds or the jokes might not make sense but again this is completely self-indulgent and i was encouraged by friends to put this on the internet. so enjoy!

2 notes · View notes

kitkatabasis · 4 months

Text

This is Hamlet to me…

#hamlet #from “Requiem of the Rose King Nails Transmasculine Dysphoria–at a Cost” by Vrai Kaiser (available on their site)#Transmasc (and transfemme!) hamlet you are so real to me…#Also shit just realized….transmasc hamlet adds more drama to the succession crisis. Haha yessss #cw sexism #feel free to #ask to tag #I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT MY HAMLET X RAVEN TOWER X TLT WIP #I HAVE SO MANY ALREADY #And also avese my besty avese will mock me to death (lovingly)#But it compels!!!!

6 notes · View notes

dapperenby13 · 1 year

Text

If people keep burying the gays I will start necromancing the gays

14 notes · View notes

trashahimeshitposting · 2 years

Photo

Inuyasha, best dad.

#I could add so much more to this tbh #feel free to #yashahime #hanyou no yashahime #trashahime #moroha #inuyasha #anti-yashahime

16 notes · View notes

killiru · 9 months

Text

get to know me ask game

Aahhh Ive been tagged! Thank you @cryingatships and @airenyah for tagging me, im super slow at this so sorry!

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it (nah i wont but everyone feel free to do this if you see it!)

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (5. four earpiercing, one nostril) // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair (red, purple, at the moment veery washed out tho) // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile// I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas (i dont wear any brands I think..) // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument (3 actually.) // I am artistic (kinda i guess) // I know more than one language (some better, some worse but …) // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami// I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing// I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years (nearly 20 it is.)// my parents are together// I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I had a long distance relationship // I am an only child (so many siblings.) // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn Summer Spring is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower (but everywhere else...) // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

#tag game #whoever wants to do this #feel free to #i never know who to tag so...

4 notes · View notes

hypo-critic-al · 10 months

Note

I read The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and I want to rant about how much it sucks with someone

Oh my god, YES

It’s been a year since i read that book but i support all dark descent slander!!

#ask!#feel free to #that book was so bad its entertaining

2 notes · View notes

ax3-e0ns · 1 year

Note

In reference to your post from August, I'm afraid to inform you that there is indeed Pedophiles in the Fandom. Though most of them lost interest due to lack of content.

There was a semi-popular fanfic writer who was 20 who had a poly relationship with 4 highschool freshman. The youngest of them being 12 when they met. I know this because I was one of them. I was 13 when we met and 14 when I was absorbed into her polycule.

I do not have substantial proof of this this, as this all happened over on a Sander Sides Discord that was deleted early 2021. The server was huge, this pedo wasn't even a mod. Many adults saw, and off handedly commented on the weirdness, but ultimately did nothing.

I've since wiped all my Socials and completely rebranded to get away from it. I understand if you discard this ask, this is a heavy topic. And I am making accusations with no evidence to back it up but word of mouth. I just felt you deserved to know that you were right, there were Pedophiles in the Fandom during its peak. I hope it's dead enough not to be like that anymore.

For anyone who’s confused by this and needs context, click here.

Since this asker is anonymous and doesn’t provide sources to their claim I will need to take the claim with a grain of salt (unfortunately because there are people online who will maliciously lie about such things occurring). Despite that, this is an unfortunate reality when it comes to online communities of any size or notoriety. Even just outside of online presence, various celebrities, religions, etc are used to prey on minors as a stepping stone into reaching a minor’s vulnerabilities. This doesn’t mean that the subject used itself is inherently bad, just that the subject was used for a malicious purpose. It’s even worse when the adults present (or other minors who find out about said predator) don’t know what to do in the face of claims of this nature, or they end up enabling the predator further either out of ignorance or for their own malicious means.

However!

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t means of getting help when this occurs. Contacting your local police is a very good first step. But if doing so doesn’t feel like something safe for you to do or you don’t believe that the police in your area will take action with your claims, I’ll leave a series of various helplines with even more resources for both parents and children. Some even link to further help than what this post does.

https://www.internetmatters.org/issues/online-grooming/resources/

https://incacs.org

https://www.d2l.org

https://www.nspcc.org.uk

https://www.rainn.org

https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

#Sanders Sides #serious post #if anyone wants to add extra sources for places outside of us/uk/canada #feel free to #the more readily available sources for children and adults for these sorts of situation the better

5 notes · View notes